INFJ LOVE LIFE & DATING : One Sided Intimacy
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- čas přidán 5. 01. 2019
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Thanks for watching guys!!! :D What are you experiences with this? I know how hard it can be but it can definitely help when we share experiences with each other
Dammit, why you gotta be so right?! 😉 Thanks for sharing this perspective. It helps bring awareness to my situation. Nothing like getting a Reality Boop by Wenzes. Great channel enjoy your work 💯🔥
This is totally trained behaivor, I was groomed by a Narc mother to constantly be on think mode and accommodation. Those of us that keep being burned this way is not the factor of not showing who we are, but never knowing who we are in the first place. We are drawn or connected to individuals that hold aspects of ourselves. To love, understand and fix them is to love, understand and fix ourselves. Most of the time we are out of our body floating in space, like an alien we analyze our human subjects to better understand the material world. It's very difficult to remain here, breathe in the harsh atmosphere and learn how to be human..and to love being that human.
"even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'you owe me.' look what happens with a love like that- it lights the whole world." (hafiz) i have this on a greeting card stuck to my fridge and read it every day. such a lovely sentiment.
That‘s exactly the one I was talking about 😊
@@Wenzes :-D
This was exactly how my friendship was, I never met anyone like her and the connection just seemed too good to be true. I understood that my friend had these defense mechanisms because life just sucks, we're all raised differently. She would attack me for trying to be there to help her because I continued to be vulnerable to assess her needs. After watching one of your videos I finally realized how draining it was on my end to have a friend like this, so I decided to address the issue. Everything just got thrown into my face and she would tell me "well I never asked you to help me". It wasn't like I was trying to give her hugs and kisses or even been remotely intimate physically. I just wanted a phone call or a text back it was so rare for us to see or speak to each other. I'm always willing to compromise but it's getting to the point where I can't constantly compromise my being every step of the way. Life just starts to feel so dysfunctional.
A lot of truth bombs in this video +
the analogy of the sun giving energy to the earth was really beautiful 🙌
Glad you liked it Gurveer 😊👍
I recognize this as a lot of others here. It so strange that we're able to give so much to others, but not as much to ourselves. I mean, we are living our own lives and not those of others. Why then is it so hard to give ourselves the same (let alone more) love than we give to others?
The thing you said that when we love ourselves we exude energy and help others that way really struck a chord.
Thanks for sharing your insights!
And my compliments for a well done video without those edits you sometimes had, it's really nice to watch.
It is a leap of faith, to allow someone in. I have taken the leap and wow is it awesome to be seen and understood.
Yes, it‘s amazing
This is an effective and level- headed treatment of a painful problem. It's a video to watch many times and absorb. Genuinely loving and respecting ourselves is the essential starting point for good relationships.
❤️
I agree with your perspective. Very real for me. I’ve been wondering if my “balance” in intimate relationships is confused. If they love, me, I love them. Even if I know it’s wrong. I see it, know it,...Hard work to be different. I seek aloneness, because of this. They are not served, and I am not served. No healthy exchange. I don’t need to be given kudos. I just see that I give myself away..
This was the video that pulled all your other videos full circle for me. I wasn't sure how to be more authentic and I need to just be me all the time regardless of who is around and also weed out the people with different goals and opinions that hold me back. I didn't really understand FE and I have to use it not live it through others. I have to see what I want not get stuck in everyone else's dreams and then use MY FE to make mine a reality. You say it but sometimes it has to hit at exactly the right time to sink way in. I've been making great progress but it's easy to get stuck on the next step.
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I agree that we must love ourselves first and fill our own cup.
To avoid getting too attached to anyone I also let them go to be their own person.
The idea of being completely whole within myself first. That sounds hard.
Vulnerability, self, projection, wholeness ... so many ideas to make sense of.
It‘s all a process and I don’t believe we can be completely whole but we can go towards that
Agree. If you're not yourself you're playing games and not being honest.
I love this girl. She so intouch with her emotions and as all result everyone else is too.
This sums up my 2018 😭😂
But we ain't making that mistake again!
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Facts bro!!!
This is such a good video.
And its cool that you go back to old topics and re-do them as you get more perspectives on them, its such a good thing.
😉 thanks Cæcilie! Glad you like it and the videos are helpful 😊
The philosopher Friedrich Schiller said that if you value that a person exists. You are having an aesthetic emotion. He says that it isn't based on a condition. You are simply happy that they exist. This is in his aesthetic education of man.
I think this is my favorite video of yours. One I need to listen multiple times.
Glad to hear thar Andrew 😊
thank you for your videos 🙏🏼 no more investments in bottomless pits
Oh wow! I had never thought about my relationships this way. And I now realize that this has been how I've related with people all my life. You've given me something to reflect on. Thanks 😊
I am much older than you. I’ve played this out, for a long time. You are spot on.
Thanks! 😊 Glad you liked it
Thank you.
I am re-watching this video. I really need to think about me and my relationships with others. Thank you. It is very inspiring.
Thanks for this! 😊
"I've played this game to the end" you say. yes, there has to be give and take, there has to be reciprocity. There has to be maturity, genuine support in both directions. And in order to have this both people have to be giving to themselves as much as mental support to the other person. Both people have to be willing to support the other.... in a good INFJ relationship
This explains a lot of my relationships and clears up some confusion. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for this video!
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🎯🥂 Honestly, that is one of your best videos. #Bravo
That is my problem. Great video!
Think this video just made up my mind. We used to very closed and share just about anything but in recent months things just went south. I did confessed to her that I liked her but it wasn't mutual unfortunately. Somehow, we grew apart and one day she just stopped talking to me. Her responses are unconvincing when I asked her why. But when I told her that I accept the fact hat we cannot go back to how close we used to be and I am sorry if I have done anything wrong, she texted me the reason but still there were no conversation between us whenever we worked together in the same shift. My heart felt heavy to let go but I should.
Really love that message especially the sun-metaphor
😀 glad you liked it
I wish this video existed when I first began dating.
Thank you!
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That's so me :( I've been working on that for the past few years and just yesterday I told an INFP pseudo friend that I'm not gonna keep having this situation where I'm her emotional dustbin because it exhausts me a lot. It took me a long time to convince myself I'm not a bad person for wanting to do that for myself and to her. A good deal of my life I've had this crazy feeling that if I put myself out there and use all of my weapons, I'll disadvantage other people and revaluated that as nonsensical and self-abusive. I felt like I'm taking something from other people by showing my strengths. Have you done that? And, btw, have you explored your human design by any chance?
I know exactly what you mean, that you are taking something from other people by showing your strengths but that is exactly the mindset shift I made. I understood that I can help much more people by showing my strengths AND at the same time I am not sacrificing anything than protecting others so to say...this is just in our head. We cannot tap into our potential if you keep our light small so others don‘t feel insignificant...and you are just keeping up an illusion for others at your costs...it‘s not good for them in the long run either. Don‘t know anything about ‚human design‘...do you got a link?
@@Wenzes Yes, I realized I'm not helping them by enabling the victimhood mentality or the abusive behavior of those who need a lot of attention. I'll be helping more if they see the example of someone they know who has grown out of feeling helpless. Because I had that contradiction of knowing and being a lot more than many people and yet I felt inadequate partly because I obviously had fairly underdeveloped Se and therefore powerless. Sometimes when you leave people to their own devices and they see you progress in life and get happy they also realize where they are emotionally and mentally. In other words, making someone feel bad for 10 minutes or a few months might actually spur a growth that makes them happy for the rest of their lives. It's quite a shift in the mentality
Thank you 👍😊
@@light5634 Hey there :) Thank you for sharing your story with us, as you consequently helped me define something that I have been trying to put into words. I enjoy new concepts that help with self-improvement but I have one thing to share about The Human Design: The same way the sun shines on the entire solar system and keeps everything running smoothly (for itself first), the stars are up there as lanterns (for themselves first) that decorate the night sky, guide travellers and make them appreciate the beauty of the universe, not to pinpoint or dictate your life course, who you are and should be.
@@DiamondsRexpensive Happy I've dressed it into words for you ;)
Yeah, I used to think the best way to help someone is to take on their emotional load, transform it for them and then just spit out the final product into their lap. Doesn't work in most cases, not to mention the exhaustion it causes. So helping by example proved to be a much healthier way.
Um, I'm not sure if understand your extended metaphor correctly, but I use the different systems so I bring things from my subconscious to light whenever I can. I ponder over the veracity of what I read ;) Certain things just click into place right away, others take time for me to digest, but generally I test all systems to see how they can help me and if I find they work for me (to varying degrees), I spread the word - they might help someone else, too. I can't know for sure unless try. I´m careful, though, yes, I used to be much more impressionable and though that this system or that thing will give me the solution I´m seeking, but over time I learned that no system is tailored to suit a specific person. I just take form each one whatever can help me grow :)
Do you you write, btw? You sound very poetic
Sosososo SPOT ON thanks a lot for this
atta girl I couldn't make a better job...cheers!!! yep I watched all the way!!!wow the sun metaphor...genius...wonderful day 2u too
same to you!
I have a question. If I try to be nice to people just because I like it and find pleasure in it, then is it bad that I sometimes feel disappointed when people don't care about me? My mother says I expect something back, but I think everyone likes to be treated nicely... and it's no pleasure being ignored. I'm not in love now, but I definitely used to have one sided intimacy, a few times in the infatuation phase. I always come back to myself later, but usually when I have enough and sometimes it means I have to leave the person forever. I want to change it. Thanks for the video. I like when you talk about problems.
Glad you like the video. In general I would say if you love to help people then you can still choose to help people who appreciate it...you still would be helping for the fact that just love to give without expecting anything in return but you actively choose to help people who do appreciate it...you get energy back and the more energy you have, the more you you can help people in the future
Thanks! I feel exactly that way
This is all about sense of self. And expressing ourselves. This shows me how much fear I have. I could cry right now (and I probably will lol) but I am happy I am not alone. How do we develop sovereign energy and a strong sense of self?
Wenzes as a coach? I know how it feels. She is the right coach for me!
I'd love to recommend Wenzes to you. You will be able to take responsibility for your life, and you can do this (all!).
I'm already envisioning the outcome on ever single person that she reaches. Beautiful
🥰😘😍 thanks Ilse for your feedback and recommendation
But but what about when they are vulnerable with you but they still don’t see you?
I think what you're saying is that doing something for the other person coz you like them is not enough coz the other person should also like you back so much that they want to share something with you, too. Coz they see each other's strengths and vulnerabilities. There is a saying in Bulletproof monk film, to know others means you're wise. To know thyself means you're enlightened. You know who is good for you or not from the start 🤔
Woman get into relationship thinking the man will change. Man get into relationship thinking the woman won't change. Woman fantasy vs Man expectation
Hi need your advice on this what do you do when people dont understand u . Do you think on it day and night . Well It has happened to me . How do u deal pls help
You find people who do understand you and stop trying to convince people who don‘t want to...
I know where you are coming from, I have been there but it‘s an act of self love to say: that‘s it. I‘m out.
It gets easier if you start working on all your areas of life, that way you won‘t care so much about this 1 incident.
Download my Free Poster on this topic here:
5pillars.gr8.com
i wish i was oblivious like other people maybe i won't be single right now it's really hard when you know the body language of the people that talk to you seeing the hostility and their lies that you cannot simply let go i hate this by the way nice video I love...😁
👍😊 thanks
Been there done that, not anymore. only way I'll do relationships now if she's my highest vibrational match. Spending time with my ex now and I always see 1111 when I am with her. however I don't really have that romantic love for her, it's like a friendship love. We'll see lol.
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What about this passive aggresive Fi types that presented with some proud and filled Fe user , shrink and start blame.
This must be really difficult for you. All that rejection, wow
If you're INFJ, and not one of the "beautiful people". Life is going to be very lonely.