INFP: on Childhood, Dealing with Notions of Weakness and Femininity
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- čas přidán 25. 02. 2013
- Ramblings about my childhood, trying and failing to stay on topic.
This was meant to be a response to Justina's video "Why don't INFPs want to be themselves: Explanation" ( • Video ), but I realized I'm not very involved within the MBTI forums, so I've not much to say on the topic of INFPs and notions of femininity beyond my own physical life experiences (particularly from my youth). So that's what I decided to talk about instead. I think my last statement really applies to all people, not just women. Perhaps fellow male INFPs will be able to relate to my experiences and provide some depth in the comments.
"What was that music?" It's a mix I made a while ago! creative title, i know: / chill-mix
![Addiction & Learning To Love Myself [02.27.19]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/mM08hd6lbt0/mqdefault.jpg)
Really wish I had another INFP as a friend in real life so I can have deep conversations like this without being judged as gay! This video makes me feel normal again xD Your point about "men having to do the approaching" is incredibly relevant to me right now as this is the main reason I absolutely hate using dating sites. I've been thinking about this a lot recently.
I watched a show about online dating and they did the math.
It was those that did the most approaching that got the best results.
You really have to work it like a business. It sounds very clinical I know but it is a numbers game.
I think INFP's are well suited to other INFP's. My male partner and I are both INFP's and we get on like best mates, because we understand each other so well.
Maybe you could get potential online partners to do the personality test and see what they are before you go out with them. Then question them on it and get to know them a bit more deeply before spending your time with them if they just aren't your type.
I would hate to see a fellow INFP get used or hurt in anyway and maybe the test could be brought in for a bit deeper convo.
INFP's need or want a deeper connection, not a superficial one.
Jasmin Flower 😞
I love the way you talk. Your eyes and mouth... I can see how ideas struck you when you're taking your sight off the camera and you're just so gentle in everything you do...
Exactly, it's that temporarily 'zoning out' :D
How interesting. I'm not alone. To all of you INFP s, I'm so glad you're in this world with me. True passion and altruism comes from you, adn it makes me more than happy to know that you are you.
Can't even begin to describe how powerful this video has been for me. Thank you for being brave enough to put a video up of your struggles and help give some insight to the rest of us dying for someone to relate for once..
"Homosexual feelings exists in everyone" agreed 👌🏾
INFP girl here. Yeah, I definitely cannot see myself as having been a guy. But I'm so glad there are sensitive guys like you out there!
I totally feel all of this. I've lived these same experiences and have had to wrestle with these same thoughts. You probably won't even see this, but I thank you so much, Ryan for being brave enough to post this video. I watched INFP videos all day on Monday, and these last few days, I've felt really different around everyone, way more different than I used to feel. It's because I now know just how different I actually am. But even so, I feel a since of pride in who I am. I feel like a flower pushing up through the cracks in the concrete; like something beautiful.
Wow, I'm an INFP male, and I related to so many of your experiences. I wonder if all INFP males to some degree experience a common theme.
Caesar Santizo I certainly did, I mostly had girl friends. when the boys were playing soccer. I always played barbie, winxclub with the girls. so People called me a girl, kid, gay, baby dossens of times. I was always crying about it. but as time went by. It all became easier.
I am a INFP and I love this video. I can relate to this on so many levels. I am a white, straight, male, and was born into an upper middle class family, but I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Thank you so much for having the courage to stand up for others!
As an INFP, I certainly identify with a lot of what you said here.
My childhood was a bit different though - while I was ridiculed and ostracised and had very few friends, I also had a very bad temper. This was really a result of internalising all of my emotions and never telling anyone about it, so it got to a point where my threshold was persistently overflowing; that, coupled with my tall stature and natural stock build, led to consistent bullying and antagonising from people who felt threatened or found my eventual overreactions funny.
I lost all of that in my early teens and got depressed instead, so I guess I poured my emotions into my drawings and long long (LONG) pondering sessions, and am now very similar to you.
A question to all other INFPs: Do you find that you swing between extremes in what you do? A 0-100 kind of deal. For instance, in social situations, when I switch to my temporary state of complete extroversion I suddenly become rather loud and hyper and lose all my inhibitions and do anything and talk to anyone. Once I become eventually exhausted and leave that social situation, I immediately go into an inwards state, isolate myself, and find myself completely jarred when anyone tries to talk to me and interrupt this.
Anyone get what I'm saying, or is it just me?
I think you are spot on. A lot of INFP's would be able to relate and those with a hint of ADHD would relate to the 100% side and the uninhibited hyper side.
I personally can get bored with things quite quickly.
I think I've found the thing I want to do for the rest of my life and I get excited and a 100% into it.
Then I can just give it up overnight or in a couple of days or a couple years and everything in between for many reasons.
All because I have decided its a waste of my time, I'm bored with it, or I have found something better to do etc.
I have so many unfinished projects it's not funny. I also have some finished ones as well. But I would put 100% into them while I was learning about them or doing them.
Oh boy, don't get me started on the uninhibited loud hyper side that can just come out. ;-)
Wow, thank you for this. Your feedback means so much to me, it's hard to put into words. but thank you. I'm very glad to know you've found what you love in teaching as well, and I wish you only the best on your continuing journey!
I just watched this, and even though I'm a female INFP, his description was spot-on. I felt like he was talking about much of my childhood (atheism, imagination, feeling like an outsider with peers). Amazing!
Took the test in the late 1980's, just took it again, (INFP) and it is uncanny how similar my experiences are to yours. High school was the same in the early 1980's as now in many ways I guess, introverts were suspected of being gay, and I had my share of that, although I am not. I balanced out the somewhat introverted and feminin-ish personality traits with kickboxing and martial arts, so by my sophomore year not many idiots would mess with me, and the few that did got a beatdown. I had one of the best looking girls in the school as my girlfriend the last couple years of school, this helped a lot socially, the suspicion was reduced but I was still viewed as an oddball because I hung out with the science geeks, the pot heads and the "In crowd" of the football team, drinking heavily and drug use on a daily basis would help reduce social anxiety. The drug use tapered off in my early 20's but the drinking became an addiction, married, 2 kids, now divorced, (married an extrovert vampire malignant narcissist that sucked me dry) As an empath this narcissist loved to drain me dry. Now at 49 I have been diagnosed with being bi-polar (manic depressive), agoraphobic, clostrophobic, social anxiety disorder. The bi-polar and social disorder I do not necessarily agree with, periods of high highs and low lows I think are somewhat normal and could just be situational depression related to things in my life, and social anxiety? that I think everyone has to a degree, but more because I am 71% introverted, so most of my world exists inside my own head. Good video!, the close up made it more personal and intimate, reminded me of the deep discussions I would have with my stoner friends in my teens. It is good to be validated here, it appears INFP males have all had similar experiences, and still I have people that think I am gay, it really does not bother me much anymore. If my personality was 51% feminine, 49% masculine, then my gender identity would be considered feminine if I identified it as such I believe, yet that would make me a gay woman, a lesbian male, lol.....I think there is always going to be a center where the polarity meets, the grey area, I think many people associate gender with sexual orientation, not so clean cut, it can get very messy in the middle. I identify as a man, I am attracted to women, but I fully understand from life experience this grey area, and society forcing people to adhere to the polar extremes is ridiculous, and just fear, lack of understanding. "You will never be defeated by what others say about you, you will only be defeated by what you say about you".-Cheers.
Thanks so much for the comment! I believe voices like yours need to be heard, for more reasons than one :) It's certainly comforting to know that those feelings of alienation are similar across the whole spectrum of gender and sexual orientation. Keep growing and always stay true to yourself !!
Hey man! Great video. 20 year old INFP and I'm finding that I really relate to a lot of the things you said. Keep making videos :)
I'm so much like you. It's tough. It's strange how well I understand women, and how many women friends I've had, yet how awkward romantic relationships feel for me..
Thanks for sharing your story mate! Appreciate this ❤️😁
It's extremely comforting to know it's all not so specific to my situation. Wow, thank you so much. I know what you mean about the extravert thing too; only very, very recently did I start to really comprehend that fact.
Thanks for sharing fellow infp. I could relate to much of what you said. At some point I'll make a reaction video...if I ever get around to it! :p
10:48, "I'm not afraid of who I am", as your face comes into focus and your staring directly at the camera. Very real.
Hey Ryan!
I just wanted to say that I could relate so much to your experiences. Even from my earliest memories of being a child, everyone expected me to 'build houses', while I prefered picking daisies. The only houses I've built were castle in the sky. Growing up in my youth, being called 'gay' was the very most common 'insult' thrown at me. Funnily from the age of 11 on there was always a girl I used to talk to on a daily basis via phone, who grew into sth like a 'phone 'girlfriend'' (more ironically, today I dread talking over a phone. I need to much time thinking about what I really want to say).
Having dealt with dozen attempts on trying to be a 'male', and just getting desperatly depressive about it, I have someday managed to 'be OK' with myself. Once I've accepted it's OK to be not the socially labeled 'male', life went a lot easier.
I'm glad you too have found to love yourself the way you are. Because you are.
Feel hugged,
another INFP Frederic
I love this. You were talking to Ryan but I feel that hug too. Thanks, INFP brother
Good video man. I'm a guy INFP as well and agree with a lot of what you said! I have this constant internal struggle (probably dating back to childhood like you) about what it means to be strong vs weak. I chase this ideal of strength but I don't even know what it really means to me or what it actually is. It's abstract. Anyway, I digress. Great music in the background btw! :)
Isaac James Wow! I couldn't agree less. I have issues with developing a concept for masculinity and strength and living in it. But I often question what exactly is masculinity?
To me as a female, just you being a male is masculine. You don't have to do anything, you already are masculine.
When I got older I realised this. When females are young they don't understand this as much and that's probably because of the stereotypes of macho males that pervades our societies.
What a great video, I could relate to so many things you said. Being a male INFP myself, I remember being called gay a few times as a teen - and people were right. I grew up in a very conservative environment and I couldn't admit it, but I knew that I was gay when I turned 13. I had always been a shy, dreamy child and people were often telling my parents that I'm unusually calm und sensitive and more 'like a girl'. That was true, and moreover, I was a rather anxious child and all these characteristics together would have made me a perfect victim for bullying at school. But luckily, they almost never bullied me, I don't even know why they let me go, perhaps because I used to be the tallest kid in class always, I'm not sure. Despite all criticism and being considered weird by some, I have always valued those characteristics of my personality that are commonly considered stereotypically female. And as you said, I have very often thought I would make a much better girl than I was making a boy. However today, in my mid 30ies, I am quite comfortable with the aspects being an INFP brings along. I like to be a man, I love to love men and I value my sensitivity - which seems to be something others appreciate so much, although I have been struggling with it for such a long time. Please keep posting videos, they are a breath of fresh air!
This world really does not encourage nor support the EMOTIONAL, the connection that is deep and meaningful. It is all about relationships, be it to one's cherished gerbils, stuffed-animals that one treats as "alive" even to the point of treating them nicely as they have "feellings" too, and the sensitivities we have to others.
As for being a man, I think you make a great man. We each have our strengths and weaknesses. Traits that are unique to us and valuable, no matter how "the world" perceives & judges or compares. A weakness is not a weakness in certain situations, just as a strength is not a strength in other scenarios. There is a time in a place for how to being.
Your right. every crime amongst humanity is rooted in the rejection of personal worth and love among brothers and sisters. the personal connectedness that we inherit is desired by every man. This inherent connection and togetherness is devalued and mostly erased from our culture through disguised aggression toward individuality and violence toward intrinsic value.
Thanks for making this video. I related to everything you talked about, eerily similar.
Stuffed animals, tv shows, passing thoughts of being a better female. We're so similar..
i love your hair and beard style!:D
I'll have to comment on this video at some point. Great video. Part of me wants to respond and part doesn't. Sometimes I don't like dwelling on this stuff. It's great that your talking about this and too bad more men didn't.
Everything is exactly the same with me and you and I thought that I was the only one. Gay rumors got passed around my whole high school which now my teachers as we'll think. I am an infp male and a artist / dancer. Most of the time the guys get jealous because of the way I look and when I look at there girlfriends for about 5 seconds they start throwing stuff at me. In middle school this girl use to follow me around every day because she thought that I like her and every of the 3 years should would always test me. I have more to tell but I just don't want to say it because it's too much of writing. But ever since I was in 3rd grade my life has been tough. On this month is when I noticed that I was a infp for the first time at age 14 because at age 8 I was naturally talented at drawing and I am now a professional dancer and started at 11. Life so tough as infp male.i don't want to express my feelings because I know that I just wrote about 2 paragraphs and deleted it.
rachid diallo Completely understand everything you're saying! Stay strong bro.
Relatable, fellow INFP :)
If only everyone thought this :P
Being an INFP male its difficult to find people understanding and open for me anyways.
thanks for your comment =]
Yes. I like how you mentioned aspects of being different.
At 22 y/o, I have had many experiences in jobs/internship/friends feeling too different in social settings. People talk about subjects that were uninteresting to me while I would just float into my own deep thoughts ...oops
I've definitely been called gay a few times in my life. I probably would've more if I weren't chubby for a lot of my time in public school. The biggest insults I got were people calling me stupid and that sort of thing. A lot of people also called me or asked me if I was stoner because of the way I speak and how relaxed I usually am. Probably the biggest insults were more along the lines of "you have no friends".
Also being an INFP, some of my favorite people are INFP males. Keep doing you guys. :)
All right!! I would love to see it :D
I am a INFP red head, I been notice red heads have this beutyful personality, I am very happy that I am not alone and there is people who wonder if there is something wrong with them but clear that wrong ideas of that. Thank you for this video.
Natalia
I have such a heart or INFPs. I have a son who is one. His dad was horrible with him. You are beautiful inside and out.
Like you said we male INFPs are in many ways the opposite of the norm for men, ESTJ. It's interesting that they have the same functional stack, only reversed. INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te, ESTJ: Te-Si-Ne-Fi.
I feel you bro its not easy being an INFP growing up. BTW whats that background music its awesome.
i'm in fact a huge Shane Koyczan fan!
Yeah, I have an INFP friend(and am one myself). He's a lot like you. He just has this open, easygoing aura. He's very sensitive, and the girls like him because he's relatable to both genders. It's not that you're feminine, it's that people mistake sensitivity for femininity.
The beginning part of the song is the same song from the movie Drive! They used your song?! So cool :)
Thanks for sharing! Ive been thinking and I have a theory.
Life or creation is rooted in Love and its opposite is fear which is the main feeling dominating the world.
Slowly the world is changing because more people are born with the ability to feel others and themselves, sensitive to the truth (meaning what you really are, without the masks or the ego or any material shit trying to replace what we actually feel and want)
and through those people which are women AND MEN, because we need all perceptives, coming from all shapes and sizes to help us understand each other and turn this world into a better place.
We were born feeling like the world can't understand us, because they don't. its our job to remind them by being exactly who we are.
I am done trying to fit in or change the awesomeness of being INFP.
From John Lennon to J. K Rowling to Shakespeare himself, artists, writers, creators, helpers and givers that reminds us that even when it's hard we are together and we feel the pain and respect it and we reach out to support and by being true - Love has more room to grow.
If you're an INFP I love you and I believe in the good you are inspired to do 🙌🙏💜
Until I had some profound realizations about myself, I acted the way people expected me too. It was numbing and depressing...
Me too
I'm also a guy INFP. I'm pretty sure I have been my whole life...but only recently did I know that I wasn't alone. So I'm excited to maybe learn something and relate.
As a kid I didn't talk all that much, I was very much an observer...still am. I was pretty attached to my mom at a young age, I think I would get separation anxiety...because I have some old videos of me and in some I'm usually looking for my mom. My dad got me into sports heavily and I was good at them...but that's when I started questioning if I was as strong as other boys were. I wasn't as strong as them physically, but I made a good team player. When I was playing at home...I was usually also imagining my action figures and everything were real...even though I knew they weren't too. I liked to narrate on cassette tapes some of my comics I used to read too. :P
Anyway, my parents got a divorce when I was about 11. I switched back and forth between my family. But this is when my problems really started...or rather when I became more reclusive. I started spending a lot more time alone and I kinda disconnected from people for a while. Mostly because I was confused about who I was. And the things I was feeling, I didn't really have anybody to share with. So I fell in love with art. I love music, it's been my passion since. When I got in high school I had some close friends, but not tons of friends...though people seemed to like me because I was chill and nice to people. But I got bullied too and even some guys saying they wanted to kill me. It scared me really. Because I'm already emotional and the thoughts made me anxious. Ever since high school I've had anxiety problems. It's hard for me to socialize with people like this and to top it off...I'm introverted and socializing with people over time kinda drains me. I have to be alone for a while sometimes.
Now I'm 27 and I'm still having identity issues where I just don't feel like the guy girls want. As if subconsciously we as a society are still expecting males to be human doings rather than human beings. My last relationship was with a girl who I really loved...and I was really emotionally attached to. But eventually it just seemed like my emotions weren't taken seriously or like I was just supposed to be able to deal with it because I'm a man. But I need support too. It's a strange time to be a guy and an infp.
I also figured out years ago, with the same girl, that I had a healing effect on people. I found this out one night when she stayed over at my house. It was getting somewhat late and she said she wasn't feeling so good. She had started to run a fever and I helped her to lay down and relax. Let her sleep. And I came back to check on her maybe an hour later and sat by her side in the bed. I put my hand on her forehead to check her temperature, but I left it there. After a couple of seconds I started to think about really making her feel better and just inside of me...I really wanted to help her. And that's when I felt almost like a spiral of energy, like a corkscrew, coming from her head and traveling through my arm. I removed my hand and sat there for second thinking about what that sensation was. I described what I felt to her and she said she felt something strange too. Then like a few seconds later, she sat up and said that it kinda felt like it just went away...strange I know...but I started reading about things like that later. And finding that there were people once before who were believed to heal with their touch too.
Touch is something that I feel can soothe a lot. A hug, a pat on the back or anything like that to show that you love & care. In high school I used to have some people who wanted to hug me like every day because they said I give the best hugs. I just think about what I'd like a hug to feel like. I don't have an aversion to touching so much, but I do have a longing to be touched. I guess because like with my mom...I associated comfort with touch. Like hugs and someone holding you. And being a guy, I don't get held much in a relationship. It's hard for me to admit to wanting to be the one that wants to be held. There is a security in the embrace of someone you share love with. It's made me this really sweet/romantic guy.
I'm also great at sensing how people are feeling. I can also sense usually when I meet someone if they are bad people that I'd like to not socialize with. Just their energies...
I also never committed to a religion. Though I consider myself spiritual and feel some sort of presence sometimes. I mostly find my religion in nature and knowing that I feel a connection between everyone and everything.
I also got accused of being gay, which is why I had guys wanting to fight me in grade school and even threaten to kill me. It also probably didn't help that I was open to the idea...still consider myself bisexual...but I am more strongly attracted to women. I just can't find a girl yet that is okay with someone like me though. I still think some guys are cute and I don't mind cuddling with my guy friends if they are okay with it. It's not really a sexual thing for me with guys...it's more about the bond. I still love the idea of maybe having my own family one day and wife...some kids.
Oh and the music I listen to...well you can check out on my profile. I listen to everything...but my last gf said that my music generally was pretty moody. :P I just relate deeply to music and lyrics. I love to write...mostly poetry though.
I think maybe a INFP girlfriend would suit you.
We are mostly really sensitive and appreciate your sensitivities and will understand your moods etc.
Im an INFP and so is my partner. I hope to be with him for the rest of my life but if something happened to him like he left me or died, once I had healed from that I would definitely find another INFP mate.
He is so understanding to my personality because he has such a similar one being an INFP himself.
If you haven't found a girlfriend yet, maybe you could find a INFP youtube vid done by a female INFP and there you will find INFP females commenting. Just get in and start mingling and talking with them. Be bold if you like, lifes to short to be lonely. ;-)
Also you could do a healing course on the side, like massage or Reiki and charge for your healing services.
You could have plenty of females wanting healing from you. Good healers get a good reputation and clients will keep coming back.
Jasmin W Thanks for the response. :) Feels like such a gamble to be personal on the internet. Either you meet someone to talk to or they are someone who just wants to tease you or something. Completely forgot about writing this. Didn't realize I had written so much.
I think about love quite often. I think I read somewhere once about how INFP's sometimes imagine their perfect partner. They kinda just dream them up. I do. But it's kinda bad because usually someone ends up getting hurt. Sometimes expectations are too high with me and I'll end up being disappointed somehow.
I do wonder if another INFP would be good for me. I could see it being good in some ways. There are some other complexities that I think personality types can't account for. For instance, yeah I can be a really emotional person and read others really well. But sometimes I just don't want anything to do with the emotions. Or I may be stubborn in my own emotions and not be paying attention to the other person at the time. Stuff like that. I would think an INFP woman would need me just as much emotionally and I'm not sure if I could handle that. Guess there is only one way to know for sure though.
I saw the other day a couple that was INFP and ENFJ. Made me think maybe an ENFJ would be better. I guess I'm just thinking about balance really. When you hear people talk about their "better halves" I just think about this. And how a "better half" would have to be someone who is different than what you are. Like an alter ego. I think of it as coming together to be better than you were alone. So, if I'm introverted...my better half would be an extrovert.
I haven't played around much with my supposed "healing" ability. I used to have a friend, a girl, who was really into reiki. She's married now, but I thought we had this strange connection. Like we both just sensed the other one could read energy too. I should have taken her up on the reiki stuff. You have some good advice though. I've thought about doing something like massage before. I like to think I'm pretty good with my hands. Maybe there is some energy inside of me. Used to when people would hug me too they would say,"That's a great hug!" or "You give the best hugs!!".
With all of that said...I actually don't even know if I want a relationship right now too. I haven't been in one in years. I miss it...but at the same time I feel like I have a lot to work on with myself before I'm actually able to have a girlfriend or something more. I don't have my shit together right now. Feel like I have to have everything in order. That nobody is going to really want to be with me right now. My current position isn't attractive. Many reasons and other things to say on that...but I'll stop there as I've already said a lot.
LucidDream Yes I understand what you are saying about meeting people online.
The giving of personal info side of things is the hardest but its the only way to really get to know someone, especially if you are like me and don't go out socialising that much.
I wouldn't get to personal on an open forum either if I felt the person wasn't genuinely connecting with me and wasn't that interested.
But if they were showing signs of good communication online I would ask to communicate via email or some other more private method after a few good conversations.
Then move onto skype were you can check them out for real and see their face.
No excuses because there is to much catfishing going on. You just can't risk it these days.
As far as finding a good match, humans are such complex creatures, there are lots of factors that go into making a good match.
Backgrounds can play a really positive role. Because you will have common ground to relate to. Interests and hobbies are good as well. Similar professions can be another good one, that's if you want your partner to be a working career woman.
The reason I suggested another INFP is I had a boyfriend once that was an extrovert type personality and he wanted to go out all the time and be with people.
He liked being around people or his friends and have people over etc etc and it totally wore me out.
It ended up he use to go out by himself quite a bit because I just couldn't keep up with him in all his social ways.
He would end up going out to all hours of the night. I wouldn't sleep well because I would worry he was with other girls etc and some times he wouldn't even come home.
So you run the risk of extraverted people meeting other extraverted people and they can end up having flings with each other when they see each other out and drinking and having fun together etc.
While you are at home keeping the home fires burning and being good.
Im just trying to get explain what can happen and did happen to me. Just to give you an idea of what to expect with an extrovert. Of course not all extroverts will have affairs. But expect to get worn out by them.
A better half is just acknowledging your partners good traits and gifts. Things that are a bit different from our own that complement.
When we are in love we tend to idolise our partners and are deeply greatful for their qualities etc and don't mind saying "My better Half" when expressing our endearment towards them to others.
As far as the healing energy you have goes, it could be lots of things. Some healers just use themselves as a vessel for the universal healing energy to flow through. So it is not actually their energy, they don't credit for the healing. If you are doing this from a genuine point of love and care, it can work.
Others may have a kinetic magnetic energy that is strong within their constitution and this also serves as a healing energy that people sense and experience as healing.
It is such a diverse subject really and a very fascinating one. Its a great quality to have in a relationship because touch is such a beautiful way to express love and care towards your partner in all situations through out life. To me its like a special glue that binds us.
You will always be working on yourself. It never really stops for any of us.
And as far as getting your shit together before you find a girlfriend, I understand how you may feel that way.
Just realise the right girl will like you just the way you are.
She will see you are working towards your goals. And will accept that.
Just think how nice it would be to share the journey together for support and when you do reach your goals, to know she loved you before you were at that level of successful.
That is how it was in my relationship. My partner had left uni after 3 years and didn't finish his course. He wanted to be cartoonist and he didn't have much money or possessions.
All he owned was an old combi camper van that he travelled around in and some clothes, books and a push bike.
But we were instantly physically attracted to each other and that made up for a lot, we just made do. Anything to be with each other because we connected on a much deeper level than the material level.
Even if it had only lasted for a couple of years, that would have been a nice couple of years with friendship, love and care and without loneliness and not feeling the love.
Anyway, you know what you want, you know what you can handle. ;-)
As an INFP Male. I have also been ridiculed for my "feminine" behavior (whatever that means). many of my close friends in college are girls. Ive been called weird for almost all of my years in school. its awesome to see another person so much like myself..its actually almost eerie.
we're around ;)
Why subtitles don't work in this video? I am infp, curious what he is saying.
What did you mean by a strange aversion to touching? Thank you.
I love this and have often felt like id make a better guy
Doode, It's my birthday today, and today I discovered I am INFP, everything makes sense now. I thought I hate people, now I know I love you guys I love INFP brothers and sisters :D great day after all :) Goodbye depression, hello INFP community :)
great video
What is the beat at the start my INFP friend. ISTP
Awesome video!! im INFP also!
You remind me of Eric Forman from That 70's Show. Ever gotten this before? You also look like the guitarist (Eric Judy) from Modest Mouse. That guy also seems very INFP-ish.
Have you seen the 'To This Day Project' video on CZcams yet? I think you just might appreciate it. Great video by the way!
that was great, thanks!
you have amazing eyes, you can see in them that you are a good person :)
As an INFP guy I'll say I grew up as and I still am a conservative religious minority Which in my experience fostered a lot of the things that are apart of my personality now. I was always an outcast because of speech impediments, age, religion(although I did not understand this til 7th grade), 8 siblings and parents separation. I covered up my feelings by getting angry and into fights, which quickly masked the whole sensitive guy thing.
I have spent the past two years around an ESTJ and even though He has become the voice of Satan in my ears I really do think I learned 'some' pretty awesome things about the other side.
I strongly disagree with 'chance' though not necessarily because I am religious but because it encourages powerlessness. To justify this I would cite constructal Law in physics which is pretty much evolution applied to physics and that applies to everything. . No this is not an Intelligent Design arguement. Only efficient 'constructs' will survive because the most efficient will continue and produce more. Believing in chance and randomness comes from evolutionary theory which I accept, but evolution occured within a physical and orderly world. I guess it is the J in me.
Iam an INFJ girl dating an INFP guy. You aura is creepily like his! I think he had some similar experiencies growing up, for example his best friend at school was gay. And he is not a typical 'guy', he is a philospher and a feeler, he cries sometimes and that is good! I'm glad you are embracing who you are. I don't want a 'he man', I want someone to have conversations with and someone who will give me emotional support and hugs! I think society will catch up with you INFP guys! Good Luck!
I hear you fellow INFP.. (Interestingly, all comments left below by other INFPs, have perfect punctuation, syntax, spelling, structure, they're all temperate, and seem to suffer from a complete lack of exclamation marks..)
It's probably because they had a good education.
I'm not sure but I had a poor education and can't spell well without spell check or do perfect punctuation, syntax (what is that?) and have bad writing structure and dyslexic writing traits.
But I have definitely noticed a lot of INFP's, male and female, do exhibit the qualities you mention.
you are way too cool
Warning: Lengthy. Sorry in advance...
The main thing that I want to say after watching this video is that it feels nice to know that I'm not alone. When I was four or five years old, I realized that my best friend was gay. It was a very confusing time for me because he was my only friend at the time. By the time we turned 9 or 10 (probably 11?), I pretty much broke his heart because I didn't want to be his boyfriend and he stopped coming over for good. You can probably guess how difficult that all of this was for me to fathom at that young of an age. Throughout early grade-school, I was hanging with girls. It's not like I wanted to be like them but I just enjoyed hanging around them. This lasted until one day, I was getting ready to go outside then my father stopped me and asked where I was going. I told him that I was going to play with the girls across the street. He told me that I couldn't go. He said that, if I were to hang around girls, my skin would become soft, my voice would become high pitched, and I would start to act like a girl. Basically he was telling me that if I hung around girls, I would become gay (without really saying those exact words). Judging by the expression on his face and the tone of his voice when he told me that, he was completely serious about not letting me be friends with the girls anymore and, being how young I was, I believed everything he had said.
Later in grade-school (grades 3-5), I started being more interested in having a girlfriend but the girls who I were interested in were good friends who I was afraid to get rejected by. In 5th grade, I finally asked a girl out through a love-note and she ripped it up (the story goes). That destroyed me. After that happened, I retreated into a shell where i would only flirt a bit but never ask girls out. Ironically, that was the time in my life where gay guys started showing me interest. Picture that, 5th grade and it seems like every girl will reject you and guys are the one showing you interest. So, much like the experience you expressed in your video, it came a time where I began to think that maybe I would make a better girl than a boy. I wasn't wishing for it or anything but it was definitely a thought. Like you said, it just seemed to make sense.
I think it was 7th grade when I was first called gay for no reason. It had hit me hard because I had tried so hard and spent so much time struggling up to that point. I was just trying to make sense of my life but I wanted to be with girls rather than guys even though so many guys seemed to be attracted to me. There were these girls that lived in my neighborhood who I really liked but my pastor told me to stop hanging with them. My pastor lived right next door to the girls. The pastor told me that, if I went over to the girls' house, demons would possess me so I stopped going. I was 13 or 14 at the time. That point throughout the rest of my teen years were very dark. It got to the point that I stopped going to church, stopped listening to my parents, starting getting suspended, started smoking (weed and cigarettes), started sleeping around with girls.. I lost my virginity at 15 then I stopped talking to the girl out of nowhere just because I felt guilty.
All throughout my teenage years, everything stayed with me.. My dad's voice telling me not to have female friends, my pastor's voice telling me that demons would possess me if i dated girls who I liked, my mother agreeing with my pastor.. At that young age, I was trying my self and trying so hard to rebel but it was killing me on the inside. I couldn't date, I couldn't watch porn, I didn't want to go gay.. What was I supposed to do? The depression started. Suicidal thoughts surfaced often. By the time I reached age 16, I was in shambles but I was in my first real relationship. She was 19 and I was soon to be 17. It was long-distance and the love was real but I was so broken that it couldn't work out no matter how many times we tried to make it work out. By the time I reached 18, I had graduated to drinking and popping pills from merely smoking weed and cigs.
These days, I'm doing better but I'm still broken. I'm 22 now. I still haven't managed to to maintain a long-term relationship but I still hold on to hope. The suicidal thoughts aren't as common as they used to be but, when they do come, they aren't as strong as they were. It's funny because I don't even know why I'm typing this all out. I guess that I'm still looking for a place where I feel like I belong and, right now, this comment section seems to be that place.. Hopefully, my story can touch someone out there just like Ryan's story touched me. Be blessed.
-Yours truly, a fellow INFP
powerpro2013 hang on, I believe you can. :)
Anne Maveera Thank you. That means a lot.
The great thing about you is that you understand and have analysed what happened and why.
You know now that you can talk and play with any girl you like and you won't get a high pitched voice or get possessed.
Now you will go through the same channels and experiences as everyone else does to find a partner without those fears plaguing you.
You are young enough to have years yet to find the right girl for you and lucky enough to have the internet etc to sped up the process if you so desire.
I loved my stuffed animals as a kid. Every night until like 7th grade I would ritualistically cover every inch my body with them, and it would usually take like 15 minutes, starting at my feet. I would then cover my face with my blanket and only allow a small hole to breath semi-fresh air. In retrospect, I think it was because I imagined all sorts of things would be out to hurt me so I enlisted these animals to protect me. I still feel that I have to cover my face with my blanket sometimes.
You and me... we're the same. I like you. Infp bro xD
I'm kind of an ambivert mind you, so its like I'm 2 people at once.. which is sometimes tough.
thanks for posting this video, I'm happy that you did fellow male infp whom relates on many of your brought up topics
I'm a girl,19, my mom still makes fun of me for playing with stuffed animals.... I love them so much like you. Sometimes I come home being excited about playing with them.
Where can I find a male like you? I wanna date them, wherever they are! (I'm an INFP too)
I'm a girl but I don't think I fit in with the other girls... I'm always with guys. And I kinda see that guys like me as an INFP cuz I'm a good listener and is quiet or innocent something. But it sucks bcz I'm not innocent nor shy...
Any time I create a character in any video game I always start out with the female character model. Unless I can only make one then I just make myself.
Just try to do what I'm doing: get big, have an average level of confidence, dress in a fairly masculine way and surround yourself with like minded individuals; people will love you, you won't be brutally masculine or effeminate but you'll be more boyish. "Big and nice people" are apparently liked by many, as are people who seem intimidating on the outside but are actually nice when you get to know them. You know, society and all. I'm also an INFP but I generally do not show it outward. Patrick Wilson and Ryan Gosling and two celebrities who come to mind who are like that, and everyone loves them (czcams.com/video/k2U4FZFrMcA/video.html).
Also, if you are into the whole male hierarchy thing, you could just identify as a "gamma" like me.
I relate to you....most INFP's are feminists or at least KNOW a female more than any other male
I could relate to everything you said!:DD: I had like 30 stuffed animals which i all named and played with from ages 6-13 XD, its true... I was alot with girls from 10-13 and have always been called gay, i was the tiniest boy in my class in grow as skinnyness from 10-15 now im avergage like 5'11 so i know im not small, eventhough i kinda think soXD and im an agnostic atheist:D!
Damn, you are very cool! Personally I really took the fact of being called "gay" as a compliment...
follow the link at the bottom of the description.
the track list is in the description there, with youtube links to each individual song. glad you liked the vid!
Your feelings on homosexuality seem surprisingly accurate - The Ancient Greeks used to believe that everyone was bisexual.
I'm INFP woman, but I can still relate to your story...It does not matter all that much, you’re still weird etc and sometimes labeled as gay, because I don’t seem all that interested in men I suppose( I don’t really trust men, so I seldom react to their advances, can’t really help it :( need to get to know someone first etc.) Anyway I wish people would just stop labeling men who use their hart as gay, when they are straight ...I wish there were more actually! :)
Being a infp female I knw how everyone made me feel to be sensitive and I can understand how hard it can be for guys if you're being called gay because u r sensitive is shows how fucked up people's minds are
Every one has male and female qualities. Its not unusual.
Good video. I had and still have the same thoughts about sexuality and wanting to "defend" women's rights and behave better for them. More recently I've decided to be less of a "hero", because it is VERY mentally taxing. But I'll try to be a good guy in little ways. Do you feel that you can "entertain" or "transition" your sexuality as you want or feel? I go through that. I guess it's because I'm so open and don't like condemning something just because it's different. But juggling homosexuality and Biblical teaching is difficult. I choose God's way ultimately, though the temptations are there.
As far as the sexuality thing goes I agree with Tristan Rholl. He has a video it is the guy in the blue and black. In that I know how a guy can be attractive, but I could not go through with having sex with him. Im right there with you, but I might specify 'fill the earth' which just makes sense.
In general I would also say that sexuality from a purely sensual perspective seems to be another societal expectation of males.
Really... yeah, I think you're right about society expecting men to express their sexuality in a purely sensual manner instead of with a monogamous interest. I guess the Shakespearean saying applies here: "To thine ownself be true". Thus don't try to fulfill society's notions of what you should do, but do what you feel is right in your heart. I'm trying to do that by living God's way the best that I can.
You're hair looks nice long :)
final cut pro x :)
Oh and you talk like kurt cobain too.
... who also happened to be an INFP ;D
even one of my friends who is as manly as you can get said that he feels physical attraction to both guys and girls. I think it's stupid to have a fear of something that comes so naturally.
You are sooo damn cute!!! Id play stuffed animals with you any day haha -INFP girl
I been called gay, but that doesn't mean I can't be... Anyways great video I'm glad you have to strength to post your childhood experience its quite similar to mine except I've been called the kool aid man before among other things.
Your eyes are really beautiful.
But you're wayy too close to the camera for me to feel comfortable watching this. xD Sorry.
i still have my first stuffed animal on my bed right next to me lol i had it for 18 years
How old are you?
66.media.tumblr.com/f5c09afbcf3467724330290d72853518/tumblr_oein8y0l9p1rynk4uo1_500.gif
Why does every INFP look exactly like you
INFP here as well.
So you believed in make believe but you didn't believe in the existence of God, that is a bit ironic. =p
I jest, I had a somewhat similar experience growing up as well.
I don't understand this gay notion. Being gay doesn't mean being feminine people!!! Being gay is liking the same sex. Just because you like pink and other feminine stereotypes doesn't means that you are gay. You are just a non conformist, therefore, you are unique. BTW I like sensitive guys because it just shows that there is a connection that i can make as a human being and not as just a gender. idk...be in tune with your soul and not with your shell.
Damn you look and act just like Kurt Cobain! And he was also infp...