Day in the Life with No Friends
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- čas přidán 12. 04. 2021
- I’m going to start sharing what I do at a daily level (weekdays first). Mostly doing this to track my own progress and thoughts.
1.) Wake up
2.) Scroll through Reddit (trying to remove this), check Airbnb app
3.) Pour-over coffee (Fellow Brewer). Always.
4.) Head into home office to start work
5.) Lunch break - Home Depot or aimlessly wander a store. Clean my car, etc.
6.) Get off work around 5 and head to the gym (or MTB recently)
7.) Some weekdays I do turnover on our Airbnb cabin
8.) Relax and watch Netflix (or other streaming service)
I’m not complaining about my days, I just wish I had someone to check in on and to be checked in on haha.
Thanks, y’all.
-Josh
Hey y'all. Quite honestly overwhelmed with all the support and I feel bad I can't comment back to everyone! I'm trying to make my way through the comments - just know that I appreciate all the kind words and I see you.
Big big hugs Josh! 🤗🤗🤗 Please continue to upload videos. You're a sweet and good guy!
Ooh wao.. I just randomly got into your video.. I guess *this does happend to me too* and nobody ever *talks* about it.. *thanks for sharing*
You are so nice. You obviously have crippling anxiety and your brain goes into a 'fight or flight response to try to protect you from what frightens you. There's nothing wrong with you apart from this disorder which has been allowed to control your life. The main treatment for this is to expose yourself to what frightens you - which is communicating with other people. I think you are getting ahead of yourself with your goals and you are setting yourself up to fail. Rather than finding a friend in a month, maybe just identify some potentials at your gymn - people who look nice and who might have the possibility of eventually becoming a friend. Start really slow with a regular smile and "how you doing?" Then walk away when you'd done that so you aren't putting stress on yourself. Baby steps quickly lead to more but don't try to run before you can walk. Anxiety is a terrible terrible thing to suffer with.
@@montrealmoney9733 exactly
I totally understand how you feel. I have friends on my Facebook page and Instagram account but I feel like I don't have real friends to hang out with. Before Covid I didn't have "a life" ( that's how I felt). I put work first and took care of my mother when I was living with her. Covid happened and was on lock down which made things even worse. Making friends at work doesn't work for me cause finding people with similar interest is hard. Also a lot of the people are younger than me and it feels like I have nothing in common with them other than work. I I At work I make my coworkers laugh. I'll be the first one to laugh at myself. I feel like I have an outgoing personality but somehow I can't make that connection. Wish I had an answer for you just know you're not alone.
Josh, instead of asking a guy at the gym to "hang out sometime," say, "I'm looking for a lifting buddy if you want to workout this week." I always took it as a compliment when someone wanted to lift with me. Don't immediately jump to friendship, instead suggest an activity. Plant seeds to see if friendship will grow. Good luck!
@Ghoulverse as someone with social anxiety, I would RATHER someone suggest an activity to do that's productive and we both get something out of to begin with, rather than the pressure of actually entering a friendship I wouldn't know if I could maintain
But everyone's different
@Ghoulverse it's so ironic
@@cm-yu6gu as another person with social anxiety, it’s bullshit. Don’t be fake around me, just tell me if you want to be casual friends or not. It ain’t that deep. No wonder everyone is lonely and has trouble making friends like god damn.
I think this is a great tip. If someone said they wanted to make new friends right away, before I got to know them. I would feel pressured. And this way you get to know someone first. This part is kind of important, since you actually want to like that person first!
Good point
You actually seem very natural being on camera just so u know
Yes!!! 🙌
I can relate to all this. Just the other day I had a conversation with somebody about how I often feel overwhelmed by anxiety; the strange thing was that they had no idea, instead they said that I seem calm and quiet. This can be really confusing to hear as inside the experience is very different.
@@aislinggeary8927 Yes! I get that too. 💜
im still watching his videos and i was going to comment this! i struggle with social anxiety too and people say im pretty good at public speaking and being funny- inside im a nervous wreck, but at least i can keep people laughing.
@@aislinggeary8927 i feel this so much. i feel like if i actually admitted how much i am struggling, everyone would be so surprised. even when i am chatting with my therapist, i am cheerful. its like a habit to be cheerful when i am not.
Don't set goals like "i'm gonna have a friend by the end of the month" this doesn't really work like the gym. You're just adding pressure on yourself.
Totally agree. I have noticed the best way is to simply let it go- then everything will naturally fall into it's place.
@@achernev sorry, *its place (i'm correcting this because i think it's important)
@@necrosadotor 我的错，谢谢老师！ 😄
@@achernev u r welcome man
....The gym is even one of the worst places to have a conversation with someone, lol.
Most people go there to focus on their workout.
You're not awkward Josh! You're human, and so genuine!
I’m so glad I stumbled across your video. I’m 34 and have no friends. I’ve also been single since I was 19 and wonder how I’m ever going to fall in love when I don’t go anywhere because I have no friends. It’s hard. It’s lonely. Thank you for these videos!!
Same here :) so you're not alone...💚
Our past and present experiences also shape our interactions with people. I lost a boyfriend that I really loved, then made bad decisions in love. I also work as a doctor which doesn't leave much time to socialise or to find love. Especially with an 8 year old. But all is not lost. I remain optimistic 🙂 Wishing you all the best- you'll get there.
Hey ill be your friend ! Msg me
il be your friend
Yes me too, i feel the same
I have no idea where you live but if you are living in a big city it should be easy to find all kinds of open socil groups in your city. You could look for "meetup + the name of your city". Do not forget the quote marks !
damn now the youtube algorithm knows i don’t have friends so it gives me this video to make me feel better- godbless
same thought lol
Same here, I forgot about that.
You don’t come across as awkward at all. There’s lots of us with no friends just so you know ! 🌷
You’re so relatable. Your inner monologues are totally normal thought processes for introverts which is around 40% of the world population. I think it is time for the world to accept this spectrum as normal and introverted people should start feeling normal as the world does not only consist of extroverts.
I'm more of an introvert and i rarely do this. Its important to understand that introversion is not the same as social anxiety. It might go along with it but as i understand it just means you're getting your "energy-refill" from being alone, while extroverts get it from people. :)
Same here
Introverts are about 25-40%. More relatable.
I feel you Josh. And I just want you to know that this is not awkward at all!
Thank you, Muhammad!
You are only human Josh, come to Hot Springs sometime!
Wow, I'm 57 y.o. and my whole life I've struggled with forming friendships. I've been painfully lonely my whole life. I thought I was the only one. Until just recently seeing yours and others' videos being so upfront and open about this. It's been an eye opener for me.
Very similar wxperience also my whole life, no friends in highschool, only a lady friend at college, most of my 20's very lonely in a big city, people at work dont socialise, although im in my early sixties now, have only a few friends like two.....
@@danieldewet4248 Hope u r still in touch with that lady friend?
Hi there, no lost contact decades ago with her...made a few friends at the school I tought for 21 years until I retired 8 months ago....but once again had to move away from the city to the countryside due to financial reasons....
I’m 50 next year… the only thing that stops me from having friends is my brain tumour… most aren’t to sure how long I’ll be around so they don’t bother trying. 😢
@@Nothinglefttosay Do u mean u have NO friends at all?
You seem like a great dude to be friends with. I hope you can find what you want :) I completely get when you talk about acting strange in front of new people, haha. I'm the same sometimes xD
Moin Dominik, didn't expect to see you here haha.
Oh but you have a wife! That's such a blessing, someone to share your life with. Cherish her, you are so, so much better than many other introverted people out there
Youre a good man with pure intentions, the inner growth made from solitude are truly lacking and undervalued in society today. Take care of yourself, youre worth it.
Hey Josh, just wanted to let you know I came across your videos today and I’ve been really encouraged to see someone else I can relate to. Wish I could go for a run with you to get to know you more man but I wish you all the best and I hope we both find some guys to do life with soon. Thanks for sharing with us and know we truly appreciate you and the content you put out.
If you want problems...then get lots of friends...that's a promise
True
So true
Accurate
Haha so true. I’ve learned over the years that you’re lucky if you have 1 or 2 very good (reliable) friends. The rest is just drama and toxic.
@@missharilynjacobs i trust no one people in organisations know wate you are and wat time your work no we your in or out i cant do it to paranoid friends ask me ware you at i say everyware
Keep posting people need this so they don’t feel so alone
For a guy with anxiety, you are really good at talking on camera and you also seem to be comfortable too.
lots of actors have social anxiety. sounds counter intuitive, but the reason is because acting is a way to express themselves. in the case of josh, hes doing it in front of a camera for youtube. its a coping mechanism, since we are social creatures..so youtube is the only way he has to socialize
talking to an object is easier than talking to an actual human, im the same way, im more scared to talk to humans but i know for a fact i could talk to a camera pretty easily.
Same
Social anxiety its not because of society
Having passion makes things easier too. Its like finding a common topic with someone and being able to talk endlessly about it vs having to come up with something to think about on the spot. Instead, he is basically talking to himself. But if he were to re-watch and edit the videos, I can imagine how nerve wracking it would be having to listen to your awkward self. He may double think on how someone may criticize him. If that happened, it would be harder to make another video until you can get past it or ignore it.
Back when I was a teen, I worked in an amusement park and would have a number of guests asking me for help. New employees would point people in the wrong direction sometimes just to get out of the conversation. At one point when I knew most things in the park, I had no issue. I was confident enough on the job. If I had an issue sitting in a restaurant, I still always wait for the waiter/ waitress to come back rather than trying to wave my hand around to get their attention. Then again, I'm not super picky. If I was in a store, I would only talk to someone unless I absolutely needed help. Otherwise I would search for a while on my own.
Depends on the situation for me. But no matter what, I probably wouldn't be able to talk to a large crowd even if it was something I was very passionate about. Unless they were there for the same purpose and were interested. Hard to know because that never happened for me.
@@blakerzownsyou I am the opposite. Talking to a camera and doing video calls is way more uncomfortable to me then talking to people in person.
I can already tell. You're kind, compassionate, soft spoken.. non confrontational.. good hearted, anxious, nervous.. reserved.. extremely strong yet humble. You enjoy routine.. comfertablilty. You're also a lover of nature and learning new things. You're a perfectionist. Let's go deeper.. u don't like to stay still.. but you want stillness.. you want inner peace and to be centered.. you want normalcy like other people and their friends however you are still unaware that you are a very unique energy Josh! an energy that simply can't be matched with just any old Joe shmoe.
Hi Josh, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You are experiencing conditions that are very common in modern culture. We have paradoxically made it easier than ever to communicate, yet somehow it seems more difficult to connect with others over the minor moments of everyday life. You aren't alone.
Extroverts reenergise their mind and body by socializing with their friends, Introverts do it by being alone or with their spouse, dog, cat. Shyness is the start, social anxiety is the middle and acceptance of being an introvert and being on your own is the next phase. I tried to figure it out all my life, 63 yrs. old. Cheers from Canada
When you're at the gym, or any other public place, don't ever use headphones, earplugs or don't be constantly looking at your phone, if you want to look approachable. Be aware of your surroundings, look at people, without staring, if you're glancing and make eye contact, nod or say hi and see how that person reacts. That might give you a clue if that person may seem more or less approachable. The problem is that too many people are on their phones all the time or listening to music.
Hello Josh, the most important thing in life about yourself and your emotional and physical needs, is not the search for friends but the realization of your own well-being as a person. You owe yourself love and affection, what if it were missing? you would be unable to offer what you do not have to others. That is why it is very important to value yourself and love yourself more. You seem like a good man, with a good job, a good wife who loves you, and personal success. Loneliness is not bad if you understand it and accept it as something positive that will enrich your life on many levels; what is different is feeling alone. You can be surrounded by people and feel alone. You don't choose that. And you can have people you love around you and want to be alone. These are two very different concepts that society does not know how to distinguish. Friendship is not sought, it is found when it arises from a spontaneous and natural signature between two or more people. Someone who, like you, is in the same situation tells you. I accept the positive side of loneliness as a personal, psychological and emotional development. I don't like "feeling alone" but I enjoy being alone when it's what I want, not when it's imposed on you. This year I wanted to push myself just like you do and a new boy came to the building as a neighbor. He was the little brother of the previous owner and he noticed that there was a nice feeling between the two of them. Little by little something emerged, that when it began to be a true friendship or a feeling of brotherly and platonic love, he stopped short, apologizing that he was not homosexual. can you believe it? I offered a friendship and he took it as a sexual advance. This made me feel terrible, because the affection that we had cultivated together was already very great. Even so, he needed me and I was able to handle myself as a friend, but every time he felt very close to me, he attacked me, yelled at me, treated me badly and threatened. I suffered a lot because I never did anything that made him feel uncomfortable. But, He kept mistreating me on the one hand and saying that he loved me on the other hand. This created a great insecurity for me, it hurt my self-esteem and hurt my feelings as a person and a human being. In the end I found out that he had just discovered his homosexuality and that he was attracted to me, as I was to him, and that I sacrificed for a true and pure friendship.
I've been really enjoying your videos. I recently became a dad and realized I have no friends outside of family. It's tough not having someone you can call up for activities to get out of the house. Thank you again for all your videos.
I find comfort in your videos knowing I’m not the only one having these struggles in adulthood.
I work as a nurse. I work alongside so many great people, but I have yet to make a connection with anyone that is anything but professional. Makes me feel inadequate as a person.
I’m fortunate to have an amazing fiancé, who is my BEST friend. But sometimes I long for a girlfriend to do girl stuff with. But I can do without the drama!
Ironically, I’m 33 and we share the same birthday!
Thank you for sharing your struggles.
The very best advice I received from my Grandfather about socializing......"people love to talk about themselves, just ask a few questions and listen". It works! Great way to break the ice. You have a GREAT camera sense. You're a natural.
I don't love or like to talk about myself at all..
Am I not a people..
Am I alien😶😶
Angelic Healing,your Grandfather was right, people love to talk about themselves, it is a good way to start a conversation.
@Huw Wilson Agree with u. I m getting fed up of some friends n relatives of this kind. As my brother says "y should I care n what can i do if u keep talking about some friend of urs whom i have never met n will never meet?"
You have touched my heart. I am reminded of an old saying..."You have no idea of what a negative opinion I have of myself...and how little I deserve it". I would be honored to be your friend.
56 years old and just love you for helping me to realize I am not alone! Subscribed and want you to know how valuable your sharing is!! Nothing but love to you!
Your first video just popped up in my recommended. I’m 29 and my fiancé is 33. We both don’t have friends. So this hit deep. We do hang out once in a while with a another couple. (Provide we aren’t in a lockdown) Who we consider friends. But don’t know why we can’t really confide in. They are super nice people and nothing is wrong with them. But it begs the question why can’t we “connect” or feel like we can’t. Or like you mentioned feeling like we are “being Annoying” or “pity”
I feel like I have more acquaintances than actual true Best friends. I know a few people. But when it comes down to it I feel like I’m just being a nuisance. So I tend to back away and make up excuses, don’t answer messages for days on end, or analyze way to much on how to answer a txt or how I’m responding in person.
You’re definitely not alone. My fiancé and I are currently having problems with planning our wedding. We see all these people with all these friends and how much fun they had at their weddings. But ours are just going to be 98% family. Which we love them and know we are going to have a good time with them. But sucks not having that core group.
Definitely keep doing these types of videos! It’s a great way to document your goals on what you want to achieve. It’s really nice to actually see adults being open and honest about not really having friends. Because in reality it’s really freaking hard to make friends at this age.
Anyways, you and your wife stay safe and healthy!
Watching from Canada 🇨🇦
I can definitely relate to you! My boyfriend and I are in the same boat. It's really challenging to find people who truly care and connect with us. Please know you're not alone!
How did you meet your fiancé? Wouldn't be possible to meet new people the same way you met your fiancé?
If people are texting you, then they wanna talk to you. They wouldn't text if they thought you were annoying. Don't be rude by not responding. I hate it when people don't respond at all or take too long to respond because that makes me think they don't like me and then I don't feel like bothering them by texting them again.
@@temka7447 I feel the same way when people do not reply my txt. If I care enough about the person, I will try again in a future date. If they do not reply again, I give up on them...
I can totally relate to the overanalysing and I think it’s lead to me pushing people away and losing opportunities to get to know people. Especially phone calls and meetings, they wreck my brain
You might just be like me i moan to my self about not getting ivited or no rings me but as soon as they do i turn down an dont arnser my phone 😂
The fact that you are even concerned that you don't have friends, is so refreshing and I'm hoping is the new normal. Most married guys when they hit 30, just isolate with their partners and make it seem that's all they need. Coincidently, women don't, and still keep up their friendships -- and sometimes the husbands become friends, but usually only see each other when they're all together. I'm glad you're bringing this up as there are probably a lot of men out there who are feeling a void in their male friendships. I honestly think that mentally and emotionally, men need friendships outside of their relationships - just so they can express, vent, have fun, and foster close connections, because we are social creatures, and having one connection is not enough.
Why don't you start a local men's group that does activities and advertise online. Explain this is male bonding to meet people outside of their relationships -- and you'll probably get a bunch of takers feeling the same way. Everyone will meet friends that they've got something in common with this way.
Watching you over analyzing what you’re doing when it seems completely normal has helped me to realize that when I over analyze what I say/do I probably also look completely normal so this video has been helpful for me lol
You seem like such a nice person and clearly quite articulate and intelligent. I hope you find friends who appreciate you. I have no friends either and the monotony is really getting to me lately.
Happy belated birthday! I am older than you but can relate. I met my true friends in my mid-late 20's. I have no friends from my childhood or college. The anxiety of talking to anyone was paralyzing. Had those thoughts of saying the wrong thing, sounding odd or looking odd, which then caused the very anxiety that made those things possibly happen. When I met my friends there was zero judgement and I realized it doesn't matter. I still have those feelings now and again but they are no longer paralyzing. I have encountered MANY people that don't like me and that's ok. I hope they have wonderful lives and I move on. True friends are a rare find but they are out there. It's so hard putting yourself out there and talking about these things. THANK YOU for sharing, it will have a positive impact on others.
I think the idea of meeting many people and having some that "don't like" you is actually okay, especially because you've come to terms with it. Thank you for the kind words, brotha.
Hi Josh,
I just found your videos and am watching through them and it feels very very relatable.
I’m almost 32 and while I have a few friends now, I really struggle to make them and also struggle to attract the right ones.
I used to mask my anxiety with drinking and partying. I become a completely different person and thus I also had many “party friends”.
When I stopped partying and moved abroad 5 years ago I realized how void my life was of actually friends.
I finally had a sober outlook on life and let me tell you it was sobering to say the least.
I was awkward around people, not knowing how to talk to them or what to say or do at any given time.
This went on for over 2 years before I started to see a therapist regularly who specialized in anxiety/social anxiety.
We were able to work through a lot.
Not everyone wants or needs therapy, but it can help.
What ultimately has helped me the most is to meet people in a setting where all of us were new, for example I join a newbie yoga class for beginners, non of us knew each other and we all had the same starting point. After the second class I bit the bullet and said “I’m going for coffee anyone else up for cup?” And I just thought what the hell, I can’t get anymore alone than I already am so even if no one comes along it was worth a shot. It worked and coffee after class became a regular thing.
What I also am doing a lot in social interaction is listening to what the people around me are talking about and using that as a segue into asking them about themselves.
I find it takes the pressure off of me to ask someone about whatever they are already talking about, I don’t have to reinvent the wheel and come up with a whole new topic and it gets them talking and maybe asking questions in return.
I do this just to get the wheels turning, not all of these things secures you a friend but it does make social situations more tolerable.
It can be quite a monumental and scary step to put yourself out there, I still feel nervous about it.
I found that a few people reach out to me to hang out again and those the people I spend my time on and try to stay in touch with.
I definitely also struggle with the thoughts of people just asking about me or hanging out with me out of obligation, but I force myself to think “would I continue to reach out to someone out of obligation?” The answer is no, so I work hard at convincing my anxiety riddled brain that I’m worth it and I have something to offer.
I really hope you can use some of this, if not then at least know that you are not alone in feeling this was and it is completely valid.
Anxiety plays tricks on your perception of everything and everyone, it’s daunting to not be able to trust your own brain.
If you are able and can afford it I cannot stress enough how much therapy can be a helpful tool.
Having a stranger confront your brain with all of these things and also give you tools and strategies to cope and navigate society can be life changing.
And just know, that if you and your wife are ever in our part of the world don’t hesitate to reach out🙏 my husband and I are always available😊
Living abroad really forced to introverts to be proactive, we are always open to hang out with new people.
- Trine
(A Dane living in Abu Dhabi)
This is all part of ASCENSION and shifting our consciousness from 3D to 5D higher consciousness!!! Way to go josh listening to your intuition/higher self and acting on it and spreading your LIGHT and LOVE to humanity/the human collective...
We are spiritual energetic beings and as we are shifting to higher consciousness, more light is coming into our bodies to activate us and clear out the old lower consciousness and frequencies of Fear etc etc
This is Such a beautiful example of this happening and not even being necessarily consciously aware of Ascension/Awakening that our earth and human collective is going through
Thank you so much for making these videos. I am a couple of years older than you, unmarried and no friends. I relate to what you say on so many levels. I literally don’t know how to make friends. It seems to come so naturally to others. I feel some sense of solidarity knowing that there are others in a similar position so thank you for that.
Not sure if you'll actually read all of this but let's see...First, and I'm sure you've gotten this a lot, but you even MAKING these videos is totally brave and a step in a positive direction. I have a lot of similarities with much of what you've described and it's definitely inspiring to see a struggle but also someone trying to push through and persevere regardless. In your last video you mentioned "imposter syndrome" and the first time I've heard this term in my entire life (35 here) was actually last week and now I hear it again so SOMEONE is clearly trying to tell me something I think! The concept so relates to me not just with people in general and being able to socialize but also in situations where I can tend to rush to conclusions that end up being not at all as bad as I thought. Sometimes it's like I get in my own head and create my own narrative with a totally-off perception (hope that makes sense).
In the past few months I've taken up walking just to sort of get outside in the world and it is nice to get outside and just be with my music and whatnot. Though I even have anxiety with crossing the street like someone's going to be annoyed and then I feel bad...yeah it's a thing. Anyway... I do have a couple of "friends" here and there that occasionally may text or something like that but in terms of "hanging out" with a friend, honestly, I don't remember the last time I did this even pre-pandemic. When you described just asking the person about working in sets, this is SO me in terms of completely overanalyzing the situation of tone, how to say something, what to say, their perception, etc. What is stranger is I can watch your video and be like "Wow, man he should just say this or do that" and then I go, "Wait a minute, I TOTALLY DO THIS! Who the heck am I to give advice??" It's strange to be able to recognize this behavior and the over-analysis of it in others and even have suggestions for that person but be confused about it within ourselves.
Recently, I started a new job and I met a lot of people in the office and everything with the mindset to try and make that "friend" connection but then I just couldn't figure out any angle to make it fluidly happen so I ended up getting in my own head and giving up. I even left the other day and someone said "Wow have you been here the whole time?" And I was like "Yeah, I was just kind of in the zone so...(lie)..." and then some lady commented "Yeah he's really shy.." I'm thinking "Crap, this lady (and maybe office now) now has this perception which is so not what I was going for. She doesn't even know me!" And honestly I'm really not shy. I have a ton of opinions, thoughts, tastes, etc to discuss but finding people to actually talk about them to is incredibly difficult, why, I don't know. I've had a lot of people in my past tell me, "I don't know man when I met you I thought you were really reserved, uppity, quiet, but when you let people in you're actually pretty cool." Meanwhile, I have no clue what I even did to "let them in" so I get confused by these statements. Then of course these "friends" kind of get busy with their own lives (naturally so) and then the progress of the friendship stalls and goes away.
That being said, I really do relate to a lot of what you're describing it's almost scary. You know, people say "I know how you feel" but I honestly do man. You mentioned maybe you're being picky... to me I think to focus on quality of quantity is not entirely a bad thing but is something really important since how can you connect with someone that's not on at least somewhat on the same page. Even though it's totally platonic the concept is similar to dating. One thing I've begun to realize is the older we get ,the more defined and aware of who we are as people becomes and we desire to find like minded people so we can relate to them better. It's like we can't imagine being able to relate to certain people for various reasons because they don't fit into this idea we have of ourselves. Finding such people is always the challenge. Truly, being that I can totally relate to what you're going through, if you ever care to chat more, hit me up. And just to get it out of the way, if you're worried about saying the right thing or being weird or whatever, it's all in your head. I'm not going to think you're weird though I myself kind of feel weird writing this. So Really, if you want to chat it's totally cool.
So you basically wrote the script for most of us viewers KevinC85. It's absolutely spot on. Even though every event only happens once, I've made up at least 10 possible outcomes and ways how it could go. Mostly all wrong by the way
Wow. I’m not alone in this.
This is so relatable Kevin!
Hi Kevin! Your description of how things go for you is EXACTLY the same for me. I have to admit to some "imposter syndrome". Someone at work once asked me what I did over a Christmas break and I told them I spent Christmas and New Years alone. They said, "Wow, I thought you would have been at so many parties". Wait.. what? Apparently, they thought I was super outgoing and had tons of friends to do stuff with.. the exact opposite of how I see myself. In my day-to-day experience, if I encounter someone and we have a bit of chit-chat, they eventually ask what I do for a living, or do I have a significant other. When I give an honest response about my work, it sometimes intimidates them and it seems like the path toward a friendship shuts down.. just like you described at the end of your 3rd paragraph. As I get older, I have become more accepting of the circumstances of my life and the realization that I will likely be alone with very few friends until the end of my days. That sounds horrible, but I can be honest about it with myself and not have any anxiety that I need to change. Thank you for your reply to Josh. It's really comforting to know that I'm not alone in what is happening in my world.
@@mchlmcclllnd Hi Michael! I really appreciate your kind words. It’s definitely easier for me to get all my thoughts in writing and I’m really glad it connected with someone. When it comes to friendships my thing is I always tend to let others make the first move. The very couple friends I have really had to be resilient in getting to know me (not in a creepy way of course haha) but in friendships I don’t think I have EVER made the first move to get to know someone. If I’m ever in a situation where someone DOES initiate a conversation even in some casual way like a waiter or cashier I tend to be as brief as possible as to not potentially say the wrong thing or in a wrong way…whatever THAT is ya know? Then I will see comments like yours and go where all all these people like me because I never have talked to anyone with some of the opinions as others here.
I like your honesty and authenticity. I don't find it awkward at all. It seems like you are being honest and real.
You're so good looking and well spoken! Don't tell anyone that you are looking for friends, that may be keeping people away. You appear to have so much going for you.
These vlogs are so great! Very relatable! Thanks for your honesty and humility.
Hey Josh, I really appreciate and respect your honesty about this topic. I have social anxiety disorder and some of the stuff you said really struck home. You seem like a really awesome, smart, kind and great guy! Thanks for the post! 😁
Thanks, Keli! I appreciate the kind words. It’s hard to understand the root of the issue (social anxiety), but that’s step one in reducing anxiety. Does anything help you deal with your social anxiety?
@Josh Hitti Hey josh! Hope you’ve been doing better. Yes I agree, it is very hard to get to the root of the issue and to be honest, I still don’t even 100 % know what that is for myself. Well honestly, the way I deal with it isn’t very healthy. I basically just stopped going out ( which with covid, that became even easier) and just numbing myself out with alcohol and marijuana. I wish I could tell you something more helpful than that but that’s how I currently deal with it.
I guess some counseling should help both of y'all? Keep telling urself that u r as good as the next person. What goes on in ur mind? Do u think people r judging ur appearance, behavior etc? Just so u know, try ur best n to God leave the rest. Take the middle path. Dont be over quiet n dont be extra chirpy either. U should be fine.
It does take work to find and keep friends. It is a precious thing when it does come along. CZcams has saved me in many ways. It has helped me to understand my personality traits and find value in them. Knowing that people like you exist let’s me know that I do have a tribe…not only locally and in the US but also internationally. It’s a great feeling! I love doing projects and helping others with their projects. If I lived near you, I’d be glad to lend a hand and have a great conversation. When we share our gifts with others, it leads to fulfillment of our life’s purpose. I think so many people in todays society don’t take the time to connect and form community. Introverts need community too. Being seen for our true nature and having an impact on others is everything. It’s a frustration of mine that I haven’t figured out how to privately connect with CZcams content creators unless they have an e-mail or other methods to connect. There are some who I have met, and formed lifelong friendships with. Others who I hope to meet in person someday.
Man, you don't know how much you're helping me with such honesty and openness. I've been suffering from lots of issues since my youth. I'm 46 but I feel like a teen anxious boy. I'm from Colombia by the way. Thanks a lot for existing and for sharing. I'm sure this is going to result in growth for many, and I say, many people.
I have friends, but with a full-time job and a family, I don’t have much time for them. Your life sounds great and very common.
Josh, thank you for being so vulnerable and having this space sharing your thoughts. I completely feel the same. Recently relocated and no friends. People at the gym seem to have their own circles and struggling to fit in.
Man i love the way you are steeping outside of your know and comfort zone. I truly understand what you´re going through. I think the first think you need to do is to become friend with your true self, and you are starting doing that. When you start the journey of being your true best friend, and really know and feel that, is when you naturally start making new friends... in whatsoever you do, in the gym, in work, in day to day life or hobbies. I am your friend, i send you positive energy! My friend
For me... you pretty active person...even u didn’t have friends.....most of them never leave they comfort zone and always feel sorry for themselves.....u should be proud of yourself....
✌🏼😊✌🏼
I think it's really lovely that you're doing this - so many people have such similar feelings and struggles, and especially amongst dudes I feel like it's so helpful to have this content to normalise being vulnerable and open about your feelings
This is painfully relatable. In the end our minds can be our worst enemies. I’m glad you’re making these videos so people like me don’t feel like they’re the only ones struggling with this type of things.
You’re very brave for putting yourself out there, Josh. Much respect and you seem like an awesome dude. I’m sure things will fall into place for you. 👍
Josh, as someone who struggles too I totally understand and feel you. But I just want to say you truly seem like a very thoughtful, genuine and sweet person and I really think those are wonderful attributes to have in a friend. I think you would make a great friend and be a real asset to have as a friend.
That feeling of wanting to rush off from an interaction when what you really want to do is chat, is a killer.
I always wanted to look busy and wasn’t at a loose end - then I realised that was the opposite of how I wanted to appear.
I needed to show that I have time for people more.
Show that I’m open to a conversation and run the risk of what - looking like I’m over friendly, being annoying, taking up their time, ruining their day?
Sometimes that risk feels so large it makes you retreat.
What is that fear based on? Mostly untruths that need removing.
Now I try and think of those interactions as being generous with my time when I can be and allowing myself to deviate from ‘the script’.
Start small and and show some genuine interest in people around you.
Ask the coffee server what they recommend and take their recommendation.
Compliment someone at the gym on their workout gear and ask them where they got it.
Share your true personality with people and think of it as a gift.
Please keep making updates! I’m 19 years old and relate to everything you’ve talked about in your videos. My best friend who I spent a lot of my time with went to the military so now the only person I have is my girlfriend. I think it’s important to keep talking about these things and making connections with others so we don’t feel so alone.
People avoid and sense extreme neediness. Seems the focus is on Negativeness. This pushes people away.. The KEY to feel better is to make a ""GRATITUDE LIST "" and focus on it. Let me start it for you.... I am healthy, a nice car, good job , handsome Add to it ,, brings you back into balance. People are attracted to grateful happy people. This helped me.
thank you for being so brave and vulnerable. I appreciate you sharing this, it is helpful for me and many others. You are not alone....
Just a suggestion: you can start a Discord group chat to be able to communicate and share your life experiences with someone who already watched your videos and feels the same way. all you need to do is to share the link and choose a topic to talk about it. It will definitely help you, since every discussion will be in the text format, since There won't be any awkward moments. and also you will realize so many things, about how to start a conversation and so many other stuff.
Wow, I can totally relate to how you feel! I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you, Josh. You are inspiring me in so many ways.
It's a good feeling to have people who relate! Cheers
You’re helping a lot of people by sharing your struggles. Thank you and you’re definitely not alone
Thank you for this. Just hearing the inflections in your voice, has me feeling like there are others who understand. My goodness. I feel you dude.
Many people say they have “friends”. But tbh, not all of them have good, close friends. They just make friends easily because of social media and by parties, etc. They post photos having fun together on social media but they’re clueless about each other. Not a deep connection friendship though there are people who really have great friends. They do not really build strong connections and say they are friends so when something bas happens, easily fall out. Better to have no friends or just a very few friends. We can never control other people’s actions and thoughts. So we can be friends with someone for 5 years for example but if that person is envious of your success if you great things happen to you, instant hate and fall out and can even backstab you to others and others can believe the person because they knew you were friends. I know many people but I can’t even count 3 people to be my true friends. I have around 10 friends and many acquaintances but If i get asked who are my real friends like a family, I would say only 3 people and my bf and pet dog. Tbh, I am unlucky to be encountering people that are annoying and envious. That is why i became socially selective when i got older. Lesser drama and i have more peace with myself. I am an introvert so i enjoy my alone time also. It’s ok to be picky. ☺️I hope you find a great friend soon! Meeting someone that conforms in our standards is quite difficult in a sea of intrusive people. There are people who ask me to hangout before covid happened, i always make excuses. They are acquaintances who wants to be friends and I don’t want to be friends with them because i am so exhausted of people that have betrayed me and are jealous. To protect myself, i avoid those type of people. I am happy with what i am and the few people in my life.
I can’t even go to the damn gym because I think EVERYONE is judging me. Social anxiety is so much fun, man. Lol
It starts by judging yourself.We have to overcome this
You get to a stage in life when you realise literally nobody cares about you. They’re all focused on what they’re doing, not on what you’re doing
The boys
i used to feel like this. When you say fuck it and start noticing how your mental health is improving there's no way you'll take that away from yourself and the gym anxiety will eventually float away. Stick to treadmills and ppl watch or just to one area and eventually move around. Make sure you have something to listen to, podcasts, music, etc..
Thank you! You’ve helped me more than I can explain. God Bless you
While at the gym I nod or give a friendly smile. Slight eye contact is good and give a compliment on how well the other is working out. Mine you the people I talk to at the gym are more an acquaintance then a friend which is fine with me.
Josh, my suggestion would be to find a volunteer opportunity in your area: food bank, dog shelter, community church (even if you're not a member), neighborhood watch, kids without dads, etc. People will notice how kindhearted you are, walk up to you and want to be YOUR friend! Promise. By the way, this whole COVID thing has put a wrench in anybody making new friends, but that will eventually turn around. You're a great guy and you know it.
Good advice. Also join a martial arts gym.
Lame..
It's heart-breaking watching these videos. You can sense just how lonely this guy really feels
It is. I am 34 with no friends. I didn't care much in the beginning and just accepted it but now it hurts. I don't know why. It feels like you just broke up with the love of your life.
Someone probably mentioned it already, but volunteering is a great way to meet compassionate and kind people. I started volunteering for a film festival 10 years ago and now I'm the festival director and I've made some good friends. Giving your time and skills feeds the soul. Great videos and proud of you for opening up and helping others. You get back what you put out to the universe, so no doubt there are great things coming your way. Already happening.
Your greatest strength is your honesty and openness 🤗
28 year old here with a few online friends but no real friends anymore. I'd totally hang out with you man. We have a similar routine. Coffee, gym, netflix. That's my shit ahaha.
One thing that struck me is how you mentioned asking someone to hang out with you. I'm sure you already know, but making friends is a process. You see a guy wearing something you like? Strike up a conversation. Maybe someone's watching TV as they work out and you comment on what they're watching. It will take time, but small talk can eventually lead to a friendship when you get more comfortable talking to them after you've run into them several times. You might share another hobby with that person, hate the same things, etc.
I totally agree, maybe you could break down your goals into goals tasks and methods? Its a therapeutic approach. So your goal is to make a friend, the task could be connecting with someone you feel you're on the same page with, and the method could be speaking to someone and striking up a conversation? Then if the person isn't receptive to the method, you can move on to someone else, then when you do connect with someone and the conversation flows quite well you can build on that and if a few conversations go well then you become friends! It is a process, I make friends quite easily but I rarely connect with people, I used to have the same problems as you, there just has to be that 'click' with someone, and over time you learn more about the people you click with as a whole, which tells you more about yourself! Just try to stay in the present when you talk to someone, only think about the very next step, not the next 5 or 10 steps, just be in the moment with that person and get a sense of who they are and notice how you feel. All the best!
I have tried so many times to do the small talk approach....I'm not sure this is true for all people lol and sometimes it makes you feel unmotivated when it never gets deeper than that. So be careful with that one
Tip #1Lose the earbuds. Those close you off to open conversation.
Tip #2 Don't spend so much time thinking about what to say. You are a great genuine guy. The words will come when you feel the room.
Tip #3 Smile! And introduce yourself and shake their hand when they get done with the machine and tell them you appreciate it.
Tip#4 Bring your wife a couple times so folks see you interacting with her. She could help break the ice.
I don’t really have any advice. I just found your channel though and I relate a lot to your struggles. Watching your first video, I grew up under pretty similar circumstances. Moved around a lot, didn’t have a steady group of friends. I was just used to being lonely and I always have been. I spent college pouring myself into eventually having job security as a nurse. I work nights now and pretty much everyday is the same. Errands and cooking food, and then being awake all night with nothing to do, gym in the early morning and sleep all day. The only days I really see people are the days I work. Anyway, I appreciate your videos and knowing I’m not the only lonely person out there
You should post more videos whenever you feel bored. You'll get used to the camera with time, as if you're taking a walk in the park.
Perhaps, you're already comfortable infront of the camera. keep going. you're doing absolutely well.
For me, I hate being infront of the camera. I hate how I look, and sometimes how i speak, so I avoid going on camera. So you're doing a huge progress.
CZcams seems to know I don't have friends by recommending me with adult people talking about having no friends haha I'm 20 btw, I have friends, not a lot, but it's ok. They're my support system and I try my best to be a good friend towards them. But, I do accept the fact that over time, when we get older, we begin to focus on things that are important like getting married, having a family, going to a job, running a business, etc. and we, like all others, we're going to lose touch with our friends. I just want to say this for all of us, IT IS OK. My grandparents praised me once for having not a lot of friends and I don't constantly go out of the house, like partying, etc. (I live in a small town here in the Philippines, where COVID-19 restrictions are lax), I get to help with house chores and focus with my family more than ever before. I read a comment on your other video: "Having no friends is sometimes better than having the wrong friends." which is so true and is important nowadays, where people are faker than ever before (I mean, even I too can be fake sometimes), but I am happy that I have perspective and I want to always sense if I am fake around my friends or my family. One of the good things about the internet is that we can all be friends virtually and that we have social media (although we have to use our social media platforms more for real connection and not using it for toxic crap that causes immense insecurities). That is it and I hope we are all safe and sound during this pandemic, we are worth it, we are loved, we are seen, even if sometimes, we don't notice it ourselves.
CZcams also is subliminally telling me to get friends and a life too. I got him randomly on my feed haha I am 28 with a 2-3 good friends and mostly superficial ones....
Hi! So glad I found your channel. I too have no friends. Theres seems to be many of us out there. I'll be your friend, thanks for being so candid & honest its inspiring to see your videos it helps me to not feel so isolated. Please keep us all we the friend free updated on your journey.
Dude, thank you for being open and sharing your experience. You have no idea how much this helped someone like me who spends a lot of time alone on the weekends and also find it awkward and get high anxiety when trying to talk to random strangers. I share the same thoughts when thinking about trying to make new friends like "wut, thats weird, just asking random people hey wanna hang out, what?" Even posting this comment is giving me anxiety because it's way outside of my norm. You seem like a great dude! Heck, I'd be happy to be your friend! Again, thank you for sharing.
Instead of thinking of people who have the things which I don't have like friends, a dog (i really want a dog!! I miss my little baby since I left my family home), a house a car ect, it helps to think of the people who don't have what I have. It automatically reliefs the pressure to have it all, and makes me grateful for my significant other, and the very few family members which I am in touch with. On another note, the idea to track your own progress through these videos is genius. Even if it's a 4 minute or 3 minute video, or you end up regretting this in the future, I think it will help so much to talk through it with us and be openly vulnerable about how you feel. No pressure, but keep it up !
You said in your other video.....”I don’t know if something is wrong with me” when it came to you not being able to make friends.
I’ve got that a lot.....Consider that it might your Energy or Aura......It gets a bit spiritual which at first I thought it was silly but it’s a thing.
I like deep connections with people and can’t go to a simple Bar and just talk sports to people.....like there is no depth or connection! I found it easier to connect with people when I was living in Japan, Korea and Thailand because I found people more Interesting.....but now back in Chicago, I have nothing in common whatsoever with the average person here.
As a fellow Gym goer (Powerlifter).....The gym also keeps me sane but it doesn’t help because I feel many people in the Gym are super anxious! When I ask them a questions they seem Intimidated which the conversation always feels awkward.
Hey, Oscar! Great to see a powerlifter in here struggling with similar issues. I think we both probably get in our head too much and over-analyze the situation to the point where we're stuck. I'm going to try talking to one random person in the gym today, we'll see how it goes.
Hey Josh thanks for sharing your story and your experiences. I suffer from mild social anxiety and it's hard for me to socialize. Many times I felt as I was an odd ball. It's good to know I'm not the only one and by reading the comments I know there's a lot of people like us. Wish you the best!
I have watched a couple of your videos now. This one is very interesting. This dives deep into human psychology of how our brains perceive the way we think and the way we act towards others. Everyone of us has some level of those doubting and judging thoughts. I love that you are openly talking about this as a lot of people have this same problem on a day to day basis in many different area's in life. Keep posting video's on CZcams and you are going to see tremendous growth! You're the man Josh!
Bro u just summarised my whole life. Like even my thoughts. Thats how i think haha.
I've been there you are literally in my mind... you just need to get yourself out there talk to people, go to gatherings and stuff.
The more you talk to people the better you will get at it, and this is totally normal it's called being an introvert.
By the way i still struggle with but not at the same crippling level that i used to
You just described exactly how I am regarding any social interaction with people I don't know. But you seem like a great person, so I'm sure anyone would like to be friends with you. It's a question of pushing yourself to make that first step with people I think. Nothing about this was awkward, so please don't feel that way. And please keep us updated!
Thanks for sharing, this is a very important topic and you are not alone.
Medication helped me quite a bit with my anxiety, it's not for everyone but it's certainly worth looking into.
Me too! Makes me feel “ normal”. I’ve tried to go off the meds a couple times and the social anxiety comes back with a vengeance so there is obviously some kind of imbalance chemically. Fluoxetine makes me feel totally “ normal”. I would at least give it a try for a period of time- at least several months or longer. Can change your life.
If I ever met you in person, I would love to be your friend! And I’m sure there are others who would love to be as well!
I love your videos and how honest you are... Thank You 2!
Happy Belated Birthday !! I think the gym situation, and how to get to know others there to hang out with, maybe that will just come naturally over time, getting to know a person , chatting a bit more when you see them at the Gym, developing a friendship there. Maybe there's a Mountain Bike group you can join in your area. Don't pressure yourself if you have not met a "friend" within your timeframe. This may just cause disappointment that you did not need. Bless you Josh !
Happy belated birthday 🥳
Thank you, Olivia! Appreciate it
hey you seem like a nice guy. Don't be hard on yourself you're doing everything you can to be approachable. In my experience (I am single) friends are a nice idea but in reality can be quite disrespectful and judgemental. I've made peace with not having friends (or a partner, or pet!) . In the past I have had great success making friends via volunteering and giving back to my community.
Thank you for the insight, Azaeliah.
The thought of it is so much scarier than you think in your head. You seem like a lovely guy and any decent person who is in the gym will talk to you. You already know by working out you have similar interests. I know it’s hard but try not to overthink it and just walk up and try and talk. You may be surprised with the responses you get and start talking to some really nice people. You really deserve to make some friend. You’re a good guy just believe in yourself! 👊🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
You are extremely sweet and seem very normal and healthy. I'm surprised you don't have lots of friends! I think that one can attract what you need by just putting it out there which is what you've done. Just relax and let universe bring it to you! It will! I'm so glad you had the bravery to reach out in an honest way like this. So many people share this same issue and it's great to talk about it and in doing so you've helped so many realize one can take steps to change your reality! Great work!
you seem like an awesome man. please upload a followup im thrilled to hear whats new since the video
Could you talk more about your Bumble BFF experiences and why they didn't work out?
Most definitely, I can make a video on it as well! It's been a mixed experience; it's similar to how dating apps work IMO. You end up "matching" with quite a few people, one of you initiates conversation, and it generally fades out. I've got in the habit of giving my number out if I feel like I vibe with the person, that way we aren't stuck in limbo waiting for the other to open the app haha.
@@JoshHitti Cool, yeah a video on it would be great as well. I've heard other people have success with it, maybe it just takes some time. Seems like a great app to find others who intend to invest in friendships. I haven't tried it yet, but will do eventually.
Your videos are so relatable and I appreciate your courage to be vulnerable and honest. I do that sort of rehearsing in my head before approaching someone instead of just going for it too, lol.
You are very natural and good to communicate. And you want to have friends, relations - so it is not that you are running away. Probably there is a problem with environment, time and people around. I would not pushed myself anymore 👍
What an awesome video, you never know how many people are feeling the same. Thank you Josh!
Man you showed up in my recommended and I was honestly shocked. I’m in a similar situation because uh I don’t have any friends. I’ve always hated myself for it because I allowed myself to get to this spot. I used to have one really good friend but he’s gone so I don’t have anyone anymore. I hate waking and seeing nothing on my phone. I feel like people just don’t care enough to even ask how I’m doing. Since this pandemic started the people I used to talk to haven’t said a word and it’s been a year. I graduated last year and no one said anything like congrats. I have a family but I feel like they have to be here with me and half the time they are gone. I hate being home alone so I always try to stay busy doing something. But what makes me more mad at myself is the fact that I want to reach out so bad to someone and maybe build friendships but I just can’t get myself to do it. There’s something about being alone that’s peaceful. It’s like I’m by myself where no one can ruin anything which I know is not healthy and I am trying. I decided I didn’t want to go on like this because if do nothing good can come out of it. I’m glad to say that I have been talking to new people. No one has any idea how much I’m sacrificing to do these things. And I hope it’s worth it. I’m on the same journey man and subbed because maybe I can learn something. I’m excited for you and I honestly hope you find the happiness you’re looking for!
In your comment, you say that people, you used to talk to, are not reaching out to you. But at the same time, you also say that you can’t get yourself to do it. I think what’s important in friendship is that it’s you that have to put effort and make them feel cared and loved. You can’t just wait for them to reach out to you. I believe it will make a difference when you keep trying, friends that are meant to be will stay. :) Don’t be discouraged even when you tried hard. It’s normal. You will still have your own peaceful time even when you have friends. I’m glad to know that you’re talking to new people though. Stay curious and keep in touch with them.
@@yumeippai529 thank you! Yeah that is my problem is I have a hard time putting in the effort to make friends. I’m pretty sure it’s social anxiety that prevents me from being confident enough to even say something to someone. But those people who I mentioned weren’t good friends. They left me. I don’t blame them tho because I wasn’t their type of friend. I’m not mad at them because there’s nothing good that comes from holding a grudge but I’m not going continue to feel like I’m their friend. And ever since the pandemic it was like I didn’t exist. I feel like I wasn’t important in their life which really did discourage me. I feel like that’s when I was at my lowest. It’s worse to have fake friends then be lonely. But I am trying to become friends with new people. Which was really hard for me because reaching out was a huge problem for me. I’m finally having people to talk to which is exciting! I hope to continue to nurture these friendships!
@@huh7270 Hi Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with me. I'm very sorry to hear what people done to you. I don't know what the people exactly did, but I hope it was just a misunderstanding. I get the feeling that you tried hard to stay friends with them, but they ended ug hurting your feelings that it's not worth it anymore. I also distanced myself from some close friends during this pandemic because I was either disappointed or emotionally drained from the friendship we had. However, I met other great friends along the way and I'm happy about it. Some times, it's easy to find a true friend if he/she is right there.(I've met them through oniine) I'm very sure you will meet them too! There have to be people who are interested in you and have a caring heart. What I'm proud of you is that you are not giving up and doing outside your comfort zone.
i can relate, can't talk to no one nowadays.
Me too. Even to my family seems so difficult and tortured
I’ve watched both your videos currently up, and with both of them I’ve found myself nodding along and interacting on my side of the ‘conversation’ as though I were there with you.
I’m not “nodding” because I’ve experienced the same, but I’m nodding in support and actively listening in support. I find your thought processes and introspection engaging, and you seem like a very good person to growth with as a friend. For what that is worth, please keep that in mind. You are capable of helping other people grow too, when you find that person who is as interested in opening up and being self-reflective.
I assure you that there are plenty others out there - nearby you I’m sure - that can benefit and appreciate conversing with you.
You're awesome Josh👍🏽😀! In your endeavors to obtain friends remember, " Inch by inch, anything is a sinch. Yard by yard,, anything is hard. "