How Hijackals Confuse You with Cognitive Empathy, and what to do about it.
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2021
- p.s. It's NOT real! Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There's where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn't. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt.
Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way:
"the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner."
Wow! That would be great, however, that's not what you get when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal--a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are not empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That's a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn't much touch the heart.
Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
🔹What cognitive empathy is
🔹How cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathy
🔹Why cognitive empathy is unsatisfying...and unsettling when you actually see it for what it is
🔹How Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do it
🔹Why it's important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won't arrive
Are you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy? I'm here to help.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
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This is beyond helpful! It answers the confusion because I could have SWORN I was seeing empathy at time for others. She stopped showing me “empathy” as soon as she knew she had me… and the games began 🤦♀️
Sadly, the story about "stopped showing me empathy as soon as she knew she had me" is one I've heard from many and women for decades. I'm glad this was helpful for you.
So true Dr Shaler. When the triangulation is out of site and hearing, you have no idea what is said. It’s clearly deliberate.
Sadly so.
I needed to listen to this again. It’s all true and I’ve gone no contact with those fake people 👍👍
I really appreciate how you frame things. Thank you!
Thank you again. Love the new format. Looking good and sounding great. I appreciate all that you do. I refer your work to anyone that can benefit from your lifes' work.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight Dr Shaler.😍
I didn't have a comfortable moment with the hijackal and after seeing this person a few times I just wanted to get away from him. I was accused of "playing games" constantly but that's what he was doing to me.
Thank you. I’m going to your “Personal Weather Report” looking 4 answers on dealing with my ancestry cousin.
I'm thankful that I found your channel very helpful and enlightening, I recently ended 6 years relationship with high jackle, had a 2 year affair with married man next door that has a young family, she tried to wiggle her self out of it but no way back for me, I'm so exhausted from all the snaking around total craftiness and lying like a carpet as you say I'm starting therapy next Thursday first time, my question is why is she so thirsty for men regardless the age or look just pure no boundaries literally any one will do, what had to happen to a person to be such a promiscuous, thank you very much for your videos.
I relate to this totally. There were several female hyjackels over the decades who were covert narcissist. Those female chameleons were experts at extracting what they wanted from this Male Empath. They played their manipulative role to a T.
Thank Goodness I see it now. No more romantic Hyjackels for two years.
Thank God.
Congratulations on becoming attuned to sleuthing out Hijackals to avoid!
Thank you that was helpful 💫
How do you shut it down
I do you respond to it
Why not say f60.81 your not diagnosing anyone.