I HATE MY DREAM JOB...real adhder struggles
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- čas přidán 4. 09. 2024
- I love working. I'm a workaholic. I started working in a bar when I was 15. I always thought that work is the only thing won't betray me. With my ADHD, I can't even count on myself to function when I want myself to be. But I always thought the lessons I learned from a job will always be mine.
Now I'm 23, turning 24 soon. It's not just about rent, or passion and dreams. I'm in the process of immigrating to Canada. I'm required to work a full-time job in certain industry. I love my job, and I hate it at the same time.
I hate the feeling of stuck in a position in life that I have no control over with. I hate how it makes me feel weak and incapable. I hate how it makes me cry. I hate how boring and repetitive it is sometimes. But, I hate the fact that everyone else seems to have a fine time with it, and I'm the only one that has a problem with it.
I hate the fact that this job is everything I ever wanted, supportive environment, learning opportunities, even traveling opportunity. Yet, I still experience the same problems. Consistency, lost of motivation, zoning out, unable to perform well in certain situation. I can't help but thinking if I am the problem of my struggles. And the moment when I believe that I am the problem, I felt something left my body, yet my body feels heavier.
"HOPE", an simple four letters word, yet it weights so much. When ADHDer start to believe that we are the problem, that's where the real problem come in: We disarmed the only person that can actually solve the problem.
I hope you can find this video relatable, and I hope at the end of it you will feel less lonely. And I sincerely hope you stay hopeful in those hard night.
🧡
I was diagnosed at the age of 39, and just like you said, so many things started to make sense. I work as a developer and it can be a struggle sometimes.
A lot of times...
Idk how you did it🥲🥲
"its because there is a problem. and that makes me realise that i am not the problem, i am the person who solves that problem". fucking excellent.
Yup.
Wow. Thank you for sharing! I agree with you on the medication part. It really changed my life.
@@adhd_alex23
Also, one of those jobs was medical research in ADHD/ASD. I worked signal processing and computing with DCAN Lab on the ABCD study. It attracted a lot of brilliant people with generalized autism spectrum disorders like ADHD. Working with people that have ADHD can really help a lot in gathering scope on difficulties, especially since people are less likely to mask when with other neuro divergent folk.
25 and going through almost the exact same thing. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching!
Resonate with so much here. Sometimes thinking about all the things that cost more effort because of this diagnosis makes me so angry.
Companies value things like consistency and task completion because these things are easy to see and measure. But ive decided to stop spending so much effort in those things just to be average or fail.
My current strategy is to show what I can do - I may not be consistent all the time, but I can contribute and be involved in 5 projects at a time. I might not complete all my tasks, but I am good at identifying new opportunities and starting new initiatives. These things are valuable too, and they feel more intuitive than forcing myself to be a perfect, cookie-cutter worker. A company needs people like us too!
We are important!!
Girl I feel you. As someone who has ADD, I experienced a lot of the same situations, especially with regard to work. But let me tell you this. Although ADHD seems like something that ruins dream jobs / makes life so much harder, it also has some great benefits. When you find something you love, and find a way that works for you, you become ON FIRE and get in a flow that people without ADHD don't often experience like that. You are probably more creative and more spontaneous and are able to move mountains when you step into your power. It is really about finding a way that works for you, but when you get there, i promise you it can be beautiful and can actually be a strentgh, rather than a weak thing about you. Sending lots of love
What did work for you? What did you love? I’m abandoning i.t because of that, even though it was something I liked, I know that won’t work for me after some time it just gets gray…
@@antares6664 It took me quite a while to figure it out, so I suggest to really try some things to see what works for you & what you like. Personally, for me, I noticed that working as an enterpreneur suits me better. In a 9-5, I get demotivated very quickly because 1) you get paid for your time, not the effort you put in and 2) there is always a boss who decides what you can or can't do. Being an enterpreneur (or freelancer) enabled me to 1) have more to say about what kind of work I want to do, 2) work when I want to work (so for example, I noticed that I find it quite difficult to be productive in the afternoon and that's totally okay, being a freelancer or enterpreneur can make it possible to spend some time on hobbies in the afternoon and work in the evening, if that suits you better) . Furthermore, I learned that my brain is quite dopamine focussed, so job requirement for me is having a job with shorter deadlines and more variety in the type of tasks, and having a clear job description/task can also help as well. Previously I did a PhD but I noticed that having 1 4-year long deadline without less variety in my tasks, makes it so much harder. Instead, choosing shorter deadlines and a lot of variety in my work, really allows me to play to my strength and I notice I get so much more drive from it. And the dopamine-focus can then actually help you to book great results, instead of hinder your progress/results. So my biggest tip is try to find a job where you can use your strengths as much as possible and don't force yourself to fit a 'normal 9-5 office job' as that might just not be the best fit in this case. It can be hard to accept in the beginning but I promise you, once you find a job that really matches your brains way of working, the job can be super fun and really motivating. But it just takes some time to try some different things to find out what works/doesn't work for you. :) But just know that there's more out there than the standard 9-5.
I am a 20-year-old Chinese Malaysian woman, and I just found out I have combined ADHD. This was more of a self-discovery after I became aware of why I couldn't sit still and why I always had random bursts of energy.
When I tell someone that my brain has many thoughts overlapping each other, they just reply, "Well, then stop it." As if I COULD.
I am very skinny and tall, and my lungs often have problems. I worked as a waitress before, but the restaurant had too many people smoking, and the place was very dirty, and due to my weak lungs, I couldn't handle it.
I first discovered inattenetive ADHD in 2021 ( when I was around 18 ) when I was watching my favorite animated CZcamsr named 'ice cream sandwich," but I watched without the intention of knowing what ADHD is; I just watched because the guy is hilarious and just for time passing.
The CZcamsr is just an animated guy who draws all his experience that is unique to him into an animation video.
It was never anything serious until one day he made a video of how he recently got randomly diagnosed with ADHD. He explained his daily behavior, which he thought was normal but turned out to be ADHD, and a lot of his "behavior" matches my behavior.
Like how my mind is always tingling 24/7 due to multiple thoughts kept over talking to each other, just like never-endingly opened "Google tabs" in the background, and each of them is playing different memorabilia but all at the same time, and it can never be shut off.
At first, I was flabbergasted and suddenly questioning myself, so I began to dig into the research and had conversations with a lot of diagnosed ADHD people online, but sadly, they are mostly from outside of Malaysia, and I learned a lot of the ADHD symptoms match the way I act and think.
After months of analysis and research, I try to live with my inattentive ADHD. One day when I was online, I saw someone make a video about how inattentive ADHD works (I can be a bit impulsive and self-righteous and jump into things without a second thought), and I commented that my inattentive ADHD also made my physical body tickle, and I explained how the symptoms made me feel like I had a random burst of energy in my body.
The person who posted the video is an ADHD expert, and when I saw her comment, she explained that it was "hyperactive ADHD symptoms." I was again MORE CONFUSED.
I did another month of research and learned about "combined ADHD," and yeah, I WAS ONCE AGAIN FLABBERGASTED.
No wonder my personal and school life is f*cked. Anyway, I was flabbergasted, and I apologized to her, and she forgives me. I never felt so embarrassed in my life, but I guess we learn something new every day.
I began ANOTHER DEEP SEARCH and everything began to click VERY clearly.
About how I always have random bursts of energy in my body and how I forget things very easily-to the point that I even have to TRACK DOWN THE TIME that I HAD SHOWERED and the TIME OF WHEN I ATE in my notepad so I don't FORGET.
I struggle with insomnia as my ADHD mind and energetic body keep me awake at night. I constantly have to do "cricket legs" just to try my best to calm the nerves down so I can sleep, and I have struggled with this my entire life.
My school experience from middle to high school was very screwed up to the point that even back then, when I was still in middle school, my science teacher jokingly nicknamed me "dory," and that has been my nickname for the entire year. No hate, though; he was a very nice and friendly guy who always tried his best to help me, but my grades are below average.
I got an undergrad score my whole life, from elementary to high school. Back in elementary school, I was in a Chinese school, as I am Chinese, and my grades were usually 17/100 or 12/100; I even got 3/100 and 0/100 before, and that didn't stop even into high school. Even when I transferred to an international private school, my score is still undergrade, especially since the English private school doesn't have textbooks; it's just a notebook that I have to try my best to copy down from the board. And no, there is no joke, and I am not exaggerating about the score of my exam paper; it's been that way my entire life; the highest mark I received is 21 or 31 out of 100 if I am lucky. ( Also , I couldn't catch up because I am second language and the sudden change of switching languages just add to the struggle as I only speak Mandarin for my whole life 😭😭 )
I didn't get diagnosed because I didn't have the money and support to do so. Now I am just here.
I live with my mom; sadly , she doesn't believe in ADHD :(
I don't know what i do. I feel like a failure and i still feel like a child.
I didn't know which direction to go because I could be obsessed with something for months and immediately lose my hyperfixation on it. Now I am thinking about becoming an animated artist, but I don't have the equipment. I honestly hope I won't lose interested on stuffed that quickly and my dopamine could stay forever 😔
I have been learning how to forgive myself and understand that it was not my fault. After finding out about my combined ADHD, I have become more aware that I am different, and it doesn't matter if someone tells me I am not doing enough because I know I am doing all I can. I began to realize I didn't have to follow in society's footsteps to feel accepted.
And no, just because I acknowledge I have ADHD doesn't mean the problem goes away itself. It's like finding out I had a missing leg and acknowledging it, but that doesn't mean my leg will grow into a new pair after I 'acknowledge' it.
Maybe one day I will be able to get help from a therapist and medication to see how it will work out, but for now, I will just try my best to work with my ADHD and give me the time to process that none of it was my fault.
And when I have enough money, I will try to find help as soon as possible.
You are so smart. Goes on to show how school systems everywhere fail people who are otherwise very smart and capable. I am with you in your hopes that you don't get off the dopamine ride! Go go go!
I would rec getting diagnosed so you can know the type of help you need. If you're in school see if your campus has school psychiatrists or counselors that can refer you to one in the city or nearby. I was diagnosed through my high school but I'm sure college has the same or similar.
@@shiannafoxx :
I discovered I had ADHD after high school, but by then it was too late to get the support I needed. I’ve never been to college and have been staying at home since the quarantine began. I’m dealing with family issues-my parents split up, and I’ve been carrying unresolved trauma, including SA trauma, for over a decade. I’ve heard that trauma can worsen ADHD symptoms, though I’m still unsure about that.
In school, I faced bullying and physical abuse from teachers. While corporal punishment was common in my country, my middle school took it too far, slapping students in the face and stuffing rolled-up test papers in our mouths for poor grades. I was often targeted, likely because of my low grades, and once even got a swollen eye from a slap. When my mom found out, she confronted the wrong teacher due to my ADHD mix-up, and I felt terrible about it.
I’ve struggled to get help because I lack support and a proper job. I live with my mom, who doesn’t believe in ADHD and isn’t well-informed about it. My siblings are far away, and I have a distant relationship with my father, who caused the family to split up due to infidelity. My parents fell out of love when I was around 12 and separated when I was 15 or 16. I only learned about my ADHD at 18.
I’ve thought about talking to my second brother about my struggles in the hope that he might help, but I’m scared because I’ve always looked up to my mom. She once agreed to take me to the doctor, but I didn’t want to be a burden during our tough financial situation, so I backed out. Now, I regret not going, and when I brought it up again, she just brushed me off.
@@JA-im9xs I’m sorry I hate to sound rude but can you please make a TLDR because I’m not reading all that I’m so sorry girl but that’s too much 😭
@@shiannafoxx LMAO I love perfecting my text messages and constantly worried about missing details. I sometimes can't help it. My bad 😭
I made it a bit shorter now.
Honestly thank you so much for that video. I’ve been diagnosed for 2 years now, but I don’t have any support in therapy. I’ve been discovering stuff online, and I really blamed myself for so much time over the decision of stopping my career because I had a strong felling I would never adequate.
You pretty much summarised everything I’ve been through, and I’m so relieved to realise that I was not lazy and it wasn’t a matter of trying hard or believing in myself. Thank you so much for that video, you’ve been really important❤ You’re really brave and incredible, things will work out for you girl
Oof I relate to this so much, literally HAVE an amazing job, but I just want to create and sometimes I consider it boring. I realize I’m trying too hard and moving too fast. Thanks for sharing your perspective. ❤
OMG, that part about where self confidence comes from and how you tag your confidence to your performance or dating life is the same. I started to think recently that my own eyes have been broken my entire life because I looked in the mirror and always hated that person looking back. Maybe not directly, but by always masking I feel like I've always betrayed myself.
You have said so many of my experiences in this video - I am 28, awaiting diagnosis but I am for sure an adhd-girlie and I feel like my life just hasn't started. It feels like I try so so hard and I'm always so exhausted from the efforts but feel like I have nothing to show for any of it. I empathise with you so much. I can't develop methods or techniques either and I worry it'll never change. I hope not.
Thank you, your videos mean so much to me and have helped me find out what is wrong with me. You help me feel normal somehow. Please keep making CZcams videos. Thank you so much.
Im so sorry I feel you. I used to be very similar (no adhd but other stuff, I had repetitive thoughts, was inconsistent and chaotic, panic attacks, social anxiety...). Keep rationalizing and validating yourself. My advice might sound really stupid but its not. Daily cold showers and cold exposure helped me so so much with dealing with stress, mood regulation and reducing the anxiety levels. Also I don't know if you are into art and stuff but acting could help you a lot with your emotions and become comfortable in who you are and in various situations. I am proud of you too ❤
Happy early birthday ✨ keep doing your best for you to fulfill your dreams and expectations. One thing that helps me at work is to write everything down. If I don’t write it down, it can get lost in the currents of my mind. Flagging emails also helps and just going over my deadlines toward the end of the day to see what I’m finishing and what I might have missed.
Thank you very much for the kind words 🧡
I love I love your attitude of celebrating your progress and being gentle with yourself. It’s amazing
I always try to confirm or council with my therapist (psychologist) what is happening inside with my emotions and is it related to ADHD. I really recommend that you do the same. Some of the issues you bring up in your videos might not related to ADHD but some other issue. In some ways everything in our heads is related to ADHD but I have found greater success in understanding nuances. Keep making awesome videos! We are not alone (just very few).
That’s true. There are a lot of things are correlated to ADHD, and some of them are trauma cause by ADHD
Jingwen, this was such a beautiful diary entry. I feel like as I was watching you I could feel the sadness, disappointment, blame that you've been feeling for a long time. But the best part of that delievery is that you really spoke to me. I got laid off 3 times and I only realized on the 3rd time it was a me problem for sure. I could no longer blame anyone else but myself for the difficulties I was having at work. I am not diagnosed but I'm 90% sure I have ADHD. You articulated ME perfectly. What I feel, what I go through and more. Thank you for this video. I'm excited for your journey! (I did not expect to get so emotional at 4:40AM haha.)
I hope everything goes well for you❤️
And I hope you don’t blame yourself! You are not the problem. You are the person who solve the problems ❤
hey! i just became your 1000th subsciber! thank you for sharing i feel like this too
Ive experienced very similar issues my entire life. I was diagnosed with adhd at 15. It's a daily fight and it's exhausting. Especially being unmedicated.
Unmedicated is hard…e-hug to you!
@@adhd_alex23 and to you! 🫂
It is very tough, especially since so many people don't have access and even even when you do, people just don't understand the undesirable effects of the medications available until they have been on and off them for long periods of time.
I just lost a 12-year battle of avoiding ADHD medication to needing to fit into boxes that i have not been. I'm giving myself a year to reassess whether medication needs to be a critical part of my life.
Thank you for uploading your video. This came at a time when I am really struggling. I've also been self regulating more but I haven't really thought of celebrating this. I thinks it is a good idea taking small steps.
Small steps are wins as well!
Nearly 23. I wonder what could have been if I'd been diagnosed and medicated properly earlier in my life. Or even just born without this genetic disorder in the first place. There is depressingly little to aspire towards
thank you this made me feel a little better
I’m exactly like this… I can’t work a regular job. It’s mentally, emotionally and physically painful for me.
I got diagnosed with ADHD last year.
Your dad will alway love you no matter what. Taking 1 step at a time. We all struggle
9:41 Confirmation inside of me allow me to focus a little bit more on solving the current problem. If that problem is just unsolvable at this current moment, I have the courage to start from scratch again🥰
I’m going through this too. I am glad I found this at the right time.
Jingwen I am really curious that what font of ur subtitles are you using!! It's so nice!
And we have almost the same name hahaha I'm Jiawen
I've felt this way for the last 2 years! Literally was looking up jobs across the country last night 😂
Your bosses aren’t accommodating your ADHD in the correct way. What they need to do is ACCEPT a person with ADHD doesn’t have the abilities to prioritise- they should set up a system where that part is done for you.
What’s worse is I live in a country where there’s no professional to diagnose me
I tried going to another country they brushed me off and told me I have potential made me believe in myself again only to come back to my real life realizing again there’s something wrong
I’m afraid that I might just be spoiled & lazy seeking to group myself with neurodivergent ppl as an excuse for myself…my family tells me that & idk what if it’s true…I always had bad self esteem but I hit rock bottom whenever the thought of being a complete loser not being able to achieve my dream life , I just wanna quit uni & just rot at home for the rest of my life only to realize that parents are getting old they’re not gonna last me a lifetime & if I don’t graduate I’m not gonn be able to make money & get out of the depressing sh*those I live in
What’s rlly f*ckin me up is that everyone around me like my classmate would complain about the same things I do but when I interact with them they far better they’re organized & productive in ways I can’t keep up with
I want confirmation if I’m neurodivergent so I can face myself at least
But it’s too expensive trying different professionals let alone fly to another country
I just regret dreaming about my future & trichpking myself at this point I wish I was more realistic as a child
It sounds like you have to do the work in your own, and not rely so much on the pros, for now. I’m sorry you aren’t able to find anyone to help you.
Although my doctor prescribed meds, she offered no advice. She once confirmed my suspicions when I told her my concerns. (I’m almost at retirement age, finally getting help, but nowhere being able to stop working anytime soon. Because ADHD)
Most neurotypical people can’t help you learn any tactics.
Please look for ADD and ADHD craters here, start a folder, and put them there. I especially love the ones with organizing and healthy living tips.
We have to learn to go by our own rules, or bend them.
Again, I’m sorry you are going through this. And I hope my advice helps.
@@WilmaJeanTV thank you for the advice
Now re reading what I wrote I cringed I wanna delete it
I know I gotta do the work myself I always did what I can
But I at least want confirmation what’s wrong with me if there is anything at all
& the more I go the more I think I can’t live in this world this way this system
There’s no way this is life
I was only able to get myself through school pretending nothing is wrong bcuz I told myself it will be different outside school
@@WilmaJeanTV actually just hearing you are retirement age
Having to go this long in this world made me wanna burst crying for you I’m so sorry
Idk I’m probably being overdramatic to y’all but it’s tough man it rlly is
@@WilmaJeanTV actually being in med school rn I believe most doctors in general can’t help you
So imagine when it comes to mental issues
It feels like they are going by whims
7:45 🥺🥺😭❤
For the lack of consistency in finishing a task, how about you create a standard procedure (SOP) based your typical good work, and follow the SOP to finish similar tasks? That I hope may help.
So proud and relatable
Big hug to us all🎉
Love your content ❤
Thank you🧡
idk if i have adhd or not
but i just relate to this
Don't allow your diagnosis define WHO and WHAT you are. Labeling yourself as an "ADHDer" just makes it sound like you are unhappy with yourself. Just live life :)
Why ADHDer makes me sounds unhappy? I’m a happy ADHDer
@@adhd_alex23 Because everyone has at least one form of mental illness, regardless of whether they want to admit it or not. It's a fact that the COVID-19 pandemic (and increased usage of social media) have caused people to become more self-aware of their own personal mental illness(es), and now, they're struggling to deal with it, Things like heightened anxiety, fear of socializing with others (for example, you may still see some people wearing a face mask, even though they're not immuno-compromised, and contracting COVID is NO LONGER a HUGE concern in most parts of the world), showing signs and developing symptoms indicative of them having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD) and Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).
To summarize, LIMIT YOUR USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA. If not, you will become detached from reality, and YOU WILL STRUGGLE having conversations with strangers (and even the person in front of you).
I wonder if you're in meds treatment, it works so well in most of cases.
1. Accept your limitations and stop stressing over things you cannot control. It's important to stop the internal melodrama and self pity: it's a feelgood coping mechanism that keeps you perpetually miserable (one example of melodrama is in your description "I hate.. I hate.. I hate.."). It's harder for us girls as we are naturally more emotional. But getting it out of the way is important so you can focus on what you can control. For example using various tricks to help you focus. Rhythmic music / pomodoro timers / gamification / focusing strictly on one thing at a time. If you lapse, whatever, try again. But stop stressing because it's not the end of the world :)
Accepting and being conscious of your limitations might also stop you from projecting your bullshit onto your relationships.
2. Expectations does not equal duty. You don't need to fulfil anyone's expectations. Your only objective duty as a girl is probably to have kids and take care of your family/parents
You might want to check out:
- 'The subtle art of not giving a fck" by Mark Manson
- 'Deep Work' by Cal Newport.
I agree with everything except the ‘objective duty as a girl’ part. Having the ability to reproduce doesn’t mean that it’s your duty to. If that’s what she wants then that’s great and if not, that’s her choice too.
And that's how you search Jesus Christ. He IS the answer for ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS.
Pronto un mundo mejor, lea en la Biblia Salmo 72:12 al 14, 16 , me emociona mcho su recogido de pelo la favorece mucho
What's ADHD?
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder if you think you have it will take awhile to get checked but its well worth it
@@SmackDabCola Certainly. Most people have it including myself.
@@kamertonaudiophileplayer847 Yay, I'm having difficulty getting a diagnosis. I heard some adhd also have autism, which probably explains why I hide it well.
Ofc😮😮😮
Whats your job?
real shit
The problem with new youtubers now a days is that they make a video about their mental health. There are thousands of video like this in youtube. we dont need that. Instead be creative. Make great art
lol you sound like my dad. “Don’t talk about your problems to strangers. Or to me. But you should write a novel. Just don’t write about your problems. Or about me”😂
@@adhd_alex23 "or about me" sounds suspect. I hope he understands your issue and is providing accommodations you when he can.
Art is supposed to make you feel something. This video made me feel less alone, it made me motivated to keep trying to find a solution that works for me. I also enjoyed how well she spoke about her feelings which is similar to mine ... i just can't sit down and focus long enough to do that. Now i have this video i can replay over and over.
You don’t even post so who are you to dictate anything?
This is creative and it’s a great video. Judging by the comments she’s helping so many people positively, INCLUDING ME!!
Maybe stop being negative and fix whatever’s going on in your life. ❤