5 Signs It’s Breadcrumbing, NOT LOVE
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- čas přidán 13. 06. 2024
- Is it love, or is it breadcrumbing? Are you feeling like you're constantly being led on, only to be left hanging time and time again? You might be experiencing breadcrumbing - a toxic behavior often employed by narcissists to keep their partners hooked for their own narcissistic supply.
From breadcrumbing from an ex to classic narcissistic breadcrumbing examples, we break down the telltale signs of this manipulation tactic. Don't fall for the illusion of love when you're actually being manipulated. Tune in to learn how to recognize the red flags and reclaim your power in relationships. Knowledge is empowerment!
#manipulation #narcissist
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Editor: Michal Mitchell
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Brandon / @littleghostyofficialtm
Animator: Sarimopi (IG: sarimopi)
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
McNeil, D. (2022 Mar 1). Breadcrumbing - 5 Signals to Watch Out For and How to Deal With It. Dr. Donna McNeil: The Relationship Expert. danamcneil.com/breadcrumbing-5-signals-to-watch-out-four-and-how-to-deal-with-it/
Zarrabi, R. (2022 Jun 6). "8 Signs of Being Breadcrumbed." Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202206/8-signs-being-breadcrumbed
Soeiro, L. (2022 May 11). Red Flags of Breadcrumbing in a Relationship. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/i-hear-you/202205/red-flags-breadcrumbing-in-relationship
Soeiro, L. (2022 May 11). "Red Flags of Breadcrumbing in a Relationship." Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/i-hear-you/202205/red-flags-breadcrumbing-in-relationship
Have you ever heard of this term Breadcrumbing before?
Nope
No
No 😭
Mayhaps
no lmao
-Uncertain situationship
-inconsistent communication
-Lack of future planning
-No personal investment
-Hot and cold behavior
-Temporary change
These are very true
Gotta cold turkey or go toxic 😢
Avoids all tactile connection kisses in particular,likes unavailable men,likes distant friendships,dosnt encourage visiting their home
U just described my ex and we had met through app too
when you are certain, consistent, future "faking" planning, highly invested, luke warm (never hot and cold), then you are officially classified as needy, desperate or, a certified bore.
This is why I'm scared and horrified of dating. People aren't what I'm looking for in a long term haul after marriage.
its common now to dating out of boredom, we genuinely want someone for the long run. but most are looking for accompany when they bored or want something. id say, find someone who have same goal as you. its hard but i believe there someone out there who sees us as someone they want to have their life with
Not necessarily the same goal. Try to be friend with someone you find attractive, then eventually ask them if they want to date you. That's how relationships work, they are based on friendship. Do not try to rush a long term relationship, start slow, partner 😄 @@bloodfae
Have you thought about skipping the paper work? Now a days you need like 15+ plus years to even consider it :/
Literally same
Yes everyone want relationship for 3 years and then break up
If someone tries to play any mental games, that should be a dealbreaker. People with healthy self-esteem refuse to play games and trust themselves to find someone who will be straightforward with them.
So this!!!!! 💛💪🏾
Exactly ❤
As my friends put it: "you refuse to negotiate with terrorists" 💪
Spot on !
exactly
After my divorce, I unfortunately experienced breadcrumbing. Spent 5 months. I got really tired and “ghosted” the guy. Now I’m with a person that not only gives me the loaf, but brings also the supper. Never been so happy.
I hope and pray it works out for you..
@@funkysawmanwright5077 Thank you! I'm doing fine!
Ditto.
Same here...Just after the divorce, the breadcrumber told me that it is the universes attempt to bring us together... But he had all the qualities mentioned in the video... The moment I stood up to him and called out his behavior, he ran at full speed!!!
Ghosting is a tactic Breadcrumbers use i wouldn't be bragging about that.
Same. But I spent two years gobbling up any crumb dropped before I ghosted him just recently. I hope I eventually have a happy ending like yours.
Breadcrumbing is essentially just playing mind games
And being led on
Yes. I was being led on. Not anymore! He is blocked forever...
bread-crumbing to me is worse than playing mind games, b/c the other person is giving you just the bare minimum to keep you in the relationship knowing full well they have no intention of having a relationship/commitment w/ you.
People with NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, do this.
Once you get a feeling that someone is giving you these type of vibes stop all communication.
Thats also tough , Memories makes me anxious everytime, not able to focus. How to deal with that?
@@dorthyplants You have to realize and recognize that you deserve more than what this person is giving you. This may be a person that your really into but there not into you like that. When a person loves you it's a whole different feeling.
My ex girlfriend literally did everything you describe here, and more!
"Maybeee" was her favorite word. She did not want me to meet her relatives, and kept me away on holidays. Vague, hot and cold, distant, secretive, very controlling, and cruel mental games.
Then giving crumbs of hope... many. Showing up at my door several times, after we broke up. Calling, saying nice things with no follow up.
Finally, I grew tired of the emotional abuse, and cut things off. But it was hard.
That's because she was a narcissist. I went through it too.
Yeah too many possibilities of why she was doing it to even torture yourself about it, and thought you would do that. Ghosting her and cutting off communication is how to go about it and I understand it will take time to forget, fortunately there's millions of good looking and awesome girls to go around.
My ex G.F did all that !
Maybe she had an avoidant attachment style. Look it up
@patriot-hj5vx Then why get into a relationship and lead him on. That makes things worse.
This literally spelt out my last "relationship". Absolute torture full of uncertainty and anxiety. I wish I didn't make so many excuses for her, and just accepted the fact that if she actually wanted to, she would. Always thought maybe I was the problem, and I was simply not understanding her enough, but the reality was, I was Bread crumed as a source of attention and validation without any real desire to keep me. It's hard to process and I'm still processing it.
I told my most recent situationship. “You will change for someone you think is work changing for . You don’t believe I’m worth changing for “
They’re so effing manipulative to the point where you’re always convinced that you are the problem and they treat you terribly when you finally catch on to their game and walk away. The manipulation can be so damn subtle that you always think you’re the problem when in reality they’re just playing games with you out of immaturity!
@@friedkake1876 damn and was it easy to walk away from? How long did it have to go on before you made the decision?
@@danielpam6310 when I tell you it wasn’t easy it wasn’t easy. I had created a fantasy version of her that I was happy with when in reality she was emotionally unavailable and manipulative. She also liked to play a lot of head games. The last straw for me was when she started to express her attraction towards “ Dilfs “ while she had called me at 12 am and woke me up out of my sleep. ( this became a regular occurrence of her only giving me time to talk late at night. This is a red flag if someone only makes time to talk to you late at night ) it made everything click. It takes a lot of mental fortitude, self compassion, and self respect to walk away from self serving people that you love , because deep down you know that they won’t change for you and that they don’t feel the same but they will dangle a carrot ( breadcrumbimg ) to keep you hoping that there’s something more. It can be weaponized intimacy , gas lighting , or overt manipulation. If you accept reality for what it is ( very difficult when you’re prone to limerence - romantic obsession) you begin to see the patterns and what’s been happening to you? Seeing people for who they are objectively and how they view you is a huge step in moving away from people that only want to hurt and abuse you. It is not easy but when is doing the right thing ever easy ? Be nice to yourself , feel your pain :) don’t use things like porn , sex , or drugs to self medicate cause those leave you feeling worse. I hope I dropped some knowledge sorry for the long message
@@danielpam6310 I dated her for 9 months but it took me 11 months to catch on. Don’t be like me 😂
If i ever was in a relationship, the 5 most important things I'd give my partner are
- Personal space and time
- Support
- Take accountability in the relationship
- Solve the relationship
- Be genuine to them
I dont want my partner to end up being manipulative
Reciprocity is a good one
Thank you for being one of the better people out there, I refuse to date anyone else in this day and age because it’s typical for most people to not know the bare minimum and that’s literally all I ask, but some people can’t even do that so I rather stay independent and rely on myself.
What do you mean you don't want your partner to end up being manipulative? You're saying you can make them turn into being manipulative? I often thought people are manipulative simply because they are due to upbringing
@hananez7681 What I mean is that often manipulative people often seem nice at first, but as the relationship develops, they slowly get more toxic and manipulative and not who you were expecting them to turn out. That's what I meant when I said I don't want a manipulative partner
@@MistyDrop26 I see. I actually just got out of a relationship with someone who turned out to be manipulative and rather toxic. And sometimes I wonder if possibly it's my fault, that maybe I was the one that caused them to take that method of being manipulative
I have not only seen this with situations of love, but in friendships as well.
🥲
This was literally 2 of my friendships that lasted over 2 years, they did everything mentioned in the video. I'm still recovering from the damage that's been done even though it's been about 6 months, but it's been way better since then and I was able to meet new people including my best friend and they're probably the healthiest friendships I've ever had
That's very true 😢
@@toknowistolove I don't like to confront people, I feel like I'm overreacting (probably).
I’m going thru this with a friend
silence speaks louder then words do
This is so true…
If they wanted, they would have!
This is exactly what I experienced in a recent relationship - such a painful and demoralising experience 😤😓
Remember, while your value is not defined by the way others choose to treat you, you set the example. Do not tolerate poor treatment. You deserve better! 💛
0:00 intro
0:42 An Uncertain situationship
1:13 inconsistent communication
1:41 Lack of future planning
2:18 No personal investment
3:07 Hot and cold behavior
3:31 Temporary change
4:29 outro
Having experienced breadcrumbing firsthand, I've come to realize that it's not our fault. We all deserve open communication and mutual respect in our relationships. Here are three tips on how to deal with breadcrumbing:
1. Trust Your Instincts: If you feel like someone is breadcrumbing you, trust your gut. Don't ignore red flags or dismiss your feelings.
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries early on. If someone isn't willing to meet them, it's a sign that they may not be serious about the relationship.
3. Focus on Self-Worth: Remember your worth and value. Don't let someone else's inconsistent behavior define your self-esteem.
Accurate! Don't let someone's inconsistent behavior define your self- esteem.
Also this.💛😍
I simultaneously hate and love when these videos explain what's been happening to me...feels bad bro 😔
Best to know
It's good because it opens up your eyes so you are not left in suspense
So what we've known for decades as "mixed feelings" is now a formal term. Got it!!
I wasted my 20s on women who breadcrumbed me (this was in the 90s, long before there was a name for this behavior, although if I'm keeping it 💯 I can't say for sure that knowing it would have done me any good).
It was in my 30s, when I finally got into recovery and actually did work on myself that things changed, including my approach to dating. I set boundaries, which ultimately led me to the wonderful woman I married.
We celebrate our 20th anniversary next month.
congratulations!!
@@jilyyyyy. Thanks! Our anniversary is today! 20 years!
❤
In the 90s (and long before that) it was called "leading someone on"
On my quest to be the best man I can be, I try to learn all of these so I don't do them. It's super easy to get complacent in relationships.
It's interesting when someone has done this before, wants you back, then does it again. Cut ties at this point.
40 years of uncertainty, filled with fear.
Oh, the sweet little crumbs you find are the sparks in the dark of life. You just have to remember that it's just crumbs not the entire cake.You have to be weary of the sweetest little cake crumbs that you follow like a mouse, it may be rat poison that you're enjoying and not knowing... Of these things I know...😔😔😔
Remember your self-respect! Remember that you are worth more than this!
@@oldskoolaspie yes, eventually everyone finds that trail of crumbs that lead them to their cake in life...
Damn that was beautiful 🫠
Currently involved with someone who checklists every criteria for a person who'd breadcrumb. As an empath it's highly emotionally draining and hurtful, given the amount of efforts I've given from my side. She's a good person in herself but i don't think getting in a relationship with her would do me any good in the long run. Thanks to you and a little bit of knowledge I've gained of psychology, it allows you to better regulate your emotions and analyse situations from a third person perspective (with minimal biases)
A good person never breadcrumbing the others. She won't ever think about that because the really good people give a thousand thoughts for their actions and the effects to the others. She isn't kind or good.
I too am an empath and my distant avoidant would breadcrumb regularly but while on a call with her one day my empath radar detected a change in her speech pattern ,it was slower more pronounced and patronising,I worked it out she was multi tasking dureing our call,i bided my time then one day she accidentally called me by another man’s name ,enough was enough audios distant avoidant breadcrumber
I have experienced this in my past relationship I just didn't understand what the term was or anything about it. If I had this video at my disposal when going through this I would have seen the signs much sooner. My advice to those who are experiencing this don't give in stand your ground because you know what is best for you. You don't need someone that does those signs when there are people out there that won't do this. Hope this helps you if you need it like I did when I went through this with my ex.
Funny but that’s exactly what I told this woman who likes me to do for herself. I think she prefers breadcrumbs
I have been there and it is so emotionally draining. I don't get it why some people had to do this to others? for what joy? :(
What’s more interesting and educational is the difference between breadcrumbing and avoidantly attached people.
What is the difference? Often, i watch vids like this and know that i or others I've known have displayed behaviour that's been presented in a negative light (as using, breadcrumbing, etc.) but because of trauma, neurodivergence, etc.. Often, i want to comment about this other aspect of reality, but I don't want to complicate things for viewers who are definitely in some sort of exploitive, unhealthy, or toxic situation.
@@user-kt8vn6ip2w There isn't a difference, really.
Bread crumbling is often done by the avoidants, though sometimes it is subliminal and unintended
@@user-kt8vn6ip2w Yes, my neurodivergent and avoidant BF does all these things and I just don't know how to take any of it. He really acts like he loves me when he's with me.
@@user-kt8vn6ip2wultimately, the truth is that manipulative tactics are manipulative tactics, and having trauma doesn’t exempt you from responsibilities you have to treat your fellow humans respectfully. No one is worthless or beyond help, and it’s good to recognize it when our trauma responses cause us to want to act in hurtful ways towards others - I’ve done it, too. Most people watching this video probably have at some point. We identify past behaviors that were suboptimal, we reflect on why we did those things, and we consider how we can make better decisions in the future. That’s how we learn and grow.
I had many breadcrumbers, they drop me a message from time to time and that's it. I am fully aware they are just keeping me "on the side" and that I am someone who they consider in case nothing else works out. It made me totally lose faith in humanity. Now I am single and rather stay single than be with a$holes who send me a message from time to time and think that's enough. And especially from those with whom I go on real dates (kind of) who refuse any talk about future because "we should live in now", "I can't plan that far", "I can't promise anything, maybe I will die soon" (nope, he is still alive and well and was when he said that), "I can't plan because my work is so demanding"... Just LEAVE! Don't try to keep me on a leash!
O.M.G. Queen... r u ok?? leave a man like that you dont deserve that. Keep your head high and your hopes higher than ever. 👑👑
I have a married woman i work with who is doing this to me. I lost my wife 2 years ago and its very difficult for me. I even told her if she only wants to be friends i have to set boundaries. Yet she constantly asks about my life like shes interested and asks me for help at work all the time when I specifically asked her not to because my wife always asked me for help when she was ill before she passed. I don't know how to get away from this unless i quit my job as I see her every night at work. Also she texts me and when i answer she takes hours to answer back. Or at all. I tried to quit texting her but she always does me now. :( Im trying to blow it off but honestly it hurts my heart because i feel something for her and shes just toying with me. I wish i hated her instead.
@@dmace81She's married. She isn't changing her life to be with you. She's not clear with you. She disrespects your boundaries and knows her actions are putting you in a place of pain, because you told her. She's using that to keep you emotionally attached, because she knows you miss that from your wife.
I don't think you should hate her, because she may have mental issues, but love yourself enough to tell her "no", "I don't want this kind of connection with you", "i'm not comfortable having a personal friendship/relationship with you", "keep things professional at work. I want to feel comfortable enough to stay in my position.".. etc..
If you believe you have done enough to make it clear to her, yet, she makes no changes to respect you or starts getting more aggressive, you should block her number and report her. She's borderlining harassment. You just have to tell her "no" to unreasonable requests or inquiries. How she reacts to that is on her.
If you do want a relationship with her, you can tell her what it takes to get serious with you, and see if she obliges, but it doesn't sound like it's starting out good.
Update. I've ignored her texts and she's lost interest and treats me like crap like I don't exist. Now It kind of hurts but I'm glad I did it. Now she's doing same crap to the new guy they just hired. So it's obviously her not me. He got her brownies for her birthday. Yet barely knows her. Poor bastard. She has her claws in him now. I know it hurts but I can do better and deserve better. I guess that's what lot of these young 20 something women want. Just to get attention and then ignore you when they're tired of you.
@@dmace81 You can demand clarity. They can reject you for that, but it would be their loss.
Yes , it feels so so confused. They first say good things. Then , tell Real agendas of Just hookups. & they even make fun of your choices of when to get married.
It’s quite possible that the person whose behavior is identified here as breadcrumbing has an avoidant or disorganized attachment style, which I view as different than manipulative, though it may have that as a secondary effect upon the other person. I am reluctant to accuse someone of engaging in manipulation, even if their behavior feels hurtful or confusing to another person, if their actions are based out of their fears regarding their own emotional safety.
Intention matters not If the impact is pain to innocent third parties
I agree here. I think there should be some attempt at tolerance and understanding when its accidental and not malicious/manipulating. If youre just starting to get to know each other, you just cant know. And everybody has their flaws and weaknesses. People may teach each other to overcome some of these flaws, mutually, as they start to bond as well. There are lots of ways to mess up accidentally without even realizing even if you are looking for genuine connection
Agree..my understanding of breadcrumbing is it’s a manipulative ploy to get you hooked so that the breadcrumber has some fun getting their ego stroked with your interest in them. It is never serious but meant to bring in supply for the narcissist breadcrumber who has zero interest in a real relationship. You’re just supply to them. It’s usage. Their feigned interest is geared to make you interested in them. They won’t throw out a piece of bread until you’re starting to notice the fade and fading out yourself. A good sign of this is you feel teased, like when someone offers a treat to a dog but never ever gives it, pretends to but pulls away. They take actual delight in torturing someone in this way. They love to see the submission. That’s what they’re going for…the ego boost, the power, the ‘’worship’’.
I’ve seen some comments here from other posters and I think maybe they are misunderstanding the term…- if someone is contacting you sparsely it’s not necessarily breadcrumbing, though it can be annoying if they aren’t making any definitive moves towards you. Some people are unsure. They may like who you are and sort of keep you in rotation not out of malicious intent, but in hopes they themselves might become more clear on their own intentions and feelings about you. It’s typically not a great sign anyway that two people are ‘meant to be’, but some relationships can begin with rather blah beginnings. It’s best not to drag someone along though. Getting to know someone can take a lot of time and some people are really bad at both finding out who others are AND/OR figuring out their own emotions for someone and they can even be confused on how to handle it all.
❤
@@zakosist💗
His life is a secret, yet he listens into my telephone, ghosts me, I live iwith permanent fear and bread crumbing.
My advice would be to not confuse some of these signs as bread crumbing, if the person has low self esteem, is shy, internationally suffering, is experimenting, or is their first time in a relationship.
Breadcrumbing can be unintentional but is still breadcrumbing, the same with manipulation. Many people manipulate others unintentionally but it is still manipulation, just the intention is different. The advice should be to radically accept that the relationship is not healthy and to take active measures to change that, if the shy partner isn't willing to put on the effort there is nothing you can do except leave.
You sound like a breadcrumber. Stop playing with people's emotions you sick f**k. Go get therapy.
Nope,not at my and his age,late 60s,you dam well know what your doing to someone,snd hiw much it hurts,this is my first experience since my divorce,25 years ago,and you kniw what,it's horrible and painful at any age
@@rosettesionne9139 Exactly, it doesn't matter if the other person do it intentionally or not, we must set boundaries in order to take care of us.
💗
Happened in my last relationship/friendship. He never told me if we were just friends or dating, it left me feeling uncertain. He replied me with long silence in-between. Our relationship had all these signs. I didn't know I was being breadcrumbed. I wasn't sure if ending our friendship/relationship was a good idea, but thanks to you, I know I've saved myself from a world of hell. I've been crying for the last 5 days, my world turned into stone after he left. But now I realize it was for the best.
Edit: A huge thanks for your support❤ I'm feeling better now. He found a new partner, but I'm happy for him. I'm currently single and happy with my friends as well.
it is okay to cry since you lost a loved one, but it is for the better, you will find someone who really loves you and won't breadcrumb
Good for you, I need to find courage and do the same.
Thank you, I really appreciate your support.
Same here. It's 2 years cut off him still not getting over from the horrid experience and he's married now. Sad but today's reality is such kind of people succeed in life.
Breadcruming is horrible, but just remember his rejection was your protection !! there is someone out there who deserves you !!
Perfect Timing man!!
Im bein Breadcrumbed but im breadcrumbing some people this is helpful
You reap what you sew!!
Truth is, I am experiencing this as the woman I have been dealing with has zero value in me. We rarely chat and when I get a message from her, she only wants something. Yep, she is absolutely manipulative
Been there done that … it’s best to respect yourself enough to walk away. You cannot convince someone to love you I learned that the hard way 9 months and thousands of dollars later lol. She had the nerve to tell me once “ black men don’t like to commit “ when I spent 11 months trying to commit to her and be close to her and she rejected me at every turn but enjoyed using me for my emotional support and unconditional love towards her…And also my money 😂
@@friedkake1876glad you walked away, people like that aren’t worth it
@@CatoTato they never are but they’re always the main ones trying to clear their conscience when they realize their wrongs
Was in that kind of relationship for 2 years. Broke me.
That’s so sad. You are quite handsome (if ur pic is of you) so I hope you are able to move on to someone who finds values you and celebrates your worth-! It’s a shame how it can be hard to meet people in real life, that is my problem right now as well. I wish you all the best-!!
as somebody who has never been in a relationship, thanks for the heads-up!
Even if you haven't been in a relationship I feel that the same applies for making friends too, the friends you have that do make time for you, as in really make time for you and you regularly see them won't also try to breadcrumb you into a friendship too.
Those, those are people worth keeping in my life.
Always believe on your intuitions towards your partner if you are feeling something missing then run. That person is just using you
Yes. Dont end up like me. Got engaged because he wanted to in the beginning in the end he decided he dont want to marry me just 3 months into the engagement after almost 2 years together. Always have this naggy feeling in me that he is not what he is. Should have run the moment his first red flag show.
Yeah it happened to me, now I'm just scarred and lonely.
Damn, I experienced this for 4months. We also went on a 3 week road trip together, every morning she would start off so cold and distant, it would take so much energy for her to warm up to me in the evening and then the next day I had to start all over again. She would say things like "I know what youre trying to do" whenever I did something genuinely kind and actually when we first started sleeping together, if she woke up in the middle of the night I would ask if shes okay and if everything is alright, her first response was that she never had a guy ask her that before... This made me feel so sad but should've been the first warning that things were about to get dark.
I know the guy I like is breadcrumbing me, but I just can't help but hope that he'll eventually like me as much as I like him. It pisses me off how I just can't get myself to stop liking him. I think it will be easier for me to get over him if he just rejects me, but I also don't want him to do that.
Edit: he started dating my friend. A part of me is beginning to think I'll die alone.
I think I’m that guy, maybe not that specific guy, but I’m that guy with someone I consider a friend but given I’m away for long term don’t want to lead her on…she wants a commitment, so I am sporadic in how I communicate, tho am responding to her
You can't just stop liking him, but you can absolutely leave him high and dry and expect better for yourself. I swear to you, in five years, you'll be so immensely grateful you did it
You can not convince someone to like you or cherish you the way you do … when people show you who they are and how they view you you believe them the first time
We're in the same situation. I know I'm getting crumbs but i love him so much i cannot leave him 😢
@@rochellesonza6505 I think you can do it. It is so damn hard but remember that the version of him that you love is the fantasy version you created of him in order to keep yourself pursuing things with him in reality. You could probably say that we fall more in love with the fantasy version of that person and not necessarily the actual person
This feels like I was meant to see this
Yeah me too. This person in my life moves on Monday out of the city so it'll be over for good finally.
Exactly what my ex did to me. Took me 8 months while in this state to realize I needed to respect myself and end it. My only regret is not being secure enough to realize that sooner.
Thanks for sharing. It can take time to recognize what's best for ourselves, especially when emotions are involved. It's commendable that you eventually took that step to prioritize your own self-respect. What do you think helped you finally realize what needed to be done?
Yes yes and yes. Being a victim to it is not good. The sooner you recognize the he symptoms, the quicker you can point it out and determine if you need to leave
Exactly that… as soon as you spot those signs, for example someone messaging you only once in a while but not bothering with a real conversation, being distant, not committing any time or making any plans with you… just drop them 👍
FOCUS ON SELF LOVE FOR YOURSELF!!! Maintain your SELF RESPECT!!!!
I recognize several of these from the covert narcissist I was probably trauma bonded to. She took every piece of info about me and my family and weaponized it against me while revealing little to nothing about hers (fake dad in NY, grandma, dead sister with no proof they even exist, no speaker call, facetime, or intro while I had introduced her to several ppl on my side in person. Reciprocating respect and actions slowly building over time is key I believe now.
Narcs are literally the worst
this has happened to me before and it left me wounded badly. i'm glad there's a term that describes what i went through
I hate to say it, but this video describes me perfectly as a friend. My entire life I was afraid of people rejecting me so I kept all my friends at arms length, and many of these tactics have been used by me to keep attachments to a minimum. I never wanted anyone to be close to me, and the people who insisted on being close I tried keeping away. Some of those friends I wish I had let be closer to me, and that I’d been a more reliable friend to them. If I had I wouldn’t be so alone today, but I think ultimately I deserve to be alone, any friend I have seems to be worse off knowing me.
Same here. It turns out I've been breadcrumming people my whole life... they're better off without me.
I understand you, I've been doing the same my whole life... I didn't mean to hurt anyone but I still did it and I regret it so much...
You can always change! It doesn’t have to be that way! I think the first step is recognizing the problem and that’s what you’re doing! The next step would probably be choosing to be open with somebody that you feel comfortable with (close friend, family member etc.) and see how they react. If they react with an open heart and accept you, that’s AMAZING! ❤️❤️ If they don’t or notice that or maybe breadcrumb back, it’s probably a good idea to take a good look at that relationship. I hope that this helps! ❤️❤️
The first step is admitting this with yourself and seeing that it's a problem. So many people who do this have so much pride and are extremely entitled. They will never change. So i'm proud of you for admitting the problem. Now the step is to get professional help.
Loving the softness of this new narrators voice.
So this is what it’s called. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. I’ve given up on dating at least for awhile cause it was constantly just this.
We hope this video helped you! It's understandable to feel discouraged after going through that repeatedly. Taking a break from dating sounds like a wise choice to focus on yourself. What do you plan to do during this time to take care of yourself?
I was being breadcrumbed during 2021 :( 🙄
Uncertain situationship, inconsistent communication, no personal investment, and hot and cold behavior explains it for what I went through during 2021
This video honestly came out at the perfect time for me. I was overthinking everything and I felt like I ruined things, but seeing how all these signs matched the person I was talking to almost to a T, it's kinda scary and it helps me feel better and understand that it wasn't completely my fault. That I was looking for something that wasn't there in the first place, at least not with that particular person.
It's great to hear that the video resonated with you and helped provide some clarity. Sometimes seeing those signs laid out can be a real eye-opener. Do you feel more confident moving forward now that you have a better understanding?
@@Psych2go After everything, I feel like I have a better understanding of myself now. I know that I need to work on my self confidence and how I view myself, but also I feel like I have a better understanding of what I'm looking for in a relationship now as well as what I'm looking for in a romantic partner.
I had no idea breadcrumbing was a thing, thank you for letting me know. I am currently in a breadcrumbing situation and it’s been very difficult to deal with.
Wow, the timing of this video is spot on.
Had been thinking this was happening to me, & this showed me my thinking was correct!
Thank you! 💜
Here's my little story: ( warning it's long)
I met her online and we became best friends, and eventually I fell for her and she discovered that. We were about to start dating at the moment I show my face (I was shy, but almost did it) we were acting like dating and so until an in real life boy confessed to her, and just because he is in real life and not online, she chose him as boyfriend. After a long time she decided to break up with him because he was a terrible boyfriend, and at that date we were planning to date but AGAIN (sorry, it's my frustration) 4 online boys confessed to her. She says now that she's acting flirty and that she wasn't so but doesn't wasn't anything romantic with anyone, beside everything I still like her. She still sometimes act like we are dating (but it's NOTHING like before) and thanks to this video I started to think that she's breadcruming me and the other boys. I want to let her go, I know I should. But I just can't, and it's a double side sword, one side with love, other with suffering. She makes me feel loved but at some point she'll have to choose and that may or may not break my heart.
Thanks you for reading this, feel free if you like to say something and have a nice day.
This is so relatable. I was in a situation ship for over a year without realizing it but all of these signs were there and it took me up until last year to fully accept it. This brought hurtful triggers but I'm glad it did because it tells me I'm not fully healed yet and I'm more aware of this type of narcissistic behavior. I do not wish this on anyone, it is very painful and shameful.
I believe bread crumbing might be a more common practice than we think. It seems many relationships are superficial and usually one person lives in a different world.
Lived this!!!❤
Don't sugarcoat their lies, always analyse your relationship with clear mind, recognize the patterns and (if you're being breadcrumb'ed) drop it.
Or else you'll waste a couple of years of your youth on a wrong person.
Or more years
I'd be interested in knowing, why people breadcrumb others.
I tend to do some of the described things myself, despite not wanting to.
From personal experience people who breadcrumb have a deeper problem
I fell for this for 10 years.
me too ♥
Skill issue
Told a guy he was bread crumbing me & he told me to stay off TikTok 😭😭🥴
I was just talking to my daughter about this and I used this same term without knowing it was even a real term to use. And we even went so far as to say in a joking way although not funny at all, that the other person is getting the whole meal and I’m just getting the breadcrumbs, the mere scraps. So I caught on that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal and something was definitely wrong. I was expected to give more and make his stuff his wants and needs a priority while the things I asked for never got done. The things I wanted and needed to feel secure in the relationship was always put off or there was some excuse. Three years later I’m seeing that maybe nothing I asked was ever going to come. I’m started to see that perhaps there was never any intention of doing those things. So time for me to leave
I think someone tried to bread crumb me today online. She was flirting with me and then when I asked her if she was flirting with me she said she talks like that with everyone… bruh… later on she blocked me and im glad she did cuz I don’t talk to people like that.
I have no idea why people do this it’s mind boggling to me.
There seems to be a lot of people with some serious issues online these days especially on dating apps.
Isn’t that just leading them on but with a new name??
I have been breadcrumbed by a friend, finally understood that is it that he ws doing. Whenever he saw me at work he's act like he is interested, sents sporadic texts, whenever I asked to hang out, he'd first say yes and then later say no.
I’ve been there in my past relationship. I ended things with them because of these breadcrumbing tactics. It hurt breaking things off, but if you’re in a similar place you need to take care of yourself first. Someone is going to mutually love you someday and until then love yourself first
Can you cover bread crumbing in marriages? Its so much more complicated and complex to detect 😢
Absolutely relevant video in the era of Overwhelming social media.
Thanks for the video.
I'm so sad, I can see all of these signs in the way that the boy I've been in love with for almost a year treats me :(
Omg, male version of the voice narration! ❤
One more quality is that they future fake a lot when you are in their presence.....
This was so helpful
Breadcrumbee is usually called "insecure" by his female counterpart.
That's gaslighting and manipulation
WhollysheepsdipBatsman!! The timing of this is eerie. I just put the s/o's stuff out today because ALL of this was happening. Repeatedly. Gave him two chances, and strike three, you're out.
I had never heard of this until tonight and I thought it was me.
Thank you again for life affirming information.
Could you please make a video about breadcrumbing, but when talking about two people not in a relationship, like with friendship or a crush.
I’m kinda confused about my relationships in that sort of situation 😅.
Thank you for your content! It’s as interesting as ever ❤
Thank you, now I know I was actually being breadcrumbed that whole time. I look forward for more content like this.
I hate being lead on. It's messed up. Be strait up ya know
The last time someone put me in this situation was after I confessed my feelings for her. She started to ignore my messages and her answers were very short, like she doesn't want to talk. Thank God after all she told me that she is not interested in a relationship right now, I would prefer that she told me the same day I said that I like her, but that's ok. From now on, uncertain situationship and inconsistent communication are big signals for me.
Lived it. Never again. Well done.
All of this applies to my situation.
I wanna grow out of this but find my self helpless when that text comes and I forget all the pain I felt while being in the no contact. The best advice I would give to anyone is to not to entertain them in anyway. In my case, that kind of avoidance is not possible but I think it would work. Also journaling has helped me a lot in terms of understanding myself, my attachment for this particular connection and some triggers. I'm not attracted to the situation the way I used to but I am still not over it completely, to the point where the thoughts and texts of the other person don't have any effect on my mood and peace of mind.
It’s the best advice to be fair. If someone can’t be asked to give you their time and communicate, I would go no contact and stop responding & entertaining that person and I would eventually remove them from my life as much as possible. It’s a cruel thing to do when we care and want to grow the relationship (either romantically or in a friendship) for the other person to literally give us the crumbs of their attention back instead of being honest/breaking things off if they don’t wish to pursue anything. I have no time for people like that and they are the worst time wasters.
This was a strange coincidence. I've been breadcrumbed by a girl now for about 6 months but i put an end to it yesterday. Finally my hope ran out. It's a mixed feeling of relief and hurt. It's hard to let go but know that you deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Yes I've experienced breadcrumbing and my advice is "leave them " ,block em, run as faraway from them as you can. Believe me you don't want emotionally manipulative people in ur life. They are selfish, egotistical and in some cases even dangerous
👏👏👏
I've had this happen to me a few times when I was younger. I didn't know there was a term for it. I'm glad to know I was not imagining things.
Definitely what happened to me in my last relationship. Best advice I can give is not to 2nd guess yourself if you feel like something is off. If they truly care about you they will put in as much effort in the relationship as you do.
Absolutely right, if they wanted to, they would… but instead they just want to play games while waiting for someone better to come along. People like that deserve to be alone
Welp now I learned a new term for the type of person I should have to avoid but it seems majority of people do this and just take advantage of others nowadays. I rather stay single than pursue a one sided relationship.
I experienced this as my wife discarded me...after three years, I came out of the other side only to meet someone at work that did the same thing until I finally told her off.
Thanks for that clarity❤
I was in this type of situation ship for 1,5 year (i know way to long 😓) He never had clear intentions and he kept me questioning about everything. We don’t talk anymore and i’m glad but i regret that i didn’t leave him earlier.
Glad you made a vid about (in this video) female narcicissts. While of course it is not gender bound, I think there also a lot of women out there breadcrumping & giving false hopes.
It‘s so good you educate on this topics.
Someone really interested in you & involved will let you know this through time, care, investment and keeping in mind to try to make you happy. 🌻
This is why I don't like being the one who sends the first and last txt
This video feels like a description of what its like to be an average guy on a dating app. You're there to provide attention or give them something, you're not taken seriously or even seen as valued in any way shape or form.
That’s a dating app for ya, love won’t be found on apps
@@NexumeraI did 😉
@@lu5423 lucky rarity, usually it’s nothing but slitherin snakes on there
@@Nexumera my dad found his current girlfriend on dating app and they have been together for many years, in an overall happy relationship too
Needed this one
Hope this video helps you! Let us know after you watch it!
This was very well put together. ❤
Thank you :) We hope this helps! Did you resonate with any of these signs?
Perfect timing. Thankyou
We hope this helps! Did any of these signs resonate?
This may be my autism, but these signs are often too vague or specific to apply to my situation.
Right - like what is "inconsistent"?
You have to respond the exact amount of time every time? If you take longer, you are suddenly breadcrumbing? Life happens, schedules change, etc.
@@VRNocturne I think when they mean inconsistent, it means in certain points, they will be talking normally to you but in other days apart, they seem to completely distance and closed off without any communication of what’s been going on
I feel as if the key difference is simply if there’s communication being told to your partner otherwise if they’ve been silent or keeps making the same excuses, then there’s probably some concern that you should bring up to them
Agree. I also wonder how many autistic people (and people with other mental illnesses) may even do some of these things themself on accident, despite looking for genuine connection. I think you shouldnt be too fast to jugde, and maybe try to talk with the person if there is an issue instead
But does it always have to be dating for breadcrumbing to happen? Can it be platonic?
thank you for all your posts and presentations. they are very informative and educational.
As someone with ADHD, my communication is inconsistent with EVERYONE I interact with, I've NEVER been able to successfully plan for the future, and hot and cold behavior just sounds like hyperfocus shifts.
So, I don't want to give off the wrong impression, I will give my all to a relationship!
I actually love my best friend for the opposite of this. They're completely honest about us just being friends, but they also don't mind that I love them or how much I enjoy our time together. We talk daily, visit multiple times a year, and in the latest visit just talked about the possibility of moving out together.
Compared to my Ex, who lead me on while exhibiting every single bit of breadcrumbing as our connection started to sour; I'll take my bestie any day.
Confront your partner, anyone who fears being breadcrumb'd. Don't settle for someone stringing you along, especially if they're up in the air about you but talk about other folk they make time for. Better to have that connection definitively end than keep being used.
I mean, I don't send messages that often, not even with my own parents (I keep getting earfuls about it 😅) when I do, I try to really ask about how they're doing, update them as well, but ofc, I understand if they keep the conversation superficial, you may not want to tell personal stuff to someone who says hello once every 6 months 🤣 still doesn't excuse the way I act but i'm really bad with small talk and general conversations, I tend to feel very awkward and don't know what to say, even by text, unless smth happened in my week, I guess that's why I keep it to every once in a while.
I wouldn't mind ppl only sending messages once in a while, I do the same, breadcrummers can't hurt me on that point i guess 😅
I have never heard of this term, but I have certainly strung along a few women in my life with that.
I think I have been strung along too. Just enough to keep my interest, but not enough that I have expectations. I gave the emotionally nourishing boyfriend experience without predictable reciprocation.
Like I said, I did the same to a few women. It’s really a terrible behavior. I am truly ashamed to realize that I have done that.
I've experienced this a lot from people in very strange relationships
I believe I'm the first! Here I hope you all get the information you need. I hope you get the reassurance and love from someone who really wants to work on it.