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You are entitled to your opinion! Like I mentioned in the video, is it really my biological clock when I still have no desire to get pregnant? But I do have some sense of urgency that I feel. It could definitely be something else with it's own name and I just don't know what it is. I just wondered if it could be my biological clock because, where my thought process went, it made sense at the time to me. I am interested in hearing more of your thoughts tho. If it is a myth, what do you counter is the feeling that some women are experiencing?

And here ladies and gentlemen, is a prime example of what I mean when I said we are in desperate need of decent people in this world! I didn't think I had to give explicit directions like I was a kindergarten teacher, but I guess that's what I get for assuming everyone commenting would understand to be respectful. Hence me saying I wanted conversation, not insults. Honestly, my bad. I should've known better. I feel so bad for the people that are associated with you because if I knew someone was behaving in your manner, I'd be terribly embarrassed and try to distance myself. If you have kids, I hope they don't see this. I find your choice in wording interesting tho, as if you're trying to protect your argument because you already know what the counterargument would be lol. What could a childfree person teach? We're not here to audition for the role of clueless, it's ok to be honest. You know damn well not every parent is fit to be a parent let alone know everything. And it's not just about what can a childfree person teach. If the same beliefs are held, it's about supporting the parents. Help solidify the lessons the parents want their children to learn. Have you met a teenager? They don't always want to listen to their parents but if someone else reinforces the same lesson, maybe they'll listen. Bold of you to assume childfree people also haven't lived their lives to their fullest potential. I'd say there are plenty of parents who can also be in that boat, but it depends on what that individual considers their full potential. What did that individual envision for their life, what were their goals, and did they achieve them? You also claim childfree people will measure short to "successful" parents. I take that as you're admitting there are unsuccessful parents. In which case, that is a more concerning matter as they are the ones raising the future generation. Don't worry, we're almost at the end. "People who raised great families," again, we all know not every person is a good person. A 'great family' is also not objective I'm afraid lol. The definition of 'family' is going to be based on the individual. There are many variations in what can be considered the family structure, let alone a 'great' family. What I consider a great, successful family may not align with your ideas of one. And that's fine. I personally think it's important that every member of said family needs to learn accountability and growth, but sadly I know many people are still stuck in a victim mindset where they like to tear down and blame others. Oh wait... In summary, what I will be learning from this unfortunate interaction, is maybe I should've just not approved your comment so that you wouldn't taint my comment section of people opening up to share their stories with your online bullying. Maybe next time I'll take the high road and not waste my time and energy. But I hope you learn that not everyone you try and bully will sit down and take it. If you want to act out and project your problems but want a certain response, talk to a therapist. That's why you pay them. Maybe they can also teach you how to have a respectful conversation so that your thoughts and opinions can be heard. I don't have to agree with you to hear you out, but my reaction will be determined by you.

@@charminglykoko There is no worthy counter argument. You suffer from the illusion of choice. Reality is you are a kindergarten teacher who makes very little. You will have no future family to cushion you when you get older and frailer. With no kids and presumably no husband, you will be a financially poor ghost just existing until the Grim Reaper comes take you and no one will know nor care about your passing. Children are the mechanism to protect all of us in our old age. Family has been the base organization that ensures survival in times of war, famine, and financial depressions. All you will have is a reliance on a the empty promises of an over indebted government. In nature, the isolated node is the dead one whose final purpose is to feed the other creatures better at working together in teams.

I really appreciate you sharing while also staying respectful on a touchy subject. A good point that I think you make is that, it's ok to change your mind. But it's important to acknowledge that it can change in both directions. I was "baby crazy" when I was younger while my best friend told me she didn't want kids of her own. 9 years later into our friendship, I am now the one not interested but she has decided she does want 2 kids one day. Both situations are ok. For all I know, I may even change my mind again for some reason next year. I do find some parallels with your story tho. My husband and I did decide that if I ever were to become pregnant, well, it would be kind of decided for us and we would move forward because we are now in a mostly stable point in life. Pregnancy and birth sound awful to me and honestly, if I could skip those parts, I would lean more favorably towards having kids. And since someone reading this may point this out, surrogacy is expensive and yes I know adoption is an option and also something we have discussed. I totally agree that what you want can change every few years. You may regret some decisions more than others. I think it's important people know that regret is a true possibility and not just a fear mongering tactic. I think society has made it an unwelcoming environment for those to admit it but I know there are also people who thought they wanted children and ultimately regretted it for whatever reason (I have seen anonymous admissions on other platforms/pages). I think it's also important that everyone understands that you have to live with the decisions you make. You may not have meant it this way, but I read it as you regret not having a 3rd child BUT you now still have the potential for grandchildren to become a part of your life because you did have your 2. That shows acknowledgement of the consequences of your decisions in life but you're still moving forward and living accordingly to your new beliefs. As for the radical feminist movement, while I agree, that is not something I am going to get into here.

you can adopt

Thank you so much for your honesty.

Thank you for sharing! I think it is important to truly weigh all the pro and cons and really think about all potential consequences for any decision you may make for yourself. While I hate the fear mongering some people will do, saying you'll regret it/you'll have no purpose/etc, I do think it's important for people to see that there are individuals like yourself admitting that you do have regret. It shows that it is a true possibility. Now on the flip side, there are plenty of people who are your age or older and they are still happy with their decision. It's a matter of the individual which so many people forget or don't realize for some reason. Ultimately, regardless of what you decide, regardless of what topic, my stance is that you accept and deal with the consequences of what you decided for yourself. If you do feel regret, I think it's on you to admit it and still move on. Reflect, learn, and share your story like you did here. What I think you did very well is the sharing part. Sharing your view/experience is not the same as trying to force others to do one thing or another based on how you feel about your outcome.

What's funny to me, is that I did used to have "baby fever" but back in my early 20's. Luckily, I had enough common sense to understand that it would not have been a wise choice at that time since I was still in school, my husband and I were still long distance, and he was just beginning his military career. But now, I like the way my life is. All the points you listed that should be considered are things my husband and I have already discussed but I do think they are things that are commonly overlooked when people are deciding on whether or not they'll have kids. At this point, several of my closest friends have children or want children and I honestly think just having an active and involved role in their lives will satisfy me. The difficult aspect is that they all live in different states. Now that I finally feel somewhat established and settled where I am, I think that's why this feeling is now surfacing. Also, I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this and the tone you portray. I know this can be a touchy topic and I think we've all seen plenty of people not know how to lay out their thoughts and opinions in a respectful manner

😮 that’s ok! For some reason your post popped up for me, don’t know why except that i have experienced similar. You are welcome. For some reason your reply did not make my notifications, i came to check bc you are still in my ❤

I'm not a sports person so I know very little, but I can see how families of pro athletes could also face the same issues. That's really cool to hear that Australia identified another group who also faced the same issue and brought them together. I think for me, the biggest thing was feeling like I had a place in the community. When we lived at the military base, that was the first time I officially became a 'regular' at different places I went to. I started getting to know people I saw on a weekly basis. They recognized me, got to know me, noticed when they didn't see me. It's highly possible I'm just associating that entire time of my life as part of my 'military life experience' even if some of it wasn't military related simply because, that's when it happened. I'm back to that point where I'm considered a 'regular' again at different places. I don't live in a diverse area so it's kind of hard to forget me lol. But I feel a bit established now, even to the point where we're networking at the gym.

Ultimately anything fiction that's good writing lol so far I'm liking mystery, romance, fantasy is dependent. I'm trying to dabble in everything to see what I like cuz idk if I still like what I used to

@@charminglykoko Fair enough. Lets hope you do still like it but dont be surprised if you do not lol

Too many people allow themselves to get complacent, too many people allow others around them to become complacent

@@charminglykoko very true that

Tbh I have mixed feelings on self talk. To an extent, I can see how it can be beneficial. But I feel like some take it to the extreme, as if as long as you talk to yourself positively, think sunshine and rainbows, then everything will get better/work out. But nothing will happen without action. Now in the case of imposter syndrome, could positive self talk help, yea. But I think of it as more of a bandaid till you get to the source of whats causing it. I find identifying my issues to be more productive so then I can't ignore what it is I need to work on. Putting it out in the open in videos then helps with keeping me accountable to myself because now I've put it out to the world. Mind as well make my people pleasing work for me lol. Show anyone who's willing to watch that I'm applying the same standards to myself and working on improving once I've identified the issue at hand. Also, I appreciate you taking your time to watch and leave comments. I've noticed you've left several 😊

@@charminglykoko No worries and yes you are right. Things need to b e practical !!

it's ok, that just means originality will stand out more 💁

I'm gonna give you some tough love so I hope you're ready. 1. What happened to you, how your father treated you, was not your fault and I'm sorry that's the kind of parent you had to grow up with. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially by those who we are supposed to see as our protectors, who were supposed to love and raise us. 2. There is no 'therefore'. You did not become a bad father to your son BECAUSE of your upbringing. What we experience, what happens to us, we can't control. They can only be accepted that that was our experience and reality. However, you control how you move forward. You had two options. Use your experience as an excuse as to why you couldn't be a good father, that you had no example or role model. OR, use your experience to become what you believed a father should be towards their son BECAUSE you did not want your son to feel/experience what you did. You already understood that physical abuse was wrong and didn't continue that, good. But it sounds like you didn't know how to support him emotionally, and perhaps that was because you yourself did not know what that looked like or other circumstances in your life. However, it sounds like you're now aware. I believe we can't be blamed for our actions (to a degree) if we aren't aware of them and their consequences, but now you are. So what are you going to do with that new knowledge about yourself? This is where accountability to ourselves come into play. What you did/didn't do in the past can't be changed. You have to acknowledge and accept that. But that doesn't mean you have to stay that way. YOU get to choose how you proceed forward. Which leads to... 3. You can still make amends with your son and change how you want your relationship to be moving forward. I'm not saying it'll be easy because of course he needs to also want it, needs to be willing to hear you out and be willing to put in the same effort. Obviously I don't know what your relationship with him is like, and it'll be awkward in the beginning, but it is still possible to change and be better moving forward. I'm assuming he's an adult now or at least older, so be honest with him. Tell your story, but be clear to him and yourself, that your past is not an excuse but an explanation. Hear him out, let him express his perspective and accept it. Even if you can't salvage a father-son relationship, I think a relationship period is better than nothing. Another thing is understanding that even if you do make efforts on both sides, it won't be instantaneous. It takes time, patience, and space for both of you to adjust, process, and heal. Now unfortunately, there is also the possibility that he may not want a relationship and while hurtful, I think it's also important to respect that. Understand that it is a consequence of your past actions, that he is his own person and thus, more than allowed to set the boundaries he deems necessary for him. All you can do is make sure he knows that the door is open on your side if he were to ever change his mind. All you have control over, is how you choose to proceed. If you put yourself out there, let it be known you want to change and put in effort, how he responds is not on you. You are only responsible for your actions/intentions.

Thank you so much 😭 this is such an amazing compliment! ❤️

That was one of my wake up calls too, seeing my husband with his parents when we started dating. I never thought of it that way but how you describe your relationship with your mother is about the same as mine. My parent's focus was always our 'success', as most Asian parents do lol. Something that has helped to a degree, is reminding myself that the times that our parents grew up and how we grew up were different. They probably had to struggle a bit more than we did and even if we did struggle, theirs was to a different degree. I'm not saying that's an excuse to not evolve and adapt with the times but it kind of helps give some insight. Their idea of success isn't always the same as ours. I think you've achieved a lot of amazing things for yourself and I hope you're proud of them and did it all for you. I appreciate you taking the time to share ❤

Something I've learned, is that you are not responsible for how others choose to react or feel. Especially if it's in regards to what is best for you, deemed by you. Now, I will admit that even though I now know this, it doesn't make it easier in every situation lol. I definitely understand feeling guilty, especially towards people who have done nothing wrong but are consequentially collateral to the decision of not going home. Wanting to see them but realizing that I'd have to sacrifice my emotional/mental/physical well being to do so. Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for you. If you have found a system that works for you, and you think the visits are worth it, then I'm happy for you. But make sure you're not sacrificing your overall well being. Like you said, you have your own family now and they need you to take care of yourself. Thank you for watching and sharing ❤

Anxiety, yes. Depression, no

Thank you so much for taking the time to watch! I just want people to know they're not alone in their feelings, esp when those feelings don't align with the majority

Well said! 👏👏👏

I don't think there's anything wrong with other people choosing to drink if they want, but it's the way it's so ingrained in our society, that if you don't, it's practically taboo. It's one thing to drink in moderation, enjoy a drink with dinner or something, but so many people use it as a coping mechanism or an escape from their problems and that's what I really have an issue with. The lack of accountability.

Oh yes you are so right on that@@charminglykoko

Long distance is both good and bad because a relationship can last longer with distance but eventually y'all will have to have a normal relationship, before y'all grow apart! My friend was in a long distance relationship that lasted awhile but once they moved in together it only lasted 5 or 6 months

This was so beautifully written! LDRs truly are an eyeopening experience with so many lessons to teach if you're willing to embrace them. Instead of focusing on how much the distance sucks, focusing on 'what can I do to bring more to the table.' It really does take a lot of trust in our partner but also in ourselves. I also appreciate the pov you provided, from the man's perspective. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to watch my video! I really appreciate it!

Highschool really was basically a hormonal fueled battlefield 😂 It's been over 10 years and I'm still glad that time of life is over lol I saw a post for a 50th high school reunion for my highschool and I could not imagine taking time out of my day to see those people at nearly 70. Like I'm old and tired now, I bet I'll be extra old and tired then 😂😂😂

I mentioned in the video "sub cliques", I used to have a "sub group" of friends in elementary school thru middle school where I so badly wanted to be like them. One-on-one, it was fine. I felt like I had good friendships with each of them. Once we were all together, I felt overshadowed cuz I was different from them as a whole. Basically I felt tolerated lol. Once in highschool, I naturally started gravitating towards the rest of our friends in the overall group. But still didn't quite feel like I belonged. Looking back, I think what got me thru were the surface level friendships I made when I turned to my other extracurriculars. It wasn't what I was searching for, but it was what I needed at that time. Something a lot of people don't realize or forget, is that friendships/relationships can come and go. Not all of them are for forever, even if we have that expectation. Try approaching someone you've never really talked to, someone you might not normally talk to. Try joining a new club, a gym, or go to a park and just say hi to someone. The thing to remember is you have to put out as much effort as you'd expect from others. And keep trying, you can't stop just because you tried to be friendly to 5 people and none of them worked out because the 6th person could be someone just like you, looking for a friend also. In the grand scheme of things, highschool is such a miniscule part of your life. I know it may not seem that way right now since you're in high school, but I promise it is. There's so much more to come after highschool. It's all dependent on you, which can be freeing and scary, but the opportunity is there. It's just a matter of whether or not you'll make the most of your experiences.

@@charminglykoko Thank you... Didnt expected this lengthy reply from you.. 😂 anyway good luck.. Make more videos like these

Dang, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I try to tell myself that those kinds of experiences help shape us and teach us lessons....but that doesn't make the experience suck any less 🙃 I appreciate you giving my video a chance and watching!

Oh man, high school. I promise you, it most definitely does and will get better. Partially from not being in highschool anymore and a lot because you'll have more control over your life and what direction to take it. Finding your people is hard, but the secret is to continuously put yourself out there and keep meeting people no matter how many failed outcomes. But it's soooo worth it when you find the right people that are for life. It's basically dating lol

I know I'm not the only one that grew up sheltered, but it always feels good to know when you're not alone in an experience. That somebody else understands. I'm so happy you have found your people! It's such an amazing feeling when you realize someone comes into your life and they just understand you in ways you've always sought after. Also, you commenting on my speaking is such a compliment! If only you saw all the excess footage that gets cut during editing 😂Formulating my thoughts and articulating them is definitely a skill that I need to practice. Thank you for the kind words, your comment was needed more than you realize ❤

Exactly 👏👏👏

I didn't notice that 😂 Everyone's experience is going to be different! I'm sure there are lessons someone else could think of that I didn't

Thank you for taking the time to watch! 😊❤️

@@charminglykoko you’re welcome 🤗

Thank you SO much for sticking around, the kind words, and the encouragement! Now that I've gotten over my fear, all I feel is a bit of regret. That I didn't start sooner cuz my head is overflowing with video ideas! 😂Hearing that you find my content insightful is incredibly rewarding, honestly. I told myself that as long as I could make a difference for just one person, that's all that would matter ❤

I'm so glad! Thank YOU for taking the time to watch, I really appreciate it ☺️

Glad you agree! I try and tell everyone who's starting out at the gym that it's all about consistency and effort. And thanks, I gave myself a 2nd degree burn while cooking 😅it's healed now tho, just trying to get the scar to fade

🥰🥰🥰

My cheerleader and role model from the beginning ❤ ❤❤