I've spent 4 years in complete isolation, programming in a tiny room, to a point where I was barely able to form a full sentence without really focussing on it after this time. I prefer being alone on a day-to-day basis and I didn't feel lonely during this time. But always being alone had huge detrimental effects on mental health - losing grip on reality and mental fog - and I realized that long term happiness would require making connections with people. It's socialize or perish.
I'm glad you spoke on this. I'm entering my career now and I'm aiming towards specializing in game programming, but I was seriously worried the detriment being inside all day would have on me. It's only occuring to me now that busy schedules are an excuse, and you make time for the things you care about. I'm finding ways to stay in touch with people and see them often while also getting work done, and it's been pretty productive.
Had a homie who I hung out with once every 3-4 months over the course of like 3 years, literally every time we hung out it ended up with us sitting on my tailgate just talking about life. He was super "extroverted" and hung out with others like him. Went to his college graduation and he was super stoked to see me and told me his roommates didn't even show up, it was just me and his mom. He told me he always thought we weren't as good of friends because we didn't hang out as much as him and the other guys. That right there was a lesson that being around other people isn't enough to constitute "making connections".
I think you got that wrong being around people is all that actually matters is the moral of that story be around or fade into obscurity people are simple we start with lack of object permanence and it never really gets that great
@@Humunculus540 seems pretty simple. being lonely can (even moreso than a non-lonely) make you want to not be lonely. makes sense to me at least. seems like you just wanna call Nietzsche gay or whatever but that's cool too
However you may feel, more people than you could ever imagine past, present and future have felt that way too. There’s a togetherness behind every lonely moment, a universality to all of our specific struggles. One day at a time, a sometimes horrible yet always true comfort❤️
@@rampantmutt9119 i think joel is just trying to point out that, countless others have experienced this in the past, and have been able to overcome it. and if you're in the place that jreg seems to be mentally, it's very easy to think that all hope is lost and that no one understands how you're feeling. which makes it much worse. at least keeping it in your conscious mind that it's possible to overcome these feelings or find a solution is helpful. more helpful than wallowing in sorrow
@@rampantmutt9119 I think it is: A shared experience of pain reverberates through the walls we put up, and when someone asks about why there's a strange hue to them, you may tell them, and they'd nod back knowing what it means. Their wall has a strange hue too, they wanted to know if it was really the same thing. Even in dreams there's a shared memory and surreal. Suffering will happen either way, just being comforted in the knowledge that we're all falling down an unending waterfall: brotherhood is forged through shared experienced and the accents of struggle bring it all together - even if it's hazy like a heavy fog to see it, it's there.
@@rampantmutt9119 It can feel comforting to know that one's struggles aren't "weird", because that implies that it's not something they should feel any shame over. People can sometimes feel like they're holding themselves back from meeting the social standards that society has, but that's often not really true
This video is like looking into a mirror and I hate it. I was less horrified thinking I was the only one suffering with this. But for real though, thanks for making me feel slightly less alone with this struggle. It makes me hate myself a little less knowing that other people also feel a little gaslit by society. "Humans are social creatures" and in the same breath "you should be totally content alone and isolated from others"
the fact that there are so many people with this same issue means that it's likely the only thing preventing people from having meaningful friendships is the knowledge of who is willing to be a part of them and the courage to try for it.
This video only made me feel far worse because the only way I've been able to get by for the past forever has been through deluding myself or having others delude me into believing the reality which jREG has put forth is not, in fact, a reality; lying about my own feelings on the matter has kept me alive and this is the first time someone else has expressed the exact same thing I've been thinking, and trying not to think, this whole time.
This video helped me realise how important Jreg is as an artist unironically. He's been criticising (and desperately yelling for something better) the social malaise that pervades culture (especially that of Zoomers), for half a decade now at least.
It's so weird seeing this channel progress. It's so impossible to predict, because Jreg always seems to be breaking barriers he's set up for himself. I wish you the best. I can't tell what type of person you are, but you are one of my favourite artists on the internet.
I think most people aren't actually happy about the lack of community in our overly individualistic & indulgent Western society, but are coping instead. Not coping is the first step. This video is actually brave, a different brand of brave than what we usually see these days. Major props, had my serious face on the whole time watching. I found a great community thru-hiking myself
This! We are social creatures and need friends and community. People just find ways to be distracted or socialize through internet. But sooner or later the isolation takes its toll.
Individualism doesn't erase social interaction, it just removes more of the obligation. Listen if you feel like you're in pain and coping, go do something about it. What's stopping you? The fact there's no pre-established structures that force others to be around and tolerate you or they risk facing shame and exile? That's what you need to not be alone?
I moved to Canada in the middle of the pandemic and was so deeply alone. It's hard to even describe. I'd go days without talking to anyone. As an extrovert, it was pure pain being caught in a Pokeball without any friends or warmth. I did a lot of what you mentioned, journaling hundreds of pages, running, going on walks, listening to sad music, etc. Trying to be ok with loneliness. I found that even with all the productivity I could achieve, it felt meaningless without someone to share it with. When I sat by myself every day at the dining halls every day and watched as everyone grouped together, I felt more alone than ever. I thought there was something I desperately needed to change or something I did wrong. I'm still not sure what it was. There were a few experiences that stuck out as some of the most desperately lonely. One of which, I ended up writing a post on the school subreddit about how lonely I was. Some people reached out asking if I wanted to meet up. When I accepted most of them left me on read- one person did show up with their friend, but all they were extremely rude and brought their friend who mocked me for the post. Another experience, was when a person tried picking food off of my plate at the dining hall. I asked them to kindly fuck off, and they sat down one table away from me with a group of friends. They genuinely pointed and laughed at me. As a group. While I ate alone. I think this pushed me over the edge of solitude. I stopped being productive. Stopped going to classes. Stopped eating at the dining hall. Eventually stopped eating. I was calling people from high school every day to "catch up", but they stopped responding to my constant calls. I'm not a particularly emotional guy (hell, I've never even been to therapy), but this month or so I was crying every single day. I think there is a bright side here. I'd been lonely for years at this point- and I'd moved across the country multiple times to start fresh and meet new people. I thought after the second time, it wasn't the place that was an issue, it was me. To end with a bit of optimism, I moved a third time; across the country again. After this final move, I started to feel a part of a community for the first time. I'm not able to effortlessly jigsaw my way into a social group like a lot of people. But at least I'm meeting like-minded people that treat me with the respect I deserve. It honestly has a lot more to do with luck than "what I was doing wrong", and that is a pretty comforting feeling. Anyways, to all the lonely people- you aren't alone.
the main problem I've been facing is people already having their own establishmed friend groups and me not knowing if I'll ever fit in 🥲 it feels so uncomfortable trying to make yourself part of something when u feel like they might not like you
@@rosieroise5870 I find it helps if you occasionally just engage with said friend group little by little, seeing if there's any resistance to you being there, potentially trying to resolve it but if not there's always others. It's important sometimes not to try too hard to appear likeable
I did a similar thing last year, went from not really talking to people (mostly due to social anxiety) to regularly reaching out to others, trying to get to meet up, do phone calls, anything that is more social interaction than just a couple text messages a week. And I noticed how people just really didn't want to. Even trying to be more vulnerable and opening up more didn't help. I wasn't pushy and didn't make people feel guilty about not wanting to interact more, but there's just so much rejection a guy can take. It's left me feeling very disillusioned with the people around me, because I had wanted my ride or die friends so bad. I was willing to do so many things in exchange . And it hurts. I'm fine being alone but this doesn't feel healthy. I'm grateful you made this video because I was starting to feel like I am insane for for wanting community and people around me. But it seems there's more people who share similar sentiments than I thought
@@vivvy_0 i think that's the same point that jreg was making about forming parasocial relationships with people who have no friends. it's equally unhealthy. it can feel like you're taking advantage of people, which is ironically contributing to the problem of loneliness. what you really want is for complete people to willingly WANT to hang out with you instead of feeling guilty or indebted bc you volunteered your time, and they feel like they should pay you back. it shouldn't be a trade. i can trade things at the Wal-Mart down the street and feel no more closeness to anyone when I walk out as when I walked in. this is a much deeper issue that stems from people not having a medium to relate to each other through. Our old medium was how useful one is to another, and then trading those uses. but as we've advanced in technology, it's easier to isolate than ever. you don't need to rely on your neighbors to survive like you do in a tribe. you both have a house and there is an implied agreement that you should be taking care of yourself. so even suggesting that you should "join a community" seems offensive or even shameful. it's a contradiction that can cause anxiety and depression. humans have evolved as individuals (as opposed to a collective consciousness), but we've also evolved as social animals. you want to have meaning, but can only do that with other people who increasingly don't want you to interact with them. the way forward is uncertain, but my advice is to do w/e you can to bring mutual closeness and understanding between people no matter how it makes you feel. focus on the goal more than the problems of social alienation. change what you can, and learn to accept what you can't. part of this is accepting that life is hard, so you must reinforce anything that makes the task of living life less hard during those times. if that is volunteering for you, then go for it.
>Maybe< you're just not that likable to them. That doesn't necessarily mean that something's wrong with you, maybe you're too good in some aspects? People usually don't like to feel inferior. Or maybe you're just weird, I dunno.
@@lonniejackson4225 i meant you meet other voluntary workers to befriend and connect with, but even those in need could be potentialy rich in personality beside what issue makes them need your help you know? but that's just a theory.. A GAME--
i hope nobody reads this, im just putting into words that i cant say to anybody, but this video really hits home in me I used to be very lonely, but i didnt know how lonely i was till i got some friends, friends that i hang out almost everyday for 5 years Now, i dont talk to them for months. Something changed and i dont know why. I think they realise im just a shit person. So i was alone again, except that now i cant be alone anymore. Is so painful, it hurts everytime i think about it, every night, every day. I just start thinking "I wish i could be playing this game with..." and i just stop. i go to bed and put music, trying not to cry for hours. Trying not to think about them. This video helped. I realise i dont want to be alone, i could but i dont want to. I dont want to be the guy i was 5 years ago. So im starting to meet people again. Not afraid of being hurt in the process. Thank you. Thanks for this video.
6:51 "People are are too painful, it is too painful to be around people" This is me for the past 5 years, I haven't given up on people but sometimes it feels like it is close to that point
I feel you. I went through multiple phases of spending time with people who i just didn't have good chemistry with, and after leaving those groups i realized being alone felt less lonely than being with them. But finding even one or two of the right friends completely outweighs any number of acquaintances who would have made you feel like you had to chase them down for just an ounce of their time. (Not assuming that's what you're going thru, but it was a recurring theme in the video)
That part about other people not being ride or die really hits. You think you found some people who are down as fuck and then the weekend hits, and no one responds and they're all gone and you realize it was just convenience. Maybe you have some optimism that it was just this weekend. And then next weekend hits. And the next one. Like a controlled demolition in ultra slow motion.
A lot of this stuff needs some push n pull. If you find you're always the one doing all the planning and you see little results, consider asking what people actually wanna do instead of making propositions for them to react to. Might be easier to find where the true common ground lies. (and it'll be very telling if they can't come up with a single thing they'd like to do with you lol)
Love this, shows how cyclical isolation is in the modern day. The more people that give up on socializing the harder it is for people to socialize. This part of history will most definitely be interesting
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 i yelled at you in the other comment but this reminded me you’re a human being just like me with a life, you sound a wonderful human being, with simply different experiences than me that has led to a different conclusion about how to live your life.
I wish we had like a renaissance period in contemporary America like Japan did during their Edo period when all the wars were over, because there was nowhere for the money to go, they just threw all their resources into schooling and knowledge and taught everyone how to perform medical procedures, arithmetic, and linguistics. It'd be kind of cool if during our anti social period in America, we use it to become better people like how we heard stories about how some people during Covid lockdowns, taught themselves how to cook or how to ride a bicycle/swim/kickbox.
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 "steal someone's girlfriend." You obviously have good will and a strong sense of ethics. I'm sure that does wonders for your social life.
That bit about Maszlow's hierarchy is great. You have got the zeitgeist under your words right here. Paschal said “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” And it feels like humanity has been coping with that same environment, same feeling, since he said it.
As someone who appeared as a "cold person who doesn't need humans in their life", I can say as cold and aloof as I may've been, I was soooo lonely and just didn't want to face it, I would just distract myself from it in my little cube with my little computer screen, and the moment I can't do that anymore and i'm forced to be alone with my thoughts, the loneliness really hits very hard, hell I even related to most of what you said J. In my experience, I can say it just all stems from a fear of rejection, shame and lack of confidence probably originating from childhood stuff. When people like you approached me (which was very rare) i'd get all defensive and just convince myself I don't need them, because I'd rather be alone than face rejection and shame, because then i won't get hurt, and now it looks like this is the approach you're adopting as well I guess. When you see people like me you envy us for being so independent (we aren't), conversely, when I see people like you, I envy them for not having any complex holding them back from socializing. Despite yearning for that interaction, to be part of a community you can trust and where your whole potential will be unleashed, I pushed people like you away because I was afraid and I was also jealous, ironically you get jealous of my "independence" as well. Ironically we're all more alike than you think we are. But after realizing all this, I guess I got character development, I try to be more vulnerable and appreciate when people make the first step and try to build something meaningful because now I understand that it's not always easy even for you who seem like social butterflies. I appreciate your efforts, and I hope you can be more patient with people and know that man is by nature a social animal. If I had to give you advice to feel better and upgrade from this, I'd say start looking at people who confuse you with empathy, they're not as strong as you think they are. I hope you come across this lol either way it felt nice to vent. And if anyone read this essay. wow. Thanks.
You've articulated what I haven't been able to for a good while Thank you for that I wish you the best in your own journey towards fulfilment, both in solo and co-op mode
@@larry5068 wow and thank YOU for actually reading all that lol I'm only ever articulate while writing, most of the time I have difficulties articulating what I think too
thank you for putting this out there. it takes balls (or boobs if your a girl) to be vulnerable like that especially on the internet 😅 good luck with life.
yeah..no point being pissed at shit you can't change. Happiness is a choice, not some guarantee. Things not being the way you want them to be isn't a problem with the outside world, it's a internal issue with one's own expectations.
Does grabbing a sharpie and scribbling "I don't think the world is accepting constructive criticism right now" over and over on my bathroom mirror count as meditation?
I feel like it has never worked out for me to have a mantra that includes the words "I'm tired", because after many repetitions, that's where I always end up. I am tired. I'm tired of a lot of things. But more than that, deep in my soul, I am tired. I am exhausted. I am tired.
i think it's because he's lived in it. his self awareness and meta-irony signals a deep familiarity with the territory he operates in, and shields him from the cringe of pure sincerity he isn't a boomer preaching hollow "phone bad" critiques from a distance. the problems is on a massive and incomprehensible scale, and the consequences and solutions have yet to be fully realized. he's in the midst of it, still finding his way through like the rest of us
i also went through the flip from introvert to extrovert. this dude is spitting facts, it was already upsetting being alone all the time, but now to be actively reaching out and coordinating only to find that these connections don’t last AND that people really don’t even want them?? i’m fine with my computer now 😭
It's like a vicious cycle. It's always a vicious cycle. Seeking out company, figuring it's to much to deal with, seeking it out again because you feel like a failure otherwise somehow.
I think it's actually very rare to be someone who genuinely doesn't need anyone. I'm generally content with being alone as it's just normal at this point. I can entertain myself for days on end with no issue but every now and again a really deep, visceral, existential realization of how truly disconnected and alone I am from the world around me hits me like a bag of bricks to the face. In a lot of ways I would want change in my life but either due to a profound lack of motivation, an intense dread of change or a mix of both I can never bring myself to do it.
As someone who's had some chronic pain for about 6 years now I think it's effects are very similar to loneliness. It starts out in your face, you are highly conscious of it and how it's changing your life, then as the things you try to mitigate it or cure it doesn't work all the way or at all, your body begins to numb it. If you 'tune' in, through the radio static you can feel it but, rather than be swarmed with it constantly, your mind accepts it as reality. so now, this once very visible force becomes invisible, it still effects you, but you learn to subconsciously ignore it which, means it seeps into all aspects of your life, where you walk, how you walk, what activities you avoid, etc. It's only when there's a moment of relief do you realize what state you were in previously, -it's nefarious that way.
Have to admit that I want to interact with this genuinely but it's jreg so who knows Assuming this is one of those rare genuine moments, I have never felt so heard and understood in my life. For 17 minutes everything I have lamented for the past few years of my life was put on the screen. I too feel crushed by the lack of genuine community in the modern world and the need for human connection. I'm... fine? On my own? But far from flourishing. I hate it just as much as you seem to. I sympathize. Thanks for putting it into a video, and giving voice to it.
I'm pretty sure he isn't joking about almost everything in the video. I personally believe that the only things that are never trustworthy is what he types (unless it's facts) the rest he does believe in or he isn't sure if he believes in. It's the same with his 'i want(ed) to die' video, he basically admits that he is always trying new concepts of reality and believe by trying them out. Sometimes it's hard to know what you believe and hard to understand why others always seem so sure, what do they know that makes them so sure?
I cried :') I don't think i perceive this video in a parasocial relationship way, but as a form of art that corelates with my emotions. I get the fear of creating parasocial relationships for people, but i think that a lot of people want really deeply to form connections with people but for many reasons they feel like they can't, and seeing people who are similar to them, or who are feeling a similar way to them helps them feel less lonely and miserable. It still doesn't fill in that need of connection - a real life relationship still provides a lot more comfort. So I think connecting with people expressing their emotions online, if its not mistaken as something else, is a good thing and it's way better than parasocial relationships with fictional characters or celebrities. I think that people who've always felt that they didn't belong are especially self-aware. I can really relate to that and I can also relate to feeling like I can change any part of me if I want to fit my environment. I think that comes with self-awarness mixed with ambition and caring a lot. When I went to highschool, I tried really hard to be friendly, talkative and to make people like me, just because I didn't want people to think that I am quiet, strange, or boring. I was hoping that if I put myself out there more, people will like me for who I am, but i think that in doing that, the person i was putting out wasn't really me. Also, I think people can tell when you're being desperate and they get scared by that. Human connection is also a very personal thing so it's obvious you won't connect with everyone. But when you really want it and try really hard, and it doesn't happen, it makes you sad and you try to see your faults in the failure, because you have this sense in you that you can change yourself completely - while the reason might've laid with the other person or the circumstances. Maybe you didn't even want to form a connection with that specific person, and people can tell when you're not being genuine. Recently, i've learned it the hard way that if you force yourself too hard to make friends and change for them, you can get yourself into relationships that make you feel miserable, and once you're in too deep it will make you feel even worse to cut them off. Your dedication to the other person out of the desire to connect with them, if not recipricated, may be seen as a reason for them to look down at you, not take you seriously and take you for granted. That's why I think pushing yourself too hard is harmful and you should always have a sense of yourself and your needs in the other person to form healthy relationships. I think the best relationships are the ones that you don't force but they form throughout time, out of your similarities and chemistry together, similar goals, interests, ways of talking etc. Always make sure the other person gives you the attention you give them before getting closer. Respect yourself as much as you respect others. That's why I think your main goal should always be to be happy. You feel lonely today? Get yourself out there, reach out to some people. People made you feel bad? Do something fun by yourself, or talk to other people. You think belonging to a community would make you happy? Sign up for extra classes, join a club, just don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. Find a lot of things that make you happy and make you feel good, do them. Put yourself out there, experiment a little bit, but know yourself, accept failures and remember that your job is to make yourself happy. Sometimes you can fail with that and that's okay too! Anyways, lately i've been feeling extremely lonely for many reasons and i think realising those things did make me feel better sometimes. I think it's the best to accept where you are now, prioritise your own happiness and your goals that don't depend on other people, and then get out there. You will find people who understand you and who you understand eventually. At least I really hope that's how it works. To any lonely person reading this, you are AMAZING and somewhere deep down YOU KNOW WHY, you just have to let yourself think that way, and someday you WILL meet someone who will make you feel that way, and will appreciate you for all the things YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ARE. I LOVE YOU ALL and if you think you can manifest any change on yourself, JUST MANIFEST YOU BEING HAPPY AND CAPABLE AND AWESOME PLEASE
Oh god reading this is my life story. Stop it hurts too much lol. Thank you for writing this though this is very comforting to know there are people out there struggling like me.
OMG. I just realized Jreg is mirroring my sentiments from 10 years ago, before the pandemic, about the hollowing out of interpersonal connection that I felt then. It's a real thing. I've hit that point Jreg's talking about, where I'm content in my cube with my computer screen, but it sucks. There's no one else. I have a friend who may come by every few months. I have a friend who plays games online with me. That's it. That's my whole social strata outside of family, and even in that circle there's only three humans. Five people, in the whole world, who will acknowledge my existence irregularly. But a lot of this is my fault, I'm assuming. "I want to learn how to live alone in a dark room." You shouldn't have to. Our inherently natural social contracts have been broken to make people more pliable. News and authority preach distrust of others. Tribalism runs rampant, because the need for community and social acceptance is left unfulfilled. There is no *true* social fulfilment to be found in a computer screen, or in a discord call, or over a cell phone line, so even with this tribalism and having their "community", people are still feeling alone and the disconnect creates anger, sadness and despair. This is all incredibly useful if you're a multi-billion dollar corporation willing to sell "solutions" to these feelings in the form of product or ideas. It's all useful if you're a powerful figure or entity who needs the communities they serve to remain distrustful of each other so extracting value from the people and land is easy and carries little threat of challenge. It's not useful if you're a human who just wants to happily exist, have friends and do some work. I'm not sure if it was Epicurus, but there was a greek philosopher whose philosophy ultimately boiled down to something like "The greatest possible pursuit any human may undertake is the search for happiness. What is needed for happiness is simple: Good food, good friends, good drink, livable shelter and purpose (work)." The systems we humans have engineered around ourselves are rapidly destroying all four of those happiness recipe ingredients. Food quality, at least in the US, is awful. See above paragraph for why friends are becoming more scarce and harder to find. We're actively poisoning, selling off or draining all our clean water sources. Do I need to go into why housing is hard to get? As far as work goes, I'm fairly certain the original intent was for there to be fulfilling work, labors of the hand or mind that align with the values and desires of the laborer, that make them feel accomplished. How many people feel fulfilled in their jobs? How many people pick up hobbies, creative labors, or whatever, to find that feeling of accomplishment that is lacking from the work they do to make enough currency to survive? We, humanity, as a whole, are collectively cutting our roots from the soil of happiness in pursuit of growing GDP. It really doesn't have to be like this, but the effectiveness of psychological manipulation when you want to control a population or make money from them is something the wealthy and powerful won't ignore, so our communities will be fractured apart, people will adopt the "trust no one" mindset and the prevailing opinions and propaganda will normalize the move away from humanity to corporate cash farm.
I needed this, really helped me realize what an arsehole I've been to my friends when they've wanted to hang out with me, but because I've been chasing bettering myself relentlessly. I stopped the video midway through and apologized to a few of them. Thank you for saving some of my precious friendships.
@@horchatatee5407 I apologized, and a couple said they didn't notice while others said that it was okay. I'm glad I caught myself before it got bad :))
Good for you man, ive lost a friend who acted like this and was way too distant and cold, justifying it as "well you know that i dont like going out" 🗿🗿🗿
I mean man cmon. You set out to become "extroverted" without any nuance or balance. Its one thing to want to have more friends and connexions. But deciding to "become extroverted 100%" is seting yourself up for failure. If you do it like so, you set a goal. If you set a goal, your will be upset whenever you fail at the goal. In this case, you punish yourself everytime you dont talk to someone or has no plans for your weekend. Of course you cant be around pepole all the time jreg, even if they like you pepole get busy. But trying to make yourself more extroverted as a goal, rather than a way of being happier is just not gona be a healthy thing. Case on point, you mentioned being jealous. Jealousy is not a natural emotion you feel because of failure. Its an emotion you feel as a consequence of your mindset and what you project that you "should" be in a forceful way. Like often, you still have self punishing reflexes even tough your only priority should be your own hapiness. In this case, simply reaching a balance. Having more interactions that makes you happy while knowing things aren't wrong if you dont.
im like you. i just got out of a year long relationship n suddenly all my other relationships seem to be fallin apart too. over quarantine i loved being alone, i love playin stupid ol video games, watching movies, taking long baths, yada yada. now it just feels lonely. i recently got into another relationship not intending it to be a rebound, it lasted a month before he left and i hate being alone so much now. i hate it because i feel like im only alone because i cant find anyone to genuinely want me, to love me. i dont wanna have one of those stupid cubes where we rub genitals together n are the only people in my own world but i also dont wanna be stuck in this cube alone because this is torture. i wanna be young n stupid n in love, but being "in love" was lonely. and being without it is also lonely.
This is without a doubt the video in all of the internet that has hit the closest to me. I never thought someone could describe this state so accurately, but I guess is kind of comforting that I'm not the only one feeling like this, not that it will ever solve anything.
The real trick is that it's super hard to be in community with people when you're not ok with being yourself alone. I did the same "will yourself into extraversion" thing as Jreg in my early 20s, found it hollow and unfulfilling, and spent a good couple years being an introvert and getting to a place of liking myself. Now, over the last year or so, I don't feel like I have to work to find community at all. I just go out in the world, ok with who I am alone, and be that, and it turns out that's something people respond to. People can tell, even subconsciously, when you're not ok with who you are. That's why you end up still feeling lonely despite having friends; you're not even really letting them know you so much as the "extraverted you" that desperately wants community.
As someone who grew into an extrovert over the pandemic, this video keeps resonating with me. The idea that I should be happy by myself while wanting desperately to be anything but. Having friends who love that I always organize everything, but who never step up to do the same, or who don't even want me to be around. Wondering why I'm the one who desperately needs to be around people while everyone else is happy with their lives.
I had imagined a lot of potential directions for jREG's channel. Snapping back to a form of authenticity was one of them. I was not expecting this to be relatable that much. I hope I will find the strength and fight our alienation.
I heard somebody say once that Maslow’s heirarchy of needs aren’t like skill tiers in a video game that have to be “completed” fully and in that specific order to get to the top. You can work on all of them at once or skip some and come back to them later. Even if you can meet that social need by talking to your parents or siblings, that can be enough to prevent you from dying of social starvation and allow you to work on other stuff if you want.
This piece of "confessional" art really moved me in a powerful and personal way and it has motivated me to reach out to the people around me and try to meet new people. And i didn't realize it had an effect on me until just now. Thank you jregular
It’s incredible how scrolling through the comment section you could just feel the genuineness of it. It’s full of people that are hurting or have been hurting in the past, trying to lifting everyone else up and it really helps restore your faith in the world
I cried pretty fucking hard at how beautifully relatable this is. I'm currently having a similar internal debate. You probably won't read this, but I felt the need to actually take the time for once (dont take this as me viewing you as a best friend or in some creepy way)... it felt like you were expressing my thoughts clearly and concisely, and I can't express how much I genuinely appreciate you pushing through the tears and vulnerability it took to make this. You're giving a voice to the many people silently struggling, and it's a worthwhile pursuit. I love you all, and please don't give up. As someone whos been basically alone for 10 years, it gets better. The world needs good people like yourselves who give a shit and push the world slowly forward, despite seemingly unending incompetence and corruption.
i really resonated with your video. youre not the only one who wants community and feels discouraged by peoples self isolation. the active ones who give energy to connect with others but feel lonely, i dont think it is a curse. i see it like a painful blessing. we give our energy to the world to make it spin, to give warmth to others and cheer. i do think one day we can find each other, find the others who are emotionally vulnerable and brave and are ride or die. i believe it 🌊🩵
Trying not to be too parasocial here but, I genuinely appreciate this video. I feel so crazy thinking stuff like this all the time. Seeing someone else say this stuff is reassuring.
I think a lot of introvert identified people are affraid of real connection because it leads to the feeling you describe of needing other people. If you dont care for people then you dont have to face rejection or neglect. Finding a community is hard because it requires some vulnerability from everyone and many people are afraid of that. Still i dont think giving up and submitting to being alone forever works out either, but its hard to keep trying when it feels like a losing battle
Maslow's hierarchy is hogwash. You can't slow me down, lack of meaningful human connection. I'll reach self actualization without you. Just try and stop me. Just try.
Dude I feel your pain and I know it feels like everyone's going insane but please don't give up I promise there are people out there who do have robust networks of close friends+community. I felt exactly like you like 8 years ago and I nearly died but today things are better than I'd ever hoped for
@@JAKE-ng8yrsince i also have my notifications turned off and don't reply to comments I'll take the liberty of suggesting that they found one of the robust social networks they mentioned along with a sense of community and purpose. I don't know though, it's possible that they've found a way to transcend into nirvana and they're not longer corporeal enough to reply.
I feel exactly as you feel, i slowly deteriorate when im alone, I NEEED social connection. I need closeness with people outside my family, and it sucks so much when even friends that youd consider your brothers arent willing to hang out just because they dont have the energy to spend time with people. I have to respect them and their right to be alone if they dont wanna spend time with people, but fucking hell its killing me from the inside, i truly need people but for some reason people seem to not want me or others back
The idea that jreg will say some thing genuine and not soms level of ironic is so strange to me, that even when I see him cry, I don't know if it is real
Yeah, his honest content is far and away his best work, but with his other content being ironic and insincere it can be hard to pick out when the irony ends. For me at least I spent the first 2 minutes trying to figure out if it was all genuine, but after watching the whole thing I can say certainly it’s all real.
I've been living in Japan as an exchange student for the past year. The first semester, I felt extremely atomized, and it was one of the hardest seasons of my life. This semester, I found and joined an alternative music kei-on club at my university. Every couple months we get together, rent out a live house and everyone plays together in different cover bands they freely organized. While I still feel a disconnect because of my intermediate language ability and cultural barriers, I've never felt a sense of community like this, it's fantastic. In my four years at American university, I would try to go to clubs and it would just be a bunch of dudes kind of hanging out in a classroom at arms' length ... I know what you mean about the resistance to actually building anything like a community that you mentioned. The small friend group I managed to make was with people I was randomly assigned to be roommates with instead. We didn't have much in common, and over the course of my year away we've drifted apart. I'm heading back to the states next month, and this video has me feeling more anxious than before haha ha aha. Going from this to living alone, working to pay off my student loans ... Back to practice for my live show though
I feel we are more sensitive and and thankful when people try to connect with us in a foreign land. We recognize them making the time and the effort to make us feel part of the group as gueninely nice. Same thing happens in your home country you'd be like "this guy wants to talk to me? Ew! He must have no friends, what a looser"
I had a similar feeling when I did an school exchange in japan, because of language and cultural barriers I felt like I would never belong to a friend group amd that they always didn't want me to meet up with them, because having me there would mean extra effort, since they would need to explain everything to me in simple japanese. Adding to that I had a very toxic hostmother and in the end I had to go back to my home country earlier than planned, because of depression and social anxiety disorder. (tho I probably was already mentally ill when going there in the first place, but I was a stupid teenager who wanted to go anyways and my parents just didn't noticed it enough...) So hearing that you kinda managed to find a community makes me happy and hopeful that I can go there again in university and won't feel that lonely again
for me as an European it's strange to hear because I feel like Japan is very high on social distancing, in extreme cases there are hikikomoris. basically not a great place for people with social issues. on the contrary I've heard that people in US are so open minded and smiling and talkative.. that just doesn't happen in Europe, no person talks to you randomly on street or smiles. that's the thing I always wanted to experience this US society of smiling people. But now I think that maybe just maybe it's only view in my head and it's far from reality. Or maybe lonely people work better in those seemingly "more social distanced" societies like Japan. maybe that's the place where such people find other people with the same issues
I did the same. I'm from Colombia and i came to USA for a while. The first month I felt like a fucking year. Then we moved to Puerto Rico, and i liked that place so much, i felt more comfortable, but i was alone all the time with my thoughts, seeing nature, staying on the beach, i was more contemplative, and yea, i met ppl but i never feel comfortable with them. When we just got back to USA that shit hit me hard, literally I almost went crazy cuz i was alone, no people to talk, maybe my family, but that wasn't the same, i was crying all the days. Everything just became better when i met my friends and I'm in love with someone right now lmao, but i noticed that i had a little bit of problems when i wanna interact with someone sometimes, no just for the language (you can notice easily that english is not my first language), is just the fact that is a different culture, and at least here, i saw the people is so individual, i don't know how to explain that but, anyway, is hard to do good friends here
I can't say how much I agree with a lot of what you said in this video. Everyone seems so disinterested in meeting other people, they have their own lives and cycles that they will not break for anybody. No matter what you do it seems like you're always an "other" in people's lives. Have social interactions always been this way??
I don’t want my ego to prevent me from being a good friend, simply because I crave the feeling of being needed. Choosing to wait for someone to message first or set up plans is usually fulfilling the catharsis of being a victim to circumstance but it isn’t productive for building strong connections with people, as harsh as that may sound. There is obviously a limit to taking this initiative though. If after a few times it’s not reciprocated and especially if it’s continually rejected, for one reason or another, then we need to acknowledge how valuable our time and attention is for those who also value it. Therefore, spending it on those who don’t value it, only goes to devalue our time and attention, which isn’t recommended. I still haven’t ticked the box of feeling like I fit in anywhere but I know that, paradoxically, until I’m able to truly value my place as a ride-or-die for myself, let alone another person, then I likely won’t find the external success I’ve been desiring for so long. Because regardless, what will I be spending my time doing until I feel like I belong somewhere? Being with myself, and I might as well make the most of that, because it’s really the only choice I have.
i feel like winters in ottawa make seasonal depression inevitable and year-round depression that much worse. there is no way the average human can adapt to long periods of solitude and not develop some type of mental illness. and im sure the ones who seem fine spending time alone are suffering in silence too when it comes to building community, most people have a no new friends mentality and even if you're lonely, you may still be selective about meeting new people as well. for me, i convince myself i want to socialize and sign up for free or even paid events and then decide to stay home cuz i dont want to put myself out there and be rejected, so very much self-fulfilling prophecy. i tell myself that i dislike shallow connections with social butterflies but i also dislike deep connections with new people who i have yet to build trust with. so again, setting myself up for failure on that front. due to globalization, i think the loneliness epidemic is officially worldwide. even collectivist cultures that encourage family and community are oftentimes performative, focused on external markers of success like making money, getting married and having kids rather than things like happiness and the will to live. religion used to tether people to a sense of purpose but now that's on a decline too. i feel like the self-help industrial complex profiting off our misery is very messed up but what should we expect from capitalism, genuine concern for our wellbeing? your song said it all. that being said, sign me up for the brain chip as well :)
Idk if anyone else has experienced this but ive noticed that a lot more people are talking about wanting to own a piece of land with a bunch of really close friends/family and creating a sustainable community together (which is also my dream). But when i mention to other people who have this same dream about actually doing it, they get really weird about it and show no effort to actually make it happen. Almost like just having the idea about it is good enough to keep living their lonely, complacent existence. It is really frustrating and i feel like i am just working towards that dream alone which defeats the purpose of the entire thing.
I GENUINELY READ RHIS PERFECTLY NORMAL SENTWNCE IN A SARCASTIC TONE IN MY HEAD EVEN THO I AM ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM NOW AND THINK BOTH THE VIDEO AND COMMENT ARE GENUINE
Goes to show how much of a challenge it is to adapt to new frameworks that one doesn't mesh well with. Sometimes "fake it till you make it" is only part of the process, and works for those who have personalities that are compatible with the lifestyle that they're trying to transition into. "What happens when those needs are never met" is an interesting question. I think for most folk, the goalpost just shifts if one 'need' is accepted as unattainable. Individualistically, one's standards get lower and lower until they develop completely new values that change their expectations of "needs". Community could mean having a whole cluster of people who you see irl every day like the Amish, or it could be a fistful of anons on a text based online board. On a darker note, chronically binging content of CZcamsrs who post their lives parasocially satisfies that need for community in an isolated individual, or community could be some characters made manifest by an isolated persons hallucinations. As social animals, us humans will find community in one way or another, no matter how deleterious, but in every case, it simply is what it is. With the increasingly apparent viability of isolated living, of course there's going to be pressure to conform to it when it's become so commonplace. Coping with agoraphobia has been easier than ever. It comes at a cost, obviously, but for every human interaction, there is an alternative digital equivalent that suffices for the chronically introverted. To whoever's reading this, for what it's worth, the things you wish for will eventually find you. Just know that you won't find them by chasing after the things you think you want in the moment. The people you belong to will seek you out in due time. Focus on achieving whatever goals you set for yourself, you will naturally find your community on your journey. Safe travels.
After moving away from family for work, I realized how little socialization I was getting outside of work. I’d be too tired to find a community to join even if I wanted that. Being near family or people you’re forced to be close to helps fill this socialization need. I thought I didn’t need anyone, but the reality was my socialization needs were being met by my family interactions. Humans need to socialize. The parasocial relationships that occur are because of people’s need to socialize and the fact they’re lonely.
This is speaks to me on another level. Life has been extremely lonely for the last two years, and I have friends. None of them respond to attempts to get closer or do much irl anymore. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this, probably just catching the bus whenever the loneliness becomes too much to handle.
nobody wants to hang out anymore, ive lost so many friends for what felt like no reason. Its just made me feel like an annoyance, and I just wish other people wanted to connect with me and for friendships to not be so one-sided, but maybe im just a dickhead or socially inept and i dont know it.
I did a lot of work on myself last year, for once I wasn't alienated from my feelings after hiding in this thick "introvert" shell that I had built up for years, and realized that I do want to be around people and have people I care about in my life. That realization hurt. Through my school years I had no issues making tons of friends, relationships and enemies in new and unfamiliar environments so I thought yeah I can just do that but the adult way now. There is no adult way. Dropping the facade hurt me more than I could ever prepare for and in the tumultuous period that followed my schizophrenia surfaced, extinguishing this attempt at changing myself and transforming my life in one fell swoop. So no, I don't think you're alone at all. What happens when those needs aren't met? Well, I've come close to doing some dark shit... other than that I couldn't tell you what I do for most of the day besides stare into space. I think people will just find some way to cope, healthily or unhealthily (most probable). Alcoholism, for example, has been on an upwards trend IIRC. Tried and true cope.
Ways to cope. Video games Mindlessly scrolling internet Purposefully scrolling internet Fap Fap Fap Dream Write Fantasize Sunbathe Showers Exercise Reddit Sit outside Lucid dream Dance by yourself Make yourself laugh Go 🤪😜🤪🥳🤡🧠🕛🕧🕕🌑🌕🌑🌕🌛🌜🌨🌤⛱⛄🗿🗿🗿 Making up random conversations with imaginary people in your head.
There was a time was trying to make friends without even a clear goal of what I would do after friendship was achieved. "You need friends?" Do I? Their company does nothing for me and they clearly don't care about me either, we are a bunch of indifferent people forcing our selves to have a social activity that nobody is enjoying.
Jreg, watching your ""blOOPerS"" of you crying while reading your script has made me realize how much I have Para-socially latched onto you as a way to view my own suffering in a valid and necessary way. It's really unbecoming because there's nothing more addictive than seeing an absolute glimpse of the vulnerability that you have allowed us to gaze upon and then having to sit here with the video done, and I am still here working through and dealing with the things that have made me and make me cry. I think I can talk for a lot of people when I say (I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU) that there is an enormous group of people who feel in similar ways to you and ALL OF THEM LOVE YOU AND CAN WE EVER REALLY ESCAPE THE WAY THINGS MAKE US FEEL!?!?!??!?!
As painful as needing someone is, realizing you'll never be able to need or want anyone else again is far worse. One day you'll look up and realize it's been years since you actually wanted anything, or anyone, now you just want to want things. You'll stand back and look at yourself and realize just how far gone you are, from where you used to be. I haven't needed anyone in a long time, but god I wish I did.
I am an introvert with basically zero friends, barely leaves the house, etc.. I don't even talk to friends over discord. I also spend my days in front of my computer. And I can assure you that I am not okay like this. I am very lonely. But reaching out to people and trying to make connections takes a not trivial amount of energy and effort, and it is much easier to keep distracting myself with my computer toy. I searched about "atomization" when you mentioned it in some other video and I do think that is a problem in modern society and, if we're not suffering from it already, we will feel its consequences in the near future.
Hi jReg, I’m probably not like most of your audience as I’m much older. My nephew has showed me some of your videos and we followed your political campaign. I have observed some of the same things you have with people struggling with connections and communication, especially since COVID. I have also noticed that it has been very difficult for young adults. You definitely are not alone. Good for you on putting yourself out there in so many ways. Reaching out for assistance can be tough. I do disagree with you that so many people are happy. I feel many people are struggling and putting on facades of happiness. I discuss these issues with my nephew and he also is trying to connect with people in real life. It can be done. I think it takes more time right now as people are out of practice and stressed from COVID and all the ramifications. I do have hope and I hope you can find yours.❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️XOXOXO
Bro you are not alone, I absolutely can not live alone and the first two years of covid were absolute hell for me. I started going to therapy bc I developed insomnia from it so bad I felt like I was losing my mind. The one outlet I figured out for myself is I practiced making pizza for years. Everyone loves pizza, right?! So I got really fucking good at pizza, stuck with individually inviting friends over once a week for the past year since quarantine relaxed, and although I had some disappointments I now regularly host 6-8 rotating friends. It’s ENORMOUSLY improved my emotional state.
As a diagnosed Schizoid, I've had people kind of idolize me in a parasocial way, trying to replicate my apathy and self-sufficiency. Don't do that. It's always because they've had bad experiences with relationships in the past, and think that severing all relationships will cure whatever hole was left by those few bad ones. Obviously that's not how it works, and it just makes them worse as they go deeper and deeper into their depressed little echo chamber. Don't imitate schizoids; there's a reason it's a personality disorder. It's absolutely not a fulfilling life for anyone, myself included.
My issue is that I desperately desire connections, but I'm also very jaded and critical, and just don't really enjoy being around people. Any time I meet someone new, it's only a matter of time until I find something I dislike about them, because I find them annoying, boring etc., and I just don't have the patience or emotional maturity to deal with it. Social anxiety does it's rest to make any kind of socializing just extremely tiring with very little hope, that I might actually get something enjoyable out of it. What also doesn't help is that everything online is bascially "on demand". You can consoom videos/streams of people "talking to you" whenever you are in the mood for it, and without requiring any effort on the watcher's part. Real relationships of course aren't like that. If you keep missing social events, because you're not in the mood or tired or whatever, people notice and get annoyed. You also have to show up to events that you will just never enjoy, but it's gotta be done. Relationships are effort, and I suck at putting effort into anything I don't enjoy. It's basically a willpower/discipline issue. So instead I just take the easier route, and "consume content to make my brain go quiet" (stole that one from Sisyphus 55).
I relate to this so much man. The covid introverts made no sense to me, as soon as I realized it was a long term thing my heart sank in my chest. Same feeling at the end of every school year, knowing every summer break I’d just spent all day on the computer, text friends here and there, but not as much anymore. Now I’m out of school and it’s permanent summer. I have to train myself to go out in the world now. The majority of the things I remember about the outside are awkward interactions that keep me up at night. No thank you. But I need it or else I’ll be sad. I have to be my own driver instead of being a passanger. That’s growing up, but also that’s what trying to force myself to talk to people is like. I’m spending 16 hours a day on my phone. Feel like I still exist but only my eyes. Only as an observer. Slowly aging in front of the screen, I felt that too. I want to go back to when I had people. Maybe I’m worried I only knew people and made friends with them because we all had to be around each other all the time before. Now we have to make the active choice to meet up with people in real life. Not just one, but BOTH parties have to not pretend to be busy. Impossible lol. I don’t think it’s impossible, but it helps make it easier to cope with the fact that it’s hard. It’s an excuse, really. People used to travel on foot across continents just to pillage each other. Shit maybe they were on to something. Not the genocide, Nazi, cultural pessimist with a pfp of a philosopher you’ve never read anything from part. Not that part. Fuck this is how people get radicalized isn’t it. I hope someone read this far. Thanks. I appreciate you. We got this. We’re gonna be okay. Made it this far. There is good stuff too. We just forget inbetween the good moments. It’s biology. We’re just biology. No one sat down and chose for us to work like this. Well, I’m sure you have different beliefs actually. That’s good. We need that. We’re good people. We know what the right thing to do is usually, and we worry about it being wrong. Sometimes we worry too much. More than anyone else would want us to. Sometimes we worry about ourselves FOR other people. Shit. My thumbs are tired. I cried my eyes out today. Broke down eating some Jose Ole Taquitos, on a plate, sitting on the plastic Fisher Price table that I had since as long as I can remember. The first time I ever saw that table in my life I was happy. Now, not so much. The table didn’t change. I changed. The table looks no worse for wear either. Maybe I should be a table. Tables don’t have sex though. I guess I don’t either. That’s why I’m here. That’s why we’re all here. Because two people had sex. I wonder what percent of- nope nevermind. Weird ass question. Glad I caught that. Maybe that’s what I like about the internet. Yeah it’s dangerous. But it’s also safe. I can take as long as I want to figure out the right thing to say. If I’m losing you here that’s fine. You don’t have to keep reading. If you feel even 0.00001% better now, it was worth it. Maybe it made you feel 0.00001% worse. Sorry. Weird how we react different to the same things. That’s how we know we exist though. That’s how we know there’s at least something interesting going on. Every day is like a TV show of my life, the TV screen is just my field of vision. Too much screen time. If you’re going through it, I can’t tell you it will get easier. But I can tell you it’s possible to get stronger. It’s possible to get better at handling it. Maybe you’ve tried therapy. It’s worth a shot. Try it if you can. I probably wouldn’t be here without it. I don’t go anymore. I probably should, I’m going through some things. I mean obviously. You know what I mean. I’m sleep deprived and my brain is not fully developed. So take that how you will. But I think you, me, Jreg, your cousin Susan. I think we’ll figure it out. So maybe it won’t look like how we pictured it. But you gotta start where you are. No better place. No better time. Don’t burn yourself out though. Just, slow down. Breathe. Be a human. Let yourself be a human for once goddamn. Saying this to myself to. We’re hard on ourselves. We don’t have to be. It doesn’t have to be that way. Nothing does. Maybe it would be better differently. Try a change. See what happens. Experiment. Write it down. Touch a blade of grass. Eat it. Chase a neighborhood racoon at night. Idk what you get up to. But you do that, and I will too. And we’ll get through this. We will. I can’t tell you 100%. I don’t control your destiny. That’s yours. Here have it back. Go take this shit and run. Go take that shit and run. Run with it. And never let it go. Never. Thanks for your time, I appreciate it. You know yourself. Do that some more. We will be okay.
I had a kind of covid introvert mindset at the beginning, but I felt a gradual deterioration of my life. Then again, it alerted me to the issue - at least now I know this isnt good. Unfortunately now the burden is on me to do something about it. I don't like doing hard things. I really feel seen by this message. It's similar to stuff I tell myself, but it never feels as real as when someone else says it. Thanks for that. Here's to getting stronger, or at least flailing my body into the world in an attempt.
We will be okay indeed. Thank you for putting your thoughts into the world. It's the moments of vulnerability like this that create the connection we still need to breathe, or at least want to breathe. Might I recommend putting stickers from produce you purchase on something? Anything, just something. It is a habit I have found joyful these past years. Take care
Nice message dude. It made me feel 0.0001% better. Maybe that's just my socialisation-deprived brain clawing for any semblance of human interaction. Feels like you were open, honest. I feel like that's made me happy. You know, I never have "deep" conversations with my friends. I wish I could, but it feels so difficult. I just think they'd think I'm weird. Sometimes I tell my brother how I'm feeling, and he'll call me weird. (I'm 17). That makes me so, so upset, because he says it with such negative connotation. What the hell does weird mean? Is it bad? Why is it bad? It shouldn't be bad. I feel like society has been telling me my whole life "weird **isn't** bad", so what? Did we just have different cultural experiences? If I'm the "weird" one, that means he's normal. Do normal people hate weird things then? He's alright sometimes. Sometimes he's good. As I said, I never have deep conversations with my friends. I keep a journal, where I write about my feelings. This feels slightly different though. Normally I'm screaming into the void, but in this situation there's a person on the other end. And maybe they don't see the message, or like it, or care to respond. Would that be such a bad thing? It's pretty late where I'm at. I don't respond to comments, or replies. I used to have more friends. What happened? They went to another school. This happened twice actually. Well, maybe upper limit 4 times. All my friends went somewhere else. When I was a lot younger, I had a group of friends. It was pretry good. We'd normally just see each other at school, but it was every day, and I considered them my best friends. We'd go to each other's birthday parties, go trick-or-treating together on halloween. It was good. And I remember playing minecraft on xbox live with them. I guess I'm writing this comment because I never really speak to anyone about this. Maybe I ought to get a therapist, but then I'd have to convince everyone that I need a therapist. I'm not 18, right, so I'd have to depend on my parents. They think I'm doing fine. I don't feel super passionate about the idea of therapy, so trying to persuade them would be more trouble that it's worth. So yeah, I used to have this group of friends. But then, it's our final year at that stage of school, and everyone ends up going somewhere else. And the only contact I had was through xbox live. The friends i played with the most, who I had know the longest, played with other people too. Not people from school, but people from online. I don't know where, specifically. At the time, I was only really into minecraft, and i didn't have many other games. 3 others? I didn't want to ask my parents for more games. After all, I didn't really want to play for the sake of the game. I wanted to play with friends. And I only really got given new things for christmas. Ah dude, this story is gonna be way too longat this rate.... So, for reasons, my friend is playing other games, with othrt peope. And i'm begging him to play with me, because i don't have anybody else to play with. And he says "i'll play eith you tomorrow". The next day, i say "are we gonna play?" and he says "i'm playing with [blank]" or "i'm playing [blank game]" or somethong. And i get upset, and I think I started an argument or something. And then he blocks me. I don't know his phone number. I don't really remember ig i had a personal phone. I think I might have had like an old blackberry phone with the physical numpad buttons. But, I don't have his number, and we go to different schools. When he blocks me, I ssnd a few more messages. Of course, no response. Maybe I played by myself for like half an hour, waiting for him to unblock me, but it's no fun playing by myself. I log off. I don't know if he ever unblicked me, but I basically stipped playing then. Eventually we threw out my xbox, because i wasnt using it. I haven't heard of that friend since. Ok, this is too long. Maybe one day I'll write out my whole sad tale, as sad a tale as can reasonably be told by a neurotypical, white, heterosexual male. Middle class. Rich country. academically inclined. Ok, whatever. Hope you enjoy your life, man.
i've been alone for years, only have online friends, but yeah pretty sure the end result of this debilitating loneliness is not going to go well. i am suffering everyday and crave human interaction so much lol
I want to be okay. That is part of the problem because wanting things hurts . Not wanting anything, not caring about anything would give a numbness that I really crave. To stop desperately hoping for better things. I want to be okay, and sometimes I'm not sure that is a good thing...
11:37 this laugh transcends language barriers, it's a laugh with a certain strangely relatable darkness, the thing they call the "laugh of a mad man". I wish I could add some funny ironic meme poggers sentence to follow that up with, but the fact is that this video hit way to close to home.
8:22 "It's like I got to rank 2 of Lazlo's hierarchy of needs. Time to throw in the towel. Rank 3?? MAYBE ONE DAY. But let's not even think about the other one's. We'll stop at 2 out of 5."
Someone give this boy a hug! But yeah community is hard. If you really think about it most communities in history exist either because people already have a shared interest or because they're literally stuck together. So trying to build a community based on just them all being friends is hard, bringing them together around something you all already share and helping all of you get closer can work. Also TIME, A LOT OF TIME. Most people don't wanna involve themselves too much with other people in general but they're willing to do it for someone they've gotten to know and care about and trust for a long time because they feel safe with them. Anyway, these are my rambling thoughts on the subject. Hope you find something that makes you happy in your future! Excited for the jREG arc 2 content!
I used to be content with being by myself but recently Ive made social ventures. I now find myself deathly afraid of the socialships that Ive made and the posibility of losing it all. It's like I knew who I was before better than now and everythings become blurred. I have a growing distain for people's flaws, which includes me now. I just want to finally get rid of all these weights I have looming over my conciousness.
You’re definitely not alone on this one, and I think more and more people are feeling this way over the years. I’m in an interesting place now because I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I went a couple years, especially during the pandemic and my gap year, isolating myself and being content with it. I never felt alone, and I never felt a need to reach out to or meet people. It was only after going to college and being surrounded by lots of people all the time where I ironically felt the most alone I’d ever been. I constantly tried to reach out to people, and failing/feeling alone felt like I was failing at life. I was feeling a lot of new emotions I hadn't felt in years, a lot of disappointment, desperation, anger, hopelessness, and hurt. Mentioning being jealous of the people who could isolate with no issues hit home because I also would get mad at friends I knew were isolating. At first I thought I was being a good friend, but I realized it’s really because I wish I could do the same. I wish I could be how I was before, back when I didn’t care. Back then I didn’t hurt, like I do now. There’s thousands of words I could write giving advice, commentary, or theories about everything here thanks to feeling both sides at some time, but that’s not really the point. The point is you’re not alone in feeling this way, or feeling out of place, which is ironic I know. And at the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of idiots trying for the same goal- being happy, and our struggles to get there are valid, and usually are pretty similar.
I think people latch onto you is because through all the irony, you seem genuine. It doesn't feel filtered to be "comforting" like so many social interaction seems right now. So much of socialization feels so fucking fake and even with a lot of contact this fake contact never seems to satisfy. And tbh for me personally, it sucks in a way to be a little bit crazy and someone that doesn't like changing themselves for something that I feel doesn't make people happy. And that's lonely. And it' can feel like it's so rare finding people who feel the same. And I'm not planning to become less crazy, I'm willing to grow, but I won't change myself for something that doesn't seem to make anymore truly happy. So seeing other people who are little crazy can be really comforting in a way.
This is hilarious because as a extrovert to “introvert” pipeline member myself, i saw my extroversion was actually just an awesome manifestation of my codependency. Since i was so fixated on curing my codependency, i decided to cold turkey on socialization. No social media, no texting people, no spending time with people (to be fair it was the pandemic and i had no friends so that did its thing) and i knew that i was going to fall on the opposite end of the scale before i regulated. 4 years later and im starting to creep from the other side of the scale. The self induced isolation just fed more into the crushing loneliness until it didnt. I could enjoy watching a show or playing a video game on my own. If someone wanted to leave, it was… ok. However now im too lazy to maintain connection. Once triple texting people now i respond every couple days or so. I dont follow through on plans or go out of my way to leave home unless i need to. When im going through a ridiculously sexy depressive episode, its so easy to stay alone because i cant muster to do anything else. Im not really “introverted” but i practice it because its so low maintaining. But now my social needs are neglected and im suffering for it too. Why is it always a battle to be yourself, when none of the versions are working? I know it will eventually work, and achieving the balance of getting out there will be easier but. It should not feel unnatural to have proper social health WE SHOULD ALL KILL OURSELVES NOW! But in seriousness i appreciate the videos you post about yourself. Every video i relate more and more and i hate it, thanks!
i’ve been almost completely isolated other than online stuff for five years. im physically disabled and was forced to do online school at 12. i never got to go meet anyone so after my old friends faded i had nobody left. i’m 17 and let me tell you. it gets to you, it eats at your soul. humans are inherently social, one year of isolation is good for some people but five hurts everyone. i had my parents some people don’t even have that. i know the lack of interaction heavily contributed to my mental health issues and meant i basically have no high school memories and was under constant stress for years. you shouldn’t desire to be entirely self reliant. whether you can or cannot be, it’ll break you.
Thank you for sharing this. My therapist recently told me "isolation" and "solitude" are very different things, and it's been sticking in my head for the past few weeks. I think the angst you've described is VERY reasonable. I'm a stranger on the internet, and I don't have answers, and I don't expect you to have answers either. I'm cheering you on though. Thank you for creating art and thank you again for sharing it.
Feel the same, I live in a very small town, there aren't a lot of young people here and most of them are very closed-minded. It's gotten to the point where being alone is so painfull that I pretend to be my best friend. Sounds pathetic but it actually helps a lot. It's like fostering that voice in your head that healthy people have, that one that tells you that everything will be alright and that you are enough... I've done it for so long that now it's almost automatic, I feel a lot better about myself, I know that even if something bad were to happen at least I have myself, and nothing can take that away from me. I've had a lot of bad things happen in my life, both on a physical and emotional level, despite that I am very hopefull that things can get better even if I am still in a pretty dark period in my life at the moment. Good luck to you all.
I was gonna make a comment about the parasocial thing right before he mentioned it. He's got a lot of people that would be willing to be his friend but it's just not the same as meeting somebody naturally and making friends with them that way. I completely feel that and it's tough.
Wow, your comment about parasocial relationships made me realize, yeah… I think I am missing something in my life. And the reason I was thinking in my head, “Man, jreg would make a good friend” is because everything you said in this video related to me. Shit went south in my life real quick and my extroversion found itself coiling around my neck like a snake at the end of the day. Now, I live a fairly solitary life, but I hate it, yknow? It’s like a cancerous tumor that’s grown on the side of my life and I can’t find a solution to the problem when everyone else around me is so content living with this solidarity. I can’t make friends around here when I try because I don’t have the social skills to even try and I can’t improve those skills when I can’t make friends, and even if I could make friends, your part on practically begging your friends to do music with them reminds me how dependent I become with other people the moment I gain them in my life… which makes me wonder if I really want friends in the first place. I don’t think I wanna be jregs friend, and yeah, my gut reaction is I do want more people in my life, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to properly balance a social life and my own personal life without one bleeding too heavily into the other. I don’t know if it’s something someone else feels, but damn does it sure ring true in my life.
I think it's always like that for people who introspect at all. There are just a lot of people who aren't paying attention to their emotions because they have so much other shit to worry about, so they just ignore them and do whatever is easiest and most convenient in an attempt to keep the feelings at bay. So, if you happen to be the kind of person who naturally introspects, then it just feels like you're completely alone.
The little statement about the character break might be the most meta thing I have ever experienced considering the context and *L A Y E R S O F I R O N Y* of this channel
Whenever i watch something like this i want to say something, but no amount of words can ever seem to covey all the things i want to say. I wrote a couple pages worth of stuff that only began to scratch the surface of what i wanted to say, and without many more pages of context and explanations for those ideas, even that scratching of the surface wouldve only come across as a nonsensical psychotic rant. Alot of the concepts that you discuss are so complex that leaving comments about it seems meaningless at this point. Which is why i understand anyone who would just ignore the comments on something like this or just say a stupid joke down here and move on with their lives.
I'm reminded of the saying "If you could teach an animal English, you still wouldn't understand it", which references the instinct barrier beneath the language barrier. If you have your own framework that doesn't match anyone else's, it's like everyone's another species. You're alone even when around them because there's no real connection. That's where I've always been at. I've tried going mainstream, but there's too much cognitive dissonance there. Better to be alone and genuine than to lie to myself to fit in.
Couldn't have watched this video at the right time! This is something along these lines that's been going on in my head for years; pretty much over a decade for me. Thank you!
Full disclosure: my best friend since middle school committed suicide about a year and a half ago, and you're like a doppleganger of him. Maybe a year or two leading up to when he died he had become really religious and it put a bit of a wedge between us. And he'd been drinking more and more over the years, but I didn't notice the increase because it happened bit by bit. And for like the 6 years before he died I didn't leave my house and we stopped hanging out in person but kept hanging out through gaming. This was completely an issue on my end. I suffered some physical things that completely destroyed my self-confidence, and I tried to open up about them, and I think he would have been understanding, but I didn't want to weigh him or anyone else down because I perceived him as doing great and going after the life he wanted. I was just so drained too. I wanted to rebuild the foundation of my mental and physical because I was so destroyed that I felt like it didn't matter if I failed because I'd just kms if I did. So I just gave very little of myself out to the world during this time, to ANYONE. It was the complete opposite of my entire life leading up to that point, because I used to not be able to say "no" to anything and I'd put myself out helping out others neglecting my own health and comfort. But I still, almost 2 years later, think about him every single day. If I had realized there was even the possibility he would take his own life I would have found a way to intervene and make sure he had hope for the future. He was a great person that cared a lot about other people, and there was a reason I gave the little of myself I still had left to give, to him during those 6 years when we gamed together. If I could have snapped my fingers and fixed all my problems and rebuilt myself to make it so I could hang out more irl and actually enjoy it with him I would have. But irl interaction during that time was just painful and draining. And it had nothing to do with him or anyone else. I was just gone man. I had nothing. Everything was stressful to me. I couldn't be who I was anymore. But I still loved him of course. All this is to say that I think the atomization of many people is a phase, at least in my case. I don't want to be locked away from the rest of the world. I just don't want to put my burdens on others. And maybe that's stupid of me to try to do. And maybe he'd still be here if I didn't try to do that. I don't know. But I see so much of my friend in you, minus the drinking problem, and I don't want you to suffer the same fate because I see you and I see the great value you give to the world. The crying reminds me so much of my time during those 6 years. I literally felt myself letting go of these deeply ingrained dreams and beliefs about the world that used to bring me such joy, and that would be accompanied by sobbing dread. I still feel closed off. I don't know if I can just turn on full openness because, exactly as you point out, I feel this maybe irrational distrust to being fully open and vulnerable with others. I don't feel like I was a person that got screwed over a lot but maybe I was? The thing though is I think I could have been fully open and vulnerable with him, and I deeply regret not being so. Maybe it could have saved him. I got scared and maybe it was some greed too. I know I need to work on this about myself. If you want to talk on discord or a phonecall sometime lmk. I know exactly the ride-or-die friendship you're talking about. I had that with him. I don't want our kind to go this way. I'm trying my best and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. Thanks for being open about this, I feel like you're articulating what a lot of "introverts" go through to become the way they are.
Nobody will see this, but I'll be vulnerable for a second... I've always been fairly extroverted, It was easy to make friends, and I made a lot of them. Joined communities. Fit inside cliques. Had a few ride-or-die friends. Several years ago I had to move to another state for family reasons. And I rarely, if ever, talk to those friends anymore. They're just gone. I haven't made a new friend since. I also haven't tried to either. I often wonder if they think about me, because I think about them. But then I think they don't, because unlike me they're still living a social life. Because of this, I absorbed myself into my online relationships. I tried to force a co-dependent relationship, and when it inevitably failed, I lashed out and lost those friends. But honestly, I think that was one of the best things to happen to me. I was so obsessed and convinced that if I didn't have friends to talk to, the isolation would literally kill me. But instead I learned to just exist with myself. I learned to love myself before I love others. To not make my happiness someone else's responsibility. I still haven't made a new IRL friend, I still haven't tried. I feel like now that I'm okay being in the same room as myself, it's time to work on the things I've been ignoring. And when it's time, I'm sure those relationships will find me.
Genuinely teared up watching this because I've had every one of these questions since I was old enough to conceive of them. I don't have much family and so trying to break through that wall you describe has been really rough. I'm sorry you go through it but thank you for making this video
Man. It has been a long time since jregs last upload. I was afraid that he was doing well mentally.
Same!
Perfectly put.....
Although I feel like this was actually really sincere and I'm kinda actually worried now.....
@@mihailmilev9909 I have seen too much from Jreg to trust, or even know anything.
Had me worried that he wasnt going through some serious personal issues
I've spent 4 years in complete isolation, programming in a tiny room, to a point where I was barely able to form a full sentence without really focussing on it after this time.
I prefer being alone on a day-to-day basis and I didn't feel lonely during this time.
But always being alone had huge detrimental effects on mental health - losing grip on reality and mental fog - and I realized that long term happiness would require making connections with people.
It's socialize or perish.
i like your videos
Omfg it's Kaze 😮😍
I'm glad you spoke on this. I'm entering my career now and I'm aiming towards specializing in game programming, but I was seriously worried the detriment being inside all day would have on me. It's only occuring to me now that busy schedules are an excuse, and you make time for the things you care about. I'm finding ways to stay in touch with people and see them often while also getting work done, and it's been pretty productive.
Man, I had that speech problem as well for those reasons, I wish people could understand
hi!! i'm happy to see content creators that make very different content commenting on each other's videos. And a thoughtful, vulnerable response
Had a homie who I hung out with once every 3-4 months over the course of like 3 years, literally every time we hung out it ended up with us sitting on my tailgate just talking about life. He was super "extroverted" and hung out with others like him. Went to his college graduation and he was super stoked to see me and told me his roommates didn't even show up, it was just me and his mom. He told me he always thought we weren't as good of friends because we didn't hang out as much as him and the other guys. That right there was a lesson that being around other people isn't enough to constitute "making connections".
Moving to ottawa soon for another fresh start at life. Hope to come across you out in the wild one day.
He realized you were a real friend. I hope yall are still connected.
^ I second the above statement.
I'm probably gonna jerk off to this
I think you got that wrong being around people is all that actually matters is the moral of that story be around or fade into obscurity people are simple we start with lack of object permanence and it never really gets that great
_The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters_ - Nietzsche
Too true
Sounds like a cope from a man who died alone. Nietzsche failed to even live up to the loftiness he outlined.
@@Humunculus540 seems pretty simple. being lonely can (even moreso than a non-lonely) make you want to not be lonely. makes sense to me at least. seems like you just wanna call Nietzsche gay or whatever but that's cool too
That point you made about parasocial relationships really hit home. It’s so good having a friend like you!
Wait a min…
yes
so true bestie
He is my friend not yours grr
@@noeestrada7910 you didn't realize you were sharing him with the rest of us, did you?
However you may feel, more people than you could ever imagine past, present and future have felt that way too. There’s a togetherness behind every lonely moment, a universality to all of our specific struggles. One day at a time, a sometimes horrible yet always true comfort❤️
I do not think that is comforting at all.
@@rampantmutt9119 i think joel is just trying to point out that, countless others have experienced this in the past, and have been able to overcome it. and if you're in the place that jreg seems to be mentally, it's very easy to think that all hope is lost and that no one understands how you're feeling. which makes it much worse. at least keeping it in your conscious mind that it's possible to overcome these feelings or find a solution is helpful. more helpful than wallowing in sorrow
@@rampantmutt9119 I think it is:
A shared experience of pain reverberates through the walls we put up, and when someone asks about why there's a strange hue to them, you may tell them, and they'd nod back knowing what it means. Their wall has a strange hue too, they wanted to know if it was really the same thing.
Even in dreams there's a shared memory and surreal.
Suffering will happen either way, just being comforted in the knowledge that we're all falling down an unending waterfall: brotherhood is forged through shared experienced and the accents of struggle bring it all together - even if it's hazy like a heavy fog to see it, it's there.
Joel you're such a cool dude
@@rampantmutt9119 It can feel comforting to know that one's struggles aren't "weird", because that implies that it's not something they should feel any shame over. People can sometimes feel like they're holding themselves back from meeting the social standards that society has, but that's often not really true
This video is like looking into a mirror and I hate it. I was less horrified thinking I was the only one suffering with this. But for real though, thanks for making me feel slightly less alone with this struggle. It makes me hate myself a little less knowing that other people also feel a little gaslit by society. "Humans are social creatures" and in the same breath "you should be totally content alone and isolated from others"
the fact that there are so many people with this same issue means that it's likely the only thing preventing people from having meaningful friendships is the knowledge of who is willing to be a part of them and the courage to try for it.
This video only made me feel far worse because the only way I've been able to get by for the past forever has been through deluding myself or having others delude me into believing the reality which jREG has put forth is not, in fact, a reality; lying about my own feelings on the matter has kept me alive and this is the first time someone else has expressed the exact same thing I've been thinking, and trying not to think, this whole time.
@@silly_on_ same
This video helped me realise how important Jreg is as an artist unironically. He's been criticising (and desperately yelling for something better) the social malaise that pervades culture (especially that of Zoomers), for half a decade now at least.
It's so weird seeing this channel progress. It's so impossible to predict, because Jreg always seems to be breaking barriers he's set up for himself.
I wish you the best. I can't tell what type of person you are, but you are one of my favourite artists on the internet.
Yep. That last sentence pretty much sums it up for me.
yes
Same. Keyword: "artists". I hope that one day Greg will be recognized for his achievements
This perfectly encapsulates how I feel towards him lmao
I think most people aren't actually happy about the lack of community in our overly individualistic & indulgent Western society, but are coping instead. Not coping is the first step. This video is actually brave, a different brand of brave than what we usually see these days. Major props, had my serious face on the whole time watching. I found a great community thru-hiking myself
This! We are social creatures and need friends and community. People just find ways to be distracted or socialize through internet. But sooner or later the isolation takes its toll.
@@joshy-noha exactly. how long can this last?
Individualism doesn't erase social interaction, it just removes more of the obligation. Listen if you feel like you're in pain and coping, go do something about it. What's stopping you? The fact there's no pre-established structures that force others to be around and tolerate you or they risk facing shame and exile? That's what you need to not be alone?
@@dopaminecloud yes
american individualism is part of it
I moved to Canada in the middle of the pandemic and was so deeply alone. It's hard to even describe. I'd go days without talking to anyone. As an extrovert, it was pure pain being caught in a Pokeball without any friends or warmth. I did a lot of what you mentioned, journaling hundreds of pages, running, going on walks, listening to sad music, etc. Trying to be ok with loneliness.
I found that even with all the productivity I could achieve, it felt meaningless without someone to share it with. When I sat by myself every day at the dining halls every day and watched as everyone grouped together, I felt more alone than ever. I thought there was something I desperately needed to change or something I did wrong. I'm still not sure what it was.
There were a few experiences that stuck out as some of the most desperately lonely. One of which, I ended up writing a post on the school subreddit about how lonely I was. Some people reached out asking if I wanted to meet up.
When I accepted most of them left me on read- one person did show up with their friend, but all they were extremely rude and brought their friend who mocked me for the post.
Another experience, was when a person tried picking food off of my plate at the dining hall. I asked them to kindly fuck off, and they sat down one table away from me with a group of friends. They genuinely pointed and laughed at me. As a group. While I ate alone.
I think this pushed me over the edge of solitude. I stopped being productive. Stopped going to classes. Stopped eating at the dining hall. Eventually stopped eating. I was calling people from high school every day to "catch up", but they stopped responding to my constant calls. I'm not a particularly emotional guy (hell, I've never even been to therapy), but this month or so I was crying every single day.
I think there is a bright side here.
I'd been lonely for years at this point- and I'd moved across the country multiple times to start fresh and meet new people. I thought after the second time, it wasn't the place that was an issue, it was me. To end with a bit of optimism, I moved a third time; across the country again.
After this final move, I started to feel a part of a community for the first time. I'm not able to effortlessly jigsaw my way into a social group like a lot of people. But at least I'm meeting like-minded people that treat me with the respect I deserve. It honestly has a lot more to do with luck than "what I was doing wrong", and that is a pretty comforting feeling.
Anyways, to all the lonely people- you aren't alone.
Holy shit pal. Let me hug you. This story sounds genuinely sad, and I'm really glad that you are doing better now
Bruh this literally me rn
This has been going for years tho
I don't know how if it's fixable
or even if I care to fix it at this point
It's unfortunate that this is not talk about enough but this it's a big culture shock. Making friends in Canada it's probably complicated
I respect you for sharing such a painful personal experience on the internet
I'm so sorry. I care. and I feel lonely asl rn. it honestly sucks so bad. I am thinking of you. seriously.
You've just vocalized everything that's been going on in my mind for so long. I hate that we have to feel this way
the main problem I've been facing is people already having their own establishmed friend groups and me not knowing if I'll ever fit in 🥲 it feels so uncomfortable trying to make yourself part of something when u feel like they might not like you
@@rosieroise5870 I find it helps if you occasionally just engage with said friend group little by little, seeing if there's any resistance to you being there, potentially trying to resolve it but if not there's always others.
It's important sometimes not to try too hard to appear likeable
I greatly admire your work but won't pretend to know you. I hope you feel better soon
Insanely healthy response
I had a feeling peach boy was watching jREG as well, you dirty little centrist.
I did a similar thing last year, went from not really talking to people (mostly due to social anxiety) to regularly reaching out to others, trying to get to meet up, do phone calls, anything that is more social interaction than just a couple text messages a week. And I noticed how people just really didn't want to. Even trying to be more vulnerable and opening up more didn't help. I wasn't pushy and didn't make people feel guilty about not wanting to interact more, but there's just so much rejection a guy can take. It's left me feeling very disillusioned with the people around me, because I had wanted my ride or die friends so bad. I was willing to do so many things in exchange . And it hurts. I'm fine being alone but this doesn't feel healthy.
I'm grateful you made this video because I was starting to feel like I am insane for for wanting community and people around me. But it seems there's more people who share similar sentiments than I thought
why do you people not do some voluntary social work where you get to meet more people and help those in need
@@vivvy_0 i think that's the same point that jreg was making about forming parasocial relationships with people who have no friends. it's equally unhealthy. it can feel like you're taking advantage of people, which is ironically contributing to the problem of loneliness.
what you really want is for complete people to willingly WANT to hang out with you instead of feeling guilty or indebted bc you volunteered your time, and they feel like they should pay you back. it shouldn't be a trade. i can trade things at the Wal-Mart down the street and feel no more closeness to anyone when I walk out as when I walked in.
this is a much deeper issue that stems from people not having a medium to relate to each other through. Our old medium was how useful one is to another, and then trading those uses. but as we've advanced in technology, it's easier to isolate than ever. you don't need to rely on your neighbors to survive like you do in a tribe. you both have a house and there is an implied agreement that you should be taking care of yourself. so even suggesting that you should "join a community" seems offensive or even shameful.
it's a contradiction that can cause anxiety and depression. humans have evolved as individuals (as opposed to a collective consciousness), but we've also evolved as social animals. you want to have meaning, but can only do that with other people who increasingly don't want you to interact with them.
the way forward is uncertain, but my advice is to do w/e you can to bring mutual closeness and understanding between people no matter how it makes you feel. focus on the goal more than the problems of social alienation. change what you can, and learn to accept what you can't. part of this is accepting that life is hard, so you must reinforce anything that makes the task of living life less hard during those times. if that is volunteering for you, then go for it.
@@lonniejackson4225 yep
>Maybe< you're just not that likable to them. That doesn't necessarily mean that something's wrong with you, maybe you're too good in some aspects? People usually don't like to feel inferior. Or maybe you're just weird, I dunno.
@@lonniejackson4225 i meant you meet other voluntary workers to befriend and connect with, but even those in need could be potentialy rich in personality beside what issue makes them need your help you know? but that's just a theory.. A GAME--
i hope nobody reads this, im just putting into words that i cant say to anybody, but this video really hits home in me
I used to be very lonely, but i didnt know how lonely i was till i got some friends, friends that i hang out almost everyday for 5 years
Now, i dont talk to them for months. Something changed and i dont know why. I think they realise im just a shit person.
So i was alone again, except that now i cant be alone anymore. Is so painful, it hurts everytime i think about it, every night, every day. I just start thinking "I wish i could be playing this game with..." and i just stop. i go to bed and put music, trying not to cry for hours. Trying not to think about them.
This video helped. I realise i dont want to be alone, i could but i dont want to. I dont want to be the guy i was 5 years ago.
So im starting to meet people again. Not afraid of being hurt in the process.
Thank you.
Thanks for this video.
6:51 "People are are too painful, it is too painful to be around people"
This is me for the past 5 years, I haven't given up on people but sometimes it feels like it is close to that point
I feel you. I went through multiple phases of spending time with people who i just didn't have good chemistry with, and after leaving those groups i realized being alone felt less lonely than being with them. But finding even one or two of the right friends completely outweighs any number of acquaintances who would have made you feel like you had to chase them down for just an ounce of their time. (Not assuming that's what you're going thru, but it was a recurring theme in the video)
That part about other people not being ride or die really hits. You think you found some people who are down as fuck and then the weekend hits, and no one responds and they're all gone and you realize it was just convenience. Maybe you have some optimism that it was just this weekend. And then next weekend hits. And the next one. Like a controlled demolition in ultra slow motion.
and that honestly seems like best case scenario, plenty of people are just assholes, at least people like that are generally pretty chill
A lot of this stuff needs some push n pull. If you find you're always the one doing all the planning and you see little results, consider asking what people actually wanna do instead of making propositions for them to react to. Might be easier to find where the true common ground lies. (and it'll be very telling if they can't come up with a single thing they'd like to do with you lol)
Or you think you've made friends but turns out they just wanna bang you and don't care about you as a person.
That’s the worst. When they’re nice people but it seems like they never wanna hang out.
Love this, shows how cyclical isolation is in the modern day. The more people that give up on socializing the harder it is for people to socialize. This part of history will most definitely be interesting
It’ll “definitely be interesting” if the world is still fucking AROUND
but yeah no i agree
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 i yelled at you in the other comment but this reminded me you’re a human being just like me with a life, you sound a wonderful human being, with simply different experiences than me that has led to a different conclusion about how to live your life.
I wish we had like a renaissance period in contemporary America like Japan did during their Edo period when all the wars were over, because there was nowhere for the money to go, they just threw all their resources into schooling and knowledge and taught everyone how to perform medical procedures, arithmetic, and linguistics.
It'd be kind of cool if during our anti social period in America, we use it to become better people like how we heard stories about how some people during Covid lockdowns, taught themselves how to cook or how to ride a bicycle/swim/kickbox.
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 "steal someone's girlfriend."
You obviously have good will and a strong sense of ethics. I'm sure that does wonders for your social life.
It's alienation under capitalism. That's why everyone feels miserable and loveless.
That bit about Maszlow's hierarchy is great. You have got the zeitgeist under your words right here. Paschal said “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” And it feels like humanity has been coping with that same environment, same feeling, since he said it.
As someone who appeared as a "cold person who doesn't need humans in their life", I can say as cold and aloof as I may've been, I was soooo lonely and just didn't want to face it, I would just distract myself from it in my little cube with my little computer screen, and the moment I can't do that anymore and i'm forced to be alone with my thoughts, the loneliness really hits very hard, hell I even related to most of what you said J.
In my experience, I can say it just all stems from a fear of rejection, shame and lack of confidence probably originating from childhood stuff.
When people like you approached me (which was very rare) i'd get all defensive and just convince myself I don't need them, because I'd rather be alone than face rejection and shame, because then i won't get hurt, and now it looks like this is the approach you're adopting as well I guess.
When you see people like me you envy us for being so independent (we aren't), conversely, when I see people like you, I envy them for not having any complex holding them back from socializing.
Despite yearning for that interaction, to be part of a community you can trust and where your whole potential will be unleashed, I pushed people like you away because I was afraid and I was also jealous, ironically you get jealous of my "independence" as well.
Ironically we're all more alike than you think we are.
But after realizing all this, I guess I got character development, I try to be more vulnerable and appreciate when people make the first step and try to build something meaningful because now I understand that it's not always easy even for you who seem like social butterflies.
I appreciate your efforts, and I hope you can be more patient with people and know that man is by nature a social animal. If I had to give you advice to feel better and upgrade from this, I'd say start looking at people who confuse you with empathy, they're not as strong as you think they are.
I hope you come across this lol either way it felt nice to vent.
And if anyone read this essay.
wow.
Thanks.
You've articulated what I haven't been able to for a good while
Thank you for that
I wish you the best in your own journey towards fulfilment, both in solo and co-op mode
@@larry5068 wow and thank YOU for actually reading all that lol I'm only ever articulate while writing, most of the time I have difficulties articulating what I think too
thank you for putting this out there. it takes balls (or boobs if your a girl) to be vulnerable like that especially on the internet 😅 good luck with life.
you made me smile :)
@@skullettee thank you xDD
"i'm tired of being bitter and angry about abstract concepts"
-jregular 2023
this makes for a good meditation mantra
yeah..no point being pissed at shit you can't change. Happiness is a choice, not some guarantee. Things not being the way you want them to be isn't a problem with the outside world, it's a internal issue with one's own expectations.
Does grabbing a sharpie and scribbling "I don't think the world is accepting constructive criticism right now" over and over on my bathroom mirror count as meditation?
I feel like it has never worked out for me to have a mantra that includes the words "I'm tired", because after many repetitions, that's where I always end up.
I am tired. I'm tired of a lot of things. But more than that, deep in my soul, I am tired. I am exhausted. I am tired.
The fact you can be this open about your emotions and still what I consider 'popular' and accepted by modern people is honestly inspirational to me.
i think it's because he's lived in it. his self awareness and meta-irony signals a deep familiarity with the territory he operates in, and shields him from the cringe of pure sincerity
he isn't a boomer preaching hollow "phone bad" critiques from a distance. the problems is on a massive and incomprehensible scale, and the consequences and solutions have yet to be fully realized. he's in the midst of it, still finding his way through like the rest of us
@@user-rf1wp3sb2i phome bad though. it shortens attention spans and shit
Is it a thing that people can't talk about how they feel? It seems like all I hear is people talking about that.
@@DiogenesNephew Never real compromising insecurity kind of emotions
@@KoalaProductions Heh. I cannot relate.
Problem is people in communities hurt each other - when you opt for loneliness it’s like opting to hurt yourself on your own terms
i also went through the flip from introvert to extrovert. this dude is spitting facts, it was already upsetting being alone all the time, but now to be actively reaching out and coordinating only to find that these connections don’t last AND that people really don’t even want them?? i’m fine with my computer now 😭
realizing this is like precisely what the issue is. perhaps i’m not content alone, but resigned
It's like a vicious cycle. It's always a vicious cycle. Seeking out company, figuring it's to much to deal with, seeking it out again because you feel like a failure otherwise somehow.
I didn't think CZcams celebreties could ever be lonely in the slithest. They all seem so healthy and regular.
CZcams celebrities are the only people I look up to! They must be living the Ideal Life™
im very unreasonably upset at the people who wouldn't play music with you and its made me cry
to be fair what self respecting musician listens to what he's made and goes ah yeah, i gotta get in on that
@@seventeenraccoonsinatrenchcoat That's not fair
had musician friends, don't recommend it. speaking as a musician.
@@seventeenraccoonsinatrenchcoat a cool one that's who
@@0DTEVIXCALLS yeah bro didnt you hear leftist unity? Musical mind of a generation right there
I think it's actually very rare to be someone who genuinely doesn't need anyone. I'm generally content with being alone as it's just normal at this point. I can entertain myself for days on end with no issue but every now and again a really deep, visceral, existential realization of how truly disconnected and alone I am from the world around me hits me like a bag of bricks to the face. In a lot of ways I would want change in my life but either due to a profound lack of motivation, an intense dread of change or a mix of both I can never bring myself to do it.
How are you disconnected from the world?
Thank you for writing the emotions i couldnt put into words myself.
As someone who's had some chronic pain for about 6 years now I think it's effects are very similar to loneliness. It starts out in your face, you are highly conscious of it and how it's changing your life, then as the things you try to mitigate it or cure it doesn't work all the way or at all, your body begins to numb it. If you 'tune' in, through the radio static you can feel it but, rather than be swarmed with it constantly, your mind accepts it as reality. so now, this once very visible force becomes invisible, it still effects you, but you learn to subconsciously ignore it which, means it seeps into all aspects of your life, where you walk, how you walk, what activities you avoid, etc. It's only when there's a moment of relief do you realize what state you were in previously, -it's nefarious that way.
Have to admit that I want to interact with this genuinely but it's jreg so who knows
Assuming this is one of those rare genuine moments, I have never felt so heard and understood in my life. For 17 minutes everything I have lamented for the past few years of my life was put on the screen. I too feel crushed by the lack of genuine community in the modern world and the need for human connection. I'm... fine? On my own? But far from flourishing. I hate it just as much as you seem to. I sympathize. Thanks for putting it into a video, and giving voice to it.
I'm pretty sure he isn't joking about almost everything in the video. I personally believe that the only things that are never trustworthy is what he types (unless it's facts) the rest he does believe in or he isn't sure if he believes in. It's the same with his 'i want(ed) to die' video, he basically admits that he is always trying new concepts of reality and believe by trying them out. Sometimes it's hard to know what you believe and hard to understand why others always seem so sure, what do they know that makes them so sure?
i have faith in you. thank you for being here
this resonates so hard. I feel so much lonelier when I actually get to know other people
i get this
I cried :')
I don't think i perceive this video in a parasocial relationship way, but as a form of art that corelates with my emotions. I get the fear of creating parasocial relationships for people, but i think that a lot of people want really deeply to form connections with people but for many reasons they feel like they can't, and seeing people who are similar to them, or who are feeling a similar way to them helps them feel less lonely and miserable. It still doesn't fill in that need of connection - a real life relationship still provides a lot more comfort. So I think connecting with people expressing their emotions online, if its not mistaken as something else, is a good thing and it's way better than parasocial relationships with fictional characters or celebrities.
I think that people who've always felt that they didn't belong are especially self-aware. I can really relate to that and I can also relate to feeling like I can change any part of me if I want to fit my environment. I think that comes with self-awarness mixed with ambition and caring a lot.
When I went to highschool, I tried really hard to be friendly, talkative and to make people like me, just because I didn't want people to think that I am quiet, strange, or boring. I was hoping that if I put myself out there more, people will like me for who I am, but i think that in doing that, the person i was putting out wasn't really me. Also, I think people can tell when you're being desperate and they get scared by that. Human connection is also a very personal thing so it's obvious you won't connect with everyone. But when you really want it and try really hard, and it doesn't happen, it makes you sad and you try to see your faults in the failure, because you have this sense in you that you can change yourself completely - while the reason might've laid with the other person or the circumstances. Maybe you didn't even want to form a connection with that specific person, and people can tell when you're not being genuine.
Recently, i've learned it the hard way that if you force yourself too hard to make friends and change for them, you can get yourself into relationships that make you feel miserable, and once you're in too deep it will make you feel even worse to cut them off. Your dedication to the other person out of the desire to connect with them, if not recipricated, may be seen as a reason for them to look down at you, not take you seriously and take you for granted.
That's why I think pushing yourself too hard is harmful and you should always have a sense of yourself and your needs in the other person to form healthy relationships. I think the best relationships are the ones that you don't force but they form throughout time, out of your similarities and chemistry together, similar goals, interests, ways of talking etc. Always make sure the other person gives you the attention you give them before getting closer. Respect yourself as much as you respect others.
That's why I think your main goal should always be to be happy. You feel lonely today? Get yourself out there, reach out to some people. People made you feel bad? Do something fun by yourself, or talk to other people. You think belonging to a community would make you happy? Sign up for extra classes, join a club, just don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. Find a lot of things that make you happy and make you feel good, do them. Put yourself out there, experiment a little bit, but know yourself, accept failures and remember that your job is to make yourself happy. Sometimes you can fail with that and that's okay too!
Anyways, lately i've been feeling extremely lonely for many reasons and i think realising those things did make me feel better sometimes. I think it's the best to accept where you are now, prioritise your own happiness and your goals that don't depend on other people, and then get out there. You will find people who understand you and who you understand eventually. At least I really hope that's how it works.
To any lonely person reading this, you are AMAZING and somewhere deep down YOU KNOW WHY, you just have to let yourself think that way, and someday you WILL meet someone who will make you feel that way, and will appreciate you for all the things YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ARE.
I LOVE YOU ALL and if you think you can manifest any change on yourself, JUST MANIFEST YOU BEING HAPPY AND CAPABLE AND AWESOME PLEASE
Oh god reading this is my life story. Stop it hurts too much lol. Thank you for writing this though this is very comforting to know there are people out there struggling like me.
man thank u for writing it out
Thanks for writing this it helped a ton
replying so i can come back to this
Thank you. This was really nice to hear
If evangelion was a person
OMG. I just realized Jreg is mirroring my sentiments from 10 years ago, before the pandemic, about the hollowing out of interpersonal connection that I felt then. It's a real thing. I've hit that point Jreg's talking about, where I'm content in my cube with my computer screen, but it sucks. There's no one else. I have a friend who may come by every few months. I have a friend who plays games online with me. That's it. That's my whole social strata outside of family, and even in that circle there's only three humans. Five people, in the whole world, who will acknowledge my existence irregularly. But a lot of this is my fault, I'm assuming.
"I want to learn how to live alone in a dark room." You shouldn't have to. Our inherently natural social contracts have been broken to make people more pliable. News and authority preach distrust of others. Tribalism runs rampant, because the need for community and social acceptance is left unfulfilled. There is no *true* social fulfilment to be found in a computer screen, or in a discord call, or over a cell phone line, so even with this tribalism and having their "community", people are still feeling alone and the disconnect creates anger, sadness and despair. This is all incredibly useful if you're a multi-billion dollar corporation willing to sell "solutions" to these feelings in the form of product or ideas. It's all useful if you're a powerful figure or entity who needs the communities they serve to remain distrustful of each other so extracting value from the people and land is easy and carries little threat of challenge. It's not useful if you're a human who just wants to happily exist, have friends and do some work.
I'm not sure if it was Epicurus, but there was a greek philosopher whose philosophy ultimately boiled down to something like "The greatest possible pursuit any human may undertake is the search for happiness. What is needed for happiness is simple: Good food, good friends, good drink, livable shelter and purpose (work)." The systems we humans have engineered around ourselves are rapidly destroying all four of those happiness recipe ingredients. Food quality, at least in the US, is awful. See above paragraph for why friends are becoming more scarce and harder to find. We're actively poisoning, selling off or draining all our clean water sources. Do I need to go into why housing is hard to get? As far as work goes, I'm fairly certain the original intent was for there to be fulfilling work, labors of the hand or mind that align with the values and desires of the laborer, that make them feel accomplished. How many people feel fulfilled in their jobs? How many people pick up hobbies, creative labors, or whatever, to find that feeling of accomplishment that is lacking from the work they do to make enough currency to survive?
We, humanity, as a whole, are collectively cutting our roots from the soil of happiness in pursuit of growing GDP. It really doesn't have to be like this, but the effectiveness of psychological manipulation when you want to control a population or make money from them is something the wealthy and powerful won't ignore, so our communities will be fractured apart, people will adopt the "trust no one" mindset and the prevailing opinions and propaganda will normalize the move away from humanity to corporate cash farm.
this was the most profound comment i have read in a long time, thanks!
Preach
Preach man. Maybe this is the end
Damn straight my dude, damn straight.
This man wrote a book on a JrEg video.
I needed this, really helped me realize what an arsehole I've been to my friends when they've wanted to hang out with me, but because I've been chasing bettering myself relentlessly. I stopped the video midway through and apologized to a few of them. Thank you for saving some of my precious friendships.
props to you bro! (or not bro?).
@@horchatatee5407 I apologized, and a couple said they didn't notice while others said that it was okay. I'm glad I caught myself before it got bad :))
Good for you man, ive lost a friend who acted like this and was way too distant and cold, justifying it as "well you know that i dont like going out" 🗿🗿🗿
So you're saying I'm susceptible to becoming a cult member
It's all fun and games being the cult member, but the money is in being the cult leader lol
I mean man cmon. You set out to become "extroverted" without any nuance or balance. Its one thing to want to have more friends and connexions. But deciding to "become extroverted 100%" is seting yourself up for failure. If you do it like so, you set a goal. If you set a goal, your will be upset whenever you fail at the goal. In this case, you punish yourself everytime you dont talk to someone or has no plans for your weekend. Of course you cant be around pepole all the time jreg, even if they like you pepole get busy. But trying to make yourself more extroverted as a goal, rather than a way of being happier is just not gona be a healthy thing. Case on point, you mentioned being jealous. Jealousy is not a natural emotion you feel because of failure. Its an emotion you feel as a consequence of your mindset and what you project that you "should" be in a forceful way. Like often, you still have self punishing reflexes even tough your only priority should be your own hapiness. In this case, simply reaching a balance. Having more interactions that makes you happy while knowing things aren't wrong if you dont.
im like you. i just got out of a year long relationship n suddenly all my other relationships seem to be fallin apart too. over quarantine i loved being alone, i love playin stupid ol video games, watching movies, taking long baths, yada yada. now it just feels lonely. i recently got into another relationship not intending it to be a rebound, it lasted a month before he left and i hate being alone so much now. i hate it because i feel like im only alone because i cant find anyone to genuinely want me, to love me. i dont wanna have one of those stupid cubes where we rub genitals together n are the only people in my own world but i also dont wanna be stuck in this cube alone because this is torture. i wanna be young n stupid n in love, but being "in love" was lonely. and being without it is also lonely.
thinking is suffering czcams.com/video/1aGq2ZLORxI/video.html
@@mtrisi And we wouldn't want to suffer, now would we?
This is without a doubt the video in all of the internet that has hit the closest to me. I never thought someone could describe this state so accurately, but I guess is kind of comforting that I'm not the only one feeling like this, not that it will ever solve anything.
You just need to experience _that one person_ who will enable you to be completely and purely yourself around them without fear (source: my life)
The real trick is that it's super hard to be in community with people when you're not ok with being yourself alone. I did the same "will yourself into extraversion" thing as Jreg in my early 20s, found it hollow and unfulfilling, and spent a good couple years being an introvert and getting to a place of liking myself. Now, over the last year or so, I don't feel like I have to work to find community at all. I just go out in the world, ok with who I am alone, and be that, and it turns out that's something people respond to.
People can tell, even subconsciously, when you're not ok with who you are. That's why you end up still feeling lonely despite having friends; you're not even really letting them know you so much as the "extraverted you" that desperately wants community.
I had the same reaction about his 'i want(ed) to die' video best piece of art i have ever watched!!
@@VerbDoesStuff that's not healthy people say
@@vivvy_0 Well, the long term goal is to eventually be able to find more people, or just have the bravery to be yourself in front of more people.
Industrial revolution and its consequences
As someone who grew into an extrovert over the pandemic, this video keeps resonating with me.
The idea that I should be happy by myself while wanting desperately to be anything but. Having friends who love that I always organize everything, but who never step up to do the same, or who don't even want me to be around. Wondering why I'm the one who desperately needs to be around people while everyone else is happy with their lives.
I had imagined a lot of potential directions for jREG's channel. Snapping back to a form of authenticity was one of them. I was not expecting this to be relatable that much.
I hope I will find the strength and fight our alienation.
Our alien nation is not an adversary such that we must fight. It is a critical friend with which we have yet to really rub elbows.
I heard somebody say once that Maslow’s heirarchy of needs aren’t like skill tiers in a video game that have to be “completed” fully and in that specific order to get to the top. You can work on all of them at once or skip some and come back to them later. Even if you can meet that social need by talking to your parents or siblings, that can be enough to prevent you from dying of social starvation and allow you to work on other stuff if you want.
More of a Jenga tower, really...
This piece of "confessional" art really moved me in a powerful and personal way and it has motivated me to reach out to the people around me and try to meet new people. And i didn't realize it had an effect on me until just now. Thank you jregular
Please do more of these videos. It's the only thing keeping me sane because I can't find anyone else I can relate to any better than you.
It’s incredible how scrolling through the comment section you could just feel the genuineness of it. It’s full of people that are hurting or have been hurting in the past, trying to lifting everyone else up and it really helps restore your faith in the world
I cried pretty fucking hard at how beautifully relatable this is. I'm currently having a similar internal debate.
You probably won't read this, but I felt the need to actually take the time for once (dont take this as me viewing you as a best friend or in some creepy way)... it felt like you were expressing my thoughts clearly and concisely, and I can't express how much I genuinely appreciate you pushing through the tears and vulnerability it took to make this. You're giving a voice to the many people silently struggling, and it's a worthwhile pursuit.
I love you all, and please don't give up. As someone whos been basically alone for 10 years, it gets better. The world needs good people like yourselves who give a shit and push the world slowly forward, despite seemingly unending incompetence and corruption.
i really resonated with your video. youre not the only one who wants community and feels discouraged by peoples self isolation. the active ones who give energy to connect with others but feel lonely, i dont think it is a curse. i see it like a painful blessing. we give our energy to the world to make it spin, to give warmth to others and cheer. i do think one day we can find each other, find the others who are emotionally vulnerable and brave and are ride or die. i believe it 🌊🩵
Trying not to be too parasocial here but, I genuinely appreciate this video. I feel so crazy thinking stuff like this all the time. Seeing someone else say this stuff is reassuring.
I think a lot of introvert identified people are affraid of real connection because it leads to the feeling you describe of needing other people. If you dont care for people then you dont have to face rejection or neglect. Finding a community is hard because it requires some vulnerability from everyone and many people are afraid of that. Still i dont think giving up and submitting to being alone forever works out either, but its hard to keep trying when it feels like a losing battle
The sediment of the sould as jreg put it
As an introvert, nah not really. I have told and formed deep bonds with some people but really I do just like to be alone.
Maslow's hierarchy is hogwash. You can't slow me down, lack of meaningful human connection. I'll reach self actualization without you. Just try and stop me. Just try.
Dude I feel your pain and I know it feels like everyone's going insane but please don't give up I promise there are people out there who do have robust networks of close friends+community. I felt exactly like you like 8 years ago and I nearly died but today things are better than I'd ever hoped for
what changed?
Yeah what changed?
@@JAKE-ng8yrsince i also have my notifications turned off and don't reply to comments I'll take the liberty of suggesting that they found one of the robust social networks they mentioned along with a sense of community and purpose.
I don't know though, it's possible that they've found a way to transcend into nirvana and they're not longer corporeal enough to reply.
@@SineN0mine3 I think he just has comments off lol. But I am starting to get it. It turned way better for me these past months
I feel exactly as you feel, i slowly deteriorate when im alone, I NEEED social connection. I need closeness with people outside my family, and it sucks so much when even friends that youd consider your brothers arent willing to hang out just because they dont have the energy to spend time with people. I have to respect them and their right to be alone if they dont wanna spend time with people, but fucking hell its killing me from the inside, i truly need people but for some reason people seem to not want me or others back
The idea that jreg will say some thing genuine and not soms level of ironic is so strange to me, that even when I see him cry, I don't know if it is real
Yeah, his honest content is far and away his best work, but with his other content being ironic and insincere it can be hard to pick out when the irony ends. For me at least I spent the first 2 minutes trying to figure out if it was all genuine, but after watching the whole thing I can say certainly it’s all real.
I've been living in Japan as an exchange student for the past year. The first semester, I felt extremely atomized, and it was one of the hardest seasons of my life. This semester, I found and joined an alternative music kei-on club at my university. Every couple months we get together, rent out a live house and everyone plays together in different cover bands they freely organized. While I still feel a disconnect because of my intermediate language ability and cultural barriers, I've never felt a sense of community like this, it's fantastic. In my four years at American university, I would try to go to clubs and it would just be a bunch of dudes kind of hanging out in a classroom at arms' length ... I know what you mean about the resistance to actually building anything like a community that you mentioned. The small friend group I managed to make was with people I was randomly assigned to be roommates with instead. We didn't have much in common, and over the course of my year away we've drifted apart. I'm heading back to the states next month, and this video has me feeling more anxious than before haha ha aha. Going from this to living alone, working to pay off my student loans ... Back to practice for my live show though
I feel we are more sensitive and and thankful when people try to connect with us in a foreign land. We recognize them making the time and the effort to make us feel part of the group as gueninely nice. Same thing happens in your home country you'd be like "this guy wants to talk to me? Ew! He must have no friends, what a looser"
I had a similar feeling when I did an school exchange in japan, because of language and cultural barriers I felt like I would never belong to a friend group amd that they always didn't want me to meet up with them, because having me there would mean extra effort, since they would need to explain everything to me in simple japanese. Adding to that I had a very toxic hostmother and in the end I had to go back to my home country earlier than planned, because of depression and social anxiety disorder. (tho I probably was already mentally ill when going there in the first place, but I was a stupid teenager who wanted to go anyways and my parents just didn't noticed it enough...)
So hearing that you kinda managed to find a community makes me happy and hopeful that I can go there again in university and won't feel that lonely again
for me as an European it's strange to hear because I feel like Japan is very high on social distancing, in extreme cases there are hikikomoris. basically not a great place for people with social issues. on the contrary I've heard that people in US are so open minded and smiling and talkative.. that just doesn't happen in Europe, no person talks to you randomly on street or smiles. that's the thing I always wanted to experience this US society of smiling people.
But now I think that maybe just maybe it's only view in my head and it's far from reality. Or maybe lonely people work better in those seemingly "more social distanced" societies like Japan. maybe that's the place where such people find other people with the same issues
I did the same. I'm from Colombia and i came to USA for a while. The first month I felt like a fucking year. Then we moved to Puerto Rico, and i liked that place so much, i felt more comfortable, but i was alone all the time with my thoughts, seeing nature, staying on the beach, i was more contemplative, and yea, i met ppl but i never feel comfortable with them. When we just got back to USA that shit hit me hard, literally I almost went crazy cuz i was alone, no people to talk, maybe my family, but that wasn't the same, i was crying all the days. Everything just became better when i met my friends and I'm in love with someone right now lmao, but i noticed that i had a little bit of problems when i wanna interact with someone sometimes, no just for the language (you can notice easily that english is not my first language), is just the fact that is a different culture, and at least here, i saw the people is so individual, i don't know how to explain that but, anyway, is hard to do good friends here
this was really touching. thank you for sharing.
I can't say how much I agree with a lot of what you said in this video. Everyone seems so disinterested in meeting other people, they have their own lives and cycles that they will not break for anybody. No matter what you do it seems like you're always an "other" in people's lives. Have social interactions always been this way??
I don’t want my ego to prevent me from being a good friend, simply because I crave the feeling of being needed. Choosing to wait for someone to message first or set up plans is usually fulfilling the catharsis of being a victim to circumstance but it isn’t productive for building strong connections with people, as harsh as that may sound.
There is obviously a limit to taking this initiative though. If after a few times it’s not reciprocated and especially if it’s continually rejected, for one reason or another, then we need to acknowledge how valuable our time and attention is for those who also value it. Therefore, spending it on those who don’t value it, only goes to devalue our time and attention, which isn’t recommended.
I still haven’t ticked the box of feeling like I fit in anywhere but I know that, paradoxically, until I’m able to truly value my place as a ride-or-die for myself, let alone another person, then I likely won’t find the external success I’ve been desiring for so long. Because regardless, what will I be spending my time doing until I feel like I belong somewhere? Being with myself, and I might as well make the most of that, because it’s really the only choice I have.
i feel like winters in ottawa make seasonal depression inevitable and year-round depression that much worse. there is no way the average human can adapt to long periods of solitude and not develop some type of mental illness. and im sure the ones who seem fine spending time alone are suffering in silence too
when it comes to building community, most people have a no new friends mentality and even if you're lonely, you may still be selective about meeting new people as well. for me, i convince myself i want to socialize and sign up for free or even paid events and then decide to stay home cuz i dont want to put myself out there and be rejected, so very much self-fulfilling prophecy. i tell myself that i dislike shallow connections with social butterflies but i also dislike deep connections with new people who i have yet to build trust with. so again, setting myself up for failure on that front.
due to globalization, i think the loneliness epidemic is officially worldwide. even collectivist cultures that encourage family and community are oftentimes performative, focused on external markers of success like making money, getting married and having kids rather than things like happiness and the will to live. religion used to tether people to a sense of purpose but now that's on a decline too.
i feel like the self-help industrial complex profiting off our misery is very messed up but what should we expect from capitalism, genuine concern for our wellbeing? your song said it all. that being said, sign me up for the brain chip as well :)
Idk if anyone else has experienced this but ive noticed that a lot more people are talking about wanting to own a piece of land with a bunch of really close friends/family and creating a sustainable community together (which is also my dream). But when i mention to other people who have this same dream about actually doing it, they get really weird about it and show no effort to actually make it happen. Almost like just having the idea about it is good enough to keep living their lonely, complacent existence. It is really frustrating and i feel like i am just working towards that dream alone which defeats the purpose of the entire thing.
I've been "alone" for 6 years now and it's starting to take a toll. I recently joined a cornhole league and it's helping tons!
great video jreg. its hard to be publicly vulnerable like this
I genuinely cannot tell how many if any layers of irony this is on.
I genuinely cannot tell how many if any layers of irony this is on.
I GENUINELY READ RHIS PERFECTLY NORMAL SENTWNCE IN A SARCASTIC TONE IN MY HEAD EVEN THO I AM ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM NOW AND THINK BOTH THE VIDEO AND COMMENT ARE GENUINE
@erin lol
@erin the internet brainworms are coming
Goes to show how much of a challenge it is to adapt to new frameworks that one doesn't mesh well with. Sometimes "fake it till you make it" is only part of the process, and works for those who have personalities that are compatible with the lifestyle that they're trying to transition into.
"What happens when those needs are never met" is an interesting question. I think for most folk, the goalpost just shifts if one 'need' is accepted as unattainable. Individualistically, one's standards get lower and lower until they develop completely new values that change their expectations of "needs". Community could mean having a whole cluster of people who you see irl every day like the Amish, or it could be a fistful of anons on a text based online board.
On a darker note, chronically binging content of CZcamsrs who post their lives parasocially satisfies that need for community in an isolated individual, or community could be some characters made manifest by an isolated persons hallucinations. As social animals, us humans will find community in one way or another, no matter how deleterious, but in every case, it simply is what it is.
With the increasingly apparent viability of isolated living, of course there's going to be pressure to conform to it when it's become so commonplace. Coping with agoraphobia has been easier than ever. It comes at a cost, obviously, but for every human interaction, there is an alternative digital equivalent that suffices for the chronically introverted.
To whoever's reading this, for what it's worth, the things you wish for will eventually find you. Just know that you won't find them by chasing after the things you think you want in the moment. The people you belong to will seek you out in due time. Focus on achieving whatever goals you set for yourself, you will naturally find your community on your journey.
Safe travels.
amogus
@@xxp0siZlayrs
us
Amogolusus
.....
After moving away from family for work, I realized how little socialization I was getting outside of work. I’d be too tired to find a community to join even if I wanted that.
Being near family or people you’re forced to be close to helps fill this socialization need.
I thought I didn’t need anyone, but the reality was my socialization needs were being met by my family interactions.
Humans need to socialize. The parasocial relationships that occur are because of people’s need to socialize and the fact they’re lonely.
This is speaks to me on another level. Life has been extremely lonely for the last two years, and I have friends. None of them respond to attempts to get closer or do much irl anymore. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this, probably just catching the bus whenever the loneliness becomes too much to handle.
Find other friends that want to have that level of closeness with you.
nobody wants to hang out anymore, ive lost so many friends for what felt like no reason. Its just made me feel like an annoyance, and I just wish other people wanted to connect with me and for friendships to not be so one-sided, but maybe im just a dickhead or socially inept and i dont know it.
That is a big mood.
I did a lot of work on myself last year, for once I wasn't alienated from my feelings after hiding in this thick "introvert" shell that I had built up for years, and realized that I do want to be around people and have people I care about in my life. That realization hurt. Through my school years I had no issues making tons of friends, relationships and enemies in new and unfamiliar environments so I thought yeah I can just do that but the adult way now. There is no adult way. Dropping the facade hurt me more than I could ever prepare for and in the tumultuous period that followed my schizophrenia surfaced, extinguishing this attempt at changing myself and transforming my life in one fell swoop.
So no, I don't think you're alone at all. What happens when those needs aren't met? Well, I've come close to doing some dark shit... other than that I couldn't tell you what I do for most of the day besides stare into space. I think people will just find some way to cope, healthily or unhealthily (most probable). Alcoholism, for example, has been on an upwards trend IIRC. Tried and true cope.
Ways to cope.
Video games
Mindlessly scrolling internet
Purposefully scrolling internet
Fap
Fap
Fap
Dream
Write
Fantasize
Sunbathe
Showers
Exercise
Reddit
Sit outside
Lucid dream
Dance by yourself
Make yourself laugh
Go 🤪😜🤪🥳🤡🧠🕛🕧🕕🌑🌕🌑🌕🌛🌜🌨🌤⛱⛄🗿🗿🗿
Making up random conversations with imaginary people in your head.
The overwhelm in feeling understood by you made me have a parasocial relationship with you with this comment alone
There was a time was trying to make friends without even a clear goal of what I would do after friendship was achieved. "You need friends?" Do I? Their company does nothing for me and they clearly don't care about me either, we are a bunch of indifferent people forcing our selves to have a social activity that nobody is enjoying.
Jreg, watching your ""blOOPerS"" of you crying while reading your script has made me realize how much I have Para-socially latched onto you as a way to view my own suffering in a valid and necessary way. It's really unbecoming because there's nothing more addictive than seeing an absolute glimpse of the vulnerability that you have allowed us to gaze upon and then having to sit here with the video done, and I am still here working through and dealing with the things that have made me and make me cry.
I think I can talk for a lot of people when I say (I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU) that there is an enormous group of people who feel in similar ways to you and ALL OF THEM LOVE YOU AND CAN WE EVER REALLY ESCAPE THE WAY THINGS MAKE US FEEL!?!?!??!?!
As painful as needing someone is, realizing you'll never be able to need or want anyone else again is far worse. One day you'll look up and realize it's been years since you actually wanted anything, or anyone, now you just want to want things. You'll stand back and look at yourself and realize just how far gone you are, from where you used to be. I haven't needed anyone in a long time, but god I wish I did.
I am an introvert with basically zero friends, barely leaves the house, etc.. I don't even talk to friends over discord. I also spend my days in front of my computer. And I can assure you that I am not okay like this. I am very lonely. But reaching out to people and trying to make connections takes a not trivial amount of energy and effort, and it is much easier to keep distracting myself with my computer toy.
I searched about "atomization" when you mentioned it in some other video and I do think that is a problem in modern society and, if we're not suffering from it already, we will feel its consequences in the near future.
Same. The pain is unbearable.
Don’t say you are alone, say you’re by yourself.
Hi jReg, I’m probably not like most of your audience as I’m much older. My nephew has showed me some of your videos and we followed your political campaign. I have observed some of the same things you have with people struggling with connections and communication, especially since COVID. I have also noticed that it has been very difficult for young adults. You definitely are not alone. Good for you on putting yourself out there in so many ways. Reaching out for assistance can be tough. I do disagree with you that so many people are happy. I feel many people are struggling and putting on facades of happiness. I discuss these issues with my nephew and he also is trying to connect with people in real life. It can be done. I think it takes more time right now as people are out of practice and stressed from COVID and all the ramifications. I do have hope and I hope you can find yours.❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️XOXOXO
Bro you are not alone, I absolutely can not live alone and the first two years of covid were absolute hell for me. I started going to therapy bc I developed insomnia from it so bad I felt like I was losing my mind.
The one outlet I figured out for myself is I practiced making pizza for years. Everyone loves pizza, right?! So I got really fucking good at pizza, stuck with individually inviting friends over once a week for the past year since quarantine relaxed, and although I had some disappointments I now regularly host 6-8 rotating friends. It’s ENORMOUSLY improved my emotional state.
As a diagnosed Schizoid, I've had people kind of idolize me in a parasocial way, trying to replicate my apathy and self-sufficiency. Don't do that. It's always because they've had bad experiences with relationships in the past, and think that severing all relationships will cure whatever hole was left by those few bad ones. Obviously that's not how it works, and it just makes them worse as they go deeper and deeper into their depressed little echo chamber. Don't imitate schizoids; there's a reason it's a personality disorder. It's absolutely not a fulfilling life for anyone, myself included.
My issue is that I desperately desire connections, but I'm also very jaded and critical, and just don't really enjoy being around people.
Any time I meet someone new, it's only a matter of time until I find something I dislike about them, because I find them annoying, boring etc., and I just don't have the patience or emotional maturity to deal with it. Social anxiety does it's rest to make any kind of socializing just extremely tiring with very little hope, that I might actually get something enjoyable out of it.
What also doesn't help is that everything online is bascially "on demand". You can consoom videos/streams of people "talking to you" whenever you are in the mood for it, and without requiring any effort on the watcher's part.
Real relationships of course aren't like that. If you keep missing social events, because you're not in the mood or tired or whatever, people notice and get annoyed.
You also have to show up to events that you will just never enjoy, but it's gotta be done. Relationships are effort, and I suck at putting effort into anything I don't enjoy.
It's basically a willpower/discipline issue.
So instead I just take the easier route, and "consume content to make my brain go quiet" (stole that one from Sisyphus 55).
I relate to this so much man. The covid introverts made no sense to me, as soon as I realized it was a long term thing my heart sank in my chest. Same feeling at the end of every school year, knowing every summer break I’d just spent all day on the computer, text friends here and there, but not as much anymore. Now I’m out of school and it’s permanent summer. I have to train myself to go out in the world now. The majority of the things I remember about the outside are awkward interactions that keep me up at night. No thank you. But I need it or else I’ll be sad. I have to be my own driver instead of being a passanger. That’s growing up, but also that’s what trying to force myself to talk to people is like. I’m spending 16 hours a day on my phone. Feel like I still exist but only my eyes. Only as an observer. Slowly aging in front of the screen, I felt that too. I want to go back to when I had people. Maybe I’m worried I only knew people and made friends with them because we all had to be around each other all the time before. Now we have to make the active choice to meet up with people in real life. Not just one, but BOTH parties have to not pretend to be busy. Impossible lol. I don’t think it’s impossible, but it helps make it easier to cope with the fact that it’s hard. It’s an excuse, really. People used to travel on foot across continents just to pillage each other. Shit maybe they were on to something. Not the genocide, Nazi, cultural pessimist with a pfp of a philosopher you’ve never read anything from part. Not that part. Fuck this is how people get radicalized isn’t it. I hope someone read this far. Thanks. I appreciate you. We got this. We’re gonna be okay. Made it this far. There is good stuff too. We just forget inbetween the good moments. It’s biology. We’re just biology. No one sat down and chose for us to work like this. Well, I’m sure you have different beliefs actually. That’s good. We need that. We’re good people. We know what the right thing to do is usually, and we worry about it being wrong. Sometimes we worry too much. More than anyone else would want us to. Sometimes we worry about ourselves FOR other people. Shit. My thumbs are tired. I cried my eyes out today. Broke down eating some Jose Ole Taquitos, on a plate, sitting on the plastic Fisher Price table that I had since as long as I can remember. The first time I ever saw that table in my life I was happy. Now, not so much. The table didn’t change. I changed. The table looks no worse for wear either. Maybe I should be a table. Tables don’t have sex though. I guess I don’t either. That’s why I’m here. That’s why we’re all here. Because two people had sex. I wonder what percent of- nope nevermind. Weird ass question. Glad I caught that. Maybe that’s what I like about the internet. Yeah it’s dangerous. But it’s also safe. I can take as long as I want to figure out the right thing to say. If I’m losing you here that’s fine. You don’t have to keep reading. If you feel even 0.00001% better now, it was worth it. Maybe it made you feel 0.00001% worse. Sorry. Weird how we react different to the same things. That’s how we know we exist though. That’s how we know there’s at least something interesting going on. Every day is like a TV show of my life, the TV screen is just my field of vision. Too much screen time. If you’re going through it, I can’t tell you it will get easier. But I can tell you it’s possible to get stronger. It’s possible to get better at handling it. Maybe you’ve tried therapy. It’s worth a shot. Try it if you can. I probably wouldn’t be here without it. I don’t go anymore. I probably should, I’m going through some things. I mean obviously. You know what I mean. I’m sleep deprived and my brain is not fully developed. So take that how you will. But I think you, me, Jreg, your cousin Susan. I think we’ll figure it out. So maybe it won’t look like how we pictured it. But you gotta start where you are. No better place. No better time. Don’t burn yourself out though. Just, slow down. Breathe. Be a human. Let yourself be a human for once goddamn. Saying this to myself to. We’re hard on ourselves. We don’t have to be. It doesn’t have to be that way. Nothing does. Maybe it would be better differently. Try a change. See what happens. Experiment. Write it down. Touch a blade of grass. Eat it. Chase a neighborhood racoon at night. Idk what you get up to. But you do that, and I will too. And we’ll get through this. We will. I can’t tell you 100%. I don’t control your destiny. That’s yours. Here have it back. Go take this shit and run. Go take that shit and run. Run with it. And never let it go. Never. Thanks for your time, I appreciate it. You know yourself. Do that some more. We will be okay.
I had a kind of covid introvert mindset at the beginning, but I felt a gradual deterioration of my life. Then again, it alerted me to the issue - at least now I know this isnt good. Unfortunately now the burden is on me to do something about it. I don't like doing hard things.
I really feel seen by this message. It's similar to stuff I tell myself, but it never feels as real as when someone else says it. Thanks for that. Here's to getting stronger, or at least flailing my body into the world in an attempt.
We will be okay indeed. Thank you for putting your thoughts into the world. It's the moments of vulnerability like this that create the connection we still need to breathe, or at least want to breathe. Might I recommend putting stickers from produce you purchase on something? Anything, just something. It is a habit I have found joyful these past years. Take care
This feels like a stimulant - driven word fever
@@antonikudlicki1100 Close- I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating
Nice message dude. It made me feel 0.0001% better. Maybe that's just my socialisation-deprived brain clawing for any semblance of human interaction.
Feels like you were open, honest. I feel like that's made me happy.
You know, I never have "deep" conversations with my friends. I wish I could, but it feels so difficult. I just think they'd think I'm weird.
Sometimes I tell my brother how I'm feeling, and he'll call me weird. (I'm 17). That makes me so, so upset, because he says it with such negative connotation. What the hell does weird mean? Is it bad? Why is it bad? It shouldn't be bad. I feel like society has been telling me my whole life "weird **isn't** bad", so what? Did we just have different cultural experiences? If I'm the "weird" one, that means he's normal. Do normal people hate weird things then?
He's alright sometimes. Sometimes he's good.
As I said, I never have deep conversations with my friends. I keep a journal, where I write about my feelings. This feels slightly different though. Normally I'm screaming into the void, but in this situation there's a person on the other end. And maybe they don't see the message, or like it, or care to respond. Would that be such a bad thing? It's pretty late where I'm at. I don't respond to comments, or replies.
I used to have more friends. What happened? They went to another school. This happened twice actually. Well, maybe upper limit 4 times. All my friends went somewhere else.
When I was a lot younger, I had a group of friends. It was pretry good. We'd normally just see each other at school, but it was every day, and I considered them my best friends. We'd go to each other's birthday parties, go trick-or-treating together on halloween. It was good. And I remember playing minecraft on xbox live with them.
I guess I'm writing this comment because I never really speak to anyone about this. Maybe I ought to get a therapist, but then I'd have to convince everyone that I need a therapist. I'm not 18, right, so I'd have to depend on my parents. They think I'm doing fine. I don't feel super passionate about the idea of therapy, so trying to persuade them would be more trouble that it's worth.
So yeah, I used to have this group of friends. But then, it's our final year at that stage of school, and everyone ends up going somewhere else.
And the only contact I had was through xbox live. The friends i played with the most, who I had know the longest, played with other people too. Not people from school, but people from online. I don't know where, specifically. At the time, I was only really into minecraft, and i didn't have many other games. 3 others? I didn't want to ask my parents for more games. After all, I didn't really want to play for the sake of the game. I wanted to play with friends. And I only really got given new things for christmas. Ah dude, this story is gonna be way too longat this rate....
So, for reasons, my friend is playing other games, with othrt peope. And i'm begging him to play with me, because i don't have anybody else to play with. And he says "i'll play eith you tomorrow". The next day, i say "are we gonna play?" and he says "i'm playing with [blank]" or "i'm playing [blank game]" or somethong. And i get upset, and I think I started an argument or something. And then he blocks me.
I don't know his phone number. I don't really remember ig i had a personal phone. I think I might have had like an old blackberry phone with the physical numpad buttons. But, I don't have his number, and we go to different schools.
When he blocks me, I ssnd a few more messages. Of course, no response. Maybe I played by myself for like half an hour, waiting for him to unblock me, but it's no fun playing by myself. I log off.
I don't know if he ever unblicked me, but I basically stipped playing then. Eventually we threw out my xbox, because i wasnt using it. I haven't heard of that friend since.
Ok, this is too long. Maybe one day I'll write out my whole sad tale, as sad a tale as can reasonably be told by a neurotypical, white, heterosexual male. Middle class. Rich country. academically inclined.
Ok, whatever. Hope you enjoy your life, man.
i've been alone for years, only have online friends, but yeah pretty sure the end result of this debilitating loneliness is not going to go well. i am suffering everyday and crave human interaction so much lol
12:35 cute laugh
I want to be okay. That is part of the problem because wanting things hurts . Not wanting anything, not caring about anything would give a numbness that I really crave. To stop desperately hoping for better things. I want to be okay, and sometimes I'm not sure that is a good thing...
11:37 this laugh transcends language barriers, it's a laugh with a certain strangely relatable darkness, the thing they call the "laugh of a mad man". I wish I could add some funny ironic meme poggers sentence to follow that up with, but the fact is that this video hit way to close to home.
8:22
"It's like I got to rank 2 of Lazlo's hierarchy of needs. Time to throw in the towel. Rank 3?? MAYBE ONE DAY. But let's not even think about the other one's. We'll stop at 2 out of 5."
Someone give this boy a hug!
But yeah community is hard. If you really think about it most communities in history exist either because people already have a shared interest or because they're literally stuck together.
So trying to build a community based on just them all being friends is hard, bringing them together around something you all already share and helping all of you get closer can work.
Also TIME, A LOT OF TIME. Most people don't wanna involve themselves too much with other people in general but they're willing to do it for someone they've gotten to know and care about and trust for a long time because they feel safe with them.
Anyway, these are my rambling thoughts on the subject. Hope you find something that makes you happy in your future! Excited for the jREG arc 2 content!
I used to be content with being by myself but recently Ive made social ventures. I now find myself deathly afraid of the socialships that Ive made and the posibility of losing it all. It's like I knew who I was before better than now and everythings become blurred. I have a growing distain for people's flaws, which includes me now. I just want to finally get rid of all these weights I have looming over my conciousness.
You’re definitely not alone on this one, and I think more and more people are feeling this way over the years. I’m in an interesting place now because I’ve been on both sides of this coin.
I went a couple years, especially during the pandemic and my gap year, isolating myself and being content with it. I never felt alone, and I never felt a need to reach out to or meet people. It was only after going to college and being surrounded by lots of people all the time where I ironically felt the most alone I’d ever been. I constantly tried to reach out to people, and failing/feeling alone felt like I was failing at life. I was feeling a lot of new emotions I hadn't felt in years, a lot of disappointment, desperation, anger, hopelessness, and hurt.
Mentioning being jealous of the people who could isolate with no issues hit home because I also would get mad at friends I knew were isolating. At first I thought I was being a good friend, but I realized it’s really because I wish I could do the same. I wish I could be how I was before, back when I didn’t care. Back then I didn’t hurt, like I do now.
There’s thousands of words I could write giving advice, commentary, or theories about everything here thanks to feeling both sides at some time, but that’s not really the point. The point is you’re not alone in feeling this way, or feeling out of place, which is ironic I know. And at the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of idiots trying for the same goal- being happy, and our struggles to get there are valid, and usually are pretty similar.
this is literally me
I think people latch onto you is because through all the irony, you seem genuine. It doesn't feel filtered to be "comforting" like so many social interaction seems right now.
So much of socialization feels so fucking fake and even with a lot of contact this fake contact never seems to satisfy.
And tbh for me personally, it sucks in a way to be a little bit crazy and someone that doesn't like changing themselves for something that I feel doesn't make people happy.
And that's lonely. And it' can feel like it's so rare finding people who feel the same. And I'm not planning to become less crazy, I'm willing to grow, but I won't change myself for something that doesn't seem to make anymore truly happy. So seeing other people who are little crazy can be really comforting in a way.
I would like to give this man a hug and a 2 plus hours of conversation about nothing
Same asf.
Same
This is hilarious because as a extrovert to “introvert” pipeline member myself, i saw my extroversion was actually just an awesome manifestation of my codependency. Since i was so fixated on curing my codependency, i decided to cold turkey on socialization. No social media, no texting people, no spending time with people (to be fair it was the pandemic and i had no friends so that did its thing) and i knew that i was going to fall on the opposite end of the scale before i regulated. 4 years later and im starting to creep from the other side of the scale. The self induced isolation just fed more into the crushing loneliness until it didnt. I could enjoy watching a show or playing a video game on my own. If someone wanted to leave, it was… ok. However now im too lazy to maintain connection. Once triple texting people now i respond every couple days or so. I dont follow through on plans or go out of my way to leave home unless i need to. When im going through a ridiculously sexy depressive episode, its so easy to stay alone because i cant muster to do anything else. Im not really “introverted” but i practice it because its so low maintaining. But now my social needs are neglected and im suffering for it too.
Why is it always a battle to be yourself, when none of the versions are working?
I know it will eventually work, and achieving the balance of getting out there will be easier but. It should not feel unnatural to have proper social health
WE SHOULD ALL KILL OURSELVES NOW!
But in seriousness i appreciate the videos you post about yourself. Every video i relate more and more and i hate it, thanks!
i’ve been almost completely isolated other than online stuff for five years. im physically disabled and was forced to do online school at 12. i never got to go meet anyone so after my old friends faded i had nobody left. i’m 17 and let me tell you. it gets to you, it eats at your soul. humans are inherently social, one year of isolation is good for some people but five hurts everyone. i had my parents some people don’t even have that. i know the lack of interaction heavily contributed to my mental health issues and meant i basically have no high school memories and was under constant stress for years. you shouldn’t desire to be entirely self reliant. whether you can or cannot be, it’ll break you.
Thank you for sharing this. My therapist recently told me "isolation" and "solitude" are very different things, and it's been sticking in my head for the past few weeks. I think the angst you've described is VERY reasonable. I'm a stranger on the internet, and I don't have answers, and I don't expect you to have answers either. I'm cheering you on though. Thank you for creating art and thank you again for sharing it.
Feel the same, I live in a very small town, there aren't a lot of young people here and most of them are very closed-minded. It's gotten to the point where being alone is so painfull that I pretend to be my best friend. Sounds pathetic but it actually helps a lot. It's like fostering that voice in your head that healthy people have, that one that tells you that everything will be alright and that you are enough... I've done it for so long that now it's almost automatic, I feel a lot better about myself, I know that even if something bad were to happen at least I have myself, and nothing can take that away from me.
I've had a lot of bad things happen in my life, both on a physical and emotional level, despite that I am very hopefull that things can get better even if I am still in a pretty dark period in my life at the moment. Good luck to you all.
I was gonna make a comment about the parasocial thing right before he mentioned it. He's got a lot of people that would be willing to be his friend but it's just not the same as meeting somebody naturally and making friends with them that way. I completely feel that and it's tough.
Wow, your comment about parasocial relationships made me realize, yeah… I think I am missing something in my life.
And the reason I was thinking in my head, “Man, jreg would make a good friend” is because everything you said in this video related to me.
Shit went south in my life real quick and my extroversion found itself coiling around my neck like a snake at the end of the day. Now, I live a fairly solitary life, but I hate it, yknow? It’s like a cancerous tumor that’s grown on the side of my life and I can’t find a solution to the problem when everyone else around me is so content living with this solidarity.
I can’t make friends around here when I try because I don’t have the social skills to even try and I can’t improve those skills when I can’t make friends, and even if I could make friends, your part on practically begging your friends to do music with them reminds me how dependent I become with other people the moment I gain them in my life…
which makes me wonder if I really want friends in the first place.
I don’t think I wanna be jregs friend, and yeah, my gut reaction is I do want more people in my life, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to properly balance a social life and my own personal life without one bleeding too heavily into the other. I don’t know if it’s something someone else feels, but damn does it sure ring true in my life.
Felt
Thank you for continuing to bless us with your wisdom!
I think it's always like that for people who introspect at all. There are just a lot of people who aren't paying attention to their emotions because they have so much other shit to worry about, so they just ignore them and do whatever is easiest and most convenient in an attempt to keep the feelings at bay. So, if you happen to be the kind of person who naturally introspects, then it just feels like you're completely alone.
The little statement about the character break might be the most meta thing I have ever experienced considering the context and *L A Y E R S O F I R O N Y* of this channel
Whenever i watch something like this i want to say something, but no amount of words can ever seem to covey all the things i want to say.
I wrote a couple pages worth of stuff that only began to scratch the surface of what i wanted to say, and without many more pages of context and explanations for those ideas, even that scratching of the surface wouldve only come across as a nonsensical psychotic rant.
Alot of the concepts that you discuss are so complex that leaving comments about it seems meaningless at this point.
Which is why i understand anyone who would just ignore the comments on something like this or just say a stupid joke down here and move on with their lives.
I'm reminded of the saying "If you could teach an animal English, you still wouldn't understand it", which references the instinct barrier beneath the language barrier.
If you have your own framework that doesn't match anyone else's, it's like everyone's another species. You're alone even when around them because there's no real connection.
That's where I've always been at. I've tried going mainstream, but there's too much cognitive dissonance there. Better to be alone and genuine than to lie to myself to fit in.
Couldn't have watched this video at the right time! This is something along these lines that's been going on in my head for years; pretty much over a decade for me. Thank you!
Full disclosure: my best friend since middle school committed suicide about a year and a half ago, and you're like a doppleganger of him. Maybe a year or two leading up to when he died he had become really religious and it put a bit of a wedge between us. And he'd been drinking more and more over the years, but I didn't notice the increase because it happened bit by bit. And for like the 6 years before he died I didn't leave my house and we stopped hanging out in person but kept hanging out through gaming. This was completely an issue on my end. I suffered some physical things that completely destroyed my self-confidence, and I tried to open up about them, and I think he would have been understanding, but I didn't want to weigh him or anyone else down because I perceived him as doing great and going after the life he wanted. I was just so drained too. I wanted to rebuild the foundation of my mental and physical because I was so destroyed that I felt like it didn't matter if I failed because I'd just kms if I did. So I just gave very little of myself out to the world during this time, to ANYONE. It was the complete opposite of my entire life leading up to that point, because I used to not be able to say "no" to anything and I'd put myself out helping out others neglecting my own health and comfort.
But I still, almost 2 years later, think about him every single day. If I had realized there was even the possibility he would take his own life I would have found a way to intervene and make sure he had hope for the future. He was a great person that cared a lot about other people, and there was a reason I gave the little of myself I still had left to give, to him during those 6 years when we gamed together. If I could have snapped my fingers and fixed all my problems and rebuilt myself to make it so I could hang out more irl and actually enjoy it with him I would have. But irl interaction during that time was just painful and draining. And it had nothing to do with him or anyone else. I was just gone man. I had nothing. Everything was stressful to me. I couldn't be who I was anymore. But I still loved him of course.
All this is to say that I think the atomization of many people is a phase, at least in my case. I don't want to be locked away from the rest of the world. I just don't want to put my burdens on others. And maybe that's stupid of me to try to do. And maybe he'd still be here if I didn't try to do that. I don't know. But I see so much of my friend in you, minus the drinking problem, and I don't want you to suffer the same fate because I see you and I see the great value you give to the world. The crying reminds me so much of my time during those 6 years. I literally felt myself letting go of these deeply ingrained dreams and beliefs about the world that used to bring me such joy, and that would be accompanied by sobbing dread. I still feel closed off. I don't know if I can just turn on full openness because, exactly as you point out, I feel this maybe irrational distrust to being fully open and vulnerable with others. I don't feel like I was a person that got screwed over a lot but maybe I was? The thing though is I think I could have been fully open and vulnerable with him, and I deeply regret not being so. Maybe it could have saved him. I got scared and maybe it was some greed too. I know I need to work on this about myself.
If you want to talk on discord or a phonecall sometime lmk. I know exactly the ride-or-die friendship you're talking about. I had that with him. I don't want our kind to go this way. I'm trying my best and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. Thanks for being open about this, I feel like you're articulating what a lot of "introverts" go through to become the way they are.
Nobody will see this, but I'll be vulnerable for a second... I've always been fairly extroverted, It was easy to make friends, and I made a lot of them. Joined communities. Fit inside cliques. Had a few ride-or-die friends.
Several years ago I had to move to another state for family reasons. And I rarely, if ever, talk to those friends anymore. They're just gone. I haven't made a new friend since. I also haven't tried to either. I often wonder if they think about me, because I think about them. But then I think they don't, because unlike me they're still living a social life.
Because of this, I absorbed myself into my online relationships. I tried to force a co-dependent relationship, and when it inevitably failed, I lashed out and lost those friends.
But honestly, I think that was one of the best things to happen to me. I was so obsessed and convinced that if I didn't have friends to talk to, the isolation would literally kill me. But instead I learned to just exist with myself. I learned to love myself before I love others. To not make my happiness someone else's responsibility.
I still haven't made a new IRL friend, I still haven't tried. I feel like now that I'm okay being in the same room as myself, it's time to work on the things I've been ignoring. And when it's time, I'm sure those relationships will find me.
Genuinely teared up watching this because I've had every one of these questions since I was old enough to conceive of them. I don't have much family and so trying to break through that wall you describe has been really rough. I'm sorry you go through it but thank you for making this video
I like to call myself an extrovert with social anxiety.
I'm a loner, but I don't want to be. The problem is that it's in fact painful to socialize.