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It’s weird how normal it is to publicly say mean things to an individual under the assumption that “I didn’t think they’d see it”. Like why is that an excuse
Literally! And they say that KNOWING THEY MADE A PUBLIC POST ON THE INTERNET!!! Like bro private posting is a thing 😭😭😭 you just wanted attention without the smoke and when you got confronted now you’re acting all soft and timid. Weirdo terminally online behavior
It’s not. People have had negative opinions and good opinions about people since prehistoric times :) and very publicly as well! Especially with public people and celebrities. You should’ve seen what people said about Gladiators!
@@cowcow_14exactly this she blocks literally everyone all she had to do is block her and leave it at that now imo she looks annoying asf cause it's not that deep
@@megansstallion818I agree again because when people hate or criticize celebrities, they can take it. I don’t know where sza was coming from with this, but this entire situation is so icky Also I’m not saying anyone’s in the wrong or right, I’m just entirely confused on why sza couldn’t shrug it off or block them.
I just think the irony of her being like "lol it's a joke ur famous get over it, negativity is bound to happen!!" then immediately privating her account / deleting the tik tok the moment she experienced a fraction of the hate SZA has had to deal with for years sent me. As someone in the public eye & entertainment industry, people treating you as subhuman all the time DOES get to be too much. Thank you for covering in a hilarious way Dangelo!!
@@s.sydneywand thats why sza talked to her in private instead of blasting her ass on social media and letting her fanbase attack her… that girl did that to herself
@@s.sydneywShe still made videos on her public account about a famous person you’re naive if you think she wasn’t seeking some kind of attention for it she most likely didn’t expect it to be such negative attention
Yeah she (“fan”) deserves every bit of hate she gets after tryna send hate to SZA multiple times and gaslighting her into apologizing. Karma is a lovely b**ch!
I don’t know. I feel like the fact SZA took the conversation private goes to show that she didn’t want her fans to go after the person. SZA could have done this out in public and had the fans drag the person all throughout. But she didn’t. Leaking the dm actually makes this person look even worse. This “fan” just doesn’t want to take accountability for being called out over hurting someone’s feelings.
People always get mad at celebrities for being out of touch, but when they show humanity and speak to others like they're equals, then they're dragged for being sensitive or "attacking" people. That's my main problem with this whole thing
@@Mreow33 so? I like seeing her sensitive side, it shows me that she has problems that the average person can relate to. and I like that she stood up for herself, even if the joke wasn't intended to hurt her.
tbh they arent our equals. they are destroying our planet with their unlimited resources and dont actually contribute to living necessities in society. i dont wanna hear celebs out of touch takes sure but i dont wanna hear abt their boohoo anxiety either. go to therapy you can afford it we are in a poverty crisis why do we give a shit how these hunger gamesesque people feel abt a stupid post
yes ! she shouldn't have to stop being kind and soft and nice just because nobody wants to be responsible for their own lack of kindness and lack of maturity towards her. it feels borderline victim-blaming because they're blaming HER for their own lack of self-control/respect. if everyone had to grow "thicker skin" this world would be wholly cruel, and soft hearts would be rare. that sounds like such a sad world to live in 🥲
Celebrities traded their humanity so they can be worshipped as idols while most of the world starves. I'll never care about celebrities feelings. They have money and safety. Unlike most of the world. People with REAL problems.
just because theyre making art doesnt mean they should have to take the bs of trolls online. sza shouldnt have to take it, she should have her feelings respected as with anyone else.
@@peachesandpoets Imaging thinking that a kid making fun of a multi-millionaire is "bullying". Are we bullying Elon Musk when we make fun of literally everything he says and does or are we just talking about a person who's main goal in life is to be talked about? Like damn, I wish people paid me $506.67 on average to bully me
@@Peekabye And? Do you think 17 year olds aren't kids either? Because in Greece they can vote just fine. What if someone goes to prison? Are they a kid cuz they can't vote?
the girl mocking SZA’s grammar fully pushed me over the edge. this girl sounds so damn entitled and just straight up rude. i can imagine this would’ve been pretty hurtful to SZA
@@shizzlemywizzle1It came off that way to me as well. The whole thing was laden with micro aggressions, imo… Like how she immediately labeled a black woman as hateful and angry for simply having a counter point to her bs, and how the subtext of her tiktok commentary read strongly as, “stop talking and get back to entertaining me.”
Yeah, I agree. It definitely had racist vibes to it, as well as just being a shit argument. I type like this because it's what I was taught, but that doesn't mean my friends do, because they learned other ways. In the end, what does it say? "I'm going to treat you as stupid and uneducated because you don't communicate like I do."? Fuckin'???? The level of ableism also smacks me in the face--dismissing how she could have learned to type that way to better communicate with others, and OFC, the dismissal of her anxiety. That girl also has no business bitching about anyone else's grammar/punctuation when she sent out messages like she was trying to build a lopsided wall.
Can we just talk about the fact that somehow she's smart enough to say "i'm a child so an adult shouldnt be bullying me", but not smart enough to realize she shouldnt be bullying an adult cause they have feelings too? It's giving me "i'm a child so everyone should focus on me and i can do no wrong"
She also.. literally isn't a child?? I'm 18 too, and she's acting like a middle schooler! She sounds like a mean girl who hasn't gotten over that phase.
@@nic_aya exactly. Dev limes/Nickisnotgreen did a video and so many ppl in the comments were like ‘well she’s just a kid SZA is so weird and mean for using the power imbalance’ HUH?? Yeah a kid young enough to smoke/enter the military or live alone right? Just excusing her because they are likely older but I remember being 18 and apologizing for being insensitive on accident. It’s not that hard and weird to see so many people saying she’ll learn later (to have empathy I guess??) bc she’s young. THIS is the learning experience lmao
Crazy to see her say "I'm your fan" but in the same breath essentially express "I don't care about your anxiety, your anxiety is not my problem". But she's a fan, totally.
yeah, she may be a fan of the music but not of sza. some people call themselves fans but actually mean "i am entitled to endless gratitude from this person cause i streamed their songs a bunch"
I just like how she went "I'm 18" over and over. Girl, at 18 you can join the army, drive in every state, vote, get a loan, open a bank account, go to college, get an apartment, buy a house, etc. Like you're a whole adult. You're no longer a "minor" that can blame your age for lacking empathy or spending time to make a video to hope people side with you on a conversation that wasn't really in the public.
It's kinda weirding me out the way you put the word "minor" in quotes like that. I'm not defending the fan's behavior, because she's absolutely old enough to know better, but even if you're legally an adult in your late teens/early twenties, you're still a kid and you have a lot of growing up to do. Kind of creepy for you to strawman the age of 18 like that, as if you're suddenly an entire, fully developed adult once you turn 18. Just a bit of a gross thing to say, since it's blatantly incorrect.
@@PissyLissyNo that’s not a kid. You’re a young adult at that age. And that’s not to say you should have it all figured out but we have to stop infantilizing people. As you said, she should have known better at that age. I don’t understand how pointing out she isn’t a minor is weird when the girl is the one trying to use her age as a crutch (while lowkey age shaming sza). She can vote, take out a loan, drive a car, go to war etc. And all we are saying is hey, at 18 you should know not to be an asshole.
@@PissyLissy I put "minor" in quotes because she called herself a minor. A minor by law is a person under 18. And this isn't me saying you can't mistakes, but at a certain point, own up to things. This person decided to buckle down on essentially bullying someone. You're old enough to know that's wrong by 18. That's not a strawman at all. You don't even know what that means just by the way you're using it. And what's creepy about accountability for cyber bullying? At this point, you're just looking for a problem to appear morally superior.
i think SZA did a great job with explaining her feelings. This honestly made me respect her more, and see her as more of a human being. I wish the internet wasn't so toxic
@@pvic6959 yeah same...but thats because apparently some people are allergic to admit that they were wrong.. Like how hard can it be to be sorry? Sure you will feel ahamed because everyone will be upset with you for that but in the end they are glad you spoke the truth instead of digging the hole deeper than it was..
@@pvic6959 I think the fact that she thought SZA wouldn’t see it but got a bunch DMs kind of embarrassed her. And to mask that embarrassment, she tried to brush it off like “just a joke” instead of owning up to actually hurting someone’s feelings. It’s a defence mechanism. Hopefully she will mature enough to learn why this is not the ideal way to react.
I’m really out of the loop around big music artists so I don’t really know anything about her but just 8 minutes into this video alone I’d go up to bat for her LOL I really fuck w the fact she states her feelings and won’t let ppl step on her for their own enjoyment
@@fayeprime9631 the irony is that she has more people upset with her now LOL. if she just left the comment up and publicly replied to it saying "Im sorry, I was trying to make a meme. I didn't realize the impact it would have on you", no one would be talking about this she wouldnt even have to delete teh post if she didnt want to. but now people are upset with her . i think sza is not in the wrong at all. Maybe the only thing she could have done better was stop earlier realizing its a lost cause (but as someone who types a lot, i know how hard that is to do lol)
i couldnt have expressed it better myself.... this woman's really opening her heart out in private just to be made fun of publicly... come on girl. not cool.
Something about the girl bringing up her age just rubs me the wrong way. I am 17 years old and I know a bunch of 17 year olds, and 99% of them would backtrack and apologise the second they realise a joke went too far. I know kids younger than me who understand those sort of boundaries too. I have anxiety and almost none of my friends (of course, there are exceptions) have ever said something purposefully mean to me because of it. She's 18, and by the time you reach that kind of age you gain some sense of clarity about being respectful and kind. Using your age as an excuse for being wilfully ignorant is low.
I had a thought when watching that like...if she was SEVEN, sure, I could understand. But this woman has lived nearly two decades. By the time you are finished with middle school, you should have already learned most of these particulars of social behavior. Even if you had alternative schooling, none at all, or are impaired...you learn this shit early on. It's not surprising, but very disappointing to see someone justifying asshole-ish behavior by deflecting to something that doesn't even make sense.
@@ThheSocial Well, an apology is a sign of regret, and from what she showed us, I saw no regret from her side at all. Giving an insincere apology really shows what kind of person you are. And you talk like SZA was staying in that chat for 7 hours continuously, even though she most definitely wasn't. It's not her fault for trying to explain her problem to someone who clearly doesn't take her seriously. She was hurt and scrambling to explain herself, and I can't blame an obviously struggling person for trying to explain her point in a more polite way than others could manage in that situation.
I wholeheartedly believe teenagers who pull the “I’m a minor!” “You’re so much older than me and you’re mad??” card whenever they’re in the wrong are horrible people. Felt this way since I was a teenager myself.
i mean i wouldn't even consider 18 to be a child anymore. they can work a job, drive a car, and vote, but somehow can't hold themselves accountable during a conversation???? im speechless
@@nebulabear9714they’re people who have never been told off by their parents. If their parents ever told them “no” they would be unable to cope. They expect the internet to be the same.
@@elle_rose_xxlmaooooooo. Hilarious and yet childish at the same time. Sis is basking in the attention. Like the stereotypical mean girl. Sza gave her too much respect by acknowledging her existence. Should've blocked her after she said her initial peace. But I guess Sza was feeling down at the time and she was just the person she happen to open up to. Sad all around.
No if someone is saying your actions hurt them when your actions were well intentioned and you weren't responsible for the hurt caused to the person in the first place then apologizing is so stupid.
she told on herself immediately with her response: she deleted SZA’s comment bc she was embarrassed. she couldn’t just be wrong and apologize to a REAL PERSON who was hurt and spoke to her respectfully and as an equal. she felt shame so she tried to get external validation with this type of response
Its like she took sza's response as a personal attack, like girl, she was just hurt. If you said sorry and took it down sza wouldnt hate you because its not personal. But NOW she probably doesnt like you very much cuz you doubled down and started being mean!
She has a RIGHT to think someone is whack. She also has the RIGHT to joke. Does someone need to be part of a separate class or committee in order to have opinions?? Is D'Angelo part of that special class, or can I demand he takedown his videos too??
@realtalk6195 and SZA has a right to respond to that as well. Honestly, just because you have the right to do something, doesn't mean you should do it. There is such a thing as being a decent human being and maybe not making fun of people.
I feel like SZA’s intent was to express kindness and empathy (and the lack there of) and to have a genuine conversation. The TikTok girl’s post came across as extremely dismissive and disingenuous. She proved SZA’s point in her response: We lack empathy. You don’t have to like everything a celebrity does and sure, it’s your right to post about it. But do you need to tag them? And to make it worse, do you need to invalidate their feelings if they reach out to you?
Idk I can see sza side and how she was hurt and understand that but I just think it's odd that she would have her friends (or at least allow them to) text this kid and keep sending message after message unprovoked to this girl (the first message would've been enough, and if it wasn't then that should've been a clear sign to sza that arguing with this fan will get you no where). I understand being hurt and having feelings but it's hard for me to understand why it would turn into borderline harassment so quickly 😭😂
@@iinehstiam I am not saying that Adults shouldn't have feelings but instead that theh should learn to control those feelings and grow from them. That's all I am saying.
My take: The girl absolutely wanted SZA to see her post--which is why she tagged her--but she was _hoping_ that SZA would react like "Haha nice joke, you're referencing an old meme and I see you and appreciate you" so she was really taken aback by the "Actually that meme really messed with my mental, and you recreating it like this is bringing back a lot of bad feelings" And rather than sit there and feel ashamed that she inadvertently hurt somebody's feelings, she tried to spin it so that what she did was okay actually, and just kept digging the hole instead of admitting she was at fault. Like, she literally admits "I deleted SZA's comment because I was embarrassed" (5:30) so she _knew_ she was in the wrong, but she was trying to hide from that instead of own up to it. And I totally get that, it's _hard_ to admit you're wrong, and caused harm without meaning to, even under normal circumstances, but when it's a person that you look up to it's so much worse. So I think that I understand where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean she's any less wrong, or that SZA reacted inappropriately.
@@strayiggytv Oh hah no that was always an issue. There are always those people in a generation who refuse to admit theyre wrong or will admit that they need to back down. Ever. Every generation has them. And every generation hates them.
this. she acted defensively rather than owning up to the mistake and deleting the damn post. just goes to show how much the incident embarrassed this girl.
Sza in Ghost in the Machine specifically says “Drowning in vanity, Y’all lack humanity, I need humanity.” She was directly addressing people like this “fan”
I literally thought of Ghost in the Machine listening to this. Imagine saying you’re a fan of her music and her and then invalidating her feelings and bullying her for your 15 seconds of tiktok fame
Sza is 100% right in this situation. Some of y’all need to put yourself in other peoples shoes and see how your actions can affect people. This isn’t even a celebrity thing. This can literally be a friend telling you “hey I don’t really like what you said it triggered me and it made me feel bad” you as a friend should apologize.
People are taking this sort of behaviour far past just the internet, so no sorry, compassion is becoming a very real rare thing because clout and attention matters more to most nowadays. @@C0astinG4mer
I think the fact that SZA is able to express her very real emotions makes her much more genuine and kind. Not out of touch like a bunch of other celebrities.
Imagine being accused of lacking empathy, immediately displaying that you lack empathy, on camera, and then continuing on as if you’re in the right. I hope both sides of this person’s pillow are warm for the rest of their life.
@@Bunbunamor Not much better. If they have a curse that makes all their owned pillows warm for the rest of their life, every new pillow they buy will end up warm. Meaning if they want a cool pillow they need to buy a new one every time. They will go broke in their search for a cool pillow. Truly heinous
@@KaleighCee well she clearly doesnt learn from this one, and this is a callout from presumably one of her favorite artist too if one of your presumambly favorite person calling you out dont do jackshit,i dont know what will
the "i'm just 18"/"you're 15 years older than me"-type response is a trend in fandom discourse circles as well and tends to be a form of deflection of the issue back onto the accuser, like "why would a grown adult be beefing with me instead of doing their taxes or going to their day job." I've seen it used to justify and deflect MUCH worse things than this, and it makes me wonder if the person who posted the meme has history in deeper fandom, or if that's just becoming a gen z thing to do (disclaimer: i am also gen z)
@@ThheSocialage doesn’t matter and at 18 you are a legal adult not a child , she started it and should be able to handle someone clapping back with the same energy
She’s 18, not 8. She wants to act this way she gets treated this way, that’s how the internet works and she should know this since she likely grew up on this. Either she shuts her mouth and get out of the way or act like a snobby 10 year old.
I cant imagine the lack of self awareness to hear yourself say "gurrrl it was just a joke take a chill pill 🤪" in this context and not realize how mean and nastly she sounds. Giggling and cackling and then privating everything just proves she herself couldnt handle the "jokes" or critisisms herself. The definition of mess around and find out!
As someone with anxiety I usually shut down instead of expressing myself. I think SZA was brave to try to explain her feelings and get the young lady to feel some empathy.
I have severe anxiety as well & also an artist, this would DESTROY me, I'm lucky to have a lot of friends who always support me and r like a "meat shield" when ppl come after me. LOL I'ts inspiring to see SZA stand up for herself. I'm gonna start standing up for myself too so my friends don't have to protect me all the time.
agreed, and if she was someone like you in that way, imagine mustering up that courage only to be slammed online and told she's being a wuss. Like what is that, if someone feels a certain way how are we to judge that, we dk how hard it was to even get that out there. I totally agree dude I'm just like what you described too
Exactly what I was coming down to the comments to say. People with anxiety will usually and understandably shut down when insulted, so I have to give her credit for standing up for herself.
@@alfiona7951someone saying you’re wack would DESTROY you? am i missing something? like is this another level of bullying where wack is actually a harmful insult cause I was called much worse and survived. idgi
@@Eddysigin real life we don’t “muster up the courage to be slammed online,” you just close your phone if you don’t like what you see. it’s really easy. she’s literally just an artist, all of us deal with criticism and you need to differentiate between who’s opinion is valuable to you and who won’t matter in 5 minutes. how is an artist like sza going to proceed if every time someone simply says “you’re wack” she crumbles?? idgi, that’s not even bullying?? like fr i don’t understand
I totally agree with your take here, the way this "fan" talked about and even *to* SZA was so disrespectful. I feel like what plays into this too is how the culture on social media prioritizes being sassy and "winning" the argument for internet points over having a genuine human conversation where you're able to admit faults and come to understand one another and I think that's really visible in how that girl handled the whole situation.
this is a perfect way to describe this! she was obviously trying to "clap back" to seem like she won an argument rather than connecting with SZA and treating her with basic empathy.
Yes it actually gave me a very good impression of SZA as a person, she was trying to be very open and vulnerable about how this affected her and she couldn’t even get a sorry, instead she got attacked.
it makes me so sad, like her actively seeing her fan as an actual person who made a mistake just for her to shit all over it which in turn will make her not want to talk to actual real fans who will validate her feelings
People seem to forget that SZA used to struggle with stage freight MAJORLY back at the start of her fame. The SOS tour has been a huge step for her in that and we can understand how recreating a meme that has caused hurt for her back then could send her back into that mindset of not feeling good enough when performing.
@@JessieP07Your lack of sympathy, empathy, or compassion is only a you problem, yet you’ve chosen to also make it everyone else’s problem by publicly displaying it online.
@@JessieP07Obviously it’s her problem since she’s dealing with it, but that doesn’t mean other people have a right to make her problem worse or try to invalidate it.
I wonder how much that video affected her if she privately, personally DM'ed one single person. Like... it seems like Sza is under a lot of pressure, which makes sense if she is on tour. I hear those are very stressful.
@@ttums23Yeah and this slope bitch deleted it to make herself look like a victim. Hopefully she gets humiliated and forced to experience what real lack of empathy means.
If there was a power imbalance that made her so uncomfortable then why did she proceed to manipulate it by publicly broadcasting these DMs? What motive other than internet points and attention did she have to do that? She started the clip mockingly laughing saying 'how I live knowing [I willfully triggered Sza's anxiety, repeatedly showcased my agism, and got super defensive about it]'. Sza gave a teachable moment on a silver platter but instead of listening this girl tried to get the internet to mean girl her. Its just weird and gross.
I have anxiety and personally I think SZA was really brave for expressing how she feels. Trying to do that myself is the kind of thing that leaves me curled up in a ball on the floor.
I was diagnosed with regressive anxiety back in 2015 (I'm old as heck and belong to geriatrics according to D'Angelo lol), and I just don't see how my anxiety would make me talk about my feelings, especially with a random 18y.o. on the internet who thinks she's funny or whatever the hell she thought when she decided to post those DMs....People see us the way they want to see us, and most of the time you can't do anything about it - is discussing my anxiety with someone who doesn't seem to validate anyone's feelings going to help me feel better about it? Absolutely not. What does make me feel better is knowing who I am among all that noise that anxiety episodes make in my head and all the intrusive doom thoughts, and knowing who I want to be. Convincing a stranger to spare your feelings won't make you feel less anxious, but will spike that anxiety to the roof, IMHO. Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings, and that's it. And when you're a celeb, you can't expect that everyone will like you or be all PC with you....People are not PC in general, and internet trolls will always be trolling for attention or for whatever troll treats they're in for
I think though, where SZA went wrong is opening herself up to a random fan. Like, talk to your loved ones, bring it up in therapy, but you can't just open yourself up to anyone. Maybe that's my overthinking anxiety talking, but, I can't imagine reacting the way SZA did. I don't think what she did was wrong by any stretch, but, not a good way to spend your time.
Can't really disagree that it likely wasn't the best decision to make, but ultimately we don't know what was going through SZA's head. All I know is that anxiety can really mess with my logical thinking and reasoning, so I ain't going to speculate on what she was thinking.@@annamelvina216
@@annamelvina216my exact thoughts. post an open letter, make a general statement about it… but don’t go after one random fan. and the fan’s reaction to sza was unfair (especially the chill pill comment) but i agree sza should not have singled her out, or kept sending dms, because now she is getting backlash for what was originally intended as a harmless joke. i see where sza is coming from as someone with anxiety but i don’t really think that fan was being malicious when she posted it.
Radical honestly is so freaking hard. I feel so bad that this whole thing happened in the end. Hopefully she does the therapy thing and can talk to someone about it. Okay now I’m dw tangling myself from all that. But it’s rough. That’s rough buddy. (@ sza)
I've recently been in a friend group conflict where the main matter was me feeling anxious due to communication issues and invalidated regarding those feelings, and I gotta say.... this video resonated SO MUCH with me. Obviously I'm not famous, and the situation has it's nuances in particular, but after so much ruminating over why I feel this way, if I should even feel this way, or if I'm expressing those feelings the "right way": the part where you talk about tone policing regarding anxious people was such a breath of sanity. These days it feels like people know too many mental health terms and too little about what they really encompass, so they will act accepting about disorders and other issues in the open, but as soon as the "ugly" part of an issue appears they will throw that through the window
@@kwhodostuff5504 thank you! Honestly I'm still coming to terms that I don't fit in that circle anymore, and I'm still in their group right now to not be impulsive and also because I can just be there without not participating at all. Starting therapy helped me a lot to see how reality is and be less stuck in a wave of thoughts inside my head. I guess it's a process, considering I went from constantly wondering if my feelings were valid and should be considered, to noticing contradictions in their own judgement (such as: calling out someone's old friend group for reasons that are exactly like how I'm being treated), to noticing pointing contradictions is of no use because they simply will stick to their opinion, to seeing how they basically do a collective action of splitting (every now and then, someone they would adore magically becomes a burden in the group). Hopefully all turns out okay and I can find a friend group where I fit better in.
Survived a friend group like this where I never voiced any problems I genuinely had- real healthy friends won’t always be perfect at communicating with you, and you still might lose people, but they’ll try for you. Making sure to work on being healthy enough for the people you want to belong with is also hard but I believe in you- when people trust you to have inherent worth to them by being you, you start to have to learn how to trust them too. Good luck finding ur people 😊
I'm 43, I'm highly sensitive, have severe anxiety, and have c-ptsd. I 1000% agree with Sza. That fan absolutely gave bully energy. There is nothing wrong with calmly expressing your feelings and seeking to enlighten someone who may need a reminder of others' humanity.
she didn't really give "bully energy" imo, she just seemed to want to justify her own actions and to an extent i see where she's coming from (i.e. "sorry but it was a joke, i thought it was okay because it's a popular meme in the fandom") but her shit like "you need to work on yourself" is so... Eugh
@@the-postal-dudea non-bully, would have expressed in the DMs that she didn't realize it hurt her feelings back then and if she did she wouldn't have made it and that she was sorry. (If they really felt the need to justify hurting someone's feelings in the first place) A bully attempts to drag somebody and tone police them when they express their feelings.
Love this breakdown. If you at any point feel like you can be mean to someone just off the strength that they’re a celebrity, especially after they’ve personally reached out to you to tell you how it’s made them feel shitty, you absolutely lack empathy & it goes beyond just internet meme culture atp. SZA is more than open about her self-esteem issues & insecurities in her music. Seems strange to me that a “fan” wouldn’t empathize with her even more so considering the subject matter of most of her art.
but like was the original post, even mean? and if so, it is one’s responsibility to protect yourself from hate, especially a celebrity like sza. she knows how hateful omments can get yet she gets oddly defensive about an obvious joke a fan tagged her in, obviously hinting towards nice intentions, and projecting insecurities onto her about her anxiety and ahit like shes almost 30 and MADDD SUCCESSFUL one of the most successful artists of the decade and she cant take 1 minuscule joke??? shes unserious and needs to get a life and get off insta if its that serious
@@Mari-vc5zn I definitely see where you’re coming from although I personally thought that tagging sza was intentional, mean-spirited & not at all “nice intentions” but to each their own. I can see ppl thinking nothing more of the post than a lighthearted & comical internet meme and that’s fine. Where it goes a step further imo is the fact that sza actually reached out expressing how hurtful & detrimental the post was to her and she not only kept the post up but deleted sza’s comment on said post…weird. So at that point whether you believe she’s being overly sensitive or not, the decent thing to do would be to delete it. It goes beyond being a fan, it’s just about being a decent person. To quote the great Eryka Badu “keep in mind I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish”…I imagine most artists feel the same way. Being famous/successful doesn’t disqualify you of having feelings and caring about others’ opinions of you. If anything I’d imagine it ramps that anxiety up. SZA isn’t dumb, she knows how the internet works but I’m sure she thought that the person on the other side of that DM (especially since they call themselves a fan of hers) would empathize with her and show some grace but alas. I agree that staying off the internet is probably best for highly sensitive people in the public eye but she’s allowed to speak on how she feels regardless.
I hate how she tried to hide before her age because if my 7 year old nephew made joke at me and if i say it hurt my feeling, he would immediately apologize. So her being 18 and not acting empathetic is all on her, not her age.
I feel like older “teens” (technically adults) use this excuse A LOT. And I don’t mean all of them. I wasn’t like that. But I literally had a 19 year old act inappropriately towards me when I was 21 and she pulled the “I’m only 19” which was really upsetting for me since I was really really hurt by what she did. Not only did she pull that card, she also pulled the “I’m an adult” card I can do what I want in the same breath. And a lot of our peers just went with it to not rock the boat. Mind you rocking the boat was saying you disagree with a sexual predator, but I digress… 18 years old is too old to be a little shit and not care about others. Like you said, even actual CHILDREN are more empathetic than that.
I honestly feel, just like D'Angelo mentioned, as if she learned these big words and general narrative and tried to get her way with it - right now we're often talking about power imbalance, problematic age differences, protecting the youth etc. so she was trying to use it to her advantage, thinking it'll stick
yes i was a nanny for a few years and that’s honestly how i guided their behavior. explaining to a child their actions can have negative consequences/truly hurt someone within the lens of assuming good intentions, really affected them in a healthy way. cause they’re just small kids figuring it out! they don’t want to hurt, mock, behave unkindly. then they can course correct and learn about taking accountability. so at the end of they day- 18 is far too old to respond to hurt feelings by hijacking the narrative and crying immaturity. at a certain point, you are just a bully. and thats sad. 🤷♀️
The craziest thing about people using the, "your old, why are you responding to this stupid thing I said about you," excuse is that anyone who says this is admitting that their behavior is immature as hell. It's the biggest self-report.
@@kuritheking it’s definitely not, especially if ur indirectly admitting that u know the behavior is immature. If u can recognize how childish and stupid your behavior is, you should know enough not to do it.
Also 18? I would understand more the person using this argument if they were 13 or something, but 18??? Being 18 and lacking this much emotional intelligence is sad.
As someone who would’ve reacted similarly to sza. I think it’s unfair to expect everyone to just be strong and ignore every single hate comment. Just because she was being “extra” about it doesn’t take away the fact that she is a human person and has feelings. Some people can ignore that shit and some can’t and since she kept her composure by not cussing her out, continuing to thank her and trying keeping it private I don’t think she was in the wrong in any way and it’s not fair to shit on her just cause she couldn’t ignore it.
This is why you can't blame celebrities who avoid interacting in a personal level with the general public or even with their fans. 🤷🏻♀️ It's because of "fans" like her who feed on the attention and narcissism, turn the tables to overpower the celebrities, and make the encounter problematic. Thanks, now we all have lesser nice things in this world. 😑
THIS!! But I hate that half of those people are the same ones who complain “celebrities and artists are so disconnected and never interact with their fans!” This is the epitome of why these famous people don’t wanna interact or be open.
@@NeRotheactivist Its very common for black women to have their emotions belittled and mocked. Seen as hysterical or the "angry loud black woman" Like how the fan started with, an angry rant for an hour, when SZa was just like: Hey. I am having anxiety here. And the one comment saying SZa had a manic meltdown. Like. Nah
'Girl please, I'm too young for empathy.' That fan is either really bad under pressure or really dopey. Her responses were so thoughtless, repetitive and insulting.
@@soraya131 Yeah, I just typed in ''SZA'' and so many people are mocking her or saying she is dramatic. Luckily, on many post about this controversy, there are people defending SZA too, but most are just fans. I don't get why she is being mocked?
D’Angelo will probably never see this but if you do, I am so proud of you and the person you’ve become. I’ve watched your videos for a long time now and I’m really really refreshed by your level-headed takes on things and your balance for respect of others and the rights we have. Thanks for coming back because the world really needs voices like yours!
Its so interesting to me how many times the age card is played when minors/younger people feel entitled to act a certian way. I remember this other "internet drama" about two families fighting over a fence and the youngest of one family was spraying the other family with water and getting in their faces and being all agro. The second the other family tried to defend themselves, the person went "you cant touch me! Im a minor!" It seems to me like there has grown this culture of entitlement to act in insensitive and rude ways without consequence because of your age. Made all the worse by the Internet which feels so unreal sometimes. It feels like empathy is lacking with these actions.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. Just bc Sza may have been acting extra doesn’t mean she was wrong. She was genuinely hurt. She wasn’t being rude at all or “going after her.” The fact that this girl decided to justify and minimize her actions instead of validating sza’s feelings and apologizing says a lot about her character. Its sad that so many people are defending her. People feel so entitled to treat celebrities like shit because they’re famous. When she brought up the “power imbalance” I was speechless. Like bffr.
Saying sorry is literally a free action. There is no reason not to do it if you make someone feel bad about themself, ESPECIALLY over a joke. SZA describing the response as lacking in humanity and/or empathy feels really spot on to me.
I used to be one of those edgy, non-apology people and it was bad and toxic. I would rather say I'm sorry even if the other person shares blame, because I can't control their accountability, I can control mine and I don't set out to hurt people.
Ugh thank you for talking about the age thing. It's infuriating to me when people act like teenagers are incapable of verbal/emotional abuse or bullying. They absolutely are. Yeah, their brains aren't finished developing, but that doesn't absolve them of responsibility. We need to get rid of this narrative that teenagers are only ever innocent beans, sure there are many situations in which they can be taken advantage of, but it's not always the case.
I think this woman is chronically online and has seen that we’ve been calling out bad power dynamics between celebrities/influencers and their fans. So she thought we’d all back her up with that “power imbalance” when this is legitimately a human coming to another human. Sza didn’t attack her on her on account. She simply commented on the post and she was super respectful. This woman could’ve just apologised for hurting her. Christ. She wanted to say it’s a common “joke” in the fandom, so maybe Sza has seen this over and over and this was finally the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe it was the only time she’s seen it. Either way, I hope her fanbase recognises her problem with it and literally stop making that “joke”/call out any fans who use it. 💗
I also thought the girl was so chronically online in the worst way. While some people believe a person who is "chronically online" is just stupid, there are also those who are chronically online who have spent their entire lives on the internet looking at memes and funny videos, and view life as a joke when in reality life is just not a joke. The way she reacted with her initial tiktok was also a huge indicator of Gen Z who is chronically online and feels the need to announce to the world about sum as simple as SZA dming her. This is just sad, no one should view life like this and this makes me believe that every human should have a certain time limit when exploring the internet. Younger millennials can be an example in a way but a lot of Gen Z are taking the cake (I am from Generation Z too so no I am not hating my generation), this is so worrisome looking at how addicted the alpha "iPad" generation is being raised at the moment.
@anafano1613 Couldn't agree more. I'm kind of in between the millennial gen z divide, and I have these exact worries. And the line between what's realistic and what's been festering online is blurring in some ways. Hopefully maturity is all we need
@@anafano1613It is so worrying as people have the same approach to personal problems. Instead of talking in private, they do "call-out" style social media posts.
This girl is clearly just trying to get under her skin. In her long response she was even typing like SZA (spaces around punctuation, which is obviously intentional because the girl pointed it out in her TikTok video.) And then signing with a heart emoji. She is just continuing to mock someone who is telling her they are hurt, while insincerely saying she's a fan... it's classic immature bully behavior.
As an ancient 30 year old posting from my nursing home who hadn't heard of this drama and honestly had never even heard of who SZA was before this, here are my thoughts. The fan was in the wrong. The only appropriate response to someone saying to you "hey that thing you posted hurt my feelings" is "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that at all. I'll delete it". The end. You dont make fun of someone for expressing their feelings, come after them for their age, and post the entire private conversation online acting like you are the victim. While the initial meme was fairly harmless, everything she did after that was not.
Your interpretation of gen z’s perspective of reality is so apt and conscientious 🙌🏼 those from older gens are highly aware that what you post on the internet can have very real repercussions, maybe because we lived in a time when face to face contact was the norm (not via internet). I adore gen z’s vigilance to bringing light to many social issues but I think realizing this would help their voices be so much stronger.
You know what’s wild? My mom (a boomer btw) used to say I wasn’t ‘acting my age’ when I was honest about feeling hurt or something in situations almost similar to what SZA had go on. Gosh, really appreciate your vids and takes. ❤
she wanted to look so cool from getting a celebrity to "hate" her but now look at her... hundreds of thousands of people are not on her side. girly girl is cooked 💀
My experience with being a fat cosplayer with a presence online has taught me that there’s no point in trying to teach shitty people online how empathy works
@@Bunbunamor I don’t consider doja cat to be at war with her followers, I think she’s having a very public mental breakdown and self destructing due to the pressures of fame and having tons of people’s income dependent on her + now having enough money to get access to all of the most unhealthy coping mechanisms she could want. Plus having a bunch of rabid fans shouting about how they gave her everything and she wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them. Plus like, that’s not actually how good art gets made. If you’re pandering to the audience and the dollar, you’re probably not making good art. It’s like we don’t understand that all of this noise and publicity and lack of privacy is actively having a negative impact on her, like we don’t think she’s a fallible human being. And we all just talk about how we’re going to stop giving her money and attention, which would ultimately probably be good for her mental health. But we won’t actually do it. Like it’s Brittany spears all over again, just flashing cameras while she publicly melts down, yelling about what a mess she is. It seems like a living hell and I’m glad I wasn’t famous or rich during any of my destructive spirals. It would have been better if I had had food and stable housing, though. And I guess that’s why I’m supposed to hate doja, because she has money and I don’t
@@shamedgeekyEveryone goes through mental struggles and fame seems more than capable of amplifying that. I think your statement about celebrities and how fame could affect their mental state is extremely valid.
@@VenusIsOnline I think that entertainment serves as a smokescreen for the actual 1%, who have enough money to really change the world. Like they could end hunger in America tomorrow, but then they wouldn’t be able to sit on top of us all. So they introduce celebrities making enough money to make us jealous, and then we treat the celebrities like their lack of privacy is a fair cost to pay for their level of financial comfort. Like, I don’t think doja cat is the best person or anything, but she’s not the cause of our nations ills.
I think the situations weird on the fans part, considering that sza’s music tends to delve into some of the insecurities she has as a lover(i.e garden say it like dat) or even a song as recent as ghost in a machine. Where she explains that she needs humanity. It’s just odd to say that you’re fan and not acknowledge that sza is a person with emotions and that your actions were harmful. Especially, when her emotional and sensitive side is so embedded in her music and makes up a portion of her artistic identity. It’s just strange that being a public persona now negates you from allowing to express yourself as a human being.
It’s not about your intentions, it’s about the effect the person felt. It took me a long time to realize that. Even if she didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, oh well she did, and all she needs to do is apologize, but we got this instead. Such a shame.
"you stepped on my foot, that really hurt" "well i didnt MEAN to step on your foot, so i didnt do anything wrong :]" okay but their foot still hurts though?? thats the way i always think of it 😭
Sza did nothing wrong by pointing out that they’re human. People who go “get used to it” are numbed to empathy toward celebs. This girl is just sharing the dms bc she wants clout. I really don’t like when people invalidate and turn things around
They let me out the nursing home to watch this. I love your videos. I love learning about people and you really explained emotions well, which is hard. It's really helpful to be reminded that people aren't perfect and can make mistakes, and how emotions can effect people in the moment.
As a clinical social worker/ therapist, I so passionately agree about the overly used psych words. Another one I don't like is "narcissist." People are out here accusing everyone who ever hurt them of having a pretty serious and real personality disorder. Edit cuz also, I thought D's take was perfect. Its a bit different than fame, but I work with poor and wealthy folks in my little town. Anxiety doesn't discriminate because people have more.
They always say 'I didn't mean the disorder, I meant the trait' but they damn well know they're hinting at a condition with heavy stigma and it's annoying.
@@alexanderh8129yep 100% that and cluster b personality types(bpd, npd, etc) are so much more likely to be abused, and the stigma is 100%making it worse
@@vampire7240 Oh for SURE! It gets my goat because people who have NPD were ALSO typically mistreated/ poorly attached in childhood - their personalities just maladjusted in a different way. At this point, I don't think I would even use it as a diagnosis - probably just focus on symptoms instead of putting a label like that on somebody cuz I know the first thing folks do when they leave the clinic is google their diagnosis.
Yes!! I think what they forget is that those terms are supposed to be accompanied with empathy and understanding. Even the most difficult mental disorders are still treatable when approached from the right direction.
@@elvingearmasterirma7241not knowing who sza is doesn’t mean ur offline it js means you live under a rock or don’t listen to either A. r&b or B. women r&b
Knowing that this happened is pretty upsetting. Solana has such a beautiful energy about her... And to be met with such a disingenuous person trying their damnedest to make you out to be crazy... That's got to be frustrating ASF.
The thing is as a true SZA fan you wouldn't do anything like this because of how hard we had to fight for more music in the first place. The hurtful "meme" almost retired her once upon a time. Also SZA is notoriously understanding and she wants the people who calls themselves her fans to be understanding and empathetic.
@Frutebrute69 Yes, it is. It goes to show how inconsistent our society is when it comes to whether or not we consider young people "grown" or not. We can't have our cake and eat it too.
As someone who got bullied, making fun of you getting angry or just reacting bothered is such a bully thing. Its awful because you feel so powerless afterwards. Like no matter what you do, you can't stop people from being mean to you, and youre also so embarrassing because you're "overreacting". This girls TikTok really gave me these vibes. And while I think her acting this way is just an immature coping mechanism for getting called out (she even needs her friend to back her up, i think deep down shes just insecure about this), I think its good that we talk about the nuances of mental health and how to handle situations like this.
Causes I be hattinggg when someone does something “bullyish” but they don’t think it’s bullying and be saying they was just “joking” but then the person they were doing it towards reacts and gets hurt. then they be saying and calling them sensitive for not being able to take a “joke” and all that and I hate that sht 🙄
Exactly. I remember being bullied as a kid and I got the feeling that most of them thought I was in on the "joke" (no matter how mean-spirited and cruel) but also they will laugh if they think you're bothered by it -mostly because I saw it happen to other kids. Of course, there were others who were obviously looking to make you cry from the get-go or just didn't care, but I do think you're right about it being a coping mechanism in this specific instance. I don't think the joke started off mean spirited, but the response certainly was. Even as an adult close to SZA's age, I don't know the proper way to respond to these types of situations, or even if you SHOULD.
I feel so bad for SZA, she seems like such a sweet person and she doesn’t deserve that girl’s attitude towards her after SZA was literally just holding the so called fan accountable!
You know D'Angelo, I really feel, as a "Gen X" person or something, that what you are describing is true to almost all people, except for those who really can't manage phones and tablets. Human communication has become such a lonely thing, this world feels impossible to survive 💔 And this is coming from someone who loves technology and is pretty geeky. I just also love to make conversations and hearing people's voices, and worst of all- leave massages! I used to be an activist in pretty hard core places and situations,and life was always, at the very least, not easy. But at least it was human 😢
Millennial here and the way you described how this world feels impossible to survive resonated with me because that's exactly how I feel ,like especially in this Instagram tic TOC Twitter world because I refuse to go on any of those massively popular websites and I know I'm missing out on a lot but something inside of me won't let me go on those sites because maybe it's trying to protect my mind from all of the stupidity or whatever but I can't do it no I actually refuse to do it .. because that's when I might get so caught up on Instagram that I might wonder into traffic not paying attention to reality and then Bam I'm dead .. id rather talk to a person face to face then on Instagram nah I'm good ...
SZA isn’t wrong for being upset about things said about her, her anxiety about it or expressing. The fan is dismissive, but she’s not wrong in wondering why off all people SZA choose her to respond to, a random teenager on Instagram. Both things can be true.
She shouldn’t have DM’d her after a couple of messages, but she kept going, which only made everything worse. There is no way to reason with an eighteen year old who’s hellbent on dismissing and invalidating you.
@@vemodallen yes but it's still important to try and handle it fairly. Clearly a young fan saw SZAs other fans re create this meme for a long time so she did it too. To be randomly picked by a celebrity for this meme is going to give her insta hate even if she had apologized properly. It would be better to post for the WHOLE fanbase to stop using this meme cause clearly this 1 fan is not the first one to do this. This is what happens if you let this stuff slide and it sucks but that's a huge point in standing up for yourself. The fan trying to double down afterwards is bad behavior on her part but that doesn't erase the initial part either.
@@whoahanantBut this girl wouldn't have gotten any hate if she just, y'know, DIDN'T MAKE A TIKTOK SHOWING HER DM'S WITH SZA!! This girl is free to believe she did no wrong and that SZA was "attacking" her for no reason, but she was 100% in the wrong to post her convo with SZA and speak so surely that SZA was doing too much and expecting people to agree with her. She made it deeper and bigger than it was by making the tiktok. No one would be talking about this if she never made a tiktok about it.
when MCR said "teenagers scare the living shit out of me," I feel like this is the kinda stuff they never predicted but feels so relevant 😂 imagine saying to someone "please have empathy" and they respond "no i'm a teenager"
Given Gerard wrote it about being on the subway in like 2004 with a bunch of teenagers I feel like he never could have possibly imagined the shit teenagers would be getting up to
@@SuperNuclearUnicornhe was talking about their lack of empathy and the desire to appear to always be the cool one. I think it's very relevant. I was a teenager then and I remember mcr fans being incredibly selfish online and in person, expecting the world from them and harassing their gfs
teenagers have always been terrible but these days, they lack so much empathy to the point where doxxing and sending death threats to people they don't like is the norm and if you have a problem with that, they pull the "omg I'm a minor, you can't talk to me, you're a predator!" card or just say that "it's not that deep" to avoid facing any consequences for their actions
sza is most definetly in the right. having a severe anxiety disorder this was so infuriating, the fan clearly doesnt know what anxiety is like and made it even worse by posting it publicly.
@@bbssxcugc_no fr tho like of all the things ppl say ur picking on an 18 yr old who really did just post a meme? then said she loved you in her response? i feel like it’s weird ppl think sza even interacting w her was normal
I dunno. I mean, yes there was definitely a lack of empathy, but I can also see the fan's actions as coming from a place of anxiety. I was an anxious teen once upon a time, and before I was diagnosed I would panic over internet interactions/reactions that weren't as positive as I had hoped by doubling down or going edgelord and pretending that I was trolling, because to my immature and severely anxious mind coming across as insensitive was better than honestly owning up to any mistakes. Anxiety can manifest in different ways. We really don't know her full situation.
@@abbyz13 no it’s not normal BUT at the same time SZA is still a human being and anxiety is a disorder that affects behavior in sometimes irrational ways. Two things can be true at once. The fan has shitty behavior and clearly just went for the easiest excuses for their bad actions. This is definitely a very rare case in which a single “powerless” fan is in the wrong. Also who are we to say what triggers SZA’s anxiety, only she knows that and that one post could have been a “last straw” of sorts. Also SZA didn’t witch hunt anybody or stick anybody on this fan and instead had a PRIVATE and respectful conversation which *the fan* decided to make public. But Yk “fuck your mental health, you’re not worthy of the empathy because you’re a robot popstar. You’re not human, only I get to cherry-pick who’s anxiety is valid. Entertain me, singer” lol we didn’t learn from Britney did we? (I know an extreme example, but it’s connected in a way to me-imo)
I'm 60 so I'm commenting from the grave. Started watching you recently because I felt myself starting to not like the younger generation. Watching your channel has been eye-opening in so many ways. I still feeling some dislike but also empathy, relatability and y'all make me laugh cry. Thanks for the channel.
I’m a government trained victim advocate and sociologist. SZA modeled really healthy, sincere communication. That behavior normalized healthy, prosocial communication and human connection. The 18 year old poster IS, in fact, gaslighting SZA. She’s modeling everything D’angelo mentioned. Passive aggression. Tone policing. Bully behavior. That’s normalizing antisocial norms and deception. She was embarrassed that a famous person was hurt by her joke > enjoyed it. To talk down on SZA’s character or maturity because she reminded this “fan” that celebrities are real humans, not characters in a Netflix series. Yes, that can be jolting. But she actually proved she’s much less mature than SZA (not surprising an 18 year old hasn’t learned social maturity yet, but a large percentage of other 18 year olds would never act this way). Is it me or is everyone showing their azz in 2023?
i haven’t heard of a victim care officer before, and now i wish you all the best in your job. i might potentially get into it, but judging from how in-depth your comment was, i’ll have a lot to learn
When I was younger, I accidentally spoiled a major plot point of a TV show for my friend who was watching said show. They were dismayed and I acted like "I don't know why you are so upset, it's just a TV show." Except inside I knew I messed up and felt really bad and was super embarrassed. Later I realized that I was protecting my ego by hiding my embarrassment behind dismissive bravado. I think that's possibly what the fan is doing. Not ideal but learning to admit when you have messed up and apologize is hard and most of us don't learn it until our adulthood. I hope the fan can reflect on this and learn from it.
its a very human process, and it sucks that it had to happen online for millions of people to see. truly highlights how the internet changes social dynamics bc smth thats a part of growing up becomes viral content
im 25 and im still struggling with this. ive lost so many friends because i behave like this. i always apologise after the fact but in the moment its so so hard to take the ego hit
I did this with my sister by accident a few times, she is very spoiler-sensitive - this includes sport events she watches on demand - so everytime I know we both watch something I ask "oh where exactly are you?", "did you see this (yet)?" or "are you planning to watch it or can I ramble about it?" I always immediately apologised cuz I had to avoid spoilers for PLL for many years cuz I couldn't watch it as it aired due to timezones & it was everywhere. So I know how it felt to get stuff spoiled & felt so bad about it
Your theory would explain the "fan's" behavior in the DMs but not why she leaked the DMs after the fact. I think this is a genuinely bad person, very vain and totally lacking in empathy, who is not used to people pointing out to them when they are behaving poorly; and her fragile ego couldn't handle that, so she made a tiktok (or whatever the platform was) looking for strangers to shore her ego back up. Very narcissistic.
Hey, if I give u my little sis’ number, can you give her call and share this here story and any others like it? Sounds like you’ve made some growth. Kudos and keep up the good work!
so let me guess this straight, some girl went out of her way to shade a musician, tagged her as well, and then is shocked when the musician she shaded and tagged claps back?
@nana.572 ...targeting a specific person AND tagging them. And instead od apologising when the person she tagged felt slighted, she doubled down and leaked her dm's without her consent. Y'all are so fucken dense
Honestly I feel like this would've been easier for SZA if she had just not replied and not given this stupid girl any attention 😭 But I get why she did it. She needed a slap of reality, honestly.
It's actually so comical to see how dismissive a lot of Gen Z's are towards age. It's so weird how they view mid 20's to 30's as old. It's not😣 I would like to hank you for this video bec I finally understood the situation regarding SZA and the fan. I think the fan is so obliviously to the fact that she hurt someone's feeling, regardless if the meme was hers or not. The fact that SZA had the guts to confront her about it means she wants her to be sympathetic about her situation. If she actually just lowered her ego and understand SZA's reaction, all of this wouldn't even be an issue. Instead she had to expose and even make fun of her, totally dismissing SZA's point being that meme affects her anxiety of performing on stage. I love SZA and as a fan, I would never thought of bullying an artist that I admire just to get their attention. Immature part on the fan, in my opinion.
I would feel so bad if someone I was a fan of communicated this to me - she should have just deleted it and then talked about it with her friends, her reaction is so crazy and lacks an insane amount of empathy.
Ms. Fan clearly falls into the 'we judge others based on their actions and ourselves based on our intent' trap. So she thought it was a funny meme and it shouldn't bother SZA. Okay. But once SZA informed her that it *did* bother her, Ms. Fan just couldn't bring herself to say sorry. Oh no. Being called out made *her* uncomfortable, so clearly SZA was the one in the wrong. Which is sad and I hope she can grow some empathy after this. Also and I know this makes me shallow AF, but the precision match on your glasses and nail polish mesmerized me.
This comment is fallacious. SZA feeling sad after the post isn't the Dan's responsibility to make her feel better. The joke wasn't aimed at SZA and so it can't be her responsibility to make her feel better. If SZA wants to feel better about her performance that is her own responsibility, the fan doesn't owe her a apology or the courtesy of deleting the post.
One additional thing: Sza wasn’t responding to a random person, she was responding to a fan. If this girl was in the fandom, and Sza could see that in her history and associations, then she probably thought “This person is safe to express my feelings about this to.” And maybe even (justifiably) “If I tell this girl it bothers me, she will care because she is a fan, and can a little bit discourage it in others.” Do that enough times, and the tiny bit of influence could conceivably make it less popular, less “everyone is doing it.” Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza.
"Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza." Oh, that was a WORD!! I rly feel like a lot of fandoms are like this. They like everything but the actual person. And what makes it scary, to me, is that it isn't an actively negative emotion; the person is just so inconsequential to the these types of fans, that they can't be fucking bothered to extend the empathy or care needed to approach a situation like this correctly.
Being a fan of someone's music doesn't mean you are suddenly responsible for their emotional state. The idea that this fan had any responsibility to take what SZA said and treat it with any sort of seriousness has to be one of the greatest falsehoods of all falsehoods.
Wow.. I can’t thank you enough for posting this. Your perspective is dead on and I really appreciate you taking the time to speak on some thing that I’ve personally been affected by immensely.. I’ll try to keep this short (prob won’t tho lol) but basically, my sister is famous. Well, technically both of my sisters, but when I started seeing all of the sacrifices, celebrities have to endure from a personal level being their big sister. There have been so many instances and scary things that have happened by “fans” that over the years have chipped away at my “larger than life” personality and spirit. I’m in therapy and I’m working on rediscovering the parts of my self that have become so small, due to anxiety and fear and depression, from just being associated with someone famous.. We’ve been stalked, harassed, dehumanized and objectified on a daily basis. Even our friends and even distant family members continue to endure things that people on the other side of fame can’t fully comprehend until you’ve been through it. When I was younger, I wanted to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, but over the years just dealing with some of the “trickled down” harassement, I’ve become somewhat of a shell of my former self. I deal with agoraphobia, being afraid to leave my house. I wake up with anxiety in the middle of the night and practice grabbing self-defense items I have stashed around my room, in case somebody were to actually break in our house (again) I constantly worry about peoples intentions that I get close to. I try to make myself and my social presence as small as possible because the “dimmer my light shines” the less likely I’ll be put in a situation to cause me even more anxiety. And above all my passion to help teach and mentour kids in acting, has all but ceased to make me feel happy about what I once loved to do with my whole heart. AND IM NOT EVEN THE FAMOUS ONE!! 😂 This reminds me of a time where I was going on TikTok lives a lot, and I made a couple of online friends.. I knew they were fans of my sister, but then again, so am I so I don’t have a problem connecting with people just because they’re a fan of my siblings. We have common interests! So we already have some thing to bond over. Well, a few of these girls flew out to Los Angeles, one girl found my address because she worked at top golf, she was a manager there, and because I had signed up two years prior to even meeting her. She was able to go in the database. Find a picture of my drivers license. One day I was on a TikTok live, and I casually mentioned that I was going to CVS right after. I knew these girls were in town, but I didn’t think that they would drive around to all the CVS‘s by my house, sit in the parking lot taking secret videos and pictures of me after they found the one I was at, followed me to my house, and took videos of me walking into my house. I have explained to these girls many times before about my anxiety and agoraphobia. And it felt so violating to know that these girls who I considered friends would put me in a situation that sent me spiraling into an even deeper battle with my mental health. Luckily, one of the girls told me what happened and I ended up getting on a Skype call with the other girls and cried, and I had a very honest conversation about how some thing like that may seem harmless, but can deeply affect someone in so many ways. The analogy I used to help them understand what that felt like for me was “if a girl passes out at a party, someone takes advantage of her but she didn’t know it was happening, does that mean it’s okay?” We had a long open very raw conversation. We all cried. We discussed it. They even shared about some of the circumstances in their life and generation that lead them to believe that kind of behavior wasn’t really that big of a deal. But after they listened to me and saw how painful an experience like that was, we all started getting into therapy and making better more conscious effort to just do better. And I’m happy to say that those girls are some of my closest friends to this day. They never made me feel uncomfortable again, they’ve all agreed to sign NDA‘s just so I can feel a little more comfortable with our friendship. But what a lot of people don’t understand is little things like going to CVS or signing up at top golf, can potentially put you in very dangerous situations and those things chip away at people overtime. I used to love going to that CVS because before I moved, that was “MY CVS” lol I spent hours with ex boyfriends and best friends just chillin in the parking lot, I knew everyone that worked there.. and now a very nostalgic place for me will always be tainted with the time I was stalked. So some thing that may seem funny and harmless could be stripping away parts of the person that you admire until eventually the essence of that person doesn’t even exist anymore. When fans interact with a celebrity, I hope they realize they’re interacting with a real human being with real emotions. And understand that when they have the opportunity to speak with a celebrity, their comments may feel like they are getting lost in a sea of people.. but for the celebrity, every interaction hits home and is taken to heart because from my experience, I’ve never met anyone famous that wants to look at their fans as “numbers”.. we try very hard to humanize the person behind every comment. But it doesn’t seem like the same can be said from the other side of it. I’m only speaking from my experience.. and yes, My situation may be a little more on the “extreme side” of the topic in your video. But I hope people see this and are a little more mindful the next time they have an opportunity to interact with anyone especially online. Also, I just want to say I really thank you for this video. I know it takes you a lot of time to do these but it’s really appreciated in more ways than you know ❤
i can’t stand it when people treat people online like they don’t actually exist. as someone with anxiety, i 100% empathize with sza. i’m constantly overexplaining, and when people say “you’re doing too much” it makes me feel invalidated and angry. also, as someone who has bipolar disorder, sza wasn’t having a “manic breakdown” in dms. people need to learn what mania actually is. ( 23:34 )
And what’s interesting is google exists and one can find a definition of mania on the CDC. DIGFAST for greater than or equal to 7 days. Bipolar I doesn’t require a depressive episode. Bipolar II on the other hand…now we get into hypo mania and that’s another story. 😊
Right? People use manic and mental disorders as a super convenient way to dismiss people’s actions even though as someone with bpd (not bipolar) I know I’m still responsible for my actions, and I don’t use my mental disorder to defend myself. That just smears mental health for everyone else
@@juulcat7274Yea, I also think it dismisses the seriousness of mental illness. We shouldn’t dismiss things regardless if it was because of mental illness or not.
I love how she's using the "I'm a teenager" card, because my 3-year-old niece who bites people has better empathy and sense f humanity than her. And, waaaay off topic, but have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you literally have to take breaks and look away or you'd lose your mind? Now, imagine having to go through that for 33 minutes and 14 seconds.
Totally agree, I see so many people who get in online drama pull the "I'm only a teen" card as if it's some kind of Yugioh trap card that gives them an instant W Also, your thirstiness is absolutely sending me lmao
@@yourbestamwhat? They're just saying they're a little flustered by watching someone they think is beautiful. That's human and pretty normal for most people.
Hello, writing from the nursing home as a 40 year old. You were spot on. The decision to dismiss feelings then say I was victimized was wild. And then she exploited this conversation for clout while discussing the power imbalance. Anyways- got to go eat jello and make calls from a landline. Since I’m old I’ll sign off with Sincerely… Me
I love how you explain that your anxiety comes with over explaining. I do it all the time especially with technical questions. Because i want to make sure I am letting someone know I did try to find the answers on my own.
this whole issue is a prime example of how the internet makes everything superficial. it's so bizarre to respond to someone's hurt feelings like that even though "it's just social media" or whatever. and you're right, it's 100% bc we can just shut things off if we don't like them or even delete our accounts and pretend nothing happened. gen z seriously needs to touch, inhale, eat grass. it takes a lot of effort to see people online as more than usernames and profile pictures but it genuinely makes you a better person, something i only understand now as a fellow old, decrepit 20-something yr old.
The irony of gen z trying so hard to be progressive and open minded, until they are called out for something they did and all of a sudden, they will send death threats and blame you for being offended.
@@meiruez Probably because the generations most effected by this social media thing is a chunk of millennials and Gen Z and now Gen Alpha Gen Z and Gen Alpha grew up with the modern internet basically and Millennial started to really use the internet and saw the shift from the early internet to what we have now. Zoomers, thats me, we remember hazy bits of the early internet.
The way sza made sure to thank us profusely for giving her so much energy and cheering her on at the tampa show and even coming out towards the end just to thank us some more, explained why she was thanking us so much, then taking some of her fans backstage- yeah she really is just human trying to share art and connect with people and she demonstrated this when she was talking to the fan in the dms, there was no I AM CELEBRITY HEAR ME ROAR it was very much WE are human let us talk. I'm with sza in this heavy! she played victim and it was obvious, not to mention how it came out that the girl had a CZcams video with this very same story a while back and then also had to come back and make a tiktok out of it, the clout chasing is insanely UGLY and unbecoming of this person and like tyra said "LEARN FROM THIS".
Love this comment, love the breakdown! On that note, there are great people out there and you all are an inspiration. Haters, pay attention, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
heyy here's a little video for the weekend :^) anyway sign up for an account at grammarly.com/wallace. if you want to get access to extra features, get 20% off grammarly premium!
Earllyy
my leg hurts
yaay!!!!!!!!!!!
The style game is on point as usual!
thank you
It’s weird how normal it is to publicly say mean things to an individual under the assumption that “I didn’t think they’d see it”. Like why is that an excuse
Literally! And they say that KNOWING THEY MADE A PUBLIC POST ON THE INTERNET!!! Like bro private posting is a thing 😭😭😭 you just wanted attention without the smoke and when you got confronted now you’re acting all soft and timid. Weirdo terminally online behavior
and it's so bizarre to tag someone in the post AND THEN say 'oh I didn't think you'd see it'
It’s not. People have had negative opinions and good opinions about people since prehistoric times :) and very publicly as well! Especially with public people and celebrities. You should’ve seen what people said about Gladiators!
it's like gossiping about someone and then saying "OH I didn't think it would get back to you" like?? 🤔
ALSO she tagged SZA in the post..... like yeah shes prolly gonna see it
It’s always the “girl you’re literally older than me” when they can’t come up with a better excuse for their shitty behavior 💀
But also SZA was the same age crapping on celebrities and people defend it all the time saying she was just young 😭
@@megansstallion818help I didn’t know abt this 😭 I’ll also say that sza is literally a celebrity and if she was so mad she should’ve blocked the fan
Sza is 30 something and has done worse things. she let her fans attack BTS on twitter
@@cowcow_14exactly this she blocks literally everyone all she had to do is block her and leave it at that now imo she looks annoying asf cause it's not that deep
@@megansstallion818I agree again because when people hate or criticize celebrities, they can take it. I don’t know where sza was coming from with this, but this entire situation is so icky
Also I’m not saying anyone’s in the wrong or right, I’m just entirely confused on why sza couldn’t shrug it off or block them.
I just think the irony of her being like "lol it's a joke ur famous get over it, negativity is bound to happen!!" then immediately privating her account / deleting the tik tok the moment she experienced a fraction of the hate SZA has had to deal with for years sent me. As someone in the public eye & entertainment industry, people treating you as subhuman all the time DOES get to be too much. Thank you for covering in a hilarious way Dangelo!!
but this girl also isn’t trying to be a mainstream celebrity and sell albums globally..
@@s.sydneywand thats why sza talked to her in private instead of blasting her ass on social media and letting her fanbase attack her… that girl did that to herself
@@s.sydneywShe still made videos on her public account about a famous person you’re naive if you think she wasn’t seeking some kind of attention for it she most likely didn’t expect it to be such negative attention
Yeah she (“fan”) deserves every bit of hate she gets after tryna send hate to SZA multiple times and gaslighting her into apologizing. Karma is a lovely b**ch!
@@s.sydneywSo? She still put herself out there on her own didn’t she?
I don’t know. I feel like the fact SZA took the conversation private goes to show that she didn’t want her fans to go after the person. SZA could have done this out in public and had the fans drag the person all throughout. But she didn’t. Leaking the dm actually makes this person look even worse. This “fan” just doesn’t want to take accountability for being called out over hurting someone’s feelings.
THIS .
Didn't ask +Who cares anyway btw I'm better than D'Angelo , 💀
Literally she could’ve been like
“Lol get this bitch” on Twitter
@@Ishouldnthavebeensopublic past sza wouldve done this ngl
thissss
People always get mad at celebrities for being out of touch, but when they show humanity and speak to others like they're equals, then they're dragged for being sensitive or "attacking" people.
That's my main problem with this whole thing
but sza literally is being sensitive right now. this joke is years old, if shes that mad she can block her
@@Mreow33 who cares if she was being sensitive? she's human and has a right to share how she feels. She wasn't even being mean about it.
@@mo.ri.e she shouldnt be sliding in a fans dms and exepect them to automatically apologize. sza is a celebrity; shes also said MUCH MUCH worse.
@@Mreow33 so? I like seeing her sensitive side, it shows me that she has problems that the average person can relate to. and I like that she stood up for herself, even if the joke wasn't intended to hurt her.
tbh they arent our equals. they are destroying our planet with their unlimited resources and dont actually contribute to living necessities in society. i dont wanna hear celebs out of touch takes sure but i dont wanna hear abt their boohoo anxiety either. go to therapy you can afford it we are in a poverty crisis why do we give a shit how these hunger gamesesque people feel abt a stupid post
people saying that SZA needs “thicker skin” to be in the industry don’t see her as human. period.
yes ! she shouldn't have to stop being kind and soft and nice just because nobody wants to be responsible for their own lack of kindness and lack of maturity towards her. it feels borderline victim-blaming because they're blaming HER for their own lack of self-control/respect. if everyone had to grow "thicker skin" this world would be wholly cruel, and soft hearts would be rare. that sounds like such a sad world to live in 🥲
Celebrities traded their humanity so they can be worshipped as idols while most of the world starves.
I'll never care about celebrities feelings. They have money and safety.
Unlike most of the world.
People with REAL problems.
💯💯💯💯
just because theyre making art doesnt mean they should have to take the bs of trolls online. sza shouldnt have to take it, she should have her feelings respected as with anyone else.
I know stuff like thar is bound to happen but its crazy how people excuse and defend that kind of behaviour
I’m 100% on SZA’s side. That girl probably thought she hit the jackpot of all clouts. She has A LOT of growing up to do…OUTSIDE of social media.
facts
She learned that most people dislike bullies
@@peachesandpoets Imaging thinking that a kid making fun of a multi-millionaire is "bullying". Are we bullying Elon Musk when we make fun of literally everything he says and does or are we just talking about a person who's main goal in life is to be talked about? Like damn, I wish people paid me $506.67 on average to bully me
@@ConnieTheoThis “kid” can vote
@@Peekabye And? Do you think 17 year olds aren't kids either? Because in Greece they can vote just fine. What if someone goes to prison? Are they a kid cuz they can't vote?
Oh yeah. This fan is the worst kind of chronically online person to have in a fanbase
Stan culture wrapped up in one orange eyelinered kid.
@@gladitsnotme orange!? 🤨
@@mathteacher5690 Yes, she has orange eyeliner and eyeshadow, do your eyes work by chance?
@@MsSpooke and you're so riled up because someone didn't focus on a person's eyeliner ...?
@@MsSpooke"do your eyes work by chance?" is SENDING me lmfaoo i'm using this from bow on
the girl mocking SZA’s grammar fully pushed me over the edge. this girl sounds so damn entitled and just straight up rude. i can imagine this would’ve been pretty hurtful to SZA
@@ville2_ 👁
And it’s anti-black ):
@@shizzlemywizzle1It came off that way to me as well. The whole thing was laden with micro aggressions, imo… Like how she immediately labeled a black woman as hateful and angry for simply having a counter point to her bs, and how the subtext of her tiktok commentary read strongly as, “stop talking and get back to entertaining me.”
no fr it's literally just "i'm better than you because i speak standardized english and you don't". like we can't forget here that sza is black too
Yeah, I agree. It definitely had racist vibes to it, as well as just being a shit argument. I type like this because it's what I was taught, but that doesn't mean my friends do, because they learned other ways.
In the end, what does it say? "I'm going to treat you as stupid and uneducated because you don't communicate like I do."? Fuckin'????
The level of ableism also smacks me in the face--dismissing how she could have learned to type that way to better communicate with others, and OFC, the dismissal of her anxiety. That girl also has no business bitching about anyone else's grammar/punctuation when she sent out messages like she was trying to build a lopsided wall.
Can we just talk about the fact that somehow she's smart enough to say "i'm a child so an adult shouldnt be bullying me", but not smart enough to realize she shouldnt be bullying an adult cause they have feelings too? It's giving me "i'm a child so everyone should focus on me and i can do no wrong"
Very accurate
Toddler behavior fr...
She also.. literally isn't a child?? I'm 18 too, and she's acting like a middle schooler! She sounds like a mean girl who hasn't gotten over that phase.
She's not even a child that's the thing. She's 18. And lacks a painful amount of self awareness
@@nic_aya exactly. Dev limes/Nickisnotgreen did a video and so many ppl in the comments were like ‘well she’s just a kid SZA is so weird and mean for using the power imbalance’ HUH?? Yeah a kid young enough to smoke/enter the military or live alone right? Just excusing her because they are likely older but I remember being 18 and apologizing for being insensitive on accident. It’s not that hard and weird to see so many people saying she’ll learn later (to have empathy I guess??) bc she’s young. THIS is the learning experience lmao
Crazy to see her say "I'm your fan" but in the same breath essentially express "I don't care about your anxiety, your anxiety is not my problem". But she's a fan, totally.
That's ok tho. You can be a fan of their work, not of them. For example I still enjoy Travis Scott's music even tho he's kind of evil
@@sebo641there's that and being fake she was being fake asf
yeah, she may be a fan of the music but not of sza. some people call themselves fans but actually mean "i am entitled to endless gratitude from this person cause i streamed their songs a bunch"
A fan-atic
I just like how she went "I'm 18" over and over. Girl, at 18 you can join the army, drive in every state, vote, get a loan, open a bank account, go to college, get an apartment, buy a house, etc. Like you're a whole adult. You're no longer a "minor" that can blame your age for lacking empathy or spending time to make a video to hope people side with you on a conversation that wasn't really in the public.
Even if she was 16 or 17 she’s old enough to have empathy and not use her age as an excuse for ignorance tbh
@@carolbaskin1857fr its not like shes 12
It's kinda weirding me out the way you put the word "minor" in quotes like that. I'm not defending the fan's behavior, because she's absolutely old enough to know better, but even if you're legally an adult in your late teens/early twenties, you're still a kid and you have a lot of growing up to do. Kind of creepy for you to strawman the age of 18 like that, as if you're suddenly an entire, fully developed adult once you turn 18. Just a bit of a gross thing to say, since it's blatantly incorrect.
@@PissyLissyNo that’s not a kid. You’re a young adult at that age. And that’s not to say you should have it all figured out but we have to stop infantilizing people. As you said, she should have known better at that age. I don’t understand how pointing out she isn’t a minor is weird when the girl is the one trying to use her age as a crutch (while lowkey age shaming sza). She can vote, take out a loan, drive a car, go to war etc. And all we are saying is hey, at 18 you should know not to be an asshole.
@@PissyLissy I put "minor" in quotes because she called herself a minor. A minor by law is a person under 18. And this isn't me saying you can't mistakes, but at a certain point, own up to things. This person decided to buckle down on essentially bullying someone. You're old enough to know that's wrong by 18. That's not a strawman at all. You don't even know what that means just by the way you're using it. And what's creepy about accountability for cyber bullying? At this point, you're just looking for a problem to appear morally superior.
This fan has serious "why dont people who get cyberbullied just get offline" energy
why don't they...
@@uemoew7336because they have the right to be online without being harassed. also the harassment can bleed into real life stuff as well
i mean.
^^^^^^^
for normal people absolutely that doesnt help, but for celebrities who put themselves in the public eye like......
i think SZA did a great job with explaining her feelings. This honestly made me respect her more, and see her as more of a human being. I wish the internet wasn't so toxic
the fact that this 18 year old jumped to being mean so fast made me sad :(
@@pvic6959 yeah same...but thats because apparently some people are allergic to admit that they were wrong..
Like how hard can it be to be sorry? Sure you will feel ahamed because everyone will be upset with you for that but in the end they are glad you spoke the truth instead of digging the hole deeper than it was..
@@pvic6959 I think the fact that she thought SZA wouldn’t see it but got a bunch DMs kind of embarrassed her. And to mask that embarrassment, she tried to brush it off like “just a joke” instead of owning up to actually hurting someone’s feelings. It’s a defence mechanism. Hopefully she will mature enough to learn why this is not the ideal way to react.
I’m really out of the loop around big music artists so I don’t really know anything about her but just 8 minutes into this video alone I’d go up to bat for her LOL I really fuck w the fact she states her feelings and won’t let ppl step on her for their own enjoyment
@@fayeprime9631 the irony is that she has more people upset with her now LOL. if she just left the comment up and publicly replied to it saying "Im sorry, I was trying to make a meme. I didn't realize the impact it would have on you", no one would be talking about this
she wouldnt even have to delete teh post if she didnt want to. but now people are upset with her . i think sza is not in the wrong at all. Maybe the only thing she could have done better was stop earlier realizing its a lost cause (but as someone who types a lot, i know how hard that is to do lol)
the way she's smiling ear to ear showing messages from sza being vulnerable and expressing very human emotions gives me such a foul taste in my mouth.
i couldnt have expressed it better myself.... this woman's really opening her heart out in private just to be made fun of publicly... come on girl. not cool.
We need some sort of global agreement on when, if ever, private dms are shared for the world to see. If I was famous I would be paranoid 24/7
Something about the girl bringing up her age just rubs me the wrong way. I am 17 years old and I know a bunch of 17 year olds, and 99% of them would backtrack and apologise the second they realise a joke went too far. I know kids younger than me who understand those sort of boundaries too. I have anxiety and almost none of my friends (of course, there are exceptions) have ever said something purposefully mean to me because of it. She's 18, and by the time you reach that kind of age you gain some sense of clarity about being respectful and kind. Using your age as an excuse for being wilfully ignorant is low.
I had a thought when watching that like...if she was SEVEN, sure, I could understand. But this woman has lived nearly two decades. By the time you are finished with middle school, you should have already learned most of these particulars of social behavior. Even if you had alternative schooling, none at all, or are impaired...you learn this shit early on. It's not surprising, but very disappointing to see someone justifying asshole-ish behavior by deflecting to something that doesn't even make sense.
17 18 or 30 some people will always be immature sadly.
she did apologize and sza i kid you not kept coming back to dm her over the span of 7 hours
@@ThheSocial Well, an apology is a sign of regret, and from what she showed us, I saw no regret from her side at all. Giving an insincere apology really shows what kind of person you are. And you talk like SZA was staying in that chat for 7 hours continuously, even though she most definitely wasn't. It's not her fault for trying to explain her problem to someone who clearly doesn't take her seriously. She was hurt and scrambling to explain herself, and I can't blame an obviously struggling person for trying to explain her point in a more polite way than others could manage in that situation.
@@echo_ester u r the epitome of kissing ass sza doesn’t know who u r
I wholeheartedly believe teenagers who pull the “I’m a minor!” “You’re so much older than me and you’re mad??” card whenever they’re in the wrong are horrible people. Felt this way since I was a teenager myself.
only last so long lol those folks have a hard time growing up with their peers
LITERALLY... if you believe that you're a kid on the internet and thus people are in the wrong for talking to you... get OFF the internet.
i mean i wouldn't even consider 18 to be a child anymore. they can work a job, drive a car, and vote, but somehow can't hold themselves accountable during a conversation???? im speechless
She's not even a minor thou she's 18 so a legal adult in most countries
@@nebulabear9714they’re people who have never been told off by their parents. If their parents ever told them “no” they would be unable to cope. They expect the internet to be the same.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, if someone says ‘your actions hurt me’ you, at least, acknowledge this and hopefully apologize.
Maturity and self awareness comes with age. Sometimes not at all.
Imagine your grandma says you upset her and you’re like YOURE OLD GRAMS TOO BAD
@@elle_rose_xxlmaooooooo.
Hilarious and yet childish at the same time. Sis is basking in the attention. Like the stereotypical mean girl. Sza gave her too much respect by acknowledging her existence. Should've blocked her after she said her initial peace. But I guess Sza was feeling down at the time and she was just the person she happen to open up to. Sad all around.
No if someone is saying your actions hurt them when your actions were well intentioned and you weren't responsible for the hurt caused to the person in the first place then apologizing is so stupid.
It doesn't work for every situation.
"You're arrested for murder."
"Your actions hurt me!"
"I'm sorry!!!!!"
she told on herself immediately with her response: she deleted SZA’s comment bc she was embarrassed. she couldn’t just be wrong and apologize to a REAL PERSON who was hurt and spoke to her respectfully and as an equal. she felt shame so she tried to get external validation with this type of response
Exactly 💯💯
exactly
Its like she took sza's response as a personal attack, like girl, she was just hurt. If you said sorry and took it down sza wouldnt hate you because its not personal. But NOW she probably doesnt like you very much cuz you doubled down and started being mean!
She has a RIGHT to think someone is whack. She also has the RIGHT to joke.
Does someone need to be part of a separate class or committee in order to have opinions?? Is D'Angelo part of that special class, or can I demand he takedown his videos too??
@realtalk6195 and SZA has a right to respond to that as well. Honestly, just because you have the right to do something, doesn't mean you should do it. There is such a thing as being a decent human being and maybe not making fun of people.
I feel like SZA’s intent was to express kindness and empathy (and the lack there of) and to have a genuine conversation. The TikTok girl’s post came across as extremely dismissive and disingenuous. She proved SZA’s point in her response: We lack empathy. You don’t have to like everything a celebrity does and sure, it’s your right to post about it. But do you need to tag them? And to make it worse, do you need to invalidate their feelings if they reach out to you?
Idk I can see sza side and how she was hurt and understand that but I just think it's odd that she would have her friends (or at least allow them to) text this kid and keep sending message after message unprovoked to this girl (the first message would've been enough, and if it wasn't then that should've been a clear sign to sza that arguing with this fan will get you no where). I understand being hurt and having feelings but it's hard for me to understand why it would turn into borderline harassment so quickly 😭😂
Sza should have just blocked her ass and moved on, she is an Adult.
@@iinehstiam I am not saying that Adults shouldn't have feelings but instead that theh should learn to control those feelings and grow from them. That's all I am saying.
@@shenadarling50k
@@shenadarling50bruh
My take: The girl absolutely wanted SZA to see her post--which is why she tagged her--but she was _hoping_ that SZA would react like "Haha nice joke, you're referencing an old meme and I see you and appreciate you" so she was really taken aback by the "Actually that meme really messed with my mental, and you recreating it like this is bringing back a lot of bad feelings"
And rather than sit there and feel ashamed that she inadvertently hurt somebody's feelings, she tried to spin it so that what she did was okay actually, and just kept digging the hole instead of admitting she was at fault. Like, she literally admits "I deleted SZA's comment because I was embarrassed" (5:30) so she _knew_ she was in the wrong, but she was trying to hide from that instead of own up to it. And I totally get that, it's _hard_ to admit you're wrong, and caused harm without meaning to, even under normal circumstances, but when it's a person that you look up to it's so much worse.
So I think that I understand where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean she's any less wrong, or that SZA reacted inappropriately.
what are the chances of her seeing it though lmao
This to me is the core of it. People cannot in this day and age ever be wrong. They'd rather die than admit "yeah that was wack I'm sorry"
@@strayiggytv Oh hah no that was always an issue. There are always those people in a generation who refuse to admit theyre wrong or will admit that they need to back down. Ever.
Every generation has them. And every generation hates them.
this. she acted defensively rather than owning up to the mistake and deleting the damn post. just goes to show how much the incident embarrassed this girl.
really good analysis! i agree completely
Sza in Ghost in the Machine specifically says “Drowning in vanity, Y’all lack humanity, I need humanity.” She was directly addressing people like this “fan”
I literally thought of Ghost in the Machine listening to this. Imagine saying you’re a fan of her music and her and then invalidating her feelings and bullying her for your 15 seconds of tiktok fame
Yes, I immediately thought of this song. “Can you hate on me and mask it with laughter?”
yeah not a real fan if she didn't make the connection
sza reached out in private… and that girl tried to downplay sza’s reaction and make herself look innocent. sza is innocent that girl has some issues
Sza is 100% right in this situation. Some of y’all need to put yourself in other peoples shoes and see how your actions can affect people. This isn’t even a celebrity thing. This can literally be a friend telling you “hey I don’t really like what you said it triggered me and it made me feel bad” you as a friend should apologize.
Girl: sza wack
Sza: you hurt me
Girl: I’m sorry it was just a joke lol
Sza: *writes angry millennial essay
@@C0astinG4merand throughout the whole interaction her “fan” was posting about it online and leaking the dms yeah Sza is 100% right
@@jenni3764 no sza doesn’t understand what the “internet” is. Grow tougher skin, period
@@jenni3764 sza was literally in her public insta story, chill
People are taking this sort of behaviour far past just the internet, so no sorry, compassion is becoming a very real rare thing because clout and attention matters more to most nowadays.
@@C0astinG4mer
I think the fact that SZA is able to express her very real emotions makes her much more genuine and kind. Not out of touch like a bunch of other celebrities.
tru. she looks so cool... after this i just wanna listen to her music!!
D'Angelo is a vegan and he even said that miss Karen aka that vegan teacher is better than God 😮😮😮
@@ville__ im vegan :D is very cool
@@ville__ the vegan teacher is actually pretty chill when shes not in character and this is coming from a non vegan
@@ville__ what does that have to do with anything
Imagine being accused of lacking empathy, immediately displaying that you lack empathy, on camera, and then continuing on as if you’re in the right. I hope both sides of this person’s pillow are warm for the rest of their life.
She was really giving me Mean Girls/Heathers vibes. It was disgusting to see someone actually acting like this in real life.
It's too late, it's over, she will be cursed with a warm pillow for the rest of her life, actions have consequences@@KaleighCee
@@Bunbunamor Not much better. If they have a curse that makes all their owned pillows warm for the rest of their life, every new pillow they buy will end up warm.
Meaning if they want a cool pillow they need to buy a new one every time.
They will go broke in their search for a cool pillow. Truly heinous
@@KaleighCee well she clearly doesnt learn from this one, and this is a callout from presumably one of her favorite artist too
if one of your presumambly favorite person calling you out dont do jackshit,i dont know what will
@@KaleighCeeshe’s not *that* young, 18 year olds are not clueless children, she should know better
the "i'm just 18"/"you're 15 years older than me"-type response is a trend in fandom discourse circles as well and tends to be a form of deflection of the issue back onto the accuser, like "why would a grown adult be beefing with me instead of doing their taxes or going to their day job." I've seen it used to justify and deflect MUCH worse things than this, and it makes me wonder if the person who posted the meme has history in deeper fandom, or if that's just becoming a gen z thing to do (disclaimer: i am also gen z)
pick me choose me there are better things to do online than pick fights with 18 y/o’s. those are children to you at 30
@@ThheSocialage doesn’t matter and at 18 you are a legal adult not a child , she started it and should be able to handle someone clapping back with the same energy
@@ThheSocialThere are better things to do than reply to damn near every single comment on this video bruv
Yep it's the "I'm literally neurodivergent and a minor"
She’s 18, not 8. She wants to act this way she gets treated this way, that’s how the internet works and she should know this since she likely grew up on this. Either she shuts her mouth and get out of the way or act like a snobby 10 year old.
I cant imagine the lack of self awareness to hear yourself say "gurrrl it was just a joke take a chill pill 🤪" in this context and not realize how mean and nastly she sounds. Giggling and cackling and then privating everything just proves she herself couldnt handle the "jokes" or critisisms herself. The definition of mess around and find out!
As someone with anxiety I usually shut down instead of expressing myself. I think SZA was brave to try to explain her feelings and get the young lady to feel some empathy.
I have severe anxiety as well & also an artist, this would DESTROY me, I'm lucky to have a lot of friends who always support me and r like a "meat shield" when ppl come after me. LOL I'ts inspiring to see SZA stand up for herself. I'm gonna start standing up for myself too so my friends don't have to protect me all the time.
agreed, and if she was someone like you in that way, imagine mustering up that courage only to be slammed online and told she's being a wuss. Like what is that, if someone feels a certain way how are we to judge that, we dk how hard it was to even get that out there. I totally agree dude I'm just like what you described too
Exactly what I was coming down to the comments to say. People with anxiety will usually and understandably shut down when insulted, so I have to give her credit for standing up for herself.
@@alfiona7951someone saying you’re wack would DESTROY you? am i missing something? like is this another level of bullying where wack is actually a harmful insult cause I was called much worse and survived. idgi
@@Eddysigin real life we don’t “muster up the courage to be slammed online,” you just close your phone if you don’t like what you see. it’s really easy. she’s literally just an artist, all of us deal with criticism and you need to differentiate between who’s opinion is valuable to you and who won’t matter in 5 minutes. how is an artist like sza going to proceed if every time someone simply says “you’re wack” she crumbles?? idgi, that’s not even bullying?? like fr i don’t understand
Her age, nominations and awards don’t take away from the fact that she’s a HUMAN BEING with feelings and emotions.
I totally agree with your take here, the way this "fan" talked about and even *to* SZA was so disrespectful. I feel like what plays into this too is how the culture on social media prioritizes being sassy and "winning" the argument for internet points over having a genuine human conversation where you're able to admit faults and come to understand one another and I think that's really visible in how that girl handled the whole situation.
Didn't ask +Who cares anyway btw I'm better than D'Angelo , 💀
100% agree with you. Everyone is trying to snatch a slice of that internet fame pie, and see others coming out with allegations as their ticket.
D'Angelo is a vegan and he even said that miss Karen aka that vegan teacher is better than God 😮😮😮
this is a perfect way to describe this! she was obviously trying to "clap back" to seem like she won an argument rather than connecting with SZA and treating her with basic empathy.
Being as vulnerable and honest with a random fan as she was says a lot about SZA
Yes it actually gave me a very good impression of SZA as a person, she was trying to be very open and vulnerable about how this affected her and she couldn’t even get a sorry, instead she got attacked.
it makes me so sad, like her actively seeing her fan as an actual person who made a mistake just for her to shit all over it which in turn will make her not want to talk to actual real fans who will validate her feelings
People seem to forget that SZA used to struggle with stage freight MAJORLY back at the start of her fame. The SOS tour has been a huge step for her in that and we can understand how recreating a meme that has caused hurt for her back then could send her back into that mindset of not feeling good enough when performing.
And again that’s a her a problem, not a fan problem
@@JessieP07 you dont deserve to go to her concert if you dont respect her.
@@JessieP07Your lack of sympathy, empathy, or compassion is only a you problem, yet you’ve chosen to also make it everyone else’s problem by publicly displaying it online.
@@JessieP07 ??? It is a fan problem if they literally _made_ that problem. Learn accountability.
@@JessieP07Obviously it’s her problem since she’s dealing with it, but that doesn’t mean other people have a right to make her problem worse or try to invalidate it.
SZA reached out privately tho???? Like girl, all the publicity is YOUR fault bc you posted the dms 💀💀
EXACTLYY
I wonder how much that video affected her if she privately, personally DM'ed one single person.
Like... it seems like Sza is under a lot of pressure, which makes sense if she is on tour. I hear those are very stressful.
her original comment was public tho and had everybody responding to it??? so???
@@ttums23And???? Didn't the girl delete it?
@@ttums23Yeah and this slope bitch deleted it to make herself look like a victim. Hopefully she gets humiliated and forced to experience what real lack of empathy means.
this girl gives highschool mean girl vibes so so much
100%
If there was a power imbalance that made her so uncomfortable then why did she proceed to manipulate it by publicly broadcasting these DMs? What motive other than internet points and attention did she have to do that? She started the clip mockingly laughing saying 'how I live knowing [I willfully triggered Sza's anxiety, repeatedly showcased my agism, and got super defensive about it]'.
Sza gave a teachable moment on a silver platter but instead of listening this girl tried to get the internet to mean girl her. Its just weird and gross.
SZA had every right to defend herself as any other human would. Age is not an excuse to be a bully.
Yep same goes to for all those who constantly remind Nicki that’s she’s 40 😆
I have anxiety and personally I think SZA was really brave for expressing how she feels. Trying to do that myself is the kind of thing that leaves me curled up in a ball on the floor.
I was diagnosed with regressive anxiety back in 2015 (I'm old as heck and belong to geriatrics according to D'Angelo lol), and I just don't see how my anxiety would make me talk about my feelings, especially with a random 18y.o. on the internet who thinks she's funny or whatever the hell she thought when she decided to post those DMs....People see us the way they want to see us, and most of the time you can't do anything about it - is discussing my anxiety with someone who doesn't seem to validate anyone's feelings going to help me feel better about it? Absolutely not.
What does make me feel better is knowing who I am among all that noise that anxiety episodes make in my head and all the intrusive doom thoughts, and knowing who I want to be. Convincing a stranger to spare your feelings won't make you feel less anxious, but will spike that anxiety to the roof, IMHO. Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings, and that's it. And when you're a celeb, you can't expect that everyone will like you or be all PC with you....People are not PC in general, and internet trolls will always be trolling for attention or for whatever troll treats they're in for
I think though, where SZA went wrong is opening herself up to a random fan. Like, talk to your loved ones, bring it up in therapy, but you can't just open yourself up to anyone. Maybe that's my overthinking anxiety talking, but, I can't imagine reacting the way SZA did. I don't think what she did was wrong by any stretch, but, not a good way to spend your time.
Can't really disagree that it likely wasn't the best decision to make, but ultimately we don't know what was going through SZA's head. All I know is that anxiety can really mess with my logical thinking and reasoning, so I ain't going to speculate on what she was thinking.@@annamelvina216
@@annamelvina216my exact thoughts. post an open letter, make a general statement about it… but don’t go after one random fan. and the fan’s reaction to sza was unfair (especially the chill pill comment) but i agree sza should not have singled her out, or kept sending dms, because now she is getting backlash for what was originally intended as a harmless joke. i see where sza is coming from as someone with anxiety but i don’t really think that
fan was being malicious when she posted it.
Radical honestly is so freaking hard. I feel so bad that this whole thing happened in the end. Hopefully she does the therapy thing and can talk to someone about it.
Okay now I’m dw tangling myself from all that. But it’s rough. That’s rough buddy. (@ sza)
Ummm. If anything it’s refreshing to see sza being so human. How could a “fan” not listen and appreciate her honesty and vulnerability 😭
I've recently been in a friend group conflict where the main matter was me feeling anxious due to communication issues and invalidated regarding those feelings, and I gotta say.... this video resonated SO MUCH with me. Obviously I'm not famous, and the situation has it's nuances in particular, but after so much ruminating over why I feel this way, if I should even feel this way, or if I'm expressing those feelings the "right way": the part where you talk about tone policing regarding anxious people was such a breath of sanity. These days it feels like people know too many mental health terms and too little about what they really encompass, so they will act accepting about disorders and other issues in the open, but as soon as the "ugly" part of an issue appears they will throw that through the window
@@kwhodostuff5504 thank you! Honestly I'm still coming to terms that I don't fit in that circle anymore, and I'm still in their group right now to not be impulsive and also because I can just be there without not participating at all. Starting therapy helped me a lot to see how reality is and be less stuck in a wave of thoughts inside my head. I guess it's a process, considering I went from constantly wondering if my feelings were valid and should be considered, to noticing contradictions in their own judgement (such as: calling out someone's old friend group for reasons that are exactly like how I'm being treated), to noticing pointing contradictions is of no use because they simply will stick to their opinion, to seeing how they basically do a collective action of splitting (every now and then, someone they would adore magically becomes a burden in the group). Hopefully all turns out okay and I can find a friend group where I fit better in.
Survived a friend group like this where I never voiced any problems I genuinely had- real healthy friends won’t always be perfect at communicating with you, and you still might lose people, but they’ll try for you.
Making sure to work on being healthy enough for the people you want to belong with is also hard but I believe in you- when people trust you to have inherent worth to them by being you, you start to have to learn how to trust them too. Good luck finding ur people 😊
Hi I just wanna say this comment reply made my day, your words were touching, thank you ! ❤️
Yaw know SZA is not in the wrong. She is a HUMAN and she needs to be treated that way
Didn't ask +Who cares anyway btw I'm better than D'Angelo , 💀
@@ville__girl bye 2021 ass humor
who r u LMAOOO
@@ville__
@@sicuit first warning
@@ville__warning for what ?
I'm 43, I'm highly sensitive, have severe anxiety, and have c-ptsd. I 1000% agree with Sza. That fan absolutely gave bully energy. There is nothing wrong with calmly expressing your feelings and seeking to enlighten someone who may need a reminder of others' humanity.
she didn't really give "bully energy" imo, she just seemed to want to justify her own actions and to an extent i see where she's coming from (i.e. "sorry but it was a joke, i thought it was okay because it's a popular meme in the fandom") but her shit like "you need to work on yourself" is so... Eugh
@@the-postal-dudeyou probably see where she’s coming from because you’re young and act like her or think like her to a certain extent
@@saeedamuk918 nah i just understand that being defensive is in human nature and that she didn't initially mean anything by "sza wack"
@@the-postal-dudejustifying hurting someone's feelings is absolutely bully energy
@@the-postal-dudea non-bully, would have expressed in the DMs that she didn't realize it hurt her feelings back then and if she did she wouldn't have made it and that she was sorry. (If they really felt the need to justify hurting someone's feelings in the first place) A bully attempts to drag somebody and tone police them when they express their feelings.
16:10 Angelo’s discussion about over explaining and trying to justify your anxiety really summarizes it perfectly.
Love this breakdown. If you at any point feel like you can be mean to someone just off the strength that they’re a celebrity, especially after they’ve personally reached out to you to tell you how it’s made them feel shitty, you absolutely lack empathy & it goes beyond just internet meme culture atp. SZA is more than open about her self-esteem issues & insecurities in her music. Seems strange to me that a “fan” wouldn’t empathize with her even more so considering the subject matter of most of her art.
but like was the original post, even mean? and if so, it is one’s responsibility to protect yourself from hate, especially a celebrity like sza. she knows how hateful omments can get yet she gets oddly defensive about an obvious joke a fan tagged her in, obviously hinting towards nice intentions, and projecting insecurities onto her about her anxiety and ahit like shes almost 30 and MADDD SUCCESSFUL one of the most successful artists of the decade and she cant take 1 minuscule joke??? shes unserious and needs to get a life and get off insta if its that serious
@@Mari-vc5zn I definitely see where you’re coming from although I personally thought that tagging sza was intentional, mean-spirited & not at all “nice intentions” but to each their own. I can see ppl thinking nothing more of the post than a lighthearted & comical internet meme and that’s fine. Where it goes a step further imo is the fact that sza actually reached out expressing how hurtful & detrimental the post was to her and she not only kept the post up but deleted sza’s comment on said post…weird. So at that point whether you believe she’s being overly sensitive or not, the decent thing to do would be to delete it. It goes beyond being a fan, it’s just about being a decent person. To quote the great Eryka Badu “keep in mind I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my ish”…I imagine most artists feel the same way. Being famous/successful doesn’t disqualify you of having feelings and caring about others’ opinions of you. If anything I’d imagine it ramps that anxiety up. SZA isn’t dumb, she knows how the internet works but I’m sure she thought that the person on the other side of that DM (especially since they call themselves a fan of hers) would empathize with her and show some grace but alas. I agree that staying off the internet is probably best for highly sensitive people in the public eye but she’s allowed to speak on how she feels regardless.
@@Mari-vc5zn grow up
@@nicolen3146 Wow these comments, particularly this one, are so amazingly respectful and articulate 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I hate how she tried to hide before her age because if my 7 year old nephew made joke at me and if i say it hurt my feeling, he would immediately apologize. So her being 18 and not acting empathetic is all on her, not her age.
I feel like older “teens” (technically adults) use this excuse A LOT. And I don’t mean all of them. I wasn’t like that. But I literally had a 19 year old act inappropriately towards me when I was 21 and she pulled the “I’m only 19” which was really upsetting for me since I was really really hurt by what she did. Not only did she pull that card, she also pulled the “I’m an adult” card I can do what I want in the same breath. And a lot of our peers just went with it to not rock the boat. Mind you rocking the boat was saying you disagree with a sexual predator, but I digress… 18 years old is too old to be a little shit and not care about others. Like you said, even actual CHILDREN are more empathetic than that.
I honestly feel, just like D'Angelo mentioned, as if she learned these big words and general narrative and tried to get her way with it - right now we're often talking about power imbalance, problematic age differences, protecting the youth etc. so she was trying to use it to her advantage, thinking it'll stick
yes i was a nanny for a few years and that’s honestly how i guided their behavior. explaining to a child their actions can have negative consequences/truly hurt someone within the lens of assuming good intentions, really affected them in a healthy way. cause they’re just small kids figuring it out! they don’t want to hurt, mock, behave unkindly. then they can course correct and learn about taking accountability.
so at the end of they day- 18 is far too old to respond to hurt feelings by hijacking the narrative and crying immaturity. at a certain point, you are just a bully. and thats sad. 🤷♀️
The craziest thing about people using the, "your old, why are you responding to this stupid thing I said about you," excuse is that anyone who says this is admitting that their behavior is immature as hell. It's the biggest self-report.
Yeah, being a teen doesn’t excuse being an a$$hole
@@kuritheking it’s definitely not, especially if ur indirectly admitting that u know the behavior is immature. If u can recognize how childish and stupid your behavior is, you should know enough not to do it.
Also, the fan said she's 18, and that's old enough to get sued without getting gaurdians involved.
It’s either “you’re old, why are you responding to a minor” or “why are you ignoring me? See you’ve got nothing to say”
Also 18?
I would understand more the person using this argument if they were 13 or something, but 18???
Being 18 and lacking this much emotional intelligence is sad.
As someone who would’ve reacted similarly to sza. I think it’s unfair to expect everyone to just be strong and ignore every single hate comment. Just because she was being “extra” about it doesn’t take away the fact that she is a human person and has feelings. Some people can ignore that shit and some can’t and since she kept her composure by not cussing her out, continuing to thank her and trying keeping it private I don’t think she was in the wrong in any way and it’s not fair to shit on her just cause she couldn’t ignore it.
This is why you can't blame celebrities who avoid interacting in a personal level with the general public or even with their fans. 🤷🏻♀️
It's because of "fans" like her who feed on the attention and narcissism, turn the tables to overpower the celebrities, and make the encounter problematic. Thanks, now we all have lesser nice things in this world. 😑
THIS!! But I hate that half of those people are the same ones who complain “celebrities and artists are so disconnected and never interact with their fans!”
This is the epitome of why these famous people don’t wanna interact or be open.
@@thechurchofchannie8833 💯
people treating a black woman talking about how she felt as a ''mental breakdown'' or telling her to chill does not sit right for me.
This
Facts because I bet if it was Taylor swift people would be rushing to defend her honor and feelings.
Also mocking a black woman's grammar is... hm..
Say it with me now fellas!
Racism!
@@NeRotheactivist Its very common for black women to have their emotions belittled and mocked. Seen as hysterical or the "angry loud black woman"
Like how the fan started with, an angry rant for an hour, when SZa was just like: Hey. I am having anxiety here.
And the one comment saying SZa had a manic meltdown.
Like. Nah
Lol this girl is wild. SZA explained it really well how it makes her feel and the girl starts her reply with “girl please, im just 18” 💀
'Girl please, I'm too young for empathy.' That fan is either really bad under pressure or really dopey. Her responses were so thoughtless, repetitive and insulting.
She literally doesn’t have any empathy 😭
And everyone on twitter is clowning on SZA
@@katet8639wait fr i thought twt was on her side
@@soraya131 Yeah, I just typed in ''SZA'' and so many people are mocking her or saying she is dramatic. Luckily, on many post about this controversy, there are people defending SZA too, but most are just fans. I don't get why she is being mocked?
D’Angelo will probably never see this but if you do, I am so proud of you and the person you’ve become. I’ve watched your videos for a long time now and I’m really really refreshed by your level-headed takes on things and your balance for respect of others and the rights we have. Thanks for coming back because the world really needs voices like yours!
Its so interesting to me how many times the age card is played when minors/younger people feel entitled to act a certian way. I remember this other "internet drama" about two families fighting over a fence and the youngest of one family was spraying the other family with water and getting in their faces and being all agro. The second the other family tried to defend themselves, the person went "you cant touch me! Im a minor!"
It seems to me like there has grown this culture of entitlement to act in insensitive and rude ways without consequence because of your age. Made all the worse by the Internet which feels so unreal sometimes. It feels like empathy is lacking with these actions.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. Just bc Sza may have been acting extra doesn’t mean she was wrong. She was genuinely hurt. She wasn’t being rude at all or “going after her.” The fact that this girl decided to justify and minimize her actions instead of validating sza’s feelings and apologizing says a lot about her character. Its sad that so many people are defending her. People feel so entitled to treat celebrities like shit because they’re famous. When she brought up the “power imbalance” I was speechless. Like bffr.
Also jumping straight to her "i'm only a child" card as soon as she was called out and had to take a tiny bit of accountability for her actions 🤧
Saying sorry is literally a free action. There is no reason not to do it if you make someone feel bad about themself, ESPECIALLY over a joke.
SZA describing the response as lacking in humanity and/or empathy feels really spot on to me.
I used to be one of those edgy, non-apology people and it was bad and toxic. I would rather say I'm sorry even if the other person shares blame, because I can't control their accountability, I can control mine and I don't set out to hurt people.
Exactly!! Like if you hurt someone INTENTIONALLY or UNINTENTIONALLY you should apologize
Especially if you were a fan like if any of the celebs I like actually reached out to me like this I’d apologize like it’s not that deep
Ugh thank you for talking about the age thing. It's infuriating to me when people act like teenagers are incapable of verbal/emotional abuse or bullying. They absolutely are. Yeah, their brains aren't finished developing, but that doesn't absolve them of responsibility. We need to get rid of this narrative that teenagers are only ever innocent beans, sure there are many situations in which they can be taken advantage of, but it's not always the case.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 💁🏻♀️ she wanted Sza’s attention, she got it.
I think this woman is chronically online and has seen that we’ve been calling out bad power dynamics between celebrities/influencers and their fans. So she thought we’d all back her up with that “power imbalance” when this is legitimately a human coming to another human. Sza didn’t attack her on her on account. She simply commented on the post and she was super respectful. This woman could’ve just apologised for hurting her. Christ.
She wanted to say it’s a common “joke” in the fandom, so maybe Sza has seen this over and over and this was finally the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe it was the only time she’s seen it. Either way, I hope her fanbase recognises her problem with it and literally stop making that “joke”/call out any fans who use it. 💗
I also thought the girl was so chronically online in the worst way. While some people believe a person who is "chronically online" is just stupid, there are also those who are chronically online who have spent their entire lives on the internet looking at memes and funny videos, and view life as a joke when in reality life is just not a joke. The way she reacted with her initial tiktok was also a huge indicator of Gen Z who is chronically online and feels the need to announce to the world about sum as simple as SZA dming her. This is just sad, no one should view life like this and this makes me believe that every human should have a certain time limit when exploring the internet. Younger millennials can be an example in a way but a lot of Gen Z are taking the cake (I am from Generation Z too so no I am not hating my generation), this is so worrisome looking at how addicted the alpha "iPad" generation is being raised at the moment.
i just want to know why the people who stay posting about sza constantly lying ARENT getting any hate??
@anafano1613 Couldn't agree more. I'm kind of in between the millennial gen z divide, and I have these exact worries. And the line between what's realistic and what's been festering online is blurring in some ways. Hopefully maturity is all we need
@@anafano1613It is so worrying as people have the same approach to personal problems. Instead of talking in private, they do "call-out" style social media posts.
This girl is clearly just trying to get under her skin. In her long response she was even typing like SZA (spaces around punctuation, which is obviously intentional because the girl pointed it out in her TikTok video.) And then signing with a heart emoji. She is just continuing to mock someone who is telling her they are hurt, while insincerely saying she's a fan... it's classic immature bully behavior.
As an ancient 30 year old posting from my nursing home who hadn't heard of this drama and honestly had never even heard of who SZA was before this, here are my thoughts.
The fan was in the wrong. The only appropriate response to someone saying to you "hey that thing you posted hurt my feelings" is "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that at all. I'll delete it". The end.
You dont make fun of someone for expressing their feelings, come after them for their age, and post the entire private conversation online acting like you are the victim. While the initial meme was fairly harmless, everything she did after that was not.
As a 44 yr old posting from my coffin, thank you posting this and saving me from doing it. Everything you have put is perfect. 👏👏👏
I believe I've seen you at bingo? 30 year old neighbor, confirming this sentiment, fan is weird for this.
the fact that she also deleted SZA's comment...
loved SZA & now ❤++ @ any age 💜🎶
Elderly 28 year old here agreeing from my rocking chair 😂
Your interpretation of gen z’s perspective of reality is so apt and conscientious 🙌🏼 those from older gens are highly aware that what you post on the internet can have very real repercussions, maybe because we lived in a time when face to face contact was the norm (not via internet). I adore gen z’s vigilance to bringing light to many social issues but I think realizing this would help their voices be so much stronger.
Im trying to find the exact moment I want to clip it and show other people like that was an eye opener
You know what’s wild? My mom (a boomer btw) used to say I wasn’t ‘acting my age’ when I was honest about feeling hurt or something in situations almost similar to what SZA had go on. Gosh, really appreciate your vids and takes. ❤
she wanted to look so cool from getting a celebrity to "hate" her but now look at her... hundreds of thousands of people are not on her side. girly girl is cooked 💀
My experience with being a fat cosplayer with a presence online has taught me that there’s no point in trying to teach shitty people online how empathy works
@@Bunbunamor I don’t consider doja cat to be at war with her followers, I think she’s having a very public mental breakdown and self destructing due to the pressures of fame and having tons of people’s income dependent on her + now having enough money to get access to all of the most unhealthy coping mechanisms she could want. Plus having a bunch of rabid fans shouting about how they gave her everything and she wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them. Plus like, that’s not actually how good art gets made. If you’re pandering to the audience and the dollar, you’re probably not making good art. It’s like we don’t understand that all of this noise and publicity and lack of privacy is actively having a negative impact on her, like we don’t think she’s a fallible human being. And we all just talk about how we’re going to stop giving her money and attention, which would ultimately probably be good for her mental health. But we won’t actually do it. Like it’s Brittany spears all over again, just flashing cameras while she publicly melts down, yelling about what a mess she is. It seems like a living hell and I’m glad I wasn’t famous or rich during any of my destructive spirals. It would have been better if I had had food and stable housing, though. And I guess that’s why I’m supposed to hate doja, because she has money and I don’t
@@shamedgeekyWow. Nice take on both situations.
@@shamedgeekyEveryone goes through mental struggles and fame seems more than capable of amplifying that. I think your statement about celebrities and how fame could affect their mental state is extremely valid.
@@VenusIsOnline I think that entertainment serves as a smokescreen for the actual 1%, who have enough money to really change the world. Like they could end hunger in America tomorrow, but then they wouldn’t be able to sit on top of us all. So they introduce celebrities making enough money to make us jealous, and then we treat the celebrities like their lack of privacy is a fair cost to pay for their level of financial comfort. Like, I don’t think doja cat is the best person or anything, but she’s not the cause of our nations ills.
I stopped posting videos with my full body on my account
She deleted her comment because by her own admission, she was embarrassed. She was embarrassed because she knew she did something wrong.
I think the situations weird on the fans part, considering that sza’s music tends to delve into some of the insecurities she has as a lover(i.e garden say it like dat) or even a song as recent as ghost in a machine. Where she explains that she needs humanity. It’s just odd to say that you’re fan and not acknowledge that sza is a person with emotions and that your actions were harmful. Especially, when her emotional and sensitive side is so embedded in her music and makes up a portion of her artistic identity. It’s just strange that being a public persona now negates you from allowing to express yourself as a human being.
It’s not about your intentions, it’s about the effect the person felt. It took me a long time to realize that. Even if she didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, oh well she did, and all she needs to do is apologize, but we got this instead. Such a shame.
"you stepped on my foot, that really hurt" "well i didnt MEAN to step on your foot, so i didnt do anything wrong :]" okay but their foot still hurts though?? thats the way i always think of it 😭
I will remember this and use it in appropriate situations, thank you for the way you word it
impact > intent always
@@glasstablegcrls100%
Perfectly said.
Sza did nothing wrong by pointing out that they’re human. People who go “get used to it” are numbed to empathy toward celebs. This girl is just sharing the dms bc she wants clout. I really don’t like when people invalidate and turn things around
*they, but facts
@@kalekoiis SZA non binary? I did a lot of googling and I can’t find a single reference to pronouns other than She/her or SZA being NB anywhere.
@@ClurTaylor oh nah not to my knowledge, i was referring to the “”fan””
They let me out the nursing home to watch this.
I love your videos. I love learning about people and you really explained emotions well, which is hard.
It's really helpful to be reminded that people aren't perfect and can make mistakes, and how emotions can effect people in the moment.
it's insane that people put celebrities so high on a pedestal that they don't even consider them human anymore.
As a clinical social worker/ therapist, I so passionately agree about the overly used psych words. Another one I don't like is "narcissist." People are out here accusing everyone who ever hurt them of having a pretty serious and real personality disorder.
Edit cuz also, I thought D's take was perfect. Its a bit different than fame, but I work with poor and wealthy folks in my little town. Anxiety doesn't discriminate because people have more.
as well as ppl w NPD not being inherently evil anyway
They always say 'I didn't mean the disorder, I meant the trait' but they damn well know they're hinting at a condition with heavy stigma and it's annoying.
@@alexanderh8129yep 100% that and cluster b personality types(bpd, npd, etc) are so much more likely to be abused, and the stigma is 100%making it worse
@@vampire7240 Oh for SURE! It gets my goat because people who have NPD were ALSO typically mistreated/ poorly attached in childhood - their personalities just maladjusted in a different way. At this point, I don't think I would even use it as a diagnosis - probably just focus on symptoms instead of putting a label like that on somebody cuz I know the first thing folks do when they leave the clinic is google their diagnosis.
Yes!! I think what they forget is that those terms are supposed to be accompanied with empathy and understanding. Even the most difficult mental disorders are still treatable when approached from the right direction.
Every time I think I’m horribly online, Twitter reminds me I’m nowhere near the time it takes to know about this and feel strongly about it
Same
Like. Who is Sza? Who is this person. What is happening??? When did it start?? What do you mean its meltdown worthy-
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 listen to kill bill by sza that's all im gonna say
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 sza is a music celebrity
idk about anything else
@@elvingearmasterirma7241ehhh you don't really have to be chronically online to know who Sza is
@@elvingearmasterirma7241not knowing who sza is doesn’t mean ur offline it js means you live under a rock or don’t listen to either A. r&b or B. women r&b
Knowing that this happened is pretty upsetting. Solana has such a beautiful energy about her... And to be met with such a disingenuous person trying their damnedest to make you out to be crazy... That's got to be frustrating ASF.
The thing is as a true SZA fan you wouldn't do anything like this because of how hard we had to fight for more music in the first place. The hurtful "meme" almost retired her once upon a time. Also SZA is notoriously understanding and she wants the people who calls themselves her fans to be understanding and empathetic.
people trying to pull "I'm a minor" card after they turn 18 will never not be funny
even if they were a minor it doesnt excuse them of this weird behaviour
@@chaeryeong991 true but it's still funny when adults do it
“Im JUST 18” and yet you’re now a legal adult and can vote, congrats! Now take responsibility and get outta here
@@yukiandkanamekuranYou can vote but can't drink.
@Frutebrute69 Yes, it is. It goes to show how inconsistent our society is when it comes to whether or not we consider young people "grown" or not. We can't have our cake and eat it too.
As someone who got bullied, making fun of you getting angry or just reacting bothered is such a bully thing. Its awful because you feel so powerless afterwards. Like no matter what you do, you can't stop people from being mean to you, and youre also so embarrassing because you're "overreacting".
This girls TikTok really gave me these vibes. And while I think her acting this way is just an immature coping mechanism for getting called out (she even needs her friend to back her up, i think deep down shes just insecure about this), I think its good that we talk about the nuances of mental health and how to handle situations like this.
I haven’t even watch the video but I feel like I’m agreeing with what your saying ✊😂
Causes I be hattinggg when someone does something “bullyish” but they don’t think it’s bullying and be saying they was just “joking” but then the person they were doing it towards reacts and gets hurt. then they be saying and calling them sensitive for not being able to take a “joke” and all that and I hate that sht 🙄
Exactly. I remember being bullied as a kid and I got the feeling that most of them thought I was in on the "joke" (no matter how mean-spirited and cruel) but also they will laugh if they think you're bothered by it -mostly because I saw it happen to other kids. Of course, there were others who were obviously looking to make you cry from the get-go or just didn't care, but I do think you're right about it being a coping mechanism in this specific instance. I don't think the joke started off mean spirited, but the response certainly was. Even as an adult close to SZA's age, I don't know the proper way to respond to these types of situations, or even if you SHOULD.
W take
I feel so bad for SZA, she seems like such a sweet person and she doesn’t deserve that girl’s attitude towards her after SZA was literally just holding the so called fan accountable!
You know D'Angelo, I really feel, as a "Gen X" person or something, that what you are describing is true to almost all people, except for those who really can't manage phones and tablets. Human communication has become such a lonely thing, this world feels impossible to survive 💔 And this is coming from someone who loves technology and is pretty geeky. I just also love to make conversations and hearing people's voices, and worst of all- leave massages! I used to be an activist in pretty hard core places and situations,and life was always, at the very least, not easy. But at least it was human 😢
Fellow Gen X here and agree with you 100%! All things I'm thinking as well ❤
Millennial here and the way you described how this world feels impossible to survive resonated with me because that's exactly how I feel ,like especially in this Instagram tic TOC Twitter world because I refuse to go on any of those massively popular websites and I know I'm missing out on a lot but something inside of me won't let me go on those sites because maybe it's trying to protect my mind from all of the stupidity or whatever but I can't do it no I actually refuse to do it .. because that's when I might get so caught up on Instagram that I might wonder into traffic not paying attention to reality and then Bam I'm dead .. id rather talk to a person face to face then on Instagram nah I'm good ...
honestly, this girl accusing SZA of overreacting when she’s the one posting private dms really shows her level of maturity
Literally could have kept it private but she felt so entitled and famous 😂
Can we just take a moment to admire D'Angelo's fashion sense though! The coordination of the hat, frames, and nail polish 🤌
So glad someone pointed it out! Could not stop staring at those the entire video. Even the stuff in his hair go with the accents in his sweater
I'm getting strong girl guide chic! ❤
It's such a cute outfit! I adore the hat!
Yes!!!!! On point!
D'Angelo is a vegan and he even said that miss Karen aka that vegan teacher is better than God 😮😮😮
SZA isn’t wrong for being upset about things said about her, her anxiety about it or expressing. The fan is dismissive, but she’s not wrong in wondering why off all people SZA choose her to respond to, a random teenager on Instagram. Both things can be true.
true but using empathy she could've realized that oh this broke the camels back,proving sza's point further
Honestly could have just been her last straw. And it happened to be her.
She shouldn’t have DM’d her after a couple of messages, but she kept going, which only made everything worse. There is no way to reason with an eighteen year old who’s hellbent on dismissing and invalidating you.
@@vemodallen yes but it's still important to try and handle it fairly. Clearly a young fan saw SZAs other fans re create this meme for a long time so she did it too. To be randomly picked by a celebrity for this meme is going to give her insta hate even if she had apologized properly.
It would be better to post for the WHOLE fanbase to stop using this meme cause clearly this 1 fan is not the first one to do this. This is what happens if you let this stuff slide and it sucks but that's a huge point in standing up for yourself.
The fan trying to double down afterwards is bad behavior on her part but that doesn't erase the initial part either.
@@whoahanantBut this girl wouldn't have gotten any hate if she just, y'know, DIDN'T MAKE A TIKTOK SHOWING HER DM'S WITH SZA!!
This girl is free to believe she did no wrong and that SZA was "attacking" her for no reason, but she was 100% in the wrong to post her convo with SZA and speak so surely that SZA was doing too much and expecting people to agree with her. She made it deeper and bigger than it was by making the tiktok. No one would be talking about this if she never made a tiktok about it.
Omg I TOTALLY agree. "Power imbalance” "narcissist"…all of those are WAY over used.
when MCR said "teenagers scare the living shit out of me," I feel like this is the kinda stuff they never predicted but feels so relevant 😂 imagine saying to someone "please have empathy" and they respond "no i'm a teenager"
Given Gerard wrote it about being on the subway in like 2004 with a bunch of teenagers I feel like he never could have possibly imagined the shit teenagers would be getting up to
@@SuperNuclearUnicornhe was talking about their lack of empathy and the desire to appear to always be the cool one. I think it's very relevant. I was a teenager then and I remember mcr fans being incredibly selfish online and in person, expecting the world from them and harassing their gfs
teenagers have always been terrible but these days, they lack so much empathy to the point where doxxing and sending death threats to people they don't like is the norm and if you have a problem with that, they pull the "omg I'm a minor, you can't talk to me, you're a predator!" card or just say that "it's not that deep" to avoid facing any consequences for their actions
sza is most definetly in the right. having a severe anxiety disorder this was so infuriating, the fan clearly doesnt know what anxiety is like and made it even worse by posting it publicly.
please she picked the weakest she thought out of the bunch.when people and blogs talk about her bbl etc she didn’t say anything though
@@bbssxcugc_no fr tho like of all the things ppl say ur picking on an 18 yr old who really did just post a meme? then said she loved you in her response? i feel like it’s weird ppl think sza even interacting w her was normal
I dunno. I mean, yes there was definitely a lack of empathy, but I can also see the fan's actions as coming from a place of anxiety. I was an anxious teen once upon a time, and before I was diagnosed I would panic over internet interactions/reactions that weren't as positive as I had hoped by doubling down or going edgelord and pretending that I was trolling, because to my immature and severely anxious mind coming across as insensitive was better than honestly owning up to any mistakes. Anxiety can manifest in different ways. We really don't know her full situation.
"weak" LMAO yeah! She really came off young, innocent, and vulnerable. Please. *rolls eyes*@@bbssxcugc_
@@abbyz13
no it’s not normal BUT at the same time SZA is still a human being and anxiety is a disorder that affects behavior in sometimes irrational ways. Two things can be true at once. The fan has shitty behavior and clearly just went for the easiest excuses for their bad actions. This is definitely a very rare case in which a single “powerless” fan is in the wrong.
Also who are we to say what triggers SZA’s anxiety, only she knows that and that one post could have been a “last straw” of sorts.
Also SZA didn’t witch hunt anybody or stick anybody on this fan and instead had a PRIVATE and respectful conversation which *the fan* decided to make public.
But Yk “fuck your mental health, you’re not worthy of the empathy because you’re a robot popstar. You’re not human, only I get to cherry-pick who’s anxiety is valid. Entertain me, singer”
lol we didn’t learn from Britney did we? (I know an extreme example, but it’s connected in a way to me-imo)
I'm 60 so I'm commenting from the grave. Started watching you recently because I felt myself starting to not like the younger generation. Watching your channel has been eye-opening in so many ways. I still feeling some dislike but also empathy, relatability and y'all make me laugh cry. Thanks for the channel.
I’m a government trained victim advocate and sociologist. SZA modeled really healthy, sincere communication. That behavior normalized healthy, prosocial communication and human connection. The 18 year old poster IS, in fact, gaslighting SZA. She’s modeling everything D’angelo mentioned. Passive aggression. Tone policing. Bully behavior. That’s normalizing antisocial norms and deception. She was embarrassed that a famous person was hurt by her joke > enjoyed it. To talk down on SZA’s character or maturity because she reminded this “fan” that celebrities are real humans, not characters in a Netflix series. Yes, that can be jolting. But she actually proved she’s much less mature than SZA (not surprising an 18 year old hasn’t learned social maturity yet, but a large percentage of other 18 year olds would never act this way). Is it me or is everyone showing their azz in 2023?
i haven’t heard of a victim care officer before, and now i wish you all the best in your job. i might potentially get into it, but judging from how in-depth your comment was, i’ll have a lot to learn
When I was younger, I accidentally spoiled a major plot point of a TV show for my friend who was watching said show. They were dismayed and I acted like "I don't know why you are so upset, it's just a TV show." Except inside I knew I messed up and felt really bad and was super embarrassed. Later I realized that I was protecting my ego by hiding my embarrassment behind dismissive bravado.
I think that's possibly what the fan is doing. Not ideal but learning to admit when you have messed up and apologize is hard and most of us don't learn it until our adulthood. I hope the fan can reflect on this and learn from it.
its a very human process, and it sucks that it had to happen online for millions of people to see. truly highlights how the internet changes social dynamics bc smth thats a part of growing up becomes viral content
im 25 and im still struggling with this. ive lost so many friends because i behave like this. i always apologise after the fact but in the moment its so so hard to take the ego hit
I did this with my sister by accident a few times, she is very spoiler-sensitive - this includes sport events she watches on demand - so everytime I know we both watch something I ask "oh where exactly are you?", "did you see this (yet)?" or "are you planning to watch it or can I ramble about it?"
I always immediately apologised cuz I had to avoid spoilers for PLL for many years cuz I couldn't watch it as it aired due to timezones & it was everywhere. So I know how it felt to get stuff spoiled & felt so bad about it
Your theory would explain the "fan's" behavior in the DMs but not why she leaked the DMs after the fact. I think this is a genuinely bad person, very vain and totally lacking in empathy, who is not used to people pointing out to them when they are behaving poorly; and her fragile ego couldn't handle that, so she made a tiktok (or whatever the platform was) looking for strangers to shore her ego back up. Very narcissistic.
Hey, if I give u my little sis’ number, can you give her call and share this here story and any others like it? Sounds like you’ve made some growth. Kudos and keep up the good work!
so let me guess this straight, some girl went out of her way to shade a musician, tagged her as well, and then is shocked when the musician she shaded and tagged claps back?
She replicated a very popular meme that went circulating
@nana.572 ...targeting a specific person AND tagging them. And instead od apologising when the person she tagged felt slighted, she doubled down and leaked her dm's without her consent. Y'all are so fucken dense
@@86kingratok
@@86kingratshe was acting like a bitch in response tho ngl (the fan not sza)
Honestly I feel like this would've been easier for SZA if she had just not replied and not given this stupid girl any attention 😭 But I get why she did it. She needed a slap of reality, honestly.
It's actually so comical to see how dismissive a lot of Gen Z's are towards age. It's so weird how they view mid 20's to 30's as old. It's not😣
I would like to hank you for this video bec I finally understood the situation regarding SZA and the fan. I think the fan is so obliviously to the fact that she hurt someone's feeling, regardless if the meme was hers or not. The fact that SZA had the guts to confront her about it means she wants her to be sympathetic about her situation. If she actually just lowered her ego and understand SZA's reaction, all of this wouldn't even be an issue. Instead she had to expose and even make fun of her, totally dismissing SZA's point being that meme affects her anxiety of performing on stage. I love SZA and as a fan, I would never thought of bullying an artist that I admire just to get their attention. Immature part on the fan, in my opinion.
I would feel so bad if someone I was a fan of communicated this to me - she should have just deleted it and then talked about it with her friends, her reaction is so crazy and lacks an insane amount of empathy.
Ms. Fan clearly falls into the 'we judge others based on their actions and ourselves based on our intent' trap. So she thought it was a funny meme and it shouldn't bother SZA. Okay. But once SZA informed her that it *did* bother her, Ms. Fan just couldn't bring herself to say sorry. Oh no. Being called out made *her* uncomfortable, so clearly SZA was the one in the wrong. Which is sad and I hope she can grow some empathy after this.
Also and I know this makes me shallow AF, but the precision match on your glasses and nail polish mesmerized me.
Your first line about judging others vs ourselves is excellent. Thanks for articulating the insight!
oooooo! you ate! very much ate!
omg ill be using ur first sentence for the rest of my life
This comment is fallacious. SZA feeling sad after the post isn't the Dan's responsibility to make her feel better. The joke wasn't aimed at SZA and so it can't be her responsibility to make her feel better. If SZA wants to feel better about her performance that is her own responsibility, the fan doesn't owe her a apology or the courtesy of deleting the post.
@@crappyj7603 Okay But What Was The Point Of Posting The DMs ? You’re Gonna Excuse That , Too ? Go Figure .
One additional thing: Sza wasn’t responding to a random person, she was responding to a fan. If this girl was in the fandom, and Sza could see that in her history and associations, then she probably thought “This person is safe to express my feelings about this to.” And maybe even (justifiably) “If I tell this girl it bothers me, she will care because she is a fan, and can a little bit discourage it in others.” Do that enough times, and the tiny bit of influence could conceivably make it less popular, less “everyone is doing it.” Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza.
A fan...who...TAGGED her. WTF
This is a really good point that I don't think many people have considered. Very well put
"Unfortunately Sza was wrong; this girl liked the music and the community, but not Sza."
Oh, that was a WORD!! I rly feel like a lot of fandoms are like this. They like everything but the actual person. And what makes it scary, to me, is that it isn't an actively negative emotion; the person is just so inconsequential to the these types of fans, that they can't be fucking bothered to extend the empathy or care needed to approach a situation like this correctly.
Tea
Being a fan of someone's music doesn't mean you are suddenly responsible for their emotional state. The idea that this fan had any responsibility to take what SZA said and treat it with any sort of seriousness has to be one of the greatest falsehoods of all falsehoods.
i can see myself doing that as a joke but as soon as SZA said she was upset by it i would be crying and apologizing lol
Wow.. I can’t thank you enough for posting this. Your perspective is dead on and I really appreciate you taking the time to speak on some thing that I’ve personally been affected by immensely..
I’ll try to keep this short (prob won’t tho lol) but basically, my sister is famous. Well, technically both of my sisters, but when I started seeing all of the sacrifices, celebrities have to endure from a personal level being their big sister. There have been so many instances and scary things that have happened by “fans” that over the years have chipped away at my “larger than life” personality and spirit. I’m in therapy and I’m working on rediscovering the parts of my self that have become so small, due to anxiety and fear and depression, from just being associated with someone famous..
We’ve been stalked, harassed, dehumanized and objectified on a daily basis. Even our friends and even distant family members continue to endure things that people on the other side of fame can’t fully comprehend until you’ve been through it. When I was younger, I wanted to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, but over the years just dealing with some of the “trickled down” harassement, I’ve become somewhat of a shell of my former self. I deal with agoraphobia, being afraid to leave my house. I wake up with anxiety in the middle of the night and practice grabbing self-defense items I have stashed around my room, in case somebody were to actually break in our house (again) I constantly worry about peoples intentions that I get close to. I try to make myself and my social presence as small as possible because the “dimmer my light shines” the less likely I’ll be put in a situation to cause me even more anxiety. And above all my passion to help teach and mentour kids in acting, has all but ceased to make me feel happy about what I once loved to do with my whole heart. AND IM NOT EVEN THE FAMOUS ONE!! 😂
This reminds me of a time where I was going on TikTok lives a lot, and I made a couple of online friends.. I knew they were fans of my sister, but then again, so am I so I don’t have a problem connecting with people just because they’re a fan of my siblings. We have common interests! So we already have some thing to bond over. Well, a few of these girls flew out to Los Angeles, one girl found my address because she worked at top golf, she was a manager there, and because I had signed up two years prior to even meeting her. She was able to go in the database. Find a picture of my drivers license. One day I was on a TikTok live, and I casually mentioned that I was going to CVS right after. I knew these girls were in town, but I didn’t think that they would drive around to all the CVS‘s by my house, sit in the parking lot taking secret videos and pictures of me after they found the one I was at, followed me to my house, and took videos of me walking into my house. I have explained to these girls many times before about my anxiety and agoraphobia. And it felt so violating to know that these girls who I considered friends would put me in a situation that sent me spiraling into an even deeper battle with my mental health. Luckily, one of the girls told me what happened and I ended up getting on a Skype call with the other girls and cried, and I had a very honest conversation about how some thing like that may seem harmless, but can deeply affect someone in so many ways. The analogy I used to help them understand what that felt like for me was “if a girl passes out at a party, someone takes advantage of her but she didn’t know it was happening, does that mean it’s okay?” We had a long open very raw conversation. We all cried. We discussed it. They even shared about some of the circumstances in their life and generation that lead them to believe that kind of behavior wasn’t really that big of a deal. But after they listened to me and saw how painful an experience like that was, we all started getting into therapy and making better more conscious effort to just do better. And I’m happy to say that those girls are some of my closest friends to this day. They never made me feel uncomfortable again, they’ve all agreed to sign NDA‘s just so I can feel a little more comfortable with our friendship.
But what a lot of people don’t understand is little things like going to CVS or signing up at top golf, can potentially put you in very dangerous situations and those things chip away at people overtime. I used to love going to that CVS because before I moved, that was “MY CVS” lol I spent hours with ex boyfriends and best friends just chillin in the parking lot, I knew everyone that worked there.. and now a very nostalgic place for me will always be tainted with the time I was stalked.
So some thing that may seem funny and harmless could be stripping away parts of the person that you admire until eventually the essence of that person doesn’t even exist anymore. When fans interact with a celebrity, I hope they realize they’re interacting with a real human being with real emotions. And understand that when they have the opportunity to speak with a celebrity, their comments may feel like they are getting lost in a sea of people.. but for the celebrity, every interaction hits home and is taken to heart because from my experience, I’ve never met anyone famous that wants to look at their fans as “numbers”.. we try very hard to humanize the person behind every comment. But it doesn’t seem like the same can be said from the other side of it. I’m only speaking from my experience.. and yes, My situation may be a little more on the “extreme side” of the topic in your video. But I hope people see this and are a little more mindful the next time they have an opportunity to interact with anyone especially online.
Also, I just want to say I really thank you for this video. I know it takes you a lot of time to do these but it’s really appreciated in more ways than you know ❤
i can’t stand it when people treat people online like they don’t actually exist. as someone with anxiety, i 100% empathize with sza. i’m constantly overexplaining, and when people say “you’re doing too much” it makes me feel invalidated and angry.
also, as someone who has bipolar disorder, sza wasn’t having a “manic breakdown” in dms. people need to learn what mania actually is. ( 23:34 )
And what’s interesting is google exists and one can find a definition of mania on the CDC.
DIGFAST for greater than or equal to 7 days. Bipolar I doesn’t require a depressive episode. Bipolar II on the other hand…now we get into hypo mania and that’s another story. 😊
Right? People use manic and mental disorders as a super convenient way to dismiss people’s actions even though as someone with bpd (not bipolar) I know I’m still responsible for my actions, and I don’t use my mental disorder to defend myself. That just smears mental health for everyone else
@@juulcat7274 exactly, i have both and it’s frustrating seeing people add to the stigma from all sides
@@juulcat7274Yea, I also think it dismisses the seriousness of mental illness. We shouldn’t dismiss things regardless if it was because of mental illness or not.
I love how she's using the "I'm a teenager" card, because my 3-year-old niece who bites people has better empathy and sense f humanity than her.
And, waaaay off topic, but have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you literally have to take breaks and look away or you'd lose your mind? Now, imagine having to go through that for 33 minutes and 14 seconds.
Totally agree, I see so many people who get in online drama pull the "I'm only a teen" card as if it's some kind of Yugioh trap card that gives them an instant W
Also, your thirstiness is absolutely sending me lmao
Exactly. They bully you online and suddenly they are autistic, adhd, teen, mental health etc. Like stop. You choose to be an ass.
real
edit: but also regarding the “fan”, pretty sure they use they/them
Are you okay?? You need to go outside for that last paragraph
@@yourbestamwhat? They're just saying they're a little flustered by watching someone they think is beautiful. That's human and pretty normal for most people.
Hello, writing from the nursing home as a 40 year old. You were spot on. The decision to dismiss feelings then say I was victimized was wild. And then she exploited this conversation for clout while discussing the power imbalance. Anyways- got to go eat jello and make calls from a landline. Since I’m old I’ll sign off with Sincerely… Me
I love how you explain that your anxiety comes with over explaining. I do it all the time especially with technical questions. Because i want to make sure I am letting someone know I did try to find the answers on my own.
this whole issue is a prime example of how the internet makes everything superficial. it's so bizarre to respond to someone's hurt feelings like that even though "it's just social media" or whatever. and you're right, it's 100% bc we can just shut things off if we don't like them or even delete our accounts and pretend nothing happened. gen z seriously needs to touch, inhale, eat grass. it takes a lot of effort to see people online as more than usernames and profile pictures but it genuinely makes you a better person, something i only understand now as a fellow old, decrepit 20-something yr old.
The irony of gen z trying so hard to be progressive and open minded, until they are called out for something they did and all of a sudden, they will send death threats and blame you for being offended.
@@pizzadogma The duality of man for sure
But also, as I like to say, Social media was a mistake. Twitter is a blemish on mankind.
I completely agree with you
i agree but why does everything have to be about generations 😭youre gen z too
@@meiruez Probably because the generations most effected by this social media thing is a chunk of millennials and Gen Z and now Gen Alpha
Gen Z and Gen Alpha grew up with the modern internet basically and Millennial started to really use the internet and saw the shift from the early internet to what we have now.
Zoomers, thats me, we remember hazy bits of the early internet.
The way sza made sure to thank us profusely for giving her so much energy and cheering her on at the tampa show and even coming out towards the end just to thank us some more, explained why she was thanking us so much, then taking some of her fans backstage- yeah she really is just human trying to share art and connect with people and she demonstrated this when she was talking to the fan in the dms, there was no I AM CELEBRITY HEAR ME ROAR it was very much WE are human let us talk.
I'm with sza in this heavy! she played victim and it was obvious, not to mention how it came out that the girl had a CZcams video with this very same story a while back and then also had to come back and make a tiktok out of it, the clout chasing is insanely UGLY and unbecoming of this person and like tyra said "LEARN FROM THIS".
She was such a sweet heart! Her energy felt genuine she came out to say thank you and goodbye again
Love this comment, love the breakdown! On that note, there are great people out there and you all are an inspiration. Haters, pay attention, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I’m on SZA’s side but she shouldn’t of even given the brat any time, let that fan spend that money