Do You Have Nice Guy or Girl Syndrome?
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- Are you too nice for your own good? Do you think you have Nice Guy Syndrome and Nice Girl Syndrome? These terms describe individuals who prioritize being nice and accommodating in relationships, often at the expense of their own needs and desires.
In this video, we uncover why being overly nice can backfire in dating and relationships. From understanding why "nice guys finish last" to navigating the complexities of modern romance, we'll discuss common traits and challenges associated with this syndrome.
If you've ever questioned if you're too nice or wondered about the dynamics of love and kindness in relationships, this video is for you!
#love #relationship #dating
Writer: Sara Del Villar
Script Editor: Kelly Soong
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Gabriel Miles
Animator: Naphia
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
REFERENCES
Brothers in Arms. (2023, March 17). Do you have nice guy syndrome? (and do you know what it is?). Brothers In Arms : What Is Nice Guy Syndrome? brothersinarmsscotland.co.uk/information/news/2023/march/17/what-is-nice-guy-syndrome/#:~:text=Nice%20Guy%20Syndrome%20is%20a,the%20same%20kindness%20in%20return.
Cincura, M. (2023, October 11). What is the nice guy syndrome and why it makes your life unbearable. ByMaros. www.bymaros.co...
Gillis, K., & Moawad, H. (2023, May 18). Nice guy syndrome: 8 signs & how to stop. Choosing Therapy. www.choosingtherapy.com/nice-guy-syndrome/
Sweeney, E. (2023, March 7). 6 signs of nice guy syndrome - what it is, symptoms. Men’s Health. www.menshealth.com/health/a43216627/6-definitive-signs-of-nice-guy-syndrome/
Too many people tell me that being nice is a sign of weakness.
If you're too nice, that's when people will use it to their own advantage.
If your nice to ppl u trust and know it’s not weakness but when ur being nice to literally everyone it will be considered weakness
Taking advantage of people is a sign of weakness. Those people are cowards. Being nice and helping people is a sign you are strong, this world is so backwards today.
Being nice is not a weakness!
Just make sure ur nice to yourself, too!
Being nice should be the default. I'm nice unless I start to see ppl are trying to take advantage of me
I was a "nice" person for the longest time, trying to be kind to wrong people.
After people who i was nice to used me and left me with nothing, it's pretty hard to be nice and caring.
The issue wasn't that you were nice. You said it yourself, you were nice "to wrong people".
Everyone is different, so it's okay to treat different people differently. But when someone did you wrong you kept trying to treat them like everyone else when you knew they didn't deserve it. That's how you end up hurting yourself more than they hurt you, and when they take advantage of it, you get hurt AGAIN on top of it all.
Sometimes you need to be genuine with yourself and express that someone has crossed a boundary of yours. Let them know what you don't like early on to give them a chance to adjust. If they don't respect your boundaries after that, you can distance yourself from them before they hurt you and without hurting yourself dragging your own dignity across the ground. 👍
You can be nice, but you can't be ANYTHING 100% of the time to 100% of people and that includes nice. You gotta figure out where, when, and to whom your niceness is deserved and remember that those can change too. A person who deserves it now may not deserve it later (and vice versa despite what the internet will tell you). But at the end of the day, you hold the power to decide and define that, and you always will. Use it. 💪
The thing with being a “nice” person is that a lot of people do it with the INTENTION of getting something. When you become truly nice you don’t care about what people do to you in return. A lot of people aren’t nice to be nice, it probably comes from a need for validation
@@jikan4458I disagree. Most people are genuinely nice just to be nice. Some people expect things in return or may try to strategize an assumption of “things now owed in return,” but not many. If you surround yourself with people of that mindset then yes you will only see/assume kindness is to gain something in return. The vast majority of people are actually just decent humans.
Same man. It sucks when you just enjoy being a nice and happy person then people take advantage of it. Even worse when people assume that it's because you want something in return.
@@jiffysanchez Yh I get what you mean but I used to be a “nice guy” but I eventually realised when people repay it back with negativity and I would feel entitled to something
This channel just humbles you.
It's cool
And amazing
We are humbled too.
Ong. But I love it.
I mean this specificily though is just obvious info, don't be too nice since you'll get used, anyways just don't need to do favors for people to be a "nice person" people can and should just pull their own weight, being "nice" is lending a hand to someone who actually needs help.
To put it in a simple manner, don't do things people can do themselves, it just shows your being used if you do.
Empathy is a blessing and a curse. Learning how to set boundaries and stand firm in those boundaries has been a monumental task for me.
I dont think empathy is a curse. Being an ashole that takes advantage of the empathy of others is really a curse. But yeah, boundaries are important.
@@VintaGi have just experienced the assholes winning so far. sometimes i am jealous of how they are able to go on while i am still struggling to understand.
@@lisaaaron5564 There is a place for that type of people, away from you. For real tho, take care of yourself, you are the most important part of your life, you can love others in a selfless true way as you love yourself. Also, not so related but have a beautiful night :)
@@VintaG thank you so much. i am trying to learn and educate myself and my daughter so we know to see signs we are not around “safe people”.
@@VintaG In this world, unfortunately there's such thing as too much empathy and having compassion for people who got themselves to the point they're at in life can be dangerous and makes you an easy target to get taken advantage of ):
Timestamps
1). People-pleasing paradox 0:35
2). Spotlight effect 1:13
3). Passive-aggressive pitfall 1:54
4). Low points 2:55
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Thank you. 😊
@@EnigmaNeko not a problem
Thank you 😊
@@noonegirl happy to help 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I usually don get more than one thing connected to me but I got all of them in this video
It's good to be nice, but not too nice because, like Marinette in miraculous once said, having a good heart can sometimes be a weakness to be used and taken advantage of. Not everyone appreciates a kind gesture. If you are too kind, people will use it to their own advantage.
Dang, didn't think I would hear a ladybug quote here, but that is a good one.
A rare mention of that show
Would balance be key? Being a good person.
I wonder if they purposefully used Sayori from doki-doki literatur club in the thumbnail?
I saw sayori and just clicked
@@dageneral7708 Same.
@@dageneral7708 also same
@@dageneral7708 Same bros
She a gentlelady
I was raised with the belief that kindness is not a suggestion, but a requirement. Walk around with a smile on your face, open the door for others, remove your hat when greeting a lady, say “yes sir/ma’am, no sir/ma’am”, and you’ll instantly make everyone’s day a little bit better. I thought this was a gentle way to approach the dating life, too. Be kind, be gentle, be patient, and listen. Sometimes people don’t need you to give a speech on what they’re going through, sometimes they need you to shut up and hold them.
But now… now there’s no compassion, only hate. No reverence, only spite. No admiration, only scorn. I tried to move through the world with a smile on my face and a jolly attitude, only to be met with the expectation that I should be miserable and invulnerable.
Yep it's very frustrating. Society praises selfishness it's exhausting.
I also feel that way a lot of the times, but I also got surprised often by the kindness of others. It's still there in this world, it's just harder to see since it's always easier to be a bad person. Occasions to be selfless and kind aren't as common. But I saw recently someone shaking the hand of a homeless man, I saw people voluntering to help animal shelters, I was also surprised how many people there was at a blood donation event. There's still good people out there. And you know, sometimes people aren't good or bad but are often grey. They can be sometimes selfish and other time compassionate. And you know, it's not a big act, but me typing this message for you trying to cheer you up is also a demonstration of kindness that still exist in this world, don't you think ? And maybe it will help you see the good in this world if you surround yourself with compassionate people, voluntering can help you with finding this kind of people. At least that's what I plan on doing since I also struggle to see the good in this world. I hope it'll help me and maybe it'll help you. Anyway, I sincerely wish you happiness my dear
I was raised the same way, and recently I've been dealing with depression.
The world is cold and cruel with only small points of joy in it.
No one's perfect, and everyone falters, so feeling overwhelmed by the world is normal... But it's definitely been worse nowadays
I’ve had women ask me why I smile so much, as if it’s a bad thing. Our parents ruined our dating lives by teaching us to go against our male nature.
You've gotta build your walls high and steep and leave them there.
In a world flooded with apathy, condescension and plain cruelty, kindness is becoming rarer by the day.
Too many people tell me that being nice is a sign of weakness which explains why people take advantage of nice people
I mean, the most "successful" people are narcissists or have antisocial behaviors(like to project their amoral desires/actions onto others, don't care about truth or morals/ethics, etc.)so you may be on to something.
Kindness is very much appreciated, but is also exploited, abused and/or quickly forgotten. I feel like that's one of the reasons why kind people try not to show kindness much
@@JustaNobody-j8x that would explain it
@@TheMCzorro I agree I personally like to show kindness to other people, and really appreciate it when they show it in return
DDLC!! 🤩🤩-
Nonetheless, great video. :D
Clicked for the psych2sayori thumbnail
☺️
@@Psych2go which doki is your favorite?
@@sunlight9866 for me...
Just Monika.
I constantly silence myself and go along with whatever other people want because i don't have many connections in my life. I don't want to lose the few friends i do have so I try to make sure they never have anything negative to say about me. I try to mold myself into the person they would want me to be so I don't have to be alone.
Omg same, I try to Saveur the last of connections left for me. I still long for my past friends even though they have forgotten me. I think I am just too boring so people leave me after I try to be friends with them. Only few stay long enough to get to know me.
The only way to truly beat that is being okay with being alone
I tried to keep doing that till I can't no more.For the old time's sake.This thought was already ruining me.I just don't wanna go with that flow anymore.Losing people is ok if you are not treated right.
Be courageous.
Be yourself.
same. i have actually a fair amount of connections but i try my damnedest to keep them and sometimes it genuinely hurts inside sometimes
Yesterday I had a guy telling me im an insecure about that exactly - i put myself lower than others and it hurts me more and more over time. It used to be much worse but is still so hard to get out of it
just start being a jerk. its fun. you might still end up alone but at least you earn respect.
@@balla4544that’s how you get hurt.
I think it's good to have people around you who points out certain potential flaws, but being nice can also attract the right people too into your life. Other nice people. It depends on 'why you are being nice'
It feels good just getting a genuine "thanks" in return for helping someone. 🤗
I think I avoided this 'syndrome' during my upbringing by employing a bit of nihilistic philosophy. Hell, I even accidentally quoted Morty. "No one truly deserves anything, everyone is going to die.", so I pay attention to satisfactory results instead of people's opinions and remain open-minded to others' perspectives and goal-driven. Being on the spectrum means it's unlikely for me to find a partner and rival in life due to the double-empathy problem alone.
I think you're being really realist about it.
I would call it nihilistic realism at most, but i may be biased as im similar.
In fact, I had to explain this to my friend and boss recently. "If you want me to be overtly nice to people who aren't going to get results, you're asking me to lie and waste both of our time"
I dont mind being courteous or decent, simply because it leads to others not causing problems.
Retaining an open mind and understanding just makes learning and interacting with new subjects and view points possible and engaging.
The spectrum getting in the way of relations simply because we see the world differently is a certainly a hurdle.
Dude you’re just realistic as hell , and that’s okay 👍
Be nice, genuinely, not "nice" as in gullible and a pushover. And don't let people take advantage of you. Respect yourself and others. That's what it means to truly be nice.
Reciprocation is important. It's frustrating to constantly told to give and be kind but get nothing back. And be invisible if you don't act a certain way.
Ask yourself why you expect something back. Is that being a genuinely nice person?
@@cynthx uhm.. most people who are nice don't expect you to take a bullet for them or something, they expect a compliment or reciprocation of being nice.
@@Krezmor That's social etiquette. But I also don't do things more for other people than I would because I'd like someone to do it for me. IE hold the door open when I'm carrying several grocery bags, or leave room for someone to merge in front of me who's signaling to merge in. I don't expect anything in return. I just understand that it's a nice feeling. Don't ask. Just do it because you want to. If you expect something in return, work on yourself.
I don't instead exactly have nice guy syndrome, because instead of seeking validation through it, I just want to help, be kind, and stay neutral to others and not really expect anything too much from it except the happiest of either then getting better, or being trusted enough to be able to help them like that. And I don't really have any problems with talking about boundaries or saying the truth either
This one comment in it's whole glory is truly how I'm still living my life up to this day
In my situation I guess it's more of a "there's too much morons in this world, I wanna be different" but despite taking it into the "different" Me perspective it's more about Them - anyone who's gonna come across me eventually
@dandeechannel4973 I see where you're coming from, and it's definitely quite interesting and respectable, but in my case, it's more of wanting to help people to make them either happier, get onto the right track, and/or make sure they'll be alright, and that really came from some self-reflecting of wanting to genuinely be kind and help people, but also know if anyone would or is trying to take advantage of my kindness and help or just isn't a good person in general
I have no idea why I clicked so fast😅
Same
Same here 😂❤❤
Maybe in time you will 😅
Thanks for your support! Is there any other topics you’d interested us covering more on? :)
@@Psych2go long term procrastination. I sometimes put things off for years, I need to get a hold on when this happens because I could die never doing certain things because of this
"You gently open the door"
-psych 2 go literature club
I saw the title and I was like “WATCH THIS. NOW. RIGHT NOW.” I literally just dropped the book I was reading (lost the page I was on HAHA) and just started watching hah I think I like this channels content a little bit too much
Thank you for your support! What book were you reading?!? 😆😄
I was reading a manga called “jujutsu kaisen” and it’s really good !! It’s been a way for me to feel happy and kind of an escape from sadness and also just because I like reading !! Also I honestly love the content !! It’s helped me realise that I need to take my mental health more seriously and I’m even getting a therapist !!! (I also kinda think I’m a little bit of a fanboy over the manga I’m reading because I started the 1st book two days ago and uhhh I’m on the 3rd book now 😅😅)
I might be too nice, but I'm proud of it. I don't want to be toxic just to fit in
You seem to know the difference between being a good person and being nice.
Pride is a sin
I used to be a nice guy. Had be bullied and tried to fit in, but then that wouldn’t please those around me. So around sophomore year I just stopped being nice in general, caused a ruckus in school and at home, turned form a good boy into a bad one. I changed once again. This was inevitable due to the pandemic. I stopped associating with the wrong people and let the people who bullied me and tried to please alone.
Nowadays, I’m trying to be a mature and calm man who treats everyone with respect and kindness. Even people who are mean, I’m still kind to them, though they can still get on my nerves lol.
If anyone wants advice. Don’t be nice, be kind. This will help you in the long run, even if things in your life seem dark. Be kind to yourself and others, especially be kind to those who are mean. That doesn’t mean let them walk over you. Set clear boundaries with them.
Kindness = strength.
There is so much negativity in this world that i can't help be nice and spread joy but that's only because i have my sh** together. I honestly don't gaf if i get the same energy back, as long as the other individual is happy I'm cool with that.
That thumbnail left me hanging man!
Good advice for young people. Thank you for including the RIGHT way to be nice. Do it and forget, lower expectations. Experience will teach you that.
this channel quite literally saved my life
The origin of the word nice comes from a French word that means fool or stupid, clumsy or weak. That French word had origins in Latin from the word “nescius” meaning ignorant or unaware.
Now, being nice at times is a good thing but always being nice, if you think about it, does make you look a bit weak or foolish in certain situations
As someone who used to be a "nice guy" and incel its not easy to grow from but it is possible. There's hope to be happy. You just have to work on it.
This channel is just so nice it helps me with lot of things as these effect are very common in present i was also feeling very unhappy and didnt know what to do
I prefer to be called "considerate" over "nice". Because being considerate allows me to make that decision while nice just feels superficial.
😂😂
😅 yes i do and i need to get out of it because I feel there needs to be a balance between caring for yourself without seeming selfish
Thanks for so meaningful and valuable video as always ❤❤❤
Thank you for being here. What do you think about this topic? :)
I swear I'm f-ing so tired of people taking advantage of me
Who are the types of people who take advantage of you? Is it people who already have everything? People close to you etc? I'm just curious
@@Assassin274 classmates who ask me to do something for them even tho I’m already super busy and they can easily do it themselves
@@BriBriBriYT hmm fair, respecting peoples time is something some people don't learn cause they aren't super busy themselves.
@@BriBriBriYT If you dont enjoy their company, or find that your exhausted being around them, best to cut them off. more often than not, theres relief in not having to think about those people anymore.
@@BriBriBriYT say you do it and then just don't do it. It's easier said than done but if you already grew resentful you can use passive aggressiveness to get back at them.
Dude i always do this, i try to help others 24/7 without thinking about myself, but when i’m alone i feel like i haven’t done enough. Even when i’m completely worn out and can’t move without feeling pain.
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:35 People-pleasing paradox
1:14 The spotlight effect
1:56 Passive-aggressive pitfall
2:56 Low points
3:35 Outro
I hope these timestamps help.
Definitely makes one evaluate themselves. I think ive been getting better at communicating my honest feelings instead of people pleasing or being nice which would lead to passive aggression. Good topic!
I did that without knowing and true enough it felt like I was pleasing people without taking care of my own needs and ended up feeling burn out. I now set boundaries and try to place more priority on myself
I think the more correct term is extreme doormat syndrome. You can be nice but also not a pushover. And nice guys finish last is Bull and a lot of the "nice guys" that phrase refers to usually arent even nice. Just pretending to be. Im just saying
This is making me realize I've had a "nice guy" as a friend and I just said they were toxic, I didn't know the reason why till now. He'd get me gifts, even though I'm uncomfortable with gifts (and not just the normal discomfort that everyone has- I have legitimate trauma from gifts and avoid them) and when I wouldn't show my happiness he would be very rude and hold it over my head.
Good thing he's been gone out of my life for 2 years now! I wish everyone else healing if you've ever been through a similar or different situation with nice guys/girls. ❤❤❤
Bro, the Karakuri Piero thumbnail caught me off guard. Didn't think I'd see Miku today but it's a good point of how being "good" allows people to take advantage of you.
I don’t think you should be nice. I think you should be gentle. That is knowing you have power, but have it under control. Maybe a type of stoicism is better than being nice.
I feel like I lean more toward 'nice' in the sense of never putting myself before someone else when given a choice, rather than doing extra things, but it still fits. It applies to any small thing, like always stepping aside when walking by someone, even when they're not showing any consideration for where you're going, or never speaking over or interrupting people even when they're missing something important; accepting tasks that feel excessive due to feeling responsible and worrying about being blamed for the hardship of them finding someone else to handle it, and it ultimately comes down to not wanting to lose your status as 'reliable' or 'considerate'. Unfortunately, due to negative bias, people tend to just glaze over the multiple times you accept/step aside and remember more the one time you refused. :/
If you're honest, expect to be shouted at for being so selfish.
For real. The only take aways from this video were "put a pause on being nice and take care of yourself on occassion (because *clearly* no one else gives a $#!% to care for you.)
It's not the greatest message, despite the intent to help.
Just subscribed past week, then new video drops featuring my favourite character of all time, what are the odds? Great content 👍
Thank you for joining along!
How do you pop up at the right time??!!! You're just too good
Great timing! Were you looking for this topic? :)
I will study 30 minutes for every like i get🙇🏻♀️
That's about 8 .5 hours of studying for you Mr/Ms 👍
15.5 hours now
16 now
20 hours now
45 likes, hope you actually do that
Nice guy finishes last
Which is why we should all hate each other. Hell, how do we win wars?
Man, I don't know if I should feel honored or terrified for finding myself in most of these videos..
When you're watching this for another random video to cope then tears suddenly come out...
Self diagnosis starts in 3... 2... 1...
I am a simple person.
I see Sayori in a thumbnail, I click.
But I ended up learning I am the “nice guy/girl” archetype
Its good to be nice/ kind. Just have balance and understand that life has ups and downs. If people take you for granted get them out of your life. No one wants to feel under appreciated. Everyone likes validation and comfort from those they care about and silly to shame people for kindness and turn them evil.
I think I'm going to try doing the stuff said in the video.
I've been struggling trying to make myself happy, but I've found someone who makes me happy. 🙂
You know its on point when you have to watch it twice to truly absorb it all lol
Did you watch it a 3rd time?
LOVE THE DDLC REFERENCE ‼️‼️
I think I see myself falling down this rabbit hole. Thank you for catching me.
you escaped the hole just to be caught. this...this cant be! 😮
Like a people pleaser?
Pretty much it seems...
Not anymore. If anything my problem for a good while has been misanthropy.
This channel has like hundreds of videos but the only ones that get recommended to me are the ones that literally are about me and my current situation
Sayori
Hey Meriem if you're watching I hope you're doing better💜
Miss the lady with the calm voice 😢
This guy's voice is also very relaxing
Awww Amanda is still doing voice over with us!
@@Psych2go im glad to hear and I meant no disrespect to this guy doing the voice over. 💜
Like most, I clicked because of Sayori, but from the get-go I knew I don't have nice guy syndrome, or maybe I no longer do, truthfully I can't remember.
What I have achieved however is a normal level of niceness while keeping the relationship healthy. It's definitely the right path to go on and I'm happy this is working out so far. Honesty is key for a healthy communication after all!
it really hurt when you try to help them multiple times end up sacrificing too much that it left you with nothing
I always had an underlying sense that I might have this. I now realize that I very much have this. I have seen like symptoms and stuff like that relate to me, but after this video, I realized it explains me ALOT. Like, I fit in with 90% or more of this video.
Thank you, for helping me come to an understanding of myself. Hopefully, I can take what I have learned and use it to better myself and my relationship. Thank you so much
I have good boy syndrome. When I'm called good boy i shake
Do you know "choppers from one piece Anime"? He also likes being called a good boy too.
This reminds me of this CZcamsr I watch Aphmau, not from MyStreet but from the SMP series. Aphmau seems like someone with nice girl syndrome, she is always trying to please her friends through her acts of kindness and compassion. Her kindness isn’t fake, Aphmau is a genuinely nice girl who wants to be validated and accepted by others. However, her nice girl syndrome makes her a people pleaser who sacrifices her own needs to please her friends, and they often mistreat Aphmau and take advantage of her kindness. Also there’s Luisa Madrigal from encanto. Luisa is too nice and passive and always sacrificed her own happiness, well being, wants and needs to please everyone around her and everyone asks her for favors but she is unable to set boundaries and say no. This leads to Luisa feeling insecure and hating herself when she can’t be strong enough to do her tasks and please everyone around her. Luisa and Aphmau are examples of girls with nice girl syndromes who always give to others but everyone else always takes and never gives back. I also have struggled myself with being too nice. I was too nice and passive and I allowed people to walk all over me and push me around cause I was afraid to stand up for myself. It wasn’t cause I didn’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings or seek validation but cause I was afraid of getting on other peoples bad side.
Same, I have it for both tho
Like I'm genuinely nice because of traumas I had from years like people I loved dying, getting bullied and manipulated, I just don't want anyone having the same feeling as I did but people foundba way to get through and manipulate me through it
I have a friend who definitely suffers from this, worse than I do. I make sure to do what I can to help him, sometimes reminding him he needs to take care of himself as much as tries to help and take care of others. Certainly the nicest person I've ever met, but he's certainly a handful...
Clicked for Sayori, stayed for learning a little about myself
Just in time as I was trying to figure out how to be better to myself.
I was not aware, that there is an actual term for it.
The more you know the better you will feel, eventualy
SAYORI FITS SO WELL💝
Thanks for noticing! Do you like these references? :)
This is literally what I have... This video came at a good time
Welp, time to take a long walk off a short pier.
I act nice to people who are nice towards me, but the moment they drop it and just act indifferent, i leave, if they have nothing more, i have none left. Unfortunately, too many now are more avoidant. Tho i have other things that make me happy, the hole in my heart for love is quite sizable and can't be filled by the things i do. To become mean, indifferent and uncaring, a dr loveless, might be all i have left.
Kindness is a sign of strength, genuine and humanity, often taken granted for. It should go along with boundaries abd balance, be kind to yourself too. You're not supposed to be perfectly kind, you can still do bad choices or refuse to help because of people taking you for granted. But I hope you realise the value of it and don't let it discourage you.
i love the sayori ddlc thumbnail
Thanks for noticing! Do you like these references? :)
Nowadays I'm only nice to people who generally deserve it, not to those who i just meet randomly or those who wants something out of me or to make others before myself i learn a big lesson about that in life
I used to be a people pleaser. I would do anything and everything in my power to “help” others, but all of that just so I could be accepted. Eventually, I realized I was not happy, and through a very hard effort finally set myself free. I’m so free now, and still kind. Only that, I would only help when I really care, and be completely aloof when I don’t. No more feeling obliged to be kind when I’m not moved.
Thank you Psych2Go team for wonderful animation and explanation ✨
I used to struggle with things like this. It wasn’t until I learned about reciprocation that I changed my ways. Basically, give as much as the other person gives you. Do they rarely message you? You rarely message them. Do they check in on you quite often? You check in on them quite often. Match people’s energy and you’ll attract the right people into your life!
Another amazingly animated video by our queen naphia!
I’ve done my best to be nice because that’s what I was taught to do. When I think back on it it was all worth nothing.
i haven't even watched the video and i already know it's gonna be awesome cuz the thumbnail has karakuri pierrot miku
My husband sometimes makes me feel like I'm the "bad guy" only because I express my eventual complaints.
Then he says "Oh so you can do that but what if I would do the same?!" 😑
I've told him million times that I actually prefer and would appreciate if he expresses what annoys him even in an angry manner. Better than holding grudges for things that I'm not even aware that they annoyed him! 🤯
Still, he chooses to stay silent like a poor "martyr" and I'm presented like the b*tch. Then of course it's MY fault that he doesn't speak up 🤦♀️😭
The bursts of anger happen totally unexpectedly because obviously he bottles everything up and then explodes. The problem is that he is aware of the building up situation while I'm caught off guard and completely shocked every time.
Silent treatment and stone walling follows that, every single time..
I'm honestly on the verge of depression right now, very exhausted emotionally. The lack of healthy communication can be a reason for divorce despite loving a partner. Holding on a very thin thread this time 😔
Can you do a video on trauma responses? I have been struggling with loud sounds like yelling and my grandma suggested that it is a trauma response.
high school just started for me (coming from 2 yrs of online school, -99999 social skills) and i’ve started being almost too nice. i’ll help anyone out, like hand them my chromebook charger, let them waterfall my bottle because their throat is parched, etc. i’m coming to realize that 1) i may have nice guy syndrome 2) i’m being this nice guy just because im very shy and have social anxiety, so saying no to others is kinda hard for me - because like what do you do? say no? i’d sound like a jerk…? i’m really submissive and i realize that.. anyway, thank you for shining a light on this! ❤
This came up in a good timing
I'm kind of feeling downed because of something from work
I'm a barista at a restaurant, right now we are short-staffed, so last Saturday, I was supposed to double my shift, working from 8am to 8pm, and a waiter and the night shift barista would be working from 2pm to 10pm until the restaurant closed. The thing is, the night barista quitted that same day, and the waiter was gonna be alone from 8 to 10, so I decided to stay two extra hours, just so he wouldn't endure the last two hours alone. The next day, we had a rush in the restaurant, and he and another waiter were giving me so much trouble in my job, but it was specifically the waiter from Saturday who gave me the most trouble. It isn't only not the first time doing this, but it also involved the manager this time. After the rush, I felt so burnt-out, overstressed, overwhelmed. This was the first time I ever thought of quitting
Right now, I'm still slowly retrieving my will to go to work, but I still feel disappointed and mad as much as I feel I shouldn't feel that way. I can't leave behind the thought and hope that maybe after deciding to extend my shift only so he wouldn't be alone, he could have been more considerate to my job, at least a bit
I don't want to think that way
There’s a difference between niceness and kindness. When you’re nice, you say and do things with intent to be liked and agreed with whereas when you’re kind, you say/do things from a place of benevolence regardless of others disagree or not. It’s better to be a kind person and not a nice one.
1:40 its crazy that by playing games like dark souls and the end is night i overcame that. I was the one who beat that hard level, i was the one who defeated the boss. BUT now im stuck in a loop trying to one up myself over and over again, now i've came to a point that to do something impresive i need to beat the entire game deathless. At least im only trying to impress myself.
This used to be me. I was overly nice being taken advantage of, even by my parents. Once I turned 20, I placed boundaries and honored them, then I was seen as the bad guy. No regrets
The people pleaser part has me stumped. Im someone who likes to please others and ALWAYS puts others before myself. I rarely have time for myself and when i do, i dont know what to do. I like helping others even if it wears me out. I want to keep helping others. Ive like formed a whole nother personality revolved around others to the fact that it doesnt feel like me. Ive always been really selfish and attention seeking on the inside but i form a different person around it. I try to hide the fact that i am selfish by being a people pleaser.
"I gently clicked the video"
I find a good way to help with this mindset is ask WHY i am helping someone, if its for validation its probably good to take a step back or just say whats on your mind
Where’s the lady narrator Amanda? I love her voice .
my friends kept telling me to stop blaming myself in doubles badminton for my teammate's mistake. I never stopped haha
A personal experience, that may be interresing for you who got into a similar situation, or just love to read reddit stuff:
I learned to actually be nice, but i also kinda think there is still something about the 'nice guy síndrome' inside me.
I used to be shy and lonely, and i tried to overcome autism (don't take this as a very important factor, its not so severe) by improving social skills, which as funny as it seens, it worked, I became a extrovert, while still being a introvert for my own personal life, a ambivert. (i socialize and talk more than most extroverts do, somehow this happened, but i usually have my times where i hate having anyone around, i literally want to be alone at all costs).
I failed a year at high school, got into a class of very chill and polite people, they socialize, they try to integrate you in stuff, its cool, very different from my old class where people kept their own social bubbles and refused new people who were not 'like their own'.
Then i met a group of nerds, those nerds who are basically introverts, have their group, mind their business, i understand because i used to be one.
In this group of four people, there was me, a programming nerd who likes to draw nuclear power plants designs, a girl who likes kpop, romantic music, bossa nova and stuff like that (good taste), a boy who likes dragons and also got in programming later and a crippled boy who is a friend of mine since a long time, he is chill, life was unfair for him.
Then we planned to watch the FNAF movie together, like 8 months before it, would be cool, i never had that thing of going out with friends, it was new to me, and new is cool.
And jumping on the actual night, we made cosplays, some furry aah ears (judge me, i deserve lmao), and the girls even had make-up in character, there was like, 10 people.
I knew most of those who were there, and even the ones who didn't know me very well treated me nicely that day, i was loving that night in the theater surrounded by cosplayers.
But suddently, a girl came into the group, i had no clue who she was, and she was talking to that one girl on the close nerds group, and i then understood, she was her sister, almost my age, and i was like "oh cool".
She had a puppet cosplay, very pretty not going to lie about it.
We watched the movie, and when we headed to the entrance of the shopping mall, almost midnight, everyone was talking like crazy about the movie, but i just realized
*she was not talking much, she barely said a few words, she was not from our group, and felt odd to interact*
*i just realized, she was shy, and i simply lived like that for years*
I tried to talk to her, we exchanged words, and it was a cool thing.
Later on we would discuss theories on our discord group, and eventually, we both monopolized the chat, just us, talking about crazy theories, literally taking frame by frame to comprove some non sense stuff we had in mind (it was funny, believe me).
Talking to her i realized, she was smart, like, VERY smart, she observed details, she could tell a lot of things apart, form concise theories, and questions that got my braincells burning.
There was a science fair on the other day, and she visited my stand, i built an astronomic themed room with some mirror experiments (i ended up winning, and i didn't knew at that moment there was a competition, i just volunteered to bring my stuff i made when i was bored).
But the peak for me, was that she came to visit my stand, she was happily talking to me again, smiling, and i was getting a weird feeling about it.
And when i got to sleep that day, i realized, *oh no, not again* , yes, you can tell what happened, i was felling a bit attracted to that one girl.
Her sister was kinda mad when she found out (i told her to see what she could tell me, if it was a dumb idea or what), but she just told me some stuff about her:
She is a violinist, likes classical music, bossa nova, like her sister, she is smart, polite, shy, and the actual point, she was asked before by boys, she never cared about romance or stuff like that and declined each one. (and she is straight, if it comes to question, i also was afraid of that lol, of being rude to her or smth)
But even if i lost my hope, she still would come into my class sometimes, to ask me things, talk to me about her new theories, and then i would show her my FULL FNAF TIMELINE i made on my notebook during some boring classes, and then she would find some mistake or absurd thing i never imagined, i would fell dumb, and i was loving it. She always smiled while doing it, i can't be mad while someone breaks my theories with arguments and a bright smile on her face.
Eventually i felt my introvert hit me again "How the hell i am supposed to ask a girl i don't know out, if i can't even be her friend", and "how can i be her friend then, if i can't interact well".
(My past romantic experiences were... well, horrible to be optimistic, traumatizing to be realistic)
And i got into the loop for some weeks, before my school asked volunteers for a prom they would make for a city event, the pairs would be arranged, they wanted from our college the male students, and i don't dance too much, but i love Waltz, so why not? and it was funny, my crippled friend said "If he goes i am going as well", and then i bet that, we both joined the prom.
But our pairs would just be dancing with us on the day, for the actual Waltz classes, we would have girls from our college who would want to skip a class or two, to help us
And funny enough, on one of those days, a group of girls came to dance, and between those, there was her, the Girl from Ipanema (its a metaphor, but i like to call her like that)
I through "well, i am screwed, her sister probally told her by now, and she will be pissed to see me here"
And she just looked at my direction, realized i was there, and came into a STRAIGHT line for my direction
i through again "OK, NOW i am definitively screwed"
And then she reaches me "lets go dance?", and she grabs my hands and enters the Waltz entrance formation with the other training pairs.
I was red, red like a tomato, or to be more in theme, like a red rose.
We danced, i teached her to dance Waltz, she was dancing better than me at the end of that day, and she was all into it, happy, patiently learning the moves, we made lots of mistakes and ended up laughing while we would fall on top of each other doing very dumb rookie mistakes on the moves.
And, not to ruin the vibe, but we are not together yet, i don't think we will be soon, but she was nice to me, she is a nice girl, and appreciates my efforts.
The reason i posted this long history (which is real btw, its not even fanfiction, i actually described my last november), is to inspire maybe someone out there who likes a girl or a boy, and does not have the courage, because of shyness, or because of fear of rejection.
My recommendation is: Go and try, rejection is bad, but believe me, i gave a rose to that girl, and i never regreted doing so.
Go out there, admit your love, your affection, if the world hurts you because of it, *despite everything, its still you* , you have to try, to be the one to say "i did, i was there, and i don't regret my mistakes who take me to whatever my fate takes me"
Have a good night or a good day, there is a bright world out there, light shines to all, and its not a lifetime chance, life gives you a lot of chances to hold it.
There's a lack of nice people in the world. When I come across a nice woman or a nice man, I cherish them. Nice people are too valuable and precious to waste. When it comes to mean and grumpy people, well, let's just say that I have a very cold cold heart toward them.
I like making people happy even if I'm not happy. At least someone else instead of me can experience what I want to.
This hits closer to home than I'd like. Wait, isn't Hal from Megamind also a Nice Guy? Does that mean I'm like him?
The only thing that makes me feel good about myself is believing myself to be a kind person (with action to back it up, of course.) But after being hurt so many times, I've noticed how mean and spiteful I can sometimes be when I talk about people. So, the one thing that gave me internal comfort is now battling something that fills me with shame.
I usually try to be nice to everyone or at least not be mean as a start, but sometimes when those people talk shit about you behind your back and even those you think you trusted it becomes harder and harder to be nice to those people. If someone asks me if I want to go out and do something I usually won’t decline even if I would rather just stay home. Especially when it’s someone like my dad I don’t really have a choice in the matter and I feel forced to go meet some random I’ve never met and I just end up staring into the abyss wondering how my life got there. But if it means me letting other people down in the process of getting what I want I’d rather sit in suffering than do what I want.