Bullies & Bullying - Psychologist discusses techniques to deal with it.
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- čas přidán 4. 10. 2015
- Beat the bullies - tips for dealing with bullies in person with performance psychologist Miranda Banks, Excel in Exams and the Smartivate system.
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I've been bullied because of my disability, it was hell, but after hearing that the bully wants you to hate yourself, I will love myself hard. Thank you for the video. It really changed me.
Yes I used to get stuck in this thought spiral ‘why do they do this, why do they hate me’, but now I just understand that they are so deeply traumatized and seek to majorly love myself every day and night. ❤
Well done 🙏❤️
🎉🎉 let's go!
That’s right! Love yourself, they bully others because they hate themselves and their lives.
Celebrate yourself everyday! God love you so much! ❤
It’s funny isn’t it that bullies feel so small they feel so strongly the emotional need to make others small and they do it to those who they think they have a clear advantage over because they would NEVER do it to someone who they see it as strong. They couldn’t ever face someone they feel threatened by because they themselves feel unlovable and small. What they do to you is what their dads, or someone else in position of authority did to them, or they feel did to them. It’s all about emotions and very animalistic and instinctual feelings they can not deal with in themselves. A bully is always an ant size personality who needs to crush themselves over and over by seeing it done to you.
There are societies where this is not tolerated for one second and instead of having people constantly running away; the bully is tackled mercilessly immediately. Therefore this doesn’t perpetuate any further.
Adult bullies are very cunning in how they bully, so it’s very hard to call them out. If you call them out, they can amp up their tactics and be so covert with it that your feeling of helplessness only increases.
This is what happen to me this yr with my ex and la fitness
EXACT WHAT I FINDING IN MY WORK PLACE AT THE MOMENT
this is exactly what my neighbour is doing constantly its taking a toll on my mental health everybody takes her side and laughs and encourages her and then im made to feel like im imagining things
@@F5d3hkdhkubst763 I'm in same boat at work
@@mikefawkes5010 hey homie. If you need help with it just respond. I've gone through true bullying in a workplace and I've learned the true way to handle it.
Bullying is infact a toxic psychological self medication technique in order to feel better.
Obviously.
💯
Ive been bullied my whole life, I'm almost 30. I would say my 20s I was bullied by adults way harder. For awhile I was hating myself. I didnt realize I let them win. Thank you very good video
Im sorry 😭🤗
Ive also been bullied throughout highschool, primary and middle school mostly and on one job. Ive just had it. Promised id never again be the victim, to find healthy friends. I did. But i still deal with fear and crippling self-esteem. I wish you all the best luck with this, I wish you somehow find new strenght. I know we can ❤️❤️❤️❤️ sending lots of love and want you to make your life filled with people and things you truely love. After that, i want you to protect what you love and LEARN it. I think you truely can. WE can. Hope for better times...
I have been bullied because of my disability. It is a pain in the ass to have people talk rubbish while you have your own problems to deal with.
It’s hard to stand up to, or come back strong on a bully when you’re a CHILD. You don’t have the mental sophistication to even process let alone challenge it. It’s too overwhelming especially when you are outnumbered. That was my problem. I’m 52 and think of it all the time. I’m so angry. It eats my soul.😢😢😢😢
True. Thats why the PARENT needs to light it up.
@@hisnewlife3543 I feel like my mom let me down. SURELY she had to have known what was happening!
Hold tight..U will get there. I was bullied as a child but I am dammed if it gonna ruin my future..please don't let it ruin yours.🙏
@@brieze1233 YES. DAMN RIGHT. IM A MONSTER NOW. (An educated one lol) Gove me a bully and within 30 seconds I will melt down every insecurity they’ve ever known. My skills are unmatched.
The good news is you can heal. Accumulate all that energy you felt from them, think of them and send the energy back. Continue to watch videos about how to heal yourself woth good energy, supplements, therapy, techniques etc. Work on your own progress. Each step you make, imagine yourself stepping on them. It's as if they don't matter. Each thing you learn ( let's say driving) is a step above them.
My daughter is first year of high school, an all girls school, it’s a very brutal place. I played this video to her. There is one girl who will ask dumb questions out loud like ‘why are your trousers so baggy’ they aren’t even. They are her PE leggings and just because they aren’t skin tight they are a tiny bit loose on her because she can’t have tight clothing hates the feeling of it. Same girl purposely bangs into my daughter in class walking past her, she will also call my daughter in class and shout really stupid stuff to try embarrass her. My daughter up to now has just rolled her eyes and ignored, but I said you need to say something back to shut her up. Glad I found this video. I also told my daughter that unfortunately bullying doesn’t end in school it carries on to the workplace. I honestly can’t work out how my daughter is a target - she’s nice to everyone, can stand up for herself, she’s not a pushover, she is loud, she is popular, not a queen bee by any means but well known and liked by many, big bubbly personality.
I was bullied by superiors when I was 22 years old. It caused me distress. Come to realize later on that it really wasn’t me that caused the problem. It was them. How they felt about themselves which I had nothing to do with.
Why bullies want you to hate yourself , thats so creepy.
so they can feel better about themselves
@@masaqawasmeh4147 bullies hate you because something about you makes them feel bad about themselves, seeing you in pain makes them feel better about themselves. It’s quite sad and pathetic.
Because they always think they are right all the time and don't want to take responsibility and accountability in their lives
@@flaviaakelloMost of the time, it’s when they are depressed or abused at home, or some bullies do it for no reason at all and because they want to see self-defense.
Because they don't like themselves and project it onto you.
Finally a useful video. Most other videos just say "just ignore them" or "leave the place they are at". Some other videos say "Stand up to them" which is good, but what is the duration of the conflict when you stand up to them? I have never heard "Expect that they will make it harder, and give up later" in a video before. I think it is also important to seem calm within the conflict and not show your anger, even if you feel very angry. If you show them that you are angry, they will be satisfied and try to provoke even more.
No one would stand on my side in this! I have no such friends...so i have to deal with it alone! But this is adult bullying or gaslighting which is also bullying. Its psycological abuse. You shrink and start doubting yourself and your judgement, and it`s very hard to deal with and to live with these feelings of confusion and self-rejection, and these contempt for yourself and other contempt for you and your opinions, or feelings, etcetera..
Gaslighters project their faults on you, if they`re mean to you, they project it on you. You are the bad guy. And in the end you start to believe it.
My father was lke this and my six sibblings are the same. And now i have started to stand up for my self and hell is breaking loose...it`s almost a war. A war to have the right to be who I am. To not have to apologize all the time, or dance to their tune..it takes all your energy! 😵🤯
She's so like... wholesome or calm. Like she's comforting
Thank you. Great vid. As a child my parents told me not to fight. I think it has helped me be a victim too often in my life. I need to turn this around.
Wow!!! I used the exact words on a kid that was bullying me in a group chat today. He would insult me, and I would insult him back. He would insult me again, and I would return the more viciously attacked in him. I put on your video and I used word for word what you just said….you know your really weird….
AND…❤❤❤ he left that group chat seconds after I said that!!!
Thank you so very much. I love this video and I appreciate everything that you said. By the way, I am an adult and he is a kid.
He never spoke to me before, and he didn’t know anything about me, but was attacking me very badly with words.
Rip you
Bullies are very insecure.
No they are not! They are full of confidence in themselves. They think that they are better than you! Narcissist!
They maybe full of confidence themselves but there is something in the victim that they impossible to have it could be they face shape teeth shape, hair, personality there must be something that turns the bullies into bitter monster in the heart
Best 6 minutes and 55 seconds of my life right there
I get bullied at the gym everyday. Not gonna lie, throwing something at them has crossed my mind...
Change gym
Can I replace weird with cowardly? Because I was taught that weak (cowardly) people beat up people they view as weaker. I’ve never been bullied but I’m prepping if I do. Cowards are people who beat others up to get some sort of gratification through making someone else’s life miserable. They’re insecure. They lack confidence and pride (what you describe as healthy). People with that don’t act like that because they’re above it all and know that isn’t the right way to act. They try to seem big. They try to have power over someone. It’s pathetic.
the bullied need to grow a pair and fight
@cold outlook wrong, they are weak, they pick what they think are an easy target -- brave ppl use their skill to HELP others.
Yes, they hate belittling language that deflates their ego and/or draws attn to their vulnerabilities.
Bullies are always on power trips. Their arrogance & constant need for power makes a perfect grade A bully
That's the biggest lies we've been told. Weak azz people target the strongest, the kindest, the one who has the most integrity. Have you seen a bully take someone else down when they're not in a group? They don't function alone, they function with other insecure weak azz people. SMILE. Learn. Progress.
Just because they had a shitty childhood don’t take it out on someone else….or adults not happy with their pathetic lives don’t bully someone else who you think is inferior
Great wisdom.1st world dummy.
I need to help my young Granddaughter, thank you so much for this video. I was bullied as a child and found the strength to cope with help of very wise words from older family members. I needed to refresh and listen to your advice as it was many years ago.
May I say I feel your strength and I can see in your eyes you have had experience of what you talk an advise upon. ♥️🙏🏻
This is one of the best videos I've ever seen. I went from being a popular kid/ woman at school and university to being adult bullied alot starting off with jealous and envious relatives. If you dont stand up to it or apply coping mechanisms it can very quickly and easily take over your life even as an adult. Thanks for the video.
I am a straight person and I survived bullying at an early school age and had many not-so-honest friends, they used my kindness as much as they had the opportunity. I have a normal good short-term memory. And I have been burned out.
Some people got bullying easily not because they afraid but they can't accept the fact that get into a fight is also a part of life, usually bullies are only depend on their connections not only on their own courage
I'm 42 I've been bullied my whole life .even today I had 2 hours of abuse of teenagers that live next door to me.ive got serious mental health and it just makes everything worse and harder
I feel sorry for you since I'm going through through same thing. Have hobbies, and make sure not to isolate yourself I hope it gets better for you.
Sending you lots of hugs. I'm sure the bullying doesn't help with the mental illness, infact it can make it worse. I can attest to that. It may seem as weakness but if it doesn't stop anytime soon it's best you move. Don't make the mistake staying and praying it stops year in year out. People like that get gratification from making others feel low, embarrassed and helpless. They get joy in others sadness. I really hope things get better for you because I know the anxiety and depression that comes with bullying. 🤗
There are laws against harassment, which is what they are doing to you. If you are on speaking terms with their parents, you may want to let the parents know what they are doing. If they don't stop, talk to the police about a harassment charge. Having the police to talk to the family may scare them up and make the harassment stop. You could even record them and threaten to put it online if they don't stop. You don't have to take harassment from anyone.
Best advice I’ve seen on CZcams. Thank you so, so much x
You are so welcome :)
When I'm bullied, it's the same, the bully's weapon is ostracising me out of a group! I really do value harmony and I am not trying to exclude anybody else so it seems pointless. YOU ARE RIGHT MIRANDA SAYING NOTHING IS NOT A SOLUTION. I wish I had said ''I feel like for the last year, you have been extremely warm to everybody else in the group and very cold to me''. I could add, ''are you afraid that other people will like me?'' But would that be too confrontational?
SusanA C you are very perceptive. Ostracising is a common bullying method and is the polar opposite of harmonious integration. I have had this conversation with a few clients and it isn't always straightforward as sometimes it is good to stay a part of a group (due to the presence of other good people in it) and on other occasions, it's actually better to make a break from the entire group as none of the group members show good friendship characteristics. However, given your question, I am assuming that you have other good friends in the group who are warm and supportive, so wish to stay a part of the group... I really like your first question - you are owning your feelings, indicating that you are aware of the bully's ostracising behaviour and putting it back on the bully to try to justify their behaviour, which will make them feel uncomfortable. At a guess, the bully's initial reply will likely be to deny and to say that your feelings are incorrect. At that juncture, it gives you the ability to persist and give examples and therefore make the bully feel even more uncomfortable. Before doing so, I would also seek out the loyalty of one or two other group members and let them know what you plan to do, also asking for their support in being inclusive and using peer pressure to ensure that the bully can't exclude again. There are so many other things to say, but they would be a good place to start. Your second question regarding whether or not people will like you is not such a good idea. First, you give the bully a way out of dealing with the first question as it is easily ignored with a second question; second, you show indirectly that you are concerned about people liking you or not as a result of the bully's behaviour - so you show your fears. Stick with the initial question and force the conversation along the lines that keep things about the bully's behaviour and not about you... :)
@@excelinexams1056 Thank you so much Miranda, I cannot thank you enough for this advice. I will stick with just the first question when I talk to her. I understand the point you make about the second question when you lay it out, but I wouldn't have seen it like that, so thank you. The group is actually all of my cousins on one side. Only my brother noticed. But, he DID notice, so, phew, one ''witness. It helps. I fear I could be cast in the role of the drama bitch if I try and bring in other people. Believe it or not, we are all between 45 and 55! There are about 20 of us and it would be such a loss to just walk away from them all. I like the way you phrase that, ''ostracising somebody is the polar opposite of harmonious integration''. I like that.
Can you do a clip about being edged out of a group by one person right under the blinkered noses of everybody else? It would help so many people who need this information! It is very hard to find good advice on the subject and your response has been the most helpful thing I've read and I feel I've read the whole internet! Go raibh MILE mhaith agat Miranda. Sx
@@SusanaXpeace2u I hope you are in a better place, lovely. I'm a Mum and was bullied when I was a teen. I left those mean girls behind and found other wonderful, much better people. They ended up wanting me back and I was like, "My life 10 x's better than yours - ha ha!!" Bullying turns you into a warrior.
You expose the, publicly, you do not place sweet flacid with bullies and cliques, you get your big girl panties on, go in there and tear them all a new asshole.
@@queenofthebutterflies5212Bullying didn't turn me into a warrior.I turned myself into a warrior.I don't like to romanticize trauma
when I was in school it wasn't just other peers even the teachers where in on bullying me. I was a full outcast/pariah throughout my school life, so bad I almost lost my life in 10th grade after 5 other of my peers jumped me with steel fold up chairs, after I escaped out of that life of death situation, the school gave the ones that attack me a slap on the wrist but desisted to send me to a reform school as they said I was a problems child for defending myself
Hey, I know I'm just a stranger, but please know that you are so strong. People like you who overcome these challenges end up becoming the best people another will ever meet. Find a dream and work towards it non-stop, make them regret everything. Become what they never thought you could be. You are better than them. So so much better. I wish the best for you friend :)
Thank you. 20 years later, that still helps.
So helpful your voice is super calming
thank you so much for this video. I plan on watching it with my son as he heads into middle school for good tips. thank you!
I've been bullied on our workplace that I dont wanna work again. :( I can't forget it... :( I did not do anything wrong to them. :(
Sorry you're being bullied I'm also dealing with the something but in my case it's in my apartment complex it's because I stay to myself
In those cases you need to get out
I’m in the same situation. And I’m one of the owners of the business and gave up everything for it.
Hey Edwin. I've been through the same.
Things change and when they do, make sure you leave them in the dust. Success is the best comeback.
@@saudaumunna1712 I enjoy my own company too.
OH! NOW I KNOW WHY I AM SHAKING WHEN I AM TALKING ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS OR TO CERTAIN PEOPLE! sorry i type like this. i just feel excited when i finally and so clearly being understood by another person and by myself too! thanks for the reassurance.
Brilliant video ❤. I was told to just ignore it, and it didn't stop. I was bullied as a child all my life and as an adult. I have been standing up for myself, and some of the people who were doing it have stopped . Xxx 💕
This was very helpful Miranda. Thank-you very much.
Thank you for this!
I have been bullied about dyslexia for all these years
That’s such a good advice. Thanks a lot for that
This is gold. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this video. It really helps me to break things down about my particular situation. As you said, bullying does leave scars, and it is hard to move on. I almost declined a very good job offer knowing the bully also applied to it. Even though we are in different departments, the bully and I will still be seeing each other in general meetings. I will try my best to stand up for myself if she ever tries to start something again.
I have been bullied first growing up by an evil sister and work all my life.
What pisses her off now is I moved very far away from the family where she can't jump in my face with one of her bullying rages. She is livid!
Now I need help to heal.
I was bullied relentlessly by my step mum growing up; at the same time being bullied by mean girls at school and boys that were way older on the bus to and from school. It went on for years and the only time I stood up was when the older boys started bullying a six year old girl ( 6ft boys bullying a tiny little girl 🥺) and no one said anything. I stood up and said what is wrong with you guys picking on a kindergartener and they they started hitting me, I hit back to protect myself but they were a lot bigger than I was. That’s when they targeted me instead of the 6 year old but at least they left her alone. TBH the boys picking on me didn’t bother me as much as the girls because they knew how to single out your insecurities and weaponise them against you.
Now I’m being bullied at work by a bunch of 20 ish year old girls ( who are related to my boss ) and I’m 50f and I dread going to work. I went to management ( not my direct boss ) because they started bullying someone else that was unable to defend themselves and funnily enough they have stopped bullying us. I was terrified going to management but even more afraid facing them after I did. I don’t really care if they like me as long as they treat me with respect and stop targeting others.
Thanks for the video, very helpful.
Woow! Very well said and on point and helpful. My 10 years old daughter is going through bullying at school now :( Its extremely distressing and unfair.
I love this video, as an adult who was bullied by my mum as a child, that wound is very much on show to everyone. I have difficulties with social cues and impulsivity and also a keen sense of right and wrong ...🎯... Keeping yourself big and resisting the urge to make yourself smaller, definitely works. Unfortunately a narcissist doesn't give up so easily. The trick is to take great care in analysing people before getting involved with them.
Thanks for this advice
I voice recorded my boss bully and sent it to HR and her boss. There is now a big investigation into our “hostile work environment “.
H.R will loose the recording, and say there is no evidence
Love the way you are explaining....it's helpful 🙏
Excluding somebody from your social group is also bullying 💅✨️
Telling someone to mind their business when they try to "inappropriately" join a convo is bullying 💔 (example: "awww I'm sorry to overhear, my dog died too!" Awkward staring and huffing was that person's only social interaction for the day)
That person could be watching their parents fight at home (no good social skills learn from that) they could be treated cruelly in school (hence only social skill is being treated like garbage) etc.
If the bullied person ends up falling into an abusive relationship, that is all they know. Thanks for excluding them. Thank you. Picture the boy or girl you've excluded from your social group getting hit. Actually imagine it. Yeah. That's what's happening. Thanks for bullying.
The opposite can happen too, someone treated like garbage might accidentally be mean later in life, not to their knowledge. It'll be sprinkled in and they would be genuinely confused when you point it out. They didn't mean to imply whatever it was they said. But it's too late. They have to learn social interactions in real time and with people far advanced then them. They have to make mistakes. They have to draw people away while they learn.
Sorry for the depressing comment, just wanted people to fill in the blanks on whether or not they were a bully. Because they should think about it. Anyone who had friends should never exclude because people become better at conversations as they talk. Literally. Including the disabled kid will give them skills in life and you will probably end up liking them. But you couldn't be friends with them. Unless you did and honestly that gets you into heaven.
I worry that when my daughter calls the bully’s behavior weird, the bully will lunch into 100 specific reasons why my daughter is weird. Ah the power and manipulation of bullies, and how they have success with this craziness. They’ve figured out how they can shut down anyone who threatens them.
Agreed, been there and the worst part is when others join them in the fun. yeah, its fun for them.
Strength Based Approach-it's important to teach our children on what they are good at for inner strength and remind them all the time!In order to erase the bullies negative words
Very good!
You're really good at your job! After your words I feel incredibly confident, I wish you the best!❤❤🔥💯💥
Very helpful! Thank you very much.
This is very true I'm kind of experiencing this in College I have bad anxiety as a guy some women don't seem to understand or be empathetic to my situation they look at it as a lack of confidence
Thank you!
Finally, something useful🌺
Good advice. She seems like an intelligent lady.
0:49 Exactly. This is what became clear to me only last year at the age of 33. My bullies worked really hard on me for 5 years to make me hate myself because I was very talented, skilled, popular as a singer and speaker, and loved by all teachers for my intellectual ability.
These gorgeous-looking girls couldn't tolerate that and worked harder and harder on making my mind focus on ONE thing i didn't have and that is "looks". And sure indeed, after sufficient efforts, they succeeded completely!
I am 33+ living like a Corpse, totally dysfunctional in the world, shut inside my room for years now.
And they are thriving. 😂
I always let the bully know I’m strong enough to stand on my own, every bullet I dodge giving them the same medicine to eat. I let them know they won’t break me, but I’m yet to figure out how to take them down!
This is a tricky topic, but the way you put it helps. I have always thought that if someone is bullying, maybe back at home they are being bullied or maybe they are hurting because they are not getting proper love and attention.
Getting hurt from your past doesn't give you an excuse to bully and cause pain to others.. It's too immature to make an excuse to inflict pain on others just because you don't want to be responsible to heal yourself and go around complaining and whining for no reason and thinking about being right all the time
Thank You!
Thank you!❤
Wow this is amazing.
Thankyou. I will send an update.
Right on!!!!!!!!!
Mad i will try your advice to save me from bullying.
Thank you 💐
I have been bullied in every school I go. My mum sais I should stop being a nerd, and dad sais I should ignore it. They sometimes think I'm exagerating. But honestly I'm not. I wish I was this aggressive but since I'm not, the whole class is against me except 3 friends ( who don't say anything), teachers don't care at all they just ignore my messages when I inform them on this, so, really, there IS nothing I can do. I wish I do become a good singer though. They have never insulted my voice. My looks, my manners and my thirst for learning at school, yes. But my singing 🎤, no. At least not yet. I am not a vengeful person. I wish I was.
Sara, you sound like a lovely, gentle person - with a wonderful singing voice! If you can focus on your strengths and keep your eyes on your own path, it sounds as though you at least have three good friends who are at your side. It sounds as though life is pretty tough, but there are plenty of nerds out there (me included!) who have done pretty well after school. Loving to learn is a gift; I know loads of people who would love to improve their desire to learn, but they simply are not in that place right now. Remember that your strengths and your gifts and keep up being you. School isn't forever and you will find your 'voice', with the help of your friends too ... :)
It's harder when u are a vengeful person
choose homeschooling as an alternative, and focus on remote work career so you wont have to deal with people anymore
Hang in there, a lot of famous singers, actresses and actors were bullied in school. You sound like a smart person so I am sure you will go far in life and leave the bullies behind. I read that Bill Gates was bullied in school. I read an interview about the actor Scott Clifton who plays Liam on The Bold and the Beautiful, and he was bullied in school. Succeeding in life is the best way to get back at the bullies.
@@harmonicasagun5668 explain?
What do you do when your little girl is getting bullied? My daughter is a high level Gymnast and very successful in that aspect. ( she went to state and placed 2nd) She is also very friendly and gets along with everybody. So when she comes home from school crying about another girl being mean to her and she wants to bring extra treats/snacks to school so the bully will "like" her, or when she is crying at night because she is afraid of what the bully will do/say the next day at school, what should I do as a father? My initial instinct is to talk to the other parents, however they seam to think that my daughter is weak and that that is just life. I'm a former U.S. Marine and I want to just "handle it" with the farher, but I know that it is so much more important to set the right example and work it out as an adult in front of my daughter. I know that if things ever got physical between the two that my daughter would be fine. I've just tried to raise both my kids to steer away from violence when it comes to adversity. I can't stand bullying and I just really need some good advice to make this stop. Can somebody please help?
Hi Francisco. It sounds as though your daughter is having a tough time of things right now. The first thing to do would be to speak to your daughter and find out exactly what is being said and done and when. It can help to keep a bit of a diary and your daughter can write in it, to record exactly what is happening. Next, approach the school with a copy of the diary entries and explain exactly what has been going on. Every school has a bullying policy. Part of it is a legal requirement for health and safety, but it is also a guide for teachers to know how the school wishes them to manage bullying. Find out more about the child doing the bullying. The school will be able to help here. It is possible that the bully may also be a vulnerable child living in a household with violence or neglect - which is one of the reasons why approaching the parents of the bully is not advised initially. I am not sure of the age of your daughter, but I am thinking that she is not yet in her teens? Age affects the nature of the actual message you need to give her, but the main message is that strong people speak up; weak ones stay silent (EG MeToo movement/any push by the less powerful to be heard over the more powerful). She will likely face taunting for having spoken up, so she needs help with things she can say back to people who criticise her for speaking up and telling the teachers (things like, 'Only strong people speak up for what is right' etc but that is something that she will need to work on. Her school counsellor/pastoral care should be able to help there too. If you continue to be worried about your daughter, after you have brought the school in and pointed out their responsibilities to come down hard on bullying, I would take her to see a psychologist/counsellor who can work with your daughter to restore her self esteem in a way that will enable her to turn her back on them and feel strong inside, with friends who support her. I hope that helps... :)
Thank you so much for the reply. I have spoken to the teacher and it turns out that a few other students did indeed speak up about the bully as well. I think you nailed it on the possibility that there may be an individual in her household that is bullying her. My wife and I continue to encourage her and her self confidence, but it seems that it lingers when it comes to pleasing, and maybe even choosing, her friends. I will take your advice on setting up a meeting with her school's counselor.
teach her to fight problem solved. bullies don't go after people who will humble them, period.
I also recommend having your daughter see a therapist herself, to overcome the damage that the bully has done to her so far, and help her remain resilient moving forward.
@@excelinexams1056 your advice has been the most logical thing I’ve heard in regards to this subject. I was bullied in school and in the workplace and how I handled it was either walk away or come up with something funny to say in order to diffuse the situation and make the bullying look ridicules in my eyes. I’ve been physically abused by a man but never by a woman. I don’t like having to result to physical violence but I know that I could handle myself if I knew it was coming. I’m in my 60’s now and actually would prefer to stay away from people even though I enjoy my sports which is snow skiing. Unfortunately for me I happen to be a target of two narcissists so I have my own challenges at the moment. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way and to everyone who is here 😊
dang this is good advice
The words which the bullies make are really painful and upsetting.
Also, I’ve been bullied my whole life. My first bully was my mother.
My name is vicky and I live in Rochdale Greater Manchester, I have done a talk on mental health, and people who have and still bully me . I live in support living which is run by a organisations called petrus , I am doing talks with doctors housing and mp to tell my story , I will not shy away from these people, and what they have done to me and another lady from sanctuary , . I will fight all the way so these issues could be addressed. For me and thousands of others.
Deep breath.
Keep calm.
Look in their eyes.
Say your a bully and bully's are horrible, because Bullys like you want to hurt other people
And because your a bully what you say means nothing to me.
Keep reinforcing the word bully .
Call them out for their behaviour
Especially in a group setting this will be very powerful.
Afterwards get some self care, and talk to a trusted adult.
Be proud of your actions and remember how strong and brave you truelly are
What if you were to regret not digging deeper standing up to your bully and it bothers you for years, even into your adulthood?
When the bullying is family, as adults! It’s very sad.
Refreshing to hear a posh voice wierdly. Thanks for doing this video very good topic
Thank you
We are an older couple of native Californians. Husband an attorney in perfect standing since 1988 and a former pilot who had a plane with his dad at the John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana, Orange County, CA. I worked for two of the best DA’s in Orange County, when they were in private practice. They came to our wedding. We have been together since 1987.
Very important facts: We live in Mission Viejo. There is not one flight path over Mission Viejo from anywhere at any time. There are no international flights in Orange County and our airport is closed at night between 10pm and 7am. We have one flight path North, one flight path South. That’s it. We live over 20 miles due East of the John Wayne Airport but we’ve had more flights over our home every day and night for 15 years than the airport itself.
In 2009, my wife was visiting with our neighbor in our driveway. Student pilots were doing stall maneuvers over our homes, which was a regular event. Our neighbor was distressed over this taking place many times a day. My wife will help anyone and said “lets call them. Im sure they’ll stop”. When my wife called the airport, she wasn’t aware that it’s illegal to do any maneuvers over residential areas. When I came home that night, she told me the story and I told her (I use to fly and had a plane at JWA) it’s illegal to do maneuvers over any residential area for good reason, its dangerous. She made a very polite call to noise complaint and asked if the stall maneuvers could stop. Maria in noise complaint lied to her and told her “you live in a designated area for student pilots to practice these maneuvers”. Within 15 minutes of her polite call, the then director of the John Wayne Airport, Alan L. Murphy, was over her and our neighbor still standing in our driveway, doing figure eights feet above them over and over and over until they both ran inside. Alan L. Murphy recruited Barry Rondinella who until 2015, worked at LAX and flew jets over our home all night long every night for Alan L. Murphy. Then Rondinella came here to Orange County. And my god, he is the sickest human being on earth. Wait until the world see the footage from just his first week here after starting in the paper (I won’t call it a news paper because in orange county, they don’t report the news if its against a government employee) that he would respect the curfews in Orange County. He didn’t respect our curfew for one day or night. He couldn’t wait to destroy citizens with Murphy. Youll see that so clearly.
One month without sleep is devastating, 15 years is murder.
The directors of the John Wayne Airport Alan L. Murphy and Barry Rondinella recruited every government employee to maliciously harass us as a favor. We have been stalked from San Diego to Lake Pilsbury by sheriff, police, fire, calfire, coast guards, military and of course, the FAA. Fire trucks pull up to restaurants, stores, bank and when we come out, turn on their sirens and horns. We have so many clips on tape and in every one of those clips, every one of the firemen in the fire trucks are all looking at us just to drive it home that we are being stalked and preyed on. They’ve stalked us into restaurants, grocery stores and shaken our home so many times for intimidation. They park fire (just yesterday) and airport vehicles across the street from our front window so we can’t have our drapes open without seeing it. When we began wearing earplugs or headphones, they went to chem trails and fire and camp pendleton went to shaking our home so we would feel the sickness. There should never be chem trails over Orange County. Big Xs over our home, over restaurants, beach. We have been dive bombed by military helicopters on the beach so many times, we stopped going. They have had our electricity shut off during the hottest weeks of the year, our mail diverted, our street dug up at 1:30am several times, our emails erased, our home is dive bombed all day every day and we are kept from sleeping every night, stalked every single place we go. THE FIRE DEPT AFTER 14 YEARS OF SICK ILLEGAL PREDATORY ABUSE, RENTED THE HOME ONE DOOR FROM OURS AND HAD KIDS RUN AT OUR VEHICLES, WORK OUT IN FRONT OF OUR DRIVEWAY. Park fire vehicles in front of our home for intimidation. Can you even imagine your predators moving in one door from you. They loved this so much. Breaking every law, stalking and preying on women as a favor to Murphy and Rondinella. Our ex chief of police, former Lt. Binning, uploaded porn to our computer, left messages on our phone machine repeating the sounds we just made in our home so we would fully understand that they are spying on us. Dive bombed us hundreds of times with police helicopters. Called our home at night to keep us from sleeping. He was only demoted and still came after me. We are 11 months into the 15th year. My wife has attempted suicide while begging Newsom for help. Not one day or night off in this the 7th year of Gavin and Jennifer Newsom knowing fully about every detail. The FAA has infiltrated our lives so fully, we get grocery bags from Amazon (Bristol Farms) that have TANGO, FOXTROT, CHARLIE written in big black letters on them. If that’s not scarey to you, I wouldn’t know what is.
This is not hyperbole. This is true Nazi Germany stuff and thats not hate speech. One of the women they have ruined the life of is Lisa Beerli was raised in Nazi Germany until 22 years old and says “this is exactly how it started. The government employees turned on the citizens and then started using the military”. We have written everyone we can think of, filed complaints (which we have learned they don’t take complaints in OC) with the DA, FAA, CIA, FBI, DOT. DOJ... with every politician in this state and many others in this country. The former mayor of Mission Viejo took us to court for restraining orders because we threatened to recall him in an election year and he was going to make sure we couldn’t. Now our current mayor Brian Goodell, a two time gold medalist, has threatened us with restraining orders if we beg him for help anymore. Thats how they do law here. There is no law and order in California. Just look at GPS over our home since 2009, and remember, we are not under any flight path from anywhere. Via Santiago, Mission Viejo, CA.
We tried to move to another county for 8 months. Mr. Alan L. Murphy sent military jets screaming over every home we looked at basically telling us he’ll kill us wherever we go. There are four other women that we know of that are suffering this same fate here. Keri Berriga, another victim Murphy, Rondinella, Newsom, Biden has written articles in a local Laguna Beach newspaper about this insanity Our mayor now has threatened us with a lawsuit if we beg him again. I guess he wants us to shut up and die. Thats how they do things here in Orange County.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS IF NO ONE WILL FIGHT FOR THEM.
NO ONE SANE AND SOBER DOES THIS TO ANYONE FOR ANY REASON.
AND NO GOOD LEADER WOULD ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE. THE
NEWSOMS HAVE KNOWN EVERY GORY DETAIL FOR THIS THE 7TH YEAR.
Not one day or night off in a city where this is not one flight path and a county where the airport is closed at night.
Ask them, what did you say? What do you mean? They will recognize your confronting them, not making yourself an easy target.
does this work with cyber bullying?
I live in a small town & I am being bullied in a terrorist fashion by people who have power in the town.
This is very difficult. I am not even being allowed to defend myself. I am really struggling with this right now. I am becoming very angry. I feel very powerless & every effort I make to resolve it peacefully has failed.
Thank you is very helpul ✌️🌎
I been bullied by my 1 Fl neighbor, she also is train her daughter to do the same so it her teenage daughters and her . If I’m going up the stairs she come out her apt to block my way bc she want me to ask her permission to go up the stairs , if I put a decoration in the door she tell her daughter child look and they start laughing but it more like it be orchestrate it bc the daughter knows what to say when she said child look , this been going on for 2 years .
I can relate. Ignore these sick folks. Don't let them get to you. If they see you upset they will continue. Sad that people are so miserable that they want to make others miserable.
Karma will catch up to them. Trust me. You get what you put out.
My situation is a little more difficult than normal. I get bullied by the whole class since there is a core bully who always bullied me and because he did it so successfully others started to join him too and now the whole class is against me. I can't even fight back or talk back to the bullies. To be honest I'm pretty good at roasting and insulting toxic people so when it comes to insult talk I always easily win but if I even do the mistake of doing that the whole class gangs up on me and the bully threatens to meet me after class I can't even avoid that cuz then he will start following me until there is no teacher around and he will beat the hell out of me and I easily get defeated in combat because first of all according to my age I should be in grade 7 but I'm in grade 8 and even for my age which is 12 I'm pretty short and weak in all stats of combat including speed,agility,skill, and strength though I'm good at battle iq and iq but I still think I can beat him because he is even shorter than me and when I get angry I feel no pain and my battle stats increase by a lot but in the end he still wins because as soon as I start winning some random students come and grab us both to stop the fighting but there are always more people on me than him so he gets loose and starts beating me while I can't fight and eventually the students go away leaving us alone finally but as soon as i'm about to finish him he runs away while I'm being taken to the office by teachers because of my anger. In the office they always tell to tell the teacher when this is happening. To be honest I used to do it but every time the teachers either would ignore me or blame me or side with bully and when I complained to the office they would always take bribes from his family so the next day he will do the same thing. Someone please tell if you have solution
Edit: it got solved thankfully the school got tired of this so they just put me in a different section where almost everybody is my friend they still sometimes come to bully me in small groups in home time or some other times but it doesn't effect me since they aren't able to do it on a large scale they used to do before.
Try to ask God to fight your battles. Look for a teacher you can open up to. Be courageous and don't show any signs of weakness.
@@nathanielkaymusic thanks for the advice
You're welcome. Could we keep in touch if you're comfortable with that?
@@nathanielkaymusic yeah sure I'm cool with that
@@nathanielkaymusic for the first part i respect your beliefs and the second part is what legit everyone will tell you
I am 32 years old. Very weak and fragile. I get bullied everyday at work. Most of the time my best friends make fun of me and other colleagues join them. They all joined against me. They gasps in their ears about me and then laugh at me. They do very vulgar talks about me. I tried alot to stop them but all in vain. Then i tried another way. I joined them and when they bully me i laugh with them. I thought may be by doing this they think i dont bother and they stop bullying me.. but this doesnt help me as well.. they are still bullying me. one of my friend shows his power upon me and when i reply he try to fight with me and make me down.. i am not strong enough. Everyday they make fun of me. I stucked and couldnot get out of this situation😢
try changing jobs, remote working is good, or some job like night guard shift with no social interaction, if that is impossible try taking social security
Bullies are going to hell and victims are going to heaven for enduring so much suffering and humiliation...
The line between the deserving and undeserving is very mild.
Remember when We took a pledge from the Children of Israel: ‘Worship none but God; be good to your parents and kinsfolk, to orphans and the poor; speak good words to all people; keep up the prayer and pay the prescribed alms.
Quran Chapter 2:83.
Great
How to tackle bullying from a child to therapist intervention suggestions?
Thank you I have CPTSD and I get bullied a lot.
I feel like I want to cry, I'm so sick of bullies🥺
Wow❤
What if the bully is your manager at work. Surely if you say he's weird won't that just make him angry and he'll try to give you more problems, may even try to get rid of you. And I'm certain in a lot of cases the hr are in the managers pockets, they'll take their side
I’m on the receiving end of misogynistic bullying in the workplace which in my field is rather hard to prove to hr and it feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place
"Come back and show your strength"...
This is so wrong. People who get picked on are physically small, and have poorer social skills. You have to teach targeted kids to avoid bullies, and train them to pick up on social cues.
Bullies pick and choose their moments... the grey spaces where adults aren't hovering... and engage in measured actions to achieve desired effects. They are socially smarter, and/or physically stronger. Trying to stand up to them is foolish.
One thing that can be done is to teach kinder hearted kids who are *also* socially smart and strong... teach them to intercede and belittle the bullies behaviour.
Thank you so much for your considered reply. You make some excellent points. Depending on where a child or adult may be at on the continuum will affect their ability to modify their behaviours. However, strength is something that can be manifested in many different ways and all children should be taught how to access their own strength. Not all people who are picked on are physically smaller, although it is commonly a factor. A multi-faceted approach is important as it will determine success; what is also important is for people who are being bullied to learn that they can have 'control' again and part of that is being taught how to pick up on those social cues. I really appreciated your reply, BlackBeltMonkeySong. I think others will find it helpful too.
My neiborhood is bulling me what to do ?they dnt know me i just moved here
Adults bullies are the worst.
I am in the situation.
I'm sick of being bullied. Just tired of other people's issues with themselves being mine. What's dumb about a bully is that they don't realize that the consequences of their behavior eventually catch up to them.
What if your fight or freeze response comes back on too strong? It'snot easy to come back with a combat then.
Also, it's hard when supervisors are involves and are influenced by the bullies
That's a good question. The key thing with managing any situation where you're likely to have a fight/flight response is anticipation. It's not always and completely possible, but we know that we can mitigate a lot of those responses through anticipation and training (the military have been using this principle for decades to enable soldiers to think in highly stressful situations). This is not the forum to cover all possible situations, but I suggest the following: 1. Think through the likely situations where you are likely to encounter a bully and how they usually behave 2. Away from the situation, think through all possible responses and then select the response that you calculate is most appropriate for your needs. This is really important to do with a cold, clear head and possibly with some input from other wise people 3. Practice doing/saying that response as much as you can. Repeat repeat repeat 4. Implement as and when needed, bearing in mind that the first time you respond in a strong way to someone who has previously steamrolled you, they are likely to go on the attack initially, so part of your response needs to cater for that - including looking at options of removing yourself from the situation as soon as you have delivered your response - you have a limited window to put the 'shock' value of your reply to work for you. None of this is easy. If it were, you would have already worked it out. However, knowing what strategy you're going to take will help you
How do you handle a bully that has assaulted you physically? As much as I want to beat them I can't, because there are consequences for that.
Hi Bella, I like your energy! You're also correct: there are consequences for physical assault, so you take the same route against the bully who physically assaulted you. Keep a diary of the details, along with any witnesses - even witnesses to you reporting it afterwards. Then take your 'report' to the correct authority. If you're at school or college, that's going to be a senior teacher; if you're at work, it's going to be your manager or the workplace HR person. A physical assault is a crime. A bully is going to keep upping the bad behaviour if you don't draw a line under it. If all else fails, take your report to the police, along with a record of to whom you have previously reported the crime. A bully will only stop bullying if you make the consequence of their actions one that is uncomfortable, a 'punishment' in psychological terms. I don't know the details of your situation, but I would definitely recommend taking appropriate action...
Stay away call the police ????
I have autism and was recently promoted to a technical role. All i have received is "who do you think you are?" For simply doing my new job, which is to make THEIR lives better 😂.
Healthy mature , EVOLVED