Three Ways to Live the Life You Want | Petra Velzeboer | TEDxOxford
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- čas přidán 31. 08. 2021
- Psychotherapist, CEO and Cult Survivor, Petra Velzeboer, talks us through the steps necessary to sort yourself out so you can live the life you want no matter what lies in your past. A brave new world is one free of excuses and blame. When the temptation is bigger than ever to blame the world around us, our work environments, governments or health for the ills in our life, Petra talks through the opportunity within all of these circumstances to practice bravery and see this time as a training ground that allows us to practice conscious thought and build up the life we want. No excuses. Petra is a mental health consultant, psychotherapist, training provider, executive coach, and much more. Currently, she runs a mental health consultancy that strives to create mentally healthy workplaces by training organisations and leaders in their awareness of mental health and advising on the best strategies to deal with it. Raised in a cult, Petra’s story is one of courage in the face of adversity. She believes in utilising empathy and human connection to create safe workplaces which will ultimately enhance productivity. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
How to live a life you want
1. Practice bravery everyday
2. Dare to dream
3. Experiment
Petra, sharing form my heart, this short talk touched my soul today. I needed this to feed my mind. And posting this comment is my small act of bravery today, as I’m not into social media and posting. Wishing everyone who read this that grace come into your lives. Thank you!
Thank you so much for being brave!! Keep up the good work :)
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"One small brave act" everyday to live the life I dream. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and inspiration.
Thanks so much!! I appreciate your support :)
Really would like to sit & talk with her.
Great talk!
One point I’d like to add to her discussion that really helped me through significant traumatic events in life: NEVER EVER GIVE UP. Whatever happens…THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
Totally agree! I'm here if you have any questions :)
Practice bravery every day ....to get better at it! Show up at a blank page. Dare to dream! Imagine the possibility. Experiment with different things...see how it goes.
Thanks for the comment :)
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I leaved your story. I relate to it so much. Funny how we know we are meant to live life not as we are living presently and trying to live life for our family and friends to be normal will not work either, it's when the wake up is so real there is no denying the truth. when we have nothing left to break us that is upsetting to lose we finally realized it is our purpose if ourselves. me is who i now will do and live for and i am limitless. I am working on my passion for new career and trying to meet new people who have hobbies other than drugs and alcohol and i am going to have faith that my soulmate will meet after I get myself to the place where I'm happy with the new me and everyone who has left me when i needed them is testimony to my wealth. With everything they took, i have now started over 3 times and i have learned the lesson. Being brave is good for the soul. Being honest with who you are and not changing for someone else is looking at what's wrong with you is why I know the intentions of another.
I was this past week thinking, I know with out a doubt, that I'm not doing, in life, what my "real" me would love to be doing and that is something artistic. I loved art in elementary school. I'm a 70's, 80's child. I loved the smell of the burlap cloth we used to strew yarn through, the smell of the watery paint, and smell of that thick paste for paper art. I also think I would have loved dance. But too darn shy, bashful growing up and went the way of school, degree(which I'm not working in the field). I've delved into entrepreneurship , but didn't stick it out. Now I'm delving back into working for myself. Currently working a boring job I can't stand; blessed to have the benefits, etc., I'm not an "office worker" or "company person". I can feel that I'm not happy. But I will look to take some drawing classes, even possibly dance and this time, work my own business like I would for someone else. Never too old to learn and to be happy. :))
Love this!! Definitely never too late to learn, be brave and show up at your fullest life!! Keep us posted on your art classes and experimenting with who you are :)
@@petra.velzeboer :))
@david Little Tut i definitely feel you in the artistic thing. I’m artistic myself in heart (now). But prior to this day i wanted to be an interior designer. I actually went to school for it because i was a displaced worker (out of work due to lay off). I also was in graphic design. Didn’t finish because i was called back to work. But it was my passion. I still love art. I’m into sewing now but I haven’t dug deep into like i should. I want to take classes. But they are far from me. Can we really say that we were shy? Or was it just lack of confidence or even experience. That would be my answer for myself now that I’m past 50. I sigh 😔 every day just wanting something meaningful. If you are young please start and don’t hold back.
@@gagafifty5077 Wonderful advice! I hope you find something meaningful that you're looking for :)
Yes it's true in practical life, u touched main point of me real life
Glad to hear :)
I dug out my old wipe board… putting the 3 main points at the top. Making a plan. I have a goodish mediocre life but it’s not for me. Here i go. Thank you Petra for making it doable and being a great example! 🌸
Thanks so much for your comment - what a beautiful example of taking positive action! Good luck on your journey :)
What if my definition of being brave
Means
Learning to protect my energy from those who drain you, whether they mean to or not.
Learning that it's okay if I say no to someone's requests or invites. Gotta protect our energy 🙏 💯 ✨ it's not them though, it's you. And that's okay. Send everyone love , serve in the ways you can, give light, have gratitude that they are people who will understand and respect it, to know not to take it as an offense.
I love this! That's a beautiful definition of being brave :)
Well put into words. Me too - I have to learn to protect my energy... feeling drained all the time from giving away all of it.
100 percent. And not feeling guilty for looking out for yourself without having to over explain yourself to someone. They might feel entitled to explanation because of possibly legit reasons but you save you first. Lol clearly I’m going through it 🤣
@@mariannewolf57 So this is where boundaries come in that are healthy to you and protect a bit of space to invest in yourself :)
@@hitishasharma6014 This can be such a difficult one! We fear judgement or being ostracised from the group or our worth is tied up to giving giving giving - and by the time we pull back we're so depleted we can't even explain ourselves because we're the ones that played a part in putting ourselves in that situation. Let go of guilt - such a tough thing to do in practice! Wishing you all the best :)
Truth !! Imagine- that’s where the true self resides and rises from & never stop dreaming.
Excellent talk ❤️
This is one of my favorite TED talks! And I've seen many. Great advice.
Thanks so much :) I really appreciate your comment and support
You are an excellent speaker.
I really appreciate the comment :)
Thank you 💖☺️
Amazing!
One brave act.....am I willing to do it? Thank you Petra for the challenge. Much love for encouraging me.
I wish you all the best on your quest!! :)
Very impactful! 🥰🙏 Thank you so much for this talk ❤️, it's crazy how the simplest of acts can make our life feel "alive" again....thank you...thank you ...muchas gracias señorita! 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for encouraging us. It took lots of things to place us where we need to be to feel brave, but hearing you say it, makes me feel that we all need to challenge ourselves and encourage each other to move forward and not stay stuck in time.
Well said! We can all be brave in different ways :)
Very impressive talk, Petra. Exceptional. Well done.
Thanks so much :)
Thank you so much for sharing.
Her speech was very fluent, I can listen to you 24/7.(Thank you Petra.💕 💙💐❣🌸🧿❤⚘⚘)
Thanks so much :)
I was lucky enough to know this 3 principles 2years ago by reading and listening to other Ted talks. And I followed the principles!
It works!
So good to hear you've practiced these methods and it's worked for you too!! Keep up the good work :)
Thank you Petra, you hit the nail in my soul.... this message is my small act of bravery today.
What a great sentence! You hit the nail in my soul :) I love it
Thank you for sharing your story. Great presentation and tips. Well done!
I am so glad I decided to watch this. Great advice. I especially liked "Are you thriving?" That's something I don't think of often, if at all.
Thanks so much - glad to hear it helped :)
You are a huge inspiration for many of us- thank you so much for this great talk, Petra!
Thanks so much! xx
Thank you
Thank youu petra for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. It open my heart, it open my soul. Okhay, i’ll try for your advice. Yes, i totally agree with you that something that work for someone, it doesn’t mean will work for you. You must experiment it. Go go go!!!, let’s come back stronger everyone~~~✨✨✨
It's going to be an exciting year!
You are the best motivator..i was in stress for tow months..I was terrified that what I am thinking about again and again continuously my hunger was gone I couldn't eat of my thinking either...I am feeling better now ☺️🎉
Ah so lovely to hear! What small things do you need to change in order to keep momentum going?
@@petra.velzeboeri think I need to change my attitude and thinking.. because before when I was stressed I thought my brain is controlling me but now I came to know that if I will react opposite to my brain than it can work for me...I am trying to overcome from overthinking.. because there is a thought which was disturbing me..but I thought then..how more I got afraid it makes me much.... that's why I am working on my self not to brain 😅😀🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🥳but I am so happy.. that you replied me thank you so much... madam..and keep growing up be always happy 😊
Thanks
Thank you 🙏
Thank you Petra for these advise. Very inspiring!
Thanks so much - good luck with everything :)
Great talk. I am sure that this talk will save many.🌹🌹🌹.
Thank you, Petra!
Brilliant talk! So authentic, passionate and wise. You are inspirational!
All the best!
"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil."✨
- James Allen
Thanks so much :)
Thank you so much Petra! That was awesome, I learned so much. Am thinking about my one small brave act I can do today.
Love this! Let us know how you get on :)
It’s a blessing!
Great talk. Thank you.
I love it! ❤️
Excellent advice, even for a 70 yr. old lije me.
It's never too late to be brave :)
It's never too late to try something new!
You good! Voice tone, realistic, concise 👍🏼
@petra Velzeboer OK - I listened. Grateful to hear your thoughts. So -at about 0:17:00 in your talk, you issued a challenge. I accepted and finally sent off a letter. I have been writing and re-writing this letter SINCE FEBRUARY 2021 - yes - over six months - but I took your challenge. Sent and gone. Now to see how it goes... Thanks - Lynn
YESS!! So proud of you! Sounds like it's very important to you and a very hard thing to do! Well done - we have to do what's in our control and then let go of the outcome. I hope it goes well for you :)
Amazing 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 What a journey 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
خدمت من سال مد
what an inspiring talk !! thanks a lot for the ideas you shared !!
Thanks so much - hope you're able to apply some to your life :)
Good Talk. Very brave to take your story public. Likely touches everyone since even those with so called "normal life" they feel ok with, somewhere inside most people probably have profound unanswered questions. Purpose in life is yes, self assigned isn't it... that seems the case.
Thank you for your comment :)
@@petra.velzeboer Absolutely. 😎
Excellent! Thank you
However, for me, I almost quit watching before the "info" part (12:53), the story-context was way too long for me, yet I understand how it helps the whole presentation. Really really good 'simple' advices yet to integrate, and apply every day...to live a great life.
Thanks for the feedback - I really appreciate it :)
Question 10:36
12:55 TOOLS
Odorei. Obrigado
Practice Bravey every day
This is the only video that answers the How part.
YASSS!! I'm so pleased you noticed my intention!! Hope you are well
I think that there is a difference between having expierenced difficult things (domestic violence, cults, poverty, bullying perhaps) which may lead to ptsd, anxiety, personality disorders (plus evt addicitions) and psyiatric disorders as ad(hd), autism, schizofrenia, bipolar etc. Some people have, and still are expierencing both sometimes leading to unemployment, despair, loneliness and anxiety. They might not learn from the abyss you (as well as many others) looked into because they are too busy standing straight, paying the rent etc. Lucky for you, and the tips are helpful, but for masses of people more help, context, sense of purpose and belonging, acceptance (that disorders exist and shame is not necessary) from employers, society, family, media etc is the key to start their first steps towards a change. For lots of us even mediocracy is already challenging, can be rewarding and sometimes offers a pause of comfort while indeed perhaps dreaming or striving for more or better. It is hope that keeps and makes us alive !
I love this thanks for sharing. Mediocrity is of course subjective, this is coming from my experience :) I believe that everyone can do small acts of bravery to make their lives that little bit improved - I agree that we need acceptance, non-judgement and to get rid of shame and stigma about people's choices and where they are - I also think a medicalised approach to mental illness sometimes keeps us stuck too, like there's nothing we can do about it. You're right that like Maslow's hierarchy of need sometimes we just need to survive first before being able to think bigger in this way - everyone can experiment with their own way but it helps to feel safe enough to do that first. Thank you for commenting :)
@@petra.velzeboer Youre welcome. Im proud you answered ! You're like the guru (for me now) from the buddhist proverb "when the pupil is ready the master will appear". This proverb counts for all help, therapy, counseling etc (and I had a lot). Help nor teaching, doesnt have much of an impact if ones not ready. In time or in mind. Meaning: still being too ashamed, afraid, anxious. Afraid of the making the same failures over and over. Avoiding and/or fleeing into addictions not to feel the pain. Being numb. Sometimes that helps, in the end everybody needs to wake up and act. And that is what you mean (and we agree upon) that rising above mediocracy can be done by small acts by everyone. Counts for addicts, housewives, lorry drivers, nurses etc. The ones with "succes" and the ones in less fortunate circumstances. We all matter ! The hope and love of setting a step, or 2, or more ! and coming above ones own level of mediocracy. ↗😎
@@ooievaar6756 ahh so beautiful! I couldn't have said it better myself! I'm all too familiar with numbing out to avoid things - I still do it at times, I don't drink anymore but I'll eat chocolate or keep myself so busy to the point of exhaustion cause it's really hard to sit with old trauma and just notice what's coming up. This is a journey and none of us get it perfect - but we can make progress and practice gratitude at the wonderful things that are in our life - however small :)
@@petra.velzeboer LOVE that you referenced Maslow. I've also been through a few years in a cult, followed by self-medication and then settling down and PND. Finally my boy has started school, and I've got a job lined up. I'm taking control again after too many years wallowing. We're also all on the ASD spectrum (in the diagnosis process) which has made everything tougher but we're getting there! Light at the end of the tunnel; it just takes effort as you said :) Thanks for the fab talk x
@@hannahpaul1988 wow that really is quite a journey and you're still in the thick of the challenges. One thing I've learned is that there's always a new challenge, but we can change our perspective to match it - so it is no longer the victim vibe but more the, I wonder what this is preparing me for thought process :) Wishing you all the best as you keep moving through the tunnel and into the light x
Thank you for advicing.
Life can go in any direction you want it too
Yes, during the pandemic, we are in quarantine. And yesterday night, we wanted to sing, so I called for the whole dormitory to sing together. Actually, at first, I was a little scared and did't dare to do it, cuz I was afraid that there was nobody to follow, but finally it worked. haha
Love this!
Number three is big. You have one life- you gotta try different things to know what works for you. Easier said than done, but i'm ready for change
You've got this!
❤️.
Brave Petra😇Best 3 💝I going to do,
⛲🙏⛲💞☯️🌈
good to hear!!
Inspirational. I can identify with you on many things within my life and too help clients through very similar . Thank you so much. I really enjoyed listening :)
Thank you for your feedback :)
💐👏👏👏
I want to be wealthy 😔...I want my own successful business 🙏💯😩 and I want to be loved and be inlove.
Well that's super clear - I like it! Now for the action :)
The third question… 😬
Yep
👍
Get into your body, get out of your mind, Wim Hof breathing, and cold showers for everyone!
I am interested in knowing more about this indoctrination of religious cult. Please please
What do you want to know? It was religious but 'radical' teaching the end of the world and like many cults, if you follow the rules you will get an endless feeling of belonging and if you don't, you will be ostracised and left to fend for yourself.
@Petra Velzeboer Escaped too the suffocating clutches of the JW religion after 50 years of servitude, control and inevitable exclusion from everyone else. Thanks for this.
@@grahambeadle5809 You know what its like then! Both the subtle and more obvious sides of coercive control - well done for getting out! The real work begins after we leave though - how is your life now? :) Wishing you all the best
Eskize wi nous gen plus capacité passé on bord obligé Di nous sorte m'en nous konnen poukisa une question comment wè sac nan la nature yo servi
So crowds aren't allowed for life saving, transformative speeches anymore?
they have to be vaccinated, distanced and brain-washed.
A real shame!! I missed out on the red-circle! Hopefully this can still be useful and even transformative for some :)
Great! But did you had to break up a marriage to reach your goal?
Thank you
Great question. For me, yes I did - for others maybe not - everyone has to follow their own personal path. I definitely feel I am living the fuller version of my life now and our kids are better for it :)
She’s downplaying how much of a leader she actually was in that cult! While the rest of us literally had to escape years prior as teenagers! She has definitely never experienced that! The group had kind of started to disband in 2002 which would’ve been why she had to move in with someone outside of the cult.
Lack any specifics !
I guess the specifics have to be translated from your life which will be specific to you :) Wishing you all the best :)
)
good video , just not for me
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woman is nice I would even say beautiful & listen to her interestingly but her method is not applicable...
Thank you - I hope you find other resources that feel applicable to you :)
“Crusty old white guy” ageist much?
haha not intentionally - just being descriptive of one person :)
Oh, c'mon.
Petra, you lost me on crusty old white guy. Otherwise I was a trade and then it completely turned me off. That’s a stereotype Offensive to some White people particularly older white men. It feels hateful.
@@christinareichert7893 Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry that this came off as offensive. Thank you for giving this talk a chance. Have a great day :)
@@petra.velzeboer Look, I didn't mean to stir up a s#^t storm. We all make mistakes. [shrug] No big deal. Go be happy.
This is no TED talk