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A Life Apart, An Ex-Hasid in Brooklyn | BK Stories
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- čas přidán 19. 08. 2024
- The two most important things in the life of a Hasidic Jew are God and family, and in the Hasidic world, when you lose one, you lose the other. Meet Shulem Deen, whose memoir, "All Who Go Do not Return," tells the story of being exiled from his Ultra-Orthodox sect for being a heretic. He lost his home, his friends, his wife, and his children. What he gained was freedom.
This NY Emmy nominated video was created by Sriyanka Ray & Raquel Salazar, Co-Producers; Raquel Salazar, Cinematographer & Editor; Megan Donis, Executive Producer.
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As someone in the UK i dont understand how in a secular country a parent can be cut off from their children because of their faith or lack thereof?
MrsJay89 They somehow have the ability to have these matters decided by leaders within their own community rather than having a regular court do it, as I understand. I don’t get how that’s legal...
Watch the Netflix movie "One of Us". The community votes for biased secular court judges. This happened in secular court. Also, the community pays for the best lawyers for the remaining parent.
My understanding is that family courts believe that if a divorced parent deviates from what the children grew up with, it is too emotionally damaging for them to handle, even if thier upbringing was not considered the norm, like chassidisism.
Yechify the parent should be allowed to at least visit once a week. It is totally inexcusable in a modern society to deny visitation if the parent is not abusive. These judges are paid off. This is a powerful community...
@@mlonardoxu Agreed. I don't know the specifics of the case but I'm just recounting what the basis is for the courts. I'm not saying one side is more right than the other. There very well may be some power struggles going on.
My friend was named Hadassah. Her father was a terrible tyrant that ruled with an iron fist. I would see her walking down the street with all her friends to her synagogue, to other homes or to her small school. We never spoke until I saw her being taken away by the police. I could see the pain in her eyes. Her eyes were completely blank and dead inside. We didn't speak, but her eyes told me her pain. The family moved soon after and I asked her friends how I could contact her. After many months of asking and being told no or being ignored I finally found her. Her friend gave me her relations name and number. She has a new name, Wendy. When we finally spoke she was like a kindergartner. She liked cartoons, she liked really girly stuff and had chosen her own name after watching Peter Pan. She remembered me from watching her from my window and from the day the police got her. We are friends now, but she misses her family and the synagogue, but can never return. It's complicated she says. Stay strong ex-Hasids.
Return ex chossids. Or pick a different hashkafah, doesnt matter.
This story smells fishy af and why does she need a new name. I am sorry she is being abused by the secularists, she should be placed in a hassidic home if her father was abusive.
@@walleras her hasidic father abused her, and she changed her name to get away from that. I see that's difficult for you to wrap your head around.
I’m glad I get to hear from a male perspective too ! Just finished watching unorthodox
MegaAsuo I literally just finished watching! It was so fascinating
C Moore very much so
Two extremist community stories,no context given. 👎
That wasn’t real close to the true story but good. Her husband actually left with her
Maureen Barnes I’ve been following since watching it. Now I’m YouTubing Jewish weddings 😬 they look like so much fun!
As a non-practicing reformed Jew, I find this extremely sad and almost pitiful that religion can separate a father or mother from one's children.
3 million Jews heard G-d speak
By what right do you change what G-d put forward in front of 3 million witnessess.
(Until the advent of TV no event was so witnessed. Next you will try and deny the moon landing or 9/11)
Open borders for israel
i admire people who seek knowledge and question things, keeping open minds, especially around their environment they grew up in. well done, man.
Thanks for tuning in!
He found lies
@@walleras That makes no sense. Have no idea what you mean.
Generally this is not free of charge. We have to pay the price of our choices. Tough hard but right
@@plauditecives 3 million people heard the voice of G-d at mount Sinai. Its silly to think they had a mass hallucination or all conspired to lie.
Separation of church and state is so important. He should be able to have visitation rights.
It has nothing to do with church and state. Family courts consider moving in with a parent that changes faith as emotionally damaging. You do not have to agree with that premise, but that is thier reasoning.
YECHIFY
It's far more to do with the community's power as a voting block as judges are voted in.
@@rachelmccormack9591 Yes. Having just read his book, that is exactly what happened. Along with the mother and the community psychologically manipulating the children into estrangement from their father.
@@YECHIFY that is wicked straight from the pit of she'ol
And teach the children his lies, I think not.
That is sad. Shame on the court for not allowing him visitation!
Leer Wesen It wouldn't do him any good. They are told from sunrise to sunset that he is wrong and evil.
Hes only telling one side of the story in case you didnt realize.
Leer Wesen those Rabbanical courts are the problems. Because those courts enforces laws written in Talmud (opinions of rabbies) rather then Law of Torah (God's Law.) So sad.
Corruption
@kris scarpetti He left the religion and can work
Hey bro I got to say I grew up in Brooklyn and I knew a really cool Hasidic jew he used to sell us tickets for rock and roll shows we would see him there at the venue smoking cigarettes drinking and singing he was so chill that was back in the early 80s big love to you my brother big love
I wonder if this community is just getting the people to become parents at such a young age so it will be tremendously harder for them to leave.
The main reason is, because they lost millions people in the Holocaust, so they are trying to be as many as they used to.
There is also a commandment to “go forth and multiply”.
No... Despite what the media whats you to think us chossids are perfectly happy.
U talk shit
"A leader thinks for you a teacher teaches you to think for yourself". Tracey Wingfield
This man may not know it, but he had a teacher in his life. And I'm thankful for it. I also loves that he thinks about his daughters role in the world.
We are talking about potenia l people who could cure the world of disease...teach humanity to make life safer...Or just love beyond their duty or responsibility.
No he had a leader. In Judaism we welcome descent its baked into our religion. The talmud records discenting opinions for a reason
This is what I don't understand, do any of the laws of the United States apply to the Hasidic Jews? because even if you are not a working man but have not committed any crimes what court in the United States would not allow a man to see his children?
We follow the laws of the US. No doubt a secular court passed down the ruling as visitation as I recall isnt a concept in Jewish law.
It's effectively a religious no-go zone. They control everything in there from the schools to the ambulances and even law enforcement to a degree. The law is afraid to go against them.
Based on the way that Shulem Deen describes it (see below), he was defeated by "lawfare" which is when one party makes the legal expenses of fighting so high that the other side relents. That, combined with intentional parental alienation, results in the system being unable to help secure joint custody.
"[My former wife and I] agreed to resolve matters about the children between us, but several months later, I found myself in family court, facing complaint after complaint on minor matters of religion and Hasidic custom. I was wearing jeans when I picked up the children, one petition read. I fed them matzo on Passover that was square and machine-baked, rather than round and handmade, read another. There was concern that I might take the children to “atheist places”-which I could only surmise meant natural history museums or maybe a movie theater. And so she wanted me out of our children’s strictly Hasidic lives.
The complaints were brought by my ex-wife, but I knew also that community “experts” were involved. One community member in particular, one of my ex-wife’s relatives, tasked himself as overseer of my children’s fates. As he told one of my own family members: “We may not have a legal case. But we can beat him down emotionally and financially. He’ll have to give up eventually.”
I remember laughing when I heard it. It sounded ludicrous. A family court judge could not rule on the basis of religion, I imagined. I was unaware that even with a strong case, custody battles could cost many tens of thousands of dollars, which the community could easily raise but I could not. I was unaware that, when held in Rockland County, N.Y.-a hub of American ultra-Orthodoxy, less than an hour north of New York City-custody battles required rabbis, community leaders, and Orthodox family therapists on your side. I was unaware that family courts were also part of the local political machinery and that elections and constituencies were never far from a judge’s mind. I was unaware that my relatively meager resources were no match for a powerfully resourceful community with an ideological stake in the future of my children. Most of all, I was naive about the powers of religious extremism to control the minds of children themselves....
I had watched, after my family’s issues were brought into court, how my children’s attitudes changed markedly. They grew withdrawn in my presence, eating dinner in silence and refusing the books and games I had bought them. My boisterous bunch of three girls and two boys, ages 6 to 14, who had previously seemed always to be crawling all over me at all times, began to speak to one another in hushed tones, their attitudes subdued, looking to each other awkwardly and to me barely at all. They began to inspect the labels on food products, and then picked at their dinners reluctantly. When I asked what was wrong, they turned away, looked at the clock, anxious to leave. Finally, my 7-year-old son looked me in the eye. “Mommy says you want to turn us into goyim [Non-Jews].” "
From his article: In Death of Ex-Hasid Estranged From Her Religious Children, a Mirror for Trauma of Many
This is so sad. He should be given visitation rights to his children. Sorry, but that is not right. I respect people who want to live in seclusion, but denying a parent his or her right to visit the kids is awful.
would that include whites who want to live by themselves and want to have kids or is that just “muh white supremacy?”
@@No-gl9vr No one brought that up
It is right. If he wants to leave the community then he leaves the community and we dont bother him but he cannot have his cake and eat it too
@@No-gl9vr It depends. If those Whites want to create an isolated community with its own services and churches that don't actively prevent minority settlement, but simply don't incorporate them into these selected services, I don't see the issue with a "White Isolationism". Hassids don't prevent Non-Hassids from moving into their neighborhoods or treat them poorly; they simply deny them access to Hassid-community-provided services.
However, no White Supremacist movement operates along these lines. They want a political exclusion of minorities. They want to live in places where they cannot see minorities and can pretend that they don't exist. And to the extent that they interact with minorities, they wish to bully them and treat them derisively. That is unacceptable. A "White Ethnostate" as Richard Spencer proposes is fundamentally different from a Hassidic community on these grounds.
@@walleras What kind of nonsense is that? No. He is the child's father and he has a right to see his kids barring some kind of criminal malfeasance (abuse, etc.). He doesn't deserve the right to have a family court deny him access to his kids through lawfare and parental alienation. Would you say the same if he had wound up with the seven children and his former wife (who stayed in the community) was forbidden from seeing them because he was able to sue her into oblivion or poison the children against her? -- Of course, not, because you believe that those children should be pushed into the community.
I hope everything works out for him
It wont, Jews are supposed to be Jewish. Either he or his children will be back or in four generations his children will not be jewish
Very sad you cant see your children, a mistake a personen only make once in a lifetime. I wish you strenght and wisdom Greetz from the Netherlands
Im very happy. The heretic can go do his heresies its not my business but cant spread hus lies to his impressionable kids.
@@walleras You are easily offended. If you are a person of faith, all you have learned is to be nasty and judgmental. Perhaps your attitude has already answered many questions here.
@@plauditecives I am declared a cult, a racist, a bigot. My good sir, what should I not be offended by then brutal attacks upon my religion and lies. Slander is something people should be offended at. I don't have to be nice or tolerant of the slanderer. I'll save it for other people.
He is handsome and well spoken. He will have no problems succeeding in the outside world. I feel bad for him, not seeing his children.
This problem is commonplace amongst ultra conservative groups. They all follow similar patterns of behaviour.
Isolating themselves from greater communities and in turn teaching their own to fear and distrust "outsiders".
Education is limited and knowledge that falls outside the religion/culture is frequently ignored and disregarded.
Strict guidelines of what to wear, how to behave and who to socialize with are enforced.
This is the world these people live in and those that challenge the "norm" are often considered a disruptive influence and are banished from said communities.
@Strava 89 my rabbi only speaks Hebrew, can't read latin script (english as it is known there)
is utterly terrified by my 'dangerous' Greek knowlege & raises his kids to live off of a single potato-chip on shabbos.
i thought he was pulling a prank, but the sad thing is, that i a barbarian in his eyes must civilise the civilised
I was raised in a fundamentalist ultra conservative Christian home and it was the same. Logic and reason are replaced with narrow-mindedness and intolerance. I chose to allow my children the freedom to educate themselves and make their own decisions, because forced faith is no faith at all....
@@ariebrons7976 if English is Latin, what do you call Latin?
@Marco A Thats quite funny :)
@@angelasanchez4413 I take it you have not been to college. In most cases, you would find the culture similar to your upbringing as you have described it.
There are people in strict Christian sects that have a similar story when leaving their organized oppressive situations. I was one. I wanted to seek God , without the man made traditions and doctrines. Without always being watched by the insiders to make sure I wasnt breaking any rules. Without holding to the idea that "I" was superior to others because of my beliefs. I wanted to know what it was like to adhere to the life-giving instructions of the Torah of Moshe, believe in Yahshua as my Maschiach and not identify with either Judaism or Christianity. Torah is the only religion there is...it is the Creators instructions for all mankind. To love God and guard His Commandments is the whole duty of man. Understanding these basic principles, I am at peace in spite of the relationship losses. Shalom, Shalom
Tov meod
How is this separation of church and state. I’m so irritated. I hate to see this happening to men, that they get pushed out of their children’s lives
Greetings, thank you for your honest and enlightening story. Surprise, surprise, the Catholic church works in exactly the same way. I was very active in running many programs over the years and when my wife separated, the priests literally turned their backs to me and walked away. Stay strong and God bless you, hopefully you will be able to see your children, if they haven't been too indoctrinated against you.
I dont understand yall. If you leave the community why are you expecting to still be apart of it
@@walleras This has really rankled you, hasn't it. You seem rather (or very) conflicted yourself. If you were happy in your faith, you would not be upset by a member's departure from it. Obviously, you have many things you need to work out.
No it doesn’t, I’ve seen Catholics marry non Catholics, ex Catholics are treated no differently.
Can't he go through the court system to get access for visitation every other weekend? After all he is their father
Yes but the children most probably were told to tell the court they want nothing to do with him. If the children have accepted being religious fanatics themselves then seeing their father will be damaging to their pysche.
Unfortunately the court In the hasidic is different than the one in the U.S which is very stupid because why should they have their own laws
WOW smh...
@@byul9490 It's almost like having Sharia law in this country.
crunchyfrog63 Exactly.
What kind of religion keeps you from your kids? What religion separates instead of unite? (All of them?)
Scientology! A cult!
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES AKA. CULT
Spoken like a secularist. He eants to leave the community, no having your cake and eating it too
It not all religion. This is not the entirety of judaism. It’s a sect within the religon. Most jews practise their faith and engage with the secular world.
one day after my divorce I worried about my son who was kept away from me and set up against me. A woman told me the status of a father is permanent. The blood always creeps where it cannot go.
Why is this allow in the us? I mean kids not able to study, learn or even speak English?
if you try to intervene youd be called an antisemite many have tried
They also graduate not knowing basic math or science. Right now all are breaking the Covid-19 quarantine because they don't even know what a germ is. They never learned it in school. Politicians won't shut down these schools or arrest because they all vote. They are untouchable. Circumcisions are done by a rabbi by sucking the baby's penis with his mouth. Many babies have died from this due to herpes spreading to the baby. Here in NYC, Lakewood, NJ Borough Park, Kiryas Joel, NY they have 10-20 kids per family...all dependant on welfare. This is a humanitarian crisis because of severe educational neglect of the kids. Watch the Netflix movies:. "Unorthodox" and "One of Us".
Why should this be allowed in the US, people are living lives different from me?
I highly doubt the kids do not know at least some english.
Private religious institution.
Even when it is true that the community is flawed. The outside world is ten million times more flawed. So it is a question of choosing a place to live which is less flawed. If there is a place which is not flawed at all, please tell me, I will go there immediately.
The only person in this comment with an iq above the single digits
I hope people realize most Jews aren’t like this
@Bennett McCoy most Hasidics are not this either. This is a extremist group.
I would think that most people
Understand that not just most Jews, but most Hasidics are not like this..... at least I would hope.
We understand that this is a small sect of altra conservative Jews. I know and understand that not all Jews are like this.
Actually Jewish?
@@jayo8852 He is lying no doubt, just like every single one of these documentaries. No unorthodox, Satmar doesnt do that.
They ostracized him for thinking for himself! WOW...
Its from his point of view, if he wants to leave the community we wont force him but why should he get to reject our tenets and stay in the community? That doesnt make any sense. I have no doubt he caused a ruccus and thats why they drummed him out.
@@walleras I don’t believe what you stated. He was kicked out for thinking for himself and exposing himself to other information that was contrary or different to your beliefs.
All religions that confine you from thinking for yourself out of control and fear, are at there core cults or should should be questioned.
Fear, control, confinement and intimidation may give people a sense of freedom, but it never truly frees a person.
@@user-xm5le5ok2r We prize thinking for yourself, just not acting for yourself.
You can think all you want but do not break community, if you do then don't cry when you...Break community.
Freedom is a lie.
@@walleras Now that is deep. You telling me if I’m happy I can’t be happy if everyone is sad.
That means you can’t celebrate your difference. You can only celebrate conformity.
@@user-xm5le5ok2r There is a difference between your extremes and the philosophy of Judaism. By eliminating surface differences we are able to truly celebrate individuality. You clothes don't make you different, your personality is. When I speak of conformaty I am talking about how we all dress the same. We all follow the same laws. That makes a community. But should you not rejoice with your brother? And mourn with them as well?
Congratulations. It was a blessing in disguise that you were able to leave a lifestyle and culture that simply did not suit you. Many do not get to do that. You will not get to live a richer and fuller life because of it.
ya he should toooootally be happy he wont get to see his kids again!
I hope he enjoys this life.
Because he certainly won't the next one
The book is called all who go do not return
Yet his wife returned
I traveled to Israel and was very surprised how nice the hasidic men were to me. He asked my permission to move my bag and I said yes as long as i dont have to and he smiled. Another I offered to move ahead in the line with his friends. He said no I am okay here. Met another woman and her 5 sisters. Very happy to tell me all about Williamsburg and her family. They aren't as scary as you think they are. They are good God fearing people who as a Christian, respect very much. I think modesty is a GOOD THING.
bass13mary modesty is good but ignorance is bad....not to mention using women as breeding vessels only
bass13mary ask Commie DeBlasio
You have rights to refuse a marriage you do not want... it’s not really like that. He could find another Jewish community if he want it. Not all Hasidic community are the same.
@@cataboss8288 Women can use birth control if they wish.
D Di P Modesty doesn’t just apply to dress also to deeds. This constant need of self aggrandizement, showing off, and constant selfie pictures is off putting about our culture.
Who’s here because of ‘Unorthodox’?
Shouldnt be anyone, that doxumentary is trash and full of lies. She was never Satmar
A new Netflix documentary has come out on this and based on what the director said, it very much resembles Scientology(cut off from the outside world, cutting off associations with relatives if you leave, threats levelled against ex members or those considering leaving).
kwixotic can you remember what it’s called please
@@compendioussuccient6784 yes called unorthodox
Another one is called "One of Us" .
Great documentary, well made, so sad :(
@@Confident-Village148 All extremist community stories. They don't bother to explain that most Jews,orthodox,Hasidics would never do any of that.
Yes, Scientology also comes to mind.
Moses Maimonides was a scholar in numerous disciplines secular anf religious(at that petiod evey discipline was studied by traditionnal jews )so basically there is no contradiction between judaism (whatever the level)and being in the real
world with a complete moderne education and professionnal skills
Strava 89 Which languages?
My mum was Ashkenazic Jewish with hasidic ancestors who left it long ago in Poland.
Wow my God poor guy 🙀😱🇮🇱🕎😘💖🤗💕😾😭😿😢💔🇮🇱🕎✡️♾️🇦🇩🕊️🎇🎆🇺🇸🇨🇦🇬🇧🇯🇲💟💐🙏😇🇮🇪🇭🇲🇸🇭❤️🇨🇦✡️🇦🇩🇦🇩💕💔 but I'm very proud of you for writing a beautiful book I'm very proud of you my dear friend and brother kudos to young man
I do not understand if these members of orthodox community do not work, how do they have money???
They live in public housing
scamming
On the public dole
Workers support learnings
Im against it myself but he stilm shouldnt air our dirty laundry everywhere
Good for you! I’m sorry you can’t see your children. One day they will come to you.
I hope this man gets to see his children 🙏
Take an example from the normal orthodox community in Brooklyn take flatbush for example people there are totally opened to the world yet very observant and love the religion
They arent that opened. Tbh the internet and tv js garbage, much more relaxing to worry only about your own communitu
A very well-written and interesting read (All Who Go Do Not Return) but ends on a heartbreaking note…
I hope Shulem Deen has been able to reconnect to and is seeing his children now that they're grown-ups
It is a sign of great strength and awesome humanity to be able to break away from such powerful and stringent cult as Orthodox Judaism.
So sad he does not get to see his children. That’s so wrong.
What do non Orthodox or non Hasidic Jews think of these people? Do they admire them or think they’re obsessive?
Modox like us just fine and we like them
@@walleras Wrong. Your cult is just that: a controlling narcissistic cult of the patriarchal male. Glad I was raised secular.
these stories make me sad because as a child i always wanted to know more about my jewish side my grandparents were european jews and i wanted to go to yeshiva but instead my mother was atheist and met a christian guy whos family took me to church then after 24 years i learned about torah and the beauty of judaism makes me very sad because after learning all this the secular world and life is almost meaningless to me!
Pursue Torah and you will find it. Dont let secularists and yoshke stop you.
The story needs to be told. More need to speak up.
There arent that many to speak up. A few go off the derech but most people are perfectly happy. We are fine, stop with the netflix documentaries that are full of lies.
@@walleras You're not fine. Living in seclusion and isolation from oneself. Being brainwashed into believing who you are/aren't. That is not fine
I can't understand why he is not legally entitled to visitation with his children.
He's still an American citizen, and they all, ultimately, still live under US civil law.
For this to be handled under the jurisdiction of religious law is no different than having Sharia law in this country.
Family court is part of the US court system, but judges are elected, and the Ultra-Orthodox vote together as one, so the only judges to hear this guys case in his former community, were judges on the side of the religious authorities.
Poleag it is absolutely better to read outside of what is being taught . Many a times small changes can makes one life better. For example laws of marriage, amount of money and customs that can either make it difficult on a couple or simplified. Laws after marriage .Many families don't even discuss the difficulties a man and a woman go thru after children including finance, raising up children, assistance with bringing them up. Personally my grandfather side believed that as elders they don't need to help out daughters with raising up children as it's whole and sole her job as a mother which gives her the higher status. Reading articles on postpartum depression after a child is born was alien to them.they considered it all nonsense since they dint know about it. My mother knew about it as she was educated she helped change this in the new generation. And I honor her more because of that. Learning shud be an ongoing process .... That is why we are humans. Kudos to this guy for choosing to learn beyond what was taught.
It is the responsibility of the father to help out with the children in every eay he can. One exception does not make the rule.
The rabbinical Court can stop a father from seeing his kids?just because he loses his faith how does this happen in America is it legal?
Its similar to how some countries (like the UK) have a Sharia court for Muslims (Which they can use if they want to) for religious/divorce matters, which is separate from the Law of the country/state. Its screwed up.
Why did this man agree to have his children taken away from him by a religious court? Why didn't he go to a real New York State family court?
He didn't agree to this at all! He fighted but the odds were all against him. Read the book. It's heartbreaking.
@@Myshkin1965 He left the community, he cant have his cake and eat it too
It's not a Jewish court that took visitation away but a regular family court. I know of many cases where visitation is not taken away when one parent is observant and one not. Even supervised visitation is better than none if you love your children. We are obviously not being given all the facts. The children's well being is the bottom line. Somehow the Judge understood that it was at risk.
More likely the judge was elected by the community because of his loyalty to the community.
Hassidism: The original modern day religious fundamentalism, which is based on group think, rigid structured rules, separation from the outside, which is justified by a notion of being unique or set apart from the rest of the world. This lifestyle is therefore dictated/enforced by a strict interpretation of scripture, which is enforced upon the adherent in the form of dogmatic authoritarianism and repression of individual autonomy.
Lunatic4Bizcas I dont see you complaining about the Amish
Horrible. I feel so sad for the women who only are used as sex machines and baby machines
You know how stupid that is. In Jewish law the man has to give the wife sex, not the otherway around. The man is more sex toy then the woman is.
He can hire a lawyer and force the family to let him see his kids!!!!
You don’t understand. The orthodox community has unlimited funds as well as unlimited free lawyers to sue him to death. They will continue to beat him down in court because they can afford it.
We used to call him the heavy metal Hasidic rock on my brother
I have read a bunch of books on the subject of life as an Orthodox Jew. I'm learning a lot. I am sad that you can't be with your children, very sad. I read your book and it was amazing. You were born to write. I want to know if you always wrote in your "other" life. Did you know you had this talent or was it just the internal drive to express yourself that made you write?
Dont read his books and ones like them. They do not give an accurate pictire. If you are curious ask your local chabad rabbi, they will be happy to help
Sad story but I would need details on what happened in court. Because even though they have their own community he still has rights to hid children. If he id being denied it could be for other reasons. Either way it's good to have some insight into this world.
I agree. Court doesn't care if father has renounced his religion.
Read his book. His children were brainwashed to see him as the devil. Courts can't change that. His kids had to reject him if they were to be accepted by their community. In addition, their community was able to pay the extravagant costs for a protracted legal battle. These sects have endless funds for what cause they consider important. From his book, according to a community spokesperson: "We might not be able to win in court, but we can beat him down emotionally and financially until he has no choice but to give up." That's the kind of evil we're talking about here.
See the Reply to dogboy
As a side note, it's important to emphasize that not all Hasidic sects are the same. Chabad-Lubavitch is one example of a Hasidic sect that is much more connected to the world and does not excommunicate its members.
I read Shulem's Deen's book, and he writes so well. A painfully moving story, but I am confused. Did he not expect 'consequences' from his decision to openly break the faith of his family and community. How did he expect his devoutly religious wife to react ? Orthodox Judaism is actually very insular and will tend to 'cut off' people of the fold who become heretics. This is one way they insulate themselves and perpetuate their cult.
+D. Apple You mean Haredi Orthodox Judaism. They are insular but you don't explain yourself well, since almost any (non liberal) religious group i.e. any that truly believe, doesn't accept "heretics".
@ Boliussa - Correct some other fundamentalistic religions may act the same way. I mean virtually all of Orthodox Judaism, even most in the Modern Orthodox who only give the impression of being modern, accepting and less insular.
If learning more harms your faith, or isolation is required to maintain your faith, then the basis of your faith is not in truth.
divorce is a universal personal tragedy across the board. tens of thousands of men from all beliefs get blocked from their children. me included. The spotlight here is just as much on the tragedy of divorce for men who lose their children as it is on Sculems disillusionment with his upbringing. The two seperate dramas get mixed here as if one is the cause of the other which is not necessarily the authentic reality. Schulem changed his way of life which was partially or entirely the cause of his divorce. The divorce, as of now, has seperated him from his children. This devastating experience is shared with millions of men who do not change their beliefs or way of life and still suffer the same thing because of their divorce. many men have killed themselves or lost their mind from losing their children. Courts in general are prejudiced in favor of women. Divorce is a tragedy not dealt with fairly read " the prodigal father" about the same story
Read his book some years ago ! Very good read!
You can always return to God
Never give up
I like your thinking! I'm Jewish and single.
Does he financially support his children?
Sounds somewhat like one of the aspects of a Cult...
For some it's suppression but for some it's value. Like the issue of having a lot of children, most people could admit that you can look at it as a value.
The difference between it being suppression and it being valuable is the choice element. Which is completely eradicated in this case. They don’t have a say.
Sick of misogynistic cults of all kinds.
That is all organized religions. All of them. Glad I walked away.
A true mother, his wife went back to her children. I'm not saying he's a bad Father for not doing the same.
faith Davis the children were with them -out
Respect to him 👍
No respect, he is full of lies and slander
@@walleras just curious but how do you know??? He earned respect because he can think of his own
@@grop66 Because I am one of these evil chossids. What he was talking about isn't true as usual.
@@walleras I know that not all people are the same, but I guess he’s experienced like he described.
God bless you
Most people who abandon being orthodox have gone through some type of traumatic event and we have a rabbi who brings most of them back. All those people bad mouthing the orthodox religion unfortunately went through something and they blame it on religion. Being orthodoxdoes not hold us back. We love our children and our spouses. We read and enjoy entertainment so anyone who tells you otherwise is not being honest. There are groups who are very strict but you can still be orthodox and choose a less stricter group. Not all Hasidim are closed minded. Get the true facts. Aish.com
If people are happy with their lifestyles then it's their business. Keeping loving families apart is wrong. It is vital for children to be raised with consistency though.
I was raised in a traditional Jewish family, received my Bar Mitzvah and not much else. During my naval service while based in Japan I met a Sephardi Rabbi that opened my eyes to Judaism. If the Chassidic world is so strict then why not look into other groups of more tolerant orthodox Jews, they do exist. Just to throw it all away makes no sense
God does not exist, so why waste your life believing in old fables, and isolating yourself from the rest of society? enjoy your life before you perish Shlumei
That's your opinion.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your argument is kind of weak. I could ask you to disprove something to me, and you wouldn't be able to, because disproving something is basically impossible. Here, take a look:
'You can't prove that The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not exist, and that is a fact. If you expect me to prove to you that The FSM does exist, than I ask you EXACTLY what would constitute as proof to YOU.'
Obviously, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is completely fictional (we understand this with common logic), but no one can disprove that it isn't fictional. Atheists tend to go on the side of logic and evidence, and since there isn't really any evidence that God (or Flying Spaghetti Monsters) exists, we lack in belief in him, therefore, we don't need to disprove his existence.
As for proof, well, if your version of proof is different from mine, there's nothing I can do about that. I rely on sound evidence, but if you're not going to believe any evidence that has been researched by, say, any scientists or historians that I offer you, once again, there's nothing I can do about that. Personally, I believe that anyone should be able to believe (or lack in belief) in whatever they want to believe in, as long as they aren't hurting anyone.
You do you, dude.
Reuven Benyitzhak he's stillJewish and believes in G-d!!
I agree with you, but some of us can't take religion of any kind. Although raised Protestant, in my teens (50 years ago) became an atheist.
A group becomes a prison if a member of that group is not permitted to leave. But should one group be permitted to impose its values upon another? Everybody, hopefully, becomes hyper-vigilant when children, or the elderly, or other vulnerables (persons who do not speak the official language, migrant worker-slaves) are affected by policy. Should he as a parent be denied contact if his children express a desire to see him? But that may mean their expulsion from that group too. Are they not safer there than in the world? Ever see that movie, Witness (Harrison Ford)? .. "New York's just like Kansas, Ma, only intensified" - The Secret of my Success (Michael J Fox). Groups.. some seemingly living in another time.
Also watch "One of Us" Netflix documentary
Dont its full pf lies
That is very very important and that's a good thing cuz the children are important you know that out there? When you're a single mom or you are widowed her even when you're married and you all go off to work and your kids are in front of the TV and off with God only knows who and daycare centers you can't trust anybody with your children look at what they watch on TV the occultism is all over the TV
Agreed honey
They are difficult issues and common to all closed groups from FLDS to Jehovah's witnesses to Scientology, not just the hassidm, lev tahor and all those other groups. To what extent as advanced democracies in the Uk and US and israel should be allow people to keep themselves apart and have children who will never know too much about the outside word - does that deny the children rights or is that a parent's right and choice?
Heartbreaking ❤️🩹
Good and bad in everyone. Keep the good behavior while accepting the bad exist. The choice is always yours.
What a sad thing to be separated from his children. He has a great attitude and spirit, and I pray for him to see and have a loving relationship with his children someday. As the prophet Isiah foretold:
1 ¶ Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
3 He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
4 Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
9 And they made His grave with the wicked--
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
11 He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.
He doesn't really mention what it is that he gained from being outside the community. I see he's clearly lost his family. What did he gain? Freedom? Freedom to do what? Wear a colorful shirt?
poleag I think that was a reason he wrote a book about it, he's not gonna go into detail when u could go buy the book. Get it now👍🏾
I need a hint that there is something in the book worth reading. I'm in the middle of a book now and I have another 5 queued up.
poleag freedom to speak, to ready any book, tv, internet, go to museums, freedom to love who he wants or be single,freedom to travel anywhere, to find any job...list goes on
Hasids are not allowed to visit museums? Who told you that?
freedom doesn't mean freedom of consequences, only changing from whom or which form the consequence will be.
Sorry, I don’t believe that a court would not let him see his children if he really wanted to....I’m talking about a CIVIL court, not a Rabbinical court. There is no civil court that would forbid a father from seeing his children. Even fathers who have questionable behavior are allowed to visit their children while supervised by a social worker. So I’m thinking he’s comfortable with letting them go. I guess it’s okay for him; he wrote a book about his experience that gave him money and recognition as a writer, and it think thats all he truly wants, despite what he says. Actions speak louder than words....
Feel the book is recommended reading. I've read it and feel it a painfully moving narrative. I know writers are advised to 'write what they know', however I can see Shulem perhaps writing in other genres very well indeed.
Jews leave yiddishkiet (becoming non-observant) not only in Chasidic communities, but throughout the Orthodox spectrum. It appears to me, the general public are most interested in break away behavior from the more insular 'sects' though (much more dramatic).
*I disdain the label 'ultra-orthodox'. Whilst I realise its a short-cut term, it generalizes/categorises to the point of denigrating, imho*
His was, as he described, an intellectual, analytical journey that brought him to his decision to change. I don't agree with his conclusion and would argue, with the same amount of vigor, as in the rationalist approach of {EDIT} Rambam (רמבם. that the belief in G-d and precepts of the torah are true... however, we're not here for debate. :)
+imaof4 I am impressed by your tolerance. I THINK you meant RambaM who reconciles Greek philosophy and Judaism. The challenges today to the Orthodox Jewish narrative are much more severe. If you care I can provide you with a link detailing some of today's challenges. We are talking kefirah and apikorses of the serious kind.
+D. Apple Thank you for the correction about Rambam - quite right, so I've edited it. :)
I'm not a posek, so I don't presume to know who is or is not a true apikores - my understanding is they should know torah b kulo (all of torah) and then refute.
Regardless of label or ostracism from the Skver community, Shulem exercised his bechira (free will) - some may say his free will to choose his yetzer ha'ra (evil inclination)...
Peeked at your other comment:
If I remember correctly from the book, he was living a double life, in the company of other shul (synagogue) attendees who skipped the davening prayer service) and was 'outed' so to speak because of advice he gave to someone, rather than openly break with the community...
Yup, consequences. There are always consequences. Which Shulem was more than aware of.
No one in the Orthodox community is happy when someone goes off the derech (off the path), however there are different levels of acceptance/tolerance. His community is an all or nothing contract - they feel they are shielding themselves from keeping away from bad influences that will distract from what is important in their way of life.
+imaof4 Who can know 'all of Torah' and so can they really be held accountable for heresy ? Spoken in the tolerant Rabbinic tradition. Shalom.
@@DApple-sq1om He does no such thing. Do not slander the Rambam
People that left. Scientology list there friends and family all these groups are similar the close out the outside world
There are obvious legal remedies for the schooling situation. Private schools should meet legal standards for the teachers and the subject matter taught. There should be regular testing to ensure that the students are actually learning what they should learn. Please work on passing laws towards this end.
It’s so odd to hear such an accent coming out of Brooklyn.
As a Jew I can definitely advise u to hear 2 sides of every story .....it’s not that simple....u don’t judge a book by it’s cover
Williamsburg Brooklyn!
I was in a cult for years and I see similarities. You can let it shake your faith or realize how wrong this iis
Skvar isnt a cult, this man is painting lies
@@walleras it's a cult
@@methos4866 Its not a cult, a cult is where a man is in complete control
@@walleras Last i checked the man exerts complete control over their family in the Hasidic community. And then you have the rabbi's on top of that who exert control over the entire community so i would say it fits the bill. A cult can have multiple leaders at multiple levels.
@@methos4866 And the woman also exerts control.
Its a partnership you dumbass. Are you seriously comparing a family to a cult. Wow
Try to learn Tanya. It will help you a lot
Hello fellow lubavitcher
is the Hasid court a legal court? if not cant he fight for his kids?
dogboy Under US precedent, if one parent makes a major change and the other doesn't, it is preferable to keep the children in the consistency that they were raised (I.e living with their mother). Thus the children are told from sunrise to sunset that their father is wrong and evil.
doggyboy: Don't know if you read the book or otherwise know anything about the Hasidim of New York/New Jersey, but they pay BIG $$$$$ to local political campaigns to elect politicians who promise to leave them alone as much as possible. That is why the secular, government courts have very little sway over internal Hasidic matters.
wow this is some sick shit😕
@@joseftrumpeldor6240 a classic problem in the USA nowadays... don't want to enforce the laws, people take advantage of it, gets worse. Not just in religious situations. Always putting off fixing a problem.not everyone or everywhere, but unfortunately too common.
@@MegaBallPowerBall Or he isnt mentioned much at all
In Illinois the law requires school teach in English
Maureen Barnes public schools maybe. Private schools don’t receive state funding and aren’t required to follow common core nonsense.
I used to live close to Yeshiva around Foster/Kimball in Chicago and kids there spoke English
Cringe
It is very important for people to understand that this video only presents one side of the story - Mr. Deen's. And I will say that it is extremely unusual for New York's Family Court to totally deny a father any visitation whatsoever of his five children. There are clearly facts here that are intentionally not being presented regarding the situation.
Very courageous.
you could take the chusid outa skver but not outa hatzuleh, bravo on the book!
This is a strong contender for comment of the day.
These schools/yeshivas should be shut down. 1 hour of English/Math is unacceptable.
Wade You are intolerant. You believe that your beliefs should be forcefully put on to us. See, you are just as bad as the ones you judge. You say that one hour of english and math is unacceptable, yet Ashkenazi jews have the highest linguistic IQ and second highest mathematic IQ out of all ethnicities.
is this why they are so ignorant?...👀
Just read your book. It is good. But coming from a non-Jewish, non-religious, older female perspective... you seemed not to respect your wife's views. That if you pushed her enough she would see things your way. Perhaps you could not see things from her perspective. You say that you figured out that she was jealous of the happiness you found. Perhaps instead she eventually saw you would not stop until she and the children gave up their religious life. That is why she pushed you out of their lives. The things you did were very small. But the accumulated result would have been that she and the children would have to give up their religious way of being. I hope you do get a relationship with all your children. I do not agree with many religious practices. But I do respect others to choose their own path. Our lives are meant for learning from our mistakes and I have made many and will make many more. Keep going. And keep writing. I hope to read much more from you
This is what makes them feel better, to come and slander all community and make it looks dark after they left because there is still that doubt and they need to justify it to convince them self they did good . You can see .. same process with all.. he dont even have something bad to say, so he just take normal things, absolutely natural like “woman be mother” and create from this like this is some sectical behavior... its natural and many nations and culture still have many kids and woman live like women and not like man. I personally know Skverer hasidic comunity, they are very nice warm people. Women speak perfectly english man too, are very friendly know many things more than avarage american! Study Torah too. He cant speak for all, this is his decision and he dont agree with this way of life but he cant say its wrong or that everyone fells like him. He dont want to live with rules , he want to have women, drink alkohol and do all he (for now) thinks is liberating... ok let him do but why to bring bad light on others. There is absolutly nothing wrong with this comunity and nothing sectical , its traditional with hight moral standart and life according good Torah laws.
This makes me really sad. Will NYS not intervene? They keep drug-addicted, abusers in kids lives so why would they allow them to remove his simply over religious differences?
I was wondering how they make it out there
No different from any other super hardcore, controlling and confining religion - or political power either. No outside influences, no individual opinions and dissent allowed, one all-encompassing authority that dictates everything. Christians and Muslims do it just the same way when they want to, not to mention the entire nation of North Korea. And you will always be able to find defenders of such a level of control too.