How to FIX Avoidant Attachment
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
- If you identify with the challenges of an Avoidant Attachment style, characterized by a strong desire for independence and reluctance to commit to deep relationships, then this enlightening video is tailored just for you. Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, explores the intricacies of Avoidant Attachment and provides actionable strategies for cultivating healthier, more secure connections with others.
Discover how avoidant attachment may be hindering your ability to form fulfilling connections and learn strategies to overcome these challenges. Adam explains the science behind attachment styles, neurochemical reactions, and the impact they have on your relationships.
Through insightful anecdotes and evidence-based techniques, Adam guides you through a transformative journey from survival mode to thriving in relationships. Learn to establish trust, navigate communication, and resolve conflicts effectively, paving the way for deeper emotional connections and mutual fulfillment.
If you're ready to break free from the patterns of avoidance and cultivate meaningful relationships with trustworthy individuals, this video is your roadmap to success. Join Adam as he shares invaluable insights and empowers you to embrace secure attachment for a more enriching life.
Don't let fear hold you back from experiencing the joy of genuine connection. Watch now and embark on your journey towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!
If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love...
If you enjoyed this video on avoidant attachment style then I would recommend you give this other video on Avoidant Men a watch: • How to Love an Avoidan...
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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. The Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
Slaying Your Fear - A Book For People Who Grapple With Insecurity
www.amazon.com/dp/B07S33YGJZ
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
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Chapters:
00:00:00 - Building Healthy and Secure Relationships
00:02:51 - Avoidant Attachment Style and its Effects
00:05:52 - The Role of Vaso Presson Bonding in Relationships
00:08:48 - The Avoidant Attachment Style and Relationships
00:11:43 - Shifting your approach to relationships with avoidant attachment styles
00:14:33 - Changing Relationship Patterns
00:17:23 - The Four Levels of Trust
00:20:25 - Building Trust and Connection
00:23:20 - Building Trustworthy Relationships
The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!
If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/
Sad truth is the same people who fear being thrown under the bus end up throwing good partners under the bus without even realizing, creating MORE trauma and more insecure people 💔
Absolutely, it's a vicious cycle that needs to be addressed. How do you think we can start breaking it?
@@AttachmentAdam literally what you're doing. More awareness, less demonizing, more education, more healthy boundaries.
Yup. As a DA I'm currently crawling back from that mistake
Yup that's what happened. I wish they were a little more available to hear the info. It's so hurtful. They don't think there is anything to fix.
They don’t KNOW there’s anything causing this !! they just think YOU are the wrong person for them without giving you the chance / time to explain !!
Describes me very well. It's unfortunate that I didn't have this understanding earlier in life, as it would have helped guide many of my decisions. Those who have access to this knowledge at a young age are fortunate.
It's never too late to gain insight and understanding. Recognizing the importance of this knowledge now can still positively impact your future decisions and relationships. How do you plan to apply this newfound understanding moving forward?
It’s never too late to grow and find happiness!
🤯 the accuracy & the chemical integration of this is powerful!!!! Such clarity!!!
The avoidant woman part is so spot on! It saddens me that this avoidant wife x anxious/insecure husband is a much rarer dinamic. I've looked everywhere for answers and you're the only person who has ever addressed it like this. 👏👏
Thank you for your kind words and support. I truly appreciate it. I'm glad to hear that you found the insight resonant and helpful. ❤
Wow! This applies to me in so many ways, which is why I'm finally (at age 36) seeking help for my internal issues and struggles. I now understand a little more about why I have been shying away from both sex and intimate relationships altogether, pretty much fearing it. 😵💫
I have been working on myself for the last 10 years, through therapy and medication. I have been married for 8 of those years. Everytime I have had a therapist including two couples therapy sessions, I have gone in thinking it would be a fight for me. Instead they agreed with me and I immediately discounted them as an authority. One time I had a therapist who challenged me, didn't attack me but challenged me, and I got better. We spent a year learning how to deal with stress and loss, and I got better, but my marriage did not. I came to this channel trying to figure out what was wrong with my wife, and instead found that this is me, and I still have work to do. I knew I wasn't perfect but I felt like I didn't know what to do to make myself better and I was running out of ideas. This has renewed my enthusiasm for working on myself. People like me, love projects and we are our biggest project if we can just see it.
Lord I feel like you described my life so accurately it feels like you had a camera on me Truman Show style. I’m so over it.
This is the best explanation of attachment I have heard. If I can implement these skills, my life will improve tremendously.
Glad to hear this resonated with you. You can definitely implement these. 👍 Let me know what support you need as you move forward.
3:30 I got recommended to watch and research this topic of the video by a friend. So far you've been scary accurate!
I am going to send you a link here to my new course that I just released so at the very least you have the information! If you want to keep enjoying the free content by all means, happy to have you here on the channel! I just spent the last 2 months asking the audience about their needs and launched this new course yesterday so you can learn more about it here: adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/
Thanks sir for sharing these insights and knowledge its really beneficial I appreciate
6:41 Adam is calling me out here, fact after fact. Appreciate you for doing this tho. It's only up from here
Thanks for your video. It will be useful for me.
I don't know how I realized this by myself I used to call this hyperindependence but little shaky about it because I was wobbled that it was moral just to ask for basic needs because love means giving not taking.
I messed my mind real bad.
Falling for an avoidant since late 2022, a wounded child, a workaholic who travels 90% of his time because of his work, who completely shuts down every 2 weeks. What a fun ride it’s been haha…ha.
Yep...
I have been really needing this. Thank you
What’s going on that you need this? What’s the story?
@@AttachmentAdam I had had to end a relationship 5 years ago and haven't been able to trust people since. I because avoidant but didn't know. After finding your content I started watching. I have been wanting a video to really understand my avoidant behavior. I just recently was able to save up enough money for the online course. I am still very afraid to really open up to people really, but I am hoping to do it soon.
I live in the Uk and watching you and various utube videos,I have learnt I am a sigma personality and a lone wolf. 54 single after surviving trauma with my parents and a narcissistic partner I was with for 8 years and multiple betrayals. Trying so hard to meet a partner I can trust and love. Thank you for these videos they are do helpful
Wow.. who knew. So many years like this
What has been your biggest challenge?
Very true!! ❤
Glad you agree❤
This makes so much sense. But honestly this is long term wiring of the brain. Most avoidants don’t even want to acknowledge something is wrong. How do they rewire their brain in reality permanently?
i'll leave a comment so the algo makes its thing. you're awesome
Thank you, I really appreciate your support!
😅 this guy is absolutely brilliant
Thanks, I really appreciate your feedback and support!
here I am again.
Glad to have you back again.
The avoidant person has to decide to make changes and do the changes just like the rest of us. You’re in the right place listening to Adam!
Absolutely! Making changes can be challenging for anyone, but with determination and support, it's entirely possible.
@@AttachmentAdam he has to want to address these
What if you have a good reason to be afraid of intimacy? What if almost everyone in your life has abandoned you for that very reason which is something that you can't change about yourself? I've been stuck in this loop for more than a decade and I don't think that any additional amount of therapy can help. I already had avoidant attachment before the truth broke out but now I feel like it's been cemented forever.
Annndddd. Shared this with my guy to ask about his thoughts for where he's coming from and his perspective. I specifically emphasized I'm not looking to change him or "fix" anything outside of myself, but I was curious his thoughts for where he's coming from and how that affects how he's interacting with me and others.
Earlier today he said that even tho he has to work overtime this weekend, he refuses to miss the dinner he obligated himself to with our teenager, because that's just who he is. I'm thinking that's the people-pleasing I-can't-back-down-or-dissapoint-them thought pattern from avoidance? Not sure... but I'm getting more insight into being a better friend for him if nothing else. :)
It's fantastic that you're approaching this with curiosity and a desire to understand him better, not a need to "fix" him. It could be people-pleasing, but maybe there's more to it. Have you tried asking him what makes these obligations so important to him?
@@AttachmentAdam I plan on it the next time we go hang out. It's usually every 2-3 weeks, and next is a week away. Because of the communication issues and his... past hurts from lots of things, I take things easy and slow usually. He hasn't done too much introspection over the years. But, it's possible we'll get into it over our giant text conversations which is his preferred communication method when we are not face to face.
Although, I may make an excuse and talk with him this Sunday, as he's coming over for dinner with our 18 year old who is the most amazing cook you've ever met. There is a REASON I've not lost the weight I want to, and it's basically my CHILD shoves amazing amounts of calories in my face every couple days and it's always delicious and delightful to eat.
@@AttachmentAdam It's in the plans, just have to find the right "time." I try to do things "in person" due to my ADHD, and we only see each other every 2-3 weeks. But, I'm willing to do it by text. As we chat over the next couple days, I will for SURE take a given opportunity to do so - and he often gives such opportunities to discuss deeper feelings behind things going on too. Our next scheduled hang out / date of sorts is end of next week. BUT...
He's coming over for dinner with our 18 year old on Sunday. I THINK teen will be inviting me and little brother to join them for once, in which case I may be able to do a bit of connecting and discussing as a way of helping everyone communicate better and understand one another better. Me helping as a go between with teen and teen's dad has been amazingly helpful.
I'm going through a lot with my wife. I cheated on her because I felt trapped and have trouble feeling sexually attracted to her (she's not ugly its my fault). I'm trying to learn how to become intimate again
This is unfortunately an all too common problem for men who chase dopamine in relationships, but don’t know how to oxytocin bond. She will actually become more unattractive to you over time unless you learn that proper biochemical bonding. When you do, she’ll actually become more attractive than most other women. It’s a strange truth.
You are always welcome to send me questions at support@Adamlanesmith.com, keep in mind I am here to help when you’re ready.
@@AttachmentAdam please make some videos About how to repair relationships and how to oxytocin bond. I like your videos they're helping
@@bugsbunny2944 try to connect her with emotional intimacy and when she felt fulfilled tell her you made a mistake and felt bad for hurting her and show your apology and repentance in your actions.
tell that you are cheated on her by yourself rather than she found out by herself.
It's dead difficult to do and it is very easy in words like me.
But hope you bro go through it.
My problem seems to be my choice in people that I let close to me.
That is nearly always the problem. But if you distrust the best people because they seem to be too good to be true, you’re only left with those who seem awful enough to be legitimate.
@@AttachmentAdam literally, It's a problem with me where I don't feel good enough to have those people in my life.
@@AttachmentAdam dude you literally hit every nail on the head and it's really impressive Adam, you're truly helping me.
@@lukeyLuke55 This is my exact problem. I convince myself that the people I actually like and want in my life will reject me once they get to know me
@@delaneysays exactly... I couldn't have said it better
2:08 "you gotta fight.....! "
I know I have insecure attachment but I am not sure how to figure out which I have and what to do about it.
Adam, please speak on rumors of the 4B movement coming to America. I empathize completely, but I'm worried how men will likely RETALIATE when they catch wind of this and how a hefty amount of them might choose to not be courteous to women at all anymore. In public.
If you do address this, understand women are going to immediately inform you it's not just about not giving sex & relationships, it's about "decentering" men (romantic relationships, really).
Interesting perspective. How do you think we can navigate discussions about the 4B movement while ensuring constructive dialogue and mutual respect between genders?
I can't speak for all men, but I'm confident a large chunk of men simply aren't going to care. The 4B movement is rooted in far worse sexual relations in South Korea (totally different cultural context resultant of different historical background). Not to say there's not some women in the West who think they have experienced a similar level of disenfranchisment in relationships, but it's ultimately a different beast from what they're dealing with.
Further, last stat I heard is that over half of men in the US didn't even try to approach a woman last year. So, men over here are either checked out or literally leaving. In either case, women closing up isn't going to affect them. Especially considering over a third of guys couldn't get a relationship anyway, so nothing has really changed for them.
Would you say avoidant attachment could be described as a 'fear' of being loved?
Hypersensitivity to personal risk and awareness of how intimate relationships increase that risk. That’s how an avoidant person would probably phrase it.
Can someone's attachment style dramatically change in adulthood due to trauma in adulthood?
Could you share a link to the 4 levels of trust . I need to understand that better, do you have examples
Hey there, feel free to reach me through support@adamlanesmith.com and I'd be happy to help and share all the resources you need.
Adam, how can I have a bonding conversation around my partners ED problems? We have talked at times & he has this fear of getting me pregnant. I’ve done what I can to make myself safe for him but he refuses to try with condoms because he doesn’t like them & I’ve tried with suggesting testosterone supplements, magic pills but nothing takes effect as majority of the time he’s already drank a lot of alcohol (alcohol addiction). But he has no problem with receiving oral which is becoming boring for me as I have needs too. I don’t want to resent him for not being fair & fulfilling my needs too… 😢
AA
It's clear that you're facing a difficult situation with your partner, and it's commendable that you're seeking guidance on how to navigate it sensitively. If you're looking for personalized support and guidance on how to have a bonding conversation around your partner's ED problems, please feel free to reach out to me at support@adamlanesmith.com. I'm here to offer assistance and help you find a path forward that works for both of you.
god you're dapper
Well thank you!
@@AttachmentAdam To increase Dapperness even more, use four-in-hand knot with a proper dimple
Currently slowly going through a separation with my wife. She initiated it. I'm coming to suspect I'm the quiet disordered type, and she's the avoidant type. I still think we can and should fix things, especially because we've got two small children who are going to be pulled apart by this, but I just can't seem to convince her.
I have been using some of the techniques recommended in some of the other videos, such as the 'yes, and' and the 'I'll give this in exchange for this' and they've worked, so it's not impossible, but I'm afraid we're going to run out of runway before I can get through her skepticism.
I don't know what happens after that. :/
I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Separation is incredibly difficult, especially with children involved.
Your situation might benefit from a more personalized approach. Feel free to email me at support@adamlanesmith.com if you'd like to discuss this further, and I'd be happy to share helpful tools and resources. Remember, you're not alone.
Wishing you strength during this challenging time.
Ibam not scared of one person forever,my fear is getting with the wrong girl.
Good distinction. What’s the number one risk you’re concerned about?
@@AttachmentAdam oof there's no one , honestly I may need therapy for the stuff I recently went through, but loyalty, love happens when things are good, but loyalty to the family/wanting to work things out when things are going hard. And personally someone who's saving for marriage and isn't religious.
@@AttachmentAdam also is this really you or your team commenting or a bot?
@@devankurmitra4118I think it's him. Adam is hard working & awesome
How would an avoidant take it if you share this video to them?
Good question. Are they aware of their attachment style, and are they willing to take action to fix it?
What if the truth is relationships can be a trap
Maybe it’s not the avoidants problem
What makes you think they are?
@@AttachmentAdam my avoidance ha
They can feel trapping if we neglect our own needs or don’t express our preferences or limits. Often though when we do we realise we can have both connection AND freedom
What attachment style would you say you were/ are Adam? It would be interesting to hear a little about your journey/ process.
Some great content on the interplay of various neurotransmitters.
lol what relationships?
The bullshit attachment specialist.
If they don't go to therapy. They can't heal.
Accept the sad reality. Their fear cannot chabge without professional help. No matter how much love will be given