THIS is how you control your emotions
Vložit
- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
- SelfHealers Circle opens for enrollment on May 1st! Spaces are limited and do sell out. Visit this link to jump on the waitlist: selfhealerscircle.com/waitlist/
Order my new book: howtobetheloveyouseek.com/
Get my FREE Relationship Future Self Journal: theholisticpsychologist.com/r...
Find me on Instagram: @the.holistic.psychologist
Key Points
00:00 - control your emotions
00:50 - Response vs Reaction
04:00 - Pause
05:08 - Objective Observation
07:28 - Breath
09:14 - Forgive Yourself
Anyone else getting these videos soon after an emotional battle? It’s like my phone is spying on me and for once I’m not mad about it!
Yes!
I had a panic attack 2days ago, and I hadn’t had one in 2 years. I‘be been a mess since!
Im convinced there is an army of people unknown to me that are out here helping me.
@ And I am truly greatful for them and feel seriously loved.
@ When people show you acts of love and kindness in complete anonymity it leaves you speechless.
Not like. Is.
😂you too
That's a nudge from God, Spirit. That's what I believe. ☺️✨️🙏🏼❤️
The hardest part is to pause!!
"Most of the time we're reacting to the story that we told ourselves." Wow! That's so important to me.
We need as many lightworkers like you as possible ! Amazing poignant teachings.
I admire Dr. LePera's holistic approach; it's refreshing and empowering. Learning to respond rather than react is pivotal for personal growth. The emphasis on pausing and self-compassion resonates deeply.
I had a moment of self appreciation recently in a hard conversation with my partner I felt my body go into fight/flight and paused before speaking out of heightened emotion. The outcome was I suggested taking a short break and continue the conversation when we had both cooled off and when we did come back, we were a lot more calm and real. I wouldn’t have done that a few years ago so pat on the back for me!
❤
Indeed! 💪
Nicole is the only one who can explain these things with such ease and clarity. Forever grateful for what she does!
I'm trying to respond not react but it's such an entrenched habit, I binge eat, or overexecise, cry, say something mean to loved ones or catastrophise and self sabotage 😢then over analyse and push people away, this content has been helping me so much! I've been journaling a lot about this using holistic psychologist journal prompts, thank you so much for this! I'm going to try and celebrate my shifts from respond and not reacting! pausing is hard in the moment so I've been practising conscious check ins too
You're not alone. I do exactly the same things you just described. Stay focused, you're doing a good job. ❤🙏
I needed this video today after a betrayal that hurt 😞 😅😢 me so deeply thank you 🙏 ❤😊
So sorry to hear that 😢 hope you find healing❤
I hope you are doing alright. ❤
@@andreasmith9261 yes 🙌 I am thank you 🙏 it feels so good to have toxic people out of my life
Perfect timing!
I've just been journalling about the (theoretical - hah!) difference between reacting and responding... But now I'm 'fessing up to myself about my own very subtle 'reactions' - occasional binge eating, and occasional small cute item (ie useless, a waste of money) binge shopping.
In the past when I have 'tried' to restrain, hold myself back it's felt like an incredibly unpleasant screeching of brakes, but with the inevitability that I'm still heading over that cliff edge and diving into a pit of craving.
But, after this video, I feel I now have a 'non-confrontational' method. This method feels like it is both subtle enough and forgiving enough to make a difference to those debilitating reactions to my feelings of emptiness and sadness. Thank you. I have hope! 🙏
🎯
The Pause - the first step, especially in today’s fast pace word where an immediate “response” has been expected and normalized, will take much awareness...to Pause, and process the situation objectively.
I like the strategy of placing your hand on your belly as a physical reminder to focus on your breathing.
I have sought counseling since November for how I have responded to my wife. Content like this is very helpful. 🎯
This is me about the responses back to my text communication. It literally feels like EVERYONE ignores me all at the same time and I go into the negative scripts about myself. “Am I being annoying? They must hate me. I texted too much. No one cares.” Thanks for posting how to address this, Doc. 💜
I used to be like this the I realized my anxiety about being annoying, and needing reassurance, was more annoying than the double or triple texting.
I’m going to share this video. Thank you so much! I hope and pray I can shift from react to response. ❤
Hi, I just started following as someone who is healing from childhood trauma. This was so reassuring that I'm making improvements in my mental health. I started meditating almost a year ago been in therapy doing all the things and little by little it's all working out. I'm truly grateful to have found your channel. Keep up the good work! :) Sincerely Hortensia
This is wonderful. Simple, strong and kind guidance .
I Have to learn to practice this more. My bipolar is getting the best of me both in my personal and professional lives. It has become painfully obvious to me.
I was just thinking about this exact topic this morning. It is hard. You video has really helped me. Thank you.
I've suffered with this my whole life, and have finally resorted to avoiding people. I would love to not have intense feelings and physical responses, but I haven't been able to accomplish regulation yet, all that works is removing myself. Exposure doesn't work with me at all. I will continue to try, and this video is helpful.. I'm just saying I think my trauma may be too deep to make much progress very quickly. I have very strong somatic reactions to certain situations and even thinking about going back there.. I have to protect my health.
I'd add to not over analyze, get caught in the overthinking trap. When anxious, sit and rock, hug yourself, tell yourself things like "youre ok", "im here for you" etc breath in time w the rocking and let the overwhelm be processed through
It's so incredibly helpful to hear that this is something everyone struggle with, even if they've been practicing for a long time or are otherwise really well adjusted and emotionally regulated. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we aren't successful unless we just stop having these reactive moments completely. But, as you point out, that's not true! It's more so about being able to handle yourself when these moments DO occur because they WILL occur. Thank you for all that you do!
The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Thank you!
This is a great strategy, but in my experience, it works better if you know your triggers and understand why those triggers affect you the way they do. In the absence of this understanding, even if you do pause and breathe, your anger just stays inside waiting to explode at something else. For me, my triggers were attacks on my individuality. When people are different from others, then other people constantly try to get us to conform to their standards. When I was able to recognize the pressure to conform in them, my triggers lost a lot of their potency.
I wish they taught emotional intelligence in school
Great advice. I’ve been doing this fr sometime and it has taken me a year or 2 it’s a challenge at first but eventually it becomes the norm that’s replaced. Patience is key .
Thanks x
Learning this in DBT right now!!!!!! I love the way you word it, thank you 😊
Thank you Dr. Lepera for the hope that our responses CAN improve over time with consciousness!!! These 11:20 minutes were so needed!! Thank you for putting it put into The Universe for our collective healing!! God bless you Dr. Lepera!
I agree e been much better at following these methods and feel like it has helped me process situations from a completely different perspective than before. I notice a more calm demeanor and usually a more appropriate outcome or solution happens, thank you!!!
I noticed that I wanna react and share this to a few ppl and now I'm stuck.
In one hand, I legit think that this could help them in the long run.
On the other, I've been hurt. And I want them to understand, why I was hurt. And this explanation here is golden at it.
But it is reactive of me. Emotionally.
Right on time!! I am struggling with how I am showing up in long standing relationships. I now feel like a different person trying to show up differently, and people are not accepting. So I’m trying not to react so harshly at not being seen as who I am now. This is. hard.. Thank you!
God is in control. I had an upsetting experience, and my phone was not in the building. God helps us out by bringing us what we need to help us during difficult times.😀
This is really excellent. The clearest & most concise way I've seen it explained. Thank you.
I'm so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever,hoping to retire next year.. Investment should always be on any creative man's heart for success in life.
Thanks for the advice! I'm new to financial planning and wasn't sure where to start. Any tips on finding a reliable financial adviser or resource to guide beginners?
As a beginner, it's essential for you to have a mentor that is verified by finra and SEC to keep you accountable. I'm guided by a widely known financial consultant Stacey Macken
Wow, I'm supprised Stacey Macken is being mention here. I started off with 5K.... Now with massive portfolio highly recommended...
This Woman has really change the life of many people from different countries and am a testimony of her trading platform
I met Stacey Macken at a conference in 2018 and we have been working together ever since.
That's just so hard! I lash out at literally anything, even though there's no reason to that, I've just always been like that. I mean, if you do manage to control yourself, the situation itself probably wasn't so annoying to begin with, so it's not even a big deal. But, like, if you do manage to change completely and never ever scream again, the desire to complain won't disappear, will it? You'll still feel bad, but now no one will pity you
Ugh yes please. I’m three months postpartum and just want to scream all the freaking time lately.
💜
I'm still learning how to respond without being reactive. As of right now, I no longer react aggressively like I used to, but I do tend to respond very loudly. I don't understand why I need to nervously talk loud, which leaves me feeling embarrassed and reflecting on myself. Why can't I just stop reacting to things and learn to sit and listen?
Response-ability 🙂
Hi. I just watched 3 of your videos.
Mother Issues and React vs Respond.
Your experience knowledge is 💯. All 3, resonated with my learned conscious awareness and the challenging practice over soooo long. Peace, Forgiveness, Compassion, Love, is the result....with ongoing awareness and practice. It's awesome to be able to listen to your words saying exactly how I feel with these emotions. Thank You. Grateful. Love and Light be with you. Lynnie
“Paws”/Pause (the difference between the “ruff” bark.. of someone doggin another..
And
Patience
Attitude
Wait
Say
(P’AWS) much cutter then back biting :)
Imagdry helps us remember faster.. also maybe do one of your kid videos showing Examples of React/shun versus Response’ability.
Dear Nicole , you have been the one saving me since last year. I am dealing with complex trauma, that has made me seem irredeemable. My anger outburst is scary to me too. I never knew I was that way , till I got into another relationship. The way I threaten to break things when my partner ignores me , or makes me triggered makes me scared . Could this be the bipolar disorder they speak of ? I wish I could be in your cycle where one can share it is as it is. I desire a change with my whole being . The aftermath of the words I say after getting angry is also not it for me . Please do more topics on emotional regulation, I feel like I am a mess and I am scared of my reactions . 😢
My first language is not English, I speak English everyday for my job, I am a very good speaker and writer but in my professional career as an engineer. But When it comes to communicating emotional responses, I struggle. I never know how to say something in a way that is elegant even in a bad situation.
I am good at pausing because I work on the phone in customer service. I must let the beast pass before I speak. I usually do come across angry but its a lot more professional lol. I swear, sometimes I want to reach through that phone.
Absolutely working it !!! Main points of recovery has been/is...Self-compassion ( grace/space), less judgement, more grounded awareness...insight and intuitive knowing, forgiveness.💔❤️🩹💪🙏
Thank you for sharing this! 🙏
Most grateful for this, and the timing is spot on🙏🤙
I get so upset sometimes. I hate it. I’d love to stop that reaction.
Thank you so much for this priceless information! You and your channel are appreciated! ❤
Holy moly I REALLY needed this. I'm doing my best to improve and when you spoke about the 4th step, it really made me feel human again. This is such a great video, thank you for posting this!
I needed this so much. thank you!
This is true, I have practiced that since a few years now, it made my life better. 💙
What a wonderful teaching message for all of us. Thank you for your service.
I’ve been focusing on this practice recently, and synchronicity seems to be hitting, bc Pearl Jam’s amazing brand new album has a track called React, Respond, and now this popped up in my feed. I love your work, and watch all I can, I’m just glad this made its way to me today. I needed this today. ❤
Thank you so much!! I wish I could have learned this years ago
Always find the good, even if it doesn’t look like there is any . Find the love within and share that love in place of the once shared hate. Hate requires a play mate and if we return with love it becomes a one player game . Namaste
Really great. Thank you❤
We cant control our emotions because emotions are a result of our thoughts.
To manage (not control) oyr emotions we have to choose our thoughts.
Thank you. Greetings from Germany ❤
Thank you!
Thank you so much for these informative videos. They are so helpful! There are times when reacting to a situation with anger, indignation or frustration is completely appropriate. I personally, often seek validation. But it is also not easy to obtain, especially from strangers. These tools are very helpful. But what about validation? Thank you
Thank you ❤❤
It’s so hard to find good counseling with Medicaid. I can’t find any of the tools that I need for CPTSD,Asperger’s,Depression.Mood disorder.
The only tools that I’ve been given is breathing exercises 🤷♂️🤦♂️
i feel like there's a lot of great videos out there about unhealthy reactions and response patterns, but i think for some of us like myself it would be a great resource to be modeled more life enhancing/healthier ways of responding to others and communicating feelings.
Love ❤ this
Great video, as usual ♥ I wonder whether "Focus on breath" should be step nr. 2
Probably
Sorry too general, impossible to do when already triggered. I think shake exercise is more useful in my experience.
.
Hi Nicole, will this work if you have ADHD too? Thanks, Adele 😊
great question, I always femy emotions and emotional reactions are soooooo much bigger than neuro typical! I have ADHD and my emotions were always too much for my mum and others growing up n so I detached for most of my life
great question I have ADHD and my emotions and emotional reactions always seemed to much or too big for my mum and primary care givers growing up n so I learned to suppress them, people please and detach for most of my life. with therapy and self learning over last 7 years my true emotions have come back and I'm learning to express and feel them but they take over me and seem so much bigger than neuro typicals! I struggle several times a day to respond not react then feel like there is something "wrong" with me! I still believe us adhd ers can learn tools to help not let our emotions run out lives but it is soooooooo hard in the moment! thanks for ur question and raising this point.🎉❤😊
It is the same with triggers.
I think the title of this is misleading. Learning to respond vs react is not the samenas controlling your emotions. Control is not the goal, nor is it truly possible. Feeling the emotions and choosing how to respond is. If you are trying to control your emotions you're likely avoiding feeling them
Yes, I know ignoring my feelings does not work.
Listen again , not about control, respond DONTreact it's all about the pause ......
I think for title's sake it needed to be short. It still encompasses the same situations. I read "controlling" emotions as dealing or coping with, or processing past them. I think everyone knows feelings happen. You don't actually control what you feel but your responses to them.
✅ good video
🤍🍀🤍🍀🤍🍀🤍🍀thank you
👏
!!!!!
Q: do you have any additional advice for responding rather than reacting during an in-person conversation, where it can feel almost rude to pause before responding, and even to take a moment for our breath (might be seen as taking exasperated sighs if they notice, for example)? I find this is stuff I can implement when engaging with someone via text, but a telephone or in-person conversation makes it so much harder because there’s an expectation of a truly immediate response. Especially if I let them know I’d like to pause to gather my thoughts, but then my response might be very brief as a result of not wanting to say “too much” (especially if in a suspected narcissist interaction), which might seem extremely blunt, rather than considered. I don’t want my more measured approach to be viewed as additionally judgmental or something, leading to further injured egos.
That's tricky. I'm thinking the more you practice self soothing, I'm doing rocking hugging myself with breath lately and it's working, the more you'll be able to navigate other situations. Visualizing things getting difficult in these moments and how you'll get through it beforehand helps many ppl.
Thank you so much for sharing this great informative video. You are a very special very talented very cute very pretty very sweet stunningly beautiful innocent face God's given gorgeous woman and your all tips, ideas and skills are outstanding. Your all videos and vlogs are amazing and unique just like you. I'm so impressed and completely fascinated by your God-given extraordinary mesmerising personality. You are so special so talented so pure so original so precious, You are number one, You are the bestst among all the best, I'M wishing you alot of success and smiles in all the walks of your life, May God bless you with the best because you are the bestst among all the best, May God fulfill your all desires and wishes and Keep you smiling and healthy always,Stay blessed ❤❤❤🎉🎉😊
I scream as loud and cry loudly as I can let it all out . All the excess adrenaline.Not good to overanalyze . Thank you
It’s such a lesson. We can meditate all we want but when it comes down to it in the moment, can we do this practice so we don’t cause harm? That’s where is counts. Meditation doesn’t fix habitual reactions. It’s a tool to help you notice your reactions more readily and then do this practice to relieve suffering.
Thx for sharing that *you too* are still in the process of fighting those seemingly almighty scripts. 🙏🏻✨