Why Relationships With Covert Narcissists Last So Long
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- čas přidán 1. 01. 2023
- Why Relationships With Covert Narcissists Last So Long.
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DISCALIMER --- I am not a licensed therapist, and I don't have professional counseling credentials. I am just a guy that has been a victim of narcissists, and I have witnessed others being victimized. I created this channel to share my experiences and shed some light on narcissism.
i've wasted my prime over this. Now i've lost so much. i'm no longer so attractive as i was used to be, i've lost my spark, my personality good trait and i can't trust anybody. These people trick you into wasting your life away. if you are here and your gut tells you they're one and they're still in your life run, no answer, no contact and NEVER EVER, fucking ever look back.
I relate! My soon ex husband wasted 12 years of my precious life
Same here. 15 years of pain with no potential for anything good. Finally separated. Never again.
They do waste a lot if your time. However try and l9ok st what it taught you. It's not your fault they are slithering snakes. Devils
Twenty-five years here. You wasted your prime; I definitely relate. But better late than never. Even a day with real clarity is worth fighting for; just seeing things as they really are, being finally free, is better than the alternative.
They’re evil horrible people
If you are worried about the benefit of a doubt, dont worry. The narc will remove all doubt in time.
Wow! Spot on AGAIN! I (naively) stayed in a relationshit with a covert narc for 13 yrs. Foolishly I kept thinking it would eventually get better - but it only got worse as time went on. I've been free of him since 2019 & in my weak moments i have to remind myself of how he treated me & the lessons I learned from the ordeal. Never will I allow anyone to treat me badly ever again!
Good for you JJ! I'm glad you were able to regain your life back!
Same for me. Involved with covert narc for 13 years and no contact since 2019, when I left her. Found out she was cheating on me AGAIN! As hard as it was I had to leave. Enough is enough and no more chances. I'm not a fool to be treated like a doormat.
Exactly the same as me, even 13 years. I’m actually leaving him tomorrow.
Wrote down a keep a list of all their incidents and behaviors so you don’t subconsciously forget it.
Spanned over 8 years...that eas hell enough, awful experience
I wish I had known much earlier. All the red flags would have been there 37 years ago! We are married for 34 years, and separated since 12 months. It was a trap… I am a Christian and thought I had to put up with all this BS. And all the rest happened exactly the way described, the hope it would get better, the balancing of the good and bad times, the illusions, and all of it. Until it got so bad that friends noted and commented and sent me a link to a podcast by Dr Ramani … what an eye opener😮😢
I respect Christianity. I'm one too. However it inky taught me to turn the other cheek. Hence Narc relationship
Yes I'm a believer as well and it's probably what has made us too long-suffering.😪
I´m so happy you are a free bird...after so long time....be safe...you will get better. Dr. Ramani is one at the best to describe the Covert Narcissist.and Dr.Phill " Phill in the blanks". The Covert Narcissist
Me too plus I didn’t want my only child to come from a broken home… 35 yrs of torture… 5 months no contact now & beginning to heal 🙏
Very accurate description of what it is like being with a covert narcissist. It feels like a slow death. If you're in one run, don't walk. Be safe!
Yesss
I never knew what a narcissist was. 20 years later after 5 kids and buying a house that I put 100k alone on, now I find out. Thanks CZcams, I know I'm a fool... Naive is me
Can happen to the beat if us. Try not to beat yourself up. They are very skilled manipulators. Eventually they will have to face themselves if not in earth with their creator. Nothing goes unforseen. ❤❤❤❤
They test you initially by just how much crap you're willing/able to tolerate without rocking the boat or making waves. They test you silently, invisibly without detection in most cases. They are super sly and use questions to test your response.
Yep 31 years with Earl. Very few people in my circle knows who Earl is.
Brilliant and spot on. It is difficult to watch someone you love go through a relationship like this with blinders on. You want them to wake up, but they are in the trance if the narcissist. I pray that one day, they will see again.
It has ruined my health! At least I finally changed my phone number and bank account. Been alone awhile, but I am safe. Still can't trust people.
Hope everyone is healing. ❤
Because she was my mother. I now know she was never a mother to me.
I’m not a therapist, just a victim of too many of these demented a$$holes. They don’t wear signs. I had a covert mother, and my only 2 siblings (both younger males) were overt. Only my dad and I avoided this curse. My family life was a horror show from my teens forward. I’m 66 now, and never realized my mother was the ring leader until AFTER she died in 2004. I wasted decades on her not knowing this precious knowledge. Not knowing what she was doing to my psyche. Of course, I’m married to one now since 2013. She conned me good back then. No sign of any mental illness. I was 2 years in when the overt hit. I can’t get out cuz I’m a Super Empath, and her caregiver. She’s 79 with an aortic aneurysm. So in this case, death will do us part…
Ergo, she didn’t discard me because she’s stuck in bad health. And has no else left on Earth. I’m a benefit. I cannot discard her because of who I am. Additionally, I’m a natural health professional. She wins, I lose.
I believe I was set up by Archons, as this is their M.O. to a tee. It’s obvious. The ultimate cowards of the Universe. Look them up if you haven’t already heard of them. You’ll be shocked at what you discover.
Terri, I hope you figured your mother out long before I did. So you could stop the abuse before death stopped it.
Same
Is it possible for them to be covert AND malignant? He was so cruel and envious and the cycles lasted long….the love bomb was huge. Things would be going so “normal” and healthy and trust was building and just simple and easy ….and then BAM, he would do something big to sabotage. When I found out he was cheating…and I was bawling and crying and hurting he literally smirked. I couldn’t believe it. I believe it now. He was so cruel and jealous of my LITTLE kids…he would say when he was drunk why he hated them that “they have love and I never did.” That’s so messed up! It made me feel bad instead is disgusted with him! So many things I look back on.
Yep, they can be several different things...whatever it takes for them to get by, they'll do it.
I read in my morning newspaper a while back a report about malignant narcissists, it said that they are usually the more covert type. They are just under a psychopath, at one time I thought the evil covert narc was a psychopath but he loves attention too much so I ruled that out.
@@steadypace1262 mine I believe is a sociopathic malignant covert narcissist. He’s about as bad as you can get. He is super quietly calculating as well as can be physically violent in private. Jealous and envious of everyone around him coworkers, kids, me, family, friends everyone. Had a lot of money and generous in that he wound buy groceries and such etc but super greedy also and secretive with his savings etc. We were engaged but money was never going to be “ours” was SUPER concerned about sharing pension with me and I could have cared less about it all! Just so much. So much to sift through. It’s painful
JJ just read your other reply about sociopath so very glad you are out of that living nightmare. Narcissist's bring all your fears upon you.🌻
@@steadypace1262 they literally do. All of my fears that I mentioned to him literally came true. I have to stay in the logical and need to get through this trauma bond. 🙏 cognitive dissonance is painful!!! But necessary to sift through
I’m not a therapist, just a victim of too many of these demented a$$holes. They don’t wear signs. I had a covert mother, and my only 2 siblings (both younger males) were overt. Only my dad and I avoided this curse. My family life was a horror show from my teens forward. I’m 66 now, and never realized my mother was the ring leader until AFTER she died in 2004. I wasted decades on her not knowing this precious knowledge. Not knowing what she was doing to my psyche. Of course, I’m married to one now since 2013. She conned me good back then. No sign of any mental illness. I was 2 years in when the overt hit. I can’t get out cuz I’m a Super Empath, and her caregiver. She’s 79 with an aortic aneurysm. So in this case, death will do us part…
Ergo, she didn’t discard me because she’s stuck in bad health. And has no else left on Earth. I’m a benefit. I cannot discard her because of who I am. Additionally, I’m a natural health professional. She wins, I lose.
I believe I was set up by Archons, as this is their M.O. to a tee. It’s obvious. The ultimate cowards of the Universe. Look them up if you haven’t already heard of them. You’ll be shocked at what you discover.
So sorry you have gone through all this, cosmo. God bless you for taking care of your wife through the end of her life. I'll go look up Archon now.
He used my son as a scapegoat and I found out later that he said horrible things to his family about me that were complete lies! I never understood why they suddenly got distant and seemed to not like me! They began to treat me like an outsider and ostracized me…I found out later that he was saying things to them like I looked at his phone (because I wasn’t trusting him etc), but of course he never told them why I felt a need to look! He made me out to be this controlling yo know what but never told them the horrible things he did! I am usually happy go lucky personality and just relaxed and easy going and I began not to be that because of the lack of trust that he planted due to his action or inaction!
My story is very similar, JJ
Covert type narcissists are back stabbers, smiling assassins.
@@steadypace1262 I am still feeling so betrayed and hurt even though I know the truth ! It’s so hard to wrap my head around and have clarity. I can’t believe none of the 4.5 years were real. That he never cared or loved me and I gave all of my real genuine love and honesty and purity. I’m heartbroken and want to get to a place of anger and peace. It’s been 9 days no contact and broke up a week before Christmas after I found out he was actively cheating. Just heart wrenching. I would never cheat. I’ve had plenty of opportunity to but could never do that to someone
@@amyt7378 I'm sorry that you are suffering like this, I understand your emotional pain caused by a callous, hard-hearted narcissist. Smirking as they witness your distress and pain is what a sadistic narcissist does. It's only early days for you so you may still be in shock trying to accept what and who you have been dealing with, your emotions will fluctuate from disbelief to belief. Be gentle with yourself you have done the very best you could have, the narcissist will one day be accountable for the pain and suffering they inflict on innocent people who only tried to love and help them. Do something nice for yourself each day because you deserve it and focus on your healing, narcissists don't change they get worse as they age, move forward bit by bit and peace will eventually come.🕊💓
@@steadypace1262 Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and enlightenment❤️🙏
So many decide to stay despite being played due to trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance. Mind control and conditioning can be overcome but it requires consistent effort 💙 Once you break free you will be happier than you could imagine and wish you would have left sooner 😎
One of the best videos I have watched on a narcissist. Wish I would had all of this information years ago. I have wasted so much of my life trying to figure him out.
Thanks so much, Darlene! I greatly appreciate that! Please share these videos with others
Ouch! such an accurate and sad video and before you know it your life has nearly passed you by.🎯
One narc was so cruel even on his deathbed that everyone walked out and left him to die alone sure that his Maker would take it from there.
I wasted 40 years. The last 10 I proved I wasn’t worth anything if he couldn’t use me. But he kept me because he knew he couldn’t get anyone else, and we shared kids. But he kept on playing dirty tricks as a way to vent his anger and jealousy.
I told people who said it could not have lasted 36 years if it was so bad, i said it lasted 36 years because I was a clown who kept trying and putting up with all his crap had i not done that it would have been over after a year.
As my daughter once said many years ago (as a pre teen!): “You can never explain it to anyone, Mom. They have to live it.” I eventually got the message.
This one hurt & helped.....🎯❤️🩹
❤💖💜💙💚💛💥
July 2,24 TRUTH. MY NARCISSIST IS HISTORY SINCE 8/28/23. GRATEFUL , HAPPY, STRONGER. YES, HE SHOWS UP. THAT IS WHY THE NO TRESPASSING SIGN IS DISPLAYED😊😂❤
Stretches of highs and lows ~ well stated 🎯
Two years of jumping into something that wasn't real when trying to detatch she was on the ruin my life gig when she knew I wasn't giving in to her control and rage she comes to my house thinking I'm going to bow down to her awful behavior I told her I'm done and she needed to leave my house she got in her defence mood and I said I will call authoritys to remove her. she tells me go ahead call them when I called them and she was standing in my door way and tried to ground her to get outside she tell the cops I battered her and I went to jail facing five yrs in prison on something I didn't do so listen good to this man he is the truth and they hate that I will expose this narrsist that has her self in destroying life's I have good lawyer that will uncover her lies saying I broke her arm in my battering shes lieing about . Wich she broke moving furniture around at her mother's so if your in this kind of fake love becareful exiting
I had a similar situation. Luckily she didn't try to pursue her lies in court. It took a long time, but she finally faded out of my life.
26 years since the baby trap
33 years...I wasted my life!
Try and live the best you can with what you have left. God Bless
36 years thats how i feel wasted my life.he had a new woman within 2 weeks. im still alone 10 years later.
I’m so grateful i only endured 2 years! I’m soooo sooooo blessed! I listen to my intuition from now on!
Yes a lot of years with Randy that I love and still love with all my heart and soul, but I know it’s time to let go, but he taught me the way that he wanted me to be and it’s hard to break his way but he has to be in control, but now that him don’t let his applyI don’t have to take him being control up under his command anymore. I can move my life forward now. Disregard all his belonging out of my house and move on with my life and be happy and I think that’s what some people used to do move on.
My covert ex Narc tried it early on with me. Thank God I dodged that bullet!!! 😚
55 yrs. Just realized. Thot manic depressive. Knowing has been devestating yet I feel a new freedom. Already arranged to meet up with friends otherwise didn't. Excellent video
Your comment about the CN knowing that you'll put up with their shi*, is absolute truth.
My CN husband now has dementia and I'm more trapped than ever.
I only woke up to this truth a few years ago and just as you suggest in the video. leaving is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, especially after being in this for 30 years. If anyone is watching this and suspects this is what they are dealing with, pay very close attention to what he says. He is so SPOT ON with what he says and staying in this relationship is perhaps the most damaging thing you'll ever do to yourself and it will, trust me, will shorten your life. BEWARE!
I'm glad you are in a better lace in your life now, Will! God Bless you!
Very informative. Thank you
Thanks for watching!
My brother put me through this cycle again and again until I finally realized what he was.
Glad I came across this video I want everyone to get the knowledge.. I was duped in the name of love n tried to give more love, they always come back when they fail n we stupid.. but one day when they left u for dead we u say enough u don’t want the pain no more!! It’s sick fake love.. because I had to look it up it took 2.5 years no amount of love disrespect ect.. was enough the o thought it he had a attachment disorder it was Narcissist he was a narcissist ain’t no way a person love u n repeat cheating on me w bum azz chicks while taking everything from me n making me lose my everything n giving it to paid sex workers😢 I woke up!! Thank u for this video we have to spend the knowledge❤
Good video
Thanks so much, Debbie!
My ex went back to his ex wife for the 7th time. She seems to enjoy his crap. Co dependant and/or trauma bond, not sure. When he was with me, she was on his back steady, texting, sending her boobs by text. I hate her, but I hate him more.
Pretty twisted stuff, right? It's that inability for them to totally detach from anyone they've been around.
She sounds histrionic. They are both boobs and deserve each other. Sad.
They always have exes in the background. 🙄
Great!😁
True, too late for me and my kids as he used them against me. I had no idea…………
This is my nex to a T!!
If narcissists discard then how do some maintain long term relationships?
Hi D, it's because they keep coming back, and we keep allowing them back in. Once you have been with a narcissist, it's very rare to ever achieve full closure. They'll keep coming as long as you let them.
They’ll only discard when they have nothing more to gain from you. You’re used up, or they KNOW you’ve figured them out. Either way doesn’t work for them anymore, so it’s on to the next victim to supply their needs.
They’ll maintain long term only if it benefits THEM, NOT YOU. Or, as the author replied, you keep letting them back in. In those cases you discarded them, and they weren’t ready for that.
I’m not a therapist, just a victim of too many of these demented a$$holes. They don’t wear signs. I had a covert mother, and my only 2 siblings (both younger males) were overt. Only my dad and I avoided this curse. My family life was a horror show from my teens forward. I’m 66 now, and never realized my mother was the ring leader until AFTER she died in 2004. I wasted decades on her not knowing this precious knowledge. Not knowing what she was doing to my psyche. Of course, I married to one now since 2013. She conned me good back then. No sign of any mental illness. I was 2 years in when the overt hit. I can’t get out cuz I’m a Super Empath, and her caregiver. She’s 79 with an aortic aneurysm. So in this case, death will do us part…
Ergo, she didn’t discard me because she’s stuck in bad health. And has no else left on Earth. I’m a benefit. I cannot discard her because of who I am. Additionally, I’m a natural health professional. She wins, I lose.
I believe I was set up by Archons, as this is their M.O. to a tee. It’s obvious. The ultimate cowards of the Universe. Look them up if you haven’t already heard of them. You’ll be shocked at what you discover.
Drop the music. It would be so much better without it.
💯💯
I’m just gonna leave this here. For the maker/speaker of this video.,
You sound like you are speaking from a place of pain and it could be for that reason that you’re misjudging what your partner or whoever hurt you did was “narcissism.” I say this because you’re talking about your own feelings. It is filtered through your feelings. That shouldn’t be the case when making a assessment about someone you consider to be “narcissist.” Narcissist aren’t as common as people want to believe. If we all spoke from a place of our own feelings, that then we could just blankly call anyone a “narcissist.”
This is just a friendly reflection. Thank you for your efforts and your time.
Thanks Christine. Your opinion matters as much as everyone else, and I greatly appreciate you commenting here. I agree that feelings do come into play, as well as objective observance of the abusers. Most of the videos here are speaking in general terms and aren't a reflection of my own experiences. On the few videos where I do share personal experiences, you might be correct. As my disclaimer says, I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm sharing information here hoping to help anyone that is being repeatedly abused and punished for trying to simply be who they are.
Maybe you don't want to believe that narcissism is as common as it is? Since moving nextdoor to one and experiencing evil first hand it has been a real eye opener. Sounds to me that you have been fortunate not to have suffered at the hands of one. There is, of course, the possibility that you are one. Just a friendly reflection 😊
الحمد لله بدون لطيفة
It took me 3 times being cheated on and discarded with my boys 3 times one suicide attempt, maybe, I was never allowed to see the paper work from the hospital and says she has no idea what they did. And all within 23 years. Please listen and learn from videos lieths
12 years of my life were wasted with my husband, he was a smooth operator. Coverts are dangerous af.
NOW i know! He discarded for his coworker who is also a Narc😂There is his karma
I have a friend that went through the same thing. Her ex ended marrying the woman he was working with. She ended up divorcing him for another man. He tried to go back to my friend, but she stayed strong and basically told him to F off...karma at it's finest!
@breakingthenarccode well my husband filed June 1st and my attorney said he's holding up the process at this point. He can keep on because now that I'm aware of who he truly is...he repulses me