10 Examples of What Gaslighting Sounds Like
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- čas přidán 10. 03. 2021
- Gaslighting appears to be a word used a lot in the media these days, but what is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and emotional manipulation that's seen in abusive relationships. People who gaslight manipulate a person by forcing them to question their memories, their thoughts, their reality, and even their sanity. So, how do we recognize gaslighting? Here are a few examples.
Disclaimer: This video is purely for educational purposes and is not designed to imply that what is discussed in the video means that somebody is gaslighting you or that you are gaslighting somebody else. If you suspect that gaslighting may be occurring in your relationships, then seek support from a professional.
If you want to learn more about the signs of gaslighting, watch this video: • 10 Warning Signs of Ga...
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Gaslighting appears to be a word used often in the media. But really, what does gaslighting mean? Watch this video to find out! Let us know if you ever experience gaslight before! P.S Members, we have released a video for you. Don't forget to watch it here: czcams.com/video/KZHuc7rI-R0/video.html
Love your videos
Ok
i was waiting for a video like this thank you so much
@@Alphasui Thank you! :)
How much subs will i get from this comment current:132
Toxic friends and parents always say these kinds of things
Can it be said without you even knowing it (Subconsciously) you learn gaslighting from parents?
@@nightswell yes unfortunately but if you can figure out what kind of phrases are gaslighting you can avoid it :)
@@nightswell Yes, and until you are exposed enough to more functional families or media that highlights toxic and abusive relationships, you will go on thinking that the scummy situation you live in is perfectly normal.
Yeah, that's an important point. Sometimes people do it subconciously as a defense mechanism. It takes a lot of self awareness to overcome being a gaslighter.
@Smart Box Oh no! Hope you break out of it, if you haven't already.
What’s scary is when you realize you gaslight yourself, smh. Self love is such a long journey.
It truly truly is. A journey that takes a lot of patience and understanding of self and love ones. Taking accountability is the first step. May be easy to some but admitting my faults was the hardest thing I ever did. Admit I was a gaslighter. Narcissistic behavior 🤦🏾♂️. Nowadays I listen more than doing all the talking. Making sure I fully understand how the other one is feeling and respond accordingly without being defensive. Continue to stay strong in your journey, Love & Light 🙏🏾
Wow! I know it too well
I still don’t get this………..
This is complicated……. And I have 2 PhD’s……. but I am reminded of my college boyfriend…… that’s why we were undergrads at the time
I felt that on a deep level
My husband was 100% gaslighting me. I knew nothing of narcissistic behavior and took it all in. Thanks for educating the public!
@@rachmalisa5214 just trust your instinct, if it doesn't feel right or you're unhappy, just get out, leave.
Same goes with my mother, when I tell her the issues I face she's like "Oh (Insert name)" like a gaslight
It's probably your fault you're too emotional 😭
Gaslighting is not real you’re just crazy
Yes, I know from very bad experiences
Gaslighting is the most unbearable mental torture i felt in my life. I don’t wish it on anyone. The bad part is its so hard to explain how you feel to someone else and explain the abuse behind it
correct
@@SU-IIit’s hard to explain because they never see that they did anything wrong. Prime example of the dumb argument I had last night. Then I walk away to keep things from escalating then I get accused of running away. The reality is, I won’t be mentally and verbally abused and I’ll separate myself from it. Sorry for soon to be ex my wife, but that was the nail in her coffin for me. She was warned that if she keeps up with the mouth and attitude, I’m done. No provision and no more protection from me. It’s odd that in disagreements, all love and respect go out of the window.
@@Shadows-FX hope everything will turn out bettrr for you. Peace in this short life is much more important
Or they bring anger out in you and then blames you for having negative emotions and being angry.
That makes me angry...lol.....but foreal
Yes. They'll totally ignore something you say, or state they don't want to talk because they have a headache and then calmly continue what they're doing, or try to convince you of something they misunderstand but won't listen to your explanation, etc. In their mind, they're always right and are passive aggressive when they don't want to hear or deal with something even if it's something urgent that affects you. It's infuriating!
Exactly - they provoke and provoke, then when you justifiably lose your temper, suddenly you’re the problem 🤬
Exactly 🙄
At the end of the day, we are each responsible for our own behavior. I get concerned by language like, “bring out the anger in you”, as it sounds very close to “I’m behaving this way because of your (fill in the blank)”.
Having said that, I completely understand how frustrating it is when you are trying to communicate with someone who isn’t operating out of good faith and have lost my sh*t more than a few times when faced with those kinds of interactions. But that’s on me.
1: "What did I do to you?"
2: "Everyone around you isn't the problem. The problem is you"
3: "I am sorry you feel that way"
4: "I don't remember saying that"
5: "It's your anxiety that made me do the things I did"
6: "You need help"
7: "It's your fault"
8: "You're too emotional"
9: "It's not a big deal"
10: "Why are you so defensive all the time, you're attacking me"
Thank you ❤️
I didn't realize I gaslight alot
Wow, my brother says all of the above. It out Rages me. I keep both sister and Brother on a long leash.......God bless you all......
Bro I have a friend that says half of these
I always got #3
my favorite sentence that is not mentioned here “you only focus on the bad things, not in the good things” or “I am doing all this for you, why you only see the bad things?” when you expose something that you didn’t like about their behavior
Do you mean that is one of the examples that a gas lighter could tell us?
@@myka1411 exactly. mine was doing that all the time
That does not sound like gaslighting to me. It sounds like it may be some intense emotions that the 2 of you need to work on. But I am not privy to the whole story.
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
I was gaslighted by my court appointed attorney.he was appointed by the court to gaslight me.I wasn’t allowed to give a statement.worse gaslighting I ever experienced
This is correct. I read some peoples conversations about gaslighting and narcissists....and its like theyre trying to convince themselves about who they know is one...like theyre fomo about narcisicists!! Your life is blessed without them. They are not connected to themselves.....and yes entitled...but also hateful and full of spite. They actually dislike themselves and others....but know they project an opposite of that.
Thank you!
You just pointed something out, that I overlooked so far.
My boss is constantly badmouthing other coworkers when talking to me.
It didn't occur to me that it's just a test to see if I like or dislike certain coworkers, to play us against each other.
Since I put the puzzle pieces together last week I lost all remaining respect for him. He was a fraud all along, and I was a great victim.
Gaslighting is a made-up psychological construct 😅
Most narccisist...are Shes....stop trying to demonize men you narc
" Why can't you take a joke? "
" When you make one, I will. "
Omg i will say this to anyone who says that now LOL
@@robertruge2916 Why are you making fun of people? That gives you entertainment? Interesting.
Oh that is awesome! Going to borrow that!
ah this reminds me of a person i know. everyone in our friend group likes to play a game where you build a character's strength (genshin impact). this person always complains about how weak certain characters that he has are then when someone argues with him and it escalates he's going to say "why can't anyone in this server take a joke?"
@@tayexoticc I think this person is trying to say they're able to take a joke when other people make fun of them, but once they start playing along and dish it back, those same people take it seriously and say that they're "talking shit" or whatever
My brother gaslights me, and I told my grandma, and she said gaslighting isn't a term. Then my brother called me stupid for using the term gaslighting. Bruh ;-;
@Aundraeya Hensley omg
@Aundraeya Hensley Time traveling
Not us having a time traveler in the comment section.
@Aundraeya Hensley cus he's a channel member
Love ur pp LOVE
I needed this video,I’ve been gaslit for too long,to a point where I gaslit myself. I am learning everyday to become stronger and change the way I react to people who gaslight me
I was adopted by parents who thought if they loved me enough everything would be okay. My adoption failed due to trauma I had before being adopted and I took the fall for the adoption failing. I was put into therapy to deal with the trauma of being adopted. Whenever I was asked how I felt about my adoption and if my reply was negative I was told I was "being ungrateful" and "just be grateful your parents rescued you."
I have always suspected the reason we never hear about failed/traumatic adoptions is because the adoptees, like me, are gaslight into silence. Failed adoption stories are swept under the rug.
Saying "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is also a legitimate attempt to deflect false accusations aimed at you.
Yes, I think this one really depends on the situation.
Context always matters... It's often the REAL difference between something being useful or helpful and the same thing repurposed into something toxic or destructive. ;o)
Indeed, and thanks for watching our videos Eileen.
It can actually extremely useful against some narcissistic/manipulative types
Good insight. If there's malicious intent, you're not actually apologizing, you're purposefully holding them responsible for something which they made up.
This only reinforces how the use of the expression in an apology is accusatory and blame-deflecting, so it should have no place in one.
Yikes I’m starting to realize how many times I’ve been gaslighted
Better later than never my g
Same bro 😞
Me too
same bruh
😂😂
This is video is a good reminder for keep being silent to the horrible people who have been my "friends"
After watching and reading several explanations of "what is gaslighting" I can tell that Im not a gaslighter, because I wasnt doing or saying things intentionally. Rather, I was actually insensitive and ignorant, and I sincerely apologize for the person that I've hurt because of the stupid things I say or tell them :(
"I'm sorry that you feel that way" is a way I was taught, in therapy, to deal with manipulative people who use anger or guilt to harm you. It negates it by not giving them the reaction they thrive off of. Used properly, it's not gas lighting, it's internal boundaries for you own mental health.
Me too, I was told the same by my therapist.
yeah i say that all the time…. bc i truly am sorry about how they feel lol. i wouldn’t want anyone to feel sad or anxious so i apologize to show that i care lol
So much this. I had a very narcissistic mother who made her feelings my responsibility and was determined to smother me. Whenever I set boundaries, she would accuse me of mistreatment and/or neglect. When I tried to tell her that I wasn't doing her wrong by saying "no", she would argue me down. The phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way" came in very handy. She could no longer argue with me about what I was or wasn't doing; I was expressing my sympathy for her while at the same time not backing down.
I cut off a manipulative "friend" who would try to gaslight me and play victim. It feels so freeing to get rid of toxicity.
She called me a bully. I said sorry you feel that way.
Yes.
I like watching these to check myself and make sure I’m not hurting anyone I care about accidentally. Thank you🌻
Me too!
My mother does it all. She is lucky I haven't strangled her.
There you go again !
@@mikeries8549 same she’s lucky I fear Allah and that there is laws that prevent me from doing that
Same
15 years ago, I was really hurt by a girl who gaslighted me, and it’s still painful and confusing to this day. We spent nearly every day together for two months and I was in love with her, but she increasingly did the push and pull on me. Over time, the pulls became romantic and sexual while the pushes became verbally abusive. After a particularly mean phone call from her in which she said I wasn’t good enough to be with her, I finally complained about her erratic behavior. In response she completely cut me off, but blamed me for all of it. She said I was overly dramatic, that her sexual advances were my fault and not a big deal, that my complaints sounded like the words of a dangerous person, and that we never really hung out much anyway. None of it was even close to being true, but I was so shocked and speechless that I could barely even collect myself.
Even today, 15 years later, I’m still mentally scarred by the experience.
I’ve realised in the past month or two that an ex friend gaslit me multiple times. He was the first person I really told my trauma too and he was all understanding and shit till suddenly when he was really mad at me it was suddenly all BS I made up to make him feel bad. He dated my friend at the time we were friends mostly and a bit afterwards. She also experienced gaslighting and took her longer to realise but once she did, she’s never wanted anything to do with him. He tried to sabotage my friendship with her after we stopped being friends because I called him out on something and told his gf at the time (my friend) what happened and he denied it EVEN TO ME WHO HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID. I can’t believe I once saw good in him. I’m glad me and my friend now have the self respect to disassociate with him now
My mom used:" i didn't say this, i didn't do that" so many times i always felt like whenever we talked i should have used a camera/microphone
my sister does this, Is it a good idea to record it? because I honestly feel like going insane when I'm talk with her.
@@koral4684 Yes, record it. Don't expect her to accept the recordings though LOL- but it might work.
YESSSSS!!!! my boyfriend is the same! It made me think that I'm insane for making up stories.
@@madj7152 break up with him, you deserve better.
My aunts do this. You do have to voice record them or make sure you get it down in writing with their signature or they will deny deny without fail
I just keep it simple: avoid people whom you constantly fight with. It's ok to agree to disagree on certain things but when problems persist, it's time to cut ties. I've stopped putting enormous effort in deciding who is at fault. It's a waste of energy and time. I don't need to feel victorious or to prove the other person is the bad guy. At the end of the day we either get along or we don't.
Your maturity is attractive … never lose it someone will appreciate that I promise
It can come from any direction! So right when you're around or communicate with someone like that all interaction stops! It's a way of knowing yourself- self LOVE!
Well said. I totally agree with you.
I like that.
You have great “boundaries!” Love what you said!
I always doubting what is Gaslighting means, then I realized that's some part of me!! I think I concerns a lot for others people wanted good for them while not knowing I'm hurting them at the same time. 1, 3, 8, 9 those examples I did that quite typically, thank you to makes me realized how monster I am. Imma change it and showing more compassion and understanding to others. New subscriber is here!!
My father tends to gaslight me whenever I get very upset over small things because of my autism and anxiety which he thinks is just a bad excuse. He often yells and even swears at me and tells me to just get over it. He doesn't validate my feelings compared to what others do. This video helped me.
Shalom brother. Keep your eyes on the prize.
I kinda wanna cry. Psych2Go is like a parent I never had.
We will be here for you!
Awww
@@Psych2go thank you for
.......................................................................................................... everything
Same
@@Psych2go *plays friends theme*
cringe show btw
Gaslighter: Makes me the butt of her joke
Me: that was uncalled for.
Gaslighter: It was a joke, lighten up.”
Me: “it’s only a joke if we’re both laughing.”
That’s so true.
Some people just don't have what it takes to understand jokes. But some people don't have what it takes to make jokes.
It's a thin edge
Not necessarily, you might just not have the same sense of humor.
It could be a joke that you don’t understand
Just because a person is offended by a joke does not mean that they are being gaslighted - some people are always offended and some people use “false offence” as a method of control. Psychology is infinitely tricky Dog Culture.
I love your videos! I am still learning about myself and how to stop continuing the abuse. Thank you!
The most important think to counter gaslighting or any form of toxicity is to be self centred, self assured, confident & know yourself so as not to be moved by the words of others but take them for what they are & try to be detached.
1 1:24 what did i do to you?
2 1:43 Everyone around you isn't the problem the problem is you.
3. 2:09 Im sorry you feel that way.
4. 2:27 I don't remember saying that, i think you made that up.
5. 2:41 it's your anxiety that made me do the things i do.
6. 2:59 You need help.
7. 3:15 It's your fault.
8. 3:37 You're too emotional.
9. 3:47 it's not a big deal.
10. 4:03 why are you defensive all the time? You're attacking me!
No one. Should have to deal with this... even if they say its not intentional. This can very well harm your health massively....
I think no.2 and no.4 is a grey area because it can also use by both offender and the victim(the REAL victim not the one who pretends to be the victim)
what if someone genuinely is the problem
@Eva Birch
I kinda disagree.
WIth 2, by using the sentence we're assuming that there's "the problem" for no reason. In real life there isn't one problem, there's a set of complex circumstances that everyone's in! To think that either the person or some group of people outside the person is solely responsible for "the problem" is really oversimplifying things, polarizing and it doesn't really benefit anyone.
It's really biased against the person that's put on the spot as either fully responsible for the problem, or not responsible at all, comparing to deflecting blame to more people. There are lots of problems that cause a circumstance, and everyone plays a role in them. There is no either/or.
With 4, there's an explicit "I think you made that up". That's basically calling someone a liar. I think it's reasonable to avoid saying people made things up, and just stick to the I don't remember saying that. I've known someone who as a kid said a lot of shit that annoyed everyone, and then denied it and said people were making it up when confronted. Little gaslighting bastard!
With 9 the thing is that it's not really going to bring perspective, is it? It's just making what you feel in your head clash with something that's assumed in the moment by someone else.
If the "small thing" is a big deal to someone but not to you, it'll make them feel invalidated and self-critical.
Little things can get big, and yeah they can be little things in your perspective but depending on the other person's state they can be huge. And when that happens, they cease being little things and having perspective is also accepting that something that is small to you can be a huge problem for someone else.
My ex used to do all of these except for the you’re too emotional. I ended up hitting her after she started flipping me off the mattress. She never validated my feelings. It was always about her. When I would tell her the things she did she would say “ so I’m the bad guy? I’m terrible it’s always me, why don’t you just leave?” She never said okay let’s do this differently.
I now have OCD.
A variation of #4 is: "Stop putting words in my mouth". Even "therapists" sometimes gaslight you with that one when you call them out and something they said that bothered you.
With basically everything, this broken-record ideological response: "It's just a funny joke".
i felt that
They say that because they’re guilty and don’t want to admit it!
Lmfao. Imagine thinking that's an actual example of gaslighting. People genuinely are just losing their sense of humor.
@@Ausar0 It depends on when it's used obviously. For example, constant harassment when requested as unwanted numerous times prior, is not a funny joke. Maybe to the harrasser in some sick way, but not to the person being harassed.
@@Ausar0 Lol.
In the depths of my childhood, my mother's words echoed through my vulnerable mind, repeatedly reminding me of my supposed ugliness. As I grew older, my father's absence became a constant presence due to his prolonged work trips. Left alone with my emotionally unstable mother, I endured her frequent outbursts and the piercing words she would unleash upon me: "No one in this family loves you. Your father left because he despises you." These were the haunting echoes that resonated within me from the age of 12 until I turned 18, finally leaving my hometown behind to pursue higher education in a distant city.
Throughout my journey, the burden of financial responsibilities often fell on my shoulders. Whenever it was time to pay for my tuition, my mother would insist that I approach my father for money, claiming she had none to offer. As I transitioned into adulthood and ventured into overseas territories for work and life, my mother's demands evolved into monthly requests for financial support, to which I reluctantly consented.
It wasn't until two years ago, during a pivotal public speaking engagement, that a perceptive audience member pointed out a flaw in my delivery. The weight of humiliation and shame bore down on me, leaving me submerged in a sea of self-blame and lingering disappointment. It was then that my battle with depression commenced, leading me on a path towards psychological therapy. Gradually, my therapist unveiled the deep-rooted issues stemming from my strained familial relationships, prompting me to confront them head-on.
In a heartfelt conversation with my mother, I mustered the courage to elucidate how her actions had corroded my self-esteem, giving rise to the gripping tendrils of social anxiety disorder. To my dismay, her response failed to embrace the healing path I yearned for. Instead, she resorted to emotional manipulation, attempting to hold me hostage with guilt-ridden assertions. She painted me as an ungrateful child, falsely accusing me of deception and claiming my intentions were merely self-serving, driven by a desire to shirk responsibility as she aged. In the face of such resistance, I made the profound decision to create a necessary distance, marking the initiation of a new chapter in my life as I approached the tender age of 30.
This juncture represents an opportunity for rebirth, where I can ardently reconstruct the foundation of my identity and diligently pursue my own well-being. From the ashes of past hardships, I will rise, armed with newfound resilience and a renewed determination to chart my own destiny.❤
It’s insane how so many people gaslight these days. I never even accounted for it. When you place your trust in someone you don’t want to believe are willingly singling you out, and they do it to avoid taking any accountability. It is a very sad thing that happens especially when they were friends with you
When I first heard about Gaslighting in a psychology video I was like: “What does lighting up gas have to do with psychology?!?”
Lol can relate
same i was deadass like "does the gas do something to ur brain???"
Same lol
Wait what the heck it says ur comment was 2 days ago
@@luckitycanon ya XD
When you are gas lighted, plan quietly and run. End of a toxic relationship.
Amen! It won't change.
I did just that
I did, and unfortunately, only a year out of the 36 year marriage to just such a person, I nearly found myself in the same exact kind of relationship yet again.
Getting out of this one right damn now. Glad I recognized it when I did.
It shows I've learned and done some healing and growing, but still have a lot more work to do still.
However, this realization that I'm recognizing these things gives me hope and even more determination.
I'm a worthy, loved, strong independent badass woman.
The man who may deserve me somewhere down the line better be frickin' solid as hell.😎
@@phoenixmode6909 put a price on that badass! Make it as expensive as you need it to be in order for you to be safe and healthy. Seek truth, get healed up, be blessed and don't let anyone ruin your future again. Keep strong😎
I have a friend that I really trusted gaslighting/ spreading rumors about me on tiktok (like I legit have no idea what they're talking about because they won't talk to me) and I'm for real losing my mind
You always help me examine my own behavior, and that of those around me. But as a writer, I'm here today doing research on gaslighting to make a manipulative character for a story. Thank you for always helping me out, Phsyc2Go!
I watch those videos to certify my suspicions that my now ex was gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me, using the silent treatment, not owning up to his mistakes and projecting his flaws on to me. If you love someone and they were abusive only during conflict, it's easy to forgive them and not think much of it. The last month before he left me he had become a lot more toxic.I just watch all your videos and write down things that he did and examples, so I feel validated and not forget what he did.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is actually a phrase you are taught in therapy to deal with a person who is a narcissist or a gaslighter. Such as:
Gaslighter "I didn't do anything, you cause your own problems and everyone feels the way I do!"
Regular person "I'm sorry you feel that way."
It is a phrase to shut down a narcissist so they don't keep attacking you personally. 👍🏼
What of you generally feel bad for the way someone feels about something that happens to them? What do you say when you feel genuine empathy for them for a situation they are going through especially if you are not the cause of said problem?
@@phillyopalandgem8847 That is a great question. 💗I was taught by a dear sweet Bishops wife that the correct thing to say is often not what is instinct or quick answers. It's not the clichés we often tell people because it seldom helps anyone feel better. She told me to think about this from the perspective of the person who is hurting. Put yourself in their shoes (the best you can if you have never felt or experienced what they have). Truly feel what that might feel like.🥺 It makes you vulnerable by doing this, but it is the only real way to show and give empathy. Which is what those hurting really need.Now ask yourself. .. What is it that would feel good to hear in this situation? If you told someone this exact same hardship, from your heart, what would you hope someone would say to YOU to help you feel better? Say exactly that. 💜On the other hand, what is it that if said to you, in that moment, would feel bad or empty? Avoid saying that.
Sometimes when I have had to really think about others pain, from their side and from their life and heart, what has come to mind to says has been, " I am truly sorry for your pain and for the hardships you are facing. I don't understand fully your burden, but I can stand here with you and be your shoulder and ears. I really am sorry you are sad and hurting"
I hope this helps answer your question. 💗
@@phillyopalandgem8847 While most of this is very generic and vague and can be applied to just about anyone there is one thing I agree with that you said and that was the flying monkey's or I call them the "audience" for the narcissist. I found that many different narcissistic people I came across all had the one thing in common, they all know people who "feel exactly the way they do." This is a clear sign. They always have an audience of people ready to take their side about everything at a moment's notice. The end result clearly being you're the one who is wrong because if all these people are saying it then it must be you. As soon as i hear that phrase now, that is all she wrote for them.
Except narcissits NEVER get shut down. They always have come-backs because they dint give a crap about anyone's feelings and the consequences of their actions. My suggested response to gadlighting is TO LOOK THEM IN THE EYE AND TELL THEM TO GO F--K THEMSELVES, and, of course, walk away with head held high. DO NOT GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO RESPOND. They will always try to have the last word. Been down this road BIGLY. I still shudder about and it's been yrs.
@@dumdum3470 Unless that narc can't take the ego hit, then threatens you with a gun, fists,, a hammet...for your actions and words. Yah, it is NOT good advice to anger or inflame a narc. Look at the Brian laundries case. Whatever happened betwern the two, made him questioned his ability, manhood, sense of self and he flipped. THAT is what narcs do. Do not fan that flame. But by all means walk away.
When I found out what gaslighting was, it was like my entire world was changed. It helped me recognize how much I was abused in my life.
Exactly, it is such a red flag, you can try to avoid this person if you can
I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope you succeed and get through life ❤️ male or women
It’s even more hurtful when it’s family. I have two sisters that are just brutal. I avoid them as much as I can.
@@Penny-bt4gc i cut em off my life even they're my family they're not helping with my mental health
Same here
I mostly encounter being gaslighted by my parents back then, and it often made me think if my actions were wrong or if my presence that time was just out of place. I can tell when my parents are having a bad time when they start to badmouth / cuss extra words that aren’t even necessary to begin with. Often times I can tell it isn’t “disciplining” anymore, the argument ends with “stop being so emotional / soft” when in fact, I was in my right composure. Growing up, I kind of adapted that way of talking, and I can say its so easy to manipulate people if you intentionally want to prove you’re in the right position, and failing to see that reflection of what really is wrong with yourself as a gaslighter. I tried it with a couple of friends and it took a little bit of “convincing”, and it works almost every time. I kind of had that self reassessment when I broke up with my ex as she occasionally tweets about my or some other people’s red flags when we were still together, and it made me question myself alot and haven’t really fully recovered ever since. I’m more careful with what I say, how I act, and basically became more careful and conscious with talking to people, living up to that NPC energy. This video tells alot, and some parts I just discovered today. I’d take a break with socializing, especially with some toxic people in my life.
Here’s a good gaslighting story:
I live in an apartment complex meant for people with high-functioning mental/neurological disabilities, and there’s staff who help us with a number of things, each of whom work shifts here in the office next to us.
I have autism, but I also have photographic proof of a grotesque lower spinal injury in my L4 vertebrae, so I need help lifting heavy groceries when shopping.
A staff member, who I’ll call “Greg” for this story, drove over to the Albertsons I was shopping in, because I called him and asked politely if he could help with the 4 different gallons of water I needed.
20 minutes later, I was at the self-checkout, trying to scan everything without throwing my back out, but I didn’t know he was standing there right behind me, just watching me with his arms folded, as though I’d done something wrong.
First, he chided me about being “disrespectful”, because apparently I wasn’t hurrying up quickly enough. Everyone in staff has records of my injury, always accessible in the database, so I told him “I’m sorry, my lower back hurts, which makes it difficult to handle heavy things.”
I said this nicely, making sure to communicate the same way I’ve practiced before. He responds by telling me “Well, I don’t think your back is hurting.” As if that made any sense. There’s literally X-ray records in the office!
For the first time in YEARS, I spoke up like an adult, saying “You don’t think my back is hurting?” I said this angrily, giving him quite a bit of sass as I recall. I’ve been through this crap before with other staff who’ve been fired for harassing me with far worse, and I’d completely had it.
I was red in the face when I asked him “Would you like to see the x-ray photos in the office?” He didn’t expect this response, especially from me. So he stammers, and says “well, no… it’s just that you always say that your back is hurting.”
I told him irately “That’s because my back IS always hurting!” He stands back a bit and waits near the entrance, staying silent for the rest of the way back home.
Later, the boss of this program forces him to write an apology letter. She gives it to me and asks if it sounds okay. Greg literally apologized for everything he did, EXCEPT the part where he claimed my back wasn’t hurting! That one topic was the only thing I was mad about, and he knew that!
I told the boss about this detail, and she doesn’t look surprised. She just nods, and says “Yeah, nobody here likes him. Why he’s here working with the differently abled, only God knows why.”
I agreed with her, and a month later, Greg was fired. They were as angry as I was that he’d gaslit me in the apology letter. It was very obvious too.
Also, it was a relief seeing this freak go, because some people said they saw him taking pictures of a little girl with his phone on his first Week of the job.
The higher-ups couldn’t do anything because there was apparently no evidence that this happened. But maybe that’s deviating from the subject a bit. These are some of the kinds of garbage people who use gaslighting as a tactic.
bro really dropped a short story lol, ive done too many of these to be reading allat
Nice story and well written!
❤
Greg stands there seeing you lift the heavy stuff and not lift a finger. Then he is surprised your back hurts? Glad you could get him out. He does not deserve to work with any people. He can go lay bricks or something
Thanks for sharing and especially for standing up to this person. We never know how many complaints go unreported in the workplace and how many people suffer needlessly.
My ex said all those things whenever i wanted to confront him. He's an ex for a reason
Good thing you dropped him, you deserve better
Yess qween. You deserve better!
👍🏻👏
My ex wife said a few of those, speically if she was siding with her awful parents!
Yup
what about something like "here we go again" "get over it already" "ur always trying to start arguments" when u bring up ur feelings lol
How about,"you're doing this to yourself", " I was only joking", "you need to build a bridge, and get over it", "stop dwelling on it.", "I didn't do anything wrong.", mostly in defending his many different woman friends which he keeps his friendships with them a secret...until one night I did discover one of them came to my home, and took a shower, used my body wash, shampoo, bath towel, etc. All while I was at work..
Upon discovering this, I was blamed, in that my husband angrily stated to me: " I'm only trying to help people!"
Same
Yesssssss🙄
@@mickyrichardson8729 better be ex husband fuck that boy
@@mickyrichardson8729 wow, he is killing you slowly. Please run from him k.... if you can.
I have a friend at the moment who i don’t really get on well with. She’s very opinionated, controlling, and gets mad when i talk to other people, which leads to me trying to distance myself often. There were a couple of instances recently where she yelled at me for no reason, shit talked about me, lied to me and ignored me for days before pretending nothing had happened, and another where she did something that really hurt my friend. Whenever i try to distance myself, she acts like I’m the problem, asks me if I’m ok, and shit talks me to other people. I’ve never had this with anyone else, and she made me feel like I’m the toxic one. This has helped me see it’s actually her gaslighting me into feeling this way, and I’m trying to cut her off for real this time.
I agree , I love watching these channels to be certain I use my words to uplift and not harm . Healthy relationships are important . It’s good to nurture that friendship and family bond .
I just repeat to them: "You know what I'm talking about" and then walk away. I don't even explain myself.
Wow.. I like that.
Brilliant. Thank you.
You better hope they really do understand, not just they should read your mind and know instinctively...
I already told that to my mother and my mother told me "what are you talking about??"
🔥🔥🔥
While I'm super aware gaslighting is a real thing and very abusive, I'm so tired of people who are using the word incorrectly like when someone has a different opinion or perception than you. I had my second sister say it to me just because she misinterpreted everything I said and when I'm corrected her, she told me I was gaslighting her. Isn't that gaslighting in itself? Gasception???
That's actually the problem with gaslighting, because it's basically a lie there's no way to tell if it's being done with the intentions of a gaslighter. The intention matters more than what's actually being said. While you could have someone saying somthing that sounds like gaslighting there's always the chance they're just wrong or being blunt or whatever. The only effective counter is truly knowing someone well enough that you can pick through the BS. and unfortunately some of these people are really good at showing you exactly the sides of themselves they want you to see, so you'd never question their intentions.
Yeah, these people literally gaslight people by accusing them of gaslighting, pretty ironic lol
It could be to shift the blame on you and make you second guess yourself every time. Can you maybe give some examples because perception is really. But I know several people who’s using it and literally don’t know what gaslighting exactly is. Narcissist always gaslights.
You and your sister are part of a sorry generation that comes up with a word or phrase for everything. Did I just gaslight you?
Thanks for this comment. I am French and hearing more and more the term I was like : what is this? Seems overused. It's definitely overused. I think society tries too hard to put labels on things. Sometimes it's useful but most of the time it's not. A non malicious person will not gaslight. Period. And manipulative persona have other ways than gaslighting...
Well, now I can say this so called friend of mine is toxic and has gaslighted me for years. And when he “apologised” for his problems he said, “I’m sorry for everything, the reason why I was so toxic to you is because I was friends with _____”. Next day, he’s not friends with ______ and he’s talking about anyone and everyone behind their backs. I don’t know how to stop being his friend, it seems that it’s hard to let go of him, because he’ll make my life a living hell (spreading rumours, making fun of me, etc.) if I do. If I don’t, however, the same outcome would take place.
I’m not a very confrontational person, I don’t like to talk about my feelings often, so being able to talk here knowing there’s no way he or anyone else will find this brings me joy.
Thank you very much for the video! Wow, you have precisely described behavior of my social worker when I was trying to talk with her about her unprofessional behavior.
Slight correction about the play: the gaslight was the only way the wife kept her sanity. When he was sneaking upstairs, the gaslight would dim because more lights are using the gas. The gaslight was the only proof she had that her husband was lying. I've done this play before.
You are right! Good catch! It has been ages since I saw that movie.
I need to see this, sounds dramatic 😭🤍
@@santanavirtuosa it's a great play. And the final scene is **chef's kiss** because the husband is complete trash. One of my favorite things I've ever performed.
@@AerialAssault87 watched and loved 🥰 your comment made me go ahead and watch it immediately (I’m just updating late!). He was awful! Amazing show!
@@santanavirtuosa you should read the play. Originally called "Angel Street". Even better in my opinion.
i had a 'friend break-up' a few months ago with someone i'd known for nearly 9 years, over something miniscule, there had been so many red flags before but looking back, i was gaslighted SO MUCH by them, they even used some of the phrases in this video!
I had something similar she acted very bipolar since the begginning though in 2017.She was mean to multiple people and not just me. And got mad at me cause I told her to stop playing with people's hearts and dating 20 boys at once.
She did apologize sometimes and she could be very nice a lot but i already have enough abusive stuff going on and have since wayy before I even met her.I don't want to deal with any extra abusive people that I don't have to.
@@xahsinor4364 Are you from Texas?
same thing that happened to me too. I recently broke up with a friend too and had the similar situations as well
Same thing happened to me. Though the 'friends' were also mad I wasn't magically better after under two years of therapy for over twenty years of abuse.
I really wish I'd recognized the gaslighting and other signs earlier.
A lot of these type of videos helped me realize that I wasn't the problem that I was painted out to be in the relationship with my child's father. Between my child's father and his mother especially his mother she's the worst of all. She never held her son accountable for anything and it was always my fault for every single thing between her marriage and my relationship with her son. I thank you so much for these helpful videos. Keep the content coming.
Are u single now?
@@medic173 yes i am
ex's mothers that support their's daughters when their's husbands misbehaves and give no support when their's sons misbehave. they are not worth of anything
“I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way” is the most commonly used gaslighting phrase that I’ve heard in my experience. Thanks for this video.
I'm sorry you feel that way, but it isn't.
@@BigWheel. How do you know what is the most commonly used gaslighting phrase that I’ve heard in my experience?
I don't agree with this, I see nothing wrong with being sorry for the way someone feels, like what would I do? Say I'm happy for the way they feel?
@@yaseenyahya I agree. I have said that many times. I say it when my intentions were not to hurt and I am don't feel the need to apologize. Sometimes we need to reflect on our own feelings of why we get hurt instead of asking the other person to apologize. If you make the person aware then they can be more cognizant of what hurts your feelings.
its a lack of effort imo when ppl say it. like, can't we try to say "no, you misunderstood, that is not my intention at all". even a fake sorry can be thrown back in yr face by an abuser. my abuser would always say "well, you said you were sorry, you took the blame because you knew you were guilty". you see the insanity??
Here's another one, which caused me to decide the relationship was over: this particular ex insulted me egregiously and falsely; when I called her out on it, she tried "Don't take it personally." I replied, "You personally directed that to me, which means it was meant personally; so there is no other way for me to take it but personally. Good bye."
wow please dont go back to that person or anyone not emotionally mature to take accountability for what comes out of their mouths
@@lotusgrl444 Done and done.
You’re just crazy
Damn sounds like my ex
And really, it was unintentionally an honest thing for her to say. Narcissists really will do that to literally anyone, and no one should take it personally. It's always about them anyway, whether they own that or not. Congrats on knowing your limits and getting out. 👏
Thank you so much for this post. I keep hearing this term gaslighting in for the past 2 or 3 years I just don't understand it but after listening to this I do thank you I get it
Thanks for this content. Really needed it this week!
Yep, every single one and also " you're so irrational" and " nobody can talk to you". Being the scapegoat in a family with a narcissistic mother is absolutely devastating and a miracle if you recover😢😢
Those phrases are heart breaking to hear but they do happen :(
At least we r not alone and are still overcoming. I have narc mother and father too. Terrible disgusting miserable people
I get told why are you in your feelings
Sorry….
I just found this comment - I'm still working on and hoping for the miracle. You understand it seems being a child in that toxic environment only to grow up and leaving home early- an edict given by my father at the request of my mother to put me out- as the designated scapegoat for the rest of my life. No matter how far away I was/am everything wrong in the "family" is still my fault, you see...I am now "cancelled" which may be a benefit in the end. 🙏
You are describing my mother right there.
The most ironic thing is that I recorded her saying one thing. When she denied having ever said that and claiming that I was crazy, I showed the recording.
Rather than excusing, she accused me of manipulating her words and being evil.
Wow. She sounds horrendous. Good on you for not falling for her devious ways, you seem a lot smarter than she is
I feel so sorry for you and I feel you so hard:
I did the same to my father once. When I showed him the recording he shouted at me, said that I should never record him again and that I should directly delete the recording and then he beat me.
That sounds exactly like my mom
I didn't know if I was being gaslighted a lot in life and now i know.
These people don't change and even at age 34 I still feel like no one genuinely cares how i feel.
It for sure played a role in my life with my once best friend who really wasn't a friend. Lucky for me, I started therapy for my anxiety and depression, and they helped me realize she was not a good person. She even used the "I'm sorry you felt that way..." But it was like a constant thing all the time. When I started sticking up for myself like my therapist said, she started telling everyone I was just an angry person all the time and had anger issues. I told my therapist and she laughed and said she didn't really know me and it sounded like she may have some issues. Long story short, she tried to take advantage of me and my partner, therapy helped me see it, I stood up for myself, she continued to try to manipulate me but it didn't work, she threw a fit, and we aren't friends anymore. haha.
W for ya... For me, it's my very brother. although he does it to make it look like nothing he did is his fault in a situation. He isn't too dangerous though. Like a low tier gaslighter
Same she said I’m too sensitive
😂👍
It’s important who you let into your life.
Taking responsibility for your own actions is always key
Yes, and taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings is always key too. As an adult one should be able to manage their emotions.
It does go both ways.
A gaslighter being on purpose is because they know what they do is wrong, but they rather not face it, so they put it on you.
But some people also use an overactive "victims mentality" in order to do the same thing, and some just simply don't control their emotions and self-check to see if the emotion was just a knee jerk reaction or not.
A good example of the latter is if someone says a joke that accidentally offends someone, and the offended immediately say "you said that just to hurt me". This is the person using the mindset to excuse their emotion, and are forcefully painting the other person as the one in the wrong. Point 10 "you are attacking me" is what these types of abusers use.
So yes, it does go on both ends. Gaslighters use toxic means to put their own responsibility on others, but many will also use the term to gaslight them, or play up the victim mentality to avoid what responsibility is theirs to have.
@@hellfrozenphoenix13 👍🏼 The clarity in your point is that in order for the “gaslighting” phenomena to work you need 2 participants with unhealthy boundaries. One to cast their responsibilities on to another and a second person to accept much more responsibility than is realistically in control of.
@@hellfrozenphoenix13 what happens when you ask the person to stop making a the same unfunny joke?
What if it's not a joke at all, people should never be the punchline of a joke.
If you make someone the punchline of a joke, after they asked you to stop, the other person is gas lighting?
Seems like you don't know what a good sense of humor is.
Sorry I'm not trying to attack you, but I had someone do this exact thing to me one day, and then they tried to tell me that I am the gas lighter.
@@XJonAye this is bullying behavior, but it is not gaslighting. When the other person claimed you were gaslightingz that was an attempt to shovel self responsibility off to you. Let's define what gaslighting is, as the term is commonly thrown around but not accurately used the vast majority of the time.
Gaslighting is when you manipulate someone and convince them that events and actions aren't happening while knowing full well they are happening, diminishing their mental state and having them question their own sanity. To be clear: this isn't one person has a bad memory and therefore accidentally gaslights. Gaslighting is an action done on purpose and is an abusive tool to control another person (like when an abuser verbally assaults their victim and tells them they can't get better).
Now with this definition in mind, it's very hard for gaslighting to occur with a stranger. Possible, but the act takes time, premeditation, and and understanding of how the other thinks. These are hard areas to fill with a stranger.
In your case, it's a classic bully. And while it sucks that they would continue the jokes about you even after you said stop, the only person you can control is yourself. I suggest, if put in a similar situation, that you then cut ties with that person making fun of you. They are trying to prey on your insecurities to make their own person feel better. Don't bite that bait, deny them feeding off of you, and hope thay whatever is causing them to do those acts, gets better. Bullying is rarely done without something motivating the bullying behavior, and it's almost always something sad
Gaslighter : You are the one who is guilty and I am the victim.
Yep. That's one of the hardest to deal with since when someone considers themselves the victim, there's nothing you can really do to create underdstanding.
What if they say why am I always the bad guy?
My answer to someone who said that to me. "Yes, you are going to be a victim, of a serious accident." I know who I am now & will never take that crap from anyone anymore.
Quite ironic, because we blame them here. Sometimes we really are a problem, sadly this video says that everybody who watches this channel is the victim and never the problem. Not the best for self reflection.
My ex husband used to beat the crap out of me so much but when a neighbor called cops n he went to jail, I was always the one with the guilt and feeling like he was the victim…. I think a lot of domestic abuse situations are the same way.. it’s like a role reversal of carrying guilt n who the victim really is
I left a “ relationship “ that was spot on for typical responses to everything and anything that happened!
Shaming people each and every time they try to have fun or succeed too in gaslighting.
I literally heard all of this in my last relationship, I could never express my emotions or thoughts without being told I was wrong, it’s not a big deal, you never take responsibility for anything, or being told that I needed therapy because I’m too much to deal with. All I wanted to do was talk about how I felt.
Omg yes! They discount your feelings like it doesn’t even matter!
Yes!!! Same to me. So happy I've been out of that relationship for almost a year now
Perhaps you could communicate your feelings in a way in which you take responsibility for them. They are your personal stuff after all. I cannot stand listening to anyone who barfs up their emotions all over and blames their emotions on everything and everything around them. Manage your feelings, own them, take responsibility for them and then I can listen to you. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM of the outer world. Don’t try to sell that malarkey. No one believes it but you.
They're always bringing up how quiet I am. It is total cognitive dissonance. "I'm not falling for this again."
Big business uses 'sorry you feel that way' to dismiss people as worthless.
Exactly!
111k likes and 11.1 mil subscribers. i heard 111 is the number that symbolizes new beginnings. good luck to everyone in their plans of standing up for themselves and/or walking away 🫶 it is very hard but you are so so strong. this is your world and you deserve to be safe, comfortable and whole
Direct, Simply put, easy to digest, room for misinterpretation. Very Nice
been raised by gaslighting, narcissists & having to re-parent yourself
ahahahahaahhaa me
Diante clanton’s biography of being raised as such and having to re-parent himself coming soon📕📚👀
I've lived with it for 20 years. Problem is, the gaslighter does it so much, he isn't even aware of the emotional destruction he causes. He's literally too stupid and selfish to care or want to change his behavior.
Right, its pure selfishness, were not even a consideration. But thats why theyre wrong.
Theyrer not intentionally trying to drive us crazy, thats hooey.
That would require them to stop thinking about themselves and think about uis.
Its simply them skirting guilt as usual.
Sometimes the 'he' is a 'she'.....
@@Q1776Q Talkin about transexual? Genderqueer? Im jk...Hi, Im one of the very few. Yep, my quest started when she told me I was a narcissist.
It struck me as so odd. It wasnt like being called an ahole or jerk etc.
Cos I thought...whoi is she really thinking about? An ex? Cos I knew I didnt get close to fitting that category.
In fact I had just shown empathy 10 min before.
So then I learned about projection...hostility, meanness, being dehumanized, not only not given credit for anything I do....that woulda been ok...but she'd take away what Id done too. Like, I could have been Saint Thomas 7 days straight and the 8th dasy shed say youve been an asshole all week lol, you know?Shed take it away too.
@@metaldreams3595 Funny! And of course I'm talking about a regular guy... when I say 'he'....Ya can't say ANYTHING now a days!!!! Ha!
@@mila42491 Well just keep in mind, its never been about his estimation of you.
Or what you did wrong or could have done differently.
His behavior and thinking youre talking about are similar to him as using the bathroom, breathing. Its sad but to him, totally normal and actually..necessary.
And that is why I felt the need to emotionally disown a few people who I once viewed as a parent. Apology always accepted but trust and love and respect denied.
Great tips! I'll keep them noted for when I feel like gaslighting someone! ty
"Stop it. Get some help."
Depends on the situation
Yeah, if the person is emotionally abusing you then you can't blame yourself for saying that.
That's a meme lol
1:11 jeez guys there's a disclaimer
Yeah, I’ve said that to someone who relied on me solely for support. I let them know I didn’t have the resources they needed, and that they should seek professional help. Partly for themselves, but also for my well-being. I couldn’t be the only person they trusted. It’s far too much pressure for an adult friendship to thrive. Sometimes you have to set up boundaries and need extra support. There’s obviously nuance here, but idk…
Guys don't fall for a gaslighter's trap.
You are too good for them. Never ever doubt how good as a person you are.
Just because they tell you that you are a horrible person that doesn't make you one.
Don't describe your personality and character on the basis of their opinion.
Be an opinion of yourself, one which you like and be proud of.
Stay strong guys.
Yesss! Goan?
@@zahur5254 yes why
Thank you
Thank you for your support. I don't like where I am and what he has done to me. I almost had a nervous breakdown because of his sick emotional and mental abuse. I can't wait to leave him. I will not go down again because of his torture.
@@nd612 Sis, pack your bags & run! Don't let him get the best of you. Stand up for yourself, give him a piece of your mind & if he tries to come for you all crooked & sideways, tell him to kick rocks.
Sorrows bring forth wisdom... blessings
After 17 years of my wife abusing and projecting she finally had an affair. When I said “how could you do this to me?!…she simply said “I’m sorry YOUR having a hard time dealing with this.”
😔ugh.
Had I have known about psychology I could have done things differently. It’s still valuable info though.
I will teach my children …and it will help them.
Thank you 🙏 …and stay healthy everyone ☀️
Here's my Dad's favourite: "It's all in your mind".
Ohhh that's my so called man's favorite aswell😒🤦🤡
The amount of times I've had ex bfs say this to me!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrr!!!!!!
It is all in your mind 🤣 tho
That's the main red flag right there.
I've gotten that one several times as well. That, and "Have you been taking your [anxiety] pills?"
I feel like gaslighting in general is totally toxic. Some people like to manipulate someone for shits & giggles.
I mean the whole term means toxicity and yes that’s basically what gaslighting is. The gas lighters have no evident trauma or anything like that, they just want the people they gaslight to feel bad
Or to justify their actions and feel good about themselves.
Or sometimes they'll do just to get a reaction outta you
@@diamondprincxss but if the victum don't feel victum than victum wins
I literally had a girl say #3 I'm sorry you feel that way after I confronted her about her bullying and degrading comments which were addressed in front of two of my managers and she just completely played dumb and didn't recall saying something rude to me a few days ago. She even had the audacity to try and take over the conversation in the very beginning and say "Oh you were acting strange that day" as if it was something wrong with me when I know for a fact she was making fun of me to her friend and making snide comments as i walked by.
#5 " It's your anxiety that made me do the things I do".
I have to agree with that, but with one caveat.... Quite often the actual cause of the anxiety is from another source and the speaker is simply aggravating it, again intentional or otherwise.
Nope. They aren't always aware they are doing it. They are fighting to surpress reality because they can't handle it. Gaslighting isn't behavior of intelligent people, it's a childish response to being overwhelmed by the results of their actions.
True. They aren't always aware they are doing it, but it still doesn't make it an less of an abuse. Impact is almost similar.
Yeah. I think it's automatic defense.
I agree. I think something that might matter more than them doing it in the first place is their ability to want to change. But it is sometimes hard to get them to realize they are doing the gaslighting. “..it’s a childish response to being overwhelmed by the results of their actions.” That makes so much sense. Thank you.
There is an international group of people all over the world, i mean real criminals who are using this strategy. They will never leave you alone, once you are their victim. They do not only rip you of your dignity, but everything else that you possess especially your money. Still it is not only money they crave. They are sick to the core.
If that was true, why do they only do this when others aren’t around to see them do it. They are perfectly behaved in public situations.No they know what they do, they hide their deviousness , they just refuse to take responsibility for their actions. For them it’s a win, win situation. That’s the danger of these people, they know what they do but do not have any (zero, nada, none) emotional empathy for the ones they destroy, and... that’s a lose,lose situation for anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves entangled with one of them. They also do things that are so horrible or so outrageous, and tell you how crazy you are for thinking they could do such a thing. That’s where we underestimate them, and can be gaslit, we think, no one would or could ever do that... then we feel bad for thinking we saw or thought something they say never happened ....oh it did happen. yes they can and will do anything, and they do.... and they know what they do is wrong. And they will deny, deny, deny, even when faced with irrefutable proof. Like a kid with cake on their face who says they didn’t eat any cake, except it is not cute, it can become deadly to those they deceive.
" I didn't want to do this to you, but you forced me too."
" you think too much, you're too sensitive."
That first one 😟 "yes i physically abused you, but than again you have driven me to this point, so it is actually your fault, you should have shut up and nothing would have happend..."
Haha yes u just reminded me of a past narcissist girl friend/ player.... you over think things
My ex.
Thanks. Makes a lot of things make a lot more sense. I needed that. Thanks again
Thanks for the tips!
I hope that anyone who has experienced a gas lighter finds emotional safety 💗
I mean I got gaslighted in second grade by a friend -_-
I don't know how a 7 year old could be so manipulative
If you're out there, C, what the heck
@@islandk.6917 trauma is a big reason : / Everyone gaslights to a degree, but a person who constantly gaslights you, you're going to feel physically sick and filled with doubts about everything at a certain point.
Thank you ❤️
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Gaslighting is disgusting, coming from someone who's been gaslit for the last few years and only recently am waking up to it.
Definitely 'Bro'. One incident has affected me for years and it's since a couple months that I completely realize I was being gaslighted.
@@SHVideografie yeah, and even when you wake up to it it can take years for your confidence and self esteem to fully recover. Really is fucked and I'm angry about it lol
@@brohen I know exactly how you feel. Trying to forgive the gaslighter for your OWN wellbeing is your best shot to get over it. Easier said than done though.
@@SHVideografie in a way I do, I try to remind myself that we are all products of our environment. I still allow myself to sit with the emotions though.
A person who does it is not necessarily doing it out of bad intentions, they might not even know they're doing it, it can also be fear or trauma driven. But the consequences are horrible.
All one can do is to call it out the next time one recognizes the pattern, and if the person doesn't change, to stay away, because we all know where staying leads.
My parents use these phrases all the time whenever I confront them on something they said or did to me.
I failed a college class once during the summer semester despite my best efforts including staying up all night to study for the final. I would have passed the class had it not been for that exam. I was really upset because I know how my parents would react. My fears were confirmed when I told them. There was shouting, attacking, accusations, being told that I have a history of being irresponsible, threats of no longer paying for tuition, and being mocked for the efforts I put into the exam. When I was pushed to my limit and snapped back at them, they said “Don’t get mad at us. We’re just trying to help you.”
There were more instances like this in the past over other various things. The next time I saw my mom, she complained about me not talking to her or my dad. I told her that I didn’t like how they talked to me the last time. All she said was “I’m sorry you didn’t like it but that’s tough love and someone has to tell you the truth.” Every time I bring up their verbal abuse and manipulation, they would tell me to stop holding a grudge and let it go. They expect me to have a relationship with them and yet they refuse to own up to their actions. They want to have their cake and eat it too. They never apologized and kept making excuses and pretending to not remember. They act like we’re a happy family when they just sweep this kind of behavior under the rug. I just see no point in confronting them anymore because they’ll just downplay me and gaslight me all over again.
I'm sick and tired of being gaslighted. Now I just walk away.
I’ve worked with a guy at work like this, he knew all the triggers for my anxiety and bullied me for it, when I tell him that what he was doing was hurting me he told me “you’re losing it bud” when I clearly seen what happened
Hell hurts....and he will pay for there is no escape from following his master's way.
I think I'm also working with a guy who's gaslighting me too, usually for work related stuff. Somehow, everything he says always almost convinces me. But I've noticed how he mixes stories up and I'm beginning to feel like I should be more cautious of him than I already am (have had a couple of trust issues with him already). And it's getting on my nerves, because I don't like the idea of being used, while also already having responsibilities to tend to over his.
Me: You're gaslighting me.
Gaslighter: You don't know what that word means.
to combat this pull out the phone search up the defenition and there.
Or “no, YOU’RE gaslighting ME” because THEY don’t know what the word means. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
In a perfect nutshell! 😂👌💚
that's not even just limited to the word gaslighting just any other word that points out how much of a shit person they are mentally
Gaslighter : i don't mean that
Over half of these phrases are used often without gaslighting intentions. I think just because you hear this phrase doesn't mean your gaslighting or being gaslighted as stated.
I have heard most of these from him. Scary. 2 yrs, trying to disentangle. It’s hell after you’ve experienced such kindness and love from them too. Jekyll and Hyde. 😢
I spent days being told I was abusive and guiltripping just by telling my side of things and telling people how I feel and why I exploded on them after countless days of what I now recognize as abuse. This video made me cry.
me too
don't explode. control your emotions. i have trouble with this, too, when a liar/manipulator pushes my buttons, but even if you are 100% correct, your emotional outburst will make people only see the outburst and not listen to the logic or truth behind your words.
Try sending it in an email so words cannot be taken out of context and there is a time and date stamp on it and so you can save a copy and edit it before sending it (to remove too much emotion).
@@genkiferal7178 Well, gee. I would if I didn't have a disorder with Emotional Dysregulation
@@kaytheimpossible1383 That's YOUR problem and YOU have the power to change you.
@@genkiferal7178 Did you seriously just say a disability I was born with is my problem and I can change it?
I remember my ex started acting strange and things didn't add up so I went through his phone and found he was actively trying to hook up with other chicks. When I confronted him his response was "it's your fault, you went through my phone and found exactly what you were looking for." It's definitely liberating no longer being in that relationship and my current relationship is much more healthy.
It wasn't your fault it was his fault doing all of the things and then he just wants to blame it on you because you found out what he was up to and when you found out he still lied about it when you had proof I hate people like that that won't own up and admit to their wrongings
I'm so sorry this happened to you hun:( I hope you're doing okay now. I went through the same thing. trying to heal and get better every single day.
What's the whole deal with phone privacy? Cell phones have brought on an expectation of privacy between members of a couple that simply didn't exist a few years ago.
Consider: A cheating spouse couldn't get phone calls (and texts didn't exist) without the house phone ringing and everyone being aware. They could only get or make these calls undetected at work or by inventing a reason to run out for something and hitting a pay phone.
If your side piece called your house and hung up if someone else answered, it became suspicious real quick.
Then caller ID came along and it got even trickier.
The real issue is, why is there anything in your phone that your spouse/partner can't see?
If it's not Christmas time or a birthday/anniversary coming up, why are you talking to anyone that you don't want him/her to know about? I'd really love to see someone defend this position because I just don't get it.
An exception is if it's an abusive situation and you're planning your exit. Then delete everything as it happens to keep yourself safe.
Which brings me to this: if you are cheating or carrying on an inappropriate relationship (and, barring abuse, if you don't want your spouse to know, it's probably inappropriate), why aren't you deleting the evidence? Are you wanting to get caught so your spouse will make the break? Or do you just want them to see the calls and texts because you're a cruel bitch or a son of one?
@@Raec123 He will never stop this behavior, you will feel better when you dump his ass.
@@Raec123 why would u tell somebody else to stop talking to ur husband. He is one u should have talk to.
This world IS maddening. I know a state trooper and a non profit care giver that use damn near all of these tactics in their own instances. Stay strong yall build resilience. Love
In the movie he didn’t do the light thing to try to convince her she was crazy, it happened naturally when he would sneak up and look around in a boarded up area of the house for some valuables he wanted to steal. When he turned the lights on up there it would dim the lights in the rest of the house where she was, but he was telling her he left the house every time he was sneaking up there. She would ask him about it, and to cover up his own actions and avoid being found out, he decided to tell her it was all in her head and convince her she was crazy. He wasn’t making her doubt her reality to torture her, he was making her doubt her reality so she wouldn’t discover the nefarious behavior he was engaging in behind the scenes. He needed her to be distracted with questions of her own sanity so she wouldn’t figure him out. Though, he did to other things for seemingly no reason other than to torment her.
These days I realized gaslighting can not only happen within a romantic relationship, but also it can happen in a friendship, parents and child, teacher and childern...etc. I'm glad that I just realized that my very good friend was gaslighting me whenever we argue. And I forced myself to get out of that relationship! It feels painful and awesome at the same time.
I have had a similar experience to the one you speak of. I once had a friend who I believe was at best toxic and at worst a narcissistic manipulator. To this day I'm still not sure if he has a psychological condition such as NPD or ASPD or if he was just a toxic friend. Here are some of his traits and actions which led me to cut off the friendship:
I never heard my (former) friend apologise properly ONCE, I'm not even sure if I had heard him apologise in the sense that a gaslighter would.
When I was friends with him I told him that I thought I had a problem with drinking and he would continue to buy me drink after drink, and as the drinks kept appearing in front of me, I (as someone who had a drinking problem at the time) kept drinking them...
He was accused of physically assaulting his ex; and when anyone would defend her, or remain friends with her, or even show skepticism in the slightest, he would mock them behind their backs and diminish their character.
He seemed proud when he told me that he had pushed someone down a flight of stairs. This was, admittedly, in response to him being grabbed by the neck, but he didn't even check if the (much older) man was okay.
He once pretended to be passed out and lied to everyone about it.
He threw a glass bottle at another friend of mine (who is sadly still friends with him) which narrowly missed him. This was over a VERY minor issue.
Needless to say, I'm very glad that I am no longer friends with this person.
@@stinksmcgee I'm glad you got out of that relationship! Your former friend sounds like not only just gaslighting but also abusive towards others.
@@stinksmcgeehe’s definitely abusive and good thing you got out of that relationship
@@rustlu2955sounds like he’s just an abusive asshole to be homest
sibling relationships to I know from experience
I stay to myself and I love every moment of it❤
I was in a relationship w a gaslighter, he made me feel like crap at the end when he discarded me. And he did some of the examples here. I know better now, and do listen to your intuition.