Why Men are SCARED of Talking to Women - Approach Anxiety and Ego Deconstructed
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 21. 07. 2024
- Todd delivers the hard truth on WHY you have approach anxiety and HOW you can alleviate it.
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đOutline
00:00 - Intro
00:22 - Understand risk and reward
02:17 - This is why youâre scared
04:40 - Feeling perfect & bulletproof
06:03 - Handle your sh*t
08:15 - Do this with your self-image
9:45 - The truth and reality.
#ToddVDating #Dates #OnlineGame
Ever wonder why you have approach anxiety when your game is intermediate or advanced... or even why it's WORSE than when you were a beginner? Well, here's your answer. P.S. Beginners can learn from this too...
sometimes i have absolutely no aproach anxiety, what i still struggle is with "not pulling the trigger" with the girls that are trowing themselves ate me
im more like '' lack of energy'' to approach people. That comes from fact i dont have enough sleep/good food/money/good relationships with people in general
You should do a video of how men who lack empathy should approach and talk to women.
@@virtual240 men who lack empathy are psychopaths, they have no problem, because they dont care and feel nothing while doing it
@@virtual240 ask a psychopath.
Confidence isn't walking into a room and thinking you're better than everyone, it's walking in and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.
only comparing oneself with yesterdays self
Real.
â@@schophi thats Always a win
This video is perfectly targeted to my situation all these years. I was on fire years ago..fell off (relationship new family etc) now I shy away from approaches even with choosing signals because I want to maintain that previous image that has yet to be reaffirmed. But it's all ego and it's truly holding me back. Great video..it speaks to everything I've experienced this far for more than a year..only this channel can dissect a men and women's nature because of his repetitive dissection of social psychology and living in it.. that's why I'm always here! Thanks Bro.
guys who make quite a bit money and they revolve around protecting ego that why would i need to talk to girls when i just pay that money for that ass? you got me, this is prevalent in upper or middle income earners
Exactly heâs so far ahead of everyone at this point
Same here man
Guys with Approach Anxiety should approach girls standing next to the bar. This is because you need much less justification to stand close to her and it's much easier to start talking. Plus if she isn't very responsive it's less likely to seem awkward since your main purpose was to order a drink. Approaching some girl at a table or on the dance floor is harder because you are at more risk of her thinking: 'who's this guy?' or 'why is he standing here?'
I did this when I was at College. I was in the line ordering a drink and some girl was next to me, started talking, and before we even got to the front of the line to the bar we were hooking up. I got my drink and said I'll see you on the dancefloor. Found each other an hour later and took her home. It's a great strategy.
That's an Ego way of thinking. Concerned about how you are gonna look.
No no no no no... Just NO!
@@thisisrandomphrase Well depending on where someone is at, it could be progress. Congratulations on being perfect.
@@thisisrandomphrase That's a very good point. Lately I realized that I would only try and talk to ANYONE when it's safe from the point of my Ego... That's a very crippling and limiting way of getting acquainted with anybody especially good looking women. They know all the tricks. And it'll hurt your ability to be free at any given time! I know it because I'm a victim of this stupid system of mineđ©
Todd is a 100 percent right it's an ego that's a number one obstacle.
This is EXACTLY what I needed at this moment. Todd man I appreciate you so much. Ego, it's damn ego.
This is an amazing video and the reason why Todd is the best in the business. I have never seen anyone speak about approach anxiety like this. Todd is 100% honest and so on point. Ego gets in my way so often. When I let go, and don't care, I do so much better. Thank you Todd for this video đ
Todd's the BEST!
That's some solid to the point stuff right there, Todd! Reminds me why I still follow you after about 5 years since learning about RSD and all the other coaches out there.
Thank you so much for all the free information you post Todd! This is gold.
Best video on the topic EVER. Just having this realization can change everything. Todd the Goat. Please don't stop bringing us these jems, your hard work is so appreciated.
Your best vid on self- development. Our attachment to our egos and how we look is big, we need to transcend the ego even if we look bad temporarily, etc. The older we get the more we get set in our ways and fear looking bad so being willing to constantly try, improve and not get too attached to a certain image of how we think we should look is key and trusting we have worth either way. It can take time to build that trust/experience.
Todd is one of the most honest coaches out there, and also one of the most experienced. Powerful combo!
@@contracthit9839 Your gf is never going to be the hottest woman you can bang. The best girlfriends are usually 7/8. And I've seen his game and it's solid.
@@contracthit9839 Where did Todd move to?
@@contracthit9839 I believe you. When you get to a lay count in the 100s you'll have your fair share of subpar women too đ€Ł 8s and 9s are rare, most of your lays will be 6s and 7s - that's just the reality of it.
@@contracthit9839 What guys have good game then, in your opinion?
Those who can't do....teach....
Excellent video Todd. I am gonna watch this every day till I get rid of my ego issues... I've never heard anyone say a big ego actually gets in the way of building self esteem.. Amazing. Thank you so much dude
In all honesty, just watching it isn't going to help. Personal development is an active process that needs to be done in the field.
Gotta say Todd, this is a very good video. You were very open and honest with yourself and what you said about ego and self-esteem was honestly very enlightening and inspiring. Thank you đ
This is by far one of the best videos Uncle Todd has ever made. Not only can you apply this in approaching and meeting women but you can also apply this in life. Letâs play to win fellas.
I love you Todd! It always goes back to play to win, and fuck it if you lose. Raise your self esteem as high as a kite, and fuck our egos.
Todd. this advice has changed not only my game with women⊠but my game with LIFE!!! Thank you for sharing đđŻ
I started studying game in 2018 after being dumped by my then girl. The FIRST video I watched was from Todd V, and because of his most unique yet most clear way of explaining this subject to you, he'll always be the best dating coach on all of youtube!
This reached me at exactly the right point. Thank you. Your Content is extremly helpful.
That was epic! Exactly what I needed to hear with where I've felt stuck the past 6 months. Thanks Todd ;)
The more i think about this video, the more i realize we have to train our self esteem not ego. If we can do things we want without needing approval or validation from others. Its best way to internalize. We are able to let ourselves go even either its positve or negative references. Things or people come in our lives for a reason and only here we're able to experience. Do not attach yourself to anything
I wish I can like this video a million times thanks bro ⊠You spark a fire back inside of me that was missing you broke this down perfect
THAT ENDING. Mic drop đ€ amazing advice Todd, I didnât think I needed to watch this video and it was one of the best.
Thanks for this. Iâm still an absolute noob (which I like to think Iâm not too embarrassed about) and havenât really had any success with cold approaches. First 2.5 minutes very valuable.
oh uau i didnt expect this kind of video from u.. GJ man! I can feel the authentic self ur comming from in this video.
You did a good job of putting this together Todd. I like many of the points that you have made. The topic of what women are attracted to is what keeps me from spending any time on them. It may be normal that women are looking for guys that meet certain criteria but those are not the type of people that I want in my life. I take issue with that and I tend to see value everywhere.
I was never in sports, but watching this it's really making more sense when I would always hear in movies and TV coaches telling the player "get your head in the game".
Great content đ
I really canât stress how much I appreciate Toddâs content. I do, martial arts, and one thing that Iâm noticing are the parallels between game and Martial arts. Thereâs this aspect of past triumphs, and your current level of skill and ability, and your ego, versus having to reset yourself via humility , and being honest with yourself to start from scratch despite your past success, or perception of your current ability. You have to humble yourself, and still have the enthusiasm and the discipline to keep pushing yourself and risk rejection and risk losing, despite the fact that youâve built up your ego through past successes. I guess thatâs probably one of the harder aspects to process in life; Is that no matter how far youâve come or how high that youâve gotten or how much youâve achieved, you still need to humble yourself and go back to the basics and always adhere to the process, as opposed to getting caught up in your past achievements and resting on oneâs Laurels and wallowing in ego validation.
Appreciate your honesty Todd. Experts are still human.
Todd, I love work/videos, but this one may be your best. We're shaped so much by our environment, and a big part of that environment is how we talk to ourselves (think).
just what i need in this exact moment, thanks todd
Love that! If you really care how you look, donât sit in the corner not approaching or be afraid, because that looks worse
amazing video. needed to hear a lot of this
Thanks! I really need this video
"The wins last" Well put
I needed this, thank you.
you are brilliant Todd, great videos
Love you Todd, you helped me a lot and since I got laid due to your advices, you will always be above all these fake industry coaches
Thank you so much Todd.
Powerful and Direct.
Thank you.
Again, that damn Ego. Thanks man, just what I needed to hear.
So true, the issue is compounded by the fact that girls often check you out more after you've had successful interactions. So reality is actually mirroring your ego and is a more objectively pleasant place to be when you are maintaining a successful ego. And you know that could be destroyed if you do another approach if it goes badly.
I have to watch this like 30 times till I know this info & internalize it into who I am
Thatâs it. Thatâs all I needed. After Christmas Iâm gonna start approaching women more. Time to take some action and dismantle the ego
very good scientific explaination.. Well done.. Makes a lot of sense.
I like the upbeat approach you use in your videos. A lot of these manoaphere / red pill CZcams types almost scold you and assume you are a pathetic low value man. Like their tactic is to just shame you in the first moments of their videos. I like how you just get into the facts and donât scold us as the losers we may very well be. Lol if I want to be nagged on I will just talk to my mom or something.
Bro... this video is directly targeted at me at this point after Quarantine and a F'd up breakup prior to COVID
Did you at least hit that sht good? Cuz there wonât be another you king đ
Very relatable.. I hope you include such things in the system as a structured inner game. The program is pretty good, but still feels it lacks structure. More bullet point illustrations should go long way as memory stamps while you elucidate the concepts
Great Video on inner Game. More!
Dude the ego vs self-esteem premise works on so much more than just dating.
ya know pick up artist get a deservedly bad wrap, but tod gives good consistent healthy advice. Doesnt treat people like shit, just good pep talks for guys
Almost crying... Really held those beliefs for quite a while. I will definitely challenge my ego. Thank you so much for this video.
AWESOME VID
This was a surprisingly deep video.
I feel like I need to watch this video everyday before I start my day
Hey Todd great video definitely a few aha moments. Another âintermediateâ problem Iâve been running into is singling a girl out from her friends, specifically when Iâm by myself or another girl in the group likes me and her friends can tell. Iâm usually good at opening and engaging the group if theyâre open to it, but have a tough time making progress with the âtargetâ when her friends are also very engaged with me, or doing some sort of group activity? What would you recommend and what mis-steps might I be making?
Dang you cracked my mind with the ego! Bro I have had some hot girls but then feel I might take an L because a less hotter girl will shoot me down. Thus preventing me to make more moves!! Thank you!
Wow this was soooooooooo on point. Gotta kill that ego bois !
Damn Todd still giving great advice after all these years
funny how this video just popped and I was thinking about approaching girls today on the street and I didn't bother approaching...its like Todd read my mind.
For me itâs just the awkwardness of it. Itâs hard to just chat with a complete stranger unless itâs business related.
This. Yes that's why you should have some lines that falls into a natural conversion that attracts.
You will not feel that awkward when you just master the art of verbal assuming everything that you can see surface level plus your understanding plus your childlike carefree attitude
@@ifeelhalfnaked484 bruh what? What are you 8 years old? Grown ass man canât even type a sentence that makes sense but is giving advice on womenđ. Internet clowns đ€Ą
Where can I buy or watch all of Todd V infields? I would prefer the raw versions but if they come with commentary that is fine too.
Todd V is on some next-level sh*t.
Thank you
Powerful!
Went to a bakery last week and the woman doing the orders. *man, just my type* and risked it before paying saying: I like what I see and asked if she wants to meet up = date ofc. sadly got rejected because she said she had a boyfriend/ lie or not, I went for it. but my main problem is when seeing women who look like my type, how do I approach. about what can I talk that she feels comfortable and actually is kinda interested back to talk/flirt, etc. and see if there would come a date from it... It's not like I have a very exciting life to talk/show.
you've to come out and play with your assumptions or stories. Just dont worry what she will perceive you if you fall flat if you do so, your vibe will start get worse and you will consciously notice that if you are not extremely anxious until paralysed
Inspiring, indeed.
"I know I'm right and I'm doing right but chances are she won't realize it and be worth it"
Thats what goes on in my head and it feels like it's based off reliable data collected over many years. So granted it might take a lot of attempts but I can't get the idea out of my head that that = a lot of demoralization
Considering getting the system rn đ€
6:51 playing ânot to loseâ vs playing to win
That's really strange. For me this whole dating thing is like driving a car. Once you know how to do it, things go automatically. It took a long time for me to learn it, but since I'm getting better and better, I'm more and more relaxed, what makes me also more attractive for girls again. So when I can rely on all THIS, why should I be scared?
You are a level above. This video is not for you bro. Be happy for it
wow words from gold
Well considering nothing good ever came from it for me other than verification of what I thought all along.....the answer is simple.
9:20: this part and when you said "no wonder they're afraid to approach" legit made me tear up. It makes so much sense. Women don't have to deal with this. 90% of them have no idea. And it just helps me understand why I pat men on the back for having the guts to approach.
Tony Robbins: progress/growth is happiness.
Every approach is potential for progress/ growth
omg this is exactly how i feel when im afraid to queue for matches lol
Hey I have been doing daygame for about 6 months and it gets very difficult to force myself doing so, because i have not experienced a "reward" , ie no success you are talking about, so I am losing motivation and actually start to expect rejection. Do you have any advice on it?
Todd if you could breakdown this guy mcqueens approaches, heâs a CZcamsr does approaches with rap lyrics. Seems like he just naturally does push pulls in his game would love to see how youâd break down what he does
I want the best videos he ever came out with
You got nothing to lose. Just approach. Doesnât work out move onto the next.
Good video idea I'm one of these guys and I must say you are correct about the ego part however the real reason I'm scared to bother with them most of the time is that I know what they turn into.... Satan... But if I dump them fast it should be OK...
Active mindfulness. Calm your nerves, be present in the conversation and check your ego.
Itâs all in your head. đ
open your mouth and trust your guts first.
I was walking behind a girl planning out my move and my legs were going and my face started feeling like it's moving... I breathed a counted to five a tried the nlp of saying its not fear its excitement but still my face was moving and I didn't really know what to say to her without just feeling dissapointed with how boring I knew she would be...
One thing that helped me get over my approach anxiety was immediately rewarding myself after doing the approach with something sweet. Like how a dog is rewarded with a treat when it does what its trainer asks it to.
In practice, it completely removed the pressure of the approach needing to be good, because literally as soon as I walked over and said something, I actually rewarded myself with something tactile. I made a vid on it ages ago if anyone wants to watch it: czcams.com/video/Qe-GSu9Dujs/video.html
I have never been great with women and only had one serious relationship that ended in divorce which really fucked up my self esteem. I have never been rejected and I fear it more than anything which just makes no sense. Dont go to bars or clubs either, just the gym and store.
Hey Todd, I had a question that I would love for you to expand on, My question how much does a girl know how attractive she is? You mentioned that when in leveling in game, you need to adjust how hot she is? Yet, does the girl knows how hot she is? In general reference how much can I expect for a girl to know how hot she is? Lets say in context in day game.
My ego even told me to not watch this. Now I know why.
None of this made sense until I saw the ride on 8:11
Sheshh Fucking Fire like always !! You the Man đŠŸ!!!
¥eres el puto amo Todd! saludos desde España,
Did you record the voice in another room???
1:22 I do want to make a point to disagree with this statement slightly. All those things are VERY true if you have not learned game. For instance in the beginning I would just force myself to approach girls and they could instantly pick up on the virgin vibes and so there were MANY times they would actually start openly mocking me (not the bad part) and start asking guys around them to help get rid of me through assault or other methods. It got very dangerous a few times and there was one where a fight almost did break out. It took forever but once I got a little more calibrated it stopped happening in the extremes like this. It does happen and you can't discount it.
I think someone said that's why we have fear of approach because we are still running on ancestor DNA. If you approached the wrong woman back in the past and she was taken then the alpha dude could literally kill you or exile you and not get punished. In modern times I have seen women call nearby police officers and give false statements to try and mess them up for talking to them. One girl got so drunk she ended up sleeping with a guy who she thought was very ugly when she sobered up. She was so embarrassed and angry with the guy that she called the police and filed a rape charge. Thankfully he was smart enough to get the security camera footage from the bar of them making out and the hotel security camera footage of them going in together willfully. She is now in prison and not him. Everytime I meet a new girl you can better believe I am looking for the security cameras in my area. You may not have experienced these things but guys not on your level do. Now yes you can do things like uping your game, getting in shape, getting your money, etc to mitigate this but if you don't there is a VERY real danger that you can't ignore.
Yeah .... I know that to damn well..
Word, especially in a day in age where people scream false allegations
I'm watching this every day until I get rid of this plague that keeps me from having real happiness and development.
Not scaredđ I'm not even interest, my time is gold
genius
Can you make a video about books about attraction, charisma, redpill etc
Theories will make you skeptical if you dont go out and experience
@@ifeelhalfnaked484 of course, but when Iâm working out or working. I always want to try and improv game
once you can consciously let go of the fact you need positive or negative outcomes from external circumstances to feel good about yourself (ego), you will start see magics happen, you start to flow and focus on fundamentals, enjoying life.
This is good ⊠better than listening to the âred pill avengersâ đ€đœ.
Do a response to wheat waffles!
he's a loser in early 20s
Todd dont debate like most dating coaches becouse their BS cant withstand scrutiny. !