Acting Straight & Dealing with Internalized Homophobia
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2021
- Let's get real. As a queer person, sometimes just being yourself can be scary, nerve-wracking and even downright dangerous. This week Emily and Karbon uncover their internalized homophobia and speak on the times they have felt like they should "act straight" in order to protect themselves. Today we get down to the root cause of why we experience these behaviours in ourselves and why you might be doing it too. Enjoy the episode!
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Karbon:
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Emily:
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As someone who is notable queer, I think it's important to acknowledge the amount of privilege that some queer folks hold to be able to jump back into a “straight” role for safety. I can't jump back and forth between the lines. I have short hair and I feel most comfortable in masc clothing. Not all folks have the ability to pick what they want to be for the day.
Same here! Public bathrooms are such a thing! I relate to you.
As an femme presenting AMAB enby I agree with you so much ….
i guess but i don't feel comfortable in feminine clothing, i don't feel confortable with the way i act. I know it's a costume even when other don't.
And it the other way around too... As a femme lesbian or masculine gay a queer person is rejected as a queer from the community and mistrusted... They judge us... And straight people don't believe us too that we are queer...they try to hot on us .. get agitated if we reject their advances saying we are queer...
Neither queer community believe us being queer... Neither straight people leave us alone... As a femme lesbian I know how unprivileged we are to avoid comphet that "noticeable" queries are quite privileged of
I think the family , that you didn't choose of course , can make you act in a certain way if they are homophobic , or just make disappointing comments , and you feel more alone and completely foreign to them , which of course doesn't help , and you just suppress your identity more . It feels hard to let go of your family, if they won't understand who you are . But you have to choose what is right ;)
Super relatable as a queer person. There’s so many things that we go through as queer people and I personally tend to just normalize it an deal with it - but hearing others talking about it and note similar perspectives and experiences gives comfort and reassurance. Appreciate you both. Very impactful. This is the first video I’ve watched on this channel and I am ready for more !
Thank you so much for watching and commenting! We're so happy this video is resonating with people. We strongly believe in sharing our experiences and telling our stories as a community in order to help each other be seen and heard, and know that you are not alone 💖
"double roll means you're a lesbian" 😂😂 I died laughing
im a gay male, and im just discovering how deep my internalized homophobia is. i thought it was great to hear how you were trying to be more open about your self and about who youre dating etc. i have struggled with this for years and have acted straight even being out. will see if i can put to action
so happy this resonates and you can walk away with an actionable step. Warms our hearts!
I grew up in the 90's, and compared to how it was for me, it's noticeably easier for the gay youth of this day's generation to be open about their queerness.
@@Brandon-os1db still not easy unfortunately 🙁
Thank you, you both! I'm a 27 years-old woman and have just heard about internalized homophobia and got shocked. Because this might be me... the one marrying one of the other sex to fit in?! It nearly hat happend two years ago... right after I came out crying to my parents... now I feel trapped inside these back-and-forth movement between wanting to love another woman and fitting in. I'm really going crazy right know, because I fell in love with my best friend while I'm still in a heterosexual relationship.
I don't know which voice to trust... Well, might be the internalized homophobia.
Long story short: I just wanted to thank you and being open about my current Situation.
Thank you so much for sharing. We are glad this resonated with you and you are not alone! It's challenging to figure out who we are as human beings and who we are within our sexuality, especially when it goes against the norm and what you see around you. You are not wrong to question your emotions or to feel what you feel. Be assured that there is no right or wrong feeling, but rather, it's important to figure out what feels right FOR YOU. It's that feeling of "okay, this feels like home, this feels like what I keep inside me, this feels authentic". If you can find that feeling, or at least get closer to it, You're doing well for yourself 💞
I fell in love with my friend too I am shocked as well I am gay brand new I don’t know if she loves me back I have her number by the way plus I just act straight when I’m not anymore
This helped me be more aware of what actions are internalized homophobia I am a nonbinary person that still isn’t fully out too all my family and this makes me think why I still haven’t told them.
Due to western societal norms we unfortunately all fall into how we think we should behave. It’s an individual journey and you will express your truest most authentic self in your own time 💕
My ex gf has internalized homophobia it’s a psychological illness. Sadly she was influenced by her homophobic mother who said she would die if her daughter was a lesbian-For 14 years I suffered at the hands of my ex pushing me away, yelling at me whenever I even just took her hand in public. I stayed in the abusive relationship like many do because I loved her and was afraid to leave. Please get help if you are suffering yourself or your partner.
thank you this episode has helped me so much I'm a young queer person trying to navigate that .
I though this video was great and very insightful, I only recently started breaking down my internalized homophobia as some circumstances have changed in my life that have kind of forced me too. I'm honestly glad i've been "forced" too process it, i feel as though queer people have such a better grasp on who they are than cis hetero people that have never needed to explore themselves on a deeper level because they've always just been accepted no questions asked (obviously not a dig on cis hetero homies)
First time listener, I love you girls, it was an entertaining vid.
I'm just out of the closet recently (Gay guy here, 44). Only to my mother and sister. My dad... it will come, and he will not like it, but I just don't care about his opinion anymore.
But +30 years in the closet is a heavy weight, I still act straight, and, out of my house, It's extremely difficult for me to admit I'm gay. There's a thing in my thoughts, the idea of "Everyone is an homophobe until proven otherwise" that makes me suspicious of everyone. While in the closet, I pushed away many friends because of this. I also share Karbon's views about the south american culture, I live in Venezuela, and here is even worse than Colombia (so much for the socialist lie).
It's... a process, a process I must go through if I intend to find a partner someday.
I'm relatively out, maybe even "robustly" out compared to some, but lately the duality of how straight-acting and even straight *living* I am has me questioning what it even means to be "out" so this video was extremely relevant to me at this delicate time in my life, thank you.
I will usually act straight around new people. I never lie about it, but I don't broadcast it either. When people know you're gay from the beginning, that tends to be the first thing they think about you, but if you let them get to know you as a person first, I have found that it tends to be a non issue in most cases. I like to test people out and find out what their true feeling are before I let them into that part of my life.
My thing is that being gay shouldn’t stop someone from getting to know you. It’s similar to saying someone won’t get to know you bc of your race or height or bc you have tattoos. I totally understand and resonate with the fear of being judged for how I present myself and it personally held me back for a long time; but there’s a bigger part of me now that wants to be audaciously queer and not give a damn and just live authentically. With that being said, your approach is also very valid.
Wow, powerful podcast topic. As a queer person, this made me emotional bc unfortunately this has become second nature and I’ve never really reflected until now on why exactly I do it and how much it truly impacts my psyche and my relationships. I’ve normalized it and it clearly stems from trauma. Plan to do more on breaking out of this and remembering that it’s the other person’s problem if they’re homophobic, not mine🌈
New subscriber👍🏼
Thank you for sharing!! Glad we were able to provide something if value. We all have a bit of internalized homophobia due to how we were raised in society and breaking out of that is daily work! 💕
You are amazing. Very relatable!
Thank you for watching ☺️
Such a conscious and positive conversation
I don’t know what is… better? The internalized homophobia or “usual” like hate speech from other people. It’s connected. I have been identify myself as a lesbian for 7 years but still can go on a date with a straight man. Once a year. For what? I don’t know. Honestly maybe I wanna feel something (but I don’t). Cause in my country it’s more EASIER being straight. I’m from Russia 🤦🏻♀️
Sending love and light x it makes sense…sorry you have to go through that x
I remember when I was going through that. Now I’ve got an amazing wife. ❤❤
Telling people I have a wife though is a wholeeee other thing though.
So intense all the different coping mechanisms of internalized Homophobia and wanting to belong to heteronormativity :'(
I have it in other ways that for example sometimes I think I shouldn't look TOO much like a lesbian (whatever that means), so that I look 'still acceptable' aka heteronormative enough...
I wish you all the best! Thank you for sharing!
@@jjcake93 that’s true. it’s so supportive for me, thank you ❤️🩹 wish you well too
It’s horrible that people can’t be there selves still now to this day
Loved it !! i subscribed !! and to the podcast ! tho i noticed 11 months since the last podcast ? Am i right ?? any chances to hear you back ?
so glad you found us! we have new episodes recorded & we'll be back soon
I worked at Chick-fil-a for a year and it was awful. Anybody who acted different was immediately marked. I had short hair at the time, so I let it grow out and I made sure to paint my nails and wear earrings to make myself appear more acceptable.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hope you’re in a place now where you’re able to more authentically express yourself
me, a bisexual colombian living in colombia while listening to this: 👁👄👁
I know how hard it is to be Colombian and queer. I hope this video helps put things into perspective and hope you can further explore and express your truest self 💕
Yeah....out of fear I've spent my whole life pretending to be straight. Even though I'm a not. To point that I'm currently stuck in an abusive marriage to a man. Even though I'm a lesbian. Currently working on an escape plan. So I can be safe and free to come out finally. So much of my life has been wasted and pain.
Hope you find peace and safety friend 🫶🏻💕
@QueerCollective thank you, I'm trying....it's just taking a while. Trying to not give up hope.
I'm not going to ANY country that I cannot be MYSELF
I've struggled with acting straight from a trans perspective, I recently started saying "I'm a guy but I'm a gay guy!" 😂 gotta affirm just cause I'm out as a man doesn't mean I should restrict femininity to hope people accept me as a man. I was born a girl so it gives people a way to discount me, sadly.
You are SEEN. Know that there is not one way to be a guy or a girl or just a human being. You are YOU and how you present or what genitalia you have doesn’t change your authentic self 💕
Religion is the main reason why people suffer from internalized homophobia and if the person has gender dysphoria it's not that they don't accept their sexuality I think it's more like they don't accept the genitals they were given when it come to sex because just imagine this most straight men would feel violated if they had a vagina it would feel weird to try have sex with their girlfriends with having a vagina so as a lesbian myself who doesn't like having a vagina either I feel the same way I've had to learn to accept what I have and realize of I am in a relationship with my partner they will just have to understand what I like and don't like
And also all these societal norms that have been pushed down our throats of what a woman and a man should be, instead of considering ourselves as just human beings with genitalia
Thank you for sharing this!!
I think I also put a lot of pressure on me and my homophobic ass, but I try to be more out and proud and indeed see ignorant and homophobic Ppl not as my problem.
I just had a new job were I wore a t-shirt with a rainbow flag on it in the 2nd week. It was intense and actually kinda painful to see how these things in these contexts are still a statement. But also I tried to have fun seeing some shocked faces and just laugh about their loss 😂
Was also good in a sense that I also saw who's faces were supportive, so I just right away saw whom I might like without having to find it out bit by bit 😂 😅
Thank you so much for listening! Just know that where you’re at is perfectly okay and you don’t have to come out to please anyone. Everything at your own pace 💕
@@QueerCollective thank you for these words ❤️
My friend has acted like he's straight at least twice now. I'm getting really frustrated atp.
why does tthat even mean tho?
Homosexual
By
This just sounds like what anyone does in a new situations to be honest.
No one is asking you to 'act straight.'
Go do something productive.
That doesn't sound very relaxing to me.
This video is saving my life right now. It’s exactly what I needed. You didn’t even get past the title. Of course someone like you can’t see the value in this.
This video helped me so I'd say it was a productive use of their time.
instead of writing annoying comments, YOU should just go do something productive
If you would have listened to this podcast you wouldn't write this. Just go away please, no-one wants to hear from you here
No one is asking for your opinion. Go crawl back under your rock.
Am jot nasty bout that's not nice why would u act stight when u gwy a lesbain women
It’s the internalized homophobia and pressure of societal norms that make it difficult to find your truest self. It’s been a journey of a lot of inner work to finally feel comfortable enough to fully be our most authentic selves