Produced By: Magdalene John An abortion survivor, Melissa Ohden shares her remarkable story of survival with reporter Magdalene John. www.melissaohde...
The only reason it isn't murder is because it is government sanctioned. But it is in fact killing. What I don't understand is how you(pro-abortionist) can say that it isn't a living human. It has human DNA and it grows and develops, one makes it human the other means it's alive, therefore living human.
Great story. We need to hear more stories in the mainstream media about Abortion survivors. I really don't think that's going happen. Melissa Ohden. Bless her heart.
Omg im currently 12 weeks pregnant i really was thinking about getting an abortion this Melissa story changed my mind I want to keep my child but its really hard im 30years old with a 12 year old son and 9 daugther now im pregnant with this one its not easy at all.
Melissa, your story is so touching. May The Lord God bless you abundantly and may your voice bring hope to desperate mothers and glorify The Lord God in saving millions of lives.
Melissa, the Lord has been looking out for you. You have been blessed. I wish your biological parents knew of what they did to you. Jesus loves you. Thank you for your story.
Glory to the Lord God, this is truly wonderful, WHAT a testimony!!! THANKS a lot for sharing such a heartwarming and most encouraging story for / to LIFE!
It's a dark irony that people only care about the child until they SEE the child. After 1 weeks of implantation, it's no longer 'a clump of cells' and the embryo resembles a baby at about 6-7 weeks... just so sad. It's not a parasite, but your child.
Wish I could give you a hug! I was adopted -always felt thankful that my birth-mother hadn't chosen abortion. But recently learned that she advised my younger birth-sister to abort her baby (which she did) because "giving up a child was too painful." My sister suffered with her secret for years - the pain, the guilt, the regret. Now I know my birth-mother would have chosen abortion if she could. God gave me life, too!
I just have to tell you that if you are trying to establish a point at which an unborn baby becomes a person it is at conception. This "living tissue" that you mention has it's own dna. It is a life, a very tiny human being. Therefore it should be illegal to abort it ever period since it is illegal to kill another human being.
She's absolutely gorgeous. You're just trying to be contradictory to elicit a negative response or discussion. Why not try to see things in a positive light and be happy.
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful testimony! What a beautiful person you are, both on the outside and inside. And what a wonderful gift God has given you; he definitely has a purpose for you and would not let anything get in the way of what he designed you for!! I had a baby when I was 19 and gave him up for adoption (1972). We just reunited in March of this year. I am so blessed that he was raised in a family that loved and nurtured him! Keeping you in my prayers!!
a : to deprive of life : cause the death of This is the definition of kill from Merriam-Webster. I think a more accurate example would be burning the framework of the house before the outside walls are put up. Just because you don't consider it a person, doesn't mean that it isn't living. And since only humans can have human DNA, that would make it a human life, even if it isn't consider a human being.
I guaranty if every aborting woman prior to the procedure dropped by at the hospital and went to see premature babies of the same gestation age as hers, looked in their eyes and feel how real their life is. We would be seeing a dramatic drop in numbers of abortions. Knowledge of what abortions really are will help women to make preventing pregnancies with unwanted children a bigger priority.
It’s just so easy to get cut in the moment of argument and forget about the first most important thing- kindness! I take this whole issue very personally because my mom went to abort me when she was over 6 month pregnant. It always hearts my heart to know there are unwanted children. I wish I could make this world a happier place for everybody....
Thank God for you sweetheart!! May God continue to give you voice to champion the cause for the children who have been distroyed by this evil sin of abortion. Thank you so much for sharing your story, KEEP IT UP!!
God bless you Melissa Ohden. Thank you for sharing your testimony! You are a beautiful person, and a blessing to this world! You were born because God wanted you!
Premature babies have been documented to survive as early as 21 weeks. Survival rate of preemies born between 22 & 25 weeks gestation is over 50 %. And it goes up with every week. The numbers I mentioned are correct. We are talking about thousands of babies aborted in 2nd and 3rd trimester. But it’s not about numbers it’s about killing unborn babies.
Thank you for your statements and assurance. You gave it a good try to answer my question- how can a biological tissue(unwanted fetus) injected with poison in the womb of an aborting woman after accidental survival only moment later be pronounced a human baby, with a birth certificate of a US citizen eligible for the protection of the law . Can it take a few minutes to transform from a tissue to a human being and US citizen? I have never been confused more. I must be mad really mad, indeed.
I'm having a hard time here. A RN that was apparently involved in performing an attempted abortion atleast in so far as post operative care of her adult mother, was also the one to render emergency medical assistance to a trauma victim of age 5 months gestation, the survivor of the just previous attempted hommocide.
responsiblity doesn't make you a slave, if your parents die and your an adult, you should take care of young siblings. you didn't decide to have them, but it would be cruel to abandon or 'get rid of' them. I would remind you that there are old people and young people with health issues who cant breath on their own. Dose that make them less of a person? what about people with autism, downsyndrome?
This is such a touching beautiful story. God has blessed you Melissa you are such a beautiful person I am so happy you are following His path and spreading love and the Word. You are Such an inspiration to me and I'm sure so many others. Thanks so much for this
Thank you for your question. Short answer: Intermittent electroencephalograpic bursts in both cerebral hemispheres are first seen at 20 weeks gestation; they become sustained at 22 weeks; bilaterally synchronous at 26 to 27 weeks. A longer answer (in context, thorough, referenced to books & scientific articles), you can find by googling the page "Fetal Brain Development: Myths and Disinformationon" on a blog "Hoyden-About-Town".
not only that but a fetus can sense what the mother thinks about them. would you want a child to feel for 9 months that they're hated and not wanted? this child would be born feeling unloved. i give so much respect for those rape victims that do have the children, and even more to those who raise those children. but, having an abortion because of rape shouldn't be looked down upon. it's not a reason to kill of a human but it is the decision of the person carrying all the weight of this child.
OMG, this completely sad. Why would anybody abort its not the child's fault, but you know girl you're blessed because you lived beautiful& strong! God bless you& your family gave an amazing life and stay strong! I'm also sorry for what you've been through, GOD BLESS YOU!
What a shame her father never answered the letter or reached out to her. He could have experienced some healing from this. Hopefully her mother will do so one day.
No one will ever make me believe that a fetus undergoes a miraculous transformation from a tissue form to a human being within seconds upon changing its geographical location and emerging from mother’s birth canal. Nor I believe that a pair of working lungs or presence of loving parents willing to care for that fetus will make a difference in what it is.
Don't think they should have said anything but instead just continued to love you. God bless you Melissa! Amen and Amen! Your story is truly touching. I don't believe in abortion!
So as I made my point earlier there is not much deference between life of a premature baby and a full term baby. It’s well known that you can abort a baby in this country right before its due date using depression as a medical reason for extermination. Since 1973 the year abortion was legalized, hundreds of thousands 2nd&3rd trimester babies have been aborted.
What a miracle! Praise God! I wish people would focus on this instead of the negative part. I can't imagine the shock of the biological parents. They would have a hard time forgiving themselves. I pray they forgave themselves.
but the child would be alive and life is the most important , i am sorry that you have so much hate inside you, but there are many places you can get help, please do not lose your hope , you are specialas all children are. look for help and change it´s out there and your life is worth living as all others. God bless you and forgive you .i will pray for you and that whatever in your life is wrong that you will be changed and blessed.
You know, God has his hands on every baby that has been aborted. Some he takes to show the world what things are like without them, which nursing homes are under staffed, hospitals are understaffed, schools are understaffed and some people can't find the one God had for them to marry, then he keeps the ones whom he knows will speak up for these babies. But everyone of those babies are saved and loved by God and we will see them one day.
That's were you're wrong. You can help prevent rape by teaching that it's not something that should be done instead of "oh rape happens and women need to move on"
I would continue the pregnancy as well, however, I'm not sure I'd raise the child. But still, that's my choice. You cannot demand that some 11 year old girl who is raped by her drunken uncle to continue a pregnancy. Not only is it physically dangerous, but it would be very damaging psychologically. A person of that age, at the onset of puberty, is in no way equipped to handle a pregnancy and child birth. EARLY termination of pregnancy is acceptable.
1) Still I don’t get it. You disagree with me and yet can’t answer my specific question. I can imagine my English is hard to understand sometimes but I’ll try again. Let’s take me as an example- when my mom went to abort me in 3rd trimester the doctor who was performing the life birth abortion procedure explained to her that she would give birth to me and I would be born alive and that it would take me hours to die being that late in development age.
This woman is a human being just like you who has the right to live and voice her opinion. And I’m sure if you met her in person she wouldn’t insult you with hateful words like you did. If you enjoy abortions as much as you do then why don’t you get sterilization done.
4)Partial abortions are blood chilling procedures and I just don’t see how it can be practiced with such horrible ease.No one should force a mother to take an unwanted baby home, but it should not be up to her to decide if this baby dies or lives. We didn’t ask nature to set us with reproductive organs, but it is what it is. And if for some women this responsibility is too much to handle then they should give up the right to use it. That’s when it’s the right time to say” my body- my choice”.
Yes, a woman being raped is awful. But that child didn't ask to be made. They are human beings right there in the womb. It doesn't matter what people say, babies in the womb are alive and deserve to live. No matter what.
2) I just don’t see it as an abortion. If my mom wanted me and I was born at the same time I would be called an infant. There are a lot of abortions performed in the world each year where it’s a mother who decides the destiny of a baby that can already survive without her. Our parents don’t own us. A fetus has no laws that protect it.
What about women who are raped? Would you call them stupid, immature, selfish women who believe they can spread their legs and not take responsibility? I suppose you think a rape victim should have to inconvenience and pain herself by incubating a fetus for nine months, right?
oh dear no, you didn't! I said that an older sibling had a responsibility to his/ her younger siblings, you said he/she didn't necessarily. I clarified my point saying that a sibling might not become guardian, but they'd do *something* to protect them. as for the end bit, i put that in because you never know when you meet someone online...but I would have been shocked if you had found that acceptable. so if a fetus isn't a human individual, why wouldn't they have any rights?
i'm not ashamed at all to say that i have a mindset in where i wont bash women who do decide to have an abortion under the circumstances of rape. if you decide that a woman shouldn't have rights to her own body and the outcome of her psychological well being than good luck to you. personally i would never put a fetus through the prenatal psychological screw up of having to feel unwanted and then raising a child who will never feel loved. that's not fair to mom or child.
PS: of course you can put your siblings up for adoption, but abandoning them or "getting rid of" ie, killing them, would not be acceptable. If you disagree with me on that, we should prob give up this disscusion
Abortion during the 5th month of pregnancy?? It should be illegal to abort the pregnancy in such an advanced stage unless there are medical issues and/or complications. :( As far as I'm concerned, EEG (presence of brain waves) indicates if a person is alive or not - The brain dead people & fetuses younger than 10 weeks may comprise of living tissue (and have some functional organs), but they're not live persons. 5th month of pregnancy is way too late to abort a healthy child.
priest for life can help you and you can also find help at abort 73 online. life begins at concepcion or else you would not need to terminate if it was dead. you are hurting deeply . please get help
whether you feel abortion is right or wrong, this woman is alive and breathing.. shes a miracle
Here is a question... If she was matured enough to survive it... Doesn't that mean she was clearly very much alive before it was administered?
All I have to say, is the fact that people are debating whether this is okay or not is disgusting.
What a beautiful child and woman. Thank God for being there for her.
I cant praise God enough for the internet i am abortion survivor as well unfortunately i wish my story was like yours you are truly bless lady
What a beautiful woman, inside and out.
I love seeing that she survived. And she is so beautiful!
The only reason it isn't murder is because it is government sanctioned. But it is in fact killing. What I don't understand is how you(pro-abortionist) can say that it isn't a living human. It has human DNA and it grows and develops, one makes it human the other means it's alive, therefore living human.
.I agree! People go all out to save some kitten or puppy or baby seal - but slaughter unborn babies by the millions... Strange paradox
What a beautiful story. Praise God.
Great story. We need to hear more stories in the mainstream media about Abortion survivors. I really don't think that's going happen.
Melissa Ohden. Bless her heart.
Omg im currently 12 weeks pregnant i really was thinking about getting an abortion this Melissa story changed my mind I want to keep my child but its really hard im 30years old with a 12 year old son and 9 daugther now im pregnant with this one its not easy at all.
Melissa, your story is so touching. May The Lord God bless you abundantly and may your voice bring hope to desperate mothers and glorify The Lord God in saving millions of lives.
Melissa, the Lord has been looking out for you. You have been blessed. I wish your biological parents knew of what they did to you. Jesus loves you. Thank you for your story.
Beautiful women and story, so grateful and not bitter about the past instead using it to help others. people should take note
Glory to the Lord God, this is truly wonderful, WHAT a testimony!!! THANKS a lot for sharing such a heartwarming and most encouraging story for / to LIFE!
It's a dark irony that people only care about the child until they SEE the child. After 1 weeks of implantation, it's no longer 'a clump of cells' and the embryo resembles a baby at about 6-7 weeks... just so sad. It's not a parasite, but your child.
I got chills from this story. So inspiring.
Wish I could give you a hug! I was adopted -always felt thankful that my birth-mother hadn't chosen abortion. But recently learned that she advised my younger birth-sister to abort her baby (which she did) because "giving up a child was too painful." My sister suffered with her secret for years - the pain, the guilt, the regret. Now I know my birth-mother would have chosen abortion if she could. God gave me life, too!
BLESS Melissa! BLESS Olivia! Thank you, my God and Savior!
with stories like this, how can anyone not believe in God?
BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL
I just have to tell you that if you are trying to establish a point at which an unborn baby becomes a person it is at conception. This "living tissue" that you mention has it's own dna. It is a life, a very tiny human being. Therefore it should be illegal to abort it ever period since it is illegal to kill another human being.
What a beautiful and powerful story. Thanks for posting and may continue to bless you, Melissa Ohden!
She's absolutely gorgeous. You're just trying to be contradictory to elicit a negative response or discussion. Why not try to see things in a positive light and be happy.
Melissa do you know how special you are!! You have such a purpose I'm envious of the mantle God has blessed you with!
Dont mess with Gods Creation Life is A From God. Its a blessing to be alive God made everyone special.What Wonderful Testimony
The parents probably were broken in more pieces than her 😭 You are a BLESSING Melissa!!! Separate by God for a purpose 🙏🏼
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful testimony! What a beautiful person you are, both on the outside and inside. And what a wonderful gift God has given you; he definitely has a purpose for you and would not let anything get in the way of what he designed you for!! I had a baby when I was 19 and gave him up for adoption (1972). We just reunited in March of this year. I am so blessed that he was raised in a family that loved and nurtured him! Keeping you in my prayers!!
Thank you Jesus for your miracle for this woman!!!
Amazing...God is so great!
You ARE blessed.....AND you ARE a beautiful blessing!!
Great story! Thank you for sharing! October Baby is about another abortion survivor. Thank you for sharing!
a : to deprive of life : cause the death of
This is the definition of kill from Merriam-Webster. I think a more accurate example would be burning the framework of the house before the outside walls are put up. Just because you don't consider it a person, doesn't mean that it isn't living. And since only humans can have human DNA, that would make it a human life, even if it isn't consider a human being.
she is a true miracle :)
I'm so glad you survived . May God bless and keep you !
Thank you Lord for this miracle..
I guaranty if every aborting woman prior to the procedure dropped by at the hospital and went to see premature babies of the same gestation age as hers, looked in their eyes and feel how real their life is. We would be seeing a dramatic drop in numbers of abortions. Knowledge of what abortions really are will help women to make preventing pregnancies with unwanted children a bigger priority.
life is life and a child should not be given the death sentence because of what the father has done
This made me cry
You are a beautiful person with a beautiful soul! May God contiue to bless you!
It’s just so easy to get cut in the moment of argument and forget about the first most important thing- kindness! I take this whole issue very personally because my mom went to abort me when she was over 6 month pregnant. It always hearts my heart to know there are unwanted children. I wish I could make this world a happier place for everybody....
Thank God for you sweetheart!! May God continue to give you voice to champion the cause for the children who have been distroyed by this evil sin of abortion. Thank you so much for sharing your story, KEEP IT UP!!
Your amazing. May God bless you and keep you and your family safe..
God bless you Melissa Ohden. Thank you for sharing your testimony! You are a beautiful person, and a blessing to this world! You were born because God wanted you!
Premature babies have been documented to survive as early as 21 weeks. Survival rate of preemies born between 22 & 25 weeks gestation is over 50 %. And it goes up with every week. The numbers I mentioned are correct. We are talking about thousands of babies aborted in 2nd and 3rd trimester. But it’s not about numbers it’s about killing unborn babies.
What a message of hope. Keep up the good work Melissa. A lot of people have no idea what it is really all about.
he will and also bring to justice those who killed them, and innocent child has no sin and therefore will be saved and given eternal life
Thank you for your statements and assurance. You gave it a good try to answer my question- how can a biological tissue(unwanted fetus) injected with poison in the womb of an aborting woman after accidental survival only moment later be pronounced a human baby, with a birth certificate of a US citizen eligible for the protection of the law . Can it take a few minutes to transform from a tissue to a human being and US citizen? I have never been confused more. I must be mad really mad, indeed.
Wow what a testimony, you blessed me so much Melissa
Jesus is life! This is a miracle
I'm having a hard time here.
A RN that was apparently involved in performing an attempted abortion atleast in so far as post operative care of her adult mother, was also the one to render emergency medical assistance to a trauma victim of age 5 months gestation, the survivor of the just previous attempted hommocide.
You are amazing, God bless
a very profound story....god bless you
responsiblity doesn't make you a slave, if your parents die and your an adult, you should take care of young siblings. you didn't decide to have them, but it would be cruel to abandon or 'get rid of' them. I would remind you that there are old people and young people with health issues who cant breath on their own. Dose that make them less of a person? what about people with autism, downsyndrome?
"Amen, you're absolutely right".!!!!
God bless you!
god bless melissa
This is such a touching beautiful story. God has blessed you Melissa you are such a beautiful person I am so happy you are following His path and spreading love and the Word. You are Such an inspiration to me and I'm sure so many others. Thanks so much for this
Thank you for your question. Short answer:
Intermittent electroencephalograpic bursts in both cerebral hemispheres are first seen at 20 weeks gestation; they become sustained at 22 weeks; bilaterally synchronous at 26 to 27 weeks.
A longer answer (in context, thorough, referenced to books & scientific articles), you can find by googling the page "Fetal Brain Development: Myths and Disinformationon" on a blog "Hoyden-About-Town".
Please explain to me, the behavior of the RNs that rendered emergency trauma assistance to a baby that they just attempted to kill?
I not getting it.
Thank you for that insightful, intelligent response
not only that but a fetus can sense what the mother thinks about them. would you want a child to feel for 9 months that they're hated and not wanted? this child would be born feeling unloved. i give so much respect for those rape victims that do have the children, and even more to those who raise those children. but, having an abortion because of rape shouldn't be looked down upon. it's not a reason to kill of a human but it is the decision of the person carrying all the weight of this child.
How can you say it is not a baby? What is the definition of a life? Heartbeat. This usually occurs at week 6 of pregnancy.
She is awesome.
OMG, this completely sad. Why would
anybody abort its not the child's fault, but
you know girl you're blessed because you lived beautiful& strong!
God bless you& your family gave an
amazing life and stay strong!
I'm also sorry for what you've been
through, GOD BLESS YOU!
What a shame her father never answered the letter or reached out to her. He could have experienced some healing from this. Hopefully her mother will do so one day.
No one will ever make me believe that a fetus undergoes a miraculous transformation from a tissue form to a human being within seconds upon changing its geographical location and emerging from mother’s birth canal. Nor I believe that a pair of working lungs or presence of loving parents willing to care for that fetus will make a difference in what it is.
Don't think they should have said anything but instead just continued to love you. God bless you Melissa! Amen and Amen! Your story is truly touching. I don't believe in abortion!
Wow ='( good to hear she is doing good...
thank you God bless you
God is good!!! She is a miracle and a blessing.
God bless you Melissa.
So as I made my point earlier there is not much deference between life of a premature baby and a full term baby. It’s well known that you can abort a baby in this country right before its due date using depression as a medical reason for extermination. Since 1973 the year abortion was legalized, hundreds of thousands 2nd&3rd trimester babies have been aborted.
What a miracle! Praise God! I wish people would focus on this instead of the negative part. I can't imagine the shock of the biological parents. They would have a hard time forgiving themselves. I pray they forgave themselves.
but the child would be alive and life is the most important , i am sorry that you have so much hate inside you, but there are many places you can get help, please do not lose your hope , you are specialas all children are. look for help and change it´s out there and your life is worth living as all others. God bless you and forgive you .i will pray for you and that whatever in your life is wrong that you will be changed and blessed.
You know, God has his hands on every baby that has been aborted. Some he takes to show the world what things are like without them, which nursing homes are under staffed, hospitals are understaffed, schools are understaffed and some people can't find the one God had for them to marry, then he keeps the ones whom he knows will speak up for these babies. But everyone of those babies are saved and loved by God and we will see them one day.
what a miracle, praise God.
Is she who the movie October Baby is based off of?
That's were you're wrong. You can help prevent rape by teaching that it's not something that should be done instead of "oh rape happens and women need to move on"
I would continue the pregnancy as well, however, I'm not sure I'd raise the child. But still, that's my choice. You cannot demand that some 11 year old girl who is raped by her drunken uncle to continue a pregnancy. Not only is it physically dangerous, but it would be very damaging psychologically. A person of that age, at the onset of puberty, is in no way equipped to handle a pregnancy and child birth. EARLY termination of pregnancy is acceptable.
Because it's common to mislead people by saying "it's just a clump of cells." That's why.
1) Still I don’t get it. You disagree with me and yet can’t answer my specific question. I can imagine my English is hard to understand sometimes but I’ll try again. Let’s take me as an example- when my mom went to abort me in 3rd trimester the doctor who was performing the life birth abortion procedure explained to her that she would give birth to me and I would be born alive and that it would take me hours to die being that late in development age.
This woman is a human being just like you who has the right to live and voice her opinion. And I’m sure if you met her in person she wouldn’t insult you with hateful words like you did. If you enjoy abortions as much as you do then why don’t you get sterilization done.
4)Partial abortions are blood chilling procedures and I just don’t see how it can be practiced with such horrible ease.No one should force a mother to take an unwanted baby home, but it should not be up to her to decide if this baby dies or lives. We didn’t ask nature to set us with reproductive organs, but it is what it is. And if for some women this responsibility is too much to handle then they should give up the right to use it. That’s when it’s the right time to say” my body- my choice”.
Yes, a woman being raped is awful. But that child didn't ask to be made. They are human beings right there in the womb. It doesn't matter what people say, babies in the womb are alive and deserve to live. No matter what.
your are so beautiful...God bless you!
God Bless!
2) I just don’t see it as an abortion. If my mom wanted me and I was born at the same time I would be called an infant. There are a lot of abortions performed in the world each year where it’s a mother who decides the destiny of a baby that can already survive without her. Our parents don’t own us. A fetus has no laws that protect it.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
What about women who are raped? Would you call them stupid, immature, selfish women who believe they can spread their legs and not take responsibility? I suppose you think a rape victim should have to inconvenience and pain herself by incubating a fetus for nine months, right?
murder is not justified by rape, the child has no fault
oh dear no, you didn't! I said that an older sibling had a responsibility to his/ her younger siblings, you said he/she didn't necessarily. I clarified my point saying that a sibling might not become guardian, but they'd do *something* to protect them. as for the end bit, i put that in because you never know when you meet someone online...but I would have been shocked if you had found that acceptable.
so if a fetus isn't a human individual, why wouldn't they have any rights?
Can you please explain to me, the behavior of the RNs involved in this attempted infantocide?
i'm not ashamed at all to say that i have a mindset in where i wont bash women who do decide to have an abortion under the circumstances of rape. if you decide that a woman shouldn't have rights to her own body and the outcome of her psychological well being than good luck to you. personally i would never put a fetus through the prenatal psychological screw up of having to feel unwanted and then raising a child who will never feel loved. that's not fair to mom or child.
PS: of course you can put your siblings up for adoption, but abandoning them or "getting rid of" ie, killing them, would not be acceptable. If you disagree with me on that, we should prob give up this disscusion
Where did I say they weren't human? Why are you lying, by arguing against a point i never even made to begin with?
Abortion during the 5th month of pregnancy??
It should be illegal to abort the pregnancy in such an advanced stage unless there are medical issues and/or complications. :(
As far as I'm concerned, EEG (presence of brain waves) indicates if a person is alive or not - The brain dead people & fetuses younger than 10 weeks may comprise of living tissue (and have some functional organs), but they're not live persons.
5th month of pregnancy is way too late to abort a healthy child.
priest for life can help you and you can also find help at abort 73 online. life begins at concepcion or else you would not need to terminate if it was dead. you are hurting deeply . please get help
That sort of has me baffled as well.