This makes me so emotional. I’m not mixed, I have 2 black parents. I have long 4b/4c hair that I wear straight and I also wear long straight wigs. I’m caramel skinned. I am always told that I am attractive/pretty by strangers and people I know. I am very introverted but get a lot of attention for my looks both good and bad. The bad can be so ugly. Women trying to humble you and men only looking at you as an object. It can be so hurtful and hard to put into words without sounding conceited or attention seeking. It is so exhausting. I also was raised in the Chicago suburbs and told by other black people and even family members from the city that I talk white/proper. It has taken me years to realize that I am not the problem.
Everyone talking about pretty privilege but nobody wants to talk about the harassment, the feelings of being preyed on just because of how you look, the jealousy from other women (in my case older women when I was in my teens and 20s), the comments of people who are envious. All of this results in me clapping back, and having to be rude at times. I've hardened myself so that i could protect myself. Its like I cant even be soft and pretty and gentle without people trying to step all over me. Hatin asses LOL must suck to be ugly on the inside and out. Cant relate. *shrugs*
Yes omg I’ve literally had to quit jobs because of daily bullying (and I’m talking extreme bullying such as people throwing stuff, yelling at me from across the hallway or on a staircase, etc)
AND PEOPLE EVEN GOING AS FAR AS TRYNA DO JUJU, BLACK MAGIC, VOODOO ON U. Very scary worlds out her stay safe girlies and put God first in everything 🙏❗❗❗❗❗
The humbling tactics and mean girl behavior is real. I’ll be the first to say, I am NOT humble. To be humble is to believe you are less than. The dictionary definition is to “have a low estimate of one’s worth.” I am not less than anyone. And everyone is not the same. Sorry not sorry🤷🏽♀️
@@ExoticalsUnited wow! Whew so I am Christian, but I’ve recently taken a step back from my church because people (other BW) were mean to me once I started to be more involved! I’m honestly looking for a more diverse church now. I’ve always preferred those anyways.
Growing up I've always had people tell me I thought I was all that. Even if that's true, why are other people bothered by how I feel about myself? LOL SMH!
exactly! even if a woman thinks shes the most beautiful woman in the world- why do i care? like why is that offensive to me? if whoopi goldberg thinks shes the prettiest woman on earth then kudos to her! why would i be offended by that? i feel like people only get offended by you thinking your gorgeous if THEY AGREE THAT YOURE MORE GORGEOUS THAN THEM... ☠️
As long as I can remember, people tried to break my spirit and self esteem. Growing up it was mainly adults. It could never work because, I'm an Aquarius. My mind doesn't run on the same program as most humans. 🤣😂
I was told “I don’t look like I know how to cook” I’m like I’m a 27 year old woman with a 4 year old and my own everything why wouldn’t I know how to cook
I was at a relative’s house. A woman whom I had just met complimented me on how pretty I was. My mom (the #1 mean girl of my life) told this woman “Don’t say that. Don’t tell her that!” Always finding ways to diminish me. 😠
My mum and sister are the number 1 mean girls in my life too. Recently I got promoted at work and my sister's response was, "well you still have a flat a*ss"!! I told her my "flat" ass didn't stop me from being promoted. Its just so disappointing that a 50 year old woman still behaves like a high school mean girl!!
@@tinabadxoxoI’m sorry that you experienced it, too. It’s the worst, right?! I spent years excusing her micro-insults and gaslighting myself into thinking that there was no malice. And people wonder why you choose low contact or no contact. 🤷🏽♀️
I endured ALL of these things. Even from family members. My very first bully was my own mother. I got bullied in school & even in adulthood. I was called ugly, fat, snobby, stuck up, & I was constantly being accused of thinking I was "all that" or "better than", when I never thought any such thing. I have also been a target for hatred from other women my entire life, I am also a constant target for sexual harassment from males, especially the gross gnarly ones. I was also a target for childhood SA, my mother knew & allowed it to happen to me. I have been slammed with hate & negativity by people of EVERY race & I am a mostly white lady. I have literally had people go out of their way to make my life difficult & humble me even though I have not done anything to anyone. I literally stay to myself & mind my own business, yet time & time again I have to deal with people and their sense of entitlement to my time & attention, their jealousy & a$$holery. I am almost 40 years old & I am still dealing with this nonsense. I dont want to hang out with people because of the trauma people have put me through. Its like the more I get to know people, the less I like them. Then when I try to talk about my experiences, I get shamed for talking about them. I get accused of "playing the victim", or "looking for sympathy". So, I never get validation or support, just revictomized, which makes me not want to even share my experiences. I am cautious & on my guard around everyone & I vet people thoroughly. The instant I see a red flag, I cut ties, period. The only time I feel safe & at ease is when I am by myself.
Wow. I could have written this. I’m sorry this is your experience, too. It’s brutal in the first place, but to then be revictimized and told we’re “playing the victim” for speaking on these things is just demoralizing. I, too, keep to myself and am around the same age as you. I thought it would at least lessen by now, but nope lol
@@TARAdubbleyuu I'm sorry you endured the same. It is dehumanizing what we are put through all because people are insecure & disgusting. I have learned it doesn't lessen as you age, because older women can be just as nasty, petty & envious as younger women. These are things that need to be spoken about more. There needs to be more awareness about these traumas
Omg same , I also suffered a lot of hatred since childhood? And those were people who were constantly making me feel ugly, pointing out what they believe are flaws, that's why I became such a reserved person, to be honest I don't even know if I'm pretty or not cause I've been humbled so damn much!but even if I'm not that pretty, I still didn't deserve to receive so much hatred, even my darker siblings were jealous which is horrible
@@camilafoglia7345 This stuff is so deep in the culture, isn't it? And it's so taboo for us pretty women to even speak on it. It's crazy how this stuff can change our self concept, as it sounds like you've experienced, too. I'm so sorry this is part of your story. I understand the pain and becoming more reserved for your own safety. It's my story, too. You're not alone ❤️ The betrayal trauma is real, too. How can we trust family that do this to us? We can't. Not really. I went no contact with family who did this to me 15+ yrs ago. But unfortunately, the resulting cognitive dissonance, image/body dysmorphia, and the work to regain our self-concept steals some of our life from us, doesn't it? As does the baked in anxiety regarding others' motives, angles and such, regardless of whether they're male or female. It can be quite a lonely experience, especially when the world treats you like you've got it made, like some golden ticket. We are almost FORCED to keep the world at a distance... as if we have a pane of bullet proof glass around us through which we view the world and through which they still get the sick pleasure of viewing us. Sorry lol if I got a lil deep there...this stuff really hits home for me, though, and I'm so grateful to find this space where we can offer support to one another ❤️
@TARAdubbleyuu omg I can't believe that's my experience, and yes it changes your self concept I became very very very insecure,which is horrible, I don't even care how I look anymore I just focus on self acceptance,as you said it does take life from us but we go truough this for a reason,maybe our mission is to be stronger and real self acceptance, without needing other people's validation ❤️
OMGGGG, you just made me realize I’m not really shy at all this is a learned behavior from fear of putting myself out there or standing out due to “exotical” looks and people thinking you’re better, stuck up, or bougie! It really is traumatizing because people won’t give you you’re flowers due to jealousy. New subscriber!
I definitely had the "you think you're all that" phase in my life. I was a little chubby in elementary and middle school. I moved in 8th grade and came back to the same neighborhood (exact same condo) in 10th grade. I shed the weight from depression and I grew out of my awkward phase and into a beautiful young woman. The people in school didn't know how to react to me. I always made sure I had my hair done, and I dressed up pretty much every day going to school. I had boys drooling over me because I was thick with a pretty face and coke bottle shape. So the girls who were my friends in middle school suddenly saw me as competition for the boys' attention and I was public enemy #1! I had no clue why they hated me so much until I talked to my mom about it. She said they're jealous of me because I'm confident in myself and they don't know how to handle that since I wasn't considered pretty to them before I moved. I was the "ugly" friend who wasn't a threat to them. I was friends with the most popular boys in school but that's because I had been friends with them since elementary school. They became popular but they never cared about that with me because I was always genuine with them and didn't let their looks or popularity phase me. They were just Kevin or Tory (not real names) to me. I didn't idolize them for their looks or abilities so they were drawn to me. I never dated any of them, even when they would ask me. We were and remain friends over 30 years later. The girls didn't know how to handle it so I was always hanging out with the guys. And suddenly I was the school slut, even though I was a virgin until WELL after I graduated. I found who started the rumor and let's just say she apologized profusely between the licks upside her head in the middle of the cafeteria before 1st period and everyone heard she had lied. I was the quiet bookworm but I wasn't to be played with either. I had a few girl friends who were like me and we're still friends now, too. But I definitely experienced a lot of 🐂💩 that wasn't called for due to my glow up between middle and high school.
Man this hit hard, back in the day growing up i was the ugly duckling in school and they tried to push this ugly thing on me through all of HS. It was a terrible abusive experience. Ive never seen anything like that before. I was never ugly i was just going through a bad puberty phase, and they used to go in on me, like it was so overboard it was unnatural. I ended up growing into a beautiful swan..
I’m a monoracial black light skin girl and I just relate to this channel so much thank you 🙏🏽 I went through helllllll in middle school and even a little bit in high school I’m not even close to any of my female family members
This is a very relatable video. I was a military kid and i went to predominantly white and also predominantly black schools. In the white schools alot of white kids would try to humble me for my looks and hair. I had 3b hair that has naturally red and blonde highlights and jealous white girls would try to tell me thay my hair is not real or it would look better straight. In black schools i would be humbled in the "you think you're better than us cause you're mixed" even though in high school i was very quiet and shy person. Even now grown woman try to humble me but its so obvious that they are jealous and see me as a threat even though i literally talk to no one and mind my business.
That’s like when I went back home for a wedding an associate was side eyeing me and staring even after I said hi. My sister was like dang; that’s how you know your pretty when other pretty women don’t want to give you attention.
I won’t say I have This trauma,but I have it towards my body type,I’ve always had hips and thighs,and my family members always made objective comments saying how “thick” or “big” I am,it always made me insecure to be a curvy girl almost woman a year from now actually,but I’m still learning to love myself as I go. It’s honestly draining because having a body type people go to her surgery for is exhausting,the harassment,attracting the wrong guys,or random older men trying to hit on you,I don’t see how other women want that attention.
This was spot on. Just never heard it out loud. Thank you for diving into this. I've spent my entire life making others "feel comfortable" around me regarding my beauty. It's taken me years to finally shine without reservation. I have even started wearing my hair down a lot more. I developed a serious case of ponytail/bun syndrome to avoid my hair always being a thing or a topic.
Omg same ! Also it’s annoying when people give random unsolicited beauty advice to you. It’s like, why aren’t you walking up to obese women randomly telling them how to lose weight? Why aren’t you talking to the “ugly women?” But suddenly if a woman’s pretty people have all these subtle ways of pointing out her flaws
@ExoticalsUnited exactly! Thank you for responding. I also attended/graduated from an HBCU. Definitely a lot of things in common. I'm so glad I stumbled on your channel, especially going into the new year! I will definitely become a member of the private group. There is so much past trauma I have been through. Now, I understand more than ever why my mother suffered from depression. She was amazingly beautiful (inside and out)... but society beat her down. I'm moving differently in 2024! Being a "pretty girl" is not a sin or something to be ashamed of. :)
I'm so grateful for this space. I remember when I was struggling not a single man or woman would help me. Men wanted to exploit me and women were happy to see me down. I felt trapped inside my beauty. Now, all my friends are older white males. The only demographic that I can say I've been the safest around.
I don't consider myself an exotical (i have brown skin, and look kinda similar to tatyana ali) but i've literally been binging all of ur vids and they are so relatable, including this one. I've had many 'friends' who have accused me of being self-centered and egotistical due to jealousy. Nobody talks about the 'bad side' of so called 'pretty privilege.'
Oh believe me, you are exotic. You are just not considered exotic to black men. I'm brown skin, tall and have an 4c textured afro. I feel I'm exotic to white men and non black men. White men, non black men seem to be attracted to black women who wear their natural hair. I have white men flirt with me and even ask me out. They tell me they love the rose I wear on side of my afro.
I am so glad you started this channel. It is great to hear other women who had similar experiences. My mom had sisters who hated her and in turn hated her kids,Me! My Aunt's and some cousins gave us the hardest time, saying we act white because we lived in white neighborhoods white schools, which made no sense. I gained tough skin easily due to all this.The thing was, the cousins that hated us were one's their Mom had them with black men, every other family member only married Creole partners and stayed in the tradition! Marrying with black men changed their features which my elderly family forbid it.... Interesting story...but keep up the good work in helping our stories matter, Aperfectmom
Omg yes ! People don’t realize all they’re doing is training us to have tougher skin and even More confidence.. no wonder jealous ppl say we “outshine” them . It’s because we have to learn to affirm ourselves and let our confidence come from within
I was purposely left out of a family function when l was 11. When l came home to my mom and she asked me how it was l told her l don't know because they (MY FAMILY) didn't take me and left me behind!
Ive experienced a mental health glow up due to depression n trauma. Pretty n depressed vs pretty n happy now. My beauty is exuding more than ever because Im healing internally. I have close friends who are bullies now, sexual harassment, and hardly getting invited anywhere vs before always being invited places, and admired by men. Im lonley n not used to this. Sometimes I wish I could just go back, have friends, n have fun. I have fun solo, but im isolated. Please help. Thanks ladies! Zaneta
Coming across your channel has been such a breath of fresh air and a safe space to actually DISCUSS and not get torn down or invalidated by the masses. Thank you sister! 🙏🏾🥰✨
I’m mono-racial, brown skin, and my hair texture is considered “good hair” in the BC. I always felt a lot of the older women in my family were extremely jealous of me. To this day, I make them mad because I am beautiful and extremely more successful and financially secure. I have a cousin who’s a dark-skin unambiguous BW, opposite hair texture, same name and similar age. Since we were kids, she’d pretend to be my friend but talk about me badly, attempt to get me in trouble and even harm me! I used to be so confused and sad about it back then. Now idgaf and I avoid her like the plague. In a a lot of ways, being pretty makes you a target
Wow. So true about people hating on you for being pretty + (plus being a talented singer/dancer/artist/writer for me). Just wanted to say thank you for your courage in creating this content. It really is such a taboo topic, isn’t it?
Wow this video is VERY relatable. Despite us looking different, I've had the same experiences. Thanks so much for sharing such HORRIBLE memories as I know it might not be so easy to do. This helps me understand why I am treated the way I am (in both white and black spaces as I grew up with white people). Thanks again!
Whew chile! This is the truth! Im a darker skinned black woman who looks "ethiopian" with natural 3C black hair. I used to ask for my hair to be pressed straight but my aunt would always say "im tryna be grown" at 9 years old smh. Instead she would give me the easter sunday curls or shirley temple which i hated! Then i had hips &booty by age 11 and was constantly mistreated by the older women in my family &church ladies.. im 30 &just now coming out of my beauty shell thanks to your channel ive been binge watching ❤
I agree texturism is a big deal if not bigger than colorism. I remembered a few years ago this domican guy was telling what his type was after being asked by some black girls on his live. He said his type was light skin with curly hair. Then a few weeks after this guy started a relationship with a girl looking like chilli from tlc ( with the same hair type and complexion) who didnt have keen features.
I’m a monoracial light skinned black woman and I have so many experiences similar to yours 😌 I grew up in the 80’s and 90s and where I lived there weren’t any biracial people and not that many light skinned people so, I got a lot of hate like I was biracial. People would stare at me or randomly ask me who was white or I had females trying to bully me for no reason, I even had men try to humble me for no reason 🙄 I remember going to the club one time and it was two lines and one was vip which I didn’t know and when I got to the front of the line the security asked for my vip card and when I told him I didn’t have one his response was “ oh! You think because you’re light skinned and pretty that you can just cut the line. He was so loud, I could tell he was trying to embarrass me and at the end of the night when I was leaving the club, this dusty had the nerve to try to holler at me 🙄 I immediately turned him down and told him that negging doesn’t work on me. I honestly didn’t even care about getting hate from outside people but I also got a lot of hate from my relatives on my father’s side and they were all grown women and I was a child at that time. I even tried to forgive them and come around for the holidays but I was always met with hostility. I’d walk in the door and say hello and half of them wouldn’t speak or they would watch how much food I’d put on my plate. When my father died I had an older cousin that was an usher at the funeral and she held the door shut so I couldn’t get in and view my father in an open casket. The last straw was when my grandma died, one of my cousins called me on the phone about the funeral and I asked her what time was the wake but she didn’t even tell me that she had my hateful cousin on three way and she randomly blurts out” you must ride the short bus” just because I asked a question. I haven’t been out there since. Those people have never made me feel welcome, I later found out from a male cousin that they only treated me like that because I looked better than them.
@@ExoticalsUnited yes my life is definitely more peaceful and dealing with their micro aggressions as a child was very confusing, I felt like a stray dog that they didn’t want there but occasionally they would throw me a bone 🤦🏽♀️ I’m just glad that I’m old enough to know better now.
I love your videos. You speak to so many experiences I’ve had that I tried to convince myself weren’t happening. I used to down play my beauty because I got accused of being stuck up when I was just minding my business. Thank you for sharing your experiences and letting us know we are not delusional in how people treat us.
I agree. I feel some of my family members are haters of me . Especially when I became 19 and they always have this thing about dress modest like (eye roll)
Yes I’m gonna do another video about how some of your biggest haters are within your own family because those are often the ones who witness your growth the most
I had to drop a lot of my female aunts and cousins on both sides. Although they are jealous of one another, they are especially jealous of my level of attractiveness, confidence, drive, and ability to stand in my truth. Being the Beyoncé of the family will get you ganged up on, lied on, and ostracized. Can’t believe the people who say they love you, and who “you” have supported, can come out to be your biggest haters. Not one has ever came to me to apologize or care how this may have affected me. They only call occasionally to see if I have been humbled, and to see if I’ve hit rock bottom. However, I have become more successful and happier since I left that dysfunctional “family” behind. There are some people who actually believe that there are no disadvantages to being highly attractive
Oh goodness, as a fellow mixed girlie, I got flack for not acting “More Mexican”. What does that even mean 😂? And the main culprit for giving me a hard time for not being obsessed with my heritage doesn’t speak Spanish either. She didn’t really care for me embracing being a countrygirl. I’ve spent my life moving back and forth from San Antonio to East rural Texas. So I think I’ve got a pretty decent understanding of both sides. Also, I was also told to “Be more confident” but “Stop fishing for compliments” and when I was moving from a small town school to a city school I was told, “Remember, you’re not gonna be the prettiest girl in school anymore”
Again, i 💯 agree with what you describe in this video.. I myself went through similar experiences in my childhood and most of my adult life.. Because when you are pretty AND smart, most people see you as a threat and try to sabotage you, and this applies to both women AND the men who can not access you sexually..
I dislike people pedestalizing my hair because it feels like the only thing pretty of me is my hair. Like there was this one time this random man confused me with a coworker and I was like yeah it’s okay I get that a lot and then he said yeah because you have a very common face …. That hurt me
People reinforce the racial hierarchy and then get mad about it. 😂 I wish that the mixed race community could've grown up together. 😂 We would be ruthless! 😂jk, but not really jk.😂 Just people that can troll if needed. 😊
Right! Just wait until this channel hits 10k I’m about to start acting a fool! 😜 this is OUR space where we get to practice radical self love and unapologetically embrace ourselves as our own beauty standard without being called colorist texturist featurist etc
Growing up, most of the mixed race and light skin black girls naturally gravitated towards each other. I felt in good company, and we didn’t feel as if we needed to walk on eggshells while around the darker mono racial girls
Omg I feel traumatized I believe of being hated on . I’m so angry inside . I DON’T relate with women . I’m always defensive I’m so tired . I just want to be normal
I'm east African Ugandan multigenerationally mixed from the UK and i was always told i was beautiful and pretty by mixed and lightskin girls and other races except unambiguous darkskin girls. I used to be darkskin and it was always darkskin girls that hated on me and tried to bully me. I have nice eyes symmetrical face i look a bit like Liyah Mai but point is East Africans usually go through the exact same bullying that mls ppl go thru. And in some cases its worse for racially ambiguous darkskin east africans. Please do a video on us love u and ur channel 💖xx
Thank you, for this video. I could relate so much to a lot of the points you made. Plus, we're probably about the same age because girl, I remember those magazines too, lol! I truly appreciate your channel and Happy New Year to you.🧡
My mother put me on birth control at 14 because she assumed I was sexually active. I wasn’t. She accused of me being promiscuous because of my body shape and the attention I got from people.
I'm not a black mix I'm European on mom's side and Mexican on dad's side. I discovered this channel a couple years ago., because i was searching for answers as to why Black woman { mostly black , but there have been other ethnicities, coincidentally not whites ever} are soo hateful to me . I'd say these days 95% of the tears I have cried were not because of men.. but Hateful Jealous woman. I have soo many similar stories not just from my childhood.. 5 I can think of in past year in a half... Horrifying and equally traumatizing.. with one East Indian woman, a client in my chair. I'm a stylist. repeated yelling at me at the salon I work at in front of the other white woman, that.. I wasn't "a proper European." Another, most recent .. a co worker saying how he knew I " wasn't all white" They All start out by asking my ethnicity, which is why I no longer give out that info. The absolute irony is that non of the three people in the past year in a half that were verbally attacking me for not being white enough were all brown or black.. smh I feel as if I'm vindicated here somehow. The things that are said in these videos I agree with but would never say to anyone.. especially most of my friends or co workers. .. after all, lol no one wants to hear someone who's privileged in any way complaining.
Yes as a lite skin black girl even as a kid too I was boujee acting liteskin all kind of nonsense smh till This day and you just be regular chilling or characters as I call them tryna make you feel Bad in some way
Exactly! I embrace EVERY stereotype . Honestly being seen as stuck up or thinking I’m the shit is not bad. usually when people say you’re stuck up all that means is you have boundaries or you’re assertive
Dear Exotics United thank you so much for these videos. Though i’m not of mixed race, or light skinned I do relate so much with these videos. These conversations are so important for us to have because these experiences have been quite traumatic for me…and it’s hard to speak about it because then i’m a pick me. Like i’m seriously emotional listening to these because…Thank you for these topics, and conversations maybe you can start hosting skype calls or something so we who have been through similar experiences can really talk about it. Thank you keep up the great work!🩷🩷🩷🩷
This makes me so emotional. I’m not mixed, I have 2 black parents. I have long 4b/4c hair that I wear straight and I also wear long straight wigs. I’m caramel skinned. I am always told that I am attractive/pretty by strangers and people I know. I am very introverted but get a lot of attention for my looks both good and bad. The bad can be so ugly. Women trying to humble you and men only looking at you as an object. It can be so hurtful and hard to put into words without sounding conceited or attention seeking. It is so exhausting.
I also was raised in the Chicago suburbs and told by other black people and even family members from the city that I talk white/proper. It has taken me years to realize that I am not the problem.
Exactly. Other peoples insecurities are not your problem
Everyone talking about pretty privilege but nobody wants to talk about the harassment, the feelings of being preyed on just because of how you look, the jealousy from other women (in my case older women when I was in my teens and 20s), the comments of people who are envious.
All of this results in me clapping back, and having to be rude at times. I've hardened myself so that i could protect myself. Its like I cant even be soft and pretty and gentle without people trying to step all over me. Hatin asses LOL must suck to be ugly on the inside and out. Cant relate. *shrugs*
Yes omg I’ve literally had to quit jobs because of daily bullying (and I’m talking extreme bullying such as people throwing stuff, yelling at me from across the hallway or on a staircase, etc)
Adults be really jealous of kids sad
So true smh
AND PEOPLE EVEN GOING AS FAR AS TRYNA DO JUJU, BLACK MAGIC, VOODOO ON U. Very scary worlds out her stay safe girlies and put God first in everything 🙏❗❗❗❗❗
The humbling tactics and mean girl behavior is real. I’ll be the first to say, I am NOT humble. To be humble is to believe you are less than. The dictionary definition is to “have a low estimate of one’s worth.” I am not less than anyone. And everyone is not the same. Sorry not sorry🤷🏽♀️
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 So true!! People actually take advantage of people that are “humble” and present themselves as inferior. I’m not the one
@@Breonaleonard omg yes. I got tormented IN THE CHURCH by acting humble . People loved stepping on me or using their “power” over me
@@ExoticalsUnited wow! Whew so I am Christian, but I’ve recently taken a step back from my church because people (other BW) were mean to me once I started to be more involved! I’m honestly looking for a more diverse church now. I’ve always preferred those anyways.
Most people push "humility" when they're really advocating for subservience.
Growing up I've always had people tell me I thought I was all that. Even if that's true, why are other people bothered by how I feel about myself? LOL SMH!
exactly! even if a woman thinks shes the most beautiful woman in the world- why do i care? like why is that offensive to me? if whoopi goldberg thinks shes the prettiest woman on earth then kudos to her! why would i be offended by that? i feel like people only get offended by you thinking your gorgeous if THEY AGREE THAT YOURE MORE GORGEOUS THAN THEM... ☠️
As long as I can remember, people tried to break my spirit and self esteem. Growing up it was mainly adults. It could never work because, I'm an Aquarius. My mind doesn't run on the same program as most humans. 🤣😂
omg yes! im not really into the signs but i LOVE Aquariuses! 2 of the closest people in my life are that sign!
I was told “I don’t look like I know how to cook” I’m like I’m a 27 year old woman with a 4 year old and my own everything why wouldn’t I know how to cook
😂😂😂 pure jealousy
I say "you right", and let them assume I don't be cheffing it up. My domestic labor isn't on the table 😂
I always get this! I never understood it
When most of the time you end up with possessive or protective guys in relationships and sometimes you feel objectified
Yes omg !
I was at a relative’s house. A woman whom I had just met complimented me on how pretty I was. My mom (the #1 mean girl of my life) told this woman “Don’t say that. Don’t tell her that!” Always finding ways to diminish me. 😠
😮
My mum and sister are the number 1 mean girls in my life too. Recently I got promoted at work and my sister's response was, "well you still have a flat a*ss"!! I told her my "flat" ass didn't stop me from being promoted. Its just so disappointing that a 50 year old woman still behaves like a high school mean girl!!
Omg 😳 I had Deja vu! I had the same experience with my mom
@@tinabadxoxoI’m sorry that you experienced it, too. It’s the worst, right?! I spent years excusing her micro-insults and gaslighting myself into thinking that there was no malice. And people wonder why you choose low contact or no contact. 🤷🏽♀️
😮
I endured ALL of these things. Even from family members. My very first bully was my own mother. I got bullied in school & even in adulthood. I was called ugly, fat, snobby, stuck up, & I was constantly being accused of thinking I was "all that" or "better than", when I never thought any such thing. I have also been a target for hatred from other women my entire life, I am also a constant target for sexual harassment from males, especially the gross gnarly ones. I was also a target for childhood SA, my mother knew & allowed it to happen to me. I have been slammed with hate & negativity by people of EVERY race & I am a mostly white lady. I have literally had people go out of their way to make my life difficult & humble me even though I have not done anything to anyone. I literally stay to myself & mind my own business, yet time & time again I have to deal with people and their sense of entitlement to my time & attention, their jealousy & a$$holery. I am almost 40 years old & I am still dealing with this nonsense. I dont want to hang out with people because of the trauma people have put me through. Its like the more I get to know people, the less I like them. Then when I try to talk about my experiences, I get shamed for talking about them. I get accused of "playing the victim", or "looking for sympathy". So, I never get validation or support, just revictomized, which makes me not want to even share my experiences. I am cautious & on my guard around everyone & I vet people thoroughly. The instant I see a red flag, I cut ties, period. The only time I feel safe & at ease is when I am by myself.
Wow. I could have written this. I’m sorry this is your experience, too. It’s brutal in the first place, but to then be revictimized and told we’re “playing the victim” for speaking on these things is just demoralizing. I, too, keep to myself and am around the same age as you. I thought it would at least lessen by now, but nope lol
@@TARAdubbleyuu I'm sorry you endured the same. It is dehumanizing what we are put through all because people are insecure & disgusting. I have learned it doesn't lessen as you age, because older women can be just as nasty, petty & envious as younger women. These are things that need to be spoken about more. There needs to be more awareness about these traumas
Omg same , I also suffered a lot of hatred since childhood? And those were people who were constantly making me feel ugly, pointing out what they believe are flaws, that's why I became such a reserved person, to be honest I don't even know if I'm pretty or not cause I've been humbled so damn much!but even if I'm not that pretty, I still didn't deserve to receive so much hatred, even my darker siblings were jealous which is horrible
@@camilafoglia7345 This stuff is so deep in the culture, isn't it? And it's so taboo for us pretty women to even speak on it. It's crazy how this stuff can change our self concept, as it sounds like you've experienced, too. I'm so sorry this is part of your story. I understand the pain and becoming more reserved for your own safety. It's my story, too. You're not alone ❤️
The betrayal trauma is real, too. How can we trust family that do this to us? We can't. Not really. I went no contact with family who did this to me 15+ yrs ago.
But unfortunately, the resulting cognitive dissonance, image/body dysmorphia, and the work to regain our self-concept steals some of our life from us, doesn't it? As does the baked in anxiety regarding others' motives, angles and such, regardless of whether they're male or female.
It can be quite a lonely experience, especially when the world treats you like you've got it made, like some golden ticket.
We are almost FORCED to keep the world at a distance... as if we have a pane of bullet proof glass around us through which we view the world and through which they still get the sick pleasure of viewing us.
Sorry lol if I got a lil deep there...this stuff really hits home for me, though, and I'm so grateful to find this space where we can offer support to one another ❤️
@TARAdubbleyuu omg I can't believe that's my experience, and yes it changes your self concept I became very very very insecure,which is horrible, I don't even care how I look anymore I just focus on self acceptance,as you said it does take life from us but we go truough this for a reason,maybe our mission is to be stronger and real self acceptance, without needing other people's validation ❤️
OMGGGG, you just made me realize I’m not really shy at all this is a learned behavior from fear of putting myself out there or standing out due to “exotical” looks and people thinking you’re better, stuck up, or bougie! It really is traumatizing because people won’t give you you’re flowers due to jealousy. New subscriber!
I definitely had the "you think you're all that" phase in my life. I was a little chubby in elementary and middle school. I moved in 8th grade and came back to the same neighborhood (exact same condo) in 10th grade. I shed the weight from depression and I grew out of my awkward phase and into a beautiful young woman. The people in school didn't know how to react to me. I always made sure I had my hair done, and I dressed up pretty much every day going to school. I had boys drooling over me because I was thick with a pretty face and coke bottle shape. So the girls who were my friends in middle school suddenly saw me as competition for the boys' attention and I was public enemy #1! I had no clue why they hated me so much until I talked to my mom about it. She said they're jealous of me because I'm confident in myself and they don't know how to handle that since I wasn't considered pretty to them before I moved. I was the "ugly" friend who wasn't a threat to them. I was friends with the most popular boys in school but that's because I had been friends with them since elementary school. They became popular but they never cared about that with me because I was always genuine with them and didn't let their looks or popularity phase me. They were just Kevin or Tory (not real names) to me. I didn't idolize them for their looks or abilities so they were drawn to me. I never dated any of them, even when they would ask me. We were and remain friends over 30 years later. The girls didn't know how to handle it so I was always hanging out with the guys. And suddenly I was the school slut, even though I was a virgin until WELL after I graduated. I found who started the rumor and let's just say she apologized profusely between the licks upside her head in the middle of the cafeteria before 1st period and everyone heard she had lied. I was the quiet bookworm but I wasn't to be played with either. I had a few girl friends who were like me and we're still friends now, too. But I definitely experienced a lot of 🐂💩 that wasn't called for due to my glow up between middle and high school.
Man this hit hard, back in the day growing up i was the ugly duckling in school and they tried to push this ugly thing on me through all of HS. It was a terrible abusive experience. Ive never seen anything like that before. I was never ugly i was just going through a bad puberty phase, and they used to go in on me, like it was so overboard it was unnatural. I ended up growing into a beautiful swan..
Yes! Enjoy your pretty privilege ! ❤️
I’m a monoracial black light skin girl and I just relate to this channel so much thank you 🙏🏽 I went through helllllll in middle school and even a little bit in high school I’m not even close to any of my female family members
Thanks for watching beautiful!
@@ExoticalsUnitedof course and thank you for your time !!
This is a very relatable video. I was a military kid and i went to predominantly white and also predominantly black schools. In the white schools alot of white kids would try to humble me for my looks and hair. I had 3b hair that has naturally red and blonde highlights and jealous white girls would try to tell me thay my hair is not real or it would look better straight. In black schools i would be humbled in the "you think you're better than us cause you're mixed" even though in high school i was very quiet and shy person. Even now grown woman try to humble me but its so obvious that they are jealous and see me as a threat even though i literally talk to no one and mind my business.
💕 South African Coloured girlie here! Love this channel 🥺
That’s like when I went back home for a wedding an associate was side eyeing me and staring even after I said hi. My sister was like dang; that’s how you know your pretty when other pretty women don’t want to give you attention.
Yup exactly!
I won’t say I have This trauma,but I have it towards my body type,I’ve always had hips and thighs,and my family members always made objective comments saying how “thick” or “big” I am,it always made me insecure to be a curvy girl almost woman a year from now actually,but I’m still learning to love myself as I go. It’s honestly draining because having a body type people go to her surgery for is exhausting,the harassment,attracting the wrong guys,or random older men trying to hit on you,I don’t see how other women want that attention.
Omfg tell me about it ! It’s annoying
This was spot on. Just never heard it out loud. Thank you for diving into this. I've spent my entire life making others "feel comfortable" around me regarding my beauty. It's taken me years to finally shine without reservation. I have even started wearing my hair down a lot more. I developed a serious case of ponytail/bun syndrome to avoid my hair always being a thing or a topic.
Omg same ! Also it’s annoying when people give random unsolicited beauty advice to you. It’s like, why aren’t you walking up to obese women randomly telling them how to lose weight? Why aren’t you talking to the “ugly women?” But suddenly if a woman’s pretty people have all these subtle ways of pointing out her flaws
@ExoticalsUnited exactly! Thank you for responding. I also attended/graduated from an HBCU. Definitely a lot of things in common. I'm so glad I stumbled on your channel, especially going into the new year! I will definitely become a member of the private group. There is so much past trauma I have been through. Now, I understand more than ever why my mother suffered from depression. She was amazingly beautiful (inside and out)... but society beat her down. I'm moving differently in 2024! Being a "pretty girl" is not a sin or something to be ashamed of. :)
I'm so grateful for this space. I remember when I was struggling not a single man or woman would help me. Men wanted to exploit me and women were happy to see me down. I felt trapped inside my beauty. Now, all my friends are older white males. The only demographic that I can say I've been the safest around.
I’m Glad you did what was best for you! Stay safe !
I don't consider myself an exotical (i have brown skin, and look kinda similar to tatyana ali) but i've literally been binging all of ur vids and they are so relatable, including this one. I've had many 'friends' who have accused me of being self-centered and egotistical due to jealousy. Nobody talks about the 'bad side' of so called 'pretty privilege.'
Exactly
Oh believe me, you are exotic. You are just not considered exotic to black men. I'm brown skin, tall and have an 4c textured afro. I feel I'm exotic to white men and non black men. White men, non black men seem to be attracted to black women who wear their natural hair. I have white men flirt with me and even ask me out. They tell me they love the rose I wear on side of my afro.
@@ambitiousbeauty1013 yeah whenever i wear my hair curly i get hit on wayyy more
I am so glad you started this channel. It is great to hear other women who had similar experiences. My mom had sisters who hated her and in turn hated her kids,Me!
My Aunt's and some cousins gave us the hardest time, saying we act white because we lived in white neighborhoods white schools, which made no sense. I gained tough skin easily due to all this.The thing was, the cousins that hated us were one's their Mom had them with black men, every other family member only married Creole partners and stayed in the tradition! Marrying with black men changed their features which my elderly family forbid it.... Interesting story...but keep up the good work in helping our stories matter, Aperfectmom
Omg yes ! People don’t realize all they’re doing is training us to have tougher skin and even More confidence.. no wonder jealous ppl say we “outshine” them . It’s because we have to learn to affirm ourselves and let our confidence come from within
Oh my gosh sounds alot like my family. 😮
I was purposely left out of a family function when l was 11. When l came home to my mom and she asked me how it was l told her l don't know because they (MY FAMILY) didn't take me and left me behind!
Omg yes! People will try to leave you out of things because they see it like you’re trying to soak up all the attention!
@@ExoticalsUnited YES!!!
Ive experienced a mental health glow up due to depression n trauma.
Pretty n depressed vs pretty n happy now.
My beauty is exuding more than ever because Im healing internally.
I have close friends who are bullies now, sexual harassment, and hardly getting invited anywhere vs before always being invited places, and admired by men.
Im lonley n not used to this.
Sometimes I wish I could just go back, have friends, n have fun.
I have fun solo, but im isolated.
Please help.
Thanks ladies!
Zaneta
Coming across your channel has been such a breath of fresh air and a safe space to actually DISCUSS and not get torn down or invalidated by the masses. Thank you sister! 🙏🏾🥰✨
Thanks for watching !
I’m mono-racial, brown skin, and my hair texture is considered “good hair” in the BC. I always felt a lot of the older women in my family were extremely jealous of me. To this day, I make them mad because I am beautiful and extremely more successful and financially secure. I have a cousin who’s a dark-skin unambiguous BW, opposite hair texture, same name and similar age. Since we were kids, she’d pretend to be my friend but talk about me badly, attempt to get me in trouble and even harm me! I used to be so confused and sad about it back then. Now idgaf and I avoid her like the plague. In a a lot of ways, being pretty makes you a target
Yup! growing up In school I always thought I was hideous. Thank god my mother was there to remind me everyday how beautiful I was. ❤
Wow. So true about people hating on you for being pretty + (plus being a talented singer/dancer/artist/writer for me).
Just wanted to say thank you for your courage in creating this content. It really is such a taboo topic, isn’t it?
Yea this is very taboo lol
What about when people mistreat you because you have a “baby face “ and you look younger than you are
Smh! I’m gonna do a video about this soon!
Wow this video is VERY relatable. Despite us looking different, I've had the same experiences. Thanks so much for sharing such HORRIBLE memories as I know it might not be so easy to do. This helps me understand why I am treated the way I am (in both white and black spaces as I grew up with white people). Thanks again!
Yes! People always villanize you when you share experiences of other women being jealous of you. People see it like you’re bragging or something .
Whew chile! This is the truth! Im a darker skinned black woman who looks "ethiopian" with natural 3C black hair. I used to ask for my hair to be pressed straight but my aunt would always say "im tryna be grown" at 9 years old smh. Instead she would give me the easter sunday curls or shirley temple which i hated! Then i had hips &booty by age 11 and was constantly mistreated by the older women in my family &church ladies.. im 30 &just now coming out of my beauty shell thanks to your channel ive been binge watching ❤
Omg yes ! Same 😂 especially with the puberty part omg 🙄
I wish I heard this when I was a young woman. Your message is great!!!
I agree texturism is a big deal if not bigger than colorism. I remembered a few years ago this domican guy was telling what his type was after being asked by some black girls on his live. He said his type was light skin with curly hair. Then a few weeks after this guy started a relationship with a girl looking like chilli from tlc ( with the same hair type and complexion) who didnt have keen features.
Yes ! People don’t talk about texturism enough
@@ExoticalsUnited exactly
I’m a monoracial light skinned black woman and I have so many experiences similar to yours 😌 I grew up in the 80’s and 90s and where I lived there weren’t any biracial people and not that many light skinned people so, I got a lot of hate like I was biracial. People would stare at me or randomly ask me who was white or I had females trying to bully me for no reason, I even had men try to humble me for no reason 🙄 I remember going to the club one time and it was two lines and one was vip which I didn’t know and when I got to the front of the line the security asked for my vip card and when I told him I didn’t have one his response was “ oh! You think because you’re light skinned and pretty that you can just cut the line. He was so loud, I could tell he was trying to embarrass me and at the end of the night when I was leaving the club, this dusty had the nerve to try to holler at me 🙄 I immediately turned him down and told him that negging doesn’t work on me. I honestly didn’t even care about getting hate from outside people but I also got a lot of hate from my relatives on my father’s side and they were all grown women and I was a child at that time. I even tried to forgive them and come around for the holidays but I was always met with hostility. I’d walk in the door and say hello and half of them wouldn’t speak or they would watch how much food I’d put on my plate. When my father died I had an older cousin that was an usher at the funeral and she held the door shut so I couldn’t get in and view my father in an open casket. The last straw was when my grandma died, one of my cousins called me on the phone about the funeral and I asked her what time was the wake but she didn’t even tell me that she had my hateful cousin on three way and she randomly blurts out” you must ride the short bus” just because I asked a question. I haven’t been out there since. Those people have never made me feel welcome, I later found out from a male cousin that they only treated me like that because I looked better than them.
wow! im glad you got rid of them! your life is better off without toxic people. its crazy how people can be jealuos of their own family members
@@ExoticalsUnited yes my life is definitely more peaceful and dealing with their micro aggressions as a child was very confusing, I felt like a stray dog that they didn’t want there but occasionally they would throw me a bone 🤦🏽♀️ I’m just glad that I’m old enough to know better now.
I love your videos. You speak to so many experiences I’ve had that I tried to convince myself weren’t happening. I used to down play my beauty because I got accused of being stuck up when I was just minding my business. Thank you for sharing your experiences and letting us know we are not delusional in how people treat us.
No problem 😍
I agree. I feel some of my family members are haters of me . Especially when I became 19 and they always have this thing about dress modest like (eye roll)
Yes I’m gonna do another video about how some of your biggest haters are within your own family because those are often the ones who witness your growth the most
I had to drop a lot of my female aunts and cousins on both sides. Although they are jealous of one another, they are especially jealous of my level of attractiveness, confidence, drive, and ability to stand in my truth. Being the Beyoncé of the family will get you ganged up on, lied on, and ostracized. Can’t believe the people who say they love you, and who “you” have supported, can come out to be your biggest haters. Not one has ever came to me to apologize or care how this may have affected me. They only call occasionally to see if I have been humbled, and to see if I’ve hit rock bottom. However, I have become more successful and happier since I left that dysfunctional “family” behind. There are some people who actually believe that there are no disadvantages to being highly attractive
Oh goodness, as a fellow mixed girlie, I got flack for not acting “More Mexican”. What does that even mean 😂? And the main culprit for giving me a hard time for not being obsessed with my heritage doesn’t speak Spanish either. She didn’t really care for me embracing being a countrygirl. I’ve spent my life moving back and forth from San Antonio to East rural Texas. So I think I’ve got a pretty decent understanding of both sides. Also, I was also told to “Be more confident” but “Stop fishing for compliments” and when I was moving from a small town school to a city school I was told, “Remember, you’re not gonna be the prettiest girl in school anymore”
Again, i 💯 agree with what you describe in this video..
I myself went through similar experiences in my childhood and most of my adult life..
Because when you are pretty AND smart, most people see you as a threat and try to sabotage you, and this applies to both women AND the men who can not access you sexually..
Exoticals United,
Excellent post!
Thank you for this!
Zaneta
it’s the way you put the picture of the no edges 😩😩😩😩 ik she felt so bad in the middle of the club
I dislike people pedestalizing my hair because it feels like the only thing pretty of me is my hair. Like there was this one time this random man confused me with a coworker and I was like yeah it’s okay I get that a lot and then he said yeah because you have a very common face …. That hurt me
People reinforce the racial hierarchy and then get mad about it. 😂
I wish that the mixed race community could've grown up together. 😂 We would be ruthless! 😂jk, but not really jk.😂
Just people that can troll if needed. 😊
Right! Just wait until this channel hits 10k I’m about to start acting a fool! 😜 this is OUR space where we get to practice radical self love and unapologetically embrace ourselves as our own beauty standard without being called colorist texturist featurist etc
@@ExoticalsUnited 🥺😫🥹 Yes! I'm rooting for you! ❤️💕
Growing up, most of the mixed race and light skin black girls naturally gravitated towards each other. I felt in good company, and we didn’t feel as if we needed to walk on eggshells while around the darker mono racial girls
Omg I feel traumatized I believe of being hated on . I’m so angry inside . I DON’T relate with women . I’m always defensive I’m so tired . I just want to be normal
I'm east African Ugandan multigenerationally mixed from the UK and i was always told i was beautiful and pretty by mixed and lightskin girls and other races except unambiguous darkskin girls. I used to be darkskin and it was always darkskin girls that hated on me and tried to bully me. I have nice eyes symmetrical face i look a bit like Liyah Mai but point is East Africans usually go through the exact same bullying that mls ppl go thru. And in some cases its worse for racially ambiguous darkskin east africans. Please do a video on us love u and ur channel 💖xx
Yes this was teen nite in Brooklyn ny empire skating rink teen night I miss those days
Thank you, for this video. I could relate so much to a lot of the points you made. Plus, we're probably about the same age because girl, I remember those magazines too, lol! I truly appreciate your channel and Happy New Year to you.🧡
Hahaha yes !
My mother put me on birth control at 14 because she assumed I was sexually active. I wasn’t. She accused of me being promiscuous because of my body shape and the attention I got from people.
I'm not a black mix I'm European on mom's side and Mexican on dad's side.
I discovered this channel a couple years ago., because i was searching for answers
as to why Black woman { mostly black , but there have been other ethnicities, coincidentally not whites ever}
are soo hateful to me .
I'd say these days 95% of the tears I have cried were not because of men.. but Hateful Jealous woman.
I have soo many similar stories not just from my childhood.. 5 I can think of in past year in a half...
Horrifying and equally traumatizing.. with one East Indian woman, a client in my chair. I'm a stylist.
repeated yelling at me at the salon I work at in front of the other white woman, that.. I wasn't "a proper European."
Another, most recent .. a co worker saying how he knew I " wasn't all white"
They All start out by asking my ethnicity, which is why I no longer give out that info.
The absolute irony is that non of the three people in the past year in a half that were verbally attacking me for not being white enough were all brown or black.. smh
I feel as if I'm vindicated here somehow. The things that are said in these videos I agree with but would never say to anyone.. especially most of my friends or co workers. .. after all, lol no one wants to hear someone who's privileged in any way complaining.
Yes ! you’re not alone smh !
I’d love to see your chart, you have to have the sun, venus, Lilith placements in your first house ❤️ maybe Leo or libra rising?
Oh I have no idea 😂 idk how to get that kind of info
Yes as a lite skin black girl even as a kid too I was boujee acting liteskin all kind of nonsense smh till
This day and you just be regular chilling or characters as I call them tryna make you feel
Bad in some way
💯💯💯🎯🎯🎯🎤🎤🎤
Thanks for watching !
“To damn with faint praise”
1:40 👏❤
25:05 😂😂😂
😂😂😂
💫💛💫
I’m actually embracing that Hilary stereotype. I have tried it and don’t see the benefit of being nice 🫠
Exactly! I embrace EVERY stereotype . Honestly being seen as stuck up or thinking I’m the shit is not bad. usually when people say you’re stuck up all that means is you have boundaries or you’re assertive
The choir bit in this video killed me😂😂😂
Dear Exotics United thank you so much for these videos. Though i’m not of mixed race, or light skinned I do relate so much with these videos. These conversations are so important for us to have because these experiences have been quite traumatic for me…and it’s hard to speak about it because then i’m a pick me. Like i’m seriously emotional listening to these because…Thank you for these topics, and conversations maybe you can start hosting skype calls or something so we who have been through similar experiences can really talk about it. Thank you keep up the great work!🩷🩷🩷🩷