Rethink your situation
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- čas přidán 23. 05. 2024
- Quick trick if you struggle with shame and negative self-talk.
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But I do care.
When I journal about the most difficult things, I do it in the third person, ie, that happened to her she did this because she thought that. I have a lot of empathy for that poor young woman.
It's a good idea I will try that. Let's see if it works for me to avoid my stress and worry a bit.
Great idea!
I can't believe how many people are reacting poorly to this! It makes sense to be understanding of a character's place in the story based on what happened to them, just like it makes sense to see where I am (or you, other people) based on what I/you have been through.
It's giving yourself the same empathy that you would to another person or a character in a book. We so often don't do that. Thank you, Scott. I get it.😊🤍
It's like these other people think that the whole world is going to read a story that's in their heads
Very good advice. I say things about myself to my therapist and she says, "Now would you say that to a close friend in the same circumstances?"
What a great way to reframe, your situation or bring things into insightfulness.
Thank you, this makes sense for me. Im saving this so I can go back to it. The struggle is real! Im so negative about myself, and hateful. Harming and suicidal thoughts. I'll try this!
Thank you for this - I've always thought about it as what would you say to a friend in the same situation, but this actually connects with me on a much deeper level (avid bookworm!), and, like many other people, I am my own harshest critic...
Agreed. " Love yourself " and similar tropes make cognitive sense, but do not help one to get a sense of what it actually feels like. This is the most relatable exercise I've encountered. Thanks!
I think he simply means "Self Compassion." It's a "thing" in psychology. I try to use that as frequently as I can. It helps me a lot!
Or, to put it in simpler terms: How would you treat a friend, who, like you, had gone through Very Hard Times? You would be kind and loving, and compassionate, because that might help them cope and be better able to go forward with Hope. That is how you would treat a friend. Treat yourself the same way.
Some people here are misunderstanding what you’re saying. It’s a beautiful change of perspective. I sometimes also turn to my ‘ideal inner mother’ (very different from my real one) to get the perspective of someone looking at me benevolently.
You're so right! They sound like others are going to read the story and comment on it negatively instead of realizing that it's just a story in their own heads.
It makes me wonder if they can separate fantasy from reality. Or if they have an external locus of control.
Good stuff man!
Love this channel. Please stay true and humble Mr Scott
Dr Scott
I agree with most of what Dr Scott shares and this little “trick” is no exception. I started following my dream (life story) back in 1976 at a little airport in Boulder,CO flying a little 4 seat Grumman Cheetah to begin my training towards becoming an airline pilot. Four years later and many odd jobs to pay as I flew resulted in me getting all the licenses needed to start teaching others to fly. That instructor job allowed me to slowly progress to the point where I obtained the additional hours and even more licenses to finally get hired to fly a multi engine Aero Commander from my base in Denver, CO to deliver freight to dozens of airports all over the Rocky Mountains. This was done in the middle of the night all alone with my boxes of freight and my dream of finally getting hired with one of the major airlines. The hardest thing about this part of my career was trying to stay alive long enough to make it to one of those major airlines interviews. The freight flying was definitely trial by fire and ice (literally) as the airplanes were old and the weather over the Rockys were very unpredictable. I lost six pilot friends in the following four years.
Long story short the day came when I was hired by Continental (now United Airlines) in June 1987 and my dream had come true. It was more exciting and challenging than I ever could have imagined.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and severe depression in September 2006 and my dream instantly became the nightmare I have been living through ever since. To put it bluntly I was about to experience the hell that passes for our mental healthcare system. Multiple psychiatric institutions and hospitals later nothing has changed for me. I “live” on the small disability check that is virtually impossible with today’s economy.
My dream has been to leave this world for a long time now but I just haven’t gotten the correct result yet after numerous tries.
I’m at the end of my ability to put any of what I read and hear into action any more. I’m sure you all know how this feels.
I have come to really appreciate Dr Scott and would like to see if there is anything I have missed in this fight to survive.
😢 I admire your tenacity to reach your dream. It shows your inner strength and determination..... I wish you such good things and hope you're able to find someone like Dr Eilers to support you through this painful time in your life. My heart breaks for you ♡
I can understand your situation. I think you are very brave to do all the things you have done, you should be proud of yourself. I went on vacation to Colorado a year and a half ago and it was beautiful, I always wanted to move there. I wish you all the best, please never give up you sound like a really strong person. Good luck with everything. 👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Please read Trauma and Recovery by Dr Judith Lewis Herman. She says, and I agree, that "borderline personality disorder" is actually Complex PTSD and others have said that the diagnosis is given by mental health professionals to people that the therapist doesn't like.
@@susanmercurio1060 Reminds me of "the people" the state dosent like. reminds me of the label of "High Functioning" autism. They love HF because if your HF they give much less support...all they care about is money.
@@susanmercurio1060 Good catch…I eventually had PTSD added to the list by many of the “professionals”. The sad thing is that they probably contributed to the problem by labeling me non compliant when I continued to fight for a way to save my career. I’ll give your book recommendation a look if I can. Seems all I can concentrate on is getting on with leaving this hell.
I really needed this. Can't find my smile today
Writing has helped my negative self talk tremendously. A lot of my auto-matic negative thoughts get prevented by an unintentional predeliction towards thinking about how i would narrate whatever im doing (that I only get when ive been writing).
It was an extra benefit i was not expecting
That’s such an interesting way to look at it. Thanks for this perspective. 👍👍👍🌟🌟🌟❤️❤️❤️
This is true, but when the trauma was gay conversion therapy, this makes things seem pretty hopeless. Movies about conversion therapy always give the character a happy ending where he finds love, healing, and fulfillment, and that's not the way it actually works.
Being gay is already hard but I can’t imagine how the conversion therapy can push the shame even deeper. That’s terrible.
You can write the horrible gay conversion therapy into your own life story and make the therapist one of the bad guys.
epic analogy. And the only one that's ever not felt like BS and worked in the time of a short. dude. awesome.
Thanks I needed to hear this..
Loves me some Dr.Scott! Kind advice,Thanks!✌🏻
I love you Dr.Scott
Your videos keep me moving forward. ❤
Excellent. Sharing...
I need to write this down.
Help for all these mental disorders are just coming out of the woodwork right now. I listen with one ear open at first. Then I will devour your library and then I will move on for the next teacher that I'm ready. SO SO glad it's all being talked about. That has got to be helpful. Thank You for daring yourself to this channel ❤️
Thank you ❤
I been meditating on this for the past 6 years. Most people dont have a 6 years to process a lifetime suffering. Karra will assist with my remaining 4 yrs, 9 months. Always try to connect with your guides.
Smart mental-anti-seld-torture trick to 1. stop feeling shame 2. act like that smart fictional character would to overcome mental crisis
It’s easy to forget that you’re the main character in your life, told as a first person narrative. You don’t get to control the whole story, but you can influence its outcome, like a “choose your own adventure” book. If a character made all the right decisions every time, it wouldn’t be a very interesting (or believable) story! We make mistakes, and learning from them is how we grow, NOT something to be ashamed of.
What a timely, relevant message. Thank you.
Thanks.
This a good one.
Not easy to execute, but i will try to keep this in mind.
Meditate and connect...
😊❤ Perfect for me to hear this morning! Thank you for doing what you do ❤🎉
What a great lens to look through! Thank you!
It makes perfect sense that I feel like a loser right now? I’m more for it making sense that they will pull out of this.
Thank you this has really helped me.
Thank you for this one. Good idea to try
Yes I can see it for other people but not me
Same here. !!
Why not?
This sometimes helps me. But, after some experiences of being in negative fanspaces where toxic fans ignore nuances on a character's backstory or literally want a character to be "pure," flawless can also mess with this trick I think the main problem is when fans want unproblematic and "clean" characters in some media when those characters in reality are messy and complex. You gotta be careful that it doesn't undo this trick
No toxic "fans" have to read your life story. Why would you put your personal life story on a "fanspace"?
I think you're mixing up fandom with reality.
@@susanmercurio1060 both are correct...and this reality gets mixed up with fan-fiction...
@susanmercurio1060 I know they won't see it, and I won't post my life. But I think I just internalized those toxic fans' interpretations so much. I also have a problem with caring too much about what other people think compared to me, which is something I'm trying to work on
@@mehlover It's great that you're working on it.
You may have what sociologists call "an external locus of control." If you look it up and recognize it in yourself, it may help you clarify what you're working with.
If you are able to show empathy for the character/person in the same type of situation, you can absolutely show empathy for yourself. Give yourself a break! Have some faith in you and your efforts, as difficult as it seems. We all deserve a little compassion, and if we can’t give that to ourselves, we may not get it any other way.
Very true, thank you
Yes,! What a great, applicable technique, thanks, I’m giving it a go 😊
👍
Thank you 😊
I admire her ❤
This is actually really good!
Wise words.
Well done.🌿
This makes me think of Heinz Doofenshmirtz...
Thank you 🎉
I really like that one because I wouldn't put someone else down.
I needed this. I divorced my second wife because of her treatment of me. We were together about three years. I was convinced she was a narcissist by a therapist. I eventually did get depressed, and while at my lowest , I filed and left. Twice I almost moved home and canceled the divorce. Now I spent 2/3 of my thinking, blaming myself for the end and being depressed I divorced her. She had even asked if we had a chance of getting back together after the divorce. Now she says, she is enjoying not being tied down she had three marriages and two engagements that failed. She just wants to focus on her new business, raise her son and have a fun, satisfying and pleasurable life. Broke my heart! But , she is right , I am the one that left her… I feel like I ruined what could have been a great marriage….
No if you don't feel the love we need to feel that person loves and cares for us you must have had a feeling it was not right ,be kind to your self and heal it was not your fault I beat myself up for years but I now know he my ex husband was not right for me looking back the signs where there some people just need to have there own space so work on yourself now you are the most important person god bless 🙏
I think you Did The Right Thing. She treated you badly. You must Respect Yourself and Not Tolerate That!
Thank you
It’s such a boost to get your ‘little tips’
when getting into bed withaheavy heart! Thanx!
Love this ❤ still bad at it lol
Practice makes better.
(I used to say "practice makes perfect" but I gave up on perfection.)
I hate reading things that resemble my life. It's so difficult b/c i start hating myself. I'm working on it. Thanku for this advice. I definitly will try this. My mental health relies on it.
I use to think " if I'm that person over there, looking at me, they'd not bat an eye, I'm just another person"
This is great advice
I just want them to rest...forever
Oh my god this completely backfired for me and now I think of myself as pathetic af. I didn’t before lolll.
So you're saying that you need more practice at being compassionate towards yourself...
💚🤗🕯️
Reframing abuse as something else is self manipulation. We need to see things as they are
🤯
And what now I can’t sleep
Although I understand the idea, when I do this all I see are the stupid things I did in my past that were my own fault that led me to this horrible place that I'm at. I understand why I am here and what led me here but it's because I'm an idiot.
Same here, however I probably wouldn't have done those stupid things if I'd had support and encouragement when younger.
Those are my exact words.!!
I'm suffering so badly right now., because of my foolish mistakes and stupid decision I recently made.
Add depression, anxiety, stress and insomnia to my misery. 😫
@@iannorton2253That speaks to his point. If you had the support you needed, etc.--- That wasn't your fault, so of course you made poor decisions! It's best to try to move forward and forgive yourself for mistakes, learn from them, and try to make better choices now. ✌️
None of y'all are idiots, you're HUMAN. I dont know anybody who hasnt made a stupid mistake in their life..... Some people just have the means or support to hide those mistakes. Recognizing the mistake is the first step in fixing it..... Step 2 is give yourself grace then move forward ♡
Me, too
I think I kind of deserve it, but it would never end up like this if my mother is not narcissistic. But life goes on...
And that’s how I became a functional alcoholic
I could never have a therapist as handsome as you and keep things professional.... Never mind the fact that I'm gay.
So, they should feel ashamed?
🤔
No.. they are not loosers... amen.. 😢... my evil boomer parents are still abusing me..
Can you reinvent yourself? can you go away for a time and return reinvented?
@gothboschincarnate3931 yes absolutely 💯
@gothboschincarnate3931 I was no contact for a few years, and it was fantastic. Then my son went into a coma. My inner child called her parents.
I should never have. I had reinvented myself and was so happy.
Well, I wouldnt read that book 😂
Yes, i think the character is a loser
It doesn't actually make sense. It's more like a miracle where she is right now.
Well, if it's a miracle that you are where you are now, then that's your story. No one else is going to read it. It's just an experiment in your head.
has anyone ever told you that you looked like clark gable?