Understanding childhood trauma and abuse | Tanya Waymire | TEDxFlowerMound
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- čas přidán 4. 03. 2019
- Tanya reveals her secret for the first time on the TEDx stage. It took courage to confront the truth and come out about the ongoing sexual abuse she suffered as a child from a close family member.
Maybe stranger danger isn't the term or platform to teach our kids about the dangers to their safety. TEDx is about ideas worth spreading. TEDx is a program of local events designed to bring people together to share a TED-like experience. Just like a TED event, the TEDx event is focused on bringing in live speakers to spark deep conversations and connections in a smaller group.
Speaker This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
i'm watching this for my gf too. She has had a bad childhood. She still have trauma from her childhood . I wanna make sure to make her feel cared for.
What a thoughtful choice - and an incredible way to show her you are there for her. Bless you!
That's why I'm here also.
You are a good man @Karan Bisht
It shows there’s good men out there that genuinely love and care for women and want to understand how they need to be loved and cared for, protected in a way only a man can. God Bless You!
Same here man
that is also why i’m here!
I want to rescue my 3-12 year old self. shes was so strong...she pretended to be
Though we can’t change what happened, we can most definitely discover who we are intended to truly be - and without even meeting you, I am confident the you today is even stronger than the ‘you’ from 3-12 years old❤️
Thank you for your honesty!
when she said “you are not responsible for what happened” i started crying. i’ve needed to hear these words for so long
Thank you for sharing. I am so grateful this message and truth found you ❤️
No but me too it touched the heart
Ur pretty cliche. Go watch good will hunting.
@@ColocasiaCorm is this an ad- i genuinely do not know what that is 😭😭
also dude just let people heal and cope however they choose- it’s not cliche,, it’s genuinely comforting to hear. just let me cope in peace dear god
❤
To those that my talk was intended to help - I don't receive notifications if there are comments. I do check in on it, but if I don't respond quickly, please know it isn't because your thoughts and journey aren't significant. No one should have to endure what we have - but healing is possible. You live with great purpose. God didn't create us to play small. As Vanessa (a friend of mine) said after hearing my talk, let's light up the darkness!
hey...my dad abused me physically and now I'm mentally damaged I'm 13 year old my dad tried to slap me and physically shut my mouth 3 weeks ago I was in my room and my mum always says the same thing when I speak up :" next time don't disrespect him he is your father " I don't see him as my father i hate him I was so happy and cheerful now I end up crying all night hoping it will end or he will die ...is it normal that I had in mind killing him while he was asleep or not? sometimes this killing scenerio come random in my mind but I know it's wrong I don't want to tell my mum she won't fix anything I don't want to go along with my dad he took my safety and happiness I think it's my right to not like him😓😔😔😔
Ilina :P
9
4) :P85
Thank you so much
@@karimamoor2037 My humble pleasure. Be well!
If a grown man or woman thinks that abusing a defensless child makes them empowered, they are cowards and deserve to be placed in solitary confinement behind bars for life to make them feel alone, scared and defensless as the child’s life they chose to destroy.
I'm a survivor, a warrior, and I'll NEVER let it define me. The healing isn't done, but I'm literally going to work on it everyday. Thank you for this, Tanya
SheShifts, thank you so much! This - sharing this message with the World - was the hardest and humblest thing I have ever done. Complete vulnerability. You get it. Even though it’s not our shame to carry, there is always a shadow we have to shed light on. Keep being strong, and with every time the shadow shows up, appreciate when you do away with the darkness from the shine of your great light!
Yes, stay strong! I'm so sorry you had to go trough this, no one deserves this. Keep your head up, you're amazing🙏🏼💓
SheShifts TheAtmosphere I’m with you there, love. I’m still bleeding as we speak, but I’m definitely stronger. I learned how dark this world can become and learned to appreciate every bit of love and compassion to everyone, regardless of what anyone says. We stand together, God bless ya, love
Keep walking toward stronger! I used to believe crying was my giving up control (when I would be so upset that I was moved to tears thinking about it), BUT I reframed my perspective to see that when I am moved to crying about a memory, it is my emotional being cleansing it from me...like a hard rain that comes and when it is over, the World is just brighter and greener. As those cries would come after this shift, I was so grateful to have gotten to the point of washing that away from my emotional being. It doesn’t mean I don’t remember it in my mental being, but that memory doesn’t have control emotionally anymore. Make sense? If your bleeding is like my crying, I hope this perspective may help you as well to appreciate the chance to acknowledge it and then detach it as part of who you are in any state (physical, emotional, or mental). Be well, WarchilledGaming!
Tanya Waymire I know someone it happened too. I pray they take your attitude ❤️
To my sisters and brothers here who have been through abuse, you will be okay. We are going through it together and we will find a way to be whole again together
Thank you for your words - and yes we will. Every step we take toward our true selves and purpose is a step away from the abuse and power our abuser(s) robbed us of. Keep shining and being a light - bless you!
I was five years old than (at school ) and for a long time
Do you have evidence/proof that we, or anyone, will be okay? Seems like an empty platitude for the comments section. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
How do you know they will be ok?
@@bmac8322 same zeez
I didn't realize how much my own assault had affected me until I hit my limit after many other hard events in my life happened and I just broke. I was five. My therapist said at that moment, I lost myself. I lost who I was. And up until now, I didn't realize how I dont know who I am as a person. He took that from me, and I am now trying to get that back. It is one of the hardest things I've done in my life, but I am done letting what happened affect my life anymore.
Joanna, thank you for sharing! It is hard, but discovering who you are is beyond worth it! My hope is that the journey is healing for you as well!
How do you do that? Not letting what happened not effect your life
@@karimamoor2037 By not allowing the person that harmed you be placed in a position higher than yourself. You are not to blame, the person who harmed is obviously damaged themself do harm. Self love. You deserve your time & energy, self love, self belief, not them. By wanting to blossom into the flower you want to & can be, without any toxic or poison around you, but with all the imperfections. No one is perfect. By knowing that you want & deserve the best for yourself, because you are under the blessings of a God. God is love. By allowing yourself to grow over the passage of time. By knowing each day you live & learn. That healing is a process. For me the discovery that I want & deserve so much better, than wallowing in self pity or self harming. Abusers are not worth it. You define you, not them.
@@karimamoor2037 it's actually like you try to deny
Something what your enemies know
And will use against you, especially If you manage to forget this.
I happened to me too, but with an uncle. It is the scariest thing that can happen to a little kid. I am in my 40's now, and I still feel lost.
Marcela, there are more of us than will ever be known. Define the greatness God equipped you with. Determine what matters to YOU - and turn your pain and energy to serve that in your life. Step beyond being the victim and begin to take your power. It is a journey, but with every step toward your great purpose, you will begin to find yourself and how incredibly special YOU are.
Tanya Waymire thank you, Tanya. Your words helped! ❤️
@I_Slayyy_Dragonzz 777 It started when I was little, I was 5. I told my parents what was going on just before my first communion, I was 10. You? How do you feel now?
@@marcelavargas453 Hey man it happened to my father what do in do or say?
It happened to me from when I was 2, my mother died giving birth, the only thing I can remember is abuse, one after the other, my father Mary again and he was never around, I tried committing suicide for three times, but God is keeping me around for a reason. I have two sons which I m grathful for, I attracted 4 abusive relationships... it hurts so bad. I m in so much pain that I cant breath sometimes. Pry for me .
As a survivor of child abuse, this really hit home.
Thank you
I am so grateful to read that. Thank you for taking the time to leave a message. Be well ❤️
Tanya, Thank you for going to a place where so many might be silently suffering. BOLD and STRONG!
Yes, i know this is bad but many times i wish i had gotten cancer instead. Sorry
WHEN YOU CAN SPEAK ABOUT THAT ABUSE PUBLICLY AND NOT FEEL ASHAMED OR HUMILIATED IS WHEN YOU FEEL EMPOWERED AND CAN MOVE TOWARD HEALING WHOLENESS!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR POSTING THIS.
Thank you for the support, and I agree! It is shedding the silence and realizing it is not your shame to carry or be judged for that you give it back to the abuser. Becoming whole again means to be who we were truly meant to be emotionally, mentally, and physically. Though we possess all 3, the violation robs us of our full connection and understanding of them. It’s work to realign, but it is worth the effort! Be well!
I always think " survivor" means crime was not so big
I feel my life is destroyed.
Not only feel .
Keep Going Keep growing. Love you all❗️🗣AHOOO❗️💪🏿🤞🏿🖤
love how I was molested when I was 8 and they made it look like they were the good people and used it to blackmail me
There aren't enough words of disgust for people that not only victimize others but continue to do so. My hope is that you have stopped that cycle with them, as they do not have your well-being in mind, at all. Be well, euphoricful!
@@TanyaWaymire Thanks
So sick.
“ every minute I spent in shame or pain is every minute they have power over me”
Rawya - thank you for sharing that stood out. Writing my talk, then memorizing it, wasn’t an easy journey. Anytime we recall memories that are painful, we tend to ‘step back in’ to the emotions/feelings. I had to be very mindful of this. I knew my talk forward and backward (and still do today) - BUT that line wasn’t in my talk. As I was on stage and my mouth was so dry I could barely put words together, I almost stopped and walked off stage (I never knew a mouth drying up could do that). I had a choice to make in that split moment - and I forged through. ‘Every minute I spent in pain or shame is another minute of power they had over me - NO MORE.’ Watching it after and knowing what was going on internally during it - and then hearing the strength and power that came from that statement - it made its’ way into my talk with purpose. It landing with you may very well be why. God bless!
I was first touched at 4 & some random finished the job at 14... I didn’t realize the trauma til now & I hate crying & writing this but it’s for me to surrender my pain. God Bless this woman for making me realize & be strong.
Mark - God brings us awareness when we have the strength to face it. Thank you for the blessings and know we are all in this together. Be well!
They want you to be quiet and carry the shame. Then they have no shame to carry themselves. Speaking up and passing back the shame mentally. Cut the cord.
This has made me cry and cry.
Oh, if your tears are in sadness for me, please know that I am strong. I am a gladiator for those that haven’t found their strength - yet. I love even greater because of the trauma I endured - it does not define me. It’s in our deepest tragedy we arise a greater version of ourselves, so long as we don’t let it defeat us.
The moment I clicked the vid I... My eyes teared up... legit teared up, bc are other ppl kinder than ur own mom.. why 💔. I feel more love from things rather than a person called “mom”
I just want to have a happy life like the rest of my friends
You can! Looking forward, decide what ‘happy’ looks like on a daily basis and work toward it. Eventually, happiness also can transform into joy.
Very similar thoughts happen whenever your father beats you
True!!
Yes, I thought It was my fault.
It is an abuse too
Yea lol
Or your mother. It hurts a lot more when you trust them and think they would never hurt you.
It happened when I was seven. And I always felt I was to blame. For most of my formative years, that’s how I felt: that I must be having some cheap, vulgar air all over my body. And I hated my body. It didn’t help when boys were interested in me. I used to feel that it was same cheap thing that I had, which attracted them. I told no one, because I didn’t want their pity, I wanted to be treated normally.
Till other things happened as a result of it. And I was forced to an come to an understanding- that if I wanted no pity from people, and I wanted to treated normally, I had to do it to myself , and shed all those notions, and know that I was a divine being, with enough power to succeed. The real change came from me. Anyone in a similar situation, who reads this, work hard, you have limitless potential.
Thank you Tanya for this wonderful talk. I wish I had listened to this in my teens, it would have saved me so much, and I could have done better in studies.
Thank you for sharing your testimony for others to read and glean from! You are spot on, and I am grateful to read your words and support. Be well - and keep being a light for others!
Mine wasn't stopped in enough time I became pregnant and produced a son from my stepfather. I love my son despite the way he was brought in the world. I was 15 when I conceived. 12 years old when the abuse started. So between 12-15 I am 25 now.
Feel hugged, I hope you are fine now
Lots of love and power to you
Have you ever gone to the police or are you too scared?
@ no1youknow
Good of you to love your son.
He has nothing to do with the abuse.
God is the only healer. Take Jesus into your heart and he will free you.
It is not a spell, sometimes hard work is involved, but you will be free snd healed.
Have you reported your perpetrator to the police? I don't think you will get any help from your family members. But if he is not already behind the bars, he is damaging someone else's life in this very moment as we speak. He should be behind the bars. Doesn't matter how long ago it all happened, you still can get justice. You are one of the bravest women I have ever heard of. You are a survivor. Love and power to you and your beautiful son.
I was a toddler.
Growing up I was haunted by recurring nightmares of monstrous creatures hovering over me and I was paralyzed. These nightmares continued for 4 decades until a flashback revealed the truth. It happened.
Still living day by day. Trying to be light in the darkness. Gonna give it to God.
Always, always loved the old saying and still say: “but for the grace of God go I.”
Thank you for this video.
The symphony of our minds and His protection is incredible. The nightmares as a child kept your senses sharp - but you weren’t equipped to deal with/reconcile. The awareness and memory means you not only are equipped to move beyond it but likely need to help others. Shine your light!
If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't recognized how to protect and acknowledged other people's pain and sorrow. I wouldn't be symphatetic.
You have found a way to use your pain as a gift - and that is a blessing, all in itself. Helping others is why I put myself out there to share - good will come from what we could not control. God bless you!
I'm just so scared to tell anyone... All these years, and I never told a soul. My memories are foggy by now, because I made them this way, but still, I want to get this off my chest. But what if they don't believe me? What if they minimize it? Or feel ashamed for me? Get hurt for me? What if everyone finds out? I can't stand that idea. I feel trapped. I want to heal, but I'm so scared to open up and make the first step.
I know how you feel. I never told anyone in my real life, only strangers online to get it off my chest... and no one ever seems to act as though it was a terrible thing, I think that makes me angriest.
I know my family wouldn't believe me, I know that I'd be yelled at or called names... so I can never tell my family. 😔
I hope you have a better family and can find the courage and strength and get help if you need it. 💚
Currently in a homeless shelter at 33 years with a master's in accounting. This 18 year old kid with a HORRIBLE childhood came in and latched on. I had an amazing childhood. He's attached to me at the hip and I just don't know what to do. Mu life is about as bad as it gets but I relate to him and we have fun all day long. At night when I'm in the bunk, I cry. I don't know how to help but I know I'm here to. When he came in a day after me, my depression went away. It was very deep and he's probably saved my life and has no clue. Many mental disorders like me but combine that with a severely messed up childhood and you get an 18 year old in a shelter. I need to understand what he's gone through. It's heavy but it's given me a purpose
Thank you so much for sharing - and recognizing that even in a difficult season- we can serve others (and in turn, help us with where we are at). Good will come from it - Romans 8:28 🙏🏼♥️.
I love the way she put this. I need to find who I am. I need to try and separate this event from who I am. I’m so tired of being broken.
Abby, thank you for stating it that way. Yes - 'what' happened (event(s) is not 'who' you are! The journey to discovering who you are is worth the effort, I promise.The freedom that starts to show up as you reclaim 'you', also, serves as momentum to continue to do the work. Be well!
abby G keep fighting Abby!!! You are stronger than you think, keep going and show them that you are stronger than your past. I believe in you!!!!!!! 💪💪💪
Yes, all of us.
I was 7 my half brother(17-18) did it to myself and my sister who was 4 at the time. She said she doesn’t remember her childhood (sign of trauma) and I remember a lot. To this day we all still go to brunch together and have family parties. It’s hard.
Izzy, I understand this better than you know. I’ve shared over and over that it was my faith that got me through it. (Abusers don’t ‘deserve’ what I am about to share - so please read with an open heart as to why I write it). Forgiveness is a powerful choice that releases us from the shackles of what happened. Those who abuse will be judged, make no mistake. Those who abuse a child should wish a rock tied around their neck and thrown to the bottom of the ocean rather than the judgement they will face (New Testament) - but, forgiving in my heart - for me - allowed the contempt and disgust to begin to fade. Again, not because those feeling weren’t/aren’t warranted but I found they just took me back ‘there’ and living through it once was enough. Thank you for sharing this, as so many live a similar situation. These feelings come up when family you trusted to protect you didn’t do anything about it, also. Forgiveness, again, is what freed me. My husband doesn’t see how I can ‘forgive’ , but unless you have been in our shoes and walked our path, it’s not for anyone to understand but us. Another thing, your being able to show up, be present and attend the brunches and family parties - you are conveying a mighty strength that is far more powerful than the unspeakable acts your half-brother committed. Every time you show up - whether you see it in his face/eyes - you take more of your power back from the powerless situation he created. Abusers are cowards - doing so in the dark or the shadows where they can deny it later. You are showing up in the light. Keep shining, Izzy!!
@@TanyaWaymire thank you so much! That means a lot to me. I haven’t thought about it that way before
@@TanyaWaymire Do you have resources on getting help? I tried once and it didn't go well. Thank you
It hurts the most when realisation hits and u feel unworthy 😣
How you feel has worth and learning. Someone else’s choices doesn’t define your value - period. Who you are and why you are on this planet supersedes any humans’ projection of your worth. Who you are - and the gifts you are equipped with - are not for any human to decide. Lean into your great value. If you don’t know what that is right now, don’t look to a person to help you discern it - it’s bigger than any one of us. Pain has power - will you allow your abuser to harness it or will you grab it and use it for good? You can’t control what happened to you, but you can control whether you let it determine who you are and what you do in life.
@@TanyaWaymire Thank you so much ❤️
That's what they want us to feel
They break worthy things
Bc they are unworthy by choice
The hardest part has been building friendships and trusting people, it’s hard to be isolated and still try to keep stable but it’s better than being around “family”
I have definitely self isolated and created a very small safe space in my life. now I just feel lonely and unable to connect, whats worse is it comes off as low self esteem
I've tried so hard and i keep willing myself to just let it go, but that feeling of insufficiency in protecting myself and the immense fear of failure that has come with it and has literally taken charge over my life is just so overwhelming. It's like I'd do anything to avoid being in a situation where there's a possibility of failing or feeling insufficient again. Thank you for sharing this and making the clear connection with failure and responsibility. Not many people get it but you said it so simply.
Thank you for sharing, Gauri, and I am grateful my direct words were what helped connect dots that your mind wants you to unscramble. How we are designed - and how our minds, hearts and spirits connect and respond - is both beautiful and complicated all at the same time. Remember that what happened isn’t yours to own - it was ‘to’ you and not ‘from’ you. As you move forward, also remember that you are not in physical danger from ‘that’ any longer.
BUT - don’t discount your strength TODAY. Trust that you can step into situations - today - that may seem scary but the joy/reward from doing so outweigh the possibility of it not working out. Notice I didn’t say ‘fail’? Life’s journey is painted with experiences and opportunities to get to know ourselves better. When one of those situations doesn’t work out, there will always be some positive intention/nugget we gain from it - I promise. Go and allow your light to shine as it was intended. Every time you do so, it is another step away from the trauma and into who you truly are.
Well done Tanya from a male survivor of CSA. Thank you for speaking out for us. You are not alone on your quest to help other survivors. I & a growing number of other SURVIVORS & THRIVORS here in the UK are becoming more and more empowered! Keep going. Your mission embodies greatness!. Love from your Brother Greg.
Thank you so much for your kind words and support, Greg! I am elated to read that more and more survivors are taking their power back - I have a special love for my brothers and sisters across the pond, too:) Be well and God bless you!
I understand what you say about purpose. Completely. I am a survivor. I was less than 4 years old when my trauma happened. Year number 40 for me has been about regaining my power, acknowledging my truth, and helping others do the same. God bless you and your journey!
Thank you for the kind words, Nicole. God bless you as well!
This is a courageous talk, that will help heal hearts!
Tammy, thank you for the continued love and support!
Tanya Waymire eloquently and with authority explains to survivors of abuse that they are neither worthless nor at fault and we should always help and protect those unable to do so themselves.
Thank you for the kind words and support, James!
Beautiful 🌷 , yes survivors shouldn't feel ashamed as i felt all My life.
And now we can speak up for who can't ✨
Viviana, your strength shines through your words - bless you!
You are the strongest person I have ever met and this willingness to be vulnerable exemplifies that for me. Thank you for being strong and sharing your strength with those who need it most!
No one would believe me if I told them what I have seen and lived in my life. I do not bother to tell people because they will believe me a liar. I know what it is like to dream only of complete darkness and then a fear that stops you to the point you are frozen to a degree your very soul stops.
Viola - thank you for speaking out. You mentioned people wouldn't believe you - let me ask you this. Does whether they 'believe' you change that it happened? It doesn't - and knowing that gives us the authority of our story back. Sharing isn't for them to decide - it's for us to be able to speak it 'out' and begin to detach ourselves of responsibility that isn't ours to carry.
I have had dreams of such fear as well. As I read your comment, I remember being under dark, heavy attack and trying to scream and nothing would come out. I could 'see' people just around the corner, but because I couldn't audibly scream, I remain 'there' to be hurt in whatever way the one after me intended. In time, I was able to work through those dreams and what they meant in my subconscious. I don't have those anymore, though I had them for so long.
Without even hearing what you have seen and lived - I believe you - and pray that you are now safe. Xx!!
@@TanyaWaymire I learned a long time ago to not bother telling people and the people I told I made sure there was proof for them. Children don't deserve to see what we saw but without the things that have happened throughout my entire life I would not be who I am now. If we can live good lives free of hurting people as we were hurt then we have already become better people than those who hurt us. If we can help people or others in our lives then our surviving was well worth it for those we have helped. All we have to do for ourselves is to not allow ourselves to continue to be victims by misusing substances and drowning in our memories and sorrows. As a young child I learned there is no justice in the world and the bad people often win. To this day justice has not been done but for those who are guilty always remember you don't know what tomorrow may bring because we survived you and we are still here!!
@@violet-kittychick
Violet, God knows. That is what counts.
He can heal you. All you need is to ask Jesus to come into your heart.
It is not a spell, there is still some work to do, but you will be free from pain and guilt. For sure.
@@e.l.243 Sometimes god and Jesus sits things out and what happens just happens and turning to them after the fact is like asking where they were during the fact.. they don't give a sh*t hey!!
just hearing this i want to cry so much and just recieve a hug💔 i would just really love for one hug and someone to look at me and say its gonna be ok or they would be there for me or listen to how i feel. i would never wish for my enemys to recieve the same trauma pain. i did as a surivior of SA and R and physical abuse as a kid growing up till now almost being 19 and how much iv changed in my head i would just love to hear these words and hopefully one day i can recover from it and not be so hard on myself for what has happen. but its so hard when u dont have anybody to tell u.
Angel, thank you for sharing where you are and what you need right now. I was around your age when I found a counselor that had the wisdom to help me work through the thoughts, emotions and impact. There are many free resources through the colleges and government programs to support you in your journey. My talk, and your seeking others with similar experiences to impart their wisdom, reflects that you are ready to step in to the work of healing. We shouldn’t HAVE to do this - we didn’t CAUSE or CREATE the trauma that calls for it - the reality is, though, that staying stuck in that space of anger, depression and little self-worth doesn’t get revenge on our abuser(s). It’s when we decide to take our power, the right to what we do and how we live in our bodies, back fully - physically, mentally and emotionally. If we were standing beside one another, I would be hugging you and telling you to appreciate the strength you are already conveying. I will be praying for you and your journey.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this message, Tanya. Very brave.
J Clint , I truly appreciate it!
Why is it shame to be crime victim ?
Why criminals are respected?
"When you decide to switch to survivor, that is when healing begins."
Thank you for sharing what landed with you. I wish you the very best - and if healing is part of your journey - that your light shines even brighter on the other end.
Is that what\why they do this in royal families also?
You must switch to devil's spirit \control .
That break godly spirit\ our soul to control it .
No wonder humans are so weird .
It happens when i was still a child, and this time I keep on seeing that person and the trauma is still there. So depressing
Thank you for sharing. These predators prey on us as children because our innocence is easier to steal. As images of that person come up, being depressed means you have moved beyond being scared/threatened - and that is a good thing. What they did to you, they can’t do to you again. Work with someone that has the wisdom to help you navigate the healing process - as you do so, you will find that emotions being attached to what occurred will fade. In time, it will be a memory but not part of your emotional state.
When thoughts of my abuse come up, and an image pops in my head, it’s more like a picture in front of me now. Earlier in life, I was reliving it emotionally. The memory that it occurred won’t be wiped from your mind, but the power and impact it has on you will be.
no one can heal ALONE...that person has to find a safe community who can help him or her process her trauma and help her towards her healing.
I agree! At different times of our lives, we often need ‘more’ support from those who have the wisdom to help navigate it all.
Idk how this came across my suggestions but man did it hit a nerve. Thank you for sharing your story. Your words hit so close to home, most of all that notion of being whole ever again. I want to believe it’s possible, I see it for others but can never allow myself that same hope or grace. They didn’t exist when I needed them most, how could they now? Rhetorical but repetitive question I ask myself.
I am a survivor and still struggling to not let it affect me. I was 5 when it started and 15 when it stopped by 3 different people.
Pati, it doesn’t leave us as far as memory. What we are able to do as adults is recognize where a thought, feeling, or insecurity is rooted from (the trauma) and remember we are physically free of that now - and take a step forward releasing its’ hold. It showing up doesn’t mean you aren’t moving forward - you may be more aware, and you will always have more strength than its’ memory can have power. Be well and appreciate who you are as often as possible. ❤️🤗
@@TanyaWaymire Thank you❤
It happened to me when I was eight and went on for a few nights straight. I clang onto him and would feel lost and worthless whenever he would leave me to see his friends in the day time. He was with his aunt and was renting our second house at the time so I always got to see him occasionally. The day he and his aunt left, I didn’t get to see him or say goodbye. The following two years are extremely difficult for me. I was searching for things I shouldn’t be searching my age, I was having dreams too realistic and bad for my young brain and worse of all, I started touching myself. I never told my family what happened because I was confused and just lost. I felt empty.
Then it all just got blurry and what happened to me was “forgotten”.
I carried on, as if nothing happened because I forgot it all after those two years.
I’m now 16 and I only remembered those nights just last November.
I feel like the memories were repressed in the back of my head and despite everything, I don’t get angry or want to cry or anything when I think about it. Sure I feel guilty and ashamed about it because if anything, I could still remember how I myself was asking for it, I was a child but I remember not seeing what was wrong and getting distracted by the pleasure and the pain that came along with it. That’s the worse part, whenever I remember that part, I just want to stop existing in general because I feel so guilty about feeling that way inside.
These days I can’t think about anything other than the events, i can’t focus, I get irritated quickly, I fear that I’d get tangled up with toxic and bad people, I feel tired and want to just sleep it all away, my body feels sore all over, i want to dig a little deeper into my mind, I try to remember him, imagine how I could’ve prevented it from happening and wish that I could tell someone face to face and figure out what’s wrong so I can get the closure I need and move on for real this time.
But at the end of the day, I’m here. I survived, I’ve been strong for so long and I really should give myself credit for that.
Cassandra, thank you for sharing your story and confusion. Your mind suppressed it because it was too much for it to protect you from - until last November. The awareness around all of it, at 16 years old, means you have the ability to work through it with a counselor/specialist who has the wisdom to guide you. Nothing in what occurred did you 'ask for'. I encourage you to visit with a trusted school counselor, someone objective, to help you navigate the 'next steps'. How your emotions and body are responding to the memories can be healed.
Woah it’s like i wrote this
This is the exact same thing that happened to me with everything and even the crying part, no tears just guilt and shame
Im glad ur here
Really helpful, thank you. I decide to let go and live my life with purpose of what I am supposed to do.
Powerful 7 minutes message. On a deeper healing journey myself determined to break the silence. Without God I find it impossible to heal. Taking back your power resonates with me. Finding a good therapist is hard and friends don't understand. I choose to be a survivor not a victim. 💗
Thank you for sharing - and even more so - your calling on your strength and faith to deeper healing. You are right about the therapist. My recommendation would be to ask for referrals from like-minded people you trust. God bless you and your journey ❤️
As a man I have been dealing with this! I have gone to counseling but it’s been awhile! This morning it hit me really hard! I feel ashamed as well! Also I feel bad because I don’t want to end up like my father! It’s been hard to even be around children because of it! And I’m starting to go crazy because of it don’t no we’re to turn to or what to do feeling very hopeless at this point! And thinking of just running away from my life and hiding in a hole!
Mikaele, you can break the cycle and stop it - I promise (I broke it in my family). It does take connecting with resources that can support you in working through the trauma, place the guilt and shame where it belongs (on your abuser) and discover your true self. Do NOT isolate or run away - run 'to' a great therapist/counselor with the wisdom to walk you through the pain to healing. If you put in the work, not only will you find light and life for yourself but you may be able to help another down the road.
needed to hear this. your talk had me bawling. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your words. I see tears like rain. When they pass the World is a bit brighter. I hope your tears were cleansing and find you pointed toward healing. Be well!
Healing experience. Tons of sincere wisdom about purpose. Thanks for your testimony.
Alejandro, thank you for your support and what stood out to you. Healing being a feeling you had show up means so much to hear, also! Be well!
Thank you… My soul needed this! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your kind words, Ashley. May your soul continue to be filled with love and light.
Hello Tanya I am a 23 year old woman. Thank you a lot for your talk. I've been trying to summon all of my courage and strenght everyday to believe in my self and in my birthrights of prosperity, happiness and pleasure. It is very difficult since I never truly went to therapy, talked with people about it, nor I'm believed by some members of my family that mininize, or try to cover up normalizing or giving excuse to the situation. Ive cut communication with most of them. I was basically living in darkness most of my life and for the society I was seen as crazy or broken because I did drugs and my only connections to people were destructive relationships. So I've felt very alone and misunderstood in my journey and it is very difficult to work through my re-alignment alone with just tools on the internet and the little will sometimes I have to do something like breathwork and reparenting myself... Since my self-esteem is broken and I have a hard time believing I actually deserve to be happy... it's hard to wake up in the mornings. Sometimes I can't see how it's all worth it... since the way I've lived in darkness has been crazy. I had little to non true relations in my childhood. I lived on my own imaginary world and instincts, on my intuiton. I was very drawn to art, to other worldy experiences, to writing, and when I started to be self destructive and taking drugs, I went through horrible and incredible places of the mind and soul that almost took my sanity and life in the worst depth's of it. Having total isolation with myself for years I had visions of me being different woman in history, me being perseccuted by demons and starting to be sensitive to extreme sensations, leading to mental breakdowns and the felt sensation of being crazy until I read some books on chamanism and made a life saving conclusion that I was experiencing some deep and ancient parts of my psyche that connected me to a collective pool of human abuse and my highs were the beauty of the human potential... and since I am a hyper sensitive person, I was a vessel to all that, and that my journey is to grow compassion for myself... and express all this treasures... but I am a poor fast food worker where the ambient is toxic and it feels unsafe and stressfull to be a woman, to demand boundaries and I cannot afford to quit. I am just thriving because I have a magnificent partner/friend/lover and my pet who are my only motivation.... because even if I know that there is healing... sometimes I lack the capacity to see there is healing for me too because of my circumnstances... and I didnt have a chance to take this out of my chest because my journey has been very crazy and sometimes the silence shrinks my soul to the point I paralize... and start to believe my voice doesnt matter.... and that just destroys me.... thank you for the video, for reading this if you do... and god bless you all.
Lali, sharing your journey as you have takes courage. Please, appreciate that! In reading, you have found light beyond the darkness, and you can continue to work toward that. If you are open to chatting with someone that not only will believe you but help you work toward your beautiful self (and away from toxicity), I would be humbled to connect you - and it shouldn't/wouldn't cost you financially.
God, please walk with Lali, wrap her in your eternal love, and guide her when she feels lost.
Be well!
@@TanyaWaymire hello, I havent heard of you and wondering if there is still the possibility to speak to someone. Thank you a lot.
Tanya thanks for sharing your story it makes me feel less alone.
God had intention with my speaking - and I am grateful that it found you. Be well!
Wow! Her points on abuse and recovery were great, but her closing is truly inspirational.
Thank you for the kind words and sharing. I pray that those who my words are meant to support and encourage find them. Keep shining!
Great Spirit bless you too. I was mid-way through a panic attack because of my own past experiences. I needed an anchor and I found this ted talk.
I am so grateful to read that I helped you anchor. God bless you!
Amazing. Very well said!
what a brave woman. May God bless you forever!
Thank you for the kind words, Mercy. May God bless you as well!
This is so disturbing. Hats off to you for being this strong and inspiring woman you are. You inspire others and give strength to others.
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. My hope is that it reaches those I was called to do this for and helps them find hope and strength. There’s something very freeing about standing on a stage, taking off your strong outer ‘shell’ and exposing the darkness that happened for so many years. During the years it was occurring, none of my friends would have known what was going on - because we compensate to hide it. God bless you and be well!
We dont hear our stories enough. We hear the moms, the dads but we are silenced too much.
Such a beautiful soul... Thank you so much for sharing your story... Mine is very similar. I am so sorry that happened to you. Bless you and I hope you are healed... I am just beginning my Survivor journey of healing.
Chas - thank you for the kind words. God does use our pain for good - this 7 minutes was one of the ways He has used mine to help others. You are a unique and glorious soul - as you start the journey of moving through the ripple effects of the abuse to healing and your true self, I pray that you lean in and realize that what happened - though memories are painful - no longer has you in physical danger. You will overcome and excel. God bless you!
@@TanyaWaymire Tanya! Thank you so much for such a touching response... Your words are a blessing and a tremendous help to me and I will carry them with me on my journey... Again, I'm very sorry that it happened to you, and me - and that it had to be our pain but we are strong enough and you are proof we can transform it into good. You give me much hope... I can't thank you enough, Tanya. Our Souls are connected in this! We're not alone... God bless you and stay safe!!!
Thank you for sharing your brave and beautiful self!
Jenny, thank you for the kind words!
We are still broken
And they know it
Acceptance for me comes in waves, and at times I’m almost in denial of anything happening in my past. When I am willing to admit my pain after a while I go back to believing it must not have happened. Maybe this time I won’t just go back to denying childhood abuse. Maybe I do have a history of it and it doesn’t make me so bad...thank you for the uplifting message. It makes me have hope that I won’t have ptsd forever and always- and that maybe things will get better!
Kara - I mention how powerful our minds are BUT what I didn’t mention was how our minds determine the reality of our past, also. They are designed to protect us and when trauma happens, our minds will fire neurons to block the memories of it to stop further trauma. Your being unclear of what did/didn’t happen isn’t unusual. How your body responds to those memories is a confirmation. Doubting the past (though it impacts you) speaks to how incredibly STRONG your mind is. That is such a blessing to moving through the memories and pain to your healing and true self. May God bless your journey!
You are the most amazing spokesperson for self love. Thank you for existing just so I could hear 7mins of this ♥️
Thank you for the kind words and support. Self love is so difficult to find when you have endured abuse, so your compliment means a tremendous amount. Be well!
I come from a narcissistic, alcoholic mother who's only interest was her next drink. My parent separated when I was 10 for 2 1/2 years. My grandmother took on the role of mother. My father had numerous medical issues and was trying his best to hold the family together financially. Only now at 39 years old and on my own for the first time with my girlfriend (which took a lot of courage, fights, amd roller coaster emotions to do BTW) just how much my needs were never met as a child. Now I'm diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and have narcissistic traits. I'm only discovering this now after years of denying it and hiding it from people. THIS is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Dan, thank you for sharing. Who you are - truly - will emerge as you work through the outcomes (cause/effect). Be mindful that the labels used to identify the outcomes don’t define you. The hardest part of your journey has already happened, so appreciate each step you take toward healing. In enlightenment is ‘light’ - thank you for sharing your words and being a light for others.
What a really great video, this woman is really beautiful and she is say a good message and give me a courage, and I have been learn, if we face abuse, we should be stand up and speak out and have our own power and be strong, it is our decision, just like what does the counseling is telling me when I use the hotline yesterday, and also believe ourself, thank you for share this video and god bless, if anyone who is face abuse, god will care for all of us and love us and protect us!
I was a victim of child abuse. I was molested almost daily from age 8 to 12. The man responsible died before I came out about it. I’m 38 now and I still feel tremendous pain and guilt about it. I often think of getting some help but I’m too scared to open that wound up again. I don’t know how to get the courage to talk to somebody about it.
CJ - thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. What is holding you back from starting the work is what holds many back - we do have to revisit the trauma in order to begin to heal the damage. Here’s the real and raw reality about that part of the process - as tough as it will be in those moments to look back, they (abuser) can’t hurt you anymore. You are safe from them. This puts you in control of ‘you’ and removes any power they had over you. Find a specialist who has the wisdom in what you endured (usually they are called to it for a reason) and make an appointment. Every step you take toward doing the work to heal is a step you take away from their (abuser) control in your life.
Thank God I found this. My fourteen years old came to me about abuse that happened when she was nine and just told us. Thank you for giving me ways to talk to her.
Thank you for sharing not only your kind words but that you were in the situation to have to respond to your child being abused - and you did so with love and support. So many never tell because on top of the abuse, there is a crippling fear that you won’t be believed. Your daughter’s courage and strength to share with you speaks to her reclaiming her power from the abuser.
Thank you for the video. Im just starting to take my power back. Lots of grieving but im getting there.
Kristi - you are far stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for! Appreciate the steps toward your inner peace. Every step into who you are is a step away from the pain!
@@TanyaWaymire Thank you
Thank you, I'm a survivor too. Taking my power back
Fiafia, thank you - love you! Be well!
I have just completed my third year of university, heading into my fourth this upcoming September. This pandemic has caused me to recognize the emotional abuse that my family has put me through. The last 6 months have been extremely difficult to say the least, and it’s been really hard especially because my emotions are so volatile right now. But when Tanya brought up purpose, it brought me back to why I’m really here and why I’m even in school - to be the role model that I needed when I was younger. I didn’t have the emotional support I needed growing up and I was forced to suppress my hurt for so long. But when I work with other students where I was once in their shoes, it reaffirms my purpose and reminds me that there are people who need me. I wake up because I know that my hurt and my painful experiences can be used to prevent another person from going through the same thing or even letting them know they aren’t alone, that they’re worthy of love and happiness. By all means, I am nowhere near done my healing journey, but truthfully, who is? We’re all on our own journeys of healing and developing a sense of inner peace. I hope whoever is reading this finds the strength to keep pushing despite the barriers that come your way. I know it’s easier said than done especially because I was forced to wait 6 months to see a psychiatrist only to have them turn me down. But I know I got to keep trying. Sending lots of love and a hug to whoever needs it right now, because I know I do
Michelle thank you for sharing your words of encouragement and your desire to help others. When we are able to help another along their path of healing, we are also taking steps along with them. Thank you for answering the call to write your words here, to listen to/help those students that need to hear you, and for being faithful to your purpose. May God bless you and your journey!
it really helped me a lot thank u so much for your speech I love it
Josephine, I am grateful that my talk helped you. Be well and know you are moving in the right direction!
Thank you for sharing
I am searching for answers
Rachel - searching for answers means you are taking action to seek a solution, or resolution. My encouragement to you would be to be open to what healing and emotions you uncover along the way. Find someone - a therapist or counselor- who has the wisdom (which often they choose as a profession because they went through what we did and what to help others) to support you in the process. You are stronger than you know and your light will only get brighter on the other side of your search.
How you spoke about changing mindset from victim to survivor is something I have needed to hear for a long time. From today - I am a survivor and will no longer be victimised by my childhood trauma. Thank you.
Sophie - thank you for sharing. God bless you!
I've been through a lot but the worst is when I was 14 I stood up to my mother and her boyfriend grabbed my head and slammed me into a wall I poked his eye and and ran away he chased me and punched me in the head and kicked me when I fell and my mother watched the entire time that was about 20 years ago and I still get nightmares about it and I've been getting better over the years
Believe me or not it's devil's spirit inside of humans
He likes kick in the head, he is very cruel.
What he did with your mother?
No one should have to endure trauma at the hand of those who are supposed to love and protect us - yet, it happens and the one traumatized is left to pick up the pieces. If you haven’t taken the step to visit with someone who specializes in working through the trauma you suffered, I really encourage you to do so. Why? The nightmares are hints to your subconscious wanting to sort through it and have peace. It can’t find it on its’ own - BUT, when you take those steps to help ‘you’ in this way, you will find the trauma can’t hurt you anymore. I pray you are moved to do this for yourself so your light can shine even brighter!
tanya, i'm so sorry. stay strong, okay? i'm so proud of you. stay safe.
Alex, thank you for your kind words. Strength is on my side and I am grateful to be able to help others. Be well!
I'm starting to think there is no healing, only death.
Thank you so much for this talk. I will not let someone else's dark choices affect the rest of my life.xx
Once we are aware that we are unconsciously carrying the burden as though it was our doing, we have a choice to make - I am so glad to read you choose to not let their choices affect yours any longer! God bless you. Xx!!
Thanks Tanya for your words !!!
I had a very toxic childhood cause of my father
Anant, the pain and toxicity from then - no one should have to be afflicted that way. You couldn’t control it. My hope is that, today, you have been able to use that dark time to serve others and yourself in a good way. God bless you!
Being a victim of an abusive relationship with my father ....she literally answered those questions that are the main pointers of mental breakdown thinking about abuse like why me ....will I ever be the same again .....was I responsible etc ....
Love her 💕
Thank you for the kind words and sharing your thoughts. I am grateful you are seeking support to work through it as well.
@@TanyaWaymire Thank you ma'am . I never expected this gesture though . Thanks alot . May god bless you with the best ever happy life possible 🙏
when i was little my older brother abused me physically and it stopped about 2 years ago. he still verbally abusing me but he’s always done that. i used to be such a bubbly and loud kid and now i’ve turned into such a anxious person. i used to be such a social butterfly and now i never really open up. even my mom witnessed it and she didn’t say ANYTHING because she wanted to protect her older son. i can’t even talk to people without my face turning red now. i’m such a closed off person now
Izzy, the pain and abuse you have suffered is their shame to carry. You mentioned you used to be bubbly and now turn red - your awareness of who you truly are is already showing up to you. There is work to do to heal and reclaim it, but make no mistake, it is there for you to do just that! I am praying for you and know that you can be you again❤️
Tanya Waymire thank you!! and yes hopefully i can heal and become myself again because i am so so why now. but the thing is i know he isn’t ashamed as he says stuff bad to me and my family. he learned abusing from my dad because my dad used to hit him a lot so he took it out on my and my other brother. which is not right but even though it’s over the trauma is still with me and my mom tells me “it was so long ago why are you complaining”
Tanya Waymire shy*
Please get some therapy. I did. It doesn't make it go away but it feels better to take about it.Make sure to tell the therapist that your mom knew about it. That's a separate issue.
Jacquelyn Powell well i had this bestfriend who helped me through it and i still have a wound but before it was like an open wound
So powerful!
Thank you for the kind words. We will bring our power and light up the darkness for ourselves, as well as others.
You have to overcome it. Something I told my own subscribers this week. As I see this daily as a healthcare provider. People who are destroyed adults because they couldn't outrun a terrible childhood. Too many times this becomes the excuse to give up. The reason someone won't try. "Because this (fill in the blank) happened to me." Now understand I am not discounting terrible childhoods. I had one as well. What I am saying is that the world doesn't care. It is totally indifferent. It may owe you but good luck trying to collect. The only way to collect your due is to go out and seek it, pursue it and take it back from the universe. The stories of great triumph are rarely without great adversity--ever notice that? Most will lie down to bad circumstances. But those who get up and fight back will insure that their story is a great one. Hope this helps someone out there---keep being great---Charles.
Charles - I am confident your words will be exactly what someone(s) need to read and receive. I speak to taking our power back - I agree. It’s not easy. It requires us to revisit the trauma and realize they (abuser) can’t hurt us anymore. The memories, though painful, are just that - and when we realize that and start to write our narrative moving forward, the less ‘power’ those memories have over us anymore. For anyone who feels too paralyzed to do this - start with one step. Find a resource to help you do the work. Show up. Every step we take toward healing is a step we take away from the trauma. Thank you for sharing and being a light, Charles!
@@TanyaWaymire No worries--let's all keep begin GREAT!!!--Charles
Thank you so much. ❤
My humble pleasure. Thank you for your support and appreciation. Be well!
@@TanyaWaymire you are so welcome! 🙏 💋
I remember when I was over at my friends friend place with him and he wanted to hand me something and I instinctively flinched. This moment has burned itself into my mind. I believe im actively surpressing the memories of my abuse but I can clearly remember them all at will.
Being able to remember them at will may be the sign that you are ready to work through it. Only you know, of course. It’s clear you have great strength and I have no doubt you will be an even stronger, brighter light!
thank you so much
Thank you for your words
Those who did not suffered by this can't imagine how much it destroys a life... Thanks for the video madam
I agree. My hope is that people won't allow it to 'continue' to destroy their life. The journey to work through the ripple effect isn't 'quick' - but it is worth it. Be well!
Thank you 🥺
Thank you for your words - be well
God Bless you Tanya! I was abused at 5 years old by another child. I distinctly remember how I was as a child prior to the abuse & the legacy it's had over my life.
During the lockdown I had a lot of time to reflect. I finally sought therapy this year. The abuse has impacted me so much that at the age of 31 I've not had any romantic relationships/dated. The abuse has made me avoid anything that could lead to/involve intimacy.
Post therapy, my position on Romantic relationships and my healing journey are moving in the right direction .
Like you, I came to the realisation that I could not allow my abuser (who I've concluded was also a victim) cannot allow the abuse to have a Monopoly over my life & joy. I am actively trying to heal
Thank you so much h for sharing your journey. You're saving & helping to reshape lives.
God bless
Thank you for sharing this and for stepping out to encourage others. God bless you!
@@TanyaWaymire ♥️
Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words
i know that your being sincere and it may work for some people but not everyone....facts..
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts - and you are absolutely correct. If you are seeking, and this wasn’t helpful for you, I pray you find one that is.
Holy wow this was amazing 💖
Thank you for the kind words, Rachel. God bless you!
God bless you you mam for this video. The problems those trauma caused are numerous. I have to wake up everyday and face that it happened , because of their effects still all these years later. Am waiting for the day those incident will stop ruining my present. Accepting is difficult.
Accepting is difficult - but accepting it happened doesn’t mean you are responsible for what happened nor should you carry the shame for it. Maya Angelou has a quote that I adapted to serve as a mantra in my life (my adapted version): “If you don’t like something, change it, if you can’t change it, then change the way you think about it.” You didn’t ask to be abused/traumatized - you also can’t change it happened. None of us can. You have every right to feel as you have and do. Acknowledging the feelings and looking ahead to what is in our control can also be a bit scary. But! I know you have the strength and resources within to do so. Without ever meeting, I know you can - and will - do just that. Be alive and bright. Every step toward your true self is another step away from what happened. Appreciate every step.
Years of hearing your parents argue and constant negative reenforcement affects you.
No doubt it does! I was recently speaking to a couple thousand business professionals, and with the lockdown amidst a pandemic, I spoke about the added stress and awareness we need to have around that. As a parent and grandparent, I know everything we do and say become downloaded behaviors into their subconscious. My message to them was just that - How you choose to show up is how your children grow up. Here’s what I say to you who had to witness it - sometimes we learn what NOT to do from the people closest to us. Your awareness of the outcome says, to me, that you will choose to act and behave differently. Who you are is not defined by another human being. It is WITHIN YOU - and for you to discover and prosper. Please, remember that❤️
@@TanyaWaymire Yes I knew from a young age I did not want to be angry all the time. This is one of the reasons I'm calm. When you hear so much negativity and anger you eventually become numb to it. This has affected me emotionally and I still have trouble saying how I really feel. I respond to negativity by not responding to it. Thank you for the response I definitely needed it.
I'm still trying to learn how to survive from being abused and than becoming a abuser as a child and than being abused for the rest of my life. Do I just become a joker? Are only some afforded healing while others are silenced? It seems like my truth is silenced by my same attackers somehow? Just an endless cycle of abuse.
YoboiT, your awareness of what you have lived is a call to work through it and heal. My first thought is to seek someone in your community that has the wisdom and expertise to support you, fully. Though we feel what we have gone through is unusual, sadly it is not. Counselors and therapists are available that specialize in helping. You are not a joker, and if you will put in the work to find a resource and be open to what they encourage you to do (reading, mental exercises, etc), I believe you will begin to see you weren't designed for what has been - and begin to work toward what can be.
you are in the wrong post these people are people who have not renacted abuse on other children and have a much better chance at life than you being a victim victimizer is not good and you need to do all you can to support your victim and show him or her help and support because you will still have to deal with anger from family and society so go check out kati morton on youtube who talks about this you will fit right in there than here because these people here are far more better than you here who have not renacted abuse.
I have abused cousins and I’m just learning how our family having to survive this situation affected us
Erin - thank you for sharing. Cousins, which means not even in the same household, impacts a family (for sure). I believe your statement was intended to read that you have cousins that have been abused (not that you are the abuser).
As part of the family, you can also be part of the healing process. Ask them how you can best support and love them. Share how brave they were to come forward and tell someone so it would stop. That is the first step back into the light and the first step to reclaiming your power. It is fierce, and they probably don’t feel that way - so your sharing that with them will matter. Words matter. Bless you!
@@TanyaWaymire yes this is correct I’m not the abuser I have cousins who were abused and I will take your advice
Thank you for being a blessing to your family ♥️
She is so strong for talking about this🫂✊
Thank you, Peter, for sharing
What’s worse is when your own family calls you a liar. To me that was worse than the abuse itself.
You know the truth about what happened- and chances are they do, too, but they want to deny it (so denying you and calling you a liar makes it not real). There is nothing ok about any of it, and we (you) didn’t ask for the trauma we were dealt. As you move forward into life and do the work of healing the ripple effects of the abuse, you not only shine as you were designed to but you are BLINDING with your brilliance!
I was abused as a child, but only mentally. My father wouldn't let me in the house, favoured my brother over me, called me all kinds of horrible things. He said I'm not his daughter if I don't respect him. I'm starting to think it's bc of the turkish culture, where men get prefered over women. What helped me was seperation and talking about it. I also got bullied alot during the abuse (mostly by boys). I guess because I was too insecure. I'm 19 now and still don't have a boyfriend, probably bc my head keeps thinking "if not even your father loved you, no man will"
Lala, thank you for sharing your words. Please know that you are worthy of love - great love - and that love starts with loving yourself. When you mention being abused, your followed with ‘but only mentally’. Don’t diminish what you endured. It’s not yours to own - it’s your father’s - BUT is a word that takes away the severity of what occurred. Whether abuse is mental, physical, emotional or a combination, the impact to our well-being and subconscious can be crippling. I would say the abuse you endured was both mental and emotional. This starting at such an early age has created some unconscious beliefs within you that need to be replaced with true and loving ones.
We all carry beliefs, deep down, that aren’t really ours - but we picked them up as children and they impact our lives. Some are good, and some are bad. If a belief isn’t serving you in a positive way, then it isn’t one you need to continue to carry. It’s not your truth to shoulder. The awareness you have around the limiting (and untrue) belief , “if not even your father loved you, no man will” - is such an opportunity now. Your mind wouldn’t have made that question known to you unless it was ready to do the work and do away with it. I encourage you to find a counselor or therapist that you can connect with that ‘gets’ what you are carrying and how to help you heal. On the other side of this, is a great love for yourself (in the healthiest way you can imagine). God created you and you have a light that is supposed to shine for you and for others. As you work through this, you will begin to feel your light shining even brighter.
@@TanyaWaymire omg thank you! Your words made me cry
I love this lady speech🇹🇹❤️💯🙏💋
Thank you for the kind words, Orie
Don’t kid yourself. The “simple” act of telling someone almost never leads to acceptance, love, and genuine treatment. Getting people to believe you always requires someone who who actually cares. So far, more than 40 years of searching for help has done nothing but convince me that I am on my own. Misdiagnosed, mistreated, drugged and left to muddle along on my own, I’ve finally figured out what’s wrong. Telling a mental health professional that you know how you’re broken means they will immediately take offense to your encroachment upon their expertise. I told an EAP provider (my employer insisted that was where I needed to start, even though I knew from hard experience that there was NO WAY eight visits were going to unseat my demons. Then, in our very first meeting, she opened by telling me that my problems all originated from the fact that I see myself as a victim. I responded by telling her what I thought of her assessment and her MSW. I have a master’s degree, too, I told her. And I can’t tell you how wrong you are. Sometimes, victims really ARE victims and not some trendy catch phrase to be rolled out when you’re in over your head and unwilling to admit it. Meanwhile, here I am more than two years later. My employer successfully removed me from their employ without paying a dime toward my treatment (though they were aware of at least three additional traumas I suffered while I was employed there: the gangland murder of my wife’s nephew, the suicide of my cousin, and a man-made disaster that put me on the front lines with victims…)
I tell you. This effort to make mental health a priority in America sure seems like just so much Capitalist rhetoric, lip-service designed to make money off of the suffering of true victims. But we spend so much more money proving the victims don’t deserve treatment than the actual treatment would cost because, well, as they say: there is no money in a cure.
Thank you for continuing the fight - for yourself - when so many others failed to help. Your experience with the EAP provider took me back to a time when a psychologist tried to tell me, within 3-5 minutes of meeting, 'what' was wrong with me. No - and no, thank you. Angry and appalled - I left. For my own journey, I am grateful that I didn't allow this terrible practitioner to stop me from seeking support that (1) had the wisdom to and (2) desire to truly help work through it. To be clear, I encountered more than one that was arrogant and not for me.
I don't believe what we have endured can be cured, as they can't take away the abuse and trauma they inflicted on us. Working through the trauma and the ripples it created, though, restored my conviction in my self-worth and passion to serve others to gain the same.
I just feel we’re thrown into a box for our whole lives and the box is labelled broken.
We need to overcome, it’s hard work every single day but we have to give ourselves the chance in this life. X
I can see that. Though I - we - ‘were’ broken it doesn’t mean we stay there. I don’t know a single person that would call me broken, today. Our choices start with whether we remain there (broken) or do the work to put ourselves back together and flourish.
Tanya Waymire I completely agree! When I said “our whole lives” that isn’t the right terminology, maybe I just feel it might be like that for myself. But I want to break the cycle, I need to overcome. You’re an inspiration ❤️ LOVE
Thank you for the kind words and support ❤️
Tanya Waymire Are you on any other social media platforms? I’d love to learn more from your wisdom! X
@@TW33ZLE , I am and am humbled you asked! My CZcams channel is leadership/life lessons. If you search my name, it should be the top load. I have a Facebook fan page, also. I think you will notice how I turned what I endured as a child to serve living a positive life. Be well!
thank you. very. much.
Thank you for sharing it was impactful.
I’ve been watching a lot of videos about childhood trauma. I never relieved how far reaching the effects of it is. I feel like I’ll never have a good fulfilling life. I just wish things were different.
Sarone, the reach of abuse is immeasurable - which is indescribably saddening and sick. Bringing awareness to what has happened, and is happening, is our best measure to try and mitigate it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Be well!
Thank you :)
Thank you, Amil - by collecting our power and energy, we can light up the darkness for others. Be well!