Here is the rest of it: Update 2 - My (M50) wife (F48) abandoned me to find herself My wife texted me in the middle of December that sheâd be home for Christmas. I told her that we (our daughter and I) would be at my brotherâs, she obviously wasnât welcome. Iâd leave her car in the driveway and the fob in the backyard. She wasnât allowed in the house unless I was there, she didnât have keys to get in. She spent Christmas with her sister. When we got back I met with her. I decided not to be overly confrontational because I didnât want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to be mad. She was taken aback about how detached l was, I could tell it bothered her that I didnât show her much emotion, not even anger. I just wanted her to agree to a divorce. This is a summary of several different meetings, both with and without our daughter (she hasnât wanted to meet with her mom alone yet). I asked why she left without telling anyone. She said she didnât want to wait a year, She didnât want anyone talking her out of it, she didnât want to work anymore, she wanted to leave before her mental health got worse. Iâm sure it was mostly because she didnât want me to stop her from taking the money. She knew I would take care of everything with the kids and house when she left. We had decided to go summer of 2024 for a few reasons. Packing everything and getting the house ready to sell was going to be a lot of work. We wanted to make sure our daughter graduated college, got a job, and was settled. We wanted to make sure we had money when we got back. We wouldnât have a house, cars, or jobs so we needed money because it could take months to find work and a place to live. We didnât want to have any worries or deal with a mess back home. At some point in our planning she began questioning (to herself, not me) if she ever wanted to go back to our old life. She didnât want to work full time or buy a house and stay in one place after we got back. She wasnât sure what she wanted but she didnât think she would figure it out talking to me. I told her thatâs the reason we were taking the trip, to figure those things out together, to see what we wanted for the next part of our life. I asked her why she didnât just get a divorce before she left, then she wouldnât have had do do this behind our backs and she would have had plenty of money without stealing our joint savings. She claims that she didnât want a divorce, that she wanted us to live whatever life she figured out. I told her thatâs not how marriages work, one person deciding for the other. In talking/texting our daughter, her family, my texts and voicemails she realized I might not forgive her (she was right about that), so she might have to âvisualize a futureâ without me. This is where I had hoped she would say some stupid shit like she was going to squander all her money living in a van and make travel vlogs or she met some guy that she needed to wire money to so they could open an ice cream shop in Alaska. Instead she wants to be a digital nomad, working part time fully remote and living in new places. She tried to convince me to go with her, but Iâll never be able to trust her, plus I donât love her anymore. Traveling like that for a few years doesnât sound bad but she doesnât have a job or any work lined up. Sheâs not in her 20s and that way of living will get old quick, no close friends, no family. I want her to make it work so she wonât be here trying to get back in our lives. 1. How are the kids doing? Our son wouldnât have seen us the entire time she was gone anyway. He only responds to her with very short texts. He told me she wanted to see him but he said he was too busy and wouldnât be able to get away. He lives in the barracks so itâs an easy excuse to avoid her. My daughter stopped talking/texting her. Sheâs pretty upset, her worry turned to anger when she realized her mom wasnât having a mental breakdown but was just being selfish. If her mom was sticking around, they could probably work through it eventually. I just care that my daughter is happy, so whatever she decides Iâll support. 2. Did she spend all the money? About half. I think she realized she needed to figure it out before she completely ran out of money. 3. Did she sleep with anyone? I didnât ask because I didnât care. Asking would imply I wanted her back or it would matter. Even though I didnât ask she claims she didnât, not sure if sheâs lying or not, she might just be saying that because she doesnât want the kids to have another reason to be mad at her. 4. Does she feel bad for what she put us through? She claims she does and she wishes she had handled it differently. She said getting away and figuring herself out was best for her. I told her she was just being selfish. When she first left we were worried something would happen to her and we would never see her again. Sheâs always been self centered. I told her sheâs taking the easy route and letting everyone else handle the difficult parts. If she gets sick? Kids will take care of her. Goes broke? Live with family. Abandon everyone? Theyâll forgive her. She thinks her siblings and our children will let her live with them like we let her mom live with us. Iâm sure when she âvisualizes her futureâ she sees our kids there; they might not be and definitely not in the same way they were before. Despite how it might sound, Iâm actually really happy with how it all turned out. Our divorce is far from final, but weâve agreed on the big things; weâll sell the house, how to split the retirement and profit from the house, how to payback the money she took and what I spent maintaining the household. I got most of what I wanted from the settlement and sheâll soon be (mostly) out of my life. I wonât have to pay alimony, and because sheâs choosing to make significantly less money than she was, I wonât be forced to support her. That would have been a kick to the teeth. She isnât my responsibility anymore and I wonât have to care for her if she does get sick or goes broke. I figured Iâd start dating again. I didnât realize a 50 year old man with children out of the house, a good job, and in decent shape would be a catch. Iâm not fighting women off with a stick, but Iâve had a lot more interest than I expected. Itâs been kind of nice meeting new women. Iâve worked out the numbers and Iâll be doing pretty well after everything is settled and I only have to support myself. Not where I wanted to be; 50, getting divorced, and using Reddit as free therapy sessions. But, Iâm happier now than Iâve been in a while. Iâm even planning a little vacation of my own. P.S. thank you to everyone that has responded and reached out. It meant a lot.
Sorry about the blur, Enjoy watching
Here is the rest of it: Update 2 - My (M50) wife (F48) abandoned me to find herself
My wife texted me in the middle of December that sheâd be home for Christmas. I told her that we (our daughter and I) would be at my brotherâs, she obviously wasnât welcome. Iâd leave her car in the driveway and the fob in the backyard. She wasnât allowed in the house unless I was there, she didnât have keys to get in. She spent Christmas with her sister.
When we got back I met with her. I decided not to be overly confrontational because I didnât want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to be mad. She was taken aback about how detached l was, I could tell it bothered her that I didnât show her much emotion, not even anger. I just wanted her to agree to a divorce.
This is a summary of several different meetings, both with and without our daughter (she hasnât wanted to meet with her mom alone yet).
I asked why she left without telling anyone. She said she didnât want to wait a year,
She didnât want anyone talking her out of it, she didnât want to work anymore, she wanted to leave before her mental health got worse. Iâm sure it was mostly because she didnât want me to stop her from taking the money. She knew I would take care of everything with the kids and house when she left.
We had decided to go summer of 2024 for a few reasons. Packing everything and getting the house ready to sell was going to be a lot of work. We wanted to make sure our daughter graduated college, got a job, and was settled. We wanted to make sure we had money when we got back. We wouldnât have a house, cars, or jobs so we needed money because it could take months to find work and a place to live. We didnât want to have any worries or deal with a mess back home.
At some point in our planning she began questioning (to herself, not me) if she ever wanted to go back to our old life. She didnât want to work full time or buy a house and stay in one place after we got back. She wasnât sure what she wanted but she didnât think she would figure it out talking to me. I told her thatâs the reason we were taking the trip, to figure those things out together, to see what we wanted for the next part of our life.
I asked her why she didnât just get a divorce before she left, then she wouldnât have had do do this behind our backs and she would have had plenty of money without stealing our joint savings. She claims that she didnât want a divorce, that she wanted us to live whatever life she figured out. I told her thatâs not how marriages work, one person deciding for the other.
In talking/texting our daughter, her family, my texts and voicemails she realized I might not forgive her (she was right about that), so she might have to âvisualize a futureâ without me.
This is where I had hoped she would say some stupid shit like she was going to squander all her money living in a van and make travel vlogs or she met some guy that she needed to wire money to so they could open an ice cream shop in Alaska. Instead she wants to be a digital nomad, working part time fully remote and living in new places. She tried to convince me to go with her, but Iâll never be able to trust her, plus I donât love her anymore.
Traveling like that for a few years doesnât sound bad but she doesnât have a job or any work lined up. Sheâs not in her 20s and that way of living will get old quick, no close friends, no family. I want her to make it work so she wonât be here trying to get back in our lives.
1. How are the kids doing? Our son wouldnât have seen us the entire time she was gone anyway. He only responds to her with very short texts. He told me she wanted to see him but he said he was too busy and wouldnât be able to get away. He lives in the barracks so itâs an easy excuse to avoid her.
My daughter stopped talking/texting her. Sheâs pretty upset, her worry turned to anger when she realized her mom wasnât having a mental breakdown but was just being selfish. If her mom was sticking around, they could probably work through it eventually. I just care that my daughter is happy, so whatever she decides Iâll support.
2. Did she spend all the money? About half. I think she realized she needed to figure it out before she completely ran out of money.
3. Did she sleep with anyone? I didnât ask because I didnât care. Asking would imply I wanted her back or it would matter. Even though I didnât ask she claims she didnât, not sure if sheâs lying or not, she might just be saying that because she doesnât want the kids to have another reason to be mad at her.
4. Does she feel bad for what she put us through? She claims she does and she wishes she had handled it differently. She said getting away and figuring herself out was best for her.
I told her she was just being selfish. When she first left we were worried something would happen to her and we would never see her again. Sheâs always been self centered. I told her sheâs taking the easy route and letting everyone else handle the difficult parts. If she gets sick? Kids will take care of her. Goes broke? Live with family. Abandon everyone? Theyâll forgive her.
She thinks her siblings and our children will let her live with them like we let her mom live with us. Iâm sure when she âvisualizes her futureâ she sees our kids there; they might not be and definitely not in the same way they were before.
Despite how it might sound, Iâm actually really happy with how it all turned out. Our divorce is far from final, but weâve agreed on the big things; weâll sell the house, how to split the retirement and profit from the house, how to payback the money she took and what I spent maintaining the household. I got most of what I wanted from the settlement and sheâll soon be (mostly) out of my life. I wonât have to pay alimony, and because sheâs choosing to make significantly less money than she was, I wonât be forced to support her. That would have been a kick to the teeth. She isnât my responsibility anymore and I wonât have to care for her if she does get sick or goes broke.
I figured Iâd start dating again. I didnât realize a 50 year old man with children out of the house, a good job, and in decent shape would be a catch. Iâm not fighting women off with a stick, but Iâve had a lot more interest than I expected. Itâs been kind of nice meeting new women. Iâve worked out the numbers and Iâll be doing pretty well after everything is settled and I only have to support myself.
Not where I wanted to be; 50, getting divorced, and using Reddit as free therapy sessions. But, Iâm happier now than Iâve been in a while. Iâm even planning a little vacation of my own.
P.S. thank you to everyone that has responded and reached out. It meant a lot.
Thanks man
Thank you
Well done đ
Why did everything get blurry at the halfway point?
Yeah
How is this a full story?
I just posted the update
đ