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I thought I was in love | HealingFa.com
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- čas přidán 16. 08. 2024
- A part of being a Fearful Avoidant is that you might have an image of what a relationship looks like, which is not serving and not helping you. In this video, I will share a story about when I thought I was in love and I actually felt like I was the most in love I had ever been! I was convinced it was love, but it simply was not.
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--- Contents --
00:00 Intro
00:40 Story Time
02:30 Obsession
09:00 Feeling rejected
10:15 Getting approval
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Video Title: I thought I was in love
This video is about: I thought I was in love, but It also covers the following topics:
Feeling rejected
Obsession
Fearful avoidant
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
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📩 Email: hello@healingthefearfulavoidant.com
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#fearfulavoidant #attachmentstyles #personaldevelopment #love #obsession
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This story made me reflect on an intense crush I had on my coworker which started in a very similar way. I was a new employee and he gave me a feedback on my piece of work. It was meant to be a harsh joke, but it really hurt me and even made me cry. After that I started having obsessive thoughts about him, put him on a pedestal and was very attracted. It's crazy how human's mind work.
As a FA, I've had limerance multiple times thinking it's the most real love. But now I'm in a real health loving relationship, and I can feel what real love feels like, how it's different from limerance, and how those infatuations weren't love.
diving in the bushes and hiding from your crush sounded like a scene from a movie, oof . I can relate , 5 years I chased someone who never gave me the time of day. Turns out I was incompatible, even if we seemed compatible from the dating sight i saw them on.
I think the lack of understanding of what 'love' is maybe what is the hallmark of this condition. Show up and just be, and work on how to progress or move on...this is what making relationships is...difficult for us though 😊
This is SO real. I had a really weird unhealthy relationship with a (now former) friend. It's like we were obsessed with each other but we were actually constantly activating/triggering each other. I'm so glad she didn't want to be in a relationship. Looking back, I can now see that my attachment wound was very activated and I was trying to get close to resolve that. Not love, just issues. Your channel and videos have been so helpful to me during my healing journey!
You are NOT the only one whose experienced this Pauline!! I've been there so many times🙈
Sending you sooo very much love, I appreciate you beyond words! Your authenticity is such a gift❤
So much of romance in books is just limerence 🙈
You're not alone.
In fact, I thank you for sharing ur experience. I was looking for an answer why I fall in love that easy and will try my best they won't leave me. It wake me up last year but then again I emt another guy after that and felt the same again after 3 months. I was soo angry at myself... Ughh..
Now, thanks to u, I have now the answers as to why AM I obsessed with someone. Crying why it didn't work or whatever.
Your videos will always help us grow, Paulien🌻☺️ I couldn't thank u enough as a fellow FA
Can you make a video on how to tell if it’s your FA acting up or if it is truly not the right person to be with and you truly don’t have feelings? So hard to discern!
Thank you for sharing this, Paulien. You are not alone in any way. I used to act like such a weirdo around guys in order to get their approval. So glad all of that is over.
Can you talk about that void and obsession with getting attention? Love your videos 🙏🏼
In highschool (5 years ago so not that far in time I guess) I had this boy in my class. At first I didn't like him, he was always active during lessons, showing off his knowledge and I thought "oh my God he's so annoying like what is he trying to prove by showing off" but with time I started to "like him". He bacame my whole world and I thought I'm so in love. We had our lockers close, so I have always stayed longer to talk to him, he was walking me to my flat because it was on the way to his bus stop. The story is long. My limerence lasted for TWO YEARS and during that the guy would talk to me about his girlfriend and other girls he loves or loved. It was never me, even if his girlfriend was really similar to me. Similar looks, she was painting, liked korean culture, she was creative. And It pissed me soooo much, because I've never felt more worthless in my entire life (at least I think so). I was also blocking my feelings, because I said that "there's no way I'm gonna cry over a GUY" so everything stored in me came out as huge OCD episode and panic disorder.
This sory is not funny, but I definitely have done really strange things just to get the approval, just to get a little "love". I even tried to "fix" the guy and his problems and made myself miserable so he could "fix" me- really codependent pattern that I haven't released up to this day even if I dated guys that were interested in me. I hope someone will read this story and maybe snap out of their limerence cycle realising that that's NOT LOVE. Love is peace. Thank you Paulien for your video, it always helps so much🩷Also you remind me of my therapist both looks and way of speaking😆
Been there, done that, many times.
You girls feel one day like in love and the other like falling out of love. It's just your nature .. what you have to focus on is maturity, engagement and determination to make things work out.
This is quite a misogynistic comment. "In and out" behavior usually relates to trauma. You are mistaking unhealed trauma for immaturity. It can happen to both men and women.
I don’t think this is a women do this/men do that kind of issue. I’ve definitely been there in this situation as a guy. Trauma knows no race, creed, or gender.
Not really , it's well known that when women tell you something is how they feel at the moment. Maybe you are a bit feminine. A real man has character, keep its word and determination to make things work.
@@GerardoDelValle.That’s Ok that I am, I don’t believe this is a gender specific behavioral issue still . In regards to your point: Men have a feminine archetype in them, just as women have masculinity archetype. it’s the Anima/Animus that Psychologists Carl Jung spoke of in 1929, I accept that part of me. Doesn’t mean I don’t like MMA, or Boxing or cars or other “Manly” activities any less! As far women making feeling based statements: Its not gender specifics. Your subconscious mind is responsible for 95-97% of your thoughts, beliefs, emotions , and action patterns: more than what you think consciously daily. It’s formed through repetition & emotion. If you had traumatic experiences (trauma doesn’t necessarily mean Big T. Traumas are unprocessed events big or small that you store away.) You will do or say things in the moment out of protection from that negative or positive repetitive action you experience. Your gender doesn’t really have to do with it! According to Neuroscientists Antonio Demasio, All decisions are emotional based, we justify them with logic post-decision. People will say & do things out of emotion that’s just how we are as humans . If you’re here watching ,I gotta think you want answers or help finding answers . It seems you are speaking from core wounds not being met, & using blanket statements about genders to protect yourself, by warning yourself not to get involved. hope you get what you need out of this channel, even if it’s in passing.
Your life experience has shaped you to be who you are today. But you can try to see others experiences also as valid.😊
What a fascinating story!
That reminded me of mine. When I was 14, I was obsessed with a guy from advanced class too. But in my case there was no rejection, he had no idea I'm obsessed with him lol. If I met him in the school hallway, my heart was beating very fast. But I never actually talked to him, I was afraid to be rejected.
I had a lot of fantasies about me and him being together, I went through social media all his friends and saved all photos where he was. Sometimes I enjoyed having those fantasies and sometimes I was sad because we are not together irl, so I had those highs and lows just in my head, I genuinely believed I love him and I want to be with him.
Now, in retrospect, I realised that I was too young back then, I wasn't ready for relationship at all, and probably I had exactly what I needed - a beautiful fantasy in my head, and I was subconciously afraid of something bigger.
Can you please do a video of sense of self and how to develop it?
10:30, I relate so much. I know what those days were like. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Paulien do you ever feel like you settled for your husband currently? And before your healing did you feel like you would be settling if you continue dating him? Did you ever think while trying to heal that love shouldn’t be this much hard work??
Aaaah, Thank you for this video, made me laugh, while being so relatable and full of lessons ! there is so much clarity and growth on the other side of it, but man obsession is a hard & painful thing to go through. I have several stories like this 😅 at some point I thought the obsession would neeeveerr end ! but SO GLAD it did.
No - I swear it wasn't me...Great story, Paulien - did your crush ever find out about your hiding in the bushes?
I'd love to see a video about the what the impact of doing videos has been on your FA, or more general outlook on life.
Same story.
Paulien, what is the wound behing not being able to tolerate uncertainty?!
im actually curious about how you speak to and about exes. like have you ever reached out to old ones that may not have ended fairly to maybe make amends or speak civilly with each other or are they all just gone in the wind of your past? I believe that its possible to be over an ex and still care about them without having to run back to them if you dont want to.
Limerance?