Outsmart Your Narcissist By Simply Changing Your Expectations! "Observe Don't Absorb" Them.
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- čas přidán 29. 07. 2019
- In this video Ross Rosenberg explains how Pathological Narcissists control, manipulate and gaslight their victim SLD's, those with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency), by getting them to accept to the stark but sad realities about their narcissist partner's harmful intentions, actions, and future plans. By being able to predict the narcissist's treatment of you... by expecting it, you give yourself an opportunity to choose how you will react or not react.
In other words, if you change you expectations about the narcissist while accepting the dysfunctional reality of who they really are and are not, you have effectively neutralized their most impactful/effective weapon used against you: inducing you to fight them in their "wrestling ring" where their always more skilled at than you, which you have . And when you have accurate expectations, you then can choose the very potent defense strategy of my "Observe Don't Absorb" technique.
If you don't believe me, listen to George Bernard Shaw, “Never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.”
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selfloverecovery.com/
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment.
His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s CZcams channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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Wow. Ross said it. I don’t wanna relationship with a person that threw me away. This is exactly how I feel
I have gotten so good at this. I owe it to you Ross. When ppl leave its like the trash took itself out.
YOU NAILED IT...LOVE IT: "The trash took itself out"!!!!!
I love this way of looking at the issue. Yes indeed, the trash took itself out. 👍🙂
KaiPooMom 😂😂😂😂 I love it
Hahajhahajaj
😂😂😂😂 you might have changed my life...
This is so empowering how he points out that you make the decision not to play along. It empowers a person to take back their interpretive abilities, see the reality of the narc game process, and behave in a self-sustaining and positive way. Thanks for the reminder of the warning.
Jokes on the narcs
I find it easy now to walk away from narcs. But I still meet them. I find them so disgusting and literally ugly. I have no problem telling them NO when they want something, even if it’s just my time/attention.
236 days no contact today.
Teach me how to say no to people.
Hnsfam Ily - A good start would be reading Ross’s book The Human Magnet Syndrome (be sure to get the 2019 edition with the blue and red cover). Fantastic book!
K Mac Oh yes, I own it. Thank you.
Most want lots of attention
@@hnsfamily the first times it's hard but it gets alot easier with practice, one baby step at a time. You can tell me NO! If you want, lol.
I’ve gotten past the rage, grief, acceptance that he will never change. What I didn’t expect is how I changed as a result of this. I trust absolutely no one: I don’t enjoy the things I used to like and I really just prefer to be alone. All of that still beats being abused so I guess it’s the lesser of 2 evils.
Im kindof in the same position. But i thk the side effects you mentioned are temperary. Where as if we stay, it never has a chance of getting btr. So i would say lesser of two evils but with the ability to get btr. 💗 if that makes any sense at all.
TheUpwardSpiral no it does. I try so hard to remain hopeful but this last relationship is one of 2 really abusive ones-my father is an absolute psychopath-my mother killed herself largely because of his abuse. It’s the Human Magnet Syndrome thing that’s worries me-I feel like I’ll never have a healthy relationship and that saddens me.
@@natthebratster iam so sorry for your loss. Thats awful. I know how you feel about ever having a normal relationship again. I think its normal to feel like this. I look at people who have gotten thru to the other side and that helps me.
I won't get an invitation from them
I won't get a birthday card
I won't get a Christmas card
Oh yeah I also
Won't get a snide thank you for my birthday gift that I gave them
I won't get a sudden cancellation of plans from them
I won't get the 5am phone calls to coach them through this week's drama
I won't get laughed at when I open up to them.
I don’t want to be friends with or like/love people that can throw me out like yesterday’s garbage = life changing!
"ARTIFICIAL RELATIONSHIP"
Accepting the abandonment, anger, grief and acceptance 🙏 I wanna be a survivor now 😀
Not a survivor a THRIVER
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST, WHO STRENGTHENS ME HE GIVES US VALUE. HE NEVER LEAVES OR FORSAKES US NEVER ABANDONS US HE NEVER LIES. HE’S NOT TOXIC. HE IS THE SAME YESTERDAY TODAY AND FOREVER A FIRM FOUNDATION.
I want to take all that chaos like garbage and throw it away. Remember it, learn from it and start over but this time with wisdom. Never forget. Never again!
When you feel how little you mean to the toxic person, it gets easier but it breaks your heart. They always have to be above us, and I don't like them . I am worthy of love and yes I will accept this. Love this take, no expectations. Helps clear that up.
My ex Narc abandoned me 7 times. Two of them happened when I was having incredible events occurring in my life. He was a jealous hater who hated the fact I was leveling up. At the core of these “abandonments” is their frail insecure ego that can’t take witnessing anyone’s else’s success. It’s so weird! I’ve never been rejected for leveling up! Hahaha. That’s when I knew he was a narc. If it didn’t revolve around him, then he discarded me. I dug my heals in and went no contact. Be happy for me or step the eff off.
Great video!!!!
Well done!!! I wish Id had learned early on that idiots who cannot help you win and celebrate your achievement s, are not.your tribe!!!! And they dont change.
So true
@@utahgirl1610 right. My whole life would be different. It was just your programming.
Embrace the abandonment, brilliant. Thank you for this, so helpful!!
how do you truly embrace abandonment which I'm most intrigued about, i really want to outsmart him but I have to learn how to.
@velveteyes79 so to discard him just like he would do to me right? forget his emotional baggage that he brings and move on.
@velveteyes79 i guess that is part of the healing is to let go, i can't let him bring me down with him anymore.
Thank you for helping me with my narc bully boss...I’m dropping all extra ‘projects’! I’ll say I have family responsibilities and cannot do extra after work. I wish I could say “ I’m not doing anything extra for you ever crazy woman! I’m not doing a special project with you cuz you’re vague about expectations and dates etc. You enjoy trying to control me. “ But instead I will go gray rock and just not volunteer for anything ever again. Thank you!!!
Thank you for the comment.... Ross is now working on this subject (narcissists in the workplace) and will release a video about it in the next couple of months. If you have more questions, comments, suggestions (or want to share a bit of your story), please write to us to help@selfloverecovery.com. We would love to hear from you and your ideas for Ross to create more relevant content for all of you. Thanks again!
Hi- Was the workplace video ever released? I’m not finding it. Thank you.
The next step will be to not make upnwxcuses but simply say it as it is. "No, I am not doing extra projects".
Thank You! This video helped me to become unstuck from my narcissistic child’s abuse. It is helping me move on with my life & my recovery!
I am no longer self love deficient thanks to you Ross and others that have been a great source of knowledge. No matter what the narcissist says or does has no affect on me these days.
No fuel no gain no more pain.
Its awesome. 44 years, so thankful, it weakens one right before my eyes.
And remember who you were before you met them , that's a key to healing , and it helps to strengthen your ability to stand your ground , and as you have said , not absorb them .
This is so spot on with what I'm going through now. I am going no contact by blocking texts and phone calls. It is a family member and I'm tired of the crazy making crap that was happening. Life's too short to constantly be walking on eggs at the whim of a person that doesn't care about how they hurt people. I have peace about my decision!
"When you make a decision, 'I don't like people that can throw me out like yesterday's garbage', independent of the narcissist, your world shifts".....this is the first thought I heard/read anywhere that seems like a relief/like it might have the power to help me get out of this mess I am in. I think I will watch the first few minutes of this over and over.
This is spot on. The fake I love you's, you now just observe their tactics and see much more clearly how they manipulate their victims. Your eyes are now fully open. It doesn't sting like it used to because you have just come to the spot where you have accepted it for what it really is. Before, you were hoping they would change, now you just realize they won't. I struggled for years with coming to the realization that these people just don't have any empathy. It is such a foreign concept that you keep doubting that is possible, that there must be something to rebuild the relationship, surely everyone feels some empathy at times. It was a big pill for me to swallow to realize with some this isn't possible. Before I got to that place, I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. Once I accepted the reality of who the covert narcissist was, then I finally had my feet on solid ground. That was the point I started finding me again.
When we expect them to keep acting the same way they always have it makes no sense to keep a relationship that is going now where good. Relationships are based on mutual love.
Excellent. Your advice in just two sessions started me on a path to healing. I did what you said getting face to face therapy for CPTSD, and added phone therapy for Narcissist Abuse and forced my life forward with self partnering, phone friends, local support groups and studied my a@@ off with CZcams videos from the now many vloggers on NPD/Cluster B’s and reading on line and I believe I’ve arrived here in 9 short months. Thank you!
YES! I come from a very dispersed / emotionally avoidant family. At now age 45 I have realized (thanks to God and MANY CZcams videos) that I can move from being / seeing myself a Victim, to Survivor to THRIVER! This is pure god and I have near exhausted myself trying to "fix" my family. They are responsible for their OWN journey / life lessons. Unless and Until they speak to me w respect and ASK my opinion on a topic, I don't see the value in speaking to them bc I will be TEACHING them that it is "OK" to treat people like dirt. It is Time to WAK UP to my OWN POWER!
This is so hard when it's your own sibling. After they abandoned me for years over a fight I seeked contact. They said how much they missed me and how much they like me etc. I then told them how hurt I was over them ignoring me and they again played the victim and made it about them. And then they abandoned me again. After some time I asked why and I kinda knew what would come. They told me that they did not want to talk about my feelings and that they are not feeling well so how dare I talk about my own feelings. You really gotta keep these in mind to not get tricked again. Thank you for this enlightening video💚
Sumbae 7 I can relate to your story. My mother was a narc and created havoc among my siblings. I was the black sheep/scapegoat. Literally I was sick within 3 months of birth. Asthma, food and contact allergies and in general a handful that my mother was not equipped to deal with. I am number 4 of 6 children. By the age of 12, I was sent to a psychiatrist. At age 19, I had IBS and in general felt like I would never measure up. We are now in our 40s, 50s, and 60s. I now have 2 autoimmune diseases, chronic depression and general anxiety disorder. Two years ago I began researching how I got to “this place”. When my mother died The golden child attempted to replace my mother and did a fine job of it. I left my siblings. It was very difficult but I am healing and cultivated a small circle of friends that are more like family than my own ever was. Just wanted to share.
I always was allergic to manipulation and I therefore I never asked anything in return from people because I somehow thought I had to be there regardless their processes and pull and push. I told myself that I was strong and healthy and therefore able to help myself and others by being there for them always, I would always reply right away when they needed attention, a smile, energy my presence in the background of their phone. They could come and go like in an open house. I learned that something wasn't right, and piece by piece I deleted people belittling me, stopping me. Now these past two years after deleting crooked patterns and closing for myself my path, two creepy narxudustx men crossed my path. These were the worst because they wanted to possess me two faces. I survived and I have one real friend left although I also feel torture sometimes because he makes me wait he says sorry but keeps doing. The difference is when I needed him because u was scared for the creep, he was there for me. My annoyance these days are that dominating men are trying ti dominate me. I'm a free bird and just that seems tu trigger them. They want me to be available promptly but if I would contact them they wound ignore. Now I broke contact with the scary two monsters but one of them called me yesterday asking me if I was ignoring him. He sounded sick and agressive. I hung up. My heart was beating loud. I feit the prey again. I was raped one year ago and he knows that, still he's stalking me so I am fully aware this animal wants to take advantage of that. How much more evil can you be the arrogance to think he's entitled to expect my presence when he wants to but when we were still 'friends' you would never know if and when you would receive a reply.
Not anymore. I closed all doors and I'm sorry but I feel so much Powe in : fuck you all fuck you!!! Recrvtjy a colleague called me sweety, I said that's what you call your child or partner. I'm done with those dominates. If I don't do what they want be nice, they turn and start intimidate or insult or push even more I feel such a strong internal aggression in me but it feels very healthy its not towards a human it's the anger to break manipulation!!!!!!!!!
I am a faithful person but from now on only tu myself until someone will be worthy of my attention and time like I am to them. I feel very sharp. The more darkness the sharper the light but I do feel alert fur being safe. That's the part making me greeve. I was okay I am okay but because some guys (I know they can be female too) I have to defend and consider my space, freedom and house which I bought myself. Ridiculous I'm so angry with their serugsvxe as if they have something to say in my life. No respect for a free will. Express yourself 🙏❤️ it's good for our hearts to let it out. I feel so sharp now like no one will be able to cross my territory given to each human being. Period.
Kellie D. - It does take a lot of courage. I’m glad you made it through. ❤️
@@kellied.3311 Thanks for sharing. I hope you get better. For me too it was my mother who made my sister deliberately jealous of me that's why I feel so guilty setting boundaries. I keep getting ill and also realized that part of my physical pain is contact with my sister. Glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with siblings. That gives me hope. Also what does IBS mean?
Sumbae 7, IBS is gastrointestinal distress. In my case, it was caused by extreme stress and anxiety. There is a connection between brain and gut. For example, when children are anxious they may vomit or have stomach pain. There is also a lot of information online. A year ago, I also developed lymphocytic colitis. Basically my immune system was attacking the lining of my colon. This also coincided with severe stress and anxiety. I hope that no one is offended by my candid descriptions, but it is not uncommon to have physical ailments alongside mental illness.
Just try to let go of all expectations for anyone but yourself. Expectation is the root cause of disappointment and it comes in many forms...
Lowering expectations is a trap. Yes!!
Yes! Lowering expectations makes u hang around hoping it’ll get better. Never does. ACCEPTANCE LOVE YOURSELF FIND YOURSELF BE KIND TO YOU. You are worth it.
@@robertruge2916 if the sauce is not to blue!
Thanks Ross. I made this decision this morning to change my expectations of the narcs - I have to accept that I was seen as a burden since the day I was born and that is THEIR shame not mine. Clearly they feel guilty about this, which has turned into shame and they've then turned their shame into hatred of me in order not to accept responsibility for their feelings and subsequent actions of neglect. So basically I'm a bad person/problem for feeling angry at their treatment of me!
This hate manifests as envy every time they see me, which accounts for the name calling, demeaning comments, malicious gossip, smear campaign etc. So, they will never change. No amount of fawning, pleasing, having family BBQs will ever change this. This envy is now running through their veins. Their fake affection/pride at my achievements in front of people they want to impress is stomach churning.
The cruel, heartless things they said and did to me - reveals their contempt for me and my family. But they will try and gaslight me into thinking that I'm the problem, not that they viewed me as a burden and used me to service them when I was growing, which I did really well BTW.
I am a subscriber...thank you for another great video...very practical! Sadly, I have had to apply this strategy with my mother and my brother (the Narcissists). I was advised many years ago to take the title off of family members; this strategy has worked for me as well. I have also had to accept that these people are sick; not interested in change and will not change. For me, that was part of my grief work. I would like to add that in addition to listening to your videos I am working with an excellent therapist and I am the healthiest I have ever been...physically, spiritually and mentally!
Good on you! 351 days No Contact and will forever be in the learning to love and care for myself mode moving forward.
I’m in the same situation with my narc mother & narc sister. It’s so toxic the games they play. I feel, after the anger, grieve and a year of therapy and minimum contact, better than ever! I have changed all my expectations! I’m a survivor just like you! Frels awesome, right?!
“I don’t want a relationship with somebody that threw me out like yesterday‘s trash”. That was the tipping point for me and I want to thank you. It helped me have to admit my mother knew what she was doing when she would emotionally abandoned me as a young adult. Despite the abusive trauma that caused us both to become codependent from a clinical standpoint, her pulling her emotional support from me when I was just starting to be an adult whenever I violated her rules was calculating because she had to be aware that the consequence of her pulling her emotions from me would have an impact, and that impact was on a child that she knew as a young adult could not take care of themselves fully unless she was in my life. If she hadn’t been aware that there was a consequence then why do it! and my aha moment was then that meant she knew I was struggling, and that I could not take care of myself without her and she chose not to help me become a viable adult. being able to finally admit that will probably change my life, and here I am at 62 but as long as I’m on this earth I’m gonna keep trying. Thanks again
!
I have 2 narc adult children and Xmas was hell. I wont be with them on holidays now, we started traveling. It has been hard but now we do have peace. I will get out of the dysfunction on the holidays. It is not possible to have a good Xmas with them so I am giving myself self love, protecting myself. I am working on it not hurting me and letting it go. Accept who they are and know they are not capable of love. Their Dad was the same but it was much easier accepting this with him. Your own children growing up being this way is so difficult to face reality but I must. They can't love me, respect me or care about me. This is what I needed to hear, thank you.
I agree. I realized I lowered my expectations hoping for change or pleasing him enough to where peace happened which never did. No matter what everything I did was wrong to where when there was nothing to find wrong with me, he picked stupid things like leaving a soap bottle open, a coffee cup being left out. I couldn't breathe anymore the bigger issues were still there, the elephant in the room, the lies, the cheating, emotional distance, cold, one foot out the door, stranger attitude he always had. I left when I knew I was about to be discarded again.
So glad i found your video's . You're a blessing. I very soon realised it was never about my ex, I was the problem , my low self worth and allowing another person to trample my bounderies. I am not a victim. I chose to end it and take control and responsibility for myself and my children back. I was an enabler for the abuse.
Great info, thank you! There's a terminology that i have recognised from narcs I've known, which is, actual words, or words to the effect of, "they're no use", or, "you've got to get something out of...", or, "they're no good to me", and the like. Even though they say this, and while they treat you in this way, perhaps because they have someone else, or not, they never like to let go, just in case you come in handy, though they might seem as though they've let go at the time. To step back, observe, but don't need to be liked or acceptable to these types, is exactly how Ross explains it, with the different stages of moving out of their grip. The stages must be gone through to come out of the other side.
8:03 that was my own mother. She was so angry because I wouldn’t go along with her power plays and guilt and shame and obligation anymore. It took a long time and having to tell her she would have no relationship with me if her behavior continued. And here i am today with a mother who is very different than she was before. She will never love me unconditionally, and neither did my dad, but I can accept who they are and know that who they are and were had nothing to do with me. The relief I felt at that discovery was immense. Thank you for your healing work and ongoing education and sharing.
Ross the way you started the Video was Outstanding ! i watched the first 2 minutes like 4 times now
shaveer Love
Yes me too
Very informative
So necessary for us
We are in this together 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Hey shaveer me too!!!
Ross, thank you for helping me understand me.
Through the years I have listened carefully to you
Thank you
The brilliant, original , Dr. Rosenberg. Inimitable and unique. Thank you. x
Absolutely! Great video! Your observe don’t absorb technique has been a total game changer for me. Thank you for all your educational free content. I’m looking forward to your new book in a year or so!
Damn straight. After a weekend of character attacks and silent treatment while I still had her birthday, today the storm was over and she said I love you. I realize she has no idea what that means. She really must think i am a doll with a button that stopped working. I am holding my ground, no hostility. I just don't. Simple. I am sure this will not go well.
Ross; spot on! And they abandon everyone, it’s never personal, it’s what they do. Took me a VERY LONG TIME to see this . Your so awesome! Thank you!!!!! 🤗
I have two past pathological Narcassistic partners whom I share children with Ross and when I fled the last one, I did the work. Massive self evolvement. These two men are so furious that I'm beyond the abuse now however they still stage scenarios in the hopes to get me to react. They use our children as conduits also. I can't even be friends with them and help them as they see my empathy as a weakness, always have. It's quite sad actually. But I do know it's been divinely guided at this point and it's not my burden anymore. I used to worry for our children been used like this until I released that was their plan and once I stopped reacting to my children been gaslighted, it seems to be fizzling out. I love your work Ross. Thank you.
@@happygilmore3706 it's a sick situation but I sit with them after their time spent with their father and they can discuss what bothered them during this time, what distorted conditioning he subjected them to, then we release that garbage and the kids feel so much lighter, thus has to be done weekly. Families in general should have this truth ceremony weekly for harmony in my opinion. they will be adults before we know it.
@@happygilmore3706 I suggest you leave them come to you...I wouldn't probe, how did you all get on guys? did you enjoy yourselves? Is enough and take whatever response us given. When I sit my kids down I also talk about our home and if there's anything bugging them here too so don't ever shine light on one household. If they are stressed they will speak up or act out.
A very good point. Changing as opposed to lowering own expectation. That upholds your own values without losing self respect. To discard or at least diminish that nagging self criticizing voice that’s triggered in the PN’s presence.
Just got your book. I gave up expecting anything from family some time ago. But I'd never seen it in words.I dont like some of my family members.and its ok!
My mom and sister are both narcissist I had to go no contact!!
Me too.
Sandra Coll me too, nc with whole family of origin who are deeply enmeshed. It's the only way! Onward to healing 🙏😌❤️
in my case it's my mother and partner who are the narcs, there is no escape. 😭
👏👏👏
i miss my sibling they just refuse to make time for me. at one time we were close but she had to be has to stick to her version of that perfect childhood that never was. i never talked about it in front of them...they chose to open a private letter addressed to me by my therapist a copy of my records. they actually read them..my sister is an nurse she said she had a right to to do this flat out. im not even joking no privacy in my life. i moved out.its lonely....i drive her to work daily..it sucks but its my life. im happier for it.(she twist everything) i dont even mind staying home for christmas. i enjoyed it last year. ill love myself and make time for me, i cant change their opinion of me..never will ty ross.
Just what I needed to hear today. This video helped me stick to my plan to leave behind things that don't work, and move on to a happier and more fulfilling life.
Best video!!! Please share more like this to help healing.
Ross I want to thank you for all of your help towards us .it means a lot!
Sir Ross you are great and bang on. Salute to you and respect. I need to apply this to someone and save myself. I feel so helpless that I can not change the Narc. So saving myself from such abnormal behaviour is the only way out.
I made the decision today to let go of my ex as i deserve to be loved and firstly so does
my child. I also blocked my abusive mother.
I was afraid at first how she would react . She has used athorities to harm me in the past.i need to.prayer for protection and love my inner child as we deserve true love finally.
One of the most helpful and brilliant videos I’ve seen in this painful but empowering healing process. Thank you so much.
I love this message. You're good. The Narc's abandonment is emotional/psychological, not always physical. They really, rarely leave all the way. But yes, abandonment is not only the problem on our side, but Narcs absolutely do this. We should be mad about this and no longer want this. The lovebombing and trauma bonding is the problem with leaving someone who abandoned us.
This phrase LITERALLY saved my life 3 years ago Ross. Thank you!
I really like the part about not lowering my expectations.but changing them .
It's how I saved myself. Now I am in a good relationship.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I am so appreciative of the knowledge I feel the growth inside and the difference that I feel from before I learned about narcissist behavior and now!
It’s still a progress and a process but I’m so thankful because this information is pertinent for my life
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
The distinction between lowering & changing expectations is So powerful, have never heard that before. Simply making them Realistic as in reflecting past behavior & projected future. That’s Really making a new part of my brain buzz. Thank you!
Thank you Ross for your devotion to your work. Thank you for your service to the world.
Thanks for explaining the diff between lowering and changing expectations. I have been lowering mine all this time and each time I get frustrated. Good info!
I would so rather be in sparse company than around abusers. I'm setting my boundaries now and it's rocky but that's part of getting better.
Look at that 241 comments, my life path is 7, The Seeker the spiritual number in numerology, the Psychic, The Seer, absolutely true! I was spiritually guided to this video and I'm now a new subscriber! I was going over these exact thoughts about why would I want to even entertain ever again that even though we were together 20 years, all the hurt, lies, manipulation, bullying, withholding intamacy for 13 yrs. porn addiction, depression, making my already diagnosed PTSD, Anxiety, gaining 50 pounds, drinking, until I slowly but surely crawled my way back and lost 50 pounds stopped smoking 2 yrs. March 12th, our 20 yr. of the day we met, 2000, kicked his disgusting cheating lieing ASS out Thanksgiving night! I am in my element knowing that everything he's been trying to get some kind of reaction just is wasted on me, it only reminds me of the evil person that he is! Thanks for the video!✌🌕🌑💜
Thank you!! Great advice as always!! 🌹
Im finding it too hard.
It seems abandonment is a cycle in my life to the people who I loved most.
I also find I blame myself for things that happened due to my past baggage as "broken" and thus I might be ruining relationships unintentionally. I feel exausted by self improvement over the years that seem to have not been enough.
This is the best 9 minutes I’ve spent in so very long!! Thank you Ross!!! I will share with friends!
Awesome, thank you Lauren! Glad this was helpful.
GENIUS!
Thank you for this video. I’ve recently began parallel parenting with the narc ex/son’s father who discarded me after I decided to keep our son against his wishes... The content of this video is so validating and insightful. I’m still in the anger phase but I know this’ll go away. These toxic individuals don’t deserve a place in your life and heart.
Thank you - still practicing and remembering to practice.
Thank you Ross - this is one of your best vid. - Great.
Thanks for your kind supportive video Dr.
Not "I will survive" it's "I will strive" and you say it to yourself not the mofo. Take note Gloria! 😉. Loved this, Dr Ross. Thanks.
Dr. Rosenberg thank you for this video. After all I've heard and read about this disease, this video zeros in on my healing process. I was not aware but I have been doing it and it works. Now I get hurt not as much as before and make better decisions that makes me a lot happier. Thanks and continue the good work.
Abandonment as a cloak- this is why Anakin Skywalker built his castle on Mustafar. You take their rejection and fashion it into a shield.
Ross, your observations are amazing!
I have never been abandoned till I wrestled with a narcissist! Never will he get the opportunity too abandon me again! I asked him why he did that then I paused and finally he came up with nonsense!
THIS Video hit the mark for me. Change your expectations of those people. They havent changed ever...and wont change now. But if you recognize it and except it, it frees you in an unexpected way.
I just went thru the routine of "Dont engage". I was already using a similar tactic when certain family members were trying to get me to react to things, and I was quiet and didnt set engaged or sucked into the drama (Trauma). Just stayed relaxed like an outsider. Amazing feeling indeed. Dare I say.....I protected the little girl inside me?.🤔🙊😃. So this video kind of told me.....good job. A personal validation for me. A pat on the back. Thank you Ross, what a true friend you are.😘
Thank you for teaching the best way to heal and move on to a healthier lifestyle.
Excellent. Such important
information. THE MOST IMPORTANT!
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Such great insight ! Thank you so much much for this! I need to implement this starting today and every day. 😌🙏❤️
I refused to let this person use me anymore. Finally learned boundaries, and am able to live with the outcome.
Thank you so much Ross I loved that so much I wrote it down God bless you love from Wendy Drummond from Adelaide South Australia
This technique of not expecting anything from them afterwards really helped me in my time, I just saw that they are not capable of treating me any better and had to accept it that I must move on with my life without them without expecting them to change, I sort of gave up. I intuitively did that back then and only now watched your video.
And I went through all 3 stages but the first stage for me was grief, than anger, then again grief - and like that for sometime until there came a time of full exceptance of what the person is and that it will never change.
Thanks so much for tagging words to this dynamic. I appreciate your permission to pull the hooks out. Even if it was to myself...
Thanks so much. This approach puts the power back in my hands.
I learn from every video. I have been no contact for a bit over a year. Was trying to write a letter to inform my mom that I didn’t see a future. Kept seeing my every word being passed around to family and used against me. Watching your videos has helped me see that even the letter took me into a wrestling ring that only her words in my head had engaged me. Damaged, I know. But I do now see that I can’t work to be kind to her because it is only opportunity for more abuse. Thank you for new inner dialogue I wouldn’t have had.
Thank you so much for sharing Carolyn. Glad all this is helpful.
Ross, your talks are the best.... Thanks a million
thank you so much dear Ross...
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Agree. And people who don’t figure this out have an even bigger problem with their own under-developed emotional maturity.
Sending you love and light Mr Rosenberg your insight is helping me change me - thank you, thank you, thank you *-*
I am finally at this place. The other day I received a blocked call/vm. I didn't reply. I didn't freak out. And, I don't feel the tiger is near anymore. Thank you.
Great, keep up the good work!
Thank you Ross,. This video helped me a lot.
Thank you for this entire program. Each video teaches us how to better protect ourselves. I was not discarded. This person is very famous and does not know that I am no longer interested. I do not dislike him and will not hurt him in any way. I know that I deserve a reciprocal relationship. That is all I feel. Again, thank you so much.
Another excellent video. Thank you!!!
This info is next-level.
Thank you very much for sharing. All the best.
Thank you Veronique.
Ross. Thank you for your videos. A normal response to healthy boundries is acceptance. A narcissist's response to boundries is blame, shame, aggression, etc. (it is war) and/or loss of relationship. I must say though that with nacissists the size and scope of boundries has to be much greater than with healthy people. Normal healthy people often don't need to be told about a boundry regarding respecting time, etc. I had to put up a huge wall with only a small enforced window between myself and my narcissistic family of origin for me to survive (very limited contact).
Looking good, Ross!
This is good. I sense my expectation is higher know that they will not change. N mom tried to gaslight me in asking about the feeling. She is sending me. She asked but what is it. I said you will not agree. So I'm not telling you. And i was satisfied with that! Thank you!🥰
Great video. I learn something new in every video I watch of yours. 🙂🙂
When you do that, they come running back to you
Thank you for great observations and advice. It really works the way you have described. I do not like the people who use, abuse and hurt me and abandon me without a thought and I do not want to be in ani relationships with them. I grieved almost all of my former relationships I changed my expectations and with the observe do not absorb technique I can deal with those that I have to deal with and it feels empowering now. Thank you😊