Is this my biological clock ticking? Even though I'm childfree?
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- čas přidán 22. 06. 2024
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#biologicalclock #childfree
My story: I always despised children. I mean despised! I didn’t think they were cute, I thought they were dirty and annoying. I didn’t wanna be anywhere near them.
I was married and around the age of 26 or 27 noticed the occasional feeling of longing whenever I saw baby clothes. I ignored it, shut it down, insisted that I hated children.
Fast forward to when I turned 28. My husband and I didn’t use protection and I accidentally got pregnant. I was terrified… I knew nothing about babies, pregnancy sounded horrific. I wanted to abort, but decided this is where life has led me so let me go through with this. Mind you, my husband was unemployed at the time, and I was the breadwinner.
9 months later my baby girl was born… It was tough the first few weeks, but at the six week mark I fell madly in love with her. A few short years later, I had her brother. My biggest regret is being this crazy radical brainwashed feminist in my mid 20s and not starting sooner. I wish I could’ve had a third.
I look forward to the next few decades when my kids give me grandbabies.
Moral of the story… What you want today is not what you’re gonna want in 5 10 or 20 years. There’s a very real and obvious agenda of depopulation, they purposely want women to stop having kids. I wish the younger generation would widen up to this.
I really appreciate you sharing while also staying respectful on a touchy subject.
A good point that I think you make is that, it's ok to change your mind. But it's important to acknowledge that it can change in both directions.
I was "baby crazy" when I was younger while my best friend told me she didn't want kids of her own. 9 years later into our friendship, I am now the one not interested but she has decided she does want 2 kids one day. Both situations are ok. For all I know, I may even change my mind again for some reason next year.
I do find some parallels with your story tho. My husband and I did decide that if I ever were to become pregnant, well, it would be kind of decided for us and we would move forward because we are now in a mostly stable point in life. Pregnancy and birth sound awful to me and honestly, if I could skip those parts, I would lean more favorably towards having kids. And since someone reading this may point this out, surrogacy is expensive and yes I know adoption is an option and also something we have discussed.
I totally agree that what you want can change every few years. You may regret some decisions more than others. I think it's important people know that regret is a true possibility and not just a fear mongering tactic. I think society has made it an unwelcoming environment for those to admit it but I know there are also people who thought they wanted children and ultimately regretted it for whatever reason (I have seen anonymous admissions on other platforms/pages).
I think it's also important that everyone understands that you have to live with the decisions you make. You may not have meant it this way, but I read it as you regret not having a 3rd child BUT you now still have the potential for grandchildren to become a part of your life because you did have your 2. That shows acknowledgement of the consequences of your decisions in life but you're still moving forward and living accordingly to your new beliefs.
As for the radical feminist movement, while I agree, that is not something I am going to get into here.
My wife and I are in our fifties and are childless. I will say this. We have nothing to look forward to in life. Nobody to care about us when we get old. I see our friends who did have kids and that is the center of their universe. Not saying everyone should have kids, but just know that you may feel different later in life than you do in your thirties, but it will be too late to do anything about it.
you can adopt
Thank you so much for your honesty.
Thank you for sharing!
I think it is important to truly weigh all the pro and cons and really think about all potential consequences for any decision you may make for yourself.
While I hate the fear mongering some people will do, saying you'll regret it/you'll have no purpose/etc, I do think it's important for people to see that there are individuals like yourself admitting that you do have regret. It shows that it is a true possibility. Now on the flip side, there are plenty of people who are your age or older and they are still happy with their decision. It's a matter of the individual which so many people forget or don't realize for some reason.
Ultimately, regardless of what you decide, regardless of what topic, my stance is that you accept and deal with the consequences of what you decided for yourself. If you do feel regret, I think it's on you to admit it and still move on. Reflect, learn, and share your story like you did here. What I think you did very well is the sharing part. Sharing your view/experience is not the same as trying to force others to do one thing or another based on how you feel about your outcome.
I totally get you, the train of thought you've been getting into. I think you're accurate in feeling that push or incentive is tied to your biological clock.
Here's my assessment: Having a child is basically a biological imperative for women, if 'imperative' sounds too daunting let's just say 'it's something you will experience an urge to do, often counter to your path in life'.
There is no correct or incorrect reason to have a child; You should however weigh the sort of life changes having a child means, the realities, and whether you're able to commit to that.
"Passing on good genes", "Leaving a legacy", "Having just that one person you can condition into being the change you seek", "What all your friends are doing/thinking" -- These are factors, pressures, motivations... Can you reconcile them with devoting ALMOST THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to a family environment a child needs, raising that child, honoring them more than you perhaps honor yourself... Not even to mention the changes it will likely have on your body, mind and life-path. Plus: $$$$
There are times I have questioned this with myself, I arrived at the decision that I'm not placed well enough in life, financially or stability, to give my child even as good as an upbringing as I had. And that was that. (:
What's funny to me, is that I did used to have "baby fever" but back in my early 20's. Luckily, I had enough common sense to understand that it would not have been a wise choice at that time since I was still in school, my husband and I were still long distance, and he was just beginning his military career. But now, I like the way my life is. All the points you listed that should be considered are things my husband and I have already discussed but I do think they are things that are commonly overlooked when people are deciding on whether or not they'll have kids.
At this point, several of my closest friends have children or want children and I honestly think just having an active and involved role in their lives will satisfy me. The difficult aspect is that they all live in different states. Now that I finally feel somewhat established and settled where I am, I think that's why this feeling is now surfacing.
Also, I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this and the tone you portray. I know this can be a touchy topic and I think we've all seen plenty of people not know how to lay out their thoughts and opinions in a respectful manner
😮 that’s ok! For some reason your post popped up for me, don’t know why except that i have experienced similar. You are welcome. For some reason your reply did not make my notifications, i came to check bc you are still in my ❤
Is the biological clock even a thing?, maybe I'm wrong, but I think It's a myth
You are entitled to your opinion! Like I mentioned in the video, is it really my biological clock when I still have no desire to get pregnant? But I do have some sense of urgency that I feel. It could definitely be something else with it's own name and I just don't know what it is. I just wondered if it could be my biological clock because, where my thought process went, it made sense at the time to me.
I am interested in hearing more of your thoughts tho. If it is a myth, what do you counter is the feeling that some women are experiencing?
Child free just means past 40, you are worthless to the world and have nothing to live for. Even your company will be looking to lay you off because they can get a younger worker cheaper. Meanwhile the friends in your age cohort are either busy with their own families or starting to die off.
As for your legacy, you won't have one...full stop. Just what do you have to teach the children of people who actually bothered to have them more than what their own parents already know? A child free person never lived his or her life to full potential. You will always measure short to a successful parent who will be infinitely wiser and more experienced than you. The people who raised great families will be better than you in every way imaginable.
And here ladies and gentlemen, is a prime example of what I mean when I said we are in desperate need of decent people in this world!
I didn't think I had to give explicit directions like I was a kindergarten teacher, but I guess that's what I get for assuming everyone commenting would understand to be respectful. Hence me saying I wanted conversation, not insults. Honestly, my bad. I should've known better.
I feel so bad for the people that are associated with you because if I knew someone was behaving in your manner, I'd be terribly embarrassed and try to distance myself. If you have kids, I hope they don't see this.
I find your choice in wording interesting tho, as if you're trying to protect your argument because you already know what the counterargument would be lol. What could a childfree person teach? We're not here to audition for the role of clueless, it's ok to be honest. You know damn well not every parent is fit to be a parent let alone know everything. And it's not just about what can a childfree person teach. If the same beliefs are held, it's about supporting the parents. Help solidify the lessons the parents want their children to learn. Have you met a teenager? They don't always want to listen to their parents but if someone else reinforces the same lesson, maybe they'll listen.
Bold of you to assume childfree people also haven't lived their lives to their fullest potential. I'd say there are plenty of parents who can also be in that boat, but it depends on what that individual considers their full potential. What did that individual envision for their life, what were their goals, and did they achieve them?
You also claim childfree people will measure short to "successful" parents. I take that as you're admitting there are unsuccessful parents. In which case, that is a more concerning matter as they are the ones raising the future generation.
Don't worry, we're almost at the end. "People who raised great families," again, we all know not every person is a good person. A 'great family' is also not objective I'm afraid lol. The definition of 'family' is going to be based on the individual. There are many variations in what can be considered the family structure, let alone a 'great' family. What I consider a great, successful family may not align with your ideas of one. And that's fine. I personally think it's important that every member of said family needs to learn accountability and growth, but sadly I know many people are still stuck in a victim mindset where they like to tear down and blame others. Oh wait...
In summary, what I will be learning from this unfortunate interaction, is maybe I should've just not approved your comment so that you wouldn't taint my comment section of people opening up to share their stories with your online bullying. Maybe next time I'll take the high road and not waste my time and energy.
But I hope you learn that not everyone you try and bully will sit down and take it. If you want to act out and project your problems but want a certain response, talk to a therapist. That's why you pay them. Maybe they can also teach you how to have a respectful conversation so that your thoughts and opinions can be heard. I don't have to agree with you to hear you out, but my reaction will be determined by you.
@@charminglykoko There is no worthy counter argument. You suffer from the illusion of choice. Reality is you are a kindergarten teacher who makes very little. You will have no future family to cushion you when you get older and frailer. With no kids and presumably no husband, you will be a financially poor ghost just existing until the Grim Reaper comes take you and no one will know nor care about your passing.
Children are the mechanism to protect all of us in our old age. Family has been the base organization that ensures survival in times of war, famine, and financial depressions. All you will have is a reliance on a the empty promises of an over indebted government.
In nature, the isolated node is the dead one whose final purpose is to feed the other creatures better at working together in teams.