"Does my therapist know I'm lying?" | ep.179
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- čas přidán 30. 08. 2023
- This week licensed therapist Kati Morton addresses whether or not our therapist knows when we lie. She also explained why they may call you out on it, and why being honest is important but difficult. She then talks about why therapists are taught to watch body language and notice what their patients do in session or when stressed out. Kati then explores the difference between a body memory and actual physical pain. She also talks about the difference between shock and dissociation and whether or not they can occur at the same time. This and so much more in this week’s episode!
Ask Kati Anything ep.179 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. Do therapists know when their clients are lying, or trying to avoid certain topics? If so, what do you do as a therapist?
2. From your perspective as a therapist, how important is it or, or how much do you pay attention to your clients’ body language during session? I tend to get very anxious and unconsciously begin to fidget or...
3. How do I know if a certain pain is "just" pain or if it is a body memory? What exactly is a body memory when you don't remember anything else and don't have other memories that could explain where it is from?
4. Have you ever had a client who was deaf?!? If they needed an interpreter would the interpreter sign a confidentiality agreement not to disclose any information?!? Have you ever treated someone who was deaf?
5. How does menopause affect your mental health and do you have any tips for how to best deal with all of the changes, physically and emotionally.
6. I am a 54 year old woman diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADD. I just recently dislocated my finger, and my question is what is the difference between shock and dissociation? Can you be in shock and dissociate at the same time?
7. Years ago my dad got a new girlfriend after he got separated from my mum. I didn’t have any problem with her other than I didn’t like the fact that she was not my mum. I thought she was actually really nice, but after they got another daughter she started complaining when I...
8. Why do I find it so hard to apologize? For example, when my husband points out a wrong behavior of mine, even if I know he is right, I counter accuse him of something or I get to thinking of everything he has done in the past that hurted me...
TIMESTAMPS from @Lemonady :)
Q1 - 0:25
Q2 - 16:20
Q3 - 33:00
Q4 - 50:30
Q5 - 55:34
Q6 - 1:03:37
Q7 - 1:09:33
Q8 - 1:14:03
#podcast #psychology #katimorton
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People lie because they’re afraid their needs won’t be met. Loved this topic! ❤
I love these episodes Kati! You're not the first therapist I've heard say they prefer in person sessions. I actually discovered that I do better in therapy with phone sessions because I cannot make myself feel safe in an in person setting. I did a decade of in person therapy and it wasn't until I did phone sessions a couple years ago that real progress was made. Everyone is different, but please don't discount the fact that for people like me, we need that physical distance in order to open up and feel safe. It sounds counterintuitive, sure, but for some people it is necessary!
Jes. I do in person sessions but I know phone Sessions would be a lot easier for me. Even though I'm ecited that I can now talk about dificult topics. A few years ago it wasn't possible.
@brittanywilcox7377.i am Nikki from United Kingdom I thought your comment stood out to me and I can really relate to it I feel more comfortable having therapy session by phone call s or video call s I always shut down more and become less present in face to face therapy I can understand everything you shared 🙏😥
Personally, if someone wants to get an accurate answer from me, it's going to be in text... speaking, I just don't remember details in the moment, it's too hurried. (People don't really want to believe this, though-or, in general, that other people are *actually* different from them. Surely the communication modality that works best for me is the best for everyone! This is also why most workplace meetings should have been emails-there's a subset of the staff who don't think it's "real" communication unless it's done with mouth words.)
I'm someone who uses humor to deflect rather than lying. (I would be the world's worst and most incompetent liar). I've always known that my sense of humor was kind of a protective shell but Kati has helped me realize the vast extent of it. I'll love to make you laugh if I can, it's my favorite thing, but I also use it as a force field: if I don't take myself seriously, no one else will bother about it.
Timestamps!
Q1 - 0:25
Q2 - 16:20
Q3 - 33:00
Q4 - 50:30
Q5 - 55:34
Q6 - 1:03:37
Q7 - 1:09:33
Q8 - 1:14:03
THANKYOU!!!!!!
@@Phoebe-geebies You're welcome!
I always look forward to these on Thursdays!
Listening to you talk makes me realize over and over what a good therapist I have. He always does the things you talk about being good.
Also yes, I’ve had MANY people ask my when I apologize so often and to stop saying it so often…. Been that way my ENTIRE life. I didn’t have a traumatic childhood tho my mom died when I was 14 and it took until adulthood for me to be able to get along with my dad. We butted heads growing up but he was and still is an amazing dad tho, I wasn’t an easy kid to raise. Idk where it comes from.
I dissociate so often I’m therapy. It’s a tough balance to approach topics without me dissociating.
As someone with BPD i ask mysellf this alot
Bioidentical progesterone has literally been a life saver for me. It also lowers blood pressure so no more meds for that needed. But regular GPs, even the pharmacist, know nothing about it
I'd been misdiagnosed a number of times. I actually have complex trauma. Lower progesterone levels from late 30s made this worse
Thanks for once again answering my addon question. You are, as always, right about everything 😅
very informative and compassionate. Food for the soul. 🙏
In my case online video sessions helped me relax and make progress in therapy. In person I used to feel really sick and tense, before and after sessions. I needed to exercise in the therapist office to tolerate my body memories and reactions when processing trauma. Now, I’m doing better, but still prefer online for really tough stuff.
Very informative. Thank you.
I appreciate your stance on Telehealth. As a consumer it’s a feeling I’ve had for a long time. I appreciate the affirmation!!
Thank you!⚘
I wish I could find a therapist. I am 56 and failing quite badly in life, but cannot find someone to talk with about it. I will be dropping off the earth soon I think. Best of luck to all the folks here.
I had my annual review at work yesterday and thought I may get laid off due to the economy. If I did, my plan was to go home, write some letters, cook dinner for the kids, kiss them goodbye and go walk off a bridge. I didn't get laid off...
Love Kati and the show.
What about ppl you know or relatives that alwayd seem disgusted by you because they don't like your stances although they always (copy) mirror your behavior?
Happy 🎉 New Year🎉 2024! I 'm learning so much from you! Thank you so much!😊
I can definitely relate to question 1 i hated being asked so many questions by my therapist sometimes i felt my therapist was being very personal i am guilty of not always telling or shsreing the whole truth about something id say i feel therapy makes us anxious as well and very uncomfortable some things you just don't want to talk about 😢
I'm always anxious 2 hours before or the whole day of a session because of the topic or an email I sent her but regret it asap!
Mine always knows when I am lying or avoiding. She calls me out on it and makes me face the issue.
Could you help me get over the fact that my depression has lead me to not showering for extended periods of time and it’s embarrassing. I want to shower, but waking up is sometimes all I can do.
So thankful & grateful for you Kati & your work with OTDM community. But I have a super important question ( have been w/ this same therapist for 6 years)::and I was assigned to her at a women’s facility:: and we “ clicked “ right away…. But I have a super important question re:: transference &/ Or an abandonment issue. I know I would be devastated if/ when therapy would end. However, I’m bipolar 2 & feel therapy may be required for almost the rest of my life( I am 60, but still consider myself as a 40-45 year old… I’m returning to my very active lifestyle despite my chronic pain.)
I do write to her as I feel I express myself better in that manner.
My question would be based on the possibility of transference/ border line personality disorder & my attachment to my therapist.
😂😂😂 I never lean back or make eye contact during a session, I'm always on the edge! One time In 1 year I've seen her, I sat back once and she commented it on it and I laughed and said I had a panic attack right before I walked n the session so I was trying to calm down but any other time I'm on the edge
17:25 I’m chuckling at this bit about not wanting to relax into the chair. For a while, the chair in my therapist’s office was one of those ikea chairs that were just naturally a bit reclined - it’s not like it was laying down, but it was definitely farther back than I was comfortable with letting myself go into 😅. She never said anything about how I chose to sit in it though lol.
How do you ask a question? Thank you for everything you do!
Hi, i just found your podcast. Listening to you made a lot of things make sense.
I haven't been to a therapist in years even though i know i need to. I dont know where to begin! I dont want to go back to the county mental health clinic! Also, i have so many friggin issues to deal with i feel like i have hypochondria!
How can i find a therapist and know what kind i need? I looked online, but how do i know who to see based on a picture? I havent been to a therapist in a few years and it seems so much more involved than when i went before with all the types of therapy etc. Thanks
Wow good work
Is possible ask to your therapist to talk at the same time that you are doing other thing? Such a handcraft? For being able to talk more fluent
I’ve had a unilateral saplinno oophorectomy a couple years ago and I know I have one working ovary still but I’m 30 with no kids and the doctors keep telling my me I’m fine because of that. I will sweat in a cold room, my hormones feel so off I couldn’t tell if it was a hormonal issue or if I’m just too on my head….
What happened how come there hasn’t been anymore podcasts?
Hi Kati, thanks for your amazing work! I really enjoy your videos!
I was wondering if you could explain the differentials between BPD, ASD and bipolar in adult females and women?
Also, how would you differentiate between an autistic meltdown and a panic attack? (in adults)
Thank you!
When is she posting the section for more questions?
Hi I am small adult who is bullied I live in a group home with different women ,one has mental health issues, there's one who is a 400 pound bully they become the food police they're always complaining, next they become the food police, I have both AUTISM and Adhd so I Don't know if I am taking what they do personally but I was actually happy until they moved I was at peace until they moved in
Why would you lie?
My therapist constantly said: I believe you, you’re not lying. And she asked many control questions. I really felt she wasn’t there for me.
Hey Kati. I've recently started seeing a new therapist (only had 2 sessions with them so far) and now I keep having worries and rumminations wondering if my therapist might think that I am faking it.
For context, I am now a bit over 30 and I spent most of my life deeply depressed and dissociated from the world around me due to (still ongoing) childhood trauma passed down from my abusive family to the point I was so completely disconnected from the world around me and my own body that, now that I'm finally starting to heal and feel things, I'm still not sure if my inability to recognize my own emotions is from alexithymia (I am officially diagnosed with ASD) or if I actually am capable of feeling emotions at least somewhat normally and I just became numb to them due to being dissociated 24/7 for so long.
I seem to only have two modes in my daily life: either I can't feel anything at all or I can feel an overwhelming flood of emotions and be completely floored by them. I'm also at a point when, as soon as I start to mention trauma during therapy (not the recent/ongoing stuff but the things from my childhood), I am flooded by this overwhelming need to cry and I can hear it in my voice and then, in a split second, that urge is gone, along with the crack in my voice, and I resume talking about it without any emotional attachment and as if that I-almost-had-a-crying-breakdown never happened. I can't really tell if it's just me forcing myself to push through and dissociate from the emotional aspect of the trauma so that I can actually carry on with a coherent conversation with my therapist or if it's some form of emotional dissociation kicking in.
The problem is now I'm having all these recurring ruminations about it, thinking of how fake it must look like from the outside looking in. My mind keeps drifting back to the Depp v Heard trial and how quickly Amber would snap in and out of her crying fits when she was testifying and I keep worrying that, right now, that's what it looks like to my therapists: like I'm just quickly snapping in and out of my "triggers". Due to negative invalidating experiences with previous therapists, I'm worried that she'll just assume I'm faking it and won't take me seriously enough to actually help me process my trauma.
I am trying to justify what is happening with dissociation but the truth is I never heard of anyone being so emotionally triggered to the point they start sobbing and can barely even talk and then just snapping out of it and regaining composure in a matter of seconds. What is going on? Is there an explanation for this phenomenon?
Yeah, my therapist went totally virtual for me and it really sucks sometimes . . .
Oh they know!!!
I grew up the youngest of four with a single parent who was undiagnosed untreated bipolar disorder until I became an adult. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I have a hard time making connections and feeling heard. I also have panic attacks that I can't control and a lot of fear associated with the panic attacks it's so bad I can't work. What advice do you have
My therapist has these big soft chairs. I always sit on the edge and cross my legs. I'm not comfortable leaning back. My therapist never said anything but I'm sure she noticed it. And I always scan the room with my eyes. I follow a cable or something with my eyes. Maybe I should ask her if she noticed it. But I'm pretty sure she knows. She's very observant.
Hi Katie, i have my sessions over the phone. How does a therapist know when your lying when having phone sessions?
My best friend told me that she should try to see where a relationship with a guy can go. He has already shown manipulative behavior, possessive behavior, when she broke it off he became her stalker. He threatened her and loved ones so much so she asked me to come spend the night on her couch with my 9mm. I kept saying call the police file a protective order. I even got her the forms. She went back she now has let go three of her friends. I had to walk away from the insanity. She said her therapist told her to put boundaries on her friends. It's confusing why when all of us wanted her to get the police involved and a protective order on this guy why we are the problem. I don't think her therapist would help her with connecting her with this guy. Her therapist used to be in law enforcement before and specialized with domestic violence before she changed careers to become a therapist. Like I said it's insane and I she will make her own choices. She chose him.
There needs to be more people like you in the world, I truly appreciate and value your videos 🩷
@tamaraann5926. I am Nikki from uk I completely agree with you 💯
I don’t lie to my therapist. That wouldn’t be effective at all. If I feel scared to answer a question, then I know that’s something to explore more. I did lie to my nurse, though. 😅
Hey there! Do you guys know where could i post a question i have for AKA? Is it just on the channel community? Thanks a lot!!
Yes, she posts a request for questions every Sunday on the Community tab of this channel
idk if this is the place to ask but I have some questions: How do I tell my therapist about my gender? And how do I tell him I had past lives as something in another universe? I'm going to him for gender dysphoria and speshies dysphoria, but I'm having a hard time thinking of a way to talk about these things in a way he'll understand.
#aka Why does my therapist ask where I self-harm? She doesn't look at it.
Hi Katie, watching from Ireland. My name is Linda. I have been lying to my therapist about following my meal plan. I lie because if I follow it I know I will put on weight, even though she says I won’t put on weight because it’s 3 meals a day set by a dietitian but I don’t trust that at all. Even though my weight is normal. I am not in any way underweight. I also worry that if i eat normally, no one care about me anymore. Does my therapist think I am a bad person for lying about my weight, food etc because sometimes I do it for attention attention and then I worry that maybe I am a sociopath ot narcissist or psychopath or something if I lie sometimes just to get attention so someone will care about me. I’m also 37, nearly 38 so I know I shouldn’t be acting like this where I’m basically acting or feeling like a child when I am a grown woman which I know is pathetic but it id honestly how I feel. I don’t feel like an adult woman. I feel like a child.
I hope that you'll be a lot less harsh on yourself. I don't think you're a narcissist or a sociopath, but whatever's going on is happening for reasons, and your therapist should be helping you find those reasons, understand yourself, know that it's not some failure on your part but a challenge that you're facing, and help you face it with the love and support of those around you. I hope you'll start by giving yourself that love and support. Good luck- you can do it.
Don't think so much. Therapists are not judge.
Thank you!!!! I have refusef virtual option…..it makes no sense to me. I thought found a person …..this person was very inflexible and very traditional. I was so hopeful 😢
@@SurferJoe1 thank you so much for that lovely kind and thoughtful comment 🙏
Why would someone take them selves to therapy pay for therapy and then lie????
i want to be brutally honest with my therapist, like i am with my parents. i was thinking that lying is a deceptive notion. meant to deceive and skew facts. watching this i can see a different point of view but still would never lie to the one person im trying to open up to
Sharing🎉🎉🎉
I dont think we all lie, or maybe just my autistic ass just finds it ezier to refuse to answer a question than it is to come up with a lie
I was not here in a while. Why two months since last video?
I have been trying to try out therapy but I have a hard time believing it will work for me because I can’t imagine how a stranger will understand me and my feelings, when I don’t even feel like my friends and family know who I am. So how can a stranger get to know me?
Also I had a crazy stalker bf who would constantly hang around my neighborhood without telling me, watching my house. Like neighbors told me. He’d also change his number randomly to text me acting like other guys that I know, to test how I interact with males. One day I couldn’t take it anymore and wouldn’t answer his phone calls. So he called me and said if you don’t pick up in 10 min, im gonna kill myself. Then the next min passed “if you don’t pick up in 9 min im gonna kill myself” and he called every minute counting down. At one min he sent me a voicemail of a gunshot. Obviously I knew it was fake because he did stuff like this a lot (he even carved my name into his arm) so I was used to this. It was fake bc dead people don’t hang up the phone, it was another way to be manipulating. But he was ordered to seek therapy.
The therapist told him “well obviously she cares about you bc she wouldn’t have told anyone about you threatening to kill your self if she didn’t care.”
That was all he needed to hear to keep seeking me. “She CARES about you.”
No, she should’ve told him his behavior is unhealthy and damaging to his health as well as mine. Because it lasted for years and I told the cops because I didn’t want any contact with him. Not bc I cared
I don't lie to my therapist. I want to get better so I don't lie by omission, commission while I'm in that room.
If I don't want to talk about a topic, I say that.
Please refrain from making a blanket statement such as "all clients lie to their therapists."
Why would you lie to your therapist? You might not understand how you are feeling or you may be avoiding the topic. But if you are avoiding and using defence mechanisms then maybe you aren't ready to deal with them. I would hate to be forced to talk about things that I'm not ready to.
I wonder if therapists can tell if someone would behave differently if they are neurodivergent. Things like lack of eye contact and spacing out ot being vague aren't necessarily lying or avoidance, and we often can't experience and identify our own feelings. If you are ND do you need a therapist that is experienced with ND clients or are therapists taught to identify this?
I enjoy watching this style of Kati's videos but like 30 mins into this one I got so triggered I had to turn it off. Does that happen to anyone else? And what does that mean?
Why would you lie?? You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
Okay, this one may be a little weird, I think in my head as me as human mixed with a tiger, so I function like a human, and I look like both ( how i feel). I don't know what this is, but I don't feel like a female or male. I feel like both or none. I am confused. I have looked everywhere to get information, but I couldn't, and I like fictional characters, not humans. idk why. Can you help me plz
Hey guys i saw your podcast and i loved it, i do shorts for Instagram and CZcams and i think your podcast could peform well.
if you interested i can edit and post from your podcast everyday and I'm not taking any fundus till we see result after a week.
if your interested let me know we can get statred!.
Best wishes
Thank you.
Why does my therapist talk so much about herself and her life?that’s starting to irritate me a bit because that is supposed to be my time isn’t it? Is there a purpose of that-that I don’t understand?
Lying. I raised my pathological liar narcissist niece who was as much an attention w**** as her mother who had died. I didn't realize this till she was in her 30's and in "therapy" just as her mother had been with a therapist I suspect didn't want to know the truth, just keeping her coming in for the money. Or her own ego as the savior. Who knows? Anyway, niece had asked both myself and her husband to come in as this therapist and both of us were quite agreeable and made appointments, niece cancelled all of our appointments and told therapist that we had cancelled (Poor Me Syndrome). I was disappointed because I had a good idea of what she had been telling the therapist by the bits and crumbs she would drop to make me feel bad about myself. I wanted the chance to set the record straight. Well... no! Did her therapist figure this out? No, she's still seeing her and feeding her gigantic ego. I did the healthy thing and cut her out of my life.
Kara is lying to me as 😢😢😢is a very stepping me out with a difference 😤 😒 really makes no sense to keep it happening all real naturally because she doesn't feel comfortable doing anything for her to help me being felt like I'm not a bad person to anyone else from Christine
Falsely assuming deception is a cognitive dissidence compounded.
Yes, you're only fooling yourself if you lie.
Not again? No thank you.
So many ppl love to go to therapy and play the victim. Annoying
Short answer :No
So thankful & grateful for you Kati & your work with OTDM community. But I have a super important question ( have been w/ this same therapist for 6 years)::and I was assigned to her at a women’s facility:: and we “ clicked “ right away…. But I have a super important question re:: transference &/ Or an abandonment issue. I know I would be devastated if/ when therapy would end. However, I’m bipolar 2 & feel therapy may be required for almost the rest of my life( I am 60, but still consider myself as a 40-45 year old… I’m returning to my very active lifestyle despite my chronic pain.)
I do write to her as I feel I express myself better in that manner.
My question would be based on the possibility of transference/ border line personality disorder & my attachment to my therapist.