Test for Identifying the Psychopath & Narcissist
Vložit
- čas přidán 9. 10. 2016
- Test: Identifying the psychopath, sociopath & narcissist sitting across from you: "Hi Meredith :) My question is : Is there a way to test someone if they are psycopath/ narc ? Would you maybe consider make this a theme in Sana if u have some thouhts about this ? Thanks a lot for existing and spreading awareness."❤️
☀️WEBSITE & BLOG: www.innerintegration.com
📚 QUICK START GUIDE: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery | Get the 3 most essential steps to start moving forward now - a.co/d/1JGvTuV
📚 THE JOURNEY: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse - a.co/d/guqmEJv
💡Get to the NEXT LEVEL of your recovery with the 12-WEEK SANA (Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse) course bit.ly/12-WeekSANA
💎 Create a whole NEW RELATIONSHIP with yourself and eradicate your people-pleasing patterns with the SELF-CARE MASTERY COURSE bit.ly/TheSCMC
🎧SUBSCRIBE TO THE INNER INTEGRATION PODCAST🎧
- iTunes (Apple) itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/i...
- Spotify open.spotify.com/show/5hNQv0W...
📚INNER INTEGRATION’S RECOMMENDED READING LIST: www.amazon.com/shop/innerinte...
🧘♀️INNER INTEGRATION MERCHANDISE: teespring.com/stores/inner-in...
NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
A red flag that I've noticed is that they only contact you when they want something from you but you don't hear from them otherwise.
Right! Always on their terms.
Inner Integration, you are absolutely amazing and a beautiful soul, thank you so much I have found your channel and it had literally saved my life.
Are Narcissist's very detached from big life events?, e.g Birth of his first son, the death of my father & moving home. & the role of a step-parent. I found mine to be so far detached from all of these major events in our lives. xxx
Inner Integrati
Love u
Usually it's money.
the biggest mistake we (victims) make is we do not listen to our Gut narcs are charming and wolfes in sheeps clothing.
MarZo PoLo ...normal guys can be charming at first too. dating is so confusing and scary. it takes time to really know anyone.
so true, I felt the red flags right at the beginning of the relationship and ignored them to my detriment, please people LISTEN to those feelings, don't ignore it or you will suffer!
That happened to me too, Jaqui. In fact during our first week of being together I heard myself say in my head 'that man's going to beat you up one day'. I shrugged it off, thinking I was being daft, and although it never went as far as any physical violence, he certainly abused me emotionally. A very cold-hearted, emotionless man, who caused me a lot of damage, but on the bright side it was the thing that sent me to counselling after a mental breakdown, and was the start of healing and a better way of life for me. I hope you've found the same too. :)
FoxyDevonLady Yeah, in the 1st week of my relationship I had alarm bells going off but I couldn't put my finger on what it was about him that worried me. A few weeks later I heard him arguing and swearing at his mother, I later said to him that I thought he would treat me like that eventually, which he obviously denied! But it was much worse.
FoxyDevonLady exactly..I heard that inner voice as well. "This man is going to beat u,hold you hostage,and manipulate you out of your money..I ignore it,all for Love.Guess what..that's exactly what happen.That inner voice is a prophetic voice,which interprets and warns what is forseen to come.It sees when we're to blind to see for ourselves,and DESPRETLY tries to protect us,if we would only listen and trust
And those of us born to a narc parent have been trained NOT to listen to that inner voice.
Don't worry ladies, that Narc who perpetrated those crimes upon you will get theirs in due time. Now we all know what the Narc is and who they truly are. Peace and Blessing unto you all!
We end up here after the damage is done!
SUZANNE Arena thank God we have a place to sit and be welcomed.And know that we're not alone.
We end up healing here and they never end up changing. Very rare percent of them try to change or do the work they are on to a next person we are here.
Sooooo true!!!
I have learned to behave in ways towards a narcissist/psychopath that I would never ever consider towards a real human being. I act like they don't have feelings and like I will rip their nuts off if they don't back off - and that seems to work a little. At the very least they are shocked and surprised that I mean business. Plus I think I've scared a few of them. which I am kind of happy about. Sometimes us empaths just have to get tough. I realize that I don't sound at all empathic right now, but I have learned that for my own health I must connect to my POWER. One thing a narcissist can't stand is you showing up and standing in your personal power.
SleepWoke that's when they show their true ugly face.
That's what needs to be shown, so it can get slapped silly.
Ange Lom Psycopaths get tired at one point and leave when they meet girls like this. You must be a jealous psycho reading a powerful girl getting rid of monsters like you. ;)
Victoria lollllll. Love it!,
@Ange Lom maybe they don't have fear, but they can sniff out the most likely victims, and that is what they prefer.. if they are set straight from the get go that you won't put up with their shit, they will pass you by and go looking for a more pliable victim.
Pay attention to your gut feeling...
Yes!
@@InnerIntegration I ignored my instinct or gut feelings early on with her stealing from me and lying, 20 years one dead son, one daughter im trying to build bridges with all the abuse you can mention and some i cant, mountains of debt, false accusations i won against in court and shes still in the house i own, a full on con artist as well as a narc, i regret ignoring what was in hindsight obvious, thats one way love for you
Totally! I knew something wasn’t right from the start, just wasn’t sure what it was.
the Narcissist I knew, could not even fake empathy...they dont know what it is like to care about anyone but themselves.
Another red flag is one upping you.
Cassi Bales good one this was exactly like my ex!! He didn't do that as much in the beginning grooming phase. But later all the time.
Totally.
Ditto ... I would talk about something and she will tell me how wrong I was
Yup, my mom...she always did everything better, she always was sicker, always more tired, but one thing she never one-upped me on was being happy. She was always miserable and is still miserable
yep, they cant tolerate someone else being superior or losing to anyone else. they have to come on top even if by cheating.
Narcissists can fake empathy so well, in a high-pathetical situation.. but once you are in a relationship with you they run away from the life opportunities to show empathy... like when u end up in emergency room, when u have a surgery - the very next day they will be telling you to go motorcycle riding while you area where the surgery was performed is bruised, has stitches and has surgical glue ... they are fakes who want to be heroes because it makes them feel good
yes. please research "hero syndrome".
So they feel good about themselves... but also importantly, so the "look good".
BestFriends been there mate.
So sad and so unfair... narcs don't only steal your chance for the empathy, they steal every chance for you to feel special and cared for: on the day of your birthday, on the day you are sick and even during moment when someone is giving you a compliment about your nails or shoes that you wear. Before you even have a chance to say "thank you" they will divert the other person's attention onto themselves ... sick
You got that right.
or they keep score of all that they have done to guilt you and make sure that you give them in return.
I get the impression that the subconscious part of the brain picks up signals, analyzes them, then gives you an thought without showing you the process and we call it intuition. So yeah I agree that people need to trust their intuition, it's not woo woo bs.
Central nervous system regeneration
Central nervous system regeneration
yes, there is an old book about it, called "the gift of fear"
Rosalina Is that book, The gift of fear good? I’ve always complain about my fear, but it has saved so many times from bad situations!
11 years with someone, whom I believe is a covert narcissist. I'm in the midst of healing. My feelings in this relationship were never acknowledged, my fears were always exploited, stories changed around to make me look crazy, and this persons control and ego had the upper hand. If I cried they would either laugh at me, or just turn away. I'm understanding my role as a co-dependent and my parents role. Thank you for all of our comments everyone and Meredith for all your videos. I feel that I am finally having my feelings acknowledged and that all of my true innate feelings were true all along. Thank you again, I am finally moving forward, even though this is the hardest thing I have ever went through, I feel that I am finally moving in the right direction to true love of myself and to my inner truth.
I really appreciate the thought of turning your empathy inward and being empathetic to yourself and to be able to heal yourself from the damage that they cause. Thank you
I know that crying part is very helpful ...mine would leave if i cry /get mad / if im in his hug he would push me away and put on a poker face
I'm living proof my intuition told me don't go there from day one and I ignored it ughhhh 15 years later in kicking myself . Never ever again I will ignore it . I can spot these people from a mile away now . Why ? Using my intuition
Good job transmuting the mistake into a lesson so you can move forward! Big hug.
I thought so too!But then another one fooled me!How?Because they were so opposite of each other!First one was a drama queen,allways yelling,screaming,throwing a fit,breaking stuff.The second one,quiet,reserved,non-argumenative,came across as a totally gentle soul!I didn't see it because I was on the lookout for someone who started out nice but then became abusive.The second one totally manipulated me by playing the victim,and needing help,and I took pity on her!But she was just as fake as the first one!!!!
Luman 67 same here I would go on trips to stop
Thank you. I used to think my high degree of empathy was a weakness. You have taught me that it can also be used to look after myself first. I'm gonna use my empathy n intuition to take care of me first. Love your advice. x.
Awesome! Big hug.
it's a strengh because of your values and morals
Inner Integration hii can you do a video on the books you are having on self help?
Hi, you couldn't be more right. It takes strength to have higher degree of empathy. Human beings are more evolved when they have empathic traits.
empathy also a tremendous strength when applied to those that could benefit from it: volunteering to help the sick and indigent, marginalized and abused people and animals
You are so right...we should have empathy for our self first now!
Im terrified now. My boyfriend was mentally unstable and I didn't know it
Thank you for this question and the great help.
I did not get an "icky" feeling but I did constantly feel "where are they?" Like I couldn't feel the true essence of the person. Like they weren't there or something. My thinking it would just take time led me to a really embarrassing and painful discard. I thought of it as a challenge... of patience I guess. It's not always an "icky" feeling. And it takes time to trust your inner guidance system. It's hard for empathetic people to choose themselves first but over time it feels great. We probably give more than anyone else expects as normal.
Yep... and what’s crazy is we get criticised and shamed for it.... my ex Narc was accusing me to give conditional love, whilst it’s exactly what HE was doing. As soon i wouldn’t agree with him i’d be met with a form of contempt, criticism or distancing. Yet he believes he is a « caring, loving and nurturing » person. What a joke....
At 10min: That feeling that I knew something wasn't right... I had this feeling since I was 13. Hit a major depression at age 14. I kept telling myself, I want to go home, I want to go home.. but even I didn't know what I meant by that, I just knew "home", wasn't what I was currently feeling, and it wasn't where I was currently at, even though I was sitting at home crying. One night my mother heard me cry to myself and asked what was wrong with me, I said I wanted to go home. Obviously, she didn't know what I meant either, and instead yelled at me and said "What do you mean home? You mean DEAD?!" I was suicidal at the time, and she didn't understand why I wanted to leave, but I felt I had no "home" there. So I wanted to "go home". Endured so many more years of abuse, and also abusive relationships, until finally some information came out that I was fortunate enough to read about and understand. Crazy thing was, I already knew a little about narcissism because my ex was one, however, I had only read enough about romantic relationship narcissism, but I never even made the connection that my mother was a narcissist. Mainly due to the fact that she was extremely covert and lied atrociously about her own identity. It wasn't until last year that I found out the truth about her, by finding out the truth about myself (my ethnicity, her side of the family, etc.) that all those years she lied about her real name, her real ethnicity, where she was really born, etc. Then all hell broke loose. Things got really bad with her manipulation, martyrdom, put on a show of what looked like genuine remorse and tears, apologies, etc. but turned around and just kept on abusing. Even when she was caught with the biggest set of lies of the century, she still continued to lie and be manipulative in other ways. Just incredible the lengths that this personality disorder does in terms of damages to the psyche, to the people around them.
They seek out empathetic peopple.
Life-Lover ....i wish i wasnt born empathetic. Starting to feel like a curse.
Yeah but when you find one (like yourself- as I am an empathic)- its great!
Where are they? I can't find any...............
Mostly they attack the feelers type. I am thinker type with my emotions on hold so they don't even target me. And if they do, i know there is something wrong with them straight away. I can read red flags well.
My question is will I EVER find someone, even just a friend that doesn't give me the feeling that something is "off" with them?
I've asked myself the same question so many times. And "are there any REAL PEOPLE within a 100 mile radius of me anymore?"
I often asked my self as well. Actually, I gave up hope years ago. But a few weeks ago I met a woman that really is fine. She is very confident, , intelligent and full of compassion. She's a teacher and I help her since a while with her house and the kids. She was together with a narc for over a decade and is still a great person. It's the first time I really look up to someone.
So yes there are decent humans out there, sadly by far not enough of them.
yes keep looking they are out there :)
Well, I do have to correct my self. Turns out that woman is a covert narc. She almost managed to kill me.
I have to stay at her house for a few more days and I'm afraid as hell. No idea what hell she will unleash at me next. For now, I just give my self as submissive as I can in order to not make her go up.
I just want one decent friend! 😞
I made the dangerous presumption that someone who seems to have a ton of empathy and pity for themselves, has a similar capacity of that for me (or anyone else). I later realized this draining life force was pure narcissism, just because the narc has empathy towards themselves, does not mean they have any real empathy for anyone else. In fact, their capacity for drama and creating drama can be endless and they are the parasite which feeds on it. Sometimes these people insist on being very close to you and try to make you dependent on them under the guise that they need you and care about you but I've found out over and over that yes they need you for supply, no they don't care about you. It's all about them and there's no healthy exchange. Don't throw your pearls to pigs.
actually i agree to disagree here because its NOT real empathy they got for themselves. bc if they did they would get real help and develop real values if they did, its more like pure selfishness/hedonism and often drug abuse which they got not real love, self love and def. not for others either.
Rocky Mtn Well said.
The devil is in the detail.
That's right. I felt a huge amount of anxiety at the beginning, I ignored thinking it's just my high amount of empathy and my anxiety disorder issue...but it was something different, that feeling was so bad and intense, going higher every day, I should listen to it before this girl, who pretended to understand my problem's with depression and anxiety (in reality didn't had a clue), who pictured herself like a saver, who suffocated and love bombing me every freaking day and night, almost got me to a point that I could end my life. It was the most horrible experience from my entire life, I'm so fortunate that I found these videos, to understand how those individuals works... She discarded me a month ago, I went no contact and it still feel like recovering from a terrible disease. I can't believe that this type of humans exist in this world, destroying everyone else calling themselves 'normal'. We must take any kind of measure to sense them in time and protect ourselves because they are really really dangerous. Thank you so much for your videos !
ovidiu s Sounds like what I went through including my own anxiety and depression issues. It's amazing how understanding they are of your problems until it's time to discard. I'm still trying to find myself again and I'm not sure if I will return to the same person I was before the relationship. Best of luck!
Fata aceea nu a știut că bărbaților le trebuie unele momente de repaos. În plus de asta, neavând probabil răspunsul scontat din partea ta (aceeași intensitate în manifestarea sentimentelor față de ea, în "oglindă"), s-o fi plictisit așteptând și a hotărât să caute altceva.
Depresia la bărbați este diferită, și ca formă și ca fond, decât cea la femei, probabil nu a înțeles lucrul acesta dar...întrebarea întrebătoare este : tu, ce ai făcut pentru a încerca să soluționezi această problemă ? Pentru că nu poți trăi cu depresia, nu o poți lăsa să-ți mănânce viața și să-ți altereze relațiile.
Ea are cauze diverse care trebuie investigate, dacă este ceva fizic (o disfuncție a tiroidei, spre exemplu) sau psihic (un abuz emoțional care să fi avut loc în copilărie sau adolescență și care să perdureze...să fi avut de-a face cu părinți sau rude apropiate narcisiști și/sau borderline etc)...important este să ai un diagnosticclar de la un medic psihoterapeut și apoi să încerci să te vindeci înainte
...înainte de a începe o nouă relație !
Succes !
JoujouEyes Alex here
narcopaths are the best actors on earth...
Lark L Winslow, yes, two of mine can become really melodramatic and cry fake tears! Both female but have also seen a male narc/psychopath do it as well. Phony as can be but most buy into the act. Not me.
Lark L Winslow Politicians are the best Actors
Yes, yes we are.
The SAG roster therefore containing a particularly high concentration of NPD’s, because who else would be expected to play dressup for a living?😉. And newsflash they mostly don’t vote Democratic…think about what it serves them to say (ratings) versus what it serves them to do (pocketbook).
It doesn't really matter WHY we don't feel comfortable with a certain person, for my opinion. We can just follow our own sympathy and antipathy, without searching for an explanation or a label. We don't have to find an excuse, if we feel a dislike. It's totally fine, that we are not attracted to everybody.
Symbols
I have never thought about it from that perspective. This helped me a lot.
Symbolsysteme
So, if someone one meets is having a truly tragic day/week, well too bad for them if they slip energetically toward the negative. No opportunity to become known.
Damn...
I couldn´t agree more!
yesss you do not have to justify or explain... just your own reaction tells you A LOT.
I love the part where you say you've gotta have empathy for yourself, empaths always feel they need to help others, which is lovely except for helping those that drain the life out of you, the toxic ones, they mistake help for weakness and will despise you for it as well as use you as their supply, great video :)
i already commented last night, but just one more time, i have to say it, i love this video so much.
i'm just learning about cognitive dissonance (in a practical way) and now understand why i was feeling like Beeker on the Muppets.... my gut knew what my head was trying to rationalize.
I've watched this video four times. It's like balm to my soul....
I'm happy it's helpful to you! Big hug, Georgia.
It's so hard to listen to that off/icky feeling and intuition that is kind of telling you that they don't actually care about you when your brain is telling you that you only feel that way because you don't believe they could truly mean it or that you deserve it... I feel this conflict between trusting my instincts that this person is insincere because of a lack of consistency, hot and cold behaviors, and looking at myself and my insecurities that it is my fault they behave that way or that its because I've never had such an intense connection before. Is it mirroring or are they really that much like me and connected to me. Then I have moments with them where they feel distant... but I always blame myself for that... or make excuses for it. Like I am too sensitive etc. Man it's hard!
I agree with you, Katherine! It is hard. There are many conflicting "voices" going on inside me at the same time that made the truth harder to hear/see. Meredith's recommendation about George Simon's book did help me look back and see that the narcopath's actions would have been easier to assess than his words. If only I had known back then! This information is invaluable.
Hello Katherine, I get what you're saying. The thing with a narcissist is they do run hot and cold. One moment they say you are their world, the next they can be attacking your home or even you. Having experienced it in relationships and from my mother I advise no contact. It's not an easy thing to do, when they intermittently preached their undying love. Be kind to yourself, above all x
Jo Fernie
Katherine Dowie no contact is so hard. But it's the only way! I know from experience 😕
The cut off is hard. Learning to care about myself FIRST was much harder. Caring about my needs isn't the same thing as not caring about someone else. took 8 years to latch onto that little nugget :)
One I got caught up with was very good at mimicking empathy which completely pulled the wool over my eyes. This person also quietly pounced on me at a vulnerable time in my life, ie swooped in and 'rescued' me and made me feel good (typical predator behaviour). However, as time went by their red flags began showing and I kept feeling as if there was something wrong but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Eventually I figured it out and moved on as fast as possible. When dealing with these types, actions always speak louder than words! Thank goodness for the internet and videos like this. Thank you, Meredith, for putting these up. Love and Blessings
Every time I didn't listen to myself something bad happened! I'm so glad to hear your message today
After suffering at the hands of an ex narc,I can appreciate that inner voice and know that I can trust her and will trust her from NOW on.She tried to save and protect by the warnings and the red flags(signals to my gut)but sadly,I wouldn't listen.I asked her for her forgiveness and professed my love to her.That inner voice is the inner ME...Her name is SELF LOVE..#Self Love
I got that discernment tonight and before . I ready for my freedom . I keep seeing and experiencing that same "check in my spirit "
Wow empathy for myself . God has been showing me to treat myself . My energy just dropped tonight as I saw healthy relationships and my narc let me walk outside in the dark , walk down steep steps and never looked up to see if I was okay . In public he expresses love but actions are makings sick .
Yes, I've had the same experiences. The words I Love you were constantly sent out to make me stay, however, love is an action, and those actions of sincerity, making sure I was ok and not hurt were not there. I've spent years in deep hurt always trying to get them to understand, to hear me. Letting go has been the scariest thing I have had to do, but my faith is what has kept me going all these years, as well as positive loving friends. Good luck on your journey, and may you find strength and love each and every day.
I have such a hard time trusting people and making friends because I am afraid of being taken advantage of. I had parents that I think were both narcissistic in some ways and I am just now learning boundaries. I feel so burned on being generous to people sometimes because it seems like everyone that I meet is not trustworthy. I'm wondering if I'm just too scared people, always feel anxious around people.
Hanna Rodriguez, I’m with you. I tend to isolate because of my experiences. More at peace by myself but it can be sad.
They ruin our ability to trust and cause us to lose faith in humanity.
I also developed major social anxiety, many experiences make it harder every time to trust someone AND myself. I seem to attract them, for a start, and have proven not to be very good at spotting them nor at recovering afterwards, soooo.. urghhhh
@@fifilafleur5555 I am with you ! I am so sad about it!
Thank you for this video. It's incredible - I listened and immediately thought, beware of wolves in sheep's clothing and then you said it. It's very hard if you've been brought up by a narcissistic parent not to fall into narcissistic relationships. As someone with a conscience we make excuses for their unreasonable behaviour. Having now realising I've been in covert and overt relationships, I'm understanding. You're right - they're all about control, so boundaries are it - if you've been brought up by intrusive, controlling parents or parent, setting boundaries are a skill to learn and it's not always easy. x
Yes now as adults we need to learn boundaries!
Inner Integration Thank You x
Not
Right on.
Thanks for this video. I have a narcissistic mother and she is very able to cry at a movie and demonstrate empathy . What I am learning is that narcissists are extremely good at pulling the wool over your eyes!
the best series of videos on this subject ive found, and ive been researching the subject for a long time.
Happy it's helpful!
Once I figured he was the real deal bad guy with the super powers he wasn't so super, once I understood gaslighting & other tools I realized how pathetic he could be. I'm not targeted now for instance Facebook I started to talk to a covert Narc, I seen a tactic or 2 in every message so I told him I wanted to write a book about covert narcissism & I didn't hear from him again.
Good job!
Joanne Nilsson awesome
Joanne Nilsson Hahaha!!!! That's great♥
That's known as "intermittent reinforcement". All narcs do this, it's part of their modus operandi. Don't fall for it. Normal people do NOT do this!
I like that.
You say that they seek out people with "empathy," but I have found they also target people who have high empathy, but who were damaged by addicted or narcissistic parents, who are lonely, who don't have anyone, who have self doubt and lack of self love etc... Also about the whole love bombing stage only lasting a month or a few weeks, I was subjected to narcopath sexual predator at my church. A minister will keep the game going a lot longer because he wants to keep you and your family there.
My minister took it slowly and creepily to another level over a whole year and half or two total years. It was so slow and subtle that I barely noticed it was happening. Once that guy targets someone he can keep the love bombing phase going. There are subtle jabs underneath the fake kindness and fake care they pretend to have for you, but you get conditioned to not see those, and you think this person really cares about your spiritual well-being, when they don't. And I told this person to stop and they fake-repented and didn't try anything with me again. But you will figure out they try this with every new girl, especially when new girls/women start attending the church, it makes you sick to your stomach that you believed this person was a good spiritual leader, when they were anything but that.
Dark Seraphim hmm the jabs, yes they are nasty. Their facial expression matches, even if it's subtle.
Yes it does. He always had this "hateful smirk" on his face, after the "sexual smirk" he tried with me and then I said no. They do like to "rule" over others.
I had an identical experience to the points you mentioned, but with a congregation member. It was really weird too, there was supposedly no romantic interest, but in hindsight, he did have designs.
Two years of seeing him every weekend. Two years, and then I found out..... crazy. He was both hateful and sexual too while having a predominately "a-sexual" facade.
Mine didn't fake repent, he instead accused me of being 'spiritually oppressed" when I became angry about his escalating "off" and not right behaviors.
The spiritual narcs are so twisted and weird, but the church has its own version of exponentially disturbed funk that can't be described either.
What's worse is when they're in leadership. When they're in leadership then they can do and be and say anything and their flying monkeys will believe them, and so will the rest of the congregation. They lord over and rule other people and try their creepiness on the side and in ways they'll never get caught. It's really bad then because they can break someones relationship with God, they can really hurt people to the point of making them atheist. It's bad enough if someone is in the congregation who's insane, but from the pulpit it's worse because then you have a dictator who's getting his emotional needs met at the expense of the congregation because he's self-serving and doesn't really care about anyone but himself.
I hear what you're saying, that IS bad. Hi or low, they'll find a way to achieve the same means, and take whatever angle they have and work it. Mine spoke to the elders and achieved the same affect. I lived in a place with mold, and had to leave immediately, and because this "friend" was just a regular guy and the elders were too high up to help (in an "untouchable" sort of way) ended up on his couch. He took pictures of me sleeping, I found out after, and get really weird really fast,culminating in almost killing my dog, and planting gps on my car and nearly running me off the freeway at 100mph. And of course, the church was on his side, believing him and his claims that when I tried to argue back/defend myself, that I was "spiritually oppressed" (read "demon posessed"). After years of regular attendance, I became the black sheep overnight, and left gladly.
High or low, if they're a narc/sociopath, they'll find a way to make your life hell.... And agreed, try and make you an aeithist or at least try and convince you you're not saved and will burn in hell yourself.
I'm glad you got out of it xoxox
All that empathy business could be fabricated in cases of creative psychopath, from my own experience look for the little signs: A. the little grin when they see usually something upsetting to the others , B, their ability to assisin people silently( e.g, they gossip or stigmatise the others, C: telling u that u r save now and u r in their company, usually to make ur defences go sleepy and u can trust them blindly. The most brilliant test is see how they speak about u when u r not around. One of my previous neighbours has this kind soothing personality apparently, use to tell me that I should not get to the others levels when they swear and I'm better than them. in one occasion I waited few minutes behind her door after I left her house and say goodbyes, just to hear her making a phone call saying to someone: " The bitch is gone..!" later she turned out to have a borderline personality.
Omg, this exactly! I dated this guy for a few months. He was so cute and funny and smiley with me, I was under his spell from the day I met him. He seemed so genuinely interested in me and seemed to listen and understand. We spent a lot of time together, but I soon noticed that he talks badly about absolutely everyone he knows! His friends, co-workers, even his family members - there was always something wrong with everyone. He was always complaining about what somebody said or did, or how they look, or their character, how annoying they are, how they mess things up at work etc. He, of course, was always the one who saved the day, who fixed the mess somebody else made, who planned the most interesting activities for his friends etc, the list could go on forever. Now that I think about it, I can't remember him speaking highly of anyone. He never said anything bad about his exes (and he had many of them), but he told me pretty soon after we started hanging out that he doesn't think it's possible to stay friends if a romantic relationship doesn't work, so if I stop being interested in him romantically, we will never be able to stay friends. Was this a clever way to ensure I don't ditch him first? Because after a few months he ghosted me out of the blue, and that was that. He always wanted to feel that he's the one in control of any situation. Anyway, I soon realized that most probably I'm no exception and he talks badly to others about me too when I'm not there. If I ever meet a person like that, I'll get away from them asap.
Yes, I have some family members who talk trash about me when I’m not around. Lots of gossiping within family as well. I’ve heard the things they say through third parties. Shocking.
sometimes good enough ppl can be infected with parts of the dark triad. boundries are so crucial
This is so good!
Guys, I learned the hard way about listening to my gut.
My story around a narc/psychopath was that I was heartbroken over a long-term relationship and the narc suddenly showed up two months into the breakup. I was already a sensitive personality and compound that with deep heartache and you have a recipe for disaster. I was already not hearing my own gut and needed outside validation emotionally. It was such a mess. Anyway, I got drawn in and this narc trashed my heart even more. Our interactions didn’t feel good all the time, but I reasoned that I was healing a broken heart, so I pushed it away. You gotta listen to your inner voice and try to be authentic and have genuine boundaries. My boundaries had gotten so eroded that I was dying of thirst when the narc showed up. I had no defense. Don’t be like the old me. Listen to your inner voice and female intuition.
You can do it 💗
This was incredible! Such an amazing tip as I am on the lookout for narcissists and psychos while dating now. I was worried I might be being too hard on people for having gone off of an ambiguous “feeling.” I am pleased to say that I’ve already spotted a couple with this “gut feeling method.” So many times I ignored my gut feeling in my last relationship. In the end, it came to light that every single gut feeling I had was completely accurate. I was worried my abusive relationship would hurt my chances of finding love and happiness, but I realize now I have a very powerful tool, a very salient benchmark when I meet people - when I get that indescribable feeling more than once, I know it’s time to bounce. Two strike rule, suckas! Not even getting to a third. Narcissistic abuse is awful without a doubt but, if you open your mind to the insights your terrible relationship gave you, you might even be able to be thankful for the incredible gifts this damaged person unknowingly gave you. No thanks to them, of course, rather to yourself for being strong and smart enough to take something good from a horrible situation. Hang in there, guys. It gets better. ❤️
thank you... I married one left him 9 months. Best decision I made.
God bless you dear friend! I am so grateful for your support and understanding! I am trying to piece together my life! ❤
The are very dangerous.. 10 days after I married one, we found my son in his bedroom.. from an overdose. My husband performed cpr on him until the ambulance arrived. He gave 2 weeks to grieve and then tells me that my son is not dead.. because when he was doing the cpr, he felt like he was working on a dummy. He thought the whole situation was a set up and that I was one of the ring leaders. A few months go by and I found him in the garage, trying to
asphyxiate himself with gas fumes and ended up in the hospital. Long story short, he was released shortly after that and would constantly get mad at me for not paying enough attention to him because of what he just went through and that I really don't need to grieve because my son is not really dead. You talk about a messed up situation.. I lived it for 8 months until he gave me 5 hours to get out of the house. We are now divorced and he has since lost his house and is living with his parents. What a nightmare.
Listen to your gut... I wish I would have.
He sounds like a schizophrenic or something. Bigger problems even than narcissism.
You're so right Meredith about empathy when it comes to 'new age people'! I met such a man last August, who seemed to me that he really felt my pain, but later I realized he was much more interested in being a hero. He mapped up my insecurities so perfectly, so no wonder why he could have an upper hand over me - especially at those moments when I stood up for myself by communicating my boundaries. Although I'm exceptionally good at recognizing the red flags, even the itsy-bitsy ones, it took me three months to see right through him. It was so challenging as he could praise and lift me up at times, and - funny enough ;) - as soon as I was being true to myself and showed him how far he can go in certain areas, he'd put me down in such a covert way that I couldn't even put my finger on what was happening, but it all felt wrong, off. Coming from a family where I've grown up to accommodate and please my aggressive manipulator bother and my passive aggressive mother.
And you're also so right about the boundaries! Early in our relationship he did something to me, and hindsight I realized that I would have liked him to ask me me for consent. I gently told him that, and instead of feeling that he was genuinely being respectful about my boundaries, he came up with this 'surrender BS' that is so common in the new age community...that I should surrender and let go of the control. This was a huge red flag for me, but I rationalized it by thinking that he might be right...that I shouldn't be so guarded. Anyway, I'm so glad that I have developed the level of self-love that enabled me to save myself from a disastrous and unhappy relationship!
OMG, setting boundaries is exactly how I found out about my last narcissist. Then he tried blaming it on something else broke up with me and then messaged me an hour later and wanted to come back. Thank you for this info..
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really needed to hear that when the toxic person drops you it's because you did something right. I was blamed, guilted and shamed in the end of the relationship with this person and it really made me second guess myself for months.
I'm glad it was validating for you! Big hug.
I remember having the feeling that we were just not connecting, but cerebrally I thought he met all of the "checkmarks". I minimized my feelings because it seemed like he was doing all of the right things. You are so right.
Thank you for all the information you have online. My daughter has been in a relationship with a narcissist for eight years and it is just now from your videos that I have a term and understanding of what this complex system is. She is in denial and completely buying into the program. I'm educating myself so I'll be ready in the hopes that she will wake up one day. I'm searching for ways to talk to her and help her come to an understanding of her situation. I found the "What to..." and "What not to do..." videos helpful. Thanks again!
You are a very sweet person. helping people take steps to move forward. It's hard to understand and explane the confusion and frustration, because (speaking for my self) you don't know what is going on. These types of people say one thing and do another, but still convencing you what they are "saying" is what they are doing. This is a world wide thing. Awesome for doing spanish videos!
Spiritual warfare is a world wide thing indeed.
Thanks for the great class. It makes a lot of sense. The lack of empathy really defines and gives away the narcissist. I discovered that my dentist was a narc like this, he was relating to me an accident that he saw on a highway and it became so clear his lack of empathy for the victims, he just wanted to get out of the place as fast as possible. No empathy for the suffering, whatsoever.
Always love the way you explain things, thank you!
You are a force of nature for the healing of humanity. You are totally owning it in the narcissistic recovery niche. I trust your wisdom. Big hugs!
The identifying questions
3 things to improve yourself? deflective answer. How can you improve someone who's perfect.
Do you love your Children? Blank stare.
Tell them they look angry. Defenses go up like a predator. They are always angry. Exposure fear.
What do you regret most in Life. they focus on the details-not the emotional response a normal person gives.
Your yacht capsises. You,your wife and 2 kids and your mother only have a raft with room for 3. Who do you save?
Explain your relationship to your mother?
The boundary is probably the most obvious. Just choose a day that you can't see them.
Some others?
Everything, explained my ex. He's the epitome of a Narcissist. I have decrement and I did let all the signs go over my head, and started to rationalize his actions, but not anymore. Now, my daughter was his victim, and everything is open to me. I can finally see him for what he is, and he's a grade "A" Sociopath. I knew something was off about him, but I was trying to justify it by saying his past may had something to do with his actions, along with his mom death, but he still disrespect his mom while she's deceased. He have no real feelings. Please, listen to your intuition. He's a nice, nasty kind of person. Cunning and charming, but nasty and manipulative. I just want to tell the world about this evil person. You hit everything exactly what happened in my last relationship. Thank you, and keep informing.
I realized my boyfriend was a narc when my now ex husband wanted to get a gun near the end of our divorce process. Boyfriend told me that I was making a mountain out of a molehill whereas everyone else was very concerned and worried.
Shonagh Eldering Are you still with him?
Nidya Majalca I tried to break it off with the boyfriend. He came back saying how much he wants to marry me and wants a life together but he has so many qualities of a narcissist, it scares me of what kind of life id end up having if I take him back. Part of me thinks he's being honest but another part of me feels like I'm being railroaded. We can't have a real life together for five years when he retires. He always goes on and on about what he does for me but never seems to acknowledge that I do a lot for him too. I'm really confused right now.
Shonagh Eldering Please be very cautious of your boyfriend avoid future pain.
Nidya Majalca I'm afraid if I take him back (again) it will be the same thing again over and over. I get so exhausted listening to him go on about how he's been screwed over by women in his past and how he has no friends cos he can't trust anybody. He's not even that nice to his Mum although he's her "caregiver".
Girl listen to your inner voice and if he makes you tired as a boyfriend imagine if you get married, he has a victim mentality which can be very toxic. We need to love ourselves first. Many blessings to you.
The narc. seemed empathetic. In reality he stored it up and did the exact thing to me 18 mo. later.
i used to hear myself yelling " the writing is on the wall in ENGLISH! Why do i keep trying to insist it's GREEK?" you are right. i knew.
the narc/ sociopath will be cold generally. but it is most noticeable at times when you would expect them to smile, yet have a flat, non-expression. this may be the case when you meet them somewhere for a date, and they exhibit no smile upon seeing you as you approach. you may go to a sad movie with them, yet they seem to feel nothing while watching it. but noticing this will take a few months if they are very covert. at first they will just seem reserved, centered, emotionally balanced, self assured and not clingy. But as time goes on you see that they are simply being careful to hide their true characteristics. they may even go away on trips for this reason or that just to minimize the risk of you noticing what they are, which means your discovery of their true self will be delayed and they will keep you in the game longer. they have been doing this pretend dating scam for a very long time and if they are older, they will have refined their techniques and strategies, which means they are experts at deception, thereby making them that much harder for you to detect. the problem is you will likely stay in it because who on earth would suspect that they are dating a sociopath?
One narcissist in my life would say "it doesn't effect me" when confronted with near-pornographic movie viewing. Maybe it didn't, because of the lack of empathy, but it surely effected us kids allowed to watch too.
DAMON MARCUS, yes!!! Dated two men like this. Very flat and cold. You sense something is “off”. After a while, it began to make me very uneasy and scared. The eyes were most chilling. There was nothing in the eyes.
DAMON MARCUS, a couple of female narcs/psychopaths enjoy showing me who they are behind their masks. Superficial/fake charm in public, then absolutely vicious when it’s just one on one and there are no witnesses. One of the women also gives me a stare that no one else sees. It’s a hateful piercing stare that gives me the creeps.
Most of the way through this video I was saying yes! YES!! Exactly!! Thank you for putting my feelings into words!
I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my CZcams channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤
Oh my my my AMEN to this all of it whew......I'm guilty of empathy to everyone but myself
Good lord, thank you. This helps sooo much. Each time you done video I get more of the picture and it makes me understand and feel better
Don't include BPD's together with Sociopaths & Narcissists... :"People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are emotionally fragile, impulsive, suffer from low mood, have intense unstable personal relationships and - according to a handful of studies - they also have enhanced empathy." Understand the pain of a BPD (usually created by narcissist parental abuse)
Yes many given the label of bpd in reality are trauma victims of narcissistic parental abuse
BPDs are scary people who share many traits with cover narcs (psychologically proven). Unless they are in psychotherapy and undergoing treatment, I'd run far away! They are equally dangerous as other cluster B types
I used to find myself screaming at him that "the writing is on the wall... and it's in English. Why do I keep insisting that it's in Greek?! " I was so twisted up in my head.
Thank you so much! I've been weeding out the overt narcs, but coverts are much harder. + The one I've been dating has a masters in psychology. He is the new Age Covert narc you're addressing. Finally, after a YEAR OF dating I know he is not good for me. Finally I can learn how to spot the coverts as well. Its taken long enough, almost a lifetime, to relearn since I come from an abusive family background.
It's been fourteen months since getting out of a narcissistic relationship that lasted three years. Much better now but a devastating journey that left me in a very bad state. Thank you for this video. You speak and explain things so well. It is a pleasure and comforting to listen to you explain. It is complicated, a mine field, but my lesson here is to listen to that inner voice. The long and winding road. Gracias por tu ayuda Meredith.
Or, in order to get what they want, they call it "concern". And "you are trying to guilt THEM" and it is your foult for not recognizing their sincere "concerns" about you, and you are so "weird" for that etc
Something I have noticed:
Narcissists are good at turning the attention toward them, so what you can do when you see yourself that you are focusing on them:
"What are they doing/why are they doing so/why they are saying so/do they mean it/what do they really want/did they do these things on purpose/what purpose/what are they wanting, feeling, thinking" etc. and you don´t find answer; '
Focus on your own feelings, wanting, thinking, etc, and ask yourself what do you want, think, feel, about it, etc. Maybe then you can make a right choice, conversation and even give them right answers.
Because you must be two persons, as you also are; and not one.
If you think only about him/her, and he/she thinks only about himself/herself; then it´s only he/she existing (taking place) in the relationship, and no more you. And this is wrong, because you are two persons in a relationship; and you also exist with your feelings, wants and thoughts, etc.
I'm a borderline and I DO have empathy and feel terribly guilty whenever I hurt someone. I understand why you would come to this conclusion if you have been hurt by someone who you believe or supposedly has borderline personality disorder. BPD by itself does not involve manipulating not hurting others. BPD combined with narcissistic personality disorder or NPD by itself involves manipulating and hurting people. Look at the diagnostic criteria for NPD and compare this with BPD. Intentionally hurting someone is extremely cruel, however I try my best not to do this and when I do the guilt is all-consuming to the point where I want to kill myself. BPDs often view themselves as inherently bad or flawed people and generalising everyone who has BPD as purposively destructive (evil) is going to cause many people suffering with BPD to commit suicide out of guilt. Evil is evil regardless of the pathology. Please do not stigmatise BPD, as many people with BPD are good people who don't want and choose not to hurt others. We also suffer with unstable moods. I strongly believe many people who have BPD, have been misdiagnosed and they actually fully or mainly have NPD. I am not making excuses for those who hurt others, that is disgusting. I am talking about those with BPD who try their best not to hurt others and are suffering as a results of this disorder. I have been physically and emotionally abused since I was born by my psychopathic dad and emotionally recently for just over a year by my psychopathic ex. As a result, I view myself as deserving of the abuse and inherently evil. Stating that those with BPD have a messed up conscience is extremely painful to hear and makes me think I'm evil which overwhelms me with guilt and makes me think I should kill myself. Evil is separate from every single personality disorder apart from narcissistic and psychopathic personality disorder. Please be understanding and look at the diagnostic criteria.
Whoa your response just drained me..
U know ppl who are abused fail to see that they are also the ones who attract those ppl🤔like being codependant and stuff🤔i think cluster b’s all have been really abused in their childhoods and if some one doesnt wanna deal with them then they should just go no contact than demonizing them 😕i understand that u do have empathy dont beat urself up just try and love urself it does wonders
AvaM thank you, Ava! There is so much vilifying of those given the BPD diagnosis. Meredith appears to be such a compassionate person, yet I cringe internally at this misguided and misinformed belief she has that BPD and NPD people can be conflated. Those with BPD have suffered and been shamed enough. This stigmatizing attitude needs to stop.
Jas you're absolutely correct! Borderline personality disordered people are people who have been abused by narcissistic personality disordered people. They have been brainwashed to believe they are evil and/or worthless because of the abuse and shadow-projection that the narcissist inflicted on them during their formative years. If you are raised by a narcissist you either become a narcissist yourself, or you become borderline. If you have more feminine energy you become borderline or take on a slave mentality. If you have more masculine energy then you become a narcissist or take on a master mentality. Both have the same wound but the borderline and narcissist express and experience the wounds in polar opposite ways. This is why you always see narcissists and borderlines in romantic relationships together. The borderline gives and gives, while the narcissist takes and takes. They are a perfect match for each other. But while the borderline is able to self-reflect, the narcissist cannot. That's why borderline personality disorder can be overcome but narcissistic personality disorder cannot be overcome. One cannot change what one cannot acknowledge. Borderlines do not manipulate or control but they are hurting and suffering because they are not able to see their worth and see that they have been brainwashed by the narcissist. I believe all narcissistic personality disorder people also have borderline personality disorder as well, whereas the borderline just has the borderline personality disorder. The person with narcissistic personality disorder is operating from the spirit of rejection and rebellion, whereas the borderline personality disordered person is only operating from the spirit of rejection, not rebellion.
Erica Medrano Thank you so much for your kind words!!!! 😃 you have absolutely made my day!!!!!! I completely understand and respect your decision to unsubscribe to her channel but let's try to have compassion for her because clearly she does not understand bpd. I feel just awful that people often lump us together with these demons but have compassion anyways and let us try to do our best to raise awareness of what bpd really is and try to educate others and end the stigmatization. So much love to you!!!!!!! 💓
Your videos are so good, and helpful. The sound is so good -- very clear and easy to hear. Thanks!
Thank you, you are so spot on about everything you mentioned. We live in a very cruel world and really have to be on high alert. I have gone through narcissistic abuse and am now educating myself in all this. I learned the hard way but now I'm on the right track and am very aware of people like these predators and con-artist who are always trying to find a way of destroying peoples lives. When I got discarded for no reason I felt destroyed and broken, but it was a blessing that i didn't realize at the time. We live ,learn and move forward. These hard knocks in life has made me a stronger and wiser person, thanks again!!
I just need to say thank you. I really admire your ability to heal yourself and now go out and help others. I pray I too am there one day. For every victim I thank you for putting this information out there. I wasted so much time were I should have been healing to serve others blaming myself and trying to save the narcissist. I can't go back now. But I have learned from People as wonderful and strong as you to get up, get better. The world and my children need others who care and understand.
God bless you Meredith.
Mine cried when I told a tragic story about my Dad ~ VERY Convincing during the Love Bomb phase. Another tidbit: On the first date, he had me do a "Love Language Test" which my gut responded by thinking "These questions are a little personal for a first date!". I wish I knew what I know now...
Thank you for taking the time to educate all of us.. who have encountered these sick people. It's a start to regaining your power back. You go girl. You rock!!!!
MEREDITH. boundaries are so important. you are so right.
The sociopath that spread so many lies and sowed so much division in my community is a 40 year old, female, minister. The darkest soul I have ever encountered, which is saying something. The ripples of her ministry of deception spread out further than anyone can identify. Thank you for your work on these personality disorders. Without understanding of these, I could not have found any ground to land and reorient back toward a positive and decent way of being.
I've met her 50yr old twin lol, God will avenge 🙏 Psalm 7 and Psalm 35
Wow, Meredith. I am so thankful to have found your videos. You know so much and you explain things in a way that resonates with me tremendously. Thank you for these comforting words and for understanding what we're all going through. It's like you've met my narc best friend.
Thank you ..... for such an eloquent explanation . Great job !!!! It is so weird how you know something is off but you don’t have enough knowledge to pin point the problem.
This knowledge is priceless ...
I really appreciate how much you stress trusting yourself and your feelings. It is very validating for me. Something I really needed to hear. :) Thank-You!!!
Thank you so much, you are so wonderful. You have clearly expressed what I've struggled with for decades. I've been watching many of your videos and it feels like I'm having a lightbulb moment and that I can get stronger.
I thank you so much for all you do! Im sorry you had to go through something like this yourself. You really inspire me to keep pushing... to keep fighting .. to survive, be a survivor, not a victim anymore. ❤
My Lord! You spoke to my soul in this. I had to force myself in this relationship. I KNEW something was off, but don't know how to trust myself.
Thanks so much for your videos💛
I felt incredibly validated by this, so thank you so, so much! When you said the one month part of a covert showing themselves (if you are alert to it) it gave me chills. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was love bombed and had no clue what was happening. I pushed away all my doubts to believe I met the man of my dreams! Almost one month to the day his mask dropped when he tried to control my clothing and makeup choices. When I told him I would not be controlled in this way, , he dropped me instantly. When I questioned him and asked how he could turn on me this way, he was vicious back to me. I've been no contact since then, but my heart was broken. I've learned so much from you, Dana Morningstar, and other CZcams channels about this plague since then. I'm still healing even though it's been months. Again, Meredith, thank you for all you do to help people like me.
I noticed that with certain people I encountered, I would always feel icky. I thought I was just being triggered from past narc abuse, yet every time my gut would be right on and later on it would be revealed. This is such a great video!!
This is such medicine. Thank you so much.
I just finished the book Psychopath Free ... very informative book on what I have been going through my entire life.... Thank you for all your videos! I watch these every day to help keep me strong
Big hug!
Meredith, thank you for all your wonderful work. As. A side note: I very much respect the integrity you demonstrate in many ways, including the way you are so honoring of your colleagues by citing other’s work on a regular basis. In an age where stealing IP is rampant, to me.. this is an important marker of someone character. In other words, you walk your talk. Your work, of course, is very strong on it’s own though and comes across as being an authentic expression of your thoughts and insights.
I absolutely LOVE your videos. I can tell you truly know what you are talking about. And instead of focusing on the negatives, you are helping me focus on steps I need to take to heal and protect myself from further abuse! Thank you so very much!! ♡
Thank You Meredith for the confirmation of Boundaries with the Toxic person. I see the value in it now and how it works. Excellent video!
They are very good at pretending to be empathetic. Mine did.
Big hug for you to.....youre great with explaining this....tank you!!!
Thank you for your wise words. I’m binge watching narc videos and finding myself again. Thank you for the clarity and validations.
Bless this video. Stumbled across it at the right time. :) so true about the "drama" and lack of empathy when talking about pain and trauma
That video really hit home for me... Everything you were saying I could relate too. Thank you.
Meredith, you are a brilliant woman but you need education regarding borderline personality disorder. It's fairly easy to understand but unfortunately many people are confused as to what it is exactly and how to effectively treat it. I'm happy to educate you on this matter because I suffered with it myself and now I coach others on how to heal from it and how to build a life worth living. Much love to you and much respect to you and the great work you're doing!!!
Thank you for your work, Meredith
Thank you so much for posting this, this is so helpful. I wish i could have seen this 12 years ago it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak! I am now still on the path to full healing! Thank you
I wish I read this 30 years ago!!!!!!!!!
This makes perfect sense. I've experienced this to the T
It's incredible to wake up to this. Flashbacks of some very bad behavior. I had agoraphobia and no idea why. I thought a couple people were awesome when they actually did such dastardly things! So charming!
I can't tell you how much your videos have helped me. Thank you SO much. 🙏🏼