If you do this, she WILL leave you - your guide to avoiding TERRIBLE attachment mistakes
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
- If you're unhappy in your relationships, it's probably because you're making some common attachment mistakes. In this video, I'm going to teach you how to avoid some of the most common terrible attachment mistakes that lead to unhappy relationships.
If you want to learn how to avoid getting left by your partner, then watch this video! I'll teach you the secrets to creating strong, happy partnerships that are immune to breakups. By the end of this video, you'll have learned how to create attachments that will last and keep you happy!
Transform Your Love Life With THIS One Thing - Adam Lane Smith
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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
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Chapters:
0:00 - Introduction
2:30 - Women are stuck in their masculine energy
4:29 - Authentic masculinity changes everything
6:43 - Clear direct communication
7:29 - Masculinity is goal driven
8:26 - Masculinity provides guidance in crisis
9:15 - Discipline over your feelings
9:52 - Safety assurance
10:20 - Emotional discipline
10:59 - Unyielding stability
12:14 - Make a decision
12:52 - Continuous reflection
13:26 - Mentorship
15:13 - How to master yourself and understand true masculinity
#adamlanesmith #attachment #masculinity #relationshipadvice #attachmentstyles
I'm practically crying while listening to this. I just initiated a divorce with a man I desperately want to be with, but I felt like I was figuratively hanging on the bumper of a car driven by him as he bumped along and drug me behind him, with me feeling increasingly banged up as time went on. He would change job directions nonstop, lose large amounts of money, put us in physical danger due to the company he'd choose, suddenly blow up and accuse me of not wanting to be with him and cheating (I wasn't), then getting angry at me "for not believing in him" (despite me trying to for so, so long and being as outwardly supportive and warm as I could muster.) I tried to for so long. I feel like I have to leave for my safety and my sanity, but I continually think about how I want to be with him. And I consider myself a good manager of my affairs. I just couldn't handle the emotional turmoil and instability that my life transformed into when I met him. Sorry for the rant. Thank you for the work you do. It's gold.
I am so sorry to hear about this challenge you're facing. It's heartbreaking to see someone who honestly wants to give love to someone, but the other person is blocking that love. You said this video made you cry - Did it show you what has been missing? Is there any more clarity in your situation now?
@@AttachmentAdam Thank you for responding. I think I appreciated the confirmation that I wasn't crazy or asking for too much. I've been feeling incredibly guilty.
You deserve so much better. I understand but some men can’t be trusted and saved
I recently had conversations about this subject with 2 different women. This should be required listening for every man wanting a successful relationship.
Agreed, and glad to hear this one clicked with you!
Adam, i think you've just changed dimensions in the eyes of men with that video.
Instead of making them feel like they are idiots for following redpill podcasters, you've finally showed them they have power and that they are not toxic for building walls around a woman, what their role is, being leaders and unapologetic about who they are at their core, behind all those layers of fear and self disempowerment.
As Jordan Peterson said : they should be monsters and THEN learn how to control it
Love to hear it, thank you. I am not down on men and don't blame men for being confused about what to do. And I definitely want to show a better way to live in the future. I've got a lot more masculinity content coming soon that should build on this, so stay tuned.
As a woman, God bless you!!!
Thanks, I'm glad this one clicked with you!
You are doing the lord’s work sir 😅. I do hope men listen and take what they need.
I appreciate that, I hope they do listen and build great relationships!
Thank you Adam for dropping this right in the middle of a major crisis I'm having
Are you doing OK? Did this help bring any clarity?
@@AttachmentAdam well, you can just say that life turns out to be much harder than I thought when I got married at 21. Right now dealing with the fact that all the things we learn from you are worthwhile to introduce and work on even if we don't believe that they can help us in our current situations. And I am indeed losing faith... Is it a terrible sign if I am relieved and glad that we are going through this before bringing children into the picture? We were supposed to start trying by this March.
I have 2 sons and in a divorce now, she turned them against me and is being evil to me. The kids suffer the most
It breaks my heart that there are men like this making helpful and healthy masculinity content for men but they’d still rather watch fresh and fit or the whatever podcast.
So far, that's mostly what's been available in mainstream for men. There's a new crop of masculinity rising now and people are taking note.
@@AttachmentAdam I am really grateful you’re doing this. You deserve way more views!! And I can confirm so much of what you say is 100% what women are looking for.
So true… 😣
5:37 you build walls so she doesn’t have to (I love this)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the video.
Just wow Adam smith truth wisdom and caring. Felt my Testosterone go up100 points just listening to this and yes true men take the helm and stay the course no matter what rain ice wind or blistering sun. May all of my brothers this men of this Character change the world!
Love to hear this was valuable to you. I've got more coming about positive masculinity if you're looking for that, so stay tuned!
Great content Adam! I’m happy you have more subscibers, I’m sure they will love it!
I appreciate that!
I recently listened to GS Youngblood’s book “Masculine in Relationship” it’s so amazing
What did you like most about it?
Solid, practical steps for us. This is a video worth sharing and watching on repeat.
Good work, Adam.
Glad you liked it! I've got a lot more coming like this, with more practical tips.
I love you, Adam. I have been following you since you had 1000 subs, I think. I knew you’d get big. You deserve millions of subscribers. You’re probably one of the best voice in the relationship/self improvement category. I learn a lot from you.
Wow, thank you! I could NOT be doing this without you and your support. Let's keep going and make sure everyone learns to build loving relationships again. The world can get so much better. And let me know how I can help you in your journey!
Great passion and delivery. I agree completely with your list.
Glad you enjoyed it
Your content is GOLD🙌🏼
Thank you!
Love this! Thank you! Can you please do a video on avoidants who criticize and order others around and how to help them with that?
I am quite lost at the moment and this video is helping a lot. Thank you.
Glad it helped! Time to build a plan. Send me an email and I'll help you get started, Support@AdamLaneSmith.com
Yup, this is what drove my ex away. She was an overall great girl, but I fucked up and wasn't masculine enough and over the long term she lost her feelings for me.
I am so sorry to hear this. How are you doing now with becoming the man you want to be?
🎯 Distilled wisdom, and brilliantly communicated. You can hear the years of experience in every sentence of this short summary. So glad you tackled the modern misunderstanding of Stoicism @9:23, too! Important work.
Glad you enjoyed the stoicism angle in this video. And thanks for the kind words!
You are amazing! Say it like it is! I send you videos to my boyfriend on a regular basis, and try to get him to talk about what he got from it. We will see how it goes. Please say a prayer. Lol! Thank you so much for your help!
Every man should hear this, great information. You should have a millions of subscribers 😊
I appreciate that! We'll get there. Thanks for the support!
I wish I could find a man that actually believes or cares about this. =( Sigh…..
They exist. I find that our filter as well as communication early in the dating phases help to weed out the ones who are incapable or don’t want to do this.
We got this.
It's weird. There's a ton of men following this one guy on Tik Tok who teaches how to hide red flags rather than a channel like this. Tells you everything.
A lot of men do care, but many of them are used to being yelled at so they don't seek emotional advice anymore. We're changing that by showing them how their emotions are an asset and that they can actually be happy while stepping up.
Thanks!
Thanks for the love and support Norman!
@@AttachmentAdam Your videos are both kind and enlightening. Thank you.
I grew up in the country and it seemed like men were taught this from a young age. It seems like in Portland ,where I live, men don’t really understand how to step up in these ways. Do you think there is something to that?
Yes, urban men often have fewer family connections and especially male family connections, so they have fewer role models or connections. It's also why attachment issues tend to happen more frequently in urban environments.
I agree with all of it but I got confused on this part. "If you refuse to move without reason, you are masculine." I thought listening to reason is important to masculinity. And I'm confused because the rest of the video points to listening to reason. Can you help me understand what you mean by this statement?
I'm a woman who was forced into a masculine role. I built these pillars to protect myself and my children. And so I've become masculine out of survival.
However, I met a man whose become my boyfriend whose truly masculine and it sure feels good to be feminine again. It feels good to feel safe enough to open up and be vulnerable with a spouse. To cry. To express fears.
It feels so good when he reassures with a healthy mentality that everything will be okay. And it feels good to be heard and listened to. It also feels good to hear a man speak the truth so you don't have to. I love hearing men speak the actual truth. It brings my heart joy.
I think men don't realize the ability they have to make a woman feel safe. And how much that security means. It's peaceful. It really feels so peaceful and joyful to have a good, honest, caring and empathetic man leading and protecting. A disciplined man who isn't out having wondering eyes at other women but dedicated to his wife and family at home. That security means everything to a woman. And also a man who will speak up against things that are wrong in a kind manner.
It does take a mature woman to really appreciate these men. Because you know, immature women will try to use men. However, a real man won't be used because they know what's right and wrong.
In my opinion, I'm Christian, so the best example of a man in my eyes is Jesus.
I'm just putting it out there, as a woman who was forced into a masculine role for survival, I now willingly and lovingly follow a man whose much like how Adam describes on his channel. And I respect the man I follow so much that it's unmoving.
If there are any doubts to what Adam is saying on his channel, well, from this ol' man hating ice queen turned feminine, I can attest what Adam teaches works haha
Hey there, I love to hear you're living so much closer to your ideal! Excellent work. I know this is a challenging process, and finding your courage is a huge accomplishment.
As for the confusion on that earlier part, think of it this way: A man needs a reason to act. He doesn't just act or move for no purpose. That means he DOES listen to advise and pays attention to needs and shifting reality around him. A reason to move or act can be anything. But he doesn't do it without cause. Make sense?
@@AttachmentAdam I knew it was just the English language confusing me haha
You were saying he doesn't budge without a cause or purpose to do so. My mind thought you were saying he doesn't listen to reason haha. Yeah that makes sense.
Hallelujah!! Truth 💣💣💣💣… you put words to every resentment, annoyance and negative emotion I’ve been experiencing! Bravo!
You are so welcome, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I do work with couples and would be happy to guide you and your partner into a healthier connection.
Hi Adam, came across your videos recently. Have been binge watching them as much as my work flow lets me to.
I was wondering about your take on "Women are attached/interested in man whose feelings are unclear" (preached by Coach Corey who is not Redpillist) which is quite opposite of your "3 first dates" method.
Thank you in advance.
Those women are anxiously attached and crave approval because of their attachment issues. Redpill (and many dating coaches) teaches men to embody avoidant attachment behaviors to prey upon the insecurities of anxiously attached women.
I just ruined my family due to not working to improve the marriage. Its hell now and all I feel is guilt and shame....divorced, homeless and my kids taken away
I am so sorry to hear this. Do you have any family or friends who can help you during this time?
Amen
MANdatory
Would love to hear 8 pillars to femininity .
Thank you Adam, what if I have done all things and she still is combative and un-willing to cooperate?
If you're on target with your behavior and focus and she is completely unwilling to work with you, it may be an awful match and she might not be able to be in a relationship with you. Then you have to ask, at what point do you call it?
Oh my God, a couple of minutes ago I literally was thinking about this 2:45, how I am more solution oriented than my partner who's mpre emotionally unstable. It's a terrible thing, I don't know how to make him think through it and change him... It's painful
Same
Crying. 5 min in.
What happened?
Ok, what if your partner can't be talked to or relied upon for realistic feedback? Honestly, now that I've seen various sides of her, I don't want to go back to her. Further, I don't have any real friends I trust. What then?
That's a very real situation and happens a lot, and the answer is that no one can force you back. You need to decide for yourself how you want to approach this person and if there's any hope of her being trustworthy. If you need some help sorting that out I'll be glad to work with you, send me an email at Support@AdamLaneSmith.com and we can help you find clarity on this issue
If you want to change from inside the change will happen with increase in testosterone.
Masculinity is the ability to be proactive in actions good or bad.
Masculinity is all about being proactive and solving problems, it's true.
This sounds a lot like another video about how women's poor behavior is directly dictated by men not being masculine enough 24/7. Which I think is the equivalent of telling us men to be treating women as children who cannot hold their own in life reasonably and be their own rock because it's inconvenient. Duh, being your own rock is inconvenient, and it's really hard. Too bad, suck it up ladies, just like the rest of us, because that's what we men have to do and so should you. Why do men have to do this for women? Why do we have to take care of them and dote on them like pitiful creatures. Like, grow up people. We all have responsibilities as people in.the modern world and if a woman can't take responsibility for herself and find ways to balance herself too then I have zero interest in having a relationship with her and no respect for her. I also don't see myself as a traditional man. I may look masculine and like a Viking, but I have my own whirlwind of emotions from time to time. I want an equal partnership with someone who can understand me and my emotions, more than anything. Maybe that's a feminine thing but if that's not part of being a man then I guess I'm in the wrong crowd of people.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting Adams message. But I really don't resonate with a lot of this video outside of being direct and trying to problem solve.
Aside from the equal partnership part (which I understood and accepted that its just impossible and frustration inducing in ANY woman, due to default setting of needing to be "cared for"), I agree 100% with the 1st half.
Someone summarised it nice : "as a modern man in a relationship you have to be BOTH the bank And the therapist"
In recent years I've come to realise that the courting and nesting phase of any relationship is basically child rearing trainning (and lot of testing from their part - conciously or not).
I asumed this part came close to, and during, the actual child caring.
And until then, the couole gets to explore and complement themselves and flourish together.
Nope. It's just a childcare emo obstacole course.
You must be completly parent ready from the get go with the feminne.
I hear you. What does a more equal relationship look like to you?
@@AttachmentAdam mutuality. Like with trust, affection, healthy and effective, clear communication. Being mature adults. Having a willingness to work on ourselves and the relationship even if it gets bumpy (within reason), and do so as a team, not as adversaries. Being mutually supportive. Making decisions together, instead of having to making most of them for both parties. Not always needing to have the power in the relationship or to be right constantly, because sometimes she might actually know something we don't and it could actually help us, and vice versa.
Also, not testing each other's boundaries: Like, once they've been established and you KNOW not to do XYZ and where you stand, don't flippin' push the envelope unless you have a healthy conversation about why it would be a good idea to challenge the boundary, etc. people who are successful in Ethical Non Monogamy circles do this all the time and yes the monogamous world of relationships are so immature. Yes, some monogamous couples do use healthy communication and boundaries effectively, but most people are not and are almost always functioning out of a state of trauma and are unaware of there of behaviors. Which is sad tbh.
Honestly, VERY basic human decency in most aspects is all it f'n takes to make for a good relationship, and the willingness to at least try. Why is this so hard for people to wrap their brains around? There's so much more that I personally haven't figured out yet to make a relationship an equal partnership work but in my opinion, i'm mostly waiting for everyone else to catch up on becoming mature enough and reasonably ready for a healthy LTR.
Nut I definitely don't want to be ANY woman's father though. I am not interested in being a father in any capacity, ever. Period. I want an emotionally mature, reasonably grown ass young-adult woman as my partner. Not a child or a damsel in distress.
@@AttachmentAdamno Adam.. what does an equal relationship look like for a woman? They shout from the rooftops that they want “equality”, but have no idea what it’s like to be a man. They don’t care to listen, and create their own vision in la la land. They want equality.. they’re getting it… no one cares. You’re on your own. No one is coming to save you. Figure it out on your own. The world sucks, and you’re alone. Welcome to being equal. Call it avoidant, or whatever you want.. it’s a dog eat dog world, welcome to wearing milk bone underwear. A friend will listen, offer advice and offer a hand, but.. in the end, you’re alone and no one will do it for you. We’re done dealing with this false vision of what they think it means to be a man .. and they don’t need no man. They wanted to work. They wanted everything they’re about to get. Including massive inflation due to the 2 income households they created. Women are completely unaware of the unintended consequences of their own actions, and we can no longer protect them from this. A taste of equality. Consequences. They never stopped to think what it’s really like to be a man. All the things we actually do for them, thanklessly. So.. the real question is, what does equal look like for her.. I’ll tell you, it’s far from “equal”. Women want equal? They have no idea what it’s like to not have 100 people swipe right on them a day. To not be able to line up 3-4-5 dates a week. Then complain they can’t find someone? They’re completely clueless as to what equal means. We’ve been trying to tell them, now it’s time to show them. Maybe I’m “avoidant”, maybe I’m speaking the truth, am still not being heard and have no more patience to put up with it.