r/AITA for Slowly Turning into a Karen?
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:06 Selfish lady only wants to hang out at her house
4:09 Husband wants cut of profit from wife's job
5:56 Lady sticks to her no chore December deal
9:06 AITA for giving my nieces college money
12:34 Recovering alcoholic is given whiskey for his birthday
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
You cannot expect people to inconvenience themselves just to accommodate you just cuz you have a child
Besides, who only wants to sit around your house? OP can't meet up for coffee when her partner is at home? Can't get anyone else to look after the 2 year old for a couple of hours?
People have one kid and expect the sun to rise from the west for them
@@fdm2155 are you 2 kidding? Having kids changes everything, or would you rather OP leave the kid at home and party like its nothing? Mia shouldn't be complaining about someone else's change in lifestyle she could've voiced her grievances rather than be passive aggressive.
@@pokemaster1725 The friend did voice her grievances. It’s not okay to have a husband so useless that he can’t watch their 2 year old while she gets coffee with her friend once a week.
Reminder that you live on a planet that has variously locked itself down for multiple years and some people demanding literal and figurative prison because you don't want to take an improperly tested medication for the convenience of someone who isn't even them (so it does get them attention certain signaling their "virtue")
Should that be a thing? No, obviously not. But they did and do it anyway.
This is a small time expectation in comparison
The uncle in the last story deserves 5/5...
The uncle legit saw his niece have a panic attack and KEPT PUSHING. This man WILLINGLY triggered his teenage niece and didn't care.
What he did could’ve caused OP to relapse too
There was a mention of OP's parents being there as well, so it is likely that they saw it too and they were ENCOURAGING OP's brother as well. The GRANDPARENTS who are usually supposed to dote on the grandchildren were instead making the grandchildren's lives worse.
The uncle also said "you ruined many birthday with your drinking." Followed by "here, take a drink." The guy purposely tried to ruin the birthday party.
Plus, he took OPs gift, and just started pouring it. Tacky af
Agreed.
Alcoholism is a DISEASE. A progressive, incurable, deadly disease. The fact that a loved one would come to your birthday party to mock and disrespect your recovering from such disease is disgusting. Absolutely deserves 5/5.
Honestly AITA can be really depressing because it feels like half the stories boil down to "my toxic, abusive, sociopathic, gaslighting family convinced me I did something wrong. Did I?" And I just wanna scream into the screen "NO OP NO!!!"
They do contain the occasional exact opposite, like the first story, where OP is the self-centered gaslighter. But agreed
It really is like 1/2 people being gaslit and 1/2 people being huge, entitled jerks
My mental health got a lot better since I stopped reading it regularly.
@@MCKevin289 This is why I don't listen to EntitledPeople stories anymore. It always, ALWAYS gets my blood pressure up. There was one story, where a lady tried claiming that a father took "her baby" and people fell for it. It wasn't looking good for the father. That would be my nightmare if I had kids. I stopped listening to any Entitled-x stories shortly after that.
In my experience AITA stories often only give us half of the story. OP can engineer the story to make them look right - something they'll feel validated over when they come back and see the whole world agrees with them.
There are a good number of AITA stories where the real story - the whole story - came to light in the comments.
But basically: If you see something where the OP is so "right" that you got to wonder why they even ask AITA then odds are they heavily omitted some factors to avoid hearing people tell them they're wrong.
congrats to the 40-year-old dude for ditching alcohol and defending his home
I commend him.
@@guitarbass22 Yeah. He's been sober for six years. That's amazing. Also, who knows how many times the brother has tried this on the sober guy before?
RESPECT
IKR? I have a friend who's an alcoholic, almost a year sober. I'm the one who doesn't allow alcohol when she's near. If we're ever going anywhere, and my friends are coming too, I tell them that NO ONE will drink at this event. It's not that hard. We can go out & drink another time. It's so fucking childish that you can't respect this one thing. It's not that hard. It's his house, his rules.
@@Jazzisa311 agreed. also congrats to your friend for going clean
Last story: The brother bought whiskey as a gift for his recovering alcoholic brother, brought it to said brothers house which has a no alcohol rule proceeded to use said gift as he pleased and to top it all off gave the recovering alcoholic who's birthday it is and is hosting the party a cup of said whiskey after being told to put it away by said person. How is that 2.5? I feel like he deserves at least 4 if not 5/5. OP's alcoholism was so bad that the smell gave his child a panic attack and his brother thinks it's a good idea to hand him a drink?
I'd even argue the brother deserves the full 5/5!
Alcoholism is a deadly disease and OP's brother came into HIS house, on HIS birthday and gave him a "gift" mocking that very disease. OP was polite and even tried to compromise, but the brother double down, mocked OP's disease again and got pissy that OP threw away the disrespectful gift.
I mean, if OP had been a cancer patient who permanently lost his hair due chemo, I'm sure no one would argue the brother would have deserved 5 out of 5 a-holes for gifting OP hair products for his birthday.
The situation was pretty much the same, only difference is the disease involved.
@@amanda_2829 and rSlash’s standard that would qualify as a 5/5
@@ked49 I thought so too. I think maybe RSlash got too caught up in the boundary thing to pay attention to the underlying, much more dire, circumstance that OP's brother was mocking a deadly disease OP is recover from.
Having dealt with an alcoholic in my family who didn’t end up making it (my sister), I can truly say that I commend the OP for making his amazing recovery and wish him the best moving forward. The brother deserves 5/5 buttholes, as he obviously doesn’t understand what recovery is actually like for alcoholics. It’s a life long commitment, and there is 0 reason to be salty about how much they ruined this that or the other in the past; when they’re gone, you’ll look back and miss those moments too. Anything to just have them there one more day.
@@amanda_2829
He does that a lot.
OP needs to hand her husband a bill every time she cooks a meal, cleans, etc. If he wants to play that game charging his own wife to use a room.
This is the same thing I thought, charged him for all the housework you do...the guy is an absolute AH
Let's not forget in that last story that not only did the brother give OP alcohol, not only did he bring alcohol INTO HIS HOME, he also TOOK THE GIFT HE GAVE OP AND TRIED TO USE IT FOR HIMSELF AND IN A MANNER OP DIDN'T APPROVE OF.
Deadass and there is no way that he didn’t know OP was a recovering alcoholic because he brought up all the birthday parties OP ruined with his drinking. OP's brother did this with malice in mind
@@xKCAZxLEADER my guess is that OP had caused a lot of grief in the past and this was the brother's way of trying to exact revenge, but his (the brother's) plan was unhinged. I am shocked the family was backing him up.
That was so incredibly disrespectful. It's crazy that OP's parents sided with the brother! If OP was a former smoker who didn't allow smoking, would they support the brother bringing cigars and handing those out, lighting up in OP's house? Probably not. Weird! OP probably isn't the only person with an alcohol issue in that family.
@@fdm2155 A lot of people have a very weird view on alcohol and think drinking make you more mature. And more fun to hang around.
He broke every boundary and caused his niece to have a panic attack and for what? Vengeance for OP screwing up parties in the past? For remembering a past OP is trying to make amends for?
5th story- geez rslash, you're being generous today.
I'm a licensed clinical social worker, with most of my decade's experience focusing on addiction. I'm not an addict or alcoholic, but have tremendous sympathy for those in early to mid stage recovery. This brother, after commenting on how many birthdays the OP ruined due to drinking, gives him a bottle of whiskey. That's absolutely horrible. That's inviting a plague into this family's life, breaking hearts of the kids, etc. On top of that was the boundary issue you mentioned.
But it gets even worse. He takes the bottle that he gifted, and then proceeds to open it and dispense it. Take the alcoholism and boundaries out and this is still a huge butthole move. Who gives a gift to someone, and then starts sharing your gift with the whole party? That's super tacky.
Minimum 4/5 buttholes, for being a tacky gift giver, a thoughtless family member, and a cruel brother.
Totally agree!
Not to mention a horrible uncle, given that he pushed through after his niece had a panic attack!!
Yeah 4/5 is justifies here but he deserve atlases more 4,5-5/5 butt hole how could op’s brother do this to him and how could his family berated him for throwing his glass of whiskey he did the right thing to be « nah I’m not drinking alcohol anymore and that’s final » really I am proud of op to do everything he can to be sober and have a better life
at least we can all agree the uncle is a waste of space
I'm also going to praise the OP (just a bit) in that story for finding the strength to not give in to the temptation. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and my uncle is recovering from a different kind of addiction. About a month before my grandpa died the two of them started leaning on each other for support so they could both stay sober. It's the first time in a long time that I saw both of them struggling as well as sticking together.
At one point, my dad left the house for about 30 minutes and during that time my grandpa's timer for his medication went off. My uncle got up, looked at the medicine bottle, blinked a couple of times sat back down and called my dad back to the house because he knew my grandpa needed his pain meds and he didn't want to touch them. His exact words were "I think I have the strength not to take one for myself but I don't even wanna risk it."
In that moment I could SEE the temptation was there and he resisted it the best way he could (and no I couldn't do it, not because of an addiction but because of other issues I won't go into).
I know it's not easy for them and likely never will be. I'm proud of the OP for finding the strength not only to say no but to throw the stuff out and at least trying to protect his daughter
Considering the last story. My dad was a complete drunk for most of his life, ruining the lives of other around him. One time managed to quit for couple of years. In that time he quickly climbed career ladder and was making quite good money in a serious managerial position. I remember one extended family bbq, those used to happen once every several years only, his cousins were hounding him to just try, to have a sip. Eventually he did and has not stopped drinking for over a decade now. What OPs brother was doing could have seriously ruined not only his life, but his daughters' as well. Truly an aweful thing to do.
Story 1: Mia's right, OP does have an option to have the husband take care of the kid for a little bit, so no excuse. Like, you can be a SAHM and still go out every once in a while. It's not that hard.
It seems like OP believes that once she's a mother, she has to watch her kid all the time while the father doesn't have to because he's the man.
@@spydersoup8447"while the father doesn't have to"
Well, it isn't clear from the story whether the father is "in the picture" (or whether he's alive or OP even knows who he is).
@@knrdvmmlbkkn Well, from the clues in the story, this includes OP bringing up her husband and her friend asking why he can't watch the kid and OP took the question as if her friend is being intrusive and trying to meddle her marriage, it really proves my point here, where it really feels like OP and her husband both agree that OP is the one to watch the kid for every waking moment because she's the woman while her husband doesn't do so because he's the man. I agree with what rSlash says about this, it doesn't sound healthy, if I had a friend who had this exact family set up, I'd be concerned and worried. Then again, I can't say for sure if this really is the case or not.
@@spydersoup8447"Well, from the clues in the story" etc.
Seeing as the word "father" wasn't mentioned, my guess is that OP's husband isn't the father of her child. I noticed that at first OP gave the impression that she was single/lived alone, then suddenly mentioned her "partner" (a gender neutral term) which later "turned into" not only her cohabiting boyfriend but her husband, but there was no mention of his relation to her child.
I suppose that OP is unwilling to let her husband take care of her child and/or her husband is unwilling to do so (if he's been asked). Perhaps for good reasons.
In any case, I find it weird that OP doesn't have any other relatives/family members that could (or she allows to) watch the child for a couple of hours.
So there might be a lot missing from the story. Or the story is fake, or at least poorly translated to (or written by someone with a less than satisfactory command of) English.
@@knrdvmmlbkknIt's perfectly clear from the story that op knows who her father of her child is and he's still in the picture. Considering Maya brought it up
Last story: *OP is allergic to peanuts* "Here's 10lbs of peanuts for your birthday!" *OP throws out peanuts* "Oh my god! I can't believe you'd do that!" .... Like wtf..?
Not only that, but trying to actively shove peanuts into OP's mouth while saying no.
They literally gave him poison then get mad when he threw it away!
That last story makes me angry. The audacity to tell a *RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC* that they’re too sensitive for NOT allowing alcohol in the room is so so stupid.
It happened to my uncle. He had finished rehab, got home for the wedding anniversary of his parents. His own mother pushed a glass of schnapps in his hand and told him to drink because the guests would think something is wrong when he stayed sober. They lived in a village of 200 people; everybody knew where he had been. But she was his mother. You have to honor your elders, right?
He fell back into the bottle and got back on track after a close call that was his wake up call.
He went through detox and rehab twice because his cunt of a mother was more concerned about "What will the people think" than the health and sanity of her own son. An absolute unit of despicable trash. In the end it was his own decision of course but in his culture bubble - a European village where you were the new guy when your ancestors had moved there after the Napoleonic war - you obeyed your parents even when you were 40.
Exactly alcohol is a real problem because it ruined op’s life and now his family wants to ruined his life even more are they nuts
The story about chores: if you read OP's responses her BF doesn't pay rent and she pays for all fun activities, but split bills.
Congratulations🎉🎉 you won a prize.Message the Above👆👆 name to Acknowledge your price...
Crazy, but he'd be out the door!
I would pay that 30% profit... Then immediately take it back as payment for the maid services provided. If he wants you to pay to rent out a space in the house then he should pay you for all the chores you do.
Snideness aside, this is textbook financial abuse and something else is clearly going on with him behind the scenes. Could be anything from addiction, control issues, trying to trap op by making her financially unstable, insecurity over how much she makes, etc. I can't imagine anyone asking for *30%* of their partners paycheck unless there was a deeper reason.
Could just be good old fashioned jealousy that OP is working from home OR maybe she's seen a bump in pay. Definitely something going on there.
Yeah, and that deeper reason is most likely something she would never mention.
When you only get one side of the story it's highly unlikely you're getting the things that they know would make them look bad.
@@RunicSigils In this case his bs excuse is irrelevant. Lol. Financial abuse is just that. Nothing else need be said about it.
As for the story itself…asking ANYTHING for the room (monthly rent, percent of earnings, etc) is an instant 4/5 butthole move. You’re MARRIED, ffs…act like it! What better purpose could he possibly have for that room that is income generating to the household? Not his pocket…the household. Lol. This story and the one about OP not cleaning for 2 months because they make enough in those 2 months to take 1-4 months off of work (which is unheard of) are clearly the work of jealous partners who need to be dropped like a bad habit ASAP.
I'm surprised MIL is saying OP is being difficult. I'd ask MIL if she pays her husband for shared spaces.
@@kekesolo14 Exactly. But either way, her opinion is null and void because it’s none of her business.
Good morning rslash. The uncle in the last story deserves at least 4/5. He knew what he was doing and still traumatized his niece. Terrible uncle.
The last story hits…my dad has been a recovering alcoholic for a little over 10 years now. He started drinking when he was pretty young and due to that he tore an awful relationship that is still being patched to this day with my brother and him (my brother and I are 7 years apart, he’s older being 35 and I’m 28). Now my dad is trying to quit smoking since his dad passed away from lung cancer at the age he is now, 56 (I was only 4-5 years old when his dad passed). It was SO disrespectful beyond words what OP’s brother did, and gaslight/guilt trip him on top of that. If my dad was STILL drinking, I wouldn’t have the life I would even have now along with the rest of my family as my dad helps a lot with the family house and so much more.
Your dad is an inspiration. My sister could never recover and passed away at the age of 29 (weird to say because she was older, and I’m now older than she was when she passed). So not everyone can make the awesome recovery the OP and your father did. Hence why the story really tugged at my heart strings and got me riled up. Lol
… and rslash labled it no worse than calling someone a bitch.
Congrats to your father for battling the bottle and winning. LIke you, this story hits close to home for me as well. (However, my father is DEAD because of his alcoholism.)
My Uncle is a recovering Alcoholic. It's been (IDK how many years now) but he's been sober ever since he checked himself into a Clinic to help get better. He's put on a lot of weight since he stopped Drinking and Smoking but now is on the path to get a healthier diet. That last story though. It just (I can't even find the words to put what I want to say).
I am really proud of your dad for taking his life in hands and better and healthy
So that last story I can relate to. My parents are both recovered alcoholics. My dad drank so bad that he was told if he ever drank again, he'd die. Luckily it didn't happen until we were all above the age of 18+ in the household, so there wasn't really physical abuse, but there was a lot of emotion abuse and torment for years. So my dad's step-father recently died, and sent a Wild Turkey whiskey bottle to my dad as a sentimental item, (it was a limited edition one, where it came in a glass turkey and was worth well over $500+ because of it being sealed and unopened). Well, the moment my dad got it, before any of us can look at it, hold it, or even debate on if he should just sell it for the money since it was going for over $700 in the condition we had it in, he went to the sink, pealed opened the clear plastic around the whole turkey, pulled the tab on the wax seal, and immediately poured out the entire contents of whiskey saying "nothing inside this bottle will ever be worth $700 to me, other than this bottle itself." So while shocking, and kinda stunned while we watched him carefully put water down in it to rinse it out several times, I can relate with that last story. You DO NOT EVER bring the item of someone's addition near them without asking in advanced, or not even that honestly. The moment he said take it to the balcony he should have. Instead? He hands a glass filled and the bottle the the recovered alcoholic??!! Oh hell no! That's not a family I'd want to ever see again. If they can handle drinking socially, fine, but they can socially drink elsewhere and not around the OP and his family. That caused even his daughter to panic and I can only imagine what he must have done to her to cause her to fear just the liquid alone. So he was right for having to force his hand and throw it away. There was no other solution since the brother wasn't listening. Good on you OP! That's how you continue your sobriety. Don't let them make you feel like you went to far, when it was your entire family that took shots and your brother who bought the bottle that are the shitty ones.
Honestly, good for your dad. He made the right call. For him, no amount of money was worth the temptation that having the bottle in the house would have been. And good for you guys for letting him do that. Sometimes, the money just isn't worth it.
4th story :NTA, if op wanted to throw all her money on a pile and burn it, it's her right to do so. Her parents can't dictate what she puts in her will ESPECIALLY since they're the ones that disowned her.
Brother also has a lot of nerve. He lost any bones to pick when he ditched his kids. Getting wasted is more important to him
This story gets a lot worse when you realize the parents were counting on their child to not only die before them, but relatively soon. As their problems were NOW...not later.
This story reeks of JW... I don't like to promote a CZcamsr under another ones video, but I think that it's warranted here: Telltale is a former JW talking about all their manipulative strategies, exposing their twisted ways and how they abuse a religious framework to exploit their members.
@@Donnerwamp ironically, its his stories and from others that makes me wonder if they had a plot to off her after the will was made.
The last story is pretty clear, the brother bought OP a birthday gift that the brother wanted for himself, it's that simple, if the gift was really for OP it would not have been alcohol at all and there would have been no problem with OP throwing it away after all it was 'his' gift.
I have to agree. my mother tends to do something similar. she admited plainly that she will never gift anybody something she wouldn't enjoy. I must say that she makes an effort for the gifts to be something we apreciate and value but... no matter what we desire/want/need. all her gifts are things she wants for herself.
Fifth story: It's even worse, the brother was doing it out of spite.
No normal person says to a recover(ed)(ing) Alcoholic they're acting like a saint after ruining other birthdays for years. That's bringing up the past when the person has spent so much time and effort to change.
2/5 is too lenient. The brother deserves at least 3.5/5
5/5 he triggered ptsd in the kid, pure evil
I think a 5/5
@@demondogmom7221 Rslash is very particular about 5/5 scores. So not 5/5
That’s actually a good point. But did he have to buy the oldest and expensive whiskey for a petty revenge?? Maybe he was trying to guilt trip him because it was a very valuable drink, who knows?
I've been around recovering alcoholics... and you're always recovering. Bring alcohol into his home, traumatizing his child and then acting like he'd done nothing wrong... totally a 5 out of 5.
First Story, YTA: OP IS becoming a Karen. Just because OP is ok with doing all this stuff at home doesn’t mean everyone else does. Also, Mia does want to hang out with OP (hence her offering her to coffee or drinks) but the things: she don’t want to hang out always at OP's house with a kid around. Each offer Mia made, a counter offer of "you can come over for coffee" is always made. What Mia suggested was a reasonable suggestion; let Tom watch the kid for awhile so OP can go out with friends. OP needs to stop being selfish. OP just want a one way friendship. I’m sure OP may have lost her friend
Second Story, NTA: OP just discovered how much her husband values her. That's funny how he is accusing OP of taking advantage when he is doing the exact same thing. OP's husband is a greedy hypocrite
Third Story, NTA: OP would be TA is she let him know last minute and only once. However, OP let him know multiple times prior to November. That being said, how is OP being a "lazy bitch" when OP is working and running a business? If OP's boyfriend has an issue he can move out instead of being inconsiderate
Fourth Story, NTA: One, it's OP's money, she can do what she wants with it. And two, I have no doubts that if OP did leave her parents money it wouldn’t go to the nieces. I found it really hilarious that OP's brother had the audacity to call OP and yell at her when that sorry excuse for a man abandoned his kids to their parents 😂💀. The absolute nerve of that guy
Fifth Story, major NTA: Bro what is OP's mom and dad saying?! OP apologize to his brother?! THEY KNOW OP IS A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC! OP's brother outright disrespected OP and his sobriety by gifting him alcohol. OP set clear boundaries regarding alcohol and his brother just stomps on them and could’ve possibly cause OP to relapse. OP's brother brought up the times OP ruined birthday parties with his drinking (which I don’t doubt OP regrets it considering OP's ban of it in his house) but yet he is ruining OP's birthday by drinking. This is cut contact situation in my opinion. These people are dangerous to OP's sobriety. I disagree with that score, I think it should he 3/5 buttholes
I don’t see her as the a hole.
Yeah, even if OP didn't have a kid there, what are the chances that a friend wants to only spend time together at OP's house? LOL Years ago when we were all young and broke it was common to meet up at someone's house for drinks, dinner, a movie...whatever. If was an inexpensive way to spend time together and it didn't put financial pressure on anyone. HOWEVER if one of those friends only ever wanted to see me at their house today I'd likely rarely see them.
On story 3rd, they can either split chore, or if the husband is that much distressed, he can *call cleaning service*
Too prideful I guess ?
@@KusunokiSG47the sin of pride
@@fdm2155 Facts. All OP wants is for Mia to only come over to her house. Each time Mia invited her to come out she rejecte it and invites Mia to come to her house. Clearly Mia don’t want to always hang out at someone's house while a kid is there. Mia wants to do adult things and a kid being there won’t let that happen
That last story is horrendous, I can't believe the brother used OPs past alcoholism as an excuse for why he should be allowed to give him alcohol. Like yeah, he knows he ruined birthdays that's why he's not drinking alcohol anymore??? And it's not just OP his brother's disrespecting, but his kids too. He is an awful person, I don't understand how anyone in that family could defend him.
It was a move purely out of spite, I'm sure. He was trying to make a point that it was too late for OP to change, to him at least. It's very messed up and considering he didn't seem to care about the niece getting caught up in the crossfire, yeah, that makes it even worse.
Second story: OP is giving the benefit of paying for HALF OF THE BILLS ALREADY! That’s the husband’s benefit. OP is already giving her share! Why would it be fair for her to both pay her half of the bills AND give her husband 30% of her income? OP is NTA, OP’s husband and mother-in-law definitely are. How are you going to treat your partner like a tenant? I get it, it’s your house, but that’s your *spouse* too. OP’s husband is acting like a total loser and he needs a reality check because this is just not normal-like we’re in financial abuse territory here
It *IS* Financial Abuse Territory b/c in the Husband's eyes if the wife works from home that is *HIS* house b/s *HE* paid for it then *HER* money belongs to *HIM* in the Husband's eyes. Let's skip the fact that the wife *DOES* all the House Chores and pays half the bills here! My guess is that the Husband told his Mother a completely different story and since the Mother only got his side of the story she's more incline to believe her son.
OP simple solution, either more out and find an inexpressive apartment and have the husband take care of everything. Or see about renting an Office Space and work from there. If the attitude continues or the harassments continues then move out and find a lawyer!
They're married, right? So what if he bought the house before. When you get married you share everything. So half the house should already be hers anyway. If she had the house then half would be his upon getting married. It works both ways. if he is going to be that controlling now, it's only gonna get worse. I say divorce him and have your lawyers make him sell the house and give your half of the profit from the sale.
@@Slartybartfast465 that would only work if they didn’t sign a prenup. If they did, then the assets the husband had prior to the marriage would solely be his
@@LilDevyl17 reminds me of my ex step dad Scott he pulled the same shit.
A buddy of mine who was a tax accountant for about 12 years heard this story while we were in the car and I had it on in the background. The first thing he said after the story was "She probably unintentionally screwed them both out of a huge tax break." Something about how since the house was already bought and paid for, renting part of the house out for a business would allow them to claim part of their property taxes as a business expense. I don't know finance myself so I know I'm butchering what he said, but he was like "Yeah this story is missing too many details, it makes more sense if he's doing it for a tax break that benefits everyone, but she can't see past the first step where she pays rent, and so she's painting him out to be the bad guy." Especially since she never specified if their finances were split. That would completely invalidate her entire argument if they had a joint account, so it again makes sense that she'd omit that detail. (i.e. Withdraw cash, pay husband rent in cash, he gives her a receipt for tax purposes, deposits the cash back into the account it came from. That itself is probably illegal but it illustrates the point.)
Edit: It was kinda like that scene in Shawshank redemption where Andy DuFresne walks up to the guard and is like "Do you trust your wife?" and then lays out this method by which he can save a shitload on taxes by exploiting a loophole.
Last story: My suspicion is that some of op’s family decided they liked him better when he was drinking and decided to try and get him to do it again. If I’m right then they deserve 5/5 and a nice warm place in the afterlife for trying to ruin his and his children’s lives. I say that as a recovering alcoholic that grew up with an alcoholic, so I know how bad it can be.
Third story: it's honestly terrifying that OP's partner stood outside her door yelling. That would immediately eliminate my feelings of safety
Nobody picked up on how the bf just said “we’ll see” like this shit was negotiable
OP’s brother: “You ruined birthdays for years with your drinking.”
Also OP’s brother: *Literally seconds later, shoves booze into OP’s hand.*
I genuinely believe some people are just born with an involuntary aversion to logic.
I'm amazed OP didn't throw the whisky in his brother's face. I wouldn't have blamed him.
@@akl2k7 That would be dangerous because the bottle might be made of glass.
@@spydersoup8447 I didn't mean the bottle. The brother gave him a glass of whiskey, so OP could just toss the whiskey from the glass without tossing the glass itself.
@@akl2k7 So, basically, pour or splash the whiskey at him is what you're saying.
@@spydersoup8447 Pretty much. Splash, more likely. It would probably burn, so it wouldn't be recommended.
Story 2: OP's not attenant she is his wife, and since she paid for half the bills and does all the chores she doesn't owe him anything. Tell him that it's not his house if you're paying for half of it and taking care of it. What does he even need that money for anyway? Or is this just a flex of power?
I think the husband is jealous of OP for some reason and this is his way of getting back at her.
its definitely a power thing. and possibly a try for keeping her financially dependent upon him.
Imagine getting offended that someone dose not want to hang at your house everyday
your house thats got a kid around who is picking up words and you like to swear. that house is a trap.
I’m petty, so I’d go over her house and hang, talk how I usually talk because during girlfriend hang out time, I realize this is girlfriend hang out time, and if her kid starts repeating my curse words, then it’s on her because she knew what our time together was. 🤷🏾♀️If she wants mommy time then she can have mommy time. But if she wants girlfriend hang out time, then she gets me as I am. I’m not censoring myself because you want to combine the two.😂
2nd story: The wife should be looking for a new office and new husband 😂😂😂
Story 1: Why isn't the husband watching his own child once in a while so the mom can go out?
Story 2: Why the *** would you have to pay rent to be in your own home? You're married. He's your husband, not your boss or landlord.
Story 3: OP, you absolutely should clean up your mess. Kick the boyfriend out.
Last Story: The brother was trying to poison OP, and by extension OP's family
Story 1 A lot of people just are not comfortable hanging around kids. I ran into that as well as my friends started having kids. They only wanted to do things at their house never go out anywhere. I got tickets to see a NFL game. My friend and I fav team was playing in our state. He said he rather watch it on TV at home and I should sell them and come over. His wife even told him to go to the game. I took someone else and as time went by I have not hung out with him in years. My wife and I didn't want kids and people that have them just sit around talking about their kids, their school etc. Made us feel like outsiders going to cookouts and parties. We are not heavy drinkers or anything like that. Just it is fun to go out and do adult stuff beyond sitting in the back yard or livingroom chatting.
Story 1: OP needs to meet her friends halfway. Nobody is required to make their world revolve around you. Also I’m like 98% sure that baby’s name is pronounced See-Air-uh
Story 2: The first red flag was her husband’s insistence on calling it HIS property. If it’s all his, he can pay for the other 50% of the bills and he can pay her to clean like a maid.
Story 3: Call me a lazy bitch and I’ll show you one 🤷🏾
Story 4: This is why my mother and I left the church. We couldn’t take the “obey me or suffer” mindset.
Story 5: Jesus Christ. His brother deliberately compromised his sobriety because he was upset about things OP did in the midst of alcoholism. Like he literally put the booze in his hand. My father in law is a recovering alcoholic, and my fiancé and I are the family defenders. That would get your ass whooped here.
see air uh? its like tiara but with a c, dunno why slash calls her kiara, its obviously a c
Was thinking the same on the pronunciation lol.
@@maartendetemmerman393 Yeah, it seems like the only language the C is pronounced as a K in all positions is Classical Latin. Other than that...
Ciara is a Gaelic name that in its native language is pronounced with a hard C.
@@maartendetemmerman393 originally Kiara is from Gaelic, where it is spelled with a "c". Ciara is the og name. Kiara is an anglicized name, the kind people would write on documents for u when u immigrated to the US, without your input, or the kind you choose because you think english speakers won't be respectful.
Story 2: "hey sweetie, I have two numbers here. One from a therapist, the other one is from a divorce lawyer. We can talk a little before I decide which I will call"
Someone close to me is in a 12 step program. As soon as OP in the last story stated his alcohol rule I knew where the story was going, and it still made me livid. It's sickening that some people will step all over recovery and boundaries in the name of "fun."
The second story - it would not surprise me if OP's husband isn't getting "advice" from friends who are in the commercial real estate business. It used to be common when malls were everywhere in the States for the tenants to pay a percentage of the store's profits for rent, although I don't know if those arrangements are as common now. But as soon as he said 30 percent of the "profit", that popped into my head.
Personally, I think any marriage that divides the incomes so drastically is doomed from the start. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a roommate agreement. If the OPs husband wants that as rent, then tell him you will find other accommodations. At first, 30 percent may not be a lot, but can drastically become serious coin if the business is successful. But at any actual amount, 30 percent is a HUGE chunk of profits.
Absolutely. I think the husband is jealous of OP for some reason. Either because of how much she's making or the fact that she's 'just sitting at home while he has to go to work'. Something is definitely up with him.
I would either ditch the husband or go and work for free at the local library. OK, and probably still also ditch the husband...
Op should say OK but only if she starts charging her husband 30% of his income if he wants to sleep with her.. After all she's providing a "service" since he clearly doesn't see this as a relationship or marriage anymore if he is expecting her to pay on top of splitting all the bills and chores
A buddy of mine heard this story and said that he thinks the guy was doing it for tax reasons. (He was an accountant for over a decade.) I don't know finance myself and I don't remember like 90% of what he said, but he said something about because the house was privately owned free and clear, that renting space to a business would allow that money to be written off as a business expense somehow, which assuming they have a joint account is the equivalent of paying yourself money and docking it from your taxes. So the wife actually wouldn't be out any money, and they'd get a bigger tax return at the end of the year. Something like that.
@@adamb89 I can appreciate that perspective but from the story the OP gave it sounds more like him being an asshole. You would think that if it were for tax reasons he would have told her this upfront rather than demanding 30% of her earnings. I know there are two sides to a story but one would think OP would have mentioned he wanted it for a tax write off. Who knows? Maybe the husband only got as far as saying she should give him 30% of her earnings before OP flipped and didn't let him say anything else. Could be a simple coincidence but it sounds petty he had that room unused the entire time and when OP used it as a home office he said he could have used it for something else. Just sounds like a bad marriage. You don't keep reminding your partner that it is your house unless there is some strife or power play going on.
LOL at the thumbnail!
*First OP:* I can only imagine how difficult raising a child can be, but OP's friend is right. Why not have Tom look after the baby while OP has a girls' night out? Or, if she can afford to, why can't OP hire a babysitter? It's not fair to Mia to always hang out at OP's place for two years when she prefers to go out. OP is TA.
Side note, but I thought Ciara was pronounced like See-era?
*Second OP:* OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* OP _warned_ her boyfriend _months in advanced_ that she couldn't do any chores for two months _in her house._ Then her boyfriend got mad at OP for not doing chores during that time period _and_ cussed OP out _in her own home?!_ AND OP meal prepped for her and her boyfriend?! OP needs to dump that dude yesterday. OP is NTA.
*Fourth OP:* It's upsetting that OP's parents care more about OP's will than her presumably terminal illness, or their granddaughters. OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* I didn't know where the story was going until OP revealed being a recovering alcoholic. I don't think I need to read any further; OP is NTA.
gives me animorphs vibes
Ciara is Irish: it is pronounced with K sound
@@labeaxyz It can also be pronounced as "Sierra" like the OP said, such as the character Ciara on Days of our Lives.
For the first OP, to be fair to her and her husband we have no idea what this Tom guy does. For all we know he works 12 hours a day and considering the wife is a stay-at-home mom I'm inclined to believe that's the case. Either way, he's probably exhausted by the end of the day. If I worked that many hours I'd probably just immediately fall unconscious as soon as I came home. Which, in my opinion, is fine. There's a division of responsibilities there. She's a stay-at-home mom, and he works a lot. When they decided to take on those roles they both had to make the sacrifice to give up their own individual free time since there's only so many hours in a day.
Of course, on the chance that I'm wrong and the husband works normal hours during the day then yeah he can take one or two days a week to watch the kid for a couple hours. Either way the OP is still the butthole.
@@chriscarpenter3370 which one?
Last Story: How could the family side with the brother? That’s messed up. Well done to OP for staying strong
Shitty family is as shitty family does.
Dude that last story wtf?! How you gonna do something like that in someone else’s home on their birthday when they’re a RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC!
4th story: OP's family said she should help with no strings attached. She already made that offer when she said she would take of the girls. They refused. All OP has done is remind them she is willing to help her nieces directly no strings.
Last story: we can see who in the family really respects OP and who should he go no contact with.
If all of them, including the brother, were aware of how alcohol ruined OP's life, they should've known better than to bring him alcohol or support bringing him alcohol. And then they have the audacity to talk about "disrespect", especially after the brother mocked OP for ruining other parties due to his alcoholism? Give me a break.
The brother should've gotten a higher score, and everyone who is on his side also deserves an a-hole score.
I think maybe they have issues with alcohol as well. That is one thing that can make recovery so difficult. Others who have the same issue think that you are “acting better than them” or being a “sober saint” so they try to bring you back to their level.
@@rebeccajesse4604 All the more reason for OP to cut them out of his life.
Hard disagree. Alcohol didn't ruin anything. OP ruined his own life and blamed the alcohol for it.
@@wmdkitty op said that he is well aware that the issues are his own fault
@@wmdkitty dude just say "I know very little about addiction from a medical lense" and post the comment its more honest
First story… friends outgrow each other. Sounds like OP is on a different train of thought. She’s dedicated to being a mom, and probably exhausted. So going out just isn’t on her radar, which is fine. But she can’t expect her childless friend to cater to her when she’s on a totally different page. When you have kids, you make new friends who also have kids. OP needs some mom friends who are on the same wavelength as her.
Her kid is 2. Not going out every once in awhile with friends and/or losing friends cause of it is a great way to get burnt out and resentful. It kinda sounds like she already is.
Nah. Not all of my friends had young children at the same time. Some married early, some married late, some neither married nor had children. It's bizarre that OP isn't' willing/able to leave her kid for an hour or two once in a while. AND the fact that she doesn't acknowledge the unreasonableness of expecting to be accommodated 100% of the time suggests she's clueless. She finally got around to "wondering" if she might have been a little over the top. 😆 And most parents don't expect every get together with adults to include their children... babysitters are a thing for a reason.
No! Mia hasn't outgrown OP at all. Mia just doesn't want to sit in someone's house all day for the next thousand years. I was the Mia in a friendship. Baby came along. "No, let's not go out, let's go stay at my house!" That was fine for a while. My mate had a kid, of course she wanted to stay home. By the time the 17th month came around of "Just go to her house!"? I wanted to go shopping, but no. "We can go to Matalan, then come straight back to my house!". My mate then got pissed when I made new friends and said I was "Ignoring her for all my new friends!" Several of those new friends also had newborns. They weren't selfish and self-centred. You can't expect other people to suck it up and do what you want all the time.
No, having mom friends won't help this lady, because other moms aren't going to want to always hang out at OP's house all the time either, even if they also have kids, probably especially if they have kids. She is being unreasonable from any point of view
Yes, I think many are too harsh on OP. She's not forcing Mia to spend time with her, OP just left an open invitation and hoped that Mia would make her a priority every now and then, since they, according to OP, were best friends before the child. But Mia clearly doesn't value that kind of relationship.
Yeah, sometimes being a parent when none of your friends have them can feel like they're ditching you, but think about how you used to be with your friends before kids. You can't expect them to all change their habits just because you had a kid. I totally believe that the husband in post 1 needs to step up a little. Also, many first time moms have a hard time leaving their baby with their partner, it's a common sign of mild post partum depression.
Yeah, OP needs to to look introspectively. It's very strange that she apparently hasn't managed to get out with friends in two years, not even to a friend's place for coffee or a drink. That she thinks Mia is unreasonable for not wanting to only get together at her house with her kid is nuts. Also I wonder that her husband isn't suggesting she leave the house for a bit to see friends.
I want to know if OP is even bothering to ask her husband to watch the kid so she can go out. 2 years being stuck in the house... she's either got a selfish husband or she's just refusing to find accommodations.
Imagine telling someone they ruined all birthdays by drinking, and getting mad that they’re trying to avoid that again
“She can pop in whenever she wants”
“An open invitation is no initiation at all” - Ceril Carn’s mom
Last story, so NTA: both my biological father and stepfather were alcoholics. My stepdad has been sober for years and our house is completely alcohol free. My biological father would frequently abuse me while drunk and I can't stand being around drunk people as a result. If someone tried to do to my stepdad what op's brother did, that person would never set foot in our home again.
I think the op best friend is trying to help op by getting her out of the house and help give her a break
My job goes into mandatory overtime with a thirteen day on one day off schedule from November 1st to Christmas and my partner and I worked the chores thing out. He works a lot too, so non mandatory housework just doesn’t happen for two months, then after the holidays we clean everything up and life returns to normal. Maybe not ideal, things get a bit messy, but it’s completely doable without either of us swearing at the other.
Really makes you wonder how op survived for those 2 or 3 months prior to the boyfriend moving in though
@@jeremiahsmith2037 quite well from the sound of it. Doesn't seem to have pets to deal with. And she wasn't getting screamed at and called names...
That’s my thing. People work 12-18 hour days year round and still manage to get their house work done. And my question is, how much does her boyfriend work? She claims to rarely ever leave her office and that “all the mess is his” but how much truth is there to that?
@@marjoriejohnston4905 I’m not defending the boyfriend, that definitely wasn’t cool. I’m just questioning whether op decided she was tired of living in a pig pen for 2 or 3 months and decided to get herself a housekeeper. In her defense she made it clear she wouldn’t be doing anything for that time. The real question is why they are still in a relationship.
The main question I have is why isn't op utilizing the fact that she's not a single mom? Have your husband watch the kid for a bit, so you can hang out with your girls.
Op is clearly suffering from loneliness being cooped up all day with her kid.
Op is also suffering from modern societies assault on the family.
Once upon a time the friends you hung out with and partied with became the friends you hung out with all your families with.
These days society promotes zero responsible fun and perpetual youth. It will probably hit Mia when she is 70, childless and alone, meanwhile OP will have kids and possibly grandkids.
Op is suffering from being the only person in her friend group who actually grew up and had a family.
A society without kids dies.
That story made me feel claustrophobic lol she makes motherhood sound like a prison. Doesn't she have anyone who can watch her daughter? She can also bring her along sometimes, not for drinks of course but for coffee, lunch or shopping etc she's 2 years old not a new born, she can be outside
@@radhiadeedou8286 the way she flipped out says to me her hubby won't let her go out or get a sitter
@@radhiadeedou8286 Tbh, the idea of motherhood always seemed like prison for me. I don’t party or anything but the idea that another human being is forever dependent upon me is the now suffocating thing in the world. Mia should just DUMP OP as a friend because she doesn’t seem like the type to change & always make everybody else the villain because they won’t make all the effort to accommodate THEM.
@@radhiadeedou8286 My friend's daughter is almost 5, goes to daycare all the time yet my friend still cannot find ways to get out of her house. She shames me for not wanting to go to HER house to hang out even though I live on the other side of the city and rely on public transport, but she also does not want to meet me half-way there in a park. No thanks, I've spent enough of my life "hanging out" in someone else's home, it's finally time to explore the city I was born in and know nothing about
God my heart aches for the 4th story OP
The pain you'd feel in leaving your spouse and own children
I hope her family is able to keep their happiness and she finds peace
About the last story, OP is NTA. He didn’t want alcohol in his home, yet the brother disrespected him for it.
The fact that just about everybody sided with the brother instead of the recovering alcoholic makes this feel like a reverse intervention
@@mostar1219 true. To my way of thinking, its almost as if they were trying to get OP hooked on alcohol again just so they could say “See? It’s easy for him to get back on the horse.”
@@rathorclemenger6125 I KNOW, RIGHT?! THAT'S BULLSHIT!
@@rathorclemenger6125 It's basically them saying: "You ruined your life in the past and quit alcohol, and you made all this progress recovering, but we don't care because you're not fun anymore, so drink up!"
@@akl2k7 Pretty much seems that way.
Story 2 @ 5:36 - Contingent rental based on turnover of a business is definitely a thing and is somewhat common, but in places like shopping malls. It's also usually between 5 and 10%. This is the marital home, so this is totally unreasonable
The last story absolutely disgusts me, considering how the family was basically fine with undoing probably the years of rehab after being a crippling alcoholic, even when OP makes it clear that they don't drink... The brother might as well should've gotten cigarettes and a lighter for a recovering ex-smoker or told an anorexic person to cut back on food
Story 1: YTA. YOU have decided to have a kid. Mia DIDN'T. She's not your slave or a "friend-on-demand" - she can do whatever she wants with her life.
Yep, being old, childless and alone is Mia's decision. OP just needs to realize that adults with families and adults who want to live like perpetual teenagers and party their lives away rarely stay friends.
Yeah, it's not even the having the kid bit. It's the, frankly, bizarre decision that no one else can ever look after this kid for an hour or two. wtaf? Most people give you a pass when your kid is an infant and your family is adjusting. But TWO YEARS of expecting friends to only get together on your schedule at your house...? 😆 No thanks.
@@quillo2747 tell me you know nothing about childfree adults without telling me you know nothing about childfree adults
@@quillo2747 you obviously know nothing. I'm om the fence about having kids and don't party or hook up with random people or anything like that. Children are expensive, exhausting, and a huge responsibility. It's not for everyone
@@quillo2747 I can just tell you're the type of person to fall in the shower and try to use the water to get back up.
Mia, decides not to hang out with op everyday at her house so sometimes she can go out and hang with other friends. She doesn't stop her visits to op they just not as often. She occasionally goes out to drink with other friends and that makes her a teenager? Wow you must be fun to be around.
You would think the family in the 4th story would have put 2 and 2 together sooner that they need OP more than OP needs them
Story 3 husband had the time to yell about Chores but apparently not enough time to actually do them
Wife doesn't have time for chores. But has time to post on reddit
Husband believes in that “wife should do everything at home” bs. I hate men who think like that. It makes it harder for guys like me to find a girl. I mean I cook and do chores, but women get upset when you ask them if they do something even if you’re sick
You all are getting this a bit twisted he's not her husband he's her boyfriend
@@KarmaTube5 he doesn't... it was stated they have a chores split and they both work full time during the busiest time of the year.
@@1musamune husband boyfriend doesn’t make a difference
Last story: How did the brother only get 2.5/5? He tried to get a recovering alcoholic to drink for the first time in 6 years! A guy who was so dependant and volatile on alcohol that the mere smell is enough to traumatise his daughter and wreck his life almost permanently. To me that isn't just a 2.5 move, rather a full 5/5 decision. This could have easily led OP back into a downward spiral and wrecked his relationships all over again, just cause his dumbass bro couldn't accept he'd changed.
Facts.
Yeah, generally he reserves 5/5s for people who abuse people with cancer... which the brother kind of did. He emotionally abused someone with a mental cancer that's in remission for now.
"you're acting like a sober saint when you ruined all our birthdays for years with your drinking" Ohh, so it was payback. Very mature, very mature indeed.....
Yeah, I caught that comment too. OP’s family is so obviously toxic. The brother purposely bought an expensive kind of booze, specifically to manipulate OP and make OP look bad because he wouldn’t accept such an “expensive gift”. I hope OP goes no contact with everyone who supported the brother.
Story 3: I read this one and OP clarified they meal prepped in advance, for her busy period of time. That she doesn’t do “chores” but does clean up after herself and keeps things tidy. She does her dishes and the bare minimum to keep things neat. Her BF does not pay rent. She makes more than him and owns the house. All she asked him to do is his chores and pick up/clean up after himself during that time. She never asked him to do all of the work>
OP’s bf is an obvious baby man who expects the woman in his life to cater to his needs. I hope she dumped his ass.
Last story - Is it just me, or it seriously sounds like a revenge attempt? Especially if you take a note of what OP's brother said about him "ruining everyone's birthdays with his drinking". I think it was a deliberate sabotage on brother's part, he wanted to ruin OP's party by either getting him drunk or causing a scene.
Story 5: They knew about the boundaries, but disrespected them and OP at the same time. And they have audacity to call OP the AH. Wow.
The last story makes me wonder if the brother was getting revenge on OP for OP's past behavior. If that's the case, that's doubly scummy of OP's brother
Story 4: sounds like the family calling you are volunteering their money to help your parents, otherwise they'd be massive hypocrites to insist that a woman leaving her money to her nieces so they can go to college to give that money up to their greedy parents that that actually thought they were going to get any money from their disease child. OP I will say make sure the niece's know about this, because I have a strong suspicion grandma and grandpa will try and steal that money away from them one way from through manipulation. As for your brother considering he's actually contribute to his own kids less than literally everyone, whatever he objects to is probably the right thing to do.
The last story…that one hit me hard. Very hard. My sister passed away due to alcohol poisoning 5 years ago, and my parents and I aren’t fully over it (and I’m not sure if we’ll ever be over it). I hoped and prayed and all that stuff that she would be able to put all that stuff behind her, but she was never able to. I miss her every day, and still wonder if there was more I could have done to be there for her or help her. So to hear that this OP actually got on the road to recovery, and is making strides towards bettering himself, I applaud him so much! I wish my sister could have had a similar wake up moment, and put her life back on track. I would have NEVER tried to derail it like the OP’s brother is trying to do. Talk about heartless, annoying, and plain stupid. 0/5 buttholes for the OP, and 4/5 for the idiot brother.
As for the other stories, I agree with his YTA/NTA ratings, but he’s being too nice. I’d add on 1 extra butthole to each of those scores (including the 5/5, making it 6/5).
I'm a recovering alcoholic myself and if anyone who knew of my alcoholism (let alone a family member) gave me a bottle of scotch as a gift, everyone else would think they are either incredibly cruel and insensitive or straight up stupid! I think that RSLASH is on to something when he says that the brother may have a drink problem too. The fact that he opened it and poured it out makes it look less like a gift for OP and more for himself. If they are back on speaking terms, I would ask him outright if he has an issue with alcohol.
The parents and church are probably the reason the brother is an addict, in story 4. Addiction is a symptom of an underlying issue 🤷🏽♀️
Story 2: the husband that wants to take profit from his wife isn't a husband at all and is barely a man
Throw away the whole husband. Don't even try to recycle
It reads as jealousy to me. What's the point of demanding 'rent' from your spouse who is already splitting the household bills? And 30% of her salary...? He might be able to make a reasonable suggestion that she pay extra on the utilities if they are seeing a spike since she's now home an extra 10 hours a day or whatever. But this... crazy.
Do all the chores, pay half the bills..
Yeah if there is any payment thats enough on its own... good god...
WTF is wrong with the husband in the second story? That's not how anything works. He's trying to make his wife pay him for letting her work at home. She should sit him down and make him explain his full logic and, depending on his answer, question whether or not to stick around. The fact he turned to his family for support only makes it worse and he'll have no issue taking it further.
And WTF were the whole family in that last one thinking? They might as well all have drinking problems among many others. OP's brother actually said that they ruined a lot if birthdays by drinking. Knowing that, on top of having to know OP is a recovering alcoholic, they buy them whiskey. Then give them a shot of whiskey to drink. While the daughter is having a panic attack at the smell. Then *shame* *OP* for *not* drinking and being forced to take matters into their own hands by throwing it out. Cutting contact is a necessity at this one because their family will make them relapse one way or another.
Also, I want to add that Story 1 is why one of my now ex best friends is such. Not to the exact, and mind you neither of us have kids but I had a grandparent at the time to take care of and work a full-time job Mon-Fri. My ex friend stayed home 90% of the time and would get jealous if I hung out with other people when I’m just trying to fit my time with everyone I could. And when I did wanna invite or hang out with her, she wanted to go to certain places when it was good for her when I have a way busier schedule than she does. My mom and brother still have her on FB and she basically is still the same but has a boyfriend that takes her everywhere and spends money on her. Like good riddance honestly on my part
I grew up with an alcoholic father. It was so bad he'd often drive drunk with me and my younger sister in the car. It went from when I was 5 years old to when I was about 16. It ruined my relationship with him for years. I'm in my 20's. He still drinks but he's better about not doing it around my sister and I, and we've repaired that connection with him. I wish he would stop, but I know i'll never change that. My cousins, all around my age, all share similar stories of their parents being alcoholics. We all despise alcohol now. The smell used to trigger my depression. My cousins get angry when someone brings alcohol to their parties. We all agree that it's not only triggering, it is a surefire way to crash a party badly.
All of this to say, I can relate to the poor daughter who had a panic attack at the smell. That man was the most responsible person at that party to have quickly shut down the drinking. As for his brother, it sounds like he has a problem of his own. I hope it gets resolved. The rest of his family can screw off, opinionating on things they didn't suffer through like the man and his kids.
Last story: this man brought alcohol to a no alcohol home, knowing damn well why, watched his niece have a panic attack at the smell, continued passing around shots, and his excuse is "Why does it matter, you ruined all our birthdays with your drinking"
You got it wrong slash. This brother isn't stupid, he isn't an alcoholic (maybe. That's still on the table), he's trying to get cruel revenge, which makes it even worse
I love you rslash!! I have been listening to your videos every single day for like 2 years now!! You used to post at 10, so whe. I work earlier shifts sometimes like today I usually couldn't listen to your video until after work or the next morning on the bus, but today I was sooo happy to see that you already posted it!! Yayyy my day is already better even though I am dog tired!!
That last story made me outright angry. Alcohol ruined op's life and now that they're free of it, bro comes over like "hey, I know alcohol ruined your life, but here, have some with me!" The fact that it made YOUR DAUGHTER uncomfortable (and that's putting it SO lightly) would be enough to throw the brother and anyone who calls you a 'sober saint' out of your life. You're six years sober and that "gift" was more of a slap to your face than anything they could have given you
NTA
The brother totally has a drinking problem as well. It's just now coming to the surface because OP is sober now.
Story 1 : 100% agree with rslash.. op you got to figure out not everyone likes hanging around kids ..YTA.. call Mia and Apologize..
Story 2 : NTA.. This is the husband version of " I hate working/ being poor so I'm gonna manipulate my wife to take so $ from her".. it starts with 30% profit then 50 then soon enough 100%..
Story 3 : NTA.. time to give the BF the boot.. he's a massive turd..
Story 4 : NTA.. with " family " like that who needs enemies..jeez op I'm sorry for what your going through .. if I was you op I would leave 0.50 for both parents.. The rest I would continue to do what you've been doing..nahhh rslash I disagree on the "parents " score they get 4 out of 5 butthole for being hypocritical a holes who don't get irony..
Story 5 : NTA.. op brother is such a jerk.. he knows op problems with alcohol and he buys him a whiskey bottle.. if I was op I would've opened the bottle right there and then and dumped the entire bottle on the brother head..well ok your brother/ mom / dad and whoever defended your brother should be on your NC list..
Op brother: " your a recovering alcoholic but let's drink" ..
Op should say : " you were allowed around me and my kids in my home now your not" ..
Come on rslash op brother/ mother / father both get 4 out of 5 a hole points for just being run of the mill scumbags..
Imagine being offered to go out every time she wants to and you decline but then call it abandonment, thats you being a shit friend
Re: the last story.
OP, with a family like yours, I can see why you might have started drinking; I have a family that's (somewhat) like this, and I would occasionally get plastered.
I'm glad that you've sober for six years; may you be able to stay on the path. You are NOT the jerk for throwing out the whiskey, because it was a giant slap in your face.
The brother in the last story was definitely trying to destroy OP. Like, it's so counterintuitive to say, "C'mon, you've ruined so many of our birthdays with alcohol!" And then hand him alcohol..?
"I'm sorry ma'am, you have a terminal case of Karen. It's a helluva thing"
I don't think there's a cure just yet.
@@chriscarpenter3370 there is if you cut off their hair. But good luck with that!
@@DougDangerous hmmmmm... fair point!
For the last story that is an EASY 0/5 butthole score for the OP. The comment the brother made about OP ruining everyone's parties for years with their drinking makes me 100% positive that it was done on purpose. My guess would be as some form of revenge for OP's previous behavior while the OP was an alcoholic which I get was probably really painful for the brother and other family members to deal with but, this was not the way to go about getting their revenge. This negatively impacted their niece (OP's daughter) by making them super anxious and uncomfortable even though they are innocent in whatever issues the OP's brother has with OP. I love some good ol' pro revenge but, this was just being a petty douchebag on the brothers part.
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First Story: When OP said ‘she’s always available’ and gets upset that her friend won’t come over - No, you’re not always available otherwise you’d go to her sometimes too. You also say you ‘don’t have the time’ to go out and get upset when she does. You’re not entitled to other people’s time - or how they spend it. It’s not being a good friend when there’s no give and take.
I was wondering if anyone else picked up on that. She totally contradicted herself. Mia did go to her house for 2 years and there's no reason why OP can't go out for coffee once in a while. Bring the kid with them occasionally and other times have the husband help out other times or find a babysitter. The part that also got me is that she was upset when Mia was hanging out with other friends even though she was invited at times. Mia isn't abandoning her and is allowed to have other friends.
As someone who grew up around 2 former abusive alcoholic that are now sober and truly regret the actions they've done and have spent years trying to amend the wrong they've committed, I can tell you right now not only was that incredibly disrespectful to the man recovering and trying his best to leave the worst time of his life behind, but he most likely brought up some truly horrific memories the children experienced growing up, stuff that takes years of forgiveness and therapy to overcome, what that man did was not only terrible, disrespectful, and cruel, but he probably just lost a relationship with his brother kids, because that right there will hurt you to the deepest depth of your soul.
First step of not to be a Karen anymore is realizing you are one. Then, you must go to KA (Karen’s Anonymous)
I'm surprised you only gave 2/5 to the brother. That's at least 4/5 if not 5/5.
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I live in manchester as well and i have legitimately never encountered someone like this in my life, mearly everyone here is considerate and polite
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I heard that last story somewhere else, and at the time I commented that OP's family was a bunch of bucket crabs. Meaning that when one crab tries to escape the bucket the others drag it back in. OP is NTA.
Congrats to the OP in the last story for standing his ground and resisting temptation for the sake of his family. NTAH.
“Handing a recovering alcoholic whiskey and intentionally triggering a panic attack in someone isn’t that bad, it’s only on the level of calling someone a bitch.” -Rslash’s *ACTUAL OPINION.*
That last story, I have so much respect for OP for having a glass of alcohol IN HIS HAND and just throwing it away. He has obviously made mistakes in his life but with that one action he proclaimed that his partner and kids mean more to him than anything.
I grew up with an abusive alcoholic mother and I'm NC with her now as she always chose alcohol and her co-dependent partner over me despite me leaving school when I was 14 to care for her full time until I was 32.
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Ho boy, that last story hit close to home as both a someone who struggled with alcoholism and someone who suffered an alcoholic. I take rules about alcohol very seriously because of this. None of the family members who supported my "brother" would be considered family anymore, as it is abundantly clear that they do not care about my well being or the well being of my children; while one of my daughters is having a panic attack no less.
Story 3: R/ read my mind, I would curse my BF out if he called me that because he didn't take me seriously when I explained what was going to happen months in advance repeatedly. Usually I don't think it's fair when someone does something like that but you were upfront and he made the mistake of not taking you seriously, because if he wanted to protest against this he had the opportunity beforehand.
First Story: I thought that maybe OP was a single mother and couldn't really afford to go out, so I was leaning "no a**holes here", but then OP became upset with her friend going to hang out with others, and I learned OP is actually married. Assuming that their marriage is a normal one, why can't he watch their child when he's off work? Unless there is a good reason why he can't, then OP is definitely the a**hole here. She can't expect her friend to keep being accommodating for her every single time.
Yeah, especially for the past two years Mia has only been going to OP's house to hang out, which gets old. The kid can join them for coffee and there shouldn't be any reason that the husband can't take care of the kid once in a while. Even if she was single, she should be able to find a babysitter once in a while. The other issue is that OP is also mad that Mia is hanging out with other friends and "ditching her" even though she was invited a few times. Mia is allowed to have other friends.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 Right, she doesn't seem to have any viable excuse as to why she can't just go out with Mia once in awhile. I understand being a new parent, but she needs a life outside of her child as well. The only way I can see this not being on her is if maybe her spouse is uncomfortable being left alone with the baby, and refuses to do so. And if he were the kind of man that thinks a woman should stay at home raising the kids, and wouldn't allow her to hire a babysitter (perhaps is financially abusive) then yeah she isn't in the wrong for asking Mia to come over all the time. But, from what I see, she just doesn't want to leave her child at all with anyone else, which isn't very healthy for 2 years.
@@asterross I agree. There is a possibility of abuse and manipulation going on between OP and her husband. OP just may not want to leave her kid or her home at all and is perfectly content staying home. We just don't know. But we do know that Mia is only asking OP to go out with her and leave her home once in a while. She had been very patient and way too accommodating, in my opinion.
Years ago I had a friend who I would have to drive to her house to see her all the time and do all the driving if we wanted to go anywhere. She never came to my house and neither of us had kids. After a few years it became too much for me and I had to take a break. The friendship was too one sided and I totally understand where Mia is coming from. All I wanted was to have my friend come to my house once in a while.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 Sounds awfully one-sided for sure, who needs that kinda friendship
Story 1 OP is one of those people who let parenthood become their *entire* personality.
Good on the the fifth story. The brother could have sent him into a relapse. I might not know you OP but I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and being able to resist the temptation to drink. May your recovery go smoothly.
Shoutout to the Animorphs throwback in the thumbnail.
LMAO NGL that is reminiscent of the Animorphs book covers
I’m listening to that first story wondering why OP doesn’t occasionally hire a sitter for their baby. Then I hear they have a SO. OP is the AH for sure. The friend is child free and enjoys going out. Sounds like at the start they did go to OPs. I raised 5 babies. I still managed to go out a couple times a month. OP has a partner they can leave baby with them. That friend is totally trying. Now she’s over it. Don’t blame her.
Sounds like either the OP or her husband don't think a mother should leave the house. So someone there needs a reality check, just unclear who.
@@SilencedBTM Both?
Honestly, I don’t see why having a SO puts OP in the ‘AH’ category. It seems like there’s more going on here. What if OP had a bad sitter experience? Either herself as a child, when she left baby with SO or when the couple left their child with someone. Or what if she’s afraid of that. Being a SAHM 24/7 for 2 years may have impacted how she views social life. She may need some rebalancing and reassurance that she can leave her baby, (whose not a baby anymore), and go have fun.
You can always tell when someone has no clue how much an alcoholic loves alcohol. Like it's not the same as everyone else. My dad is now 9 years sober and he struggles to find a way to describe how extreme the temptation to drink is because non-alcoholics just don't receive drinks the same way. OP is definitely not being over-sensitive.
What OP needs to do is make sure that the money for her nieces is in trust with _specific_ caveats ((not really the right word, can't think of the right word)) as to its use.
Then she has to make sure every family member that's causing a fuss is bequeathed exactly $1 each and that the forfeit their bequest to (insert charity they hate here) if they challenge the Will. Can't claim they were forgotten, can't contest it without helping people they hate, nieces get college money. Win win win.
GOOD MORNING
Morning
Hallo
Good morning!
VIETNAM
Mornin
That thumbnail is cursed
ONG
Animorphs
Last story: based on the brother's comment about OP "ruining many previous birthdays" it sounds like the brother was taking revenge or something. like, this doesn't read like the brother being dumb and not thinking through the implications. it geniunely sounds like he planned to ruin OPs birthday in the most painful way possible
I agree. It sounds like the Brother had some spite against OP and wanted to make him pay whatever happened by forcing the recovered Alcoholic to drink.
No matter what happened in the past, that's just a twisted crual plan to do.
@@Juju2927 yeah it's pretty messed up
though ngl the gossip lover in me is dying to know the backstory of how it got this far 😅
In story two the wife should say, "Okay I'll quit." and see how he likes supporting her and having to pay all the bills.