The Art of Being a Couple | Theodore Zeldin | TEDxOxford
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- čas přidán 16. 05. 2016
- In this talk Theodore discussses how some couples can have long loving relationships.
Dubbed the 'most popular Englishman in France', Oxford based Zeldin is a leading world expert on France and what it means to be French. He is renowned for his studies on happiness, asking pressing questions like 'where can a person look to find more inspiring ways to spend each day?'
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"I think it's impossible to know one's self. I think it's much more interesting to know others."
That's gold, right there.
...and in turn you will come to know yourself. It's a win-win!
I dont agree with it but its an interesting thought
Yes, I don't agree with that statement either. I do however believe in knowing others your own strong points and idiosycracies crystalize. I thought this Tedx was excellent.
Knowing thyself last, or not knowing thyself excellently, is no ordinary transgression upon ones life..
if i 'know' myself i'm a shallow person...(Oscar Wilde)
I’m glad he’s sitting down.... I want those people speaking to be more comfortable and natural as they are talking with us. Very interesting.
Jessica LT I agree ☝🏻 I love this type of setting.
Yes!!!
"The extent of your memories determines how much you can imagine about the future." What an interesting idea.
I love to listen to elders, they have such experience of life that it is always interesting to hear what they have to say. They are a great source of knowledge
"When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground."
Not every old man the same amount of wisdom and ability to tell in right words. But own story of course.
I think it more depends on person. I met many old people who where just angry without any right reason. They just hated whole world and act like that. So if I should listen to those people I wouldnt be Happy.
Even young people could be inteligent and kind and know sometimes much more than some angry old person
The title should be called 'The Art of Being Human'. Is it just me or are people forgetting how to just be human.
arwenenchanted I think to forget we would have to have something to forget. I’m not so sure we’ve ever done it well. 😆
4-12-2019
What I've concluded is building relationships is a serious human skill. It has always been found and then cultivated like food has been. There are pockets and clusters of good humans who know how to be such, but also large areas of growing people who do not. If we don't move around (education & discovery means only--household moving not required) you will likely be stagnant with whatever you find around you...and that may be an abundance of selfish people in your given circumstances. I'm always looking for the good humans...where they thrive or seem to be bountiful without my help. What I've found is they thrive when and wherever part of their egos allows them to think about this topic, done so well by this good communicating human being, but then act well on it also.
Imagine if you were a traveler from another world who landed here on present Earth and saw X-Y-Z problems, and your world had overcome those already. You would help right? Hopefully. We acknowledge that but we aren't being the good natured, harmless change ourselves right in our backyard. Why? We feel like we're too alone in the adventure. Just fear, once again. The natives and old-timers are what keep revisiting our Earthen egos, trying to wake us up to the romance that is waiting to thrive amonsgt us. Good CommUnity is a terrible thing to waste. Come on.
Allied Fathers Community Unions (AFCU).
be in the change
That's the profound sickness in this world my dear we've all forgotten we are it's time to wake up and remember I love you namaste
Agree and I feel obsession or addiction to computers/technology have been the driving force behind this disintegration in humanity
Talking about fear, fears is major in couple relationships. I think it is also major in life. It seems to me each persons' fear is formed by life experiences. It seems to me some fears are learned by example growing up or by osmosis during those years. Beyond that, what are fears in life.
It is about being, feeling heard and listing.
I need this man to be my grandpa
ahahah
Can we share him? 💕
theres fathers that age
Agree! He has science hair too!
@@FayCreative yours is probably VERY modern. Enjoy your personality 👍
Talk TO each other. Not AT each other.
Great talk 👍🏼
But also to listen to others.
Talk with each other. 🥰
We're talking AT each other now.. 😕
Or better yet, WITH one another. It's most engaging.
I think what he's saying is you need to be humble. That is what is needed for listening. There is very little listening these days because there is very little humility.
I listened you
celal777 .
True story
True. Everyone talks too much of late and so no one listens.
correct
(Some of) The 25 Questions to Ask:
1. How have your priorities changed over the years?
2. What do you think about your spending habits and what do you need that money cannot buy?
3. What would you like to be engraved on your tombstone?
4. Which parts of your life were a waste of time?
5. What have you rebelled against in the past - and what are you rebelling against now?
6. What are the limits of your compassion?
7. What moral, intellectual, aesthetic and social effects does the work you do have on others and on yourself?
8. What makes a life go well? How should one live?
9. How have you made and lost friendships and what other kinds of friends would you like?
10. What are your earliest memories of your childhood?
11. What brings you greatest happiness when you think back on your life so far?
12. If you could teach your children one thing - what would it be?
13. What do you think of Theodore Zeldin’s proposition that the greatest change since the agricultural revolution is that for the first time “men and women are talking with each other as equals”?
14. What motivates you to get up in the morning?
15. If you could do what ever you wanted - what would that be?
16. Describe your perfect partner?
17. Who would you lie for and whom wouldn’t you lie for?
18. In what way do you plan to leave the world a better place when you die?
19. With whom would you like to reconcile?
20. What have been the most difficult conversations for you?
21. What was the best moment you had with your parents? What the worst one?
22. What kind of humour do you prefer?
23. In what sense do you want to become more courageous?
24. Are there illusions that you cherish?
25. Which dream have you had and not fulfilled yet?
Well done.
not easy to answer, only by reading them, they brought tears into my eyes.
26. What was the best compliment anyone ever paid you?
27. What do you think is the meaning of life?
28. If there is one thing you can undo in life, what would it be?
29. How have you dealt with resentments in life?
30. What is the one dark/bad part of your self that you wish you can make peace with?
Olga Remisova the same me too 😔. I found it so hard to answer and I started crying 😢
Thankyou, for this. Very profound.
"Knowing others is the only thing that matters." Great point.
I believe that we need to have an authentic, loving relationship with ourselves first, and then share ourselves and our love with others. We have so much to share and to learn.
Active listening is an art that has been on the decline for a long time. Mr. Zeldin speaks well of the need to listen, hear, and process not simply that what aligns with our own opinions, but that what does not align in order to come to know and understand another person. This requires truly being present and focused in the moment with another individual. This is what is missing in many interactions between people, not just couples.
Thank you for this comment♥️
Love this comment 💞💕💕💞
Amen, sister!
This is one of the most interesting Ted talks I've watched to date.
Kenny Ethan Jones absolutely! What a fascinating man...and such a key subject that only the most thoughtful people would choose to study and bring to light for our higher good. Benefitting humanity. Beautiful.
Being a couple requires you to have meaningful conversations, learning about each other. I assume you guys didnt get the message?
I have been a couples counselor for 16 years and values and epistemology is much more important than just remembering and listening. People constantly have conflict in their personal relationships because they are taught to ignore their genetic motivations.
@@nicholascremato so what's the first step?
You need to have walk and talk's, they work very well! This keeps communication open daily as a couple, and keeps you active and attractive!!!
Marivel Early you can’t have a meaningful conversation with a selfish, grumpy old person
Wow💡
Is that you, Bilbo? Happy eleventy-first birthday!
😂😂
Ishani Prajapati 😂😂❤️❤️
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 just receive the message and leave!!
🤣
Did anyone else observe that he looks like Albert Einstein?
Came to the comments looking for this! He reminds me so much of Einstein!
I thought the same thing too!
I thought he looks more like Michael Winner 😂
Yes !
they might be related, did what he talked about interested you at all? he’s a genius! very insightful
I love what he's preaching... aim for self realization, self fulfillment, knowing others is what life is all about and knowing oneself
I crave for talks like these . So brilliant .
Everyone's upset because it s not about couples, stop being outraged about the title, learn to let go of the little inconveniences and enjoy this great content even if you eexpected something else...this exercise alone will help you have a happy couple. Peace
Dana Hash Hash Oddly, what he’s speaking about is very objective in answering, yet is the key to coupling +
I did expect to hear more about coupling. Unfortunately, I kept looking at how much longer the tape had. Isn’t it an old concept that we should ‘listen’ more? I learnt ver little. It is wise though, to ask each other questions to learn more about each other.
@@deniseogir2434 it is an old concept, but one many don't understand or practice. I think another way of putting it is emotional intelligence.
Kimberley B ok
@@deniseogir2434 why don't you listen to it again. There was a lot to apply. 🙂
'Opportunity insurance' (about 13 min in) is a great idea, and part of a blossoming of the resources that are right at hand (human talent, younger generations) who wish to have meaningful lives, have impact, and connect. Theodore's use of third spaces for connecting and learning is such a spark of creation.
All I can say is "I would like to hear a lot more what Theodore Zeldin has to say!" Wow what a lesson in kindness , compassion & original deep thinking! thank~you ;)
I had dementia and he said right thing focus on ur childhood memories
I went back to my childhood place amd after five years of being lost, I have started regaining my memories
Prabz Kaur I’m so happy to hear that, keep up your effort, great job, I know how hard it can be to help ourselves in difficult circumstances 🌿
I really appreciate this talk. I always say that every 2 people have a language to discover. Being vulnerable is key. It leads to understanding. It's a release that leads us to a greater world of, each other. It's been written, Psalm 33:15
He who fashions the hearts of them all, Who considers and understands all that they do. Let us strive to do this💞
Help each other to let each other be understood
Lovely 💕
Love the way you said: "Being vulnerable is key. It leads to understanding". Totally agree ;)
Brenda Banducci Do you mean don’t be aggressive？（because I’m not a native English speaker, could you please explain that to me)
@@user-xp3zd1ho3r if you refer to the vulnerability aspect I think it is about being open hearted, showing your weaknesses too and trust others in order to fully understand other people's hearts and to be trusted. So we would conclude that it is about mutual vulnerability (or trust)
I had to rewind bc I knew i wasn't listening. I was listening to myself!
Yesterday I founded on Facebook a group called I LIVE EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT LIFE. In Western society, emotions seen as weaknesses. It is an internal energy that we can develop and navigate in our favor.
This morning, I listened to Theodore TED expression and loved every word. Then I read about the speaker and saw that our past is from the same cultures. Then I looked at people's reactions and saw how human beings yearn to be more rational and enjoy (emotion) of themselves and the surrounding people.
Yes, you are right; a person can understand and accept others only after he understands himself. In other words, when human understands his reasons for what he feels in the present, this means his feelings are intelligent.
a very kind wise grandpa.
I LOVED this TEDx Talk! It really touched my heart. Thank you Mr. Zeldin and Tedx Talks
I love his ideas about cultural centers. Using social media to generate and encourage actual sociability is ironically brilliant. Hotels that encourage people to expand their own experiences
........ THIS GENTLEMAN MAKES A LOT OF GOOD
SENSE! THANK YOU FOR BEING AN INTELLIGENT
EXPLORER! .......
He has such a beautiful heart! I align deeply with everything he is saying. It's making more sense now about why I feel such a struggle to connect with people. I really don't enjoy small talk and shallow conversations about unimportant subjects. It's interesting how many comments are about his looks when his message is about listening and discovering the truth
~“The Extent of your memories determines how much you can imagine about your future.”.... wow! But the Title is misleading. Not exclusive to couples but the art of listening and connecting. Learning to Speak and hear in a different way. So much more! I’m still processing! Very rich material!
The key to saving our failing civilization is community. Community is the most basic of concepts, yet it seems that we have forgotten its value...or perhaps we have never known it properly. Either way, with the great difficulties that we face in modern life (driven by population density), the only way to overcome is to work together. To work together, we must take time to know one another; and to know one another, we must communicate.
Working together is something the youth knows NOTHING ABOUT!
@@stardustgirl2904 I'm not young at all, but I know that not to be true.
stardustgirl I think exactly WE the youths know what community is! :)) look around and you will be pleasantly surprised.
If we will focus more on what we have and less on what we want from others. our relationships will be way better, become a giver!!!!
Hi
When an Educated person enlightens you they may or may not want to be generous with their insights. It not their job to educate others. We found him a soulful but a true magnanimous, and genuine humanitarian.
It is just amazing. He managed to cover all the questions that I ve been asking myself. Wow
Mindful listening opposed to mind-full listening! Just waiting for the other person to finish their sentence/statement so you can input your own thoughts/opinion. Be patient, understanding, ask more questions for further understanding as to why someone has a particular opinion or view on a subject. Be mindful of where you are in the world and who you're speaking with so you don't impose your will on others. Share thoughts not demands! Great talk! I always enjoy sitting at the feet of an elder sharing knowledge and wisdom when they speak. I wish you well, all of you reading this.
Completely intrigued by this idea of social experience for new ways of creating work. I think we have finally reached a point we can start optimizing what each of us has to give to the world and refocus on what’s important - people, and what are work life looks like.
Instead if trying to find myself, maybe I should be looking for myself in others. Listening, understanding others, and being humble...there's a lot that we can learn from this speach he made. In today's world communication has been getting hard, but people like him leaving strong messages, help us reconnect with each other. It's an honar to come across this video.
Yeah, a relationship is learning the other's language.
I love this man! Thank you
THEODORE ZELDIN, I like listening to the sound of your voice. 🌻
A wise man. I believe what he says is pertinent to all relationships including couples. I have lived with someone for fourteen years and he never talks about himself or asks me any questions about my life or opinions. It is bizarre, and difficult. I have learned to live with it as he is a good person, but I know I will never accept it and will continue to endeavour trying to have meaningful conversations.
juliette andrews I also have a partner that doesn’t talk much or open for deeper conversations. I believe as long as we know the other does what he needs to do, we just trust all is well. I tried sometimes to force him into conversation but that didn’t work at all! He told me that he doesn’t need these conversations to understand things better. So I wonder, perhaps for some of us, talking is not needed? For me, as a woman particularly because women love to have conversations, it’s not always easy to live with a quiet man. But on the other hand I learn to accept the other differences, and not trying to oppose my ways onto him... I guess that all is good for as long as the underlying energy of the two is positive and there is no repressed energy that can lead into complications.
I understand u soooo much
I do respect his mind and love his soul.
Communication technology is awesome. I love to get to know people from another part of the globe who has completely different background and yet share the same way of experiencing life. Thank you for sharing this talk. Much appreciated.
A fascinating talk and a refreshing point of view!
On point!! We need to find new and meaningful activities for humans. May his ideas be grasped by many!! ❤️
This is like listening to my grandpa and there are some really close similarities. I love this set up, it’s like being told something wise by your own family
The title is off, yet still relevant. I came here expecting something else but I am so glad I stayed to listen. Beautiful message. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
I love this talk! So important for ppl like me that appreciate the power of listening but don't always do it as well as we wish. Its not an easy talk to digest but give it all your attention to the very end. Its very worth it! :)
Thank you!
THANK YOU THEODORE !
I very much agree. I have had that idea myself about work places and western work.
I think we need to integrate our culture into our daily lives so we don't separate our lives into to blocks. I spend all my time with my mom because I want to know her most. Work cannot fullfill me in that way. We only live once- might as well actually live it! Thank you!
I love this. Thank you.
Wonderful talk, thank you, I love this, yes fear,is a disabler.
So I think knowing facts and understanding each other s problems too helps us a lot and most importantly everyone s problems..thank you for giving this opportunity
I love this setting. I love how comfy and relaxed it is.
TRULY AMAZING ADVICE ❤️
Excellent points.
im here to learning English and glad find your video and your good and clear sound as i lesten and also learn that is important to listen to each other espicialy in that world's social media no time for others
Thank you for sharing your wise words and efforts to make this world become a more tolerant and better one. I really appreciate your caring, human and inspiring words.
incredible. thank you.
The guys a true genius! Simple thinking yet genius because we naturally like to complicate the most simple things. Go back to basics! His wisdom is so beautiful and heart warming. Thank you, sir!❤
What a beautiful conversation. It felt like he read my mind and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.
Thank you.
I love this man so much
my god,he really has a pioneers spirit! Im inspired :)
A great reminder. Thank you. 😊
I wish I could listen to your longer. Brilliant
Very interesting talk! Thank you very much!!
The wizdom and calm of the elderly is unsurpassed
This talk gives me logical reasons to challenge social anxiety. Thanks Theo.
The art of really listening. Love ❤️ it!
Bravo! Great full!
Beautiful talk
Extraordinary Mind 🙏
I already loved this one after the first few seconds
What a sweet sharing!
Thank you.
Love! World became so preoccupated for herself that the other one disappears from the landscape. This man has love and humbleness. May God bless him! May God bless us and forgive us all and help us change into good God's humans!
Thnk You very much, Sir!,
We need to discover the memories of others.... That will cause intimate moments which will then relate to the title.... This is like a key 🗝️
I love this man!!
Thank you Sir
Thanks for sharing 🌈
Theodore is an example of why it is desirable for elderly old souls to stick around, to live long, long lives, providing perspective to the young ones (some of whom are old souls), helping them to create replacements for current societal systems. He may or may not realize that learning from the past includes what we have learned from an Akash of hundreds or thousands of lifetimes. That wisdom is the old soul advantage. Understanding and wisdom of current reality is the elderly advantage.
Simply beautiful ! I totally agree, let’s make space for one another and create opportunities !
If we all moved with love the world would be such a better place. This gentleman touched on things that would reduce mental health issues significantly
Here is a Ted with alot of wise and golden nuggets on the art of being human.
A couple in this talk has to do with you and another person, not necessarily a romantic
partner; that is the art of dialogue with another human being.
And at the heart of that is mastering the art of listening. Not thinking
of what you want to say as soon as you can, but of truly listening and asking the other
for more elaboration, more story, more thoughts and ideas and feelings so you can understand
this person even more. There is always more to discover in another person. Every
person has a world within them (him/herself) and as Ted says in his talk, is far more interesting
to learn more about than oneself, who by the way, you never can fully know.
(I learned that lesson after years of psychoanalysis. While my analysis ended, my self-learning
will continue for as long as I live.)
Many pearls of wisdom you will find in this Ted Talk.
You can only truly know yourself through others♡
I think your ideas are awesome thank you
Blessed!
Love the Message,! Reinventar
He said very good tips on how to overcome fear
My whole life is revolving around making a life beautiful and positive around ! My guy tries to talk and listen to my emotional subjects and it’s great that we try and that’s how 12 years of love is going on ... I hope blessings and humility from u all too x
Very insightful......
Wow thank you!!!
Humans can only feel 2 emotions. Fear and Love. Every phobia, behavioural disorder and Neurosis is a manifestation of fear or a direct experience of fear. Once your fear subsides all that remains is love.
Dealing with Fear... A very useful and ingenious concept. He talks about evolution of human thought to help in the job market.
Oh MY. Definitely going to need to watch this a few more times so I can chew on it.
Stephanie Tanner, RN Stephanie tanner ... I loved you in full house 🤪🤪🙌🏼😂✨✌🏼
@@Embodied.bliss.somatics never heard of it... ;)
Yoga with Concha omg I KNOW
Brilliant Theodore. Thank you x I would. love to travel and chat more x Just need more time 🤓
interesting point about expanding memory and life experience thru other peoples
Impressive talk