Leaving a Narcissist Before the Discard
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
- This video is about leaving the narcissist or other manipulator before the discard. I’ll show you text messages from my personal life because it might remind you of your own life situation. I'll show you what happens when you take away the supply and how to respond to their attempts to keep you in contact by confusing you and turning things around on you. You'll also see how important it is to leave as soon as you see the subtle manipulation pattern.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
Never tell a narc anything personal.. they will always use it against you
Rioshanti you're so right and my ex best friend was one, couldn't put my finger on what was up, but something told me NOT to tell her certain things.
facts
Rioshanti I completely agree!
Happened to me no once but twice.
your not alone
When someone is making you feel small, run away immediately! This is the first warning of manipulation.
My ex would preface a lot things with, " your little" . Like why don't you get your little award and put it somewhere. Etc
webeducation ugh, same! It's ridiculous! Once you realize that most of what comes out of their mouth is nonsensical shit and lies, you begin to ignore it and discard it like poop you'd flush down the toilet! ➡️🤥💩 🚽
Yes! I kicked my narc out. She upped her abusive game. She has been nothing but mean since the break up, gas lighting and projecting to the fullest. The last time she did this, i kept completely positive and did not buy into her abuse. The kindness must've frustrated her because she blocked me after throwing one last insult at me... Oh well! I just wish i wouldnt have responded to her little pity party
Jeremy Johnson yes kindness is the answer, they don’t know what to do with it!😀
My ex would get so angry at me and block me and delete me over such small things. He would leave me so confused and In this awful fog, questioning myself. I can remember the feeling of desperation and how awful and small I would feel. I wouldn’t go back to that part of my life for anything.
They love to call people crazy.
When they are they CRAZY ones
Proverbs 31 they call you crazy, while they continue to repeat the same behaviors. Then they expect you to be friends, they are so sly at being fake. The repetition is a sure sign to leave and never look back.
He who smelt it dealt it. :) by “it” I mean the calling of the “crazy”.
Proverbs 31 so true! They will go to great lengths to get others to see you the same way!
You're right .
That’s called projection. It’s a psychological behavior for an insecurity.
I love how this guy found the time to text bomb you, but was so "busy" before you blew him off. Classic Narcissistic behavior.
Camille Alvey lol
Yeah they're always so busy huh
I K R. HA!
Yes sounds like all of us experienced this so many men like this. Only too busy when you have time or interest.
Camielle lol my ex narc would procrastinate anything important I.e. finding us a new place to live after my son was born, signing rights to phones to the point we were in collections, filed divorce and sent me a joint petition a week and a half after I left 🤣 okay dude.
one thing i like abt narcissist they make me love myself more...coz i'm a human and they're monsters.
Narcissists are the true victims of a narcissistic society, they become robots that perpetuate their own wounds... forever empty inside, trapped in the cycle of their own abuse.
@@rabbitroyale1315 Thats true
Yes! I love myself now more than ever..& I do not care what others think about me anymore...freedom!!..(once you leave them & have the right mindset)
He probably didn't even have a plane ticket........that's how manipulative they are. He probably just said that to guilt you
I agree, my ex told me he could even pay his rent he had 10,000.00 in his account..
Mildred Peroni: I was thinking the exact same thing!
My EX said he was moving but 6 months later he's still there
I agree. I think Meredith was smart just let him spew out ugly. So hilarious how all-in-all she said only a couple sentences. He wrote an encyclopedia of attempted insults!
My thoughts as well. Happened something similar to me. He didn't have a train ticket.
"You're crazy" says the man sending 200 texts.
Laura N lol!!! Exactly my thoughts 😂
My ex used to call me crazy
Laura N 🤪😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah - 200 texts
Why do we have so much of this abuse about?
I am dying laughing over here. This is like a perfect NARC101 experience. From the vague BS to the projection, the blame, the "chase me for answers", the guilt trip, the smear campaign, the devaluation, the slamming of everything you are. This was a perfect example of what not to accept. Kudos. You are 100 percent correct.
yep!
Leah Brandon what if your own husband does that in not so good times?
I actually started laughing a little, because it’s like these people come broken from the same factory. Say the same things, do the same things...it’s weird, once you can smell the crap, you can’t un-smell it, when you’re awake to this behavior.
Oooo the “chase me for answers” part really hit home. He always starts shit with me then he will get lost for days at a time. When he finally comes around he goes in silent mode expect a reaction or for me to start arguments with him. Now I say nothing to him at all.
Yes
I I knew the discard was coming , however I told her to get out of my life FIRST!!!! It took a shit load of courage but I did it. Temporary pain is better than lasting pain!!! End it as soon as you recognize it! I've found peace and happiness now.
Once is an accident. Twice is happenstance. Three times is open warfare. You dodged that narcissist's emotional bullets because you knew what was happening. Good job. Thank you for sharing.
I recently did went "no contact" with a narc. You're right... no explaining, no defending, NO CONTACT is the best! Total freedom and relief.
Yes!!!
I’m two weeks in and it’s been a guilt trip, but I already feel better!
I can relate!!!
There should be a website with examples of texts with narcs. It’s incredible how familiar this convo is!
Soo true
Strongest agree ever!! The patterns and motives behind them are sooo much the same. Such an Inventory would be a source of validation and freedom. We should really do it!
Ozma337 same patterns baby 😂
Yeah
Ozma337 I know right!!
"sometimes you think too much and you create alternate realities" translation..."how dare you think critically and disagree with me!"
"doesn't it mean anything that I'm coming to see you?" That's a love bomb guilt ploy to make you question your intuition that he is trying to manipulate you. Especially following that little mask slip. The little reverse projection about "I'm going to see you, not Mexico"... He was probably trying to save money by couch surfing.
I also noticed that there was NO mention of any plane ticket being purchased until AFTER you told him not to come. Anyone else notice that?
Also note when he said "perhaps it's because you found another companion, this doesn't affect me" This is very telling. This is probably what HE does. Narcs can't be alone. They always have someone in waiting. They just hate losing control.
Ok one final comment to sum up my thoughts. I'm so thankful you shared your experience Meredith because it is an EXCELLENT study in npd and will help others. You handled him beautifully! I wanted to share that I've dated narcs just like this jerk and the very first sign was something similar to the statement "YOU TRUST YOURSELF TOO MUCH" That is what my narcs tried to break apart. In my case it was during the lovebombing phrase. "You need to reach, trust more...etc etc. You're safe with me". Thanks again for sharing your experience to help others! Kudos and good for you in handling him so gracefully!!!
Truth seeker i agree on all you just said,totally!
They don't care how much they hurt the people who love them.
And Karma is waiting to reign in on narcissist 10 fold after they hurt people that loved them..The narcisscists life will never be redeemed after destroying others.They are evil and demonic.They hate themselves.Life is better without them!!!!!!
Demons
They troll you and make you angry, knowing you harbor resentment, and then warn people that you're violent. My "family" 💔
Robert, that's a very succinct way to describe part of the cycle, yes. I'm sorry it's your family.
Questions about your business or your own business and what your business is like to be assessed and I would be
Best ever with the texts. My narc used to tell me I over think everything. It was his way of saying I imagine the shit he puts me through.
Yes sis!!! Same!! "I think you overthink too much..." GTFOHWTBS
same!! I have had 3 concussions in the past (2 from him) which side effects can be memory loss: HE USED THAT ON ME ALL THE TIMEEEE "oh, you're not remembering right, that isn't how it went, that's not what I said. Your inner voice is trying to piece together what you can't remember and YOUR'E putting words in MY mouth." ---->well doesn't that sound familiar to mee. When my eyes opened to this after years of being blind, I really couldn't believe how obvious it was. Glad I'm out! hope you are too, sounds past tense but wanna make sure I send you light and strength just in case
They don’t want you thinking too much, just to react emotionally, so they can control you.
The narc isn't satisfied until he has vampirised your energy and left you for dead.
When in doubt, get out! What a story. Glad you didn't wait for his horns and fangs to come out before you got out. Good job!
This text feed is almost exactly the same as the one I got from my covert narcissist... it's like they all went to the same school.
Same here. Sounds so much like my narc sister.
She wasn't in love with me, but she loved my love for her. Don't ignore those gut intuitions friends, you have 'psychic' abilities 💫💚🙏
Wow. This was an amazing video. Thank you so much for going step by step explaining the "covert" manipulation! This happens so often and it's so hard to explain to others. I have friends who tell me I "think too much" or I'm too picky because I spot red flags immediately now and get out asap. I should probably get out of those friendships, too. So glad to know I'm not alone in dealing with this kind of stuff. Feeling alone is the hardest part for me. I lost most of my friendships leaving my toxic relationship and haven't found my tribe yet. I work full time and have two children so finding conscious friends is challenging. I find comfort in these videos as they provide hope that it will get better. ❤
100% Joy yeah i lose my friendships and relationships too and well i am looking for my tribe also. Maybe we can talk or e-mail each other.
Me too!!! I discovered after separating from the narc that I have narcy friends who are crabs in a bucket. I haven't found my tribe either. It's a process and I recognize the red flags and get out. But then you start to wonder is there anyone out there who is, as you say, conscious?
Joy Junkie thinking too much isn't a bad thing. It's a good thing. Never 4get that. We question things, apparently becuz it's questionable.
Joy Junkie you'll be fine Joy. You seem to be well into the path to recovery. Life is short, and about choices.
Let's ALL BE FRIENDS!!! Lol what shall our tribes name be? I vote for tribe "🦄".😋
So much of what he said was like a carbon copy of how my ex used to gaslight & manipulate. They really do seem to be reading from a script. I wish we could gather all of them up & make them live on an island to drive each other crazy & stay away from the rest of us:)
Krystal Edell that would be a godsend!
@Nadi nadi I like your thinking:)
Krystal Edell I support the living on an island idea!
@MaryLynn hehehe:) You know what could be even more fun? Filming it for our entertainment! Like a Narcissist Survivor show, lol :)
Krystal Edell Ha,ha!!! I absolutely LOVE this response! One of the funniest I have ever read!
The 'You're Crazy' Line Is So True. Anybody That Doesn't Conform To Their Needs (The Narc) Is Portrayed As The Insane One!
Classic Gaslighting.
also that great line... "you're just being paranoid".
Yes indeed, my ex told me I need to seek help because I finally see what kind of Jezebel she was...I just laugh at her and it pisses here off..
@@tauruschikybabe Bingo
When a narcissist says I love you, they are prodding you to say it. Is not real.
I think this is a very important piece of advice. If I had not read it I would not have had the resolve to ignore that statement if I heard/read it during the Hoovering stage. I would have felt compelled to respond to it positively or negatively. I hope you get bumped to the top.
Yes me to. When I lived with my x narcissist she caused much trouble in the relationship and would start an argument about nothing. After such a ranting I could not believe that she tried to get me to tell her that I love her, which was way out of caricature at that moment as the mood was grim. I then realised what she was doing to me, I then felt an angry build up in me with her dirty tricks, so I shouted at her, what do you think love is?
I was shocked at the way she looked at me with burning in her eyes full of confusion and total shock followed with a long silence to my question was like nothing I could fully explain.
She could not answer my question when pressed. she could not and did not know who to describe what love was.
I was totaly freaked out with her response and shocked to the core, it was so unreal and an alien like setting. We just stood there looking into each others eyes in silence, in shock at each other reactions.
Narcissist are totally mad and unhuman, they are insane beings that have no place in a normal world and normal people's lives.
Everyone should learn about them and avoid them at all costs.
I am glad people are learning about the narcissist and being able to recognise them for who they are so we can all keep them out of our lives.
I tried dating sites too and they are full of borderline personalities and narcissist. If you want to meet someone, know them first through your friends. Best stay away from dating sites if you don't like the trouble they cause you so best just to avoid them at every corner that they use. Beat them at their own game by staying well clear of them.
This! They’re so quick to use the L word. It’s always premature. Like I was talking to a guy three years ago I had just started hanging out with and within two months was talking about marriage, kids and love. RUN 🏃🏽♂️
It Mean’s No Matter What I Do to You.
“if l say l love You”
You”ll Forgive Me.
This is one of the most helpful videos on narcissistic behavior I've ever watched. Having a break down of the words they say demonstrates how illogical and completely manipulative these creatures are. They are very good at what they do. It is subtle, but obvious when you realize this person just never makes you feel at peace. After the love bombing phase, the interactions with the narcissist left me feeling confused and slightly depressed. I couldn't quite pinpoint why that was at first, but in time I figured out it was directly related to what he was doing and saying (watching videos and educating myself helped tremendously, so thank you for your work!). When you are with a normal person, you feel happy and uplifted to be with that person. It doesn't leave you feeling drained and confused.
Again, this texting example is the BEST, real.life example. It shows the gaslighting, the projection, the insults, the constant jockeying for control. I have had numerous interactions like this with the narcissist. It wonder if these dysfunctional creatures somehow operate on the same type of algorythm... they are SO predictable. Once you know one, you can easily spot the rest.
I'm one of them and I truly feel very upset when you call us a 'creature'
Agreed! I am totally familiar with most of the tactics that dude tried to use on you. It’s one thing to hear a description; it’s another thing to hear how they’re played out. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your wisdom and experience:)
@@jonathans3326 Then be nice to other people.
You are, aren't you ?
@@daisyd8790
As a covert narcissist I try to be nice and I always play the role as being the best person ever while on the other hand I'm the opposite cuz I fcking hate so called normal people.
@@daisyd8790
However narcissist or not I don't trust anyone else except myself and my family members. Luckily I just got rid of my ex gf cuz I was tired of in and out of my life. I'm trying to say that even normal people just like my ex gf was playing the victim and treating me as an option. See in this particular case I was played by a normal person that I thought that I could have a life with. People include you they make us monsters when in fact not all of us are the same. I work hard for my life I don't need anyone else nor compassion.
Wish you all the best. Bye now.
You're soo right!! Their never available and then when you discard them, they RUN AFTER YOU!!
Long story that I won't get into, but my Narc is moving out - to another state (THANK GOD!) and he said to me, "You just don't understand, I will miss this house so much!" Never one word about missing me. I guess my house is his Mexico..lol!
My ex said, he was going to miss my cooking the most, lol
Finally, a woman who tells it like it is for women who have known these people. Thank you so much for sharing this. I too had the wedding shit go on but he actually dumped me 30 days before. When I walked, I have never felt better. I wish I had heard this before I got involved for 8 years.
NoSheep2 same. Same amount of time. Could have been 28. What matters is we got out. We rock.🎸
When you understand this stuff you realise it doesn't matter who dumped who, as long as you get it in the end I freakin love this channel!
AshleyJean17. Yes, we have survived and we rock, yass yass yass
+NoSheep2 It really is survival.
Same here but I married him after a seven year relationship.... my gut told me no, but it was over after three months. I had to kick him out!.... the thing is I spent the best seven years of my life on that no mark and now I’m trying to re establish my life and self esteem and self respect and I’m 56 fml!
Wow I had almost the same story. My ex, boyfriend NARCISSIST told me that I am crazy. When, I told him, exactly who he is. He want crazy, definitely the mask is off. No contact for one month. Thank you for sharing your story.😍
and if and when you are able to discard them before you discard you, it's so glorious and satisfying.
OMG i just went through a text exchange JUST like this. It is almost uncanny how similar this is. And because I've been on a healing path just like you, I cut it off before it got too deep and he said all the same things. Hilarious how they are carbon copies of each other. Proud of you girl!!!!! You are changing people's lives!
xx literally!!! I said the same thing. I had the exact same txt exchange, this is so creepy
same here, almost asked her the guys name to see if was same person
I literally screen shot the video so I could zoom in and see if it was my ex. So creepy.
It's all the same cause it's demonic influence. Get away and stay away. You can't save these people.
Wow... what loving person ever says to his beloved: "You're crazy. Nobody loves you. Nobody ever will love you. You're a horrible person." Etc., etc.?? That in no way says "love."
Yeah
My ex husband said those very words to me. That was 10 years ago, and then this year he wanted me back. Hmm. But I'm so unlovable.🤔
You're right .
This guy really loves drama! It's amazing how you saw right through him, and didn't react.
Jennifer Hendrix - It’s because it wasn’t her first experience with this type of manipulation. PATTERNS are everything...trust your gut. Narcs will always try to make you doubt yourself.
“They only want their reality” is such a true statement and great awareness!
Amanda Burns 💯💯and silly me was trying to get them to see reality tirelessly.
KNOW THAT FEELING WELL
@@endswithme555
Thank you for this. When I explain to people that I have been with a narcissist, they sort of scoff and don't take me seriously. I guess maybe the term has been overused. However, the abuse is so subtle that it is so very hard to describe or explain. One stipulation that my ex gave me was that if I had a "complaint" about behavior or a situation, then I would have to give concrete (2 at least) examples of the behavior. Well, as we both know.. unless you are very on top of your emotional game, it is hard to pinpoint the abusive or negative behavior, because they are so very good at turning it around. I love the way you were able to step outside of this situation and observe it for what it was. And I am glad that you were giving examples and walking your way through it. So effective for me!!! Thank you!
People who have not experienced the relationship with the narc . Will not understand it. .
When you become aware of narcissism and the subtle abuse. You can point it out very easily and trust your instincts more now.
I love it Meredith that he did not see you coming. I wonder how many empathic people are strong enough and wise enough to catch him in the act, and leave in such a dignified way.
I want to thank you for this video ! I left my extremely abusive sociopathic narcissistic husband in April of 2016 and my divorce was final in November of 2016. I suffered beatings, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse the entire marriage... I snuck out early one morning at 3:15 am with my cat ( who he would abuse when he would get mad at me .... just to get even with me when I stood up for myself). He continues to stalk me even today and has his friends snoop in my Facebook and follow me. Long story short, I am completely changed forever.... I trust no one and I have no life. I am an RN and work at the hospital. I go to work and then home, life just passes me by..... I'm completely dead inside and was feeling broken. Your video was exactly what I needed to hear. I thought that I was alone in this and that no one else ever went through this. I was even beginning to doubt myself.... I'm not doubting myself anymore and I want you to know that for the very first time in years I feel like I deserve to be happy and find my soul once again. THANK YOU !!!!!
PLM CRZY unfortunately, many of us experience this. You're not alone and I wish you the best in finding joy again. Maybe finding a therapist will help or just start dancing again. Peace
i am glad for you... spread the word... there are a lot of people like us just waiting for that moment to break free.. enjoy.. you deserve it..
PLM CRZY yes you do deserve happiness. I am rooting for your happiness even though I am just an internet stranger to you.
It is insanity to me how all of these people operate the same. Too bizarre. This has been so relatable and helpful. Thank you!!
Alaina C right like they use the same play book I notice that........ hey
I know this is an old video, but I just saw it today when I needed it the most! You seriously just talked me down from a ledge. I was in the middle of an anxiety attack post-separation from a narc/psychopath and ugh the combination of the withdrawl and the anger was A LOT to deal with. The length of this video in itself was a lifesaver. Kept my brain busy long enough to not break down and reach out to him. Keep up the good work :)
If you still need assistance look up Richard Grannon's Fortress Mental Protection Program!! Cures CPTSD which anyone that lives with a narcissist will have. Only way to heal oneself. REVOLUTIONARY!
@@emp9413 In regards to Richard Grannon, I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. He has a lot of helpful information in his content, but after watching tens of hours of his videos, it's clear that he also preys on young men in much of the same way Jordan Peterson does, and there is a lot of toxic rightwing grifting along with the self-help. There are many recorded incidents of him lashing out at viewers and saying some vile, sexist stuff. I don't like or trust him at all and it's reassuring to see that many of his past fans have stepped away from his content after seeing his behaviour.
Lol this dude was always telling me I was creating drama when I called him on different things. Smh. I'm like smh stop being extra.
No it's always them with the drama
This was super triggering because it reminded me of my ex. I wish I had seen this 5 years ago.
the word "triggering" pisses me off
Just say it "pisses you off", only BPD and 12 year olds say that
@@endwatcher stfu
Its a play by play of at least two of mine too. Yep. Wish I had seen it years ago too!
@@endwatcher No one gives a flying fuck what pisses you off. You hateful abusive little twerp.
athanaisdc good response. 🤙🏼
I was married to a narcissist & freed myself of his abuse. Recently, I was drawn in, like the proverbial fly, into another narcissist's web...I wrote to him, wishing him well & goodbye; silence...& relief I found the strength to do this. Cannot stop thinking he'll get in touch because I took away his control of me. Am anxious but getting on with my life. You are incredibly insightful. I wish you well.
This is absolutely mind blowing!!! Because I experienced the exact same treatment from the narrcist. I just left this narrcist relationship and wow.... she is right! It DOES GET WORSE! My situation got so bad that i got out of character and things got physical. Im not puttong total blame on him because I take my part in self control...but the narrcist WILL INDEED take you there! The narrcist made me feel like i was the absoulute worst person in the world. He devalued me through texts messages and a week later, came bacl saying he is still mad at me but "I NEED YOU ' pure manipulation!And waking up to 25 text messages just bring back memories. I used to wake up to the same thing. And he tried to devalue who I was. THE BEST RESPONSE IS NO RESPONSE!! ABSOLUTELY TRUE!
Happened to me too.
To me it didn’t really matter that I was discarded. Yes it hurt my ego but I am just more glad to be out of that situation
Truth!
You've been spared. Count your blessings but they often come back around in 6 months so beware.
Truth. As much as it hurts it relief!!! Its like u know your anxiety will go away and your not getting pulled in every direction trying to please them and walking on eggshells not to upset them. That's definitely not a relationship....not even close. I almost feel sorry for the fool!! He wants to get married and have kids but I dont think it will happen. He starts his mean cycle by week 3.
Mayb someone might marry him but they won't stay long. He doesn't like to work!!! Lol
Jesus my lord and savior gave me the strength to leave the situation..praise god!!.. I give him all the praise and glory!!!..greater is he that is in me than he that is in this world!..God bless💞
I just thought of that scripture 2 days ago. God is great. God Bless.
This video is amazing. All I keep thinking is, his last nasty long response to you about you being crazy just proved you 100% correct about him. I would have considered responding with this last short response to him: "Thank you so much for your response. It has just confirmed to me that I was 100% right in ending our relationship."
The interesting thing is that he was not just gaslighting you but actually talking about himself through projection! Alternative realities lol ... complete projection.
Those many phone calls wow...looks familiar to me. They just cannot respect that you are not in the mood to talk to them. :-(
My narc couldn't tolerate my relationships with my friends and my family of origin. He knew that they would advise me to stay away from him. When involved with a manipulative narc stay close to your family and friends. They are the ones who love you.
Did he want you to cut off your family because he was too possessive, or why do they do it? Why do they not want you to see your family?
Abuse thrives on Isolation.so they ensure you have no connections lest that helps unmask them.
+L4JRapture Yes, very true. They will tell you that your family, friends do not care about you. They will try and ruin your relationship with your children or anyone else that may truly love and care about you. They want full control because they're beyond selfish and need to have your full attention to supply their needs and their needs ONLY. Even though the narcs are never faithful, honest, loving etc. They drain your energy, trust and most times your sanity just to work towards discarding you and plan on moving on to another person.
Agreed
Meredith, YOU helped ME when I was lost, so please carry on doing what you do best for others too! Congratulations with your awesome discard, you practice what you preach. Well done Sweet Lady!!!
I’ve experienced this type of mentally ill and unglued behavior as well, it’s very jaded, extremely dangerous. Next the physical violence will come if you don’t “submit”
27 days no contact
Thank you for this vid it really helped
v04012014 yes once he took my own hand and hit me in the face. Anytime I scratched him by accident .. he’s get mad and scratch me bk.( even in the middle of sex) this last time he put me in a headlock and I fought to get out of it and he scratched me across the whole face.. because I was playin with him in bed.. and I was laughin he said don’t touch my face.. so I put my hand on his face...he got pissed
@@icbratbrattz7909 what a POS!!!
Stay away from him!!
Take it from me, that's a definite red flag warning!
“Assertion is owning your reality” honestly this shook me to the core. I’m going to live with those words for the rest of my life.
I recently found you after realizing I was in arelationship with a narcissist.
Meredith, you are awesome. THANK YOU for helping us with your experience and knowledge, care and compassion. I’m in the process of helping MYSELF with those things now
Besos 😘
The night before my wedding to the narc..my gut said dont do it.. We had friends and family and had rented a huge beach house and had everyone there. I went thru with it and was discarded a year and a half later. Then no contact for months...he later hoovered and I was still too traumatized to say no....I have twice said no contact...this time its been 3 months and I feel clearer and am getting ahead. But every once in a while I wonder ...but then I go over all he did in my mind and realize I am right..He is sick and has done the same to every relationship he has had. The last time I saw him he had a 9mm hidden in the couch cushion .."in case"...In case of what???? In case he decides to have an "accident" and be done with me?/.....Im tapping out!!...no contact!
deb vankoughnet seriously, wise choice.
deb vankoughnet good for you, you are blessed. you got out on time, sweetie you are alive, go on your live, Go no contavt, you will feel better. God blesd
Omg...my ex tried to kill me too!
Me too should have done the same and my gut feeling and intuition came hitting me in the face and GOD showing me in my dreams..
i think this has given me an awakening.. i think i'm with 1...i need support thats why i am here
Cathy Glitsch I am going through the same thing stay strong and keep believing in yourself ❤️
Ty.. you too stay strong and do what's best for your well being
Stay strong Cathy. I just prayed for you. Just be strong. God is coming to your rescue. Do everything you can to get out of that situation❤❤
Ty so much..if it wasn't for these videos I probably still be in with the narcissistic. .stay strong also ..hugs
Amazing. These exact words, almost in the exact same order. Are being said to me now. I discarded my narc three days ago. The withdrawals are so severe. But this video and you, going through the deeper meanings of his words, are keeping me strong this morning. We must stay obsessed with no contact. Not moving on, not finding peace or closure, but NO CONTACT. Thank you for making this video! You helped me today.
nearly the same here, scary...she also tried to put this thought of me being the one with the puzzled mind in my head as last resort
What a great illustration this was, and I know everyone watching this was nodding their own head because we have all seen it. Weren't you just so proud of yourself when he confirmed all of your hunches?!! Good for you Meredith. Rock on!
I've avoided listening to this vid because it brought back memories. Now I have I'm amazed how strong you are not to get sucked back in. Guilt trips and shaming used to trigger me (and still do) but I am working on it. Thanks for sharing. Ps, love it when you swear.
If you don't confirm the sick reality of a really crazy person, then out comes the projection "You're crazy!" Everyone, I mean EVERYONE they have an issue with is CRAZY! But if these people are so "crazy" and "toxic" why did they want to get something from them? Glad you decided not to waste any more energy with this nonsense.
God yes, how many times hve I heard that one?
narcissists def. over-use that word, "crazy" lol...total and utter projection which is most of what they spew
Dealing with this exact issue.
Exactly!
It's so scary how similar this is to my experience. I also left before the final discard and it was step by step exactly like your experience.
This is so very similar to the conversations I had w my ex. Thanks for the validation that I’m not the crazy one.
Wow, I scrolled through your comments and it's amazing to see how many people you are helping by sharing your knowledge and experience. Keep up the awesome work!!
I myself seem to attract only narcissists. Ive had three "serious" relationship, and they were ALL extreme narcissists. But at least now I am able to spot it right away and GET OUT.
Helping other people learn how to do the same is an AMAZING gift to give the world. Thanks for great vids!
Ugh!!! He is so condescending and manipulative! Good job catching that!! I have also been accused of "overthinking," "worrying too much," or my favorite "watching too many of those youtube videos and reading too much crap online" (about narcissism). But I think your analysis is spot on and I would have thought the same thing. I just need to stop second guessing myself. Thank you for sharing this!
PS love how you made him reveal himself! You caught him dead-to-rights and he exposed himself in that horrible, nasty, gaslighting shitletter he sent you!!!
My favorite was "stop tryin to figure shit out"! Why, so you can fuck around unchecked? Not gonna happen!
Great Job Meredith! You ROCK!! It's kinda fun to own your own power when your heart isn't attached. I noticed you got one thumbs down. I bet I know who's thumb it is! 😂
Heather Lynn lol it's starts with a N
Thank you for the laugh! Knowing the games of a narcissist now, listening to this and how you are cyphing it is enlightening.
If you don't get sucked into their BS they can be quite hilarious.
Delinda Harris “IF” is the operative word
You nailed it! And you are so good at analyzing what someone is trying with manipulations... I think this video has and will help a lot of people understand what happened to them! Thank you for being awesome and for helping others
Also had one of these boyfriends. Ugh. Since then I've just avoided dating and men altogether - and am way happier.
Mary Vogt I couldn't agree more. I was in a 20 year relationship with my Narc-a Mexican-17 years of those married. I remember being so nervous the whole time we were engaged-which was like the world's shortest engagement,let me tell you. Guess he didn't want me to change my mind! He became suddenly became demanding and controlling, where the 2 years we were dating he was so relaxed! And after we were married-Oh.My.God!!! I felt like I had lost my mind! The first 6 months we were married I was absolutely shellshocked! I didn't know what had hit me-I felt so miserable! Everyone kept telling me it was just adjusting to marriage, etc-but no. I have been divorced now for 4 years, and am so terrified of men I have not had one date. Part of it is my children are all still teenagers and it is challenging enough to raise this family by myself-I just don't have the energy for a man! But also I am enjoying being with myself! I have always been good at making my own fun and pursuing my own interests without the "need" for a man. Honestly, I barely dated before my husband, which I think is why I had such a Pollyanna view of the world and didn't understand the types of people that existed. Now I know-too well. I wonder how people are even brave enough to date after having a narcissist rip up your life?
See you get it. And thanks for sharing. It's like some best kept secret. Just chuck the idea of 'romance' (it rarely is) out of your life and enjoy it as you see fit, without some narc ruining your experience. Guys ask me out but I'm not even tempted any more. If they want to be friends that's fine, but I have zero interest in going through the manipulations of any guy, much less a narcissist, again. And because I was raised by 2 narcs, the chances are that's who I'd attract (again).
This stuff is the romance cure for sure. I never want to be romanced again,
Exactly...100!
Meredith, here is a story that will instantly make you feel not guilty about the plane ticket. My narc lives on the west coast, her parents and I live on the east coast (same town). She begged me to buy her a plane ticket to come to see her parents because you know plane tickets are expensive and eventually I did for $600. The very next day, she announced that she was flying to see some friends in San Francisco for the weekend because "flights were just so cheap". She spent $400.
I was so shocked that I didnt even told her that this made absolutely no sense. I just kept it for myself as a "lesson learned" episode.
These people lie constantly to us and to themselves. It's heartbreaking.
Mike D they have no truth or integrity in them
Heartbreaking, just absolutely painstakingly and madly impossible for me to comprehend!
She never said she felt guilty!?
Tina Mar, heck no! She never made a connection between the 2 plane tickets. They were completely compartmentalized events, like one has nothing to do with the other one. Actually she wanted me to praise her for finding such cheap flights to San Francisco.
There is total disconnect...it's frightening.
Tina Mar one must have a conscience to feel guilty
Lolololol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 “many many people here think you’re crazy”
Gosh narcs are so unbelievably predictable & boring, they really need to get a new script. I can actually sense the desperation in his words, not because of the plane ticket lie but because you weren’t falling for his shit. I’ve noticed narcs love to text & email, that’s great it just makes them easier to BLOCK.
Yep, I’ve had several past experiences with narcs who overuse that line. “Oh, you so crazy, everyone thinks it, everyone says it” - I said “that’s funny, because they’ve told me that about you. Literally.” 😏 once you know how to see through narc pretending and lies, it becomes really funny to watch their sad pathetic little charade.
@@SLH_2007 i wish i thought it was funny. To me it's so sad that the man I'm in love with doesn't have the ability to address and accept responsibility for his own behavior to the point that he missed out on having a family with his child and get mother, a few others, and now me. I pray God's will is done and that he changes and finds real love even if it's with someone else and that I can keep growing too to be open to real love. Two middle aged dysfunctional adults alone is so sad. Esp with so much fun and laughter we did have intermittently between anxiety, games, etc. I will always love him and have gratitude for his efforts. He simply was blind-behaviorally and couldn't see his part. I'm so sad But this too shall pass.
Wow it’s so much more apparent that it’s toxic when you don’t participate, when it’s just a barrage of hate from them
Wow this is so twisted! I left my narcissist after 12 years on and off with him. My therapist finally made me aware of what was happening and I decided to leave him before it got bad again. He did exactly this. Told me how crazy everyone thought I was, threatened me, turned 180 degrees. I was so grateful he showed his true colors to confirm I was doing the right thing. Thank you for what you do.
I've been inspired by your advice Meredith. l had no idea what a narcissist was until I became involved with the most psychotic manipulative demon known to humankind..sadly I must deal with him because we have a child so now I am using your techniques to create my boundaries. These narcissistic demons never STOP trying to break you...I pray more than ever. Thank you Meredith you are my rock...hugs T
Hi TME88, hope you have enough courage, supportive people ＆ GOD's blessings to stay strong ＆ come out of this situation. GOD bless you ＆ your child
Thank you for this. A year after no contact with my ex I have distanced myself from my friends now because I'm starting to see manipulation from them and the more time I spend away from them it seems to be getting clearer that I was in a group that had a lot of manipulators and narcs and hangers on . I met my ex by traveling in the same circle . I am all alone now , but still holding strong and hopeful about the future although this separation from friends is a new chapter for me. So I do have doubts, but my gut tells me to stay away. This video brought to light some of the things that one friend in particular does.
I wish you all the best too. Thank you for that
bmb6 ive had to distance myself as well from the circle of friends last year, it was very very hard. I appreciate you sharing because I don't hear many situations of the narc being in your friend circle and having to cut off the entire group because they are also very problematic.
Thanks. It wasn't an easy decision . I'm imagining it was hard for you. I don't know but I realized that this group attracts a good number of narcs and a lot of my own friends are kind of shallow and gossip a lot. It's like high school. And it is hard because they can be nice at times. But something tells me to stay away. It just feels right
Mine were from high school and i should have cut them off long before. Trust your instinct. Even though its hard there will be more peace and better opportunities that will open up because of it. That's what i keep reminding myself. God bless :)
Meredith thank you so much for this courageous video. I loved how you broken it down in details. It's amazing how those people reveal themselves! THANK YOU so much for sharing this. It validates SO MUCH my experience.
Reads so much like my ex. Everytime I tell him he's being abusive he just answers back with the same sentence. Lol
Seeking and needing validation is narcissist trait.
Narcs are the most insecure people....they have to feed off others to feel good about themselves. Narcs very mentally sick people....When u discard them and don't play their game, they act like little babies throwing tantrums lol. You go girl.....
Thank you :) 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻
@@Pzychonoir Gosh just like mine, even when I yell don't touch me he will yell the same back! Seriously brain damaged
God bless you woman, so good you are sharing this so we all know that we are not alone and we are not losing our insanity much love light and peace💚🙏✌
BRILLIANT MY DEAR!! CONGRATULATIONS on removing yourself from the crazy making narc! IT'S LIBERATING!! GREAT JOB!
Thank you for this. I was nodding my head "yes" all the way through.
"dont think about negative..." "flow with negative energy"-- always, when there is elephant in the room and he is deceiving to ignore it
It's so sick how someone would get so creative in finding ways to hurt/destroy your self esteem and then say they're doing it "in your best interest".
I thought i am crazy when my ex bf treat me this way☹☹☹☹ now i know he is a damn narcissist
Praise the Lord you now see him for who/what he is!! Get away FAST!!!
Unbelievable! A great journey through the process of manipulation in writing. Great job at revealing the phony creep.
He said he doesn't have time for your drama because you were calling him out on his bullshit.
Oh my gracious, this man is classic. I love how you modeled to viewers on how to quickly reject the abuse. Thank you so much for sharing.
"I am not a tour guide" LOLOLOLOL love you girl!!!
Mine discarded me. Very painful.
I didn’t know what i was dealing with.... now i do. It went from love to leaving in 2 hours
I gave birth to our son, a week later went to Christchurch, got out of church to find a TEXT from my boyfriend/baby’s father, saying, “ it’s not working. I’m moving out. Bye.” Talk about a huge blow. Postpartum then dumped out of no where. People like them are DEMONS. In the end, Hods looking out for us and would never want us to be with such a person!!
@@camisnyder3460 omg I’m so sorry that happened to you omg.
The biggest lesson I learned from this is that they're mentalist and hate when you have good memory, strong & assertive, and dont give them a reaction. The best way to catching one is to be present, dont ignore the red flags, know yourself, know your worth and leave before they have too much info about you. Honestly, boutta binge watch videos on this topic because... Umm, there are more narcs than I expected. Thank you for enlightening me with your story! Thank you for your courage !
Omg you are good girl! The back and forth idealization and devaluation is COMPLETELY accurate
You did amazingly wonderful, Meredith! It almost makes me wish for a fool narc to try his luck with me next so I can proove myself that I am a good student of yours! I'm so proud of you watching this has made my day!!!!!
Wow. Good on you for getting rid of that lunatic so calmly.
Dear Meredith, That was the most comprehensive example of the drama that can ensue from connecting with a person who is not sincere--who is willing to take from you but does NOT actually care about you! Thank-you for sharing and explaining. You have shared something very personal and made it very real how Narcissistic personalities perform!
This is such an excellent example of what a narcissist does when they are not getting their way. Thank you for sharing this. You did an amazing job recognizing the manipulation and ending it. As a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor, I just want to say I am so proud of you and happy for you. Your videos are helping me with my own narcissistic abuse recovery. Thank you for doing the work that you do. 💖
Your voice is so calming that I keep losing concentration on what you're saying.
Ive been with a narcissist who did a lot of this. I've moved on (four years). But a lot of things effect me still. He convinced me I was mad.
I recently met a new guy. I actually met him through his narcissist ex. She was my friend and it was me who outed her as a narcissist. She discarded me immediately. She's upset because I laughed at her. But she uses discard as part of devaluation as power.
I resonate so much with the experience of trying to converse with people with NPD from my parents to partners to so called friends. I finally awoke and closed the door to these toxic relationships. Hearing your story down to the details with your conversation with a narcissist was so helpful and I thank you so much for sharing that. It is just crazy making the way they try to destroy us. Thank you for all of your own work on recovery and for sharing so much of it with us. Blessings.
I left before the discard after 28 yrs of pure hell and he said I will destroy you for leaving. He put our home in foreclosure, hid my car, and smeared my name and tried to make me jealous with his new borderline girlfriend. He and this woman came after my livelihood and he even came after our daughters for defending me. I ended up evicting him and got my home back and my life back . The daughters are 2 yrs no contact and I'm 1 yr as I had to deal with him moving his stuff out of our home last summer. When you leave first their mask comes off big time and they show you big time who they are.
you're so brave and so strong!! thank you for sharing your experience
Oh wow it’s like they read from the same script! I needed this ❤️
He got nasty and pissed b/c you discarded him first before he could and b/c you stopped responding. He felt abandoned by your non-responding. such a adult child.
He says everything with conviction because his life depends on it. If he stopped to consider that perhaps you were right and he was playing "games" or manipulating you he would have to uncover the truth that he is no savior himself. In seeing this he would have to face the fear that actually he is in a position of trying to "help" you or others when he himself is sick. He was using what would hurt him the most to realize on you (the part that you need help before helping others). The messages were not to do with you. They were like a wall being built to protect his ego. Nothing he said was "for" you. It was him trying to quickly fix the wound that had occurred. I was thinking that text message is actually the best way of communicating with these people in the end. Because they bring up so many emotional hooks to blind you from the truth. I have come to realize that i was never engaging with the narcissist i was involved with in these conversations. He was only talking to himself. That's why i felt so unheard, because i was. It is best to say nothing. There is nothing that you can say unless you want to hand your power over to the devil. No use in interacting what so ever.
Wow. I've been struggling with acceptance because of how covert my ex's techniques used to be; there was never any direct aggression or insult. This video was 100% him, and just like you're saying, it started early in the relationship and I could have recognized it if I had had the necessary information back then. I'll watch this over and over again to remind myself of the truth. Thank you.
17:30- "I'm not gonna take responsibility for the consequences of his actions"..
Sister this sounded so lethally good like angels singing in my ears..U are amazing!!!😭😘😍😍😍🤗
What’s so incredible is how predictable narcissists are. It’s as if there is a “narcissist behavioral manual” that they all own. Thank you so much for sharing your experience; you have helped many.