Financial Abuse, Narcissists & Money: A Divorce Lawyer's Perspective
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- čas přidán 14. 06. 2024
- What is financial abuse? What are examples of financial abuse? Financial control can be part of a nefarious plot and key part of making the victim feel impotent, dependent, and isolated. Because financial abuse is so damaging, it must be addressed in the divorce. Why does financial abuse happen? How do you identify financial abuse in a relationship?
For more information, read Divorcing the Narcissist: memphisdivorce.com/tennessee-...
What motivates the abuser? Why do some spouses feel the need to be in absolute control of the family finances? Domestic financial abuse is about control. Financial control could include using legitimate financial tools designed to prevent fraud, for the abusive purpose of tracking the other spouse. The abuser may keep the other spouse in absolute darkness as to marital resources and debts.
Lack of communication is an issue for many couples facing divorce. But the controlling spouse may never discuss finances with the victim. Financial abuse can involve keeping the other spouse's name off the title to marital property. Abusive behavior includes paying the bills by using all of the victim's separate money first. Financial abuse can be criminal, too. As with fraud, embezzlement, and extortion. Some narcissists look to financial abuse as a primary tool for control.
How is financial abuse proved in court? Proving financial abuse can be challenging. It's important to provide documentation of the abuse. Witnesses may also testify to what they know firsthand.
What should you do? Get safe. Get counseling. Get an experienced family lawyer. Get help from a financial advisor with the proper credentials and experience. When the divorce complaint is filed, Tennessee's mandatory injunction goes into effect. Your state may have similar provisions. If not, discuss with your lawyer filing for specific financial injunctions.
Help us get out the word about this serious and not often discussed problem.
Areas of Financial Abuse in Divorce: • Areas of Financial Abu...
Ted Talk: Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner: • Why domestic violence ...
Visit MemphisDivorce.com memphisdivorce.com/ Tennessee’s leading family law web resource for readers and lawyers. MemphisDivorce.com answers hundreds of frequently asked questions on divorce, alimony, custody, and more, with videos, our Tennessee Family Law Blog, and a free Tennessee Child Support Calculator app for your smart phone. Discover all you can learn.
#Narcissist #FinancialAbuse #MilesMason
I wish everyone knew how devastating it is. I’m 10 years out of an abusive marriage and STILL have not recovered. Partly because there was so much to recover from, and partly because the DV damaged my ability to plan. 15 years of never having anything, never being able to keep anything I did get my hands on and only operating in survival mode 24/7 really does a number on you.
Until they go through it they won't ever completely understand
Wow I hear you !! Tony robbins has helped me… he’s doing a free challenge this week . It’s not too late to join
I understand. I feel like I'm ruined.
Stop giving him
Ty for sharing, Can you go deeper meaning with what you meant by " your ability to plan"
You described the narcissistic husband I’m divorcing. He is a bully, who abused me physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. I balled throughout your entire presentation. While married, he had me liquidate every penny from my IRA, that I brought into the marriage, for house “down payments.” He took every dime I ever saved from my years in nursing. Because I have MS, I am on SSDI and cannot support myself. He believes he “deserves everything,” and I should walk away with nothing. Today, Credit Karma allerted me that he’s behind two months on our mortgage: my credit score plunged 123 points. I had perfect credit. Every week is another nightmare. It’s already been a year, and he refuses to negotiate: I don’t matter, only his needs and wants. Thank goodness I was able to capture his texts and social media admitting the allegations I made against him. This divorce has already hit the one-year mark. I want it to be over with, but there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m standing strong, but my physical and mental health is taking a beating. Thank goodness I have an amazing lawyer.
This was really painful to watch. I wish I would have known this behavior was abuse sooner. 15 years in with 4 children before I got out. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done. My only regret was not leaving sooner.
You’re right, the best thing to do is leave sooner. I’m praying for you. We dont deserve any forms of abuse and we should never let anyone abuse us.
Always the regret… 😭😩
@lw679:
We weren't ready for these sickos. Who is ready for these mind games, etc? I didn't know they made people like this. It makes us hold back , not trust and forever cautious and weary. It's probably better to be alone, at least for me.
After 44 years of marriage, when it came to divorce and assets, he had taken all retirement monies, even cashed in his life insurance policies behind my back.. Because he did it before our date of separation, nothing happened to him. I now have nothing after saving for retirement all my working life and staying out of any type of debt. Watch your finances, trust no one. I trusted a thief.
This is exactly what happened to me after 33 years of marriage. Married to a convincing con man, fraudster and thief who only stole from me!
Can you explain to me how the date of separation comes into play? I'm heading in the direction of divorce and I'm trying to learn as best I can. My husband is a lawyer and he was strategic about protecting himself. I'm on an emotional and financial abusive marriage.
@@adeledebra. Did he come across like a really nice laid back guy, by any chance? In other words difficult to detect any abuse??
@@karencastoldi1291yes, he still comes across as a really nice laid back guy. My family still can’t believe my ex is capable as he still appears the perfect man !
It happened to me, too.
My ex was emotionally, psychologically, and financially abusive. He is a lawyer. I had no chance of fair representation due to his connections and my being penniless. I was lucky to escape. I am grateful that I survived and was able to get away.
@@janedoe-yw2jp Oh, dear, I am so sorry. Yes, I would fight if I were in your position. My situation was slightly different. He had money and a house (which his mother helped him purchase) before we bought that one. I didn't. He wanted me to sign a prenuptial agreement (he said his mother wanted it) but I refused. Yes, I had been with him (off and on) since I was in high school and he was a Freshman at Stanford, that's six years before marriage and about another three married. Since he had money and I didn't, I handed over my paychecks and let him handle the finances. The first house sold when we were already living in the second house. He asked me to sign a claim to that one. Even though I paid rent to live in that one before we were married, I thought about that and felt OK with signing over rights to that. Then, he came back a few weeks later and asked me to sign my rights to the house we lived in. He lied and told me it was necessary for the loan (that we already had?). I told him he was full of it and said no. One house was the past and the other our future. I wasn't happy. He said he would have me put back on asap but needed this now. We had only been married about a year and a half. I made a point of asking him about putting me back on title regularly until our divorce, which was about another year and a half. Always either blown off, ignored, or creating a fight. The reason I signed it was because I had little invested in the marriage at the time and was testing him as to what he would do. It was worth $100k to me to know what kind of man my husband really was. At the time no one knew or discussed narcissism or coercive control. My advice to anyone in that position, don't sign. And if forced to sign, write "signed under duress". In your case, find a lawyer out of town that doesn't know him. Mine went to good schools, was in a frat while under grad, clerked for a 9th Curcuit Federal Judge and the Dean of his law school. He also clerked for a very prestigious law firm before he passed the bar and was hired there as an intellectual property lawyer. At that time he had all the boxes checked and I had none. I did, however, invest a lot of my time supporting him in other ways besides turning over my paycheck. I really loved him and never wanted to be accused of being a gold digger. We always had tenants living in our home with us (both of them) and I made sure our home was spotless and addressed tenants needs when necessary. In your case, your financial support got him through college and into a better income bracket. You purchased the home with your own savings. I would absolutely not let him get away with that. Go find a divorce attorney who doesn't know him that specializes in domestic violence and coercion. I am sorry that this happened. I know your pain and wish you all the luck in the world. Stay strong, keep fighting.
@@janedoe-yw2jp I put all of my money into a joint account also. I didn't know at the time that it takes two signatures to open but only one to close. He pulled all of the money out of the account and put it into his own personal account, blocking my access to funds when we were married. This is another coercive tactic to make you dependent on the abuser.
@@janedoe-yw2jp This was back in the late 1980's. I was twenty two when we married and didn't know anything. My mom kicked me out at eighteen without a job or place to live. Back then, you could only use an ATM at the bank in which you had an account. We belonged to a small bank with only one local branch. He was always complaining about me spending money but I had to look nice for all the functions that we went to. Everyone else was shopping at Nordies but I was shopping at thrift stores. I was super thin because I couldn't afford to buy lunch at work. Anyway, he comes home one day with an ATM card for me and tells me that he needs the ATM receipt and all the receipts down to the penny for everything I buy so he can keep balance. That's another coercive tactic, BTW. He told me he closed the account--another coercive tactic. One day, the ATM was down at the bank. I tried getting money inside, through a teller, but was denied. Later, after years of sex deprivation (he stopped the day after we wed, another coercive tactic) I accidentally said something at a party that made him look bad in front of peers. We were on the dance floor and he admonished me under his breath. I cried in the bathroom and missed the first course. We had a huge fight that night and I tried to kill myself. He told me that I was F***n crazy and that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. He locked me in a room and told me that if I tried to escape through a window that he would have me committed. I was twenty five. After that, I said that I wasn't moving out. I had just gotten a promotion from assembly to QC and was attending school at night to take required courses. School had just started and I wasn't moving till semester end. I also stopped giving him my paychecks. Then, he tried to tell me that I needed to pay rent. I said no. He said that I should make half the house payment. I said that I should get half the income from tenants. He balked. Said I had to pay half for taxes and insurance. I just kept stashing money until the end of the semester. There was nothing he could do without ruining his precious reputation. I barely had enough money to move by semester end.
@@janedoe-yw2jp Seems like we have domestic abuse in common. While he's gone I would search the whole house completely, looking for any scrap of evidence, any documents you can find. He may have everything stored in a computer or cloud and two step notifications so that could be a problem but if you can at least get website and user account without violating privacy I would do so and provide them to an attorney. Gather everything you can get ahold of, make copies if necessary, and take them to a trusted friend for safe keeping. Otherwise, find a bank deposit box somewhere. That can be problematic so a trusted friend is good. Ask them if you can use their address to have mail sent to or get a PO Box. They have boxes at UPS that work as as address too, if you need to apply for things like a job, credit. It would be great if you knew someone who you trusted that could let you stay with them. Also, find an attorney who doesn't know him and deals with domestic violence and coercive abuse. Your husband will try to withhold as much from you as possible and hold things like health insurance cards, etc hostage. If you can, I would make good use of the time he's gone and prepare to leave him. You can find good information online or go to any women's shelter for information. YWCA is a good start or you can call 211 to find organizations that can help you, give advice. Don't use words like psychopath, narcissist, or anything that smacks of judgment in court. Just stick with facts and behaviors. He's probably shacked up in HI. A private investigator is in order if you can hire and getting the goods on his doings wouldhelp you greatly. Be very careful. I wouldn't put anything past this guy. You aren't alone. There are people out there that can and will help you. Oh, not to make you feel paranoid but see if there are any cameras in your home, any trackers in your phone, computer, and any air tracking on your car. You may need to get a boss or coworkers involved to help you. Maybe get a burner phone to keep at work. Just some things to think about that I didn't have to deal with but organizations will know what to do. Good luck and God Bless.
@@janedoe-yw2jp I understand your situation and validate your feelings. I would still gather as much information as possible during this time. Sure, status qou serves him at the moment, but you don't know when he will change his mind and pull the rug out from under you. Maybe after your child turns 18, or maybe he will decide to sell the house and cash out with a tidy nest egg for retirement with his beach bunny??? Whatever happens, I hope things work out for you. My heart ❤️ goes out to you along 💔 with my love.
So ironically, I was the primary breadwinner our entire marriage , but still suffered financial abuse. My husband tracked my credit cards and social media and berated me for money I spent even though I was the only one paying bills. So it doesn't even have to be the person making the money.
So what does it matter if we were financially abused? Does the judge do something differently in divorce? Or does he/she just follow the law as to equity split, support etc? Does the abuse even matter? Its not criminal, just shows how evil some people can be when it comes to money.. Whats really criminal is these lawyers fees. 100 bucks for paper printing at .90 cents a paper? Thats criminal, and done to people with no money as they just got financially screwed by their spouse for a decade or more
exactly, courts gaslight and nothing matters no matter how criminal or who victimized who. That is legal abuse and why he/she doesn't leave. until fault divorce returns and crimes are taken seriously that take place behind closed doors, abuse will never end. wife beaters and child molesters STILL have equal rights? That is the abuse.
no. no one does doodle.
My ex would withhold his (cash) income. He would claim he had “no money” and lead me to believe HE was just broke. I was left to pay for EVERYTHING, believing that I was helping him while he grew his business. I worked overtime for THREE SOLID YEARS and had my first baby during that time. I was allowed 6 weeks of maternity leave which I saved up my vacation time for and went back to work, because I HAD TO.
Same here😪
I feel like you're telling my exact marriage for the past 20 years. Thank you. you're straight on about insisting of no credit card use. It's a nightmare. I feel as if I am being punished, and 20 years of my career was sabotaged because he prefered I stay home. Then, He threatens me that purchases on the credit card is fraud, and that he is going to say he didn't authorize the purchase. There's so much more.
If the credit card is in his name and he put you on it as an authorized user, there is nothing he can do to you. The rule is: never put anyone on your card as an authorized user. If you do, if a separation occurs, call your credit card immediately and get them off. Hope this helps
Be aware of balance of wealth between couples. The wealthy husband often holds the power and control.
This is probably the best explanation I've heard of what spousal financial abuse is. Thank you for the much needed clarity! Finding this was a blessing.
If they can, they do this to children too, for life. These people are evil. They want not children, but slaves. It is planned.
This is happening to me now....I'm outside my work place depressed and not sure what to do at this point...I hope the right person see this
Same here it’s truly awful
@@kandacebasso3569 same here.
I so needed this. I just been thru all this the last 17 yrs more ppl need to be educated on this
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
I'm going through all this right now 23 years.
50 years here!!
Its great to have a lawyer but many spouses who have been through this because of financial abuse cannot afford lawyers.
Excelente point... Mines made it impossible to get one I've tried begging . Now his lawyer who keeps ignoring my emails about the abuse has filed a motion to skip mediation and set final trial. Why i don't understand how no one's doing anything to make him atleast follow his own divorce mandatory injunction he filed. I've gone without lights food now he's taken my car the only thing I was being awarded. Idk what to do
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
My ex-husband is a divorce attorney, any time he owes money, he just threatens to take me to court knowing it will run up a bill for me and not him. I am financially bullied every day by him. No matter how hard to I try to get my life back together, it's just him either costing me money in legal fees or just dumping bills on me
I’m there now, Monterey Ca does not have any help, other than telling you if papers are filled out correctly, but refused to file proof of what I told judge! Judge says I don’t understand! I told him I was not allowed to file proof! He continued on like I said nothing!
I know. This is a time to lean on friends and family.
Mr. Mason: After 49 years of marriage, You described my financially devastating divorce perfectly. Can anything be done post divorce?
I agree. The horrors afterwards of finding out ur attorney was family friends w the abuser.
I'm disgusted at the whole process. Judiciary should be held accountable but covid stopped everything n abused the victims rights worse.
Nothing can be done, non custodial parents are to be destroyed by the system forever.
Usually only if you can prove fraud. Every states' definitions and remedies differ. Talk to an experienced family lawyer in your area.
after 19 years of being in the process of freeing myself, thanks to videos like this, I have learned so much about my own situation. It's still hard to understand why a spouse would do this. Thank you so much for this video
My spouse did it out of greed, and she thought I was useless and dumb over all. She ended up using financial abuse and fear of police intervention to get me off the title of the house we bought after 10 years of owning it and living like a hermit under complete financial control she paid the mortgage down incredibly fast. So I essentially was threatened out of roughly 100k.
And as common law vs not married = no division of property in ontario apparently. Im hoping the judge sees what she did as super malignant and crucifies her on the spousal support.
They do it cuz they planned it from the start. That is how these con artists manipluate abusers win some video it and sell it on the deep dark web and make money off trapping and abusing these are powerful men powerful evil men
@@leafmealoynederpydeu85 haters Jesus had them
30 Years male owned own business built a 1.6 million dollar home Divorced I don't even have my own personal property.
This was so helpful, great advice, thank you! I was told early on in a 26 year marriage that talking to me about finances stressed him out and he is already stressed. Later brining up questions was met with so much gaslighting and anger, I didn't question him anymore, I knew my place. Very helpless feeling, especially during bankruptcy, foreclosed home, back tax debt, repoed car, tent trailer, and being asked to ask my parents for money.
I had 18 YEARS of severe abuse and I proved it in court but got awarded the MORTGAGE if I could have it refinanced in 18 months. I had NO JOB no car and NO CREDIT! I was a senior in college when I met him and he REFUSED to allow me to work and he NEVER paid a student loan debt for me. I HAD NO LAWYER! Again all I got was the MORTGAGE that I in NO WAY was approved for. NOW I am almost desolate. OH I raised HIS daughters because he didn't want to pay CHILD SUPPORT to their drug addict MOM who paid NO CHILD SUPPORT of any kind for 14 years! There needs to be laws passed to help ME and other people like me! We are extremely LUCKY if we survive this abuse and are eventually FREE only to face EXTREME POVERTY and REJECTION! My student loans ALONE blossomed to $104,000! HIS DAUGHTERS both LEFT and are having a happy go lucky LIFE and do NOT speak to me. I have NO FAMILY I speak to due to the severity of isolation and the fact they NEVER stopped in to check on me. IT IS HELL and CREDIT REPORTS keep you IN HELL!
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
So true where's our protection
I am so very sorry. You are right we need things changed n on a large scale that others who aren't aware know.
@@peggynarcsuvivor9073 please help victims
@@saleemsheikh4819 once I am out if the home after 45 yrs.so far the Good Lord is mskimg A way soon but I havw an unbelievable story
Thank you for an extremely important message. Let us get the word out about this horrifying and common problem. If you are a victim of financial abuse, your advice of telling everybody about it is very wise and inspiring. Unfortunately, many victims of financial abuse are so badly intimidated and deprived of self-confidence and self-trust and feel powerless after years of abuse, that they have no mental and physical strength to oppose their persecutors. They need help from loving and trustworthy friends whom they might not have. I think CZcams videos like yours provide a great chance for many people to see what is going on in their lives and susewuently start seeking help. Actions of people like yourself save people’s lives. Thank you.
This is so true, I don't consult an attorney anymore because it's just hopeless, he is a Family Law and Divorce attorney, he just runs the bill up to the point where I can't afford it. I feel awful about myself every day - even when I get ahead or we catch up he ignores the bill and says take me court, and some things are unavoidable, our daughter is going to college and he is not refusing to help with that. My situation related to my ex-husband is so tangled up, I feel helpless and alone every day.
He will get Karma & u will get though this F*** him
Thank you for making such a validating and useful video on this topic.
This is the most important video for children of narcissistic parents. You described exactly my situation
18 years. Every single year of my life, it’s all I’ve known. My father says it was “”difficult”” for him, while that entire divorce lasted my entire life.
Thank you sir. My mother is a vicious narcissist, who has been financially abusive ( covert doling out what SHE feels is needed or not) deleting my sister that I believe she is envious of having more assets than my mother) for over 25 years. My father was clear that he did not want her to have any control what so ever over finances. She has had total control by usurping authority. What can my sister and I do, to keep her from wasting it? ( she’s a hoarder and burned her house down) . Everything u said is exactly on target.she’s almost 90 and only recently had my grandmothers farm land transferred to her name, knowing my grandmother wanted it in my sister and my name. We never saw the will my grandmother wrote, but our did, and this Never probated her little estate. What can we do to take authority away from her, even tho as trustees, my sister doesn’t attempt to stop it. Thanks..
My partner is verbally, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually abusive. I don't know what to do.
Hire an attire so you can beat the system! 💳, use a card to pay attorney fees
Call your local crisis center. They will be familiar with situations like yours and can help!
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
get out
i left mine
Be a man and stand up and take the reigns of your house hold, go to the bank open a savings account under your name only pay all bills through that account only give her money for spending to buy herself what you feel she needs tell her if the abuse continuous you are leaving tell her no excuse for abuse and if she wants to wear the pants there's the door.
I definitely will get the word out about this... to every man I know on why you should never ever get married
Don't it's a complete scam, lose everything when they cheat and get rewarded, fuck that. Completely devoted to my wife, found out shes was having serial affairs and the whole time gaslighting me that I didn't love her, so would do more, pay more...all while she was fucking random guys off the internet. DO NOT GET MARRIED GUYS! ITS COMPLETE UTTER BULLSHIT, NEVER ENTER A CONTRACT WHERE THE CHEATING PARTY GET REWARDED AND ITS ONLY WOMEN. FUCK THAT
🌈🙏💜thank you for this. I suffered emotional, financial & physical abuse & honestly, I listed them in order of pain! I’d rather be punched than financially or emotionally abused! My ex made the Betty Buckley netflix husband look like a teletubby as he , in addition to all the things that husband did, spent 7 years prior to divorcing me manipulating / hiding finances & was actually able to divorce me without my ever meeting his attorney, signing ( or agreeing with) the separation agreement or knowing a divorce hearing was taking place! Sounds unbelievable.. I’ll give u the docket sheets & more.. needless to say, I’m suing him & his attorney now . Stay tuned for the documentary
Sincerely wish you the blessings of all that have suffered, and the sum,xxxx
My husband divorced me too without my knowledge 4 days ago. I never got a chance to defend myself legally. I pleaded with my husband to halt the divorce because I was lacking legal representation but he didn’t care and proceeded with it.
What a betrayal!
@@jasminehawk7942 what? How is that possible? I need to get myself educated on this because I know he's planning as we speak.
Please update me on how it turns out. I'm on the the of going through the same thing.
My husband tried that shit, but i got the divorce set aside. My mistake.
Damn I'm actually tearing up. So I'm not going crazy. I love this guy. He just explained the last 10 years of my life. My babies going through this not just me putting them through it is why I started looking in to this crap. Thanks
Edit: put that still puts me here at square 1. She messed up the job I was working at making real good money by pulling unemployment out while I was still working. I work doing a little electrical work here and there but not much and I'm financially unable to go about any help. Credit cards in my name past 2 years taxes unemployment benefits and stimulus checks I've never seen none of it but I know it's been spent but not on the kids. People joke and says she just gives it away. I just got to sit here and let it happen. And stay calm
me too. And mine has given me the silent treatment for a month. I'm in panic mode. He's going to hand me divorce papers soon, I know it. Added bonus? He put his name on the business I run and I'm the only one running it. He controls literally every aspect of my life. Including the vehicle I bought with my own money. This is SO sickening I allowed this. Every time I've tried to address inequality he exlplodes in an emotional rage.
I'm in Indiana and not married, but trapped for 6 years. When I try to work he'll sabotage childcare. When I went back to school, especially when covid arrived, I had to drop out because I couldn't get anything done with child duties on me. Even if I get something full time and think I'm close, I still have to be the one to get groceries, plan meals, make them, do dishes, and do all things for our daughter, which further exhausts.
I've heard all these years how I need to not spend so much when it's groceries and approved purchases for our girl. Three years in I caught an incoming text that discussed money, and snooped through his iPad to find he'd changed the name of his paramour but had sent her large amounts of money all those three years while I was told to ease up.
I too suffer from this type of abuse and have a new and happy life. Thank you for bringing this to the public. It's a real problem. 👍✌
Thank you for understanding and explaining what happens in financial abuse
Thank you for this video. Wow! Profound. I was and am a victim of financial abuse during the marriage and divorce. You video touches on many issues I dealt with. I am still suffering and need to make it right.
Only u can help ur self .stop giving him
Only u can help ur self.watch lots if counseling video
Not one lie told every single word sentence was 10000 percent accurate. Like this guy just told my life story
I always have a job. So I will not be vulnerable. Few of my relationships wanted me to be the stay-at-home woman. I have to work and have my own financial security.
My soon to be ex and his sister.
This is so spot on, thank you.
I was a victim of financial abuse, everything you are saying has happened to me from my husband.
Belittling me for having a cat, our child, shopping for clothing because he said it was a waste of money.
Hiding assets, never helping me pay for our daughter’s expenses including track out camps and extra curriculum activities.
I finally left him after 20 years of being with him.
The greed for money, at what point do you value money over family?
Hi, I am curious- any idea what he did with the money that he did not spend on the family? Like what else is there to do?
Thanks.
Yes they r,but good u left him
@@jawwad4020mine wants to build a house for himself.
@@truffaut650truffaut6 just for himself? I thought the law required marital assets to be shared equally both in the case of use and in divorce. Still, buying a house at the expense of real necessities isn't a sound investment.
Narcissists see people as possessions. They objectify them.
This is the best video I've seen on this topic. Thank you.
Beautifully explained! I’m so grateful, as I needed the reminder that this part of the Family Violence was just as real as the rest of it. I feel more empowered to include the the topic as part of my case. Thank you
This was so painful to listen to but just spot on! Either the children are affected by it or not they don’t care.
What hurts the most is most courts won’t see abuse. Look at the victim’s credit report. That’s the first clue.
Thank you for your professional information
How do you pay a lawyer to fight for your rights when your access to your own estate and what you brought to the relationship has been taken from you and you have no access to money to even pay the lawyer?
Exactly what I wanna know plus when there bestfriend is loaded and also his boss
Exactly. They literally dominate and control till we are in a position that we can not escape. Then they emotionally and mentally beat you down even harder once they realize your completely dependant on them and have no way to fight for your legal rights to escape and pay for your own basic needs. There is no help that I can find and only advice about leaving. Lawyers all want money up from and legal aid won’t help because based on the combined assets and income, you don’t qualify for legal aid in Canada. Your litterally trapped and robbed of your own rights and access to the assets you brought to the table. Becoming disabled was what gave him power over me to rob me the way he has. My estate was worth 700 thousand when we got together. Now I can’t even afford to take care of my own needs while he is spending it all on muscle cars and toys and is flat out telling me he won’t give me any thing if I won’t comply to his terms. How horrid. This is why people stay single nowa days.
@@christinagarcia7598 this is also me just different email
@@pickle9753 I got the same treatment here in America and I'm not even the illegal one he was I'm a natural born citizen
Extremely helpful very thorough and enlightening for me. Thanks
God bless you Mr. Mason 💕 .
Yes, I am well aware. Cannot afford an attorney, so guess what? I need to deal with the bullying to agree to non contested divorce.
Totally. I haven't seen one paycheck in the 8 years of marriage. He lies all the time and bread crumbs me. He's angry because I gave him so many chances to be a better husband and saw no improvement and now he's angry with me. I mean, really dude? You are pathetic. You cannot respect them, like them or stand them anymore. He repeats everything I say, as if he thought of it himself and it's annoying. He's a passive aggressive Covert Narcissist. He needs to find his own way because we wore me out and it wasn't my job in the first place. No more sick men please!
This is such good information. Thank You
This is so good and very helpful thank you so much.
This is my current situation but I know in Jesus’ name I will prevail and the narc will be exposed.
My mother in law is married to a narcissistic man with psychopathic tendencies. He punishes her like a child. One example was taking the entire internet router and cable away for her not "cleaning enough". He went as far as to threaten to throw out all of her belongings and rent the house to strangers if she didn't "comply". He's a pilot and always traveled a lot. (he's diagnosed bipolar and has never been medicated and his employers don't know) Right after the email, he left and never came back. This was 10 months ago. He does not seem unstable and is very high functioning. He hides his condition and people think he's just awesome and motivated. We found out where he lives and works through researching online. He left her with no internet (the cable had to be installed from the road) right before the country shut down for Covid. He didn't call once and never asked how anyone was during the shutdown. She lives in NJ where cases were bad. She can't afford a lawyer and he makes very good money as a private pilot for a company in CA. There's no proof of infidelity but Amazon purchases strongly indicate it. She can't afford a private investigator. She doesn't have grounds for abandonment because he pays the bills. He periodically calls my brother in law to ask how the house is. He said he will divorce her "when things are in order". She's expecting he will do whatever it takes to leave her with as little as possible and is crippled by fear. She believes she has no grounds and will be destroyed if she asked for a divorce. She believes he will have the advantage if she files first. Is that true?
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
Mine did the same he would deduct money from my "allowence" everytime I argued he has ruined me I'm not ever going to be the same idk who I even am anymore.
@@christinagarcia4123 I'm so sorry you've endured that abuse. I wrote this post awhile ago and my mother in law has saved her money and now has a great lawyer. She hasn't seen or spoken to her husband since 2019. He is trying to get her to pay him alimony and pay his legal fees. He literally makes more than 5x her income. He's desperate to intimidate and is grasping at straws to somehow seem in dominance. It's pathetic and he can't win. Good luck to you. You can get out too.
@@Naomi-tb1xn I'm so happy for her. I'm divorced already since June never was able to get a lawyer I don't work I've been fighting disability. But the after effects of the whole thing is I'm stuck waking up to the fact that my abuser not only got away but got rewarded as well so how am I supposed to stop the cycle in my brain. It's killing me inside.
@@christinagarcia4123 i'm so happy you're away from him. I hope and pray you continue to heal and get the support you need. These people are so empty inside. How can anyone be truly happy when they can't love. They are lost and alone and ultimately have nothing
Thank you SO MUCH for this video, MMFLG.
Thank you so much very very helpful and good to hear.
thanks for the information, very helpful.
thank you such a great video
Please keep more videos coming
I wish I had seen this video three months ago. This is a great video. Thank you
Very informative video. Thanks.
Glad it was helpful!
I am going through this right now. He took off in the middle of the night, leaving my daughter and I without any money…. He wants me to sign some papers now to leave me broke. He was abusive physiologically and physically for over 15 years. I have no money or job to hire a lawyer…
Just a joke.
This did and does exactly happen to me for many years. I have even lived on the streets ; not being able to get access to legal representation for many ; many years ..
I wished you would had been my attorney
Yep yall planned it very well 👍🏼
You hit the nail on the head. My narc would spy on me, tell me what I could spend on my son, even if it did not affect my contribution to the household. All of the money I saved was stolen from me. My retirement, 2/3 of my IRA is gone. He stole
$3-4 hundred thousand from me. I am going to turn 70 soon. My husband would get the taxes done and then have me sign. I was signing my 1099 forms. My money became his. My
Soon to be ex hid his mental illness for years. Yes, my has an addictive personality.
Drugs, gambling, power, and alcohol. He is a very sick man.
He also threatened me to spend me under a bridge if I tried to divorce him.
Affirmation: thanks so much.
We have 50-50 custody like both of us have that and I have no visitations with my kids if not then I don’t want to well when you’re helpless and homeless and you don’t have a home how do you think I feel
you explained this perfectly.
Thank you.
I was in a relationship and not married and live in California. When my ex boyfriend of over 22 years decided to see a stripper and then after me confronting he I was so broken I tried to overdose and he did not call for a paramedics leaving me on the couch and my last call was to my parents to call 911 he showed no remorse and after years of living with 20 dollars a day for gas to take our daughter to school I was left with nothing because of his financial abuse. Being in California I had no legal right after helping him build his business and walked away still struggling each day. Maybe a video for what legal options would be available to non married people in California?
Great words thanks
Do you have something similar where it is a parent abuser of their child? Or something on parental alienation?
Financial exploitation is another concern.
Thank you
I didn’t see myself as being in a financial abusive marriage because I pay all the bills and have access to the bank accounts but realized this simply wasn’t true. He will spend whatever he wants when he wants without telling me. I tried to set up a savings plan when I became disabled and he refused to discuss it even though it was quite simple. We went through a rough time and he bought four new tires for his truck without telling me. He’s overdrawn our account three times by spending large sums of money and when I try to tell him I need to know he rages at me and calls me names. I don’t pay the mortgage until payday because I’ve no idea when he’s going to spend. It’s caused a tremendous amount of stress on me, constant worry and if there’s not enough money it’s up to me to figure it out. He says he’s ever going to retire but his company will eventually retire him and at that point we will not have enough money to pay our bills. So even having access to the bank accounts doesn’t help when the narcissist refuses to take any financial responsibility.
The only problem is forensic accountants are very expensive. My husband has cashed out the 401k twice and quit his job twice and so much more. The issue is when they take all the $ and hide everything how do you find these assets if you can’t afford discovery. My husband also cashed out the last 401k right before I filed for divorce so he wouldn’t be legally liable. I have a court date this week. I hope I can expose him. I experienced almost all the things you spoke of. What I’ve learned is I should’ve got out much sooner. But now is still better than the alternative. Thank you sir!
Can you find where all the money is by hiring forensic acct? I don't even know how much my husband earns. He stopped telling me about 10 years ago. I know he has over mil in stocks and 401. Possibly 2 mil. Who knows. It's never been disclosed to me. He quit his job, found a new job and said to find a new husband and that he wants out and is moving out. I feel he's getting everything ready. He's a lawyer. I'm a stay at home mom with nothing to my name. He even tricked me into signing quit deed. I'm desperate to educate myself on what to prepare for and how.
I believe this is happening to me. How do I get help for this ? I’ve invested everything into this marriage and I believe my career has been under attack and now I’m about to get a really good job so I don’t have to depend on my wife any longer. I need to get out of this
OMG, thank you so much for making this. My Narcissistic Bio-mother was a financial abuser.
She spent money on gambling, prescription painkillers and alcohol. Nothing on household expenses, neither groceries, nor bills.
She prevented me from obtaining gainful employment upon my return from university, by intercepting all phone calls and letters addressed to me. I was only allowed to have minimum wage jobs, that would never pay enough for me to get into a place of my own. And I was forced to pay for over half of the rent with my paycheck, in the then market rent appartment, which was our home, when I was a teenager, until I went to university, once I got back.
I never realized before that what she put me through was an actual thing.
She used to tell me and other family members that I was, 'nothing but a lazy, good for nothing little bitch, that is allergic to a good days work'. When the truth be told, all I ever wanted most in the world was a job with a livable wage, that's tolerable and a modest one bedroom appartment to live in. All my efforts went in vain, because of her gaslighting campaign against me.
Instead, to keep myself from going insane from a sense of uselessness, I took up volunteer work, which of course to her had no value.
Two years as a manicurist to hospital shut ins, twelve and a half years with an agency that works with the developmentally differently abled, children and adults, and most recently twelve years with an outdoor history museum at which I won several awards for my work.
So twenty six and a half years of volunteering over the course of my life time. I loved the work that I have done, but I should have been allowed to have done similar work for pay.
My gaslighting Narcissistic Mother lead me to believe that I could never get hired for pay in jobs like these, because I just wasn't good enough.
And I have to admit, that if you are forced to listen to this sort of filthy slander long enough, and you never once get a call back from anyone that you interviewed with, you begin to internalize it over time. It leaves you pretty much void of all confidence.
I worked something out eventually, finally got something that didn't have to go through her filter job wise, and a sibling allowed me to sublet their appartment. And at this point the Narc and I have been no contact for almost twenty years.
I can't begin to tell you how much this video of yours has meant to me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, very, very, much! ❤️🧓🏽✌🏽
Thanks $Trillions Miles! Divine Timing! Namaste! One Love! 🌌🫀👏
What to do after 1 spouse buys into family home then the other spouse executes witness names to deed then later in divorce claims deed invalid due to false witness signatures since property could revert back to his father who then could leave property to spouse through a will.
Hullo! I know this may be a very specific subject... however can you consider a video on child income - financial abuse, please 🥺😭.... Thank you, I'm already learning and realizing many plints this video is covering....
Bravo. Well I got completely f ,____ led . Completely.
Victims of financial abuse don't have the resources for forensics! Attorneys also take advantage of the victims. After $11k I e been absolutely violated by attorneys as much as my abuser!
You described exactly what I'm going through as soon as we got married she lost her job three months later she's pregnant with our first child ever since every little excuse why she can't work she worked for her brother for seven years until he pretty much let his business go she hasn't done nothing for the Last 5 years everything is a excuse why she can't work she's more than capable she put me in financial debt made her get rid of her credit cards I had to take consolidation she was using my credit when I was sleeping she took over the finances because I work nights and sleeping the day I'm a truck driver I make good money and I don't have a pot to pee in I finally found out some of the stuff she was hiding she asked for divorce the other day she went to her sister's house came home I didn't talk to her she started the conversation she said do you want a divorceI said everybody else thinks we should get it one including our kids 19 and 21 they are tired of seeing us fight I'm tired of seeing us fight she came back and said she doesn't one of my childhood friends said to me she sees you as a paycheck I'm 50 years old I don't want to live my life like this there's a few women that I grew up with that said I'm a good-looking guy I don't deserve this these are women that I know almost my whole life my cousin is retired naval officer he stayed at my house for the night on his way from Florida he said to me you are how do you put up with that I said I can't put up with her sister is over here everyday single mom 53 years old she disrespects me in my house.
What if the narcissist work for the FCC ? Will the victim need international law ?
You nailed everything going on in my marriage more than anyone has. But I'm in California. Do you know a lawyer in southern California that could help me?
Exactly.
Devastating.
He is good at it and society enables him.
No recourse?
He turned down Dr. Phil's once in lifetime offering of help for me (and him if he wanted, but he does not). He literally wants me to stay down and knows I am powerless and this is not in my control. Dr. Phil deemed urgent and moved us up list. Unbelievable. He had the power and control over whether I get help or not.
First of all stop giving him ,and b strong 💪
Could purchasing a house using marital assets, against the very clearly expressed wishes of a spouse, be considered financial abuse? It is taking place in a common law state (North Carolina) and because the abused spouse is against the use of the assets for this purpose, she has refused to sign any papers or be named on any deed etc. but doesn't know if this will play out against her in a separation/divorce situation.
My dad was verbally, and sometimes physically, abusive to my mom. As my older brother (who is my half brother with a different dad, but we’re close so I just call him my brother) got taller than him, my dad felt threatened by him and started verbally abusing him too. My dad never abused me in that way, but he was neglectful to me. But in the background, my family didn’t know for 10 years that my dad stole me and my brother’s college funds and other money of ours, took out loans in my mom’s and my brother’s name (after my brother turned 18, he’s 7 years older than me), and hid various other forms of financial abuse (it’s all so long and complicated, it’ll make this comment way longer than it already is). When my mom found out, the fact that my dad stole money from me and my brother drove her to file for divorce. But she also knew that she’d have so much trouble keeping the house when she was only self employed. My mom would get various side jobs to keep a roof over our head. Luckily, my mom has gained financial independence, our house is now in her name, and we’re still financially struggling, but no where to the extent that we were. I am so grateful for my mom for being as strong as she is. I’m also very grateful for my older brother being a better father figure to me than my dad ever was. Witnessing abuse and finding out all of these things as a child was very traumatic.
I hope you, your mom & brother are doing well...God bless..
I'm going through this. I've called so many places in milwaukee and it's so bad that he got my stimulus and my son's, our taxes, car and he doesn't pay support. We're still married but he ruined me and ran to Another state and their spending the money. I've called everywhere. But I know he's still using drugs. And I was also disabled because of the stress. Nobody will help me I'm seriously loosing hope at this point. He even got to my brother. It's ridiculously sick. Our son is 9yrs old and he should be taken care of not his abusive pos father. He's protected the police, court, shelters, everyone turns their cheek. How do I live?
@jaimehill2972 report it to the IRS so he will stop receiving those paychecks especially if not giving any money to help for the 9 year old that's illegal and they will stop once you report it to the IRS that will definitely stop him
My abuser is a big-name attorney. How can I know that my family and I will be safe from being turned on, to protect a friend? I want restitution, I don't know how to help myself!😢
My husband did this very same thing to me for a little over a year. We just went before the judge on Wednesday. He is calculating. I want to give me what he wanted. I felt he had hidden money. My Attorney Sucked its line she on his and his Attorney side. All wanted to make sure of ia that she got paid. I would ask her if if we could have investigated this situation because I knew that it was possible. Could I take him back to court? I be6that he has alott of money hidden. And that he also had family holding money for him. He divorced me through text I also have a protection against his and filed a Civil because he was harassing through emails & txt. This was a terrible nightmare. Would it be possible that I could take him back to court for financial abuse & also sue him?
I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner
Min 4:49 not always true I did these things but mine was to try and prove his abuse. I was never allowed a say so unless I took it.
What if you are a stay at home mom and going thru separation but his attorney fired him (for not meeting financialobligations with attorney/not sharing same moral standards/ and for not heading the lawyers advice) and at a stand still in court for 6+ months now and I'm not allowed to have money at all or even get groceries myself.. he brings some.. what ever he deems necessary for however long or short he chooses.. yes marital home still being paid by spouse and kids and I stayed here while he moved and hour away with new girlfriend but I'm being left here without a car and without access to finds of any kind.. while he takes kids on trips and all kinds of fun things and not at all heeding the court ordered agreement with kids (visitation) Even to the point of him bringing only days worth of groceries and then turning around and saying since I can't provide groceries for the kids for the rest of the week he has to take them to his house?! This is awful and really emotionally and mentally and even physically excruciating to go thru. I can't get a free attorney because he makes 100,000 a year and we are still married... what do people do.. what options do I have, if any?
If my husband is a compulsive gambler and pulled money off my cc is he liable for those withdraws and can I start a dispute with the CC company
Before marriage, get good pre-marriage counseling.
Do not marry for money or prestige.
Make sure your future spouse brings to the table the same as you.
Check the financial state of her family. She/He may be their pension plan
Have similar values.
Is she a gold digger? Most are.
Don’t be in a hurry. When in doubt, back out and save yourself a lot of grief.
Tbank you for this information. Any advice on how to pay retainer and legal fees when my spouse controls our finances and wont allow me to access 1 cent of marital funds
Talk to your attorney. Possibly file a motion for temporary support (including temporary support and attorney's fees) to be paid from marital funds.
Does anyone know if you can sue after divorce for financial abuse?
I am trying to separate from my husband and can't because of FINANCIAL ABUSE! I have no access to the bank account, no debit card, no credit cards, ZERO! I live in Nashville Davidson County. Can someone please help me on what can I do? please
We are on the same situation 😢
Do you know or do you take any cases in NV?
I am in this situation right now, since I had an accident and I have been going blind, and ended up needing to depend on him financially. He has deeply hurt me, I took a hundred dollars out of the bank I was accused of stealing from him. i realized that it is ok to Divorce him.
Mr Mason, we have a narcissistic 87 year old mother with severe hoarding disorder. It’s been a nightmare for decades .. she’s out of control with spending .. We have pictures of homes she’s burned down, and ruined houses she left for us to clean up She has been horribly financially abusive especially to my sister refusing to give her anything my father left in his trust, and with me crumbs what she doesn’t need. She’s gone through almost 2 million wasted it on buying and spending that she never uses, she’s stolen cd’s our grandmother has left us, and recently taken ownership of 700,000 pine farm that was meant for us from our grandmother. She threw grandmothers will away and refused prorating . She took everything. There’s one thing left for us, and she intends to take it too .. we need help fast! Is it a conservorship we need? Now we are trustees and sister POA. The trust document states shes not to sell anything, but we are however recently she had this property put in her name. Coukd you tell me how to go about this before she throws it all away?
Is all about control.
This is exactly what’s happening to me right now 😢