Not Everyone Will Like You: Build Unshakable Confidence
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
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In today’s video you’ll learn 5 techniques to immediately reduce anxiety and stop overthinking. Then we’ll cover 5 mindset shifts that let you instantly feel more confident.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - Intro
0:08 - Technique #1: Use your body
0:43 - Technique #2: Use breathing techniques
1:32 - Technique #3: The Snap Method
2:24 - Technique #4: Gratitude Anchoring
4:19 - Technique #5: Own it with a smile
5:00 - Mindset #1: Accept your anxiety
6:30 - Mindset #2: Shift from an outcome mindset to a process mindset
7:20 - Mindset #3: Be willing to polarize
7:48 - Mindset #4: Reframe the situation
8:26 - Mindset #5: Focus on getting options
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This channel is GOLD
It is and I'm glad I found it but sometimes the issues can be difficult and you have to save yourself but at least I can get some advice to help me somewhat 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I know right? It’s the only channel worth watching on charisma skills. If u watch this one u don’t need the other ones
True
It's fool's gold
Literally changed my entire life around having watched this channel consistently for the last 5+ years.
1. 4444 breathing or sharper longer exhale
2. snap
3. gratitude anchoring
4. Smile not shame
5. Body language
Mindset shifts:
1. it's ok to feel anxiety
2. process not outcome/ u don't "need" anything/one
3.polarise
4. reframe situation
5.zoom out /have more options
Instead of the snap method, i tell myself to feel the bottom of my feet. Not literally touch them but just focus on the bottom of my feet and how they feel. It works because it takes me as far away from my head that I can get.
That's a great method
I've used this myself with quite a bit of success. This took me from "I'm so crippled by self-anxious thoughts I can't even hear what the person I'm talking to is saying and respond" to "They can tell I'm scared but at least I can carry on a conversation."
if you truly want to get rid of social anxiety, then start with Six Pillar of Self esteem book
Yes! "Keep your head where your feet are" was some of the best advice I've received.
So many sessions to explain my psychologist what I am feeling and what is wrong with me.
Yet algoritm brings me straight here, brilliant!
I just used this video to introduce this channel to a couple dozen people. The videos here have changed my life. Thank you for continuing to create content.
2:1 breathing technique: this helped me: you inhale for for example 3 seconds and then exhale for 6. Or you inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8. Always just double the seconds you inhale. You can count with your fingers
Procrastination, and pessimism are my biggest instigators of anxiety. I put off doing the easiest things and then get anxious because they take too long and never turn out petfect.
👌 one hour of being uploaded and yet it's like a whole nother world now. I'm present, slowly breathing. So grateful to feel that you can be here with me out of all things, you could be doing. NO REPRESSION, IM HAPPY FOR WHAT I DO.
This is another fantastic video for authors. This is great for showing character growth. You start with a character dealing with anxiety and move forward with some of these techniques. When I write characters I consider mindset and flaws right alongside their strengths. Showing effective coping techniques is a great way to make a character relatable. Here, anxiety is fantastic because everyone has felt anxious and everyone has worked on overcoming this.
Great job guys! This is amazing, so precise and concrete instructions on how to deal with anxiety. I also see many common things with my records on how to cope with anxiety from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy classes. Thank you so much for your work! Going to write everything down thoroughly!
thank you. you just remind me of what i used to be. i became lack of social skills now. a big ego i have haha. but i'm gratefull to change. you don't need to understand but i gratefull to see this video. thanks man i hope u keep making video. (i'm developing a habit to leave good comment to every video i watch to mimic kindness to other to boost my self esteem. which seems to work. u dont need to respon. i'ts for myself. wish me luck)
I used to worry about stuff so far in the future that it kept me anxious. I really needed to practice yoga and karate breathing techniques I learned when I was young. I'd forgotten over the years how much it helped me then, and was so glad it returned to my memory to begin those exercises again. 👍
I personally have a really hard time forcing myself into a conversation with a group of people who all have known each other and I know nothing about them
Meeeeee too baddie, me too
Just when I needed it the most! As always, great work 🎉
This is one of your best videos, Ben. Thanks so much.
I'm 31 and want to back up there's some quality advice in this video. If you're young, take note!
Also realised watching this that at some point I learned to discharge anxiety and frustration by taking long exhales. It's like I store up all the excess annoyance/stress in the air in my lungs and then slowly and with control push it all out of my body. Don't remember anyone teaching me to do this but I find it very helpful.
At 31, you're still young!
(said with love of course!)
thanks to dr. andrew huberman, he is a beast at solving all our mental problems
Long slow exhales activate the parasympathetic system, you discovered a meditation technique by yourself ;-)
Great video, thank you so much!
Shame on being nervous, I accept how I feel, it ok to be nervous as long as I see this pass and my emotions will overcome the external circumstances.
This has helped so much! Thank you!
Thanks a lot man........I never thought I needed to build my charisma before watching this channel and I almost gave up meeting people in fear of rejection. God bless the youtube algorithm to suggest me such a wonderful channel.
Holy crap I never heard or thought of the finger snap to grab my own attention from thoughts and it actually works
Love your video! Great content as always! Thank you! I've already started using Mindset 2 for job interviews. I'd focus on doing great at the job interview instead of getting the job. Love mindset 4 too! Your perspective changes the way you look at things.
Needed this 👍
I needed this a lot
Lots of good advice here.....I use some of these techniques myself.
Interesting advice, thanks for sharing.
This video is so helpful!
What a great vid! ❤
Very informative thanks for the helpful information.
Sound advice. Every minute is worth watching
Fantastic video! Way to sum up a lifetime of knowledge and share it with humanity. 🙌
In a lot of these videos Charisma On Command says that in a conversation you should take pauses mid sentence to think through what you are saying instead of talking quickly or stumbling, ect. It sounds like good advice, how ever I see abunch of example of people who do that and are seen as being nervous or unconfident because of it.
I think it depends on how its executed. If the person goes ummmmmm while theyre thinking, or if they have otherwise nervous body language (fidgeting etc.), they will still come off as nervous. But u can come off as calm and confident by using this technique, as long as your body follows
Thanks sir the breathing techniques helped alot
I'm always an Anxious person this is a fantastic tutorial! Now I can beat the game of life.
Never heard about the box breathing method before. Thanks for sharing. I can add this to my toolbox and incorporate some of these tools in my current CZcams series on anxiety. 😉
I've tried all sorts of breathing exercises even when I had a therapist, nothing helped, my PTSD or my brain or whatever you want to call it takes over and I can't control the anger, the stress of the situation in some cases it's unfair and I hate having to be useless when I can't do anything and people think I'm super woman that is expected to do impossible tasks, even my current SO is difficult when I have issues that are out of my control and it causes me a state of panic to the point where my heart rate is over 100 BPM like I said before, there is no solution to this problem, situations are unfair on me and I have to deal with them the best I can even tho people I interact with expect me to be pin point perfect and I can't I'm human just like this video said when it comes to problems but what else can I do, I can't make a situation beyond perfect? Why do people around me expect that and don't have any sympathy for me when I'm expected to be perfect, it's an impossible cycle and drives me to breaking point, no therapy or anyone can help me with that but at least this video has some insight I guess
@@HUYI1 As I read your post, I could feel your pain. I noticed that twice you mentioned situations being unfair. Yes, sometimes it feels unfair, but I've found that saying a situation is unfair makes me feel more angry, helpless, and hopeless. So, when I'm tempted to say life is unfair because I have to deal with __ and others don't, I have to stop myself because once I allow those thoughts to take up residence in my mind, it's downhill after that.
It starts like this: I feel life is unfair, then I start thinking of all the other unfair things I've endured. Then I get mad, then eventually sad and it's downhill after that.
But downhill is exactly where I don't want to be, so I tune out those negative thoughts, and begin with where I am: This happened ... I wish it hadn't, but it has happened. I can't fight against reality; I cannot control that, but I can control my response even if it's hard to. I'll try by making baby steps, which will eventually take me to a place where I'm doing much, much better. Here's what I can do: I can choose to respond a little differently each time.
I'll use more helpful constructive self-talk like: Yea, this happened, but I'm a survivor. I will not go under. This will eventually make me stronger. I'm hurting, but I won't hurt every day if I keep reminding myself about the good things I experience in life. I have channels like this that give me hope. My fingers work and I can type and reach out for help. I had a therapist and even though I didn't get the help I wanted, I got a chance to speak to someone. It will get better. It will get better. I won't go under. I'm here for a purpose. I will not give in to those dark thoughts. I'm a survivor. I will survive this. I will be stronger. I will make it. I will not give up. I will not give up. I will not give up.
Please keep talking to yourself and don't stop trying. It will get better, and it starts with you telling yourself that. Please don't give up.
@@ProfessorTanyaSpeaks you are 100% how I feel about the situation somewhat and I respect that, maybe I do need to block it out like I do with my violent childhood, but when the seams keep overfilling they are beyond my control at that point...
But suprise! Life does not get better and never will, I've had therapists since I was a child, 5 years old and was a mute and NOTHING gets better but i understand your other view points, I've survived by putting everything that hurt me in life in boxes the best i can, I can only do so much but when current situations take over and I can't deal with the overwhelming feeling of disaster, failure, uselessness, me being a pointless existence because I'm not super Human things add up and the depression and hopelessness sets in and takes over and my bipolar makes my mind go wild and violently destructive, there is no control over that apart from drinking, all the meds they give me to even function is not enough and I don't have much choice but to drink to stop my sober self from reacting to a situation which makes me crumble, I can sympathize with you and I can see we are in a similar situation but what else can we do to cope with life problems?
@@HUYI1 We have to keep hope alive and search for meaning and purpose. I’ve found that helps.
Just checking in to hear from Ben. Miss you on the pod my guy !
great video learnt a lot cheers
Can you do a video on Hunter Schafer? I feel like people fall in love with her mannerisms and the way she speaks so easily, I'd be super curious.
This guy has been more helpful for my anxiety than any doctor
These are also the core points of Acceptance and Commitment therapy
Wish I would have snagged the charisma University back when it was affordable. Good content guys
God bless you guys thank you
Thank you
👌🏼great video
I need this at the moment ❤ thank you for this
It's a distraction but it's something that I can think of
Life saving video
Awesome video. Thanks for that. Can you create some video based on Patrick Jane character?
good stuff
the video came exacly when i need it
I have an issue, which I imagine is not particularly common. But whenever I get stressed or worried I automatically switch to English, like I live in a non-english speaking country, my mothers tongue is not English, but my go to when I get worried is English. And like it could be weird, talking normally and all of a sudden switching languages, or something that's even more common, I can't think of a word in Bulgarian (my mothers tongue) under stress and I just sprinkle way too many words in English in there, and it's just kinda weird.
Please do a video on James Delaney from Taboo‼️🙏🏼
One quote I love comes from Barry Sanders. A rookie was in the locker room and looked scared to death. Barry walks over, looks at him, and goes “are you ready?” The kid goes “I’m nervous as hell.” Barry responds with “that’s good, you know you’re ready when you’re a little nervous”
"You don't have to wait for something big to be grateful" plays clip of Chris Pratt saying that he's been grateful since he could quit his dayjob cause he got his big acting break
What are some general "rules of thumb" everyone should know regarding personal finance?
Never live beyond your means
Invest now - no market timing
Costs matter
Don’t stock pick
This time isn’t different
Limit exposure to emerging markets
Don’t allow your bias to cloud your judgement
Budget
Have a budget unique to each month
Budget with your partner
Learn to say no to invitations
Spend more money on experiences as opposed to things
Focus on your financial objectives
Break down those objectives into small monthly goals.
Read about personal finance
Ignore the financial media
Ignore media sensationalism in general - fear sells
Don’r confuse volatility and stability
Ignore government bonds when you are young - or have a 10% allocation
Have more bonds as you reach closer to retirement age
Try your best to be genuine self. The more you think, more coping you do. Express what you truly think and everything goes smoothly. Sounds crazy and scary, but it works the best!
I got my charisma in my thumb just know people will be jealous of you and try to bring you down. that's the downside. Of it.
Ok but right away about the depression thing... I've actually had this work without realizing it. Like mom would make me laugh or stand me up and stuff and I'd feel better immediately... Danm...
you guys should really do a video on how sofia vergara responds to talk show hosts being super rude and ignorant because she's so witty about it
can you make one about harvey specter?
Amazing advice. We must endeavour to have our conscious attention always in the present, for as Eckhart Tolle says, there is never anything wrong in the present moment.
I'm gonna pay two million dollars to enrol in Charisma University!
Could you recommend podcast?
So, What's wrong with being anxious ? (Fear of failure should be normal) ... And isn't that totally different than over thinking ? (Planning the your best outcome)
Не всеодно. Але дуже подобається ідея про продовження подкасту, але де ви обидва просто готуєте теми. Це точно буде цікаво!❤
1:33 Is it weird that I have been doing this since I was a teenager? I sometimes noticed that I have been daydreaming and worrying about the past and the future, thus I thought that slapping myself in the face, or snapping my fingers would bring me to the present moment…
you should do a video on Sidemen 20 vs 1 dating videos or Sidemen Tinder in Real Life videos.
Hold your head up high
'beyond the beck'
(beyond Glen Beck..) ☺️
"TWIGLETT'S" are a UK snack that looks like pretzel sticks, but tastes like Vegemite or Marmite, a bitter-salty yeast extract.
Hello I'm interested in the charisma university but I'm confused as I've read some infos online
Is there an old version and a new one?
This video is by far the best you guys have made in a long while
A chain reaction of connected factors.
Stoicism in very simple terms is about: you can't control the world, but you control how you respond to it (your actions).
If the feeling of anxiety wins, then you've lost control (not all of it), but you can win it back by taking control (responding) to the situation with a positive attitude
Focus less on winning over people (in context), and more on the moment (mindfulness), and cherish it.
People are naturally attracted to happy and relatable people, even if you battle with anxiety.
By addressing the anxiety like Chris Pratt did, you become naturally more attractive and relatable.
This shows the many strengths you possess, like: being vulnerable, you seem & look confident to the people in the situation you are (maybe slightly) uncomfortable being in, the strength and courage to recognize rather than suppressing what you are feeling.
The key is mindset (how you frame the situation) like Russel Brand spoke about before entering the building.
The gratitude journal actually isn’t that effective. Huberman talks about how the most effective way to practice gratitude is to actually think about a time where someone also felt gratitude. This can be from gratitude they have for something you did, or even from someone else. The most important thing is for you to be able to understand that gratitude
Great point brother, understanding it is truly the key 👌
I've tried the breathing exercises and they never work for me (useless) my anxiety and panic attacks are overwhelming (over 100 BPM) and I can't control them, if I am under pressure and the problem will not go away my bipolar takes over and the anger comes through, it's an undeniable avoidance, maybe that makes sense? but I like the idea of reversing the feelings of the anxiety towards something else to combat that, maybe that will help?
Hey can you make a video analysis about Jesus from The Chosen? I find his character one of the most charismatic people Ive seen on television. It would be a great video idea!
Hea man I don't know if you have watched this series called blacklist, if you have it will be great to have a video break down on the character named Raymond 'Red' Reddington, If You haven't seen it you can find clips of series on the internet I believe there is something about the way he is portrayed in the series that can be of good study and also make a good video. Thanks.
Hi bro please do a ryan gosling breakdown
Box method of breathing should be 4, 4, 6 then 4 seconds hold... scientifically proven to be better and I use this :)
It doesn't take months or years to be present. It takes a split second. Just stop and look, you will be present when you notice the details around you.
What is a perfect behavior, liked by all?
Choosing to be soft is a gift to yourself & the world ,
Be enthusiastic about the person you’re talking to . Start with high energy , positivity , & fun ,
Being rude to others might make you feel good about yourself , however , being rude is a strategy that low IQ people use to feel important as they’ve nothing else . Smartest people are actually the most polite & well mannered people,
? Stating your true opinion is almost always the wrong move ? ? You need to tell people happy lies, that’ll make them feel happy !! , No one is hated more than he who speaks the truth ! ,
Don’t speak about yourself unless asked . No one actually cares about your life & what you’ve to say,
If you want people to like you, you need to at least look like you’re listening to them . Don’t check your phone. Don’t check your watch . Don’t think about other stuff . Just listen . This will make you much more charismatic & likeable,
One of the the easiest way to be more likeable is to use people’s names when talking to them. A person’s name is to him /her the sweetest sound in any language . Try it out . There’s never been anything like it ,
No one likes feeling stupider than the next person . Therefore, make them appear not only smart , but smarter than you’re,
Put more energy into being interested instead of being interesting. Ask them open ended , emotional questions . Remember small details & casually mention them later . Be positive , don’t talk badly of others,
Using emotions & feelings to persuade people, instead of arguments, it’s way more effective,
Keep Chilling...!!
You can totally worry and be fearful if you are grateful. Especially if you have anything and/or anybody to be grateful for. I don't get what is one has to do with the other.
Please do a video on Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things!
Does anybody know who is the guy/person/actor/film whatever really in the olympic scene on 2:32?
anxiety and I clicked bro I'm suffering since 2021
I've been suffering since I was a child, I was a mute because of what I have experienced, I'm in my 40s now, let that sink in...
bruh, this video gave me anxiety out of nowhere and I don't know why.
I think we give celebrities too much credit and assume they don’t experience anxiety. You forget they’re actors, and you could see them acting even in interviews. Don’t forget the cameras are on, and people act a certain way when they know others are watching. You should know this.
Thanks for sharing, I think this is an extremely important factor to consider as well 🙏
This is where I have problems. Thank you for this, Ben. I live gratitude every moment and I am expert at reframing - after the fact. In the moment I often feel anxious. Your advice about focusing on the process and not the outcome is solid gold. I also use a breathing technique: it’s called Heart Assisted Therapy or HAT. It involves holding your hands over your heart and no forced breathing; that is, breathing until it’s calm and regular.
Nice work, sounds like the breathing brings you back to the present moment hey?
Yes. Yes it does. Because anxiety rips me from the moment, and once I'm back in the moment... Well, nothing seems insurmountable. Every moment exists before the next one, so when I realize that the next moment is coming no matter what, the present moment seems rather small.
im 40 and i dont give a f… anymore. chill😊
because no one cares. overthinking only hurts your inner peace.
lol this is the best comment I've read in a while 🔥
@Rubin - Heal My Social Anxiety great strategy to promote your channel 😆
Can we get a video about being authentic and also goofy like Pedro Pascal? :))
Needed this W
Anxiety over playing captain America? How relatable... 🤣
Make a video on Pedro Pascal!
🙏
i was craying and then a deep breath stop mo whining and i remain calm when i need to cry wasnt i naturrally learn to be calm?
How do you tell she is into you?
She will give you sincere and deep compliments.
She will be interested in listening to you more than speaking no matter how much she loves talking.
She will stalk you and will want to know every possible detail about you.
She will avoid direct eye contact.
She will willingly manage her time to talk to you.
She will notice small changes in your behaviour.
She will discuss topics which interest you.
She will willingly discuss personal stuff with you.
She will ask about your opinion on things related to her.
She will start using your vocabulary.
Some days she will act weirdly only because she will be trying hard to hide her feelings from you.
She will talk about you with others.
She will be comfortable with your touch.
She will be your motivator.
She will find chances to tease you.
She will try to act cute around you.
She can even change her accent while talking to you.
We humans and our behaviour are subject to changes. And you can never predict a girl's behaviour.
We can be pretty irrational sometimes just because many of our decisions are influenced by emotions.
Peace!!!
Man, I would really really love to see you cover the mannerisms of Charlie Hunnam in "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword."
I think that there are a lot of interesting things in that film, such as lessons on leadership, charisma, respect/intimidation...
Kind of a bummer most role models are actors and celebrities worshipped like royalty vs the greatest minds and contributors to humanity. Thanks for including some of the latter.
Tony Robbins gives me anxiety 😊
Whoever sees this message have a nice day!
As a overthinker i needed this ❤️🤍
I also struggle a lot with overthinking, aso anxiety and fears. God bless you and your family, He helped me tons. We can overcome this ☺
I'm the same, I overthink a lot but I can be busy and when something goes A wall my bipolar comes out and I can't control that as much as I try to focus my mind plays tricks with me and makes my episode even more problematic 😔😔
@@HUYI1 Our minds do hat a lot. A million thoughts might cross our minds in a single day. I used to think that since I had these thoughts, I had to have meant them or worse, they have to be true and I need to fight against them. Now in realizing not all that comes across my mind is the truth and I can safely ignore these thoughts. But that is a skill, realizing a thought is based on a lie, a worry is for no reason, an anxiety is inside your head. Of course worrying is natural and sometimes it makes us focus on something to fix a problem, but when its too much, or it gets out of hand or even crippling that's when you went too far.
Didn't help that I also had problems with porn which made it worse. Let's all be on the road to recovery and even if you fall, get up again cause you can make it. God bless 😊
@@nobyra my current SO has a problem with porn and I don't know how to deal with it, I love him dearly but i don't know how to deal with the situation he needs to be loved and I told him so wholeheartedly so but I don't think it's enough, if an addiction takes over his life and is the only thing that takes over his mind I didn't know what else to help him but you are right about a lot of points regarding my situation but it's not easy I regress, my mind is like a scientific experiment gone wrong and there is no control over it, we are here because we want help and want the best in our situation and want the best for ourselves but what else can we do?
U dont Overthink grammar though. Thats a Start👌🏻
Had to look up wtf a "Twiglet" is!
God, seriously? It's a UK thing I guess