32 years old: I have NO friends - Is it Social Anxiety?
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- čas přidán 8. 04. 2021
- Even writing this out and posting it makes me feel quite anxious, but here goes nothing.
PS. Sorry for the big pause halfway through, trying to gather my thoughts haha. Thanks for watching.
Ko-fi: Ko-fi.com/joshhitti
Private Discord: / discord
IG: hittinger.josh
WOW. I'm absolutely blown away by how receptive, kind, and helpful all of you have been. To be completely honest, I stopped checking this video after a few days. I felt sort of lame for posting it, however, it's very evident that thousands of others relate to my struggles. I had no clue this many people would end up seeing it, let alone be so supportive about it.
There seems to be a very common theme with many questions and comments, so I'll make a video this week to update y'all. Cheers.
Looking forward to it.
Hey bud, thank you for your vulnerability. So many people go through what you are going through and your sharing gives others the courage to reach out. Get yourself a somatic psychotherapist, with a relational point of view, like Hakomi. There may not be many therapists like this where you live, but with tela- health, you have more options. Wishing you the best
@@40miperkins Will look into this thank you
Yes we relate to you. I like to hear more from you in future videos.
Sharing is truly caring, by you Sharing your story we are learning and you are healing. We all need friends in our lives .💜
Having no friends is sometimes better than having the wrong friends.
"Sometimes better than having the wrong friends"? So, having the wrong friends sometimes is better than having no friends?
@@DX-d Having NO friends is sometimes better than having the WRONG friends aka "frenemies", people who will stab you in the back.
@@goldentsar9388 so true!
@@inactive2190 yeah friends can be a blessing and a curse. Once youre completely alone for a while tho youll eventually start to miss being with people
Ya
If your wife is not only your only friend but your best friend your doing better than most....
Totally. Vice versa
Yeah, but it's a cop-out really. You can't make one person responsible for your entire mental and emotional well-being. It's too much to ask and can be a burden. At least having one friend aside from your spouse is a good idea.
@@Nepthu I guess you didn't understand what I was trying to say.....That's Ok
@@Nepthu I think the point was that some people have neither, which means 0 affection, 0 shared burden, 0 corrective feedback on negative thought patterns, 0 belonging. That's very hard on a naturally social animal like us.
Agree.
Bro you are an INSANELY good lookin dude. Smart, fit, articulate, well-mannered. Easily in the top 10th percentile. You just gotta believe in yourself bro. There’s hope out there. Whether it’s board game clubs, Facebook groups, or just meeting people at a cafe, you got this if you believe in yourself. Keep going at it bro, you got this
@@distantraveller9876 Yeah im also quite attractive and usually have no friends
Sadly correct. @@distantraveller9876
yeah he seems like a very attractive person, just goes to show social anxiety shows no boundaries or discrimination, i would consider myself to be fairly attractive and was popular with the ladies especially in school, but i too suffer from social anxiety, and have trouble making and keeping new friendships, and often feel very nervous around people at work.
I guess it goes to show that it’s not because we aren’t good enough, it’s that the world doesn’t make sense, connecting with people is always a challenge
The thing is... Men dont want attractive friends in general. It is of no benefit to us. Especially if we have a girl. His looks might even be the reason he has no friends. A LOT of beautiful people are fucking miserable. Did you ever wonder why?
I'm 53 and here to tell you, it gets worse actually the older you get. People are all in different stages of life so its hard to find couples to hang out with. Plus the older you get the more you become reclusive. I never had a problem with having friends from a kid up to mid 30's, but friendships are seldom lifelong and the people I used to hang with have all moved on either by circumstance or we just diverged. I have a best friend but he lives 400 miles away, wish I could see him more often. I don't have anything in common with all the men in my neighborhood who watch sports obsessively in their garage, smoke, and drink themselves blind.
People start to drift away in their late twenties. People come and go and we are truly alone in this life. I'm 68. I don't want to be a 3rd wheel with a couple. People, die, move and we out grow many people. If people have a "Bubble", they really don't want others in it. What you wrote is so true.
I agree the older the lonlier I am.
The external void has to be filled with an internal comfort of knowing that your own company and activities are enough. Of course even I on occasion have to go out and do chores. Usually even a short interaction with a cashier and seeing other people is enough for me. I enjoy coming home and being with myself.@@nobodyhere9258
I'm with you on 💯 percent. I can relate.
Bro: At 30 I was the following: broke, jobless, friendless. At 55 I am married with two great kids, have plenty of resources and all sorts of friends. You life is just starting, but you must take it a step at a time. Have faith.
this is nice to hear
same but im 20 and i feel like my life is over... i hate this feeling im so young and idk what to do
@@cyclops9202 bro you're fine. You dont have to do anything. The term 'friends' is just relative. You lose some, you win some. 💪
That's so amazing, I love hearing this inspiration! Can I ask what changed for you?
Wow your age is like AR in genshin impact
im 64..i have no freinds.. i can feel my age taking tool on my body.. i live lonely in a van, no wife, kids, relatives.. im a nomad.. but im happy
i happy you are happy man :P .
are you really? how your days look like? what do you do?
This is the way that eastern mystics live. Go in a cave to live for years alone. To get to know and learn to love themselves
That´s amazing
I also live in a van down by the river.
Having no friends is hard. Loneliness hurts so bad. I bet there’s a lot of people out there taking selfies with their “friends”, but deep down they too feel lonely inside.
Yeah I am really glad I exited that friend group maybe
Oh yeah without a doubt, there are so many ppl our there, who fake it to make it, and try to put out a persona like everything's great, when in reailty, there not happy at all in the inside, i would much rather have a couple close friends that I know are my real friends, vs having a bunch of friends that aren't really real
"The issue with being a lonely teen or young man is that the defining feature of your crowd is antisociality. Couple that with crippling social anxiety, depression, awkwardness, a lack of established connections, and constant doubt and self-deprecation, and you will never meet people like you outside of online echo chambers unless you are extremely lucky. You will dislike almost everyone. All of your mental issues will immediately manifest in your appearance and demeanor and make you an incredibly unlikable and unenjoyable person unless you’re very good at masking. If you are, you will always feel like an impostor in your own skin, you will never connect with the people around you beyond a surface level, and you will worry constantly. If you don’t, most people will either think nothing of you, or see you as boring, or maybe an easy target. The world will make you mature without growing up, and you will end up tense, defensive, and incredibly lonely. You will always feel like an intruder, a third wheel, always feeling you’re missing out but never willing to do anything about it."
I do not equate having no friends as being lonely.
You can have thousands of friends and still feel lonely.
For me, the secret is to be very comfortable in your own surroundings and space and to be able to enjoy your own company.
Being alone and being lonely are 2 different things.
If you are happy in your own mind and happy with your own thoughts , you will never be lonely.
I have reduced my number of friends right down to below 5 purely because the were toxic and meaningless friendships built up through clubbing and partying ( unstable foundations).
I can go for weeks on end and not speak to any of my friends and that is great for me.
I know they are there and vice versa.
But we all have our own experiences.
Being secure in who you are is key.
Nah bro. You are a good dude. You’re helping people here, even if you can’t see it, you’re a friend to some people here.
This is actually a very comforting. Nobody talks about this like its a taboo. Thank you for making MANY of us feel not so alone.
So true👏🏽🙌🏽
^ this
Exactly
People can say whatever they want, but I strongly admire those who post these videos. 100% raw emotion here, and as an SA sufferer all my life, I totally relate.😞
Right. I literally didn't have friends my entire life and felt so alone.
People nowadays are so self-absorbed that real friendships are hard to develop. Everyone cares for him/herself.
Holy shit this is so true. I’ve lost so many friends in the last 2 years because they couldn’t give me the time of day to respond to my messages every so often. I didn’t want a big conversation, I didn’t wanna hang out all the time, I just wanted them to reply to me when they got the chance so I could keep up with them. Well it hurts like hell when friends of 10+ years can’t give you the time of day any more.
The worst part is, I was there for a friend when he began suffering depression. I helped him through that shit. Then when I was going through some shit a few years later, it was too hard for him to even check up on me or play a video game together every now and then.
Fuck people. Not many people think of anyone but themselves, as you said. Even if someone goes out of their way to be there for them or try to be their friend. It actually makes my blood boil thinking of just how selfish people are these days.
See we are all "self absorbed" even the called, laveled spiritual people, thing is we are all always with ourselves, how you see world, is a thing of yourself, when you do something for others even without asking anything back, that is also about yourself. Our lives are about ourselves. This world is created by each of us, by our internal world. You can connect with others but that depends on your relationship with yourself for the connection with others being deep. Resume: yes is all about oneself😅
@@imnoemit true, but we don't live alone in a society, we have friends and family who would think would care or be there for you when you are in a difficult situation. I had a friend telling me my fear for my health, as I had a chronic undiagnosed issue, was making me toxic for her energy. That was my best friend. You can imagine when the people you thought were the closest to you don't really get what you are going through, especially when you are a young person. I don't want to pretend to be someone that I am not, so I had to cut many friends.
@@FreedoPan yes, true but sometimes is better to be alone or ge end alone for different reasons so having a good relationship with oneself is vital and also to live well and have a good relationship with others
I’m thinking the younger people have been on social media instead of being with actual people, being interested in them and how they think, what their lives are like and what their hopes for the future are. Start by being interested in others and striking up a conversation. It’s as simple as that. The younger generations text instead of being WITH others more. Texting is an abysmal last resort... just meant for small stuff, not developing relationships. Face to face. That’s your answer.
This is relatable for many of us men! Your courage is admirable. You’re speaking for a lot of us.
37, no husband, no friends, and no family around me. I've been living abroad for the past 12 years of my life with no friends at all. I choked up when you choked up.
I feel you... traveling. We travel for a reason.... I call myself a mover and a shaker. Friends mean relationships, and relationships ultimately mean pain.
same story, except i'm not abroad.
I'm 20 and don't have any fucking friends
Same here
I had lot of friends when i was in my 20s cause i party a lot but those were not real friends i realized that friends will always be there as long as you are economically and mentally well its all about bullshit interest now i am 42 and im abroad working 7 days a week making tons of money and even though some times i feel very lonely ain't gonna stop working for anybody now it is first me after the rest.. don't fucking waste your time for anybody who is not 100% there for you keep moving , growing, working in yourself , thats the key of success
The irony of all this is the more connected the world becomes the more isolated individuals also become.
True.
exactly why the corporate central bankers released this technology instead of the real Nikola Tesla free energy. nope we got these crappy ass coal burning slave phones. darn.
Social Media can be used as something to hide behind. Instead of facing your fears and talking to someone in public you can just look down at your phone and avoid it all. It doesn't connect you as much as make a whole entire world just for you. People need real connection and sometimes the hardest and first step of that is to put the phone down.
46, no friends. Family ignores me. When I was 30 I was finally diagnosed with Manic Depression/Bi-Polar, an affliction I battled since childhood. Yes, rare. Usually begins late teens into early 20's. But Dr.'s think severe head trauma at 9 months of age opened the door to childhood manic depression. Which made kids run because I was super weird. Spent first 30 years trying to find a reason and appease everyone. Found out, they don't care. If you have nothing more than friendship to offer someone, 99% of the time they move on. So it goes..."Friends" are people usually using you to benefit their life: job, status, drugs, alcohol, etc. Give me nature, my dog and cats. The rest is just static.
Making friends is easier when your young
I'm 27 and undiagnosed bipolar, lost all my friends during severe depression episode. I had a lot of friends when I was younger even with my introvert personality type we hangout and support each other a lot and now it's all gone. I'm not fit anymore into friendship but there's hope to find someone, a soulmate.
You sound similar to me, it's so damn hard 😢
Don't feel bad man, I'm going to be 44yo in May, and I don't have 1 "friend", not one. I've just recently been thinking about how there are no such things as "friends", but only acquaintances. Back in September 2020, I had to have sudden/emergency/life or death brain surgery, and during my 3 months of recovery, I only had/saw my mom and a few people on her side of the family, but never saw, nor even heard from, not one, "friend", nor even my dad or anyone on his side of the family. That's when I finally realized that there are no such things as "friends", and even most "family" will not even be there for you when you need them, at all. Makes me so sick when I think back to how much I had been there for that particular side of the "family", and even people that I had previously considered "friends", and everyone ditched me when I actually needed them. I wrote off every one of those particular people, even the "family" members too, and don't even bother talking to anyone anymore, besides having to at my job because people are just a waste of time unfortunately. Sad, but also true.
I think to make strong connections you have to live strong yourself, living life superficially will only create superficial relationships
@@petrospetromixos6962 Very true. Most people are superficial, especially females, but it has always been that way, and will always be that way, too.
@@mikevogler5455 i guess we must put the work in everything
@@petrospetromixos6962 Not me, my friend. I don't, and won't, even try to make "friends", connections, or crap like that anymore because people are a huge waste of time. The only time most people want to be someone else's "friend", is usually, and most of the time, only, because they want something from that person. I finally got tired of being used, wasting my time on people that did not deserve it, and just flat out stopped trying to make "friends". It may be lonely, but at least I don't get used, and then, ditched, when I no longer have anything that someone else wants. Same goes for females, too, because they, too, will use you for every single thing that you have, and that they want, and then kick you to the curb when you no longer have anything that they want.
I feel you are blaming others instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions, especially women. I don't know why you don't have any friends. But I feel you like the idea of being a victim. @@mikevogler5455
A man who shows vulnerability makes him more of a man. I admire you.
it makes him more of a friend too lol
How?
Anyone who shows vulnerability lmao don't make this a gender thing
When you open yourself up, other people will often find it easier to themselfes tell more about themself
He seems like a really nice guy. Agreed
The worst question at work is: „What did you do on the weekend?“ You realize at this moment that you once again spent your weekend alone. You end up making up a story, because who wants to share that?
Whereas the other guys tell you stories, like they met up with this person, went to this birthday, whatever normal guys with friends do... Does anybody else relate to this?
I can completely relate. I've grown confident with my introversion, though, and now fearlessly share what I 'didn't' do. I've come to learn that those of us without a social circles are as normal as those with a large friend count. Try to worry less about what the cultural norms try to dictate to you. You're doing ok.
Yes. Very much so.
@@catherinejohnson4002 exactly. If you enjoy your own company and use the time to heal and rejuvenate your soul. How wonderful ❤️🙏🏾
I just say I did nothing lol
@@catherinejohnson4002 I could agree more Catherine.
This took balls man and I want to honor you for exposing your vulnerability. Truth is, your not alone. I've been thinking a lot about this myself. 🙏🏼
I try to make friends with people but the more time passes i feel that they dont really want real friends.
They start ignoring me and making excuses not to hang out.
People today want ass kissers and liars.
They dont want real friends.
I did have a bunch of friends when i was a teen but the older i get the harder it is to maintain connections with people.
I don't know what's worse, not having any friends or having a lot of people around you, who you cannot be yourself around.
The 2nd option is worse because you are just there and being someone you aren't. And then you feel bad. Better to be by yourself doing something productive until the right friend comes along.
@@jf6636 Which isn't pragmatic.
@@jeannedarc7533 maybe. Part of me gets what you may be saying. Can't isolate or you won't find a friend. But I was thinking more like saving myself a lot of hardship/time not wasting it on ppl who I don't align w or are initially dismissive of me. I feel you can sense well-meaning ppl from those who you just won't click with.
@@jf6636 I entirely agree.
A person not feeling like they can be themselves in ANY situation, no matter who it's with - it's important to understand that that is YOUR own issue and not the other person(s). You should be yourself at all times no matter what, as an act of self love towards yourself more than anything. It's how people react to you BEING yourself which is what is important to observe. Then you know who respects you or not. But you should always be yourself and no one else is to blame if you choose not to be yourself. It's a choice. It's important to take self responsibility.
one of the weirdest parts of being a live is having stuff like this going on and no one talking about it with you. we just kinda sit there and deal with it on our own.
Its crazy right ? Because its something that a lot of people experience so you would think people would discuss it more
@J T shouldn't you be playing with lil uzi
I think that many people feel shame for admitting this, but it's completely normal! Here's to finding great friends someday in the future🙌🏽
im 21 and getting more and more scared everyday. with the pandemic and stress from working from home, it hits different when you realize you have no one to talk about things with you. i hope i can still get an opportunity to meet new people
@@maureendadivas5968 you will
I'm 32 as well and this resonated with me hard. About a month ago I saw wedding photos on facebook of 2 former close friends that got married and I wasn't even invited. It fucked me up, but then I realized I hadn't even hung out or spoke to them since 2017. It made me realize that I don't reach out to people, which is an essential part of building friendships. I feel incapable of doing this and I always felt impostor syndrome like you've described so that makes it even harder. Idk what else to say, other than I feel the same and you're not alone.
I'm 52 years old and I had a lot of friends growing up. The older I get, the harder it is to make friends. I have children your age and it is difficult for them to find friends. Maybe because technology is so advance now, people have grown apart. I understand what you are going thru. Hopefully the future will be brighter.
Having no friends rules!!!!! All they do is fake being nice to your face and then talk crap about you to everyone once you’re gone.
Nobody talks about Jesus's miracle of having 12 close friends after 30.
@@garystarkey726 I wasn't bible bashing I love Jesus it's just a funny joke.
Men don’t make friends like women do. Men need a mission or a project to come together and be friends.
Great joke! Gary by the very attitude you show, you display the fruit of atheism...a lack of love a deep dissatisfaction and hatred Repent and be saved from this terrible generation
@@garystarkey726 I'm not Christian, nor Atheist but I never show the attitude you have. If someone talk about Jesus or anything related to the religion, just let them do it. Be mature!
Lol gary deleted his comment wtf is wrong with these people, just don't write a comment if you're not so sure what you gotta say.
having less friends is a sign of genius
If you die tonight, do you know where you're going? Did you know that Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven and He loves you?
Through Him, God offers you a FREE gift - forgiveness. All you need to do is repent, turn away from your sins and evil ways,
from now on put your faith completely in Jesus Christ and be obedient to Him.
Explanation:
God doesn’t want anybody in hell because He loves us, but you must understand why
we deserve hell and why those who refuse to live under His authority will go
there. (Matthew 12:30) ''Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not
gather with me scatters.'' He gave us the law (Ten Commandments) not to make us righteouss, but
rather to show us our sin (Romans 3:20). God gave us free will and since Adam
sinned in the garden, sin is the nature of our flesh and we’ve all sinned.
(Romans 3:23) and the law demands death to those who sin (Romans 6:23). For
someone to be justified before God they have to be sinless, that's why everyone need Jesus Christ.
None of us are good in God’s eyes, because for God good means moral perfection. We all
have broken God’s commandments, we all have sinned in our lives so none of us
are good. ‘’For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is
guilty of breaking all of it.’’ (James 2:10). ‘’For God so
loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever
believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.’’ (John 3:16) That’s why only Jesus can
save us, because He lived a perfect and sinless life and is the only worthy
sacrifice and died for our sins. We aren’t saved based on our good
deeds/works, but only by the grace of God through faith.
''For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -
not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
He said ‘’it is finished’’ (John 19:30), which means He paid the fine for our sins
(past, present, future) to be forgiven if we repent and trust in Him.
‘’Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that
times of refreshing may come from the Lord.’’ (Acts 3:19) Biblically, a person who repents does not continue willfully in sin.
Repentance is a turning from sin, and it always results in changed behavior (Luke 3:8). While sorrow from sin is
not equivalent to repentance, it is certainly an element of scriptural repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). Do not play a hypocrite.
(John 3:3) Jesus replied, "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again."
If you confess that Jesus is Lord (John 10:30) and believe that God raised Him from the dead, then you’ll be saved. (Romans 10:9)
You are born again with the spirit of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him. (John 3:36)
Bible is the Word of God. You may ask how so because it is written by men. Just like a letter is written by a pen,
so is Bible written by God using men. Bible/God's Word was written over 1600 year period by 40 different authors and 66 books, all leading to the coming of God's Son - Jesus Christ. There is consistency of revelation throughout a long time of period, many prophecies being fulfilled.
In the Book of Isaiah you see details about how Jesus Christ suffered even if it was written a long time before His coming.
In the Book of Daniel 500 BC you can read about Alexander the great who lived 300 BC.
We are living in the last days and Jesus Christ will return soon.
2 Timothy 3:1 ''But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.''
2 Timothy 3:2 ''For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,''
Luke 21:11 ''There will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and pestilences. And there will be terrors and great signs from heaven.''
1 Thessalonians 5:3 ''While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.''
Matthew 24:39 ''And they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.''
Luke 21:31 ''So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that the kingdom of God is near.''
2 Thessalonians 2:3-4 ''Let no one deceive you in any way. For that day will not come, unless the rebellion comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, who opposes and exalts himself against every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, proclaiming himself to be God.''
Revelation 13:16-18 ''And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.''
Matthew 24:21 ''For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been from the beginning of the world until now, no, and never will be.''
1 Thessalonians 4:16 ''For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.''
Matthew 24:19 ''But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days!''
Matthew 24:42 ''Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.''
Mark 1:15 ''The time has come," Jesus said. "The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!"'
Get right with God and start your relationship with Jesus Christ right now before it’s too late, because there’s not much time left!. "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.’’ (Mark 13:32)
You may start with a simple prayer from the bottom of your heart, TRULY believing that God listens and
cares. (Jeremiah 29:13) ''You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.''
Get to know Christ through His word. At first I recommend reading Gospel of John and book of Romans. God bless you!
copium
The I must be absolutely, off the chart, fucking brilliant.
It's in indicator of high intelligence yes, but not the sole variable, ofcourse. (: But then again, intelligence can really be more of a curse than a blessing, if you fail to properly implement/use it, that is. Often, people with high iq, have (relatively) low eq, you just can't have it all. So yeah, we're social creatures, even the most introvert people are. Those few interactions can make all the difference and I wish Josh the best.
Sure hope so
Your very brave for putting this out there. You have 33k friends following you now on this channel. Thanks for making this video, Internet friend.
I am 44. I know a lot of people but I only have a couple of people whom I consider friends. I have trust issues after being bullied multiple times. I have a high standard when it comes to friendship. I want friends who I can really trust. I hope everybody realize that it's not about the quantity but the quality of people surrounding you. The most important thing is to always try to be kind. Take care everyone!
Feel free to get in touch for a chat
Thank you! @@myrah3715
Shows how powerful mental health is, this guy could literally be a model and looks so good from the outside. You'd never think he has internal battles. Shows you how challenging it can be. Respect for opening up, this video definitely helps a lot of people.
He's likely blowing smoke up everyone's ass... Meh, I still won't delete what I wrote as THAT'S TRUE.
He looks like a model because he’s overcompensating for the social issues. I know that because I do the same thing. And people like John are why its even harder to open up and recover from this. They simply see us and say nope nothing wrong there. Not knowing its just a shell to fit in. Or at least try too, but I think it has the opposite effect.
Yeah guy is tall and handsome and is complaining about not having friends. 🙄
Now imagine being short, fat, ugly and poor oh and not having friends.
Welcome to life on ultra hard mode. Not only will you not have friends or a relationship but you will constantly get passed on in the workplace for leadership roles or promotions.
I thought the same thing sometimes good looking people are intimidating!! It’s no fault of theirs but you automatically assume they have lots of friends! Or I couldn’t compare to his/her exciting friends when it’s just assumptions that keep us from building good relationships!
Or a lot of us have had bad experiences with friends and family!
@@dueth2508 true. I always go out of my way to look good. I get a haircut every two weeks, trim and shape my beard twice a week. I take time deciding what I will wear. I have social anxiety.
I am also 30… in Seattle , no friends no wife …. Just appreciate the fact that you at least have a wife
big man..you still young..
big man..you still young..
Mark your soo young hun you'v got plenty of time to meet people x
Ay fellow Seattelite! I'm on the Eastside
Totally man but yeah I’m in the same boat kinda, hope things start looking better for ya soon brother
I'm 34, same boat. My only friend is my husband.
I've come to embrace it. I've actually decided to go to college this year! I'm studying to be a wildlife biologist, or something similar, lot of options. I don't really connect with people, but it's very easy for me to connect with animals. I used to worry about being bored and lonely when I get older, but I think after a lot of years thinking I figured out what feels right for me.
Nice work! I find that I prefer to only be around a girl I like so my entire life (I’m 36) I will only hang out with girls I meet throughout my day. I’ve tried to make guy friends and it never really was for me. I have always been friends with women and then I isolate with a girl I fall for.
Glad you figured it out 😄
Thank you for making this! There are a lot of people out there that are suffering from the same thing. It's nice to hear someone else voice it.
I deleted social media because everyone went fucking crazy the last few years. I'm just going to keep my head down and get my shit together and worry about friends and dating when I'm in a better place in life.
Dude same. I deleted my social media channels other than CZcams and it changed my life. I got my old group of friends back because I wanted to hang out with them again. I don’t see what they post every minute of every day. I actually get the chance to miss them and I don’t care about their political views because I blocked myself from that information, not being on social media anymore. It’s so toxic! Keep doing what you’re doing man. I think you will get back to equilibrium.
@@catatestrophe7499 Yup, it's toxic as fuck. I will never go back. I am far less depressed now also. I was comparing my life to everyone else and it was messing me up. I feel like I have my own life again and not part of the borg collective anymore.
I deleted my social media like 3-4 years ago when I graduated from high school. Wanted nothing else to do with it. Why would I want to keep up with other people’s lives. I have my own to worry about. Plus, just as you said, if it made me feel as if I wasn’t doing enough because I was comparing myself to others. Toxic af. Now everyone is like “you don’t have Instagram? Whaaaat??” It’s very annoying. I’m in search of a partner who doesn’t use that bs.
I'm in recovery from addiction and had to stop talking to all my friends. I have to taper off Methadone, get a job, a car, and go back to community college. Feels like I'm just starting out in life but with bo help this time and I'm 38. Sometimes it's necessary to shut the world away and focus on building ourselves.
@@ryanblack844 I went through that a few years ago, stopped hanging out with everyone to get clean. Social media was the last reminder of my old life. It's not easy, and a lot of people don't understand but I had to do it to stop.
As a 50 year old wife and mom, I can assure you that it’s not just you. Society and culture has changed so much. People are taught to associate with people that check certain boxes. We’re now in a very status oriented society and our culture tells us to present our accomplishments…usually online. I remember back in the 80s/90s, people would just hang around who was there. Sure, there were quirky ones, wild ones, silly ones, but we would just accept people for who they were and enjoy the moment. It’s called unconditional friendship and it is indeed hard to find in our ‘self’ focused culture.
This highly depends on your place, culture, and/or practice(hobbies and shit). I grew up in a Christian environment where people get along very well regardless of status. My dad is an engineer, and his best friend is a guy we call "Nonoy". Nonoy is a poor carpenter we met at church. He is also very well-known & well-respected in our church despite his low status in the career field. We greet each other a lot there, do activities, and have a very family-like relationship with the church members. Outside of our church, the world is a rat racing competition. Unless you belong in a good community where people know each other, do stuff with each other, and doesn't give a flying fuck about whatever u do for a living, you can only see the world of competition. This is only my opinion based on my experiences. Bye.
It's funny how people like to say that "now is bad" (no hate towards you, Original Poster, that's just my personal pet peeve!). Society has ALWAYS been status oriented, starting from our primitive ancestors, the alfa would be DA man. People stuck up their noses in XV c., XVII c., XX c. and now. What's important is to find people YOU feel good with. I was fortunate to grow up and come across very normal people; if it didn't happen for you guys naturally, the FIND THOSE GOOD PEOPLE, ditch those that let you down/don't see you for you.
wow THIS
i relate to much to you and also i think he has no friends ......because his wife ...i swear my experience and im 40 and okay with 12 friends
I actually think its more of a collectivist society that you're desciribing, not 'self' focused. More 'detached from self' would be correct; all for the sake of being liked
100% relate to this. I've moved house 20 times and I'm 27 now. Multiple different schools. I had to adapt and quickly gel with people to create or join friendship groups but nothing really felt secure and I always felt like the outsider. Even into my adult years mixing with my wife friends, I still feel like the person who rocked up to a party out of pitty.
I moved around a lot as a child and teen as well it really damaged me.
Thats how this world works, there are many different groups and the void around them to break into them you need to be able to dig hard without any care
This is very courageous of you to share and so real . So many people struggle with loneliness and are afraid to speak out about it and work on themselves
Imagine being super fit, married, with clear skin, glistening blonde hair and blue eyes, groomed to the nines, yet still feel out of place in nearly every social situation.
Should speak loud and clear to anyone putting too much emphasis on image.
Thank you for saying this - I don’t think people comprehend that mental health and anxiety are more than skin deep. It’s sad to see people saying I’m essentially not allowed to have any desire for friendships or any problems solely because of my appearance. Cheers
Friendship takes work...
People are needy.....
There is nothing wrong with having 1 or. 2 Good friends.....
I think people put alot of emphasis on Friendship and being part of a Group....
If you are happy with yourself....and the way your life is going.... That's Great...!!
lmao haha so true
....And he also has a beautiful wife. So he has more than most people (looks, youth, job, wife, health, house, etc.). Pop out a few kids and he won't have time for friends. Then he won't be making videos about not having friends anymore. I think he has a great life. He doesn't need to find friends.
Yes.i agree with you.. They live under seductive beautiful image from Victoria secret supermodel commercial also men dream for girlfriend image as magazine.. Wake up..
as a 28 year old who has not had friends since aged 15 I'm quite surprised from the comments how many others are in the same situation.
Feels. I'm a 25 female with no friends
@@Getcho33 30 same
22 same
@@MrMaaf 20 same
28 too..same..hadn't had a 'Real' friend since my middle school days actually..(like i've had a couple coworker friends here and there,but I always usually flake on them,whenever they hit me up..so it's also my fault,on not making the effort to keep and make friends..my social anxiety sucks,lol..)
It’s hard seeing you emotional Josh, you’re an inspiration. I’m also 32, a mum with no friends. I have my husband. He’s my best friend but sometimes I do miss having girl friends to catch up with.
You’re a brave man doing this, well done x
Thank you so much for posting this. I can relate completely. Your willingness to be vulnerable has really inspired me. Hope things are going better for you now.
I have no friends, single, no love... just me and my cat. I overcome my loneliness by creating & producing arts.
i admire people like you, strong mind, you know, you may no have friends but if you have a strong mind that won't be a problem, not my case, sel esteem and stuff
@@ronaldalexanderdamiandiaz8449 Thank you so much 😊😊
Great to be alone too
I am exactly the same like you! I moved to a new country, no friends,just me and my cat, no love and I m single also creating art like you too :D I enjoy myself and travel as much as I can, it really makes me feel good.
I was same as you for 6 years.
It's not social anxiety, it's how society is these days!
Finally, I found a video of a Chad that has no friends, I don't mean this as a joke seriously!
I haven't had friends in nearly 30 years. It's very lonely and boring. It's not because of anxiety it's because: I spent most of that time working long hours and dealing with a very difficult family situation; I lived in an isolated rural community where I had nothing in common with anyone. I hope to get friends next year after moving location, moving job, and when the pandemic has hopefully gone.
True, unfortunately.
@@someonesomeone25 Sorry to hear that buddy. I hope you'll actually gain more friends. and you will. infact, you just did.
@@Alex-yk2tf Thanks. I appreciate it, though obviously I don't count random, kind, people on the internet as friends. I hope I do make real friends one day, though.
It's amazing to realize that no one has the life you think they do. Everyone is battling something. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope just being open about it has helped you overcome the struggle, even just a little bit.
I’m 18 and just graduated from high school. I don’t have any friends same as you, but for a different reason. I got really bullied when I was 12 and 13 years old, since then I have stopped talking with the few friends I had and I’ve found it really difficult to open myself to new people or to just feel the interest to interact with new people. It doesn’t bothers me nowadays, I actually like it cause I’ve learned that I love being alone and by myself. Also, before your video I’ve never thought about it being a problem in the future to me. I think that now that I’m not in school I’ll be more open to people, I’ll just need to remember that not everyone has judgmental thoughts.
This is the first video of you that I watched, I’ll watch the other ones and I hope you have figured out how to deal with the situation that one year ago was making you sad. Hope things got better for you.
Very brave of you to post this video.
Thank you 🙏🏼 I’ve felt this way for quite some time, so it was nice to say it out loud.
Why brave? is it that abnormal and bad to have no friends?
@@DX-d well ask the society we live in.
@@JoshHitti Seeing you so emotional got to me. I understand. I know it may seem like no one does sometimes, but I really do.
@@w9s992 DONT let society dictate who you are....
I’m 30 and struggle with the same thing but it’s so beautiful to know that we’re all here experiencing the same human experience and we’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with us.
Nothing wrong with you Tiara. Cheers and be well.
I've been told my whole life there's sth wrong with me just because I have trouble connecting with people.
It was so refreshing to me when I saw these "I have no friends" videos recently, I actually thought I was the only one in the universe, next to elderly people who at least have something to look for (end of life) and here I am at 29 with no date of end to this excruciating loneliness. I feel for you and all of us, but at least we can find comfort in knowing we are not alone.
Yes but I’m becoming more aware of how damaging the internet is in regards to this issue. It’s way too easy to dive into the internet for hours and chat on there as it sort of feels like socializing but it’s really not at all. It eventually worsens our ability to socialize face to face
@@billsimms2511 the world would be a much better place to live without modern technology.
Josh. I can relate tremendously. While I do have a couple friends, moving around a lot has left me with no friends in the day to day life. It gets VERY lonely at times. And as I've grown older I am far more protective of my personal space, and what I allow myself to get involved with. This is where to a degree that "social anxiety" kicks in. You are not alone, much less "pathetic" or "different" in any way. You seem to have a great life going, a big heart, and a very healthy sense of self. Perhaps being in a space of helping others is an avenue through which you can continue to socialize and meet other likeminded individuals. Don't overthink it. Sometimes the best friends are the ones that just sit around with very few words. No need to entertain or be a larger than life human to have others around. Anyone would be blessed to have you as a friend. You have a lot of gifts to share!
Hi Josh I came across your post tonight while searching for advice on another topic altogether..although I can relate to much of what you were saying. My urge to comment though was because of my soon to be 25year old, who does not have friends. As his mum it is so hard to see that he is missing out on what should be, the most care-free years of his life. You are able to see some effort is needed on your part by way of joining the gym etc so I feel in time you'll make those comfortable connections. Your video has helped me to understand what anxiety he must feel and hopefully by sharing it with him he will take the small steps to make change too. Not many are brave to be so honest, so well done and I'l follow to see how things are going for you🌿
Dude has a decent living situation, married, and is good looking. There’s no hope for me 💀
Hahaha
I feel the same way, I don't know if I'll ever meet a girlfriend like my last and I don't have any hope and often I get a lack of confidence
I feel exactly the same way. I’m gay, always single, about to turn 40 and as lonely as can be. Life feels like a burden.
And a realy nice house
@ Kez Stop it of course there is hope for you we are all going through some things life is a journey we'll get there sooner or later
I’m 61 & all my close friends have passed away recently. I’ll never have people that close again, so enjoy your few friends while you have them. I miss my old buddies every day!
Sorry to hear that. Stay strong
Hello, you are still young! I’m turning 60 this year. I’ve been living in the countryside of Japan for going on 12 years now. My goal was to integrate into Japanese society; however, I discovered it to be impossible. I don’t have a single friend in Japan. Haven’t in almost 12 years. Spend all my time outside of work, by myself. Can’t wait to return to Canada in the future.
My point was, of course we miss our family and old friends who are no longer living. That is natural. Almost all my family has passed away and I have no friends. Only a sister and cousin living in another country that I can’t easily visit since it’s a 10-hour flight and I have 4 pets. Let’s just have an open mind, that we can always make new friends!
Rip to them 🙏🏻 💖
Can totally relate.
Changed schools 9 times throughout elementary and high school.
It really does mess with your ability to trust people. Thanks for sharing ❤️
I have watched this video before but not entirely and have come across it again, for the same reasons. I am very isolated i've moved about so much in my life and also experienced a huge amount of childhood trauma which has led me basically to become a lone wolf. The past 3 years have been spent in severe social isolation. I have started to re connect with people which is extremely hard due to becoming so extremely introverted and a life long battle with crippling mental health issues. There have been connections I have made that have helped me emotionally in ways I can only describe as a life line, which I am so grateful for. But man the moment you choked up has touched me right in the soul. That imposter syndrome is so real it's like you were born into this world with this fragmentation that you can't put your finger on. I know that feeling it's the worst feeling in the world. You always feel like you don't belong somewhere in a way. But what helps me is seeing someone with that same pain, it makes me feel less alone. I don't know you brother but I feel connected to you just through your story. To anyone who is alone, in ways it can be a blessing but can be a huge curse. We all just need love at the end of the day and to my fellow lone wolves out there I spread you love, compassion and huge understanding. We're all connected together one way or another. We can all make it through this life if we dig deep within ourselves and overcome the boundaries that this world has conditioned us to be. It all starts from the way we interact with ourselves. Sending Big love x
Im 45 and have no friends….But at least its nice to know that I’m not alone.
But you are alone. You have no friends.
@@sebswede9005 Thank you for taking some time of ur day to reply …Enjoy ur day! 😊
@@lizlind7440, that's not necessarily a bad thing at all! Not having friends is just about always better than having bad friends!!
I hope you have family, relatives, ..they can be friends too🌿
@@sebswede9005 wtf 😭
Same here.. 31 years with no friends, no bf, dealing with body dysmorphia, and trying to heal from past traumas. At times, it gets hard, but I know I'm strong, and I take it as a sign to keep pushing forward
Stay strong!
That must difficult ro deal with 'body dysmorphia' and yet you talk about stength. After losing my leg I too struggle with how I look at times, but I believe that to move forward you never look back, always smile, when it rains you say "is that all you got". So strength we have, which is great what is had is not having a good friend you can unload on, so just tell them how your days been. I wish you well
You are beautiful! Healing is a process but the rain waters beautiful gardens.
same 30 years no girlfriend no friends and never buff enough going to the gym, i want to meet people and trust them but after some time most people arent loyal
I have felt this way sometimes in my life. I have gone to an extent of sabotaging relationships because of anxiety. I think you lack self worth, that feel of not being enough and you wonder why someone would hang out with you. I would suggest doing self affirmations every morning. They focus on self love and uplifting yourself. All the best.
I can relate to you 1000%. Don't feel bad; sometimes its for the best. I lost hope on friends because of being disappointed in them too many times. Take heart.
Josh. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. You have articulated exactly what I have been feeling struggling with over the past 10 years. I am 30 today. :) How are you now? We can overcome this! 🙏
I’ll be 25 in July, with no friends and no boyfriend I feel anxiety and depression most days this days, but sometimes I’m fine. This is real and relatable so glad you spoke about it.
This is why we have social media, it's designed to give us the illusion of being part of a valid social system. He has taken his first steps into the 'unknown' 👍🏼
The government is our friend.
They're looking out for us. The media says so.
I'm 30 and I have no boyfriend either. Sometimes I feel like a total weirdo but I've learned to accept it.
I will be your boyfriend, pretty little thang!
@@MultiVishnu55 no thanks
I am 29 and have no friends. It is really strange. I think about it often, I blame my self for not having friends, I feel ashamed for not having friends, I wonder what is wrong with me... and then I meet somebody who is nice but I never call this person, I don't keep in touch, I respond to messages days later, I basically shut off from this person. Recently i came to a conclusion that the reason why I don't have friends is because I don't like my self. I cannot connect with other people because I pretend to be someone else when I am with other people, I pretend to be happy and jolly, or adventurous, outgoing etc and it's exhausting. If I liked myself, i would express myself as I am.
same story, man
Hey, Maria, we've been making a Facebook messenger group with some people of this video comment section. If you feel like it we'll be glad to have you there :) Send a friend request to David Güell in Facebook (the one with Michelangelo's David on it) and I'll get you there!
@@oOcitizenOo Same for you, oOGeekITOo, we've been making a Facebook messenger group with some people of this video comment section. If you feel like it we'll be glad to have you there :) Send a friend request to David Güell in Facebook (the one with Michelangelo's David on it) and I'll get you there!
This is a relevant point of view!
I agree, there’s about that type of mental weirdness going on. Brain🙃🙃
But stills it isn’t always easy to confront Ms solitude itself. At least at times, wouldn’t be a miss to just exchange something, laugh, eventually know that you have one number to dial in case of sudden nasty emergency. A volunteer to test some receipts on it during a nice dinner with friends , or and family.
Take care!
Hey Maria, what you said sounds so much like my own experiences. I find it incredibly hard to stay connected with people long-distance, and when I interact with people it feels like I am putting on a kind of mask; often quite different masks for different groups of people and situations. I found out a few months ago that I most likely have aspergers/ ASD, and that it's a tooootally different thing to what I thought it was (hence why I never even considered that it could be me). I've found it incredibly healthy and healing reading about different aspects of it and realising that I'm not a bad person because the way my brain is wired makes me behave differently in some situations. And now that I have a search term I've been able to find a tonne of useful information that is helping me improve my life
Josh, thank you for opening up.
I'm here and found your video because I feel so alone with no friends.
You talking your story, me watching it, all these activities have therapeutic effects and it helps to see my situation differently.
It takes a lot to open up, and especially sharing this (in terms of minimum human respect) wildly underregulated cyber space. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you!
Thanks for sharing, people need to be more vulnerable like this. What you’ll learn is that you’re not alone. You’re definitely not the only one who doesn’t have close adult friendships outside of convenience (gym, work, neighbors, etc). It’s hard, there’s nothing wrong with you. You can be the most likeable kind person who is willing to invest in friendships, but it also takes timing, and chemistry and clicking/connecting, being at the right place at the right time. Be patient and don’t be afraid to keep putting yourself out there. Invite people over, or to go out or do an activity together. If it still doesn’t work, it’s ok. Know that you’re still deserving and still keep trying.
Is having no friends the secret to being this handsome?
Other man would have so many cofidence looking like only 50% his guy 🥰
WTF
No. It's about having good genetics.
@@sebswede9005 you also have to take care of those genes too
Facts
I'm 32, I know what you feel man.
It's hard being a man with emotions, morals and standards. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in these feelings...
Im in my mid 30s, I have never had friends, mostly because I dont want friends, always kept my distance. I have my family and a gf. Thats enough for me. Friends are just people, and people = problems. Less people, less problems.
Avoid the noise, you ain't missing a thing....
People = Drama
The WE in society was taken when the mobile device said hello, then it was all about ME, and us WE folk see this in folks and lone wolf is the only way, and 1 or 2 is all you need that find a level.... This world is a mind soup and the humanity in people is lost for ego, look after yourself on the inside, life is only as complicated as you think it, when it comes the quiet times..... That's when a hobby is great.....
Stay sane, stay classy....
Love you
Repent to Jesus Christ “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
James 5:16 NIV
You are SO right. I you want a lot of friends you need to hang out in nasty places and doing nasty things....
@@lovejetfuel4071 absolutely correct...
I totally can relate to your feelings. I have lost most of my family and I feel so alone in the world. I have some friends that I cherish but thank god for them. I know what you are going through. I think it is harder these days to make close friends than it used to be. I think people are becoming more isolated from each other and that is sad. Thank you for posting this and being open with your feelings. I wish I lived closer to you because I would love to hang out with you every so often and share our thoughts and so forth...you are not alone...just know this!!!!
I landed on your video and couldn't stop watching. Props to you for your honesty. I'm sure by now you know it's not so strange to not have friends. With this self reflection, you should have the confidence to forge friendships and maintain connections, but it takes work. You have to put in the effort.
I’m really glad people are finally talking about this. Especially men, the pain of losing friends and it’s affects on our self esteem is something we rarely talk about
This is especially true for men. Culturally speaking, it’s still sort of taboo to have feelings like this about friends.
I'm glad you mentioned this. Men aren't "supposed" to care about not having friends, but we do.
@@Nepthu this is why sooo many men are struggling thru life alone. It’s sad that men have been made to feel like it’s not cool to talk about their feelings . Men need friends !
I'd be proud to call you a friend, it takes a brave soul to lay their emotions on the table like that, this time of year (Xmas & new year's) is always hard if you suffer from SA so thank you for being so honest, you can take comfort from the fact you'll have helped alot of people who endure the same feeling, sending love.
Hey! Just saw your video! Thanks! So reassuring to see how many people go through a similar experience. I was having one of those weekends, where I am alone again. No one rings, nobody; family; friends; colleagues; neighbours... My only conversations these days are with people in stores or receptionists or a passing word at the gym. I have had friends, in and out of life. Some great friends too. But like everything, life goes through phases, just as friendships and relationships do. I was okay about all of this while I had my mother (who I cared for, especially in the last 20 years of her life) and my partner. Sadly, he passed in 2013 due to MND ( we were together 13 years) , and my mother in 2014. In an instant I had lost my true family. My brothers have all been distant from each other. Typical issues you get in a family. Friends turned away after my losses. Even though I was resilient and strong and made no demands about my loss or grief. They just couldn't place me in the world without my partner or my mother. Then I stopped working in 2018 and took early retirement at 57. So, I could go on and on and on and on... But I try to philosophise and reflect. First, people are fickle. People come and go. People are often not deep in their thinking. People can be fair-weather friends. People want you to be okay and not demand of them. Second, when you are rejected it is simply because their needs are not being met anymore. Third, I am an ISFJ on MYERS-BRIGGS, which pretty much explains everything about why I am alone. Look it up. Also, I am very academic, I read and study... I was a teacher and academic in life. I don't talk rubbish or make small talk easily. I am deeply passionate about the real things that matter in the world. Unfortunately, for most, they cruise life with blinkers on and their head in the sand. Most people astonish me by their lack of knowledge and awareness, even about the basic things. People can be so ignorant. Perhaps laziness; perhaps convenience; perhaps for the best. This is perhaps a reason I am alone because people are easily threatened. Also, when you are single, older and a man, you lack the structures to hook into society and friendships. When I go out alone to eat, I am ignored. But if I go out with a someone to eat, people engage with me and treat me normally. I just think people don't know how to relate to others who don't fit the mold anymore.Where to from here, I don't know. I just live my life quietly and day by day. I accept that perhaps this is what life is for me now. I. had the great times; the fun times. Now it's me time, alone. Just remember, Josh, it's not you. And it's not just you. And I can you, there are many people who profess to have a million friends, who a probably lonelier than you or I. In the end, we have to be our own best friend.
Here’s a little secret. Past college, most people don’t have the kind of friends you’re talking about. In fact, most friendships are just disguised transactional relationships anyway. You’re not missing much.
Very true. Most people have acquaintances only if not all.
When you said "Disguised transactional relationships" I felt that.
Yeah and nobody warned us about this. Life after college is real shit. The loneliness hits you on the face and thr wound never really heals.
I'm 52 and have no friends and never have had any. I've never been in any type of romantic relationship either. The loneliness is BRUTAL!!
:(
nice, ur a independent strong man!
You are FAR from alone in this respect. If that helps.
Join the club man.
I wish you and everyone who relates to this the best, for your mental health, life and in any form of social life. You are all worthy of being friends with. everyone is, it's just that as a loner, you usually don't realize and think about it like that.
Hi Josh, thanks so much for posting this video which can take a considerable amount of courage without putting on a mask. I too have trouble making friends. I'm 44 now but in 2017 my ASD (autism) diagnosis did empower me which also allows me to help empower others. My advice just be your authentic self & remember that you have a lot to offer (that I already know cause you posted this vid). Be you & remember that no one is more or less worthy of you. I know with myself my biggest enemy is my mind so when I take time to mute the toxic thoughts I can be myself that bit easier & let life happen. 🚲🚲
I’m the exact same way except I have no friends and I’ve never had a partner. I’m 29 and it gives me depression here and there because I feel lonely. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
I am almost 46 and believe me, I don’t have friends too and I am not even married. I guess I got used to it but it is hard sometimes. You seem to be a nice person so many people would love to have you as a friend. God bless you man.
If you’re in a small town, move.
But David you’re so handsome 😅
We are in the same page. No friends. 3w years old
David, I met some of my best friends reading at Starbucks. Join groups that interest you and find someone with something in common with you. You need a great smile to go along with your good looks. I am lucky to have inherited my mother's beautiful smile. I have fantastic friends of many nationalities. My best friend is Indian. We met at Starbucks almost 20 years ago. Good luck dude!
@@emzywillrich7243 Starbucks Is A Great Idea Also Volunteering Somewhere Like Red Cross Or Animal Shelter Wherever People With A Good Heart Work... I Put My Career First & Ended Up The Same Way... Isolated With No Real Friends... My Co - Worker Says His Phone Never Rings ... He Had The Same Situation So He Volunteered For A Photography Studio In New York Mahn & He Started Making New Friends & He Is In His Mid 50's ....
I’m 41 and still struggle with this. I have 1 friend from high school that I still keep in touch with, but even she and I don’t see each other often. I’ve always felt like I was looking for like-minded people and have never in my life found it. I feel like I care too much or maybe it’s just that others don’t care enough. Hard to explain. I’ve also pushed a lot of people away in my life. Sometimes it has been easier to be alone than to fake it with certain people. All I know is I totally get it. Having friendships as an adult is a lot harder than as a child.
I associate with this as well. I always felt like I was very different to everyone else...
I know exactly what you mean! I’m in the same boat! I’ve always felt like I was looking for more than just hi and bye!
Same feeling
You are not alone with these feelings!
I can relate too. I seem to attract "fair-weather friends", the kind that just want to hang out as long as I provide some sort of use to them ( like if our kids do activities or have play dates together ) but they're superficial and eventually fade away for whatever reason. I'm 45yrs now and I must say, I take no shit now. If I feel I'm being used or that I'm always the one making the effort to contact them and arrange meet ups, I'll back off. Genuine friends reciprocate and it's not all one-sided. I have too much self-respect to chase after people. I consider myself a kind and loyal person but I feel like I actually repel people sometimes and that they see someone completely different to how I see myself. It's a challenge!
Thank you for giving visibility to this topic (same situation 🙋🏻♂️). many times there are people who dont comply with the stereotypes that society "requires" of us. but we are not weird or different, we simply dont find the right people with whom to share our life and that's it. you and we all deserve the best friends in the world❤️
Thank you for being brave and open with this issue.
I can relate to your struggles too. It's been always hard for me to find close and emotionally available friends. I felt like abandoned, lonely, not attractive enough to be cool enough to gain friends (that was what I was thinking). But I started learning about myself, my difficulties to open and talk about emotions and needs. It changed a lot of things in that matter.
Just want to share my experience on this topic. I hope it'll be useful.
Sometimes it's hard to find someone and form an unique bond to shape a loving friendship, and that's okay. Friendships take time to form and evolve. They also need attention, openness, emotional vulnerability just like taking care of a garden or something sensitive.
Some people have emotional skills of giving support, space, letting emotions be as they are without an urge to judge and fix your issues immediately - but some people don't have that capacity.
Some people are "equipped" with emotional support skills and active listening, some will be more judgmental ( they still care but cannot focus on emotions), some just will be friends in specified areas - party friends, vacationing /travelling friends, hobby friends, Gossip / discussing in Cafés kind of friends, etc.
Just want you to know, that it's okay how you feel and if you want to find and develop closer bonding with people, it is possible and you can learn that - yes, that's a skill.
Look for people that inspire you, that have similar interests to yours, that you care about.
Talk to them, ask them about what you'd like to be asked and cared for. Be true to your emotions, don't suppress your feelings, communicate about your needs as the relation gets stronger. It will bloom if there will be space for it on both sides :)
I soon realised growing up that I only had “friends” because we were in a common situation. Like school or work. We had to spend half the day together most of the week so naturally you form a relationship but once I left school or those jobs I never heard from those people again and I realised I didn’t even want to talk or see them again because we’d lost that one thing that we had in common.
I always seen friend groups posting stuff on social media hanging out and going on vacations together and my brother is always at a friends house or a friend is always coming to pick him up and for years I felt like a failure of a human being for not having any friends, any real connections. There’s not a single person that I could call and be like “wanna come over and hang out?”.
And I’m not a socially anxious person! I’m happy to be around people and have conversations but it’s just never worked out for me. For a while I tried so hard to force friendships and realised that unless I was the one making the arrangements or making the actual effort to make myself be included and inviting myself to things then it wouldn’t happen. And I’d rather have no friendships than fake friendships. I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me “oh you should’ve come!” And I’m like…. Yeah I would have if I was invited???
I’ve just come to terms with the fact I’ll never have friends. I have interests that aren’t common with other girls or even boys my age and if I don’t have things in common with other people then what’s the point? I’ve got to a stage where I don’t even care anymore I’ve realised over the years the friends I thought I had weren’t actually real friendships because once we went our separate ways with life we never heard from each other again.
It sounds so cringe but my mum and dad are my best friends. I do my favourite activities with them. I go hiking and shopping and lunch dates with my mum and I go racing and watch F1 and stuff with my dad. Those are things I enjoy and I share these interests with my parents and I think that’s okay. I have a boyfriend too now of 6 years and between him and my parents, those relationships are enough for me.
I spent years longing after having friends but realised I don’t need them for anything and don’t actually want them. Because I’ve been let down too many times with the feeling of people not actually wanting me and not inviting me or including me, why bother anymore. I’m comfortable with my own company. I have no shame in doing things by myself. I’ll go to the cinema on my own, or shopping on my own, or explore a new place on my own, I don’t need a “friend” to do that with. Whilst it would be nice to have a meaningful friendship I’ve just come to terms that I was in love with the idea of friendship more than friendship itself.
I feel you! I'm an only child and my parents and grandparents are definitely my best friends too
It feels like I have written this text myself!!! Its just the same with me, i have friends at school but we dont really hang out outside of school and I know I will lose these friendships after school and so I'm already scared of it. Its hard to make friends with anyone because I dont share the same interests for example i like to watch sports or paint but that isnt really something that I could really talk about with anyone. So I feel like I am able to have fun just by myself and dont need anyone to entertain me or anything but I don't know how being alone will affect my mental healt overtime.
Same here! I somehow find it difficult to maintain a friendship once we do not have anything in common. I think it takes two to put in effort to maintain that relationship but sometimes you gotta let go when it doesn't work.
You spoke my soul T_T
Hi Lauren. I relate to your story, even though I do have a couple of friends. But overall it’s so hard to make new friends. I would like to ask you: do you plan on having kids? I’m just curious to know.
You have a wife? That's cool. I'm 35, I have no friends and no wife. 😔
Me too 😰
yeah, the wife is suppose to be the best friend.
Same. I'm 32.
You have Jesus..
I feel the same
A courageous, truthful and sensitive man. I was a young woman during the seventies and eighties and I had pleasant friendships with my work colleagues and two women in my life whom I considered my very closest friends. All of those friendships faded as time passed. Sometimes it was a mutual failing to keep in touch, and in some cases it was because we moved far away from each other and could only communicate by mail or telephone - although that hasn't stopped one particular friendship. Also, some 'good friends' chose to disappear when my daughter passed away. Overall, I found people to be more sincere before we entered the 21st century, and I have no idea why that should be. (Is it that they prefer social media?) In recent years I've found many more people to be highly self-absorbed, repeatedly unreliable and quite fake in their approach to friendship. I don't know the reasons for this change in people's attitude. I think genuineness is important even in a casual and lightweight friendship. And so is respect for the other's views, although I find this is missing too nowadays.
There are specific things most people tend to not share, and having no friends is one of them, it's refreshing you are sharing this. You seem like a deep thinker, and you sound kind of depressed, are you? I've struggled with severe depression and it wasn't until I found out that I have a form of PTSD from long-term trauma, then I was able to find ways to gain insight into myself. Do you struggle with small talk, I ask that because I sure do and I struggle holding friendships. Your comment about imposter syndrome is interesting, because I feel that way too. I know most people seem to have friends related to their interests. I have had a few through this, but sadly I don't live around them anymore. Someone gave me a hug the other day, I wasn't expecting it, and man I needed it! Take care brother. ❣️
I understand how it feels, having no one to witness your life.
that hit hard
Ohhh that one hurt
You found a woman who doesn't mind you being friendless. That's something that most men will never find.
Women like men without friends. Because women like attention.
Many friends a man has is bad, having no friends is normal.
Well if you're that good looking lmao anything is possible.
Why would a woman mind if you have no friends?
@@invictuz4803 People often see not having friends as a red flag.
@@coen071993 Ah right, I recently saw that as one of the red flags on some article lol.
It's a struggle and a learning process. I think that just you posting this is a testimony to how brave you are. I hope maybe it reaches other people who are struggling
In the same boat - late 20s and friendships are dwindling😭 it started in the middle of university when I had bad depression for the first time and decided to cut off my friendship group at uni. At university I met a lot of people who started off as friends, but a big friendship group would break up into smaller cliques and I would always be the one left out. I’ve had two very good long term friends that disappeared on me - like literally without warning disappeared from my life and could not be contacted again. These two incidents have really made me question what friendship means and whether I should be investing so much time. At work I’ve made a handful of very good friends, but unfortunately they now don’t live in the same city as me so I can’t call them to hang out. A couple dwindled out because I realise we could no longer have stimulating conversations. I’ve tried going to meet up groups for certain interests - they would start good bc I’m actually quite talkative, but would always end up the same way: smaller groups would invite certain people to their homes or events and I would never be chosen.
I know that there are many reasons that have caused this. I grew up in an immigrant family with two parents who don’t have many friends. Both of them always thought their social class was embarrassing compared to in our home country, and unfortunately they never sought help or had people over. I never had sleepovers or birthday parties because of this. I would be invited over by friends but my parents would not try to mingle with their parents, so their invitations were not reciprocated. So growing up I naturally feel deterred from inviting people to my home - something I’m trying to change but still feel uncomfortable about for no apparent reason. I was never taught the importance of friendship, only to study to death in school. I always placed more importance on education than friendship, until I realised that if you want to climb career ladder, friendship and network is more important.
It’s so hard to make friends as an adult! I wish I had just 5 close friends who live in the same city as me and who I could contact whenever I felt like it!
I'm 44 and I lost all my friends by 33yrs old. Some of them grew up and moved on, some got married and vanished, some I cut off because they were foul and treacherous and some I just outgrew. I've spent easily over 10yrs alone... I wasn't even married until 3yrs ago so I spent a good portion of my late 20s into my 30s pretty alone and isolated, at first it was hard but then I grew into it and sometimes not having friends is a blessing man. Nothing worse then having bad people around you or people that will influence you to do bad and it will likely be the case that they WONT contribute positively to your life however I understand your plight.
Friendships are best when people are working towards a common goal together. Join a BJJ gym or Jujitsu class or volunteer to do something for good and you will meet good people and go from there but as we age and get older, life becomes complicated and finding good people to get around becomes more and more challenging.
At least you’re married. At 48, I have three friends and that’s it, and I see them maybe three times a year. I’m also autistic so it’s very difficult for me to connect and talk with people. After a few minutes of some conversation it dies. I ask questions, I listen, and try to engage. Never quite makes for any length. Only with my friends I tend connect a bit although they connect better with each other. Never had a friendship or relationship where I felt completely connected on an intellectual and emotional level.
@@taoist32 Keep trying to connect with people and be a good human being. You actually have more friends then me. Hope you take great care of yourself and never give up on life
I can feel that.
Great advice
Lol. Wonder why your "friends" story is exactly like mine!
As people get older. You either lose friends or gain friends. As you get older. You’re REAL friends will start to show. Some people had none to begin with.
Thats true coz im 40 and i become no friends
@verdammt23 you sir are indeed very lucky. That is rare.
I feel you. I‘m 36, have had friends in school and university but almost all live somewhere else, had children and/or are so busy with their lives that they have disappeared from mine. I gave up on insisting. I’ve also been single for the longest time so I do everything on my own. The loneliness is crippling. Glad to hear I‘m not the only one.
I can relate to a lot of how you feel man. Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts.
I have zero friends. The difference is I don't have a wife or husband. So I am really alone. I live in a house with my parents and my brother and I am a ghost. They don't pay attention to me when I walk by they don't talk to me at all. I've just resulted to eating by myself everyday for almost 6 years now. I would love to go on adventures and do new things with people but every time one of my friends gets a relationship they disappear for an x amount of time until they break up with their significant other and then come back for me to pick up the pieces. So the couple of friends that I did have I put down my foot toxic relationships I would rather be alone than be someone's backup plan when nothing else works. But that has left me super lonely and depressed. I'm 31 I feel like a 75 yr old shut in woman with 4 cats. People are always like well you can go and do those things by yourself. Yes I can do them by myself but I'm at the point in my life where I want to make memories and have adventures with people. I've become so socially awkward at this point.
i am in your situation, everybody wanted me for a profit, i have only one real friend and i meet him rarely, depression is killing me, but i can survive. Do you want to talk more about this?, i'm here and wish you the best, stay safe!
Hey, I am sorry to hear that you feel so lonely and I don't really have a solution. I also miss having Friends that really care for me, not just the shallow relationships that you can find everywhere. One of my sister's just called me yesterday because she is suffering from depressions and had some anxiety attacks lately......she was so glad to talk to someone and it really helped her. So if you ever need to talk to someone, you can respond to this message......that's all I can offer.......I don't want to imagine my sister not knowing who to call when she was feeling down and your message made me feel the same.......maybe a little weird, but I don't care......offering help seems to be the right thing for me.
Wenn du denkst es geht nicht mehr, kommt von irgendwo ein Lichtlein her.
Bye
Jasmine! Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. You deserve to feel worth and full with life force. ✨
I have been where you are at most of my life except for one difference…..God and His Son Jesus have been my close companion He comforts and protects me! I have realized many times He has kept me from some people who would hurt me! I don’t need others to make me happy ! I hope you find peace and comfort for your soul! Sometimes God pulls us into a quiet cove to keep us safe from the forces of this stormy world! Blessings to you! 🙏🏻
😭😭 all of you are so amazing ❤️ I'm gonna reach out to you guys . I'm assuming we're all here for the same reasons . Talk to you soon beautiful ppl
I am 36 years old and no friends at all. I got bullied and picked on quite a bit when I was young for being sensitive and having my own way about me. I remember as a teen I would hear and see kids around me always talking about their friends and all the fun places they go and I COULD NEVER relate. I felt cursed and left out. I would also see at that time boys my own age hanging out in these groups of friends skateboarding and never felt welcome in those groups either. The only boys that I could know in school were the ones that were like me the boys that were on their own too and that was who I ate lunch with.
As a adult man now at 36 I still have no friends. People still act strange with me and it's going on at the workplace where I don't feel cool enough. Some people are alright with me but lots of the other types forget it.
You are not alone there are millions like you.
It's my story too.
It's my story too.
Same here ❤️
Focus on your purpose. Workout. Be Selfish in order to improve yourself. Read books. Start new hobbies. Feel the motivation to buy an incredible sports car
❤️ I get this
I am alone and don't have family nearby or friends. I've really given this much thought and realize that since the cell phone came out people just want to text and do not want to talk on the phone. This is a real conundrum, because not hearing a human voice, the tone in which the message is coming across is often misunderstood and how can you feel close to anyone when you're texting! I really appreciate what the cell phone can do for me, and how many things I can accomplish on it however, it does not replace a person, it does not allow me to see the other person's body language, nor can I look them in the eye. Today I felt very sad and almost in tears, because I couldn't reach out to anyone, so I decided to come to CZcams. Thank you so much for making this video, you're brave and you care so continue to do what your gut tells you to, and God bless.
You are not alone there bro
I noticed we are many in the same situation there
Wish u the best 😊
You're definitely not alone. I'm also in my thirties with no friends and I've kind of accepted that fact. I find I put too much effort in trying to maintain a friendship, but never get reciprocated the same way so I just gave up. I enjoy doing things on my own now. Social media has also done much to perpetuate the idea that if you're not surrounded by friends or in a relationship, there's something wrong with you which is not the case for many people.
Also that imposter thing is real, l am friends with my friends friends and even though l still get sucked into nights out with them and peer pressured l find l don't belong, l want out but l can't find the exit. I'm the opposite of all of them, believe me if your friendless and free sometimes you are better off. It can be toxic.
@@irishcountrygirl78 He always gives you a way out
exactly the same thing happens to me. I thought i was wrong but i cant let depression hit me because i have no friends. I started to be loyal to me and my wife, because, honestly, people are very selfish. So better alone than with wrong people.
Who went to your wedding if you had no friends on your end…asking for a mate..not really!
@@lucskickweller3032 I swear i want my husband to become like u! I c him bending over backwards for literally every human except me.
Dude I’m in the same boat. I’m 30 and have no friends at all. I slowly drifted out of my social group of friends around the time my kid was born. And now I have no idea how to make friends at 30. Your not alone man.
Do you have any hobbies?
Same.
I made friends by finding topics, hobbies and other aspects of life i enjoy. if you want friends you have to put yourself out there no matter how hard it is. trust me.
Edit: went to uni and started talking to people today and they saw me later on and asked whats up.
If you drifted apart they are only one message away, who says you need to make new friends? Text them and meetup.
Exact same boat 30 and no friends. All social friends drifted away over the years
Friendship is like love finding you, project yourself in how wonderful you will be as a friend to someone, think of the things you both will be doing, enjoying and creating and believe me, the perfect friend will come alone. I grew up without friends and has been like that my entire life but I learned that one is ready to be a good friend when we understand that unconditional love is all we can offer the only thing we can receive. Sending you a sincere hug and love ❤
Dam this hit hard, you literally described my younger years constantly trying to make connections only to lose them shortly after. It doesn’t get easier as we get older either.
Glad this showed up in my recommendations, thanks for posting this. I moved to the US in 2012 from Sweden knowing nobody. Being an introverted INTJ my entire life I've struggled to make deep connections with people because I just can't deal with small talk or being "idle". I don't like to "hang out". Waste of time.
I don't even think I'm capable of it anymore.
I'm 35 now and what I'm starting to realized is I've just been hanging out with the wrong people. I need people around me who are goal oriented, driven, focused, wanting to grow both mentally and physically. Otherwise I'm happier on my own, building and creating.
I always want to go deep fast as in let me know who you really are, tell me your story and your dreams. Let's skip the shallow stuff, there's too much of that everywhere you look anyway.
However I think that's probably the wrong approach to meeting new people in most cases. But that's ok.
Sometimes you just gotta play the social game I guess.
But man, small talk is exhausting.
This is accurate, partying is overrated, I’m trying fo focus on goals and have the type of friend group that also has goals like you mention. Settle for a group of people that genuinely want good and to do good.
TheSketchMonkey I personally love Sweden and wish I could go there. I understand where you're coming from. I am also a deep thinker and don't enjoy small talk unless it's natural. I'm not superficial and would rather have a few close friends than aquantainces.
He died live on the stage czcams.com/video/51GcIX0y2LQ/video.html
As a fellow INTJ , same .
Yes. I'm growing apart with some friends of mine exactly because they're shallow, and don't know how to form opinions of their own. They seem to regurgitate whatever popular opinion there is and I'm so sick of these people who just seem like drones. Their presence doesn't provide meaningful impact to me anymore, and I wish I knew more people who are more self-aware.
After having lots of friends. Going to parties, invited to lunches/places. At 36, I have no more friends and I am ok with that. Never had any drama with them - I just simply wanted to break away. I enjoy my solitude now. I’m discovering who I am. I always felt like I was presenting slight different persona. Now I’m real to myself. Don’t stress about having no friends. They’ll show up. Quality > quantity
Agreed with you 1000%. Lots of people on here say it's a sad feeling, it's only sad when you look at others and feel like you need to do the same. You just haven't met the right people with substance and qualities. I'm only 29 but never went partying or clubbing bcoz I just look at people they are such hard work with superficial minds, obsessed with virtual reality, what is the point of hanging out with people like that and talk about tik tok? It will only drag you down. Also there is no need to put people into categories extroverted or introverted. You can like going to festivals and road trips but you don't want to have to deal with people. It's a choice.
🙏🏼❤️❤️
I 37 and did have friends but over time some became more of a problem then a benefit so I cut them off, some friends I hardly see now now. One guy I was friends with his wife split us up and told him to not let Me around the house anymore, and that was the end of that, He was actually becoming a very good friend but his girlfriend ended it.
I feel you brother. I've self-sabotaged and lost friends because I did not keep up with them. I've learned to accept myself and given the opportunity, reach out to them again. If they accept me back or not, to keep moving forward. Like a plant, nourish with good water to relationship to yourself and friends, and it will grow. It takes time.
Exactly bro I wish I could turn back time because no one told me I need to these kind of things
@@rm3869We always wait to be invited maybe because we don't know if these people actually enjoy our company. We waste time because we never learned how to believe
You are not alone, I currently don't have many friends, I moved away and by my own decision, I am 36 years old and I have experienced many things, and I have suffered a lot with falsehoods and I am a person who believes in others too much, but the important thing is to feel what your heart tells you. unfortunately we are in a world full of inverted values and where depression has been taking over.
You have a beautiful light, keep following in this path, and always believe in yourself.
Bless you and greetings from Brazil