internalized ageism & why we NEED older influencers | Internet Analysis
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
- let's discuss age and the internet!! // Thanks, Bellesa! FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/vibe/tiffany...
PATREON: / tiffanyferg
Full video episodes of Internet Analysis are available to watch/listen on SPOTIFY! Follow the show here: open.spotify.com/show/1lec8eA...
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TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - intro
2:37 - thanks, Bellesa!
4:19 - tropes about elderly people
6:12 - older lifestyle creators
9:11 - "dressing your age" discourse
10:40 - aging gracefully
12:00 - the gray hair community
13:55 - the age of invisibility
17:49 - survey: your biggest fears about aging?
19:32 - we need more intergenerational contact!
RESOURCES & REFERENCES:
TikTok is changing what it means to be 'old' (by Amelia Tait) - www.wired.com/story/tiktok-te...
Growing Old Online (by Helena Fitzgerald) - www.wired.com/story/growing-o...
Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert (by Sian Cain) - www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
TIKTOKS:
heymisskelsey (ageism from other women) - www.tiktok.com/@heymisskelsey...
algiepowers (deli sample lol) - www.tiktok.com/@algiepowers/v...
faganchelsea (I only follow women over 50) - www.tiktok.com/@faganchelsea/...
studiomucci (I'm 40, I do dress my age) - www.tiktok.com/@studiomucci/v...
tingmystyle (I don't dress cool for men) - www.tiktok.com/@tingmystyle/v...
grayhairandtattoos - / grayhairandtattoos
advancedstyleofficial (dressing fun) - www.tiktok.com/@advancedstyle...
yael.wolfe (myths of ageism) - www.tiktok.com/@yael.wolfe/vi...
katiestonemakes (I want to age eccentrically) - www.tiktok.com/@katiestonemak...
expiredglutenfreebread (one of my fav gray haired icons) - www.tiktok.com/@expiredgluten...
theanwarali (Catherine Ohara was 36) - www.tiktok.com/@theanwarali/v...
Tiffany Ferguson (she/her), 27 years old. #internetanalysis #ageism #old
Business Inquiries: tiffanyferguson@select.co
This episode was co-written by Sheriden Smith!
Captions / video transcription by: / slowxmoxpanda (She is looking for more caption work, so feel free to reach out to her on Twitter!)
FTC: This video is sponsored by Bellesa. Links with * are affiliate, meaning I am compensated monetarily if you join or make a purchase. - Krátké a kreslené filmy
the “she looks young” comment for anyone in their 30s cracks me up. she looks young because she is young 😭
well i guess they mean she looks younger than her age like teens or 20s
Yup
Right????
i'm 27 and i work with mainly people younger than me, some of whom were like "shut up" when i told them my age - like what do you expect a 27 year old to look like? 😭😭🤣 i know they mean it as a compliment but they don't see what they're implying 😂
@hhastii Omg me too@ I'm back in college doing my second degree at 29. The youngsters are what, no way, you look so young lmao. Honestly I think they think we just get really old once we turn 25 or somth😂
the thing with ‘aging gracefully’ is that it implies that any other aging is disgraceful
Ooooh so true
Looking back at human history, that was always the case unfortunately. Either a human was inventing something crucial, was a royal, or known for inspiration and / or beauty
I too wanna be the funky granny with the smile wrinkles 😂
Tbh, I've only ever heard the term "aging gracefully" in the context of not getting work done as you get older. Someone who is getting a lot of plastic surgery because they're terrified of getting older and botching their face in the process is perceived as not "aging gracefully". So I think in a way that perspective is valid because it refers to a calm and accepting attitude towards aging. I think it's valid to admire that. But I agree that it's unfair to blame women for trying to preserve a youthful look when aging is depicted as the worst thing that can happen to a woman.
thing is when someone say "age gracefully" they actually mean "stay youthful and fit".
Last year, when I was 34, I was in a terrible accident and had pretty extensive burns but was lucky enough to have everything heal up much more quickly than I expected and without scars. The burns specialists at the hospital told me: “That’s because you’re young and healthy.” I told them: “I’m not young, I’m 34.” They just laughed at me and said: “Kid, 34 is young in physiological terms.” That reaction made me realise how much I had bought into the societal narrative that 30+ is old.
Had a similar experience to this recently, with a doctor being absolutely baffled that I thought I "wasn't technically a YOUNG adult" (I'm in my late 20s). He literally laughed a little bit at me saying that about myself lol! Honestly, it's like ppl on the internet think it's the caveman era and we're all gonna die of tuberculosis or get eaten by a tiger at age 35 or something...
I suspect that kids run the internet
@@Emiliapocalypse LOL
I get it though, because as someone who is 27 I sometimes feel like I'm behind on stuff, because the first 20-25 years of your life go so quick and so much changes. Going from a baby to an adult includes so many huge changes in so little time compared to the rest of your life, yet those are the years that can make the biggest impact. The years when you go to school and potentially define your path in life, make or not make friends, start or not start a family (this one goes a bit further). Not to say these things are impossible later in life but they're more difficult. Because you do end up having to make some of these choices early in life when they're technically easier and then you may get stuck in those decisions and changing them can be hard. Or maybe you don't know what you want but you're pressured to choose before it's "too late".
I really needed to see this comment. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry about your accident. I hope you're ok now ❤
Oof this topic is one that always hits me in the heart. I have a terminal illness and I will never get "old". I'm lucky if I have a year or two more. When I see people worry so much about aging I feel sad, they don't know how lucky they are to have a chance to get old. Every year is a gift and it hurts that it's seen as such a bad thing.
I sincerely hope you get to have happy life experiences regardless of how long you have on this earth.
None of us are promised the future, despite how much people like to believe.
I hope your life still absolutely rocks, because there's still a lot of great things that can happen
@@SharonStoppable thank you for your kindness. I'm extremely lucky that even though I've been delt less years they have been years full of love and friendship. I have an incredible partner, family, friends, and cats. I'm not able to do much but I still get to smell the lavender that grows under my window and feel the sun on my skin. I get to hold my partner's hand and drink cups of tea. There is so much beauty in those moments and I appreciate them so much.
@JulesBiscuits I hear you! My story and yours are like comparing apples and oranges... maybe more like comparing apples and pears. But you are not alone. I'm in my mid-50s living a few years past my prognosis, but I'm also living with an incurable and fatal illness that will likely, ya know, in a few more years. Complaints about aging make me sad for others and for myself. I have decided to project whatever confidence, charm and wisdom I've sincerely achieved by this point in my life, rather than waiting for anyone of any age to validate me. I get to love so many others who also love me, and I get to be excited for life on the other side. I keep trying to do as many good things as I can that my resources and abilities allow. I'm content and fulfilled. I applaud you for your journey as well! 🦋🧡🦋
I'm chronically ill bedridden have been for 2yrs at 22. I don't fear getting older I fear never being able to experience things again. I'm hopeful eventually with medical breakthroughs and that my body will start to heal itself I can do more in my older years. But the truth is I have no idea, I envy the 50yrolds in this video. Wishing you the best ❤
@@kimitriwright After reading your story, I feel for you. I see that you are resilient and hopeful in the face of very real challenges with chronic illness. I applaud you for the very hard work you're doing... it takes patience and grit to get through each day of chronic illness. One thing I've learned while dealing with ten years of chronic illness is to develop social connections with people of all ages who are going through similar things as me. As Tiffany demonstrated in her video, we all benefit by breaking out of the constraints of ageism. One way that ageism confines us all is that we internalize this idea we can only socialize with people who are our age. But people our age don't always understand what we're going through as individuals. Sometimes older people are the ones who will understand us a bit better. I've cultivated friendships with a handful of people who are older than me, and I find that we're actually peers in terms of understanding certain things. It's very freeing to be able to speak openly about every day experiences that my similar aged peers don't necessarily understand. All the best to you on your journey. You've got this. 🦋🧡🦋
I remember talking to my 70-year-old grandmother about aging, and her saying "No matter how old I get, I still don't feel like an adult, maybe I never will" and that completely changed the way I saw adulthood.
I had a similar experience. I came home from college and visited my 60 something year old aunt. She was happy to see me and catching me up on things when she launched into a rant against her sister in law (my other aunt) and how they had a fight over playing a dominos game and how they vowed they'd never play a game together again because the other is a cheater and blah blah. I just sat there and thought "holy shit...they sound like children. Omg...we never grow up." Later I read some quote somewhere, "how should I know how to act my age, I've never been this age before." And omg...it's true. Now I dgaf. I am me and I am going to do what I want. Enough of this bs.
I think that it also says something about how children are viewed. If how we feel about ourselves barely ever changes, we should be more supportive of children experimenting with independency (appropriately ofc). This might be a personal sentiment provoked about how some of my family is treating my 15yo cousins. It's horrible
It's true you really don't usually feel old in your mind. Yes, things in your body change and you get aches and pains and can't do as much which really sucks but it happens to everyone so it doesn't do any good to be pissed about it. Not much anyway lol.
@@Liu484people really are way too doting to their kids now, like a 7 year old should start to have some independence like picking out their clothes, picking their snacks and lunch for school, sports/ hobbies. It's weird how controlling some people are. Especially when it comes to food, like I understand dyes and sugar aren't good for children but come on
As a 27 year old woman, I get nervous about aging sometimes , but I remind myself of what my mum told me - she was so excited to turn 45, because she had struggled with cancer for 7 years at that point, and I’ll never forget her telling me that getting older is a blessing and a privilege, only the lucky people get older. She passed away 6 days after her birthday that year and her words have been so helpful in the 10 years since then, as I’ve had to handle growing up and growing older without her
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m 28 and a cancer survivor, so I can relate in some ways. Have to keep remembering how lucky we are to be here ❤
@@pokelover02 Thank you, and congratulations (if that’s the right word?) on beating it!
im sorry for your loss, but she was such a warrior for battling it for 7 years! thats incredible! hope youre doing well stranger
@@mellohighh Thank you so much! She really was the strongest person I’ve known, that’s for sure 💛
I am so sorry you lost your Mum, I can’t imagine your pain. I’m 40 and the last few birthdays I have simply felt gratitude for life. Our external bodies are only a vessel and our souls and hearts are what are truly alive. I hope you are at peace knowing that your Mum is watching over you ❤
Anyone find it wild that a lot of talk about using sunscreen is that “it’ll keep you from ageing, etc etc!!” And not, you know, not getting skin cancer
Literally! As if it’s not the use of sunscreen?!
It’s so sad how much we hear that though… as if that’s more important. Society really messes with our minds and shifts the perspective of aging into something it shouldn’t be. As if it’s not normal and should be feared. I’m glad more people are talking about this! I hope you have a lovely day and I’m so sorry for this long reply T^T
@@anyone1111Hey, are you implying the use of sunscreen causes skin cancer? Or am I misunderstanding your comment lol
I know! I'm a sunscreen fanatic. But as a ski instructor, I work around some people who say something about me caring about looks too much. No. Baby, I saw my grandpa's scalp get hamburgered from removing skin cancer! That ain't gonna be my journey. Especially bc I never wore sunscreen growing up bc I tanned lol
honestly they probably don't say that because the crazy crunchy people will come in with their "all chemicals are bad for you and cause cancer" and it's not worth having to deal with them
@@celinepope no, I think she is saying that people are pushing sunscreen as an anti-aging tool, rather than a tool to prevent sun cancer....
honestly being part of hobby-centric online communities has been such an antidote to internalized ageism because i'm constantly interacting with people older than me, younger than me, and my own age. you inevitably make friends, so your connections end up looking a lot more diverse.
Yes! Crafting communities are the only reason I can engage I’m social media. I’m trying to find some irl to make friends with different age groups.
Oooo fellow crafter here! What kind of crafts do y'all do? Any communities you can recommend?
you're right but at the same time it really depends on what hobby is it. i'm a big kpop fan and a lot of people (including the fandoms inside) think that kpop is just for teenage girls. when i was more active on twitter i would always see some stans calling 20 y.o fans old or hags 💀 and now that i'm 21 myself it's so weird, like, do they just stop liking their hobby just because they age? couldn't be me! it's funny bc i'm pretty sure the people in kpop who make it so big on sales are the adults. it's not cheap, like at all. collecting is very expensive. buying albums, lightsticks, concert tickets, photocards , merch. is very, very expensive. when i was a teenager i could only dream of doing so. now that i'm older i have attended concerts and have my own collection, it's awesome :)
@@insideatheartI think it’s a very good point about more like fandom style hobbies, because I think OP meant like crafting hobbies. When I was younger I was also very much into kpop and a variety of tv shows, so my community was the tumblr fandoms (way back in 2012), but the difference between fandoms and craft communities can be quite stark. I’ve definitely noticed a lot more positive engagement between people of different ages in craft communities because the emphasis is on helping each other learn a skill. But I suppose it all depends on what platform you’re on as well.
@@insideatheart If it gives you any peace at all, I'm turning 40 in September and have been a kpop fan since I was 23. I actually got into it because I really liked learning kpop dances as my main form of exercise. And while as I got older my relationship with kpop has evolved and I don't necessarily know every new group that comes up, or follow every new choreo, it's still fun to get excited about new songs or the aesthetic in the MVs. Groups like Blackpink and BTS are so mainstream now too that I can guarantee that the age range of fans is significant. So, as someone who got into kpop older than you even are now, just wanted to say don't worry about aging out of a hobby, enjoy things that make you happy and don't worry about teens who don't have the awareness or experience to understand that 21 should not be considered ancient lol
I remember being in my early 20’s and thinking 40 was SO old. I’m now 38, I’m in better shape and happier than I was in my 20’s. I like to tell people I’m a middle aged women 😂
I mean, you aren’t lying when you say your middle aged.
@@Bibirallie I think they meant it more like "I don't shy away from the fact that I am middle aged."
Right?? I am 35 & never felt better. Better health, better mental state, better financial life.
@@Bibirallie I mean she is ahaha, the official period of "middle aged" is ~45-65 (give or take 5 years on each side to factor in individual health. Some "Middle aged" people are still biologically young, some 35 year olds have 50 year old bodies)
Seriously though. I am happier now in my 40's than I ever was in my 20's. Happier, healthier and more content. Aging is such a blessing and a privilege. Not everyone gets to do it.
I’m 43 and a dialysis patient (I have poly cystic kidney disease). This whole conversation about “aging gracefully” infuriates me - my dad died from PKD at 40 and all I can think is… I GET to age. My gray hairs are a sign that I’m still here. I’ve got gray hairs and bright green nails and I’m living my best life, despite being in kidney failure. 🎉
Hello Cindy, couldn’t agree more. PLUS I can still walk, and see and read, and go places. The millions of people young and old that do not get to do these things is staggering. Yet, we tend to take whatever we have for granted.
PKD patient here! Had a transplant at 29 after 3 years on dialysis - that was 18 years ago. Wishing you good health and a new kidney in your future. Aging is definitely a privilege that I have to remind myself a lot. “Best” side-effect of post-transplant medication might be that I have to stay out of the sun as a rule, so I have that to credit for my youthful skin. Also being on the younger side in the nephrologist’s waiting room is nice. 😂
Yes!!! Live it up, all that you got! Aging gracefully, for me anyways, is owning, appreciating and embracing the ride! Exaclty what you are doing!
I totally agree with you. I'm only 20, but I've gotten very close to cutting my own life short... several years later I'm now doing much better (still struggling, but less), every year is a gift. I never thought I'd make it to 18, let alone 20, I'm excited for what my future holds.
I'm literally dealing with one of my debilitating migraine attacks right now, and still glad to be here. it will be over soon, and then I get to enjoy not feeling like shit! I can't take life and health for granted, because both have been uncertain to me, so I just enjoy being here. I have plans for my future, but if they don't work out the way I want, that's life. I try to take it one day at a time...
I know Sex and the City definitely has its controversies and isn't perfect but I do love that it shows life from the perspective of women from their 30s-50s and shows so many different situations and relatable scenarios. I feel that that's rare.
Definitely. Sadly the main understanding in society is that once a woman has a child, gets married or passes a certain age, their life slows down and new life experiences become rare for them - which is not true for many. I also feel like Gen Z will age very differently in the upcoming years and hopefully break this stigma towards ageing women.
💯 there aren’t nearly enough shows about middle aged women living their lives. Usually at that age all we get is middle aged side characters being wives to the main character. And Just Like That is proving to be a show unlike many in 2023, all because it focuses on the lives of older women.
haha basically the same comment from me word for word
When I was a teen, shows like SATC and movies like 13 going on 30 made me so excited to be in my 30’s but when I got to be around 28 I was called ancient by everyone online and I no longer felt excited :(
Fully agree.
I’ve been seeing every influencer I followed take their age out of their bio once they’ve turned 25. I completely see why now.
@@Hiroshi189 that’s so weird. People think you’re young a year before but the suddenly think you’re suppose to have wrinkles at 25 😭
Yes I have noticed that too. Every age past 25 is considered "old" in social media.
The cutoff age keeps getting lower, it used to be 30. It’s weird and makes no sense.
In my social circle, and probably it's the online culture in my country as a whole, young people including myself put our ages in our bio when we were teens and people still have it as young adults. I took mine out a year ago when I turned 23, being existential and fearful of aging. Now I just don't bother putting it back up, but also realising how sad my reasoning was for doing it last year.
@@heidiheidi0 social media's cult leader is leo dicaprio 😆
I'm 50 and the social invisibility is REAL. I mostly get this message from straight men who don't find me attractive, so I understand how my value to them is diminished. But it gladdens my heart to know that young people would be interested in what my generation has to say about life. I've always assumed that the youth weren't interested, but I promise you, there is a lot of joy and wisdom and happiness on this side of 40, as long as you're willing to create it and it nurture it.
I suspect this is where many of the amazing women I know have gotten sassier. Older women start bringing the attitude so no one can ignore them!
That’s so weird I don’t experience invisibility at all and I’m 52. I was sexually harassed 4 months ago, that’s how visible I am. Your appeal never goes away. Maybe it’s because I tend towards paranoia but I always feel self conscious out in public. I never, ever feel invisible.
@@MsCristina38 Sexual harassment is often about power and not about sex or attractiveness. That is why disabled people (who are considered not attractive by societal standards if it's visible) so often fall victim to abuse. I think it's really important to make that distinction because if not, you can end up like my mother who taught me that cat calling were "compliments".
@@Shirumoon Yes, totally get what you’re saying. My point was that I am still attracting men (that do not harass me) as well. It was really hard being in my 20s and 30s getting cat called every time I walked down the street, or groped or fondled or harassed. I HATED male attention and I still do. The only time I appreciate attention from men is when it’s mutual. My point is that I still get harassed! At age 52! as well as normal attention from men interested in dating me. So it’s about being attractive and attracting the wrong attention.
I’m a plus sized woman and this has always been my experience (being invisible to people who don’t find me sexually attractive). Actually when I lost the weight I *hated* the unwanted sexual attention from creepy men, and although I liked the way I looked and felt as a thin woman, I didn’t mind gaining the weight back just so I didn’t have to deal with all the sexual harassment! I honestly can’t wait to grow older so I can be a healthy old woman who isn’t constantly getting hit on by creepy men. It will be the best of both worlds and I can’t wait. 🥰
Im so glad someone finally called the ageism out. I am so tired about memes about how people in their 30s get back problems and are basically shriveled up old people. Please. On the internet, it seems like you are only young and hip between ages 15 and 25. Anything over that is considered "old" and anything under that is "just a kid." So you only get about 10 years of your life to be a normal, non-old age. The human lifespan is up to age 88 these days and several live to be much older. These people have an antiquated idea of "old".
One of my life goals is to make it to 100. I know it’s a shot in the dark but that would be so cool
Oh the irony 😅
That's how mainstream media works even its common in the film industry. What can you do about it huh?
Joke is on them, I've had back problems since I was a teenager. 😆
@@AlexandraUtschig Same! But also wtf is up with making fun of health issues? That is not okay towards any age group. Not only ageism but ableism in some cases.
I followed an 84 year old influencer on CZcams and whaaaat, more people over 60 started getting recommended. It’s amazingly great to see how they’re so happy and fulfilled when I’m 52 and media wants me to think I’m done but I may live for decades more, heh!
Would you mind sharing which one?
please share!!!
Please share! I would love to follow older influencers.
Please share! (Tag me!)
Life over Sixty with Sandra is a wonderful channel
Watching Jenna Marbles enter her 30s and still be her fun, silly self alleviated any fear I had of aging (I’m now 31)
SO TRUE! Jenna was so unabashedly herself and couldn’t have cared less about being in her 30s. She said something once like, ‘I’ll never be the prettiest or smartest woman in the room all the time, but I can always be one who’s ready to laugh.’ I LOVE her for that.
And next year, you'll get to sing her '32 year old ladddyyyyy...' song. I'll be 42 next year & I plan to sing a modified version of it😂
I’m a woman in my early 30s and I’ve been so bullied on TikTok by Gen Z that I deleted my account. I truly wish someone would explain to Gen Z that in the blink of an eye they’ll be turning 30 and it’s so hurtful to have younger people mock you and call you old on a daily basis just for existing. 📝EDIT: of course young people have always mocked “old people” the difference here is that younger generations are starting to mock the generation right before them, which is just a couple of years older than them, for being “too old” - and that’s concerning, because it shows an exponential increase in ageism.
True. I feel like Zoomers are so much more brutal and unkind than we ever were or are. Maybe it's because they're so comfortable with being perpetually online, I dunno.
It's not lovely to hear, but there is some humor in knowing your bully is just sabataging themselves in 10-15 years. And I remember all our 20s and how so many of us were insesure and lost AF. So, you know these gen z bullies are probably not doing as great as they pretend to be.
I honestly believe in this day and age, Gen Zs would commit suicide to avoid turning 30. because that’s how much they fear/hate being 30.
Don’t worry, Gen Z is gonna turn 30 too and they’ll have a MASSIVE breakdown or not survive it because it affects their mental health so much. Because after so many years of bullying they’ll be in your shoes. I don’t understand why Gen Z act like they’ll be 19 forever. The clock is ticking for them too.
As someone who is in Gen Z, I’m sorry that people treated you like shit on TikTok. That place is so toxic and I’m glad I deleted it, personally speaking.
I’m nearly 60 and it is great. I cannot emphasize how few craps I give about so many things I used to care about only because I thought I was supposed to. I can go walking around with my unkept graying hair, a dorky hat, and my gut hanging out over the top of my jeans and I just don’t care
Same. 56, happily child-free, and give zero f*cks. I'll never be an influencer though as I prefer what life was like before social media. So glad I didn't grow up under the glare of it.
Sometimes I try to dress as dorky as possible 😂 I absolutely love how with age, you do not care what other people think
This is the influencing I need
YESSSS!!!
About a year ago I saw a musician I’ve loved since I was a kid in concert, and he was 62 at the time. He had long gray hair and a cowboy hat and was jumping around and making silly jokes about the venue. I decided right then and there that that’s who I want to be when I’m 62.
I've been called "old" and "out of my prime" by men online. I'm 25 lol. And they always say I'm teenager, and then when I clarify, I'm suddenly a grandma.
Yeah creepy men think I’m too old and I’m 21 and I look 14😅
Yeah they cannot decide what to do as they lack brains and manners.
@@angelhellokitti and it's always the dudes old enough to be our dads 😂😂😂
A lot of these men are probably preying on high schoolers
Ageism is extremely rampant in some fandom spaces. People who are over 25 are called "hags" and insulted for still being in fandom. They get called creepy for daring to exist in the same space as younger fans (despite being there first). There are literal gen z people getting "ok boomer"ed these days. As a 30 year old it makes me feel ancient honestly.
It's wild to see it happen in fandoms for things that are very clearly aimed at adults. I've seen the "hag" insult thrown around in the Our Flag Means Death fandom...a fandom for a TV-MA HBO Max show where most of the main cast are in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, and where the plot's meaning is derived from the main characters being middle-aged and still being able to discover new things about themselves. That show was definitely not made for teens, so why expect the fandom to be only teens?
this has happened to me before too! minding my own business in fandom with people my own age, still enjoying the things that were formative for me as a nerdy teen… it’s wild too there’s this idea that you have to stop liking the things you like as you get older. like my interests should’ve changed to “old” person things like doing my taxes once i got into my 30s. how joyless!
Teens are generally not emotionally equipped to be online anyway, the dangers are so great for them (and mentally expanded by fear mongering) I wonder if that’s driving someone of this behavior.
But I tend to assume the people I’m talking to online are my age or 5-10 years older. For me the truly odd thing is that there are kids and teens out here in these comments. Comments that sometimes send me reeling or deeply sad or angry. I’ve seen people jump down a 14 y/o’s throat for saying that teens sometimes aren’t virgins and then when they revealed that they themselves were such a teen just got MORE hate. It’s not okay.
Everyone needs to be more respectful, because you never know who you are talking to. But in some ways I think people build an persona for the people they talk to online. I don’t think that is accurate or healthy
Super wild when I remember that majority of the good stuff made in fandom is made by adults, who have lives but still want to contribute to their passion.
😢 Like, I am well fed on AO3 because of these "hags"😭
It's so wild to me, because as a kid I was afraid I will become boring and not enjoy the things I loved then. Seeing adults online collecting things and enjoying fandom stuff was so important for me back then. Made me less afraid of growing up.
I'm 58 and have been insulted and told "get off the internet Grandma" quite a few time. But I never listen to them. Why should I care what a hateful person thinks? The internet has room for everyone.
I have a field day with people like that. Shuts them right up.
F those ppl, everyone would demand inclusion except for older folks apparently
@@dinoelsaurio Yes it is like everybody but the elder. I had stumbled upon many so called inclusive videos but they exclude the elder and it is even a commonly overlooked group in the comments section and sometimes ridiculed.
the people who are 58 are basically the CREATORS of the internet as we know it!
People in their 50s created the internet and popularized it every tech ceo now is in their 50s elon musk is in his 50s you have value dont let them.tell you otherwise.
The point that so much of ageism is actually misogyny is so true! I hear young women talk about how “old” they are, when they haven’t even reached thirty, or what I assume are teen boys calling me “old” like it’s a slur, just for the crime of having an opinion online. I don’t see that happening to men nearly as much.
I honestly think it’s low key a subconscious revenge for men historically dying younger than woman on average. Like they’re jealous we get to live longer so they want us to feel bad about it.
well what value does the average childless woman over 30 bring to society? Usually not much, that's why they are mocked for not contributing.
Parentified at 8yrs old. “Became a woman” at 11. I am now 24 and I am so exhausted. I also grew up “fat” so I had to dress like a middle aged woman as a child. So, now I feel so weird “acting my age” because I was forced to act older until I moved out and became my own person.
Oh definitely, I feel you on the growing up fat thing. I sometimes feel younger now at 30, because I can wear clothes that match my age
I'm 34 and was a parentiified child since I was 15. I have never dressed young either.. I don't know where to start with a fun lifestyle
Tiffany!!! I am a professor of Aging Studies and I might incorporate parts of this video in my curriculum! I've already been vascillating incorporating older TikTokers in my lessons so this is excellent!
Aging studies sounds really cool! I've never heard of that discipline.
Aww thank you!! what a fascinating area of study
That's so cool
I was a Gerontology minor and got a Gerontology certificate when I was in my MSW program! Much love to your students.
Realizing that the negative feelings I have about aging comes from the ideals that “PDFphiles” hold reallyyyy helped me. Oh I no longer look like I could be in high school? Who the hell wanted me to look that way in the first place? That’s right it’s people who like children 😭
Brooo so true. Hollywood is literally what plants that sht in peoples minds from a young age
as a chronically ill and disabled 20yo, i tend to feel like i have a lot more in common with older people, especially physically. i have a lot of the same health problems as my grandparents, and it does scare me sometimes wondering how bad it will get as i get older. its extremely difficult to find other disabled people around my age, and it does feel extremely isolating, so im grateful for all the people i have met (online and irl) who i can relate to of all ages.
I don't have a chronic illness (as far as I know) but I do have alot of pain and aches since I was a kid and I feel the same way. The old people around me are always like "just wait until you're old!!" And it's so scary, I'm having those issues NOW, how much worse will it get?
We NEED 50+ year old influencers. Maturity and wisdom is desperately needed in the social media space. I like that tiktok seems to be the first platform that older folks find accessible.
There are many older CZcamsrs. Just need to look beyond what the algorithm puts out on your feed.
Yes!! Like Life over 60 with Sandra! She’s such a peach and a joy to watch ,if her content is your cup of tea of course~
Ah yes, the classic TV position of having a 24 year old playing a teenager with a 35 year old being the “mom”
omg literally! no wonder our perceptions of age are so out of whack lmao
Or actors playing teachers being the same age/younger than the actors playing the high schoolers 😂
I’m in my 40s and I dress how I want. One perk of aging is you stop caring what others think.
YESSSS!!! How good is THAT?! I went to the beach with my husband last summer and it was the very first time that I had a completely comfy, relaxed day without worrying that others were judging how I looked in my swimsuit. I just wear what I like.
I love this! I’m starting to get some grown woman confidence at 27 and I can’t wait to reach my 40s!!!
I'm barely 26, and I'm already starting to feel the generational gap between I and Gen Z, especially in social media and fandom spaces. The ageism is rampant, *especially* coming from younger folks and teens that tell you that you're "too old" to be on the internet or "too old" to be in a specific fandom. Thanks for talking about this! This is a conversation that very much needs to be needed I think.
Which is extra dumb because the internet, including social media, is older than them.
Same and I'm 24
Jesus! And you are only 26 years old. I have a daily fight with ageism on internet as I am 51 and to them I am ancient.
26 too! It would also be cool if Tiffany talks about why do young and old people have tension towards beauty standards
I'm 22 and already scared 😭
I've seen some of the worst examples of ageism on twitter in certain fandoms, where people say things like "shouldn't you be raising your kids instead of talking about [whatever] on the internet?" as a casual dig. These types of insults are a much deeper issue about societal expectations of women, and if they fight back, they're immediately criticized for "not taking the high road" "not being an adult". I'm like, I don't care what age you are, can people just be kinder to each other please? Can we normalize being kind on the internet? (Probably not, because it's the internet, but I can hope.)
It’s wild! I always say, “so when you’re this same age you’re going to be raising your kids and won’t care about fandom too right?” And it’s always crickets…
Those people are gonna have a massive wake-up call when they reach their mid-20s and realize that they remain interested in the same hobbies and media
Also men generally aren't nearly as expected to suddenly stop playing video games or obsessing over superhero movies or Star Wars if they're adults...hmmm, wonder why (there's less of an expectation placed on men to "grow up" and raise kids; they're encouraged to focus on themselves rather than sacrificing for others)
I'm 26 and sometimes afraid of aging but then I remember:
•Family members with my genetic condition died younger than I am now.
• I've made it nearly 5 years past sepsis despite the 5 year survival rate (for the severety) only being around 56%. I'm totally missing several immune markers making it even more impressive.
•I've survived colapsed lungs, brain injuries, hypovolemic shock, and a life threatening electrolyte deficiency.
•I survived being assaulted and strangled.
When I put it into that perspective I'm filled with a sort of defiant glee that I'm alive and getting older. I truly believe that we all have survived, avoided, prevented, or made it through something that fills us with defiant glee over being alive and urges us to embrace aging.
Aging is natural. I’m 👏🏽 not 👏🏽 going 👏🏽 to 👏🏽 apologize 👏🏽 for my age. And you shouldn’t either.
I think women are told to stay young to keep men interested. But we don't need to care what men think
Period. I stopped caring about what men think and I feel so carefree. Dress and live for yourself not for men 💯
I had been told by men that youth is not that important as having a great personality and looking like you take care of yourself while still looking age appropriate. That is coming from men with a little more brains than the average, that is.
When I was 18 one of my best friends was a woman 55 years old. She was honest without being condescending, genuinely had my back in a way that I recognized and trusted, and overall treated me like a human; she had some of the best stories. I was VERY mature for my age as she told me. Now, I work with much older people and find that I appreciate and value their friendship the most.
Same! I was really blessed by having several much older friends when I was younger. Now I am that older woman, I wish I could repay the Universe by being that friend to younger women.
When I was in my late teens I was part of a subculture that has a very wide range of ages and it was totally normal to have friend groups with a 40 or 50 year age gap between the youngest and oldest member. I had friends who were in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and even 70's. I don't see most of them anymore, but my two best friends still from that time are 8 and 17 years older than me. As an autistic person I feel like it was very beneficial to me socially to be friends with people older than me because they usually are a lot less interested in social games and conformity (definitely not always, I was in an awful gossipy backstabby 'friend' group for a short while of which most members were in their 40's and 50's, but _usually_). I also don't exactly have the best parents to put it mildly so they've helped me a ton with just basic things of being an adult. The funny thing is, I went back to college 3 years ago and one of the close friends I've made there is 8 years younger than me.
I’m 46 and I INTENTIONALLY seek out older influencers for aspiration, knowledge and guidance. It helps me to prepare for the years to come.
YES 👏🏼 nothing has made my 30s anxiety evaporate like actively seeking out the opinion and thoughts of people over 30 :P
Funny part is many women didn’t even hit their prime until 30, 40 +! And yes, I am talking about shallow stuff (especially for us baby faced folks) and even more in the important ways, especially in confidence and not caring what others think . I just turned 40 and it felt like freedom. I have always been terrified of aging, so grateful I am examining it and letting it go!
I was at my peak of attractiveness in my mid-40's. I was also feeling much more confident at that point in my life, which surely added to the overall "picture." I got tons of (looks-based) attention, and even a little hate. I'm in my 50's now and even though I don't look as good, I haven't been happier at any point in my life. There's SO much life after our 20's.
This is encouraging for someone like me who always had a baby face and was infantilized growing up, and when I turned 30 I was told I must be lying because I looked no older than 21 (a few people said that) lol
It's true. Even thinking about athletes. Alot of those people don't reach their full potential until late 20’s/ early 30
I recently invited some coworkers to go Contra Dancing (American Folk Dancing) and they were appalled that the group tends older. It's frustrating because they'll tell you they're so accepting of everyone and they love the elderly, but if an activity has too many elderly people, it's gross.
I had a similar experience... A few years ago, I used to go to ballroom dancing classes and pretty much everyone there was 50+ years old. They were always super chill and nice to me. But when I tried to invite some of my friends, you could see that they found it weird, like an "ew" went through their minds... just terrible
@@LivPCI’ve always wanted to try out ballroom dancing but my own insecurity of being a pos kid in a room full of adults kept me away😅
Hypocrites. They preach acceptance, respect and rights, BUT only if you're under 30 😂
I don’t like Bill Maher but he was 100% right that ageism is the last culturally accepted -ism out there today
I think what's beneficial is making real-life connections with people who are a few decades older than you. I happened to get hired at an office with a female executive director in her mid 50s. Me and the other younger women working for her are practically her fangirls because she's in her mid 50s and enjoys her life 100% and she didn't "peak" in her 30s. Her 30s was the beginning of her career, and it was 20 years of experience that made her current life a good one. I find it's important to have the perspective from these women when you're generally surrounded by friends your own age.
That's amazing and I totally agree.
+1
I feel like my fear of aging has a lot to do with losing my health and mental cognition. I worked in a nursing home for a while in all units including the Alzheimer's unit and that part of aging scares me to my core and never leaves you once you see it. It's something I have to work through for sure
I’ve had to put that in a box in my brain and just try not to ruminate on it. It could just not be salient and it’s not worth suffering extra for it. Easier said than done! But I’m trying to enjoy things so it’s necessary work lol
Same, I care for a number of people with dementia and others with conditions that have rapid mental and physical decline. Those are the only things that scare me when it comes to the aging process. That and how little you see of their family if at all :(
I was a caretaker for my dad with a pile of ailments including dementia. Aging outside of that doesn't scare me. I've been through so many surgeries already. It's losing my mental cognition that scares me.
I was also a caregiver - mostly memory care. I used to joke that I was going to be a handful if I ever ended up in one. A couple years ago, I survived a bout with necro fascii. Then came the stroke, neurological issues, limited sight in one eye and a seizure disorder. At 43, I now use a walker and get around with paratransit. Every once in awhile, I see my old residents. Am I old? No, but I sure feel like it sometimes 😂 Am I a handful? Oooooooh yes :)
So much of what we think of as a normal part of the aging process, isn't. It's lifestyle choices. Eating a standard American diet, smoking, alcohol, not exercising, etc contribute to heart disease, diabetes, cancer, dementia, etc.
Ageism is ingrained from such a young age it’s crazy… I still feel so insecure sometimes just for looking older than I am even though I’m younger than most of my peers. It shouldnt bother me but it does.
i relate to every word
that's what makes it so hard to break out of! no matter how much research/articles/books/testimonies we see about ageism and how it's linked to prejudice and capitalism/consumerism itself and serves no good purpose to us, it's still SO difficult to break the subconcious notion of old = bad or what 'old' even means when that's what you've been told/shown your whole life! i hope we can all continuously learn and heal so that we can stop worrying about living and literally just enjoy it
Same, I’m 19 and people think I’m in my early 20s.
Lol I'm turning 31 in a month and still feel like I'm 16. I'm shocked when people refer to the age 30 as "old" because I'd like to have these same people look me in the face and tell me I'm old :D
I feel the same way at 40. I don't feel old.
The way I choked on my own spit when you said the first lady was 29 and people were saying she looked “so young”!
There’s a 30-something CZcamsr who makes content catered to kids and it’s so wild when I see comments saying “I hope I look that good in my early 30s!!!1!”
And I saw a Twitter thread a few years ago of how 20-something’s get treated like geriatric patients by their teen co-workers like… whyyy??? Is this reeeeall??
That’s why I watch older women CZcamsrs and that’s why I’m occasionally addicted to 30 something or up mom channels because they just seem so confident
I'm glad you're talking about this. It's bothered me for a while. I'm 32, and to be honest I don't feel old at all. I've noticed a lot of influencers older than 30 talk about their age A LOT. It's the reason I stopped watching Simply Nailogical, which I know is weird, but she mentions being "so old" all the time and it made me sad. She's 33.
I stopped too! Her audience skewes much younger, i recommend the nail Education academy with susie, i think is her name. There are other women here that do really interesting nail videos too. I also prefer makeup artists that have little to no face filler and surgery because why tf is that so normalized now! ? I don't want to see someone with puffy cheeks and lips and no laugh lines, which i have had since my teens and i love them!
right?? I am 33 and I feel the same as when I was 23 (or 13 for that matter), I'm just better at dealing with stuff, happier, comfortable in my own skin, and finally make good money 🤷♀. I could imagine feeling worried if mobility, health, and independence were concerns, but otherwise I don't get it (and I'm super grateful for that).
i still watch her but i do find this so fascinating/frustrating she does this a lot since i’m just a year younger than her. it almost feels like a defense mechanism or something in a strange way. like she calls herself old first before the kids can. plus i don’t really like how much of her younger audience calls her mom either, especially since she’s very vocal about being childless. it’s as if the only worth in older women to these younger fans is as a mother figure
@brjvlg I noticed that, too! She has her "mom advice" thing she did for a while at the end of some videos. I think it gives a very skewed view of aging to her younger viewers, I mean, it's not like their parents are 33, right? Unless they're literal toddlers. It just makes 33 seem so distant and disconnected from, say, 23, when it's really not it many ways.
Also, plenty of youtubers are in their 30s and still going strong, hell maybe better since they have more experience! Rachel Maksey, Abby Cox, Drawfee, and Loepsie just to name a few!
It makes me so sad when the people in my life get so fixated on and sad about getting older, because I almost didn't make it past 19 and I feel so BLESSED that I just got to see my 31st birthday. I have several illnesses that could be fatal, and it makes me feel so proud of myself every year that I get to grow older. I always want to shake my friends who are worried about aging and say "you aren't guaranteed any of this! Why are you so sad that you're still here and older???"
Aging is not the worst thing that can happen to you! Not aging is worse lol!
So true. Aging is better than the alternative.
I started following some older than me fitness influencers when I started following athletes without the typical fitness influencer bodies. Honestly, it is so helpful because these influencers have figured out what athleticism really is: finding out what your body really can do for you, not others. It is so helpful following people who’ve already going through the phase of life I’m in because I can soak in their experiential expertise.
That is so kool! Do you have any recommendations?
As a 40-yr-old childfree woman who tries to live a healthy lifestyle, I really appreciate this commentary! I also love following people my age and older on social media. 💖
I'm 29 with no social media and I socialise mostly with women over 60. They have great advice and hilarious stories. I'm excited to get into my 30s and be less on the radar.
i am 33 and its amazing, its basically been impossible to date since the moment the clock struck 30 and i have no idea how men know??? but its nice to be at peace at least
I just spoke to my therapist about this - sort of- today. 41 year hold here- married with an 8 year old daughter. I'm in the process of re-discovering myself. Finding and solidifying "my people" outside of my husband and daughter. Getting used to aging parents, financial burdens, mid-career and a getting my child ready to enter the world as an adult. The next ten years are going to be heavy. I feel that I'm truly transitioning right now from one phase of my life to the next. I did mention to her that it feels almost the equivalent of being 13ish again. A major life shift. Something I didn't think I was ready for, but now I'm embracing it
Same here. I’m 41, my daughter is almost 8 and my son just turned 10. I’m also in the process of getting divorced, but I feel like I’m discovering a whole new me and I’m actually looking forward to my 50’s because my kids will be grown and I’ll have even more freedom than I do now. It’s like a second adolescence but a lot more fun and with bills.
@@lisawise4204 hell yeah mama
More childless older adults please! ❤
god as an 18 year old gen zer, part of me can’t wait until we all age into our 30’s and the existential crisis that will follow suit. i think we’re one of the most ageist generations by far, and we don’t even have the “respect the wisdom of your elders” attitude of eras past to remedy it.
This is super interesting to hear as a millennial! Don't really have anything to add, but wanted to say thanks for sharing your perspective ❤️
I’m 26 and apparently somehow considered gen Z by many… the whiplash I get between the messages of “you’re gen Z” and “you’re old” is so not fun lmao! Definitely agree, there’s so much ageism and I can’t wait to see the existential crisis lol.
@@ldipkinlad to hear it! i go to a commuter university that skews older, so unlike most of gen z i have daily interaction with people outside of my age group. i imagine that once we start to enter the workforce en masse more of my generation will have to face the reality that in the real world people of different age groups are not fundamentally different from one another.
@@SnailSnail622it’s kind of ridiculous! the idolization of being >24 is foolish seeing as we’ll all end up on the other side of that eventually. assuming a lifespan of 76, when you’re 26 you’ve only spent 8 years as an adult out of 58 years of adulthood in total! that’s crazy young. i hope the whiplash of gen z aging gets us to reconsider the ageism in society and what we consider to be “youth”. we don’t peak in the first 1/4 of our lives. there’s so much left to do, and so much left to learn.
I just turned 29 and it genuinely led me to a bit of a crisis to realize I only had 1 year of my 20s left. I always thought I'd be married with kids by now and neither are going to happen soon. It's such a mind fuck because my friends are all older then me and in their 30s and watching them I only see confident, thriving women doing things they never could in their 20s. The societal narrative around aging is so bizarre and even conflicts with the reality of aging
I turned 30 this year and closing the 20s chapter was rough, because I felt like I didn't use it and there's no going back. But also, I have a whole new decade in front of me, where people seem to generally be more secure in themselves.
You´ll see when you turn 30 you´ll feel exactly the same as when you were in your 20´s. It doesn´t really change, your personality might change a little bit but in terms of mental age I think a lot of people get stuck in their 20´s. So my point is don´t stress, enjoy your 30´s cause you´ll still be very young.
I just started going back to school to change careers. I’m 29, likely the oldest person in my class, but I don’t feel any different than anyone else. I actually noticed that my classmates talk more about age than I do (usually comparing age) and act super surprised when they hear my age. Like, are you surprised that a 29 year old looks pretty similar to a 22 year old?? We’re only 7 years apart, come ON. Stop being so afraid of aging. It’s way better than the other option!
I'm in a few KPop Fandoms, and other over 25 year old fans and me were insulted by kids.
Situation was that we politely criticized that organizing a survey that's meant to be representative and then do age groups like "12-13, 14-15, 16-17,... Over 25" is not a good method for statistics...
We were being told that we'll die soon anyway and we should go to a nursing home.
Funniest thing is that a member of the group is also 26.
We were like "Lol, ol, but we're taking [Idol] with us then."
"You'll die soon anyway," lmao, someone in their late 20s? Wow, I knew society was getting more and more ageist, but I didn't know people were also losing their ability to count!
I haven’t gotten all the way through the video, but I have to drop in to say this is completely on point with my experience.
I’m 38 and I have really been struggling with aging, what it means, how -if at all- it changes my place in society, how will that affect dating moving forward… etc, etc.
I still have struggle moments, but ultimately I remember that only the lucky ones get older. I lost a friend to cancer 3 years ago, and she was my age.
The only way out of this life is through, and you might as well live it up and enjoy it as much as you can.
You won’t remember the haters or insults on your death bed.
Absolutely! I'm 31 and every time a birthday comes around I just feel so blessed to still be here I can't really worry about the rest.
Really powerful words here, thank you.
I’m 52. I never struggled with aging at 38. I was too oblivious to social norms and customs. Definitely don’t worry about dating. Attractiveness never ends. I keep attracting men half my age which is nice but not what I’m looking for. The most important thing is that you have an overall goal for your life, a vision. Work your way towards that and never give up. 😊
I’ve always been pretty keenly aware of the privilege of aging. My parents were 40 and 45 when they died (I was 19 and then 24) and I am now 41. It hasn’t escaped me that I am now older than my dad ever got to be. I refuse to let some dumb kid make me feel sh*tty about that for petty, superficial reasons. I know they’re just young but they can get f***ed.
I'm a teacher and when I came to my home room class on my 30th birthday, my Gen Z students surprised me with a happy birthday song and a little gift - everything was cute until someone asked how old I turned and I named *the* magic, oh-so-scary number. After that, they looked like they were close to giving me their condolences. 🥴🥴🥴
I still have a societally ingrained fear of aging, but at 33, my life has never been better. I try to remind myself all the time that aging is a privilege that not everyone gets to do. I hope I’ll be able to embrace and enjoy the process!
OMG. Seriously. We older folk are not sitting out here wishing we were still 20. Life is what you make it and it doesn't have to end after 29. I have lived SO MUCH LIFE after the age of 38, FFS. Embrace it and enjoy it. The teenagers thought you were old when you were 23 - it doesn't matter
I'm 26 now, and the people around me are all pursuing making a family or getting married. I have a bf but its ldr and have cats, but its frustrating that some of my friends say I'm old and now some of them say im a crazy cat lady.
This video makes me feel less alone.
damn you have crappy friends. I think on some level they might be threatened by your status, and so want to pressure you into conforming so your life isn't a constant reminder to them about what could've been. I'm younger but have been browsing a lot of reddit posts that discus the sort of judgment child free women experience, and while you aren't there yet, it does strike me as very similar. There's a reason child free women tend to be the happiest demographic, and misery loves company as they say
Not to give unsolicited advice but 26 was the time I started to let go of people around me who weren't supportive good friends and it changed my life for the better. But I get you - watching the people you grew up with all get married and have kids can be alienating and lonely.
In a few years, some of those same ppl calling you old will be wishing they had your life. My life is similar to yours, but I’m an actual old person and ppl my age are looking forward to a time when they can simplify their lives and reclaim time for their own needs and goals.
It’s crazy how I’m only 21 yet.. I feel to old to have kids!! My husband and I are not the riches … paycheck to paycheck so if we were to have kids it would not be for a few years and it’s sad that I already think that’s to late …. Because then I’ll be out of my 20s probably when I have a second and now society is gasping at a 30 year old having a child … how dare this “ older women have a child at such age!”
@@virginiaWT4237 dude where do you live? It’s not common at all for an early 20 something to have kids, and very common for an early 30 something to have one
I'm still fairly young (I'm 27) but every grey hair, every wrinkle, every sign of aging brings me joy. I've been struggling with severe mental health issues for half of my life. After years of hard work and therapy I'm the happiest I've ever been. My grey hair reminds me that I've made it through all the times I wanted to end my life. My smile lines prove that there are good things in life that have made me laugh. I don't care if the society perceives me as ugly or like I've "let myself go" by embracing the signs of aging. I wear it as a badge of honour
this is why i loved grace and frankie! it really made me feel excited to be over 50, and eased my anxiety about growing older. it was refreshing to see people much older than me questioning the same things about life, and yearning for new experiences
As a single 36-year-old woman who lives in a red state where the norm is to get married either right out of high school or before you turn 25, people look at me like I'm a unicorn on the regular. I used to think 40 was old, but anytime I get caught up with it I remind myself that statistically, I have a good chance of hitting 80, which means I'm not even 50% done with my life. And I didn't start enjoying life in any way until my 30s. 30s >>>> 20s and teens, all day and every day.
i can't help but think people who grow up in this environment are only disarmed by it out of jealousy. like for all the societal pressure about becoming "past your prime", none of these people were given a chance to live their own life. there's a real loneliness to that, just as much as there can be when you are single.
I've noticed that online, that a lot of people in the US seem to marry and have children much younger than in other western countries. Where I am, most I know married in their 30s and had children later. I've read the most wild opinions from people, including some on this thread that have been feeling bad for being in their late 20s and not married with a family yet! Crazy to me.
I’ve only just started the video but wanted to say thanks! As a 28 year old woman it’s been wild for me to see the difference in how society tries to make me/women feel at ages 23 vs 28. It’s almost like once you’re closer to 30 than you are to 20/25 an opinion switch flips and suddenly you’re too old, washed up and your life of ‘beauty and youth’ is over. Part of this includes feeling very out of place in the online realm.
I LOVE finding 30,40,50,60+ influencers I can relate to and positively inspire to be like. Age diversity is so so important to changing some of these strange and outdated, ingrained philosophies society holds.
Thank you for this video. I was inspired by older creators to start my YT Channel 3 years ago at age 60 and am having a ball! I’m more comfortable in my skin than at any other time in my life…life is good. Aging Gratefully ❤️
as someone who loves kpop, i often felt worried about how 13 year olds were debuting and how weird it felt for me, who is 24, watching these kids. I eventually decided to only like groups who are at LEAST 17 and older. I enjoy watching younger groups cause 1) i love their music and 2) its wholesome seeing young people having fun and being kids. But i made sure to also stan older groups who are even older than me. It was nice seeing that being 30+ didnt mean you stopped having fun and being youthful. I feel like people think 30+ year olds dont goof around and have a laugh or play games. It's nice watching groups my age, younger and older. It gives me a lot of perspective of friendships and life, and most of the music is different too.
thank you for this! i turned 30 this year and this made me feel seen. i spent my teen years extremely online and much of my free time is still spent online, and it sucks to have kids on the internet make you feel like you don't belong in a space you grew up in because you're "too old"
also, very interested in a possible domestic labor video!
thank you!! I recommend reading the "Growing Old Online" article I referenced, a lot of it is about the unique experience of millennials being the first kids online, and how weird it feels now to be called "too old" for these spaces. I found it comforting!
To them I say "Sonny, I was making memes when you were still in short pants. Now get off my lawn." In all seriousness though, not all kids think this way but the ones who do are extremely hurtful and makes internet communities feel unsafe and unwelcoming.
My mom just retired and she is living her best life. She has been traveling the world, has learned to surf, and is reconnecting with old friends. It makes me so happy to see her enjoying this phase of life after being a workaholic when she was younger. It gives me something to look forward to, and I’m inspired by how fearless she is.
I’m 25 and I watch Carla Rockmore. I believe she’s in her 50s. I love her and I actually love to hear people in their late 40s and 50s say their having the best years of their lives. It’s inspiring.
I’m 43, childless by choice, let my grays grow out 3 years ago, am a high earner getting ready to retire by 50. I could not be happier. My life is full. Love this conversation. Aging is scary health wise but otherwise I’m grateful to have lived this long and hopefully many decades more. ❤
As I get closer to turning 30, I try to remind myself I’ll be 30, flirty and thriving
I'm so glad I clicked this video. I'm 38 and get mistaken for 26/27 all the time. When I tell people my age, the interaction completely changes, and the subject of me 'not looking that old' comes up as a backhanded compliment. Body shaming has thankfully become taboo, but shouting, "Whoa! You're almost 40! Dear God, what eye cream do you use!" is still somehow socially acceptable and commendable. Also, I couldn't pinpoint why I felt like sh** every time I went down the CZcams shorts rabbit hole, but you've nailed it-- I need to only subscribe to women my age or older. The influencers I followed back in 2016 have either stopped posting or had families and moved on to other ventures, which is understandable. I will take your advice, find some women in my age demographic, and try to reset my algorithm. Thanks
I always say I can't wait to see my curly hair all white from old age (I'm only 24 so we got a ways to go), and bit by bit I'm convincing my mom that her grey hairs are lovely :>>> 💖
Can't wait for us to be funky, happy older people 🥰💖💖
I’m kind of mad I didn’t get my dad’s early gray gene because it would be so much cheaper to dye my hair and would open up SO many possibilities lol
As a 40+ youtuber with an 18-25 demo, I've never clicked so fast 😂
i’m 22 and the amount of people that have thought i was 14-16 is ASTOUNDING. i benjamin buttoned for the first 2 decades of my life. i used to think 29 was old-er, and now i think “i would be a child bride at 29”. aging is a privilege so many people don’t get. i believe you only get better as you get older
Dude I'm 25 and its the same experience for me. Last week a security guard mistook me for a middle schooler! 🤦♀ That was a new low. I remember looking up to the older kids in school and then finding out once I got to that grade that it isn't all that. And the cycle has been repeating ever since! I wish more people saw aging as a privilege. It's sad to see people younger than me stress about looking or being older and they have barely graduated high school. The pressure is brutal.
After my best friend got engaged she got taken aside by someone at the airport bc they thought she was a teenager obviously engaged to an older man 😭
i am 33 and definitely still feel like i would be a child bride haha
I'm turning 29 next month, and even thought I look younger, society makes me feel such a failure for being 29 and not having a partner, kids and a career. I'm going through so many changes in my life but the ideia of getting older is now scaring me
I felt the same way when I turned 29 which wasnt that long ago because I’m 31 now. I had just started dating a new guy after a bad breakup, no kids, took a massive step back in my career bcuz of cov!d, I felt SO behind in life and behind my peers, etc etc. I had an existential crisis all throughout the year of being 29, I could barely enjoy myself that whole year bcuz of how anxious I felt, and on my birthday when I turned 30 I almost lost my mind. It’s scary. I’m okay now, I realized that what I was fearing doesn’t exist. I made it up in my head and let society put negative thoughts into my head. I promise, you will be fine and you will thrive. I know where you’re coming from because I’ve been there too you’re not alone.
I'll be 30 in two months and feel like I should just jump off a bridge if I can't find anyone to love me in the next few months because I'm not likely to find anyone or succeed now. I wanted a partner and a family and no one wants an old hag, and that's how I seem to be seen.
@roxycocksey thank you for writing that. I know I'm not in the worst situation, but it feels like there's no way out. But I still have some hope
@OnlyHopeRemainsTTV :: hugs! :: I'm 36, many of my peers didn't find their partner until 2-3 years ago. And as someone who is adulting traditionally with 3 kids, a house, and a husband, please don't let the propaganda make you feel worthless! Sit down and think about your selfish bucket list stuff: SCUBA Diving in an exotic location, owning a huge collection of Fandom merch, horse back riding, watching every movie as it comes out in theaters... Whatever it may be. And do them! Children are curious creatures who don't understand that things can break, until they break something, and 98%of the time, the thing they break is yours, usually while trying to help you do a task because they want to be just like you. Your marriage will be easier to maintain if you meet someone naturally through a hobby and become close friends first that way rather than over Tinder based on a curated paragraph. You ARE worthy of love. And the right person for you will be attracted to you most when you are lit up from inside with happiness and joy from doing something you find worthwhile and fulfilling ^^ (and if that IS while you're working with kids, great! But never treat the thought of having kids as a guaranteed afterthought that will happen in the background of your career like I did ^^;;; Kids become your entire world simply out of necessity, and I wish someone had told me it's okay to have them later and do selfish things first the way my 1 year older sister in law is doing, just getting into the acting scene in LA, living her best life despite 3 knee replacement surgeries. Her agent literally told her: "Your stunt double can run for you. The only limitations you have are the ones you have in your head") I hope this helps :)
@@Maison_Marion this is true, and not true at the same time. If you know you want kids, but that you also know you want them later in life, you have options. You could bank a bunch of your eggs so that you have them later. You can get a surrogate to go through the pregnancy for you. If you don't mind the child not being yours biologically, you can adopt. You can date someone later in life who already has kids and is thinking they'll never find a partner again because "Noone wants kids attached". If you want to take care of kiddos, but also be your own person at night, you could own a daycare, or watch your friends' kids (trust me, best thing ever you could do for them. Helps them to remember that there's more to their identities than just "these beings that I brought into the world"), or do tutoring or coaching.
I'll admit, turning 30 was a shock. But once you get over that hill it's a relief when you realise that you're not beholden to anything, least of all other people's expectations.
I do find it funny though, all those years as a 90s kid thinking older women who dressed gothic/witchy were cringe, but now that I'm older I see the appeal. The witchy vibes are calling me...
Same once I turn 50 I'm shifting into my fairy tale swamp hag era 🔮
This is SO important to me right now, I feel like this video came out just in time for me. I was LITERALLY thinking about my age (I'm 30) and how I bought some really cute aesthetic clothing for myself. Then I was thinking to myself, am I.... dressed for my age??? Is this short heart button crop tank top appropriate for me? I was literally thinking, at age 30, if I'm "dressed for my age." WTF does that even MEAN, and it's really complicated for me bc I look very young, like LITERALLY, SO MANY people tell me I look like I'm between ages 18-25, but they NEVER think I'm over 25. And a PART of me LIKES that, but then ANOTHER part of me is like, I HATE that, bc people infantilize me all the time, ESPECIALLY bc I'm an Asian woman. Like, it's so complex how I feel about my age and I hope that I can come to terms with aging.
I hear you on the dressing “appropriately”… I love cute aesthetic clothing and I’ll happily where the “trendy” stuff, but I worry sometimes that I’m going to be thought of as crazy or foolish trying to “look younger” or like a teen when I’m clearly not… it’s so complicated and then in the end I say screw it wear what I want because it makes me happy but sometimes the journey to that point is annoyingly confusing…😅
Mood. I love cutesy stuff but I already look younger than I am and therefore am not taken seriously.
I would absolutely LOVE to see/hear more on this topic!
I’m 25 and get such a knot in my stomach whenever I think about ageing. It’s scary to think how minuscule the representation of the lives of older women is!
When I tried to think of older women in advertisements, it took me a minute to picture anything other than for anti-age products..
Thank you so much for bringing attention to this still “under-explored” topic!
Love from Denmark✨
When I was a senior in hs I was feeling some anxiety about going out into the “real world.” The only adults I interacted with were relatives, teachers, and parents of other kids so my view on adulthood was very limited.
Listening to let’s players on YT who talked about their lives helped me to start seeing that there were many different ways to live life. Even if they weren’t that old, I definitely think following more older influencers is a good thing!
I turned 40 this year, and I feel pretty good about it. One of my neighbors and good friends is a woman 38 years older than me. We go swimming together often :) She inspires me to keep up with my fitness so I can still do everything I want, no matter my age.
This is why I quit wearing makeup, quit dying my hair. I'm just over it. It doesn't matter!
Same! I understand there are ppl who love makeup and hair care but for me, it’s not how I want to spend my time and money.
I only color my hair now bc I like to experiment but I don’t shave or buy into make up. I soemtimes get skin care for Christmas and use it until it’s done and instead of getting it again I go back to my dove soap and baby lotion bc I’m hella cheap lol
I’m actually so excited for my hair to go fully white so I can dye it fun colours without having to bleach it.
I have been thinking the same thing. My hair is too dark for fun colors (and I'm not putting myself through the time and expense of lightening it), but when I'm white/gray, I will be a full on rainbow!
In my 50's and have realised I actually enjoy some of the 'becoming invisible' part of being older. So many things I can do now without worrying about unwanted advances, having to think about whether I have too much flesh showing or something that's going to draw more attention to myself when I just want to go for a run or pop into the pub for a drink and read a book.
Thanks so much for sharing! I feel like it's even harder for girls who grew up being told they're 'so beautiful/pretty' by everyone they meet - if anyone has a sister/bff this happened to, I'm sure you can relate to hearing the awkward 'but you're so funny/smart!' immediately directed at you! The pretty privilege is so real. Meanwhile as someone who was not a cute kid or hot teen/young adult I don't feel like I'm 'losing' anything by aging and feel so free to enjoy it how I want, whereas it's got to be hard for those who grew up being told they're so valuable for their looks and then that changes for them.
I'm 22 but I'm bedridden with chronic illness have been for 2yrs. Its likely any normalcy I have in life I will be 30+. I feel like I've had an experience I wasn't supposed to have until I was 90. Getting old seems way less scary to me, death feels more of a real concept which in a way is more scary but also less... People also seem alot more ageless to me. Most of my online friends are 40s, because my illness is common in that group and I relate to them way more than anyone my age. I feel ageless myself. I think I tend to connect more to life experiences than anything.
I hope this comment wasn't too out there for this video haha. It's just really interesting to watch and realise how much my illness has impacted how I view aging, mortality etc.
I can relate to your comment all too well. 😢 I was chronically ill thru out my teens & 20s in the days before the internet. It's weird to feel both younger & older than your peer group.
@@yensid4294 god I can't imagine it without the internet it's my only way of connecting with the world. Are you doing better now then?
I really connect with your comment. I'm in my late 20s but I've spent half my 20s dealing with illness and disability that has impacted my capacity to do many things and enjoy life without pain. Things like "looking old" are pretty meaningless to me compared to the fears of getting more sick and losing the little capacity I have left. Age is whatever, I just want the most quality of life that life can grant me while I'm here. Wishing you what is most possible for you💗
proud patreon supporter- loved this video ❤️ as a 20 year old, i constantly face the anxiety of enjoying my youth but having body dysmorphia anytime I see myself become an “older woman” - i know i’m young but I had a massive body dysmorphia shift whenever I realized I didn’t look 15 anymore. These women are inspiring and not in a cheesy way- but in redefining my own feed and who i follow and who empowers rather than makes me feel bad or fear getting older.
quick s/o to Julia Louis-Dreyfus' podcast Wiser Than Me - I've loved listening to these older, accomplished women and what they have to teach me
This is such a relevant topic for me personally, I´m going to turn 30 in 2 months and I feel behind in life cuz I haven´t done everything I thought I´d do by this age. But it´s ok cuz nobody has it figured out.
This video is so important! I was terrified - and yes, got called old - around when I was 28/29 online . That was about a decade ago and despite being happier, healthier, and not quite as terrified to turn 40 as I was to turn 30, I am finding fewer and fewer compelling accounts/influencers to follow who are closer to my age (as many of those I used to follow have quietly faded/stopped posting) or influencers who are a part of the 40-somethings group that I will soon join. It's frustrating and does hit my self confidence and makes me wary of every birthday that ticks by. My husband, on the other hand, has no such concerns and still tries to look older because 40 is still perceived in his workplace as "too young." I doubt any workplace would ever call a 40-something woman young. I know my mom follows a few of her contemporaries (in their 60s) online but there should be more. I would love to follow women of all ages (and backgrounds), it's less boring and we're so much richer as individuals and as a culture when everyone is visible.
I'm obsessed with this topic as an almost middle aged gal. Soo excited to watch this 🤗
I really appreciate you covering this, I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I just turned 28 and it was a crushing birthday because I felt like a failure because of all the things I hadn’t done yet and thought I’m getting too old. Yet at the same time I’m frustrated with myself for feeling that way, because I know it’s incorrect. The internalized ageism that ingrained in us from a young age is heartbreaking.
Thanks for another great video, Tiffany. Im 27 and get clocked as younger. That should be a compliment but it reminds me that people have such strict rules on how a women should age. I can't wait to be an old woman and embrace my hag era 🔮✨
Same! Lovely comment
Same my birth mom only started getting grey hair once she passed her 40s but I want to so badly be gray haha makes coloring ur hair a bit easier
This is one huge reason why I enjoy my lesbian friends so much, because you actually get to have interesting conversations and no hate aimed at women and their age and body etc. In fact it’s viewed as beautiful and a privilege for a woman to age among my lesbian friends. When I head out shoppng with them it’s never for beauty things, but SPF and hiking stuff. It’s different from when I’m with my straight friends that sound like a broken record because they always lead the conversation in on women’s physical appearance or what guys like and how to get the best ”beauty routine”. I’m so over that sort of nonsense, it gives my sould nothing!
Older hetero women can come with nonsense too, such as showing a lifestyle of simply staying at home tending to the kids and cleaning, cooking foor and tending to the husband too. I don’t want that narrative out there that girls and boys are suppose to get influenced by such stale norms of women not needing their education or financial security and should live like a child under the thumb of their husband/male partner. Then add the girls in the family that are trained to live the same life, so they are in the kitchen with the mom while the boys are in the background doing literally nothing and never cook or clean, while the girls get told passive aggressive thngs if they show any signs of not being talented in the kitchen or with the cleaning or showing signs of not loving it.
All this is whyI love my lesbian friends way of living they do the thngs they are into and don’t look for the hetero norm things to keep them mentally trapped. They just live and have zero restriction, and it truly shows because they are much more relaxed and fun. No frustration or stress over men approvng them, because they simply could care less😂
I use this mentality too thanks to them and hoo boy, the off things I’ve heard from straight men and women that’s so pathetic. I don’t want to be around guys who think I should obey or please them even in a minor way.
Us women must create those roles for older women and build the finances to do so! Most things in society tied to diversity are rooted in women working for a change! These things don’t start with men, just look at history!
Let’salso take in that a single man lives shorter if he doesn’t live with a woman. It’s tragic that women on the other hand live shorter if she lives with a man than if she doesn’t. Stress and too high cortisol that’s no joke.
They don’t just happen these things, they’re created. It’s so ngraned people don’t notice the extra work. Just having to ask for things to be planned and done is also the extra stuff women do. A straight relatinship will always be a bad deal for a woman.
/ Scandinavian
The 66 year old lady I work with is living her best life. I hope in 33 years I'm like her. ❤ my 30's have been amazing, don't be afraid to grow.
I like the natural gray hair trend. My mom dyed her hair for decades I think? Then stopped a few years ago. She constantly gets complimented!
There's a great storyline in Grace and Frankie which aligns with Jane Fonda's own journey, where she stopped dying her hair, it was a real moment of acceptance especially since she's gone under the knife so much to fight aging, and spoken openly about that
Actually in my hometown (and even country- Portugal) older people usually stop trying to risk in therms of fashion, lifestyle, pop culture etc. So seeing old people on the internet being so damn cool is very inspiring to me and rly helps with my FOMO. There is time. There is no wrong age for anything.
my dad is 57, but he is at the peak of his career, i feel like he still has 10 years before he even begins to slow down.
When I started growing my natural Curly hair, someone respond 'oh, that's the sign of aging. You stop caring about your look'. Yes, it's the sign of getting older, except I hv better understanding about beauty standard & decide to stop following it. Being older is wonderful. You grow out of all standards the society set. You finally have the freedom to be yourself. Congratulation to us 35s+++ women! We lived the life.
Yes, it is the sign of an aging intellect. The sign of someone who knows themselves, knows the world, and has decided which garbage they aren't putting up with anymore.