I usually have moderately good outlets, especially people who can let me know if it is reasonable or not... Recent and important exception: Employee not only performing poorly but I could see she was testing me just for fun. Made me so ill I had to go to doctor. Got her to set reasonable goals and decided to let go of less important items. Several said to fire her. It is expensive, often unwise, and a reflection on my management skills to not be able to improve an employee who is working in a position with a difficult to replace history. I felt almost at the point where I would quit/perform poorly due to her and the company (and my family) need me at work. LOL! Pretty sure it is working, but please wish me luck!
ya know, I love rage. You taughgt me how to rechannel that enrergy into something very positive. Temperance, Is a thing and refines the spirit. Thank you wenzes.
😅Make them UNDERSTAND HaHaHa 🤣🤣🤣 JAJAJA I laugh to keep from crying 🤨 with this double standards... They act as if we are not 🚫 human being with the same flaws 😮💨 as them, is okay for others to explode yet, we must be aliens to deal 😤 put up and accept their insufficient knowing... Understanding... Hypocrisy... Evil Intent... Malice and more 🤬 #NoDoubt
Is it anger, or Justice? I mean anger is full of fear, I get that, I have been that, and there is pure white loaded truth, too , right in the middle of all conflict, there's always Always love , pure real Love, ahhh...Rock It ❤🎉
People are accustomed to me being accepting and calm. So, when I finally blow up, they act...betrayed? For a long time I've realized that other people get to be angry and it's accepted, but there's a different standard for me. I don't get to be mad. It's maddening.
YES you hit the nail on the head, somehow whenever I'm negatively reactive e.g anger, emotional etc I get a totally different response from other people around me when its their turn to be reactive in the same way. its actually ridiculous and in ways extremely unfair
I'm at a state now, because it's been so long, that i want to BLOW UP. But, instead, I keep myself controlled, and I'm just pissed. Now i just cry because I can't scream
I always say when I go quiet is qhen people should get worried. At that point I'm done being nice, I'm no longer interested in working anything out. I'm done.
Don't be afraid if I'm yelling....if I go quiet, you should probably disappear. Some pretty disturbing things are going through my mind at that point. And instead of feeling shame in that moment for being so cruel, there is a perverse enjoyment. There is regret later, but only after I've calmed down.
I have learned, anger is telling you something is wrong. Listen to what it has to say instead of stamping it down, before it explodes out like a volcano.
Rage shows up as dead silence. I always refer to it as a switch that can get flipped, and it’s the side of me that scares me the most. I know I’d complete lose control, and think it’s too late, so I may as well go all the way, because I’m here already.
For any INFJ who has been very traumatised, a book that has helped me beyond words is, ‘The Tao of Fully Feeling’ by Pete Walker. I actually feel it would help many of us INFJs release suppressed anger, grief and pain in healthy intentional and self-loving ways. Thanks Wenzes.
Hi, yes his other books are really great too! To me they are probably the best books I’ve ever read on trauma, with so much understanding of the underlying process and really practical suggestions. I hesitate to say anyone reading Pete Walker’s works will emerge a different person, with a new perspective on their life experience and additional understanding into why others behave the way they do.
What scares me most after reaching levels 4 or 5 is actually in the aftermath and the dust has settled. Yes, there's the calm before the storm and the storm itself can be frightening. But the lack of regret I feel afterward makes me feel like a robot. Usually, if there is any regret, it is only that I had to get to that high on the rage scale before I finally snapped back
I get this lack of regret. I think it's because it takes us so long to get to that point. We work so hard not to be combative and difficult. To do the right thing. When we finally hit that place... we know we have given it our all. Thus, no regret.
The rage is the only boundary that some other people actually perceive (or respect, I dunno). They won't respond to anything other than that. And they will also test it to be sure it's consistent. Around those people, suppressing rage leaves me completely defenseless. I don't understand why those people are so predatory and relentless, but that's just the way they are. Its impossible to shrink small enough to avoid being noticed, because the more I shrink the more they invade. It gives me the shivers 😅. Mostly because this is how my parents act toward me and its caused me severe distress and loss of self and boundaries.
Those are narcissists. They look for a reaction from you and best thing to do is not react. If you want to release anger do it in a cold way but best thing is to walk away and not giving any explanation since they don't care. I'm not talking about real people with feelings, I'm talking of walking dead vampire style people. Anger is a juice feeling for them. Besides, they will use it to make yourself look crazy in front of others.
Level 6: where you have had enough of the world that you are completely at peace with door slamming absolutely anyone, you have moved far beyond the point of your anger being in control and you are using it with the precision of a scalpel and the devastating impact of a supernova.
The state of indifference can be scary - when we feel deeply and are pushed beyond limits, indifference will take over - it can feel as if you lost yourself. Although the state of indifference is unsettling it serves as a safety mechanism and the INFJ will return to equilibrium once the perceived danger has passed.
We can"say the truth" and cut someone so badly they never heal. They really need to know that we see through their bs... When we get to such a bad place then I don't particularly care if they get so offended they never forgive me. I'm done at that point. Rage helps me get things done. It's not a healthy appoach. Fortunately there are not many people who send me into full on death mode. 🤭
Agreed 💯 first of all kind people 😅will never find ourselves in this rage mode because there's no need to go that far 😅 Understanding that no one makes me mad 😡 and that I am responsible for my reaction yet... I AM ONLY HUMAN, A PLAIN CARNAL HUMAN WITH FLAWS AS EVERYONE ELSE 😅 JAJAJA yet, They get a pass and I am demonized 🤣🤣🤣 which is no problem Lol... At the end of the day it is what it is no doubt 🧐
I have never regretted the few times hit level 5. They were justified and also the most important door slams as a catalyst to change in myself and the other person. Its amazing the effect a kind person can have when they are finally the ones to put the toxic behavior in its place.
Thank you for this video! You're doing a brilliant job! I've spent several years in specialist psychiatry because 'there's something wrong with me,' but after finding your channel, I've received more help than all my hours in their rooms. Thank you, it feels like someone finally understands and sees me for exactly who I am. It's so scary how precisely 99% of everything you say is. Yesterday, this happened to me, the bomb exploded. It's true, you choose your battles, and sometimes it's not worth it if it's someone you'll never meet again. But yesterday it happened at the family Christmas dinner, and I didn't get a chance to set my boundaries. Two family members can't tolerate my INFJ and 'unconventional thinking,' they're ESTJ. The most current debated topic came up, and I barely got to say maybe two sentences before the ESTJ exploded. From 0 to 100, in two seconds, it was a circus of people shouting for me to 'shut up,' I hadn't even said anything... But it was incredibly important that I shut up. I tried all my methods, I just sat there trying to calm the situation, but as soon as I opened my mouth, it was like pouring gasoline on the fire. It was chaotic. It eventually made me feel like I wasn't worthy of having my own thoughts, feelings, or even existing. I've always been the 'black sheep' in the family, except lately when some have started to open their eyes and actually understand me (not these ones I'm talking about). So when it came from family members, it was especially impactful. And my bomb went off. After trying to ask for a normal volume from those screaming 4-5 times, my monster came out. From my lungs and my whole being, I yelled that it was their turn to shut up and speak in a normal tone. I think the neighbors heard me. It surprised me how much strength there was in me. But of course, it didn't make things better... Eventually, I confronted them that they were playing a damn power game with me, and I'm not playing by their rules. I walked away for a while. I'll come back when they've calmed down and sat at the dinner table. They ask me to sit down, pretend like nothing happened, and have a nice Christmas dinner with the family. I couldn't allow it, so I said, 'No, I'm not going to sit and have dinner with people who obviously don't like me and seem to have some incredibly personal problem with me - the same people who an hour ago were kissing and cuddling with me (said passive-aggressively) and then just an hour later show their true colors. Forget it, I'm not breaking bread with such people.' I was called a legalist for that reason. That triggered another small bomb in me - we've just had a big fight, and you're starting again. So my passive-aggressive self started triggering the other one by asking for more nicknames and things she could call me now that she was at it again. 'Come on, you must have something more on your tongue? I see it! What else am I? Huh? What else do you call me? What am I to you? Come on, tell me!' Then I left. I will never again share bread, table, or tradition with these individuals until they genuinely apologize and actually mean it and understand what they've done and why they're apologizing. I won't accept a fake apology just to pretend we're a family. This is also what has shaped me to question my personality my whole life. I'm 26 years old today, they're 40. It made me doubt myself and my own values again. Afterwards, I heard they seem to have understood that what happened was wrong and have apologized to our mom for everything - which is ironic because they should apologize to me. I think they're just sorry that the atmosphere became so dull; I don't think they're even willing to understand why it happened. For them, it was just that I shouldn't say a word that didn't align with their reality and values - and it wasn't even that serious; on the contrary, I wanted to share facts and knowledge... Maybe that's why they got so scared? I would reveal a truth they do everything to ignore. I think it was a moral panic that emerged yesterday. It's unsettling to endure bullying within the family; it was pure and simple bullying. Just wanted to share, this was also the reason why I turned to this video - thank you.
I think there are severe situations that you are noticing for a long time that needs the rage level 5 to dilute the darkness of lower frequencies involved.
That's so true for me. The stages are so accurate. Currently have level 3 for some issue, and I have no idea what to do to not uprade to 4. I don't wanna my presious person to get hurt, so I keep my anger at them to myself. That leads to passive agressive situations, and I always blame myself for doing this, but just cant stop. Hopes you guys going better with your rage❤
I think im past that rage already. I guess my supression for YEARS is more than enough. These people have pushed it way to far with all of their lies. And if they think their lies, hacking of our devices accounts and internet, stalking, harassing and so on.
Takes a lot to get me angry as I near 50. When I was younger I would take a power walk or clean to release it physically. Can not tell the number of times I would show up at a friends house and clean their entire house to release the energy. Now I sit with the anger and evaluate why am I angry while deep breathing and lowering my heart rate. Why is this person an a**hole right now? What of them are they projecting onto me because they never went within to evolve/heal/grow emotional intelligence? Is there something/way I can grow/change/heal to deal with this? I have always been a master at giving exactly what someone was bringing to me right back without being effected.There is one sure way to get people to blow up or run away. As I get older/this planet changes my body is becoming more and more sensitive to peoples energy and the energy in my environment. I also lack the energy or the time to engage in emotional battles people are truly fighting within themselves. Easier at this point to walk away and let others wonder why I will not associate with them anymore. I am the Queen of silence and short answers because I know many can not handle the truth they need to hear so they can become the best version of themself and stop harming others. Most will just blame me for their issues/the way they treat me because the world is all about them anyway so why waste my time and drain my energy. If I can not soothe myself by crying taking a walk finding something to shift my focus to or understanding my anger then I pick up the phone and vent to another INFJ. Count my blessings I have 3 in my only 4 people in my life. The 4th is to be determined. She is my 6 year old inner child therapist. Kid makes more sense then most adults I encounter. The world is a much better place when you have people who can relate. It is said that not until we are ready do we truly find out who we are and after all I have lived thru I see why. There is no way I would of made it this far in life and had so many achievements if I was as sensitive as I am now. Count my blessings the world around me is quiet and I have only one person in my life that gets under my skin. Universe gives us who we need to learn our lessons and become who we are truly intended to be.
Passive aggressive behavior is so maligned. It's not always hostile. People don't understand that some people are trying to avoid conflict or are uncomfortable with it.
These five progressive steps sounded familiar to me! And I think most of the time I've experienced them, they have been in exactly this order with maybe an occasional switch between "avoidance" and "passive aggressiveness." Getting to "telling the truth " and "the bomb has dropped" were always scary for me - but I found out that I could do it, and it always shocked and/or scared the person or people that I had to get after. I'm guessing that they would get startled because (a) they weren't expecting it and (b) they were hearing the truth and they knew it. I didn't enjoy doing it, but knew that in order to keep my self respect, it was necesary. We simply don't need to put up with abusive behavior - verbal or otherwise.
I will always choose peace and harmony but never to the point of being a pushover. Never when one my love ones are hurt. There's a limit where I can hold my patience.
I never feel a need to apologize since I’ve thought it out for 100 years, analyzing myself first, before I let loose. It’s not all out rage, but a demand to be heard without interruption. If you try to walk away? Don’t bother. I’ll follow you until I’m heard and they are left verbally beaten, stunned silent and humbled. I hate to admit, it’s very empowering.
Getting angry over things you can't control is like drinking poison for nor reason. If it's within your control, channel the anger to understanding and growth. 💯👌
It’s the calm before the storm 😢😮 it’s totally me and use to be really bad. I have learned I have to not care so much about others feeling if they don’t want to listen to me as I warn them not to do what they are doing or they will not like the outcome. It’s scary and dangerous for all including myself. Thankfully I learned to control it the best I can. Often times I leave the situation if they don’t stop. This way it doesn’t come out but if it builds up too much it can come out if I don’t release a little at a time calmly so it doesn’t build up.
Because being honest is difficult, I lied, I felt bad, I disconnected with them, now I am myself again. I am happy….i can’t lie to them , because they won’t understand…they don’t understand me anyway….and it took 3 years that I realized…but I am thankful to those made me awake ❤
I'm such a sweet, non-confrontational person but I have been purposefully antagonized and harassed, even while setting up explicit boundaries that I have reached Level 5 before - the phrase "blind rage" is so true because I can't even remember half of what I said or what I did
56, no one has seen me lose my shit. I worked out many years ago why I didn't like psyco movies is because I could relate too much. I'd much rather walk away. The ex hated that I wouldn't rise to her taunting.....it was for both our sakes. Anyway, glad I found out about my mbti.
@Wenzes, I love your content. Without a doubt, you have helped me to evolve exponentially and shaved years of misery off of my life. You’re like my bestie in the YT app. Thank you for all your do for us INFJs.❤🎉
I would say that I'm at stage 3 right now. I did supress my emotions at first and give others the benefit of the doubt. Then I started actively avoiding others once I realized that the suppression wasn't getting anywhere. Now I've started to become passive aggressive because I didn't have the courage to cut toxic people off and act on a door slam. Supressing emotions is exhausting and I've also noticed myself becoming more blunt and less caring towards other peoples feelings, which may be a sign that I'm approaching stage 4.
This is me, 100% and I always regret it. The bomb has dropped, OMG I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Btw, my bomb is nuclear, and ugly. I am not proud but understand myself with your help. Thank you ❤
Sounds extra applicable to 9w1 INFJs. As a 4w3 it all applies but I feel I’m a bit more in-tune with my anger and addressing things directly earlier. I don’t really get passive aggressive.
I agree. But with me I avoid conflict and hold things in, but when I finally had enough, my rage is terrifying and even scares me. It's about not being in control of a situation ultimately. Luckily, I cool off fast.
I worked with a manager at one point in time where she made it a point to pick, and pick and pick trying to get a reaction out of people. Now before I say this, I'll have you know that she very well deserved everything that happened to her. She was ultimately fired for creating a hostile work environment as she targeted other co-workers in the same way she targeted me. one truly has to pry in order to get a level 5 reaction out of an INFJ. Where usually so skilled at defusing and avoiding conflict that you really have to dig and pry to get a level 5 response, and let me tell you, you think you want this response and can take it, but this is a beast the likes of which you have never seen. Because it is truly an oblivion class reaction from us. It's the most acrid poison that we can inflict. A cataclysmic response that leaves our target devastated. You'll experience the emotional IQ reaction equivalent of an atomic bomb. Every secure wall you've built around you is going to be blown away into dust as a white hot flash of rage overtakes you. I know that this sounds hyperbolic but it's not. When an INFJ type reaches level 5 they are by far the most savage and ruthless types, all without ever laying a finger on their target. You will cry, you will hate us afterwards and we'll also hate you for pushing us to that point. We won't feel any remorse for you either because this response is incredibly painful to us when all we wanted and fought so hard to achieve was harmony with you. Now our co workers are terrified of us when it never had to be this way. All you had to do was stop being a jerk and stop assuming nothing anyone could ever say or do can ever hurt you. INFJ types are so good at reading people that we've gathered incredibly accurate insights about you just by being around you. Where incredibly good at observing others that half the time you won't even realize where observing you and actually paying attention to you. So trust me whoever is reading this who isn't an INFJ type. It's impossible for you to be around us without us gleaning deep insights about you. Often times we'll already know some of your deepest anxieties and fears within minutes of conversing with you. So I caution you, just don't go to level 5. Where incredibly amazing people to be around and those who get chosen by us to be our friend feel a legendary level of affection and love from us. Because we use that incite and intuition to buld you up and mend your wounds without you even realizing thats what we're doing. It's just kinda who we are. So please just don't go there. We don't want that, and you definitely aren't going to want that, and you'll realize it when it's far too late. That was my issue with this manager. She wanted this reaction. She fought for it as though it was a challenge for her. My work ethic was questioned constantly, and I was saught out by her when I made it clear that I wanted to be left alone.. She would harass me when I was on the phone with a client and intentionally try to get me to give out false information to them that would get me into trouble. Like our company is suing her for financial damages because of the number of skilled talent that resigned because of her. I kid you not people who had been there for 5 years specifically put in their resignation letter that specifically said it was because of her that they were resigning. Well she eventually got the response she wanted and she definitely was not okay after the fact. By the time I was done with her she was a blubbering sobbing mess as I laid bare all her insecurities with ruthless accuracy. I hated every second of it. Everything I said was 100 percent true. I didn't say anything in regards to her appearance or her heritage. I pointed out all her flaws with ruthless unapologetic accuracy and used them to explain why she wasn't succeeding in any of the goals she had set to achieve. Nothing pained me more to do that but I could not hold it in any longer. I was so nice to her when I met her and I even cooked a hot lunch for her because I knew how much was on her task lis. I felt like such a fool for ever being nice to her. I was angry. White hot angry. I was angry that she caused a lot of my friends to resign. I was angry that she prayed on the nicest people there. I was angry that she had made my manager cry by constantly and relentlessly harassing her and intentionally not completing tasks so she wouldn't be able to go to lunch. Ohh how I hate her for everything she did to me and my friends. I will never understand those that try to build their dreams off the by breaking the necks of everyone else around them. That day she learned though that I was not like the others. I may be kind, but I'm anything but helpless and defenseless.
100, if you want to match anything get at me and we can talk! I am a true INFJ, not by choice or knowing anything about it prior. I just learned of it through a college course I took last year
I have had several times where I said the truth to my very own mom about what she's doing wrong and all she does is complain instead of fixing things. I offer solutions and she says "that's a really neat idea" and never implements that idea. These are more recent ones. The absolute hellscapes were when she was banging on my wall just so she would get my attention. I asked her to stop several times over and she made a dumb excuse and crying crocodile tears saying "how else will I get your attention, it's as if I have to set up an appointment to see you." Bruh I was being used as the unpaid social worker to listen to your crappy times at work, even when I trying to "releave stress" you'd (speaking about my mom in "you" terms) barge in my room and sit on my bed to talk your crappy day and yet I have to go along with it. I lost my crap when I heard the knocks on my wall and I absolutely screamed at her, and yet she still thinks she did nothing wrong. I hope I'm not the only one that wishes I was born in a different family. As far as Healthy outlets, I mainly vent to my gf about my issues.
In one word, humor! And I'm fortunate that my soul mate/ husband of 35 years anENFJ truly understands me as well as anyone could. About a year ago my beloved brother died suddenly while we were across the Canadian border so we hurried on our way home grief stricken. At the border crossing the US official came to the window with a scowl. Asked a few questions and then went to inspect our rv. Came back with our frozen chicken and some fresh peppers all brought from the states, and proceeded to scold us. We found out down the road he actually left us the fresh green beans our Canadian daughter had given us. It took us a few hours but we did eventually see the humor in it. We each put a whattsapp status cartoon showing Tom giving poor Jerry the spanking of his life! Our friends and families loved it, and we still wonder if maybe we should have shared some seasonings to go with their fajitas. 😂
You're saying dont surpress your anger, what if the people around you aka your family do not and I mean *do not* take anything you say or want seriously nor with respect, they never apologize or want to be wrong in any way, therefore the only way you can be truly heard is at that level 5 stage? And even then SOMEHOW you're in the wrong after excusing their behaviour, protecting their feelings by not being too harsh and then being told I'm being sensitve or overreactive? Ridiculous
The other side of this is when you have a predatory sociopath playing the game so they can control and harm others. Sometimes you cannot do the nice quiet explanations and communications because they are corrupt, aggressive, and ruthless. This is where INFJs can be game changers. We do not feel a need to put all our cards on the table all the time. We can see who is playing what suits and what is being sacrificied and what still has currency. We can go into stealth mode and watch and observe. If you are dealing with a toxic, corrupt, brutal, or aggressive player or culture - this is a good thing. So, have a level of emotional and spiritual maturity and measure your audience. Good souls are worth second chances and warning arrows. Corrupt abusive souls are not worth the time of day and sometimes you need to go stealth mode so they do not get a read on you and you can do the stuff that needs to be done when and where it can be done. For example, in 2004-06 I tried communicating with some religious communities that their culture and theology was going into apocalyptic extinction level stuff. Their response at the time was it was okay because their god was going to save them and everyone and everything else was going to suffer in perpetuity. My feedback to my God is that they knew what they were doing and wanted to bring on the apocalypse. If that was God's will too, we would not stand in the way. But if God was committed to Life, sustainability, liberty, and justice - we would be there. Ready, willing, and able. We kicked tyres for a long time and waited to see which way things were going to pan out. Lots of affirmation and encouragement that backup was coming so we upped the ante. Part of the stealth mode is we did not want the sociopathic camps to know we had fully integrated and were ready to play hardball in apocalyptic endgame debating. We allowed them to think that Jesus had either destroyed or now completely controlled the other two members of the Trinity. So now they "owned the game" they could roll out their agenda. We watched, waited, and let them do that. God does not set traps unless there is prey to be caught. Sometimes you have to hold back, and allow the prey to take the bait and make sure it is deeply embedded before your pull on the line. Experienced sociopaths know how to regurgitate and spit out the bait and act like they would never do or say such things. We had to wait, wait, and wait some more, so that the audit trails and evidence was there. They really do say and do such things, and help each other, and obstruct justice and accountability systems. So the "let's play nice" and "be good players" is what the sociopaths want us to do, so they know who we are, where we are, how we play, so they can corrupt, pre-empt, or take down the "alternatives". Play nice with souls that are nice. Play hard with souls who are hard. INFJs can do it both ways.
I think that you describe at the beginning of the video, the unhealthy steps of anger. That could be articulated in the beginning… not that we only or have to do this type of behavior.
I think sarcasm and cynicism are my top 2 ways of dealing with rage (not long term rage, though - in that case i act really passive-agressive). Idk, in a discussion, i keep mocking whatever the other person is saying, laughing at them... and making them even angrier, to the point they surpass the boundaries of acceptable, and when they offend me to that level, i completely explode
My anger just consumes me. Im either in stage 2 or 3, or 4 or 5. My psychiatrist thinks i have borderline personality but i dont. Is this imbalance of states of anger thar just severely effect me
Sometimes in certain situations i feel like I'm not going through all this stages of rage ..i mean i found myself jumping from the suppression stage immediately to the slam door and thats it for that person 😅😅
I’m just scared I’m gonna say something that’s gonna get me fired. Most of the time I will get to level 4 and will be sardonic with them. Bad thing is they like that, so even though I set a boundary with them they still kinda respect it but will still sardonically tease me from time to time. Most of the time I won’t know how to react when she makes these jokes. Some of them I don’t mind but sometimes I’ll be overstimulated and will just laugh so she will stfu.
This vid. Was ment for me lol just wish I would of saw it a hour before I blew up on my sis. I should of told her I was I the right mood then. Instead I let it build up. Which was my fualt
Despite saying exactly what the problem is, I'm ignored. I give warnings, & those are ignored. When I go quiet & withdraw, don't push me. Of course, I'm the problem because I'm not catering to your BS anymore.
You look fabulous, but you'd be better if you fixed your teeth. I say this really with my best intention because you have helped me a lot. Its a simple observation because i think the spaces in between your teeth make you look older than you actually are. For the rest, personality included you are a 100%
🙄 A dentist "fixed" my teeth as a kid without my permission before I was old enough to do anything to stop him. My teeth, pre-dentist, were like the singer Jewel's teeth. I called them "monster teeth" and I LOVED them. I felt like they were my God-given inbuilt "warning" for "normies" that they might want to be just a tad cautious of me, if I didn't have enough worldly vanity to care about having the idealized row of teeth the masses want everyone to have. I enjoyed that my monster-teeth openly displayed my level 5 potential. Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...so since she is the main beholder, I hope SHE loves WHATEVER teeth she has. ❤
Grateful 🥲 for this... Yet, I never worry about loosing anything 😅I guess by the time the Bomb explodes 💥💣💥 Is because I already made peace with the consequences 😁 Now, your suggestion worked like a charm 😉 before I understood That I am HEBREW... Making this hell of difficult to control that Mirror 🪞 Being Hebrew as the KJV Bible teaches... Do not do an evil 4 an evil, which I believe is not evil to show them who they are. Nonetheless, Christ said to turn the other cheek 🤬 At this point there is only 😤 so many times I can turned the other cheek 🤨 INDEED... My dark side is scary and makes others uncomfortable 🥵... My apologies that they are uncomfortable for their insufficiencies of not understanding let alone knowing themselves... INFJ make them uncomfortable 😣 because one sees through their hypocrisy and the lie of their real intentions while they display that rake fasad 😅 Really... How about, they make themselves uncomfortable because their lack of honesty not 🚫 to anyone yet TO THEMSELVES... THEY ARE SCARE OF THEMSELVES point, period, blank...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 JAJAJA
What is your relationship with your anger? Do you feel you have healthy outlets?
It is a good anger that is interior i use it to distance myself from all that is bad
😂 I'll mention it first, I'll get in your face second, third strike you're out. 😂 The alternative is you meet the equalizer.
If we get caught by anger suddenly unexpectedly then it will hurt us and when done with purpose then it is good and very good
I usually have moderately good outlets, especially people who can let me know if it is reasonable or not...
Recent and important exception: Employee not only performing poorly but I could see she was testing me just for fun. Made me so ill I had to go to doctor.
Got her to set reasonable goals and decided to let go of less important items. Several said to fire her. It is expensive, often unwise, and a reflection on my management skills to not be able to improve an employee who is working in a position with a difficult to replace history.
I felt almost at the point where I would quit/perform poorly due to her and the company (and my family) need me at work. LOL! Pretty sure it is working, but please wish me luck!
ya know, I love rage. You taughgt me how to rechannel that enrergy into something very positive. Temperance, Is a thing and refines the spirit. Thank you wenzes.
Our anger is at people who hurt us, themselves or others through malice, ignorance or incompetence. It isn’t a prideful anger but a defensive one.
😅Make them UNDERSTAND HaHaHa 🤣🤣🤣 JAJAJA I laugh to keep from crying 🤨 with this double standards... They act as if we are not 🚫 human being with the same flaws 😮💨 as them, is okay for others to explode yet, we must be aliens to deal 😤 put up and accept their insufficient knowing... Understanding... Hypocrisy... Evil Intent... Malice and more 🤬 #NoDoubt
Is it anger, or Justice?
I mean anger is full of fear, I get that, I have been that, and there is pure white loaded truth, too , right in the middle of all conflict, there's always Always love , pure real Love, ahhh...Rock It ❤🎉
It's righteous anger. Anything goes at this point.
I’ve always said I have a 10 mile long fuse with a nuclear bomb at the end of it…..
😂😂😂😂thats brilliantly put
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😮😅😅😅😅😅😅...!!!
I totally understand how you feel.
People are accustomed to me being accepting and calm. So, when I finally blow up, they act...betrayed? For a long time I've realized that other people get to be angry and it's accepted, but there's a different standard for me. I don't get to be mad. It's maddening.
Yes totally. They get to be people but we don't
YES you hit the nail on the head, somehow whenever I'm negatively reactive e.g anger, emotional etc I get a totally different response from other people around me when its their turn to be reactive in the same way. its actually ridiculous and in ways extremely unfair
I'm at a state now, because it's been so long, that i want to BLOW UP. But, instead, I keep myself controlled, and I'm just pissed. Now i just cry because I can't scream
soooo very TRUE
i have noticed that DOZENS of times .... again & again
I always say when I go quiet is qhen people should get worried. At that point I'm done being nice, I'm no longer interested in working anything out. I'm done.
Don't be afraid if I'm yelling....if I go quiet, you should probably disappear. Some pretty disturbing things are going through my mind at that point. And instead of feeling shame in that moment for being so cruel, there is a perverse enjoyment. There is regret later, but only after I've calmed down.
I have learned, anger is telling you something is wrong. Listen to what it has to say instead of stamping it down, before it explodes out like a volcano.
Sounds like an accelerated development of anger issues … 🤬
Rage shows up as dead silence. I always refer to it as a switch that can get flipped, and it’s the side of me that scares me the most. I know I’d complete lose control, and think it’s too late, so I may as well go all the way, because I’m here already.
My silence is a scream...!
i feel scared to be angry too... just makes me feel guilty, even when it was the other person's fault.
Is it me or seeing injustice on somebody else makes me straight go to level 5 but not if it happens to me…
For any INFJ who has been very traumatised, a book that has helped me beyond words is, ‘The Tao of Fully Feeling’ by Pete Walker. I actually feel it would help many of us INFJs release suppressed anger, grief and pain in healthy intentional and self-loving ways. Thanks Wenzes.
Hi, yes his other books are really great too! To me they are probably the best books I’ve ever read on trauma, with so much understanding of the underlying process and really practical suggestions. I hesitate to say anyone reading Pete Walker’s works will emerge a different person, with a new perspective on their life experience and additional understanding into why others behave the way they do.
Oooh i need to check it out
Dr. Gabor Mate has written several books on many of the issues that present along with the INFJ personality types!
The most scary thing is that when I am in rage it is something that I released and I will destroy things and relations and I rarely regret it
What scares me most after reaching levels 4 or 5 is actually in the aftermath and the dust has settled. Yes, there's the calm before the storm and the storm itself can be frightening. But the lack of regret I feel afterward makes me feel like a robot. Usually, if there is any regret, it is only that I had to get to that high on the rage scale before I finally snapped back
By having no attachment, you are free … 😳
@@byronryan4216perhaps 😊 0:00
I get this lack of regret. I think it's because it takes us so long to get to that point. We work so hard not to be combative and difficult. To do the right thing. When we finally hit that place... we know we have given it our all. Thus, no regret.
The rage is the only boundary that some other people actually perceive (or respect, I dunno). They won't respond to anything other than that. And they will also test it to be sure it's consistent. Around those people, suppressing rage leaves me completely defenseless. I don't understand why those people are so predatory and relentless, but that's just the way they are. Its impossible to shrink small enough to avoid being noticed, because the more I shrink the more they invade. It gives me the shivers 😅. Mostly because this is how my parents act toward me and its caused me severe distress and loss of self and boundaries.
Those are narcissists. They look for a reaction from you and best thing to do is not react. If you want to release anger do it in a cold way but best thing is to walk away and not giving any explanation since they don't care. I'm not talking about real people with feelings, I'm talking of walking dead vampire style people. Anger is a juice feeling for them.
Besides, they will use it to make yourself look crazy in front of others.
So true....growing up in dysfunction you may not know about boundaries. Boundaries those are so important to protecting yourself from this experience.
Level 6: where you have had enough of the world that you are completely at peace with door slamming absolutely anyone, you have moved far beyond the point of your anger being in control and you are using it with the precision of a scalpel and the devastating impact of a supernova.
I had a level 5 today and it is SO UNCOMFORTABLE because I don't want to hurt others. But today I couldn't avoid it as I had to voice my pain.
Sister focus on SE and get motivated , be busy and follow a routine
@@raft115 You're right. Thank you🙏🙏🙏That's what I realised AFTER the boom drop🤣
@@rubinagomes2950 ah ya , its a timely Boom💥😁✨
@@raft115 😁✨
I know this pain, it will pass but never goes away ? That's what mine is like. Sending sympathy
Especially on the outs of abuse we can go supernova. But we don't get stuck there
My while life is just suppressed rage and then finally someone pushes me sonfat I'm a volcano. I erupt and anything in my path will get destroyed.
The state of indifference can be scary - when we feel deeply and are pushed beyond limits, indifference will take over - it can feel as if you lost yourself. Although the state of indifference is unsettling it serves as a safety mechanism and the INFJ will return to equilibrium once the perceived danger has passed.
We can"say the truth" and cut someone so badly they never heal. They really need to know that we see through their bs...
When we get to such a bad place then I don't particularly care if they get so offended they never forgive me. I'm done at that point.
Rage helps me get things done. It's not a healthy appoach.
Fortunately there are not many people who send me into full on death mode. 🤭
Agreed 💯 first of all kind people 😅will never find ourselves in this rage mode because there's no need to go that far 😅 Understanding that no one makes me mad 😡 and that I am responsible for my reaction yet... I AM ONLY HUMAN, A PLAIN CARNAL HUMAN WITH FLAWS AS EVERYONE ELSE 😅 JAJAJA yet, They get a pass and I am demonized 🤣🤣🤣 which is no problem Lol... At the end of the day it is what it is no doubt 🧐
I have never regretted the few times hit level 5. They were justified and also the most important door slams as a catalyst to change in myself and the other person. Its amazing the effect a kind person can have when they are finally the ones to put the toxic behavior in its place.
1:06 #1 Suppressed rage
2:20 #2 Avoidance
4:02 #3 Passive Aggressive
6:00 #4 Telling the Truth
8:56 #5 The Bomb Has dropped
Thank you for this video! You're doing a brilliant job! I've spent several years in specialist psychiatry because 'there's something wrong with me,' but after finding your channel, I've received more help than all my hours in their rooms. Thank you, it feels like someone finally understands and sees me for exactly who I am. It's so scary how precisely 99% of everything you say is. Yesterday, this happened to me, the bomb exploded. It's true, you choose your battles, and sometimes it's not worth it if it's someone you'll never meet again. But yesterday it happened at the family Christmas dinner, and I didn't get a chance to set my boundaries. Two family members can't tolerate my INFJ and 'unconventional thinking,' they're ESTJ. The most current debated topic came up, and I barely got to say maybe two sentences before the ESTJ exploded. From 0 to 100, in two seconds, it was a circus of people shouting for me to 'shut up,' I hadn't even said anything... But it was incredibly important that I shut up. I tried all my methods, I just sat there trying to calm the situation, but as soon as I opened my mouth, it was like pouring gasoline on the fire. It was chaotic. It eventually made me feel like I wasn't worthy of having my own thoughts, feelings, or even existing. I've always been the 'black sheep' in the family, except lately when some have started to open their eyes and actually understand me (not these ones I'm talking about). So when it came from family members, it was especially impactful. And my bomb went off. After trying to ask for a normal volume from those screaming 4-5 times, my monster came out. From my lungs and my whole being, I yelled that it was their turn to shut up and speak in a normal tone. I think the neighbors heard me. It surprised me how much strength there was in me. But of course, it didn't make things better... Eventually, I confronted them that they were playing a damn power game with me, and I'm not playing by their rules. I walked away for a while. I'll come back when they've calmed down and sat at the dinner table. They ask me to sit down, pretend like nothing happened, and have a nice Christmas dinner with the family. I couldn't allow it, so I said, 'No, I'm not going to sit and have dinner with people who obviously don't like me and seem to have some incredibly personal problem with me - the same people who an hour ago were kissing and cuddling with me (said passive-aggressively) and then just an hour later show their true colors. Forget it, I'm not breaking bread with such people.' I was called a legalist for that reason. That triggered another small bomb in me - we've just had a big fight, and you're starting again. So my passive-aggressive self started triggering the other one by asking for more nicknames and things she could call me now that she was at it again. 'Come on, you must have something more on your tongue? I see it! What else am I? Huh? What else do you call me? What am I to you? Come on, tell me!' Then I left. I will never again share bread, table, or tradition with these individuals until they genuinely apologize and actually mean it and understand what they've done and why they're apologizing. I won't accept a fake apology just to pretend we're a family. This is also what has shaped me to question my personality my whole life. I'm 26 years old today, they're 40. It made me doubt myself and my own values again. Afterwards, I heard they seem to have understood that what happened was wrong and have apologized to our mom for everything - which is ironic because they should apologize to me. I think they're just sorry that the atmosphere became so dull; I don't think they're even willing to understand why it happened. For them, it was just that I shouldn't say a word that didn't align with their reality and values - and it wasn't even that serious; on the contrary, I wanted to share facts and knowledge... Maybe that's why they got so scared? I would reveal a truth they do everything to ignore. I think it was a moral panic that emerged yesterday. It's unsettling to endure bullying within the family; it was pure and simple bullying. Just wanted to share, this was also the reason why I turned to this video - thank you.
Im allowed to feel emotions, How fancy.
I think there are severe situations that you are noticing for a long time that needs the rage level 5 to dilute the darkness of lower frequencies involved.
INFJ " Rage" is righteous INDIGNATION...
DONT make the mistake - it is a good thing !!
That's so true for me. The stages are so accurate. Currently have level 3 for some issue, and I have no idea what to do to not uprade to 4. I don't wanna my presious person to get hurt, so I keep my anger at them to myself. That leads to passive agressive situations, and I always blame myself for doing this, but just cant stop.
Hopes you guys going better with your rage❤
I think im past that rage already. I guess my supression for YEARS is more than enough. These people have pushed it way to far with all of their lies. And if they think their lies, hacking of our devices accounts and internet, stalking, harassing and so on.
😅 avoidance is my number 1, suppression #2
me too...and boundaries!
Takes a lot to get me angry as I near 50. When I was younger I would take a power walk or clean to release it physically. Can not tell the number of times I would show up at a friends house and clean their entire house to release the energy. Now I sit with the anger and evaluate why am I angry while deep breathing and lowering my heart rate. Why is this person an a**hole right now? What of them are they projecting onto me because they never went within to evolve/heal/grow emotional intelligence? Is there something/way I can grow/change/heal to deal with this? I have always been a master at giving exactly what someone was bringing to me right back without being effected.There is one sure way to get people to blow up or run away. As I get older/this planet changes my body is becoming more and more sensitive to peoples energy and the energy in my environment. I also lack the energy or the time to engage in emotional battles people are truly fighting within themselves. Easier at this point to walk away and let others wonder why I will not associate with them anymore. I am the Queen of silence and short answers because I know many can not handle the truth they need to hear so they can become the best version of themself and stop harming others. Most will just blame me for their issues/the way they treat me because the world is all about them anyway so why waste my time and drain my energy. If I can not soothe myself by crying taking a walk finding something to shift my focus to or understanding my anger then I pick up the phone and vent to another INFJ. Count my blessings I have 3 in my only 4 people in my life. The 4th is to be determined. She is my 6 year old inner child therapist. Kid makes more sense then most adults I encounter. The world is a much better place when you have people who can relate. It is said that not until we are ready do we truly find out who we are and after all I have lived thru I see why. There is no way I would of made it this far in life and had so many achievements if I was as sensitive as I am now. Count my blessings the world around me is quiet and I have only one person in my life that gets under my skin. Universe gives us who we need to learn our lessons and become who we are truly intended to be.
I never get into conflicts. Hee hee … thanks coach. Nailed it again. ❤
That used to be me 🤣🤣🤣 Didn't even argue Lol 😅 Until I said I do hahaha 😂
Passive aggressive behavior is so maligned. It's not always hostile. People don't understand that some people are trying to avoid conflict or are uncomfortable with it.
These five progressive steps sounded familiar to me! And I think most of the time I've experienced them, they have been in exactly this order with maybe an occasional switch between "avoidance" and "passive aggressiveness." Getting to "telling the truth " and "the bomb has dropped" were always scary for me - but I found out that I could do it, and it always shocked and/or scared the person or people that I had to get after. I'm guessing that they would get startled because (a) they weren't expecting it and (b) they were hearing the truth and they knew it. I didn't enjoy doing it, but knew that in order to keep my self respect, it was necesary.
We simply don't need to put up with abusive behavior - verbal or otherwise.
I will always choose peace and harmony but never to the point of being a pushover. Never when one my love ones are hurt. There's a limit where I can hold my patience.
The Trick is, Im always Angry. "The Bruce Banner"
I never feel a need to apologize since I’ve thought it out for 100 years, analyzing myself first, before I let loose. It’s not all out rage, but a demand to be heard without interruption. If you try to walk away? Don’t bother. I’ll follow you until I’m heard and they are left verbally beaten, stunned silent and humbled. I hate to admit, it’s very empowering.
Getting angry over things you can't control is like drinking poison for nor reason. If it's within your control, channel the anger to understanding and growth. 💯👌
It’s the calm before the storm 😢😮 it’s totally me and use to be really bad. I have learned I have to not care so much about others feeling if they don’t want to listen to me as I warn them not to do what they are doing or they will not like the outcome. It’s scary and dangerous for all including myself. Thankfully I learned to control it the best I can. Often times I leave the situation if they don’t stop. This way it doesn’t come out but if it builds up too much it can come out if I don’t release a little at a time calmly so it doesn’t build up.
Because being honest is difficult, I lied, I felt bad, I disconnected with them, now I am myself again. I am happy….i can’t lie to them , because they won’t understand…they don’t understand me anyway….and it took 3 years that I realized…but I am thankful to those made me awake ❤
💯✌️😎 You're 💯 correct.
I'm such a sweet, non-confrontational person but I have been purposefully antagonized and harassed, even while setting up explicit boundaries that I have reached Level 5 before - the phrase "blind rage" is so true because I can't even remember half of what I said or what I did
56, no one has seen me lose my shit. I worked out many years ago why I didn't like psyco movies is because I could relate too much. I'd much rather walk away. The ex hated that I wouldn't rise to her taunting.....it was for both our sakes.
Anyway, glad I found out about my mbti.
@Wenzes, I love your content. Without a doubt, you have helped me to evolve exponentially and shaved years of misery off of my life. You’re like my bestie in the YT app. Thank you for all your do for us INFJs.❤🎉
I would say that I'm at stage 3 right now. I did supress my emotions at first and give others the benefit of the doubt. Then I started actively avoiding others once I realized that the suppression wasn't getting anywhere. Now I've started to become passive aggressive because I didn't have the courage to cut toxic people off and act on a door slam. Supressing emotions is exhausting and I've also noticed myself becoming more blunt and less caring towards other peoples feelings, which may be a sign that I'm approaching stage 4.
Amazed at your wisdom and insights, Wenzes! Thank you from the bottom of my heart & soul.
This is me, 100% and I always regret it. The bomb has dropped, OMG I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Btw, my bomb is nuclear, and ugly. I am not proud but understand myself with your help. Thank you ❤
Agreed.
I really needed to hear it... I suppressed so much rage in myself for so long...
There's something almost therapeutic about that level 5 rage, occasionally. Other times it really sucks.
I came away from someone this week. He wouldn't listen to my warnings, so I left before the bomb dropped.
Actually, when we reach passive aggressiveness to dropping the nuclear bomb it's when the little snowflake turns into a poisonous snake. very scary.
Thank you for another wonderful video. Your videos are priceless and so appreciated. I hope at sometime I can participate in your BOOTCAMP.
Get this lady a drink!
Sounds extra applicable to 9w1 INFJs. As a 4w3 it all applies but I feel I’m a bit more in-tune with my anger and addressing things directly earlier. I don’t really get passive aggressive.
I agree. But with me I avoid conflict and hold things in, but when I finally had enough, my rage is terrifying and even scares me. It's about not being in control of a situation ultimately. Luckily, I cool off fast.
I'm at 4-5 with people whose Denial and Projection levels are about 10. I am so tired. Mirroring can be done without contact though..
I want a different planet to move to.
sometimes i have unhealthy outlets❤
I worked with a manager at one point in time where she made it a point to pick, and pick and pick trying to get a reaction out of people. Now before I say this, I'll have you know that she very well deserved everything that happened to her. She was ultimately fired for creating a hostile work environment as she targeted other co-workers in the same way she targeted me.
one truly has to pry in order to get a level 5 reaction out of an INFJ. Where usually so skilled at defusing and avoiding conflict that you really have to dig and pry to get a level 5 response, and let me tell you, you think you want this response and can take it, but this is a beast the likes of which you have never seen. Because it is truly an oblivion class reaction from us. It's the most acrid poison that we can inflict. A cataclysmic response that leaves our target devastated. You'll experience the emotional IQ reaction equivalent of an atomic bomb. Every secure wall you've built around you is going to be blown away into dust as a white hot flash of rage overtakes you. I know that this sounds hyperbolic but it's not. When an INFJ type reaches level 5 they are by far the most savage and ruthless types, all without ever laying a finger on their target. You will cry, you will hate us afterwards and we'll also hate you for pushing us to that point. We won't feel any remorse for you either because this response is incredibly painful to us when all we wanted and fought so hard to achieve was harmony with you. Now our co workers are terrified of us when it never had to be this way. All you had to do was stop being a jerk and stop assuming nothing anyone could ever say or do can ever hurt you. INFJ types are so good at reading people that we've gathered incredibly accurate insights about you just by being around you. Where incredibly good at observing others that half the time you won't even realize where observing you and actually paying attention to you. So trust me whoever is reading this who isn't an INFJ type. It's impossible for you to be around us without us gleaning deep insights about you. Often times we'll already know some of your deepest anxieties and fears within minutes of conversing with you. So I caution you, just don't go to level 5. Where incredibly amazing people to be around and those who get chosen by us to be our friend feel a legendary level of affection and love from us. Because we use that incite and intuition to buld you up and mend your wounds without you even realizing thats what we're doing. It's just kinda who we are. So please just don't go there. We don't want that, and you definitely aren't going to want that, and you'll realize it when it's far too late.
That was my issue with this manager. She wanted this reaction. She fought for it as though it was a challenge for her. My work ethic was questioned constantly, and I was saught out by her when I made it clear that I wanted to be left alone.. She would harass me when I was on the phone with a client and intentionally try to get me to give out false information to them that would get me into trouble. Like our company is suing her for financial damages because of the number of skilled talent that resigned because of her. I kid you not people who had been there for 5 years specifically put in their resignation letter that specifically said it was because of her that they were resigning. Well she eventually got the response she wanted and she definitely was not okay after the fact. By the time I was done with her she was a blubbering sobbing mess as I laid bare all her insecurities with ruthless accuracy. I hated every second of it. Everything I said was 100 percent true. I didn't say anything in regards to her appearance or her heritage. I pointed out all her flaws with ruthless unapologetic accuracy and used them to explain why she wasn't succeeding in any of the goals she had set to achieve. Nothing pained me more to do that but I could not hold it in any longer. I was so nice to her when I met her and I even cooked a hot lunch for her because I knew how much was on her task lis. I felt like such a fool for ever being nice to her.
I was angry. White hot angry. I was angry that she caused a lot of my friends to resign. I was angry that she prayed on the nicest people there. I was angry that she had made my manager cry by constantly and relentlessly harassing her and intentionally not completing tasks so she wouldn't be able to go to lunch. Ohh how I hate her for everything she did to me and my friends. I will never understand those that try to build their dreams off the by breaking the necks of everyone else around them. That day she learned though that I was not like the others. I may be kind, but I'm anything but helpless and defenseless.
I’m the quiet maker, silent.
I get this rage, set boundaries with these people then for some reason I wonder what they are saying to each other about me!! Ugh!!
Bugger 😂
Well someone who is capable of one extreme of loving and caring, would have to have the other extreme inside them to have emotional harmony .
I will keep. This vid. Or repeat. I really feel that you know me lol dats crazy
100, if you want to match anything get at me and we can talk! I am a true INFJ, not by choice or knowing anything about it prior. I just learned of it through a college course I took last year
Every word is true ❤️
I have had several times where I said the truth to my very own mom about what she's doing wrong and all she does is complain instead of fixing things. I offer solutions and she says "that's a really neat idea" and never implements that idea. These are more recent ones.
The absolute hellscapes were when she was banging on my wall just so she would get my attention.
I asked her to stop several times over and she made a dumb excuse and crying crocodile tears saying "how else will I get your attention, it's as if I have to set up an appointment to see you." Bruh I was being used as the unpaid social worker to listen to your crappy times at work, even when I trying to "releave stress" you'd (speaking about my mom in "you" terms) barge in my room and sit on my bed to talk your crappy day and yet I have to go along with it. I lost my crap when I heard the knocks on my wall and I absolutely screamed at her, and yet she still thinks she did nothing wrong.
I hope I'm not the only one that wishes I was born in a different family.
As far as Healthy outlets, I mainly vent to my gf about my issues.
One of top levels : mess with me? Dig grave for yourself earlier. I will do nothing ,just let domino effect to work.
Yeah I do have healthy outlets
In one word, humor! And I'm fortunate that my soul mate/ husband of 35 years anENFJ truly understands me as well as anyone could. About a year ago my beloved brother died suddenly while we were across the Canadian border so we hurried on our way home grief stricken. At the border crossing the US official came to the window with a scowl. Asked a few questions and then went to inspect our rv. Came back with our frozen chicken and some fresh peppers all brought from the states, and proceeded to scold us. We found out down the road he actually left us the fresh green beans our Canadian daughter had given us. It took us a few hours but we did eventually see the humor in it. We each put a whattsapp status cartoon showing Tom giving poor Jerry the spanking of his life! Our friends and families loved it, and we still wonder if maybe we should have shared some seasonings to go with their fajitas. 😂
Yeah...Couple this, with hot latin blood, & one has trouble, eh?! 😂
You're saying dont surpress your anger, what if the people around you aka your family do not and I mean *do not* take anything you say or want seriously nor with respect, they never apologize or want to be wrong in any way, therefore the only way you can be truly heard is at that level 5 stage? And even then SOMEHOW you're in the wrong after excusing their behaviour, protecting their feelings by not being too harsh and then being told I'm being sensitve or overreactive? Ridiculous
hahaha 100% true... The energy of anger is unbelievably strong. So physical too.
The other side of this is when you have a predatory sociopath playing the game so they can control and harm others. Sometimes you cannot do the nice quiet explanations and communications because they are corrupt, aggressive, and ruthless. This is where INFJs can be game changers. We do not feel a need to put all our cards on the table all the time. We can see who is playing what suits and what is being sacrificied and what still has currency. We can go into stealth mode and watch and observe. If you are dealing with a toxic, corrupt, brutal, or aggressive player or culture - this is a good thing. So, have a level of emotional and spiritual maturity and measure your audience. Good souls are worth second chances and warning arrows. Corrupt abusive souls are not worth the time of day and sometimes you need to go stealth mode so they do not get a read on you and you can do the stuff that needs to be done when and where it can be done. For example, in 2004-06 I tried communicating with some religious communities that their culture and theology was going into apocalyptic extinction level stuff. Their response at the time was it was okay because their god was going to save them and everyone and everything else was going to suffer in perpetuity. My feedback to my God is that they knew what they were doing and wanted to bring on the apocalypse. If that was God's will too, we would not stand in the way. But if God was committed to Life, sustainability, liberty, and justice - we would be there. Ready, willing, and able. We kicked tyres for a long time and waited to see which way things were going to pan out. Lots of affirmation and encouragement that backup was coming so we upped the ante. Part of the stealth mode is we did not want the sociopathic camps to know we had fully integrated and were ready to play hardball in apocalyptic endgame debating. We allowed them to think that Jesus had either destroyed or now completely controlled the other two members of the Trinity. So now they "owned the game" they could roll out their agenda. We watched, waited, and let them do that. God does not set traps unless there is prey to be caught. Sometimes you have to hold back, and allow the prey to take the bait and make sure it is deeply embedded before your pull on the line. Experienced sociopaths know how to regurgitate and spit out the bait and act like they would never do or say such things. We had to wait, wait, and wait some more, so that the audit trails and evidence was there. They really do say and do such things, and help each other, and obstruct justice and accountability systems. So the "let's play nice" and "be good players" is what the sociopaths want us to do, so they know who we are, where we are, how we play, so they can corrupt, pre-empt, or take down the "alternatives". Play nice with souls that are nice. Play hard with souls who are hard. INFJs can do it both ways.
Im 55 infj. Just go to stage 4.
Life is short.
I think that you describe at the beginning of the video, the unhealthy steps of anger. That could be articulated in the beginning… not that we only or have to do this type of behavior.
I think sarcasm and cynicism are my top 2 ways of dealing with rage (not long term rage, though - in that case i act really passive-agressive). Idk, in a discussion, i keep mocking whatever the other person is saying, laughing at them... and making them even angrier, to the point they surpass the boundaries of acceptable, and when they offend me to that level, i completely explode
My anger just consumes me. Im either in stage 2 or 3, or 4 or 5. My psychiatrist thinks i have borderline personality but i dont. Is this imbalance of states of anger thar just severely effect me
Sometimes in certain situations i feel like I'm not going through all this stages of rage ..i mean i found myself jumping from the suppression stage immediately to the slam door and thats it for that person 😅😅
What if your rage is over how someone (badly) speaks to and treats others? Is this any different than if it were an personal abuse? 0:27
In my personal experience? I go to #5 quicker and skip steps.
I’m just scared I’m gonna say something that’s gonna get me fired. Most of the time I will get to level 4 and will be sardonic with them. Bad thing is they like that, so even though I set a boundary with them they still kinda respect it but will still sardonically tease me from time to time. Most of the time I won’t know how to react when she makes these jokes. Some of them I don’t mind but sometimes I’ll be overstimulated and will just laugh so she will stfu.
So true 👍
🤎💜💙💚💛❤️🧡🖤🤍✨
Hmm
This vid. Was ment for me lol just wish I would of saw it a hour before I blew up on my sis. I should of told her I was I the right mood then. Instead I let it build up. Which was my fualt
Despite saying exactly what the problem is, I'm ignored. I give warnings, & those are ignored. When I go quiet & withdraw, don't push me. Of course, I'm the problem because I'm not catering to your BS anymore.
You look fabulous, but you'd be better if you fixed your teeth. I say this really with my best intention because you have helped me a lot. Its a simple observation because i think the spaces in between your teeth make you look older than you actually are. For the rest, personality included you are a 100%
🙄 A dentist "fixed" my teeth as a kid without my permission before I was old enough to do anything to stop him.
My teeth, pre-dentist, were like the singer Jewel's teeth. I called them "monster teeth" and I LOVED them. I felt like they were my God-given inbuilt "warning" for "normies" that they might want to be just a tad cautious of me, if I didn't have enough worldly vanity to care about having the idealized row of teeth the masses want everyone to have.
I enjoyed that my monster-teeth openly displayed my level 5 potential.
Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...so since she is the main beholder, I hope SHE loves WHATEVER teeth she has. ❤
Grateful 🥲 for this... Yet, I never worry about loosing anything 😅I guess by the time the Bomb explodes 💥💣💥 Is because I already made peace with the consequences 😁 Now, your suggestion worked like a charm 😉 before I understood That I am HEBREW... Making this hell of difficult to control that Mirror 🪞 Being Hebrew as the KJV Bible teaches... Do not do an evil 4 an evil, which I believe is not evil to show them who they are. Nonetheless, Christ said to turn the other cheek 🤬 At this point there is only 😤 so many times I can turned the other cheek 🤨 INDEED... My dark side is scary and makes others uncomfortable 🥵... My apologies that they are uncomfortable for their insufficiencies of not understanding let alone knowing themselves... INFJ make them uncomfortable 😣 because one sees through their hypocrisy and the lie of their real intentions while they display that rake fasad 😅 Really... How about, they make themselves uncomfortable because their lack of honesty not 🚫 to anyone yet TO THEMSELVES... THEY ARE SCARE OF THEMSELVES point, period, blank...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 JAJAJA
Obozavam psihopate kao sto oni obozavaju traume.
Thank you for creating and sharing.