14 Super Powers That Every Movie Character Apparently Has - After Hours
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- čas přidán 8. 02. 2015
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It turns out all characters are mutants.
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i'd have the power of having a shitty job yet be able to afford an apartment way too expensive for me to realistically afford to pay rent
+Spellbinder which means you also get the even if you get fired you get to keep that apartment without paying rent or have a higher paying job the next week that is your dream job.
+Spellbinder You must be an architect, then.
Lynne the Trendy Tetraodontiforme
nope, i walk around wearing a sandwich board yelling about terrorists
even better is you only have to put in 30 to 90 seconds a week of actual work for that amazing salary just to justify implying you have a job. and even better still you can spend that time hitting on the really sexy people you work with because at work "we don't sweat or get sore" so we always look like we just got primped up to go out on the town.
Spellbinder aka--everything is rent controlled!
I'd like that superpower where you're handed a document (normally something complex like a legal text or scientific report), look at it for a second and are now intimately familiar with its contents.
Definitely
+Warren Foster Gah, Family Guy:
Brian: [takes huge printed script, opens it at a random page for half a second] "Hey, this isn't actually that bad."
Warren Foster that would be awesome.
That would be incredibly good for me- I am a senior student of toxicology who has to try to understand academic papers every day and half the time the pertinent information is buried under ages of procedure and statistical analysis.
That and the objective recall would make exams super easy, barely an inconvenience
I mean, the "magically affording a great flat" thing was already alluded to, and that's basically all I want in life.
Also magically affording a brand new expensive phone.
+Crystal Williams-Brown A phone is still a one off purchase, even if their durability or lack thereof is making them a consumable. Just Not Having to Pay Rent would quell so many anxieties...
+Wreckage and not having periods would be cool too
Libby Bollinger bro why do you hate grammar?
"I am sick of having to incite a riot to see myself on tv." That is the best quote of all time
To be fair it can get really exhausting.
Luc Neave not to mention you
maybe...although my vote would go to "contact colgate about 'vag-whisp'." also a swain quote:) i laugh at the mere thot of it!
@@lavenderwalrus9875 i really am tired of doing it....
I kinda like "no, I've never had sex in a bed"
Notice how the good guys ALWAYS find a parking spot directly in front of their destination. They never have to circle the block five times then eventually park seven blocks away. Now that's a superpower worth having!
I want the power of having conversations two feet away from someone without them hearing anything.
+Alia Simple but useful.
Expect its guaranteed that when you do get overheard it’s in the worst possible way
I have experienced that in meetings, but only when the person two feet away really needed to pay attention.
I want the ability to break into song in public, which will lead to everyone in close proximity to join me in song and dance. And when the song is over, everything goes back to normal and nobody ever questions what the fuck just happened.
or the ability to break the 4th wall
That would be incredibly inconvenient for random ppl around you who have anything important to do.
cdubbkitari5 Heh heh...
(Snapping fingers) "if more people join in the song will get better. if more people join in the song will get better.if more people join in the song will get better. if more people join in the song will get better.if more people join in the song will get better. if more people join in the song will get better.IF MORE PEOPLE JOIN IN THE SONG WILL GET BETTER!"
Erikai Carman
LOL xD
I would have won this conversation;
*Training montages*. Learn anything, improve yourself in any way, in a paltry 5 minutes.
Oh man, yes
don't forget unlock your inner demon to turn unstoppable for a "price" of course
Absolutely! And bonus super cool song in the background as you get better without all the hours and sacrifice.
Fucking! Genius!
You would improve, yes. But you would miss days, Months, Maybe even YEARS of your life, and would have no idea what the heck you did during that time. You could have gotten married and had 3 children 'off screen' and never know.
It would be a horrible power to have, shortening your life and filling it with questions.
Being able to hear the background music when a person or situation is introduced. You know if this cute new guy is your next boyfriend or a serial killer right away.
Yeah, but you are never typically aware of it just because the audience is. After all, this happens plenty of times in shows like Netflix's You and the characters are still completely oblivious.
"Everything Going Back to Normal" trope is only good if your life was good to begin with. Family Guy had an episode where Meg fought back against her family for treating her like crap, making them realise how horrible they all are as people, but everything went back to normal in the end.
I believe in that ep Brian talked to her about how horrible the family was and that she was the most valued one since she was the punching bag. As horrible as that sounds, she's been bullied at school, beaten at home, and has been given no support so I'm sure that gave her a rush of confidence since she now understands she has actual meaning in life.
True, but I don't think it's good that the episode was saying how Meg staying with an abusive family is the better option.
That's the episode where Brian did mushrooms and saw a bunch of freaky stuff, right?
That's the one.
True. “BtN” for Always Sunny is always ending with the gang in shit.
I would love for people to set me up to deliver witty comebacks.
ex-PFC Wintergreen both!
and that would be an example ....
I used to do that, but refuse to anymore because my friends never returned the favor.
That's what SHE said!
That one's actually somewhat doable. With the right friends
I think Katie had it right. one of the hardest things in life is figuring out what you want and then how to achieve it. it would be nice to know what exactly you need and want
i would want plot armor
the ability to never die or get hurt unless its a heroic sacrifice
That would imply you're one of the main characters or at least an interesting side character. If not, you might die in order to advance the plot or give another character a life-altering experience. Then you'd only appear in flashback episodes.
right. if ou are a new character in a star trek series, without any meaning to the plot and you have more than 1 setence to say - say it and run for your life!
solokom well basing it off of how they are talking in the video i would assume you are the main character
I would want a plot ability. The power to naturally just attract a plot to you that eventually wraps up in a nice little bow.
solokom
yea, you definitely don't want to be a red shirt.
I would love the superpower where each of my friends have an ability to do something amazing.
Like when I watch certain shows or movies the main character always finds out that they have a friend who can hack, a friend who's a skilled martial artist, a friend who knows famous people, a friend who can cook, a friend who knows every language on earth, etc.
all to advance the plot of my life
Exactly, all your friends would help or be able to you and "advance the plot of your life" with some useful skill.
Heck yea
You already have that, except when you call your friend who works at the airport, they tell you thatbyou can get their employee discont anymore cause u abused it. And your ha ker friends isnt going to risk going to prison to steal money for you
Reviving a dead comment from 6 years ago, that was my biggest gripe with Psych. Gus was super into 500,000 random niche hobbies at a completely unrealistic level. One episode he'd know everything about the top middle school spelling bee contestants in the state, the next he'd be geeking out about coin collecting, telenovelas, trains, stamp collecting, or professional wrestling. No matter what random setting a crime was set it, Gus probably knew the ins and outs of everything/everyone in that hobby
You need better friends
I come back ever 3 months or so and I rewatch all these. We need to get these guys back together and remake this show. It’s amazing! Miss you guys hope you all are doing amazing and healthy.
Agreed! I do the same!
"Hey, how about in restaurant scenes, when the meals come, and the actors don't eat they just keep talking and let the food congeal?"
"What about it?"
"Nothing."
...
"You going to drink that beer?"
"Holy shit where did this come from?!"
+ The ability to knock someone out with a single blow to the back of the head.
+ The ability to blow up various vehicles just by shooting at them
+ The ability to survive fatal injuries by jump cutting to another location
+ Never having to be that worried about gang fights because they'll only ever attack me one at a time
+ The ability to master various martial arts in less than a week by doing random motions and exercises and then defeat someone who has devoted the last thirty years of their life to mastering the art but I know one simple trick that he missed and I can defeat him easily
+ Unlimited ammo
+ The ability to procrastinate anything as long as I can get somewhere with one second left on the clock and save the day
+ The ability to hide from someone's peripheral vision by being off camera (or even hide in front of them for particularly shitty directors)
+ The ability to fall from dangerous heights and/or moving vehicles without being seriously injured
+ The ability to pull a win out of my ass every time no matter how strong, smart, or well prepared my opponent is because I can just win by a technicality or someone running in the door at the last second with what I need
+ Being able to constantly be in the right place at the right time to trip into everything I need
+ Anyone I call is right next to the phone whenever I need them to be
+ Never needing any information in the first 50-100 pages of a book because all books start in the middle
Good gosh, looking at all of this crap, why in the hell do we even bother watching unbeatable gods pretend to struggle with what must be simple tasks?
Montage Power!
if we need to get something done, we just start a musical montage and by the end of the song, whatever we need is fully accomplished. Huge time saver and we didn't to bother with any actual work,
Cue 'Montage' Montage!
that would be cool, except when you have no idea how that thing you just built works
I feel like the movie montage power could turn into the Click remote. What if you did a movie montage that lasted a couple months and something important happened during the montage. Maybe you just walk around like a zombie and your spouse can't take it anymore and leaves. If you used the movie montage to clean your room or something short then it probably won't be an issue.
But in a lot of movies the actual time passes leaving you with an accomplished goal but skipping periods of time .. If your life was a montage you'd grow old and die by the end of a journey song
even rocky had a montage
Definitely training montage.
+Ka Fla Oh, yeah. Like "I'm gonna get fit!" 30 seconds later I'm ripped like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
+DazeDream Just being attractive and having a healthy body would do wonders for me.
Kat Flanagan
Yeah and with one of these songs playing in the background
1: mentos jingle
2: eye of the tiger
3: sweet victory
4: fire water burn
5: godzilla theme
6: dragon ball super theme (both of them)
7: ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
8: rocky theme
9: ring of fire
10: benny hill theme
11: the music that was playing during vegeta's final atonement
12: dream warriors
13: imperial march
14: batman beyond theme
15: teen Titans theme (let's just forget about teen Titans go)
16: transformers theme song
17: tmnt theme (1987 series)
18: run run the battles on
19: mothra theme
20: jet jaguar theme
21: the song that plays whenever Kevin from home alone is in involved in a montage
22: the Donald trump, "bing bing bong bong" remix (because it's pretty fucking funny)
Or the Lone Ranger theme, the BEST montage music EVER !!
Yes yes yes! Any skill, any self improvement, any task. Simply play some upbeat music and fast forward through all the effort and it's done in 30 to 90 seconds depending on how catchy the music is. I was waiting the whole video for one of them to mention the montage and they were too dumb to get it.
The ability to read, write and speak all languages in perfect native dialect.
Best Movie Superpower is near invincibility! Like in action or comedy films, every death shot is a flesh wound, every cracked skull is a small bump and every wound can be healed with bandages! with lots and lots of bandages and in the next episode or few seen later you're all right!
NO wait! Montage! Montage is the best superpower! hands down!
I'd still go with the near invincibility over the montage. I mean it would be nice to know how to do anything I want immediately, but I still think it would be nicer to know that if there is any conceivable way that I could have lived through something, then I survive without a scratch.
Seriously. The montage would be amazing. It's like, pump up the crappy 80s rock ballad and boom! I know calculus, or kung-fu. Or better yet, calc-fu!
I think the knock on the noggin that leaves no damage would be awesome. I've had a few hits from accidents and had some issues but Giles on BtVS gets knocked out just about every episode and yet never seems to suffer from any long term affects.
Montages would be awesome, if I could get into amazing shape or learn something complex or redecorate with some rocking music and in the time it takes for the song to play, that would be the best.
***** They taught that one guy how to swim in the course of a few lines.
I have honestly had lots and lots and lots of moments in my life where I would love to skip the hard work with a training montage and win whatever the challenge was at the end.
Tbh, I would have the ability to afford a nice apartment and comfortable life despite never seeming to work.
The power to NOT have to go to the bathrooms when on important long journeys would be great. (Think how Aragorn, Legolas & Gimli chase the Uruk-hai all the way to Rohan without needing to take a toilet break)
they definitely peed themselves we just dont know it
+Thomas Riquette hey now people have two ways of waste evacuation....
that evlish bread probably constipates you
New theory - elves don't pee. Ever. I have yet to see a single movie/tv show/novel/fan fiction/ any piece of entertainment where an elf says the equivalent of "Hey, wheres the can?"
Or I could think of something relevant to the issues facing society and civilization and figure out how I can make a difference...awfully depressing though, let's just do your thing instead.
I would like the ability to whisper without ever being overheard. Or the ability to be 100% anonymous as soon as I put a mask over my eyes, or the ability to sneak in conspicuous ways without ever being seen.
And related to that, be able to talk in and decode pig latin without effort, while being sure that nobody other than myself and the other party have that same ability.
That's never as easy as they make it look on TV.
Joshua Pearce weirdly, many of the pig latin scenes I've seen involves the intended recipient not unerstanding and the speaker to have to repeat themselves until its obvious what they are saying.
+Tjaart Blignaut You would be the perfect spy/assassin, just throw in the power to hack into computers by pressing random buttons on a keyboard really fast. Hell, just being able to do anything on computers by typing random buttons on the keyboard.
Like Clark Kent
2020 gave us the mask power.
My superpower would be to be able to break out into song and have everyone join me with a choreographed dance; but only for one lone day every four years or so.
Or maybe it would be to only have well thought out and researched conversations.
Yes. This. Both of these. I wanna break into goddam Beat It and have everyone do it with me, and then have an intelligent conversation afterwards while we prepare for the next number!
So, you wanna live in a Disney movie?
Omar Guillen No, just a normal sitcom where ever three or four seasons they have a musical. Or a show where they have good conversations. Disney musicals last over several years, and they never really have quality conversations.
But what if you had to break out into other peoples songs too? What if somebody started singing about like, their butt rash and you had no choice but to sing and dance along?
The first one would be horrible for anyone that isn't the main character!!!
'OHMYGAWD! My wife's in labor right now, but she's lost too much blood and our baby is being possessed by a demon! It's okay though cuz I have the super rare blood type that is compatible with my wife's super rare blood as well as holy water blessed by Jesus himself and guaranteed to exorcize any demon. But I only have a three minutes to make it before the bomb the terrorist planted explodes.'
Then you waltz by dragging him into singing a four minute song about how your lasting lover dumped you.
In honor of Star Wars coming out this year, you should do an After Hours about how Anakin Skywalker was right, and the Jedi were evil. If you take out the name "Jedi" and just list their requirements, it reads a lot like they were building a cult of emotionless husks that they train from childhood (a lot like indoctrination). The conversation would be interesting, plus with the passion of Star Wars fans, it'd be pretty interesting :)
The whole lightside/darkside thing never sat well with me. On one you side you have a group of cultists who kidnap children from an infantile age and indoctrinate them to be emotionless priests on the other you have a bunch of xenophobic out of control sociopaths. Neither sounds that good...
Blake King I'm with you on that! The perfect balance would be somewhere between a Jedi and Sith. But like you said, neither sounds good.
Blake King Perhaps connection to the Force corrupts you no matter how you use it? What if the Force itself... was a bad thing?
Huh, interesting concept.
Blake King oh damn good point dude I never thought of it that way
I never noticed how they always hang up phone calls as soon as the information is conveyed. I will not be able to unsee that.
"For some reason, I am confused, like, ALL the time."
I relate on a spiritual level.
I would want the power of montages. Able to just say "I have to train the hardest in my life" and then some epic music plays, and in five minutes to everyone else, months, or even years has passed for me, making me an expert in whatever it was I was training for. And it applies to everything, literally. Cooking, music, exercise, fighting, inventing, you name it. You black out for awhile, and when you come to, you suddenly have this wealth of knowledge that you can recall to perform any task.
Sanic, there is no way you can build an interstellar ship. You don't have the resources, or the knowledge to do that.
Then I guess it's time to hit the books. *80's rock starts playing in the background while I am at the library past midnight, and as time flies by, more and more books are piling up*
Then, it cuts to you either finishing the training, or finishing the task you set out to do.
Sanic Hegehog The only problem with that, as you've described, is you would die WAY too early. What you're suggesting isn't a montage so much as basically time travel. You spend months, years, etc learning "something" where for everyone else 5 minutes has passed. So now you've gone from...for example, 25 yrs old to 28, but now you're a master at ninjitsu or NASCAR racing or building that atom smasher. So while it would be a good power, you'd burn out in what would be, in reality, a year, maybe two for everyone else. "Not sure what was up with Sanic, but he seemed to get smarter but aged like he just drank from the wrong Holy Grail. Smart guy though, he learned how to actually build hovercars, like...right after we were discussing it."
G Oznog Yeah, but then a montage wouldn't be a power if time just passed for everyone else. Like, if I wanted to develop a universal cure for cancer. If I did the montage this way, then yeah, I would age, but I would have a cure for cancer, as opposed to everything progressing at normal speed, and the possibility of someone else making the cure. Then I wasted who knows how long of my life making something someone else already did.
+G Oznog why not just down load it al la matrix I know kung fu
+Sanic Hegehog The great thing about montages though is that they often show the person in them working/training/studying etc. at their maximum. Say you had a test in a week; why try studying when you'll just end up being distracted? You'll never get a week's actual studying done. So montage it. Boom! Maximum studying effort for the whole week. It would be a great tool to use in these kinds of situations.
+Sanic Hegehog reminds me of the movie click
I'm a teenager with thick glasses who spends a lot of time on his computer. If I were in a movie, that would automatically mean that I'm either be a brilliant computer nerd/hacker or a scientific prodigy of some kind, drawing the attention of treasure hunters, spies, schools for the gifted, etc., looping me into some awesome adventure or intense character drama in which my intellect would be a vital component. I might even be lovably awkward/comedic and get the girl at the end after winning the day, whom I've been pining for the whole movie, but for some reason goes out with the most unlikable dolt in the school while showing obvious signs of liking me more.
Ethan Macdonald or you'd wind up in a Tarantino film, and get killed off the second you've done giving your intellectual information to the main hero.
ShiftyMcGoggles Crap. I guess the only way you come out on top in Movie World is if you're the protagonist. And even then it's subjective ("Donnie Darko...Old Yeller...Romeo and Juliet...")
Ethan Macdonald I'd recommend aiming to be a main protagonist in a michael bay movie. At least you'd either be 'nerdy guy who get a hot chick' or the 'jock who gets hot chick'
ShiftyMcGoggles Yeah, never mind, I'll take the Tarantino death scene over being in a Michael Bay movie. I want to hold on to at least a LITTLE dignity.
Ethan Macdonald Actually you are in a coming of age comedy where you and a couple of your friends learn about life during a road trip.
I want a laugh track when i make a joke. Just so i know it landed, or that im expected to laugh by those around me.
what about the times the laugh track is used ironically?
But eventually someone will record your jokes and take out the laugh track to make you look stupid on CZcams.
how about the super power of sudden teleportation in time and space....person x takes his keys, walkes out of his apartment....and suddenly is at his destination...without having to go through all the traffic ^^
Right - And even when they have to look for something they lost or leave an umbrella at a bar, sometimes the very next scene is them at that bar right where they lost the thing.
Except when you are in traffic its specifically an unending traffic jam
But you could always end the unending traffic jam by focusing on the most annoying thing in sight, happening after some increasingly fatigued reposture cuts, and then start talking about how awful traffic was at your destination.
I know this is over a year ago, but further, if you are in a specifically un-ending traffic jam, you know something extremely important is going to happen to you. For example, you need to charge to that job interview, you suddenly realise you love that girl and so on.
GirlPainting
The power to break the fourth wall
If I had to choose one TV convention to use in my life I'd pick the one where who ever is the villain is very clearly and obviously evil and makes practically no attempt to hide just how maniacal they are. Could you imagine just how much easier life would be if every bad person was A. objectively and unquestionably evil without need for debate and B. was obviously overt in their evilness.
"Hmm, I wonder who I should vote for in the upcoming election. Senator Micheal Henderson, senator Puppykicker McCruel , or senator Dr. Destructinator IV... well I'm pretty sure I could eliminate at least one of those options."
George Sears what if both Candidates weren't evil....and were you friends then you'd be stuck a buddy comedy dilemma
Aww man. You know what that reminds me of? Back in middle school i learned that this one kid who was trying to get my friend group with elaborate traps and rigging of things because we banished him from our friend group, but every time before we realized he acted like a totally different person.
Yeah. Fuck senator Henderson
"I've never once had sex on a bed" This, Soren, is why you are my favorite.
i want the power to hear all info one, never have write it down. and remember it forever (or until it is useless). think of how many times this happens in movies. they are told complex things to do, told phone numbers and/or addresses, and so much more. never write the info down, never recite it to themself. but remember everything perfect. i hate how every movie i watch has someone doing that, and i can't remember to go left or right when heading home some days
UNLESS it is something really simple and then they forget ALL about it, example the code for disarming the bomb was simple and the hero forgets exactly when they need it.
@@spidermanmyers that leads to the secondary superpower of being able to always guess correctly at the last minute. Cutting the bombs wires without ever doing so? Red, it's always red.
Having a soundtrack would be pretty good. Ya'd be able to know whenever danger's afoot, by the eerie percussion noises, or if the person you just met is the love of your life, by the sappy fanfare that plays when they flip their hair in slo-mo. It'd be sort of like having a sixth sense, without totally ruining the suspense of the narrative.
I would like to be able to get up immediately after being punched in the face-- without losing any teeth, sustaining any brain damage, or getting my jaw wired shut.
Yes! Just what I was thinking, too. If physical pain could be used as comic relief. I guess it depends on the universe you're in though. A soap opera would love it if you were constantly sent to the hospital, so a cartoon world would probably be ideal for this one.
How often are you getting punched in the face?
Did you not notice their picture is Shizuo Heiwajima? xD
Lauren Huff Although from what little I've seen in soaps (The Soup is pretty much my source) the hospital stays always seem so nice and clean. Like a little vacation from life. In real life hospital stays are awful things and the gross stuff they never show in the movies like being in traction for a month without being able to properly wash, in the movies and on TV everyone always looks so clean. I spent almost 8 months in the hospital and was incredibly disappointed in the fact that it was nothing like that.
Insanitydivided by .Zero Sure, I never said TV hospitals aren't a staycation - it's infamously glamourized, but wouldn't it be nice to skip injuries in general? If you don't want to deal with physical harm at all, a cartoon is the place to be. You'd be able to fall from crazy heights, get hit by cars, and basically be as reckless as you want without damaging your body, much less your face. It'd just be a cheap, slapstick laugh, and you'd move on with your day like it never happened! :D
i thought i was the only one that noticed Soren's ear ring
People seem to have totally missed the fact that in that Sherlock scene, he was talking to (and bedazzled by the unexpected nudity of) Irene Adler. It was a hint at a romantic subplot between them that never really materializes. Most screen adaptations do this with Irene, even though the books are pretty clear that Holmes is essentially asexual and admires her on a purely intellectual level.
boiledelephant oh I thought they were making a Johnlock joke XD
7:47 This explains a lot about Soren.
Every improbable event or encounter he casually mentions (like the prom night limo) is actually him hazily remembering a much more mundane event.
Somebody should make that a video series, over analysing cracked content and reading between the lines to come to startling and unexpected conclusions.
actually it seems like the group agree his life is crazy, so not really.
some things, maybe, others, like how he's got a year pass to sex island or something, is meant to be an in universe 'soren's a rich elitist' sort of person.
It’s a shame to waste time evacuating your bowels if it doesn’t somehow advance your life plot. #itsavideomfers #AfterHours
Also it would be nice if I could always have the same hair length and style of facial hair without ever needing to shave or get a hair cut.
***** it could.
You could also get attacked by a shark the next time you swim in a river, bull sharks live in rivers.
Oooooh I have a good one what if you could hear your life's soundtrack because than you would always have an idea of what's going to happen, so your never unprepared.
You could have also talked about the time out again from saved by the bell.
stormclawwarrior That or awareness of the narrator would come in pretty handy.
Here's one: Characters randomly having specific photographic memory. Like someone will be given a long, complicated set of instructions without having anything repeated at all and then remember everything exactly. Or sometimes what is said to them is barely audible and yet they know exactly what was said. Also having that one friend that kind of likes computers and therefore is a master computer hacker that can hack government satellites and provide me with top secret, highly classified information would be great. Oh and living in a house/apartment that would normally be WAYYYYY more than I could afford. Or being a lazy, ugly fat piece of shit dude (possibly alcoholic as well) with a smoking hot wife that doesn't care If I fuck up or generally do whatever I want.
Saidin Rage rendering instructions to Klaatu, Verata... Nektu ?
Ho boy, I'd totally be that hacker friend if that's how it worked!
idk if my memory is like that but i tend to bring up events and stuff in my life my parents have no memory of and i somehow do because my memory is better, so this could be a real skill lol
"I've never once had sex in a bed" is quite possibly the best line to have ever been spouted on After Hours. Fucking sensational
You remember how Micheal said that in some shows, the character needs to explain what they were talking about? I basically have that: whenever I use a weird word or phrase, people always ask me to explain it.
It's like living in an episode of, freaking, Wordgirl.
My vocabulary was and sometimes still is generally higher than that of my peers so that ends up happening to me a lot.
Has Dan always been so buff? He's making Soren look tiny xD
Swaim will eventually just take up the entire shot.
Yea, Dan's been that way for quite a while. Soren only looks small cause he wears long sleeves a lot. Pretty sure his arms are still freakishly huge :p
James Sinn You forgot to mention that the shirt is also an "extra small." They had to give him one to keep his muscles from bursting out and taking up the whole shot.
Awe!! Slander! Im not sure how I feel about Soren's ear bling....
James Sinn It's weird how generally attractive these particular internet comedy writers are.
The obvious answer is to learn ANY SKILL via montage.
Except losing the time that the montage happened over.
worth it.
Even if you lost the time, you'd still accomplish more because people in training montages don't give up unless they were never meant to succeed, in which case they are guaranteed to succeed at another thing later instead. Under our universe's current ruleset, reaching one's goals is often frustratingly difficult, assuming that one is lucky enough to form coherent goals in the first place.
I'd like the power to just create my own exposition. Where if I need to be able to pilot a plane or play exceptionally well at a sport I can just say "I had lessons years ago and never thought I'd need to use it." I could become the ultimate being.
The ability to hack any computer just by smashing random keys and words and saying "I'm in."
How about the ability to have music at a club magically lower its volume whenever characters have conversations? It always amazes me that no matter how earsplitting the background music is the characters barely if at all raise their voices... e.g. in The Matrix, Neo and Trinity are practically whispering to each other in that goth club...
My choice would be the Family Guy cutaway gag, where I can come up with any random situation, say it, and then after the cutaway the effects of whatever I just said take immediate affect. So for example I could say, "man, this is more awesome than the time Bill Gates gave me a billion dollars!" *quick cutaway gag* Instantly 1 billion dollars richer! It would be great!
except most of the conditions of the cutaways don't carry over into the real scene.
they might as well just be fantastical daydreams.
hell, even if it happened, there'd probably be some event after the 'cutaway' time where that was undone, because you weren't a billionaire before you said it, hence you needing to say it to get a billion.
almost like a time travel paradox - if you needed to set up that kind of cutaway, then it wasn't true that it happened and left you in better circumstances, otherwise you wouldn't have set up the cutaway in order to do something
or, you'd only be able to set up 'true' cutaways.
i want the power to do 4th wall breaks just so im not crazy talking to myself
Same
Hate to break it too you two, but unless other people were aware of the fourth wall you'd still look crazy.
Oh my i'm doing it so much that people think i'm secretely on the phone or something
That would imply that someone or something is always watching you...
@@MarieGarrett. but that also means that what you are doing matters at the moment and that is what counts.
the power to hit on girls like a babbling idiot and they'll actually find it cute
Yeah, I learned the hard way that that only works in films.
I wuba you!
I can confirm this. I mean, at least if the person you’re Pershing is sympathetic in general.
They covered this one
The ability to not die/break your back after being thrown ten feet, and instead just being able to stand up and be okay.
That would be a wonderful superpower.
Shrugging off horrible burns is cool as well
Lucas farach-colton Yes! Burns that just leave you a little ashy instead of melting your flesh.
Basically just being near-invincible all the time except for when the plot calls for otherwise.
Plot Armor!
Somebody's seen John Wick.
"I've never once had sex in a bed"
THE QUESTIONS.
I HAVE MANY.
The ability to always know exactly what to say and when to say it in order to solve problems, give people a foreshadowing knowledge to save them from a killer, or just get people to be friends with me. #ForeverAlone
I'd want the power where everything I want costs exactly as much as I've got in my pocket at that moment.
One superpower I want: Phone rings in the back ground, people in foreground ignore it and still talk amongst each other. Guy, also in background, picks it up. *"Hello...Yeah..OK, thanks"* Hangs up. Call lasts a maximum of 3 seconds. Guy goes to group and says: *"That was doctor Foulton. He says he's got the test results back. For Danny, the results are negative. So its good news, buddy. However, Jenny, you're test came back inconclusive, you'll have to repeat the test"*. How that guy got all that information within 3 seconds is just amazing.
I'd love the 'missed plot point' or 'zoom in on forgotten object' review. Having the ability to realize you'd missed or forgotten something vitally important would be great.
CRACKED SHIPS JOHNLOCK OMFG
+Abi Lynes Golly, this post is sorta cringy tbh
92larsko shhhhh
I CAME DOWN HERE TO FIND THIS COMMENT SPECIFICALLY!! XDD
Was literally scrolling down to see if anyone was as happy about this as I was
I think Soren won this round. His reasoning and points are cohesive but Katie gave solid points also. Aaah I miss these guys
I would have map travel ability. Whenever I would go on a long trip someone, I would just slip to map travel. A red line would move across a map, a couple shots of me or the vehicle I'm in and then I'd be there
After Hours is my favourite Cracked series. I love how the conversations feel organic because they tend to not have a clear beginning or conclusion and it's just where ever the next thought leads you.
Could do an episode about the fact there is no true original content (aka every comedy series is a remake of Friends)
Could do one on films that have potentially better "hidden" message than the one that is stressed (Easy A, you shouldn't have to wait for things to 'get better'; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you should help those who ask and mock those who seek your advice and don't heed it; Mary Poppins, there's no shame in doing physical labour or low-profit work), or movies that end happy but would have horrific ramifications if seen past this point (The Breakfast Club where they get the 'nerd' to write their essay at the end of the day; If I Stay, the girl is now an orphan and woke up to be with a flaky boyfriend; Wall-E, humans have no idea how to cultivate earth or labour, the captain wants to grow pizza...)
They already did a "no original tv shows" episode, and they kind of talked about the parts in movies we don't see in a 'romantic comedy' movies episode
Just like every drama based show is trying to emulate _The Sopranos_, and aside from shows like _Boardwalk Empire_, _Breaking Bad_, and _Mad Men_, not many have been successful.
Actually every comedy series is a remake of Cheers.
You guys forgot the best one ever, montages, If you could just set a goal, do some of the work that it takes to make that happen, and its done! thats like 80% of the work needed to acomplish that goal, would be really good.
Or even possibly, theme music.
Yeah but montages usually take place over a long period of time, so you would probably would have no memory of what you did besides working out for that amount of time.
Hmmm. idk
I want the movie power to fire any weapon and it NEVER runs out of ammo, overheats, jams or MISSES anyone.
Could you guys do an After Hours about the Power Rangers? That would be pretty interesting.
Actually, I'd love to see that! They destroy entire city blocks with their giant robot-thingies, yet they never get caught...
Andrew Taulane no they dont all fights somehow dont cause any notable damage to the city. i would qestion why battle armer of the power rangers arnt given to more capable people. it always starts will unltiment evil shows up.......let pick kids at random and make them fight. brainwashing kids becuse all power ranger are to coplacent about being put in real danger
Also how the power rangers are both sexist and racist lol Black guy = Black ranger, Asian woman = Yellow ranger and both women are in traditionally feminine colours
I think there was one where the guy was yellow, but idk.
Any they don't cause any notable damage to the city??!? Dude, they've got just freaking robots. The roads have at least got to be cracked(Get it?) or something...
Andrew Taulane indeed it just for a huge monster and a robot fighting you think the death toll would be big but....it not be see the areas after the fight. for a monster that wants to cause real damage nothing seems broken. big explosions and all
tbh Cracked is more creative, interesting, and edgy than Buzzfeed. My opinion
And less cancerous
Your opinion on the topic = FACT
Well done my friend.
Is there any discussion about it?
I just thought Buzzfeed was a place for ridiculous polls.
they always have been!! yea!!
10:06 -10:12 OMG!!! I thought I was the only one. I kept thinking, "Did I miss something?" "When did he do that?"
What do you mean?
When did he start wearing earrings? Did I miss an event that made him to start wearing them in his left ear?
I love Soren's facial expressions at the beer appearing at 4:20, priceless
Best super power: Movie hacking
HAHAHAAHAH
HOTPOCKET THE UNIX BITES.
I can type one line of code and I am now in the pentagon!
lol
But remember, as you're furiously smashing random keys on the keyboard, to never, EVER hit the space bar.
starwarsnerd100 It kind of reminds me of the Demolition Man Today's Topic where Michael shows up and just starts typing furiously on the keyboard.
The ability to guess a password incorrectly twice and then spontaneously figure it out by looking at randoms objects on an evil business man's desk. It's once you're in that the dodging digital buildings becomes the tricky part.
I jsut want that unrealistically affordable housing
We all do
The ability to wave my hands around to make anything I want.
The insta-montage
The power of the montage would be pretty great. I'd much rather listen to most of Eye of the Tiger in order to drop 40 lbs than spend the better part of a year working out and eating right.
Appropriate background music to my day to day life.
This
Mike mac This is good when something decent's going on, like a peaceful day at work or an epic fight you're winning. If sad emotional music plays when you're being dumped, you'd just think they're taking the piss. If you're walking home at night and you suddenly hear horror music but can't see anyone, what can you do but panic?
Mike mac It's called an MP3 player and headphones. =D
Then it might go like what happened to the character Peter in Family Guy. He did that as a wish in an episode and the rest was history. Not spoiling here.
***** True that.
Clever foreshadowing. I was already thinking what was up with Soren's new ear ring.
I love that they put Sherlock and John in there! #smooth
Don't be a dumbass
+Dick Grayson Excuse me?
Arden Collis-Puro The scene is Sherlock blabbering about Irene Adler, John just happens to be in frame
THEY PUT SHERLOCK STUTTERING AT JOHN I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING
JOHNLOCK! i SAW IT! WE ALL SAW IT! OH MY GOD THANK YOU!
Johnlock?? They didn't mention or show anything relate to johnlock....
acdc14terrace yeah they did. If you didn't see it oh well.
Sherlock stuttered for a few seconds, and that's from the actual show. They don't acknowledge johnlock at all in the show, in any sort of way. By the way, he stuttered at someone else, not john.
acdc14terrace I know! they insinuated.. ya know what, I'm not having this argument with you, you don't ship it fine, you didn't see the Johnlock, whatever. We are not having this conversation.
Michelle Evans It's okay, I saw it too. They could've skipped to the other person in that scene but they choose Watson prob for shits and giggles.
The ability to become magically dressed in at least underwear despite just spending a steamy night having sex and being exhausted... That would be awesome. i hate having to search out clothes the next day.
I note however that many characters in the past 10 years have started losing this super power... sad.
A movie superpower I would like to have is the hammerspace. Also known as the inventory in video games. It would be nice to not have to worry about only being able to use shorts that have pockets for carrying my wallet and other small objects, but instead only having to bring the object close to my hips to store it, as well as an infinite amount of other objects. I even know what I would put in my hammerspace too! Camping set, wallet, ten days worth of food and water, my entire collection of games, gaming consoles, my laptop, my cell phone, and a really big battery. Since stored objects are stored in separate pocket dimensions from each other, I won't have to worry about the water messing up all the electronics. While I'm at it, I'd also put a bicycle into the hammerspace, since that's a thing that is possible.
We saw the Johnlock
Did cracked just use Johnlock as an example of stuttering and falling in love?
I think they tried to make it look that way, but in that scene Sherlock is talking to a naked Irene Adler.
True. Still ship it ^_^
MultiJustloveme Never let that ship die! :D
Soren has an earring and I can't look away......
i was looking for that comment.. and it's a mr. clean one too
Why does it only appear part way through?
Mark Twain said: "Truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."
SHERLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Yass sherlock
Greetings.
lil bit of Johnlock too...
It wasn't for john he was stuttering like that
Whatever you have to tell yourself, Cap'n.
Thanks Cracked for finally explaining me what Deus Ex Machina means... seriously.
Can't tell if that's sarcasm or not. Just in case though...
Deus ex machina translates to 'gift from the machine.' Basically it is the ultimate get out of jail free card. No matter how badly everything is falling apart, no matter how life threatening, mind boggling or physics bending your situation is, something will come along that will lead to you somehow escaping.
It wasn't sarcasm. I heard it a lot but never knew what it was. Also thank you for the extended version :)
It translates to God from machine, not gift fyi.
it actually translates to "god *IN* the machine" and its origin is ancient greece. back then when they put on plays, they would build a harness with ropes for some of the actors who played the gods to get into and be lowered in from above to give the impression they were flying, like a stage production of peter pan.
the expression was originally literal. the god (the actor) was in a machine (the harness) in order to gain his/her divine powers (the ability to descend from the heavens)
the intervention of the gods in a story is what happens when the mortal characters were backed into a corner and had no way out of a given situation, so the only out was for apollo or whoever to come in and fix things. this is where it developed its metaphorical or second meaning "bullshit that comes out of nowhere at the end and obviates all the conflict."
***** That 'get out of jail free' card, is incorrect though. Deus Ex Machina, or 'God in the Machine', is when something that progresses the plot happens for no discernible or related reason - the proverbial piano falling out of the sky. It is certainly not only ever a good thing, or a 'gift'. It is simply a story mechanic. It a very common way to begin a story - i.e. the random beer bottle falling from the sky in 'The Gods Must Be Crazy', setting a young boy off on an adventure - but a very bad way to end one - i.e. The aliens in 'Signs' all dies because water.
Nerds have more babe-savvy in movies than in real life. I could use me some of that.
***** Yeah but they'll eventually leave each other as divorce rates climb to the point that marriage is seen as too much hassle and everyone just kinda drifts apart searching for the next bit of instant gratification.
*****
the ratio of nerds, to nerd-babes is about 9001 to 1, only that one guy who is over 9000 gets the girl
KriegsMeister27 That's because they are nerd *babes*. If you want to meet a nerdy girl, they are everywhere. They're just as common as nerdy guys. The problem is that you want a nerd *babe*, someone who is nerdy *and* attractive. They are only as common as their male counterpart, the nerd hunk.
Yup
JuTuber Well put sir... Well put indeed.
I love the McGuffin one. My favorite instance of it was from penguins of Madagascar. They broke into a lab to steal the rare substance McGuffium-213. I love the thought there are possibly 212 previous forms of McGuffium.
In movies and TV, everyone is so direct with everyone else. Everyone almost always effectively communicates their thoughts and intentions (unless that's part of the character or story), and no one beats around the bush. I feel like thought it might not be pleasant, it would be easier to live in that world.
a combination of the "guest appearance"....where famous ppl jus randomly pop up in my life for important or mundane reasons.... "hi im Tommy Lee Jones and I will be your waiter."......oh look Brad Pitt is conveniently hitchhiking in your direction... AGIAN!!...Oprah is your cousin and you found this out at Christmas......
and the "everyone assumes you already payed for whatever and never ask for money?......Jackie Chan thanks for mowing the lawn you KNOW I already payed you .....ok your welcome...
I can't believe nobody has mentioned Zach Morris's freezing time power. In any case, I'd want that.
"I am sick of having to incite a riot to see myself on the news ! "
HAHAHHA DIED
Montage makes you badass. I want this power. It would be so nice to not actually have to work at anything, just montage it.
"Unrealistically affordable apartment" That's a good one, why not touch on that more?
Well, it's what happens when your cast of good-looking single hangarounds live in a fancy apartment in the middle of the town. None of them seems to work, or if they do, they're usually actors, columnists or whatever leaves them with a lot of leisure time to have drama in their clean, well-furnished apartments. How can they afford it? They have Friends Rent Control (the cast of Friends explained their situation by saying they had rent control).
Besides appealing to audience fantasy, this is usually done because large sets are easier to film in. If Monica or Chandler's apartment on Friends had been realistic for their income and New York City's high cost of living, it'd be a single room with maybe a kitchenette and a bathroom. Doing a scene with all six main characters would have been a total nightmare for the cast and crew. Also, especially in sitcoms, indoor sets usually have one completely blank "wall" where the crew and studio audience are, requiring the rest of the set to take up a lot more space than is needed to fit in all the requisite furniture and appliances.
I like the memory one; the ability to perfectly recall information or an event as soon as it becomes relevant to what you're doing
I want the super power of guest starring
Every time I walk into one of my friends house I am welcomed with a huge applause :-) this would boost my self esteem and soon I would be so egotistic and self centered I'd take a 10 second pause after saying "hello"
its almost been long enough for Soren to remember After Hours as a gym
The power of montage would be pretty sweet. Just have a few shots of me working out and I'd be ripped in no time.
Or I could learn any instrument or language in the same amount of time.
I think the power of hearing the ambient music would be awesome ! Imagine being able to sense the danger just by hearing the music, you'll always be able to anticipate it
Love the part where he takes off that shitty earing and everyone in the video is just like "Yeah, its for the best" #NowThoseAreGoodFriends
+Javiera Segovia
I think it was meant to symbolize "everything going back to normal at the end of the episode." Like they were just talking about.
There's actually a little moment right at the beginning of the video where he isn't wearing it. It's in the part right before the title that gets repeated right *after* the title (which might explain why they reshot that scene instead of just playing it again).
Wow, awesome job on the clip compilation-ing on this one, guys. You've got a Mr Plinkett/Seinfeld thing going on here :)