Hannibal Buress - Jaywalking Is a Fantasy Crime
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- čas přidán 27. 09. 2018
- Hannibal Buress talks about getting a ticket for jaywalking in Montreal and wonders at the absurdities of airport security in his special Animal Furnace.
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"I will donate 60 of your colorful dollars to your broke-ass city" LMAO.
nice
Never knew he was fluent in French
Hrithik Ravi he speaks it perfectly dont know what your talking about
@Hrithik Ravi he speaks Franch
Not sure about French but he speaks very fluent quebecois
😭😂😂😂 this makes burst out laughing
MrSuperChaosGuy Archives whoosh
"Im going to New York to talk about you in front of strangers" killed me.
nah that was me *finger guns*
my like made 1,000 : D
so i guess both XD
haha awesome
"One of my friends asks me 'you wanna hold this bomb real quick?'" its ok Hannibal you can say it was Eric Andre
I could totally see that as reality
Uh hell fucking yeah
kid shoots Hannibal three times with his finger gun
"Who killed Hannibal?"
@@jacknoble5846 nice stolen comment
lmao nice one
"I'm a dumb guy, my worldview is limited."
Amy Veeres
Underrated line 😂
same
Gets me everytime
If most of middle America can adopt this sentiment, we'd be better off as a country, but everyones a genious and never wrong lol
@@89tilinfinity29 Yeah. Its just middle America. Totally just them. Definitely not like all the coast cities, too. They are so insanely open minded.
*kid shoots Hannibal three times with his finger gun*
"Who killed Hannibal?"
Bill Cosby
*1 000th like*
Airport security
Damn only real ogs know this one
Scipio africanus
"I will donate 60 of your colorful ass dollars to your broke ass city." Damn that was smoothly brutal
I was detained by a Montreal cop for acting strangely in a subway station, they are seriously the worst.
U can be detained simply for “acting strangely?” I doubt they could even tell u the legal definition of that cuz that sounds like bs they made up on the spot
Where you being strange.
It’s we’re all very strange anyway
Leo Velli was it the finger guns?
@@leprechaunne I guess you could say I was being strange. I have ocd and I was doing a compulsive tick where I rub my face in a strange way with a sort of grimace. Still, I think they could have at least spoken to me before they put the cuffs on, or let me go soon after, but no, they held for like 6 hours. I did the same thing for years and years all over Toronto and was never stopped or questioned about it once.
Hannibal's eyes
°👃°
👄
James Alvarado bruh 😂
LMAO bruh they do look like that.
What's in Hannibal's hands tho?
My CZcams in dark mode
@@deathsagaXX zing~
Hannibal is literally how our brains process shit when we’re high it’s great
@@ASteadyForce Nice try, FBI
@@ASteadyForce I don't think you've ever done any drugs
@@b8IIin r/woooosh
MuchPotato weed bruh, its just weed that he talkin bout
MuchPotato I’ve never heard someone sound more like a fed in my life
"I made sure not to bring the bomb with me cuz I know y'all hate that."
I read this just as he was was sayng it😆
@@ICGodInU wait same
As a French speaker, I have to say his accent is perfect
Ha
Ha
Ha
Ja
Literally just paid a $197 ticket for jaywalking and hannibal's story was almost exactly my experience getting the ticket
CuddyTG shouldnt have paid lol
I literally j walk in front of cops all the time in Cali they don’t give 2 shits lol
In Boston the police will literally help you jaywalk
@@cyan_2169 I had one cop tell at me for crossing a street when the lift was green but traffick was at a standstill in Quincy. I just gave him a thumbs up and walked away lmao
@@luisuribe5432 moved to SF 6 months ago and ppl jaywalk way less in Cali than in Boston
“My other airport enemy is airport security, they really seem so dedicated to keeping water bottles out of the sky.” This absolutely killed me.
_there's no such thing as sippable bomb water you're being ridiculous right now_
what is this? powdered water?!
The further away we get from the airline terrorism of the 90's and 00's, the more Orwellian and Kafkaesque airport security feels.
It feels like hundreds of grown adults being forced to participate in a children's stage play to humor the fragile egos of some really sad TSA employees.
"Those are the only two jobs I know, I'm a dumb guy, my worldview is limited"
I fucking love Hannibal.
I was taking a domestic flight in Japan. I totally forgot I had a liter of tea. when the security guard pulled it out I said I was sorry and would dump it. she said no, took the lid off, smelled it, put the lid back on and said it wasn't a problem.
Probably because nobody wants to bomb Japan so nobody cares.
Lovely when people in a position of power just act normal and reasonable...
Hannibal’s simplicity with his humor is what makes it perfect.
It's slow buut wittty
Iys yo that's gaay
Exactly lol
Hes a black Seinfeld.
Repent to Jesus Christ
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”
Luke 6:35 NIV
h
Room temp IQ's.
"It's in Canada. It doesn't count to me" 😂
mxamiss5 if its not in your country it doesn’t matter
Gotta be careful with that though. It was a different state rather than a different country, but same concept: one time my dad got a parking ticket in Missouri when he was in Kansas City for a work function. Forgot to pay it before he left, and eh, whatever, he lived in Colorado, what does it matter? What, are they going to chase him across state lines for a $20 ticket? Fast-forward SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS. He ended up moving to the Kansas City area (Belton, specifically). One day, he gets pulled over for speeding. He was going like 10 over the speed limit on the highway, not a big deal, just get a ticket, go home, pay it in a couple days, right? Wrong, because they had a warrant out for his arrest. Now, again, this is seven years later, and also, who the fuck goes around arresting people over $20 parking tickets? So he had no memory of this ticket. Ended up spending the night in jail. Luckily, the judge called it out for the bullshit it was, and basically told the prosecutor to go fuck himself and my dad to just pay the ticket and go home. But yeah, it doesn't count, unless one day it does.
What is he going to be extradited for a jaywalking ticket he’s smart for not paying it
@@maddie9602 Don't speed
@@mikemath9508 Yes "don't speed"
"Powdered water" had me laughing for five minutes.
That's going to be my new code word for coke.
“Breh brag breg blah f R E N C H”
And I felt that.
Best French impression ever lol...
Québécois*
Even us French barely understand them.
🤣🤣
Hello to My beautiful people !
He sounded like Patrice O'Neil doing that...
*FRENCH*
The ending wasn't even a joke, just him being real, yet it was so funny
on gp
that’s what comedy is lmao
6:52 the content nod of a man holding a bomb.
I love how the TSA has an abysmal track record when it comes to preventing terrorist or catching genuinely dangerous things being smuggled. All the stuff they ever showcase themselves finding is stuff that's clearly not even what they're pretending it is.
Maybe bc TSA are rent a cops that would be scared shitless if there was REAL criminal action going down.
Theatre
lol what are you comparing their track record to?
they're just paid bullies that are there to make people THINK things are safer. It's all a bad PR stunt.
“What if it’s sippable bomb-water?” 😂
There's no such thing as sippable bomb water.
You’re being silly right now
Lmao
@@azz75sl everclear?
I kinda thought he said "bong" water... Sippable bong water made me gip 🤮
I moved to Washington and somebody at school said “I can tell you from Cali” and I was like why, and they said, “because you jaywalked 5 feet away from a crosswalk”
Yeah, the NW is a trip. I'm from Texas, but I moved to Portland, and my first week there every time I go to cross the street I stand on the curb waiting for traffic to be clear and cars just stop in the middle of the road and wait for you to cross. Every time! Blew my mind. In Texas if people see you crossing the road they literally speed up like they're trying to hit you, or at least think it might be funny.
@@taitjones6310 -- I live in Texas. I personally feel like if you are gonna jaywalk on a road where the speed limit is 50 or higher; then hurry your ass across the street. Nothing wrong with jaywalking unless you are actually walking. Cross with enough time that I don't have to slow down.
I was in Cali and they knew I was from ny/nj area because I jaywalked in the middle of the block when the light was green
the majority of people do that in SD but it's a good way to get pressed by the police lmao especially if you're a minority or skater, b safe u never know what pigs will pull
Jay walking is such a strange concept for me, in the UK nobody gives much of a shit.
I was about to jaywalk in front of a cop once and changed my mind and walked the opposite way to the intersection to cross. This dude followed me all the way in his car. 🤣
Lol that guy is what is known as a "shiny buttons".
@@SL92018 Why a "shiny button"?
I love your account name!😂
"Hey Hannibal, before you go to the airport you wanna hold a bomb real quick?" 😂😂
"Are you going to New York for business or pleasure"
"Im going to New York to talk about you so i guess both"
woah we watched the same video!
@@moxieswaygan damn you an asshole even off KTT
@@moxieswaygan Shut up.
1,000th like whaddup
@@moxieswaygan I'll never understand the fascination with people leaving quotes in the comments from a video we all just saw.
I love Hannibal cuz his comedy literally sounds how my brain processes stuff... he sounds like he just talkin off the top of his dome. Like me and my homie smoking and he tellin me a long ass story.. rambling.
five0threeEJ yo, same lmao. I said the same shit about speeding tickets, “here man I’ll donate to this broke ass city”
I think thats literally his process. He'll take those dumb conversations you have with friends and refine them into stand up.
that's why his podcast is called The Handsome Rambler
@Partial Sapien i was drunk af when i wrote this so i didnt put any thought into it.. idk why everyone liked it.
@@ejdolo Out of the mouths of babes. Or drunk internet people as it were.
We all think this when busybodies bother us over stupid who-gives-a-crap stuff. Like... why. Stop bothering me. You have better things you could be doing. I am sure of it. You are just being a professional nuisance. To me. Stop please.
These make for the best stories when bullshitting with your friends. For some reason. Because they relate, I guess.
"business or pleasure?"
"im going to new york to talk about you in front of strangers... so i guess both."
roasted.
I had to do the "bomb residue screening" the last time I went to the airport. Apparently you pick up microscopic metal particles on your hands if you were recently touching circuitry or computer parts (ram/motherboards etc) I had just replaced some old ram in my laptop before I arrived at the airport, so that was the likely culprit.
Wear latex (or even non latex) gloves when changing computer parts especially RAM and other silicon chips to avoid static discharge. Also handy side benefit, no getting picked up by the "screening tests"!
@@SL92018 wear latex when making bombs aswell
Hannibal w/ glasses > Hannibal w/contacts
arizona represent ✊
Dave G he had laser eye surgery.
He's cute with glasses for sure
I can barely see what you did there
Dave G only real fans know this
"Ayo Hannibal before you go to the airport... you wanna hold a hold a bomb right quick?" lmaoo!
real quick
The delivery on that "I'm a dumb guy, my world view is limited" was great. Love
Hannibal 😄
a woman tried to bring a bottle of ice to a plane claiming "but it ain't liquid tho"
clever girl
She was right
Me: **puts on safety glasses, leans back in chair, squints eyes**
"Wack."
I read that as a duck noise and I find it adorable.
But what do you think about his stance?
Did the old lady get a ticket?
She probably escaped while Hannibal was being written up for being an arsehole
She probably wasnt black
nah, she was white.
She probably spoke French and therefore wasn't a threat to Montreal police.
Asking the important questions
I love Hannibal so much. I feel like this audience didn't appreciate him enough he's so funny
They were laughing after every sentence even if it wasn’t a joke wdym. People who go to comedy shows laugh like it’s a competition
@@kirbyfukr2946 I don't know, I didn't like this audience or maybe it was the audio.
“We weren’t together like that, but if we were mind ya own business”
"ass*beep*"
...Thank gosh we didn't have to hear the word hole, amirite?
Maybe he said asshat
We'll never know lol
@@DMoneyTaz15 😆
Right, why is the word "hole" bleeped out and not "ass?"
Hannibal Buress is a severely underrated stand-up comic.
This video has 4 million views. Please stfu
@@madebychikar7651 how many did it have a year ago when this was posted? Coulda been less than 4 million. Naw YOU STFU!
@@havensmith6371 lol what? "It had 3 million last year he's still underrated!!"
@@yoshipower457 my post was sarcastically in agreement with the OP dumbass.
@@havensmith6371 stfu so you think it had less than a million last year??
The best thing about having catastrophic memory loss is being able to watch this every 6 months and feel like it's the first time every time
How do you knoe you watch this every 6 months
I lived in Chicago for several years. One sunny Saturday, I jaywalked across State St. near Macy's behind two jaywalking police women. That made me feel connected to the City of Chicago.
I'm from Chicago. I really didn't know other places really cared about Jaywalking.
I once watched a man jaywalk across the intersection of State and Congress without breaking stride. He actively lives like he is in a game of Frogger.
@@katieinprogress5940 yeah me too!!!
He always looks like he's staring into the light or something lmao
I y a n a HAHAHAHA
Lmboooo
i hate to be that guy, but he’s on stage. so he is lol
That's cause the future so bright 😎
Has his head at that weird angle!
His writing structure is tremendous. Every story has a start, middle, and punchline and then multiple smaller jokes in the meantime, including asides, observations, and random comments.
Bruh he’s never gonna be allowed to go into an airport after this lmao
As a frenchman I can say that his french was Spot. On.
Damn, what a rough way to find out I'm not cool.
legit123456 Username checks out
@@RuaTheRapoet I came here to say this
@@RuaTheRapoet hahahaha wrecked.
When I was 10 yrs old I got hit by a car crossing the street in front of my house in a residential neighborhood. Broke my femur. Spent two months in the hospital. Months rehabbing. I had to learn how to basically walk all over again. Then as soon as I can stand and move in crutches a bit I was motioned to appear in court with my parents for freaking jaywalking! The judge was shocked. At least she dismissed the ticket.
ayy broken femur brothers!!!
@Char Char Binks you’re right, but age does determine criminality. most 10 year olds don’t fit the age of criminal responsibility in most U.S. states. fining an injured 10-year-old child for just an infraction seems a bit overkill.
"What is this....powdered water?"
That line is so dumb but hilarious 🤣🤣
I'm glad I stumbled on this. He's funny as hell
W H A T I S T H I S ? P O W D E R E D W A T E R ?
Mikey nah, it’s cocaine
you just mad cause i got friends that will let me hold bombs
powdered water is a Steven Wright bit, i appreciate the way he referenced it.
L!
Why you tryna act like you was drinkin' powdered' water 'fore you came out here?
powedered water tho lol
Never thought id see u in this comment feed. Love the vids bro keep it up
The goat
I dont believe my eyes its Crank Lucas
Just add water
Crank Lucas in the buildin’. What’s up crank. Love your videos
“There’s no such thing as bomb water!”
*Astrolite G’s face fell. Those words that everyone else laughed at, proved that he had a damn good reason to feel invisible in this life..*
Cop and half per leg 😂😂😂. That tag was so under appreciated.
first time I was in france, I was 4 and I asked, in the Airport in Paris, "when are people going to stop talking like that?"
I asked myself that when I was 26
Cool story, bro
French is a dying language
@@ManiacX1999 You're kidding, right?
I ask myself that everyday ....
And I'm French 🙃.
"What is this powdered water?"
Shout out to Steven Wright
"I'm going to New York to talk about you in front of strangers so I guess both huh?" 😂😂😂
No matter how many times I watch the same Hannibal bits, I laugh just as hard every time.
Hannibal has the energy of a sleepy child trying to explain something to their patient but confused parent.
hah, true
"now you've got security trying to negotiate your Snickers situation" XD
How did I sleep on how good Hannibal Buress is until now??
i got arrested for jaywalking at the austin airport in '98. I told the cop, "it's a free country" and he proceeded to cuff me. Long story short, i got it adjudicated. but man, that cop was pretty aggressive. imagine that.
That seemed like an excessive use of force. I would have sued.
I watch this every week pretty much. One of the best 8 minute clips ever
"I was walking with an old lady, we were jaywalking together. We weren't together like that, but even if we were, MIND YOUR BUSINESS. I JUST MET Y'ALL. D:
Thanks for repeating what everyone already heard.
ReveN ur a buzzkill I bet you have loads of friends 😂😂
@@I.OWN.NOTHING hes not wrong lmao
sippable bomb water
Fancy seeing you here....Crank Lucas! I love you Crank Lucas!
Who tf is crank Lucas
O shit crank Lucas is in here!!
@@rickydeangarrison4804 400,000 subs nigga
Alan Johnson ok, that’s cool
I feel like Hannibal just started thinking out loud one day and people started laughing so he just kept going
The Jaywalking session is probably Hannibal’s best stand up session. The timing, the humor, the reality of petty dumb rules, it’s all perfect.
the way he said "is there a car coming? no? lemme get across there" 😂
“Everybody getting fake shot”
So dead Lmfaoooooo
Only just discovered this guy, loving his stand up shows
I love this guy!!!!
"This guy's doing something illegal OR people love buying Subarus from him"
I would personally LOVE to purchase a working-condition Subaru from Hannibal Buress.
Useless Information I 100% bought at Toyota from a coke dealer so tbh it’s fair
I would personally love to buy some weed or lsd from Hannibal
3 Cops working a High-Profile Jaywalking case 😂😂😂😂😂
Bruh!!! Hilarious.
French is such a beautiful language. I just replay the opening to this video over and over. If only I could get someone shouting angry German at me at the same time as Hannibal pretends to be French, that would just be music to my ears.
Hannibal just my favorite 👏🏼
Disclaimer: if you ever hear someone say,
"Yeah I'm a cool guy, just doing cool stuff, tryna be cool."
He/she is not cool
*they
@@fduranthesee No.
PrimalTheEmperor (primal9000) “They is not cool” is incorrect grammar
I say this all the time
hockle they are not cool
Hannibal has one of my favorite deliveries of all comedians
One of my favorite routines. Makes me laugh every time
Damn im cracking up " what if its sipable bomb water?? " hahaha
Hannibal is a frickin genius I died at "bomb water" 🤣😂🤣😂💣💧
jaywalking was only made a crime to protect ford motors
@@ivanebijay2401 www.vox.com/2015/1/15/7551873/jaywalking-history
@Jeremy Morris Jaywalking is used as an excuse to detain people.
@Jeremy Morris exactly busy road way= ticket like it should.
En P En P It’s interesting seeing here people from places it’s enforced and not enforced. Like, to Jeremy Morris (not to pick you out), it’s a law. To New Yorkers like me and Hannibal Buress, it is not a law. Plus, this has nothing to do with busy thoroughfares vs. quiet suburbs, because where’s busier than NY?
On another note, I’m not seeing these massive increases in traffic fatalities in the Third World (i.e. where Jeremy claimed the death by car rates are like 8 times higher) from this map. A little higher, sure, but not much higher. And that jives with my recent experience living in India for a month too. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_traffic-related_death_rate
You learn something everyday reading is fundamental
Love how the last sentence of every rant is a life lesson 😂
“Your city is broke and they put you out here with a quota and that’s fine, I will donate 60 of your colorful ass dollars to your broke ass city” 😂
How have I just discovered this guy?
Great material and tons of charisma. And the narration is so unbroken and natural.
The ending was great.
IDK seeing that he's known as the person who blew the Bill Cosby case up in his stand up that got recorded at a club show.
I could listen to him speak forever
"That's a cop and a half per leg" 🤣
"you wanna hold a bomb real quick?" lolol
Hannibal has come a long way with his standup career, but I also wonder about Eric Andre n what he’s up to, I would like to see him again
Look up mostly for millenials
This bit is actually from before the eric andre show. He's been a good comedian, not a lot of people have heard of him tho.
He just featured in disinchantment a futurama style midevil cartoon on Netflix. He's also coming out with another show soon himself
His netflix special was weak i like him better with less yelling and over cocky behaviour
Leaving Blank disagree.
Hannibal Buress is so underrated, definitely one of the best comedians out right now
How to be Hannibal Buress
1. Squint
2. Mumble
3. Confidently say whatever's on the top of your head.
This deserves better. This is one of the best and most underated comments on this video.
"I only give people my ID for real stuff" 😂
“I’m going to New York to talk about you in front of strangers” haha!
"Bomb water" lol
What if it's sippable bomb water? lmao
Carson Wentz “that’s what I’m saying. There’s no such thing as bomb water, you’re being silly right now man!”
I have never seen him before but he is awesome!!!
one of my favorite Hannibal bits.
Idk ever had thc infused water? That’s some bomb water right there.
😷
Wtf did you say
More like BONG water (^_^)
Lolll stupid!
Ghetto clever.
“You know what I never had a bomb before 🤔” me right before holding my first bomb
Nabi Sonyeo 😂😂😂
YEA MAN lemme hold that bomb!
You gotta open up your social circle
I've been detained by the cops once for jaywalking. Here's how you know it's bullshit: I was moving my car that was parked across the street from the tallest residential tower in the city at night. I went out in a hoodie and I hadn't shaved for a while so my beard was getting a little backcountry. Run across a street no one is on, cop car sees me a block down and drives over, lights flashing. They want an excuse to check out the scumbag in the hoodie. But then they see I'm white, and they ask what I'm doing and I say moving my car back to the garage and point at the tower, and they say "you live there?" and confer for a second back at their car while another cop shows up and asks me "what's up tonight bud?" and I say "y'know, a little jaywalking." Then they come back and say "cross at the light next time" and take off.
You think that was happening if I was black, or Latino, or didn't live in the big fancy building?
Yes, I do think
Bro he's so eloquent and well spoken with his speeches and that makes it so funny to me for some reason