7 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship
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- čas přidán 27. 05. 2024
- We previously did a video on signs of relationship compatibility. But what about signs that you're not compatible. While compatibility is no guarantee of longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and satisfaction of our relationships. Simply put, the more compatible you and your partner are; the happier you’re likely to be with them.
Suggested video(s):
Signs of Relationship Compatibility:
• 5 Signs of Relationshi...
Credits
Writer: Chloe Avanasa
Script Editor: Denise Ding
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Andrew Allan
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
Crawford, D. W., Houts, R. M., Huston, T. L., & George, L. J. (2002). Compatibility, leisure, and satisfaction in marital relationships. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64(2), 433-449.
Huston, T. L., & Houts, R. M. (1998). The psychological infrastructure of courtship and marriage: The role of personality and compatibility in romantic relationships. The developmental course of marital dysfunction, 114-151.
Houts, R. M., Robins, E., & Huston, T. L. (1996). Compatibility and the development of premarital relationships. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 7-20.
Wilson, G., & Cousins, J. (2003). Partner similarity and relationship satisfaction: Development of a compatibility quotient. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 18(2), 161-170.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93(2), 119.
Hope everyone have a good weekend despite all the unrest going on in the world. What topics would you like us to cover next? Comment below.
Can you do a video about asian parenting?
Anthophobia... How to deal with it.
How to deal with people making fun of you for having a best friend of the opposite sex
Asian parenting
Can you do something about rejection? Please and thank you
The first sign is that you clicked on this video with your relationship in mind lol
Lololol ain't that the truth
I clicked on this video to reassure that I did the right choice when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend :) All the red flags were there but I thought I am losing my mind. Thanks for reminding me how a real relationship should look like
Underrated comment
I'm in a stressful relationship. I'm on high anxiety. I wish l didn't love him so much. Sometimes l wish l never met him. Even if we broke up, l have nowhere else to live. 😔
Ha ha!!
...joke is on you; I don’t have anyone
At this point, my "the one" is legit our fridge.
deadass
*Yes lol*
The perfect relationship. It's always there for you, never breaks down, and expects you to fill it on a regular basis.
💀🤣💀
Damn straight
I think the most important lesson I learned as a young adult is that true love goes both ways. You can have someone obsessed with you, who thinks you’re perfect for them, and thinks you’re their soulmate; but if you don’t feel the same way back… there’s no way it’s going to work. Dating someone out of pity is not only insulting, but incredibly harmful to them. If you know it’s not going to work out, just be up front and tell it to then straight. The pain they feel now will fade a lot quicker than the betrayal they’ll suffer if you feign romantic feelings for them.
Thank you for writing this, this describes my situation perfectly. Even though both me and my GF are twelve, she repeatedly tells me she loves me a bunch. I’ll take your advice. Once again, thank you so much for writing this
This is my current marriage. I got married not knowing at the time that bounderies were an option and now I don't know how to break the news knowing how much she loves and needs me.
You just described my relationship in a nutshell
Yeah, I had the same experience. Definitely one of my biggest regrets. I really didn´t wish to hurt her, but ended up doing so.
Yes, my ex did just this with me. We been together for 9 years, and suddenly she broke up with me saying we r too different and I thought she was perfect. 40 days have passed since the broke up and I cry every day. I got depression because she also humiliated me. It’s the worse pain I have ever felt, I even came to think about ending my life some weeks ago. She used to say she wanted to marry me and have kids, and that I was her soulmate. To lie like this, for so many time, and then broke up and put all the blame on the other person It's one of the cruelest things someone can do to another. I can assure you the pain is almost unbearable.
Me and my ex shared the same views and values about everything. Sadly other than that, all 7 in this video checked out. After the breakup, I learned that the "perfect" relationship does not only require compatibility or similarities - it requires maturity, the conscience to constantly give the best to each other without expecting a thing in return.
Fact!
The only things I wanted in return was communication
Is it worth it though? I mean, is your NEED to have a partner that big that you're willing to compromise your integrity? I know I don't. I like to be and do whatever I want at the moment. And hey! The plus is that I feel the same way about my partner! She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants to AS LONG AS SHE RESPECTS THE FACT THAT SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. In fact I value my ALONE TIME much more than I do the time I spend with her. Don't get me wrong. i love her and I like to soend SOME time with her. But I much prefer to be alone. Me myself and I.
Like my spouse says, if I don't get anything out of it, why should I --- --- ---?
Do you regret or was this breakup a better idea than staying together?
It’s crazy how you can love someone so much that is so incompatible to you
There's a difference between being in love and being in lust.
TVBnine Thats not what shes saying..
Obsession/attachment is also another thing
There’s a lot of differences between things. But that’s not what I’m saying lol (just stating my own experience)
carolien koeleman me too, I’m still in love with my ex but I know we’re not compatible. And I’m asexual so I know it’s not down to lust. Worst feeling in the world x
me: is in an extremely healthy and happy relationship
also me: watches this, you know, just in case
Same, girl! 🙌🏼😂
Lol
Legit same😂😂
Lmao same I got through the first sign n was like Na this butthead is my best friend 😂😂
Same😂
7 Signs of Incompatibility:
1. You don’t ~get~ each other.
2. You’re too different from each other.
3. You try to change each other, rather than growing & learning together.
4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing & conflict.
5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems.
6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else.
7. You’re not attracted to them.
Why do everyone else matter lmao
Can we describe attraction? What if they’re good looking but there’s not an attraction is that even possible🤦♀️🤦♀️ I’m so messed up
I don't get why socializing has anything to do with love. Lmao. Your wife or husband are supposed to be the most important to you other than God says God so piss off.
@@yoLilDuckl8nit's because you're making the effort to get to know your partner outside of yourself or your relationship. Also, you're interacting with people that clearly matter to your partner and that's important too.
@richardfierro2699 Well, God says after him your family especially spouse are most important. Why do you people get married if you are going to ignore your spouse. Hate to say it. Friends aren't that important compared to family even God lays that down. A lot of people lose sight of what is truly important. Friends come and go and family is forever. Unless your family is abusive then I can understand.
my ex-boyfriend and i were madly in love and so attracted to each other. but as soon as we started talking about the future (i’m talking work, kids, money, where to live and most importantly values!) our disagreements were really in the way of us being a healthy and compatible couple. one of the most important things out there: please introduce your partner to your loved ones. you can’t possibly know how much it hurt me when he didn’t. when he made me feel like i was not good enough.
In a similar boat here currently. Together 3 years and engaged but never really allowed to meet her family. Definitely feeling ostracized.
@@jacobmeyerson2420 Bro 3 years and havent met the fam???
@@marissa21211 run 🏃♂️ he sounds like an energy vampire
@@marissa21211 hope you be able to move on and find a right one. Remember, you deserve to be happy and there are still a lot of fish in the sea 😉
I dont know. some people have family trauma and might be reserved about introducing their families. it varies case to caae ofc, but in my case there's so much disregulation and trauma it's hard to imagine introducing my boyfriend into such a dynamic when he has a pretty healthy family unit. it's a fear and insecurity response of sorts i guess, and even a bit of feeling like an impostor almost.
Be right back, I’m about to go break up with someone
Sssoo, how did it go?
update
👏 👏 👏
LMAOOOOO! Seriously though.
🤣🤣😩🤣🤣🤣
Here's the thing.... You actually knew that prior to getting into the relationship. The problem is you convince yourself otherwise.
So true
Thats exactly what I did!!
You nailed it!!! We do this to ourselves
Ouch
Yep!!!
The “opposites attract” idea needs to have caution yellow tape wrapped around it very tightly. I married someone who was a polar opposite and at first it was fine it as life became more complex those differences became repeated areas of disagreement and leading toward divorce. We also married very young and didn’t think it through very well.
It's living hell. In the beginning we tolerated our differences, assuming that we both would grow a little closer to some middle ground. But we never did, not one inch. What were small differences became the relentless ironclad refusal to build common ground, even in the smallest detail. E.g. I couldn't stand instant coffee and he couldn't stand percolate coffee. That shouldn't matter! ☺ But in the end, after 30 years, it became a symbol of never being able to share a pleasure together; never growing closer together, in not one thing, in our choice of food, friends, an outing, how often to defrost the fridge😅 It's amazing how not being compatible on any issue undermined the love we had. We really dug each other
What things have you got to think about when you get married?
When you are young and in love, you tend to ignore the negatives. You hope things will sort themselves out, and the passion is like a drug. However, it’s when time passes and passion fades, that you can see things more objectively. By that time it’s normally too late.
8. One or both partners let their baggage (like from their past, or insecurities) drain any positivity in the relationship.
I recommend you to a man who can bring back your ex within 3three days without delay ❤️❤️❤️
Its completely okay for anyone to be not healed as long as they r aware and communicate things.
Hey, don't hit me with unconfortable truth like that :o
(Just joking, work in progress :p ~ but still a bit messy though..)
Being alone is often WAY better than being in a toxic relationship. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. Every situation is different, but we have to be realitic if it is only causing suffering and pain. We have to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves if it is causing more harm than good. Some situations are possible to improve, and some just aren’t. We can change our perspective, but in the end, our mental health has to matter. ♥️
@Pintel Luffelheim Idk about that. I have pretty low self esteem, but moderate self preservation. If I sense danger, I'm out. Plus, I've heard way too many horror stories about relationships and I'm already suffering from my depression. I don't want to make it worse.
@@someone-uz4mi Facts
Agreed.
@@someone-uz4mi amen to that!! ❤️
Most of the time toxic relationships teach us a lesson or even a few. Staying alone is more traumatizing for most of the people.
Summary of the video
1. You don’t get each other
2. You’re too different from each other
3. You try to change each other, not grow and learn together
4. There is constant or highly frequent arguing
5. You attain peace by avoiding all of the problems
6. Your socializing is isolated from everyone else
7. You’re not attracted to them
🔥📝🔥
...my parents fit all of these.. 😔
@@Kellyirish75 accepting your flaws and that it's OK to have them will help you a lot with your insecurities. Seriously, most reasonable people understand that nobody is perfect and aiming for perfection is actually a bad thing, because it's too much pressure and we connect with each other more over our failures and struggles than our successes by the simple fact that we all struggle and mess up but not all of us succeed. Plus if people see you as too perfect, they don't like you and see you as arrogant.
I know you probably weren't looking for advice but there it is anyway. 🙂
Also, I am single but I'm not in the US. 😂
Oof, had 6 from the list and I'm sure there were more. Kinda glad we're not together anymore
THANKS
Just ended a 4-year relationship with my best friend- and the love of my life, we were drifting apart for a while, and both were unhappy- but we loved each other so neither had the courage until now... this video helped me set the whole situation into perspective- and even tho we were perfect for each other back then doesnt mean we still are. I am completely heart broken, but we did the right thing
How do you feel now?
How are you now?
i feel the exact same way here and your comment is encouraging me to talk to my friend about this too thx for sharing
The fights have gotten so bad. We’ve swept things under the rug for too many years. Been together for 7 years but felt lost for the last 5. I love him. We both love each other. I don’t understand how I can feel so alone with you right by my side. I’m in a committed relationship but I feel more lonely and isolated than I ever have before. Even living alone on the other side of the country didn’t feel like this. How can I be this lonely with you right by my side?
I feel the same way about my relationship
Ahh yes , my internet therapist is back
Currently the 69th like... Noice
Currently 85th like...noice
@ava richardson you first
Nice, ima just stick with my problems and watch these videos ;3
So fucking happy to have this one pop up for me. Been getting raped with what is life, childhood trauma, depression, and so many hey we know your feelings and life story somehow. I don’t search for this shit. Are they using manipulation to fuck a lot of us up? Where the hell is the trick shots and holy shit videos
I left my wife after 20 years together. I think being so different to each other eventually found us out.
At first, that was the exciting part - surprising each other and learning about our very different backgrounds. We got married about 18 months after we got together and began a family soon after. We had 4 children in fairly quick succession and for 15 years or so, had our hands very full.
Once the kids became less dependant on us, we suddenly had a lot more time available for each other but found we had silently drifted during those busy early years. All the while there were nappies, school runs, activity clubs, and all the responsibilities that keep you rushing around, we were fine. Occasionally, you might get a sense that you're not really connecting much as a couple in those years but you lie to yourself a little and convince yourself that it's just because you're so busy with work, bills, the mortgage and the kids...........you tell yourself once the kids are a little older, you can get back to focusing on each other. In our case by then it was too late..........we had become strangers with nothing in common apart from being parents to the same children.
It can take a while in retrospect to see all this - it wasn't clear to me at first and initially we would blame each other and look for faults in each other to identify what was causing the problems. Ultimately, I believe if either or both of us had recognised that we were becoming distant from each other and acted sooner by bringing it out in the open, we might possibly have survived by making some lifestyle changes. I think we were both in denial and shied away from what was happening to us, pushed it to the back of our minds until recovery was simply impossible.
From my experience, the key is to spot these early signs of disconnect and explore them with each other at the earliest point. Don't ignore them or pretend it's not happening. Whatever your family circumstances might be, the relationship with your partner needs to be nourished and cared for. Even in those hectic times where it might seem right to pour all of your time and effort into other responsibilities and demands of daily family life. I'm one of the few people I know who separated without there being any affairs, drinking, gambling, abuse, etc. Staying together however, when the love has died is just cruel on the kids and indeed each other. It creates a terrible sadness in the home. It's better to part and allow everyone the chance to live life in a healthier home environment.
For me it was a tough call but a good call - hard at first but eventually the best option from a situation where feelings of guilt and failure can make it difficult to see straight..
Sorry for such a long scribble but sometimes our experiences may help others.........I'd love to think mine might.
Thank you for your message from the heart. It's best to learn from the experience of others. I'm sorry you and your ex wife grew so distant little by little. I fear the same is happening with my fiancee. I'll seek counsel and help today thanks to your warning message. I hope you find joy and happiness again in life.
Thank you for sharing that, your message is helping. I'll definitly consider the things you said, thanks for your warning.
I ALWAYS wondered and never understood, how couples would break up after decades together. Your story eloquently explained it all and has really given me something to think about. Thank you for the knowledge! Glad you made the right choice for yourselves and wish you all the best.
Thank you. This feels like it is describing my relationship with my husband. There’s a silence between us and there’s nothing to talk about if we don’t talk about our children.
Beautifully written friend thanks for sharing
A relationship is about balance and middle ground. It's not easy but worth the work. I'm lucky in my life to have someone who loved me through all my insecurities and we've grown together over 2 decades.❤
I am gradually convinced that “the one” doesn’t exist.
It's a fairytail in my opinion. Alot of people are serial monogamists. Just be prepared that's how life is going to be, its at least more realistic.
Don't give up. I almost gave up, but I found the one. Just be aware that at the same time it will be the most beautiful and easiest relationship ever, but also the hardest. Especially if one or both of you still have some key areas of yourself you need to work on
I was single for about 5 years before I met the man I want to marry. I was starting to accept becoming a dog lady.
"The one" doesn't exist. There are only people who you learn to love and hate. Some people are more compatible than others, some don't work out at all, and that's okay. If there is a person you love, then great! The "perfect one" may just be a creation of the human mind, one day you will meet someone who you want to marry :)
Nah, "the one" is out there, but most people will never find them.
I was extremely incompatible and uncomfortable with my ex and it took me a while to accept it. Trying to express my feelings to him was like talking to a wall, I never ever felt so miserable and misunderstood with someone in my entire life. Then I met my now boyfriend and he's the sweetest person alive, I feel he listens to me and I don't even have to make a huge effort to explain how I feel to him, is like he knows, is like we are like in each other's minds, I feel so blessed that I have him in my life.
So happy that you found him. God bless you both.
I had the same thing happened to me, grateful now that I have a likeminded person to be with
so jelly (in a positive way). I wish i could find sb like this too, that we are similar enough to understand each other and just pick on each other moods, that sth might be up and just be naturally interested and ask, I felt exactly the same as you in my previous relationships as well. Just totally alone with my feelings. Now I'm alone and so much better off even if i miss human interaction so much
I feel the same exact way. Bless you both💖
That’s amazing so happy for you .. I was with someone who I felt so uncomfortable around I felt judged all the time like I couldn’t be free and be myself I’m so glad I’m not with him anymore I pray I meet someone different 🙏🏾
I find it interesting how feelings
can overpower one's ability to think rationally despite how many signs dismissed purposefully and to be hoping for something unrealistic. My best relationship was also the one with the most incompatiblity. Not because we were able to forgive each other for misunderstandings, but when we decided we were not right for each other, we respected each other and learned what compromises cant be made without feeling like obligation or losing one's self. We were hurting each other without having the intentions, we cried together because our vision for relationship and love was different and we wanted to change the person, and if thats you, build the courage and strength to walk away from it so their pain and yours is no longer consuming them and they can be free and you can love them and yourself that you prevented them from losing themselves. If you feel regret, just remember you handed a blueprint for their happiness and now they know what they need and they couldnt done it without your help.
This is why I love my door so much! It opens when I want it to, closes when I want it to, let’s me hold it when I want to to, let’s me go anywhere I want whenever I want, and the best part is that it protects me and my valuables from intruders when I lock it up!
Happily married 26 years. It's ALL about shared values! And I'm talking about big important things. My wife and I share the same opinions about kids, work, money, religion, politics, and sex. If you disagree on any of these six subjects you will have problems.
We do NOT necessarily share the same interests when it comes to what to watch on TV at night or what color to paint the house or what time to go to bed. These are little things and are not important for a lasting relationship. Sometimes I've talked to people who get hung up on one of these little things, thinking that they are compatible with a new partner because, for example, they both listen to the same type of music. That kind of thing won't keep you together for long. Soon, one of the six BIG things that I listed first will get in the way of your relationship.
Shared values are what is important but don't mistake similar interests in little things as being the same as shared values.
This is absolutely the TRUTH!
married 33 years, totally agree with you, you do not have to be twins to get along and have a happy marriage. 💕
I believe you. Thanks.
totally right! May the love that unites you be like the first day.
You are so lucky and I am here stuck with narcissistic man in a relationship and I don't know how to get out of it because he simply doesn't let me go
"The one" is a concept invented to sell movie tickets to romantic comedies. In reality, there are any number of people who you could have a successful relationship with.
🤣 was just saying the latter to a friend a couple days ago..
@@acharich Exactly. It's never just one person, otherwise there would be no guarantee that you'd find this one person and the human race would be pretty much done for. There are usually a few options and it's luck as to which one you happen to meet.
Or none, in some cases...
@@AutomaticDuck300 Agreed. U can even add "the one" is an abstract idealistic thought. Its pretty much matching with someone 99-100% and thats honestly ridiculous. A good 80% will work. Even 70% if the partners are mature enough.
Thank you!! I thought I was a bad person to think this way. But I'm not alone and apparently not wrong
A person genuinely inlove will do their best in every possible way not to hurt the person they truly admire and cared for. .
What about that person? You think that person would be treated in the same way as he/she treating to the Partner?
It’s always so difficult to understand whether you have to work on and improve your relationship or just leave it there and run. Where does this doubt belong to? What are these questions to answer yourself if it’s just a matter of self growth or you are entering a toxic addiction
Thank you for this video ❤
I believe one of the keys is to feel a partnership, if you do not feel like a team and neither you or your loved one is gonna choose each other to solve the challenge, the point of the relationship is gone
I spent so long trying to convince myself to be with someone I knew I wasn’t compatible with
Me too:( at least we have your Reason back!
@@artimidz3451 me too. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time.
@@francesmartel7948 Frances, we live & learn. It's wonderful to have survived some of life's tough lessons. So many of us do not. PEACE from NY:)
Yeah... 16 years in for me. About to be 45. We both deserve better.
Me too!! I knew he wasn’t the one after month 3 but I thought time would change things.
Sucks when you’re so inlove with them but you probably shouldn’t be together 💔
My last womam i still love so much and deeply it hurts. We cannot be together tho because we have different ideas on day to day behavior
It's sad. We absolutely love each other with no doubts. But we are too different in everything. It's almost 2 years now and I think it's about time to let her go. We can't force this without a commonality about anything.
I am in sync with someone that alredy is in a relationship ... We just feel so good when we are talking about anything. We can talk about all the crazy things, and we still can understand eachother even when we disagree... I feel so sad now...
@The Seraphim Do you know exactly why you want to break up with your gf? If you still want to be with her think of why exactly in the first place both of yous got attracted to eachother.
@@HenriqueR.P same
Thank you, this saved my relationship.
Sometimes we forget how special our partners & relationships are when we realize that they’re not.
So many people force things with another person. I have done it too. Many heartbreaks and lots of emotional damage that lead me down the path of suicide before. I now believe that you first need to be happy with yourself and know what you want in life before entering into any serious relationship with someone else. Sometimes you don't have to justify yourself and your existence through another person. You can be happy on your own as well :)
Because I ignored all the red flags now I'm currently in an entanglement...
Lol bruh
Have you been able to have an honest converstaion about this with your partner?
Mee too
@@veronicagauci6006 unfortunately if the other person isn't trying or fighting with you it isn't going to work. Sadly we blocked each other today and I have to find a way to move forward.. it's so hard
@@veronicagauci6006 this was so beautiful ❤️
Me: *has a crush*
CZcams algorithm:
At least your FBI agent is looking out for you
that damn algorithm sure is a know-it-all...
For real tho!! Met someone online some time ago, we're chatting constantly and are meeting up this week and Idk... I can feel myself developing a crush and then this video shows up, wtf 😂😂😂
Miriam S. Goos luck! I hope you two hit it off and have great chemistry!
@@Thor-Orion thank you!!
I saw all these 7 before my engagement with my would-be wife, and pissed many people off by cancelling the wedding. They literally hate me now, but I know I’ve made the right decision for the right reasons. I couldn’t have ruined the girl’s life by being able to see what’s going on, and dragging her into a loveless, attractionless relationship with no shared values or interests. I hope things will be okay for both of us
It’s so frustrating to meet great men and not have a physical attraction. I am
59(look and feel, 39), and have had the worst time meeting a man who prides himself in his appearance, takes care of himself, is decently educated and I find sexy. It’s a tough time in a persons life nearing 60 when you are unable to meet a person who you are attracted to. And believe me, just because we are middle aged woman and men, does not mean our desires have gone away.
Thanks for your video
Remember Jennifer in our reality we attract what we ARE not what we WANT. If there’s “frustration” then that’s a YOU issue that needs workin’ out. It’s never about them.
@@JesusStarchilddamn roasted
Incompatible humor is a huge no-go for me. I can't imagine a life where I can't share the things that make me laugh with my partner.
SAME HERE unfortunately currently in that situation now. Working on buying a house by myself and moving out.
True
Yep. The worst are the ones that are all yucking it up with you one day...then the next thing you know, those same yucks turn into arguing. Been there.
I read a long time ago that, while everyone says "a sense of humor" is an important trait in a partner, when men say they want a woman with a sense of humor, they want a woman who will laugh at their jokes; while when women say they want a man with a sense of humor, they want a man who will make them laugh. Generally speaking, of course!
i was with a person who had good qualities and treated me well but after 8 months with very minimal shared humor between us. There were more serious conversations but the light cute moments that I cherish just never naturally happened. I knew it wouldn't work.
When you’re seeing some bad signs so you come here at 2am shit hits hard
Actually 1:00am lol for me
6am but haven't slept in 2 days lol
12:30am for me
Yep. Doesn’t help we just got married and i had cold feet :(
@@diabloakland I’m really sorry about that I’m here for support
Thank you for this video! :) A quick note: #1 comes with time. Don’t expect them to always be able to read your mind!
Thank you for this beautiful summary!
I currently struggle with a lovesick teenager.
It is hard to find such nice videos that don’t make you feel wrong 😊
When you know you are incompatible but you still believe that person is the one. lol.
This is not a meme
Incompatible or just have differences.
Ouch I feel this. Lol
😂😂😰😭😭😭😭😭😢
Rip
I feel like I'm getting signs at this point lol
Same ..
Yep
same
Ditto
Mood
I think dating people will truly help you find out what or who you are looking for. Don't forget that things can get better. Never give up on who you are guys. ❤️
I used to believe that all relationship struggles could be surmounted if only both parties were willing to put in the effort. Now my views have changed: yes, the willingness to nurture the relationship is very important, but the two people have to be compatible first.
Another change in me is that I no longer try to change/fix the other person WHATSOEVER. If I feel the need to change the other person, then that person is not right for me. It also can result in unsolicited advice, and I hate that. I hate receiving it, and I don't want to be the one giving it. I also don't try to change myself anymore just so that I can please this person.
I tend to detect these signs of incompatibility early on now (i guess me being an infj has something to do with it) and I don't force things to work anymore. (This came with another major change in me: I'm fine being alone) I just say to the other person that we seem to have very differing views on things, it doesn't mean that you are wrong or I am wrong, we are just not compatible and that's fine. We agree to disagree and we can leave it at that.
An interesting thing that I have seen though is that some people get angered by this. They tell me that I need to change this and that, I need to empathize more (it often comes out when I don't agree to their views) if I wanted to have any chance at relationship down the road.
But I think this kind of reaction is important in another way: it reveals one's true views on relationships. It also confirms in me that my decision was right: we are not right for each other. Everyone can have their own views on how a relationship should be (just like how my views have changed themselves too) but this itself can also lead to incompatibility.
Thanks for this actually. You have helped me sit down and think in a positive direction about incompatibility, that sometimes things just are and you cant change them no matter how much you kick scream and fight. And I tend to over do it a lot. The thinking I mean.
My crush told me we were incompatible although we both really liked each other. I’m glad he realised early and told me instead of going through a toxic relationship. It really sucks though. We understood each other well, but there was just nothing to talk about.
Same, but less extreme. I was friends with someone because we didnt really have anyone else to hang out with and we understood eachother, but we just didnt get along that great.
Callie Morales damn. It really sucks ahhhhhh. It’s oke though 😊 we all meet someone in the end
It’s like this with me and my girlfriend, and it just constantly teeters on the edge for me. Just like she said, the new and shiny effect of a new relationship got us through the beginning. We talked 4 hours a night, didn’t matter what it was about. Now it’s about half an hour a day, and conversations are quick to end. We have as close to nothing in common as you can get without having literally nothing in common, and I think it’s killing the relationship slowly. I think not talking as much sometimes is normal, but there’s a difference between not talking as much for space, and because you have nothing to say.
Keep on going! You'll find the one!
I wish I had that sense before I got into a relationship with my ex. He used to talk about his ex constantly, otherwise he didn’t have much to say.
2:30
“Dogs are the best”
“What about cats?”
“Nope, dogs are best!”
..“Orange”
🤣 fr tho
Gotta love orange🧡
That wasn't a dodgeball?
Lmao😂
@@elliem.9408 Yesss Orange! My fav color! 😁🧡
I wonder the same 😂
"I never wanted to let you go. But I never wanted you to stay, and see you continue in pain."
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Not gonna lie, I really needed this. I feel weirdly at peace now. The bit about intimacy and comparability (but no passion) was great to learn.
"the one" is a fairytale myth. The reality is there are billions of compatible people in the world and no one person is the only person. It's just a matter of having a high level of attraction for that person and being able to understand relationships well enough to maintain their attraction level for you. Knowing when to move on is the hardest thing that people go through but will ultimately take you further in life
I agree with this, I think you can definitely have a "one" (highest compatibility) but most people have multiple/a variety of "one"!
Totally agree!
I used to think this, too, until I met The One. Then I was certain that I had been wrong all my life.
He's dead to me now 😊
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You're smart :)
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and I felt really broken by it, even though it was my decision its still so so painful to me. But seeing this video made me feel more at peace that I've made the right decision and although moving forward is going to hurt like hell I can make peace with the fact that I followed my heart and hopefully I will find someone who I am more compatible with one day ♥
update?
@@singerofawsomeness21 we tried to work it out but we decided to go our separate ways. I'm single now and making peace with that and using the time to heal xxx
How many signs out of 7 in this video did you have in your relationships? I'm trying to work things out with 5.5/7. Yet I'm starting to lose hope now.
May I ask your mbti? The 16 personalities
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
I am going through a breakup with a guy (who basically shares all my values and trully loves me) because I have lost all attraction to him and even a kiss has become hard work. I believed i was being shallow or flat out imature. But if your bf doesn't respect you enough to make some effort everytime you meet him, overtime you loose feelings. Thanks 4 video.
Person should always be their true self. None should try to change of another. My mom told me to be with a someone who kind, gentle, deep understanding and loving of loving me as i am.
Disrespect and treating each other with contempt is the biggest red flag. Beware the eye-roll.
“Your socializing is isolated from everyone else” *introverts disliked that*
What is this "socializing" you speak of?
LMAAOOO
Haha
It's not necessarily just about being around other people, but also having some time apart. Even if it's just time to yourself.
I (an extrovert) just got out of a long term relationship with an introvert. He rarely wanted to hang out with friends or go dancing with me. I respected that, but he would get mad when I wouldn't stay in. If I told him I made plans with a friend, he'd get upset because he expected I be home to watch TV with him every evening. He didn't feel like I needed to be out of the house more than two nights a week (including work related events). In three years, I only met a few of his friends in person, and we only hung out a few times. He didn't like most of my friends. The ones he did became "mutual friends", but that meant I really wasn't supposed to hang out with them without him....and he was rarely in the mood to hang out. Once, instead of asking permission to hang with those friends, I phrased it, "So'nSo, invited us over, I'll be going at 8pm. Let me know if you are up to joining." This caused a fight.
When the pandemic hit and I couldn't go anywhere, he started calling me annoying because I'd want attention while he was gaming. Then when I'd find something to do (like watch a tv show he didn't like so I could watch it without him), he'd finally sit down with me and want to talk or change the channel.
The problem wasn't that he was an introvert, it's that he was controlling and wanted to control my interactions with others while keeping our interactions on his terms.
When I talked to my introvert friend about it, they said that if it were them, they'd have loved a few evenings with the house to themselves.
***It's all about knowing and respecting each others needs and limits, and building social resiliency so you aren't co-dependent to an unhealthy extent.***
I know I need to be around people to be happy- especially if I have a stressful week (even if it's people-related stress), I need to recharge with positive social interactions. When I am able to get that, and if a partner is willing to accommodate that, then I am able to accommodate their need for alone time or nights in (which comes first doesn't matter, as long as both people are accommodating). Balance.
Friends? Do you eat that or what? 😂
Thank you so much for the closure this video provides.
A 4 year relationship with the first 6, wow how did we last 4 years, I even moved and bought a new house in a different area! Wish I watched this 4 years ago!
The voice is so soothing but informative simultaneously
They do that on purpose because it makes the information digestible.
Personally, I don't like the breathiness of the voice. Sounds disingenuous and inauthentic which draws me from the info being presented, but oh well, great info regardless!
@@isaacbob9523 I also couldn't get past the voice... It sounds to me very disingenuous. I'd wager it's not how the speaker typically sounds
@@isaacbob9523 Yeah I hate it too. It sounds like something off gossip girl. I have to lower my volume down really low and just read the subtitles.
Shut your sss
I had a feeling, honestly. My ex-girlfriend and me were so, so different that we geniunely couldn't connect. I'm really outgoing, love conversations, and always try to make people laugh. She, however, hates social interactions (often times even ones with me), hates physical affection (which I crave), loves alone time, and prefers distance in relationships. I did really care for her and I believe, at a time, I geniunely loved her, but I don't think it would've ever worked in hindsight. It's probably for the best she broke up with me.
That's so important that you accepted that, honestly shows how emotionally mature you are. I am going through the same with my girlfriend who is also my best friend, but it's like i am a stranger to her, do you have any advices ?
Introverted thinking type?
Or Avoidant Attachment, maybe even Covert Narcissism?
(Her, I mean)
Affectionate, friendly, gregarious?
Or Anxious Attachment, maybe Codependency (people pleasing)?
(You)
Why did you start seeing her if she has no interest in a relationship or even a close friendship?
Did this relationship start out feeling one way, then change to what you're taking about?
I am your ex girlfriend, I hate phisical contact (not sex), but being cling, walking holding hands, grandeur love gestures, laugh all the time, comemorate aniversary every month...
@@barrydworak she is very introverted, and shy, but once you know her, she is really funny and open. But yes she is distant, and just very independant wich is a thing that i amire about her. And yeah i'm the anxious one, very attached, and give as much love as possible, wich can be overwhelming. Always trying to please you're right. Well we were best friend and i just fell in love, and so did she at least that's what she told me. She was very affectionate at first, like always there for me, but then idk we came back to school and it was different then during the Holidays.
Omg sorry for the long text-
Me and my boyfriend are literally going through the same thing you and your ex are going through. I’m outgoing and I love hanging out with friends and having fun he’s the total opposite just like you’re ex.. ugh I know it’s best to let go of a relationship that isn’t going to well but I just can’t let go
Stayed with someone for 7 years, recently broke up because as we have changed my attraction to them has altered as well (this is more than us getting old, they present differently and act completely different). It has been a struggle to have grown to care for someone deeply, to even watch them grow and heal and to see them become someone better, someone caring and kind but be unable to commit to them because of the attraction feeling platonic. I know they are hurting too, probably more, but the heart ache is so much worse than anything I have ever felt.
I hope we both do well, I hope we can stay civil, to care for someone so deeply still but not be able to stay with them... If anyone knows my situation and has advice please comment.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2, almost 3 years. She later remembered the bad moment we had for a long time ago and she doesnt talk to me or does anything like we used to do before. Shes at my class and its impossible, im always hearing her talking and laughing and all that. It hurts so much..
@@robert.eo.speedwagon become the girlfriend… lad we here 😢 so love sick ❤
Hey. Sorry to hear about your situation.
Apologies for not really having any advice on this, but I'm on a similar boat. 6 years of marriage, no kids, almost sexless at this point (has always been so since day 1), always felt platonic to me. I'm honestly at my breaking point, but my heart goes out for him cause he's such a good person, legit genuine human. It's like he's my best friend but it stops at that. My question if you don't mind answering, do you feel breaking up was good for you? Does it get better?
@@maithilimenon talk to him, tell him that you want kids, and that you think he'd be a good father. My parents had me after 7 years of marriage, and I have a very happy and healthy home life. I love my parents and they love me and each other, and I feel rlly greatful for them to have reached some stability with each other before having me. I don't know if this advice will help you in any way, but what they always tell me is they put each other first and try to keep each other happy rather than themselves and that's their secret to a really loving marriage.
@@maithilimenon Honestly i feel like your problem is only about the sexual part of the relationship. Initiate sex with him more frequently i guess. Maybe talk to him about having kids, not useing protection can also add a little bit of spice to the sexual relationship. Obviously I dont know your situation, I can only judge from what ive read. If you want him to initiate sex more often, make him confident about it. Like if he only succeeds in initiating sex 1 out of three times, he will do it less then if you get exited every time. As a man myself I can say that it makes a huge difference how eager the woman is about you.
Thank you for posting. Saved me a lot of remuneration on a recent break up.
The Seven Signs :
1 : You Don’t Get Each Other
2 : You’re Too Different From Each Other
3 : You Try To Change Each Other
4 : There is Constant Or Highly Frequent Arguing
5 : You Attain Peace By Avoiding All The Problems
6 : You Socializing Is Isolated From Everyone Else
7 : You’re Not Attracted To Them
(Make sure to watch the entire video to completely understand the signs. Be sure to also give some love to the animation as well, and to you who is reading this, have a nice and wonderful day/night wherever you are.)
🔥📝🔥
Thank you .. you too!🌺
In the video, the first one?
It just.. sounded ableist af
My last relationship had these signs but I refused to acknowledge them. Being in that relationship gave me so much anxiety. After breaking up, I felt so much better; not immediately but eventually I realized that I'm better off without them.
wow, this is so relatable. now I really understand why I felt so bad around my ex, thank you for helping me out with understanding why things were that way!!
This is very sobering. I'm still working out having feelings for someone who I know just isn't for me, and nearly all these points hit the nail right on the head. It will get better, though.
We believe that the best relationships occur when two whole people come together. The idea that we are half people walking around until we find the other "puzzle piece" is not a healthy relationship.
Not halves but whole who are compatible and so connect to form a third thing: the relationship.
we are whole and complete people without anyone else, or atleast we need to be. I think that is a very interesting topic to have a conversation about.
I agree on this. Everyone is different. Even if we did come across common interest, hobbies or fun. There will always be a margin of differences in outlooks in life. And those differences is not meant to tell that you're incompatible with each other. But it's something that will take mutuality and vulnerability to work on each others understanding, boundaries and acceptance.. then that's the work that makes compatibility. Not the other way around. I mean, we're all different. In beginnings of relationships, weren't we all different individual people when we met our lovers? And they too the same?
Compatibility gets easily become a misconception of becoming a "packaged" deal with people. It puts people in a box and when they found out their differences in the long run, they stop putting the work. And this i think, in my opinion is the problem. Compatibility is something that is willingly abd mutually worked on. Not granted on a golden plate or instant package. We're all born and raised different. And thats why relationships take work too.
Shout out to my future husband I know you're out there somewhere.
Lmao
Future husband here.
I'm honestly not out there try searching your house.
There * lol
it’s actually “you’re” not “your” :)
@@mikhailvillacorta1784 I fixed it sorry english isn't my first language 😩
Good video. You can't hide away from the issues
If anyone is going throughg a breakup you are not alone. You are amazing just the way you are!
When they're arguing about whether the car should be blue or red, my dude make it purple, problem solved
compromising is fun
This comment is the first time I've laughed in weeks ✌️💖👑 thanks
@@simpliimiyuki7712 you're very welcome, always nice to make someone laugh
Omg I thought the exact same thing haha!
So true!!😂🎨
A relationship should be a 2 way street , their shouldn't be constant arguing , lying constanly , stealing , bullying , emotional blackmail , gaslighting , tracking others devices , too much conflict , turning others against one another , broken promises , etc .
Well said
In few words: we just need to be *at least* decent human beings, and not douches.
I just want to say the narrator has the most beautiful voice. Though I took the video very seriously, I can't help but make sure that she knows this!
This gets more confusing when your partner used to be your identical equal in personality & morals when you were younger, but changes over time to become exactly the opposite of who they used to be, while you stayed true to who you always were.
This is happening to me and my partner right now. There's a side of me that wants to break u with him because we are incompatible but at the same time I don't want to leave him
People don’t change, they just reveal
This video comes as a confirmation of my decision to put an end to a long term relationship. Hard decision but the right decision.
I know right!
me too....today i am gonna do it. It will hurt but i will.What happened to ur partner did he accept the decision?
that moment when you realized that everything that has been stated relates to your current relationship...
Yeah...
i am :(
The feels lol
Myeke nono🙏🏾
yes :(
Very interessing and helpful😊
Thank you for this video. It is so cool and not loud and obnoxious..It is easy to listen to and watch!
Not being in a relationship is SO much better.
You were penniless and alone when you died in your apartment, ya know? Took em 3 days just to notice. All I'm saying is, you probably would of been more comfortable in the end... if she hadn't taken all your money in the divorce.
It's more comfortable but less fulfilling.
@@artimidz3451 ehhhh I'd rather be rich and do what I want then be in a relationship that will inevitably blow up in my face
@@brandonf1260 whatever, man.
@@artimidz3451 well I guess that is easy for me to say. I don't want kids or a big family so I can turn my back on that
I really like this channel, but i wish it talked more about friendships
mhm
Yesss
Yeah
I think there are already a lot about friendships.
But a lot of things that work for relationships can also apply to friendships too! Relationships can include friendships!
@amandasilvera I really appreciate how calming your voice is in this video’s audio. Keep up the great work!
And Remember- Embrace Change, Everything in life times out. It's natural. Relax.
*I’ve realized the one for me is..myself.*
Can’t agree more
It really sucks when you think you are compatible with someone but instead its a one sided relationship because they can't see it
They are seeing you , TBH they aren't ready for you , and after 3rd attempt , we should move on. I lost 4 hours with someone to realise they don't care at all. I was lying to myself. We shouldn't do like that, Move on.
Also, anxiety in relationships is consuming me. I made a little mistake now (deleted all our messages on the phone) and if we stay together, I'm scared it may be a problem idk. So I'm anxious about this and I don't know what to do... 😔
I got friendzoned by a man i truely was interested in. We kinda open up and he said what he doesn't like about me. It was the fact that i hadn't colorful hair. Maybe he is afraid to say that i wasn't attracted to me like i am attrackted to him. i don't know why i wanted to write it down here. But i know your pain. The important thing is to not lose yourself like I did. Keep going. There are some people who will be your whole life with you.
Seeing this the day that my girlfriend broke up with me hits so hard. She and I weren't compatible for most of the reasons in this video, mainly that she wanted me to be someone I'm not. Seeing this actually explained in a video is helping me come to terms with it.
This is so very true. I had to end a relationship that only drained me and leaving me feeling helpless because I was just thinking of saving them and avoided how I truly felt for them. It's probably one of the worst self sabotaging act ever. Thankfully I accepted the truth and called it off.
That is my case
It me 😔
I’m actually scared this’ll apply to us
same
Me too
yknow, even if u have even one or more of these, as long as it's recognized and you and your partner are willing (emphasis on this one) to work through it get better at it with time and you guys both know you'll choose each other and want to go through all of it together, there's nothing to be scared of.
The line 'you have to want to change for you' is perfect!
I just broke up with my partner and wondering if I did the right thing, we have been really happy but there are issues in caring for his own health, wellness etc that I struggle to accept and he doesn't want to change them for himself. I have decided to break up before it becomes me trying to push the change on him, but i have been doubting my actions because we have been so happy otherwise that I couldn't help but wonder if I had communicated more.
That section has really helped reinforce for me that it was better to end before I became that toxic person, thank you
There is no such things as soulmates... there are just ppl with flaws you can tolerate and ppl with flaws you struggle to tolerate.
And that is all...
That means that you also must have flaws as well and you're gonna need forgiveness for those flaws so you'd better be prepared to be forgiving as well!!! 😊
Watching this after a breakup. Some things can't be fixed and don't work out despite putting in the effort. You'll just keep hurting by continuing to try.
This is where I’m at. Knowing I need to do something and not having the strength. Please tell me it got better for you. Did you regret your choice?
Agreed
This video was such an eye opener. I just broke off a relationship of two years and it’s unfortunate I answered yes to half of these. It’s mind blowing love can take over happiness without you realising until it then gets too much, and you realise how different you actually are to that person.
I feel like that's not love then. Maybe just fear of leaving. Because I feel that way to. I don't think when you love someone you lose yourself, I think u become more "whole" within/with yourself 🤗
Discussion idea: how to leave an incompatible relationship that you feel stuck in, especially if you lack money. Should you leave first or get financially secure first?
U discuss with them
u need money else u missed up
Leave, the pieces will fall together very quickly in your life once you're at peace.
Great video!!!
The problem is when you fall in love with someone and you realise they’re bad for you it doesn’t mean you just fall out of love with them then and there even if cutting your losses is the better choice it’s still severely painful when you’re in love with someone
ForzaTerra89 yeah. It took me over 20 years to finally stop caring for my toxic ex. We have children together and they’re all grown up. I hate having to be around him at family gatherings because he still tries to make me look stupid in front of everyone. I have no feelings left for him now. I wish he would find someone else and move on. Like actually move hundreds of kilometres away lol 😂
Gutted. That’s the feeling.
Having experienced a longterm relationship with a person I wasn't compatible with and breaking up with them, this video just hit my heart and soul. The feeling of liberation after the break up was the best thing in my life, before I met my current partner who is all the things I dreamed of and more
I've had exactly the same experience, it's crazy. My long term relationship was also my first one, but it took me years to find out that this person was not good for me. Now I'm with someone that loves and respects me deeply, and it makes all the difference.
Ive also been with my current ex husband for a while before I could see that this isn't working. I am still young, only 28, so my dream man will surely come.
I have a habit of stalling, but videos like this give me some reassurance that it isn't worth it to hide discomfort. I've been in a relationship where i don't have passion, and my worst comes out around them.
Time may improve communication, but not incompatibility
There are many types of relationships that can fulfill different needs
2:21
1:"I like you"
2:"I'm gay"
Lol
1:"Then I like you even more!"
Okay..
I little bit worst is:
-I like you
-I'm not gay...
Maybe rather: i'm bi, asexual, trans or non-binary. 🙂
It wouldn't be make sense ,because the figure turns into a rainbow .
I feel like a lot of people stay in incompatible relationships because we've been conditioned to believe breaking up with someone is wrong, or mean or insensitive, but the reality is that sometimes relationships just don't work out, and that's okay. You're not a horrible person for not wanting to be with someone anymore.
Thank you, I needed to read this. :-(
100
Thank you
@@zekken8250 dude I calmly broke up with my girlfriend because we are at 2 different life journeys. She didn't do anything wrong and I explained that. She seemed understanding but few days later she blew up my phone and was all nasty to me and I completely understand she is angry and frustrated at what happened as she didn't cause this situation. I sent her a text saying I understand she's hurt and she needs to vent, I forgive her actions and am still available to her as a friend. Unfortunately after her venting she blocked me so she never got the message
@@str8xrippin man I'm sorry to hear that. I hope both of you are able to move on soon enough.
I broke up with her for the same reasons and explained to her she didn't do anything wrong. She was devistated but very respectful about my decision. We parted ways with a hug and haven't talked since.
My ex cheated on me after 5 years. I see now he was right. The relationship was incompatible. He could’ve just ended it before being a douche tho.
Yes
Thanks for sharing! I agree, even though a relationship isn't compatible, it still does not justify his cheating behavior. How are you doing right now?
Psych2Go I found a new boyfriend while my ex is dating other girls trying to flex on me by sending me pics of him with the two new gfs he got with while I been with the same guy for 6+ months after my breakup last year. It was hard at first, believing I wasn’t good enough but in the end...the new guy has helped put me back together because I know I am good enough. My ex is funny though, if he’s trying to flex and even mentioned wanting to get back with me after he cheats. When I said no, he said he wanted friendship. I told him no still, since I don’t want trash in my life anymore but he still wants to argue about the cheating thing if I got screenshots of him admitting to said cheating. What a joke. I only wish he was honest with me in the end, but he still tried to change his story yet again, to make himself seem like the good guy when he tried to say I techinally cheated on him for being sexually assaulted is just...no. Straight up no. I hate that guy. I did not ask to be sexually assaulted and him saying I cheated by being sexually assaulted is...wrong on so many levels.
@@MandyLina123 now that u have a boyfriend talk to your ex and say that your new bf is the best thing thats ever happened to u, i guarantee he will get so mad lol
behind you I did. He says he’s happy for me because he’s a master at manipulating me and even claims to be getting married, but considering how fast he goes through women...I think its either a fake thing he mentioned or it won’t last. Can’t say I care tbh. His business is his business.
My ex-wife and I were together for a total of 8 years. The main things among that broke among others us are as follows:
1. Attraction and passion disappeared with weight gain.
2. We didn't enjoy socialising with each others' circles of friends
3. We didn't get each other, each others' emotions.
4. I am a bit more orderly, tidy and proactive than she is and that was always a sticking point.
We are still friends.
This video is so good. Where else can you find such a concise little summary of the VERY BASICS of dating lol