Etiquette Guide II - Manners Before & After The Meal, RSVP, Gifts ... - Gentleman's Gazette
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2024
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00:00 Manners Before & After The Meal Introduction
So you've been invited to dinner or you have invited someone and there are certain rules before and after that are just as important as the table manners you display during a meal.
00:31 Reply To The Invitation In A Timely Manner
You should reply promptly to the invitation. In the US, it's also called RSVP which stands for repondez sil vous plait or please respond. Traditionally, you should respond in the same way you receive the invitation. So if someone called you, call back. If someone actually wrote you a card or a letter, you should write back.
02:14 Inform The Hosts In Advance If You Have Food Allergies
You should tell the hosts in advance, otherwise, they may prepare a meal and not be able to change and accommodate you on the spot.
03:02 Always Keep Your Commitments
Not only does this reflect poorly in your character and people may consider you flaky, but the host and or hostess have gone to incredible lengths to accommodate you, they went grocery shopping, they made a meal plan, they invested in their liquor cabinet, in their wine selection, and they just made a huge effort, so just not showing up is extremely disrespectful.
03:55 Offer To Bring Something
If you are invited to a party or any other kind of informal arrangement, you should always offer to bring something. Only ask if you're actually prepared to bring what the host requests from you. Most hosts won't ask you to bring six bottles of champagne but if they do and you don't bring it, it makes it look extremely cheap. Also, be considerate and never create more work for the host.
05:10 Show Up On Time
Never show up earlier because everyone who has ever hosted a party knows that there's a lot of work to be done and if guests show up early and you're not done yet with your preparations, it's frustrating and it's just hard for you to manage with your time. So don't be that guy who shows up early.
06:06 Greet The Hosts Personally
Ideally with a handshake or a hug depending on what culture you're in.
06:30 Never Ask To Bring Anything Home
If you're at someone's home, you never ask to bring anything home even if you brought the dessert or the salad, you just leave it there in its entirety.
07:07 When Dining Out, Who Pays The Bill?
It can be a little tricky. In countries like Germany, if someone specifically invites you, it implies that they're going to pay for the meal. In the US, it's a little different because it only implies that your presence is welcomed, not that your bill will be paid for. Unless someone specifically says “let me buy you dinner”. Don't assume that someone else will pay for your meal.
08:27 Never Leave Too Early Or Too Late - Be On The Lookout For Cues
It's always impolite to leave a party early or right after dinner because it implies that you're just there for the food and you're not interested in the company. At the same time, don't stay too late. Look for cues of the host, are they may be yawning because they're tired, already starting to clean up and doing the dishes, or staring at their watch many times, or maybe have they stopped serving drinks two hours ago, that's the case, it's time to leave now.
If you enjoyed your evening, you should always return the favor and invite the host and hostess to you. It doesn't matter if you think you can't cook, you either come up with an idea or you invite them to a nice restaurant that you like and pick up the bill, it's just a way to show them that you appreciate that they invited you and that you like to hang out with them.
11:28 Outfit Rundown
#notsponsored #diningetiquette #tablemanners
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I’m not a gentleman, I’m a lady and I’m obsessed with your videos lol this is amazing high quality content keep up the good work.
Same here
I ❤️ it.
agreed! these are the kind of things we all need to know
Same here, but at 17 years-old.
Same
Spent 3 days cooking for a dinner party for 3 of my lady friends once...no-one turned up. Turned out one of the guests kids were sick and they had called the other 2 guests to let them know that they wouldn’t be attending, but forgot to let me know. The other guests decided that if ‘x’ wasn’t coming, then they wouldn’t either. Not one of them thought to call me. I was literally sitting there waiting while the food got cold for an hour before I called them to ask where they were. Suprisingly we are all still friends, as I’m a very forgiving and polite hostess and it was a thoughtless communication error, but I’ll never invite them to dinner again 🤣.
On my first date with my wife, I didn't want to be late so I made sure I was half an hour early just in case of traffic or I got lost. Once I was there and very early, I drove around her neighborhood so I wouldn't be early. I rang the bell exactly on time.
I found out later that she was extremely impressed and many guys had been late and she wouldn't even go out with them again.
This channel blew me away. The amount of elegance, class and professionalism put into this is amazing. This is the kind of channel that someone like Vincent Price would have adored :-). Even if you don't want to follow the advice given in the videos, everything is still very relaxing and easy to watch.
P.S. I suggest you make a video about hairstyles.
Thee Great Vinny P. House on Haunted Hill is the best Horror Movie I have ever seen, and I have seen more than a few...hundred. Did you see when he went on Carson and cooked dinner for Carson, in a dishwashing machine? Tim Burton put him in his final film, Edward Scissorhands. In the 1959 American film, the Bat, the Genesis trappings for Giallo film were cemented, yet Italy has been credited with that accomplishment ever since. I could never be tired of discussing Vincent Price. I will stop now, however, as it is early in the morning and I am ready for bed. Tomorrow morning, I think I will watch someting Vincent with my morning espresso, while I pet my psycopathic feline, Derrick. Yeah.
I like to cook, and someone gave me a nice bottle of wine at a dinner party I was hosting. I had already picked the wines, based on the menu, but they seemed to take offence that I wasn't serving their bottle. I am pleased you've mentioned this, as it took some planning to decide what wines to pair with the food.
I went to dinner at a family member’s house and brought a bottle of wine. They basically said oh no! And said that they don’t drink much wine, and already had too much! I’ll stick to candy or flowers from now on!
In some cultures (especially eastern Mediterranean and Asia Minor), it is polite to insist on paying the bill 3-7 times at least. In more social and informal setting it is polite to have a small argument for about 30 seconds to a minute and try to forcefully pay for the meal 10-15 times.
That’s also an Irish custom, I should know
Thank you so much Sven for this wealth of knowledge.
I've started to dress nicer at church each week when before I would just wear a hoodie and jeans.
People asking me where I learned this lost art of looking so nice! This channel has answered so many of my questions and has helped me immensely!
Thank you again!
Very classy and nice, it's appreciated even if no one has mentioned that to you, they might not just feel comfortable saying but it's very pleasant and respectful. :)
Can you guys make a video about being a host? :D Good job as always :)
Lif I second this motion
Lif i too am interested in this.
yes please :)
Good idea!
I second this aswell.
Hosting etiquette is the much bigger problem. Some educated and well-paid people have massive misconceptions about proper behavior when inviting guests to dinner. I have several times been asked to pay something to help defray the costs of luxury food items for the hosts, even though these costs were completely determined by the hosts. I have also been invited to many restaurant meals and then asked to pay for luxury items. It seems many hosts are not above ordering things they cannot really afford when there is the opportunity to defray the costs among several “guests.”
SteamPunk. You need to change your friends.
This series is great. Here in Canada everyone generally pays for what they order however like you said in some cultures you split the bill no matter what you ordered! Great video Sven!
They also call it 'going Dutch'. Because in the Netherlands it's also usual to pay for what you order, and most people are greedy
In Italy, if in a group, you just divide the bill equally... ♥️
In my country, it’s the guy who always pays the bill.
If you are a man and you’re talking a woman out you should pay the bill in full.
Promotionit. Very true. I am very lucky in that my crush has always paid for every single meal or event we go to and well as picking me up and dropping me home. I have never once had to put my hand in my purse. A true gent.
Btw arguing for the bill. Is EXPECTED in greece
also for arabs we never let others pay the bill even if we're not the host
Same in India
Not necessarily expected in rural Montana(that's in the US), but it is definitely something a lot of people feel obligated to do, especially with family. Normally, one person pays the entire bill.
I am showing your videos to my sons as part of homeschool curriculum. Thank you!
Sven! I think it's about time for a closet/wardrobe tour !
yes please
I would love to see a video about being a host :)
Thank you, sven. Thank you for teaching us the things our fathers either could not, or would not teach us.
With restaurants invitations in Germany, that's a bit more tricky. Who is paying is strongly depended on the kind of the invitation. If it's more like "I invite you to...", than it's probably with that's an invitation where they want to pay, but if it's more like "Do you want to go to..." or "Do you want dinner at..." than it's more likely to split the bill.
It also depends on the social situation of course. And what is also common in Germany (especially if you go out with friends) that you don't split the bill even per head, but everyone pay for what he consumed. That last one doesn't count for things you consume together like if drinks where served in bottles, or you sheared plates (like appetizer...).
And if you are in Germany, don't be late by more than 5 minutes without at least a message to the phone, if it's more than 15 minutes definitely call. Therefor it's ok if you are a bit early, but not more then 5 minutes.
To the handshaking, every person you greet or say goodbye to, shake there hands. If it's formal, stand up to shake hands. It's un polite to keep sitting down. The only exception are women you are friends with; a hug is there a acceptable greeting to.
Same goes for the netherlands!
Here in the U.S., wording is important when it comes to who pays when eating out. As general rule, an offer to "take one to breakfast/lunch/dinner" means they're hosting/paying, while "let's meet for breakfast/lunch/dinner" doesn't (though they still may). Always a good idea to assume you're paying your own and bring money. If you're staying with someone as a houseguest, it's appropriate to treat them to a nice meal at least once while you're there as a reciprocal gesture of thanks.
a little lady here and just obsessed with ypur content😊 thank you Sir!
When I was a child, I remember my dad always wearing slacks and a jacket when we would go out. I also remember one of my uncles always taking half the tip my dad left for the service staff when my dad had walked away after leaving the tip. Its funny the things you remember.
Considering that I work with a lot of wealthy men, I find it informative to watch your videos. Thank you very much!
As always, very informative, and I love that outfit.
Man, if your kids know proper table manors at a Barbecue, you get parent of the year award.
The etiquette you are sharing might be common but your sense of dressing is pleasantly amazing. Thank you so much and hopefully more men shall benefit from your videos.
The best thing I've learnt from your channel is to simply smile because it is attractive no matter how your teeth are.
I love this man and his advise
I always thought this stuff was supposed to be like second nature, responding to RSVP, thanking the hosts, gifts, etc. The first one I understood, it's not that common to have such dining manners but it would be a shame if there were people who don't do this kind of stuff naturally. Still a very high quality video and great production as always.
We are veg*n, we have invited/attend formal events and upon calling to verify were able to mark the RSVP with our dietary requirements. This has been normal for years, even outside the US. We have also been invited to a holiday meal (with family/friends) with 40+ persons and were assured ahead of time there would be food, we even offered to bring our own versions of their identical dishes but once we arrived the only thing available was the raw cut up veggies...it was a long day and we were starving be the time we helped them clean up and put their children to bed. It was one of the strangest things I've had happen. This is becoming more of a norm and needs to be discussed for sure. Love your channel.
Fantastic suit! Very simple in it's way, but very elegant.
Excellent guide, and well presented! This should be a class taught at high school level! I also appreciated the comments from others here that show the variations in etiquette in other cultures.
I was in line at a Starbucks, when the two customers ahead of me decided to do a "pay it forward" thing, whereby they would pay for the customer behind them in line. It just so happened that not only was I the last customer in line, but I specifically came in to order multiple items (not drinks) that I needed. I did not need or want anyone to pay for my order, but the guy ahead of me was celebrating a new baby I think, and spreading cheer around, and all of that. Now...telling him "your money's no good" or "I don't need you to do that, thank you" would've seemed really awkward, but when he paid for my items, I must say I didn't feel all warm and glowy inside, even if he did. Now that I think about it, odds are people probably felt the same way when I give the gifts I do, especially when I go way beyond their expectations. But for me and them, the thought is nice, and manners soften any ill feelings
In this situation I would graciously accept his gift, and order just about the same amount he does, say one beverage and a singly pastry. Then, in a second order, buy the additional items and pay for them yourself.
I have actually purchased bowls etc to take food in for dinner engagements and told the hosts to keep them , that it was part of the gift for inviting me to have dinner.
This is one of those things most people (men especially, I think) fail to do. I know, I'm not exent of this. Thanks for pointing this out for us, Raphael.
I always enjoy these helpful video you provide excellent suggestions on how to be a gracious invited guest truly appreciate all your fine efforts!
I love this natural evolution that your channel is taking. Well-done.
Love your etiquette guide Gentleman's Gazette! We need this kind of training I feel is lost.
The non-medically necessary dietary restriction point is so key.
I had a small party and made enough food to have enough servings per the number of guests, but two guests who came had very specific diets they didn't let me know about until they arrived, after most of the food had already been prepared (the rest was prepped and just waited to be cooked).
As such I ended up having a lot of leftover food since they couldn't eat most of it. It was awkward and uncomfortable for both of us, as I didn't want to offend them by offering things they did not want to eat, but it also made me feel that what I had prepared wasn't "good" enough. They ended up picking at a vegetable tray I had prepared and had to ignore just about everything else (they were not vegan, though several dishes were).
If they had told me about the restrictions in advance I would've been happy to accommodate since they're my friends and guests, but it ended up being a larger waste of money on me than I'd like given all the prepared food they could not or did not want to eat, especially since I advertised I'd be cooking for the event and the list of what they could eat was highly restrictive, and I could only eat so much of it in the following days.
If I’m inviting people to dinner, I’ll usually ask if there’s anything that they cannot eat when I invite them. That way I can plan the meal more efficiently.
I, myself eat a low carb diet because I have diabetes. But if I’m invited to dinner, and they’re serving pasta, I’ll go ahead and eat a small portion. I’m okay with a cheat now and then.
This was an excellent video on etiquette. Thank you!👍👍👍
Thank you for sharing Mr. Raphael. Best wishes from Portugal!
Excellent of course! While I try to observe all these guiding points, I am often disappointed that so few others seem to think they are important. I concluded a long time ago that Gentlemen and Gentlewomen are quite rare today. I do appreciate though when I find them and all my inner circle of friends are the “Gentle“ folk.
I just happen to bump into your channel today about "how to iron a shirt " and I'm now learning great stuffs from you . I must say you are one classic and stylish man; Very proper , cultured and refined. I'm highly impressed. New subscriber here . Welcome sir
That was an excellent presentation. Keep up the good work.
I strive to follow all these suggestions. I'm going to totally re-do my wardrobe.
Useful information and very thorough as always. Thank you, Raphael.
Hi Sir . Pls dont mind me commenting down in a 2 yrs old video. I am from India and we mostly use our right hand to have food and using cutlery is a rare gesture. But, I find your videos really addictive and informative. Keep up the good work Sir
great information sir! this has motivated me to do a show on table manners for kids...thank you
These videos are wonderful thank you so much for putting in the effort and making them.
That's why Mexicans are broke sometimes. They make a lot of food at fam parties, you invite your uncle he brings his family & his wifes friends and family
What a weirdly racist comment
@O.o LOL so pointing out weirdly racial language is childish. Interesting take. Maybe you should think a little younger 🤷🏻♂️ smh
@O.o LOL fair enough, but that explanation would have been good instead of "oh, grow up." If youre intentional enough to read into his comment as much as you did, be intentional about your tone on the internet 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
@DerAnus parish the thought 😂
@O.o LOL what a weirdly combative way to respond. You got me, I'm hyper sensitive, bah. To the victor go the spoils, well won 😁 crisp high five?
Excellent as always Sven!
I will be attending a wedding this weekend and your videos really helped me a lot.
Yet another in a string of gems; reminders of what to d when in certain social situations that one may not experience often, educators for the novice.
Thank you for posting this video, it really help me. sorry for my english :)
I have really enjoyed your videos.
Here in Brazil usually the host politely doesn't ask you to bring anything. But you bring something anyway because it is seen as not polite in certain situations if you come with empty hands.
I liked the suite at the end. Thanks for the video!
Excellent work you did ! Could you please make a formal dining etiquette video ( an extensive one). I would like to test myself if I remember what my grandmother taught me.
The fact that you are using a Google Pixel 2 is also a huge plus because people will compliment the camera.
I guess you will receive more compliments now with Pixel 3. ;)
This gives a very literal meaning to the eatwell guide.
Wise words Sven :-) Thanks.
Why does evdry meal you show have Brussel Sprouts?
To scare away the kids
Because they're awesome?
Nice video again Mr. Schneider.
Love your English - quite refined!!
These videos are very informative...the only thing I want point out is that having a certain diet is completely ok....Its not realistic for a person who is paleo or vegan etc to never attend/decline all business/social events; more often than not, people have those diets because they do have actual intolerances. However, it is more challenging and a good host will at least have an option for people who don't eat meat/ask on the invite
It is ok, however because it is a choice it is more polite to try and put as little stress on the host as possible. Perhaps not decline but offer alternatives. It is greatly appreciated.
It all depends on the reason for having the special diet.
I have a friend who's dietary needs are so detailed she has a web page for them ... she has several severe medical conditions - and keeps kosher. However, she also brings food she knows she can eat, and usually enough to share. She tries hard to be a good guest even if she can't eat the food.
If one is deathly allergic to nuts or shellfish, they should be accommodated.
However, the person who says "I refuse to eat if you serve animal products", or "here's a list of the foods I don't like", or similar without a solid medical reason is just being rude. You either eat what you can or bring a dish you like that you can share (but alert your host first).
I need to eat low carb for health reasons ... but I would never expect a host to not serve bread or dessert. I might have a bite of dessert (I can handle one bite), but my preferences are on me.
Just acquired a bespoke Savile row tweed suit (just a good deal, i'm not rich i swear). Will be using this for my fancy drinks out. Perfect smart casual outfit while being suited. I was invited by a private club to attend so this is all very exciting.
Thank you for the tips :)
The internet needs a lot more of this.
Ur channel is under rated i dono y i has to b sme whr near 10m...
U seriously helping out men out of awkward situations... hatsoff
Its me again watching😂😂
You sir are the ultimate gentleman
Absolutely! Can we bring the kofs?
10:50 Great advice. Awesome video, Sven!
Thanks for posting this.
Looking GOOD
Brother I like your style. I too have been trying to share ideas about being a gentleman to as many fellas as I can.
I need to learn some table manners
If you are over 21 & can't act or behave as the video mentions you failed! 👎
Also cooking is a great thing to learn. Not being the next Gordon Ramsay but cooking simple nice food and once in a while something fancy goes a long way.
Same. This 2 part series has inspired me to at least try to improve.
Great video, thank you. 👍
Well done!
Beautiful outfit! I wish to have a club collar shirt.
Thank you =)
Its my belief that when it comes to dining out, the host of the event should be the one to pay, however, the attendee should offer to reciprocate and pay for the next one.
Well splitting the bill isn't bad.
Great video
Danke, Raphael!
Absolutely love the etiquette videos, that tan double breasted jacket you wear in the scenes inside the home is particularly nice.
Love This.
You are awesome
Well said Sir. Thank you.
I'd really love to see your closet tour of some sort. If you wouldn't mind :)
I also hate the German ritualized handshaking. When we're at the beach and there's twenty people, it's actually intrusive. A simple hello is better.
Enjoy watching thanks 👍
Haha, when you got the message (at 4:11). Nice video, as usual!
Two questions:
1. When I ask a question on the Diner table, can I take a bite right after asking or should I wait until they answer THEN take a bite?
2. Shouldn't you unbutton the jacket when you sit down and button it up when you get up?
Excellent video btw.
I was bemused to have seen the use of the words can I as opposed to may I in the text message responding to the informal dinner. Despite this oversight, this video has a great deal of good content.
I love the tie. I so much love the tie. The rest of the suit I can take or leave, but the tie, oh how much I love the tie. I also love the videos. Subscription incoming in 3..2..1..
I’ve eaten a vegan diet for thirty years and it’s important to me. In your opinion, is it good manners to ask my host to simply give me extra vegetables and bread. I would never expect a special dish just for me.
9:20 😣 I’ve done this faux pas. Thanks for the pointer.
His voice is the only thing that makes this OK for me
Subscribed. Love it.
It can also be nice to arrive early and offer assistance. But with permission, and usually only if you know the host well. I usually offer this for all my close friends when they host, and they always appreciate the help.
That is very true.
Sehr gutes Video
4:11 Great performance haha
I like the way you talk
The guest brought you a box of brownie mix!? That's hilarious! 😂😂