An Analysis of Defense Mechanisms - What I Wish They’d Taught Us in Psych 101
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- This video goes into the root causes of psychological defense mechanisms. Had I had more time (maybe it’s worth another video) I would have liked to have gone more into how adults use these same defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the painful awareness of how much they are acting out their unresolved childhood trauma and post-traumatic feelings…
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It's almost always channels like yours, Daniel, that bring about incommensurable value to us. No flashy edits. No bombastic methods of speech. No need to hide the truth behind any trivialities for the sake of avoiding criticism. Just a human being providing relevance and respect to their interests and to the viewers time. Kudos to you!
Thanks.
@@dmackler58tremendous work. we appreciate you to no ends!
Can you recommend some chanels please?
Projective Identification.
My mom tells me who I am and how I feel - when it’s not true.
It's like i believe what people think about me and made it a reality? I become that image that they have of me? So like they think "you are gay", you become gaylike?
So it seems to be better give a damn about what others think, right?
I'm sorry. So many parents live out their unconscious fantasies through their children.
New Psychiatric staff do, upon 1st counselling session.
It's always very helpful to hear that someone opposes the authority in this field because the truth is that we learn in life as we go. If we were to listen and live by the code of these experts, life would become an end road for many of us.
There is no pain like being betrayed by your family. It's NOT "just like losing a loved one" that dies a tragic or untimely death and you're stricken with grief. It's WORSE!!!
It makes you lose your damn mind!!!!
Interjection is something I must be a pro at. I’ve gotten so good at it that I actually think what a threatening person’s thinking is what I’m thinking.
Like if I’m making a turn and a car behind me gets really close, but I want to wait for a safe turn, I think “Go now. Go.” And sometimes I make a not so safe turn.
That thought I had wasn’t my thought. That was most likely the drivers thought. But I’ve gotten so good at this that it’s almost impossible to break free of it. It makes me wonder how much of my thinking isn’t my own. Scary.
I, for example, speed up when someone is driving behind me - to not slowing him down. It reminds me something - when I was rushed by my parents to do things fast so that they would not have to wait.
I do that sometimes 2. And I feel that if I keep steady on my speed as to draw a boundary with this person, that it'll just enrage them and they'll fuck with me even more.
I think I have done this too with self-criticism. I look back at things I managed to do, despite how I had to work to overcome the "inner voice" that said I should not bother to try or to take risks. The voice was an introject, trying to keep me safe in my dysfunctional family.
My family has always projected "you're so manipulative" at me when I try to confront them about how they've made me feel with their words and actions. The reality is they have always tried to manipulate me into shutting and not confronting them with my feelings
I wish I could disassociate from my worst childhood memory but as I’ve gotten older I find I’ve been thinking about it more and more, I can’t let it go. My mom is passed , almost 16 years now. She was a good person mostly and I loved her dearly. In general we had a good relationship I think. She was of Italian heritage and had experienced a lot of abuse in her family of origin, specifically emotional abuse from her mother, father and sexual abuse from her only brother. She was a extremely well loved preschool teacher. All her parents thought the world of her.
In 1975, she took me and her pre-k- inner city class on a field trip to the Buffalo Zoo. I missed school that day to go along as she asked me to go along and I was thrilled to go because I hated school that year, specifically, my math teacher who should never have been a teacher because she had no clue about child psychology and all she cared about was... lol... MATH.
Anyway, my mother ended up humiliating me at the end of the field trip in front of an entire bus load of parents and children, because I asked her to buy me a helium balloon. She refused to do it because she said all the kids would want one. She handed me a dollar and said go buy it yourself. I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t do want to do it for me, when I saw all the other parents with their kids with balloons . I got mad and I threw the dollar back at her. Bad decision....I went back to the bus and waited as the bus filled up with kids and parents. Waiting there looking out the bus window, I saw her coming in the distance with a balloon. I was so thrilled that she got it for me! Instead, as she got on the bus...she made a grand announcement at the font of the bus... how she had bought this balloon but, how her daughter didn’t deserve it, and proceeded to hand it to a child in the front seat that apparently did deserve it. I sobbed uncontrollably on the African American woman’s shoulder sitting next to me who comforted me and just kept saying to me, “She didn’t mean it baby, she didn’t mean it”
The next morning a balloon was on the ceiling of my bedroom when I woke. She never apologized, we had, “a talk” about how I was misbehaving. I was an extremely shy, quiet child that never really caused problems. I’ll never forget how I felt and I still resent her for it.I feel like letting the whole damn world know what she did.
Thank you for sharing this.
@@dmackler58
Thank you for providing a safe space.
I am sorry but i wish my problem is like this but my dad is physically abusive also mentally tortured me and yeah this is like i feel i can take this problem but then now and then everytime i had outburst of emotion because i don't even know how to differentiate love or manipulation.
And yeah i don't meant to belittle this experience but i wish i am this lucky instead my dad is the main reason why i don't have any dreams anymore. I don't wanna have victim mentality but yeah people don't understand how humiliated and disturbed a child's mind even seen so insignificant let alone the real abuse will impact in their adult life later on.
@@renticat
I’m so sorry for you! How awful. I do understand that my experience does not compare. Please be kind to yourself.
Daniel, this is such an interesting video. thank you. Watching it, I thought about 2 things
- On the subject of projections: I came very often across the path of people who tell me that "I should not" (a negative projection). I should not be angry against my parents. I should not dig so deep. i should not focus on trauma.
So it's actually the qualities( of curiosity, search for the truth) that I am showing, they try to shut off, by projecting their interdictions.
I used to cope when people told me that I shouldn't (I shouldn't!!) take projections so personally, that I should not blame these people; But in fact, I do now. Because they want me to carry their shadow. By not accepting to take it, I give them the responsibility back to take care of it. For me, it was essential to defend myself against these projections, by understanding what they are: a kind of invasion.
- about the sublimation in art. So often, therapists told me that; with everything that I've been trough, I will be a good artist. And I realize more and more that, in that realm as well, art, as you say, is used as a mechanism to dissociate (yoga, meditation,... can also be used that way, in the new age movement).
But when I show my real colors through art, I hear their theeth grinding. "You want to say too much" I have been told, showing a short art film describing trauma, trough metaphors. Which is funny. I said, apparently, too much... for them.
i am thinking of an example of art form, that stroke me as someone really working on trauma, and it is a Radiohead song, "how to disappear completely". Listening to it was an extreme shock. But it is an expression of deep truth for me. Someone has been there and came back from that terrifying place to testify. Like you do in these videos.
Daniel, I am 46, and you are actually the only person I can refer to, who has been there and tells the truth.
There's so much global bullshit, I sometimes think that I'm crazy. So thank you.
You are definitely not crazy.
I don't know whether this message will reach you after 2 years, or anyone who this is relevant to -
Criticizing someone's therapeutic art piece, especially as therapist - as I take it was the case here - , is very insensitive and very unconstructive for that person's healing and confidence.
From my experience I only understand metaphors that I have own experiences that I can relate to, otherwise it is just gibberish to me. So someone saying you're saying too much with metaphors, in my view, means that they understand these metaphors in the first place, which also means they probably have experiences relating to them.
Also, something as vague as metaphors can be taken in many different ways, so it is possible they just projected different concepts onto it, ones you didn't even mean to express.
Hope this puzzle piece helps and thank you for your insightful comment.
Thank you Mr Mackler....you are a very good teacher of psychological concepts that are often so damn confusing! Your sharing of your education and clinical experience is extremely "invaluable!"
Invaluable means...extremely valuable.
Inconsistent means... extremely consistent??🎉
I used to be a pro at disassociation- until I started practicing presence.
How do u do that?
@@pod9363 Start by becoming aware of the sensations in one part of your body. For example: right now notice the sensations of blood flowing in your hand. The more you practice, the more of your body you will feel. When you are in your body you are not disassociating. You are present here and now. :-)
"Its very hard to be around people who aren't living in their true self." Arthur Janov
This was very interesting and thank you for not being manipulative and always trying to sell something like so many other channels.
Yes, my daily abnormal behaviors express the trauma my body still feels. The 2 traumas happened many years ago, I thought they went away, but they still interfere in my daily life. I usually feel unsafe...
i think im dissociating my anger on my parents, i just need to be around them without that they do something and i feel this deep destructive anger and angry thoughts coming up like " why is my father such an idiot" etc. And i get very very tense. Then afterwards when i am alone i get this feeling of guilt and sadness about the thoughts and emotions that i get against my parents... its very hard sometimes
coda.org is very helpful information
codependents anonymous meetings
available online now with zoom
I would recommend you read Alice Miller. She is brilliant, genius actually, at explaining the feelings children go through in relation to their parents and how we can feel unnecessary guilt due to how we’ve been conditioned. Very eye-opening. There is a good chance your feelings are valid and refer to dynamics that are denied or not spoken about in your family, and the guilt is the conditioning telling you you must not feel what you feel and know what you know.
Yeah, I believe that what you are saying regarding introjection is involved with "schizophrenia."
Daniel, I just love that you don't stop, that you dig deeper. It reminds me of something that has been written of Kierkegaard, "that he followed every idea to its illogical final point."
You are so right and have given the best explanation for expressing emotions, like a movie, you are a psychology guru. Thank you for the gift of your knowledge and understanding. I’m an artist and feel liberated. 🦋
Introjection is learning in childhood as we are forced to introject our parents views of us. Then we get in trauma bonds and introject those that we have relationships with. And if you are from a dysfunctional family you will form relationships with other sick people...100% of the time.
The introjection bit you talk about - this is exactly the experience of those of us that went through the cartoonishly evil Troubled Teen Industry. These places operate on a level system. You get there after being kidnapped by thugs that your parents hire to take you from your room in the middle of the night. Then they break you down and attack you in all sorts of ways, which is excruciating. And you can do nothing about the trauma, you just need to put on a compliant, "yes sir" mask. Then once you've introjected this enough, you get to the next level where they give you little "doggie biscuits" to reward compliance, like being able to eat candy once a week. Then when you're more brainwashed you get promoted to the next level where you can have a few CDs to play on a communal stereo. At that level you are expected to devote your entire life to acting as a mouthpiece of the program to other students. Then you get out and, if you're lucky, a decade later you realize they completely robbed you of a self and you've been a shell of yourself since leaving.
It's the first time I am hearing about the concept of introjection. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge here. I am also going through healing since a few years, it's not easy but grateful that I am understanding my life better now. For me it was/is is an emotionally neglectful and Narcissistic mother.
Daniel, doesnt being so intelligent make you feel very isolated and lonely sometimes??? In a sense, all this wisdom about traumas is kind of what traumatizes us even more.... Wouldnt it be better to just introject society's traumatizing nature onto us and then, we kind of heal, at least superficially.... but if people go their whole lives fine while being the perpetrators of trauma for others... then whats the point of being good? it really comes to our value system? or our perception of our sense of our value system? ......
I feel this comment so much because we all want to feel safe and justice should give us our safety. Unfortunately, most people who have been traumatized by a person will never be the same again. The victim slowly becomes a perpetrator from all of the unresolved and conflicting emotions. We want to be happy and we want to help others, but we also want to be helped. We want someone to see our struggles and just know what to do and how to fix it. But we don't get that.
I'm trying to be that person who sees others and lends kindness to them. But then I get so angry and hurt and resentful because I want that.
I guess I'm projecting my desires onto others. I need to just become like a fly on a wall instead. Just observe and don't intervene until I'm healed.
What I have come to realize, having experienced trauma throughout my life, is that I no longer need to judge people, which in my opinion, is a form of attack. I simply accept that this wonderful, creative, loving person is potentially a conscious being in front of me who has been so hurt, demeaned, humiliated, judged, and not accepted for who they are since childhood, that they act out aggression, control, hostility or manipulation, or any other defenses, to protect themselves from more hurt. When you meet a person and are your authentic self with them, they often slowly reveal themselves because they feel accepted. I realize that I learn and grow more by being there for someone else. Always leave others loving themselves a little more than when you met them. Sometimes, they stick around and you have made a new friend.
Am trying to do more of this. I think it's easy to spend a lot of energy thinking about and judging others and it's something I'm trying to do much less of. I would rather spend energy connecting to people than trying to deconstruct them in my mind (often times those deconstructions are more projection than truth). I still do it a lot but try to catch myself
Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found ! ..........
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
Thanks for this Daniel. Could you please do a video on workplace/ corporate trauma where the stress is often amplified?
Thank u for sharing information that's very valuable to abused children..even in the system of foster care they do not allow children to relay feelings .After my car accident I felt like a fish swimming upstream in a system full of judgemental therapist
.
This is the clearest rendering of this field of information I have ever heard.
Excellent video. You are the first person that I have ever come across that shares the same sentiments about psychology as I have.
You always explain things in such a great way. Keep doing what you do.
I think I dissociate from my anger.
We all do to a agree.
Good to become aware of it I think. Awareness is everything.
Hollywood etc. wanted you to behave like a princess.
No room for the the full circle of feelings there.
At the moment I am practicing to feel, aknowlege and use my anger for something good.
"Feelings want to be felt and held" - then they go.
It's true.
@@davidcohen26 That's a good quote. It's very helpful, thank you.
Totally reasonable thing to do if anger gets you attacked.
So do you feel anger and then quickly suppress it?
@@willd6215 I dissociate from anger so much I actually recall one day having the realization I have no memory of ever being angry. As far as suppressing anger I think I might for a split second and that's it. I just never recall experiencing anger or expressing it.
Thank you - it's the first time I am hearing about introjection. Important concept to understand indeed.
You made very interesting points! However, I have a different understanding of what is meant by those terms: I dont think that necessarily defense mechanisms have to be caused by trauma, but rather they are core internal coping strategies to deal with the fact, that you cant have all your needs met all the time. And so with sublimation for example, you are right, its not just all trauma, but its rather re-directing energy to a place where it can express itself. The psychoanalysts see it as a way of redirecting your "sexual" energy and so in the sense that there is a both physical and psychological force within us, that will drive us to create either biologically or otherwise something greater than ouselves, in that sense I think it makes sense. I wouldnt say either, though, that all art is just redirected biological drive for mating with another human, that wouldnt make much sense to me.
You've made some really great videos lately Daniel. Thank you, I really appreciate what you're doing here.
Daniel, what about Anosognosa? The more I think about such a diagnosis the more I think it is a "symptom" created to help the families of those who have been struck down by Alzheimer's - which doctors do not understand, either. Alzheimers is extremely painful to witness in loved ones. Anosognosa would be the useful diagnosis to help families accept their tragedy, so family members can greive.
Never heard of introjection before, but yes, it is very common. Kind of like gaslighting yourself.
Nicely said.
Dear Daniel, could you make an analysis of personality disorders? Their origin from the position of trauma-inforned practice? Please 🙏
Hi Yulia. I did make a video about my thoughts on Borderline: czcams.com/video/Pk8PRAKBEaQ/video.html
And I have quite a few videos where I speak about narcissism. Here are two: czcams.com/video/Nlfxvn9TBgs/video.html
And: czcams.com/video/I5AihCYBt58/video.html
Maybe these qualify??
Sending greetings! Daniel
Fantastic. It was so interesting that I took some notes. It is always a great pleasure to hear you
I think this is one of your best videos Daniel.... Honestly, THANK YOU for all these videos.... this whole channel is golden...
Really beautiful and easily comprehendible explanations of defense mechanisms. Thank you for this informative video!
Childhood emotional neglect
Thanks for explaining. I always thought of defense mechanisms as coping strategies to deal with the world outside. It makes so much more sense that they are ways to defend against feeling painful inner traumas.
Just curious if it's possible to just see someone who is rageful or whatever as just reality without it being projection. It would seem that there must be an objective reality as well.
Even though I never met you just listening to you speak makes me feel you already listened to all my stories, heard my pain, and cared for me. These videos are very healing. Thank you sir. I have a lot to learn and you’ve helped me immensely
Please, could you make a video analysing some fo the other defence mechanisms as well? Rationalisation and intellectualisation in particular...
Thank you. Extremely interesting and helpful! 🙏
Wonderfully clear and beautifully expressed. thank you.
You offer amazing insight and information on your channel and I appreciate it very much
Brilliantly authentic message, as usual. Thank you!
Superbly put.
Excelent explanation!!even better every video, thank you very much Daniel
You are such a gift thanks Daniel for another great video 🙏🏼💋❤️
Thank you Daniel...
So if i see a jerk and i call him a jerk. I jusf projecting and that's me who is a jerk? 😅
What's about objectivity?
Amazing analysis. Thank you Daniel. I marvel your ability to describe something so complicated in a way I can relate.
Exactly at midnight. Wow.
I think all art is sublimation, I think sublimation can be of positive feelings from your true self as well
Thank you so much for these videos ❤️they really help understanding myself
Brilliant! Introjection. I finally get it. Thank you!
Thank God for you Daniel. You are so grounded and on point. I'm beyond happy that you are here on Earth and that you are speaking with wisdom, logic and clarity about human behaviour. Bravo and keep going. You have support from healthy(ier) others around you that too can see and understand what's what with more clarity.
Regarding the spiritual field. Holy moly! I have seen so much there. Been dancing and connecting with some of the "most high level" of individuals in this field. Hahahaha. So many colors! So much of a lot going on. Reading nuance and the totality is becoming my specialty 💃🏻🕵🏻♀️⭐😁👁️
Daniel....you are helping me figure this stuff out. Gosh its such a long difficult at times road...so having You Daniel who is totally honest and knowledgeable its like a river raff...again with tears running down my face. Thank you. Tears of relief and hope btw. I just got to the part of your expression of your talent as art. Beautiful.
One of the best channels on YT.
Thank you Daniel:)
Thank you thank you thank you !
I like art and craft therapy - walking in nature is also therapy xo
I think all these mechanisms are not originally unhealthy, just natural abilities of the mind. And, when used well, they are helpful. We even dissociation briefly in some situations, but we must go back later to what we had to momentarily avoid, otherwise it becomes harmful.
So in a way I do think art is healthy sublimation.
Wooow !!! 👏👏👏
Thank you! 💞
Thank you
I have those! thanks trauma and the people who causes it. : (
What are you supposed to do once youve recognized some defense mechanisms
could you please make a video on eating disorders
I find my mother never truly wants me to be happy. My father was much more empathetic. It’s quiet heartbreaking not to have a mother that has unconditional love.
Daniel, could you talk about derealization?
Dissosiation, you need to be attuned to yourself and not with the mean malignant sides of others..
Hey daniel, wish youd do a video on 'toughness' vs integrity, that so many people have a warped view in regard to being able to accept punishment without complaint and how that is a mark of toughness, and if there's any truth to it. vs how people feel about grief/compassion, just an idea lol. 😮
10:11 that was a good one.
True as the day living with an addict , the person living with them become as sick as them !!
Make more psych 101 vids!
Oh no mind explosion !! How do you desert ! Just did a self development course and still stuck on that projection one !!!!🙈
10:38
if i say "yes", how do you go about telling the difference between your dissociating from it and my projecting it?
I was taught defense mechanism were use to maintain the ego not to protect the external offense or your own reaction.
Can also be the case...but introyections also do influence the development of an ego so
I much appreciate your unique, brave and insightful CZcams video's and they've been a great source for mre.
But they're not "art".
Why are they always talking about childhood? What if my childhood was happy and all the bad things happened after that?
Question to Daniel:
I always use alcohol before a date to get more social and chat more.
Is it a way to overcome my defense mechanisms?
I was always taken of freedom by my parents. So i relatively quiet person, never laughing.
Do a person take drugs to overcome defense mechanisms?
Should i just take me that freedom like other people and behave freely?
In the "social environment" i always see other people, especially groups, laughing over me, my behavior. So it is not very invitable or easy for me to just be me. I am always something like between the person who i think will not be attacked so hard psychologically by that people, and the true me. But i don't really know anymore what the true me is. Because i always wanted to be someone who get good responses and not who they are laughing at.
Why care what other people think so much? It's a waste of time. Just be your true self. It's much easier. I'm sure it will take some practice and time at first, but you'll eventually get there.
If your friends consist of people who laugh and make fun of you, maybe you need to get some new friends! True friends would never act like that, and they should be supportive/encouraging and always want the best for you.
You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re putting on an act for your friends (especially if it’s to feel ‘accepted’ by them). I was guilty of doing that when I was younger, and it was exhausting. Hope you find the courage to truly be yourself without fear of judgment or ridicule. We are all different and unique in our own ways. :)
Apologies for going off topic once again.
I must have had the same Psych 101 professor as you. Stilted, boring. That was good identifying dissociation as a fundamental defense mechanism, which made the operation of the others more understandable.
World wide Gaslighting 2020
World wide crisis
i like your shirt
dissociation sound like my so called schizophrenia
These videos should be though in psychology and psychiatry training. They should also be given to practising "therapists" but also to all medical professionals, teachers and parents. To all adults if possible. And still, I am not sure if they would have the desired effect, because you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, not to mention a human that doesn't want to drink ...
Like.
What about People that didnt defend just wamted to prove they are Right and telling patents they are wrong and
Interjection... that’s what I’ve always done
Fear No Evil by Eva Pierrakos explains this problem in detail
pathwork.org
Pobres niñitos :(
Omg wow I didn’t believe in god before but I believe in it now cause he gave us you
Daniel, is there any way that therapist project so much that he cannot lead normal conversation? For example, therapist who pushed on woman who comes for the first time that she looks like his other patient, and don't let her even tell why does she came on therapy, saying in first minute "he sees all in her eyes, and knows all about her " , accuses her for "being afraid of men, don't know how to relaxe" , and not let her tell anything on that, being very interruptive and agitated if she just tried to tells her opinion, calling her defensive, and no matter how calm she speaks and in non-judgemental manner tells I- messages, in totally non attacking manner, and it looked like she have to be cautious about every word, for example he started to talk about her other patients problems with men, and applied that on this client who tries to say she didn't even come bc of problems with men, and told her there she's afraid of men, and need to stop thinking that men wants to use her , and she asked really calmly "what makes you think that?" and he exploded "C'mon you actress, you all women think that, and hate men, and never being satisfied with them..." Woman: "sorry, sir , but I don't find myself in this description..." Therapist:" so, you telling me that you're special (exaggerating and mimicking, talk in some kind of "woman-voice"), that you're not like the other women?!?!" W:"No, I don't have this opinion on women at all, especially not in general, I told you just that what you said I think, is not what I think...." He was yelling, shouting, telling that woman is "defensive bc of bad experience with men, full of fear, hateful, gets everything wrong..". But he was the one who got mad everytime that woman wants to say something.... So she left this therapy. Or maybe she should stay bc this is this "therapy should be hard" stuff? But don't get it how he expected that client had to except everything what he says, and he even doesn't want to listen to a client, and cannot calmly accepted opinion client stated. He was mad at client for telling her feelings and opinion, yet he was entitled to tell her what she feels and does. And without even knowing her.... Is it projection or what? Is there some therapy- manner to yell and belittle the client for see the reaction? Reaction was trying to politely talk, but when it wasnt possible, just walk away....
That therapist was most likely a cover narcissist
Out of touch with reality? which reality are you talking about? our projections to externality, or just the physical exterior, because in my view reality is subjective and not objective... maybe out of touch with the self, or the inner....
This is so depressing hahaha