YOU ARE NOT SUBHUMAN! A Narcissist Stole Your Independence and Integrity
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- čas přidán 27. 03. 2024
- In this emotionally compelling video, Ross explains how pathological narcissists manipulate, coerce, and/or gaslight their self-love deficient codependent victims into a symbolic form of "slavery." Historical references to the enslavement of people are discussed to make the above connection.
ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering contributions to codependency have provided sweeping theoretical and practical updates and are responsible for the development of his Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest.
In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops. His global impact is best illustrated by his CZcams channel with 28 million views and 285,000 subscribers and the sale of 175,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.
Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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and now…TikTok! (@RossRosenberg1) - Zábava
"You fall in love with the same woman over again - but with a different face."
True.
Throughout my childhood I was constantly told that I should not have been born. I believed that then and throughout my adult life despite my considerable achievements. I’m now 85 years old. Heartbreaking!
I shouldnt have been born either. Mum told me drs said she should abort me, mum didnt have a name for me as she was hoping for a boy. Mum then suffered depression for years bc i was born. Im glad you were born as you have spoken my life and i feel less alone. Thank you ❤
That’s horrific! A person has to be lacking a lot of love in their heart to say something like that! It’s not you, it’s the love that the narcissist lacks for themselves. And they aren’t feeling the empathy and the love in their hearts that stop any of those negative and untrue thoughts coming into their mind!
Just because someone has said something, such as the mean and blaming things to you, doesn’t mean that it’s true. The negative isn’t really true or real, it’s made up by people.
True. However, you believe it.
@@marionclarkI’m so sorry sweetheart that you had to be told that and treated so poorly. To go that long in life and it still effects you shows us just how their actions can cause pain for a lifetime. Hugs from Texas.
Subhuman is exactly what they think! And even being the one who had ( they fixed that) a successful life rendered me the target of their hatred and deemed SUBHUMAN so whatever they do to the target is justifiable. OMG..
Oh lord, I identify with this.
Boy ain't it the truth! ❤️🩹🤗
Bah. I think I do too
My narc husband was mistreating kids as he was teaching them maths. When i protested of his mistreatment of them, i asked him if its OK if his boss treated him how he treated the kids. He said it wouldn't happen to him. Supposedly because his supperior and a Maths genious
Wooow
Thank you for elaborating on how racism is fundamentally narcissism.
It really is. And when you look at racists they're always very unpleasant people In many other ways as well, they have most traits that narcissists do
yes its huge
So painful. It was profound ❤
I found out that I was in an undisclosed step-parent adoption, thus was the odd one out in a big way. No matter how hard I tried to be good, there was no way I would ever fit in - and no way I could find out why. I met my dad, and totally resemble him - and apparently act like him. I felt so validated, so loved. I am meant to be me!
What a beautiful video. Everyone is valuable. We all have to remind ourselves, but doesn't it feel right? Oh!
I love that story!
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg
This makes a lot of sense. I had a short season around someone who judged literally everything I did, and based it on a “label.” (ie. _____ always walk in parks. _____ always tie their right shoe first.) < literally making someone’s every action “wrong,” and tying it to a label. Thank you for your dedication!
I recognise your thinking about SLD and their search for a new leader figure. I come from a family with a narcissistic father, a codependent mother with narcissistic traits (because that was the way relationships were rolling) and a sister with severe narcissism, with sociopathic traits. When my parents divorced my mother chose for my sister. She literally told me that. After both parents passed away any restrictions, that might have been there on my sister's behaviour, were lifted and the all out war on me was started regarding inheritence money. Not even five days after the death of our mother. I decided never to be in her presence again, and the aftermath of our mother's death was done in separation. I simply refused to go to the funeral and also did not attend to the scattering of the ashes. Only a younger sister of my mother was present there and she already teamed up with my sister from the start. I did not want to meet this person with such a pathology. In the end it cost me thousands of euros but at least I got rid of her... forever. Of course I made my will in order to exclude her and her weaponized son. I have no family of my own.
I also have a full on narc father and similar mother, although thankfully showed more kindness.
My family is already in pieces and will never change. I married a covert narc. She has full control of child. She isn't looking after him.
This whole mess could have been avoided if I had knowledge I have now. Could have made better choices. I thank God I have peace in my religion. Live positively and don't be like them
I wonder how a narcissistic family decides who is going to be the "black sheep" or the "scapegoat". Is it the one with the most empathy in the family and that is seen as a weakness to be exploited? Thanks for this video Ross. Very nice!
Yeah I wonder the same. Maybe it's the one they believe they need to tear down the most bc of their potential to surpass them or it could be bc this person is naturally nice, friendly and not interested in confrontation which irritates their evil spirits
It's usually the one who doesn't conform or speaks up against the families weirdness, Goated chosen based on gender or birth order in the family as well as w/e they feel like basically smh. The important thing to remember is not to buy into the toxicity of someone blaming another for ALL or the majority of the problems while never taking real accountability for their part in it. That's a red flag of their mental illness not others. People of the lie is a wonderful enlightening book about these types of people ❤ Peace and Blessings.
I'm the scapegoat out of 3 sisters. I was chosen from birth as the target of my mother's garbage. It was about timing. She already had a baby to love and didn't need another one. Plus my dad wanted me to be his buddy and name me after him so that further concreted my lifelong scapegoat status. I now see it as a blessing, as I'm the only one who escaped my family cult. My dad is dead after two weeks of stonewalling by everyone except me...
@@tiffanyjohnson8679 I’m definitely the black sheep in my family because I would always speak the truth and call out when things were not normal, and there was a lot of that going on! It’s strange that my younger sister has a completely different view of her childhood and the family. It’s like she grew up in a different family!She sees everything as having been just fine when it wasn’t. I was considered the angry one but there was a reason that I was upset. I was also targeted by my mother and my older sister and they were ganging up on me. My sister will pick on me and my mother would do it with her. My father was a psychiatrist and he told me my mother was a narcissist earlier and described what that meant. The family revolved around her she was the center of the universe. It was extremely dysfunctional! When he was young, my younger brother said to me that we are both alike, we are the bad ones. He’s the youngest and he was really young then and I really felt bad for him that he thought that. I knew I felt that way but I didn’t know that he felt that way too. He didn’t have any negative behaviors to draw attention to himself. He was very neglected most of his childhood. I think my mother had postpartum depression after he was born. Everything changed then!
Good words! It's good for folks to see your face looking directly at them while you speak words of affirmation. Literally, you could be the first person to ever do that for them. I appreciate you.
I watched a video from Dr Ramani the other day, and she talked about a study that described the D- factor, which is the Dark trait within antisocial people. The study ran statistics over two components that were broken down further into elements: the components 1. lack of empathy and 2. selfishness. Under 1 were sadism and callousness the elements, and under 2 were vindictiveness, entitlement and deceitfulness. These Dark traits resemble narcissism very much, and give the person a justification to treat people as disposable objects. If dark personalities only think about themselves and also have a mean predisposition, then other people mean less than nothing to them. They just use them as they see fit.
H.G.Tudor said not to be confused,as there is no such term as dark empath and that these are the ultra narcissists that is the pathological ones.
Thanks for this info on Sociopaths. I refuse to call them "antisocial" as the dsm wants to coddle them so they don't get their wittle feewings hurt. They're straight up Sociopaths and need to be labeled as such.
Amazing. Some peoples view of traditional marriage is co dependence and narcissism.
Another word for it - the real victim (of the narcissistic abuser), is a scape goat, for the narcissists in denial of what they really are - really like! A mean, nasty person with no empathy who is out for themselves!
Thank you Ross- that is VERY ENLIGHTENING and Lifts a BIG CLOUD !!
The Narcs Subtle Devaluation subliminally suggest the Victim is not Worthy and of poor sub human form.
A Light Bulb Moment
A Very Big Step Forward.
Thank You for taking the time to post.
So glad i found this guy at 28. On one hand my life is a total destruction now at the other hand im young enough to recover. Going to all these videos really confirms what i have been thinking my enitire life in the back of my mind, just couldn’t put my finger on it. Clarifying so much. Its like watching one of these movies where the entire movie feels strange and then at the end there is a plot twist and everything finally makes sense and your mind is blown because it all has such a different meaning now you have the entire context.
My CZcams videos are only a snippet of what you will learn with my video seminars. More information here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars
@@RossRosenberg I was looking at that... Going trough a program about family systems now, will probably follow yours once i finished this one. Truly life saving work though. Took your advice and i think i found myself a great therapist too. Thanks.
She’s with a bunch of abusive narcs. She will never get respect. I’m surprised you haven’t advised her to go no contact and free herself from these sub human inter species predators. Yes sub human!
She has to make that decision on her own terms. If he brings it up too soon, she could get scared off and cut off the therapeutic relationship. It's a delicate dance.
@@sarahw7616If he never brings it up, she stays dealing with these damaging predators and he continues to tell her she has a role she chose in their abuse.
No Contact needs to be offered as an option early. But I guess it depends on the person. I’m happy to help my healing along by ditching those that don’t respect me.
Thank you Ross, you are helping me break the chains of abuse which I never realised began in childhood
Ive known someone in a similar position to Sandra BUT who was a chronic victim narcissist who would yell 'treat me like a human!!!' and create situations, to guilt manipulate, to lie on atmospheric levels with no moral conscience. Liar, theif and manipulator with no care who they hurt. Thank God above we have you Ross for the education to help with discernment. ❤
I've not thought subhuman. I've always been unworthy.
That's the same.
It's not the same. Subhuman is a whole different level and is the catalyst for unparalleled self hatred on the part of the victim. If you stand up for yourself, they further silence you, creating a despair that can rock you to your core. It can cause paralyzing desperation for validation. And the abuser knows it.
Unworthy, on the other hand, can be something as simple as feeling someone is "out of your league."
@@alouise3557 Love this comment, thank you
@@ranc1977 no problem. Just my opinion.
Thanks, Ross. Amen to this tip! It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
After decades of abuse from siblings , the last time we spoke one of them literally called me a leech and verbally ripped apart everything about me and my family and life. In therapy when asked to give a sentence to anchor to, i kept saying, im just a human like everyone else! This is a really insightful video, thank you, it really helos to explain the depths of depravity these bullies reach when they dehumanise the people around them.
and you see them all walking on the side of their own shoes while a stranger walk in their shoes
We can not be responsible, when we are unconsious.
I'm tuning in!!
Tell your therapist you feel subhuman, and all they do is tell you to immediately get away from the abuser you're addicted to. I've been down this road, and the therapists put it on me, as if to say it's MY FAULT, because I couldn't walk away. I lost faith in them. One said to me, "if you don't get away from him immediately you won't heal. Are you ready to heal?" I was so disgusted at his expectation of me, as if I should not be in therapy unless I first fix myself. I will never forget that. Another one, also a man, did the exact same thing: "Why are you with him? Get rid of him and you'll be fine."
The biggest problem is "therapists" not having the brains of people like you.
I wish there was more information on how to cope with being viewed and/or treated as subhuman. Like real practical statements/insights on what are some common expectations psychologically and how to identify things for what they are and not be triggered and go down mental pits
@@kristinavucich9139 agreed. Well said.
This made me cry😢 thank you soo much for your time and the effort you put in for others like me to understand and pass and heal I feel like I can't I keep on going bck to those memories much love and respect ross
Wonderful summary and presentation, thank you! This really helps to reframe the past into the truth and take responsibility for the present and future outcomes of our lives.
Bingo, it is alot and its insane! People , most anyway dont get it.
Definitely- with the projective identification! It takes great strength of mind to overcome this! And a lot of help from others. The positive loving reinforcements from others 🙏🏼💖✨
Norway in, with you, first time. Watching many of your videos. Hard to swallow. Had psykopat Narc Mother. ( thanks God for Grandparent’s). Dont know if were CDP, Early age looked into all the bs. but defenietly ppl pleaser all life. WERE!
Good work 👏
Thank you so much 😀
Woooow. Ross! Thank you sooo much!
Thank you!
This woman’s treatment is a reflection of my own family treatment with myself. I am on the exact same wavelength
Than you so much for your immeasurable help Dr. Rosenberg.
Listened to podcast,,, well worth the time! The Less Than Human concept is ground breaking.
That's how they take people out of their own breath and train them to breath into an abstraction of life as into an artificial breathing machine
Thank you so much.
This is why studying slavery is relevant to this convo.Its taboo subject on the islands but it affect everything .I remembered saying how they treated me like I was the child of a lesser god.aka subhuman.when u said u dont have the time"-is exactly what narcs would say to a" subhuman".words matter Ross.
Yes, very good video, you’re spot on friend 🙏🏼💖✨🕊 xxx
I can't connect with a partner or people deeply if they aren't internally respecting themselves. Narcissistic charActors it is difficult to get them to grow. I am yet to see anyone like that know they have emotional problems and work towards healing themselves. They all have addictions to stimulants, substances, drugs, processed junk and aren't willing to change.
Thank you very much! ☺
You're welcome 😊
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
Ouch that hurt. It's strange how you allow yourself to be coerced into something that is very much against your best interests.
Maybe they sense something missing or different about you. Looking back, as a child and young adult, i was definitely more interested in other people whilst they just seemed interested in themselves.
To me, the greatest people of our time and in the last century have been dear people of colour 🙏🏼💖✨ Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela 🙏🏼💖✨ These are the greatest people and greatest spiritual leaders of our time. Xxx
I'm an SLB and according to my family, sometimes just a "B."
The minute 12.47. Woooooww. Epiphany!
Good video and thabk you Dr. R.
There are many groups that are being treated as subhuman. It affects esteem. Muslims and any religion Arabs/ persians to a large degree, after 9-11 have been treated with disdain as well. All human are people who are to be respected
Tuning in ❤ Indian time
So strange I was just thinking about this. Yep 👍🏻. What a coincidence.
I too love the name Sandra.
I didn't have a choice but to accept that I was subhuman to them. I didn't believe it but I was forced to comply or it would get worse. I had to have nothing or accomplish nothing for them to back off. It has continued into adulthood. I am going to start therapy soon.
Come and join my program. More information here: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment
ROTFLMAO at narcissists trying to explain to SLD's how to function as more effective narcissists.
I might have to create a shortcut to this video. I need to hear this. There are times where I do not believe them, but I do start to doubt myself.
My mom is treating me as if I am being antagonistic, after covertly insulting me. Conveniently after I worked with the contractors for weeks on her house remodel, so she could be at work. Very convenient timing. I have no idea why she behaved as if I was obviously sabotaging the project that I had just put weeks of effort into. Seemed like a total delusion.
"Coca-cola" as Jerry Wise says. I was able to call it out, because I didn't get drawn into the loony toon.
I sent her "nonviolent communication" by Marshall Rosenberg so maybe she will train herself to lie better. 😆🤷🏻♀️
I have a creeping suspicion that I am being framed so she can justify kicking me out to the family. She has been planning family gatherings without me for years now. She already has my sister ignoring me entirely.
I am stubbornly digging my heels into the neutral party role ("Switzerland stance!"). I do not want to be baited into this shit, but she is SO slick. I am scared of what she is planning, trying to leave ASAP on my own.
My ex-girlfriend treated her dog like a king and me like a peasant
What about the people in your family with chronic OCD?When they say they care but can't stand to be around you
Is that a symptom?
@@godzillamanstreb524 no, it is not.
What if plot twist, Sandra is the narcissist who is gaining narcissistic supply from a renounced expert by putting up a mask acting like kind and all that but behind closed door abused her family by acting superior than them and making them do chores all day long just because she is "smart" and got an MBA, and because she's now guilty about what she did so now she's acting like the victim? Many narcissists are "smart", but make very very irresponsible and even ridiculous decisions to trip people around them because that's what they do as well.
And they'd also identify as subhuman themselves because they literally don't have a "self" and they believe they are the victim no matter what.
They go to great lengths to bond with "experts" and "authorities" so that they get a support network in order to never get anyone to discover how they abused people. They'd abuse and abuse and then find someone like an authority to tell their convincing lies to, who has compassion for victims (only that this time they believed in a narcissist's lies as a victim because they're oscar winner level performing conman), and then use that to their advantage, so that their victims will never be noticed, saved, and heard, while they're still busy recovering from the confusion and trauma day in and day out.
Most of the "smart" narcissists i have known do that, they have degrees and certificates but make completely foolish decisions because they just need to make their victims clean up their mess or frame them.
They abuse people and claim they are providing knowledge and money by using their loved ones as free labours aka slaves just because their loved loves are not as "smart" due to being abused all the time. And i think most their abused victims are smarter than the narcissists but unfortunately their love and care for others were used against them, they got manipulated into giving their lives to help the narcissists but when the narcissist got what s/he needs, they start playing the power dynamics. For example using their family to help them succeed and get a good job by cooking cleaning dealing with everything while they study get a good job comfortably. And once they got the position and money, they start abusing the people who were already exhausted being used by them. And they start talking about how they're victims and now their money has to be spent on the family who supported them by sacrificing their lives and education and time and energy, because they never think or reciprocating. They think all they have is theirs but everyone should support them and they don't have to be responsible for anyone else's business because it inconveniences them. They never think of giving back. They use their "smart" to talk down to people but often give false information.
This world is messed up.
❤
Like Freud and Fankle a piece to a puzzle.
ALL FACTS!!!!😇😇😇-Xclusyph Icon
Thats it people calling u a pile of shit _ thats me _ everyone treats u like shite.
What's the difference between the people they deem sub-human verses the ones they deen as "worthy" or human?
The "worthy"ones can't be shown the true face yet. The narc sees them as higher status and is seeking to destroy them too. All narcs want to be king of the world but zero responsibilities.
The "worthy" ones are people they can gain something from, much like how Machiavellians operate. They will treat them as if they're worthy, but they're just resources and means to get what they want.
Ross I feel friendless as I have attracted friends that used me and I am wondering how to make healthy friendships again 😮
That is exactly what has happened to me!
I am in my 60s and stayed married for 20 years to a covert narcissist, who discarded me. We never fought and I thought our marriage was good, but it's because I truly never knew what being treated good meant. I realize that I tended to pick friends the same way. After all this time, it is amazing when I find this valuable self-help. I still now have no one and have a roommate, for splitting bills but we rarely talk.
The point I realized, is how damaged I was from childhood neglect and abuse, where I ended up choosing the wrong people. I have a therapist I talk with every week, but it's not changing anything.
You aren't alone!
Also, since all of the negative experiences, I tend to avoid people now too.
So I am thankful for Ross!
My advice is not to try to make friends. Undoubtedly, you have personal interests apart from your job - hobbies, fascinations, attractions.
Whatever they are, pursue them, and in so doing you're likely to find people you have a lot in common with. I'm always loath to recommend Facebook, but it can be valuable in this regard. They're are so many "interest" groups on Facebook. I never post anything on my personal page. I am in something like 200 groups on Facebook, and though I have never attempted to find friends through any of them, I am sure that if I spent much time on Facebook, it would be possible for me to make friends, not Facebook friends only, but actual friends, in time.
It's something to consider.
@@LimitlessThinker Hello and I am glad you are out of that marriage. Yes I have been in denial about this too for a long time. I am in a 12 step programme called ACA. It deals with this exact thing and I am slowly uncovering what happened or what didn't happen as a child. I wish you the best journey :)
Come and join my treatment program. More information here: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment
Ross I get comments all the time even from my Neuro guy..... He said I'll never be thin ..trying to cut into me ...much like my father. I'm tired. I've have defended my body i.age for years ....people lie. Ross it's never going to stop.....I don't speak to the. Let them lose lived ones and not speak to me for fifteen years... my sister is a pip
🔥💫👑🐺🐺🐺👑💫🔥
Your book too confusing _ im not a ruler. Maybe your next book can help _ I read all your books _ make it simple in the next one. Mostly u help _ pathological loney in having no parents that are sane. No more relationships for me _ Thank God.