The Secret to Success Is... Giving Up?
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
- A lot of people treat goals like some kind of sacred self-improvement law, where the most important thing you can do is set and achieve your goals.
But goals are simply tools we use to point us in the right direction. Your goals should serve you-and so you shouldn’t be a slave to some arbitrary goal you set when it’s no longer serving you. So how do you know when a goal is no longer pushing you in the right direction?
In this episode, I talk about why I gave up a pretty big goal I set at the beginning of the year. I discuss what I think are the criteria you should use when deciding whether to give up on a goal or stick it out.
We also discuss what we learned from the goals survey we did for podcast viewers and listeners. How many stuck with their goals and how many have moved on? What are the most effective tactics people used to stick to their goals? What are the most important lessons they learned about their goals and themselves?
Check it out.
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00:00 Introduction
01:13 Mark's (failed) goal
05:11 Is Mark full of sh*t?
08:14 Drew's (half sucessful) goal
12:08 Extreme measures
14:08 Getting more specific with your goals
16:40 Survey results
18:55 Teachable moment: Selection bias
23:06 How did people stick with their goals?
24:49 The value of self-discovery in working towards goals
32:57 3 good reasons to give up on a goal
37:00 Bonus reason to give up a goal
39:34 Mark's new health goals
41:53 Drew's updated goals
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![How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/MF7RzKFMuT4/mqdefault.jpg)
I don’t know if you’ll see this mark but finding your CZcams channel has been a real saving grace. You put everything so simply and straightforward. Easy for me to understand and easy to share with friends. Thank you
I just want to remind everybody, being able to CHOOSE your own goal is an insane luxury.
I can only speak from experience from heavy bodily and mentally health problems. If the goal chooses you, in this case ur health, and u dont have any other choice but to succeed in order to get healthy, thats when the real shit starts.
YES!
I totally agree! The pain and suffering reveals the real goal.
"Don't try" -Bukowski. Thanks for that.... Your book changed my life. Seriously. My first CZcams video on my channel is a testament to how my life has changed. 🙌🏽
C + E = O
The challenge + the effort = the outcome.
Whatever elective challenge you pick, the effort (pain, suffering, sacrafice) is more important than the outcome (success or failure). And failure is just more learning, which is a positive. That's why many say to "fail faster". As counterintuitive as this sounds, you must find joy in the effort, no matter the outcome. You will be much happier.
Dropping goals that no longer serve a purpose is gold...same with trying to keep arbitrary "streaks" alive.
You should have a direction you're going and try to progress there every day with smaller and smaller tasks, if you find this no longer serves you, take what you learned and move on to something else.
Letting Go is the key to success. An easy thing in concept but very difficult in practice.
I am a chronic goal setter and rarely actually attain the goals I set. I've found that most of the goals I wanted to achieve have been because I thought I should want them, or that people around me would be proud of me for. The goals I've achieved have all been ones that I was willing to give up other things for, that I was truly passionate about and felt I couldn't live without. When I started exercising regularly after years and years of half-assing it and giving up, it was because I truly wanted it for myself without thinking about anyone else.
My first goal was dry January and to drop 10 lbs by the end of June. I only made it 22 days sober and gained 5 lbs.
I have come to the conclusion that an arbitrary number of days without alcohol doesn’t work for me. After several years of lowering my alcohol intake, I don’t consider myself an alcoholic anymore. I can stop drinking after a few beers while dining out. We just came back from Mexico and I was never drunk which is something that I thought I needed every time I was on vacation.
My point is that small gains matter and we should feel proud even though it may not be as impressive as something like not drinking for 1 year or getting six packs.
Mark's ad about Time Line is the funniest thing I've come across today
😂😂😂😂
I never thought a day would come when I would say that the best part about the video was the ad 😂
Start early with diversified investments in stocks, bonds, and real estate. Maximize contributions to tax-advantaged accounts like 401(k)s and IRAs. Regularly review and adjust your strategy to ensure security......
People dont understand that the prices of things are never going back down. This inflation is deeper than we think. Those buying groceries are well aware that the real inflation is much over 10%. The increments dont match our income, yet certain investors still earn over $365,000 in stocks and assets. Wish I could accomplish that.
Very possible! especially at this moment. Profits can be made in many different ways, but such intricate transactions should only be handled by seasoned market professionals.
Some persons think inves'tin is all about buying stocks; I think going into the stock market without a good experience is a big risk, that's why I'm lucky to have seen someone like mr Brian C Nelson.
Finding yourself a good broker is as same as finding a good wife, which you go less stress, you get just enough with so much little effort at things
Brian demonstrates an excellent understanding of market trends, making well informed decisions that leads to consistent profit
I think your timeline ad read was the best part of this video. Hilarious
Seriously now we have to write " the subtle art of not giving a fuck " everytime to find the new episode
And we should delete the word audiobook from the end and change the Search filter to " channels" 😵💫 ignore those marketing social media " specialists" , keep it here Mark
Props to you for your selection bias soapbox! It really speaks to your genuineness. My background is in psychological research, and so often I just take research with a grain of salt because of shit like this.
well then im giving up work for this next 45 minutes and very happy about it
Your vids got me off the couch. Thank you very much !!!
Drew, I relate to your sleep improvement challenge. I have tried all the things you have talked about and more…and failed.
For me, despite many efforts to create the perfect scenarios for good sleep, I had no success improving sleep, until I tried some meds to help with anxiety. I don’t talk about having sleep issues anymore, I talk about having an anxiety issue.
How can I resubscribe...?
This podcast was great!
Thanks Mark & Drew.
These video are what I describe as long-term , short term gratification.
Just like a book but with no effort. Much more important than that. Little experience
Mark I gotta admit man, I pirated your book as a broke college student 3 years ago and just started reading it this week. Loving the advice in it!
I'm learning to write Lua coding, starting from complete 0 I want to be able to make a fully fledged game by the end of the year. I'm also working on getting better sleep and getting in shape
Loved your book and your CZcams videos are even more engaging. You even encourage small channels like us to educate others and share knowledge as well.:)
I always skip the ads but that Timeline read was incredible 🤣
Conscientiousness and competence, essentially. I think a more important question is : How do you get there if you don't naturally have these traits as much as other people who got more lucky ?
Jp
@@eugenet8386 JP says some non-sense from time to time but I do think he's right on this one. I would add "help from other people" as well.
In my experience, i ran a half marathon first before even considering a full marathon, also, a good 6 month training plan that slowly builds up
Mr.mark, i want to say thanks to your book, it's changed my life, i think all of my questions in my life i can find it all in your book. When i stress with my problem and i look for in anywhere but i can't find the answer, and actually i buy your book "the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" it's just cause the tittle of your book so interest. So, i buy it. I've never think it can change my life. so thanks mr. Mark
This was an excellent set of excuses! Thanks ;)
Mark Manson is my spirit animal..Yeah I said it🔥🔥
I'm not sure if I agree. Did you quit because you felt uncomfortable, quit because it got hard?
It is a thin line between quitting because it is the right choice, or quitting because you lack resilience.
Idk as someone that has been exercising consistently the past 2 years. After being someone that quit constantly.
Its not that its easier but i have more systems in place and i was in a far darker place 2 years ago. Something had to change.
Im not sure resilience has much to do with goals contrary to popular belief. In my own experience anyways.
Furthermore most of my weight loss has been the past 4 months which is 30+lbs.
It wasnt because i got more resilient. I just adopted the value of being able to do something other people cant do/wont do. Its almost a sense of arrogance.
"Marathon of tacos" is a goal EVERYONE needs to set for themselves.
I was looking for aggressive goat milking tutorials but gave up and landed on this video... success.
저도 이렇게 많은 사람에게 사랑받는 유튜버가 되는 게 꿈이에요! 가족들에게도 유튜브로 성공해서 자랑스러운 구성원이 되고싶네요! 꼭 유튜브로 성공해서 많은 사람들에게 힘이 될게요
Well I dont think u should be a CZcamsr in order to be loved by your family. Something is going wrong there!
Something is getting lost in translation here.
@@user-qi7oc7rm9m what did it say?
The statistics lesson, love it lol
Exercising too much is also unhealthy, so the decision to not run the marathon definitely makes sense even for your health.
I'm still living like it's 1966....unless I get on CZcams to watch my favorite philosophers. Alan Watts, Mark Manson and Marcus Aurelius
Hello guys, Guillermo from Madrid here! Big fan of TSAONGAF for a long time, I have some funny stories around it I will share one day! I was listening to this podcast and there was something there I didn’t buy in 100%. What about the concept of endurance and sticking to something until you finish it even if it’s not what you expected? I see a risk in not having to stick to a goal and just switching all the time. If you mentally don’t give you the option of quitting, maybe you will actually make it. What do you think?? Big abrazos!!
Mark u gotta check out thirukural, a tamil philosophical book written by thiruvallur. And give our opinion towards it. PLS
One could argue that the marathon maybe became less important to you because things were not going as you had hoped and needed much more effort than you anticipated, and that you are now simply rationalizing your decision to abandon the goal. I do not know the answer to that, but as an avid runner and cyclist I can tell you that I love cardio. Maybe give it another try, just start the right way.
Another great podcast
Sleeping tip try wearing a mask if you cannot get the room completely dark
Try decaf coffee 1/2 time and no coffee after midday
I give up my goal now🥳
Mark if you see this, love this podcast dude. Your buddy as well is the perfect balance
Math never lies. People lie all the time. Creative manipulation can be the real danger when using both. Commercials use this method all the time. Creating anxiety to a problem they have created that statistically will never happen.
The law of least expectance
Seek and you shall find
If you want to cut out caffine start with a rule saying hard cutoff of any caffine after 12 o'clock midday. Caffine stays in your blood for at least 8 hours so work that into when you'd like to go to sleep
Drew, just switch your latest Coffee cup of the day to decaf my dude. I drink decaf about half the time now just to avoid the damn headaches that I used to get.
Mark, you really have to set the goal of not cracking up when promoting your sponsors, and then abandon it😂
I'm exactly like Drew, I don't set (many) goals coz if I can't do them perfectly there is no reason to set myself up for failure...lol!!!
Giving up is winning
Not always, I would say it really depends on the goal.
watching from pakistan
I just presented infront of the whole class and i was ready with a planed speech and boom the teacher asked to present from a different chapter i literally didnt look at the class one single and i was scared and ive been trying my best but nothing works with presentation anxiety im realy feeling down right now
Learn the topic, don’t learn the words. Look at audience and nothing else, but the next topic.
Confidence comes when you don’t give a XXXX what anyone thinks of you and you focus on helping. Just like, when you are giving someone directions to the bathroom.
Be the teacher.
@jeremywalker1736 Okay will man try my best its just I haven't felt this kind of fear before it way out out character for me
we got mark manson podcast before gta 6
What happened to high school Mark who got through that 5k? He would have walked the marathon if he had to!
I think we give up on goals when they aren't truly our own- borrowed from society or other people . Without genuine intrinsic motivation, we’re bound to give up. It’s like trying to live someone else's life every day, so much effort for our neuropathways 😂
Oh hi Mark.
Both of you are child free , hence "less than six hours sleep I am non-functioning!" 🤣. Six hours of uninterrupted sleep to parents of young kids is Nirvana!! Regardless, all your content is so inspiring and thought provoking, thank you Mark. No shade meant ❤
This
Sucks for you. No shade meant. 😊#childfree
Mark Manson 4 vice president ♾️
My problem is that I keep changing my goals...
Maybe you need to prioritize ur values, why do you want to achieve your goals?
@@SuperInfection_Jay My goals are career skills oriented. I would start to learn something, then realize that it would be extremely difficult to be good enough or accredited enough to get a job.
@@UvstudioCaToronto do you have anything you're already good at and can build on that?
Struggling with quiting coffee? Watch videos on how they process the beans.
How would you feel if you ran a marathon? Would you regret it? I doubt it.
I bet he would if he got injured in the process...
Mark.
Endurance training doesn't make a single sense, it forces the body to adapt by loosing muscle mass, chronically inflaming, and disrupting recovery quality. Training for higher basal metabolic rate by gaining quality muscle mass is by far a healthier goal.
I run daily I havent lost any muscle stop pushing misinformation it’s nonsense
You pay a little time now for a lot of time later on in terms of exercise abs health
Why not run half Marathon? That's what I did. Much easier to achieve!
First 🗿🙏
classic example of sampling bias
Yep, this is discussed, at length.
My goal is Goa Lessss goooooo😫🫢
That's Taoism.
video importee dans ma tete.
bro wtf was that ad LMAO
The Secret to Success Is... stop watching youtube. its hard 😅
sui
I Read your book but who gives a F🤷♂️
no shit
Ummm, though I admire a lot of your writing and your podcast/CZcams stuff, here . I think you’re making a bunch of BS excuses on this one buddy.
Me, as a 55 year old man who has survived cancer in stage four mode and being in remission for the past few months, I can tell you that running those stupid distances and only beginning when I was 30 years old has probably helped me survive to where I’m at today. You are making excuses. Goggins would say you are much more capable of what you‘re pseudo high-executive functioning sober mind mind is/was telling you.
I really would only respect your decision of not continuing with completing your Personal marathon challenge if you had a physical injury or a personal loss like someone dying in your family. Also, filling someone else’s BS plan for running your 1st marathon is a mental mistake. Next time, just go out and complete the G-damn thing. It’s mostly mental, not physical. From what you have written and spoken about about, you should be able to handle it. Unless, you are a phony…
By the way, you being the researcher and “bullshit detector” that you are you ought to really consider dropping that pseudo-green powder drink as a sponsor. There are many qualified people out there pointing out that THAT emperor has no clothes. You don’t need that stuff to perpetuate your success.
David goggins is a joke anyways
No money isn't here. It isn't there either. It's where I see it because I clearly don't see you earning it by paying for your coffee. I have over 100 subscribers and I'm narcissistic enough to not validate op. I don't have confidence because I seriously won't reply to spam.
24:50 Look I bet this comment won't get pinned or liked, reply and I'll do absolutely NOTHING.
Free Free Palestine 🇵🇸❤️.
🍌
I didn't respond the survey because I missed the email. I advise you make a CZcams post "hey guys check your email, we sent the survey XPTO, please respond it so that we can shoot the results episode"
😂😂🔫🔫
I hate Mark's Californian accent!
😆 what did you expect?