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Nonsensical reasoning, oh yeah!!! Whilst picking at you about every stupid thing when you've pinged them in some way

My mother "I was jealous whe your father took you out for the day at christmas", also my my mother when I was hurt or physically injured "I don't remember that". Pathetic and selfish

Those with NPD will need a miracle to change because they are in a perpetual disassociation from their childhood trauma. And you need to be able to access memory in order to heal. Disassociation is protective when short lived, but damaging when maintained. Great video 🙏

True transformation requires willingness to engage in true self evaluation , humility to face reality and patience to persevere in the changing process. None of those qualities is unfortunately present in a person with strong narcissistic tendencies. Thank you Darren 😊 God bless you ❤

I made the mistake of calling my 45 year old daughter out tonight. I feel like I lost her because of it.

This is what I've been trying to name-thank you for this. Over the years, I reduced myself and my life, isolated, abandoned hobbies, friends. Why I wondered? I think to reduce CD. Eliminated all sources of enjoyment so that being with him wouldn't be so strikingly different.

I experienced this narc mindset with a women with whom I had been very friendly. A compliment she heard as a criticism and an offer of help She heard as a one up manoeuvre on her. Upon the complment she doubled up as if I had punched her abdomen. The misconstrued one up she shouted she was one better! This was followed by wry faces whenever she saw me and silent walk by. Two and a half years later she said a curt hullo but my positive feelings for her was like the ebb tide on the Thames! The psychologist above described the mind set effect in detail and well These folk are in a different neck of the woods and the path between is very narrow and winding with pitfalls 😂

O my gosh she would beat me to death with “if the people at your support group only knew the real you!” It WAS the version in her head, she didn’t do support groups reality was too much for her! I’m so angry that I put up with that crap and THANK YOU SIR for talking about this….. It is so evil to treat someone like this…. My first and last narcissist….

New to the info, since a friend has one in his small business, who has a crush on him, no less! My question is, "Can they be helped, healed, and change?"

The word mortify has another connotation than simple shame... it carries an overtone of being embarrassed almost to death.

Great information, delivered gently, factually without condemnation. In 70 yrs I never knew a narcissist, though now, they are seemingly everywhere! How does this happen to them? Are they born with character traits that exacerbate the condition, or are they 'made' by famial influences?

Everything is transactional

I withdrew from my husband from the onset of Covid until his death. Any time I tried to understand and asked for his input it turned into a screaming admonishment. I grew up in a house full of narcissists and chaos; gaslighting, mixed messages, abuse of every variety, and constant yelling. At the point I withdrew I had had it but stayed because he had cancer and was dying.

My wife was horrible to me. I don’t go out and be sociable due to how I feel about meeting anymore women. My xwife has made me never want to date a woman again. So that means no one is getting a date from me. I have to protect myself. I’ve dealt with 15 years of abuse; and it made me snap. I missed out on so much in life due to a woman. It’s crazy how one person can take so much!

New subscriber here. This is a great channel.

yeah narc mortification. "you made me have an emotional breakdown", she says. i merely pointed out the truth when she was looking for agreement. she just didn't like the truth.

5 years of pure hell in earth with one of these sadists who was on show the moment his feet hit the driveway until finally he left for good when I went totally gray rock & he just disappeared

God I have just come out of a relationship with a narcissist I really didn’t realise until I broke free of him and looked back and sat and thought about everything he did I was actually with a narcissist I’m shocked to the end my nerves was really bad I was hyperventilating I couldn’t be by him it’s like I couldn’t breath my body was trying to tell me something I phoned him to say I can’t do this anymore don’t come home he tried to go on a bit but I cut the phone off blocked his email and phone blocked him on everything he was actually sending me crazy I would of ended up in a mental institution and he wouldn’t of cared I actually can’t believe I was in that situation , my life is peaceful now very quiet and good . Thank - God I will never ever go back they will never change if anyone ever goes back things will be exactly the same no way not for me 🙏

My dad and “Flustrated”. I tried correcting him and he went off! Eventually he told me that’s what they say in the military and I wouldn’t understand. 😂

What about the victims of narcissistic abuse that feel mortified, for example, in family or group situations. Is it normal or unusual for a person to leave the family or group behind and not return?

Very well explained. Thank you!

Two years ago I woke up to my son being stolen from me by his mother. I was beyond depressed, not knowing what had happened. She claimed I was dangerous to my son,He doesn't believe so, turning my friends and family against me. Keeping him for herself. Then she called me a narcissist. Since then I have documented everything. His birthday is in three weeks. Court two days after. I promised him daddy was doing everything I can to change things. He asked "more daddy?" I hope so. I am afraid of what might happen afterwards, as much as I have been afraid of what is happening. I can only hope, but no matter what my son's life will be more difficult than it had to be.

When I was three, my Dad came home from a mental hospital. He had been there for a number of things he did, including attempts against me. When my mom got him out, he had a dual diagnosis with two delusional disorders, including "psychopathy." I waited for him on the porch. He walked right past me, saying he did not know who I was. After he had left the family, when I was seven, he vowed to ruin my life. I did not understand why.

He said "you are my hero", and I knew there was my problem.

Very helpful, thanks! I've struggled with hypervigilence and videos like these over the previous months have been so very helpful in managing my CPTSD. 🙂👍🖐️ Hope everyone is well and happy.

Angry narcissist mother in law in a car is lethal. She even denied hitting cars and buildings eventhough we witnessed it. "No I didn't" is a favourite phrase of hers. 😢

I would love to see a Mary Toolan crossover interview one day.

They love to use what about ism when confronted.

Can it make them change for the better ? Thank you Darren ❤️

Denial is the first defense then deflection & projection as the pathological lying escalates. It becomes absurd at some point. I call it the emperor’s new clothes… you can fool some of the people some of the time, but when you can’t fool all of the people all of time, you’re caught without your drawers & then it’s just mortification

Thank you!

Many long-term spouses often end up adapting and using the same behaviors, although not actually a narcissist. It becomes a game of manipulation, gaslighting with no winner. It is very frustrating and fruitless. If you are living this, rarely, if ever, does it change, no matter how bad you want it to. Don't waste decades of your life like I did. Breaking free is the most difficult thing you can do, but I promise you it is worth it. You are worth it.❤

Men do not like being made to feel small. Do better ladies!

It is important for everyone to understand each and every one of us can be a little narcissistic at times. That is normal. Perhaps a day using poor judgment, but that is not what Darren is talking about. This is an everyday way of life in which there is no satisfying the narcissistic parent. The next grand event that must go off seamlessly, or you will be blamed for being so imperfect. Everything is a one up! You are not responsible for the building of anyone's self-esteem, nor should you allow anyone to destroy yours. There is no winning in situations like this. Learning to say NO, no more is your best defense.

It seems like that all woke activists are suffering from a collective NPD. What happens in this case when it becomes a collective social disorder? Could it be treated or should it be treated as a sociological disorder or should it be taken up as individual cases?

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Rugs come in handy.😶‍🌫️

Thank you this this information you shared is so very helpful. I have suffered multiple betrayal shocks and wounds. Also here in America we are “mass traumatized” our government has gone heartless, unsafe, harmful and insane. Many of our churches had become unmoored from the Creator and prefer a sociopath. Yep compound trauma betray. Thank you for being there. Your kind and understanding words and soothing demeanor are most appreciated and welcome. Blessing and love to you. 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Darren you’ve absolutely described these creatures perfectly. I can’t commend you enough in providing such a succinct and damning description of being married to one of these people. Pure hell being betrothed to this miserable abusive person. They slowly suck you in over the years they play the long game as they siphon off your life force like a black hole. Meanwhile everyone around you thinks they’re soooo wonderful! Such a nice guy etc nobody sees them without their mask except for you. They save the worst of themselves just for you where the only emotions you get are anger, hate, disdain, evil smirks, jealousy, loathing and complete passive aggressive bullshite day in and out.

They’ll only stop when you stop addressing them or they’ll change their approach. Regardless it’s best to simply ignore.

They will try to ruin your reputation.

Wow. They creat trauma bonds EXACTLY

Spot on. Narcisists think of themselves as faultless so it’s everyone else that is to blame. They project their evil onto others and see it everywhere. Thank you Darren 😊

In a nutshell, I come from a difficult, dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, they thought I was a gift from grandma that passed away, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, their love was like a benchmark, I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, lack of acceptance, I would hear a family member say “But he wasn’t raised that way!” “Oh it’s just gonna take time.” …and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I wouldn’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. It’s just unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord invalidates me and on to went on to say “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person made a negative comment about me wanting a life there with my family and he said “you don’t seem to realize you want a warped and distorted view of your family” and calling me a “poster child of emotional immaturity”. 😓…even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…and my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life with their families and their siblings, I believe it is the most basic thing a kid can have… but I can’t? I’m not supposed to?… I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said “how on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more”. all that I wanted was a life there with my family… why would anyone be wrong for that?

I have been in a narcs marriage for 35 yrs and its been terrible.. my husband narc works with a work wife SHAME on him he is 79 and she is 32 that to me is sickening.. I am not sure what the connection is there other then a great grate grate grand daughter it is shame ful to me... I feel sick about it... I left him and I live in my own place now and he can take a hick but I am very sad... Can people not see the real them that they don't have an elevator that go to the top???

And the know-it-all who just interrupts people and has to have the last word.

This guy's a good counselor he's really nice and calm love his voice

Thank you for sharing your knowledge! You mentioned in this live that children don’t stay children forever; that as adults they can form a bond (I don’t remember the word you used!) and decide they will not put up with a particular parent’s behaviors. Can they opposite be true? As in the can also take on a “pack mentality” ( again for lack of term) and unite against a targeted parent to keep the status quo in place? Thanks again!

Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Darren, Speaks volumes, They get vindictive when you stand up for yourself, All the hate, Abuse, Threats and intimidation, When you speak truth, A monster mask a raiding as a hero, It's bollocks, I see through you the mask and facade, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 👽🌲⚖🍄🌹🎆🐎✌🦄🍎😘🚀☘🍏🌈💜❤💛💚💙🦁🕆🕊😃

Yup, an eating disorder can result from narcissistic abuse. I've often heard it said in relation to eating disorders that, as Darren has mentioned here, if you're stripped of control in some areas of your life, you may try to control other areas. If the eating disorder is anorexia nervosa then I would disagree that the issue is about controlling an area of your life. Imo (and I'm aware this may not be everyone's experience) anorexia nervosa is an attempt at self-destruction. A slow, painful suicide attempt. Controlling (or to put it more appropriately, restricting) one's food intake is simply the means by which one attempts to achieve this self-destruction. Narcissistic abuse, particularly when perpetrated by a narcissistic parent/parents, often instills an intense self-hatred and self-loathing in targets. They may want to die, slowly and painfully. Starving oneself to death is a way to achieve this. It's not about control, it's about destroying oneself and suffering as much as possible along the way. I know that's extremely dark, but I kind of think it needs to be said.

Yep... I had no idea what was happening but now I know and frankly feel sad for them. Makes me wonder what kind of trauma they endured to turn out that way. It was when I finally stood up for myself and said I wasn't going to apologize again for something I didn't do, that the very fear that had kept me in "keep the peace" mode, happened-I was told I had to leave (among other degrading things) and even though they knew I was A LONG way from everyone and everything I knew and didn't have the resources to go back to my home state they didn't care. "It's not my problem" they said. The last words I heard were "I'm done with you" as they dropped me off at an old mold infested hotel room. One last kick to my heart and stomach to let me know I was nothing. I'm still recovering but I am thankful. Thankful to be alive, to have my physical needs met, to be in a modest apartment now instead of that motel room(it was demolished) and to be away from the day to day dread of wondering when the next bomb would fall.