The Pros and Cons of Going No Contact
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2023
- For some, going no contact with someone who has hurt and abused them isn't always an easy choice. There can also be consequences to keeping contact as well consequences to cutting ties altogether.
This live stream looks at the pros and cons of both to help navigate difficult choices.
#nocontact #mentalhealth #difficultchoices
Hi everyone sorry the WiFi packed in at the end. Next time I'll do a Q and A session live so get your questions ready. Please keep them general though as I can't really answer questions about specific people and situations. Thanks again and see you next time.
Thank you Darren. This is the area for me as I'm no contact. For me it's difficult building trust with people as I'd rather be honest with them than say "they're dead" or something. I can ignore the flying monkeys I know exist and the stalkers. Its just rebuilding that confidence with new people I meet. Not judging them and how to build friendships.
I thought " packed in" was Australian . Might be from Ireland! Quite humorous to hear. 🦘🍀
A narcissist isn't happy unless they can destroy you and all your financial support in hopes that you will run back to them.
agree
It’s not always that extreme
I had the predicament that he was then ready to say 'No'
Exit from narcissistic relationship has to be strategized. Sometimes need months in advance of planning.
Most importantly don’t feel guilty.
Everyone deserves a peaceful life free of chaos.
Let us not underestimate and celebrate those that are brave enough to go no contact. I left an extremely abusive and toxic relationship, the narcissist had socially and financially isolated me from my friends and family and when I finally broke free the initial isolation was crippling. Yes I was free, but freedom came at a price. Very slowly I’ve rebuilt a community, but this has been tentative and painful at times. This is not an easy path, but when I think of the alternative, I choose the path.
❤
the betrayal is unbearable
I went no contact with my brother before other family members and actually visited him recently. He knew stuff about me from very recent times and had this very distorted view of me, that was either half or totally untrue.
I'd say don't listen to people who suggest you reestablish contact with someone unless they fully understand you as it was a bad idea for me. I knew would be better to retain that no contact.
If you want to reestablish contact do take your time and stay in control, but like I found out they hadn't changed a bit and no contact is definitely the best option.
There’s never a group of narcissists you’re up against, it’s just one toxic source with a few enablers. The fact that no matter how whole you are with literally everyone & everything else in your life .. if there’s just that one singular individual who paints you as the villain in their story.. that speaks volumes about *them* n o t you! Screw the roller-coaster abuser. No contact is a reasonable consequence. Choose the healthy friends who become family.. they exist I promise 💜
I went NC a couple of years ago with my family and convert narcissist mother, and have gone from strength to strength since then. It was an extremely difficult time when I did it, lots of anxiety and guilt particularly in the first 3 months. That has all passed now and I can see the abuse for what it is now, it was the right decision. Very insightful session, thank you.
Once you see it, it is impossible to not see it. Good for you! :)
God, I wish I had the guts to do the same
I appreciate you mentioning people who are stuck due to caregiving. You always seem to understand nuance.
Thank you Darren. I think there should be more on this topic out there to help people figure out how best to move forward, once they've discovered the truth about these toxic relationships. I also think there should be more encouragement for those who make the decision to go no contact, especially from toxic family members. Choosing to live with the grief, guilt, and stigma rather than continue to be exposed to their poison takes a lot of courage. Not all who wander are lost.
Well said👏👏👏
No contact, it definitely gets easier with time, until one day you realise you don't miss them anymore. The drama, uncertainty, ups-and downs you experienced in their presence, are all gone, and a sense of calm and equilibrium have slowly returned to your life. I'm one year strict no contact, and that heaviness I used to have hanging over me has gone. I have me back. Sticking with no contact is definitely worth it and can be done.
Yes, you can start to breathe.
Sometimes to go no contact is when a relationship has run its course, and there is nothing left to say.
This video brought peace for me like nothing else
Your style is comforting yet useful and we are lucky to know u ! Thanku for all u do .
Thanks again for the video Darrin, fighting the good fight !
Good informative video, thank you.
To get my question in early how do you handle work place bully in a senior position when everyone else is afraid of them as well?
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I had to quit my job (that I loved).The bullying made me sick. I was the target. He used me as an example. So others stayed in line.
Yes, good point. But sometimes you just have a narcissist who is great at “love bombing” the boss. And you become their scapegoat because you are more qualified than they are. Then they make you suffer, so you quit. However, you get the final word, because inevitably the business fails.
I think no contact with one person is easier if you have people supporting you and not be part of the chaos and feeding into the narc narrative. If you come to this scenerio understand majority of your friends and family are probably narcissist and have no empathy and compassion for you...leave them to deal with eachother and center yourself for self empowerment and success.
Thanks so much for your measured analysis of such an important life decision.
Thanks for the information again! Definitely pros and cons to this decision; I have gone no contact and have my share of both sides. However, I would say that as hard as it has been that overall going no contact has given the clarity you mentioned as well as time to see things I may not have otherwise realized. Thanks again!
No contact is SO hard, but it will help.
Thank you for doing this video. It’s very helpful when deciding.
This is most helpful to support no contact.
Thanks for this video going no contact is great when the toxic relationship goes no where nothing changes just abusive emotional blackmail gifts given only to control and manipulate guilt tripping .The only problem is they do use flying monkeys sadistic tactics as revenge when all you want is for them to leave you alone they use third party bullying all you can do is. Ignore and call emergency services if it becomes dangerous threats etc.
If you're taking questions for your next live stream what books do you recommend to help people help themselves?
I find it best to go low contact, gray rock with tight boundaries with one person- but, no contact with another. It depends on the person.
Not really any cons to NC. You can’t miss out on a relationship that was either nonexistent or entirely negative.
♥️♥️♥️
I was curious what could be the cons of going no contact.🤔
You lose a whole network of "support" (real or imagined) emotional, financial....
wake up 2am ..build link (relationship) to god ..your spirit can fly and see "into" other people brain and eye..and sense what are the words will come out .
Nothing wrong with combing your hair or sounding like you are from the 70s Darren 😆😇
Look who’s jealous 😂😅
❤ thank you Darren