Narcissists at the end of the relationship
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- čas přidán 30. 01. 2022
- What is it like for you at the end of the relationship? Does it feel crazy?
#narcissist #narcissism #npd #npdabuse #npdsurvivor #abuse
If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
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It's like a weight was removed from my life. No more walking on broken glasses. No more unnecessary arguments. I cannot live my life like that again!!
This is spot on!! All I can say is life is SO much better without the narc!!
Hell yeah!!! I love being 😊
Thank you 🙏
Wish me luck heading this direction.
@maustin762 its tough at first, but it gets so much better. Get out and work on you, love you, treat yourself better and better. And it will only be good.
Rather than love bomb, every time my partner sensed that I was getting fed up with the gaslighting and other forms of abuse, he'd go out and cheat to get that other source of supply. Without fail!
Yup
My Ex used to tell me he was taking this person or that personnout, s d that they were stopping over in our bed and he was cooking tea for her. All the things I'd do for him. 🍒
How did you know and catch him cheating? They cover up the cheating without evidence it seems. you know by the behavior and lying etc.
If they are men cheating with men is it easier to cover it up?
It’s real don’t do the counseling. They lie during the sessions and blast you afterwards. He said i talked too much and he couldn’t get a word and then you talk less they get upset cause you talked less. None of what they do is logical. They use the logic of normal people against you. They are not human. I decided you cannot be friends with a narc. They hate you cause they want to be you.
Yes, he told me he needed to escape to his woman because I nagged him.
Sometimes when you divorce a narcissist their family and he may say "well I was never like this before I met her." That's a good one. It will be your fault for the narcissists behavior. Wasn't them at all.
“They’ll be loving every 20 days”. My favorite and SO true.
I caught that too😉
Tell me, every 20 days???
Please explain what that means. Every 20 days?
Yep- when things started escalating ~ the emotional attacks that left me reeling and confused happened every 2-3 weeks...
I even brought it to his attn so we could try to figure it out....☹
A bad crumb every 20 days. I sure hadn't seen it until it hit me how grateful I was for something I've had secure man give without hesitation and plenty of it. I'll reread my earlier comments next year on our No Contact anniversary and be a healthier happy person.
Couples counseling for me revealed that he was a narcissist. Our therapist could see through him. He always acted eager to fix our relationship, when he was actually looking for validation for his behavior. I got lucky, and my narc quit counseling, and I stuck with it. That very first solo session, it was said first thing. Changed SO much for me.
It's great that you had a good therapist who saw through him. So often the narc is able to charm the therapist and turn them against you.
I think it was Dr Ramani that was saying this is exactly what happens with narcissist when they go to couples counseling. She said when the narcissist realizes the therapist figured them out they quit the counseling.
I want your counselors number. If the counselor would have listened to me and not let him run the session there might have been some boundaries set in place. There is zoom sessions now.
My therapist saw right through my ex narcissist husband as well. My therapist told me,” he’s Mentally ill,pack your things & get out.” I did just that & proud of myself I did 😌.
@Kristi Cooper did you stay in the relationship or leave?
It always goes the same. They start “allowing” you to catch them in things. New friends and acquaintances start monopolizing their time. Suddenly, you can’t do anything right and maybe you’ve even “let yourself go”.
You come home one day and they stare at you blankly like they can’t remember your name. A week later “In a relationship” with coworker/ex/friend is plastered on socials. It’s never any different.
Spot on comments!
True...I had to find out a harsh way.., and now going through the grief counseling an Betrayal for his fake self, lies, acting if was the victim and so on....:(
never any different is right!
unless you have a religous narc like mine, wht he did instead was try to win all our church friends etc over to his evil side...they are clueless to who he is and it gets me worked up, they laugh at his jokes, yeah i thought he was funny once too but the dark side is just too scary for me. Some like my ex are very very good at mirroring which really gets people on their side.. people do not even realize it but it is very much a boost for your ego if someone is like you etc etc...
Yes and yes
I totally agree - I tried this with my narc ex-husband. Disaster. He kept trying to play the victim, but she figured it out quickly and called him out it. After one particularly difficult session on him, he said “I thought we were going to just come here and she was going to tell you to stop being a b$&@!” I said “Well I guess that didn’t work out for you.” The last session I went by myself and she told me what to do to divorce him. I am forever grateful to her for seeing through him and for helping me.
Wish there were more like her!
On 3rd of December 2020 , I talked to my doctor via phone and she told me in kind way to get out or face possible being taken away to the nut hours . He was telling everyone I was crazy . It was him driving me crazy lol 😂
Ug
Love it. Congratulations.
@@ladyoftheveil8342 mine called my doctor and made an appointment for me while I was out of town. Luckily, he was very mean to the staff so it worked for my favor. Did the same thing to a police officer. Wanted to have me Baker Acted and the police told him he didn't have the power to do that. He got angry. Worked in my favor.
Thank you!!!! I found you thru Lee Mental Healness. I’m married to a covert narcissist. Those are the sneaky ones that are hard to realize what’s going on. Married almost 27 years. Found these videos a couple of months ago and everything started to make sense. No physical abuse and he’s on the spectrum so sometimes things are good but then sometimes he gives me the silent treatment or he throws things around. Like a child. End of April I told him I no longer wanted to be married. We are still living under the same roof he’s downstairs I’m upstairs. I’m making a plan on leaving. So far he has done love bombing, said we should go to counseling, and has cried. I brought up counseling last year a couple of times and he laughed at me. Brought it up again in February and he ignored it. Now he’s the one that says we should try counseling and I know he really doesn’t want to do it. Was so glad to see your comment about don’t go to therapy together. My goal is to be out of here by August 1. Thank you thank you thank you! You are so appreciated.
Girl you never tell a narcissist you are leaving! I mean these self aware narcissists are cool but a regular run of the mill narc.. He is going to try and love bomb you and all that but once he is sure there is no chance he isn't going to be able to keep that mask on and the rage girl please listen to me. I hope there is still time. Act like you want to get back with him and plan your escape. Don't try to take your whole life make it look like you are just going to work or the store. And just take your up to date paperwork and financial records and get out of dodge to another state and file for divorce there... I'm kind of iffy that being self aware kind of negates the narcissism... like I think they are cured personally just assholes..
Hi! I am in the exact same boat! Married 13 yrs... I'm seeing true colors, facts...all of the great stuff I have needed to see for me to move forward. I am under same roof at moment, but following my pathos healing to leave. ❤️ so happy for you too!
@@amyloves9940 I moved out 7 weeks ago. Fog really started to lift a couple of weeks ago. Feels good not being in a toxic environment. Even my cats are different. Hugs to you✨✨✨
@@LS-hk9vl awwww congratulations! And I have a cat too! When he's not around at home, she's so much better and less anxious. I can tell the difference of just me making changes within myself to see it all. 😊
@@LS-hk9vlhow are you doing now? how was your healing journey?
My narcissist ex husband will never change but not my problem anymore, I don't want anything to do with him and feel sooo SORRY for new supply and all the ones that left and all the ones yet to come, just GRATEFUL and HAPPY to be out and live in PEACE.
This gives me hope. Thank you
It's crazy that these people know our spouses more than we do, even after 10 + years. It's all so true.
Lol 😆 🤣
I wish there had been information like this 20 years ago. It would have saved a lot of us big heartaches. Your words are the absolute truth!
This whole situation just sucks on a level that undesirable
Trauma bonding is real!!
The relationship & cycles of abuse can be a very real addiction that we need to face and conquer....
Suffering in the trauma bond for a while now
Yes. It is 😔 i actually miss my narcs "company" on my lonely days. But I have to remind myself of the discard phase and the mean eras and then I don't want him back.
@@LaundryLoveAsmr same!!!!!!! 😪 they put us in a very difficult and painful spot. Sucksssss so bad
This happened to me. I was made to look like an ass in couples therapy. In my head, I was thinking "is this for real"? It was messed up and I felt completely defeated. Don't bother, he's right, big waste of time and self esteem.
Pamela R,You deserve better
Yep. If they didn't change in all those years you were together, they will NOT change if you stay. Period.
All True, and No they wont change..30yrs
15 here but I’m on my way out
This video is so correct. I got out of a almost 50yr marriage to a Covert/malignant Narc. It was tough. I had 5 children no support. Tried to make it work. He made an absolute fool of me, debased me and abused me on all counts of abuse in those fifty yrs. You described exactly how they operate especially when you say your leaving or you want them to leave. I put up with him until I got my children educated in careers, married and settled with their own families but he was still cheating and connecting with one particular supply. I told HIM to leave. It took almost a year for him to go. He made every excuse, he held up Solicitors by not producing documents etc saying he couldn't find the right house. He left and got a 2 bedroom house. I could never had done that. I however with my Solicitor had family home put solely in my name. So now it is mine. I didn't divorce I legally separated which means I didn't get anything else in a settlement. He had private pensions but they were written and signed up by a financial advisor with me included before he retired which means he can't touch it or my half anyway without my signature. If he dies before me I get the lot.
It truly is worth looking after myself now to outlive him. I am living on State Benefits and trying to maintain the family home as best I can. I have never been happier and at peace I have no one torturing me in mind and body. I love living on my own. I realise now though that my ex was like this from the night I first met him. I see it all so plainly now. I was young, naive in love and was easily led. I was empathetic so I was exactly what he was looking for and so he groomed me into HIS MOULD to hurt in all the ways he did. But NO MORE. I am no contact. I am a warrior and I am loving life. No one should stay in a toxic relationship, or in a marriage with a Narcissist.
Wow 50 years. Congrats you got away. Bless you.
@@cherylahanzel7540Thank you. It was the hardest most torturing experience of my life. I didn't have a choice really. With 5 children it never is about YOU I didn't want to have my children put into care or fostering. I had no money no support. I knuckled down put up with the Narc and plodded on. It took a toll on my physical health. My mental health too but it was hard when someone is telling you your crazy and telling you they did't say this or didn't do that. However I was stronger than I ever would have thought.
I am enjoying my own company and am at peace. I am 6 yrs. apart from my ex and had I known about Narcissism nearer the beginning of my marriage
When I had only one child I would have left then. Things were different in the 70's. Not as much help back then and there was Stigma about Leaving your husband and DIVORCE was seen as failure. As it happened. I worked full time saved a lot and HE Left so I didn't have to go anywhere.
I have to say I couldn't have got through all these years without GOD. I prayed every day and night that God would hear me and answer my prayers ( if it was his will). Get me out of this hapless abyss of depravity and worthlessness inflicted on me for years.
Well God did. He lead me out. When it was right for me . He has another plan for me and I am embracing my new life.
I hope you are alright and not in a similar situation.
Good Luck and thanks for your reply.
Absolute facts! My divorce is finally final on February 14! 🙌🏾 Thank God! 🙏🏾
Congrats, how long did it take you to get to court. ( ohio,)
That literally happened to me!!! My therapist turned on me!!! I couldn't believe it!! blew my mind!!! He promised to make changes, it lasted for 2 weeks only and he was back to normal!!!
Great video! Another thing that I have found that happens in therapy is that they end up not only continuing to gaslight and blame shift, but they also end up getting validated by the therapist, which is VERY dangerous. Not only does it allow them to continue their bad behaviors, but they in effect gain more control over you. It increases their "victim" status and it only makes you look like more of a bad person. Total mind fuck when that happens!
Definitely make sure you find a therapist who specializes in narcissism!
Thank you for the video. Yes, you’re exactly right. I went to counseling with my ex narcissist and he literally turned everything 360…. They turn on you and the therapist believes them. I walked out and never went back to counseling. Later I left the narc and never looked back. I’m in therapy for myself to build myself back up. PLEASE TAKE THIS VIDEO TO HEART!!!! SO TRUE!!!!
Yes don't go to therapist with your narc partner. The marriage involved with DV, He missed a lot of information how he hurt me physically in one incident. And the next day, my words became against me. That was it, I filed for a divorce and requested from my attorney to get exclusive possesion of the house and he has left
The problem is that when you are thinking counseling can help you have no clue you are with a monster with no interest in having a healthy successful relationship
My now ex, really pulled out some crazy stuff when he knew I had had enough . He faked he had stomach cancer, and when that didn't work he faked he was having a heart attack but wouldn't go to the hospital. It got really bizarre at the end. None of these things were real. Then in a text he said " I choose you, I am so sorry for what I have done" when I found out a third party was involved. It didn't work on me, I was done, got a lawyer and filed for divorce. Look out, that's when he turned into a devil, ran a horrible smear campaign on social media, everything he was doing he said I did. He said I was the most evil vile person he ever knew and he wished he had never married me. Really??? Yet this was the same man balling his eyes out , doing all this crazy stuff to get me to stay.
Some of them are very somatic
Munchausen and malingering
I saw it with parents of kids in the pediatric unit in nursing school
My husband also malingers
I separated from him though until he changes
If not I'm out for good
No wonder he didn’t have a Facebook page account ( my husband) because he was looking a my social media, when we were data& than marriage...🤨how tonta I was, and how gullible, too😑
My x narcissist has terminal cancer all of a sudden. Lawyers believing him. Went from prostrate cancer to liver, now this month its terminal, has 3 months to live...is this part of me leaving 6 months ago and filed for divorce? Please advice.
@@cherylahanzel7540 it is very difficult to know for sure. I was still living with my ex at the time he told me that, and I knew he wasn't going to any doctors.
@@joann5465 I just seen a picture of him in Vegas, looks the same ugly person he was 6 months ago. It's kinda sad Joann, I feel nothing towards this man.
Yes, the end was like a gamer rage quitting. 48 hours ago were fine then BLAMMO! All gone. Rage quit
This video is thee exact reason why I finally made the brave decision & got The F out.
God bless you! Your bravery will give others strength.
They do not always beg and plead, mine did not…
Couldn't agree more. We went to counseling after he cheated on me the second time and it was the most painful experience. It was humiliating and devastating. I ended up apolgizing for a bad joke I made once throughout our marriage and feeling like a slut for having a boyfriend before we even met. He said, he had nothing to apologize for... After 4 sessions, the counselor said there is no need for another session, we will figure this out on our own. I was so outraged that I asked for an appointment for myself. There she told me that I am dealing with a husband who either has NPD or has very high narc traits and she doesn't want to help me learn how to endure this relationship. It took me exactly two other years to finally leave and get a divorce. This was the best decision ever! I never regreted for a nanosecond! Life is hard, challenges come and go, but I love my life and I have grown to respect myself.
In my experience, the psychoanalytic industry generally preaches the normalization of moral degeneracy, while encouraging conversion away from piety and toward the adoption of worldly and lukewarm ethics.
I agree
Narcissist has a hundred version of the truth, just depends on how it will benefit them at the time
OMG! I wish I had seen this when I went counseling with my ex in 2010. Before we left the house, I told him “if you lie when we are there, we are finished”. We had gone to counseling off and on for years before and it never went well, but I thought we hadn’t tried hard enough. This last time in 2010, he lied the whole time and made me look like a fool. I just sat there with my mouth open and the therapist bought his whole story. When we got home I was devastated and asked why he did it. He said “I had to lie. I couldn’t let him know the truth.” Then begged me to stay with him.
Yeah, we divorced after that. After 14 years of lies, cheating, gaslighting, rage, abuse on all levels, manipulation and making me feel like it was me; I had to take my life back. It has been years of trying to heal, but I feel better about myself.
Thanks for this!!
I’m healing too, and I’m still in counseling for this mess in my life, I didn’t know coming North with him, was going to turn my world upside down ( at age of 60) my husband age 69.., flipped the character of him as soon we go here into Colorado... I find myself dumped, and he acting like he was th victim all along from the move up here and me with blinders ( cause I didn’t want to believe that he was a bad guy), and than it happened 😮😪😭😖😡
@@yvonnegrijalva1047 You're still 9 years younger than him! You will do what you must to have a better life.
It was like that in front of his friends and family too. Topics would come up on things we conflicted about. He’d talk as if it was minor stuff in front of his people, soon as I was on my home or at home and on the phone, he’d flip out again and go back to saying all kinds of hurtful things. I always dreaded when it got closer to time for me to go home. I knew his personality was going to change as soon as he was out of eyesight. I’d come back days later crying and his family would be shocked saying they didn’t know anything was wrong between us, he’d been hanging around having fun, joking, shooting the breeze, as if nothing had happened. I looked like a broken hot mess every time his people saw me and he looked like a perfect charming gentleman. I’d tell his family I needed him to work on his temper and they’d always smirk like they all had talked with him and unanimously agreed I was the problem.
It sounds just like my past situation as well. Please know it was NOT you!!!!
THIS. My Lanta the rumor mill always passing my name around in his family. Apparently I was controlling and bipolar and so bad to the poor depressed narc. They went so far as to suggest that I had schizophrenia at one point... I was like what the hell do you say about me when I'm gone??? His excuse was that he was suicidal and "needed to vent or he would die". I tried to tell him venting was discussing actual frustrations, not making up stories and lying about someone else in anger. Just thinking about it now... what an extra level of crazy town
It's amazing that narcissists themselves usually tell you the same thing as mental health professionals and fellow survivor's....leave and go no contact, I do wish there was something more that could be done, I have a parent who is a narcissist and that's harder for me than the ex bf!
I wanna beat my mom up so bad 🤦🏽♀️ then I’ll be okay.
I wish I found you earlier,would save soo much misery...But still glad,didn't spent longer than 3.5 years with my husband and now these videos helped me soo much to understand and stay finally away from my full blown narcissist husband.I feel less crazy now I know,it wasn't me.Thank You!
I was only with my husband less than year and than the drama became an even his family... I’m thankful that I’m healing , praying for many of us that t going through;or have be through; ..if you’re there in it now ~ leave safely ~ as with me, GOD HAD ME, an got me safely to where GOD ~ put me, yet I still pray fo my husband Kenny; even if nothing change and he didn’t come back, and than I get the shock of my life by txting message on my husband phone to me, that he died ( suddenly) & the other woman was at his sickbed and she had him convinced, signed over the house and everything to her 2weeks before his death!!!!, get a load of that CRAP ( an this is a nice word ~ coming out of my thought)😡...oh yah the girlfriend says he is dead if u haven’t heard an there was no service. ( and I still made a Funeral Service fo MyHusband, even if I didn’t have his ashes) and th nerve of Her!!!!!( I want to say but I won’t waste my energy on this;(/ ...,, I say get out while you can
Yes! They always wait until you’re trapped in the car to argue with you! Because it’s just the two of you, no witnesses, and you. Can’t. Leave! Classic!
And if you try to leave...then comes the gaslighting; and before gaslighting comes devaluation, dehumanisation, hurting in every kind of way, bringing up all yours weaknesses and on, and on...and this goes via messages. Than comes ignoring, blocking on all platforms...full discard. Couple days - nothing. You keep going with your life. Sad, but..kinda relief. Your starting to see the light and the end of that tunnel. And then they love bombed you ..and the circle start's again. Hope and all the rest of that hell's dinner is again served before next 9 circles of Dante's inferno..
The best thing is to just...train yourself for that moment, because when it comes, and you don't have info or insight, or some kind of mechanism to defend yourself... that's the moment they suck you in that game of theirs, again, and ..you know...just get the f out of there. Respect and appreciate the life you live. Go and seek for normal, for safe environment. Let the narcissist grow up...or don't... maybe they won't. Not your thing. Keep your environment safe! God bless you all!
They will never change.
my Husband ALWAYS twists things to make it ALL as in ALL my fault and making me feel literally crazy--- he's "talked" to so many other women and had put me and the kids through hell on earth right up till the day he raged and actually called the police to get me into trouble and thereby getting his own self arrested and charged with dv and assault on our autistic son...... somehow all this is my fault also..... I feel he's been trying to get out of our marriage and move on to his latest girlfriend, which I just finally figured out and realized.... I'm simultaneously broken and relieved
My heart goes out to you. Just remember tough times never let, but tough people do. This is also my story. Breathe and let go. Remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Time to dwell on what went wrong no more, it wasn't you, instead, focus on what to do next. End January 2022, is 6 months for me no contact. I started focus on myself, love myself, & joined a wellness club. Im 18kg down still 15 to go and I feel so confident & happy. No one around or I don't have to watch my back all the time. I can focus on pushing forward. It's hard but doable for you and your kids. God bless and all the best
GASLIGHTING BIG TIME!!! I know what did happen, he is still trying to gaslight me! It's such a frustrating situation. He will bold face lie. I just walk away!
The phase described between 7:20 and 8:35 is called “Hoovering” (sucking you back in) by other experts in narcissism. This is the most vexing part of dealing with the narc for the Christian who has read about forgiveness in Matthew 18:21-22.
If the narc is supposedly a person of Christian faith and brings up this scripture, they are manipulating you - especially if there has been an instance of adultery. They are using Matt 18:21-22 as a Get-out-of-jail-free card.
Narc pretending to be a Christian is the worst kind
Yep. The fake Christian narc is the absolute worst. Demon in disguise.
@@bcblanton I call them demons in meat suits
Or just empty meat suits
Hoovering isnt about " getting you back "
It's about this person getting off on degrading you once more, like EVERY OTHER aspect of your interactions since you met them--
It's the power rush creating the reality you dwell in gives them-
No different than all of the other stages :
the pursuit, the love bombing , having you commit, future faking, devaluing, decarding
and all the behavioral components : withholding, developing ' issues', bad mouthing you to family and friends, becoming abusive.
The dehumanizing unfolding of the contempt, entitlement and grandiosity with which this person views everyone as
your life becomes centered exclusively around their needs, their wants, criticisms and demands :
All the emotional and physical tactics to keep youfocused on them rather than yourself --
the withdrawal, lying, becoming unaccountable, intractable,
the thrill, now like a drug, that comes from stripping you of your stability, dignity and self respect .
The weaponization of your investment in them :
employing rage, passive aggression, silent treatment, intermittent reinforcement, financial control, emotional neglect
- all is done
to " get off " --
experiencing the rush manipulating your perceptions and interactions creates.
Gloating in the validation and satisfaction derived by creating, distorting, and destroying your reality..
Its comparable to being an masturbatory object-- a tool or object, a photo, or fantasy used to for self - gratification.
Yup, went off with the neighbor and told me that we we battling with spiritual realm and not the flesh and .,,I got more angry for him saying this to me and told me he was not going to be stopped in going all the way back to Az, ( where we lived) for the next door, Neigbor , an that I would not be able to change his mind and that he rather die than to go back with me ( harsh and A stab in my heart); WOE 😱(anew had relocated to Colorado and 3months later he dumped here and takes off in October for the new supply!!!!!
I didn’t have the education about narcissism until after the marriage ended. But you are spot on about couple counseling. The spotlight was always on me about how selfish I was. And the counselor didn’t see the narcissism in my husband. We tried 4 counselors.
27yrs, 4 counselling times, 4mths ago learnt he was a covert narc, he threw me out... (a few times he tried but 5 kids, no money etc this time I could leave) . I came back to give it 1 more try now I knew what he was.. Can't do it.
He has now declared we should divorce as 'I won't change '
Ummm I set boundaries mate and u hate that!
In spare room... Love bombing started. Chocs on pillow, lol
Not caving.
Will sell, and split.
I'm done.
We went for a bit
I paid for it
He would talk about how stressful his job was for basically the whole time
But he would tell me how easy his job was
It was utter BS
SOOOO glad I’m out (7 months) and NC very soon after
Spot on. Fake relationships
Yep. This was what I just went through. When I couldn't take the manipulation, control, and gaslighting anymore and I'd say I think I should leave... he would become extremely hostile. He'd do everything but actually hit me, just so he could say he didn't hit me. We got in an argument one time about me not taking off work when he took off work that day. I went to leave, and he blocked the door no matter which door I went to. Eventually, he grabbed me, told me I wasn't leaving, and I told him to let me go repeatedly. He told me if I left, he was going to hit me. I told him let me go and he still wouldn't. SO I slapped him to get him to let me go. And I apologized for hitting him. But he said that he only threatened to hit me to make a point, that he wasn't actually going to hit me. One time we weren't arguing and he hit me really hard with a belt and I said that's too hard and asked him not to do that because it hurt. He says "I was just playing, geez. I can't even play with you". And then he got upset and said I hurt his feelings!! The first time I actually left, I came back, because just like all the other times I said I wanted to leave, he said he couldn't live without me and was going to end his life if I didn't stay with him. He promised to go to counseling, told me he'd respect my boundaries. We never even made it to counseling. Because he couldn't stop telling me that my health problems were in my head, going back and forth between saying sorry and then blaming me for how he treated me, and stopped respecting my boundaries. When I was at work and didn't answer him for about an hour, he'd start saying.how depressed he was and that he all of a sudden was having a terrible day. Then later told me he was upset that I wasn't there when he needed me. And the other night when I finally left, I watched him go from saying he needed me and would die without me, to belittling me, mocking me, screaming in my face, etc. And I knew in that moment that the threats of self harm were nothing more than manipulation. Everyone I'd talked to about the situation was right. All of my coworkers, my family, the domestic abuse hotline, the crisis hotline, the police, and my therapist... they were all right. And I felt like such a fool. One of the last things I said to him was that I love him but I can't save him by letting him drown me in the process.
Totally spot on!!!! He was trying to save his image . Not pay child support. They are incapable of true love. Get out while you can !
All I know is that I’m thankful that God interjected and I’m finally free from the narc forever. Hopefully others here will be free from this also
My thing is they know how to make somebody feel connected. Why can’t they just do that consistently?
He said he wasn't going to cancel this divorce because he had already paid the lawyer. He turned his whole family against me.
100% correct they become a complete different person when going to see a therapist.
Excellent description and explanation of some of those things that when they were happening I did not realize what was driving the narc’s behaviors. Mine will not do the begging, he simply is displaying his narc injuries, that he is the victim, that the marriage was always bad and that “there is something wrong with me” which I flipped around on him more than three times in a row like this: yes, there’s something wrong with me for having trusted you and loved you unconditionally. Yes there is something wrong with me for forgiving the unforgivable, for adapting so that there would be less crazy fights, for letting you get away with so much, and yes, there is something wrong with me, I need serious therapy for recovering from your abuse, your inability to be human, your constant gaslighting, your selfishness, your inability to be a good father and husband which you have demonstrated not only with our kid but with your kids from previous marriage and relationships and finally, yes there is something wrong with me: YOU! Facts are powerful tools and their rage goes to almost max when they cannot manipulate you anymore because educating yourself about these dysfunctional pieces of flesh and bone that I cannot bring myself to call “human” is the best powerful way to find your way out. Yes, there were plenty of times when I felt I was the crazy one but now I know for sure that the crazy thing was to give the narc too many opportunities, too much kindness and love and not have stayed away when I left him years ago. I’m leaving soon, and it is on,y him who is really losing, the longer time my child and I spend away from him daily, the better that we feel, the more that we recognize that life was on,y miserable around that piece of flesh and bone. Thanks, your videos are very helpful. It may be a long way for recovery but… it is possible, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Really thankful here.
25 yrs later, finally left! What a nightmare! I’m 65+. And the 2nd wife that has left him. A total mind You know What😥😥😥
This man is speaking 100% truth
I can’t even begin to describe how this video resonated with me. It’s exactly the cycle I’ve been in and have forced myself to break free from.
Thank you for making me feel that I’m allowed how I feel inside. Sometimes it takes hearing someone else to say what’s happening and in our mind out loud to have us, victims, realize that is what we are and what has happened to us.
Mine used a last ditch effort to say “you didn’t want to go to counseling”. I’ve offer counseling over the ten years together. When I finally had enough he offered counseling. Now he’s using the fact i said no and a power for him to protect his image and make me the bad guy.
I thought it was just me seeing this. This video shed so much light on the situation. Truly grateful for your video and words. Thank you again
This video describes what’s actually happening in my life at this moment!
THANK YOU!!
A million times…THANK YOU!
Me too.
I'm there, right now..
Run they will destroy you trust me
I’m praying for you ../an hope that you would leave., an get yourself safely somewheres, an try your best to no contact...,♥️🙏🏼
@@yvonnegrijalva1047 Thank you
Yep, mine too. In fact I just got flowers yesterday 🙄
Spot on, he suggested therapy and I refused. That's he started treating me and asked me to come fetch belongings from his house.
The door frame scenario was spot on. I’ve even been in my car and he’d hold my door open and my seatbelt so I couldn’t leave..then of coarse I would yell, cry, basically looked like I was throwing a child fit. We lived in employee housing with about 11 other people..
You are so right about couples counseling. He had the therapist believing he was right about everything and I was wrong. He was thrilled because he is a right fighter, I don't care about right or wrong, I want understanding. Therapy has been a no go ever since.
Ronda M,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist.....
He told me I’m the crazy one and need therapy also he constantly lying alots things even though he told me he was single but he wasn’t. when I found about his lies he said “you make me forced to lie to you.”
I’ve been gaslight and manipulate or brain washed for a year now I get confused and I started to thinking am I the narc ?
Thank you for the video. Is really help me and now I know my worth and decided to get out of this hell.
@@BabyLovesDisco_xo thank you so much , I started to doing this. And it’s really helping me.
I actually recorded our conversation few times so I re- listening over and over and writing down everything he said to me.
@@BabyLovesDisco_xo I’m so sorry you had to go thru that.. I’ve been noticed same thing while am writing down. And listened to the voice record I realised how he manipulated me and the lies. Thank you so much for sharing. I keep going my way.
We had a “trial separation” where he engaged me to move to another state to get our then 16 yo back in school in a normal way. Looking Back, it’s so clear. He noticed The “changes” in me just from no longer being in the same space. The mixed messages that ensued …and the discard. Then I found Ben 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Glad you are finding healing. Reach out for any help www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
Mine had blank look on his face when I was pleading with him why he doesn't care how he makes me feel. Did this on 2 occasions. Both times I could see in his eyes he really didn't know. Months later I mentioned this and he tryed telling me he does. I reminded him and told him his lack of any response( nothing even verbal)said all I needed to hear.
When I finally said I’m done, I’ve had enough, it was “I don’t want to lose you” “please don’t do this” etc.
All u say is true!! I'm so happy i divorced my narc.
About 6 before I left him, he told me “ I never expected you to live here .” I’m 60 I don’t have time to be a boody call or friends with friends with benefits “ I want love that will last the rest of my life
Thank you for validating everything I just went through! I was with him almost 7 months, and we did 2 couple's counseling sessions. In the second session, I watched him manipulate the counselor about financial matters. He was covert and changed into a completely different person, very articulate and professional. After seeing that, I knew he was a narc and not dismissive avoidant. I also discovered other evidence of his lies and finally chose myself and left. After that, I chose me and blocked him on everything. I can now eat and sleep so peacefully.
I'm glad you are able to take the step and leave. Healing takes time. I wish you the best on your journey! Thank you for sharing. Please if you have time come check out our Live Events every Thursday.
Wow! You described the end of my marriage perfectly including the crying the day he was schedule to move out. My response: “I will never again let someone treat me like you have. I gave you my heart and you didn’t treasure it.”
One thing about therapy that was good..I knew going into therapy of all the narcissist techniques and watched them unfold. The therapist helped me overcome my fear of standing up for myself and ask for a separation in her presence. Knowing he would want to look good in front her I felt safer. Even with that he still yelled at the therapist and stormed out when I read my letter that separation was the only option.
How did you make him leave? Did you have children with him?
After 15 years of marriage, I just now realize that he’s a narcissist, and I want to us to separate, but I know he will never leave.
Mines threatened to move out 5 times in the last 6 months but is still here I live my life basically grey rock him he comes and goes as he pleases I do nothing for him now don't cook no laundry ironing nothing his master suite is filthy I don't change his bedding nothing it's his room he can't live how he wants to I wish he'd just vanish off the planet but no such luck his ex wife confirmed today that she defo thought he was cheating on her I'm noot even shocked just annoyed I wasted 17 years with a full on NARC I'm 53 now and think I will be avoiding the relationship stuff now this one's leaving scars 💔😢
Wow. You just described to a T the man I left almost 11 months ago. After 42 years together, 20 of them me believing his promises to get help and change. He did exactly what you said.
This is the gospel truth! My ex suggested couples therapy after I'd ended things. I refused it, and blocked her on every platform possible.
This is one of your best, most informative video's. Thank you for what you're doing to help narc survivors heal! Keep up the good work!
Your absolutely right Therapy was just another fun game he enjoyed. No counseling and no contact. When your ready leave. Thank you for sharing this videos. He switched it all on me.
LightFeather623,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
Nail on the head!! So true! They twist everything! They make you feel crazy!
This guy is so right! My ex-Narc did not beg, instead he just assumed the first time I tried to leave, that after I slept on it , it would be all better & I would stay. Really! Finally on the 3rd time, I saw all the same tricks again & left anyway. Nothing had changed in 16 years & wasn't going to - ever!! He lied in counseling about stuff I had never heard of in the 16 yrs. I knew after one session that in the home work we were handed to do that I did not want him to do any thing for me --EVER --- except give me my freedom!!!
You are right… this is true.
Those kind of relationships are really bad for health. The more we know about these patterns, and be able to recognise them, the better. Mental health should be No.1 priority.
Thanks for sharing this valuable information with all of us 💕
You describe me and my ex perfectly
He was like why don’t you focus on the positive more then the negative. I said; the negative outweighs the positive so no! And my narc said I will not beg you for anything but always asks if he can move back into an empty room or my basement. I refuse to put his toxicity back into my house or my child’s life!!!!
Most definitely an accurate description. I went to couples therapy when I wasn’t totally sure about narcissism and thought I could finally let someone see how awful I’d been treated. But he just turned it all on me and made it look like I was making no effort. After each session he would be so enraged that I had dared to be negative about him. I had to end it as I was just getting more and more depressed. The therapist really was not prepared either as he lied his way along. One of the worst experiences of my life.
When I served divorce on him it was so unbelievable as the day after I served this and he had got his rant at me out of the way he totally changed and there was no emotion and literally in minutes he became cold and calculating and was trying to manipulate me over the settlement. I couldn’t believe how quickly someone could turn off from me. Absolutely stunned. But Just proves he actually never loved me. My advice just move on and don’t look back
It took 4 counseling sessions too long to realize that I was in a snake pit. I almost lost my mind at the end telling the therapist he was abusive and not at all trying to be a team but merely trying to destroy my existence and the therapist didn't believe me at all nor did he care, wanted 1 more session for our breakup CLOSURE. I told both Narcopath and Therapist to f***off, went through withdraw and never looked back.
My kids believe everything he says is killing me.
He says let’s go to the restaurant they just hope in the car with out thinking twice.
Thank you for this it has helped me a lot !!!
After 15 years of marriage, I just realized that my husband is a narcissist.
I’m done with all the gaslighting, blame shifting, silent treatment, and outbursts of anger!
I thought that counseling was my only hope… I’m glad I came across this video!
I want to separate as soon as possible until we can divorce. We have a child together and I would like for him to be the one who leaves so that our son is not as impacted. But, I now know that not only he will never leave, but divorcing him might be more difficult than being married to him.
For those that are separated/divorced with children; what would you advice to someone in my situation?
Oh my. I hope someone has told you to leave him. Dont stay just because you think it will be easier to just put up with him. Divorce and look into paralell parenting. Do not condemn yourself to a life of misery with the wrong person just because you have kids. If you are a good mother, the kids will get through it.
Just do it correctly, get legal counseling. These people don't understand how easy it is to use your kids as pawns. Pray if you can and seek guidance get legal counsel before doing anything.
So true about couples counselling. It always was me that was at fault even when he was unfaithful....
hope you are healing!
Spot on sounds exactly like child’s father who’s is still demanding “peace” after two years of the relationship is over still suggesting couples counseling
You are on point!! Suggestions for a plan is the best advice because the brain fog is real.. sometimes the victim can't think straight or barley get through the day. But when they see they have help on any given day they could take you up on your help. Thanks Mr. Lee! Get away from the toxic birds😂
We went to the pastor of the church I was attending (he only went b/c he was paid to be there as security); the pastor whom boasted about having discernment bought into his side and I felt abused all over again but this time from the pastor. I left the church & he is still invited to their church events as an honored guest.
So true…..I went and came out as the one who was abusing her…..further destroying my confidence in trusting my intuition….she was able to get a professional to validate her lie and invalidate my reality…..
Honestly counseling didn't help, 2 weeks before my wedding in a church my husband confessed cheating with multiple people and since then it's been straigh manipulation emotional abuse verbal and physical 😢 it's gotten worse actually.
Are there any friends or family you can stay with to be safe?
Yes. Tell straight lies!! Twist everything!!
I have been on and off with a narcissist for the last year. He initiates the breakups, then within a few weeks, he comes back begging. Very confusing and huge disappointment when he decides to discard again. Praying to God to keep him away this time
Him staying away is up to you and your healing - not divine intervention.
But it was good. As my eyes opened fully. & help strengthen my resolve to change face myself & leave pain is great teacher. ♥ 🌷
When I informed him that it's over, he bought me flowers, declared his love, told me that it wasn't all that bad over the past 15 years. We were in the exact same spot 5 years ago and again 2 years ago...I fell for his lies every time, that THIS time he would change, him saying his family is his purpose, he just needed more time to proof it etc etc etc. I just said "No, you had 5 years, I'm not qualified to help you." He was in total denial all the while continuing to bash through my boundaries after I told him it's done. Now he's threatening to sell everything and leave the country. A total joke of a human. They never really seem to think things through and respond in shock and horror every time. Or aggression.
Straight destruction. Everything possible that could be destroyed, was destroyed.
This is on point, I fell for that and came back. Worst mistake I ever make, I have to come up with any exit plan
Well I'm in treatment for ptsd because of him. .I even was wondering if it was my fault. I know better now
Thank you for this validation!
Thank you for this!!
Great words of advice! Absolutely true!
Thank you so much for this information, God Bless You sir 🙏
I love how you said be nice like every 20 days, so true.
Excellent~ ReaL ! Positive info !!!
I’m my case, I was the one who struggled to let go, as I was so hooked on him. He was always indifferent. He never tried to stop me from leaving him - as a matter of fact, he was always pushing me to go and date other people. I suppose I will now, these videos kind of gave me closure I always needed.
Yep. Mine would tell me after the session “he was disappointed in my behavior in the session” I had no clue what he was taking about. He told me the therapist said all these things to me And I started crying because I literally thought I was going crazy. Then, I started asking the therapist when he would do this after the session… well that’s when I learned about gaslighting.
Youre amazing!!!!love your channel!!!!!!