Gary Chapman-Author-Conference Speaker Book: "This I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married" To Get Your Copy: www.crossroads.ca/store www.garychapman.org
@@Health_Is_Wealth_Media Well....yes. lol. This whole thing is like what comes first the chicken or the egg. Lol. Both respect and cherish are kind of the same thing:)
Oh hohoho that’s where you’re wrong me friend. You have not been married yet apperantly, because the family court system is the most one-sided mouth destroying curb stomp you will ever suffer in your existence of a man.
For you to learn your partner it requires HONESTY of who we are from both parties. Don’t hide who you are in an effort to please the other because once in marriage, the real you will always come out.
Truth. My Ex hide who he truly was. He presented me with who he wanted me to see. Slowly as we were planning the wedding he start to show me his true self. I go out of the engagement because he wanted to hold me back from being a progressive person.
Here's my two pence: Since nobody is perfect, perfection is not and should never be the point. Therefore, before getting married (1) be ready in yourself to simply make a commitment, (2) be mature enough in yourself to have impulse-control. THAT'S IT. FOR THE REST, YOU JUST GOTTA DO YOUR BEST.
What I learned. Don’t depend on your spouse for love. They are human and will inevitably fail you. God should be your SOURCE of love that will never fail, deny, or reject you.
Alexandra that is what i realised also! I love my husband but despite reading the 5 Love languages he still doesn’t use that knowledge. I have had to accept that he is an act of service guy and that’s how he loves me.
This woman is such a good interviewer! This video was both informative, engaging, and fun to watch in a way. She covered so many parts of the book also, I loved this.
I think living together takes something away (diminishes) from marriage...To me, its'what makes the beginning of marriage exciting and unfolding. I was 23 and did it before I was christian..By the time we married, I wasn't really excited...think women see it as one step closer to altar. But wouldn't it be better, if the guy proposed beforehand to say, your worth it...Not let me try you out.
My favorite phrase Gary used was, "I was blown out of the saddle!!!" at around the 6:20 mark. Very insightful and helpful video. Definitely going to read your book. Just had my heart broken recently and I decided I needed to focus on being there bride of Christ before being the bride of a man and this video was exactly what I needed to watch today. ♥️🙏🏼
Romantic love doesn't sustain a relationship. It's temporary and euphoric. Learn to speak each other's love language. What makes one person feel loved doesn't necessarily make the other person feel loved. To a lady, telling her you love her might not mean anything unless you help her out whenever she's in need. Get to know his or her family members, you're likely going to have them in your life for live. Such an insightful video.... It blew me out of the saddle.
I have read this book and it is amazing!! This video doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing content of this wisdom-filled book. For those of you trying to sum it up in a cutesy little quote, that's nice, but there isn't a magical quote that will help you through your marriage. This book contains practical advice that will help you prevent conflicts and reduce escalation and I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone.
I agree w the family part. Family shouldn't be the only reason you do/don't get married, but fitting in with each others' family makes a huge, huge difference. Also look at whether or not your spouse stands up for you in front of their family, or lets them run the show.
I wish I’d NEVER got married. People in the church pushed me to get married to relieve their conscience of me being the pastors son. I was supposed to be married and not single. Had I known what I know now I would had stayed away from church until I was more sure of who I was.
superb video. this is helping me, esp the part about becoming a student of your partner and learning their love languages. thank you and shared to show my appreciation
Great video. My entire adult life has been centered around work and music. I don't follow sports, but I like the integrity of golf, would love to utilize this an occaisional outlet, nothing more.
People often give up before they get started. The average life span of the obsession is 2 yrs. We have to speak each other's love language. What is she / he into? Golf widow How do u process pain? 20 yr research shows divorce rate HIGHER for those who lived together before getting married: not logical
Very nice advice from Dr. Gary Chapman.. I just saw this video and it's really helpful and insightful. I learned a lot and such a soft spoken voice with great wisdom about marriage life.🙏😇😊 Thank God for this man.
Most people need to get married and raise a family. Not everybody, but most people do. I love coming home to peace and quiet; I couldn't have that if I'm married. I already have two sides of a family; I don't want two more. I was raised in a family and I'm still taking a break from that. I know how to be miserable all by myself and at a much cheaper rate than two people miserable together. I can deal with the disadvantages of being single better than I can deal with the disadvantages of being married. I like spending time at a library or museum or taking a short road trip and/or getting my news fix or youtube channels dealing with economics or cars. I don't care about living in a house, I'm not that talkative in addition to being a total introvert as well as probably having asperger's. Most normally socially developed people should spend the time and effort to find the right person to marry and work at it for the rest of their lives. I've heard it can be extremely fulfilling.
Wow, I went on my 1st date last weekend and we already discussed all the important questions... it just came naturally to us. Very imformative and a comfortable conversation in the least.
I guess it's okay if we don't have enough plan about everything because marriage is not all about the happy moments that you've shared together, but it's all about how you face all the trials and challenges that you've encountered and learned from all the mistakes that you had.
Sunday morning Christians and daily devotional Christians is the difference between Christians and Christ followers. Great advice! Marriage is hard don’t let people lie to you and say it’s not!
Wow, "You cannot simulate marriage" by living together before marriage. If you break God's laws, they will break you....AWESOME teaching! I pray for a 6'4" tall husband who does not want children and who does not have other family to get in the way...
Your book, "the things I wish I'd known before getting married" makes so much sense. I love every single letter of that book. Thank you so much for writing that book sir.
So blessed to have read your book doctor. My wife and I use your insights in our pre marriage counselling sessions with our counselees. God bless you richly to bless many all over the world. We are from Sri Lanka
I heard a preacher say to a couple who wanted to get married. He told them they would have to wallpaper his kitchen. He said that if you are both still friends after you finish the job then I will marry you all.
The issue is if you marry in that 1st romantic phase < less than 2 years, it will not matter what the family does and their level of dysfunction because at that point it will only be ignored because of the deep and strong emotions. After the high wears off, then it will become a problem (you know the issue with that person and their family members! Good discussion!
A person should learn as much as they possibly can about marriage before they get married. What the Bible says primarily, and from experts like this man. My wife and I were married in less than eight weeks and hadn't even met before I got on the plane to meet her for the wedding thousands of miles away, different cultures, much different ages and are going strong over three years. I read this man's book a long time ago and loved it and think about it to this day. Like him, I need words of affirmation to feel loved.
They lived in another era no social media and smartphones dating apps onlyfans...game has changed it's like using an outdated system for current issues won't work
Exactly, the high of just dating (not to mention marriage) don't last no more than 2 yrs...but if two people learn each other AFTER learning themselves somewhat with the help of God of course...I believe relationships period would go pass the "in love stage"...my view!!! I've learned to love and appreciate me now. I haven't dated for yrs but I'm sharing this to inspire people to self love and just getting to know self first.
I’ve thought for a long time that if someone doesn’t argue, it’s because they don’t care enough to argue. You’re very lucky to be so attune to your partner!!!!
@@DarkMagicianMana yeah and you and your husband can keep bullshiting each other about what a perfect little life you created,the last person that gave that bs statement got divorced and the wife filed,mentioning abuse, so please lie to yourself ......the rest of us don't believe what you wrote.
@Valiant Woman Agreed... but... if a man wants to marry and a woman does not... No wedding takes place. Just as if a woman wants to abort a pregnancy, but the man wants the child to be born... The abortion takes place. The woman always decides..
@Valiant Woman The point here is how many times do women benefit from divorce compared to men? Women win all the prizes. No fault divorce and child custody laws are the reason marriage is actively discouraged. There is NO RISK for a woman to get married. Whereas the man risks everything. No thanks...
Bless him and his marriage. Bottom line , a man wants to feel respected and a woman wants to feel cherished.
We want to feel respected as well ☺️
@@Ascension1004 Yes indeed:)
Bottom line. If a woman feels cherished she is in essence respected.
@@Health_Is_Wealth_Media Well....yes. lol. This whole thing is like what comes first the chicken or the egg. Lol. Both respect and cherish are kind of the same thing:)
ur wife ( or future wife will be ) is blessed.
"You cannot simulate marriage; marriage is a commitment, not contract..."
Oh hohoho that’s where you’re wrong me friend. You have not been married yet apperantly, because the family court system is the most one-sided mouth destroying curb stomp you will ever suffer in your existence of a man.
It's actually both!
U crazy bro it is a contract u will find out when u divorce
Olajide O. Amen 🙏
Govt: no its a contract. See you in court
"Some are Sunday morning Christians, some are daily devotional Christians..." AMEN 🙌🏻
Eye opening.. amen
💣👨🏾🔬
For you to learn your partner it requires HONESTY of who we are from both parties. Don’t hide who you are in an effort to please the other because once in marriage, the real you will always come out.
Truth. My Ex hide who he truly was. He presented me with who he wanted me to see. Slowly as we were planning the wedding he start to show me his true self. I go out of the engagement because he wanted to hold me back from being a progressive person.
So true I went thru that bs
MOST people don't care enough to be honest. It's about validation from everyone around you not love.
I agree.
@M m right?!?! I agree! Whoo!
51 years being married? Damn. He looks young. Bless him and his family.
Continuous Self-Improvement dyes his hair.
@rayjgu3 Was that serious? Who gets married at 9?
Yes true, but divorce is no longer a bad sin. It’s a bib
Yeah..young enough to be my great great grand father
For 50 years of marriage he must said Yes dear at least 100000 *
1. Understand their love language ( what they want)
2. Know their family
3. Intellectual connection
4. Don't break God's laws
Thank you Dr Chapman...
🎯🎯🎯
*plays tiny violin*
Here's my two pence:
Since nobody is perfect, perfection is not and should never be the point. Therefore, before getting married (1) be ready in yourself to simply make a commitment, (2) be mature enough in yourself to have impulse-control.
THAT'S IT. FOR THE REST, YOU JUST GOTTA DO YOUR BEST.
How do u manage anger? How do u process pain? ..... Very important questions u need answers to before marriage. Saves u from being a victim of murder
Lol
emetella exactly!
😂😂
😂😂😂 I’m saying
You should know.. You know how to dish it out... I don’t think that’s very Godly btw..
What I learned.
Don’t depend on your spouse for love. They are human and will inevitably fail you.
God should be your SOURCE of love that will never fail, deny, or reject you.
Alexandra that is what i realised also! I love my husband but despite reading the 5 Love languages he still doesn’t use that knowledge. I have had to accept that he is an act of service guy and that’s how he loves me.
LOVE IS STAYING, WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TO.
Love is leaving, when a man can't fix a spouse full of hate.
This woman is such a good interviewer! This video was both informative, engaging, and fun to watch in a way. She covered so many parts of the book also, I loved this.
Marriage YOU CAN NOT BE SELFISH ! AND NEED TO BE TRULY READY AND HAVE SELF CONTROL ON EVERYTHING YOU DO
Thank you for this. When I got married, I must confess that I didn’t know how to be married
Correct, but that's stuff is easier said than done
I think living together takes something away (diminishes) from marriage...To me, its'what makes the beginning of marriage exciting and unfolding. I was 23 and did it before I was christian..By the time we married, I wasn't really excited...think women see it as one step closer to altar. But wouldn't it be better, if the guy proposed beforehand to say, your worth it...Not let me try you out.
Wow
That's how we do it in our culture
💯💯💯
Had a guy I loved to bits and pieces but when he 'proposed' to move in don't know why I wasn't excited. I ended that relationship
I totally agree with you! That's why I refuse to live with my boyfriend until we're married. Thanks for sharing that!
So why do men have make womens live exciting all the time .. Gets old .. Ill never marry again.. To much work to make a modern woman happy
Dr. Chapman has good energy. I feel good watching and listening to him. Thank you Doctor.
Yeah cause young marriage and pre-matirial marriage minus a pervert
makes a difference🙄
He has been baptized with spirit and fire. The eyes and energy are a dead give away.
@@anthonymccoy7711 Well, I understand that. I think we just differ in terminologies where one is religious and other is kind of scientific...
@@MegaKarume No, I meant both. I know that energy. Like a kid knows his/ her parent car.
I read this book before marrying my husband. I love it. It's certainly affective.
What’s the name of the book?
@@fatimafarooq4787 This I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married by Gary Chapman
💣💣💣
Its so Interesting to hear about his personal experience in his marriage - and what had to change
You better find out about that family ,listen to that ,people, I mean it!!!!!!
🗣Say it louder for the saints in the back!!!
Very important!!!!!
Meaning= the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. Repeated patterns & habits of that family
He sounds exactly like his audio book, exactly! He's such a wise man with great insight❣
My favorite phrase Gary used was, "I was blown out of the saddle!!!" at around the 6:20 mark. Very insightful and helpful video. Definitely going to read your book. Just had my heart broken recently and I decided I needed to focus on being there bride of Christ before being the bride of a man and this video was exactly what I needed to watch today. ♥️🙏🏼
🔥🔥🔥
Wait for the right person, preparing yourself to be the right person also. It’s not always finding the right person, but being the right person.
Love you
Romantic love doesn't sustain a relationship. It's temporary and euphoric.
Learn to speak each other's love language. What makes one person feel loved doesn't necessarily make the other person feel loved. To a lady, telling her you love her might not mean anything unless you help her out whenever she's in need.
Get to know his or her family members, you're likely going to have them in your life for live.
Such an insightful video.... It blew me out of the saddle.
I have read this book and it is amazing!! This video doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing content of this wisdom-filled book. For those of you trying to sum it up in a cutesy little quote, that's nice, but there isn't a magical quote that will help you through your marriage. This book contains practical advice that will help you prevent conflicts and reduce escalation and I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone.
"You can not simulate marriage". WOW!!!!!! 🤔
I agree w the family part. Family shouldn't be the only reason you do/don't get married, but fitting in with each others' family makes a huge, huge difference. Also look at whether or not your spouse stands up for you in front of their family, or lets them run the show.
That is all common sense to anyone that is even slightly intelligent, however some people might need this. Thankyou for your video.
Just be good friends, love God and be real.
I wish I’d NEVER got married. People in the church pushed me to get married to relieve their conscience of me being the pastors son. I was supposed to be married and not single. Had I known what I know now I would had stayed away from church until I was more sure of who I was.
Go get counseling. Get to know the Bible for yourself and work on knowing yourself.
Wow, James 1:5.. 🙏🏾
So sad. Church does that
Who’s still not heard of the many scandals that churches and other places of ‘worship’ are constantly trying to cover up?
How can anyone "push" you to do anything?
superb video. this is helping me, esp the part about becoming a student of your partner and learning their love languages. thank you and shared to show my appreciation
Great video. My entire adult life has been centered around work and music. I don't follow sports, but I like the integrity of golf, would love to utilize this an occaisional outlet, nothing more.
I already read one of his book the 5 language of love !! One of my favorite book 😄🙂
I am going to learn and prepare more for marriage. Great advice😊
Good man who passes on his life experience and telling that marriage isn’t a party with only happiness.
I love Dr. Chapman's wisdom.
Definitely taking heed... I'm 24.. Trusting god for that right person... Only he knows who's perfect for me.
Hello .. cici, I'm interested to know you more... my name is Selorm
Amen
hello Cici... the good lord will meet you at the point of your need...
Amen
Kris Shaw yep. There's no such thing as perfect person for you. U just gotta adjust yourself to them.
Very good info. Thank you.
People often give up before they get started.
The average life span of the obsession is 2 yrs.
We have to speak each other's love language.
What is she / he into? Golf widow
How do u process pain?
20 yr research shows divorce rate HIGHER for those who lived together before getting married: not logical
He’s so right about it all!!!
Love the interviewer's style in this one!
She affirmed him at the end. That was sweet.
Wow this is really eye opening.Thank you Gary
Very nice advice from Dr. Gary Chapman.. I just saw this video and it's really helpful and insightful.
I learned a lot and such a soft spoken voice with great wisdom about marriage life.🙏😇😊 Thank God for this man.
it was in this book I saw the *Five love languages* bless you for that
Such a great and enthusiastic interviewer.
I'm not Christian, but this is amazing
thatswhatnicksaid not to pressure you or anything but you should read the book of John in the Bible
Find Christ for he loves you Nd could wipe away your problems
not even married or close but this seems like common sense
"you can't simulate marriage" Interesting perspective.
He’s SO RIGHT about living together first. Even after the vows, the original agreement of just cohabitation seems to linger on.
phloridababe He never said living together first...
@@sandraalmanza2399 She meant about _not_ living together first..
Most people need to get married and raise a family. Not everybody, but most people do. I love coming home to peace and quiet; I couldn't have that if I'm married. I already have two sides of a family; I don't want two more. I was raised in a family and I'm still taking a break from that. I know how to be miserable all by myself and at a much cheaper rate than two people miserable together. I can deal with the disadvantages of being single better than I can deal with the disadvantages of being married. I like spending time at a library or museum or taking a short road trip and/or getting my news fix or youtube channels dealing with economics or cars. I don't care about living in a house, I'm not that talkative in addition to being a total introvert as well as probably having asperger's. Most normally socially developed people should spend the time and effort to find the right person to marry and work at it for the rest of their lives. I've heard it can be extremely fulfilling.
Awesome. Gave me good insights. Its meaningful too.
Excellent content. Excellent interviewing skills as well.
Wow, I went on my 1st date last weekend and we already discussed all the important questions... it just came naturally to us. Very imformative and a comfortable conversation in the least.
After ONE date? Run. Don’t look back, just RUN!!
@@JULYXXIV what? Lol
Yeah that is so true . Ppl give up way too easily in the early ages.
I guess it's okay if we don't have enough plan about everything because marriage is not all about the happy moments that you've shared together, but it's all about how you face all the trials and challenges that you've encountered and learned from all the mistakes that you had.
Awesome message!!!
Sunday morning Christians and daily devotional Christians is the difference between Christians and Christ followers. Great advice! Marriage is hard don’t let people lie to you and say it’s not!
My love language is "acts of service" too :) Great video, thank you.
Am 23 yet to date and get married. I jotted so many points.thanks for your words of wisdom.
Beautiful message about husband and wife relationships. 🙏
This was very interesting to listen to. Great interview.
thanks for the lessons, im happy i vieuwed it :)
Trump 2016
WOW This was awesome been married for 15yrs October
Great piece
He is great role model. Love your books👍👍👍
SAGE ADVICE ..... RIGHT HERE! THANK YOU
MR. GARY CHAPMAN! ...... GOD BLESS YOU!
Wow, "You cannot simulate marriage" by living together before marriage. If you break God's laws, they will break you....AWESOME teaching! I pray for a 6'4" tall husband who does not want children and who does not have other family to get in the way...
GODSPEED! ✨🙏🏽✨
🌷🧡🌷 💕❤️💕 🌷🧡🌷
thank you! greetings from Jakarta, Indonesia!
Your book, "the things I wish I'd known before getting married" makes so much sense. I love every single letter of that book. Thank you so much for writing that book sir.
So blessed to have read your book doctor. My wife and I use your insights in our pre marriage counselling sessions with our counselees. God bless you richly to bless many all over the world. We are from Sri Lanka
The best thing is to pray for God to send you the right mate of His choosing and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit rather than your own flesh.
Amen
Deborah Reece thank you sis i totally agree with that! 💜
Yes, amen.
Islam The Natural Way...
Amen
Ask yourself these two questions..
Why get married?
Why involve the law in your love?
Very insightful, but there is so much truth in this video.
Amazing! Thank you
I have really enjoyed your discussion. Thanks
I heard a preacher say to a couple who wanted to get married. He told them they would have to wallpaper his kitchen. He said that if you are both still friends after you finish the job then I will marry you all.
Excellant advice
Great video!!!!
iving together before marriage is a definite NO NO! RIGHT ON Doctor Chapman.!
He's full of wisdom
Thank you sir for the insight
You cannot simulate marriage...
you won't. But you can predict it according to your & your partners character & behaviour. Date for 2 or 3 years before getting married.
That touched me real deep..
Was it wrong of me not to get married but just enjoy my life
Fantastic advice 😊💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
very helpful.thank you
The issue is if you marry in that 1st romantic phase < less than 2 years, it will not matter what the family does and their level of dysfunction because at that point it will only be ignored because of the deep and strong emotions. After the high wears off, then it will become a problem (you know the issue with that person and their family members! Good discussion!
😅😅😅
If you love me why won’t you help me and be there for me don’t just tell me .... this
A person should learn as much as they possibly can about marriage before they get married. What the Bible says primarily, and from experts like this man. My wife and I were married in less than eight weeks and hadn't even met before I got on the plane to meet her for the wedding thousands of miles away, different cultures, much different ages and are going strong over three years.
I read this man's book a long time ago and loved it and think about it to this day. Like him, I need words of affirmation to feel loved.
Wow. 3 years.
jab7168 3 happy years. Filipina Fever-catch it!
@@jab7168
LOL
Sometimes perseverance is key and if both parties are willing to let down their egos, anything is possible
Jesus's disciples knew about marriage, and they said hey"let's not get married " lol
Listen to the old ones. They know
They lived in another era no social media and smartphones dating apps onlyfans...game has changed it's like using an outdated system for current issues won't work
God Bless You All Forever 😀
love vs infatuation
Married my 15yr bride, 45 years and 3 children ago.
I recently got married at 20 years old. My husband and I had been dating for 5 years before we decided to get married. We recently bought his book!
What really caught me off guard was the bit that marriage cannot be simulated. Wow! I'd never looked at it like that.
I don't get it, can you explain it please? Lol
This man is a genius in marriage counseling
Understanding that each person love language is different
Exactly, the high of just dating (not to mention marriage) don't last no more than 2 yrs...but if two people learn each other AFTER learning themselves somewhat with the help of God of course...I believe relationships period would go pass the "in love stage"...my view!!!
I've learned to love and appreciate me now. I haven't dated for yrs but I'm sharing this to inspire people to self love and just getting to know self first.
Wife to husband: You are selfish and centric.
Husband to wife: You are selfish and centric.
Compatibility at its best🤓
Lmfaoo 😂
Truth. Living together is not marriage. You have to take the plunge.
Good video
You are on point!!!!!!
8 years and my hubby and I have never argue. New generation perhaps?
I’ve thought for a long time that if someone doesn’t argue, it’s because they don’t care enough to argue. You’re very lucky to be so attune to your partner!!!!
Lol alot of bull shit in your marriage ....is all I read
Lies lies lies
@@tawanacalamari5712 Sorry you have such a sad life, maybe one day you will find happiness. Have some hope, it won't hurt.
@@DarkMagicianMana yeah and you and your husband can keep bullshiting each other about what a perfect little life you created,the last person that gave that bs statement got divorced and the wife filed,mentioning abuse, so please lie to yourself ......the rest of us don't believe what you wrote.
Thank you for sharing. This is great.
Apparently he's not heard of divorce court, family court, no fault divorce, and feminism.
@Valiant Woman who picked those husbands?
@Valiant Woman Women are the ones who decide if a wedding takes place...just as women are the ones who decide if a birth takes place.
@Valiant Woman Agreed... but... if a man wants to marry and a woman does not... No wedding takes place. Just as if a woman wants to abort a pregnancy, but the man wants the child to be born... The abortion takes place. The woman always decides..
Men,don't get married,it is a con with a high chance of being trapped in a hamster wheel, supporting an ungrateful and lazy wife.
@Valiant Woman The point here is how many times do women benefit from divorce compared to men? Women win all the prizes. No fault divorce and child custody laws are the reason marriage is actively discouraged. There is NO RISK for a woman to get married. Whereas the man risks everything. No thanks...