4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships | Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings | TEDxSquareMile
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- čas přidán 3. 06. 2024
- ALL relationships face a similar set of hurdles. We all need to be equipped to get over the hurdles, so that our relationships don’t just survive, but thrive. Based on over 20+ years’ experience of working with countless couples, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share their observations of the 4 fundamental habits that all successful relationships exhibit. Dr Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings are co-founders of Soulmates Academy - an organisation on a mission to reduce relationship and family breakdown across the globe, by proactively educating people to develop strong relationship capability. As a key part of this vision for social change, they help organisations equip people to build healthy relationships at home so they can perform better at work, improve wellbeing and mental health, and achieve better work-life balance. As City professionals and entrepreneurs themselves, over the last 20+ years, Andrea & Jon have leveraged their first-hand experience of the inevitable relationship challenges of high-stress careers to help countless couples strengthen communication and relationship skills, overcome challenges and improve happiness. Andrea & Jon are recognised authorities on the subject of couple relationships and marriage, with numerous public speaking engagements and several TV and Radio appearances in the UK. Their book is due out soon. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I wish more adults would spend time watching things like this instead of scrolling around on social media.its never too late to grow and learn together.
So true.
DAMN YOU SAID IT!!
Well Said 🤝 I have become a 👍 fan of Tedx Talks.. It has helped me overcome my 😈 devilish addiction..
Shevani S Right! More specifically, men
@@MegaLadylove2012 Men handle things different than women but I disagree with you. It's 50/50. It's like saying, "Satan mostly tempts men to sin."
Men are incarcerated 11 to 1 to women. This seems to prove you right but women just do other things to make life difficult. Dr. Phil, "No matter how flat you smash a pancake, there are still two sides." Yes, he does this that drives you crazy but I bet you do things or withhold things that drive him crazy.
Really best wishes, my relationship has been so extreme: happy, sad, rewarding, frustrating. I've never gave anything so much effort and been confused at her response. It's a work in progress. Truly best wishes.
‘People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued.’ That says it all.
One of my favourite quotes too! :)
My fave part! I came back to time stamp it. 👍🏾
👌
I really like that
So true
Did y'all hear her whisper "mental health" to help him get back on track? That's a partnership! And the way they look at each other while they speak is kinda beautiful.
I found that cute 💖
I thought I was the only one that heard that. I was looking for this comment!
Haha... yes Bon Bon ! She’s always got my back. 😊
That was a true indicator that these two are a team
yes ALLAT!
1. Be curious, not critical = appreciate difference
2. Be careful, not crushing = fight or flight is selfish -> conflict boundaries -> care for the other
3. Ask, don’t assume = discussing issues
4. Connect, before you correct = communicate value and appreciation, holding back on criticism, people stay where they feel valued
That's a pretty good summary right there, @Clyde! I could suggest a handful of tweaks but the point is once you understand WHAT to do, the next and more important step is to build understanding of HOW to actually develop the habits and then start practicing them daily. We have a range of blogs, free and discounted resources on our "the4habits" site that can help. Wishing you all the best in all your relationships.
Thank you
100% thank you for the Ted talk. I am sure it has helped and influenced many people !
great!
I suppose maybe just be you and make sure you tell you, what you really want and need too. Thank you for these talks!
U can't solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got u there - Einstein
Not sure that was Einstein Tijaduno
Tijaduno wow. This is the first time I heard this. So simple but so profound
È
“Insanity - doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result”
-also Einstein
I just came from another Ted Talk which had that quote. Co-ink-e-dink.
We need more dating/relationship coaching like THIS instead of all these male and female "dating coach" profiles teaching you how to string the other along or manipulate each other emotionally. This was refreshing!!
Glad you liked it, @Frederick Kitt. Wishing you all the best...
VERY TRUE!!
100%
Very true
I agree
Wouldn't it be so good if we would learn this at school ? My life would have been a lot easier and less painful. Who agrees?
This would be WAY more useful than algebra. I never used it 35 years ago and going back to school was the ONLY time I did.
Yeahhh precisely there should be some academic subjects on things like this
I couldn't agree more, @Womens Wisdom School! In fact, that was precisely one of the drivers behind the charity we recently registered with the UK Charity Commission, with a vision to get this kind of equipping into Schools, Colleges and Universities, as well as lots of other local community groups. Find out more and perhaps even get behind our efforts to equip as many adults and children as possible with essential relationship skills - starting with the first 1 million people over the next 10 years - at our "Soulmates Academy Foundation" website. Meanwhile, thanks for anything you can do to help us get the word, and the equipping, out there...
Yes, I agree that we need some curriculum about relationships in high school.
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 But Algebra, respectivly maths in general, did help you build up to think in a certain way, further it helps people really understanding and applying concepts, generalize problems.
I dont wanna totally defend our school system, but i also do not think we should teach stuff like this instead of algebra, altough i may understand, even not fully, why this could be helpful taught in school
MY PARENTS!!!!
I am so proud of what you have achieved. Keep it up.
Edit: For those wondering, my mother is indeed Jamaican, my father is from Sierra Leone.
Usually it’s the parents who are proud of their child, not the other way round!
@@squeaks27 Lol
Random Commenter it goes both ways for this family
Isaac Taylor-Cummings they came to lochinver
Awww love this
*This also highlights the importance of choosing a partner with values and beliefs that are compatible with yours. Attraction and even love isn’t enough to maintain happiness in a relationship.*
You're so right about that and I've found the best way to know is to listen to the early signs during the dating stage. It can be hard to admit when someone's not right for you but it's a great fence at the top of the cliff, and hopefully avoids having to call an ambulance at the bottom. Another good TED Talk is called Select the Right Relationship....I recommend checking it out if you haven't seen it!
Not according to The Lobster
Its hard to dig deep enough into a person's value system in the dating phase, you'll get some valuable insights but never enough or all. Its part of the reason why even people who've dated for donkey years still have marital issues around values.
What are similar values and beliefs
Hard to find someone with same values. Been looking for 8 years. Compatible values AND attractive are rare gems apparently
My husband and I have been together for 10 years and without knowing it, we put ALL these guidelines into our marriage. We talk about our values, we put each other first, we pull closer to each other in hard times and cherish the good times. My Alun is my best friend and I'm so crazy in love with him xx
Awesome, Janet Hill ! You guys appear to have landed on your feet. Would love to know, did you have great parental role models or learn some other way? Either way, keep up the excellent work.
Janet Hill yes it is magic when you don't have to WORK at the relationship you LIVE FOR EACH OTHER! Each and every day is about rejoicing in our love!!!
You got yourself a good one!
I’m so happy for you. You are very fortunate. He is very lucky to have you.
May God continue to bless your union. All the best always 😀
Is he really your best friend or do you have a girlfriend whos also your best friend? The title of "best friend" is usually only supposed to be occupied by one person
She quietly whispered “mental health” to get him back on track while still nodding in agreement. That’s love ❤️
Hi Vanessa.
You look interesting to talk to
Can we be friends if you don't mind
Man, this is true. My husband and I broke up after four years together, were apart for three years, and then we got back together and have been strong af since. We decided right then that we were gonna go balls to the wall with honesty and love. We went to a therapist and got alot of this information, how to fight constructively, how to stay calm, how to communicate without anger. He is my best friend and we love each other deeply.
Ahhh... how lovely to hear it, @Sarah Pedro! In 20 years of working in this space we've come across another 2 other couples with not too dissimilar stories - although they went the whole 9-yards of going through divorce and having other partners... before getting back together again! The funny part is they never stopped LOVING each other... they just had to learn how to start LIKING each other again! Once they did that, living together wasn't such a problem anymore. All the best to you both...
I am so happy for you. and hopeful for tomorrow... thank you!
That is just awesome to hear! It is always so great to see love winning out. As the ancient text puts it "People perish for lack of knowledge". If only more people could just learn & start practicing these habits. You guys keep strong and keep fighting the good fight...
I'm of the "Trust no one, Scully" school of relationships, myself. I only buy it if I see physical proof of such. Lol
I hope something similar happens to us too 😩 We have been together for 6+ years and we had a really hard year this year - financially, emotionally, each one personally with childhood trauma and triggers.. - so I exploded and left him.. And he ran away into a new relationship.. 💔 And I have been doing the healing for the past couple of months.. and I hope that I get the chance to help him too ~ couples therapy would be magical for us. Because we are sooo good together. And live is there.. but we just had a fallout.. 😩💔
True! But it’s only work when both sides have self-awareness and willing to make a change!
True that you get the best results when both parties are open to learn and change. That's why we strongly encourage that couples learn and start practicing these habits as soon as possible and ideally before they start facing major challenges.
DANA SHEMESH IFBB PRO - Miss Israel yeah you have to have two pretty open willing people.
Yes !!!
DANA SHEMESH IFBB PRO - Miss Israel absolutely
This is the missing piece. I tried this approach with my last boyfriend - it's just how I am - but he's a narcissist. There was no hope.
Communication. That's it. That's the only thing everyone needs to do to have good/great relationships, assuming you have a certain level of compatibility of course. My wife and I have the best relationship there is and much of that has to do with the fact that we tell each other EVERYTHING. We never ever lie (not even about tiny things), we never fight (not the same as never arguing), and we have a rule that we always assume the other is acting out of helpfulness and love. It is utterly impossible to have a good relationship of any real depth without communicating well. Communication requires vulnerability, which I think is a big reason why many people aren't great at it.
Couldn't agree more @B May... at the end of the day, the 4 Habits do each help couples improve the way they communicate 1) when expectations are unmet, 2) in conflict situations, 3) when they don't see eye to eye on important matters, and 4) in the face of different emotional needs. Sounds like you guys have it all together! Keep shining.
@@jonathantc-the4habits157 Thanks! Yeah, we have one of those one in a million relationships; we've been together 6 years and miss each other every day before we come home. Few couples have this thought: we both have felt that we'd rather die before the other person, just so we wouldn't have to be without the other, and we consider this a selfish thing. Anyway, yes, communication is the most important thing in all relationships, and you're right, the stuff mentioned in this video is essentially stating that, just with specifics. It's sad that people just assume that fights are a part of all relationships, but they're not, they're evidence of a breakdown in communication.
I'd go even further to say proper and healthy communication. Because you can be very clear in what you're trying to communicate, but that doesn't mean it's in a proper or healthy way.
@@asha_vere I'm not sure what you mean. If you're saying that communication needs to be done with each others' communication style in mind, then sure. But if you mean that people need to sugar-coat things, then definitely not. I am usually a very straightforward/blunt person, as I think that the best way to handle difficult truths is head-on. I don't shy away from such things, because changing how they're talked about doesn't help the problem, it just obfuscates. I do recognize that others aren't the same as me, and I try to keep differences in mind when communicating, but I consider sugar coating the truth to be a form of lying.
That's it!!
1. Be curious, not critical
2. Be careful, not crushing
3. Ask, don’t assume
4. Connect, before you correct
You’re welcome! (The speech is great nonetheless)
Thank you.
Thank you so much Sara!
Saviour I don’t have enough data 😂😂😂
Thanks ! The intro goes on forever
thank you, the speech is confusing, 15 min for tax payers or so and rachel and idk, didn't have the patience.
what you said makes total sense. thx for your epxerince !! my experience from bed is trying natural drops spanish fly (my best friend recommended it to me) and i feel like god after 5 drops of it . i thought it is nonsence but actually it hepled me a lot
wow i also tried these natural aphrodisiacs w my husband actually. i just have to say that i can see great results and potential there. for me and others it's the future
Hi Heather,you look interesting to talk to...
Can we be friends if you don't mind
Intentional Relationship Habit
1. Be curious, not critical (invest in the time to consider the different thinking ability)
2. Be careful, not crushing. (learn how to work together, honor, respect vs react)
3. Ask vs assume (communication we respect)
4. Connect before you correct (be deliberate to find a meaningful moment in the relationship)
Good summaries in general, @Anastasia J... but suggest #2 is more about taking care of each other when emotions are running high, and #4 is more about finding ways to, on purpose, show them how much they mean to you.
both people must be committed to growing together otherwise someone gets outgrown
Agreed. It is absolutely the commitment to "growing together" and especially through the inevitable challenges of life, that's important.
agreed and that hurts
The Irony is most people here don't have enough patient to go through 16 minutes video but want to keep a good relationship. POOAAAA
That is precisely one of the thoughts I found so odd initially! Sadly we live in very much an "instant" culture. Keep investing and you will reap the rewards.
😂😂😂
I can see where you are coming from, but would really hate to generalise or group all people as just a whole instead of individualizing them as they should be. Some may not be working on just for example, "Relationships," so as you said, would not spend the 16 minutes to watch said clip, but if you were to fill the same 16 minutes with information on "Rock hunting" and that was what they felt they needed, well I'm pretty sure that not only would they watch, listen, and hear the information presented to them, at some later time, incorporate in their own lives and also share the value gained with others.
@@mitchellhammond4509 yes. They aren't in a committed relationship with TEDx or this CZcams video, for example.
So me.... I was wondering when they would get to the four habits already.
I did not know healthy relationships were a benefit to public health. I like this video. It’s very important.
Absolutely @E Williams! And the silver lining to the cloud is that it means governments are finally beginning to take investing in helping people develop healthy relationships seriously. We had the privilege of sparking a debate in UK Parliament earlier this year when Mental Health Awareness Week and Marriage Week coincided in the UK for the first time ever. You can find more details on our website (under the What's On section) if you search for Soulmates Academy.
@@jonathantc-the4habits157 .I'm interested how the figure £51 bn a year was arrived at. Seeing that mental health is starved of funds.
@@silverlinings3946 sorry for slow response. It's a good question. The bulk of it is social housing. Check out the full details in the actual report produced by the Marriage Foundation. You should be able to find it by googling Marriage Foundation research 51bn. All the best...
@@jonathantc-the4habits157 that's a bit disingenuous to make the connection. It is not convincing to me that it should be treated as a cost allocated to mental health. And it is possibly in the interest of Marriage Foundation to choose this figure to frighten people away from relationship which makes them very unhappy, to actually make them feel guilty if they seek to remove themselves from a very unhealthy situation.
If people are unhappy in marriage and stay in this situation, there grows a next generation of people unsuited to healthy partnership. As my friend, with a PhD in child psychology said, it is much better for a child to see separated happy parents than unhappy parents living together.
That child then has a better chance to enter in a relationship with someone better suited for them, than try to mould himself or herself into a relationship with someone incompatible.
@@silverlinings3946 you appear to have blended two points. What I believe we said was that apart from the obvious emotional impact on the individuals concerned and their nearest and dearest, relationship breakdown is a huge problem, costing the government c£51bn p.a. And that relationship breakdown has also been highlighted by the Mental Health Foundation as a huge contributor to Mental Health, especially in Teens. Find their 2016 report by Googling mental health foundation relationships 21st century. I totally agree that it is better for children to see their parents apart and happy than together and constantly miserable. Unfortunately though, a great many couples don't know HOW to live together happily - we believe many people get stuck like that and the work we do shows them how to get over inevitable hurdles in relationships so that they benefit, any children benefit, their employers benefit, society benefits, etc. Hope that helps clarify.
My husband and I have been together 14 years. I'm always willing to hear and learn new things on becoming a better wife.
Unhappiness in marriages also affects children.
Totally agree, Itzel. Finding a way to work things out has benefits on multiple levels.
Divorcees are still unhappy with their relationship with the other parent, still fight at times, and might even talk bad about each other in front of the kids. So getting along is what is best for the kids
@@labrigful We've found that helping people understand WHY other people do/did what they do/did (even if they are a former spouse/partner) brings greater healing to the relationship and everyone benefits.
Exactly my thoughts!
It is the foundation of problem child
“You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got you there”
❤️❤️
Way to be a pro - inter talking and here's the secret to an ideal relationship - maths: 51% one partner, 49% pair partner. 60%/40% maximum rarely. 😇
I love how she feed him his line...Have each others back!! Great talk.
teamwork
Ask and not assume is a huge one for me.
Glad to hear it resonating, Marvin! Keep building all 4 habits and you'll reap the rewards.
They all work together.. you must fill in the blanks to get rid of assumptions.. we all assume to a certain degree.. and rightfully so
When she helps him with his train of thought at 3:33 and whispers “mental health”.....I drank the kool-aid. ♥️♥️♥️
I hope you used sugar lol ❤️
“Drank the kool-aid”🤣🤣🤣 I love it
I love the mutually supportive body language ... walking the talk
Good point. Love how they hold a space for each other by turning towards the other & listening intently with eyes & ears
It is as you say, where are you from if I may ask
I appreciate every single one of the last 16 minutes and 42 seconds spent on my smartphone
I am a highly spiritual women. I am now 28months a widow after 35 yrs together. As I reflect on our time together the most significant action I took when ever we were in trouble over my head, was prayer. Asking for the higher power to help. It worked like magic.
There is a power greater than ourselves. Compassionate, merciful and wise. One need not be religious to call on this remarkable awesome force for intervention.💗💕🙏
Im not highly spiritual. But I agree 100%.. Prayer gives some power and wisdom somehow
With you on that, @Joanne Goodman! In my experience, prayer is often a very useful time out to reflect on situations, remember a bigger picture and come back with a better mindset.
Beautiful and so very true
Agreed.. but it's also our duty to seek knowledge.. seek and find out more about our one true Creator.. the oneness and beauty of God Almighty. For this material world is but just a short distraction and our ultimate goal should be to be happy in the hereafter.
“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ~Kirkegaard
"We invest on things we value". Indeed!
My parents are in a hard place right now, they are constantly angry at each other, fight about silly things, and be disappointed in each other. They are taking zero effort to work it out. So, my elder sister, my younger brother, and I took it on our hands to solve the issue. We cannot bear this any longer. I am watching these videos to prepare myself to talk to them about it and help them understand the problem and solve it. I really hope they can work it out. They cannot have a proper conversation or understand each other. Instead, they will just lash out at each other which always ends with either one or both of them being hurt. I am going to suggest these habits and hope it will work out. The talk was really useful for preparing myself, hope it will solve the issue too.
What a lovely daughter you are to them! :)
great kid, hope it went well
I found that recording them and showing them later when they have calmed down helps one to fully understand the impact.
How did it go?
You are a brave and intelligent child. Your parents are doing something right.
The Four Habits:
1. Be curious, not critical
Invest in the time to consider the different thinking ability
Helps appreciate each others strengths
2. Be careful, not crushing.
Reprogramming fight/flight to go from self-centric to us-centric
Learn how to work together
Respect vs react
Boundaries/rules of war
3. Ask vs assume
Communicating what respect/love ect means to us
What are our expectations
What does our ideal relationship look like
Getting good at having productive conversations
4. Connect before correct
Be deliberate to find a meaningful moment in the relationship
Learning how to listen/have a good conversation
Holding back on the need to give “constructive criticism”
Reminding yourself how much you value the other even when you're around them all the time
-"People go where they are wanted but stay where they are valued "
Find meaningful specific ways that bring warmth into the relationship
Nice summary there, @zzleigh128. Next step, make those principles into habits that show up in your daily interactions. Wishing you all the best in your relationships. ADDED: We now have a bunch of free resources available over on our channel to help people go deeper and actually start developing those habits in their relationships. Hope that’s helpful…
Amazing thank you
People simply don't know how to love each other which is why videos like this are essential. And not loving yourself leads to choosing the wrong partner. love in action is a constant practice let's keep learning 💗🙏
1. Be curious Not critical => No one is perfect. Don't just look to negative side, see the positive beauty too.
2. Be careful Not crushing => fights are very common and very normal. Don't be me center (my life, my interests,..) Be off center.
3. Ask Don't assume => Instead of making all stories (assumptions) just go and have a talk (ask)
4. Connect Before you correct => understand him/her, understand the situation, the feelings, the things they are going through Before you judge them.
Line 1 -> You can't solve a problem with the save level of thinking that got you there.
Line 2 -> People go where they feel welcome But stay where they feel valued.
Those are things I understood
Feedbacks are welcome.
I also love how he looks at her EVERYTIME she speaks...
This was powerful...
Shows he really cares
I love how she helped him out when he forgot his part ❤️
Haha, yes Tundi! Teamwork makes the dream work! :)
omg look how they listen to each other
Great modeling
"You can't solve problems with the same level of thinking" - Einstein
Investing in relationships
· More curious than critical
· More careful than crushing
· Asking rather than assuming
· Connecting more than we correct
These things don't apply to abusive relationships. Always remember that.
I will be marrying by beautiful fiance in 2021 and I'm taking all this advice but it helps that I do all of this already and so does she!
Wishing you all the best on your journey of marriage, @Richard j. Marriage is a beautiful institution if you get it right. Make a study of each other early on and it will stand you in good stead.
hey ! Marriage update ?
Truly love yourself at first then you can love others.
Preparing for my future husband by educating myself with the opinions of others is awesome! I had no idea that so much information existed!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Well done you for repairing yourself early, @Pia Love. The better prepared you are the better the journey. We've got some free resources on our the 4 habits . com site. Wishing you all the best!
Me too! God bless
The respect they have for one another is everything, it made their love stronger. Thank you!
What a great presentation Ted X.
This is a great discuss. Being intentional
Such an important Talk and one of the best TedX speeches I've seen in seen in quite some time. Couldn't be more perfectly timed with where my wife and I are at in our marriage. Thank you Dr. Andrea and Jonathan!
Thanks Kevin! Really great to get the feedback and hear it spoke to you. In our experience, the sooner people equip themselves and start practicing the habits, the sooner they start getting over the inevitable hurdles of relationships and actually get to really enjoy spending time together. All the best with putting the theory into practice...
That's great to hear Kevin and really encouraging to know its making a difference, which is our hope and prayer. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and all the very best to you and your wife in living out the habits for each other.
Kevin Fremon I agree
Conscious it’s been a while now… but if you’re looking for practical help to actually develop the habits, we’ve now got lots of free resources available over on our channel. Wishing you all the best in your relationships…
This Ted Talk came the perfect time.
One of the most amazing video I’ve seen so far!
Thank you! This really gave me some great places to start 💕
Sometimes personal background , how someone way raised contribute so much in how to handle relationship. If you passed from one family to another without settling with one can really affect how to behave in your marriage esp if your other partner comes from a well organized family. I am living this right now but I have learned to accept that weakness and work with him through it slowly. It's just that he doesn't know how to deal with simple family issues not because he doesn't want but because he never experienced such things before. So background matters alot and always try to know your partner backgrounds. It can save you time to just ignore some things not to fight over.
Totally agree! In our experience, most people are good... they only know what they have seen around them and how their parents and other family members behaved. If they have good examples, great. If not... That's why our drive is to help as many people as possible develop the habits that we have observed really make a difference. All the best in your relationships...
Communication will always be key so relationships can work.
Great advice for all relationships. Fantastic! Thank you!
It be great to bring this into the work environments
I needed to hear this more than this couple knows. Extremely insightful & something I will share with my significant other. Thank you ❣️
Def applies to all kinds of relationships
Thank you for this information.
I can listen to you for hours
This was so helpful. Thank you.
Thanks for commenting, @L Newman. In case you'd like to find out more detail on HOW TO actually develop the habits in your relationships, we have a number of resources available on our website which you can find by googling "learn soulmates academy 4 habits courses". And to celebrate hitting 100,000 views yesterday (21 Aug 2019) we currently have a special 7-day offer going! Hope that helps...
Very informative and helpful. Thank you.
I found this a much more refreshing offering than the typical:
"We keep on telling men to be better men, and we just simply can't figure out why relationships keep breaking down," one-sided diatribe.
Thank You! 🙏🏼
I wanna comment again and say thank you so much you two for this video and this speech. I agree that relationships are so worthy of being invested in rather than chanced upon in the world. I wanna put forth that effort in my life. Thank you ❤️
Wow indeed an amazing insight in relationship issues,, it has helped me understand more on some if the little things we neglect in relationships or the fears that then inhibit the four guidelines thank you for the session 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you both, I wish I knew you guys personal. Role models 👏👏👏
Outstanding, thanks much.
This is so awesome I saved it to my playlist! Good Teaching!!
People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued..just beautiful..
Wishing you all the best in keeping the people around you feeling valued, @Sumati. _/\_
Daym that's deep. I love this thank you for this great share ❤️
This is so life altering and practical. Thank you
This is amazing to hear familiar voices on CZcams! Well done you two! You've been an inspiration to me from young 🔥👏🏾
*romantic relationships are not the only kind of relationship. there are all kinds. the common* *denominator of successful relationships are trust, respect and loyalty.*
Fair to say romantic relationships are not the only kind, @monica Webster, although for most people personal relationship are generally their most important. That said, in our experience, having also worked with parent-child and work colleague relationships, we've found the 4 habits apply equally well there. I'd agree that trust, respect and loyalty are common characteristics of successful relationships - in our experience we've found practicing the 4 habits helps people build each of those.
Thank you for this. 🙏🏻
❤❤I love their correlation
Cultivating mindful habits like this are so crucial for a healthy and passionate relationship. Thank you for sharing this! Would love to see another few million views to ensure the message impacts more of our world. ❤❤
I just love the way you guys talk, wow wow wow, I definitely practice these rules not knowing how important they are until I got myself listening to you both. This just strengthens every thing
Great Talk.
Thanks for sharing.
This was great much needed much appreciated.
This woman has such a pleasant voice. I can listen to her whole day.
Excellent talk. This should be prerequisite material for all relationships. Great work🙏🏾.
Thank you so much. I need to apply these four habits to my relations today. So I may have a successful tomorrow.
Thank you for an insightful message!!
I needed to hear this! Thank you xx
Glad it landed well with you, Felicia. We have a number of resources that can help you go deeper in developing the habits on our Soulmates Academy website. All the best...
Such a great talk! "People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued.", so many good points made here! ❤️
Ahhh... thank you, Jill. It was a real privilege and joy preparing for and delivering the talk, but so much more satisfying to see it resonating so well now.
It’s a while ago now, but if you’re looking for help to actually develop the habits, we’ve now got lots of free resources available over on our channel. Wishing you all the best in your relationships…
Excellent piece!!
I absolutely loved their teamwork; great talk! Thank you
My grown daughter sent me this- she can see whats going on with her parents. So where's the book? I feel I need more explanation on how to do these four things
Thanks for commenting @onetwothree57. Unfortunately, the book is not due out until next year. Meanwhile, we have recently released an online course that goes into the detail of HOW TO actually start developing the habits. You can find our website by googling "learn soulmates academy 4 habits courses". And to celebrate hitting 100,000 views we currently have a special 7-day offer where we're basically giving it away for only GBP 25 (circa USD 30)! Hope that helps...
I was adopted through Christian cult and raised Orthodox Jewish. If my mother decided to claim her addiction, it would be religion. My father would have left if he didn't have my sister and I. He decided to be beholden to something greater than himself. You have children. It's your job to minimize their pain and if they see yours, then you're showing too much. But you can always check the library for books.
@@jonathantc-the4habits157 amazing and thank you x
I'll sum it up: don't be an assh*le.
There. Just saved you a lot of time :)
U are a great parent then... for putting in an effort. All the best! 👍😉💪
How many families are there where teenagers have mental health problems because the parents stayed together? Millions I'd guess. I'm one of them. It is a mistake to perpetuate the myth that divorce is always bad; guilt-tripping people into staying in abusive relationships is just as toxic as a high conflict divorce. Separation is often a matter of life or death.
Seekingthemiddle Way thank you
Sorry to hear of the impact your family situation had on you, Seekingthemiddle Way. We are absolutely NOT intending to perpetuate the myth that divorce is always bad. In our experience it always has consequences, but so does staying on in the relationship. Each couple has to weigh up the options and decide for themselves. What is clear though is that if they can find a way to work things out and enjoy a healthy relationship, everyone (including children) wins! That's why we want to encourage as many people as people to develop the 4 habits.
Seekingthemiddle Way Dr Laura speaks on giving 100% to your relationships before bailing, EXCEPT in the instances of Abuse, Alcoholism and Adultery.
Yeah they were speaking outside of an abusive relationship as they mentioned.
Obviously they are not telling anyone to stay in abusive situations.. Everyone has to use their common sense...Emotional intelligence..get help or get out. It's about being healthy and happy together.
This was excellent. Thank you!
Great talk love it💜
Thank goodness for this right now!!!❤️
Thanks for commenting, @Dustin James McCuan. In case you'd like to find out more detail on HOW TO actually develop the habits in your relationships, we have a number of resources available on our website which you can find by googling "learn soulmates academy 4 habits courses". And to celebrate hitting 100,000 views yesterday (21 Aug 2019) we currently have a special 7-day offer going! Hope that helps...
They're such a pleasant couple! They're so cute!
Truely powerful! Thank you. I’m at a crossroads and I can relate to Rachel and the bus.
The lady speaks so calmly, so comforting
Bless you two
Thanks Avoca29 ! Such a pleasure to hear the message resonating so strongly.💞
Saving life/love/family
You said the best absolutely great honestly,
That's so true .... Would you mind for a chat so we can get to know ourselves more better and stay as friends because this place is public ?
such a beautiful talk.. ♥
Thank you for this! ❤
Thought provoking and deeply inspiring!
Many thanks Jennifer! Glad to hear the habits resonating so strongly. If you’d like some tips on converting the head knowledge into practice, check out various resources on our SoulMates Academy site. All the best in your relationships...
Good relationship is a characteristic of a good happy life. That was the answer found by the longest (75 years) study done at Harvard on happiness. A Ted Talk on that is available. Type:
'What makes a good life? The longest study on happiness'. Presented by Robert Waldinger (he's not really active but present on Twitter: @robertwaldinger)
4 tips of this talk are:
1) Be curious, not critical
2) Be careful, not crushing
3) Ask, don't assume
4) Connect, not correct
Anyone reading this best of luck in doing hard and smart work coupled with tendency to put ideas into action and in living a compassionate life!
Useful advices
Thank you